Take the Ice
by bellamarie117
Summary: Competitive figure skater Bella Swan meets NHL hockey player Edward Cullen. Bella's Olympic dreams are crushed by injury. Can he help her find the strength to take the ice again? Will they find love and friendship in the meantime? A/H, M, E/B
1. Chapter 1: Minnesota Nice

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created the characters, the story is mine. Copyright 2009: BellaMarie117**

**This is my first full length fic and I'm really excited to share it. A HUGE thank you to my beta/sounding board FanpireMama for all her help and support. She rocks!**

**Outfits, Banner & Blinkie in my profile. Check out the A/N at the end!**

**x-x-x**

I had never given much thought to my life "after." It never seemed like a pressing issue. When fate hands you a dream so far beyond your imagination, it's difficult to believe it will come to an end and throw you right back into the everyday hum drum of normalcy.

Normal. That was a concept I was completely unfamiliar with.

Normal for me was waking up at five a.m. to be on the ice before the sun rose. It was spending hours stretching and practicing, training and conditioning while others commuted to classrooms and offices. It was standing for costume fittings, listening to musical selections until my ears rang in order to find the perfect selection that would match the tone of the next piece. It was butting heads with coaches and choreographers. It was aching muscles, frustrations, and disappointments, always striving to be better. It was my life…until now.

For as long as I could remember I had been a skater. I loved the ice-the smooth, glassy surface provided a whole different world for me and it was better than any dream I could conjure. I felt a joy every time I set the metal of my blades to the frozen surface. My mother, Renee, picked up on my interest when I was very young and jumped at the opportunity to push and prod me onto competitive levels. Private lessons with the best coaches, consultations with past champions, different choreographers getting thrown at me left and right to come up with perfect programs, and analysts to review them to ensure we could squeeze out every possible point. Nothing but the best for Renee Swan's daughter.

As much as some would criticize her for being a stage mom, projecting her own dreams and aspirations onto her daughter, I couldn't blame Renee for her actions. They brought me to higher peaks than I could have achieved without her. The competition was never what drove me; in fact the politics off the ice would have beaten me down much earlier if Renee hadn't been there to take on the brunt of it. My drive was simply the feeling I got when my skates glided over the ice, allowing me to move in ways that would never occur on solid ground. No, I could never blame Renee. Even now when the rug was pulled out from under me with no cushion to fall back on.

My mother had been a skater before me. She had promise but never proved to be a serious competitor. She'd never had the resources to back her and allow for the opportunities it took to become a force in the sport. Instead she'd gotten pregnant with me and married my father young. The regret of the dreams she gave up ate away at her until she could no longer tolerate life simply as a wife and mother. When she took notice of my love of skating and spark of natural talent on the ice she jumped at the chance to make me the champion she never was.

Renee met Charlie Swan when she was eighteen. He had come to Minnesota from Washington for law enforcement training; she had lived there her entire life and dreamed of excitement away from what she knew. They met one night while out with friends. A whirlwind romance, a positive pregnancy test, and a quickie city hall wedding ensured that Charlie would remain in the Midwest.

I'd grown up in Minnesota until the age of nine. When my parents divorced, Renee and I moved to Colorado to pursue my skating future; Charlie moved back to his hometown of Forks, Washington. His job as chief of police kept him satisfied, and he enjoyed the familiarity of the city was raised in. Perhaps that was the foundation of the difference between Charlie and Renee: he was content in the life he knew and she felt a restless need to experience new things. I was the balance between the two. While I enjoyed the travel and new experiences that came with competitive skating, I longed for the familiarity of the only place I'd ever been able to call home. I ached to feel some sense of belonging and stability.

It's been years since I've been back, Renee despised her hometown and the memories it held for her, and with Charlie gone there really was no reason to return. As my standing rose and my reputation grew to the level where my name was well known and always linked with skating, Renee kept my schedule packed enough that it was difficult to catch a break. Charlie would come and meet us for long weekends every now and again, but even those had become more rare.

A monotonous drone over the plane's intercom shook me from my reverie, bringing the dull throb of my knee back to the forefront of my mind.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We will be landing at the Minneapolis/St Paul airport in about fifteen minutes. Local time is five-eighteen p.m. and the current temperature sits at fifteen degrees Fahrenheit. Please return your luggage to their proper location and place your seatbacks and tray tables in their upright position. We hope you have had a pleasant flight and enjoy your stay in the Twin Cities."

Home. I'd finally made it. It took a lot of convincing and smooth talking to get Renee on my side for this one. Some might think I'd want to be close to my family at a time like this, but as much as I loved Charlie, Washington would never be home to me, I'd only been there a handful of times. Being close to Renee right now would probably aggravate me rather than provide any sense of comfort. Minnesota was not only the middle ground between the two, but it was where I remember being happiest, before Renee and Charlie turned on each other, and before my life was completely absorbed into the skating world. Here I'd just been Bella, and I was hoping to find that again. Of course it also helped that the best doctors and physical therapists we could find resided here.

I'd be meeting with Dr. Cullen on Monday to assess my injury and give me a prognosis for my recovery time. I already knew though. The second my skate hit that rough spot on the ice I saw the end, and "after" came slamming into my immediate future.

It was still so clear in my head. A lazy afternoon practice in late fall; it was a lull in the season-the calm before the storm, if you will. These were some of my favorite practices. I'd set whatever music I felt like and just free skate around the ice. Of course I'd still have to throw in the jumps and leaps and sit spins in order to stay in shape, but there was no choreography to remember, no drills to run, no repetition of a single move until it was perfection every single time. I could just skate.

If I closed my eyes now I could see the ice-empty except for me. The rink practically abandoned as it was nearing the end of the day. Renee and my trainer sat in the bleachers, talking over the next set of torturous drills to add to my routine no doubt. The strains of "Swan Lake" echoed through the arena speakers. We'd recently selected the arrangement for this season's free skate and I distracted myself by imagining the movements that would match perfectly to each note.

I'd set an easy pace around the ice, building up a little speed as I rounded the corner to extend my leg up into a fan spiral when I felt my blade catch on a rough patch. My skating leg stayed glued to the spot, while my body and free leg aimed to continue their intended direction. I felt my world give out from under me-my arms flying out to catch myself as my extended leg tensed and tried to retract before impacting on the ground. My reflexes could only act so quickly though and the next thing I knew, I'd collapsed onto the ice, the full weight of my body landing on my ankle to twist it in an unnatural direction. I remember the sickening crack of my head on the ice an instant later and the faint cry of concern from the stands before I felt myself float into the darkness to the strings of Tchaikovsky lulling in the background.

The screeching of the landing wheels connecting with the runway jerked me back to attention; a series of rapid blinks clearing the vision from my head to bring me back to the present. I really needed to reign in on the daydreaming.

As the plane came to a halt at the gate I stretched my arms up and glanced around at the other passengers gathering their things from the overhead bins and hurrying to depart as quickly as possible. I'd been lucky enough to have two empty seats in my aisle and didn't feel the need to get up and out of my seat quite yet. I waited until the initial rush died down before gathering my messenger bag from the floor in front of my seat and shrugging into my coat, figuring it'd be easier to do it now and deal with being a little too warm than trying to struggle into it while balancing my crutches and luggage in baggage claim.

I realized that I never even bothered to pull out my book or iPod on the trip. I laughed somberly as I mused to myself about the very real possibility that to the other passengers I probably looked like a zombie by staring off into space for the duration of the two and a half hour flight from Jacksonville to the Twin Cities.

You're really starting to lose it, Bella.

Pushing myself up to stand, I hobbled into the aisle, careful to keep my weight on my good leg while I groped around the overhead bin for my crutches. I was never the most coordinated person when it came to moving over solid ground and the crutches definitely hindered what little grace I could usually pass off. I managed to make my way down the aisle and off the plane, only catching my bag on the seat once and stumbling twice.

Improvement.

After retrieving my suitcase from baggage claim I stared down at it, pondering just how I was going to make it out to a cab with my messenger bag, a duffle, a rolling suitcase and no free hands.

"Need a hand?"

I glanced slightly to my left, polite smile in place, ready to decline the offer purely out of habit, only to be met with the purest shade of emerald green I've ever encountered. Beneath the friendly warmth in those eyes was a depth and intensity that I'd never experienced in another person's gaze. I'd never taken the time to really stare into people's eyes before-always just passing glances that barely told me the general shade of their irises. Now I found it impossible to stop myself from getting lost in that vast expanse of green.

I was shaken out of my reverie when a fellow traveler bumped against my crutch in his rush to grab his bag off the rotating luggage ramp. The suddenness paired with my weak knee made for a bad combination and I felt my weight start to collapse before I could react, the bumped crutch clattering against the metal barrier of the carousel as I lost my grip on it.

I threw out my arm to try and catch myself and met a warm, solid frame suddenly surrounding me. Looking up, I was once again met with those eyes. I tore my gaze away from them to quickly take in their surroundings. What I found was worth much more than a passing glance, but I figured I'd already embarrassed myself enough and mumbled a quiet "sorry" before pushing off his chest to try and steady myself.

"Are you alright?" the concern evident in his velvety baritone voice. He'd yet to remove his arms from where they'd encircled me to catch my fall.

"Yes, of course. I'm fine," I insisted, still straining against his hold. His embrace, though out of concern for my safety rather than one entered out of passion or desire, set my heart racing. I feared that if I let myself stay in his arms I'd lose my senses entirely.

I cleared my throat nervously, managing to quietly squeak out, "Thanks," as I looked down at his arms around my torso.

He must have realized that he'd yet to remove them because he retracted his hold very suddenly.

"Sorry about that, you startled me for a minute there," he rushed out, nervously?

He bent down to gather my fallen crutches and I took advantage of his distraction to let out a long exhale of breath I hadn't been aware I'd been holding.

"Here we go," the green eyed stranger said as he offered out my crutches he'd retrieved from where they'd fallen. I quickly arranged them under my arms and leaned my weight back on them. Even months after the accident I was still wobbly on my own two feet without their assistance.

"Thank you, again," I said, glancing up from under the fringe of bangs that had fallen over my eyes. I noticed his hand lift up towards my face before he rapidly pulled it back and stuck it in his pocket.

"Sure, no problem" he assured me as his free hand went up to ruffle through his hair. It was a messy arrangement of a strange color-not brown, not red or orange, but almost like a bronze tone. Like his eyes, it was a shade the likes of which I'd never seen before. I found myself wanting to replace his hand with my own and smooth the stray tendrils away from his strong forehead. I even started lifting my hand before catching myself and combing through my own waves in a nervous habit.

His face was completely distracting and devastatingly handsome. His nose was slightly crooked, like it had been broken at one point and his jaw was strong and chiseled with the faintest covering of scruff, not the deliberate type where it was neatly groomed and intended, but more like he hadn't remembered to shave in a couple days. My desire to run my fingers through his hair was replaced with an ache to nuzzle my cheek against his to feel it scratch against my smooth skin.

"Uh, did you need some help? It looks like you've got your hands pretty full."

"Oh, no. I mean, yeah, I do…uh you don't have to help though, I'm sure you've got places to be," I stammered, cringing a bit at my own awkwardness. Why couldn't I just suck it up and graciously accept the gorgeous stranger's help? Oh, right, a stubborn streak a mile wide and a habit of always taking care of myself without assistance.

"Really, it's no problem," the gorgeous stranger said. I still hesitated, my eyebrow lifted at him in question. "I promise, there's no where I'm in a rush to be," he urged.

"Sure, that'd be great. Thanks," I gave in. "Are you waiting on your bags?" I'd barely taken my gaze from his face since he caught me and as my eyes swept down I saw an oversized duffle bag at his feet next to my own bags. He easily hefted it to his shoulder like it weighed nothing, even though it looked fairly heavy.

"Nope, I've got it all right here," he said as he patted the bag before reaching down to raise the tow bar on my rolling suitcase and lifting my own duffle to rest on top of it. I grabbed the strap of my messenger bag before he could add that to his load as well. I wasn't completely handicapped and I certainly wasn't going to let him carry everything.

"Is someone picking you up or are you parked?" he asked as he gestured me ahead to the sliding automatic doors leading out.

"No, I'm just going to grab a cab I think," I responded, trying to simultaneously watch where I was putting my crutches, and gauge the bustling crowds around me. The last thing I needed to do was totally biff it and embarrass myself further.

"Did you need a ride somewhere? I have my car parked in the overnight lot."

My eyes snapped up to his with a mixture of surprise and confusion. This must be the "Minnesota-nice" everyone's always referring to. Chivalry apparently still lived on in this state.

"No, really, a cab will be just fine," I assured him and he looked over to me, nodding. His face had a look that almost seemed like…disappointment? I shook it off as my own silliness, but not wanting to seem ungrateful told him that I appreciated the offer.

As we hit the doors, the warmth of the overheated airport startlingly gave way to the bitter cold that lay outside and I cursed the fact that I left my mittens buried in my bag. I could already feel my ears growing pink in the frosty air and I gasped in a breath at the sudden change in temperature.

He looked down at me with one side of his mouth lifted in a little smirk at my obvious reaction to the cold. "Where are you coming from?" His tone held a hint of humor as if he found my discomfort amusing.

"Uh, here originally, but it's been a long time. I guess I forgot what January in Minnesota feels like," my face flushed, both from the cold and from sheepishness over what a wussy little girl I was acting like. It's not like I hadn't grown up in ice arenas and frozen spaces all my life. Suck it up, Bells.

"Where have you been lately if not Minnesota then?" he inquired, a hint of real interest and curiosity to his tone. He didn't seem to be asking just to make small talk. And who would make small talk standing out front of an airport in below freezing temperatures, really?

"Florida most recently. Colorado before that. Other places here and there. We've moved around a lot I guess," I said as I set my bag back down by my feet, turning slightly towards him and shifting my gaze between my own shoes and his face.

"We?"

"Yeah, my mom and me. She never really likes to settle, you know? And until very recently, where she went, I went."

"Hmm, like a modern day nomad, huh?"

"Yeah, I-I guess you could say that," I said, glancing up at him with a small smile.

Why was he still standing here, talking to me? He didn't have any clue who I was, didn't even know my name. Courtesy and kindness would have ended his obligation about five minutes ago when we'd reached the curb. Yet here he stood, more beautiful than any individual person I'd ever laid eyes upon before in my life, still with his hand on my suitcase and keeping up a conversation with me.

"Are you here for awhile then?" he asked, his head bowed down but his eyes glancing up from beneath the hair falling messily over his forehead to meet my own.

I couldn't look away from those eyes even if I wanted to. I felt trapped there, but not unpleasantly. "For the foreseeable future," I answered coyly.

I closed my eyes and mentally smacked myself. What the hell Bella? Are you seriously getting flirtatious with the gorgeous good Samaritan who is completely out of your league? Do you really think you can pull off flirting on crutches when you can't even manage it on your best days? In your dreams. Your very vivid dreams that will now be so much more enjoyable after having his likeness committed to memory.

"Well, that's good to know." I opened my eyes and raised them to meet his again; he had the most breathtaking, crooked grin on his face.

I think I just swooned a bit. Totally gorgeous just transformed to completely dead sexy, panty dropping hot. I drew my bottom lip between my teeth to gnaw on it as I always was prone to when I was nervous or out of my element. Standing here flirting with a six-foot-two Adonis was definitely out of my element. And being on the receiving end of that sexy crooked smile awakened feelings I never thought myself capable of over another person. Something to process later, when I wasn't under his observant stare.

"Maybe that means I'll bump into you around town sometime," he said, lifting his hand from my suitcase to tousle through his hair again. I wondered if it was a habit of his like my own lip biting. It would explain why his hair seemed to stand up in every opposing direction possible, creating a beautiful, bronze mess on top of his head.

"Yeah, it's definitely a possibility. You live close by?" I asked, not wanting to end the conversation despite the cold and the fact that I should have grabbed a cab and been on my way ten minutes ago.

"Yeah, St. Paul."

"Cool, me too. Well I'm moving there I mean."

"Downtown?"

"Yeah. I'm not really familiar with the area, but from what I saw in the ad it looked nice."

"My sister lives down there and she seems to love it. I'm over off Summit Hill."

"Really? That's such a beautiful neighborhood. I always loved it when I lived here, all the old houses."

"Yeah," he said, his eyes flickering between my eyes and my mouth as we lapsed into silence, just staring at each other. I was sprung back into the present when a biting wind swept past. I coiled into myself and let out a strangled cry. Because moaning and swearing always make you warmer, right?

"Welcome to Minnesota, right?" he laughed as he reached down to take my bare hands, holding them between his own and rubbing them slightly to warm them.

I was simultaneously stunned by two things. His hands were warm, especially against the frigidness of my fingers. He hadn't been wearing gloves either and should have been as cold as mine, but the contrasting temperature was wonderful. The other was that the moment his skin touched my own I felt a shock, not like the quick prick of static, but rather like my entire body had been plugged in and now had an electric current humming through it. I looked up to see if he'd felt it too, but couldn't be sure, as the only change in his expression was a slight furrowing of his brow, as if he was concentrating on a puzzle in his head.

"We should probably get you a cab, it's freezing out here and you're not really dressed for the weather," he said after a moment, nodding towards my lack of hat and mittens.

"Yeah, probably should have dug out my mitten supply before landing," I smirked at my lack of foresight and he chuckled, giving my fingers a soft squeeze before letting go to hail a cab over to the curb. As one quickly pulled in, I immediately felt a sense of loss as I realized this was it, the end of this dream of a conversation with the beautiful man. Although we didn't talk about anything terribly important or probing, I felt instantly connected to him. I didn't even know his name or really anything about him, but I felt like I'd miss him when he was no longer by my side.

He placed my duffle and suitcase in the trunk before slamming it shut and walking around to the passenger door to prop it open for me. He pulled the messenger bag from my shoulder and slid it across the seat to the far side. I hobbled down off the curb but hesitated before getting in, standing on one side of the car door and he stood on the other, resting his forearms on the top of it and leaning towards me.

"Thanks for your help-"

"Edward."

"Edward," I repeated, enjoying the way his name rolled off my tongue. A beautiful, unusual name for a beautiful, unusual man. It seemed nothing about him was ordinary or expected. "It was nice talking with you."

"You too-" he paused, obviously hinting for my name in return.

"Bella," I provided, looking up at him from under my lashes.

"Bella. I enjoyed it immensely." And there's that sexy crooked grin again. I sighed silently and gathered my crutches to shove them over in the seat.

I looked up to give him a smile and a small wave before lowering myself into the cab.

He didn't close the door; instead he reached down and touched my shoulder hesitantly. "Bella?"

"Yeah, Edward?"

"Um, my friends and I hang out at this bar on Grand almost every Tuesday night, around eight o'clock. Billy's?"

"Yeah, I've heard of it."

"Maybe I'll see you there sometime?" he suggested, sounding hopeful and unsure. It was so odd to see a man so beautiful acting anything less than confident, but compelling none the less.

"Yeah, I could probably swing by sometime. Once I get settled in, you know," I stammered out. He wanted to see me again and that thought alone made my heart flutter in my chest.

"Great! Well I'll see you around then, Bella," he stepped back from the door and retrieved his own bag before stepping in to close my door.

He lifted his hand in a wave that I returned shyly as the cab pulled away. As we rounded the corner, I sat back in my seat, finally able to fully catch my breath and relax now that he was out of my sight. I gave the driver my address before closing my eyes, leaning my head against the back of the seat. I didn't know if I'd actually get up the courage to seek him out again, I'd probably psych myself out and convince myself that it was a fluke. There was no way I'd ever catch and hold the attention of a man like Edward. But for this one moment I sat, picturing his handsome face and dreaming that somehow he could be mine.

**x-x-x**

**A/N: Forgive the length of this but I want to throw a few general disclaimers out right from the start.**

**1) This is a fictional story and all characters will be fictional. While real life hockey teams, locations, and skating events may occur, no real life people will. All results of any hockey or skating events will also be completely fictional.**

**2) I am not, nor do I claim to be an expert on either hockey or figure skating. I enjoy them both, but please don't flame if I make the occasional mistake. If you'd like to kindly bring it to my attention, that's a different matter.**

**3) I will not be a weekly updater, at least not right away. I'm too slow of a writer to promise super fast updates and I don't want to leave people irritated when they're expecting one and it doesn't come on time. I will update as quickly as I can and I am saying right here and now that I will not quit the story until it's complete.**

**For those of you who read my o/s First Time Caller, I will be expanding it but not until after TTI is over. I'm happy with how it stands as a o/s so I'm comfortable waiting for a bit to go back and play with them. That will be coming eventually.**

**Fic Rec:**  
**_This is Not My Life by Isakassees_- If I could only read one fic for the rest of time, this would be the one I'd choose. It's just at the peak of the angst and drama and I'm so looking forward to where it'll go from here. Check it out!**


	2. Chapter 2: Unexpected Connections

**A/N: Thanks to everyone for reading/reviewing/adding alerts for this story. It's so fun to have you all along for the ride!**

**HUGE thank you to my awesome beta FanpireMama for keeping me in line and to Carenl/Nerac for prereading.**

******Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created the characters, the story is mine. Copyright 2010: BellaMarie117**

**Enjoy!**

**x-x-x**

It was close to seven P.M. when the cab finally pulled up in front of the apartment building. Early enough in the evening but I was already exhausted. And starving; my stomach grumbled audibly in protest to the further withholding of food. The doorman was nice enough to retrieve my bags and help me up the elevator to my door when he caught my struggle to juggle everything with my crutches. Once I finally made it inside apartment three-eleven, my new home, the only thing I wanted to do was collapse. The complete lack of anywhere to do so was slightly problematic.

First things first: Food. Not going out meant that the options were somewhat limited. Pizza it is. After dialing four-one-one to find the nearest pizza place, I put in an order for a large pepperoni and mushroom, breadsticks, and a two Liter of Diet Coke. Frankly, I didn't know when I was going to make it to the grocery store, so leftovers would definitely come in handy.

With food on its way, I moved on to the second thing on my list: check in with Renee and let her know I made it to her hated homeland in one piece. She confirmed that the rest of my belongings had shipped and should be here by tomorrow afternoon and that the car she'd bought for me was waiting at a local dealership. I lasted for twelve minutes before I had to end the call. She knew the basics: I was here, I was alive, and yes, I remembered that I had an appointment with my new doctor on Monday. I didn't need to stay on the line and listen to her lament over my injuries, or complain yet again about my move, or make plans for my future in skating that likely wouldn't happen. I just needed quiet.

With close to twenty minutes to spare before sustenance arrived, I decided to take in my new habitat. The apartment was bare, lifeless save for the three bags and my coat piled by the front door. It was a loft style with high ceilings, hardwood floors, and exposed brick on the outer wall. The rest of the walls were tall, empty, and white.

I don't consider myself high maintenance or overly concerned with appearances, but I could already tell that an apartment full of white walls would drive me slowly insane. Looks like picking out paint needed to get added to the list. _After _resolving the vehicle situation and shopping for groceries.

I'd ordered the basics for furniture, but the delivery status was saying tomorrow along with the rest of my things from Renee's. I had one night to deal with no bed, no couch, no chairs; no nothing.

At least the heat was on and working. Thank goodness for little miracles.

A quick walk through the space had me feeling slightly more optimistic. The bedroom was fairly spacious and would fit my dark wood sleigh bed and matching armoire very nicely. Once the walls were painted and a couple shelves and pictures were hung, it would be perfect. I didn't need anything fancy, but I was hoping I could pull off 'homey'. The two large windows in the room were fantastic. They ran from about waist high to the tall ceilings and would let in plenty of light when the sun was up; offering me a beautiful view of the Mississippi.

The bathroom was nice enough with its slate tile floors and pedestal sink. No tub, just a shower, but on closer look it seemed to be a very nice one at that with two showerheads. An unnecessary indulgence I was certain I'd become spoiled very quickly.

A closet in the hall housed a front-loading washer and dryer. I had not been looking forward to communal laundry nights so this was a nice surprise.

I guess Renee can get a few things right without completely driving me nuts. She'd insisted on picking out my apartment as her compromise for "letting me go."

The main room was tall and long—plenty of space for the couch coming tomorrow as well as a few bookcases, a coffee table and a TV. I'd put a small table and chairs at the side closest to the kitchen to form a makeshift dining area. At this point I wasn't expecting any company, but it'd be nice to have somewhere to eat dinner besides the couch.

The kitchen was bigger than I'd been expecting; the appliances were modern and there was a center island butcher block. I'd have to make sure Renee sent me more of my kitchen supplies than I'd originally planned. She sure wouldn't be using them; I couldn't remember a single meal that woman had ever cooked. And I of course, had nothing but time on my hands. Maybe I'd take up baking, become a professional cupcake snarfler and gain fifty or sixty pounds. It's a thought.

The real surprise was a small room off the front entrance. Not even a room so much as a little nook. A short set of four stairs led to an enclosed space, no larger than ten square feet. A window seat sat on the far wall with built in bookcases on either side. I could already picture myself curling up there with fluffy pillows, an afghan blanket, some cocoa and one of my well worn books, knowing it would be my new favorite place. I'd cuddle up and lose myself in the pages for hours, the snow falling outside, until the light was gone and I couldn't make out the words on the page any more. With that image in my head, I knew I'd found home, that I'd made the right choice in moving here.

I was abruptly interrupted from my epiphany by a light, yet rapid knock on the door. Pizza. My stomach rejoiced at the thought of food so near. I hobbled my way to the door and after struggling with the unfamiliar latch for a moment, was able to wrestle it open to reveal a tiny, dark haired woman holding my pizza box. This wouldn't really have thrown me off if it weren't for the fact that she was very obviously _not_ a pizza delivery girl. She appeared to be just slightly shorter than my own five-foot-four-inches, but by the looks of her extremely high heels, I'd judge her to be closer to the five-foot range. She wore a black t-shirt dress covered almost completely in gold sequins with leggings that ended just below the knee. Her left wrist was obscured by the insane number of bracelets decorating it. She was pale, just a touch more color than my own pasty complexion. Her dark hair was cropped short and feathered out in soft layers around her face, which held delicate, angelic features. The most prominent of which were a striking pair of familiar green eyes. Eyes that took me right back to the airport and Edward. Aside from him I'd never seen eyes with that intensity of green.

These eyes were currently lit with friendliness, excitement, and a very large dose of curiosity. "Hi! I'm Alice, your neighbor from across the hall. Three-twelve? My friend Rose and I live there together. I was so excited to see they finally rented this apartment out; it's been empty for almost four months now. Ridiculous for this area if you ask me, I don't know why no one snatched it up sooner. Do you live alone?"

"Yeah," I managed to get out, caught off guard by her babbling intro. As a person of few words, I'd always been somewhat baffled by the naturally verbose. "Just me."

"Great! I think you'll really like the building; it's mostly younger people. Singles, newlyweds, not very many kids or cranky old people who are going to complain about anything and everything you know? The communal spaces are pretty nice too, there's a pool and a gym on the main floor and a rooftop terrace. Obviously it's not much use now or anytime soon, but it's great in the summer for those very few months of nice weather we manage. Where are you from?"

"Uh, Florida. Most recently at least. I've lived here before though."

"I'm so jealous. It's only January and I'm already dying for some sun and warmth. I don't know why I stay in Minnesota when I hate the cold so much, but there you have it. Oh gosh, I'm sorry!" She held out the box of pizza to me, "I just get going and lose track of everything. Your pizza came to our place by mistake so I thought I'd bring it over and introduce myself."

"Thanks," I muttered, reaching out for it before realizing that once again, my crutches weren't going to let me get it all. "Um, do you mind just setting it in the kitchen? I'm a little restricted here," I motioned down to the crutches.

"Sure, no problem!" She loped gracefully past me to put everything on the island in the kitchen. How she was able to move like that in those death traps, I will never understand. All I knew was that if I tried, I'd probably need a wheelchair instead of just the crutches. "What happened? If you don't mind my asking."

"This?" I asked, gesturing to my aides once again. At her nod I responded, "Uh, sports injury. I'm not the most coordinated person."

Technically it wasn't a lie. I really was very clumsy, everywhere except on the ice. And it was a sports injury. It wasn't really telling the whole truth either. But at this point, if people didn't recognize me, I wasn't eager to bring the truth of my identity to light right away.

For so many years, I struggled with the celebrity that came with my skating career, never really able to enjoy being the center of attention. The only time I had been able to get past it was during my performances. That was when I truly lost myself on the ice—in the skating, the movement and the music—and was able to completely close myself from the audience and just... do what I did best. Once I'd started becoming a bigger competitor and winning widely recognized competitions, my popularity grew as well. It was no longer just a fun hobby that I was good at—it was my entire life and the only thing I was known for. There were interviews with newspapers, magazines and TV shows. Cameras started following me more and more, especially around the larger national and international competitions, and Renee only encouraged it. She said it was all part of the sport, what was necessary for me to get to the top, to reach my potential.

This time three years ago, I couldn't hide from myself. The Winter Olympics were around the corner and I was America's skating sweetheart; a sure bet to bring home the gold. My face was plastered on skating magazines, Sports Illustrated, tabloids, teen fashion magazines. I don't think I'd ever seen more pictures of myself than I did that winter. Twenty-one years old and right in the prime of my career. I had the best coach, breathtaking costumes, programs that would bring you to tears. Nothing had held me back.

I shook off the melancholy and self-pity that was sure to settle in if I dwelled on the past for too long and brought myself back to the energetic little woman in front of me. "So, Alice, thanks for bringing my pizza over. What do I owe you?"

"Oh, don't worry about it. I've got you covered this time. Consider it a 'Welcome to the building' gesture."

"That's really not necessary."

"I insist," she interrupted, waving me off before I could tell her I was more than capable of paying for my own dinner. I noticed her glancing around my apartment with a confused look on her face. "Where's all your furniture?"

"It's not being delivered until tomorrow," I explained. Her mouth dropped in horror, like this was devastating news to her. "What are you doing tonight? Where will you sleep?" she demanded, a note of irritation slipping into her bell-like voice.

"I don't know. I was going to whip something together; it's only one night."

"Oh no, you can stay at our place. We've got a really comfy couch, you can crash there. No way am I letting you sleep on the hardwood floors in here, you're injured for crying out loud!"

"Alice, really, I appreciate it but I'll be fine."

"Don't even try to argue with me. Grab your PJs or whatever and come over. I'm kidnapping your pizza to ensure your cooperation." And with that, the spritely little woman grabbed my dinner and was gone, leaving me with a dropped jaw and a rumbly tummy.

Did she really just do that? Well, considering the lack of pizza now sitting on my counter, I'm guessing that yes, she did just do that. Well shit. I guess I'm staying at the neighbors tonight.

Groaning just a little at the wrench Alice had thrown in my plan for solitude, I stumbled over to my bags, pulling out a tank top, fleece pants and a track jacket. I changed, grabbed my toothbrush, phone, and keys before hobbling into the hall, locking my door and knocking on three-twelve.

Instead of Alice, the door opened to a statuesque blonde woman. Like Alice, she was stunning, but that's where their similarities ended. Where Alice was tiny, this woman was tall; probably five-foot-nine. She was thin, but curvaceous; definitely a contender in supermodel territory. Her long blonde hair fell in a smooth sweep past her shoulders; her eyes a deep shade of blue. She wasn't decked to the nines like Alice had been; instead she wore a gray long sleeved knit shirt and dark jeans. The simplicity certainly didn't deter from her good looks though.

"Hey, come on in. Alice said you were crashing here tonight," the striking blonde waved me in with a warm, welcoming smile.

"Thanks," I responded as I shuffled past her into the apartment. "I don't mean to put you out—" I started and was immediately cut off.

"Think nothing of it, once Alice gets something in her head there's no stopping her. We've got plenty of room, it's not a bother."

Alice emerged from one of the doors off the main room, dressed much more casually in some yoga pants and a t-shirt. "Hey! I knew you'd give in and come knocking."

"Well I kinda had to; you're holding my dinner hostage," I joked.

"It worked, didn't it? You're here, there are places to sit, eat, sleep. Did you really want to stay in that depressing, empty apartment all night by yourself? Of course you didn't. I can tell you're a smart girl—" Her mouth dropped then and she quickly threw her hand over it. "Oh my gosh, I just realized I don't even know your name! I told you, I just get on a roll and don't even notice!"

"Bella, uh Swan." I mumbled out my last name, being careful not to emphasize it. At this point I wasn't willing to give up the anonymity in case either of them knew anything about figure skating. When neither of their expressions shifted from casual friendliness, I felt the tension immediately lift from my shoulders.

"Well welcome to the building Bella," the blonde said, ushering me to take a seat at the bar looking over the kitchen. "I'm Rosalie and you will get used to Alice…eventually." She gave Alice a teasing wink before grabbing plates and glasses from the cupboard. I noticed more than just my one pizza was set out in their kitchen island. Instead there were three of the same familiar pizza boxes stacked together along with the smaller one for my breadsticks.

"What's all this?" I asked.

"Oh, we ordered pizza too. Must have been at the same time because they all just came to our place," Alice explained as she started opening up the boxes.

Rosalie pulled out the bottle of Diet Coke I'd ordered and motioned toward me. "Ice?" she asked.

"Yes, please."

The three of us dug into the pizza and conversation flowed easily. I'd never felt so comfortable just sitting around and talking with anyone before. For how foreign the concept of hanging out and friendship were to me, sitting around talking with Rosalie and Alice just felt natural.

I quickly learned that Alice owned her own event planning company where she coordinated weddings, showers, parties and various charity events. From the take charge attitude I'd already seen in her, I had no doubt she excelled at her job as a professional taskmaster. She was a native Minnesotan along with her parents and two older brothers. Apparently, one of which Rosalie had been dating for the last two years.

Rosalie worked in a shop rebuilding classic cars. She smirked at my dropped jaw and said that was pretty much everyone's reaction to hearing what she did. She'd developed a knack for it early from her dad and always enjoyed it, so when she went to college she'd gone into engineering and had been working at the same shop ever since. She'd moved here from Texas almost three years ago. Another surprising fact because her voice held no hint of an accent. She laughed and explained that as soon as she'd left the state, she'd set about getting rid of the accent as quickly as possible, though a few phrases tended to work themselves in every here and there, especially after a couple of cocktails. Her older brother hadn't quite kicked the habit and apparently still held quite the southern twang.

Oddly and interestingly enough, while Rosalie was dating one of Alice's brothers, Alice was inversely engaged to Rosalie's as well. It was easy to see that both were clearly smitten with their chosen partners and I quickly discovered that the fastest way to steer the conversation away from anything about myself was to bring up Emmett or Jasper.

Glancing up at the clock on the stove, I was shocked to see it was inching past eleven. _Where did the last three hours go?_ I'd been so sure I wouldn't last past eight tonight before collapsing from exhaustion, but not once had I felt tired or bored sitting around with my two new…friends? Is that what they were?

If I was being honest, I'd never really had friends before, not since I was very little at least. Renee and my coaches always kept such a strict training schedule that left very little room for socializing. She'd even removed me from school in sixth grade and insisted that tutors would be much more beneficial and easier to work with my skating demands. On the ice hadn't been any help either—the girls were always so competitive and fake, saying nice things to your face and then turning around to talk about you behind your back. I got so tired of trying to weed out who was truly genuine that I just closed myself off. Being here with Alice and Rose was like a breath of fresh air. They didn't know who I was, they didn't want to hang out with me because of my skating or status, they didn't have any grudges or rivalries against me. They were just two normal, albeit stunning, women offering their friendship.

I'd known them all of four hours and could already say they were probably the closest to true friends I'd ever had.

"So, Bella," Alice's voice shook me from my musings, "Any big plans for your first full day in town tomorrow?"

"Yeah, it's going to be a little crazy I think. I've got furniture coming in and the rest of my stuff should be showing up from back in Florida. Then I've got to figure out groceries and the whole car thing. I was thinking of going to pick out some paint colors as well, but that might have to wait for another day."

"Did you want some company? I don't have any client meetings tomorrow and I'm very efficient. You'd get a lot more done with two people, especially since you're down a foot," Alice teased. She looked so excited at the idea that I couldn't find it in me to say no. And really, it would be a lot easier to get things done with a couple extra hands.

"Yeah, actually, that'd be great."

"Don't let her push you too much, Bella," Rose warned, "Once she gets going there's no stopping her. She'll go HGTV on your apartment before you can blink."

Alice tried to look offended, but wasn't able to keep the laugh out of her voice. "Is it a bad thing to want her to have a comfortable, homey and beautiful space to live in? I'm just being a good friend. Really Rose, I don't see you complaining about your living environment."

"Yes, but I've had years to get used to your antics. Go easy on the rookie," Rose threw me a wink before gathering up the dishes and dumping them in the sink.

I couldn't hold back the exhaustion any longer and gave into a massive yawn. Alice giggled and pointed me in the direction of the bathroom so I could brush my teeth and wash my face.

When I returned to the living room, Alice and Rose were both just laying out pillows and a couple of blankets. At the moment, I felt like I'd never seen anything more inviting than that couch. I knew I'd be dead to the world about two-point-five seconds after putting my head to the pillow.

"Thanks again guys, this really does look a lot better than sleeping on a pile of sweatshirts."

"Will you stop? It's no problem Bella," Rose assured me. "I'll be home around four tomorrow and will come by to rescue you from the mini-Martha-on-Prozac."

"Thanks Rose, I get the feeling I'm going to need it," I responded with a cautious smile towards Alice who just laughed.

"I'll give the guys a call—see if they'll be available for some manual labor. I know they've got a game in Anaheim on Friday, but they should be around recovering this weekend. We might hold off on painting until then."

"Game?" I asked.

"Yeah, all three of them, Jasper, Emmett and my other brother play for the Minnesota Wild."

The name sounded familiar, but I didn't pay much attention to sports outside of skating, "Should I know what that means?"

"NHL, Bella, they're professional hockey players," Rose clued me in.

"Oh, right. I thought it sounded familiar," that also explained why I didn't know much about it. Renee detested the sport, always complaining that the local teams were trying to take over ice time. For all the games that went on in the arenas I'd practiced in, I'd never been able to watch one. Instead, Renee would drag me to the gym to work out while those "stupid, sweaty barbarians destroyed the ice."

"We'll have to take you to a game sometime; they're right in the middle of the season and looking pretty good this year."

"Alice, you think they look good every year."

"Yeah, but I have a good feeling about this season!" Alice insisted. "Besides, even if they sucked it'd still be worth it to go ogle the boys. The speed, the stamina…" she sighed with a faraway look.

"Alice," I nudged in, "you are aware that two of them are your brothers right?"

"Well of course, Bella, it's not like I'm giving my brothers the sex eye or anything. There's plenty of other man candy to look at. Besides, even if I'm not ogling them, I can still appreciate that I'm related to two fine specimens of the male species."

"It's true. Alice's brothers are hot. Obviously I think Emmett is, but Edward's pretty good in his own right."

Edward? It had to be coincidence. There was no way that Alice's Edward was my Edward. _My Edward_? Seriously, Bella, you talk to the man for what, ten minutes and all of a sudden he's _Your Edward_?

"It's just too bad he hasn't dated anyone since he and Kate broke up last year. It seems like such a waste for a man that hot to be single," Rose continued.

"You know he's not one to date around a lot. When he's ready he'll know," by the look on Alice's face, it was obvious that she loved her brother and felt very protective over him.

"Well," Rose offered in with a laugh, "It's not for lack of trying by the female population of the Twin Cities metro, that's for sure."

"All those Rink Skanks better ease up at the next game or I won't be held responsible for my own actions, " Alice growled out.

"Wow, Alice, killer. I don't think I'd ever want to mess with you," I joked as I eased onto the couch, gathering my crutches and laying them to the side but within reach.

"I can't help it Bells, some of the women at these games are just horrible. And they don't even like hockey, they just come to eye fuck the players and try to sneak into the locker rooms. Is it so wrong for me to feel a little territorial over three of the most important people in my life?"

"No Alice, you're perfectly within your rights to fight off the Rink Skanks," I assured her as I eased back on the pillows, wincing slightly at the pang in my knee.

"Well, I'll see you in the morning, Bella. Let me know if you need anything!" With that, Alice skipped off to a door right off the main room.

"You gonna be okay here?" Rose asked.

"Yeah, this is perfect. Thanks again for letting me crash. It's really nice of you."

"Don't mention it. I'm usually up and about getting ready for work around seven, so I apologize in advance if you're a light sleeper."

"Not at all, I'm a pretty early riser," eight weeks later and I still couldn't seem to sleep in past six A.M. My body was so used to its early wake up call for training.

"Alright then, sleep well, Bella."

"Yeah, you too," I nodded at her before snuggling deeper into the pillow. I didn't even remember hearing her door close; I was out cold before she left the room.

That night, I dreamt of sparkling green eyes and tousled bronze hair.

x-x-x

I awoke the next morning like I had almost every morning for the last eight weeks: to a dull, throbbing pain in my knee. Was it ever going to feel normal again? At this point it really didn't feel like it. It was slightly worse this morning than it had been for the past week due to being stuck in one position on the plane for so long yesterday. Without opening my eyes, I brought my leg up to my chest to stretch it out a bit. Looks like I'd have to break out the mild painkillers today. Getting everything moved around was not going to be fun.

The light stretch eased the throbbing a bit and I opened my eyes. A quick glance at my phone read 5:48 A.M. It was still pitch black outside and the apartment was silent, but for the gentle hum of the radiator. I knew I wouldn't fall back to sleep, but I also didn't see much point in getting up yet. So I lay there on the absurdly comfortable couch, my hands resting on the pillow above my head and stared at the ceiling.

Thinking back over the events of yesterday brought a small smile to my face. Meeting Alice and Rose. And Edward. Even the thought of him brought a ridiculous grin to my face and I lightly rolled my eyes at myself and my silliness.

_It's not like you've never met an attractive guy before, Bella. _

Though I had to admit that Edward was devastatingly handsome and far surpassed any that I'd encountered.

_Ok, fine. So he's sexy and drop dead gorgeous, you still only talked to him for maybe fifteen minutes. Hardly life changing, right? _

And again my mind argued right back.

_Well, Bella, you've never really had that type of physical response to a man before: heart pounding, out of breath, pure, unadulterated attraction._

Okay, so maybe that's true. Maybe Edward was the first man in my twenty-four years who had brought about that type of reaction in me. It still didn't change the fact that he was completely out of my league. And even if he was interested, doubtful, but for arguments sake, if he was interested, there's no way I'd ever do anything. I had no idea how to be in a relationship, date, engage in a casual fling. The only example I had was my own parents who had only recently reached a level where they could tolerate an occasional phone call if necessary. It helped that they lived half a country apart.

I didn't know if I even really believed that true, lasting love existed. The concept seemed so foreign to me. Sensibly I knew that my parents loved me, but Charlie had been no more than a fleeting figure in my life for the past fifteen years since my mother had packed us up and left. He'd tried his best, and was always supportive of me. He'd even taken up texting recently in an effort to communicate with me more.

In Renee's case, ninety-five percent of the time it seemed that her affections were strictly dependant on how satisfied she was with my training and performance level. Words of praise and tender gestures were few and far between in the Swan household.

With the lack of physical contact, I grew to feel a level of discomfort at any signs of it. I didn't casually touch people other than a courteous handshake and tended to flinch away from the touchy feely types on the rare occasion that I encountered one, and I didn't hug. I'd always been okay with that level of detachment, but now thinking about it, it just felt wrong. How could I even think about being in a relationship with a person when the very thought of kissing and cuddling and caressing seemed more a cause for anxiety than excitement?

_God, Bells, maybe it's about time you shook off the Ice Princess routine. It's not like you have any cause to shy away from attention. It's not like you went through some traumatic event or anything that would cause you to fear a guy touching you. So maybe you haven't had the closest relationship with your parents. Maybe you haven't grown up with a huge circle of friends. You've never lacked for anything and you've always been free to pursue what you loved most. Stop bitching and moaning and get over yourself!_

The inner voice was out for blood this morning, and was on a bit of a cranky streak at that. Rather than lie there and listen to the inner rantings any longer, I got up in search of caffeine. I didn't know where they kept their coffee and wasn't about to go digging through their cabinets, so instead I pulled out what was left of my two liter and enjoyed the jump start provided by the jolt of sugar and caffeine.

The clock on the microwave read 6:04 A.M. I had no clue what time to expect Alice to be up and about, but didn't anticipate seeing her anytime soon. Rather than bum around their apartment waiting, I opted to head back over to my place. I'd grab a shower, go through the light stretches my doctor from Jacksonville recommended, and make a plan of action for the day.

Two and a half hours later, I was much more alert and ready to face the day. The stretches and Tylenol had done wonders for my knee and I was feeling a lot better about what I'd get accomplished today.

Alice came knocking at about eight-thirty bearing coffee from the shop on the corner and it appeared that she was both a morning and an evening person. I tried not to sound accusing when I asked if she was ever _not_ a little ball of energy; she merely shrugged cheerfully.

"So, what's the plan?"

"Well the furniture is scheduled to be delivered around nine. They should be able to put everything in place, so there won't be much to do with that. The rest of my stuff should be coming in from Florida, but I'm not sure when. I'm guessing we'll probably have to wait around here for that to show up before we can go out and get the other stuff done. I started making a list of the basics that we'll need to search out," I offered her the sheet of paper I'd been scribbling on for the last forty-five minutes, listing out everything from milk, bread and eggs to Swiffer dusters and toilet paper.

"Well, I think Super Target's going to be our best bet to get the most stuff in one spot," she reasoned. "You should be able to find almost all of this there."

While we waited around for the delivery truck to show up, Alice dove into redesigning my entire apartment on a scrap sheet of paper, throwing out colors and accents that were 'completely necessary' for me to live in this loft. Rather than be a killjoy and argue, I decided to sit back and go with the flow. It wasn't all going to get done in one day and I'd certainly have time to insist that eight coordinating throw pillows on my living room couch was just a smidge overkill.

The furniture delivery was surprisingly on schedule and Alice got to work ordering the two poor men around on exactly where each piece needed to go for optimal flow. Luck appeared to be on my side for once as the Fed Ex truck with my nine cardboard moving boxes showed up just as they were finishing. This day was going to run a lot more smoothly without having to wait around half the day to sign for them.

I ushered the movers out the door and turned back to find Alice surveying the boxes with a frown creasing her forehead.

"You've got more coming don't you?" she asked, like there really was no question that the few parcels couldn't possibly be all I'd brought.

"Nope, that's it I think."

"But— really? A third of your belongings are books! How could you possibly fit everything in here?" she asked incredulously as she examined the labels.

"I have my bags from the plane too," I offered. "I don't know, I don't keep a lot of stuff. I'm more of a minimalist. Less hassle."

"Bella, minimalist doesn't even begin to cover it. Emmett's college dorm had more than this!"

I simply shrugged. I really didn't keep a ton of belongings around and I opted to leave all my costumes and the majority of my skating paraphernalia with Renee. I wouldn't be using it any time soon and I certainly didn't need it staring me in the face reminding me every day of what I no longer had.

"And your furniture," Alice continued ranting as she gestured around the room. "I mean, what you have is nice, but it's so Spartan in here Bella. We're really going to need to find you a few things to spice this place up a bit."

"I can already see diabolical plans for décor takeovers forming in your head, Alice. How about we take care of the essentials first—like toilet paper—and worry about the spiciness of my living arrangements later, okay?"

"Spoilsport," she muttered. "Fine, but you can believe that this will be coming up later. And not like two months from now later, like this weekend later. I refuse to let a friend of mine, who is so cute and adorable, live in a bland apartment that could pass for a bachelor pad."

"Sheesh, Alice, you've known me for all of fifteen hours and you're already taking over my life," I joked with an exaggerated sigh.

"I know! Just imagine what it'll be like in a couple weeks when you've gotten to know me better."

"I don't know, I can't imagine it'll be much different."

"You're probably right. I won't hold back as much though."

"This is holding back?" I mocked. "You're slightly terrifying, Alice."

"Only in the best ways," she persisted. "Now, do you have your list ready? We can go hit the store and get that taken care of before digging in here and getting things organized."

"Sounds good. Uh, I don't have my car here yet, it's waiting for me to come by and pick it up at a dealership."

"That's not a problem—let me call Jasper and see if we can borrow his truck for a bit, there won't be enough room in mine for everything."

After a quick call, we were off and running. Alice wasn't kidding about her lack of trunk space. Turns out she drove a ridiculously impractical canary yellow Porsche. She also drove like a Formula one driver for the five short minutes it took to pull up to Jasper's place and I was overwhelmingly grateful that the roads were clear and dry.

Alice pulled into the driveway next to a large pickup truck. Apparently there was no need to approach the door as we quickly transferred cars. A quick kiss blown towards the house on Alice's part and we were back on our way.

Two hours later I was certain of two things. One, I would never willingly shop with Alice again, and two, I kinda loved the girl. I never would have expected we'd get along so well. She was peppy where I was dry, energetic and in your face where I was laid back. She wore designer heels on a daily basis and I was comfortable in my One Stars. Yet the more time we spent together, the more we got along—the more I realized how much I'd missed in having real friendships in my life.

I'd always been so busy that I'd never really had time to stop and think of myself as being lonely. Renee had always been there—along with an array of coaches, trainers, choreographers and tutors—so that I was never really alone. But, the past twenty-four hours with Alice and Rose, less than that actually, had made me realize what a void I'd had without the simple companionship that friends offered.

Glancing down at my phone to check the time while we pushed our two loaded red shopping carts out to the truck, I noticed it was just past noon. I was completely exhausted.

"I'm telling you, Bella, those shirts were completely necessary. And really, when you find one that looks that good, multiple colors are the way to go!"

About three-fourths of the way through our shopping excursion, it had slowly started to dawn on me that Alice could talk me into anything, and in her own subtle way, had been doing so for the entire morning. Really, it didn't bother me so much. I was a stubborn girl, if I really didn't want to do something or buy something, I wouldn't. The eye opener had been when I found a Converse button up shirt in my cart; in three different colors. Don't get me wrong, it was a cute shirt, and 100% my style, but was it really necessary to buy three of essentially the same shirt? According to Alice: yes.

Honestly, I wasn't really sure of half the stuff she threw in the cart. I got the feeling she snuck a lot of things past my radar. It would be a little like Christmas when we got back to the apartment and started unloading everything.

"Ok, I give. The shirt's cute," I conceded. "Now can we _please_ find some food? Gimpy remember? I need to keep my strength up."

"Alright, alright. Hey, do you like Chinese? We can grab some on the way back."

"Sounds good," I said as we loaded the last of the bags into the truck and were off once again.

On the way home, Alice wanted to call Jasper in to help. She was insistent that the walls needed to be painted before anything was unpacked. After some reasoning, and then shameless pouting when reason didn't work, I managed to defer her. At least for this afternoon.

Back in the apartment we managed to get everything in and the refrigerated and frozen items put away before collapsing on the couch with our containers of greasy Chinese food and some chopsticks. I managed to stumble three times between the kitchen and the couch, snagging my crutches on the newly placed furniture. Alice threw me a look of baffled amusement and asked "You okay there, Bella?"

My response was simply to nod and engage in a dramatic eyeroll. I was so ready to get rid of my damn crutches. Like it wasn't hard enough for me to get around on my own two feet without inflicting danger on myself and those around me. I was desperately hoping my new doctor would give me the okay to lose them on Monday.

Feeling sufficiently gorged, I noticed that Alice seemed occupied with a magazine that had been in her mail, so I took the opportunity to snuggle in with my pillow and get lost in my thoughts.

And of course, like every other time I'd found my mind wandering that day, my thoughts immediately drifted to him.

Edward.

I didn't even know his last name. Really, I knew nothing about him other than he lived in the area and was completely gorgeous. Oh, and that he and his buddies hung out at Billy's on Tuesday nights.

Today was Thursday, which meant I had five full days to muster up the courage to actually go. I wanted to go, simply to see his face again, to hear his smooth voice once more. But what if he was just being polite? He didn't technically ask me, more like hinted that I might check the place out sometime. Maybe he just liked the bar and thought it was a good recommendation for someone new in town? Hell, for all I know he could work there and was just trying to up their revenue in hopes of a pay increase. But if he didn't want to see me again, he wouldn't have told me a specific night that he'd be there, right? Ugh, this was all so confusing. I almost wished that it could really be like that country song: Do you like me? Check Yes or No.

After lunch, Alice was called away for a bridal emergency. I'm not sure exactly what that meant, but I do know it involved a lot of high pitched squealing from the other end of Alice's phone. She made me promise to just leave everything and that they'd be by later to help get everything into its proper place. For once, I decided to be lazy and rather than hustle to get everything organized on my own, I fell asleep on my new couch with my iPod.

x-x-x

After two successful days of holding Alice off, she stopped listening to my excuses of jetlag and handicap when she showed up at my door on Saturday morning with coffee and muffins. She proclaimed it 'Divine Design Day' and said she'd already called in reinforcements. Jasper and Emmett would be showing up at 10:00 A.M. to help paint and set up my loft. Though I'd grumbled at the thought of another exhausting day, I was excited to meet the guys that Alice and Rose were so obviously crazy about.

Apparently she'd tried to get her brother Edward to come as well, but he would be spending the day with the team doctor and a trainer after taking a bad check into the boards during the previous night's game. I'd heard Rose and Alice screaming from their place across the hall, cheering when there was a good play and swearing at the refs when they made a bad call. I'd begged off from joining them and settled in early with a book instead, but after hearing their excited play-by-play recap I'd promised myself I'd join them next time.

"Let's move it, Bella, we've got to hit up Home Depot for paint and supplies before the guys drag their butts out of bed," Alice clapped her hands at me in an effort to scoot me out the door. I groaned dramatically, grabbing my coat, purse and crutches before following Alice out the door.

"Isn't Rose coming with us?"

"Nope, she said if I woke her up before nine she'd start spiking my drinks with tranquilizers. She'll be up and about when we get back."

"Let's not go too nuts here, Alice. My apartment does not need to be a contender for Better Homes & Gardens, okay?"

"You just refuse to let me have any fun, don't you? How about I give you veto power, will that make you feel better?"

"Much."

"Fine. You won't need it, but if it stops you from griping so be it."

We headed in the direction of Rose's BMW, Alice explaining that it had slightly more trunk space than the Porsche. As we climbed inside, I was reminded that I still needed to get to the dealership to pick up my own car.

"You know, Alice, I do have access to a vehicle. I should probably stop by the dealership and pick it up sometime."

"Well it's not like I'm going to make you drive yourself around with those pesky crutches."

"I'm hoping the doctor lets me lose them on Monday."

"That'd be nice. You have an appointment set up?"

"Yeah, my doctor in Jacksonville gave me a recommendation. Renee wanted me to meet with him as soon as possible."

"Where's it at?"

"St. Joseph's Hospital I think it was."

"Really? My dad works there; what's your doctor's name?"

"Dr. Cullen?"

"That's him!" she squealed.

"Who him?"

"My dad, silly. My last name's Cullen," she clarified.

"How did I not know that?" I asked, a bit incredulous about the fact that I felt like I'd known her forever when in fact I was just learning her last name.

"You can probably blame that one on me. Word vomit and all. I forget those pesky little details. Well, imagine that," Alice laughed. "It's a small world after all."

"Crazy, huh?"

"Well, you're in good hands. He's been fixing up two hockey players for the last twenty-five years; he knows his stuff."

Shockingly we were in and out of Home Depot in less than an hour. Alice had astounded me by pulling out a clipboard in the store complete with measurements, diagrams, and color swatches for her plan of attack. Seeing one of Alice's checklists in action cemented my impression that Bridezillas everywhere would cower in her presence. The woman was a well-oiled, list-making machine.

Like she promised, I was allowed full veto power on her ideas. And like she'd predicted, I hadn't needed it once. I loved the paint colors we'd picked out and was so excited to see the bareness of my walls disappear.

It was just before ten that we pulled in front of the building to unload our supplies.

"Oh, good, the guys are already here," Alice commented at the sight of Jasper's truck and a brawny looking Jeep parked in the visitor spots. "Let me just call up and they can haul all this stuff. No protests, Bella," she cut me off before I could say a word.

"I didn't say anything," I held my hands up in defense.

"No, but I know you enough by now to know that you're not a fan of asking for help. Tough cookies, you're just going to have to get over it because you're not lifting a single paint roller all day."

"Oh, come on—"

"Uh, uh, uh," she said, shaking her finger at me. "This is why I called in the muscle. They do the manual labor, you rest your leg, and your apartment still ends up looking fabulous without you straining yourself."

"Alice, I thought your dad was my doctor, not you," I teased her and she answered by sticking her tongue out at me while dialing her cell.

"We're out front, come unload," she said before disconnecting and tossing her phone back in her purse.

"Aww, Alice are you always such a sweet talker?"

"He likes it when I'm forceful," she lobbed back with a bobbing of her eyebrows.

Less than a minute later Rose and two guys walked out the front door. One of them was immediately obscured when Alice took a running leap and threw herself around him. By his laugh and the fact that he didn't budge an inch at her enthusiastic tackle, I guessed this was a common greeting for them.

The one I could see and assumed was Emmett by the proprietary arm slung over Rose's shoulder was nothing short of enormous. The man seriously had to be closing in on six and a half feet and was a pure wall of muscle. I'd probably find him intimidating if not for the boyish smile on his face, complete with dimples. His eyes were an icy blue and filled with a look of mischief. Like Alice, his hair was dark, almost black, and shaved down to almost a buzz cut.

Rose tugged him over to me. "Em, this is Bella; Bella, this meathead here is Emmett."

"Rosie, you know I love it when you call me names," he teased, ruffling her hair. Though she tried to glare at him, I could see an adoring smile peek through her expression before she smoothed her hair down again.

"So, you're the fresh meat, huh?" Emmett addressed me.

"Yeah, that's me. Straight off the butcher block."

"I like this one, babe, she's sassy. Can we keep her?"

"You're such an idiot," Rose swatted him over the head.

"What's with the wingmen?"

"Huh?" I returned, completely confused.

"The crutches. Wingmen," he clarified like this should have been obvious.

"Oh, sports injury."

"Ah, a player are you?" he with a light hearted smirk.

"Not quite," I laughed.

"I don't know Rosie, Gimpy here might not be able to keep up with us," he poked at me, ruffling my hair in a similar fashion to what he'd done with Rose.

"Please, at the rate you're going I might dump you and keep her," Rose goaded him. "Go put those beefy biceps of yours to good use and start bringing stuff in," she said, lightly shoving him away.

"How about Jasper does all the heavy lifting? I'll haul in the cripple," he said, swiping me right off my feet, laughing heartily at my embarrassingly girly squeal of surprise. "Oh, whoops. Goose and Mav take a nose dive," he exclaimed as my crutches crashed to the sidewalk with me no longer there to prop them up. "Man down!"

"Emmett!" Alice scolded, finally extracting herself from the other man and joining us. "Can't you see she's injured? You can't just go tossing her around."

"But, Alice, she's almost as small as you. Besides, she's going to have to get used to it if she's planning on sticking around."

Alice rolled her eyes at him. "Well she won't stick around for long if you scare her off by manhandling her within five minutes of meeting her."

"Aw, come on, she likes it. Don't you, Bella?"

I was still slightly dumbfounded by finding myself suspended four feet off the ground in the arms of a complete stranger and it took me a second to answer hesitantly, "Uh, sure Emmett." And when I spoke I realized that it was true. Emmett struck me immediately as a big teddy bear, all fuzzy, soft and warm underneath his massive exterior. I liked that he was unflinchingly friendly and didn't hold back at all. I didn't even feel a twinge of my regular discomfort at being held.

"See? Bella's my homegirl."

"Oh, you know it, G," Rose teased with a puckered smirk and weird hand gesture.

"Woman, why you gotta be all up in my flava?" Emmett laughed back at her and swung me around so I could see Alice and the man next to her.

"Jazz, man, extract yourself from my sister and say hello to my little friend," Emmett said, finishing his statement in a perfect rendition of Al Pacino.

"Dude, you got your make out session in already this morning, I get to at least get a hello smooch from my fiancée."

"Yeah, yeah, just keep the hands where I can see 'em, Hale."

Jasper reached out to shake my hand. "Pleasure to meet ya, Bella," he said and boy were the girls not joking. The man had a Texas drawl to rival any country singer, and was even wearing honest to goodness cowboy boots under his dark wash jeans. Alice was tucked under the arm not holding my hand and stared adoringly up at him. It was easy to see why she was so infatuated. While Emmett was a solid mass, Jasper was long and lanky. His dirty blonde hair was pulled back in a stubby ponytail and his eyes were the same royal blue as his sisters. I shook his hand timidly. While Emmett had made it impossible for me to remain reserved, I was still slightly uncomfortable with meeting new people, but then Jasper squeezed my hand and gave me a charming smile that put me instantly at ease.

"Don't you fret, Bella," he said with a grin. "You'll get used to this bunch of yahoos in no time."

I giggled quietly at his assurance, already positive that he was right.

"Enough dawdling, guys, we brought you here to work, now hop to it," Alice commanded.

"Yes ma'am," Jasper said, giving her a gentle swat on the butt before he opened the trunk of Rose's car to start gathering stuff up.

I tried to shimmy out of Emmett's grasp, but found myself stuck.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Uh, down? On the ground? Where people walk?"

"No way little lady, I told you I was hauling you in."

"I'm perfectly capable of walking Emmett," I insisted. "Besides Jasper needs you to help carry stuff."

"Nope, I got the goods right here," he said, patting my leg before tossing me around him so I was piggyback. "Hold on tight there Bella. Rosie, rescue Goose and Maverick there will ya?"

"Who?" I asked.

"Your wingmen, Bella. You can't fly without good ol' Goose and the Mav to cover you."

"You're really ridiculous, did you know that, Emmett?"

"I know, that's what makes me just so lovable," he scooped up the bags of paint brushes, tape and rollers, leaving Jasper and Alice to carry the buckets of paint and Rose to get my crutches and we all trekked up to my place to get started.

The remainder of the morning and well into the afternoon was filled with laughter and the behavior of a close knit group of friends who truly enjoyed each other. Based on what I'd already experienced with them, I shouldn't have been surprised when they welcomed me right into their group. By lunchtime I'd had Emmett laughing hysterically when I'd warmed up enough to unleash my inner snark on him.

Rose, Emmett and Jasper got busy laying out tarps and taping off the walls right away in preparation to paint, while Alice directed them, clipboard in hand. I tried to stay out of the way at first, but ended up plopping in the middle of whatever room they were working on so I could enjoy their company.

By late afternoon they'd made enough progress that I could start unpacking things from their boxes. I knew right away I wanted to start with my books, filling in my nook as I'd been picturing it in my head for days. Jasper lugged my three boxes of books over for me to get started on before joining Emmett in the bedroom to whip through the last of the painting. The fact that they'd finished painting two rooms already and would have a third done by dinnertime was truly amazing to me. I'd always viewed home improvements and decorating as such time-consuming projects, stretching out over weeks.

Truth be told, if I was left to my own devices that's probably how it would have gone…if I'd actually gotten around to it at all. But with four able-bodied adults and Alice cracking the whip, it had been an efficient day.

Opening the first box, I was filled with warmth at the sight of my old favorites. I loved books—the feel of the paper underneath my fingers as I thumbed the pages, the musky scent of the older editions, the crisp edges of the new. I let out a content breath as I ran my fingertips over the bindings lining the box before removing them one by one.

Before long all three boxes were empty, the books scattered around me in piles as I determined how to organize them on the shelves. I'd decided to go for placement by genre and then alphabetized within. When I was content with my groupings, I moved to start transferring them to the empty shelves.

"Hey, Bella?" Alice called from the living room. "Do you want us to get started on the boxes in here? The paint's pretty dry so we can probably start setting things up."

"Uh, yeah, that's fine," I called back. "There shouldn't be much to go in that room actually." Honestly, all I could think of were a few DVDs, a couple of throws and maybe a picture frame or two. I didn't keep a lot of knick-knacks and couldn't remember packing much that would belong in the living room. I had kitchen stuff, clothes, and my books…that about covered it.

"There are a couple boxes left out here."

"What do they say on the top? I thought I labeled them all."

"Um…" Alice paused, looking them over no doubt. "One says _Miscellaneous_."

"That's the one that should go in there."

"The other one doesn't have any writing on it that I can see."

"Huh, that's weird. I thought I remembered labeling them all so I wouldn't have to dig through everything," I puzzled for a second, thinking back to what I could have packed before shrugging it off. "I don't know Alice, just open it I guess."

I heard tape ripping as I went back to lining the books on the shelves. Moments later, the apartment was filled with a brief high-pitched squeal.

"Geez, Alice," I muttered to myself, "trying to summon every canine within a six block radius?"

"Bella?" I heard once again, though the tone of this particular inquiry sounded different than the first. This one was filled with a blend of excitement and mischief.

"What is it, Alice?"

"Is there something you might want to tell me?" She coyly inquired as she popped her head over the half wall along the steps. I continued placing the books, my back mostly to her as she sat on the landing.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, genuinely confused. "Is there a particular category of information you're curious about? You've only known me for four days, I'm sure there's a lot I haven't told you."

"How about starting off with the reason why there's an Olympic Medal amongst your possessions?" she questioned. My head whipped around, eyes wide as a deer in headlights and saw her holding the plaque my mother had made for me after the 2006 Olympics in her hands.

_Shit._

"Uh…" I stammered, lost as to how to handle this. I'd hoped to have a little more warning and some time to get my game plan together on what to say. Really, it didn't change anything. I didn't know why I was so resistant to these people knowing who I really was. I guess for once I'd just been grateful for the opportunity to get to know someone without having a reputation to live up to, or any preconceived notions about what kind of person I was.

_Well_, I thought, _it's too late now_. Alice was sitting there, her brow raised, looking at me expectantly. I could only tell myself that it didn't matter, that it wouldn't change anything and deal with the situation that'd been sprung on me.

"Where did you find that?" I asked. I know I'd left it in my room back in Jacksonville with the majority of my skating stuff. I remember holding it my hands as I was packing, tracing my fingers over the curved edge of the metal disc before tucking it back into the drawer and closing it.

"In the unmarked box," Alice said.

_Renee. Just couldn't let it go could you? _

"Was there anything else in it?" I started to move past her to check it out and was stopped by her arm barring my path down the stairs.

"I don't think so, Swan. As in Isabella Swan, Olympic Silver Medalist and National Champion Figure Skater," she goaded. "Was that a tidbit you were ever planning on sharing with your new best friend?"

I groaned softly, running my hands over my face before looking at her. She didn't look mad, or even disappointed. She merely looked…amused?

"Alice," I started. "Yeah, okay, you caught me. And yes, I had planned on telling you. I don't know when, but I would have brought it up. Eventually. I just, I don't know. I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. I liked being able to get to know someone for once without them knowing who I was already or freaking out like I'm this big celebrity or anything. I just wanted you to know me, Bella—the person—not Isabella the skater," I continued rambling, realizing just how ridiculous the notion was. "It was stupid," I muttered, turning away from her.

"No," Alice reached out and grabbed my arm before I could step away. "It's not stupid, Bella. I can kind of see why you did it. I mean, yes I've heard of you. Rose and I have watched you skate on TV so many times, in fact, I'm surprised one of us didn't figure it out earlier. I'm sure it's not always the easiest to meet new people when they already feel like they know you. I just want you to know that it doesn't matter. To me for sure and I'm certain not to Rose either. And if Jasper or Emmett know anything about figure skating, which is doubtful, they aren't going to care either. You don't need to worry about anyone here going all fangirl on you," she winked and I smiled slightly.

"Thanks," I murmured before adding, "I'm sorry for lying to you guys."

"Well you didn't really lie to us, Bella, you just happened to leave out a lot of information," she laughed, nudging me as we both walked down the stairs.

I dropped the crutches and knelt down to start sifting through the mystery box unearthing a whole trove of my skating memorabilia. Photographs, magazines I'd been featured in, medals, even a few of my more recent costumes. Pinned to one of them was a small note in Renee's loopy handwriting.

_Just in case._

I rolled my eyes before tossing the handful of lycra and sequins back into the box, sitting back on my haunches.

"Subtle, Renee."

"Who's Renee?" Alice asked as she sat next to me. She reached for the box, throwing me a look to ask if I minded. I shrugged and gestured for her to go right ahead.

"My mother."

"I take it you didn't pack all this yourself," she observed as she dug in, pulling out a couple of the magazines and flipping through them quickly.

"No. Definitely not. I'd planned on leaving most of my skating stuff in Jacksonville. There's no point in having it here."

"Why not?" she asked, dangling one of my skimpier costumes at me and wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

"Give me that," I laughed, snatching the material away from her. "There's no point because I'm not skating right now and I probably won't be able to again according to my doctor in Jacksonville. I didn't think it was necessary to have all this stuff around taunting me."

"Bella—" Alice said sympathetically, her hand reaching out to rest on my knee in a comforting gesture.

"And that's exactly why she sent it all here. Because I'm just being overdramatic with this whole 'injury nonsense' according to her and should be back to training by now."

"But, that's ridiculous," Alice scoffed. "Haven't your doctors told her about what's going on? Or your coaches? I mean, doesn't she know anything about the healing process that goes into recovering from this kind of thing?"

"Renee doesn't hear anything she doesn't want to," I sighed, picking at the beads stitched to the fabric lying across my lap. "Don't worry about it," I waved her off along with my annoyance. "I know what's going on with my knee and I'm dealing with it. Renee's not going to push me to do anything, other than maybe jump off a bridge," I added jokingly.

"Well, we're here for you, Bella. Anything you need—just say the word."

"Thanks, Alice," I glanced at her once before looking back to my lap and continuing to pick at the sequins. "Look, I'm really not good at the whole mushy, emotional stuff…but I'm really happy to have met you. And Rose. It's just, nice to have actual friends for once. I mean, I know I haven't known you guys very long at all, but I feel like that's what you are. Friends, I mean," I finished lamely.

"Hey," she knocked her knee against mine. "Best friends."

"Yeah," I nudged her back with my elbow. "Best friends."

We sat in silence for a few moments before I broke it. "Isn't that a little weird?"

"No way," she assured me as she sprawled out on her back. "It's like love at first sight…with girls. But in a non-lesbian way."

I giggled at her depiction of our relationship.

"We're like Romy and Michelle. Or Cher and Dee. Buffy and Willow. Bella and Alice. It's just destiny."

"Well that's certainly one way of looking at it," I laid next to her, our heads together and bodies sprawled out perpendicular to each other as we stared at the ceiling. "You know, as much as I enjoy you, I must admit to being a tiny bit disappointed that you're using up all my destiny and love at first sight mojo. I'd sorta been holding out on the hope that maybe a guy would be the cause of that someday."

"Silly, Bella," she clicked her tongue at me. "I'm sure you've got plenty more love mojo to spare."

"Hey, lazy bums!" Rose emerged from the bedroom where she'd been helping the guys tape off the walls for painting. "Are you just going to lay on your asses all day and let us do the work?"

"Yeah, that sounds about right, don't you think, Bells?"

"Uh, yup, that was pretty much the plan."

"Well at least let me get in on that action," Rose said as she joined us on the floor.

"So, Rose, Bella here is a big time figure skater," Alice threw out, turning to wink at me.

"No shit? Huh, I thought your name sounded familiar. Cool," she added and left it at that.

Alice smirked at me with an 'I told you so' expression and I just shook my head, amused at the both of them.

"You know Bella," Rose started casually, "You kinda kick ass out there."

I let out a short burst of laughter. "Thanks, Rose."

"Seriously though," Alice jumped in, turning on her stomach to face in and propping herself up on her elbows to look down at me. "The things you can do with your legs! Whoo, if I was that flexible Jasper would not let me leave the bed for days!"

I giggled and moved up into a sitting position.

"She's got a point, Bells," Rose laughed as she turned over, mimicking Alice's position. "That's gotta be such a perk in the bedroom. Think of all the positions you could get into. What a turn on."

"Uh, thanks for that, Rose. Glad to know I can arouse you."

"Not me you dork, guys. Men."

"I wouldn't really know," I teased coyly, "But it's very reassuring that I've got a few fall back options—stripper, Kama-Sutra demonstrator, naked contortionist…"

"Wait a minute," Alice interrupted. "Wouldn't know? As in…Bella are you a virgin?" she asked incredulously.

I hauled myself up and turned to limp toward the kitchen and hopefully hide the blush that flooded my cheeks. "I think we've delved enough into my personal life for one afternoon, don't you? Let's leave a little bit to gossip about over Ben & Jerry's and pillow fights."

"Bella, really, we're your BFFs. We will never 'delve enough' as you put it. But fine, you want to be all bashful and secretive about it, you go right ahead. We'll know all eventually. Rose and I are now official, full time Bella Swan spelunkers. No secret is too deep for us, we just keep digging until it's all out in the open."

I couldn't tell if she meant it as a warning or just was stating the facts, but either way I was certain that I'd never be able to hide anything from Alice for very long.

**x-x-x**

**A/N: Again, outfits for this chapter are on my profile.**

**DizziestDaydream started me a forum thread on Twilighted! I'm excited to chat with you guys there and hopefully share some teasers along the way. Rob porn is always appreciated as well. ;) .?f=44&t=8976**


	3. Chapter 3: Is There Life Without Ice?

**A/N: Thanks as usual go to Betamama aka Fanpire Mama and Carenl aka Nerac aka Queen of Awesome. They reign me in when I start crazy talk about a Lutefisk eating, **_**Fargo**_** sounding Carlisle. Or do they? ;)**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created the characters, the story is mine. Copyright 2010: BellaMarie117**

**Enjoy!**

**x-x-x**

Monday morning I awoke before the sun as usual. Instead of immediately rolling out of bed in search of coffee, I remained buried in the soft feather pillows Alice had insisted would be more conducive to a good night's sleep. I was already wired enough without the caffeine. Today was the day my path would be decided. Okay, so maybe that was exaggerating the importance of this appointment just a little bit, but I was to the point in my recovery where I'd need to make a decision as to how to proceed. I'd been stalled at this fork in the road for long enough and it was time to move past it.

A large part of that decision would lie with this new doctor. Dr. Cort, my doctor in Jacksonville, had basically said not to get my hopes up. _Would Dr. Cullen say the same?_ Renee insisted I was just being silly and looking for attention by taking this long to recover and I couldn't help myself from wondering if she was right. _Was I acting like a hypochondriac, just milking my ailment as long as I possibly could? _My knee still throbbed when I tried to go without the crutches for too long, but was I just being a baby about it? Maybe I just needed to toughen up and push through the pain before it got better.

There was no use lying in bed and fretting about it. I'd know soon enough.

The lack of soreness in my knee this morning had me slightly optimistic as I worked through my routine of early morning stretches, appreciating the fact that my flexibility hadn't suffered from the extended break in training. My flexibility had always been a strong point in my skating, making me a stand out amongst my competitors when I was able to hold controlled spiral sequences far longer than required.

If I found out I could skate again, I knew that I'd have to go back to my morning Pilates routine as soon as possible. The longer I dragged out my recovery, the more difficult it would become if I'd need to retrain my muscles to stretch beyond normal range. Honestly, I missed the rush of energy that exercise always gave me and if the past two months showed me nothing else, it revealed just how much I despised sitting around and doing nothing.

The first week following my surgery had been kind of a breath of fresh air. I didn't have a rigid schedule to adhere to, nowhere I needed to be, no one I needed to see. I'd finally had the chance to just sprawl on the couch and get lost in a book. I'd re-read three of my favorite Jane Austen novels straight through, stopping only for bathroom breaks, meals, and the occasional nap. It had been fabulous.

But then came the second week, and the third, and the fourth.

By mid-December I'd been ready to drown myself out of boredom. Week four had also been the time when Renee started dragging me back to the arena in hopes of 'knocking some sense' into me and getting me back on the ice.

The strength building exercises Dr. Cort had me doing for rehab weren't enough to satisfy her and she complained daily that the whole process was taking too long. A ten second demonstration of me falling on my ass after she pushed me out on the ice proved to her that my knee had not in fact recovered yet. She stopped trying to shove skates at me after that, but still insisted I show up every day to consult with my coach, Marcus, about my future.

That was when I started thinking about leaving. With Renee in my face I couldn't think. I couldn't hear anything but her nagging and her demands. If my skating career was indeed over as the doctor initially thought, I needed time on my own to figure out what the hell I was going to do with the rest of my life. What I didn't need was to hang around Jacksonville and watch my mother desperately hold onto the hope that I'd still be going to Vancouver next winter to bring her the gold medal she'd been lusting for since her childhood.

I'd gotten a recommendation from Dr. Cort that there were some great doctors in Minnesota who specialized in my type of injury. As soon as he mentioned it, I fixated on the idea of moving back. The doctors would appease Renee while the location would satisfy my need for space. She didn't take the news well at first, but when she realized that this was one thing I would not back down on, she reluctantly agreed. Not without some compromises of course.

Renee found my apartment, bought me a car, scheduled my doctor appointments, and booked my flight. I really didn't care about any of it. The only thing I insisted on was the timing; I wanted to flee as soon as possible. Less than a week into the New Year and I'd boarded my flight to escape the sunny warmth of Florida.

Now I was here and already I was confident that this move was one of the best things that could happen to me. In just the few short days I'd been here it already felt more like home than anywhere I'd known since my parents split. I felt like I finally had the opportunity to just be Bella with no insane expectations placed on me.

While I was insanely nervous about hearing what the doctor would say, I didn't feel quite the same level of anxiety that I had when my mother was breathing down my neck, ready to welcome the apocalypse if it turned out that I'd never compete again. If that was the case I knew I'd feel upset, disappointed, and extremely nervous about my future. I'd feel lost. But somehow the four horsemen weren't lurking by my front door any longer.

I didn't need to just be Isabella Swan, competitive champion figure skater. I could be Bella Swan. I didn't yet know what being Bella Swan would entail, but it seemed plausible that I'd figure it out. Already I knew that Bella Swan was Alice and Rosalie's friend, and I felt like being friends with them had been a good start.

_That's all you need right now, Bella. A good start._

With that in mind, I took a quick shower, dried my hair and grabbed a lemon poppy seed muffin and yogurt for breakfast.

I was just wiping the crumbs from my counter when I heard a quick knock, followed by Alice's bell-like voice calling out as she let herself in the front door. I'd given her and Rose a spare key to my apartment the day before in case I ever locked myself out…or for times like this where Alice just wanted admittance. I could already tell it'd be used for that far more often than for what I'd originally given it to her for. It may have only been a few days since we'd met, but I already knew I could trust them implicitly. Renee would say it was naïve of me, but it was high time I started going with my gut. And my gut told me Alice and Rose were good people.

"Good morning!" she said as she strolled into the kitchen. "Happy Lose-the-Crutches Day!"

"Alice," I just shook my head at her. "You can be so weird."

"Come on, Bella, you can't fool me. I know you're excited to lose the flyboys. Maybe with two less appendages to maneuver, you'll stop banging into things so much."

"Doubtful, Alice, very doubtful. I've always been a huge klutz. Funny, huh? A champion figure skater who trips over air?"

"I wouldn't say funny. Maybe you were just born to be on the ice, did you ever think about that?"

I laughed slightly. "No, actually, I haven't."

She threw me a teasing speculative look over her shoulder as she reached in the fridge for a water bottle. "Really? Hmmm. Well, maybe you should."

"Sure, Alice, next time I trip over someone I'll just tell them that it's society's fault for not catering to my needs and turning the entire country's sidewalks into icewalks."

She giggled a little at that before leaning onto the center island, directly opposite from me. "I'm serious, Bella, I've seen you skate. It's amazing to watch. Clumsy or not, you were born to do that."

I'd heard it said before. It was a common enough line to hear in media spreads and various fanmail, but this was the first time I heard it where it actually felt genuine. Her face showed nothing but sincerity as she looked directly into my eyes, as if she could make me believe the truth of her words if she refused to look away.

I broke eye contact with her, looking down at my fingers resting on the countertop as I cleared my throat quietly. "Thanks, Alice," I looked back up at her and tried to answer her with the same level of sincerity she'd shown me. "Really. Thank you."

She nodded once before the serious look on her face gave way to her normal demeanor of delight. "Come on, babe, we've got things to do. Grab Mav and Goose and let's jet."

I rolled my eyes amusedly at the ridiculous dubbing of my crutches before following her to the door, stopping to slip into my sneakers and coat. She raised one eyebrow disapprovingly at my choice of footwear but said nothing. She'd made it clear to me that my wardrobe would be going through an upgrade, with or without my cooperation. It didn't seem worth my energy to argue with her at this point.

"Thanks again for chauffeuring me," I said as we made our way through town.

"How many times do I have tell you? It's not a problem, Bella. Besides, it'll give me an excuse to be the 'good child' and stop in to see Dad."

"Something tells me you wouldn't have a hard time maintaining that title."

"Yeah, but it never hurts to say hi. We're all very close and Mom and Dad are good at not playing favorites. Growing up all three of us, Emmett, Edward, and I, were so different, but they really were great at encouraging us all and supporting whatever we did. You'd think we would have had more sibling rivalry, especially with the guys being so competitive, but it was never a that way at home. We all felt equally loved by Carlisle and Esme, and we supported each other as siblings," Alice said with a content smile as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "I feel like we've been really lucky to stay so close. With Emmett being drafted by the NHL, and then Edward the year after him, I was scared that we'd get split up. Not that you can't maintain relationships with distance, obviously a lot of families do, but it would have been hard if either of them moved away."

"How did they end up drafted on the same team? Does that happen very often?" I asked, genuinely curious as my knowledge of the sport was fairly pathetic.

"Not really, no. With Emmett, he wasn't a big name in the draft picks. I think part of why the Wild chose him was because he was a hometown boy. He's always been really good, but his name just wasn't on the radar. Then after he was on the team, they started seeing his potential. You'd think for his size he couldn't skate very fast, but he's always been light on his feet. They put him in as an enforcer with the added bonus of being able to take the opponent by surprise when he went tearing down the ice with the puck. Then the next year Edward was up for draft. I think having Emmett already there helped get him more attention, but Edward has always just been so talented on the ice. He was higher ranked going in and the Wild fought for him. Good publicity to have a set of Minnesota brothers on the team, right? And it helped that they're both damn good players."

"That's pretty cool."

"Yeah, they love it out there. Mom and Dad were always supportive of their dreams to go pro. A lot of the hockey parents started pulling their boys back, saying they needed to concentrate more on school and focus on getting a real job, but Mom and Dad never discouraged them. It's always been more important to them that we all find something we love than to do something more practical."

Alice kept up an easy conversation for the rest of the drive there, sharing silly stories about her and her brothers growing up and getting into mischief.

We pulled into the lot at St. Joseph's and signed in at the front desk, surprised when less than five minutes later, I heard my name called. After taking me back, the nurse ran through the basics, weight and height measurement, blood pressure, temperature check, before leaving us to wait.

I sat on the little examination table, determined to not freak out now that the moment was almost here. _Why was I making such a big deal out of this?_ Oh, right, my entire life as I knew it was on the line. I knew skating was not a career with a lot of longevity, but I thought I'd have had more notice before it ended. And really, people still skated professionally well into their thirties. Just because I would have had to retire from competition soon due to my age didn't necessarily mean I'd have stopped skating all together.

I blew out a deep breath and tried to stop myself from reaching up to mess with my hair as I was prone to do when nervous. I succeeded in my restraint, but couldn't hold back from chewing on my bottom lip or from anxiously tapping my foot against the side of the cabinet.

Alice leaned forward in her seat and softly held my manic foot in place.

"Hey," she said softly, breaking me out of my nervous trance and causing me to relax for just a split second. "You okay?"

I gave a quick shaky nod before looking back down into my lap and drawing my lip back between my teeth.

There was a soft knock at the door as it opened to an amazingly attractive man. He was older, if I had to guess I'd say he was in his late thirties, but if this was in fact Alice's father then he'd obviously need to be closer to fifty. His skin was pale, either naturally or due to the lack of sunlight in the dead of winter. He had the typical Scandinavian features of icy blue eyes and almost white blonde hair, which was slicked back from his face in a way that managed to look sophisticated rather than slimy.

Seriously, what the hell? Wasn't Minnesota supposed to be full of small town, average people who dressed head to toe in flannel and snow gear, talked about nothing but hot dish, hunting, fishing and the weather, all with a funny accent? Why was it that every person I met looked like they'd just stepped out of some Hollywood movie? Did they put something in the water since I'd last lived here? Maybe they'd discovered some magical beauty treatment involving lutefisk and walleye fish oils.

"Isabella Swan?" he inquired before noticing Alice in the chair. His professional demeanor melted completely into a look of surprised delight. "Oh hey der, Alice. Didn't see ya there!"

Thankfully they were both occupied when Alice jumped up to give him a hug because I'm pretty sure my jaw dropped into my lap before I had to bite my lip again, this time to keep from laughing. _Did he really just say "Hey der" as a greeting?_

"Well, Dad, Bella here is my new neighbor and I figured I'd bring her over and stop in to say hi to you at the same time." Alice quickly offered an answer for her presence in the room.

"Really? Well isn't that something! I hope my Alice hasn't been driving you too nuts yet, Bella," he said, turning to address me, still with his arm snuggly around her shoulders.

By the amused looks on both of their faces it was plain to see the affection between them, as well as his knowledge and acceptance of Alice's quirky personality.

"No, not at all. Alice has been great, Dr. Cullen."

"Please, Bella, call me Carlisle. If you're friends with Alice we'll probably be seeing a lot of each other."

"Oh, that reminds me!" Alice jumped in, smacking the heel of her hand lightly against her forehead. "Are you and mom going to the game on Friday?"

"You betcha. We wouldn't miss it."

"Awesome! Bella, do you want to come to the Wild game with us? Rose and I are going and then we always meet up with the guys afterwards. It'll be fun! Please say you'll go?"

"Alice, it's not fair pulling the puppy lip on me, that thing's dangerous."

"I know, Jasper gives into it every time. Please?" She jutted her lip out with a vengeance this time. I was worried her chin would recede back into her jaw at this point.

"Fine. I'll go."

"Oh this is going to be great! They're so much more fun to see in person than to watch on TV. Can I pick out your outfit?"

"Alright, Alice," Carlisle interrupted with a laugh. "I need to consult with my patient here."

"Oh, right. I'll just be in the waiting room, Bella. See you Friday night, Dad!" A quick kiss on his cheek and she was out the door.

I let out a breath that felt almost too loud in the sudden silence she'd left in her wake. "Has she always been like this?"

Carlisle let out a chuckle, "Yah, she's always been something of a firecracker."

"She's great though, really. I wasn't just saying that because she was here," I rushed out to make sure he didn't think I'd meant that his daughter was crazy.

"Alice can be a lot to handle, but she's a good friend to have on your side. Let's get started shall we?"

The butterflies were back after being distracted into hibernation when faced with Alice and Carlisle's greeting. "Okay," I said, blowing out a breath to try and shake off the nerves.

"Your doctor from back in Florida sent me your charts," he started, opening the manila folder. I couldn't hold back the giggle at hearing him pronounce Florida with an exaggerated long 'o'.

Immediately I slapped my hand over my mouth and felt my face flush. "Sorry," I squeaked out. "It's been awhile since I've lived here and I'm still adjusting to the accent again."

This time his laugh was a full out guffaw. "Oh, Bella, you are just delightful. Whaddya say we take a look at yer knee der, eh?" he said, deliberately exaggerating his accent this time.

I let out a small groan of amused humiliation before nodding in agreement.

"Alright, so it looks like you suffered a severe tear of you anterior cruciate ligament back in November, as well as a mild concussion due to a fall on the ice," he glanced up to confirm and continued when I nodded in agreement. "By the looks of it, your concussion healed with no lasting effects and you had reconstructive surgery on your ACL in late November. How has it been feeling post-op?"

"Fine. Still a little sore if I'm doing too much. Dr. Cort had me in an immobilizer brace before the surgery and then a different one until last week. He let me take it off to start building back my range of motion. I've been doing the stretches and strength exercises he recommended every morning and am still using the crutches."

"Good," he said with an approving nod as he started moving my leg through a series of bends and rotations, asking constantly about my comfort level. After walking through a series of tests, he stood back and made a few quick notes to my chart.

"Well, young lady, by the looks of it you're healing quite well. ACL recovery is a long process, as I'm sure you're aware by now, especially when the tearing is as serious as it was in your case. The soreness and throbbing you mentioned is completely normal at this stage. Your knee is getting used to being able to move again without the brace holding it in place and it takes time for it to adjust back to your activity level. If you're comfortable trying to walk without the crutches, I'd say you're safe to lose them at this point. I know you're used to extensive training and activity and you were in great physical condition before your fall; that will help in speeding up your recovery time a bit. I'd say by the end of the week, if you're consistently walking comfortably, you may start some power walking on a treadmill. You should be fine with gradually upping your activity level as long as it doesn't involve any sudden stops or turns. If you're cautious you may even return to the ice, but only slow, steady laps. No jumps, no spins, no quick changes in direction, and I'll be giving you another brace to wear anytime you're engaging in physical activity until I give the okay to stop. I have some additional exercises and stretches to add to your routine and I'll want you to meet with a physical therapist. They'll be able to track your recovery and steadily up your activity level over the next several weeks. Have you been following RICE?" he asked, referring to the formula of Rest, Ice, Compression and Elevation, and I nodded again.

"Good. You'll want to continue that practice throughout PT and the rest of your recovery period as you become more active. We should set up a follow up appointment for early April. At that point we'll assess where you're at. Do you have any specific questions for me?"

There was only one in my head, and it was deafening me waiting to be asked. "Will—" I started, but the words caught in my throat. I was scared to ask. Afraid for him to answer, terrified that he would say the same thing that Dr. Cort had told me; that the tearing was too significant to make a full recovery and return one hundred percent to the level I'd been at before.

"Yes, Bella?"

I looked up into his eyes, which held both patience and compassion, before pushing aside my fears and asking with a resolved determination, prepared to deal with whatever the answer was.

"Will I be able to compete again?"

"That's a good question, Bella, and honestly one that I can't answer with certainty quite yet. It is possible and very common for athletes to come back from this type of injury, some one hundred percent, and some only to a certain extent. Part of the answer will rely on these next few months. You'll need to find a balance between re-training your knee without overworking it. The danger is in jumping back into your previous level of activity too quickly." He placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Over the next month you will likely feel your knee returning to normal, which is when you're in the most danger for re-injury. You might feel like you can jump right back to the level of training you were at prior to your fall. Promise me that until April you'll to stick to the exercises I gave you and listen to what your physical therapist recommends. When we meet again, we can talk more."

I nodded, looking down into my lap, trying to process what he was telling me.

"Bella, I don't want you to lose hope. I know this can be frustrating, but your mental determination will go a long way in helping you get back to where you were. If you're patient and resolved to put the work into your rehabilitation then I have no reason to believe you won't be able to make a full recovery and return to a competitive level."

My eyes shot up to his, widening a little as I felt the first real stirrings of hope. "Really?"

"I can't make guarantees at this point; like I said, much of this will depend on your willingness to adhere to your restrictions at first, and your mental resolve to get it back," he hesitated before giving me a small smile and said, "You may be an Olympian yet."

It felt like a huge weight dissolved from my shoulders and the tightness in my chest I hadn't been aware of loosened. I finally felt like I could breathe again and puffed out a heavy breath of relief.

"Thanks Dr. Cu-, uh, Carlisle," I amended at the lift of his eyebrow.

"No need to thank me, Bella. This one's in your hands. Just promise me you're not going to push yourself. There'll be plenty of time for that later when you're fully healed."

"Yes, sir," I gave him a mock salute.

"Okay then I think we're done for today. I'll get you a card for the PT I want you to meet with. Just call over and set up an appointment. And I'll see you Friday night. At the game," he clarified at my confused expression.

"Right, yeah, I'll see you then."

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Bella," he shook my hand as I stood, grabbing my purse and my newly retired wingmen.

"Thanks again," I said on my way out to meet Alice in the lobby.

"You betcha," he responded with a chuckle as he set off down the hall.

x-x-x

After leaving the hospital, we grabbed a quick lunch before Alice drove me to the local dealership where Renee had said my vehicle would be waiting. It was an entirely too flashy Mercedes Benz SUV that was completely _not_ my taste. It was definitely perfectly suited to my mother and her need for all things luxurious and extravagant. I knew I shouldn't have been surprised at her selection, but found myself disappointed none the less. Not that I was ungrateful; it was merely just another example of how little she understood me.

As I pulled my new car out of the lot to follow Alice home, my phone blared with Renee's familiar ringtone. Ugh. Of course she would be calling. She knew exactly when my appointment was. She'd practically arranged it herself. Typically I'd answer her calls immediately. _Like a trained puppy_, I thought with a dose of self disgust. But for once I hit the button on the ringer to send her call to voicemail. I wasn't ready to chat quite yet. If she was upset later I could always use the excuse that I was driving and didn't want to be on my cell when getting used to an unfamiliar car.

We arrived at the building just as Rose was getting home and the girls decided we should test out my sea legs by going for a stroll around the neighborhood.

"Guys, it's the middle of January. In Minnesota. And you want to go for a walk?" I asked, a bit incredulously.

"For goodness sake, Bella, you're a figure skater. Please don't try to act like you can't take the cold," Alice admonished.

"I'll be fine," I replied. "I just didn't think it'd be something you guys would want to do."

"It's twenty-two degrees out there today. That's practically a heat wave, girl," Rose teased as she grabbed a scarf to wrap around her neck before we were back out the door.

We set off on our walk with no real destination in mind. It was nice to be walking on my own again and I welcomed the activity.

Less than a block into our excursion, my phone rang again, causing me to groan exasperatedly under my breath before hitting the mute button.

"Who's that?" Alice inquired.

"My mom. I'll talk to her later," I said, brushing it off.

"So you've been living with her up until last week?" Rose asked.

"Yeah. She and my dad split up when I was younger. Charlie, my dad, went back to Washington, and Renee and I sort of went all over for awhile."

"That seems so exciting. I bet you've been to all sorts of great places with your skating and all," Alice gushed.

"Sort of. I mean, yeah I've travelled a lot, but I never really get to see much except the inside of an ice arena. They really look the same on every continent."

"Really? You don't get to sightsee or anything?"

"Nope."

"That kinda sucks," Rose said and I chuckled a bit.

"Yeah, a little," I agreed. "I'm really grateful for all the opportunities I've had, don't get me wrong. It's just not the super glamorous lifestyle one might expect. A lot of time is spent in gyms and on the ice, training and working out."

"Not a big social scene on the skating circuit?" Alice asked curiously.

"No. That part is what you'd expect. A lot of catty, ultra-competitive girls and their stage moms."

"Have you ever seen anyone pull a Tanya?" Rose asked with a smirk.

"Harding? No, typically the sabotage is a little more subtle than a baton to the knee," I giggled.

"That's not how you got hurt was it?" Alice asked worriedly.

"No, no, not at all. I fell during a practice session. Stupid really." I shook my head with a hint of the bafflement that I felt every time I thought of that day. "I'm used to falling on solid ground, not on the ice. My skate caught on a rough patch and down I went. Concussion and a torn ACL."

"Ouch," Rose commiserated.

"Yeah, not too fun."

"There wasn't really any news about it was there? I didn't even know you weren't skating. Oh come on Rose, we all know Bella's a big celeb." Alice said at Rose's exasperated look. "It's no big deal, I can still point out the obvious that there'd be news about her."

"No, it's okay." I said, looking at Rose to let her know I was fine with it. "My mom's my manager and she did a good job of keeping it out of the press. She was clinging to the hope that I'd be right back on the ice and that I wouldn't miss any notable competitions. I'm sure something will come out when I don't show up at Nationals."

"Is that weird?" Rose asked. "Having your mom as your manager?"

"I never really thought about it, I guess. It's just always been that way. In some ways it is strange, but a lot of ways it's just always made sense. She was a single mom when we moved away, so she was already responsible for getting me everywhere and keeping track of my schedule. As I got older she just kept doing that, and anything else that came along with the business side of everything."

"Do you miss her?" Alice asked. "I don't know if I could ever move halfway across the country from Esme."

"So far it's been a nice break, actually. I just couldn't be around her when all she did was complain about my knee. I think she doesn't really know what to do with herself if I'm not skating and keeping her busy."

"That would get old fast."

"Yeah, definitely," I said.

The remainder of our walk was filled with laughter as Alice filled us in on her latest nightmare bride and her ongoing saga of wedding dress drama. Before I knew it, we were back to our building, grabbing the elevator up to our floor.

"So, it's a Monday night. None of us have to work tomorrow, and the guys are busy. You know what this means?" Rose asked with a sly grin.

I shook my head cluelessly, looking between them.

"Girls' night!" Alice squealed.

"Girls' night?"

"Oh young padawan, you have so, so much to learn," Rose said, throwing her arm around my shoulders. I crossed my arms, unsure of where to put them.

"Girls' nights are the best, Bella. We eat junk food, drink cocktails, and watch Chick Flicks until we're too tired and drunk to keep our eyes open."

"And that's fun?" I asked.

"Uh, yeah?" Rose said, like it was insane of me to think otherwise.

"Um, I'm not a big drinker," I said quietly, slightly embarrassed at the fact that what I'd just said was a complete understatement.

"As in you're a lightweight or you don't like to?" Rose searched.

"I...uh, don't really know," I muttered. "I haven't really drank much before. Like ever."

"Really?" Alice asked with a hint of shock to her voice. I shook my head, not making eye contact with either of them, feeling embarrassed with my lack of experience.

"Do you have a moral opposition to it?"

"No, no, no. I just haven't. Alcohol's not such a great mix with heavy training, you know? Besides I was usually in bed by nine."

"Well you don't have a bedtime tonight, sista. You up for it?" Rose asked.

"Sure, I guess."

"Great! We'll grab the provisions and be over in a minute!" Alice scurried into their apartment, tugging Rose with her. They didn't even close the door behind them and I could hear them calling out to each other.

"Alice, hit up the movies. What do you feel like? Hey, Bella!" Rose raised her voice a bit and I stepped into their doorway, watching in amusement as Rose grabbed a laundry basket and started loading up bottles and snacks into it.

"What kind of movies do you like?" she asked when she saw me standing there, not stopping from her raid on their cabinets.

"Whatever, I'm not picky."

"Good, chick flicks it is. Alice, load up the classics!"

"Way ahead of you, babe," Alice popped up beside me, seemingly out of nowhere, with a stack of DVDs in her hands.

"We're not watching all of those are we?" I asked skeptically. A marathon was one thing, but judging by the size of her stack we could be glued to the TV for days.

"No, but you never know what kind of mood we'll be in later. It pays to have a variety to select from," Alice said knowingly, tossing the cases into Rose's basket.

"Okay, just give us a second to change into some sweats and we'll be right there," Rose said, finally finished with her pillaging of their kitchen.

"Sweats? Alice? Do you even own those?" I teased. I'd never seen her in anything more casual than designer skinny jeans.

"It's girls' night, Bella, concessions must be made," she answered with mock haughtiness.

"Alright, well I'll leave the door open for you guys. Just come on over."

I returned to my apartment and changed, tossing on some fleece pants and my Team USA hoodie. Even three years later that thing had the softest lining I'd ever felt. Good incentive to go to Vancouver-get a new primo hoodie. I dug a pair of fuzzy slipper socks out of my drawer and tugged them on as I heard the girls come in.

By the time I made it to the living room, they'd already made themselves right at home. Alice had the TV on and was popping a disc into the player and Rose was in the kitchen making a ton of noise as she lined my counter with various bottles. Once she'd finished, she lugged the laundry basket out to the living room, still half full with bags of chips, and various snack foods. _Renee would shit a brick if she saw me go near most of this stuff_, I thought with a bit of a wicked grin. Tonight was going to be all about firsts: first girls' night, first chick flick marathon, first cocktail, first fatty snack food binge. I was determined to enjoy every moment of it.

"What'd you start us off with, Ali?" Rose asked, tossing a bag of Doritos's over to her.

"Well, we've got to save our tearjerkers for later in the night. I thought we'd start off with 'How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.' Get the laughs and the man candy going early, you know?"

"Mmm... McConaughey..." Rose mumbled with a faraway look. "That man makes me miss southern boys. Just a little."

"Hey, you could've snagged yourself a Texan. I got me a southern boy," Alice giggled.

"And if he wasn't my brother, I might be jealous. That's okay though, Emmett more than makes up for the lack of accent."

"Uh, speaking of accents," I nudged in.

"Oh my gosh, Bella," Alice burst out laughing. "I should have warned you about my dad. Isn't it just hilarious? I'm used to it, obviously, but I still get thrown off every once in awhile by some of the things he says."

"That man is like sex on a stick at the State Fair," Rose said, heading back toward the kitchen.

"Rose!" I exclaimed, blushing to my hairline.

"Just admit it, Bella, Dr. Cullen is drool-worthy."

"Yeah, he was good looking, but isn't he practically your future father in law?"

"Exactly," she said, pointing at me with the glass bottle she'd picked up and uncapped.

"Gives me a glimpse into my future, and my future's looking damn good twenty-five years down the road."

"I'm sure Alice doesn't appreciate you associating sex and her father in the same sentence," I stammered, trying to wrap my head around the conversation.

"Stop being such a nun, Bella, I know my dad's a DILF," Alice said.

"DILF?"

"Bella, Bella, Bella, there is so much we need to catch you up on," Rose sighed dramatically. "DILF stands for 'Dad I'd like to fuck'."

I choked on the chip I'd grabbed out of the bag, coughing and feeling my face heat even more.

Alice patted my on the back and giggled. "Oh, Bells, you are so fun to corrupt."

"You underestimate the power of the Dark Side. Join us and together we shall rule the galaxy," Rose said in a deep voice, making weird heavy breathing sounds between her words.

"Rosalie Lillian Hale, there is no place for Star Wars geekery at Girls' Night."

"Alice, there is _always_ a place for Star Wars geekery, right, Bella?"

"Sure?" I said, hesitantly, not wanting to argue with that face.

"You've seen it right?" she asked flippantly, like there was no doubt in her mind that I hadn't.

"Actually, no."

"OH MY GOD!" she screamed, her jaw dropping as she set down the bottle with a loud clang on the counter and leaned down to glare at me through the opening in the bar.

"Are you kidding me? Alice, go get my special editions, this needs to be rectified immediately."

"No way, Jose. Girls' Night equals chick flicks, not celestial battles."

"Hey now, 'The Empire Strikes Back' is very romantic," Rose insisted.

"Yeah until the dude gets his hand chopped off with a lightsaber."

"Whatever, you deranged pixie," Rose turned to me. "Soon, babe, I will start your full education."

She emerged from the kitchen with three glasses of what looked like water, handing one to each of us before settling down on the couch on the other side of Alice. While my couch was fairly big, it was still a cozy fit with all three of us and I shifted closer to the armrest so I wasn't infringing on Alice's space.

"You put it in?" Rose asked.

"Yup, we're good to go," Alice said, reaching for the remote with the hand not holding her drink.

"Alrighty then. I propose a toast," Rose said, raising her glass seriously. "To the first of very many of these nights with our new BFF."

"And to getting Bella drunk so we can squeeze her for all the juicy gossip," Alice jumped in, making me laugh and almost drop my drink.

"Cheers!" we exclaimed, clinking our glasses together.

They both raised them to take a hefty sip while I sniffed at mine suspiciously. It looked like water, so it couldn't be too dangerous, right?

Wrong.

I took a sip and immediately had to set my glass on the end table while I erupted into a fit of coughing.

"That's disgusting! How can you guys drink that?" I asked incredulously.

"It's a bit of an acquired taste," Rose conceded, taking another sip of hers. Next round we'll make something fruity for you."

"Here, Bella, I'll drink yours. Rose, make the woman a Kami," she ordered, snapping her fingers.

"So bossy," Rose lamented, but disappeared into the kitchen for a minute, returning with something pink this time.

"What is this?" I asked as she handed it to me.

"Just try it," she said.

"Rose makes the best Raspberry Kamis," Alice insisted.

I sniffed it again before cautiously taking a small sip.

Yum-O.

There was still a slight burning as the liquid went down my throat, but it was balanced out by the delicious taste of Raspberry with a hint of something citrusy. I took another drink, eagerly this time.

"Good, right?" Rose asked.

"Really good, thanks," I said, sipping again.

"Just be careful there, Rookie. They may not taste like it but there's a lot of liquor in those suckers," Alice warned me.

"We'll keep an eye on your intake, Bells," Rose assured me at my undoubtedly worried look.

Alice started up the movie and we were off. Five hours and four Kamis, or as I'd come to learn Kamikazes, later, we were wrapping up 'Clueless' with a fit of giggles. Candy wrappers and chip crumbs littered the floor around us. The coffee table was covered in beauty products from Alice's inspired idea to do make-overs when the scene where Cher and Dee makeover Tai came on. I'd argued for a good five minutes while Alice had continuously stroked my hair, called me pretty, and pleaded until I finally gave into her intoxicated begging.

"The night is young ladies, what's up next?" Rose asked, stretching out as the credits rolled.

"Leo!" Alice cried out. "The night is not complete until Leo shows up!"

Rose popped in the movie before grabbing her empty glass. "I'm gonna grab another, you guys want?"

Alice answered with a resounding "Hell yeah!"

"I really shouldn't—"

"Grab her another, barkeep," Alice interrupted, poking her index finger unsteadily at my face. "This girl is entirely to atic-, artiful-, articalate for her to proceed any further into this evening."

Rose brought back another round as the movie started up.

"Pound it down, Bells," Alice said. "You can't truly appreciate the amazingness of this movie while sober."

"I'm hardly sober, Alice," I insisted. In fact I was feeling a rather pleasant case of lightheadedness at the moment.

"Too sober for Leo. If you'd still say no to that man if he asked to get in your pants, you're not drunk enough," she said, pointing towards the screen. "Bottoms up!"

I rolled my eyes and chugged my drink in three gulps.

"Atta girl," Rose toasted me, her drink sloshing slightly over the rim. "Oops!" she exclaimed, sticking her tongue out to sloppily lap at the spilled liquor on her glass.

By the time Jack pulled Rose back from the railing, our glasses were all empty and we'd morphed into an overlapping heap on the couch. Progressively throughout the night I found myself becoming more and more comfortable. Maybe it was the liquor, or maybe it was just their overly friendly nature, but sprawled out with my head in Rose's lap, and Alice curled up behind me with her head resting on my calves, I was completely relaxed.

We didn't move for the entire length of the film, save for a two minute stint when Rose and Alice jumped up from the couch to imitate Jack and Rose perched on the bow of the ship. Rose had grabbed a bottle of wine to pass between us, stating "Liquor before wine, feelin' fine." By 1:00 a.m. our heap was a sobbing mess and I could barely see straight.

Rather than putting in another movie, Alice jumped on the opportunity to grill me while my inhibitions were down.

"Really, Bella? Never?"

"Nope."

"But that's just so...wrong," Rose insisted. "Your lady business must be ready to revolt!"

"There are lots of people who make it to twenty-four without having sex," I insisted.

"Yeah, but you're hot! Guys should have been jumping all over you by now."

"I'd jump you," Alice piped up.

"Thanks, Alice. That's true friendship right there."

"I know," she said, smiling sloppily as she picked fuzzies off my pants.

"I don't know what to tell you guys, I've never really had much opportunity."

"There's gotta be at least one hot male figure skater out there that you could have jumped on in the weight room," Rose said.

"Rose, some people actually use the gym for recreational purposes."

"Oh believe me, Bella, I use it for recreational purposes. My idea of recreation may just not match up with yours."

"Perv," I teased.

"Proud to be one."

"We need to find you a guy," Alice butted in. "Rose, who do we know?"

"No way, you're not setting me up with anyone."

"But, Bella!"

"I can find my own guy if I want to," I argued, my thoughts immediately jumping to Edward and causing me to blush.

"Oh, look at that face! You met someone didn't you?"

"No!" I said, just a little too quickly.

"You can't fool us, honey. That face has 'crush' written all over it! Who's the guy? Is he hot? Is he here? Did you kiss him? Why didn't you say something earlier?" Alice inquired, talking over herself in her speed to drill me.

"There's nothing to tell."

"Bella! We've both been dating Jazz and Em for two years; we need to vicariously live through your romantic entanglements."

"What romantic entanglements?"

Rose stared me down, one brow raised. "You're hiding something boy related. Spill."

"Fine!" I gave in. "I met a guy at the airport. We talked for a few minutes while he helped me out with my bags. That's it. Can we move on now?"

"No we cannot move on, missy. Was he cute?"

"Yeah, I guess," I said.

"You guess?"

"I wouldn't really call him 'cute'."

"Well what would you call him? Hot? Sexy? Drop dead gorgeous? Fuckhawt?"

"Uh...all of the above?" I gave in, because truly he was. I had to cover my ears at the volume of their squeals.

"Did you kiss him? Did you give him your number? When are you seeing him again?"

"No, I didn't kiss him or give him my number. I don't know if I'm seeing him again," I said, holding back on sharing about his vague invitation for the following night since I wasn't quite sure I'd be able to work up the nerve to actually go.

"Aw, Bella. Why didn't you give it to him?" Alice asked, blatantly disappointed by the turn of events I unfolded.

"I don't know, Alice. I have no clue what I'm doing with guys. He didn't ask for it and I wasn't going to give it to him if he was just being polite."

"I'm sure he wasn't being polite, Bella," Rose said.

"Whatever, guys. He was gorgeous and sweet and yes, he gave me butterflies, but I'll probably never see him again so can we just talk about something else?"

"Don't worry, Bells. Your butterflies are still out there," Alice said on a dreamy sigh. "You just have to catch them."

x-x-x

_Oh. My. God. What the hell is that pounding in my head?_

I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes and squinted against the light trying to peep through my eyelids. Grabbing a pillow and smothering it over my face I let out a miserable groan. My teeth felt like they'd grown a layer of fur overnight.

_Oh yeah. Last night. Girls' night. Kamikazes. Wine._

So this was a hangover. Already I knew that if I never had to go through another one, it would be too soon.

A shrill beeping rang out from somewhere in my apartment and I forced myself to remove the pillow from my face and pry open my eyelids. The room was bright, so I'd obviously slept past my usual rising time.

I sat up cautiously in the bed, simply leaning back on my hands for a moment to get my bearings. The blankets were twisted around me and I'd apparently spent the night sprawled out sideways across the bed. I vaguely remembered Alice and Rose going back to their place after a round of group hugs and sloppy dedications of love and devotion.

I couldn't help but laugh a little. Despite the torturous throbbing in my head this morning, my first drunken girls' night had been a blast.

The annoying beep called out again and I stumbled out of bed to search it out. The living room was a mess of pillows, blankets, and the remnants of our late night snacking binge. My phone was lying where I'd tossed it on the shelf of one of the bookcases; a quick look at the display solved the mystery of the incessant beeping.

**12 Missed Calls**

_Seriously, Renee?_

Nine from yesterday; between the time I ignored her first call after my appointment to when I'd passed out for the night, and three already this morning.

Wait. Make that afternoon. According to the clock on my phone it was 12:08p.m.

That couldn't be right. I checked the clock in the kitchen and sure enough, it said the same thing. I couldn't remember ever sleeping this late before. While it wasn't something I intended to make a habit of, it seemed like a positively sinful indulgence.

Dealing with Renee and my first hangover at the same time seemed like a recipe for disaster. Instead I started up the coffee pot in the kitchen before jumping into the shower. Twenty minutes and a thorough scrubbing of my mouth later, I was feeling mostly human.

I grabbed my coffee mug and went to see how Alice and Rose made out.

"Hey, Sleepy head!" Alice answered the door, chipper as always.

"That's just not fair," I whined. "Seriously, woman, does nothing slow you down?"

"Chipotle burritos."

"Excuse me?"

"Chipotle burritos. They turn me into an incoherent puddle of mush for a minimum of three hours."

"I'll have to remember that one."

"Come on in, Rose is suffering too."

Sure enough, Rose sat at their breakfast bar leaning on her hand as she slumped over a mug of coffee, looking like she was about to collapse at any second.

"Hey, Rose."

"Mmh," she grunted back at me, not moving a muscle.

"Alright, cranky ladies, I know just what we need today."

"What's that, Alice?" I asked with great trepidation. Her tone was just a little _too _cheerful for my liking.

"Shopping of course!"

"Someone say shopping?" Rose perked up in her chair, seemingly revived from her misery within a split second. I, on the other hand, slumped lower on the counter, resting my head on my arms.

"No, please for the love of all that's holy. No shopping," I pleaded.

"Come on, Bells. Don't be such a party pooper, it'll be a blast!" Alice insisted.

"Besides, you haven't been to the mall yet," Rose jumped in, now just as annoyingly bouncy as Alice.

"So? What's the big deal about a mall, they're the same everywhere," I argued, not seeing her point.

"Huh uh, Mall of America, Bella. We're talking four levels of shopping Nirvana. Five hundred stores and restaurants."

My eyes bugged out of my head a little at that. "Are you kidding me? You want to drag me to five hundred stores? I'll be dead within an hour."

Alice nudged me up off the stool and scooted me towards the door."Silly Bella, half the stores in that place are of no use to us. We'll only drag you to two hundred and fifty at the absolute maximum."

I stopped in my tracks and gave her a glare, for once having the intimidation factor of being taller. Of course it had no affect on her. "I sincerely hope that you're practicing to be a stand-up comedian right now and that's your opening joke."

"Go get dressed. It'll be great cardio, get you back on your feet again," she said, trying to appeal to me.

"Fine. Let's just not go crazy, okay?" I realized it was pointless to fight her, but I wasn't quite ready to fall down Alice's rabbit hole and get swept up in a world of endless stores and designers. I could already feel my credit card getting warm in my pocket from a marathon of swiping it through register after register.

Walking back into my apartment, I heard the beeping of my phone yet again.

_Give it a rest, Renee. _

I threw on some jeans and a cozy flannel before meeting up with the girls again in the hallway. I was determined to not think about Renee or skating and just enjoy a day out with the girls. Reigning in Alice would undoubtably be stressful enough on its own.

We decided to take my car since it had the most trunk space, though that sounded somewhat ominous to me.

"This is the great thing about none of us having a super strict work schedule," Alice said as we climbed in, I let Rose take the wheel since I still had no idea where I was going. "We won't have to fight the huge evening and weekend crowds."

"Yeah," Rose agreed. "Tuesday's are typically pretty dead. Prime time for power shopping."

_Tuesday. Shit. Edward._

Somehow in the whirlwind of Alice and unpacking and meeting up with the doctor and Kamikaze night, Tuesday had snuck up on me.

Tonight was the night Edward said he and his buddies would be hanging out at that bar. I'd Googled it once my internet connection was hooked up on Sunday and printed out directions. It was only a seven minute drive from my apartment, but parking could be an issue according to their website. Edward had starred in my dreams every night. They weren't elaborate or erotic or even that notable aside from the fact that he was there with me. His beautiful face gazing down at me and causing excited little butterflies to flit around in my stomach.

I wanted to see him again. Desperately. But as much as I wanted to go and see if that initial connection was still there, or if it had just been some figment of my imagination, I was terrified.

I'd never been in a relationship before. Hell, I'd barely even been on a date. I didn't go to a traditional middle school or high school and the majority of guys I associated with on the ice were quite obviously not into girls. What if I went and made a complete fool of myself? What if he turned out to be a total jerk and just asked me to come so he could take me home for a one night stand before tossing me to the curb? What if he expected me to be this sexy, experienced, confident woman and was completely turned off when he saw me for who I really was: shy, insecure, and completely average. I loved the fluttery feeling I got whenever I thought of him, but what if I saw him again and that disappeared?

Renee's relationships, if you could call them that, never lasted beyond a week or two and seemed to be based strictly on sex. As much as I was attracted to Edward, I knew I wasn't equipped for that kind of encounter, and I wasn't sure I could face his rejection if that's all he was looking for.

"Earth to Bella," Alice sang, snapping her fingers lightly in front of my face.

"Huh?"

"Where'd you disappear to? We're here and you haven't said a word the entire time."

"Oh, sorry. Just thinking," I muttered lamely, embarrassed to be caught.

"No worries. Let's go!" Alice linked her arms through mine and Rose's and took off at an alarming speed toward the doors.

"Whoa there, Seabiscuit, let's keep it to a trot today; I'm still getting my legs back under me."

"Oh, right. Sorry, Bella," she said, slowing slightly but still dragging me on with her.

"Are you coming out tonight with us, Bella?" Rose asked.

"Out?"

"Yeah, we always go out on Tuesdays," she embellished.

"I don't know—"

"Come on, Bella, you have to! I know Emmett and Jasper would love to see you again. It won't be any fun without you," Alice pleaded, bringing out the powerful puppy lip once again.

"We'll see, Alice, I might be doing something."

"Well, we're finding you a new outfit just in case."

With that, Alice pulled me into the first store and the three of us became lost in a maze of shops and clothing racks. Well, I was lost. Alice and Rose seemed to know exactly where they were going. How, I had no idea because the mall was just as enormous as they'd told me it was. By the time we were rounding out the third floor, my feet were ready to mutiny. All three of us were laden with shopping bags and I tried to puzzle out just how I'd let myself be talked into buying so much. The pair of them were dangerous in their subtle manipulations and before I knew it I was walking up to yet another register to check out.

As exhausting and confusing as it was, the day had been a lot of fun. I needed to remember never to let Alice in on that little secret or I got the feeling things would get even worse. I'd turned my phone off completely when we left the apartment this morning and stayed true to my promise of just enjoying the day. Alice and Rose were so easy to talk to about nothing and everything at the same time. I couldn't remember the last time I'd had so much fun. They kept conversation flowing seamlessly throughout the entire day. For as much as Alice talked, I would think she'd run out of things to say eventually, but that didn't appear to be the case. As afternoon drifted to evening, the girls called quitting time in order to go home and get ready.

Once we'd returned to our building, we stuffed ourselves and our purchases in the elevator, shuffling down the hall to our respective doors in a chorus of rustling paper and plastic. Alice bolted inside as soon as she'd gotten their door open, itching to add her new purchases to her bursting closet. I turned to unlock my own door, shaking my head and giggling at her enthusiasm.

"Hey, so what about tonight," Rose called across the hall before my door could close.

"Oh, right. Um, I'm not sure yet. I'll let you know soon, okay?"

"We usually leave around seven, so no worries, you've got some time."

"Great, thanks. I'll see you guys in a bit."

I dropped every single bag I held on the floor, not bothering to push them to the side or take them back to the room. I was beat. It felt like I'd been swept up in a hurricane and had just come out the other side. That seemed pretty accurate; Hurricane Alice. Looking at the small mountain of shopping bags now blocking my front door, I couldn't imagine needing to buy one more item of clothing in the next five years. Of course Alice was already planning our next trip.

I collapsed onto the couch and enjoyed the silence for a few minutes, resting my knee and catching my breath. I was pleased at how well my knee had held up with so much walking today. A little bit of soreness here and there, but nothing I hadn't worked through before.

_Guess those strength builders have been of some use after all._

I was by no means ready to run a marathon, but I felt confident that I could at least be back in the gym over the next couple days. I'd have to check out the buildings facilities tomorrow.

I glanced at the clock. 4:25p.m. That left me enough time that I couldn't justify putting it off any longer. I turned on my phone, ignored the number of missed calls and voice messages, and hit number two on my speed dial to call Renee.

"Well, well, I guess I can call off the search party," she answered in a sarcastic tone.

"Hi, Mom."

"Hi, Mom? Are you kidding me, Isabella? I hope you have a good explanation for your behavior."

"Behavior?"

"Yes, Isabella. Deliberately ignoring my calls for over twenty-four hours, especially after an important appointment is very irresponsible."

"It's not a big deal. I was busy."

"_Busy_? What on earth could you have been busy with? You have nothing going on right now. What could you have been busy with that was more important than contacting me with an update about your knee? This is your career, Isabella. Your life. There is nothing more important than that."

I rolled my eyes a bit and held the phone away from my ear as she droned on. "I was spending some time with my new neighbors. And I'm checking in with you now."

"Yes, over a day after you should have. For all I knew you could have forgotten about your appointment completely."

"I'm twenty-four years old, Mother, I think I can manage to get myself to an appointment by now."

"Don't take that tone with me. You may be twenty-four, but this is your first time living alone. It can be a big adjustment when you've had someone else in charge of your schedule all the time."

"Yes, it has been, but I seem to be surviving."

"So far."

Something about those two little words put me completely on edge and I felt an agitation building within, just waiting to be released. "I appreciate the vote of confidence. Now, was there a specific reason for this call aside from confirming my level of responsibility?"

"I don't appreciate your sass, young lady. I don't care how old you are or that you've gone off on this ridiculous flight of independence. I'm still your mother as well as your manager. Any information about your health as it applies to your career is most certainly my business."

"It's not like it makes a difference, I know the same thing today as I did yesterday. My knee didn't magically heal itself overnight."

"Can we dispense with the attitude? I must say you're being very selfish."

"Selfish? Are you kidding me?"

"I most certainly am not. You should be here in Florida where I can monitor your progress and decide when you're ready to get back on the ice."

"I think that's my decision, Mother. Mine and the doctor's at least."

"I just don't see why you're being so childish. Skating is your life, Isabella. Don't you want your life back?"

"Yes. I do. But I don't want to re-injure my knee and do permanent damage because I tried to start up again too quickly."

"Oh, please. You had a little spill. Hundreds of skaters fall on the ice and get right back up again. This little 'break' of yours has just gotten ridiculous. You're missing an entire critical season."

"I'm aware of that. If you have issues with how my recovery is being handled, I'd be happy to ask Dr. Cullen to contact you and explain the process. Again."

"Well I wouldn't need to do that if you'd take the initiative to contact me yourself with that information."

"Maybe I would if I thought you'd just listen to me for once."

"Are you finished with your little tantrum?"

I dropped the phone from my ear before banging my head into a pillow three times, burying my face and letting out a muffled scream of frustration.

"Isabella!"

Letting out a deep breath, I brought the phone back to my ear. "Yes?"

"Do you think you could manage to fill me in on what the doctor told you?"

"I'm off the crutches. I'm setting up an appointment with a physical therapist within the next week. I can start progressively upping my activity level as long as I'm not doing any sudden changes in direction, pivots or cutting. Follow up appointment is in April and that's when I'll find out if I can return to training for competition," I said, streamlining the information for her. To the point was best when dealing with Renee.

"There, now was that so difficult? I'd like you to set that appointment with the physical therapist as soon as possible," she continued without waiting for me to answer. "Maybe they'll get you motivated again. April seems excessive, are you sure that's what he said?"

"Yes."

"Well we'll just see about that, I'm sure he's mistaken. We'll have to be agressive with your training once you've been cleared. I've been speaking to a new coach who I think will work wonders with you."

"Wait, new coach?" I interrupted before she could continue. "What about Marcus? Why do I need a new coach?"

"Marcus is much too soft, Isabella. He'd never maintain the discipline you'll need to make the Olympic team after so much time off."

"Did you fire him?" I asked a bit frantically. Marcus had been my coach for the last six years, since before Torino. I felt safe with him, comfortable. He pushed me to my limits without breaking them. It made me nervous to think about the possibility of continuing on in my competitive career without him.

"Not yet, but it's only a matter of time."

"Don't you think I should have a say in who my coach is?"

"Oh please, Isabella. You needn't bother yourself with this side of things. As your manager it's my job to make sure you have the very best. Marcus may not be the best for you any longer."

"Mother, I'm asking you, please don't fire Marcus or bring someone new in without consulting me first."

"You just concentrate on getting back on the ice. I'll worry about what comes next."

"Mom—"

"We're not discussing this any further, Isabella. Now, we'll have to work on revamping your programs over the next few months. We can't afford to stick with your most recent ones, they'll be old fashioned by next season, and Alec will have to get to work on your costumes—"

"You know what, I'm really not feeling well, Mom, I'm gonna go lay down for a bit."

"We're not done talking here. These are important issues—"

"That don't matter right now. At this moment I'm not a competitive figure skater. Until I've been cleared again I'm not discussing this with you."

"We can't afford to wait—"

I cut her off again. "You're just going to have to, because I'm done."

I hung up before she could say another word, jumping up from the couch to pace angrily. I chucked my cell at the couch cushions with a frustrated scream. My jaw was clenched so tight that it felt like my teeth would just weld together.

Of course my phone rang again. The woman did _not_ know when to quit.

I jabbed at buttons through angry tears until it powered down. I honestly didn't care right now if I was being selfish or not. Was it such a horrible thing every once in awhile to want something for myself? After the last fifteen years of giving Renee everything she wanted, doing every program with every costume in every competition she ever signed me up for, I think I was due for a little selfishness.

I grabbed a couple pillows and a blanket and found my spot at the window seat. Curling up under the throw and hugging one of the throw pillows to my chest, I sat and watched the river.

As the light faded, so did my anger, turning from frustration to despair.

She hadn't asked about me once. Not really. She asked about my knee, but not me. She didn't ask how I was settling in, how I was doing on my own, if I was meeting anyone new. All she cared about was getting me back on the ice. Was that all I was to her? Just her ticket to the big show? Nothing more than a vehicle to get her where she'd always wanted to be?

I wrapped my arms tighter around the pillow, wishing for once that I could hold something that would hold me back.

I zoned out for awhile, just staring out the window, even when it got to be so dark that I couldn't really see much of anything. A knock sounded at my door.

_Alice. Shoot_, I'd completely forgotten.

Glancing around for a clock, I saw that it was already 7:05p.m. I made my way to the door, prying it open when it felt like it weighed twenty pounds more than it had the last time I opened it.

Sure enough, there was Alice, dressed to kill in a mini dress and her typical four inch heels. The smile on her face fell immediately when she saw me.

"What's wrong?"

"What? Nothing," I answered, not wanting to worry her.

"Cut the crap, Bella. Maybe I haven't known you for very long but I can tell when you're upset, and it's obvious you've been crying."

"It's no big deal," I insisted. I thought about blaming it on my knee and how much we had walked that day, but I didn't want her to feel guilty for dragging me around the mall when I really did have a good time.

"If it wasn't a big deal you could just tell me. I'm your friend, Bella. Friends help each other feel better, it's our number one job."

"I'm just not up for going out tonight, that's all."

"I'll stay with you," she started and I cut her off immediately.

"No, Alice, please don't. I'm really not going to be very good company tonight and I know you want to see Jasper."

"I see Jasper all the time, one night won't matter."

"Please, just go. Have fun. I'm just going to go to bed early. I promise I'll be fine." She looked skeptical, lingering in my doorway.

"Alice, really, go. I'll still be here tomorrow, you can try and coax it out of me all you want then."

"Fine. But we _will _talk tomorrow," she insisted before stepping close and wrapping her arms around me in a hug. I stiffened for a moment before letting myself relax at the momentary contact. This was what I'd been looking for just minutes ago, and I instantly felt just a little better. I hated that something as common and casual as a friendly hug was so foreign to me that my immediate reaction was to flinch away from something so easy and comforting. Alice seemed like a big hugger, maybe it was something I'd get used to in time.

"We're here for you, Bella, you just have to let us in," she said as she stepped away. My eyes blurred a little at her words. Such a simple concept. Why did it have to be so hard for me to let her or anyone in?

I nodded, turning my head and trying to stealthily wipe the tears from my eyes.

"See you tomorrow, Bella," Alice turned back to their apartment to call out to Rose that they were leaving.

"Good night, Alice," I said before softly shutting my door and pulling the chain, locking myself in for the night. I leaned back against it and slid down to the floor, curling my knees up to my chest.

_Damn you, Renee. _

Not even in the same state and she was still controlling my emotions and decisions.

Thinking back to our conversation, I was surprised at myself. _Where the hell did that come from?_ I'd never spoken to Renee like that before. Sure, I'd thought those snarky comments in my head, but I'd never actually said anything aloud. I'd never really stood up to her or argued back. I don't know if it I'd just reached my limit or if it was the fact that I'd finally had some distance from her and had the chance to build a backbone for once.

Maybe it was the influence of seeing such strength in women like Rosalie and Alice, making their own decisions, thriving under their own merit. I had so much admiration for the two of them and how they were living their lives. Rose took on a world dominated by men and knocked it on its ass. Alice had built her business from the ground up and turned a dream into a successful business that left her feeling satisfied and accomplished.

In the many years that had made up my skating career, I'd had more than my fair share of success. The list of awards I'd received and medals I'd won was extensive, certainly nothing to wave your hand at. I was proud of my accomplishments and appreciated the heights I'd achieved to this point in my life, but looking back at it, there was always someone else there pushing me to succeed. I'd train harder to please my coaches, and Renee, my fans, the critics. If I won more medals, maybe it would make _them_ happy. If I could just win an Olympic Gold medal, maybe that would be enough for my mother. She'd finally be satisfied.

I was sad to realize that I'd never really done any of it for myself. Yes, I loved to skate. Yes, I'd celebrated every one of my wins. But at the core, I'd always been competing for someone else.

It was time to start thinking about what _I _wanted. What _I_ needed.

It didn't really matter to me if I won hundreds of Gold medals if I wasn't doing it for the right reasons. Yes, skating had become my entire life, but was it still my passion? I needed to find that driving force within myself before I even thought about returning to train again. I couldn't just do it because Renee wanted me to, because people expected me to, or because I was afraid of what my life would be like without skating.

Hefting myself off the ground, I walked into the kitchen, already feeling stronger. No, I didn't have a direction yet, but I had a newfound determination to find one.

I grabbed a pint of Ben & Jerry's from the freezer and dug a spoon from the drawer. Alice had introduced me to the stuff when she'd snuck it into my cart at the store, insisting that every woman needed an emergency pint in her freezer. I'd thought she was a little nuts at that point, but standing here, leaning back against the counter and eating Chubby Hubby ice cream straight from the carton, I realized that she was nothing less than a genius.

I glanced at the clock on the stove; 7:53p.m. Edward would be getting to the bar pretty soon, if he wasn't there already. I wondered if he'd be looking for me. _Would he remember that he'd told me they hung out there? Would he be expecting me?_ I couldn't imagine he'd be let down when I didn't show up, we'd only spoken for a few minutes and a man as handsome as him must have girls throwing themselves in his path with every step he took. _Girls who knew what they were doing. Women who were far more desirable than I was. _

No, he couldn't possibly miss me.

But I missed _him_.

As weird as it sounded, I found myself devastated at the thought of never seeing him again, disappointed that I couldn't find the courage to pull myself together and go meet him. Sure, he'd mentioned that they went to that bar almost every week, but by next Tuesday, it would be ridiculous to show up and think he'd remember me.

I stayed in that same spot until I hit the bottom of the carton. I tossed the empty container and dirty spoon into the sink and burrowed myself into the couch, turning on 'The Cutting Edge.'

I'd fallen asleep before Moira Kelley could taunt D.B. Sweeney with her toe pick.

**x-x-x**

**A/N: Outfits on my profile as always. Check out the Twilighted thread, too. I'm trying to post teasers and fun stuff over there as it gets going.**


	4. Chapter 4: Time to Drop the Puck

**A/N: Thanks as usual go to Betamama aka FanpireMama and Carenl aka Nerac. They had their work cut out for them this time around**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created the characters, the story is mine. Copyright 2010: BellaMarie117**

**Enjoy!**

**x-x-x**

The remainder of the week passed quickly. Alice had shown up bright and early the next morning to grill me for details, as promised. She was skilled at extracting information subtly, but I was just as skilled at bottling my problems up inside after a lifetime of having no one to vent to. Renee was more often than not the cause of my issues and I certainly couldn't go crying to her for anything. The conversation had been a friendly battle of wills in which Alice pushed and I stubbornly held my ground. Hey, I told her she could try to coax it out of me, not that I'd actually spill my guts.

I did give her enough to know that my mother was giving me trouble about how slow this recovery process was going and that we'd argued. I told her about my resolve to think things through and figure out exactly what I wanted before moving forward. I did not tell her about Edward and how I'd chickened out. I was pretty sure that would have earned me a lecture in 'Girl Power' and just going for it. I was still angry at myself for not making more of an effort to go meet him, even if it likely would have ended in disaster and disappointment. _Oh well, Bella. The Edward Ship has sailed, leaving you with nothing but pleasant dreams in his wake._

In the last few days, I'd started feeling more like myself. Not the same as I was three months ago, but more than I had been since my accident. I'd gotten back in the gym again, showing the mostly abandoned facility on the first floor of our building more action than it had probably seen in quite awhile. Though the snail's pace I'd been forced to start at frustrated me, it was invigorating to be active again, to have a purpose other than just lounging around my apartment all day long. Alice and Rose had sought me out there and kept me company from time to time. They never actually exercised or even gave the illusion of intending to by wearing workout clothes, but they'd camp out on the yoga mats and chit chat happily while I worked my way from machine to machine. My knee was feeling good. The slight soreness I felt from so much activity after a long break energized me more than anything. If it was sore, it was being used. I didn't push it, religiously wearing the flexi brace that Dr. Cullen had given me and trying to keep my pace as steady and slow as I could stand. It was easy to see that this was going to get really old, really fast.

Before my accident I'd started my day with Pilates and ran a habitual five miles every morning before heading out for at least three hours of ice time. I'd take a short break for lunch and then head back out in the afternoon to concentrate on whatever program I was working on at that time, either learning or finessing the movements. To finish out my night I'd do an hour of yoga before crawling into bed, only to start up again the next day. The few stretches, weights and power walking I was allowed now were not anywhere near what I was used to and made me feel restless. I now understood why Dr. Cullen had been so adamant in stressing the fact that I couldn't push it, no matter how good my knee was feeling. Less than a week off the crutches and I was already aching for my morning run.

I did call the physical therapist and had gone to my first appointment. Seth was awesome. He was young and goofy and knew how far to let me go before reining me back in again. Physical therapy was not going to be fun, but at least with Seth to keep me laughing, it wouldn't be completely miserable. We'd be meeting a few times a week over the next two months.

Renee continued to bombard me using any method of communication she could manage. My e-mail had everything from rambling diatribes to pithy one liners demanding that I answer her calls. My voicemail was rarely empty, and I'd finally had to change her ringtone when I got sick of hearing the same sound constantly cutting through the quiet of my apartment. I gave in and talked to her at least once a day for fear that if I cut her off completely she'd show up on my doorstep. She vacillated between anger at the fact that I was being stubborn and pushing back at her for once, and brushing the entire conversation off as nothing more than a moody teenager suffering from a bout of PMS.

I hated that that's how she chose to see me. I hated that she had a reason to do so. I was twenty-four years old and this was the first time I'd ever lived on my own. I still didn't handle most of my finances and I barely knew anything about what went into my career off the ice. Before the accident, I showed up to everything on my schedule on time with no thought to what went into getting me there. All I'd cared about was my skating. That was pretty childish, wasn't it?

Even being on my own, I wasn't really responsible for anything or anyone, not even myself if I was being honest. Renee's jabs that I was merely playing house by moving here stung because they weren't far off the mark. She was still running my life and I was still letting her. I didn't know if I had the strength to cut her off and strike out on my own, especially now with so much of my life up in the air. So I took her calls, giving her the bare minimum in response as an effort to appease her without completely backtracking on the progress I'd made by standing up to her.

Without Renee, I didn't know what my life would be. It seemed that so much of who I was, was wrapped up in what she'd made me. If I looked into the mirror I saw a plain, average girl. Ordinary brown hair that fell past my shoulders and boring brown eyes that stood out on naturally pale skin that was made even more so due to how little sunlight I typically got. I was short and slim; the only notable feature I was proud of was the amount of muscle tone I boasted due to my excessively active lifestyle. Renee took the plain girl and made her glamorous. News articles called me beautiful, but only because they saw me on the ice in full costume and stage make-up. Renee attacked me with a team of stylists every time I had a photo shoot or television appearance. Maybe that's why it had never been as difficult for me to deal with. I never felt like myself at those things and it was easy to act confident with the façade of Isabella Swan, National Champion, firmly in place.

It wasn't necessarily that I despised that part of it. It wasn't my favorite part by any means, the photo shoots and publicity always just felt so strange to me. I never felt like a celebrity and it just seemed like I was playing at it half the time. What I truly hated was the fact that I'd been coached in every aspect of my life. I expected it on the ice—no matter matter how many medals you win or how high profile you get—you always need one. Off the ice was a different thing. I was coached in what to say at all times, how to act, when to smile at the cameras, what to wear, what to eat, where to go.

That's why this past week has been so marvelous. No one was around telling me anything. Sure, Alice got a bit enthusiastic at times, but I knew she'd never force me into something I truly didn't like under the guise that it was 'for my own good' or 'the good of my career.' Since coming here I wore what I wanted, even if it made Alice cringe sometimes. I went to bed and woke up when I felt like it, not when an alarm blared to tell me to get my butt out of bed and to the rink. Sure, I still woke up much earlier than I truly needed to, but old habits die hard. I ate what I wanted, though I knew the incessant snacking could not continue for long without some consequences, especially when I wasn't burning the calories I was used to.

With that in mind, I decided to fit in my nightly yoga session. Alice would be over in a little less than an hour and we'd be out until late. Tonight was the night of the big hockey game and I was actually pretty excited for it. Alice and Rose really seemed to enjoy going by the way they'd talked throughout the week, and it would be fun to see the guys again. Changing quickly and pushing the coffee table up against the couch to make room for my mat, I zoned out, enjoying the routine and the welcome stretch on my muscles.

"Knock knock!" I heard Alice call out just over forty five minutes later as I was in the middle of Scorpion pose.

I heard the click of her heels as she came in the room but could only see from her knees down as she came to a stop in front of me.

"Has anyone told you that it's really unhealthy how much you sit around and do nothing? Seriously, Bella, your laziness disgusts me," she said sarcastically.

"We can't all be as blessed as you and have the ability to eat anything we want without gaining a single pound," I commented, slowly lowering my legs to stretch out in Child's pose.

"All jokes aside, how the hell do you do that? It's not normal!"

"I don't know, you just do it I guess."

"Looks painful." I could hear the wince in her tone as I maneuvered into Flying Crow.

"It's actually quite comfortable," I answered between breaths, merely chuckling at her snort of disbelief.

"Are you almost done?"

"Yup, just wrapping up," I assured her as I lowered back to the ground. "I did not forget about you."

"Of course you didn't. I'm quite memorable."

"That's for darn sure," I snickered.

"Go grab a shower. I'll lay your clothes out."

"Alice, we're going to a casual sporting event. I think I can pick out my own outfit."

"Nonsense, Bella, you just scoot your contortionist booty into that bathroom and let me take care of the rest," she ordered, grabbing me by the shoulders and ushering me out of the room.

I rolled my eyes, but did as she said. Even Alice wouldn't be crazy enough to put me in a cocktail dress for an evening out at a noisy, crowded arena. _Right?_

Well, almost right.

"No way, Alice, I'm not wearing that," I protested, pointing to the article of clothing Alice held up for me when I entered the room.

"Oh, come on, Bella, Rose and I will be wearing practically the same thing."

"That doesn't make it better."

"What's wrong with this?" she demanded, waving the shirt in my direction.

"I don't do rhinestones."

Her answer was to simply raise her eyebrow at me.

"What?"

"Bella, I have photographic proof that you both can and do wear rhinestones. Probably more than I've worn in the entire span of my life."

"That's different. Those are costumes. In my everyday life, I don't do rhinestones, sequins or anything containing more than the absolute minimum levels of lycra."

"But you can barely even tell!" Alice whined, thrusting the shirt into my hands.

I held it out to give it another glance. It was a green fitted t-shirt with a small jeweled icon in the center that I'd learned was the logo for the Wild. It wasn't so bad aside from the sparkliness.

"I get to wear jeans and whatever shoes I want," I negotiated, looking up to see an expression of glee on her face before I threw out my last stipulation. "And a hat."

"A hat? But, Bella—"

"Those are my conditions. You want me to wear anything sparkly, you've gotta let me have a little."

"Fine," she pouted. "Can I pick the hat?"

"If either of you have a team baseball hat, I'll agree to coordinate."

"Eww. I don't. Rose might have one that Emmett gave her. Let me go check." She returned moments later with a simple red baseball hat in hand, holding it out in front of her with two fingers like she was afraid its casualness was contagious.

"Perfect, thanks!" I plucked it out of her hand and tossed it down on the bed next to my jeans and the t-shirt.

"If you're going to cover up your hair with that thing, can I at least do your makeup?"

"Just don't go nuts," I conceded.

Twenty minutes later my hair was dry and pulled through the hole in the hat to hang in a wavy tail down my back. Alice held true to her promise and only came at me with a little eyeliner, mascara and lipgloss. She scurried back to her place to get ready and grab Rose while I dug out the new sweater boots I'd gotten at the mall earlier in the week. They were amazingly comfortable and just might give my Converse a run for their money in the contest for my favorite shoes.

I locked up and knocked on Alice and Rose's door. They kept telling me to just walk right in, but I still wasn't comfortable doing so.

"Come on in, Bella!" Rose called from inside. The sound of a hair dryer was coming from Alice's section of their apartment and Rose was zipping up her knee high black boots while perched on the arm of their couch.

"Hey," I greeted her.

"Hey! Alice should just be a minute. She's surprisingly fast when forced to be." At that moment the droning sound cut off and Alice bounded out into the main room less than thirty seconds later.

She hadn't been lying to me when she said that she and Rose would be wearing practically the same thing. They both had similar shirts to the one Alice had foisted on me, only in red and with lower necklines and shorter sleeves. At least they had grabbed sweaters to cover up a little or I would have questioned their sanity a bit. Indoors or not, it was still January and an arena full of ice was not the place for tank tops. From the waist down we could have been triplets, all wearing denim and some sort of black boots, though Rose and Alice went for the heels while I stayed happily flat on my feet.

"Shall we?" Alice asked, opening the door with a flourish and ushering us out.

We decided to take a cab over to the Xcel Energy Center since our apartment was just far enough away that it wouldn't be very fun to brave the biting night air. Alice mentioned that we'd probably meet up with the guys afterwards to either help them celebrate or commiserate, depending on how the game went, and that we didn't want to have to deal with cars and setting up a designated driver if that became necessary. I shrugged my shoulders and went along with them. It seemed like they had a routine down with these things. I could only imagine how many games they had attended with three people so close to them on the team.

We pulled up in front of the arena just a few short minutes later. There were people milling around everywhere in a mixture of red and green. More than half of them were wearing some sort of team jersey and I spotted a hefty portion of those with the names E. Cullen, Em. Cullen, and Hale. With our tickets swiped, Alice and Rose linked arms with me and we fought our way through the mass of rowdy fans.

"There they are," Alice pointed ahead when we hit a break in the crowd and saw Carlisle standing next to a small woman waving at us. Alice took off running to give them each an exuberant hug, leaving Rose and I to catch up. When we reached them, Rose dropped my arm to hug the woman and then Carlisle, turning her face to wiggle her eyebrows playfully at me as she did so and I couldn't help but giggle a little.

"Bella," Carlisle said when Rose stepped back. "Wonderful to see you again." He pulled me into a casual hug and I about swallowed my tongue in shock. It took me a moment longer than it should have to get my wits about me again.

"Yeah, uh, you too, Carlisle," I sputtered, reaching up to rub the back of my neck self-consciously.

He gestured over to the woman beside him. "This is my wife, Esme."

The woman was classically beautiful. I'd anticipated that she'd be breathtaking considering the rest of her family. She reminded me of old Hollywood and movie stars like Rita Hayworth and Greta Garbo. She was taller than Alice, standing just around my height. Her hair fell in soft caramel colored waves around her shoulders and it was clear that Alice had inherited her beautiful green eyes from her mother, though Esme's had more of a grassy tone. Everything about her emitted an air of softness and elegance.

"Such a pleasure to meet you, honey," she said, wrapping me in a quick embrace. That sealed it. These Cullens were definitely huggers. Maybe it was another Minnesota thing. "Carlisle and Alice have told me so much about you. Oh, and Emmett too, of course." I blushed at that, curious about what they'd have mentioned.

"Sit next to me during the game, won't you, dear? I'd love the chance to talk to you a bit myself since the rest of my family seems so taken with you," she said with a friendly smile.

"Um, sure, that'd be fine," I told her, shoving my hands in my pockets awkwardly.

"Wonderful! Well, let's go find our seats, shall we? Carlisle hates to miss the warm up." Esme turned and placed her hand on Carlisle's shoulder, whispering something into his ear when he leaned down into her touch. He nodded and smiled affectionately at her, wrapping his arm around her waist and kissing her head before they walked into the tunnel leading into the arena.

Alice and Rose followed immediately after them, calling for me to join them when I stayed in place, momentarily enchanted by the obvious love Carlisle and Esme displayed toward each other. While I'd been impressed and slightly envious at seeing the solid relationships between Jasper and Alice and Emmett and Rosalie, watching Carlisle and Esme together was truly wonderful.

Stepping through the short, dark tunnel I emerged at the top of a steep, concrete staircase in the brightly lit arena. It was even louder in here than it had been in the bustling corridor. The drone of hundreds of people chatting while they found their seats, with the occasional cheer of excitement as music played in the background. The game wouldn't start for another thirty minutes and already plenty of people were filling the rows. I'd never been to this particular arena before, but it looked like a beautiful venue to skate. Glancing down at the smooth sheet of ice gave me a small pang of longing. I still hadn't made any progress on deciding what I wanted, but one thing I knew for certain was that I did miss the ice.

In that moment I wanted nothing more than to lace up my skates and circle around on that flawless surface.

I shook myself out of my thoughts when someone bumped me slightly from behind, trying to pass me to go down the steps, and I made my way down the rows to where I saw Alice and the rest of our group.

"What, you guys don't have a suite?" I asked Alice jokingly when I reached the correct row.

"We've gone that route before. Esme and Carlisle like to be out in the action. Besides, it's a lot more fun this way." We were three rows back from the glass and right on center ice. It didn't seem like we could be much more 'in the action' than this. We settled into our seats, Rose filing in first, with Alice, me, and Esme following, leaving Carlisle to take the seat on the aisle.

"The girls tell me this is your first hockey game," Esme mentioned casually.

"Yeah," I confirmed.

"Well, you're in for quite a treat, it's a fun environment," she beamed at me. It was easy to pick up on her sincere excitement and I started to understand a little bit of where Alice got her enthusiasm.

"It sure seems like it," I said with a pointed look at a group of die-hard fans a few rows over that were decked out in multi-colored beads and full on face paint. One of them even had a big red foam fist that appeared to act as a cup holder since a beer was nestled snugly inside. Esme laughed a bit and informed me that Carlisle had one of them at home. I glanced over to see him intently studying a program. He seemed to concentrate on reading the stats as closely as he'd poured over my medical charts at the hospital.

"Hey," Alice turned to Esme and me. "Rose and I are going to go grab some snacks before things get going, you guys want anything?"

"Just a water for me, Ali," Esme answered.

"No, I'm okay," I told her. Alice merely rolled her eyes at me and I knew she wouldn't listen. I had no doubt she'd be coming back with an armful of goodies that she'd try to foist off on me.

"So, Bella, are you liking Minnesota? Alice mentioned you've lived here before," Esme said once the girls had scooted past us and made their way to the aisle.

"Yeah, when I was a kid. My mom and I moved when she and my dad split up."

"I'm so sorry to hear that. It must have been difficult for you," she said, reaching out to pat my hand lightly.

"A little, I guess. My dad moved back to Washington, I don't see him very much. My mom's down in Florida still, that's where I was living until last week."

"Big change in climate," she chuckled.

"It's nice though. I like the changing seasons up here. I like that it's a bigger city but not overwhelming and obnoxious."

"So you're settling in?"

"Yeah, it's been really great so far. Alice and Rose have been so friendly. Jasper and Emmett helped with painting and getting my apartment all set up. They're all pretty great."

"Yes, we've been very fortunate at having Jasper and Rosalie around. They've been so wonderful for my children. Alice and Emmett especially, for obvious reasons."

"From what I've seen they all fit so perfectly together."

"They do," Esme nodded. "That's not to say they don't have their issues, all couples do, but Jasper's calmness and patience balances out Alice's quirkiness and vivacity, and Rose doesn't let Emmett get away with anything. As a mother, I couldn't be much more blessed that they've both found partners who accept them for who they are and love them just the way they are. I only wish my other son could get so lucky."

"Edward, right?"

"Yes," she sighed lightly. "Edward's just never been as outgoing as Alice or Emmett, he's much quieter, content to be left to himself much of the time. He's a bit more of a homebody, you could say. Not everyone understands that, especially the women he tends to meet. They all see him as this shiny prize. A professional athlete should be out partying and living the high life, right? That's just never been something that's appealed to him."

"I don't know. In my experience the life of a professional athlete is anything but glitz and glamour. At least if you're putting any real effort into the sport."

"Well, it's certainly nice to see a young lady like yourself be so grounded." She paused for a moment, seeming to hesitate a bit before continuing. "Bella, I hope you don't mind me bringing this up, I'm sure you get very tired of it. I just wanted to say that I've been an admirer of yours for quite some time."

"Oh, thank you, Esme," I replied, feeling only slightly uncomfortable with the attention.

"Well, as I said, I'm sure you get tired of hearing this all the time, but you're such a lovely skater. It's a joy to be able to watch you perform. I still remember watching the last Olympics. Alice cried at your Clair de Lune, though you'll never get her to admit it. We even talked the boys into watching. Anyways, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable—"

"No, no, Esme. Don't worry about it. Thank you, for saying those things. It really does mean a lot to me to hear it, especially now."

"I wouldn't worry too much," Esme encouraged me, rubbing my healing knee. "If it's meant to be, it'll happen. And you, my dear, are meant to be on that ice."

"What if I'm not?" I asked quietly, surprising myself at voicing my insecurities to a woman who was essentially a stranger. That seemed to be happening a lot to me lately. "I mean, maybe I used to be, but what if I'm not anymore?"

"Then you'll figure out where to go from here. Bella, from the little I know of you personally, what I've learned through my children and from watching you over the years, I'm positive that you'll find a way to flourish no matter what. It's just something that's inside you. If skating isn't in the cards for you anymore, you'll find your way."

"I don't know if I can," I admitted, looking into her eyes to see nothing but confidence and compassion.

"You will, dear. I think you're much stronger than you know," she spoke softly, placing her finger under my chin to lift it slightly and smile warmly at me.

Rose and Alice returned, shuffling down the row past us, and like I'd anticipated, as soon as she sat down, Alice shoved a large drink in the cup holder of my seat and handed me a large salted pretzel. Rather than complain, I merely rolled my eyes and bit in.

"You're a bad influence, Alice," I mumbled with a mouthful of salty bread. "I'll be a blimp in no time the way you push junk food on me."

"Please. You're so tiny, Bella, as if a pretzel and a few sweets are going to make any difference. You've gotta cut loose once in awhile."

"Yeah, well typically when considering snacks I have to debate if it'll be worth the extra pounds I'm going to have to try to heft into the air down the road."

"We both know you're going to work it off right away anyways with those crazy circus moves of yours. Indulgence, Bella, it can be a wonderful thing," she sighed and bit into her loaded hot dog with a moan.

I laughed and took another bite of the pretzel, enjoying the taste as she suggested. The hum of the crowd intensified before erupting into a series of whoops and hollers and the familiar scrape of metal on ice echoed throughout the room. I looked up to see a swarm of men making their way onto the ice. They split off into two separate circles on either side of the rink, one a mass of green, the other white and blue. Rose and Alice cheered next to me, letting loose a few ridiculous catcalls as they sought out Emmett and Jasper in the fray. Carlisle merely sat forward in his chair, resting his chin on top of his peaked hands as he studied the players.

"You won't get a word out of him for the rest of the night," Esme nudged me lightly and rolled her eyes softly toward her husband. "He's in the zone now. He'll analyze every move the boys make and drag them into a rousing play-by-play later on. You'd never know he hasn't played hockey a single day in his life."

"Really? Never?" I asked, truly surprised. "So, how'd you end up with two sons playing professional hockey?"

"Carlisle's always been a fan of the sport, so we started them up in Pee Wee league when they were young. Carlisle was always a bit of a...well a dork, I must say. He never played any sports growing up, but he loved to watch. He got really into following statistics and predicting outcomes since math was more up his alley. He even started up a sports betting ring in college."

"Get out," I laughed, finding it hard to picture the serious man in front of me taking bets and dishing out stats and giving tips on odds.

"He was quite the rebel when I met him," Esme sighed nostalgically. "It's the quiet ones you've got to look out for, Bella. There's always something hiding beneath the surface."

I looked out over the ice to where the players were now taking turns shooting pucks at the net. Emmett was easy to find due to his sheer height. With the added elevation of his skates he had to be closing in on seven feet. Jasper was more difficult to pick out amongst the group as they were all heavily padded and wore helmets with plastic masks over their faces. I finally spotted to him skating back to the end of the queue after making his shot. Alice and Rose had their heads together, giggling like school girls and occasionally pointing out across the ice.

"Alice, have you talked to your brother lately?" Esme asked, looking out at the ice while leaning into me a bit so Alice could hear her over the volume of the arena.

"No, not since Wednesday," she answered, her gaze matching the same spot Esme was watching.

"He's seemed a little distracted lately. Very quiet. I was wondering if he was getting sick or something," Esme mused, a tone of mild concern coloring her voice

"He didn't say anything to me. He was really weird on Tuesday though, and then when I called him on Wednesday to ask what was up he was really moody. Even for Edward."

I flitted my gaze over the players, trying to read the names on the back of their jerseys as they moved about until finally landing on number ten, E. Cullen. He was facing mostly away, waiting for his turn at the net and casually passing a puck back and forth with his stick. When his turn came, he took off in a flash, crossing smoothly down the ice, passing the puck once, twice, three times from side to side in front of him before launching it at the goalie. As he circled around the back of the net and toward the end of the line, I was able to get a slightly better look at his face.

_No. Way._

It was difficult to see clearly through the facemask, but what I saw took my breath away. It was the same face that had appeared in my dreams every night over the last ten days. All the pieces clicked together in that instant. The name Edward wasn't all that common for a young guy. He'd said his sister lived downtown. He went out every Tuesday night with his friends; Alice and Rose went to meet up with the guys on Tuesday. The eyes. Alice's eyes. It wasn't just a coincidence that they'd seemed familiar. They were the same eyes that I'd been drowning in that day at the airport.

Edward was Alice's brother.

I snapped my jaw closed and whipped my head toward Alice, afraid that she would have noticed me gaping stupidly, but she was still looking over toward her brother and chatting with Esme, oblivious to my shocking epiphany.

"Hey, Bella," she nudged me and pointed in his direction. "That's Edward. Number ten. You'll get to meet up with him after the game."

"Yeah, great," I tried to sound casual when the butterflies started flapping in my tummy at the thought of being face to face with him again. I was half horrified and half overjoyed. What if he remembered me? What if he didn't? Which would be worse? Was he upset that I didn't show the other night? Maybe he'd be angry. Maybe he didn't even notice. Despite all those questions probing my brain, I couldn't clamp down the overwhelming excitement I felt at seeing him again. He really existed outside of my dreams. He was right in front of me. He'd been so close this entire time. I was going to see him again.

Soon.

"You'll have to forgive him," Alice continued, unaware of my inner struggle. "He's been acting a little weird lately and might not be the most social."

"I just don't know what's going on," Esme cut in, her brow scrunched with vague concern. "He usually talks to me if there's something bothering him."

"It's true," Alice said to me. "He's a complete mama's boy."

"Oh, don't tease, Mary Alice," Esme chided. "Edward's always had such a soft heart, he doesn't brush things off as quickly as you or Emmett can."

"It's gotta be girl trouble," Rose entered the conversation, still ogling Emmett out of the corner of her eye as he moved around the ice.

"What makes you say that, Rose?" Esme asked as I tried to burrow inconspicuously under the brim of my hat to hide the blush that overtook my face.

"He was all jumpy at the bar, kept looking at the door and all over the place, couldn't keep his hands out of his hair. Toward the end of the night, he got really broody and was pinching the bridge of his nose like he always does when he's upset. You know, the usual Edward tics."

"No way," Alice disagreed heartily. "I would know if he met someone. I can always tell."

"You're not omniscient, Ali. Who knows? Maybe I'm wrong, but my radar says our dear Eddie has a girl on the brain."

I tried not to read too much into what they were saying, but couldn't stop my mind from racing as I stared down at my fingers twisting anxiously in my lap. It couldn't be possible that he was thinking of me. Could it?

Tuesday night was when he mentioned to me that he'd be out with his friends. Could he really have been looking for me? Was he upset because I hadn't shown up and he was disappointed? It seemed like such a stretch to think that I could have been occupying his thoughts in any small measure in the ten days since I'd last seen him. He'd been so dominant in mine but it had never crossed my mind that he could have been thinking of me as well.

It didn't make sense.

He was so beautiful and seemingly extraordinary, of course he was going to linger in my mind. I was nothing. A plain, simple girl fumbling around on crutches when we met. He didn't appear to have recognized me as a skater. There was nothing about me that would have caught his interest. No, he'd only been acting polite. From the little I knew of Esme, it was plain to see she'd have raised a gentleman. Maybe he'd met someone else. That had to be it.

Looking up again, I noticed Edward glancing in our direction as he skated lazily back and forth in the line waiting for his turn. I could see recognition light his face through the mask as he found his parents in the crowd. His survey passed over me to his sister, and then to Rose until he came to a sudden halt. His blades caused a tidal wave of ice shavings as his eyes shot back to me. All the movement and sound around me ceased to exist. It was as if someone had hit the pause button on my life.

My breath caught in my throat as our eyes connected through the glass of the boards and the short expanse of the rink between us, the intensity of his stare making it seem as though he were no more than two feet in front of me.

I didn't know what to do.

Should I smile? Should I wave? Should I look away? But I couldn't do any of those things. I couldn't even blink. I was frozen.

Then something blocked Edward from my sight for just a moment, and the sounds and action surrounding me flooded in again; the play button re-engaged when our eye contact was severed.

I shook my head slightly to clear the clouds from my brain a bit, but couldn't look away entirely. Edward was still there, looking in my direction, but Emmett had approached him and was tapping on his helmet. Edward said something to him and he glanced over, waving jovially when he spotted our group. Emmett nudged him playfully in the ribs until Edward shook him off and swatted him over the head, returning his gaze to me immediately.

"He's cute, isn't he?" Alice asked, making me jump slightly in my seat and blush at being caught staring. I'd practically forgotten everyone around me and was suddenly aware how painfully obvious I was being. I ducked down in my seat a little, grabbing for the drink Alice had fetched for me as a distraction.

"What?"

"Edward. He's cute."

"Uh, sure. I guess," I responded around my straw. _Cute was a drastic understatement._ I sipped deeply from the icy soda in hopes that it would cool my face.

"Don't try to fool me, Bella. I see you blushing there under that ugly hat," Alice taunted me, poking her manicured finger at my cheek.

"Whatever, Alice," I tried to brush her off, reaching up to adjust said ugly hat.

She merely giggled and said, "You're not the only one staring."

I glanced around at the people surrounding us, spotting a few women giggling and waving out at the players, trying to get their attention.

"Well, you said it yourself, Alice, he's cute. Of course people are going to stare."

"No, silly, not the skanky puck bunnies. Edward. Staring at you."

My head snapped up, my eyes automatically returning to where I'd last seen him. Sure enough, he was still there staring at me. Emmett was no longer with him, having returned to his warm up, but Edward was still standing there, his brow slightly furrowed in concentration. When he noticed me looking at him again, a beautiful crooked grin spread across his face. He shook his head a bit with a look of bewilderment before lifting his gloved hand in a slight wave. I shyly lifted my own to return the gesture, biting my lip when I realized I was grinning back at him.

A harsh buzzer resonated through the arena and he skated off to join his teammates making their way off the ice on the opposite side, glancing back at me once. My gaze following his form until he disappeared into the tunnel.

"Ahem," Alice cleared her throat and I looked over at her sheepishly. She simply raised her brow knowingly with a sly smile and sat back in her seat, turning to her other side to whisper suspiciously with Rose.

The Zamboni circled the ice, glossing over the plethora of blade marks from the warm up, and Esme continued to ask about how I was adjusting and filling me in on some local shops and cafes to check out.

Soon enough, the lights faded down as the Zamboni exited the ice, and the entire arena went completely dark. A loud rock song blared out through the speakers as a video of clips played on the screens of the jumbotron, showing highlights from the last game to get the fans pumped. The video switched to what must have been a sort of team anthem, and I was able to make out a few words as the girls sang along beside me. Something about fighting to the end, cutting teeth, and the State of Hockey. It sounded violent.

The cheers picked up again when a spotlight hit the ice, following a young boy in a hockey jersey as he skated across the ice to plant a flag in the center circle. The crowd only intensified as they started clapping in unison and I found myself caught up in the energy of it all, clapping along.

"Okay, Minnesota, on your feet. Here they come: Your Minnesota Wild!" The announcer rumbled as spotlights washed over the crowd and a loud foghorn blared. I rose to my feet along with those around me. I couldn't hear myself think as the crowd screamed and the players reappeared on the ice, circling like sharks on their respective sides.

"Now, let's meet the starting lineup for the Minnesota Wild!" I was amazed to hear Jasper's name announced on starting defense, and Edward on center. Emmett apparently came into play later on when they needed an enforcer. The screams were deafening when Edward was announced and I laughed incredulously, looking around at the thousands of fans shouting for him. I wondered if he got a rush out of their enthusiasm or if he felt overwhelmed by it at times like I did.

The crowd quieted a bit as we were asked to stand for the national anthem and I caught Edward looking over at me again while the familiar tune was sung by a local artist. Once again I couldn't look away from him.

After the playing of the National anthem, the players took their stances. I saw Edward crouch at center ice, the ref poised between him and his opponent as they awaited the drop that would put the puck in play and start the game. I held my breath as I saw the puck fall, and was instantly swept away by the speed and excitement.

Alice and Rose were even more intense than I remembered hearing them when they watched the games at home. Esme was the real surprise though. The volume that tiny, polished woman could project was mind-boggling and she was very vocal in cheering for her boys. All three of them. Any time one was on the ice, and especially in control of the puck, she would shout out encouragements.

I wondered if they could hear her out there.

Carlisle remained in his trancelike state. I'd think he'd fallen asleep with his eyes open if I didn't see them darting around the ice and following the action. Every once in awhile his jaw would clench if there were a particularly close play. Otherwise he remained silent and motionless.

I clapped along with the crowd and Alice and Rose tried to clue me in to some of the finer points of the game. It wasn't too difficult to follow along, though I'm sure I was missing out on a lot of the details.

Every time I saw number ten jump over the boards and back on the ice, my eyes glued to him. Edward was truly a beautiful skater. I'm sure a hockey player wouldn't necessarily find that a flattering description, but it was the only one I had. The way he moved over the ice was both ruthless and elegant. He was impossibly fast, but hardly looked as if he was expending any energy at all.

Once in awhile throughout the first period, I felt his eyes on me. Every time it was like a hum of energy running through me.

"What the hell is his problem?" Alice complained, clearly frustrated.

"What? Who?"

"Edward. He's just being weird. Distracted again."

"How so?" I asked nervously, as I hadn't even noticed. I'd been too busy watching him the whole time, but not really paying attention to what he was actually doing.

"He missed a simple pass, got called off sides twice. Just stupid mistakes. Here," she gestured at him, "watch this."

Sure enough, at that moment, I saw Edward pause across the ice up against the boards and an opposing player coming right at him. I cringed a bit, bringing my hands to my face as he was checked into the boards and knocked right off his feet.

Jasper skated past him as he jumped to his feet and appeared to say something to him. I could see Edward set his jaw in determination and a fire burn in his eyes as he shot up the ice after the blue and white player with the puck. A few rapid maneuvers with his stick and Edward had possession of the puck. He tore down the opposite end in a break away, facing off with their goalie. He faked to the left before winding back and firing a shot at the upper right hand corner of the net, sailing right past the goalie to score the first goal of the game.

The crowd shot to its feet as the foghorn blared again and I couldn't stop myself from cheering at the top of my lungs. Seeing Edward score was exhilarating. What made it more so was the fact that though his teammates were crowded in a group hug around him, his eyes were pointed directly at me as a cocky grin adorned his face.

The game stayed close after that, the lead wavering back and forth between teams, and by the last few minutes of the second period it seemed like every person in the stadium was at the edge of their seat. On the ice it was clear to see that the players were becoming more and more aggressive. I didn't catch Edward looking my way again, but enjoyed watching him dominate on the ice. He scored a second goal and had backed up one of his teammates with an assist.

During a lull in the period, Rose was explaining what icing meant to me when out of nowhere, one of the white players skated up behind Emmett, his stick gripped with both hands in front of him and shoved right into him, knocking Emmett into the boards with a loud crash. Rosalie screamed in protest, and only became more belligerent when it became obvious that the ref hadn't seen anything and wasn't going to blow the whistle.

Esme shot to her feet and I couldn't stop my jaw from dropping in shock when I heard what came out of her mouth.

"Oh come on, Ref, are you blind?! Get your head out of your ass and open your eyes!" she screamed out through the throng of 'boos'. No one else around me even flinched. Carlisle remained focused on the ice as play resumed and Alice and Rose continued their jabbing comments about the play until they caught my look. Alice glanced up at Esme then back at me and laughed.

"Don't mess with one of Mama bear's cubs."

I joined her laughter as Esme settled back into her seat, eyes now focused to the ice.

"Can you believe that guy?" she asked, clearly stewing. "That was a textbook case of cross checking! That jerk should be in the box."

"Don't you worry, Esme, Emmett thrives on bad calls. Gives him the chance to dish out some payback," Rose said, clapping as the Wild cleared the puck out of their half.

I could see Emmett seething as he hung back on the home side of the ice while possession exchanged back and forth between teams. He looked like a large cat just waiting for his opportunity to pounce. Sure enough, it came with only twenty seconds left in the period when the very player who had struck him passed by with possession of the puck. Emmett skated right into his path, bracing his shoulders and flat lining the guy before scooping up the puck and darting up the ice. He quickly passed it across to a teammate who slipped it right past the goalie and into the net.

Well into the third period, Edward scored his third goal of the game to bring the Wild's lead up five to three and when we'd settled back into our seats, I caught Alice smirking and shaking her head.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Talk about mood swings," she scoffed. "First period he acts like a complete airhead and now he pulls a three-sixty and turns into a total showoff. He's not always this good you know. Don't get me wrong, he's great most of the time, but it's not like he's getting hat tricks every game or anything. It's just weird, that's all."

"Yeah, weird," I agreed, giggling to myself at Alice's bafflement. I could guess the cause for his earlier distraction since it seemed like every time he made a mistake, he'd been looking in my direction. I know every time I made a stupid mistake in a program, I became all the more determined to stick every move that came after to make up for it. Maybe Edward was the same way.

The game ended with no further goals being scored by either team, and the tone of the crowd was uplifted as people scurried up the aisles, eager to get on their way.

Carlisle finally snapped out of his trance and a satisfied smile spread across his face as he and Esme exchanged high five's at a successful match. We hung around for a few minutes chatting with them before they said their goodbyes and went to find the guys to congratulate them before making their way home. The guys would be heading up here, where I'm told they routinely met up with Alice and Rose before heading over to a local hangout.

Esme and Carlisle both hugged me goodbye, as well as the other girls, and Esme asked if I'd like to meet up with her for coffee sometime. I found myself eagerly agreeing, without feeling a single sense of obligation. I truly enjoyed Esme's company. It was different than Alice and Rose, but welcome at the same time.

Twenty minutes later, I was officially freaking out. I couldn't stay still, fidgeting as covertly as I could so as not to not draw Alice and Rose's attention. They were chatting happily, and while they included me in the conversation, asking how I'd liked the game and telling me about where we'd be going after this, I could barely concentrate on their words. I tried to answer and comment vaguely at the appropriate times, but I think they were on to me as they shifted closer together and started whispering conspiratorially. My eyes were darting everywhere, not wanting to be caught off guard, but having no clue which direction the guys would be coming from. Suddenly I heard Emmett's friendly, booming voice call out.

"Babybel!" I turned toward his voice, rolling my eyes good-naturedly. He rushed forward, scooping me up into a crushing bear hug before I could see if anyone else was with him.

"Hi, Emmett," I wheezed out, feeling the strain on my ribcage as he squeezed before setting me back on the ground.

"Flying solo, huh, girl? Where your flyboys at?"

"Retired. Hopefully on a permanent basis."

"Schweet. Now I can really toss you around. Alice complains too much when I try. And she bites too."

"Damn right," Alice said, clicking her teeth together as she and Rose stood beside me. "I had to come up with some sort of defense mechanism growing up with a big bully like you."

"Squirt, you wound me," Emmett said, clutching his heart before reaching out to ruffle her hair.

"Damn it, Emmett!" she squealed, ducking out from under his hand to hide behind Jasper, who'd come to stand with us. Emmett moved to wrap Rose in a big hug, noisily kissing her temple and revealing Edward, who'd been standing behind him.

He was holding back a little, his hands shoved in the front pockets of his jeans. Seeing him up close again without all the equipment and padding, I was able to get a better look. His hair was wet, either from sweat or a post-game shower, making it darker than I'd remembered and it hung down in messy clumps over his forehead. The scruff that had dusted his jaw at the airport was gone, leaving his face smooth, showing off the line of his jaw and revealing a subtle dent in his chin.

Looking down past his face, I realized that I'd never really been able to see much of his body until now. At the airport he'd been wearing a heavy jacket and on the ice he'd been wearing pads that made it difficult to see his form. I tried not to stare, but couldn't stop my eyes from wandering a bit and taking him in. He wore a dark gray long sleeved shirt that was somewhat fitted but not clingy in the slightest. I could tell that his arms were muscular but couldn't see their actual definition. He was much closer to Jasper's build than Emmett's. From the way the fabric fit across his chest it was obvious that he was toned, but again I couldn't tell anything specific. His dark jeans adorned long legs and he wore scuffed Converse tennis shoes. Seeing them on his feet, I had to smile. I had the exact same ones at home, and in similar, worn condition. I blushed a little when I returned my survey to his face, hoping he hadn't noticed my perusal.

Our eyes locked again and I offered him a shy smile. He stepped closer, still keeping a distance of a couple feet between us. He wasn't any closer than was polite, but I felt the air charge between us. I could practically feel his warmth wrapping around me and drawing me into its embrace.

"Hey," he said quietly, giving me that same look from under his lashes that I remembered from the airport. I melted a little at hearing his smooth voice again, even in such a small dose.

"Hey," I answered breathily, trying to stop myself from shying away from his gaze to glance at my feet. We stood there, unspeaking for I don't know how long. I was at a complete loss for words; the only thing my mind could conjure was 'I missed you.' Certain that saying so would freak him out, I bit my tongue and contented myself with just being in his presence, feeling those burning emerald eyes searing into my soul again.

"So," Alice chirped, drawing both our eyes as she appeared by my side, glancing back and forth between us. "You two know each other?"

Something about her tone was a little too pleased as she asked the question she'd clearly already determined the answer to.

"Yeah, sort of," Edward stammered, removing one hand from his pocket to pull at his hair.

"We only met for a minute," I added when he didn't say more. "At the airport."

Alice's face took on the look of a kid on Christmas morning as I remembered just a moment too late that I'd confessed to her about my baggage claim crush. It took every ounce of self-control I had not to smack my forehead with my palm.

"Oh reaaaaally," she said, shooting me a pointed look as I blushed like a tomato. "Isn't that a happy coincidence? Well I guess I don't have to tell you then, Bella, that this is my brother, Edward Cullen. Edward, this is Bella Swan, our new neighbor."

"Bella Swan," he repeated softly, reaching out to take my hand in his and causing a jolt of electricity to shoot up my arm at his touch. "It's a pleasure to officially meet you."

"You too," I murmured in reply, a bit dazed at standing here in front of him, feeling his hand on mine. He didn't shake it as I'd have expected, merely held it, our hands clasped in the small expanse between us.

"C'mon you two," Jasper called out and I looked up to see that the others had moved to wait by the doors. "We're headin' out."

Edward seemed to hesitate a moment before dropping my hand. I didn't move right away, caught up in closing my fingers over my palm to try and hold onto the warmth that his hand had left there.

"You're coming, aren't you?" Edward asked, his tone a mixture of hope with a hint of urgency. I looked up to see that he'd taken a couple steps toward the others. He must have looked back when I didn't follow.

"Right, yeah. I am," I said, quickly joining him and walking by his side until we reached the others. Jasper had hoisted Alice onto his back with her legs wrapped around his waist, while Emmett's arm was draped over Rose's shoulders. They looked so comfortable in their own little units. I glanced up at Edward with a shy smile as we made our way through the doors and kept my arms wrapped around myself to ward off the chill of the night air. He walked close to me as we followed the group, his own hands stuffed back in his pockets.

We didn't have far to walk as the place was just across the intersection, a sort of Irish pub style bar called The Liffey. We found a table toward the back corner, the guys getting an occasional congratulatory high five as we made our way through the boisterous crowd when they were recognized by fans who were obviously well into their celebrating by the looks of things.

It was quieter when we settled in around the table and I was relieved that I'd be able to hear myself think again after the noise of the arena. The couples stuck close together again, snuggling up with each other, leaving Edward and I grouped together between them.

A waitress made her way over to us minutes later and Emmett put in an order for the table without so much as consulting with anyone.

"It's kind of tradition," Edward filled me in, seeing my confused expression.

"What is?"

"We always get the same thing if we win. If we lose everyone gets to pick their own."

"Why's that?"

"Everyone has their own recipe for coping with a loss. Like Jasper over there needs Southern Comfort, a little cliché, but it works. Emmett likes Captain and Coke when he's feeling down, the caffeine perks him right back up and before long he starts running around trying to do the pose from the commercials. Problem is, by that time he's usually too tanked to stand on one leg and ends up falling flat on his ass."

"What about you?" I asked, still giggling as I pictured Emmett drunk. It wasn't hard to imagine.

"Oh, Eddie here likes the girly shit," Emmett cut in. "What were you drinking the other night? Strawberry daiquiris?"

Edward's face took on an adorable shade of pink and I realized he was blushing. It was good to know I wasn't the only one with that problem.

"One time, man. One fucking time I order a fruity drink and it'll cost me forever."

"You know it, bro. Pansy shit, that's what it is."

"It was actually quite…delicious," he said, giving me an odd look that I couldn't quite decipher.

"You're killing me, Eddie," Emmett groaned.

"Emmett, how many times do I have to ask you to stop calling me that?"

"Three million. We are currently at one million, three hundred thousand and twelve. You've got a long way to go, Eddie boy," Emmett jabbed, ruffling his hair and laughing as Edward scowled and batted Emmett's hand away.

"So, what are we having then?" I asked, drawing his attention back to me and trying to save him from further harassment.

"Guinness."

"Which is?"

"Hold the phone," Emmett raised his voice, slapping his hand down on the table in front of me. "You've never had a Guinness before?"

"No."

"Oh, Swan," he shook his head dejectedly.

"Cut her a break, Big Guy. It's an acquired taste," Alice defended.

"What is it?"

"Only the most delicious glass of awesome you will ever taste in your entire life," Emmett declared.

"It's a type of beer. Irish," Edward expanded for me.

"It's not just a type of beer. It's the _only_ beer."

"Emmett's a little caught up in our heritage when it comes to liquor," Alice explained, rolling her eyes at her brother.

"So, you're Irish?" I asked.

"As green as the leaf of a four leaf clover we is, lassie," Emmett lilted, sounding a bit like the Lucky Charms leprechaun.

"Please, Emmett," Alice scoffed. "Mom's only half Irish and Dad's what, like a fourth?" She looked to Edward for confirmation. "That makes us three-eighths Irish."

"The only three-eighths that count for anything," Emmett insisted as the waitress returned and unloaded a tray of glasses in front of us. The drinks looked almost black, with a layer of creamy foam on top and I eyed it a bit dubiously as one was placed in front of me.

"Shall we raise a glass, boyos?" Rose piped up with a terrible attempt at an Irish brogue.

"Oh Rosie, my love, you haven't a drop of Irish blood in ya," Emmett chuckled, maintaining his earlier accent.

"On the contrary, I have quite a bit of Irish in me very often," she argued back with a smirk.

"O-ho!" Emmett exploded into laughter, clapping his hands loudly, "Did you hear that one, Hale?"

"Do you really want to start this again, Em?" Jasper drawled, leaning back in his seat and curling his arm around Alice's shoulder to tuck her in next to him. "I've got more than enough ammunition to fight back. Like last night, when Alice dressed up like—"

"Gross, stop right there, dude. That's my baby sister you're playing dress up with."

"That's my baby sister you're sticking your Irish in," Jasper lobbed right back.

"Yeah, but she— I mean, she's my Rosie," Emmett stammered with a pathetic pout.

"She's my Alice."

"Man, I need to get some friends who aren't hooking up with my blood relatives."

"I think technically the hooking up phase ends when you get engaged," Alice pointed out.

"No way, that just means you're hooking up more regularly. Honeymoon phase and all that shit."

"Can we just do this already?" Edward spoke up, knocking the bottom of his glass on the table. "I'm going to need alcohol if I have to hear any more."

"From the mouth of someone in desperate need of regular hook-ups," Emmett muttered under his breath, before lifting his glass toward the center of the table. Edward merely glared at him and lifted his own, along with the rest of us.

"Here's to kicking ass and taking names, and sending those Canucks home crying to their Canadian mamas," Emmett toasted, making us all laugh as our glasses met in a series of loud clinks.

"Well played tonight, guys," Rose added before taking a drink.

I lifted the glass to my lips, my eyes connecting with Edward's over the rim. I watched the way his Adam's apple bobbed as he gulped and felt parched, eagerly drinking to quench the sudden thirst. The unfamiliar liquid wasn't what I'd expected. It was bitter, but amazingly smooth. It reminded me of Edward's voice, deep and velvety and intense, like a soft punch to my gut.

"You like, Swan?" Emmett asked as I set my glass down.

"Surprisingly, yes," I answered.

"Well then, there's hope for you yet," he winked at me.

The six of us chattered happily, mostly about the game. It was fun to listen to the guys talk about what we'd just watched from the other side. I was well aware that what went on behind the scenes was often just as interesting as what played out in front of the crowd. Apparently one of their teammates had forgotten his cup during the first period and was really paying for it by the time they made their way back to the locker room at the break.

"Seriously, it was like the Canucks had radar or something!" Emmett guffawed at his peer's misfortune. "The poor schmuck took more shots to the groin in that period than I have all year!"

Alice and Rose offered up their commentary on funny people they'd spotted in the stands, like the two flamboyant gentleman behind us who wore sequined logo shirts and mardi gras beads and had spent the entire second period debating the physical attributes of their home team. One of them had even taken out a pen to jot notes into their program. Alice filled Emmett in on Esme's leap to defend him and I still couldn't stop chuckling at her outburst.

As the evening wore on I was amazed at how comfortable I was with these people and how easily they'd all accepted me. When I spoke, they really listened to what I had to say and responded to it. So many times when I spoke it seemed that others paused long enough to be polite before just continuing on when I finished as if I hadn't said anything at all.

I would have been completely relaxed if not for the fact that sometime after the baskets of appetizers arrived and everyone dug in ravenously, Edward had slung his arm casually over the back of my chair.

I was hyperaware of how close he was.

Every time his arm brushed against my back I'd close my eyes and bask in the warmth that the contact caused to shimmer through me. Though I tried to hide how he affected me, I kept catching Rose and Alice shooting me coy, smirking glances and giggling together.

As the snacks disappeared, the others resumed their commentary on the evening and I tensed slightly when I heard Edward clear his throat softly.

"So, you're the hotshot," he lowered his arm and turned a bit in his chair to face me.

"Excuse me?"

"Alice has been chattering non-stop about some hot shot figure skater moving in next door to them," he chuckled a bit, lowering his voice so the others couldn't listen as they continued to joke amongst themselves. I turned toward him, mirroring his position so I could hear better.

"I wouldn't say hotshot. More like moderately entertaining," I responded, making him laugh.

"Pretty cool, though. I never expected the beautiful girl tripping over her crutches to turn out to be one of the best female athletes in the world."

"That's exaggerating a bit," I said, reaching for my drink to hide my blush a bit. I couldn't help but feel the butterflies in my stomach awaken at hearing him refer to me as beautiful.

"Is it?" he said, the tone of his voice sincere and not really questioning at all.

"You're not so bad yourself out there," I diverted, attempting to steer the conversation away from myself.

"I don't know about that," he laughed, running his fingers through his hair. "Out of the two of us, I'm not the one with an Olympic medal."

"Hey, you could always trade your stick in for a sequined shirt and give it a go. Show me your jazz hands," I requested.

"What?" he asked with an adorable frown of confusion.

"Your jazz hands, Edward," I repeated, demonstrating myself. "You can't win a gold medal without perfecting them."

"Guess I'll have to work on that," he laughed.

Edward and I continued to talk lowly in our corner of the table, our conversation ranging from music we both liked to books we'd read. I was amazed to find we had a lot of similar interests. We both loved Kings of Leon and Muse and hated Nickelback and Lady Gaga. He groaned when I admitted to secretly loving Harlequin romances and I laughed when he told me his guilty pleasure was collecting vintage Batman comic books.

I learned that he could go on forever about classical composers and I found myself enjoying his passion and insight on songs that I'd listened to endlessly from childhood. I also learned that he played piano in his spare time, something Esme had gotten all her children into when they were younger to balance out their sports involvement. Apparently Edward was the only one who'd stuck with it. I could picture him there, sitting at the bench in front of a glossy black piano, his long, elegant fingers caressing the ivory keys.

It was when I reached for my glass to ease my dry throat that I noticed it was completely empty. Glancing around the room, I realized we'd been there for hours. The crowd was thinning as the bartenders announced last call. Rose looked bleary eyed as she rested her head on Emmett's arm while Alice looked as bright eyed as ever. They all started gathering their things and I felt a slight pang that the evening was coming to an end. I chanced a glance back at Edward and noticed he didn't seem too happy to be calling it a night either, but we reluctantly stood to join the rest.

"You're away tomorrow, right guys?" Alice inquired as we made our way to the front of the bar. I don't know why she even asked; she had their season schedule completely memorized from start to finish.

"You know we are, baby," Jasper confirmed, wrapping his arms around her from behind.

"You'll be back on Sunday morning?"

"Yeah, at the ass crack of dawn," Emmett lamented.

"We should do something! All of us," she proposed, finally getting to her point and lifting a brow at me.

"Don't even think about dragging my butt out of bed before noon, Squirt. You know you'd never be able to lift my bodacious body," he quipped, comically flexing his arms.

"Winter Carnival is startin' up," Jasper offered. "Why don't we hit up Rice Park? Landmark probably has their outdoor rink up and runnin' by now."

"Is that okay with you, Bella?" Edward addressed me. "I mean, you probably shouldn't be skating yet, right?"

"No, it's alright," I assured him, enjoying the little tug on my heart at his concern. "Your dad said I might be fine to skate as long as I just circle around. I don't think a public, open rink would allow for much else, anyways."

"Great!" Alice perked up. "So one o'clock? Does that give you guys enough time to recover?"

"I suppose," Emmett said on a hefty sigh.

"Oh, please," Rose snorted. "You'll probably be up and about before all of us."

"Excluding this one," Alice amended, pointing at me. "Crazy pants over there is home from the gym and cooking breakfast before my alarm even goes off."

We made our way outside and Jasper hailed us a cab since their cars were all parked back at the Xcel. We said goodnight as the cab pulled in front of us, wishing the guys good luck in their game tomorrow evening.

The girls, having already finished their goodbyes, scooted into the back of the cab and across the seat, leaving enough space for me to slide in after them. I paused before getting in, seeing that Edward was still lingering there and had leaned forward to rest his arms on top of the open door.

"I feel like we've been here before," he said with his crooked smile, referencing the fact that our current stances mimicked exactly how we'd stood to say goodbye at the airport.

"Yeah, déjà vu," I agreed with a soft laugh.

"You're not going to disappear again this time, are you?" he asked. It was clear that he was trying to joke, but was sincerely curious at the same time.

"It'd be kinda hard to," I said. "You know where I live."

"That's true. You can't hide from me now, Swan."

"I'm really scared, Cullen."

"You should be." He reached out, lifting the brim of my hat slightly and brushing a strand of hair that had fallen out of my ponytail behind my ear. "See you Sunday?"

"Yeah. Sunday," I agreed, not moving from my spot.

"Let's go, Bella!" Rose whined from inside the cab and tugged at my leg, catching me by surprise and throwing me off balance a little.

Edward reached out over the door of the cab and grasped my elbows to steady me.

"Déjà vu indeed," he chuckled. "What do you do when I'm not around to catch you?"

"Fall," I said seriously. "A lot." We both chuckled as he shifted around the door, running his hands down my tingling forearms to squeeze my hands once before releasing me.

"Guess I'll have to stay close then." I blushed at that, biting my lip to keep from breaking into a ridiculously goofy grin.

"Come on, Juliet," Rose muttered, grabbing my hand and tugging me into the cab.

"Good night, Edward," Alice sang sweetly across the cab.

"Night, Ali. Rose," he said to them. "Bella."

"Night, Edward," I responded before he shut the door and stepped back onto the curb with Emmett and Jasper.

We'd barely pulled out of their sight when Alice and Rose began bombarding me. I cowered back in my seat at the sheer volume of their enthusiastic inquiries.

"Oh my God, Bella! I can't believe Edward was your baggage claim hottie!" Rose exclaimed.

"Seriously, this is too crazy. When did you find out? Why didn't you say anything?"

"Do you like him?"

"It sure looked like he likes you."

"Oh my gosh, Ali, did you see them at the bar? Both off in their own little world, they were so cute!" Rose turned toward Alice, effectively turning the conversation to talk like I wasn't sitting right beside them.

"I know, and what was with that 'goodbye'? I swear, if he wasn't my brother I'd be jealous of the way he was looking at her," Alice gushed.

"No kidding. Oh, to be young and in love again," Rose sighed dreamily.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," I finally cut them off. "First of all, Rose you're only a year older than me and clearly madly in love with Emmett, what are you talking about?"

"Yeah, Bella, but that's different. Emmett and I have been dating for three years. We're practically married. It's different than the beginning stages of romance. Falling in love is just so thrilling and exciting!"

"Which brings me to my second point," I continued. "There is no love. I barely know the guy. Yes, I'll admit to being attracted to him, but who wouldn't be? Attraction is a long way from love."

"Cut us a break, Bella," Alice scoffed. "We were watching you two make googly eyes at each other all night. Maybe it's not love yet, but it's easy to see where it's headed."

"How can you see that?" I asked with a hint of panic. "I don't know anything about dating a guy or being in a relationship. How can you possibly picture us falling in love when I can't even imagine going out on a date without feeling a panic attack brewing?"

"Bella, you're making too big a deal out of it. Dating and being in a relationship doesn't have to be so daunting."

"Yeah," Rose added. "Some people might actually consider those things fun. Comforting even. It can be really nice having someone who's always on your side."

"I wouldn't have a clue what to do," I insisted, still feeling the slight edge of hysteria.

"You don't have to do anything, Bella, just be yourself. Edward seemed to like you just fine tonight. And you had fun, didn't you?"

"Well, yeah," I admitted. "But that's different. It wasn't a date, you guys were all there."

"Bells, you guys barely spoke to us all night," Rose stated matter of factly. "You may as well have been there on your own."

"Just don't worry about it so much," Alice said, retrieving cab fare out of her purse as we pulled up in front of our building. "We'll all hang out on Sunday. Rose, Emmett, Jasper and I will all be there with you. Just go with it and see what happens."

As I washed my face and crawled into bed that night, I tried repeating Alice's words as a mantra. _Just go with it and see what happens. It's no big deal. Just be yourself. _I knew myself well enough to know that it would take much more than repeating a few words over and over to calm me down.

This wouldn't be the end of it. But as sleep crept in, I concentrated on remembering the tingling warmth of Edward's touch that still clung to my skin and visions of green eyes, glossy with laughter or focused in quiet intensity. I pictured his lopsided grin and fell asleep smiling.

**x-x-x**

**A/N: So....was it everything you were hoping for in their reunion? **

**Outfits on my profile as always. Check out the Twilighted thread, too. I'm trying to post teasers etc.**

**I do reply to every review I receive, and often with teasers. Just sayin'.**

**I love hearing from every one of you!**


	5. Chapter 5: Baby, It's Cold Outside

**A/N: Thanks as usual go to Betamama aka FanpireMama and Caren aka Nerac. **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created the characters, the story is mine. Copyright 2010: BellaMarie117**

**Strap in readers and enjoy the ride of chapter five!**

**x-x-x**

By the time Alice arrived to help me get ready on Sunday morning, I was a complete wreck. I honestly didn't think I had been this anxious waiting for the long program to start in Torino. No matter how many times Rose and Alice reassured me that this wasn't a big deal and that everything would be fine, I couldn't stop fretting over it.

On the one hand, I was excited to see Edward again, while on the other I was nervous not knowing what to expect and terrified I'd screw up somehow and make a fool of myself. He was just so smooth. While I was just...not. So far the only embarrassing thing that had happened to me in his presence were a couple little stumbles, nothing to lose sleep over. I was worried that my lucky streak wouldn't last through a full day in his company.

Added to that was the fact that we'd be going skating. _Why did I agree to this again?_ I hadn't been on the ice in weeks, and the last time I was had not been a pretty sight. I was sure to make a fool out of myself. _National Champion, my ass. My how far the mighty have fallen._ I'd probably be clutching at the boards like a calf learning to walk. Who knows, maybe my fall had knocked out every speck of talent I'd possessed and I'd turn into a stumbling klutz on the ice as well as off. Weirder things have happened. I knew deep down that the reason I'd had such a hard time before was because Renee had tossed me out on the ice before I was physically read. I was ready now. If I sucked and couldn't hack it out there, what would be my excuse?

_Too late now, _I thought to myself as Alice took a curling iron to my hair. I'd already backed out on going to meet him once and no matter how nervous I was, it wasn't going to happen again today. Even if I wanted to, Alice would be there to drag me out again. The woman was like a dog with a bone, fully determined to shove the two of us together.

The night before, the three of us had camped out on the couch in their apartment and watched the game. It wasn't quite as exciting as watching live and in person had been, but still fun when I had Rose and Alice there talking over the TV announcers to give their own version of commentary. Of course theirs consisted more of rating the sex appeal of the players and drooling over Jasper and Emmett every time they hit the ice, but hey, it was entertaining.

At first I had felt a little thrown off at how open Alice and Rose were with each other. Even though they were intimate with each other's sibling, that didn't stop them from gossiping endlessly about the "dirty details." And now that Alice was certain that Edward and I were long lost soul mates who had merely been searching for our other halves, only to finally find it in each other at the most unexpected time and place (her description, not mine), they'd gotten me roped into their giggle infested chit chats. I probably found out more about Jasper and Emmett than I ever truly needed to and after listening to Alice try to give me a catalogue of Edward's charms for twenty minutes, I cut her off, insisting that if I really wanted to get to know Edward, I'd ask him, not his sister. Even if she was my BFF.

While she toned it down a bit after that, she still made a point to bring him up at every possible occasion for the rest of the night. I knew she was trying to encourage me that he was a great guy so that I would fall for him, but honestly all her words did was make me more and more overwhelmed. I already knew Edward was a great guy. I could already tell that he was funny and intelligent and driven and completely wonderful. I could see with my own two eyes that he was completely gorgeous. My knees could attest to it because they tended to melt into oblivion anytime I was face to face with him. I didn't need Alice to convince me of any of that. I already knew he was perfect.

What could he possibly see in me?

We'd had fun the other night and it seemed like he'd enjoyed my company, but I just couldn't imagine why he'd be interested. I felt like I had nothing to offer to a man like Edward. I didn't bring anything special to the looks department. He didn't need any help on the financial end or to cling to my so called "celebrity status" because he had plenty of both on his own. He couldn't even be interested in me because of my friends or family. My friends were all his first and my family was practically non-existent at the moment. Besides, he already had the perfect parents and the perfect siblings. How could I possibly fit into any of that?

Sure I enjoyed hanging out with everyone and considered them my friends, the closest I'd ever had, but being one of six buddies was a far cry from being half of a couple in a group of perfect matches.

"Hey," Alice snapped her fingers in my face twice and pointed at me with a stern expression as her other hand held the iron to my hair. "Stop it."

"What?" I asked defensively.

"I can read your face like a _Cosmo_ article. Stop obsessing. Just have fun. You don't have to make any life changing decisions today. We're just hanging out."

"Yeah. Okay," I said, blowing out a breath and shaking off the nerves. She was right. I enjoyed Edward's company. I loved spending time with the girls and Emmett, and even Jasper. I just needed to chill out.

Thirty minutes later we'd bundled up and piled into Rose's car. The Landmark Center was only a block from where we'd been the previous night and we arrived before I had any further opportunity to psych myself out.

The day was fairly warm for January in Minnesota, a whopping twenty-three degrees. Since we'd primarily be outside all day, Alice had equipped us with little warming packets for our gloves and I peeled mine open to activate it as we waited, rubbing it between my palms and pulling double duty of giving my hands something to do while we waited.

Glancing around, I realized just how pretty this little central spot of the city was. Rice Park was mostly made up of a large stone square, lined with wrought iron benches and housing a beautiful fountain that had been drained for the season. A light dusting of snow took away some of the starkness of the expanse of cement. Trees lined the square block and beautiful historic buildings stood on all sides, the most impressive being the Landmark Center. It had the feel of a fairy tale castle with turrets, arches, and a jutting clock tower. I could almost picture Cinderella fleeing down the steps, dropping her slipper and disappearing into the tree line while Prince Charming searched for her.

"Hey," I heard a deep familiar voice in my ear. I gasped in surprise and whipped around to face him, dropping the little packet of heat to the ground. We both reached for it at the same time, our fingers brushing and causing me to jerk back a little and stand back up.

"I'm sorry," I fumbled, "I was sort of spaced out, I didn't even see you." He chuckled a bit as he stood again, reaching for my hand to tuck the warmer back into my palm and cupping his hand over it, the result a delicious spreading of heat through my entire body that made the frigid climate seem downright sultry.

"I'm just sneaky like that," he smirked.

I heard the laughter of the rest of the group, congregating just a few feet away and snapped my hand out of Edward's grasp, not wanting to fuel the fires of their speculation. Edward furrowed his brow at bit at me when I tucked my hands into the pockets of my black and white plaid coat, but didn't say anything as we stepped over to the others.

"You ladies ready?" Jasper asked, holding out his arm bent at the elbow for Alice to link hers.

"Did you bring your brace?" Edward inquired softly as we approached the benches surrounding the rink.

"Yes, doctor," I teased, patting the drawstring bag slung over my shoulder that held the brace and my skates.

He scrunched his face at me in amusement. "Just checking."

Alice and Jasper sat down on a bench while Edward and I took the one opposite them. Emmett accompanied Rose up to the rental booth to rent some blades for her. Apparently three years in Minnesota hadn't been quite long enough for her to acquire a pair of her own. I tugged open the string on my bag and dropped it into my lap when I saw what Alice pulled out of hers. They were figure skates. I think. They were also hot pink with silver glittery laces and rhinestones outlining her initials. She didn't catch my look of amusement, but when I felt a nudge at my side, I realized that Edward did. I looked over at him to see him make the universal crazy sign of circling his finger at his temple with an affectionate grin on his face, making me giggle. Alice glanced up then, spotting us with our heads close together as she finished lacing up her skates. She wiggled her eyebrows at me as I tried to wipe the giddy expression from my face.

"Come on, Jazzy," Alice ordered, reaching for his hand and practically dragging him down the rubber mat that led to the ice.

Now that they were gone, I felt like I could let my guard down a little. Her eyes caught way more than I wanted them to.

"Seriously?" I asked in amazement.

"Yeah. She got those when she started dating Jasper. She said if she was going to marry a hockey player, she needed to own a pair of skates. That's what she came home with."

"She sure is something else," I mused, tugging the brace out of my bag.

"Yeah, she's always been an odd duck."

"But you love her. It's easy to see that with you and with Emmett."

"They're alright I suppose," he responded.

"You don't fool me, Cullen. You wouldn't know what to do without them."

"Yeah, you're probably right," he conceded, lacing up his skates and pulling the bottom of his jeans over the top of his boots as I strapped on my brace, then unattached the velcro, adjusting the tightness a bit before refastening the straps. Grabbing the bag off the ground next to me, I pulled out my polished white leather skates.

_Hello, friends._

"No rentals for you, eh, Swan?"

"Gross. Do you have any clue what kind of feet have been in those things? Or do you find contracting a foot fungus romantic?"

"Do you have your own bowling shoes, too?"

"No. I've never been bowling."

"Really?"

"No, never."

"Huh."

As I reached down to tug on my skates, I bumped against Edward's knee. It was then that I noticed how close we were sitting. Of course, my nerves kicked in and I started fumbling with my laces, missing loops and dropping the strings. Flustered, I groaned at myself and plucked my hat off so my hair would fall forward and curtain my flushed face. _Get it together, you idiot!_

Through the tunnel vision that my hair shield provided, I zeroed in on my hands and froze when Edward's appeared on top of them.

"Here," he murmured, softly brushing my hands aside then lifting my foot to rest in his lap, causing me to sit back up. "Let me?" I pushed my hair back behind my ears timidly, biting my lip and nodding my permission.

His hands were impossibly gentle as he wound the laces of my boot through the hooks, tugging occasionally to tighten it around my foot and tying it in a perfectly symmetrical bow.

"Done this a few times?" I tried to tease him, but I was so stirred by his touch that it came out breathy rather than snarky.

He looked over and wiggled his eyebrows at me, "Every day."

"Hockey skates are a bit different."

"Not so very different," he said, placing my foot back on the ground, picking up the other one and sliding my shoe off. His fingers brushed lightly against my arch, causing me to jerk a bit in reflex. He glanced at me, his brow lifted in question at my flinch.

"Sorry. Tickles," I said under my breath.

"Oh really?" he asked, a devilish smirk spreading across his face.

"Don't you dare," I warned, my stern tone voided by the giddy smile on my face as I tugged my foot away, trying to hold it out of his reach.

"Don't what, Bella?" he inquired innocently.

"You know what. Don't even think about it."

"Silly, Bella. You can't control someone's thoughts. I can think about all kinds of things you'll never know."

"Fine, just stick to your thoughts then and watch the hands there, mister," I ordered, bringing my foot back within his reach.

He took it in his hands, tugging my leg a little so I was sitting right up against him on the bench. He crossed my leg over his thigh so my foot hung down between his legs and I had to remind myself to breathe. The touch was casual, but intensely intimate at the same time. I'd never been this close to a man. Sure, I'd hugged my dad, and Emmett and Carlisle. But those were all so vastly different. I never felt sparks of electricity when they held me. I never felt the blood drain from my head, leaving me slightly dizzy when my body came in contact with them. But every time any part of me came in contact with Edward, even the slightest, fleeting touch, I felt more intensity than I ever had before.

He tugged my boot on, his arms wrapped around my leg in an odd embrace as he laced me up just as effectively as he'd done with the other. Patting my foot, he looked up at me. If he was as affected by the exchange as I was, he didn't seem to show it. He cleared his throat before smiling at me. "You ready, hotshot?"

I rolled my eyes at the nickname but nodded at him, tugging my hat back on and down over my ears. He removed my leg from on top of his and stood, reaching his hand down to take mine and help me up. When I stood next to him, he didn't drop it, merely started walking down the rubber mat with my mittened hand enclosed in his. I got the feeling those handwarmers were going to be completely unnecessary.

We paused at the open gate in the wood boards, leaning down to tug off our skate guards and drop them by the side. Edward started to move forward to step out on the ice, but I tugged on his hand, holding him back. "Wait."

He looked back at me, his brow furrowing slightly in concern.

"Just give me a second, okay?" I asked, a little embarrassed at having to do so.

"Take as long as you need, Bella," he replied, stepping back to face me and taking my other hand in his. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I just haven't been on the ice in awhile," I stammered, trying to laugh off the sudden bout of nerves that overtook me as I saw the ice spread at my feet. "Stupid to be nervous."

"No," he insisted softly but firmly. "Not stupid at all. You had a rough fall, Bella. Anyone would be shaken up after that." I could feel his thumbs gently rubbing circles over the back of my hands through my mittens.

"What are you scared of?" he asked gently.

"Falling," I laughed, trying to hide how truly worried I was at stepping back out there.

"I won't let you. Problem solved. Anything else?" he said confidently, leaving no room for doubt that he'd do exactly that.

"It's just...I tried once already. Getting back on the ice. It was sort of a disaster. It's not something I'm looking forward to repeating."

"When was that?"

"Back in December," I informed him flippantly.

"What?" he snapped. "What the hell were you thinking, Bella? You could have really hurt yourself trying to skate again that soon after major surgery!"

"I know! I didn't want to but they-" I broke off, not wanting to say more.

"They what?" he pushed.

"Nothing."

"Bella, please?" he implored, his voice filled with softness and understanding. When I looked up into his eyes, they emoted the same.

"It's no big deal," I tried to deflect, "My mo-, manager, she wanted me back on the ice and training."

"Idiot," I heard him mutter under his breath as he dropped one of my hands to pinch the bridge of his nose. "Didn't your doctor tell her that was dangerous?"

"Can we not talk about this anymore right now?" I asked softly.

"God, I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to drag the day down. It's not my place, that was entirely out of line."

"No, no, Edward, I appreciate it. I just- Can we just-" I stammered, waving my hand feebly.

"Yeah," he said, agreeing to my unspoken request.

I looked out at the ice in front of us. The rink was dotted with people, some older, some younger. Some were in pairs and some in larger groups. A few young kids were circling the ice in a single file line, all clenching onto the waist of the one in front of them. I spotted Alice and Jasper in the far corner from us, clasping hands and spinning in giddy circles as their laughter filled the air, mingling with the holiday music warbling from the speakers.

Everywhere I looked people were smiling and I realized I really wanted to be one of them. I had always loved being on the ice. It's where I felt at home. I felt my resolve steel inside me. I needed to stop being such a wuss. _Buck up, Swan._ I blew out a breath and looked up at Edward, stepping up to the edge.

"Ready to jump back in the saddle?" he asked with a reassuring smile.

"Yes," I said confidently.

"Alright. Let's go, hotshot," he winked at me and stepped out onto the ice first, still holding my hand firmly.

I stepped one foot out onto the slick surface, and then the other, leaning heavily on my toe picks to plant myself in place.

"First step's the hardest," he assured me, turning in a half circle to face me and grab my other hand before slowly drifting backwards until we were at arms length. "Let's go."

I allowed myself to glide forward slowly, but my legs were so tense and I couldn't unlock my knees. I caught a little on the ice, pitching forward. _Here comes the wipeout_, I thought, automatically bracing for the fall. But Edward was true to his promise and right there to catch me, darting forward to wrap his arms around me and hold me steady.

"I've got you," he reassured me, still holding me close. "Okay?"

"Yeah," I said, nodding against the wool of his jacket. "I'm good."

"Let's try that again, shall we?" he suggested cheerfully, unwinding his arms and taking his original stance. I shook it off and tried to relax this time, bending my knees slightly and letting my body naturally glide forward on the blades. It was slow, I was clutching Edward's hands and refused to take my eyes off my feet, but I wasn't falling. That was already a vast improvement.

"Hey," Edward said when we'd made it successfully once around the rink.

"What?" I answered, still tense and looking down at my feet.

"Hey," he said again, slightly laughing this time and causing me to look up at him.

"You're skating!" he exclaimed.

"Please," I snorted. "Edward, a toddler could do this."

"You just need to get your confidence level back up. You'll be doing triple toe-loops in no time."

"Do you even know what a triple toe loop is?"

"No. Do you know what a triple deke is?"

"No."

"No? Hmm," he smirked down at me.

We continued to make our way around the ice, Edward lazily coasting backwards while I began to find my groove. My strides gradually became longer and smoother, our speed increased. I remembered how to cross my legs over. It was nothing fancy, but I was really skating again. And it felt amazing. I looked up at Edward, grinning in victory, to see him smiling right back at me.

"See? Piece of cake. How's the knee?"

"Good," I said genuinely. It didn't feel sore or weak in the slightest.

"You want to go on your own a bit?"

"Sure," I said, still slightly hesitant to let go. "Just don't go too far."

"I'm right here," he assured me, squeezing my hands once and letting me go. I faltered for a moment, his arms jutting out just in case I needed him, but I was able to recover and squared my shoulders before starting up again. Edward stayed by my side, stride for stride as we circled around the rink. By the fourth passing I was feeling good again and shot him a playful grin before taking off at full speed. I heard him fumble behind me for a moment before he came rushing after me, his laugh warm and uninhibited.

"You're going down, Swan," he called behind me, already right on my tail again. I felt his hands brush against my coat as he tried to catch me and whirled lightly to the right, easing just out of his grasp and turning to face him, laughing breathlessly as he skidded to a quick stop and stepped back to swoop me up in his arms.

"Think you're so cute, do you?"

"Sometimes," I responded, allowing myself to snuggle into his encompassing warmth for a moment.

"Hey guys!" I heard Rose call out behind us as Edward eased his arms around me and stepped back a little, still smiling down at me.

"Too cool for the rest of us?" she joked as she and Emmett came to a stop against the boards beside us.

"Just getting Bella reacquainted with the ice," Edward explained.

"Yeah?" Alice asked, skating up beside him with Jasper right behind her. "Now that you mention it things were looking pretty friendly over here." She glanced coyly between us, raising her eyebrow at her brother's narrowed eyes.

"Stop hoggin' her, Eddie," Emmett griped.

"What if I don't want to?"

"Too bad. Mom always said you had to share. It's my turn," he tugged my arm and extracted me from Edward's grasp, hefting me up and over his shoulder.

"Emmett!" I shrieked in surprise, "Put me down."

"No way, Eddie will just try and swipe you back. He got enough playtime already."

"Well, gee, Emmett, that's just how every girl wants to be treated. Like some shiny, new toy."

"See? That's what I always thought, too. Glad you agree with me," he said patting my butt as I felt him drift away from the others.

"Watch the hands, you big octopus," I chastised jokingly.

"Bella, you know I'm just doing it to rattle Eddie's cage. You shoulda seen the look on his face. If I wasn't his brother he'd have punched me."

"I'm sure you're mistaken."

"Nope. Not one little bit. As it is I'll probably have to watch my back at practice over the next few days. The kid knows how to hold a grudge. I'll forget all about it and Boom! Sneak attack."

"He has nothing to be mad at you about," I asserted.

"Sure he does. I put my mitts on his woman."

"I'm not his woman."

"Not yet at least. C'mon, Babybel, teach me some moves!" he demanded, quickly changing the subject.

"Emmett, I just mastered skating in a straight line again, I don't think I'm up for demonstrating."

"So don't demonstrate, just tell me what to do. It can't be too hard, I'm a professional."

"I don't even think it's possible to figure skate in hockey skates," I continued to protest as he dragged me with him to center ice where less people were traversing. The rest of the group followed, assembling close by and watching us casually as they chit chatted.

"Please, Bella?" he pleaded, pouting his bottom lip out pathetically.

"Ugh, fine." I relented.

Emmett hissed out a victorious, "Yes!" complete with fist pump while I heard Jasper mutter, "This should be good," under his breath.

"What do you want to learn, you goofball?"

"I'm game. School me in your mysterious ways, Sensei."

"You're such a weirdo."

"Babybel, don't even try to act like you don't love me. Resistance is futile."

"You're still a weirdo."

"Quit stalling and teach me some moves, coach."

"Okay. Um, let's see. Let's try just a basic upright spin, that's probably easiest."

Emmett was a surprisingly diligent student. He listened intently as I described the stance he needed to take and the basic principles of the move; how he'd need to keep his feet parallel and shoulder width apart while tucking everything in close to his body to go faster. He only tried to make an inappropriate joke once about tucking a very specific body part. When I shot him an unamused look, he merely muttered, "Bitchbrow, ouch. That's a powerful weapon you've got there, Babybel," and returned to mimicking my instructions.

"Wanna try?" I asked when I felt confident he had it down.

"Yeah, dude, let's do this thing," he clapped, clearly amped.

"Have at it, big guy," I said, gliding back from him a few feet, standing just in front of the others. Emmett took his stance, arms perpendicular, one knee bent and the other stretched out to one side.

"Head up," I called over to him. "You'll move all over the place if you hunch over like that." He immediately straightened, then pushed off his leg, drawing his feet together and arms in and he spun. It was slow and it wasn't very smooth, but it was a spin by all definition. He even ended by raising his hands above his head and lifting his leg in a clumsy imitation of what he'd probably watched on TV.

"Check out Tiny Dancer over here," Jasper chortled, and I looked back to see him nudge Edward in the side. Edward coughed to try and cover up his laugh and turned his face into his shoulder a bit to hide his smirk.

"Lookin' good there, bro," Edward encouraged, biting back his amusement. "Very...dainty." The four of them snickered as they watched Emmett's jaw set in irritation.

"Hey," he snapped at them, " You laugh at me, you laugh at my girl, Bella, here. And if you laugh at her, I will not hesitate to kick your ass." I smirked as I watched each of them attempt to look chastised before one by one they lost their composure again, leaning on each other as they cracked up.

"Don't listen to the critics big guy, that was a great start."

"That's not how you do it though," he insisted petulantly. "Yours probably looks way cooler. C'mon, show me."

"I can't Emmett, I'm not supposed to do anything yet."

"Aw, come on. You probably don't even need your gimpy leg. Don't know you some fancy schmancy spin on one leg?"

"Well yeah, but-"

"Do that, do it!"

"I swear to God, Emmett, if I reinjure myself showboating for your whiny butt, I'm making you answer every angry piece of fan mail I get. Handwritten. And you have to sign it with a lipstick kiss."

He didn't answer, only waved his hand at me in a gesture to get going. I hesitated for another minute, weighing in my mind if this was really a risk or not. _Come on, Swan. A scratch spin's one of the easiest things you know how to do. There's nothing scary about a fucking scratch spin. Child's play. It's like riding a bike, you never forget this crap._

"Fine," I huffed, shoving against him to push off. Emmett stood back with the others, whacking each of them over the head as he skated down the line and hit the breaks to stand next to Edward.

"Have some respect," he scolded.

I chuckled as I passed behind the five of them, drifting backwards and circling to get a little speed up before stepping down on my good leg, spinning slowly at first with my leg extended slightly out in front of me, bringing it in as I accelerated until my arms were tucked close and my free foot was crossed over my standing ankle. The world around me disappeared into a haze of colors, the blade of my skate whirring over the ice in a tight circle. I raised my tucked arms slowly up above my head until I spun in one long line. Well, as long as I could manage with my stature. Slowing slightly, I stepped out of the turn, lifting my back leg to exit the move and glide to a stop. I dug my toe pick in and placed my hands on my hips, pursing my lips slightly and giving one satisfied nod. _Not too shabby._

"Holy," Jasper started.

"Shit," Emmett finished.

"How the hell do you not fall over after that? Aren't you dizzy?" Rose asked.

"It's all in the spotting," I shrugged. I wasn't being modest, a scratch spin was basic, a fundamental. "It's not a very difficult move once you've got the technique down."

Edward shifted uneasily back and forth between his feet. Emmett noticed and poked him in the side, giving him a look I couldn't make out. Edward narrowed his eyes at him and flicked him in the forehead.

_What was that all about?_

"Okay, Swan, enough of this twirly shit. Get to the good stuff. I wanna jump!" Emmett clapped Edward on the back and skated forward to me again.

"Emmett-" I tried protesting.

"Pretty please, Bella? Just one little jump?" he whined, gliding down to one knee in front of me and grabbing my hand.

"Alright, alright. On your feet. But this one I can't demonstrate."

I talked him through the basics of a loop jump, one of the most basic and probably one of the only ones that he might be able to pull off without a toe pick. He was just as attentive as he'd been for the spin and I could see the light of boyish excitement in his eyes as he learned something new. It took about ten minutes of me repeating and refining my directions, trying to walk him through the jump step by step. Finally, I just had to let him give it a go.

Emmett circled around me a couple times, getting his momentum. He prepped before launching his massive form into the air.

I knew instantly this was not going to be pretty.

Sure enough, as he touched back down on the ice, his skate slipped out from underneath him. His feet comically whiffed back and forth as he tried to catch himself unsuccessfully. He reached out blindly and managed to snag a bit of my coat. As he went down, so did I. In a pile of limbs, we landed together on the ice with an exaggerated 'oof!' I lay there for a moment, literally two feet off the ice due to Emmett's bulky size, trying to catch my breath and get over the shock that always comes from falling unexpectedly, until I noticed something shaking underneath me. Moments later I heard Emmett snort before his booming laughter erupted. It only took a second before I joined him, rolling off to lie next to him on the ice. Our heads together, our arms clenched around our stomachs as we dissolved into a fit of uncontrollable giggles.

"Very graceful, Emmett," I managed, wiping a tear from the corner of my eye. "Five point seven at least."

"Bias!" he shouted. "I demand a recount. This shit's rigged!"

"I think you should stick to hockey, babe," Rose suggested as she crouched down at Emmett's side. I reined in my laughter as I saw the rest of the group surrounding us.

"Rosie! Did you see me, baby?"

"Yes, Emmett, I saw," she assured him with a joking tone of condescension. "That was marvelous."

"Damn straight, woman," he said, reaching up to smack her butt and pull her down on top of him to peck her lips. "Just you watch, I'm gonna be the next Michelle Kwan."

"Better watch your back, Bella. Looks like you've got some competition in the makin'," Jasper drawled sarcastically.

"See, Emmett," Edward smirked at his brother as he crouched beside me, "This is why I never let you play with my toys. You always try to break them." He winked at his brother as he reached his hand out to help me up.

"I can't help it if I play rough, can I, baby?" he directed the last part of his question at Rose, who still lay sprawled on top of him.

"On that note," Jasper coughed. "We'll just leave you guys to your little perv fest here."

"He didn't hurt you did he?" Edward asked as the four of us coasted off to the boards along the side of the rink.

"No, I'm fine. They're very...uh, affectionate," I gestured to where Emmett and Rose were now feverishly making out in the middle of the ice.

"That's nothing," Edward said, matching my line of sight. "You should see them when we go dancing. It's disgusting."

"Dancing, Cullen?"

"I've been known to cut a rug now and then," he grinned impishly. "Maybe if you're lucky someday you'll see for yourself."

"I'm looking forward to it."

Rose soon escaped from Emmett's grasp, slapping his hands away when he tried to pull her back in. She joined us, stretching her jaw out a little.

"Lockjaw, sis?" Jasper ribbed her.

"Shut up," she elbowed him in the side. "You're just jealous you didn't talk Alice into mackin' with you first."

"C'mon, tiger," Alice tugged on Rose's arm and reached out for my hand, pulling us in the direction of the exit. "We're taking a break, guys. You go roughhouse or whatever it is you manly men do." Edward and Jasper cruised away to grab Emmett while we made our way back onto solid ground.

There was a small stand selling cocoa just off from the rink, still on the rubber so we wouldn't have to take our skates off. We grabbed a few cups and settled down on one of the benches where we could still see the guys clearly. It was plain to see how well the three of them got along. They truly looked like three brothers messing around together, trying to knock each other over and beat each other as they raced around. Emmett was the biggest, but Edward was quick and Jasper was slippery. They were evenly matched and it was supremely entertaining to sit back and watch them.

"So you and Edward seem to be getting along just fine."

"Don't start, Alice," I pleaded.

"What? I'm just making an observation."

"Well keep your observations to yourself. We're friends."

They shared a pointed look before Rose coughed exaggeratedly, "Denial!"

"Guys, I know you mean well, but please, just lay off a little."

"We're not trying to give you a hard time, Bells," Rose soothed.

"I just wanted to say you guys looked good out there. It was nice to see you both smiling," Alice said before cheerfully changing the subject. For the next twenty minutes I listened to her and Rose discuss the pros and cons of a buffet versus a sit-down meal for her and Jasper's wedding in June. I half listened and half watched the people milling about around me as I sipped my cocoa, enjoying the relaxed lull in the afternoon. Once our cups were empty, we got back on the ice and joined the guys in a rousing game of tag.

An hour and a half later Alice called it quits. She and Jasper packed up their skates and stepped inside to warm up a little. Rose and Emmett were still horsing around and flirting shamelessly on the far side of the oval. Edward and I settled for lazily skating laps again, my hand held in his. As the afternoon dragged on, the ice had become less and less crowded with people and it was easier to relax. While Edward and I talked a little, for the most part we were content to just skate in a comfortable silence, listening to the music over the speakers now that the dozens of people weren't around to drown it out.

One of my favorites came on, making me sigh contently. After a couple lines I heard Edward humming quietly along and I grinned up at him.

"What?" he asked when he noticed me staring.

"Nothing," I shook my head and looked away, still smiling.

"You know this one?"

"Of course. It's one of my favorites."

"Oh yeah?" he smirked and looked forward again. Instead of humming this time, he sang softly in a smooth baritone, "I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice."

I laughed a little, but inside I was melting at his voice, singing softly, just for my ears.

"Come on, Swan," he said, nudging our joined hands into my side. "Sing with me."

"Uh uh," I protested. "I don't sing."

"Never?"

"Not where anyone can hear," I clarified bashfully.

"Please?

I shook my head, but felt my willpower waver at the imploring look in his amazingly green eyes.

"Beautiful, please don't hurry," he continued on with the song, harmonizing with the female singer in the recording over the next few lines. I didn't want to listen to him singing with her.

"The neighbors might think," I joined in quietly at the start of the next verse, glancing up to see Edward grinning. He didn't miss a beat and continued with his line. We sang back and forth playfully, my voice gaining volume as I became a little more comfortable and realized that he wasn't going to laugh at the fact that I was just slightly off-key. Soon I could no longer hear the voices through the speakers, only the sound of Edward's and mine together, overlapping line by line. As the song continued, Edward grew slightly more flirtatious, attaching actions to the lines he was singing. When he sang, "I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell," he plucked my blue cable knit hat from my head and ruffled my hair. At "mind if I move closer," he did so, tucking his arm around me while still holding my hand in his, causing my own to twist slightly behind me. He was playful enough with his actions that I didn't feel uncomfortable. Yes, I could tell he was flirting, but it seemed more for the sake of acting out the words we were singing than anything else. His voice was still strong and full of laughter.

At that point at least.

But then the next verse started, and his voice softened.

"Baby, it's cold outside," he crooned as our movements slowed until we were barely moving.

"Oh, darlin' it's cold outside," Edward circled in front of me and eased us both to a stop.

"I'm lucky that you dropped in," we stood there face to face. I was fully unaware of anything around me. The only thing I saw was Edward. The only thing I felt was Edward. He'd kept our arms entwined, nestled at the small of my back. His other hand reached up and brushed a lock of hair from my face, tucking the curl behind my ear. But he didn't lower it. He kept it there at the side of my face, slightly woven in my hair.

"Look out the window at that storm," he still sang along, but just barely. I realized that at some point I'd stopped entirely. I could do nothing but look up at him, my lips slightly parted and hardly breathing.

"Man, your lips look delicious," he whispered with the song, his eyes darting down to my mouth then raising back up to my eyes with a look more intense than I'd ever seen before. He was silent then, leaving the song to continue on without our accompaniment, as we simply stood embracing and staring. I saw the intent flash through his eyes just an instant before he slowly began to lower his head.

I felt myself giving in, my eyes drifting closed. I held my breath in anticipation of the feel of his lips on mine.

But it never came.

Instead I felt Edward's body jerk forward against me suddenly, my forehead knocking into his jaw, his arm tightening around me as we both lost our balance and toppled over. Edward landed on top of me as we splayed out on the ice, knocking the air from my lungs. The hand that had been in my hair had reached around to cradle my head and protect it from smacking into the ice. We stayed perfectly still for a moment before I heard him speak into my ear.

"Are you okay?" his voice full of concern. I nodded almost imperceptivity into his shoulder.

"Bella?" he asked, his voice still slightly panicked and alerting me to the fact that he had not felt my nod.

"Yes," I managed breathlessly. "I'm okay. Are you?"

"Yeah. Something bumped me. Sorry I bulldozed you," he apologized. "And now I'm crushing you. Gosh, I'm sorry, Bella." He rolled, reversing our positions as we both pulled back a little. The moment we looked into each others faces, the comedy of the situation flooded in and we burst into a fit of laughter.

As I started to gain control of myself, my brain started kicking in. My stupid, over-thinking, neurotic and insecure brain. It took in the fact that my face was tucked against his chest, the wool of his coat soft yet scratchy against my cheek, the sound of his laughter floating over me. It took in the fact that our legs were tangled together and his arms were around me. It took in the fact that he'd almost kissed me thirty seconds earlier. And what did my brain do? It sent off massive warning bells.

_Warning! Warning! You're in over your head here, Bella! Step away, fast! _

"What do you say we call it quits before I give you any more bruises," he joked, and I jumped at the opportunity to escape and collect myself.

Stepping off the ice was like stepping back into reality and the change was like a punch to my gut. As soon as I crossed the threshold in the boards, I felt myself start to shake. I tried to remove my skates as quickly as possible, strapping the guards back over the blades and tossing them haphazardly into my bag along with my brace.

"Everything okay?" Edward asked.

"Yeah. Fine, why wouldn't it be?" I replied, a little too quickly to come off as casually as I'd hoped.

"You got really quiet all of a sudden."

"Just tired."

"You want me to take your bag to Rose's car? I think we were going to walk around for a bit, maybe grab dinner."

"Yeah, that'd be great. I'm actually going to go find a restroom," I told him, awkwardly gesturing towards the building.

"Okay. See you in a minute," he said, gathering up both of our bags.

I made my escape before he even had a chance to stand, trying not to sprint as I turned away from him and headed towards the doors of the Landmark, but I could only manage to tame my steps to a swift power walk. I darted up the stairs and shoved through the heavy doors, attempting to tame my breaths at least until I could make it into the bathroom and out of the general public.

By the time I found the ladies room, my breath was coming out in heaving pants. I felt overheated and claustrophobic and clawed at the buttons on my coat to try and release myself. I knew it wasn't the coat that was causing my unease, but it helped a little to be free of it as I made it into the bathroom. Luckily it was empty and I practically collapsed onto the counter, hunching over and burying my head in my folded arms.

_What the fuck is your problem, Bella? Seriously. Why do you have to be such a fucking basket case? _

Still bent over the sink, I managed to control myself a little and lifted my head to see my face in the mirror. My cheeks were flushed, my nose red, and my eyes wide and bright with panic. My hair was a wavy mess. Reaching up to smooth it, I realized that Edward still had my hat from when he'd shoved it in his pocket during the song.

The song. The kiss. Well, almost kiss. My fingers ghosted over my lips as I recalled how it had felt in that moment, his mouth just a breath away from my own. I could practically taste him.

That moment out on the ice before we'd fallen had been one of the most perfect moments of my entire life. I'd stood there in the arms of a beautiful man and been _this close_ to kissing him. But that moment had been practically a dream. When reality kicked in, I realized what a joke it had been for me to think for one second that I could kiss him.

Men like Edward didn't belong with girls like me. That was the problem. He was definitely a man, and I was quite obviously stuck being a girl. He was sexy, and strong, and talented, and independent. He needed a woman who could live up to that, who could take care of herself. Who wasn't so fucking lost. He deserved better.

I heard voices approaching and quickly locked myself into a stall, not quite prepared to face the outside world.

It sounded like two young women. They were chuckling and making small talk as they went about their business and I mostly tuned them out, just waiting for them to finish and leave me to my solitude once again.

"Oh my God, did you see the Cullen brothers out there?" One of them asked, catching my attention.

"So fucking hot."

"I know right? I mean, Emmett's supposedly taken, but since when does that mean anything? I mean he's a professional hockey player, you know he's getting some ass on the side." My jaw dropped a bit at the gall of this person. She had no idea who Emmett was. No, I hadn't known him for very long, but I knew without a doubt that he could never cheat on Rosalie. _Could he? _I guess people cheat all the time, it wouldn't be unheard of. Renee had cheated on men more times than I cared to remember. But Emmett? I just couldn't imagine it.

"Edward's single though, and really he's the one I'd rather take a ride on," the second woman said, with a sort of growling purr at the end.

I wanted to plug my ears. I really didn't want to hear this. Especially now. But I couldn't _not_ listen. I had to be some sort of masochist.

"Seriously. The man's totally gorgeous," the first one agreed.

"I'd let him put his stick in my net any day of the week. He's probably a fucking god in the sack, I mean just one look at that sexy little smirk of his gets my panties wet."

"Total clit master. You gonna go for it?"

"I don't know. He's been all over this other chick all day."

"You could totally manage. You're so much hotter."

"No, I know. I just don't feel like getting in a catfight. Maybe I'll try and slip him my number, have him call me when he's gotten rid of the other one."

"Sloppy seconds, Bree?"

"Nah. You can tell she's not the type that'll put out. He can put her to bed early and come crawling into mine." The women made their way back out the door, still tittering and gossiping with bravado.

The words they'd spoken were disgusting. I wasn't stupid enough to believe that those were the types of women Edward would be interested in. I wasn't naive enough to believe that Edward was completely inexperienced, but I wasn't cynical enough to believe he was a total man whore like those women had made it sound either.

The problem was that he needed someone right in the middle. He didn't need a pathetic little girl like me to tuck in early. He didn't need a slut like her who could go all night. Someday he'd find a woman just as wonderful as he was who could be his partner, who could go to bed with him and snuggle against his shoulder. Who could hold him just as solidly as he held her. I was unrightfully jealous of that faceless woman.

It didn't matter that Alice thought we'd be perfect together. It didn't matter that he seemed to enjoy my company. Deep down, I knew that I didn't stand a chance. I could never be worthy of him.

The truly terrifying part was that I was falling for Edward, and falling fast. And I didn't have a clue how to stop it.

"Bella?" I heard Alice's familiar voice call out as the door squeaked open again.

"You in here, babe?" Rose followed up, their voices casual, making it apparent they had no clue that I'd been on the verge of a full on panic attack only minutes earlier.

"Yeah," I called out to them, trying to make my voice as even as possible. "I'll be out in a second."

"Okay, we'll be right out front. We're gonna grab food and then take a walk through the sculptures."

I waited until I heard the door close before I slipped out of the stall. As I buttoned up my coat, I made myself take a few deep calming breaths. _You can do this, Bella. Just stop freaking out and go back out there and hang out with your friends like a normal person._

I vowed to forget about the women and what they'd said. It wouldn't be fair to Emmett or to Edward to act differently towards them based on the nonsense of two total strangers who had probably just been blowing smoke. Neither of them had done anything to betray my trust. Quite the contrary.

At the same time, I knew I couldn't act the same way completely with Edward. I couldn't let myself get in any deeper. I couldn't lead him on either, letting him believe I was something that I just wasn't. I wouldn't ignore him, he didn't deserve that, I just couldn't let myself get so close to him.

Stepping back outside, I pulled my mittens on as I approached the group standing at the base of the steps. Edward looked at me with a questioning smile when he saw me stop across the circle from him, standing between Rose and Alice and I tried to smile back reassuringly. I'm pretty sure it came out as a grimace.

They'd decided on a restaurant while I'd been hiding out in the bathroom and we started walking. Not wanting to get paired up with Edward again by default, I stuck close to the girls, drawing Alice into casual conversation in an effort to stealthily draw her away from Jasper. It worked like a charm. Soon enough, Alice, Rose and I walked arm and arm a few steps ahead of the guys as we made our way to the restaurant.

At dinner, I tried to inconspicuously keep up my subtle avoidance of Edward. I still sat by him, not wanting to split up the other couples and not wanting to hurt his feelings by putting myself as far as possible from his side, but I didn't fall into an easy conversation with him as I might have. Instead, I made an active effort to focus on the exchange of the other members of our group, offering my own input at lulls in the conversation to ensure that Edward couldn't get my attention and draw me into a dialogue. I knew as soon as he said a single word to me in that soft voice, intended only for my ears, I'd be helpless to stop myself.

I tried not to look at him over the course of the meal, but caught myself unconsciously stealing glances out of the corner of my eye from time to time. By all accounts, he looked normal. Happy and enjoying himself. But I could make out a slight hint of a wince in his smile, as if he had to force it, and there was a tightening around his eyes. Regret flowed through me at the idea that I could do anything to hurt him, but it was better this way. It had to be.

We returned to the park, which had transformed in the time we'd been gone. When we'd left, the sun had been low in the sky. Now that night had fallen, hundreds of twinkle lights sparkled through the trees lining the park, casting the square in a fantastical glow. The ice sculptures that had looked impressive in the daytime were now made even more so by the lights shining from within, emphasizing the peaks and valleys of the carvings. We wandered around, taking in the sights as a group.

"What's going on?" Alice demanded out of the blue. Looking around, I realized that she and Rose had subtly separated us from the guys, moving ahead of them just far enough that they wouldn't be able to hear anything we said.

"What are you talking about?"

"You've been weird since we left to go to dinner," Rose said.

"I haven't been weird-" I insisted.

"Yeah, you have. You're really not a very good actress, Bella," Alice pointed out.

"You know, my coach always told me that acting was one of my strong points. Guess I should fire him for lying to me," I deflected in a dry tone.

"Isabella Marie Swan," Alice groaned, "We know something's up. You may as well just tell us what it is."

"How'd you know my middle name?" I asked, both in another attempt to divert and out of true curiosity.

"I googled you," she said casually.

"You googled me?"

"Of course, Bella, it's my job as your best friend to keep tabs on what's being said about you. This way I can both keep you informed and lay the smackdown on any idiots out there trying to say shit."

"Wow. That's oddly sweet. And creepy."

"And you're avoiding the subject. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. I just got a little nervous, that's all," I relented, trying to play down the full extent of my nerves.

"About what?" Rose probed.

"About Edward?" Alice asked and I nodded.

"Bella, Edward's a good guy. He's not going to pressure you if that's what you're worried about."

"Seriously, my brother's a complete gentleman. I don't think he's even capable of pushing a woman past her comfort zone."

"Especially you," Rose added. "You should see the way he looks at you, Bella."

_That was part of the problem. I did see the way he looked at me. And I had no idea how to handle it._

"It all just seems so fast," I explained. "I don't know what to do or how to act."

"So tell him that," Alice suggested.

"It's not that easy."

"It is, Bella. You're the one making it difficult," Rose said gently.

We fell back with the guys and continued around the park, walking around the slabs of ice that had been carefully carved into their intricate shapes. Emmett kept everyone laughing by alternating between trying to imitate them and making inappropriate comments or gestures. He got a very dirty look from a couple of older ladies that just happened to walk by when he made a dirty joke about the size of the elephant's trunk. I felt the tension start to loosen it's strangle hold. It was difficult not to feel comfortable in the company of these people. Of course as my guard lowered, so did my resolve.

It wasn't long before I noticed Rose and Emmett and Alice and Jasper start to pair up. As they should. They were couples in love, why wouldn't they want to have some time alone? Of course this left me with Edward and it was impossible to avoid someone when they're the only one you're with.

The others were still close by, but if you didn't know we were all together, you wouldn't be able to tell.

"Bella?" Edward asked hesitantly and I tensed but made myself look up at him standing there next to me. "Would you want to maybe walk with me for a bit? I mean you don't have to or anything, I just thought it would be nice to get away from them awhile. Give them some space," he stammered out his words, practically talking over himself and when he gestured towards his siblings. He seemed slightly uncomfortable at seeing them all so cozy together, but not in a way that was disapproving of their displays of affection.

My brain said no. So of course, I told him yes.

At my agreement, the tightness disappeared from his eyes and his smile lost all signs of being forced. I kept my hands in my pockets to maintain some semblance of self-preservation.

For the first couple blocks, we made small talk filled with awkward pauses and uncomfortable sounds as we worked to find our footing with each other again. I was trying to find a balance between being friendly and just letting myself go completely. He, I'm sure, was trying to make sense of what was going on in my head that had caused such a drastic change in my behavior.

The further we traveled, the easier our conversation became. I felt myself relaxing as the bright lights of the park faded behind us and the streets darkened as we made our way up town through the quiet streets. He told me about concerts he'd been to for bands and singers we shared a mutual interest in. I told him about getting to meet Michael Buble at a charity exhibition awhile back. He shared funny anecdotes about Alice and Emmett, and I told him about my first interactions with all of them. Things no longer felt strained or forced. I couldn't hold on to my worries when he laughed genuinely at something I said or when he smiled his crooked smile in my direction, his eyes glowing with happiness. I felt my brain quiet down and my heart take over.

As we turned the next corner, my breath caught and I felt the fairy tale rush back in. The block in front of us appeared to be a miniature version of Rice Park. It was just one small square block that was completely surrounded in bare trees webbed with white lights. Two sides were lined with birch trees in a bed of stones that appeared to be a streambed. On another side was a small pavilion, a stone platform covered by an arched roof lined with lights. Snow had started to fall lightly as we walked and covered the walkways in a thin, white blanket.

It shouldn't have affected me so much, not after seeing the grandeur of the larger park, but this little spot was so different. Like we'd stumbled upon a secret magical place that no one else was aware of. Unlike the bustling crowds at Rice Park, this place was completely abandoned and isolated. There wasn't a single person in sight, nor sound of a car passing. Not a single footprint marred the snow on the ground. It was just us.

"Wow. This is so beautiful," I sighed, turning in place once we'd reached the center spot to take in the full view of our surroundings.

"Yeah, not a lot of people know about this place, but it's one of my favorite spots in the city. Especially in the winter, when it's like this. Quiet, empty. I come here to get away sometimes."

"What do you need to get away from?"

"I don't know. Everything? Don't get me wrong; I'm very fortunate. My family's amazing. I'm lucky to have a job doing something I love. But sometimes I just need to escape. As great as my family is, they're all very intense. It can be somewhat overpowering. And now with them all paired up-" he drifted off.

"Third wheel?"

"Yeah, try seventh wheel. I suppose that's appropriate. They're about as subtle as a semi-truck," he moved to sit on the ledge of the platform, his feet just barely touching the ground. Snow speckled his hair and stuck to his coat.

"I've gotten that impression," I commiserated, boosting myself up to join him on the ledge, my feet dangling much further off the ground.

"Don't let Alice steamroll you. She likes to push her limits, but really, she'll respect your boundaries. Well, most of the time," he chuckled.

"It must be nice," I mused, "having such a close family."

"You're not close to your family?"

"I don't have any siblings. I barely ever see my dad."

"And your mom?"

"I guess it depends on your definition of close. Proximity wise, we've always been close. I lived with her up until I moved here. She's always been very involved with my skating. But other than that-"

"What about grandparents? Aunts, uncles?"

"Nope. Only child of only children. And all my grandparents have passed away. At least I'm pretty sure they have, they were never really around."

"Did you have a lot of friends in Florida?"

"Not really. It's pretty hard to maintain relationships when you log the kind of hours you need to be at the level of competition I was at. God, listen to me. Poor, spoiled girl right? I don't mean to throw a pity party, I've had it pretty good."

"Don't be ridiculous, I asked. And it doesn't matter how much you have or how successful you are. You can still get lonely."

I glanced up at him from under my lashes. The look in his eyes was like a warm fleece blanket wrapped around me, full of comfort and understanding without a hint of pity or judgment. I couldn't look away, and I found I didn't want to.

A breeze swept by, blowing my hair and flakes of snow around my face, but still I didn't look away.

"Are you cold?" he asked and I realized I was shivering. He didn't wait for an answer before rubbing his hands up and down my arms and then folding me into him, cocooned up against his chest. I sighed and felt myself melt into his form, his head resting on the top of mine, my hands folded and pinned between us. I'd never been so warm.

I don't know how long we sat there in the silence and the falling snow. Minutes, hours. I would have been content to stay there forever.

His arms loosened around me, his head lifted from mine and eased back just far enough that he was able to look down at me as I raised my head from his chest. Time slowed again. I could almost see each individual flake around us make its descent through the air as my heart pounded in my ears. I was fully aware of his hand on my waist. I felt the trail of heat his fingers left as he raised his other hand up my arm and to my face, dusting a flake of snow off my cheek before lightly anchoring in my hair, his palm cupping my face.

His face lowered, hesitating just a breath away and his eyes searching. Then his lips touched mine, just a whisper of softness and warmth pressed against them before he pulled back, resting his forehead against mine for moment before advancing again, my eyes fluttering closed the instant his mouth met mine again. The kiss was achingly gentle at first, a dance of silken caresses and brushing touches. The taste of him was intoxicating as his breath melded with mine and consumed me. Little by little the kiss deepened. He didn't push, or even move his hands, just increased the pressure and fervor of his mouth as we lost ourselves in this maiden exploration.

His tongue traced along my bottom lip and a faint, wanton moan drifted in my ear. I was shocked to realize it had come from me. The sound he emitted in response was low and guttural and hit me straight between the legs. An avalanche of emotions, predominantly desire, swept through me and I groped for purchase.

"Stop," I gasped, surprising both of us. I never thought about breaking my lips from his, it simply happened. But now that it had, I knew that I meant it. I'd stopped for a reason. I'd told him to stop for a reason.

"Bella, what is it?" he asked, still just a breath away from me, his voice low and gravelly as if he hadn't spoken in a long time.

"I can't," I whispered, not having the courage to open my eyes and look into his.

"What?" he replied and I wasn't sure if he was confused or if he simply hadn't heard me.

I swallowed thickly, opening my eyes and repeating myself slightly louder. "I can't, Edward."

"What is it, Bella? Can't what?"

"I can't do this," I pulled back a little, feeling his hand drop away from my face and the other from my waist as I put a slight distance between us. His eyes had dimmed, a mixture of rejection and disappointment and I couldn't handle the fact that I'd put that look there. So instead of acknowledging it, I slid off the platform, taking just a step away and looking out at the empty park.

"I'm sorry. I'm sure I'm not making any sense here. I'm all over the place and it's probably giving you whiplash. I honestly wasn't trying to lead you on or anything. I never should have let that happen. But you're just so sweet and perfect and this whole day has just been wonderful and I just couldn't _not _kiss you. Well most of the day, at least. The part of the day when I wasn't acting like a complete moron. Or maybe the part where I thought I could do this was when I was acting stupid, I don't know." I rambled, trying to make sense of my thoughts as they rushed out through my lips.

"Edward, I like you. A lot. I'm sure I'm not actually supposed to say that to you, I mean girls are supposed to be coy and play hard to get, right? But I have no concept about what the hell I'm doing here and I am just so far in over my head it's not even funny. I'm not sophisticated or flirtatious. I'm not skilled or clever in this area, I just feel overwhelmed. I can't do this. I'm not ready for this. For you."

"Bella-" he spoke up for the first time, right behind me. He must have stood up and moved while I was ranting incoherently. Instead of listening, I rushed to cut him off.

"No, please. Don't say anything. I'm so embarrassed. I mean I've been practically throwing myself at you and now I do this. God, I'm such a moron. You should get as far away from me as possible, it's probably contagious," I babbled, feeling the sting of moisture building in my eyes. Though I tried to fight them off, I felt one traitorous tear spill down my cheek.

"Bella," he softly urged, his hands on my shoulders to turn me to face him, his index finger raising my chin when I refused to look up. "Look at me, please?"

I couldn't refuse him and lifted my eyes to meet his. He softly rubbed the pad of his thumb over my cheek, wiping the single tear away. "I would never rush you or push you into something you don't want or aren't ready for. I don't regret kissing you, but if what you need is for me to just be your friend right now, I can do that. I can be your friend."

"Why? Why would you do that Edward? I'm such a mess."

"I've grown rather attached to your type of mess."

"I'm not good for you, Edward. You deserve so much better."

"Why don't you let me decide what I deserve?"

I paused a moment before asking skeptically, "You want to be my friend?"

"Yes, Bella, I do." I searched his eyes and found nothing but sincerity swimming there.

"Okay," I agreed softly.

"Okay," he repeated. "So, friend, can I get your number so I can text you while we're on the road this week?"

I let out a bit of a strangled laugh, thankful that he seemed to be telling the truth about wanting to be my friend, and relieved that he was able to break the tension I was feeling just a little. "Yeah, I can do that." It's the least I _could_ do since I was such a failure at giving him anything more. I took the phone he offered and programmed my number in. When I handed it back, he pressed a button. An instant later I felt the buzz of my phone in my coat pocket.

"There you go. Now you have mine, too."

"Thanks."

"Should we head back?"

"Actually, I'm kind of tired. We're not too far from the apartments. Do you think-" I started, pausing to bite my lip, unsure if it was appropriate to ask him to walk with me or if I should just let him get back to the others.

"May I walk you home, Bella?" he asked, releasing the cause of my struggle.

"Are you sure? I mean how are you going to get back, then? We can just go and I'll see if Rose will-"

"Bella, I'm sure. May I walk you home?" he repeated.

"Thank you," I replied quietly.

The ten minutes it took for us to make it back to my apartment building were filled with silence, although this time it wasn't completely comfortable. My hand felt empty without his in it and I shoved it deep in my pocket, my thoughts caught up in the raging storm within me of doubt, self-pity, and disgust.

Why did he have to be so perfect? Why did I have to be so defective?

Soon enough, he'd get tired of my shortcomings and grow frustrated with the fact that I was so viciously faulty. He wouldn't stay, I was certain of that fact. I was selfish enough to wish he would, even knowing I wasn't capable of more.

He walked me to my door, insisting that he needed to know I'd made it safely inside. I lingered in the open door and gave him a small smile.

"I'll talk to you soon?" It came out like a question.

"Yeah," I confirmed. "You're going to be gone for awhile?"

"Just a few days."

"Well. Be safe," I requested and the corner of his mouth lifted.

"You too. Take it easy on the leg."

"I will," I assured him.

We lingered there awkwardly, neither one of us wanting to say goodbye. I wished with all my heart that I could lean in and kiss him goodnight. I wished I could tell him I'd been wrong, that we should be together, that we belonged together. But I couldn't, because we didn't. He didn't belong with me.

After a long pause, he sighed softly. "Good night, Bella."

"Night, Edward." I slipped inside and closed the door with a quiet click. I locked the deadbolt and engaged the chain, closing the world out and myself in.

I didn't know how to loosen the chain inside me to unlock the door to my heart. I was aching to open it, but I couldn't figure out how. I curled up in my window seat and watched the snow falling out the window. The city was like a snow globe, a world separated from me by the glass. Was I always going to be closed away from everyone else? It had always been that way. I feared that it always would be.

**x-x-x**

**A/N: :Ducks & runs for cover: **

**I know, I know! Just have faith, gentle readers. I know where these kids are going and how they need to get there. We're only on chapter five! **

**Take a deep breath and remember the cuteness: the skating, the singing, the KISSING. **

**Better? Ok, good. I'll try not to keep you waiting too long. **

**I'll even make you a promise that Edward's in the next chapter, how's that?**


	6. Chapter 6: Who Says You Can't Go Home?

**A/N: Thanks to Betamama aka FanpireMama and Caren aka Nerac. I give *exploding knuckles* to them both.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created the characters, the story is mine. Copyright 2010: BellaMarie117**

**MAKE SURE YOU READ THE A/N AT THE END FOR IMPORTANT INFORMATION. **

**IF YOU'VE EVER ASKED ME ABOUT EPOV...YOU JUST MIGHT WANT TO CHECK IT OUT. Just sayin'.**

**x-x-x**

This day royally sucked. In fact, the next four days promised to be altogether unpleasant.

Nationals.

A lot of the time figure skating was relatively low on the public radar and didn't come up in regular conversation, but Nationals threw the skating scene into the spotlight. Millions tuned in to see who was newly discovered, who was promising, who was fading.

Last year, I'd been at the top of my game and Nationals had been a zoo. It was a maze of interviews and last minute rehearsals; early call times and stressing out over make up and costume adjustments. Last year I'd stood in front of thousands of cheering people as I listened to the _Star Spangled Banner_ playing while I tried to adjust to the heavy weight of the medal that had just been placed around my neck.

What a difference a year made.

This year I'd stocked up on my guilty pleasure foods, pulled the chain on my door and barricaded myself in front of the TV in my sweats and fuzzy socks for a little self-inflicted torture.

I was so sick of the constant pity party going on in my head lately. I'd always considered myself fairly strong and self reliant, working hard to earn everything I got in my career and not expecting it to just be handed to me. On the ice I had confidence. It gave me one area to feel really good about myself and my abilities. It never used to bother me so much that I was so clueless off the ice because at least I had a place I could go to escape.

When I fell, I lost that place, and lost myself right along with it, and I had no idea how to get it back.

At least recognizing that I was being a whiny baby had to be a step in the right direction, right?

Well, it wasn't going to change tonight, that was for certain. Tonight was a prime set up to feel sorry for myself.

It was Thursday night; Ladies Short was slated to start in about twenty minutes. I decided that was the perfect amount of time to hunt down some vodka to add to my milkshake and start on my goal of getting good and truly snockered.

I've never been a big drinker; I'd never really seen the appeal and with Renee eying me like a hawk it would have been next to impossible to indulge anyways. All the more reason why getting trashed tonight would be thoroughly satisfying.

I mixed up the vanilla vodka shake in the blender, opting to add another splash of liquor in for good measure, and pulled out the biggest cup I could find in my cupboards. Of course the cup had to be the ginormous plastic souvenir cup from the first Wild game I'd gone to with the girls.

And of course, that made me think of Edward. Again.

Why couldn't I get that man out of my head?

Sure, he was gorgeous, no one could or would argue that. And completely sexy with those toned athletic muscles. And he was amazingly talented on the ice. And he had a smile that made me weak in the knees. Don't even get me started on the kiss.

Okay, so there were plenty of reasons why I couldn't get him out of my head.

Maybe it was the fact that despite our talk where I'd insisted that I wasn't interested in anything more than friendship, he continued to call and text me at least once a day, often more than that.

I had been so sure when I'd told him I didn't want to be anything more than friends, he'd just cut his losses and I wouldn't hear from him again, unless it was a group thing. But he'd completely caught me off guard when he still wanted to talk to me and have us get to know each other.

The first text message had come in later that very night and said nothing more than _**Sweet Dreams**_**.**

He continued to text me throughout the following day, just casual little notes to say _hi_, filling me in on what he was up to as he prepared to depart with the team the next morning. I avoided them at first. Sure, I'd pounce on my phone every time it made a sound so I could quickly devour every word he wrote, no matter how mundane, but I didn't respond. Just after seven o'clock that evening, my phone rang. Edward. I was too nervous to answer and let it roll to voicemail, only to hear the chime a few seconds later, alerting me that there was a new message. I took a deep breath and dialed in.

"Bella, I know you're home," came the sound of his throaty voice, slightly distorted by the cell phone, but still completely alluring, "I'm not going to stop calling until you answer, so right now you should hang up the phone because it's going to be ringing again in about ten seconds."

I couldn't help the giddy smile that possessed my lips and quickly hit the button to end the call. It was less than seven seconds later that my phone rang again. Yes, I counted.

"Hi," I answered sheepishly on the first ring.

"It's alive!" he exclaimed with an exaggerated sigh of relief. "You know I was a little worried that you gave me the wrong number and I'd been texting some random old dude all day."

"It's a good thing you didn't say anything embarrassing then."

"Ah, so you did read my messages," he said. I could practically see that cocky smirk on his face.

"Okay, I give. You caught me. Yes, I read them."

"You know, typically it's polite behavior to respond when a friend texts you."

"Thank you, Emily Post," I responded sarcastically.

"Hey, my mama raised me right. I can't help it that I'm a stickler for etiquette."

"So how does that explain your brother?"

"Well Emmett's really adopted from a pack of gorillas. We just keep that on the down low so his feelings aren't hurt."

"That's so charitable of you all."

"Why didn't you write me back?" he asked, abruptly changing the subject. He didn't sound mad or even hurt, merely curious.

"I don't know," I answered evasively, because frankly my reasons for not answering seemed shaky even to me.

"Do you not know how to text?"

"Yes, I know how to text. I'm not that sheltered," I informed him with amused indignance.

"Did you forget who I was and got creeped out by the fact that some random guy wouldn't leave you the hell alone?"

"No," I giggled at the suggestion. "You're very memorable, Edward."

"Did you get frostbite last night and all your fingers turned black and fell off?" he continued to inquire.

"No. Gross."

"I'm all out of ideas then. Why didn't you text me back?" he asked seriously. I paused, worrying my lip between my teeth as I debated what to tell him. He'd just think I was being stupid if I told the truth. Before I could come up with something he spoke again. "Bella, stop biting your lip and just tell me."

"How'd you know I was biting my lip?" I asked, a bit surprised at his intuition.

"Because it's what you always do when you're nervous or trying to figure out what you should say. Please just tell me?"

I couldn't be anything but honest with him when he used that tone, so I answered in a timid voice, "I was scared that you didn't mean it. That you didn't really want to be my friend and you were just saying it to my face to avoid any awkwardness. I didn't really expect you to call me. Or text me. And when you did I just didn't know what to say."

"All right, first, we're both a little awkward, so that's just plain unavoidable and something we're going to have to deal with," he said, making me laugh softly.

"Second," he continued, and I could picture him counting off his points on his fingers. His long, elegant, sexy fingers. _Stop it, Bella._ I shook my head and tried to concentrate on what he was saying. "We've now had three separate occasions where we've talked and have never had any issues with finding things to say. And third, I have not and will not tell you anything I don't mean. So, having said that I will tell you that I was being honest with you when I said I want to be your friend. But-" he hesitated and I held my breath.

_But._

_But you're not worth the wait. But I've decided it's too much effort. But I need a real woman who can satisfy my needs._

All these options and more swept through my head as I waited with bated breath to hear which one he'd go with.

He blew out a heavy sigh and groaned a little, the sound muffled as though he'd covered his mouth with his hand or a pillow. "Look, you told me that you like me. Did you mean it?"

"Yes," I said, quiet but unhesitating. If he was willing to put himself out there, I needed to be brave enough to try and do the same.

"So, I'm evening the field here and telling you that I like you too, Bella. A lot, probably more than is really logical, but I do. And I do want to have more with you, when you feel like you're ready. I'm not saying that to pressure you and I hope it doesn't make you feel uncomfortable. I guess I just want you to know that I'm not going to give up that easily."

"I don't want you to," I told him in barely more than a whisper. The tension drained from my shoulders and the cracks that had appeared on my heart when I'd stupidly turned him away began to fade just a little. I didn't want him to give up on me. I wanted to believe that someday I could be enough for him, even if I wasn't there yet.

"Good. But until that day comes, I want to be friends. I like talking to you and spending time with you. That's enough for now," he said sincerely, making my eyes water slightly. "So, do you think you can answer my texts?" his voice jokingly exasperated and made me choke out a watery laugh.

"I think I can manage that."

We spoke for three hours that evening. He told me about where they'd be travelling in their four days on the road and about the teams they'd be playing. I filled him in on my time with the physical therapist and my newfound hatred for wall sits. He put me on speaker phone while he packed and I did the same while I cooked dinner, muttering replies around mouthfuls of pasta because I was too entranced in the conversation to remember my manners and swallow before speaking.

It took twenty minutes after he said he should hang up and get to bed for us to actually hang up. Something he referred to as the "Minnesota Long Goodbye." When we'd finally disconnected, I clung to my phone, trying to hold on to the feelings of comfort and happiness that just listening to his voice filled me with. Less than thirty seconds after we'd hung up, my phone chimed with a text alert.

_**Missing you already, friend.**_

I laughed, texting him back and ordering him to get to bed. I collapsed back onto my pillows, burying my face and letting out a girlish squeal. _I am in so much trouble._

The next text had come the following morning after they'd departed on their road trip. He'd sent me a picture message of a cornfield with a note that read, _**Greetings from picturesque Iowa**_**.**

He continued to send me updates throughout their trip of road signs and small monuments as they journeyed to Tennessee where they'd be playing the Nashville Predators that night before heading north to Ohio and then returning late Thursday. Apparently the guys caught on because Edward's notes became interspersed with self-portraits of Emmett making funny faces and suggestive comments; he even managed to send me a shot he'd snapped of Edward, an adorable scowl on his face and his arm stretched out like he was trying to swipe his phone back. I set it to come up every time I'd receive an incoming call from him.

Every message made me smile. He was always friendly yet flirtatious and I was becoming more and more comfortable with responding in kind. He seemed to know exactly what to say before I even knew what it was I needed to hear.

Despite my resolve, I found myself falling for him that much more with every new chime on my phone.

My hesitation with Edward wasn't because I wasn't attracted to him. I was, almost embarrassingly so. Every time I saw him, or even pictured him in my mind, I found myself swooning and completely losing my train of thought. My mind just shut down and the only thing there was Edward.

If I was being honest with myself, I was scared, completely terrified was more accurate, of how he made me feel after knowing him such a short time. My experience with men was so non-existent and my knowledge of relationships in general was skewed by having Renee as my only real life example. Frankly her skipping around from man to man left a bad taste in my mouth. I'd always hated when she'd bring home a new guy. Before I'd even have the time to commit his name to memory he'd be gone and she'd be off to the next one, sometimes not even waiting until she'd ousted the first one to the side before she brought in the next. On top of all that was the memory of her failed marriage with my father. Our home had been a battlefield for that last year leading up to their divorce, a cacophony of screaming and shouting and thrown objects when Renee really wanted to make a scene.

Edward just seemed so…amazing. I didn't have it in me to disappoint him, so instead I continued to hold back.

My phone pinged just as I finished blending my milkshake, alerting a new text and making my heart leap with anticipation in my chest.

_**Just coming into town. Let me know if you need a shoulder.**_

_Could the man be any more fucking perfect?_ He knew I was down about Nationals. We'd talked about it briefly the night before when he called after he got back to their hotel after the game; the game I'd recorded to re-watch on my own just so I'd be able to pause it every time Edward was on the ice.

The girls and I had a standing date to hang out together and watch the game whenever the Wild played. Sometimes we were at my place, but a lot of the time at theirs since they'd gotten an extended sports cable package strictly for the purpose of catching every possible game their boys played. Now that's devotion.

What really threw me for a loop was that neither of them had asked about what happened on Sunday. With all the talk that went into our little outing, the only mention of it had been the next morning when Alice brought me back my skates and asked if I'd had a good time. I'd brushed it off and she hadn't brought it up again. I wondered if Edward had said something to her and was worried that she was only lulling me into complacency; waiting for me to relax my guard before she pounced and sucked me dry of every thought and detail about what had happened between us.

In the four days since what I'd come to refer to as _Bella's Gold Medal Blunder_, I'd spent more time overanalyzing the situation than I'd care to admit. In physical therapy I'd switched from counting reps to counting off the reasons I was insane to push him away. I couldn't think about anything else.

I'd stood there in the most epically romantic moment of my entire life and told the beautiful man kissing me to_ stop_.

Every text and call from him just drove the point home that much more. _What a mess you are, Bella._

Renee had been texting me off and on all day, just checking in to make sure I'd be watching that night and giving me pointers on things I should be studying and looking for in my "competition." No need to get lazy just because you're sitting on the sidelines after all. I was truly tempted to just shut off my phone for the remainder of the night, but then I ran the risk of missing a call or a text from Edward, and no matter how much Renee was bugging me, that just wasn't something I was willing to give up. His messages were the one thing that made me smile in the midst of this depressing nightmare of an evening.

A pounding on my door came just a few minutes before the program began and I obstinately burrowed into the couch, slurping my vanilla concoction through a straw and vowing to ignore whoever it was.

"Bella," Alice called through the door, "We know you're in there. Please open the door."

I really just wanted to be alone. I didn't need to drag anyone else down or let them see how truly pathetic I was acting.

Of course, this was Alice and she didn't give up easily. When I didn't answer, she tried her key. The door opened just a crack, the chain preventing her from coming any further.

"I'm serious, Bella, open the door. We're not leaving until you do so you may as well just get your butt over here and undo the chain. I can be really annoying if I want to be."

"She can, trust me," came another voice, one that caught me off guard and had me moving to the door before I could process my decision to let them in. I shut the door, unhinging the chain and re-opening it just a moment later. There in the hallway stood Alice, Rosalie and Esme.

"You're not watching this alone," Rose commanded, brushing past me to enter the apartment. I could do nothing but stand back and let them in.

"Hey, Sweetie," Esme greeted, pecking my cheek as she passed.

"Aww, I see you started without us," Alice said, taking in my set up of blankets, tissues and comfort food. "Don't worry. We brought back-ups." With that, she held up the grocery bag she'd been holding behind her back and started pulling out pints of ice cream, stacking them in my freezer.

"Here," she said, holding out a carton of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ben & Jerry's to me with a spoon and motioning for me to hand over the vodka shake. "Believe me, sugar and good company are going to make this night a lot better than alcohol."

I sighed and handed her the cup, popping the lid off the ice cream carton and digging in as I slumped toward the living room. Alice followed carrying spoons and ice cream to distribute as we all piled onto the couch, Rose on one end, Esme on the other, with Alice and I smushed in the middle.

The evening was full of laughs as they all kept up a commentary, gossiping about everything from the costumes and music selection, to moves they liked or didn't like. They distracted me with questions about what went on behind the scenes, grilling me on what the other skaters were like in real life, and I actually found myself enjoying the broadcast. For once it was kind of nice to just sit back and watch the sport I loved. Sure the pang of longing was still there and my mind was jumbled with thoughts like "Man, I could do that move so much better," or "I would use that piece of music so much differently if I was out there." I couldn't help myself, I'd always been a fierce competitor.

Edward would text every once in awhile, just little notes, typically something to make me laugh. I tried to be discreet with checking them and responding back, but that's tough to do with three people practically sitting in your lap.

The only downside to the evening were the occasional messages from Renee. At first I'd glance at them, rolling my eyes at her comments about the various programs. After the eighth one I gave up even opening them, only checking so far as to see her name before tossing it back down on the coffee table.

Halfway through the broadcast, the next group of skaters were in their warm up and the commentators were prattling on about the usual nonsense. I mostly tuned them out as I caught up with Esme a bit until I heard something that made my heart stop. My name.

Everyone was silent as we all zoned in the TV. "_Missing from competition this season is last year's champion, Isabella Swan, who seems to have disappeared during the off season. No announcements have been made as to Swan's official status and whether or not she's made the decision to retire. Swan, who was a silver medalist at the Torino games and a consistent performer, has been considered by many to be the United States' best chance to bring home the gold at next winter's Olympic games in Vancouver. Various sources have attempted to contact Swan's representatives, but have been unable to obtain a status report on America's skating sweetheart. She is not slated to appear at any of the remaining competitions of the season. Time will only tell if Swan has fallen off the map for good_."

"Ouch," I muttered, falling back against the pillows. Esme wrapped her arm around me and pulled my head down on her shoulder.

"That wasn't so bad," Alice encouraged, squeezing my leg. "It's no surprise that you'd be mentioned, Bella. You won last year and aren't there this time around."

"I know, it's not a shock," I agreed. But it still hurt to hear.

My phone rang this time with Renee's familiar tone. Apparently a text just wasn't going to do for this one.

I groaned and reached forward to silence the ringer, falling back against Esme's comforting shoulder.

"Your mom?" Alice asked, nodding to the phone.

"Yeah, she's in rare form tonight."

"What's her deal, anyways?" Rose asked.

"I don't know. She used to skate. She always wanted to compete, but her family didn't have the resources when she was younger. Then she had me..."

"Total stage mom, huh?"

"I suppose you could say that. My career has always been important to her, at times even more so than it was to me. You know I wanted to quit? When I was about twelve or thirteen I hated it. I just wanted to be a normal girl who went to school and had friends, crushes, boyfriends, whose biggest complaint was about having too much homework or too many chores. My skating was getting a lot more intense as I moved up the competition levels and I was so sick of it. I threw just about the biggest tantrum you could imagine, embarrassed the hell out of her. All she did was up my training hours so I'd be too exhausted to whine at her," I recalled, nuzzling into Esme as her hand soothingly stroked up and down my arm.

"What a bitch," Rose muttered and I merely shrugged, not really finding it in me to argue. Renee wasn't a very kind person, and though I felt like I should defend her, purely based on the fact that she was my mother, I couldn't justify it to the women surrounding me.

"I'm glad, in part, that she made me stick it out. I really do love it," I insisted, "I just wish I didn't have to give up so much in order to have it in my life, I guess."

"Did you even want to be a skater, honey?" Esme inquired softly.

"I guess so. I always enjoyed it and it seemed like the one thing I was actually any good at. I was so awkward and clumsy when I was a kid. Let's face it, I still am most of the time. On the ice I wasn't. I liked feeling strong and beautiful for once. And it made my mom happy, which used to make me happy. I never really thought about doing anything else. I guess that's why this whole thing has thrown me for such a loop."

Alice diverted our attention back to the program when the next skater took the ice wearing a monstrosity of hot pink feathers and sequins and we returned to our running banter. Coverage wrapped up for the night, set to return on Saturday with the free skate, and I mentally patted myself for making it through the evening. I figured the girls and Esme would start to gather their stuff and head out. I should have known better.

"So, let's talk about Edward," Alice commanded, turning slightly on the couch and resting her elbow against the back to face me.

"Alice," Esme chided her daughter.

"No. I've given you three and a half days to mope and overanalyze. That's my limit."

"What do you want from me, Alice?" I asked, slinking back from her slightly.

"I want you to tell me why you're pushing him away when it's so obvious that you like him. Don't even try to deny it," she rushed on when I opened my mouth, "You've had this giddy little smile on your face every time you get a text from him. And yes, I know they're from him, because you're certainly not getting that swoony look over notes from your mother."

"It's complicated," I muttered, picking at my sock and not bothering to argue with her.

"I'm a smart woman. I think I can keep up."

"Alice, I think you should leave this alone. It's between Bella and Edward," Esme spoke up as she stroked her hand down my pony tail.

"Bella, I'm only saying this because I care about you. I just want to see you be happy, and right now you're not happy. I wouldn't say anything if I thought that this was what you really wanted."

"It doesn't matter what I want."

"Of course it matters. Don't be ridiculous," Rose said, adjusting herself so she could peek out from behind Alice.

"He should be with someone who's more his equal. I'm sure there are plenty of women out there who could give him so much more than I could, who could make him happy."

"Honey, Edward and I are very close. I won't betray his confidence, but I will tell you that I've never heard him talk about a woman the way he talks about you," Esme soothed.

"Seriously, Bella, I've never seen him act like this over anyone. Not even his ex-girlfriend," Alice insisted.

"If you don't want anything more than friendship with him, then that's one thing, Bella, and that's just fine if you don't, that's your choice. But if what's holding you back is some misguided fear that you're not good enough for him, I'd really find that very sad," Esme said, nudging my chin around to face her. "He's a grown man, Bella, who is capable of making his own choices on what he wants and who he wants. You owe it to yourself and to Edward to give him that choice if it's something you want."

"But it doesn't make any sense! Don't you see? I don't have anything to offer someone like him. Over the last few weeks I've come to the realization that my life's a joke. I'm a pre-teen living in the body of a twenty-four year old. I'm not responsible for anything; I barely have control over anything in my life. All I had was skating. Every part of my life was devoted to what went on within the two hundred feet of the ice rink. Now, without that I just feel lost and pathetic. How could anyone find that attractive?" I ranted, "And he's just so perfect."

"Bella, I'm my son's biggest fan. But he is very far from perfect. He's stubborn and moody, he tries to make decisions for other people and he can be a bit of a hot-head. He cracks his knuckles and jiggles his knee when he's impatient or nervous, which shakes the whole damn couch. He's practically toxic after a game or practice and his hair's always a disaster because he can't keep his hands out of it. He's a good man, but he's not perfect," Esme entreated.

"You can't put him up on a pedestal, Bella. It's not fair to either of you," Rose urged.

"Or fine, put him up on that pedestal, but open your eyes and realize that you're good enough to be up there with him," Alice prodded.

"Seriously, take a look in the mirror," Rose continued, "You're gorgeous and talented and strong and funny. You're one of the sweetest people I've ever met in my entire life. So maybe you've been a little sheltered. That's not a fault of yours, and you left that behind. You were brave enough to leave everything you knew and come here. That makes you pretty amazing in my book."

"You're not pathetic, Bella. You've had your life handled for you and choices taken out of your hands, but you made the choice to come here. Your mom wanted you to stay in Florida and you stuck to your guns and did what you throught was right for you. So, take that determination and start following through with it," Alice implored, "Take charge of your life, Bella. What do you want? Because you're the one who needs to be content with your life. Your mom won't be around forever."

"Honey, we can tell you how wonderful you are from now until next Christmas. It won't make a difference if you can't see it for yourself. See it and truly believe it," Esme said.

"Look, we're not expecting you to run over there and confess your undying love to him. We know this isn't easy for you. You're just starting to break out on your own and everything's up in the air. You're probably overwhelmed. Just think about it. Don't turn your back completely on something that could make you _both_ happy," Alice finished, leaving me slightly dazed at the onslaught they'd just imparted on me.

"Wow. You three are a force to be reckoned with," I shook my head in admiration.

"Hell yeah we are! Wonder team power," Rose exclaimed, punching her fist out in front of her.

"Activate!" Alice cheered, touching her fist to Rose's with Esme following suit quickly after.

"Get your warrior fist in here, Bells. This is your official initiation," Rose informed me.

"Do I get a t-shirt?" I asked with a small smile, reaching my hand out and joining their circle.

An hour later when we finally wrapped things up and called it a night, Esme pulled me aside as the girls gathered up empty ice cream cartons.

"Bella, for what my opinion's worth, I think my son is very lucky to have you come into his life," she told me softly and I felt my eyes moisten at her words.

"Thank you, Esme," I managed, blinking back the tears before they could fall. "Your opinion means a lot to me. More than I can really say."

She held me close for a moment and I let myself relax into her, soaking in the maternal embrace.

After they left, I couldn't stop thinking about all the things they'd said and what we'd talked about. Esme was right, it really wasn't fair for me to make the choice for Edward. I'd had my choices made for me so many times and I hated to even think of doing that to him. I did like him. I did want more than friendship with him. But I needed to get my act together first. I wouldn't saddle him with my emotional mess. As I crawled into bed, I began outlining my plan for _Operation Bella._

x-x-x

Saturday night, we went to meet up with the guys at a restaurant in a little village on the outskirts of the city called the Chatterbox Pub. Heading into the evening I had my usual case of the jitters. Though we'd talked every day, I hadn't actually seen Edward since he dropped me at my door that night after the Carnival. I'd gotten to be so comfortable with him over the phone and worried that it wouldn't be the same when we were face to face again.

Apparently I shouldn't have worried. The guys were already waiting outside when we got there and Emmett pulled me into one of his signature crushing bear hugs, followed by a quick, friendly squeeze from Jasper, which surprised me a little because he'd never struck me quite as physically affectionate as the others, except toward Alice. Then I was face to face with Edward and I didn't have even an instant to feel awkward. The grin on his face was contagious as he pulled me into a hug, snuggling me close and holding on a few seconds longer than necessity called for. I let myself selfishly melt into him, enjoying the fact that I never felt my usual discomfort for displays of affection with Edward. His touch was always comforting yet exciting at the same time.

He uttered his usual, "Hey" as he pulled back, keeping a hand on the small of my back as he ushered me through the door with the rest of the group. The restaurant was fairly loud due to the Saturday night crowd, the environment hip and eclectic. There were the normal booths and tables, but there were also groupings of mis-matched armchairs and couches, one of which centered around a TV where a group of people were playing Super Mario Brothers.

"Have you been here before?" I asked Edward as we were led to our table.

"Yeah, a few times. The service kinda takes awhile, but they have a ton of board games and stuff you can check out, so we usually get one of those going."

When we got to the table, Edward pulled his coat off and made me burst into giggles.

"What's so funny, Swan?"

"Nothing. I just think I'm going to need to leave my coat on for the rest of the night."

"Why's that? What you got on under there?" he asked suspiciously, playfully pulling at the collar of my coat.

I unbuttoned it to show him the source of my amusement. "We match!" In fact, our outfits matched almost completely. We both work dark jeans paired with black and white Converse sneakers and a black and red plaid flannel shirt. His was unbuttoned and he wore a white shirt underneath, and I wore a black knit cap over my straightened hair, but other than that we were identical.

He smirked and shook his head as he helped me out of my coat and draped it on top of his on the hook. "I can't help it that I'm such a snazzy dresser that you want to copy me."

"Yeah, right. You're totally en vogue, Edward. What is that a Batman t-shirt?" I teased, nudging his flannel aside so I could see better.

"Hell yes it's a Batman t-shirt. Don't be mocking the style, flannel twin."

"Well, Alice hasn't seen my outfit yet, that's the only reason I was able to get this far without her yelling at me."

As if on cue, Alice spotted me and groaned.

Emmett chuckled and said, "Aww, it's like Sadie Hawkins. You two should go find the barn and have a roll in the hay."

I blushed, probably to the point where my skin matched the red of my shirt and pulled the knit hat down over my face just for a moment, cursing the genetic makeup that had saddled me with such an easily affected complexion.

"Bella, you're just as ensembly challenged as my brother," Alice groaned, "Couldn't you have worn something cuter? You know, not plaid?"

"It's comfy," I shrugged, defending my wardrobe choice.

"So are sweatpants and you wouldn't wear those out in public now would you? _Would you_?" she emphasized the last two words at the look of consideration on my face.

"Leave her alone, Ali. I think she looks cute," Edward interceded from his spot behind me.

"Of course you do, Al Borland. It's my job as your sister and someone with far better taste to inform you that flannel is in no way attractive," Alice lobbed back at him over my shoulder.

"On the contrary, I find flannel very sexy," he informed her as he wrapped his arms around me from behind and stroked his hand softly across the fabric over my stomach, bunching the material and rubbing it softly between his fingers. Then he leaned his head down and whispered in my ear, "It's very compliant to my touch."

I'm pretty sure my eyes bugged out of my head and my breath caught in my throat. It's very possible that I choked on my own tongue. My mind wandered into a completely-inappropriate-for-public place involving Edward and flannel sheets. And it was very sexy.

"Hmm. It seems you may be right, Edward. What do you think, Bella?"

"Huh?" I squeaked, my voice embarrassingly high as I snapped out of my daze to see Alice looking at me with a sly and expectant smirk.

"Do you think flannel's sexy?"

"Um, yeah. Sure. Can we sit down now?" I asked a bit desperately, extracting myself from Edward's arms and plopping down in the booth next to Rose. I saw Edward and Alice share a look as they sat down, sticking their tongues out at each other and concluding their disagreement.

The next two and a half hours were a blast, and very comfortable once I remembered how to breathe again. No one ever made me feel like an outsider, they treated me as if I'd always been a part of their cozy little circle. The longer I knew them all, the more I became aware of how much I'd needed this in my life—friendship and laughter, people who liked me and were interested in who I was and what I had to say. People who seemed to really care about me.

The evening was a frenzy of entertainment, whether we were laughing our asses off over a game of Apples to Apples, or bickering over who got the last of the seasoned french fries smothered in beer cheese fondue. We were so caught up in our game of Trivial Pursuit that we ended up eating with plates of food in our laps to make room for the board on the table. Every round or new game, we'd switch teams. Once it was boys vs. girls, another time couples, though it wasn't expressed that way since technically Edward and I were not a couple. When Alice called for a siblings round, Emmett called dibs on me, enjoying the fact that he finally had a partner in crime to fight the "wonder twins", aka Edward and Alice.

Teaming up with Emmett was a blast, though I feared for my eardrums. When the others were winning, he'd razz them with trash talk, trying to distract them into making a bad move. Every time we made a good play, he cheered obnoxiously and insisted on "exploding knuckles" complete with bomb-like sound effects. In the end, we won by a hair and I thought Emmett was going to pop my head off when he wrapped his colossal arm around my neck, snatching the hat off my head and vigorously rubbing his knuckles over my scalp while he declared our victory.

"Damn it, Emmett! You're going to suffocate me in your smelly armpit," I shouted, swatting at his arm to try and free myself.

"Babybel, you're the coolest little sister ever. Sorry, Ali, your services are no longer necessary," he teased and stuck his tongue out in her direction. "You and Eddie can go lick your wounds while Bella and I bask in our total domination."

During the remainder of our time at the pub, I savored the environment and the company. It was difficult to imagine that less than three weeks earlier I'd lived in such a solitary existence. I was certain that I'd never be able to return to that now that I knew what I'd been missing all along.

Sometime in the middle of the meal, I felt something graze against my calf under the table. Glancing quickly around the table, I honed in on Edward, sitting across from me. He was paying attention to some story Jasper was telling, but there was just the slightest hint of mischief in his eyes and he appeared to not be paying complete attention to his friend's words. Testing, I swirled my ankle, lightly nudging against the object that had been touching me. There. His eyebrow quirked, his mouth turning up in that signature crooked smile, and his jaw clenched just slightly. I grew bolder with my exploration, nuzzling my leg against his as inconspicuously as possible. The only acknowledgement either of us made was when he glanced over at me once and graced me with a wink. Other than that, we brought no attention to the mild flirtation taking place and continued to engage in our coy little game of footsie until the suggestion was made to head back to Alice and Rose's place for a movie.

Back at their apartment, Rose and Emmett curled up on the couch while Jasper and Alice snuggled in an oversized armchair. Edward and I sprawled out on the floor, lying on our stomachs, propped up on our elbows. We watched _Transformers_, mostly to appease the males in attendance, but I actually found myself enjoying it with Edward filling me in on the background, his whispers sending shivers down my spine.

Alice and Jasper ditched out halfway through, heading back to Jasper's place. When the movie finished, Edward and I glanced back to see that Rose and Emmett had fallen asleep at some point; Rose snoring lightly as she sprawled out on Emmett's massive chest, Emmett's mouth gaping open with just a hint of drool on his chin.

"Aw, isn't that precious?" I gestured back at them before resting my head on my arms in an effort to get more comfortable.

"Yeah, you'd almost think they were sweet and innocent if you didn't know any better," Edward chuckled as he rolled over onto his back, folding his hands under his head. I couldn't stop my eyes from wandering. Due to his position, his t-shirt had raised just enough to reveal a sliver of skin along his abs and a narrow strip of gray peeking out from the waist of his jeans. I tried to control the color flooding my cheeks at the sight, though the flush was most definitely due to the desire coursing through me, rather than my typical bashfulness. As much as I tried to contribute to the conversation we lapsed into, I was undoubtedly distracted by the visions of Edward and myself in various states of undress flooding my mind. Until I'd met him, I'd never been so bombarded with feelings of lust and desire, by erotic thoughts and the frustration of sexual tension. It was all so foreign to me, but I was beginning to actually welcome the foreign emotions he'd awakened in me.

My eyes started drooping as we laid there, talking in hushed voices with our heads close together. The last thing I remembered seeing that night were Edward's green eyes, this time in reality rather than just my imagination.

x-x-x

Monday afternoon, I walked into my apartment after my Physical Therapist appointment feeling distracted. That morning after working through our regular routine, Seth informed me that my knee was healing well and I was already progressively building up my strength and range of motion. Then he dropped the bomb and advised me to find a rink and start putting in some ice time a few days a week. I hadn't been expecting to get back on the ice for weeks, maybe not even until I'd met with Carlisle again in April. But Seth assured me that it'd be the best thing for me since it's where I'd gotten the majority of my exercise before the injury. He suggested that getting back on my skates and gradually getting back into my routine would help move along my recovery, the exception being that I couldn't jump, one foot needed to be on the ice at all times until he told me differently.

My mind was a jumble and my feelings mixed at the news. On the one hand, I was relieved and excited about the possibility of getting back on the ice, on the other I was nervous. I hadn't decided yet if I really wanted to compete again. Did I even want to try?

I didn't call Renee, but I did text Alice and Rose on my way home to let them know the turn of events. I knew they'd be excited, but it wouldn't crush them if I came to the decision that it just wasn't going to happen for me again.

Renee would be epically pissed off if I told her I was done, but I needed to stop basing my decisions on her reactions. Thinking of her first and me second was what had led to my sad state of affairs.

I needed to figure out what the hell I was doing. There were so many thoughts jumbled up in my head, each one fighting for the forefront. What should I do about skating? What should I do about Renee? What should I do about Edward? How long could I keep living in this odd state of limbo?

One thing was certain, I wasn't going to find any answers by sitting around my apartment.

Before I could second guess myself, I dug out the sheet of information on a local rink that Renee had found for me to get ice time when I got to that point. I called in and jumped on it when the woman said they had time available that afternoon. Changing and grabbing my bag, I drove to the one place I knew of that I could be alone to just think.

I pulled up in front of a large stone building and though I'd never seen it before, it was familiar all the same. Just like every other rink I'd been to in my life. In the past, the rink had been more my home than anywhere I'd ever lived. I'd spent more time there than anywhere else, that was for damn sure.

The sound of the cooling system always gently humming in the background, the scrape of metal against ice, the crisp smell of frozen water mixed with the dingy scent of sweat, the way the air caught in your lungs and prickled against your skin, these things were comforting to me. They said _home. _Now, I sat in my car in the empty parking lot, more afraid to go home than I'd ever been. There were so many 'what if's' running through my head. What if I don't belong here anymore? What if I couldn't do this? What's the point in even trying?

Finally, my more practical side kicked in. I'd paid to rent the space, was I really going to just sit out in the parking lot and mope? _You're pathetic, Bella, it's just a damn rink._ _Get off your ass and walk in the door._

I grabbed my duffle and walked to the door before I could revert back to my wimpy cowering. The doors were heavy, a welcome weight in my hands and I was met by the familiar wall of cold, crisp air as I entered the arena.

Metal bleachers lined one side while player benches lined the other, the ice marked with the lines and circles that made up a hockey rink. It made me think of Edward and I instantly felt just a little more at ease.

The building was quiet and empty. I'd rented the space for two hours this first time, not exactly sure how things would go. I'm sure there were maintenance people somewhere, but at the moment I was entirely alone.

I walked along the outside curve of the boards, my fingers trailing along the rim until I came to the hatch that would lead out onto the ice. It opened with a metallic clack and I stared down at the smooth surface, just inches in front of my feet.

I wasn't ready to lace up my skates. Even though I knew I'd been on the ice that day with Edward and the whole gang, this was so completely different. There, I knew there was no pressure to perform, to show results. On that day I was just a regular girl who didn't need to know anything more than how to skate around in a circle with her buddies. Once I set my blades to this ice it would be the real test of if I could get back to it or not. I'd need to try spins and spirals and I needed to be prepared to come to the conclusion that I was truly finished. I wasn't ready to find that out yet.

Instead, I shrugged out of my coat and draped it over the boards before stepping out onto the ice in my street shoes. Renee would be horrified at me, tarnishing the ice with the dirty soles, dragging little rocks out onto the clean surface. At the moment, I just needed to be here, to find the connection that I'd always had.

I walked along the edge, keeping close to the boards, until coming to a stop at the top of the oval, just behind where the goalie net would normally sit. I leaned back against the glass and sank to the ground, my knees pulled close to my chest as I felt the welcome coolness seep through my jeans and chill the palms of my hands.

_All right, Bella. Enough is enough. It's time to figure out what the fuck you're doing. There's no one here telling you what to do. There's no one here expecting anything from you. It's just you and the ice._

I closed my eyes, leaning my head back against the boards and meditating on the questions in my head.

_Do you want this, Bella? You, not Renee?_

_Why do you want to skate again?_

_Do you want to compete again? Because if you get that chance, it's you who has to put in the work. It's you who has to put yourself out there again. Renee could make all the demands she wanted but in the end it's your body that'll be taking the punishment of training, your nerves that have to make it through the stress and anticipation. It's you who'll be suffering if you fail, it's you who will triumph if you succeed. Not her._

Thirty minutes later I was still wrestling with those questions and searching for the answers as I stared out over the empty ice, when the door to the arena opened, a disruptive clang cutting through the silence followed by quiet footsteps.

"Bella?" The familiar voice squeezed my heart and I couldn't be annoyed at the interruption.

I raised my hand above my head, tapping against the glass and pointing down so he could make out my location. I heard him chuckle from just on the other side of the glass then the sound of his feet lightly jogging over to the entrance, only to step through the gate a few moments later and crossing to stand in front of me.

"You couldn't find a more comfortable spot to daydream?" he teased, looking down at me, one side of his mouth turned up in a small smile.

"This seemed like a good one at the time," I told him, leaning my head back so I could see him better, standing tall above me.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked, tugging the hair at the back of his neck with one hand. I shook my head and gestured to the empty space beside me. He folded himself down next to me, mirroring my position, his hand flat on the ice resting just beside mine, his pinky finger so close to touching my own that I could feel the warmth and electricity that always came from his touch. "How long have you been sitting here?"

"Awhile," I answered before turning my head to look at him. "What are you doing here?"

"I figured you'd be here. After you got the okay from the physical therapist."

"How did you-"

"Alice."

"Ah," I nodded in understanding and returned my gaze to the empty ice. "I didn't tell her I was coming here," I realized and lifted my brow at him. "What are you stalking me now?"

"No, no!" he exclaimed, holding his hands up defensively. "I was passing by and saw your car out front. No, really," he insisted when I continued to gaze at him speculatively.

"Edward, relax. I'm just giving you a hard time," I said, smiling at him to assure him that I wasn't upset. His features relaxed in relief and he dropped his head back against the boards.

"You know, I skated here as a kid. Back in Pee Wee league we had all our games here."

"Really?"

"Yup. You are sitting on the exact same ice where the legendary Edward Cullen got his start," he said seriously. I snorted and gave him one of those 'you've got to be kidding me' looks.

"So modest."

"I know, right? No, really though," he continued softly, the mock arrogance of his tone fading away, "It's always been my favorite rink."

"This?"

"Yeah. I still come here sometimes to skate when I want to get away. I remember getting my first goal here, my first penalty, chipping my first tooth. That's a hockey rite of passage, you know."

"I did not know that."

"I've actually chipped three and lost one completely."

"You're lying," I said, "Your teeth are perfect."

"I do not tell a lie, see?" he said, baring his teeth to me and pointing out the little notches in three separate teeth.

"It looks to me like you've got a full set there," I said, craning my neck to inspect.

"This one," he said pointing to the incisor just to the left of his front teeth. "It's fake."

"Huh. What was your first penalty for, do you remember?"

"Yeah, high sticking," he chuckled, "I was a bit…enthusiastic, I guess you could say. Man, my mom went nuts when they sent me to the box, had all the other hockey moms gasping in horror that sweet little Esme Cullen even knew what half the words coming out of her mouth meant. That's the other reason I love this rink, all the memories of seeing her and my dad cheering in the stands. They still come to as many games as they can, but there's just nothing compared to those days."

I smiled at him softly before closing my eyes and resting my head back against the boards. I was happy for Edward that he had those memories, but I couldn't help but feel a slight tinge of envy for what he had growing up, for what he still had. Just once it would have been nice to see Renee in the stands as my mom, not as my manager. I knew figure skating wasn't Charlie's idea of a good time, but it would have been nice to see him there _for me_.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked quietly, shyly. I realized I was frowning, and I didn't want him to think it was because of him or anything he'd said.

"No. You can stay," I told him without looking at him, then rushed on so he wouldn't think he was obligated to do so. "I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to, or if you have other things to do."

"Bella?" he quietly cut me off, and I turned back to meet his eyes, pools of emerald green that looked so inviting.

"Yes?"

"I'll stay."

"Okay. Thanks," I said with a small smile. We lapsed into a comfortable silence, just his presence easing my mental burden. There was always an underlying tension when Edward was near, it wasn't necessarily unwelcome, just an awareness within every nerve of my body that he was close by. At the same time his proximity caused me to relax and stopped my mind from racing.

"You know there's no street shoes allowed on the ice," he teased lightly, flicking his finger at the sole of my boot.

"What, are you gonna turn me in?"

"You know it. I take my ice maintenance very seriously, Swan," he answered dryly.

"Hey, Edward, what are those on your feet?" I asked with exaggerated curiosity, copying his gesture and flicking my finger at his sneaker, "Oh wait."

"Oh, caught in my own web. Why you gotta bust my chops, Swan?"

"Don't dish it out if you can't take it."

"Well, what do you say we both ditch the shoes and lace up our skates then. That'd solve the problem, wouldn't it?"

"I don't know," I said, closing in on myself slightly.

"Bella. It's what you came here for," he said, his tone serious yet casual, as if I shouldn't have any hesitation.

"I know. I just don't know if I'm ready yet," I muttered, squeezing the toes of my boots to give my hands something to do.

"Ready for what? You were fine once we got on the ice last Sunday."

"That was different," I insisted.

"It doesn't have to be."

"You don't understand."

"Then make me understand, Bella," he demanded, quietly but firmly as he took my chin in his hand and urged me to face him. "Don't brush me off, because I'm here, and I'm listening."

"What if I'm not this girl anymore, Edward?" I asked, exposing my insecurities to his penetrating gaze. "I don't know how to be anything else."

"Bella, being a figure skater doesn't define you. It's only a part of who you are." His hand softened its hold as his fingers caressed my cheek and I couldn't stop myself from leaning into his touch if I wanted to. But I didn't want to. I wanted to revel in the comfort he offered freely.

"It's the only thing I know."

"What do you love about being on the ice?" he asked, the tone of his voice shifting from soft and intense to his normal, casual cadence.

"What?"

"Humor me, Swan," he said, lightly tapping his finger on the tip of my nose before dropping his hand. "What do you love about being on the ice?"

I thought seriously about his question and realized the best answer was simple and honest. "It's where I feel happiest."

"And why is that?"

"Because on the ice I feel strong. I feel capable, confident. I feel like I know what my purpose is and who I am. I've never felt that way anywhere else."

"Do you think that all just disappears because you took a tumble? You tore your ACL, Bella, don't let it break your spirit," I gazed deeply into his eyes as I allowed myself to truly soak up his words. He was right. I was being such a baby about this. Why was I letting it all get to me so much? Skaters fell all the time, athletes were injured every day and they got back on their feet. Why would I be any different? It was only different because I was allowing it to be.

"Let's go," he said, pushing himself up to stand and offering his hand to help me up. "You're not getting anywhere by sitting here watching the ice melt."

I didn't hesitate before nodding and taking his hand. "Okay."

"So, do you have a routine or standard warm up?" he asked as we sat on the first row of the bleachers, pulling our skates out.

"Not really. I usually just do laps and stuff with my iPod."

"Do you have it with you?"

"Well yeah, but I'm not gonna wear headphones with you here. That's a bit antisocial, wouldn't you say?"

"Can I see it?" he asked, holding his hand out.

Digging my blue Nano out of my skate bag, I handed it over to him, showing him the playlist I typically used before he disappeared behind the stands. I continued lacing my skates, then strapping on my brace and pulling my multi-colored legwarmers down over the ankles of my boots. Less than a minute later I heard the opening of chords of Snow Patrol's _Set the Fire to the Third Bar _emitting from the speakers and echoing through the arena. Edward reappeared with a little smirk and sat next to me to quickly lace up his skates.

"How did you-"

"I can't reveal my secrets," he stopped me with a sly grin and a lift of his eyebrows. "You ready?"

We stepped onto the ice together and took off at a steady pace around the ice, easily matching the beat of the song in the background. _So far so good._ Nothing different than what I'd done at the Landmark rink. As we warmed up, Edward would occasionally increase his speed, which in turn caused me to increase mine to stay in line with him. At first it wasn't even noticeable, but then I started to feel myself falling behind him more and more. I'd grit my teeth and dig my feet in, rushing forward to get back in line with him. The third time this happened, I glanced over at him with a slight hint of exasperation.

He answered my look with a cocky smirk. He moved right in front of me, turning to face me without losing any speed.

"C'mon, Swan, I know you can skate faster than that."

I glared at him before quickly darting to the side and propelling past him, taking him by surprise a bit before he recovered and gave me a run for my money. We were neck and neck most of the way around the ice, but while I threw myself into my strides, I could feel him overtaking me as we neared the unspoken finish line.

"I win!" he shouted triumphantly as we crossed the blue line in the ice with him in the lead.

"That wasn't very chivalrous of you," I complained, shoving him aside lightly when he circled around me. "Didn't your mom teach you to always let a lady win?"

"Not when my male pride is at stake, woman. Chivalry takes a backseat when it's my manliness on the line," he joked back dryly as we made our way to the boards for a water break.

"You know, hockey skates are built to go faster, of course you're going to beat me," I said, leaning my elbows on the barrier and sipping from my water.

"Excuses, excuses," he drawled, sidling up next to me and nudging me with his elbow as he drank from his own. "You're really just gonna let me win based on an equipment technicality."

"It's not a technicality. It's a scientific fact that hockey skates are designed for speed and agility while figure skates are not."

"I don't know, Swan, from what I've seen you're very...agile," he said, waggling his eyebrows at me suggestively.

"What are you talking about, you haven't seen me skate," I deflected, chugging my water to quench my suddenly dry throat and cool my flushed skin. "Have you?" When he didn't answer I looked over at him. He was pulling at the hair just above his neck and smiling sheepishly. "Have you?" I repeated, needling him in surprised amusement and poking at his side.

"Maybe..." he conceded with a mischievous smile.

"Really? Macho hockey player Edward Cullen watches figure skating competitions? That's so...cute."

"Laugh it up, Swan. I just watch for the short skirts," he razzed me, lifting his eyebrows.

"So, what's your favorite move?" he asked conversationally.

"Spirals," I answered after considering for a moment.

"Cool. What the hell are those?"

"It's a glide on one foot with the other extended in the air," I explained, chuckling.

"Is that something you can do without putting too much pressure on your knee?"

"Sure," I shrugged.

"Awesome. Show me," he requested, hopping up to sit on the ledge and folding his hands in expectation.

"What? Now?" I asked, stepping back a bit and biting my lip as I wrapped my arms around myself.

"You got anything better to be doing? If you want to get back on your feet, you need the right motivation. Your favorite move is probably a good place to start, don't you think?"

"Yeah, but here? In front of you?" I clarified hesitantly.

"Bella, you've skated in front of millions of people and you're freaked out at skating in front of me?"

"Well...yeah. I just sorta zone out when I'm performing in front of a crowd."

"So, pretend I'm not here if that helps."

"I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"I just can't."

"If you can't give me a good reason then I'm just going to sit here all night until you do it," he said, placing his hands on the barrier on either side of him and leaning back slightly, implying his intention to settle in for awhile.

The look in his eyes left me no doubt that he would hold true to his promise. Or threat. However you wanted to look at it. Rather than argue, I decided he was right. It was silly to be nervous about skating in front of him. It was time to step up to the plate and see if I could still make the cut. I took off around the ice, crossing my feet over as I moved backwards to gain momentum. When I knew I'd gained enough speed to propel me through the sequence, I faced forward, extending my right leg well above my waist behind me and stretching my arms out. The cool air of the arena breezed over me and I could do nothing but grin and close my eyes as I came to one realization.

_I could do this. I had to do this. For me._

Skating for me was like breathing, it was natural; not always without effort, but essential all the same. There was nothing compared to the pure joy I felt when I was like this. There was nothing closer to flying. The jumps may get you air bound, but the stress associated with them had always voided a lot of the enjoyment in my opinion. For me, there was nothing better than gliding across the length of the ice in a strong, steady spiral sequence. As I curved around the far side of the rink, I lowered my leg and flipped to face the other direction, raising my other leg straight up behind me and bending at the waist until my fingertips brushed the ice.

_There's no place like home._

The second position took me back the length of the ice and I straightened up, taking a few steps to regain my speed as I moved into the final section of the sequence. The same one that had led to my injury, the fan spiral. I took a deep breath and forced the nerves from my body as I switched back to my left leg, extending my right in front of me, lightly bending my standing leg to support myself and fanning my arms out above my head as I swung in half circle, ending with a dig of my toe pick right back where I'd started from in front of Edward.

_I'd done it._

"Well look at that," Edward quirked his brow and leaned forward, resting his hands on his knees. "Now I thought that looked pretty fucking phenomenal. You're not too shabby, Swan."

"Aww shucks, I do declare that I've never received a sweeter compliment, sir," I trilled in a silly Southern Belle accent.

"Can't go letting you get a big head. It won't fit into your cute little hats," he said, snatching the cap from my head.

"Hey! Give it back," I laughed, jumping up next to him to try and reach where he held it above his head.

"Why do you cover your hair up so much?" he asked.

"I don't," I insisted, my brow furrowed in confusion.

"Yeah, you do. Practically every time I see you, you've got a hat on."

"You're ridiculous."

"No, really. The game, at the carnival, Saturday and now here," he ticked off on his fingers.

"Four times does not a habit make," I chanted, snatching my hat out of his grasp and stuffing it down on my head as I hopped back off the ledge. "Besides, it's winter in Minnesota."

"Bella," he whispered, lowering himself to stand in front of me, his hand reaching up and slowly sliding the hat back off my head, my hair falling forward over my shoulders. "You don't have to hide from me."

"You're reading too much into this," I tried to say as evenly as possible, not wanting him to realize just how much his words and actions were truly affecting me.

"Am I? I don't think so," he maintained seriously and had me looking up at him from beneath my lashes. Within his gaze, I felt completely bare, like he could see every part of me, but the exposure didn't leave me feeling insecure or uncomfortable. I didn't know what I felt or how to describe the way he was looking at me. The closest I could come was...adoration?

"It's really nauseating how perfect you are, do you know that?" I said, clenching my hands at him in mock frustration before laying them tentatively on his chest.

"Hope you've got a strong stomach, because I'm not going anywhere," he said softly, stroking the back of his index finger lightly down my cheek, before grasping my shoulders and nudging me back. "Now enough slacking, let's get to work."

"What?"

"What'd you expect? You do one awesome move and just call it a day? Is that the kind of training schedule that won you an Olympic medal? Because if so I'm totally switching to figure skating. Charmed life you people lead."

"Smart ass," I huffed at him.

"It is very intelligent, actually. Got a 2025 on its SAT's. What'd your ass get?"

"My ass didn't take the SAT's," I said, rolling my eyes at him.

"Seriously? Well isn't that the kicker. I banged my head against the wall for six months over that stupid test."

"I can see I really missed out on a lot," I said dryly, circling back and forth lazily to keep my legs moving.

"Oh, you did. The beauty of the SAT's was a little something called 'study dates.'"

"I'm sure you were a _very_ popular study partner."

"I can't help it if I'm gifted." He said, blowing on his fingers and rubbing them on the lapel of his coat.

"Do you need to borrow this to contain that massive ego, Cullen?" I deadpanned, offering him my hat.

"Thanks," he said, surprising me when he actually snatched it from my hand and tugged it down on his head, covering the sexy bronze mess of his hair.

"I don't know if teal is quite your color," I teased, gliding to stand in front of him and batting softly at his nose with one of the tassels hanging down from the ear flaps.

"You're just jealous that it looks better on me."

"You've got me there," I mused quietly, tying the strings in a bow under his chin and patting his cheek with a grin.

"So, what else do you have in your bag of tricks?"

At his question, the song over the speakers changed over and the bluesy electric guitar riffs of _Slow Dancing in a Burning Room_ resonated through the arena and filled me completely with the desire to skate. I'd always loved skating to this song. It was never anything I could use seriously, too contemporary for any competition and too sexy for an exhibition piece. But the beats, the rise and fall, were the perfect backdrop for the smoothness that I loved about figure skating and I'd come up with a routine to after the first time I heard it. I wouldn't be able to do the entire thing with my knee, but knew I could get through most of it easily. Edward was right. I needed to remember what I loved about skating. I needed to get my confidence back. And there wasn't a different routine in my arsenal that could do that as well as this one.

"I don't know about tricks. But I may have a few things up my sleeve, Cullen," I murmured coyly, giving him a gentle push back up against the boards and backing away to catch up with the routine just before the words kicked in.

I forgot about everything but the feel of the ice under my blades, the sway of my arms and my hips. What I'd loved about this routine was that I never had to think about it. There were no negative memories associated with it since it had never been performed in public, I had no memories of mistakes I'd made or points that had been knocked off. The music coursed through my veins and made me slightly euphoric. I'd always been confident on the ice and I was finally starting to get that back again.

Part of the way through, my moves brought me closer to Edward. He'd boosted himself back up on the boards and was watching silently, holding my hat in his hands. I gave him a small wink as I passed, but he didn't even blink and he had the oddest expression on his face. Edward sat on the boards with a glazed over look to his eyes and for a second I almost thought he wasn't watching me skate at all, that he'd spaced out completely. But every time I glanced over at him, his eyes had followed me and remained trained on my form. With a jolt, I came to the shocking realization that maybe Edward really liked my skating. Like, _really _liked it. I'd never thought of figure skating as all that alluring or sensual, but seeing the look of desire in Edward's eyes, I'd never felt sexier.

I decided to test my theory out a bit and added more of a swerve to my movements and a sway to my hips, giving myself over to the music and allowing myself to believe, even if it was for just a moment, that I was an enticing and seductive woman who could captivate this beautiful man in front of me.

Out of the corner of my eye, I discretely searched for any alterations to his behavior. _There. _I'd dipped down into a Bauer, a parallel lunge with a layback, and purposefully took my time raising my torso back up. As I came up I watched him and could see the subtle but unmistakable differences. His knuckles were white as his grip tightened on the hat still in his grasp. His jaw had clenched and I could just see his Adam's apple bob as he appeared to swallow. Then his knee started to bounce just slightly and I remembered Esme's recollection that it was one of Edward's nervous habits.

I had to turn away to hide the grin of giddy satisfaction that overtook my features as the glow of confidence and accomplishment flooded through me. There was no denying it. I made Edward nervous. Edward was attracted to me. Edward thought I was sexy. Me. Though he hadn't been secretive about telling me he liked me, seeing the proof of it staring me in the face drove the point home far more than any amount of words could.

That epiphany gave me the little boost of confidence I needed. I'd been casually flirtatious back and forth with Edward all week, but he'd always initiated it. It was time to give him something back. The next time I passed his side of the ice, I skated much closer to him, grabbing his attention and shaking him out of his daze a bit. I lingered close and crooked my finger at him.

"You just gonna sit there on your lazy ass all day or are you going to get out here and skate with me?" I requested, attempting to make my voice alluring and desperately hoping it didn't come off as ridiculous instead.

He smirked, rubbing his hands over his thighs for a moment before lifting himself from his perch on the boards, barely touching his feet to the ice before taking off to catch up with me. It took mere moments before his steps were perfectly matched to mine, our skates moving in unison as we curved our way around the ice.

As we rounded the corner of the rink, I felt the warmth of his body close in behind mine, not touching, but shadowing my position. His hands reached down and found mine, intertwining our fingers and raising our arms together. His chest moved in to press against the back of my shoulders. I'd never been a pairs skater, and I didn't think Edward had really done any before either, but our steps melded together so seamlessly that it seemed impossible that we'd never done anything like this together before. He brought my arms up over my head, expertly leading me to turn and face him, our arms now crossed in an x between us and I leaned into him, raising my leg in an arabesque before he tugged me back around.

I breathed deeply and decided to take a chance, lacing my fingers through his and pulling him gently into me, wrapping our joined arms around my torso, one at the waist and one across my shoulders, shuddering slightly at the intensity of the feeling of him encasing me so thoroughly, his head resting against the top of mine. I felt his arms slip away, still holding my hands as he turned me towards him once again. His eyes were dark and intense, a deep evergreen as opposed to their normal sparkling jewel tone. His fingers loosened, brushing against mine once before letting go and bringing his hands to rest on my hips, my own sliding up his arms to lightly grip his biceps. As the song came to a close, he laid me back into a dip, touching his forehead to mine for just a moment before he eased back and waggled his eyebrows at me. I giggled, grateful that he'd done something to break up the heavy tension that had formed between us as we skated. He'd promised not to push me and seemed intent on keeping to his word, which made me feel safe in exploring and expanding my comfort zone with this thing, whatever it was, between us.

"You sure you've never figure skated before?"

"Nope, never."

"Huh. You know they probably have an open slot on the men's Olympic team if you wanted to give it a go. You'd be really adorable in spandex."

"I think I'll pass."

"Oh come on, you and Emmett could do it together, a little _Blades of Glory_ action," I said, rolling my tongue in a sassy purr.

"Ugh. Great. Now I'm seeing my brother in sparkly pants. The horror of that man free-balling it in skin tight material was not an image I ever wanted in my head. Thanks a lot, Swan," he muttered, reaching out and digging his fingers into my sides as I burst into giggles and tried to escape.

"No, no, stop! Edward, please, I can't breathe," I pleaded between uncontrollable laughs as he continued his attack, until he eventually swept me up and threw me up over his shoulder.

"You've committed a heinous crime, Swan. You must be punished," he taunted me and I seized the moment, grasping onto his sides and tickling him from my perch on his shoulder. He jerked slightly and chuckled.

"You really have no idea what you just started," he warned, dropping me back lightly to my feet before he swooped in again. We chased each other around the ice, coming together, then breaking free and stopping only briefly to catch our breath before reengaging in our flirtatious war. I'd call for a truce and he'd sneak past my guard when he went to shake my hand. I'd feign surrender only to pounce when came close to help me up. In the end we sprawled on the ice, out of breath and exhausted.

As we lay there in contented silence, just gazing at each other, I finally acknowledged that I truly wanted Edward. As more than a friend. Being with him was easy, as natural as breathing, as skating. I was mildly afraid that would all change if we started dating, but he made me feel elated, like I could just float away on a cloud of bliss, and it was hard to imagine that would go away.

I still didn't believe that I was enough for him, not where I was now at least, but I finally believed that I _could_ get there. I _would _get there. I still felt like I had some work to do on _Operation Bella_ first. When I did tell him I was ready, I wanted to be capable of standing beside him as an equal. I didn't delude myself into thinking whatever happened between us would be a quick, casual fling. I wanted to be ready to enter into a relationship, one with the potential to last, not doomed to failure because one party was too stunted to contribute anything of worth.

Edward had told me he'd wait until I was ready and I trusted him. I made a silent promise then and there to not keep him waiting for long.

**x-x-x**

**A/N: See? We're making progress.**

**Outfits and extras on the profile. This time around I've got a Youtube for the song Bella skates to. It's not her routine, but it gives you an idea of how skating looks with the music. I've also got video of the Bauer move and the spiral sequence she does. I'm a visual person and I know some of you are as well.**

**And now...**

*****drumroll******

**I've signed up to participate in the **_**Fandom Gives Back Eclipse Edition Author Auction.**_** If you haven't heard of this, it's a wonderful organization that a few ladies put together to raise money for Alex's Lemonade Stand, a charity for Children's Cancer Research. This is my first time being involved as a writer and I'm very excited to contribute.**

**For my offering, I'll be putting up an**_** EPOV outtake from Take the Ice**_** for auction. The highest bidder will receive a **_**minimum of 5k words**_** in EPOV. **

**A lot of authors are encouraging team bidding this time around, where anyone who is interested pools their bids together. This is a great option for a lot of you to get together without having to spend a ton and still get the outtake. **

**If you lovely readers decide to do this and win with **_**more than 15 people on the team, I will add a second outtake, also from EPOV.**_

**As a bonus, I'm open to receiving **_**input from the winner(s) on what scene(s) they'd like to see from EPOV**_**. Delivery by August 15th unless the requested outtake takes place in a later part of the story that has not posted by the time of the auction.**

**If anyone is interested in heading up Team TTI, check out this website on teams: http://www(dot)thefandomgivesback(dot)com/p/author-auction-teams(dot)html and let me know so I can point people in the right direction. If a team is going to happen, it'd be nice for everyone to get in on the same one. There's no point in a competition happening if everyone wants to pool together. ;)**

**Phew. Sorry for the epic A/N. If you're still with me...drop me a review and say **_**hello**_**! Reviews get replies...with teasers.  
**


	7. Chapter 7: Stay the Course

**A/N: As you may have noticed, this chapter is a monster. Sorry. There was a lot to fit in and I knew exactly where I wanted to get within this span. I'll admit that parts of it may be tedious, but I highly encourage you to stick it out and read it because it is very important to the story. Don't worry, there's plenty of the cuteness and banter you've come to expect from me.**

**Thanks to Betamama aka FanpireMama and Caren aka Nerac for letting me steal hours of their precious lives by looking over "The Monster."**

**HUGE THANK YOU to all my readers-you blew way past 500 reviews with the last chapter and that just amazes me. **

**TTI was rec'd on The Fictionators (fangirl squee) a couple weeks back and I forgot to mention it. Lots of love to the ladies of the site and Isakassees, who guest reviewed!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created the characters, the story is mine. Copyright 2010: BellaMarie117**

**x-x-x**

I woke up to the blare of my alarm on Tuesday morning at six-thirty a.m. I felt refreshed, I felt resolute, I felt like I was ready to take control of my life. The previous night I'd laid in bed with a notebook and thoroughly outlined my plans for "Operation Bella." I had a checklist of goals I wanted to accomplish and numbered them by priority level. Alice would be so proud. I'd never seen anyone in my entire life make lists like that woman could and did on a daily basis. Hopping out of bed, I ripped the sheet of paper from the notepad and brought it with me to the kitchen, slapping it front and center on the fridge with a Minnesota Wild magnet in the shape of a hockey puck that Alice had given to me. Seeing that symbol holding my list up was sure to be a good motivator for progress. While I wanted to pull my life together for myself, the thought of being with Edward, _really _being with him was a definite bonus.

My first task was to get back into a routine. I'd always had structure to my life, and while I didn't necessarily want to return to the rigidity of how it used to be, I did want to gain back some semblance of order. Starting that very day, I'd be up at six-thirty, grab a quick breakfast and head to the gym by seven for an hour and a half of cardio, weights and stretching that would gradually increase as I got back to full strength and hit my stride. After that it'd be time for a quick shower with a little cushion to ease into the rest of my day. I'd run any errands that I needed in the morning; I still had my physical therapy appointments three times a week and on my off days I'd fill in with grocery shopping or what have you. Then I'd be back home to tidy up a bit and attend to any laundry, dishes or general apartment maintenance. Lunch next, and then I'd be starting back to daily sessions at the rink. Three hours was far less than what I was used to when I was competing, but it would do nicely for now. In my time there I'd be working on getting back my strength and my confidence, making baby steps toward getting reacquainted with the skills that had been lying dormant for the past couple months.

My evenings wouldn't be quite as structured. I still wanted to enjoy the freedom of this new life I'd dropped into. I wanted to have time to spend with my friends, now that I had them. I wanted to be able to just hang out and watch TV or read a book. Relax. My one concession to routine was that I'd need to return to a regular bedtime of ten-thirty to get in the rest I'd need with returning to such an active lifestyle. I could just picture the kind of hazing Emmett was going to give me over being a party-pooper for calling it a night so early, but maybe he'd surprise me. The man was a professional athlete after all; he couldn't be completely without discipline to his life.

Saturday and Sunday would be a bit of a break, but Monday through Friday my job was to focus on that routine.

Also high on my list was the task of contacting Marcus, my coach, and taking some sort of control over my own finances. Calling Marcus would be easy, the latter might prove to be a bit more difficult. Everything I had to my name was somehow linked to Renee. As time went on, I was starting to see more and more just how thoroughly she'd ensnared me in her web. My entire life had centered around her. She was involved in every part of it up until I'd left. That needed to change. If I wanted to be an adult, I needed to make some sort of break.

Her name was attached to all my accounts and I wasn't quite sure how to go about severing that link, especially without pissing her off to the point where she'd be showing up on my doorstep. Inviting Renee back into my life was definitely something I did not want at this point.

For the pioneer days of the new heading in my life, I'd be studying up on what it really meant to be an independent adult. From what I'd laid out already, it seemed pretty fucking boring, but the end result was sure to be satisfying.

Munching on a breakfast bar, I tossed on my workout clothes of black cropped yoga pants and a grubby gray t-shirt before lacing up my running shoes and grabbing my keys, cell phone, and iPod. I popped my ear buds in as I filled up my water bottle in the kitchen, turning it to my most upbeat workout playlist aptly named 'Kicking Ass,' before locking up and heading down to the main floor. I waltzed through the glass door in the gym with a smile on my face and a spring to my step. No more whiny Bella, no more pathetic moping and self-pity fests, no drowning my sorrows in a vat of fatty foods and ice cream. Well, that one wouldn't be disappearing completely. I'd grown rather fond of a few of the new foods that had been introduced into my diet since I'd gotten here. Like Hostess Cupcakes and Cool Ranch Doritos. Elimination would definitely be taking it too far. I still needed to have some enjoyment, didn't I? Moderation would be key and I rolled my eyes a bit at the thought that shifting back to monitoring my nutrition was probably a necessary "adult thing" to do. _Goodbye binges, it was fun while it lasted._

I was singing along, bopping my head to the sounds of AC/DC coming through my speakers as I headed straight to the treadmill to start my morning run when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I gasped, and probably shrieked slightly in surprise, though the volume of my iPod saved me from the full mortification of hearing the exact sound that came out as I whirled around. My hand flew to my chest in an attempt to contain my pounding heart, but when I saw who it was the pounding only increased, though the cause of it shifted from shock to a rush of excitement. There in front of me was Edward, in a gray t-shirt and black basketball shorts, showing far more of his delicious muscles than I'd ever seen due to the fact that it was the dead of winter.

"You scared me half to death, what are you doing here?" I shouted over the volume in my ears as I swatted him none-too-gently on the shoulder. He gently tugged the cord, dislodging the ear buds from my ears and knocking the volume down to nothing more than a faint buzz as they hung down by my neck.

"Concentrate much, Swan? We called out to you as soon as you walked in the door."

"We?" I asked, glancing over his shoulder only to find Emmett and Jasper resting on the seats of two different weight machines.

"Babybel! Top 'o the mornin' to ya, lassie," Emmett boomed, filling the room with his cheerful voice as he motioned us over. When I came to a stop next to him, he tugged me down into his lap, making me squeal a little bit as I tried to get back up. His mammoth arm barred me from escaping and instead I resigned myself to perching uncomfortably on his legs, attempting to avoid putting my full weight on him.

"Stop squirming woman," he chuckled.

"I wouldn't have to squirm if you weren't such a pushy oaf. What are you guys doing here anyways?"

"A little bird might have mentioned that this was _the _up-and-coming hot spot for active minded young adults."

"Oh really? Would this little bird be of the species Cullenis Alici?" I asked wryly.

"You've been studying up on your ornithology, girl! Way to rock that sexy brain. Hope you don't mind company," Emmett said.

"Seriously, you guys came to work out?" I asked, lifting my brow in confusion.

"Well, these sure ain't our church clothes, little lady," Jasper drawled.

"Don't you guys have some fancy-schmancy, ultra-manly weight room somewhere?"

"Well sure we do, Bella, but I bet it's a lot more fun to check out your cute little ass running on a treadmill than it is to watch a bunch of sweaty dudes struttin' around trying to show off their muscles."

"Aww, Emmett I'm so touched that you'd rather ogle me than a bunch of meatheads."

"I'm just a touching kinda guy, Babybel."

"Emmett, I have absolutely no doubt about that," I deadpanned.

"Touch, touch, touch," he teased, punctuating every work with a poke of his finger at random spots on my body.

"Emmett," Edward practically growled at him.

"See, Bella? I told you he gets testy," Emmett chuckled and Edward merely rolled his eyes, taking hold of my hands to try and extract me from Emmett's grip. Emmett held for a minute as the two of them stared each other down during their brief little tug-of-war.

"Hey, guys, didn't we come here to work out?" Jasper piped up. I gave him a look of gratitude as Emmett finally released me and Edward pulled me to his side.

"You're right, Jazz man, it takes daily maintenance to keep these beauties up," Emmett boasted arrogantly, flexing his bicep and tilting his head to plant a noisy kiss on the bulging muscle. "C'mon, Swan, give it a kiss."

"No way, Emmett," I said, shifting back a little behind Edward in case Emmett tried to shove his arm any closer to me.

"Aww, it's okay to be jealous little Olive Oyl, not everyone can have the big guns like ol' Popeye here," he grunted while giving a display to rival any body builder.

"Did you seriously just refer to me as Olive Oyl?" I scoffed, placing my hands on my hips.

"Yeah, you and your scrawny little girl arms," he said, circling his thumb and forefinger around my bicep and wiggling it.

I didn't respond, instead I glared at him with a haughty raise of my brow, and brushed past him, shoving him slightly aside on my way to the rack of free weights.

"Uh oh, Bitchbrow made an appearance. This should be good guys," I heard Emmett say as I internally smirked, glancing over my options and feeling the challenge spurring me on. I plucked out a forty pound weight easily, dropping it to my side as I looked right at Emmett. I stared him down as I did a quick, steady series of ten reps, never breaking eye contact or letting him see any sign of struggle. When I finished, I set the weight back on the rack and turned back to him. With a completely straight face, I mimicked his earlier action and flexed my bicep, turning my head to kiss it before crossing my arms and looking at him expectantly.

"Fuck, that's hot, Bella! What other tricks do you do?" he asked like an excited little puppy with a new toy. Instead of answering his question, I ignored his plea, clasping my hands to my chest in an imitation of a weakling damsel.

"While you tough men stay here and lift these big, scary weights with all that brute strength of yours, I'm just gonna take my scrawny little girl ass over this way and take a stroll on the treadmill for a couple minutes," I said airily, keeping up my mocking display as I looked up at him with doe eyes and tried to seem impressed before passing right by all three of them. Once my back was to them, I winced out a silent "Ow!" Forty was about ten pounds more than I was used to, but the look on Emmett's face was worth the little bit of muscle strain.

"Aw, dude, she's _pissed,__**" **_I heard Emmett whisper loudly as I made my way to the treadmills. I giggled a bit under my breath at his tone. I wasn't upset in the slightest, but he didn't need to be let off quite that easily.

"Well, Emmett you insulted the girl, what'd you expect?" Jasper asked as I stretched my calves out by the treadmill, pretending to be oblivious to their conversation when in reality, I listened in on every word as I chuckled to myself.

"I was just teasing, giving her a hard time. I didn't think she'd be so sensitive. How was I supposed to know?" Emmett asked defensively.

"Dude, you compared an Olympic athlete to a wimpy, anorexic cartoon stick figure."

"You're such a moron, big brother," Edward groaned.

"Eddie, you go talk to her. She's got a soft spot for you. Just go on over there and run your fingers through your sex hair a bit to distract her so she's not mad at me anymore."

"Sex hair, Emmett?" Edward responded, offense coloring his tone.

"Yeah man, that shit's got magic powers or something, chicks all fall under it's spell."

"You know, that's really not the right way to go about getting me to help you."

"Okay, okay, okay, Edward will you please go talk to Bella for me?" Emmett pleaded with a level of politeness I'd never heard him use before.

"Wow, Emmett. You must be really desperate, you didn't even call me Eddie."

"Just get your ass over there."

"Get off me, man, I'm going," Edward muttered in exasperation, "Go play with your dumbbells or something."

I was just finishing up stretching out my left quad when Edward reached me, stepping up on the treadmill next to the one I'd planned to use and leaning down to rest his chin on his arms, leaning over the side bar. "Hey, Emmett didn't mean anything by it, he's just doesn't always think before he opens his mouth."

"I know," I said easily, stepping up onto the mat and keying in my specifications.

"You're not really mad at him, are you?" Edward chuckled after a minute.

"Nope," I said with a smile that Emmett couldn't possibly see, "but he can sweat it out for a bit." He laughed and straightened out.

"Mind if I join you?"

"Don't you have iron to pump with your fellow y-chromosomes, Cullen?"

"The view's much better over here, gets the heart racing," he said as he started up his own machine.

"Are you really flirting with me right now?" I asked, a bit incredulous.

"Always, Swan."

"On a treadmill. When we're both in grungy workout clothes."

"No time like the present. I don't like to waste the opportunities that come my way."

"Alright then, Lothario, see if you can keep up with me," I challenged, pressing down the button to increase the speed. Thirty minutes and a good four miles later, we were both breathing heavily as we hit the cool down cycle. Panting, I stepped off to stretch out my legs again, catching both the water bottle and sweat towel Edward tossed to me.

I caught myself ogling as Edward ran his towel along the back of his neck, and then took a deep gulp of his water. A trickle escaped out of the corner of his mouth, running down over his jaw, down his neck and into his t-shirt. I spaced out a bit imagining the path it took under his shirt, over his defined pectorals, then down over the peaks and valleys of his abs, maybe getting caught in that little trail of hair leading right into—

"See something you like, Swan?" Edward's amused voice snapped me to attention as I realized he was fully aware of just where my mind had taken me.

"Nope, not a thing," I quipped, determined to brush it off like it had never happened, though the blush on my cheeks was a clear indicator that I was thoroughly mortified.

"Sure," he said, laughing a bit but not saying anything else. For a moment I relaxed, thinking he was just going to drop it. As we wiped off the bars of the machines, he casually pointed at my face. "Hey, Bella, you've got a little bit of drool on your chin there."

I reached the back of my hand up on auto-pilot before I realized that he was mocking me. I dropped my hand and glared at him before laughing sheepishly, "Very funny, Cullen. You're a riot."

"I thought it was pretty amusing," he said with a cocky smirk as he finished wiping down the treadmill before snapping his towel at my hip. I decided it was time to give him a taste of his own medicine. I remembered his reaction to me at the rink and wondered if I could elicit a similar one from him off the ice. It was certainly worth a try.

On the ground just behind the treadmills, I stepped my legs out past shoulder width, purring "Mmm, that was a _hard_ run. My muscles just feel completely _ravished,_" as I stretched my arms high above my head, my chest jutting out a bit and the hem of my shirt raising to show a good two and a half inches of skin, then bending in half to touch my toes with a moan of pleasure. It was a cheap move, but hey, he started it. I knew it had worked when I heard the most deliciously sexy, guttural groan from where he stood to my left. I smirked a little and slowly raised myself up to stand in front of him and innocently asked, "Something wrong, Edward?"

"God, Bella, you're driving me crazy," he groaned from where he stood, leaning back against the treadmill for support as he rubbed his abs like he had an ache in his stomach.

"I'm not trying to. Well, maybe just a little," I conceded with a giggle.

"That's just it. You don't have to try, even a little," he said, reaching forward to stroke the back of his hand over the apple of my cheek.

"Eddie," Emmett whined, bursting the little bubble we were in as he and Jasper joined us, "I sent you over here to help me out, bro, not get your flirt on!"

"I believe your request was that I 'distract her with my sex hair' actually," Edward said, lifting his fingers in quotation marks as he took a step back from me.

"Bella, are you still mad at me?" Emmett pouted, imitating Alice's puppy dog look. I pursed my lips to look like I was thinking it over and he hurried on, "I promise never to call you scrawny or Olive Oyl ever again. From now on you're like Xena, or Lara Croft, or Wonder Woman. Please don't kick my ass."

I gave in and laughed as he ducked under his arms in playful fear. "No, Emmett, I'm not mad at you."

"You should kick his ass anyway, Bella" Jasper suggested. "I'd pay big money to see you flatten this dumbbell like a pancake."

We made our way over to the weight machines, each working through our own routines. The guys apparently had a system of rotating musical selections, each getting a set of four songs of their choice before moving on to the next person. Jasper started us out with a variety of twangy country songs featuring Johnny Cash and Garth Brooks, Edward's was much more my style with the Stones and Aerosmith. Then Emmett's turn came.

"Emmett, turn that crap off!" Edward moaned when he heard his brother's choice.

"Dude, don't be hatin' on the Gaga. This is platinum quality shit right here."

"Emmett, you actually listen to this garbage?" I scoffed.

"Hell yeah, Babybel. You can't read my, can't read my, no you can't read my poker face," he sang along in a screeching soprano, pretending to sing into a microphone with one hand, aiming his pointed finger around the room and grinding his hips to the music.

"I think I just threw up in my mouth a little," I said dryly, returning to my reps. As I worked my way through the machines, I couldn't help but notice how nice this was. I loved hanging out with the girls, but spending time with the guys was just as much fun. It was different, but surprisingly still comfortable. Emmett was always joking around and Jasper was quiet but witty when he wanted to be. I never anticipated feeling such a close bond with the two of them, but they truly felt like two older brothers, at least how I imagined it would be. Despite my lack of experience of prolonged interaction with the male species, they never once made me feel uneasy. Then of course, there was Edward. He definitely did _not _feel like a brother, but the friendship I was already building with him rivaled what I had with Alice. Again, it was different, but just as great. Of course it didn't hurt that all three of them were devastatingly attractive and working up a nice sweat with those firm muscles. A girl couldn't help but appreciate the sight. _Seriously, it's like a puck bunny's dream come true,_ I thought._ They should take their shirts off and make a calendar. They'd make millions._

Finishing up my weights, I plopped myself down on the mat to round out my workout with some stretches. I started off on my back, lifting my leg and holding it down, my thigh pressed against my chest and knee resting against my shoulder.

"Geez, Bella, you got any bones in that body of yours? You're like rubber band girl," Jasper winced a bit.

"Dude, I bet Eddie'd lend her a bone," Emmett snickered quietly. Edward must have heard because he appeared right behind him and clapped him loudly over the head.

"What?" Emmett asked.

"You know what, numbskull."

After repeating the stretch on the other leg, I eased into a split, bending my back leg to hold my foot to the back of my head.

"Holy...err, Bella? You think you could help a brotha out, give Rosie some lessons, you know what I'm sayin?"

"Emmett, you perv, these are serious athletic stretches, not material for your dirty fantasies. You should be ashamed of yourself," I scolded him, waiting until he looked chagrined before shooting him a devious smile."Besides, who's to say I haven't already?"

"Babybel, you're fuckin' awesome," he exclaimed. "I could kiss you right now. But I won't, cuz I like my nuts where they are and Eddie'll rip 'em off. Dude, I'm totally diggin' out the Kama Sutra guide tonight."

"Emmett, for fucks sake, how many times do I have to tell ya' to quit talking like that about my sister when you're around me?" Jasper grunted.

"Jazz, dude, I can't help it that your sister's smokin' hot and just happens to be the woman I'm in love with. You're my homie, you're gonna hear things you don't want to."

"Jasper, just tell him about that time you and Alice fooled around in the backseat of his Jeep at the Drive-in, that'll shut him up," I spoke up from my perch on the mat and was met with the astonished looks of three men. Jasper turned bright red while Emmett and Edward burst out laughing.

"Jesus Christ, there is no privacy in this group. Bella, just you wait honey, your time'll come when this will all come back to bite ya' in the ass," Jasper warned me.

"Believe me, Jasper, I'm dreading it already," I groaned, moving into a wide spread eagle, my legs practically in a center split as I reached forward, resting my forehead on the mat.

"So...Bella...." Emmett probed.

"What?" I asked skeptically, my voice muffled by the mat when I refused to look up at him.

"What do you chicks talk about up there in your little female fortresses of mystery?"

"Oh the usual, hot guys, the pros and cons of thongs versus boy shorts, topless pillow fights, make-out experimentation..."

"Aww man...I wanna be a chick. I'd totally make out with me."

"Dude, she's kidding," Jasper said.

"It's still a nice visual," Emmett sighed with a bit of a far-off look to his eyes.

"Emmett, I'm going to say the same thing that I said to Alice...that's a little gross considering one of said chicks is your little sister." He immediately shook his head and shuddered, the dreamy smile giving way to slight revulsion.

"Man, Bella, why you gotta spoil my fantasies? Visual cockblocker," he muttered, looking like someone had just stolen his lollipop. I laughed and glanced over at Edward who had been strangely silent through the entire exchange. He was looking at me, but not really _at_ me. He had that same odd, glazed expression on his face that I'd noticed there a time or two before.

"You okay, Edward?" I asked and he jerked to attention.

"Uh, yeah, fine, just uh, just spaced for a second, I'm good," he stammered quickly, anxiously turning his head into his shoulder and coughing uncomfortably. A rosy hue took over his cheeks that I recognized as a blush. It always caught me off guard to see him like that. Edward always seemed so confident and self-assured, what in the world could cause him to blush? I was fully aware of my penchant to do so, but that was another thing I was determined to overcome. Grown women shouldn't blush at the drop of a hat.

"You sure, Eddie boy? You're looking a little _feverish_," Emmett said with a waggle of his eyebrows as he reached over in an attempt to check Edward's temperature.

"I said I'm fine, Emmett," Edward insisted, flicking his hand away. I noticed him fidgeting a bit as he tugged at his hair and he seemed to be purposefully avoiding my gaze. I couldn't stand to see him looking so unsure of himself, even if it was over a joking comment from his brother. Even if he was used to it, I didn't want him to ever feel even the slightest tinge of discomfort.

"You know, Emmett, maybe you'd have some color on your face too if you were doing more than just sitting around trying to look pretty. Why don't you get up off your lazy butt and build up a sweat like the rest of us?" I snarked, keeping my tone light enough to let him know I wasn't truly criticizing.

"Ooh! Dude, you got told," Jasper guffawed, clapping his hands in amusement.

Edward looked down at me as the two of them launched into a session of ribbing and I winked up at him, trying to offer just the slightest bit of the reassurance that he always seemed to be giving to me. The smile that spread across his face warmed my heart, filling me with a faint glow as I realized that maybe Edward didn't have to always be stuck encouraging me and making sure I was comfortable. Maybe I could comfort him too.

x-x-x

For the rest of the week, I stuck to my routine with slight alterations. For one, Edward joined me every morning in the gym. Sometimes we talked, other times we just plugged in our ear buds and worked out side by side in a companionable silence. It was nice to have the company and the added bonus of starting my days off with a sweaty Edward in loose shorts and a thin t-shirt was pretty great as well. The best part was always when he lifted the hem of his shirt to wipe the perspiration off his brow, giving me a clear view of defined abs and a truly enticing 'V' leading into his gym shorts. The first time he did it, I dropped the weight I'd been using for curls with an embarrassingly loud clang of metal. At least I'd been able to brush it off when he'd asked if everything was okay, claiming I'd just lost my grip and blaming the redness of my face on the physical exertion. It was physical exertion all right. I'd had to hold myself back from jumping him and attacking his jaw line with my tongue. I could practically taste the salt on his skin.

That was another surprise. As the days passed, my thoughts about Edward became increasingly more erotic in nature. Thank God he wasn't a mind reader because it would have been mortifying for him to be privy to the direction my brain went every time he flexed his arm, or licked his lips, or chugged his water. Or breathed.

Guess this was my mind and body's way of making up for missing out on that "boy crazy" stage of teenage-hood. All that lost time compacted down into days of constant sexual frustration. I woke up at night completely aroused and restless from dreams of Edward and I together, his hands on my body, his lips on my skin, the feel of his muscles under my fingers.

It wasn't just lust that permeated my brain. The sexual side of the attraction I felt for him was new and exciting, but there was so much more to what I felt for him. He was sweet, kind, and hilarious. He always made me laugh, and he got my sense of humor. He seemed to have endless patience, especially when it came to me, but he never let me forget the fact that he liked me as more than a friend. The flirtation between us was something I'd started looking forward to every morning and I had to say, I was actually getting pretty good at it. It always gave me a surge of confidence to see the signs that I was affecting Edward just as much as he affected me and little by little I became less inhibited around him, not having to concentrate as much on what I should say before I said it. After our workouts, he'd leave to go home, usually followed by afternoons at practice or prepping for an evening game. Some days he'd have work to do for local endorsement deals or charity organizations. Every morning when we parted, I felt a slight pang at having to say goodbye. The morning had easily become my favorite part of the day. Emmett and Jasper had shown up one other time, but typically it was a time for just the two of us.

Though I was sad to see him go every morning, my days were fulfilling. I felt like me again. Not the same me I'd been before, but a new me, and I felt, a better me. I had goals—both on and off the ice—and I had the determination to succeed in those goals in both areas.

Early on in the week, I sat down and started mapping out a budget, with Alice offering up her knowledge. She had a lot of experience working with them in her event planning, and though budgeting a wedding was completely different from plotting out day-to-day expenses, I still trusted her judgment.

I had a small checking account of my own and was given a monthly allowance to handle my expenses. The majority of my funds were wrapped up with Renee's. I'd still been a minor when my career took off and the money started coming in and once I turned eighteen there had been no discussion on changing that arrangement. Somewhere down the line that would need to be dealt with. In the meantime I needed to find some sort of disposable income that wouldn't raise too many red flags with Renee. I thought about finding a job, but if I planned to return to training I'd only have to quit a couple months down the road. I'd stewed over that for two days before inspiration struck one afternoon while driving to the rink.

The car. The hoity-toity monstrosity. I hated it from the beige paint job to the ostentatious upgrades. The thing probably cost a fortune and was way too extravagant. I'd be just as happy driving a used sedan, and Renee had paid in full. With my money, technically. So, why not kill two birds with one stone?

The next morning at the gym I'd mentioned to Edward that I was thinking about trading it in, not filling him in on the motivation behind my sudden decision. He'd eagerly offered to help me hunt for a new car and work with a dealer to trade.

Part of me had been stubbornly determined to get through "Operation Bella" all on my own. I was tired of having everything handled for me. I didn't want to shift from letting Renee run my life to letting someone else take over. But neither Alice nor Edward tried to overpower me. Even with their help, I knew I was in control of the final decisions. They never tried to talk me into one direction over another, merely helped lay out my options and left the choice up to me.

Edward helped me narrow down what I needed in a car and went with me to test drive a few. The entire process was slightly overwhelming with all the different options and specs, but in the end I was happy with my choice to trade in the BMW for a little used royal blue Mazda 3. It was sporty, which I liked, and offered up great safety ratings, which Edward insisted on. The price difference left me with a nice chunk of cash to add to my account, and the satisfaction of making a large purchase primarily on my own. Once I actually had money in my account, I put a call into my landlord to ask about the procedure to have the lease changed over to my name and wrote a check for the next six months of rent payments.

On the ice, I'd started to gain a lot of my confidence back. It was rare that I had an audience, though the girls had shown up with lunch one day, and Edward had come and asked me to take a break so we could go grab some cocoa together at a local coffee house. On my own in the rink every day, I was able to focus on my skating, working on skills that I wanted to improve, playing around with combinations I thought about incorporating into future programs. No one else was there dictating to me, yet I didn't have trouble staying focused and motivated on my own.

I was fully aware of the fact that when—not if—I returned to competitive training, I'd need help. With that in mind, I put in a call to Marcus, the coach I'd been working with for six years. He'd gone to Torino with me, he knew my strengths and weaknesses, and I was confident he'd listen to me. It had always been clear that he and Renee didn't mesh well, but she stuck with him because he was a great coach who produced results.

Marcus had been excited to hear from me as I filled him in on my progress; what the doctor had said, what I was doing with Seth in physical therapy, what I was working on at the rink. He was encouraging and gave me a few pointers of his own. He also assured me that he'd be willing to come to Minnesota when I got the green light, all I had to do was give him a call. I was relieved to have the guarantee of a good coach who knew me to help me dive back in.

I knew Renee wasn't gone from my life, and while I was seeing more and more of how wrong her actions had been for so long, I still had hope that things could get better. She was still my mother. Despite her flaws, I needed to believe that at the core of it all, she wanted what was best for me, that she loved me. The past few times I'd spoken to her, she'd actually been fairly pleasant. I think the fact that I was back on the ice every day had pacified her just a little and significantly cut down what she could bitch at me about. Of course I didn't tell her about the car, or really any of the changes I'd been making in my life. No need to call in the wrath on myself before I knew I could weather the storm. While I was steadfast in the direction I was heading, I wasn't about to rock the boat by inviting her back into my life so early in my journey toward independence. I was fully aware that I wasn't ready to face her yet and stand my ground.

Sunday afternoon, we went to the last Wild home game the guys had before they went out on the road for nearly two weeks. Esme and Carlisle were there again, and it was great to see them. Carlisle asked about how my knee was feeling and Esme pumped me for details on how I was doing now that I was back on the ice. She and I sat with our heads together chatting for a lot of the game and I was amazed once again at how comfortable I felt with her after spending so little time in her presence. She was the embodiment of grace, her very nature was soothing.

The game ended up in a tie, but it was just as much fun as the first game had been, more so even due to the fact that I really knew three of the players and felt more knowledgeable about what was happening on the ice. I found myself jumping to my feet and shouting right along with Esme when one of the opposing team's players hooked his stick around Edward's wrist while on a breakaway, and cheering loudly when Emmett scored a goal to put them in the lead for most of the second period. During one of the intermissions, Alice and Rose had taken me to "The Hockey Lodge" aka the store filled to the brim with all sorts of Wild paraphernalia. Everything from t-shirts and sweatpants to autographed pucks and key chains. There was even a shelf displaying bobble heads of many of the players on the team. I was sorely tempted to get a little Edward for my bookshelf.

I did splurge a little, getting myself a pair of comfy sweatpants with the team logo and a couple of long sleeved t-shirts. When Alice and Rose mentioned wanting to grab a snack before the game started back up, I shooed them out and told them I'd meet them back at our seats. With them gone, I snuck to the far back wall, nervously glancing around to make sure no one I knew was close by and tugged down an oversized jersey with E. Cullen and his number, 10, prominently displayed on the back. I chose their green version, the one he'd been wearing the first night I saw him play and quickly folded it up, stuffing it to the bottom of my pile as I headed to the checkout line. I didn't want anyone to know that I'd bought it and made sure it was buried deep inside the opaque bag that I carried back to the stands with me. I just wanted it for myself. He'd be leaving for thirteen days and maybe having that little piece of him close by would help me miss him just a little less. And I would miss him, I knew that without a doubt. I was already dreading the next morning when I'd walk through the glass doors of the workout room to find it empty.

After the game wrapped up, we decided to head back to Alice and Rose's place and order some late-night pizza. I broke my self-imposed bedtime and I knew I'd pay for it the next morning, but it was worth it to spend a little extra time with the guys before they left. We started up a game of Texas Hold 'Em, with Edward initially pairing up with me to teach me the basics.

It was hilarious to see how differently each of them played. Alice barely paid any attention, betting randomly and paying more attention to distracting everyone with random gossip. Rose had a terrible poker face and it was easy to see when she was thrilled with her cards or disgusted at her draw. Jasper was surprisingly fidgety, his fingers always on his chips, shuffling them elaborately, stacking them, laying them out and re-stacking them. Edward was a stone wall, he didn't flinch and barely moved a muscle to lift the corner of his cards before quickly laying them flat again. I had no idea how he even saw what he had half the time. Emmett had his baseball hat pulled low and a pair of dark sunglasses on in an attempt to hide his reactions. During the hand he was fairly still, his concentration rivaling Edward's. The difference came at the end of the hand when Emmett would very vocally express his take on the previous hand, shoving his victories in everyone's faces, or making up excuses for why he'd lost, usually with a lot of vulgar language. His favorite complaint was that Alice didn't know what she was doing and kept throwing off his groove by staying in a hand that she had no business betting on.

After the first round I felt like I'd finally gotten the hang of it and broke off on my own. An hour into round two, Alice had bombed out in flames when she went all-in on a pair of threes, with Rose following shortly after. Jasper was down to his last few chips, Emmett was dominating and Edward and I were fairly evenly matched in the middle. Rose was dealing the hand and when I lifted the corner to find pocket aces. I had to bite down on my lip to hide the giddy grin that wanted to escape. I calmly set down my cards and called, moving the play along. Rose laid out three cards for the flop: king, ace, two, a heart and two clubs. I ran my tongue along my teeth and tried to look hesitant as play went around. Emmett raised the bet immediately by fifty, followed by Jasper calling. I chewed my lip, counting out my chips and taking my time.

"What's a flush again?" I asked, trying to sound a bit clueless.

"It's when all your cards are the same suit. Like all clubs," Edward explained patiently.

"Oh, right. Hmm. I guess I'll call."

Edward quickly called as well and Rose laid down the turn card. Queen of spades.

The check went around the table as the remaining three players considered the options. I decided it was time to up the ante a bit and threw in a minimal amount, hopefully not enough to scare anyone away. The call went around the table with no one surrendering and Rose pulled out the river to the fucking ace of diamonds. Four aces. I couldn't believe it. I gave nothing away as Emmett raised the bet. He couldn't possibly have anything better. There weren't any options for a straight or a flush. Jasper called and I jumped on it, pushing forward a stack of chips and raising a decent amount. Edward folded, Emmett called and Jasper pushed the rest of his chips forward to go all in. With the bets on the table, Jasper flipped his cards to show King, three. The double aces gave him two pair. Emmett cheered and flipped his to show King, Queen, just barely knocking Jasper out of the game. I just sat back, smiling lightly as I watched him prematurely celebrate.

"Hold on a sec, Em. Don't you want to see what Bella has?" Edward piped up.

"She went for the flush, Eddie, you heard her, but fine, flip 'em there, Babybel so I can collect my winnings."

"You're right, Em, I probably shouldn't have stayed in for so long. I don't know what I was thinking," I said, flipping up the ace of clubs first and watching with a smirk as his face fell.

"Shit, the newb swiped me with an ace in the hole," he lamented, flopping back in his chair.

"Don't you wanna see my other card, Emmett?" I asked sweetly.

"Whatever, Bella, you already won," he pouted.

"Yeah," I sighed. "But the beautiful thing is, not only did I win...I kicked your ass," I said as I flipped the second ace over in my hand.

"You've gotta be fucking kidding me," he said as his jaw dropped and he swiped the card from my fingers, holding it close to his nose like the face would change if he stared at it hard enough. "You had fucking pocket rockets?"

"Bella, nice play there," Jasper said, giving me a high five and pushing chips at me as he laughed at Emmett sitting there dumbfounded as he stared at the cards in front of him. "I don't mind one bit losing out to ya'. Teach this goon a lesson, he needs to get knocked down a few pegs."

Alice settled herself into his lap, her head snuggled into the crook of his neck and his hand securely resting around her waist, his fingers playing with the hem of her shirt. The look on both their faces was one of pure contentment. Seeing them together made me long to have that for myself, that confidence that you belonged in the other person's arms and that you'll always be welcomed there. Glancing over at Edward as the cards were dealt, he caught my eye and gave me one of his deadly combinations of a crooked smile and a subtle wink, and for the first time I started to feel like I had the potential to have that someday.

The next hand, Edward folded right away, leaning back in his chair to watch the action unfold. He edged in closer to me, his fingers snaking their way to my cards before I smacked the back of his hands. "No peeking. You wanted to see my hand, you shoulda put your money in."

"Sheesh, killer," he laughed before brushing his nose against my ear and whispering, "I like it when you're all forceful. We'll have to play a private game sometime, just you and me."

"Edward?" I sighed, purposefully breathless as I turned to look up at him through my lashes, our faces close together as I made a point to lick my lips and put on what Alice and Rose had referred to once as my "bedroom eyes."

"Yeah?" he asked, barely more than a throaty grunt as his eyes deepened to a dark forest green.

"Don't even try to distract me. I'm on a roll here and I fully intend to kick your brother's ass," I whispered to him before giving him a cheeky pat on the jaw.

"Minx," he muttered, leaning back into his seat and shifting a bit uncomfortably.

"Fair game, Edward. You can't be the only one having all the fun. Let's just call this payback for that little stunt you pulled at the Chatterbox with my flannel."

"Stunt, what stunt?" he asked innocently, "I sincerely enjoyed the feeling of your fabric. In fact, you should wear flannel more often, gives me an excuse to get my hands on you."

"Something tells me you don't really need an excuse to try."

"You complaining, Swan?"

"I didn't say that, Cullen," I said, turning my attention back to the cards on the table.

In the end, Emmett's refusal to accept the fact that a newbie, a girl newbie at that, could whip his ass is what finished him. He played every hand, desperately throwing chips out left and right to try and get back in the game. Edward took him out easily with a pair of tens to Emmett's failed attempt at a straight.

By then it was well past midnight and rather than dragging it out any further, Edward and I called a draw with his whispered assurance that we'd pick it up some other time. I felt a shiver down my spine and instantly knew exactly what I'd be dreaming about that night.

Edward dropped me at my door when we called it a night so the guys could head out and get some sleep. We stood there a bit awkwardly for a moment, both a little unsure how to leave things. I wanted to hug him, but didn't feel comfortable initiating it. No matter how many times he'd told me he liked me, or shown me with his actions, I couldn't quite shake the lingering fear that he'd reject me, or that he'd wake up and realize that he was too good for me. Yes, I was making progress, but I wasn't ready to just let go of my insecurities and jump unhesitatingly into his arms.

"Will you text me from the road?" I asked shyly, clasping and unclasping my hands in front of me.

"Yeah," he answered, placing his hands over mine to still their movement and instantly settling some of my nerves with his touch. "It works both ways, you know. You don't always have to wait for me to text you first."

"'Kay," I said softly, staring down at our joined hands.

"Bella?" he asked and I looked up at him. He wrapped his arms securely around me, one around my lower back and the other over my shoulder as his fingers twined into my hair, lightly grazing the nape of my neck. I slid my arms around his torso and rested my head on his chest, feeling my entire body melt into his. His cheek came to rest on the crown of my head, and it seemed to me that his body relaxed into mine just as thoroughly as my own. He stood there for a minute, not speaking or making any indications of separating anytime soon until he squeezed his arms tightly around me once.

"Have a safe trip," I said as I slipped out of his arms, "Try not to lose any more teeth."

He laughed and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear before lightly flicking his finger down my nose, "No promises." He gave me a crooked little smile and turned to leave.

"Edward?" I asked suddenly, my hand jutting out to hold onto his wrist. He turned back, his eyes questioning. I had to give him some indication of my feelings before he left. I stammered a bit and couldn't look him in the eye, but I managed to get the words out. "I'm uh, really going to...miss you," I said, biting my lip and finally looking up at his face. I didn't have time to take in his expression before his arms were around me again, this hug just a little more firm than the last.

"I'll miss you too, Bella," he whispered as I burrowed into him for just another moment. I felt the softest pressure of his lips on my forehead before he pulled back, squeezing my hands once before dropping them. "I'll talk to you tomorrow," he said, waiting until I nodded to him before he turned once again to leave. Watching him go, I realized that half my brain was ready to just throw caution to the wind, run after him and kiss him. The more sensible part told me to stick to the plan, get through my goals and then I'd be free to run after him all I wanted.

The thirteen days they were gone alternately flew by and dragged on. Anytime I talked to Edward on the phone, it seemed like we only spoke for minutes before having to hang up, when in reality it was typically close to an hour. My mornings in the gym seemed to drag on forever without his presence. There was a game on TV almost every other night and Alice, Rose and I would settle in to watch. It helped to be able to see him on the screen, even if his face was obscured by the mask of his helmet most of the time. Since they were always the away team, the crowd was never very supportive. Their goals were met with quiet groans as the crowd seemed to pretend nothing happened, their good plays were met with booing and their mistakes with cheers. In an effort to make up for it, the three of us cheered our heads off for them. Obviously they couldn't hear, but it still seemed like the right thing to do.

I loved my time out on the ice. With the music playing and my skates on my feet, the world just slipped away entirely for a few hours.

I missed Edward, to the point where it was obvious to me that I couldn't keep holding back for much longer. My feelings for him were so much more than friendship and I wasn't sure how long I could keep up the charade. A part of me was nervous at how deeply I felt for him already, worried that jumping into a relationship with him would swallow me whole. Every part of me yearned for him and I knew it couldn't possibly be healthy to think about him as much as I did. The thing that gave me hope was that I was still functioning fine without him there. I kept to my routine, I had fun with the girls, my laundry got done and my apartment was mostly clean. Sure, I'd indulge in snuggling into the couch with some blankets and a bowl of ice cream every once in awhile while re-reading his texts or listening to his voice in his messages, but that was fairly normal, wasn't it? And maybe I slept in his jersey almost every night, but mostly because it was comfortable, not entirely because it soothed me to imagine his arms wrapped around me instead of the fabric.

While he was gone, I was determined to dig in and make progress to bring me that much closer to my goals by the time he returned. I started researching all the different competitions available to my class, which ones I'd need to attend to qualify and where I'd get a bye to advance as a result of my previous ranking. Renee had always submitted me to any competitions I attended and I was sure there was some sort of strategy to it all. It couldn't hurt to bone up on my knowledge of just what went into that side of my career.

Edward texted me every day and tried to call me every night, though he admitted once to not wanting to disturb me when their games ran late as he knew I was still putting in early mornings. It took me ten days before I mustered up the courage to take his advice and call him first. The elated surprise in his voice on the other end smoothed away every nerve I'd felt in dialing.

Any time I felt myself swooning at his words, or blushing over a text, I reminded myself: _Just stay the course, Bella, the reward will be worth it in the end._

x-x-x

I sat in the lobby of a little deli on Thursday, waiting for Esme. She'd called me earlier in the week, asking me to join her for lunch and I had no hesitation about accepting the invitation. I really enjoyed spending time with Esme, she was just so friendly and irresistible. It was easy to see where her children got it from. The Cullens must have been some sort of supernatural coven, because in only a few short weeks I'd fallen under their spell and couldn't imagine my life without a single one of them.

The click of heels coming through the doorway had me glancing up to see Esme, slightly out of breath as she hurried in the door.

"Oh, Bella!" she called as she saw me, crossing over to wrap me in a quick hug. "I'm so sorry to keep you waiting, traffic was a mess. Don't you look lovely, that shade of blue is very becoming on you."

"Thanks," I said, flushing a bit, unused to accepting those kinds of easy compliments. While Alice and Rose seemed to consistently try to bolster my confidence and Edward made me sigh when he called me beautiful, I'd never had a parental figure who was so free to offer praise, even such a casual remark as Esme's had been.

We got a table quickly and engaged in easy small talk over the menu selections as we made our choices and put in our orders.

"I'm so glad you agreed to lunch with me, Bella," Esme said, giving my hand a friendly pat on the table.

"Thanks for asking me," I returned shyly.

"I hope you don't mind me saying this, and please know that I feel no sense of charity or pity toward you. You're a grown woman and you're very capable of managing yourself, even if you're only just starting to realize it. From what you've said, it seems as though you're not very close to your mother, that your relationship has never been the most, well, loving or supportive I guess. I know what it's like to grow up with a disapproving mother figure, Bella. It can be very difficult to blossom when the weeds are trying to hold you down," she said, a tone of sadness to her voice.

"My mother was a very hard woman to please, very cold and only concerned with image. She and my father had a loveless marriage, but remained together for appearance sake. You didn't get divorced back then, it was far too scandalous. Besides, my father kept her more than comfortable and she was free to spend her days at the country club. I was their only child, and honestly I think the only reason they had me was because it was expected," she said, pausing as our food was delivered, lightly thanking the waiter and gesturing for me to eat as she picked up her own fork, continuing on between bites.

"I grew up with nannies, some stuck around for awhile, others only stayed a few weeks. My mother was a very harsh employer and very critical. When I was old enough, she wanted to groom me to follow in her footsteps. Marry rich and live a comfortable and fairly meaningless life. I was only able to get away for college because my father insisted to her that I go. It was the only time I saw him stand up to her. He usually just sat by and let her take on the role as the parent; he was barely home, concentrating on work and probably avoiding as much interaction with her as possible. Once I left for school I was able to see that there was a whole world that my mother wasn't a part of and that I didn't have to end up like her. And then I met Carlisle, who helped me see that the idea of marriage doesn't have to be a trap or just a legal contract that you enter into because everyone expects it of you. When you love someone, it can be one of the most wonderful gifts you could ever give or receive.

"Bella, I told you this, because I hope that if you'd like someone to talk to, you'll feel comfortable coming to me. I know you do have a mother of your own, and you have Rose and Alice who are both wonderful people and very good listeners. But if you need me, I'm here for you, Bella. You're very special to me, dear," she reached up to smooth a bit of hair from my forehead.

I couldn't speak for a moment, my throat thick with emotion, but I finally managed to say quietly, "I'd like that very much, Esme."

"Good. Alright, now what's the deal with you and my son?" she said, cheerfully changing the subject and catching me off guard as I choked a bit on the sip of water I'd just taken.

"Um, what do you mean?" I sputtered after I got control of my coughing.

"Bella, I may be nearly thirty years older than you, but I'm not blind. I've seen the way you look at him at the games, the way he talks about you. If there isn't something going on already, there will be."

"I don't really—"

"I just want you to know, I would never betray your confidence. Anything you say to me does not leave this table."

"Well..." I hesitated a moment more before I felt all the anxiety still lurking beneath the surface start to leak out. "I mean, you already know that I like him, you were there the night of Nationals when I spewed all over you and Alice and Rose. And I'm trying, I really am trying to reevaluate my life and to start seeing the things you all told me. I don't think I'm good enough, I've been told my entire life that I'm not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, not talented enough, but I want to be. I don't want to be this pathetic, whiny baby anymore. I mean, I see Alice and Rose and they're such strong women, it seems like they don't even have to try, they're just so confident and sure of themselves and I want that so badly. So I'm trying, I put this whole plan together of how I can maybe get that, and then maybe I can finally be normal and have a relationship with Edward without feeling like some kid sister that he got stuck with and has to take care of all the time. I'm twenty-four, no one should have to take care of me, I should be taking care of myself. So that's what I'm finally doing, but maybe he won't want to wait or he'll find someone else or—"

"Bella, Bella, stop," Esme cut me off, grabbing my hands in hers. "I need you to listen to me for a moment, will you do that?" I nodded, biting my lip, a bit embarrassed at how much I'd unloaded.

"You _are_ good enough. Whoever told you those things is severely mistaken. When people have to constantly push other people down, it's typically because they're trying to make themselves feel better. And it does for a little bit, but then the moment passes and they're back to just being bitter, so they do it again and again. None of those things are true about you. You are just as strong as Alice and Rose are, and every person feels insecurity, some are just better at hiding it. The changes that you're making in your life? That's great, and very admirable. I truly believe you can do anything you set your mind to and taking those steps will hopefully help you to start seeing what the rest of us already do, but Edward's feelings for you aren't determined by a checklist. He cares for you because of the person you are. He doesn't need you to be perfect, he just needs you to be yourself, the beautiful, wonderful person that you are."

"You really think so?" I asked timidly, staring down at her hands over mine.

"No," she said firmly and I looked up at her in dismay. "I know so."

My face softened and I gave her a small smile.

"And, Bella, it doesn't matter how old you are, everyone needs to be taken care of. The wonderful thing about being in a relationship is having a partner there to support you. They take care of you and you take care of them."

"Do you really believe I could take care of him? I can barely handle myself."

"I believe it, and what's more important is that Edward believes it. Don't be afraid to let yourself lean on him a bit, he can take it. It doesn't mean he'll carry you, it just lightens your load a bit to have someone to share it with. Now, what do you think about dessert? Because that bread pudding has been eyeing me from three tables over."

x-x-x

Saturday night. Valentine's Day. The guys had returned late the previous evening and Edward had texted me to let me know they'd made it home. We'd chatted a little earlier in the day, but neither mentioned any sort of plans to get together. Obviously with the holiday, the couples would be out enjoying some romantic alone-time. At around eight o'clock, I resigned myself to the fact that I wouldn't be seeing Edward that night. _It's not so bad, Bella,_ I told myself, _You'll see him tomorrow morning bright and early. _The six of us had plans to meet up the next morning for pancakes and catch up after the guys' trip. _Guess you'll just have to hold out for a few more hours. Besides, did you really think he'd come rushing to your door the moment he was back in town? The man probably had much more important things to do. Like plants to water, or mail to sort through._

I grabbed a blanket off the couch and prepared to snuggle into my window seat with a book and just enjoy a quiet night to myself. Before I could even flip to the right page, there was a knock on my door.

_That's weird, Rose and Alice left hours ago. _

My brow furrowed in confusion as I crossed the room and looked through the peep hole, gasping in pleasant surprise when I saw Edward there on the other side. My immediate reaction was to want to throw off the locks and jump into his arms. Then I remembered exactly what state I was in. I groaned softly, cursing the fact that I couldn't just pause time and go change before greeting him. Instead, I settled for undoing the locks and trying to hide behind the door. He grinned when he saw me, and I couldn't help but return it, uttering a shy, "Hi."

"Hey. Mind if I come in?" he asked, raising his brow in question when I stayed behind the door.

"No, come on in," I said, opening the door wider to let him pass.

"Very cute, Swan," he said, waving his hand over my outfit of a teal waffle knit hooded shirt, short, striped cotton shorts and gray knit legwarmers, my hair tossed up in a haphazard ponytail. "You always wear those tiny shorts? Because if that's the case I'm going to have to show up unannounced a lot more often."

I giggled and blushed a bit before noticing exactly what _he_ was wearing. "I could say the same to you, Cullen. Too lazy to put actual clothes on? At least I have the excuse of being in my own home."

He wore a thick, red zip up hoodie with the team name spelled out in white across the chest, and loose black sweatpants. He looked good enough to eat. Or snuggle. Yeah, the man looked down right snuggly.

"The evening called for casual attire," he winked before setting a backpack down by the little steps to the nook and glancing around. "You know, I've never actually been inside your apartment before."

"Yeah, you're right," I realized, "So, what do you think?"

"It's nice. Very _you_."

"What does that mean, exactly?"

"Warm, comfortable, inviting, beautiful."

"That's me, huh?"

"Well, not entirely," he said, turning to me and cupping my cheek, his hand still cold from outside. "You're a lot more than that, Bella."

"What are you doing here, Edward? Don't you have a hot date or something?" I smirked, letting myself press against his hand just slightly.

"Yeah, I'm lookin' at her. You didn't have to get so dressed up, but I'm not complaining."

"Who, me?"

"Yup," he said, reaching into the pocket of his sweatshirt and pulling out a tiny pink box of Sweethearts candy and holding it out to me. "Will you be my Valentine, Bella?"

The man was deadly. My heart swelled to the point where I thought it would burst and I could practically feel myself glowing. I gently took the box of candy, glancing up at him playfully to say, "Well, I guess I'll have to. It's too late for you to go find someone else and I'd hate to leave you without a Valentine. That's just pathetic. Besides, you brought me candy."

"I brought more than that, Swan," he said, turning around and grabbing his bag before heading into the room and flopping down on the couch like he'd been here a million times before. I felt a slight twinge of happiness that he seemed so comfortable in _my_ apartment. He set his bag on the coffee table, unzipping it as I sat down beside him. He pulled out a bag of popcorn, a small stack of DVDs, a frozen pizza, and a couple bottles of Guinness.

"Aw, how romantic, Cullen," I gave a cheesy sigh, "Pizza and beer, it's like a guy's dream Valentine's Day."

"I brought chick flicks," he defended himself and held up a couple cases. I glanced through them quickly, picking one up.

"_Miracle_, Edward? Somehow I don't think this qualifies as a chick flick."

"Hey, I cry every time at that movie, Swan," he said and I snorted. "What, are you mocking my sensitivity?"

"Not at all," I giggled, swiping the pizza from the table and heading toward the kitchen, peeking my head back out the door to call back, "Crybaby!"

"Hey, who you calling a crybaby?" he yelled after me.

"The man who just admitted to crying at a hockey movie."

I popped the pizza in the oven and went back to join him, not sitting down yet as I reached for the DVD, smirking at him. "So, should I pop this in and grab the tissues?"

"That's it," he muttered, grabbing me by the waist and throwing me down on the couch, hovering over me as he attacked my sides, tickling me relentlessly as I kicked and screamed for him to stop, laughing so hard that tears started rolling down my face. "Uh, huh," he said with a cocky smirk, "who's crying now, Swan?"

"Fine, fine! You're not a crybaby. Any man would cry at Team USA beating the Soviets!" I cried out.

"That's what I thought," he said, stopping his attack abruptly and jumping up to put a movie in. Settling back in on the couch and popping the tops off the bottles of beer before handing me one and easing back, setting his feet up on the coffee table.

"Nice socks," I quipped, looking down at his fuzzy sock covered feet, "I have a few pairs of those myself."

"These things are awesome. Most comfortable socks in the universe."

I set my feet up next to his, having to lean down a little further on the couch than he was to manage it.

"Nice legwarmers," he said in the same tone I'd used. "They're very…_Flashdance_."

"What, are you going to tell me you have a drawer full at home?"

"Nope, I might have to test yours out though," he said, setting his beer down on the end table beside him, grabbing my ankles and swinging me around on the couch a bit so my feet rested in his lap. I gasped when he slid his hands up my calves under the warmers, part from surprise, part from the tingling sensation his touch set off, but mostly from the fact that his hands were fucking freezing.

"Cold!" I shouted, cringing back from him fruitlessly since his hands were thoroughly attached to my legs, "God, Edward, your hands are freezing!"

"Thus the reason I'm borrowing your leg warmers...duh!" he stated in jest.

"Yeah, _my _leg warmers. That are supposed to be keeping my calves roasty toasty, not thawing out those ice blocks you're trying to pass off as hands. Use your sweatshirt or something."

"Nah, these are so much more effective," he insisted, raising his legs up onto the couch and stretching out behind me without removing his hands. We lay there, our heads at opposite ends of the couch, mine coming to rest just above his knee and his on the arm of the couch, our faces staring inward as we watched each other instead of the previews.

"You know your sister likes to lay like this, too," I told him, a little amused at the similarity.

"Yeah, we used to do this a lot when we were growing up. We both liked to read, so we'd take over the couch on rainy afternoons or when it was too cold out. This is much better though," he said, picking up my foot and lightly rubbing my arch as we lay there. "You have very cute toes."

"Foot fetish, Cullen?"

"Not typically," he laughed, "But yours are just so fucking adorable, Swan."

We chatted for a bit, deciding to wait until the pizza was done to start the movie so we wouldn't have to get up. I noticed the credits had finished and turned to see the DVD menu for _The Princess Bride_ come up on the screen.

"I thought you wanted to watch _Miracle,"_ I said.

"No way. You have to earn the privilege of watching that movie with me. It's a sacred experience, Swan. Very few have earned the right."

I snorted and jumped up when the buzzer on the oven went off, slicing up the pizza on the cardboard circle and bringing the entire thing back out to the living room with a roll of paper towels and a couple of plates. We dug into the pizza and I ate ravenously as I realized I hadn't eaten much that day. "Mmm, this is good," I mumbled around a bite of deliciously gooey cheese.

"You're pretty easy to please, you know that? Five dollar pizza, ninety-nine cent candy..."

"What, are you calling me a cheap date, Cullen?" I said in mock offense.

"Believe me, Swan, when I take you out on a date I'll do better than candy hearts and a stack of DVD's," he assured me over a bite of pizza. I blushed and contained the giddy smile by stuffing my face.

The pizza was consumed quickly, our dishes set off to the side as we cozied into the couch to watch the movie, our feet back on the table as we watched the tale of Wesley and Buttercup unfold.

"What do you think the five kisses are?" I asked as the credits rolled.

"What?"

"At the end, the story says Wesley and Buttercup's kiss was better than the top five of all time. What kisses are they?" I clarified.

"You want to rank kisses?"

"Yeah, why not. Top five movie kisses of all time. What are they?"

"Well, there's a lot of factors in that. What are the parameters?"

"I don't know. They say in the movie that theirs was the most passionate and pure. So no prono kisses. They have to be romantic, not just sexual."

"So no sex at all?"

"Right. All parties must be fully clothed. No groping or anything that counts as moving past first base."

"Fine. You start, what's one of yours?"

I pursed my lips as I flipped through my brain, trying to think of what said "iconic movie kiss" to me. "_Snow White_," I said as it popped into my head.

"As in the Disney movie?" Edward laughed a bit incredulously.

"Yes. Prince Charming gives her the ultimate kiss of true love, thus breaking the spell and ensuring that they live happily ever after. I'd say that puts them in prime contention for top five," I explained, defending my choice.

"Bella, how could that possibly count? First off, they're animated. They're not even real people."

"You didn't specify that as a rule," I pointed out.

"Fine, I'm instating it now. No cartoons. Must be living, breathing actors."

"What's wrong with _Snow White_?" I demanded.

"That's hardly a kiss," he scoffed "The chick's basically dead, she doesn't kiss him back. Making out with a comatose princess is not passionate, it's creepy."

"Fine. I'll concede. What's one of yours?" I asked and we launched into a full on debate.

_Spiderman_ won out over _The Notebook_ and _Breakfast at Tiffany's_ for Best Kiss in the rain on the grounds that _The Notebook_ led to sex and neither of us liked cats, eliminating the Hepburn classic.

_Romeo & Juliet_ was on both our lists, though we couldn't come to an agreement on which version was better, the 1968 original or the Claire and Leo remake.

_Ghost_ was eliminated for general squeamishness when we unanimously voted that making out while elbow deep in silt was not romantic.

In the end, _Titanic_ and _Gone With the Wind_ joined the ranks and we still couldn't agree on a fifth.

"I can't believe you think Transformers has one of the best kissing scenes ever. You're such a guy."

"No arguments there. What's wrong with that one?"

"You just like it because Megan Fox is scantily clad and they're making out on top of a Camaro at sunset. Total male fantasy."

"I repeat, what's wrong with that one?"

"I just can't believe you want to waste one of your five on skeezy Megan Fox."

"It's my vote to waste."

"I still say _Pirates of the Caribbean_."

"Talk about gender fantasies. _Pirates_, Bella? Really?"

"What? It's a good finale kiss."

"Mmhmm. Sure," he said skeptically, as he sat back into the cushions, casually tugging me to rest my head on his shoulder.

"You ever had a movie worthy kiss?" I asked, not really sure I wanted to know the answer.

"Maybe," he responded in a teasing voice, "You?"

"Maybe," I parroted, "What's yours?"

"You first."

"No way. Besides, you've probably had dozens."

"Nope. Just one." He didn't elaborate and I didn't offer up my own.

"Edward?" I asked softly, playing with the strings of his sweatshirt, "Have you ever been in love?"

"I thought I was once."

"With Kate? Alice mentioned her name and that you broke up last year."

"Yeah, with Kate. We dated for just over two years, broke up last winter."

"What happened?"

"You really want to hear this?" he asked, placing his fingers under my chin and lifting my face to his.

"Yeah, why not? We're friends, right? Friends talk."

"Well, yeah, but—"

"I want to know, Edward, and I'll listen. But only if you want to talk," I assured him, willing him with my eyes to see how much I wanted to be there for him, like he was always trying to be for me. He blew out a breath, snuggling down into the couch a bit and tucking me in against his chest.

"We met shortly after I was drafted. I was twenty-two, still unknown. I was drafted right out of college, but like most rookies I didn't see much ice time yet. She was in her last year of school, studying business. We met at a fundraiser event that Alice dragged me to. Kate's family was very well off, the kind that likes to make sure everyone knows how wealthy they are, you know?" he asked and I nodded, even though it was hypothetical.

"When we first met, Kate didn't seem like them at all. She was sweet, focused on school, ambitious. She was a bit of a party girl, but I figured that was normal for how old we were. She told me she wanted to go to grad school and get her MBA. We started going out and I got caught up in the whirlwind of it all. It didn't matter to me that none of my family seemed to care for her much, because I did. It didn't matter that her parents seemed to disapprove because she told me she loved me and I thought I loved her," he sighed, pausing for a moment, his fingers playing with the ends of my hair. My own slid to the nape of his neck, gently scratching his scalp and hoping it offered him some sort of comfort.

"My hockey career started to take off and I didn't even notice when things started to fall apart until it was too late. With my game and practice schedule and her schooling, we barely saw each other, and when we did, we always seemed to be bickering about something. She told me she wanted to drop out of school, that she wanted to get married and start a family right away, but I was hesitant. We were still so young and I wasn't ready. More than that, I just knew deep down that I wasn't ready to marry Kate, that I wouldn't ever be. I just couldn't picture our lives together long term. I couldn't see what our wedding day would be like, or what our kids would look like. I just couldn't imagine a life with her. Despite that, I stayed with her because for the most part it was comfortable. It's not something I'm proud of, but it was nice to have someone waiting for me when I came home, not having to deal with the pressure of dating or looking for someone new.

"She became really resentful and that's where her true colors started to come out. One night during a pretty bad fight she completely lost it. Screamed at me for stringing her along for so long, told me she'd been cheating on me for months and that she'd only stayed with me for the money. That she'd wanted to marry me so she wouldn't have to work and she'd be taken care of, that with me travelling so much she could be married to me with the added advantage of barely having to interact with me. Probably so she could go out partying and picking up random men on the side. I snapped, told her it was never going to happen and she left."

"That's horrible," I said softly.

"It was for the best," he shrugged, "I shouldn't have stayed with her as long as I did. It wasn't fair to either of us when it was clear to me that it wasn't going anywhere."

"Have you dated anyone since?"

"Not really, a little here and there but nothing that led to anything. I've never been one to play the field much. That was more Emmett's territory. Until he met Rose at least."

"Why not? I know it's not for lack of female interest."

"What are you trying to say, Swan?" he said mischievously, the humor finally returning to his voice.

"Edward, don't play dumb. You know you're gorgeous."

"Actually, Bella, I was wholly unaware of this fact. I think you're going to have to illuminate me."

"You're full of hot air," I said, leaning forward for a moment to grab the box of Sweethearts off the table and opening the flap as I returned to my spot. "No wonder you have such a big head."

"Believe me, Bella. That's not the only thing that's big."

"Edward!" I said with a shocked laugh, as I leaned back from him to gape at him a bit as the blush flooded my face.

"What? I was talking about my ears. Get your mind out of the gutter, Swan," he said, tugging on my ponytail. I scrunched my face at him, chucking a purple heart at his forehead. It bounced off and landed on his sweatshirt, where he plucked it off and ate it. "Thanks!"

I rolled my eyes at him, scooting down a bit and laying my head in his lap, my legs curled up on the couch beside us as I lay facing the TV, sucking on candy hearts and trying to stop my eyes from rolling back into my head when his fingers started stroking my hair.

"So, what about you?"

"What about me?" I said, suddenly very intent on my study of the little candy hearts.

"Any heartbroken young men coming to beat down your door that I'm going to have to fight off?" he asked, holding his hand out in front of me for a candy; I heard him pop a few into his mouth when I poured them into his palm.

"No, you're safe from that. No rejected suitors to contend with," I said dryly.

"Really? Huh."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"I know, it's pathetic. Twenty-four years old and never had a boyfriend, only recently had my first real kiss..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," he cut me off. "Hold the phone. How recent is recent?"

"Um, in the not-so-distant past?" I tried to recover, mentally smacking myself for the slip-up.

"As in within the past few days? The past month? The past year? Work with me, Swan," he said, trying to nudge me over to face him.

"Edward—" I pleaded, fighting against his hands at first, but losing the battle as he turned me to lay on my back, facing up at him.

"It's hours isn't it? Some guy climbed out your window and scaled down the building when I came knocking. You really shouldn't waste your time on a wuss like that, Bella."

"It was you, alright?" I exclaimed.

"Really?"

I nodded once, completely embarrassed as I scrunched my eyes closed, just waiting for him to start laughing at me. It was pathetic. There were eight year olds with more experience with boys than I had. But he didn't laugh. Instead, he stroked his thumb over the crease in my brow, soothing it as my eyes fluttered open.

"You know, for a rookie you're a pretty great kisser."

I snorted, "Yeah, sure."

"You know how you asked if I ever had a movie worthy kiss?" he asked quietly, soberly, "It was that one. Best kiss of my entire life." I gazed up at him and the intensity of the look in his eyes left me no room to doubt the truth of his statement. I was completely speechless and could do nothing but stare up at him in wonder. Then his face creased dramatically in mock injury, his hand comically clutching his heart as he sarcastically muttered, "At least it was until you rejected me, cut me straight to the core, you heartbreaker."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can see you're truly wounded. It was probably good for you. Can't have every girl falling at your feet, pretty boy. I bet you've never had a girl keep you waiting once in your entire life," I joked wryly.

"Bella," he whispered, his face serious again, "I have a feeling I would wait a century for you. Because I believe you're worth it." His fingers stroked along my cheek. I felt like I was getting whiplash. One moment he was impossibly sweet and took my breath away with the words coming out of his mouth, with look in his eyes. The next he was joking lightheartedly and making me laugh. It was confusing and exhilarating all at once.

"I promise I won't make you wait that long. I'm sorry you have to wait at all," I whispered back, regret filling my tone.

"I'm not," he said, laying down on the couch and pulling me up against him, tucking my head to his chest, my forehead resting against his chin. "The best things in life are worth waiting for."

x-x-x

I was going to ask Edward Cullen on a date.

Esme was right; it was ridiculous to think that I had to be "fixed" before I went out with him. I started to realize that "growing up" was a continually on-going process. I still felt like waiting had been the right thing to do, because on that day at the carnival, I hadn't been in a good place to start a relationship, and in the weeks since that day, Edward and I had built a solid foundation of friendship that I truly treasured. I felt comfortable with him, even when he made my heart race. While I still didn't 100% understand what he saw in me, I didn't question that he did have true feelings. As for my own, I knew that I wanted to be with him. I wanted to try and be his girlfriend. I could still continue working on "Operation Bella" without having the goal of dating Edward at the end. I needed to trust that he would stand by my side and help me grow. What I really needed was to start trusting myself.

In the six days following Valentine's Day, I attempted to work up the courage to ask him, to tell him I was ready. At the gym, I talked myself out of it every morning. In a small act of vanity, I shuddered at the thought of asking the man I was falling for out on a date with pit stains in my shirt and my hair a frizzy, sweaty mess of a ponytail. Most evenings we hung out as a group, and while we did get time to ourselves once in awhile, I didn't feel comfortable asking him while surrounded by our friends. They'd start running their mouths soon enough when they got word of it.

Then it was Saturday. One week after he'd shown up at my door and swept me off my feet with Sweethearts. It had snowed heavily that week and the forecast was sunny and mild. Alice had suggested we indulge in a day of "childhood nostalgia" by heading to an area by Jasper's place that had a perfect sledding hill. When we showed up, bundled in heavy snow gear from head to toe, the guys were already there, surrounded by colorful plastic sleds and engaged in a snowball fight. Jasper had lined up three sleds, planting them in the snow for a barricade. Edward had built up a small wall of snow that he'd burrowed into like a bunker, barely lifting his head above the shield to fire his missiles. Emmett didn't bother with any blockers, freely running around, pelting his opponents with snow and not even flinching when he was hit multiple times by both sides. Edward was facing the opposite direction and didn't see us approaching. I held up my hand to Emmett when he saw me so he wouldn't give me away as I gathered up a few snowballs, packing the moist snow tightly in my hands and lining them up along the crook of my arm. I snuck up behind Edward as quietly as I could with the help of Emmett and Jasper shouting to try and distract him. I got within ten feet and then rapidly fired right at his back, knocking the hat from his head and causing him to curl into a little defensive ball as the others burst out laughing. He finally raised his head and saw me standing there, casually tossing my final snowball back and forth between my hands.

"Rules of engagement, Edward, never let your guard down," I smirked.

"Oh yeah, Swan?" he asked with a hint of bravado, "I've got a rule for ya. Never start a fight when you don't know your opponent." With that warning, he shifted just enough that I could see the epic stockpile of perfect snowballs he had lined up along the wall he'd built. I didn't have time to even turn before he started pelting me with them, grabbing up an armful and chasing me when I squealed and tried to run away. I attempted to scoop up snow and retaliate on the run, but it slowed me down too much. After tossing a few random armfuls of snow, I gave up and just ran, darting back and forth, pivoting at the last second to try and throw him off my tail. Eventually he ran out of ammo and just took off after me, catching me easily around the waist and tackling both of us into a deep snow drift. I could barely catch my breath, I was laughing so hard. I could hear the screams of the other four down the field and realized they must have continued on with their war. We laid there buried in the snow, indulging in a wild fit of laughter and I reached up to brush a bit of snow from his hair. When he noticed what I was doing, he shook his head like a dog, spraying my face with falling snow and starting up the laughter again. After a few minutes, we settled down a bit and Edward leaned back to peek out over the snow.

"Sneak attack?" he suggested, his face full of boyish mischief.

"Count me in," I said as we set to work forming snowballs, working in silence as to not draw attention to ourselves. When we had enough, we settled into our snowdrift, waiting for the enemy to approach.

It took about five minutes before we heard the others start to call our names. By the sound of it, they were all still too far out of range, so we shot each other a look, holding our fingers to our mouths in a shushing motion.

"Well where did they disappear to?" Alice asked.

"Maybe they finally got their shit together and went somewhere to make out," Rose said and I had to slap my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing.

"Eddie!" Emmett yelled out, "Don't come crying to me when you get frostbite on your jock! If you're gonna fuck around, take it indoors, man!"

Edward groaned, his face turning bright red before he buried it inside his coat.

"Hey," I nudged him and whispered as inspiration struck, "Wanna have some fun with this?"

"Define fun," Edward responded.

"Just go with it, okay?" I suggested, opening my mouth and bursting into muffled giggles. I could not believe what I was about to do. Breathing deeply and waving my hands at my face in a calming motion, I tried again. "Oh, Edward, that feels so good," I moaned, making sure it was loud enough that the others could hear me, barely getting the last word out before I burst into embarrassed giggles, muffled by my mittens.

Edward's jaw dropped in shock before he buried his face in the snow, his shoulders shaking and his face scrunched in a silent laugh when he lifted it again. I gave him an exasperated swat and motioned for him to help.

"Mm, Bella, yeah, just like that," he groaned loudly.

"Dude, did you hear that?" we heard Emmett say and collapsed together to keep our composure.

"Yeah, man, where'd it come from?" Jasper asked. They were still far enough away that we decided to keep it going to lure them in a little more.

"Oh, God, yes," I panted, louder than my initial attempt and Edward backed me up with an exaggerated moan.

"Baby, that's amazing, keep doing that," Edward practically shouted as we both grabbed for snowballs, preparing to pounce as we heard the footsteps closing in on our location. We heard them whispering to each other, obviously trying to sneak up on the amorous entanglement they were expecting to find. Edward counted off one, two, three on his fingers and we popped up out of the snow, pummeling them all with snow. Soon enough we were engaged in a full on snow war. There were no teams; it was every man for himself with each person eating their fair share of snow. The war led straight into sledding when Alice plucked one of the boards out of the snow and took off down the hill to escape Emmett's attack. Emmett followed right after her, complaining that she cheated by jumping the gun and demanding they hike back to the top to start the races. I don't know how many times we climbed the hill only to slide back down again, sometimes alone, sometimes in pairs, once we ended up getting five of us on one sled, but only made it halfway down before Emmett tried to jump on top and sunk us straight into the hill. I made it back to the top after a run with the girls to find Edward lying out on his belly on a sled, motioning me over to him.

"Hop on, Swan," he requested.

"Edward, I'm not sitting on you."

"No, don't sit, you lay like I am."

"What? You're outta your mind," I laughed.

"I mean it! Trust me, you've gotta try the Superman."

I rolled my eyes, gingerly lowering myself on top of him, my stomach pressing into his back as I clutched his shoulders.

"Okay, when we get going, hold out your hands like this," he said, spreading his arms out to the sides. "Ready?"

I nodded, and he must have felt it because next thing I knew, he'd pushed us off and we were flying down the hill. At first, I remained as I was, grasping onto him. "C'mon Bella, put your arms out!" I did as he said, feeling a slight rush of adrenaline as we sped faster and faster down the hill. As we came to the end, our sled hit a bump, spilling us both out into the snow in a jumble of giggles.

We lay there catching our breath and saw that the others were making their way back up the hill.

"Hey," Edward whispered, "Wanna see something?"

"Sure," I shrugged.

"Come here, we have to hurry while they're distracted or they'll see," he said, eagerly grabbing my hand and pulling me along the bottom of the hill with him. Edward kept hold of my hand, leading me to a thick gathering of trees the lined one edge of the field. The ground was sloped and as we made our way deeper into the brush, we weren't able to see the field at all. About thirty feet in, there was a slight alcove, like a little cave-like indent in the snow. Edward let go of my hand and got to work digging out the snow and packing the sides down. I moved in to help him and within minutes, we'd tunneled through and burrowed into a fairly sizable hole. We were completely hidden from everything; the only sign of our location to the outside was a hole just big enough for Edward to shimmy through on his belly. We crawled inside, bumping a bit in the close quarters.

"We used to come here when we were kids," he told me as we snuggled in together, faces close and legs intertwined a bit in the small space, the light dull as it was mostly blocked out by snow. "I always used to hide out in the brush along here. Emmett and Alice were always so loud and sometimes I just wanted to get away where they'd just leave me alone for a bit. It's sunken down enough that you can't see from across the field and you can enter or exit from the trees at either end, so they never found exactly where I was."

"I'm sure that came in handy."

"Yeah, until one time I accidentally took a nap down here and woke up to my parents frantically yelling my name looking for me. Mom screamed at me for giving her a heart attack at the same time she was practically choking me with a hug," he laughed, recounting the memory and I chuckled with him, being able to perfectly picture the scene.

"Your mom's really great."

"She said you two spent some time together. She didn't tell me anything," he rushed on when I blushed, reassuring me. "I just- I'm glad that you two get along so well. And that you can talk to her."

"Me too," I said quietly.

"She really cares about you, Bella. All of us do," he said seriously, his eyes imploring me to believe him.

"I care about you too," I said softly, then looking up into his eyes, clarified, "All of you."

My heart began to pound as I realized this was it. It was just him and me, no one else, and there was never going to be a better moment. Taking a deep breath and mustering up every bit of courage I possessed, I looked deeply into Edward's eyes and asked, "Edward, would you go out with me? Like on a date?"

I bit into my lip as I waited for his answer, doubt flooding me now that the words were finally out there. He reached up, tugging my lip from my teeth with his thumb and rubbing the spot softly once as his face broke into a grin.

"I thought you'd never ask."

**x-x-x**

**A/N: She didn't keep you or him waiting too long, right?!**

**Massive Polyvore on the profile for this one. Check it out if you like visuals.**

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	8. Chapter 8: Don't Think, Just Jump

**A/N: Thanks to Betamama and Caren for embracing my cheese. Hockeyward would like to snuggle you both under a blanket.**

**Another big one. If you don't like huge updates, there are breaks. Split it up and think of it as 2 updates in 1!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created the characters, the story is mine. Copyright 2010: BellaMarie117**

**Let the fun begin! **

**x-x-x**

_Oh God. Oh God. Please don't let me hyperventilate and pass out before he even gets here. _

It was Friday night I had been pacing to the point where Alice started worrying about the wear on my hardwood floor. She and Rose had been over earlier in the day to help me pick out an outfit and do my hair, at least that's what they'd told me. I really think they had been attempting to get me to calm the fuck down. I'd been freaking out since waking that morning. Edward had an early morning practice at the Xcel and hadn't been able to meet me as had become our routine, but he'd texted me at the same time we'd always met.

_**Can't wait for tonight, Beautiful. -E **_

_Oh Lord, how will I ever live up to this? What the hell do you even do on a date? Was I supposed to act differently? Would he be expecting anything from me? Should I wear a dress? Maybe I should pack extra breath mints just in case. _

For the entire week since I'd asked Edward out, I'd done a fairly decent job of keeping my cool. On the outside. I didn't let my nerves show to anyone, and only mildly indulged in freak out mode in private. I even managed to pull off acting completely normal while at the gym every morning with him. My insides however were in turmoil. While running errands earlier in the week, I'd actually gone so far as to pop into Barnes & Noble for a few minutes, ransacking the magazine racks and self-help section. I left with the current issue of _Cosmopolitan_, boasting headlines like _100 Love Questions, 20-Word Answers to All Your Relationship Issues _and _His Girlfriend Wish List, Do You Have These 9 Surprising Traits?,_ as well as the embarrassingly appropriate, _Dating for Dummies_. I kept that one well hidden under my mattress, only taking it out when I was laying in bed with the door locked.

Despite my intensive studying, I was insanely nervous. It seemed like there was so much riding on this one night. Alice and Rose were both so excited when I told them Edward and I were going on a date. I'd had a ringing in my ear for the rest of the day from the volume of Alice's enthusiasm. Jasper and Emmett were less vocal, but even they had said some sort of comments to the effect of "it's about time." And Edward. Though he acted completely normal around me, there was the sporadic mention of the approaching event and every time "our date" came up, he'd get this excited look on his face, sort of like a little boy who knew his birthday party was only a few days away. What if the night was a complete disaster? I couldn't stand to let them all down. I didn't want to be a failure, not at this.

He refused to tell me anything about what we'd be doing, just to be ready at seven o'clock and to dress casually. Of course my idea of casual was greatly different from Alice's, but I did manage to get away with wearing jeans and a t-shirt, even if said t-shirt was covered up by a chunky blue sweater cardigan. The three inch heels I'd agreed to wear to dress things up just a bit clacked loudly on the wood as I paced and wondered once again why I thought I could do this.

Glancing in the mirror by the front entryway, I tried to look at myself objectively. Alice had curled and tousled my hair to fall in seemingly artless waves down my back. She hadn't gone crazy with the make-up, merely enhancing my eyes with a smoky shadow and mascara and painting my lips with a natural gloss. The girl in the mirror was actually pretty, the blue of her sweater setting off the paleness of her skin and the chestnut brown of her hair. Then and there I decided that Alice was a genius. I still looked like me, just a more polished version of me. So many times when I was dolled up for competitions or photo shoots I felt like a complete fraud, hiding under the heavy, caked on make-up and cans of aerosol hairspray. Not this time.

Tonight, I was Bella. And for once _Bella_ felt beautiful.

I was so caught up in my thoughts that when the knock finally came, I jumped with a start. My feet got tangled up in themselves when I pivoted towards the door and I ended up falling flat on my butt with a thud loud enough that I was afraid it could be heard through the door. Indulging in a small groan of irritation at my own body's betrayal and offering up a brief prayer that this would be the worst I'd suffer tonight, I picked myself up, brushing non-existent dust from my pants and carefully made my way to the door.

_Time to get your game face on, Bella. _

I took in a deep breath, holding for exactly ten seconds before exhaling, expelling my nerves with a calming gesture of my hands just like I used to every time I got stage fright before a skate. I opened the door, my smile in place and hopefully looking calmer and more confident than I actually was.

And I remembered exactly why I thought I could do this. Because it was Edward, and when he looked at me with that crooked grin, I felt like I could do anything.

"Hey," he greeted me with amusement sparkling in his eyes.

"Hi," I responded bashfully, my forced smile transforming into a genuine one as I clutched onto the doorframe to keep myself from falling over, either from my shoes or from the knee-melting grin attacking me.

"You okay? That was a pretty loud thud I just heard," he said and I leaned my head back, rolling my eyes toward the ceiling and cursing my clumsiness.

"You couldn't just pretend you didn't notice, right? Yeah, I'm fine," I assured him, moving slightly back from the door to get my purse.

"Wait just a minute now," Edward stopped me, stepping into the doorway and reaching out to snag my hand before I could move too far away, "gimme a turn there and let me see for myself."

"Are you serious?"

"Completely serious, Swan. You could be gravely injured and that's not really how I'd like to kick off this date," he stated soberly. "C'mon, turn around and let me do a quick inspection." He made a twirling motion with his finger and I huffed a little, turning a quick circle and looking up at him expectantly as I faced him again.

"That's what I thought," he said softly, "You're not 'just fine' at all. You're gorgeous."

I wanted to blush and make a snarky comment about him laying it on a bit thick, I'd already agreed to go on a date with him after all, but I just couldn't. The look in his eyes was so genuine that all I could manage was a sigh and a quiet, "Thank you."

Finally I was able to step back and take a good look at him, my eyes trailing down over his form to drink in the sight of his long legs in dark wash jeans, the light blue button up with sleeves rolled up to reveal his toned forearms, laying open to reveal a gray undershirt that fit snugly over his chest and bunched slightly at his waist. His jaw was cleanly shaved, his hair a beautiful mess on the top of his head, though it appeared that he'd attempted to tame it a bit more than usual. I wanted to run my fingers through it and get it back to normal.

_Should I return the compliment and tell him he looks gorgeous too? _Because he was. _Do you call a man gorgeous? Do they like that? Maybe they prefer handsome, or hot. _Instead of speaking up and possibly saying the wrong thing, I avoided the subject altogether.

"What's with the bag?" I asked, catching a glimpse of a small, brown shopping bag in one hand, hidden mostly behind him.

"Right. These," he said, reaching his hand into the bag and retrieving a large bushel of tulips, "are for you."

I wanted to swoon. I wanted to let out a girlish squeal of delight. I wanted to hug him.

I couldn't do anything but stand there gaping at him, completely at a loss for words. The flowers themselves were beautiful, a dazzling array of simple, brightly colored buds, tied together with a simple blue ribbon. The man holding them was so much more breathtaking than every single one of the perfect blossoms.

"Don't you like tulips? I knew I should have gotten something else, but I saw these and I know how down you've been this week with how gloomy it's been outside and thought you could use a little taste of spring," he finished lamely, his hand still stretched out to offer the bouquet to me.

Just when I thought he couldn't get any more perfect, he brings me a rainbow of flowers to brighten my gloomy skies.

_Open your mouth and say something, you big dummy! _

"No, I love them. These are beautiful," I sighed, indulging in drinking in their scent for just a moment. Looking up at him over the blooms, I was relieved to see the pleased smile back on his face. "Just give me a second to put them in some water," I said before turning into the kitchen to grab a..._crap_.

"Shoot, I don't think I have anything to put-" I started, glancing back to see Edward in the kitchen doorway holding out a simple glass vase. I chuckled, taking it from him.

"What, were you a boy scout or something?"

"Always be prepared," he spouted seriously, leaning against the doorjamb with the casual ease he always seemed to have.

I took a moment to play with the arrangement, stroking the silky petals as I placed each bloom with tender care into the vase. I'd received flowers before, hundreds in fact, but none of the elaborate, exotic and elegant arrangements I'd received could come close to the beauty of the simple bouquet that now adorned my kitchen counter.

"Are you ready?" he asked, rocking back on his heels a little as I finished.

"You're really not going to tell me what we're doing?" I inquired as I opened the closet to retrieve my coat.

"Nope, you're just gonna have to sit back and be surprised."

"This is probably a good time to tell you that I hate surprises."

"You obviously haven't had enough good surprises in your life," he said, gently extracting the coat from my hands and holding it out so I could slip my arms in. He settled it into place over my shoulders, softly gathering my hair and sliding it out from beneath my collar, almost weighing it in his hand for a moment before letting it fall down my back. "Let's get going."

On our way out to his car, he held every door for me, often placing his hand softly at the small of my back to usher me through and always reaching for my hand as we walked.

The fact that he seemed so at ease should have calmed me, but it had the exact opposite effect, and I don't think I said more than three words on the entire drive to wherever it was he was taking us.

The man brought me flowers, with a vase just in case I didn't have one of my own. He was a complete gentleman, helping me with my coat and opening doors and he probably didn't need to read _Dating for Dummies_ in order to think of all that. Everything just seemed so natural to him, there were no awkward pauses before he remembered he should be doing these things, he just did them without a thought. Whereas I felt the need to over-think _everything_, barely able to open my mouth without questioning if it was the right thing to say.

"Here we are," he said, bursting me out of my little bubble of self-inflicted anxiety.

"Oh, right," I sputtered, quickly unsnapping my seat belt and reaching for the door handle.

"No wait," he said, placing his hand gently over mine on the center console. "Just stay for a second, okay?" He waited for me to take my hand from the door and nod my agreement before he hopped out of the car, almost jogging around the hood to my side to open the door for me and help me out. As soon as we stood on the curb, I dropped my hands from his, stuffing them into my coat pockets and a bit unsure of what to do next. It was like that first time at the airport all over again. I wanted to touch him, but didn't know what was appropriate or if I'd come off as clingy if I tried too soon.

"Are you okay? You've been really quiet so far," Edward asked, moving to stand right in front of me and block me from the wind a bit between his body and the car.

"Yeah, fine," I replied, though I couldn't manage to speak any louder than a nervous whisper.

"Bella," he said, the tone of his voice informing me he wasn't going to let this go until I told him the truth.

"It's just that I've never really done this. Been on a date," I stuttered a bit, looking down at the ground between us.

"That's the problem, Bella," he said, sounding a bit exasperated and I flinched slightly. He caught the movement and hurried on, "no, not that you haven't dated is a problem, it's the fact that you're so worried about this being a 'date.' Bella, look at me, will you?" he implored, lifting my chin gently to meet his gaze, those same friendly and familiar eyes. "It's just me. Just you and me, and nothing has to be any different than every other time we've hung out together. Don't let one little word freak you out."

"Okay," I said after a moment, physically making my shoulders relax and reaching up to lightly touch the back of his hand propping up my chin. "I'm sorry I'm acting so silly."

"Hey, don't apologize. Just enjoy yourself. Er, you don't have to," he stammered, dropping his hand and all contact between us, "enjoy yourself that is. I mean I have fun with you and like hanging out with you, but that doesn't mean-"

"Edward," I cut him off by placing my finger gently over his lips. "I love spending time with you." He grinned and I pulled my hand back slowly, rubbing over the spot where his lips had touched with my thumb in an attempt to just absorb him into my skin.

"Shall we?" he asked, offering his hand to me and squeezing softly when I slipped mine into it. We walked for almost a block in amiable silence, only the sound of the wind breezing through the bare trees around us. I hadn't noticed when we parked, but glancing around I saw that we were in a residential area.

"Where are we?" I asked, a bit confused as to where we could possibly be going.

"You'll see. We're almost there."

"You're not gonna drag me to some basement and torture me, are you?"

"As much fun as that sounds, I like to save the torture chamber until at least the third date."

As we approached the end of the block, the noise picked up a little and more cars passed on the street in front of us. We turned the corner to a small strip of storefronts and Edward tugged back on my hand, gesturing with his head at the first door as I almost walked right past.

Leaning back a bit from him, I tried to read the sign and managed to make out _The Nook_ on the door as Edward ushered me inside. The place was packed with people and the restaurant itself was fairly tiny, boasting what couldn't be more than a dozen tables and a few stools along the bar. People lined the front wall and were stacked against the bar as they waited their turn at a table and I prepared myself to settle in for a long wait. Edward didn't even pause, keeping my hand securely in his as he strode right past the crowd.

"Edward, what are you doing? Shouldn't we wait back by the door?"

"Not necessary," he answered, raising his hand to wave at a man working the taps as we passed the bar, "I've got connections." He winked and lead me up a tiny ramp to the back section of the restaurant. There was only one small table lined up against the wall, the rest of the room taken up by a dart board, pool table and a couple arcade games. Unlike the tables we'd passed that held only napkin dispensers and ketchup bottles, this one was topped with a small bud vase of multi-colored gerbera daisies, a flickering tea light and a little printed _Reserved _sign.

I paused by one of the chairs, turning to look back at Edward with an amused look of confusion. "Something tells me this place doesn't typically take reservations."

"I always thought you were observant, Swan," he mused, stepping behind me to slide my coat off my shoulders and settle it on the back of my chair as he held it out for me and settled in on the opposite side.

"So do you always use your celebrity status to try and impress the ladies?"

"Are you saying you're impressed?" he shot back. "No, I actually went to high school with one of the owners. His dad used to own this place and passed it down to him and a buddy a few years back."

"Ah, I see. 'Connections,'" I said, curling my fingers in quotation marks before reaching for the menu propped behind the napkin dispenser.

"You don't need that," Edward said and I quirked my eyebrow at him. "You want a Juicy Nookie."

"A what?" I asked a bit flabbergasted.

"Just trust me, please?"

I shrugged and took his recommendation when the waiter arrived a moment later.

"I think you just wanted me to say Nookie," I teased him as the waiter scurried off, leaning forward with my arms resting on the table so he could hear me better over the droning volume of the busy restaurant.

"Well, there is that," he smirked, sitting up closer to the table as well and resting his forearms on the edge as he played with my fingers.

"I take it you come here often?"

"Almost every week. Emmett and I used to come here after practice and pack on every single ounce we'd just burned off on the ice."

"Did you ever play on different teams?" I asked, taken aback when he pushed back a bit, then reached over and grasped the seat of my chair, pulling me around the table and right up next to his.

"I couldn't hear you," he explained with an innocent smile at my questioning look.

"You could have just asked me to speak up, you know."

"I could have; this was a more efficient solution. Now I can hear you perfectly and do this at the same time," he said, curling his arm around my shoulder and snuggling me up against his side. I didn't even try to hold back the giddy smile that took over my face as his fingers casually played with the ends of my hair. "Now what was the question?"

I had to rack my brain for a moment, every thought having flown from my brain at the feel of his arm resting on me. "Oh, right, did you and Emmett ever have to play on different teams?"

"When we were really young and the ages were separated out more," he said, easing us right back into casual conversation, "but we've never had to play on opposing teams. I always think it'd be weird if one of us got traded some day and we had to face off against each other."

"Now that would be an interesting matchup. Cullen versus Cullen."

"I think my mom's head would explode if she had to try and cheer for both sides."

"She's hilarious. Can you actually hear her out there?"

"Sometimes. Depends how loud the rest of the crowd is and how far away on the ice I am, but a lot of the time, yeah. I noticed you backing her up last time around."

"Well that guy was a jackass trying to hook your wrist like that. He should have been headed straight to the penalty box, it was a total cheap shot!" I responded, sitting up so I could look at him, a hint of the fervor I'd felt at that moment seeping back into my voice. He laughed heartily and nudged my head back against his shoulder

"You know, you're kinda sexy when you're scrappy," he murmured, turning his face so his throaty voice whispered directly into my ear.

I shivered a bit when I felt his nose graze lightly against the shell of my earlobe. My eyes fluttered closed and I remembered back to that first day at the airport when I was filled with the urge to just nuzzle against his cheek. Though the tantalizing scruff wasn't present, I still thought that sounded pretty damn appealing. Barely moving, I nestled myself under his arm, my head fitting into the crook of his neck like a perfectly cast mold. The world floated away as I felt more than heard him sigh against me, both of us content to balance against each other, quiet and still. He held me up as I held him, and it was perfect for a moment.

I couldn't stop myself from subtly sniffing the collar of his shirt, inhaling the scent that was solely him; slightly musky, lingering notes of fabric softener and soap, and completely intoxicating.

"Here we are, a coupl'a Nookies," the waiter said, setting a couple baskets of food down in front of us and popping the bubble we'd formed. I gasped a little, jerking my head from its spot as if awakening suddenly from a dream, a little dazed and not entirely comprehending my surroundings.

"Hey," Edward protested when I made to scoot my chair back to its original spot, "Where do you think you're going?"

"Back to my spot?"

"What's wrong with where you're at now?"

"I don't know, you'll probably elbow me in the face when you're chowing down on some Nookie," I teased.

"I can watch my wingspan if it means you'll stay close," he said with a wink, tugging the basket the waiter had set down on the other side of the table over in front of me. I smiled at him, biting down on my lip to tame it from spreading into a full fledged goofy grin and turning to focus my attention on food rather than the urge I had to just crawl into his lap and live there for ten or twenty years.

"Holy sh-" I gaped at the basket of food in front of me before clapping my hand over my mouth. It probably wasn't very ladylike to curse on a first date.

"Looks good, right?"

"It looks like a heart attack waiting to happen," I responded with mild horror, holding the basket closer to my face to inspect its contents.

"But what a way to go. You try one bite and tell me it's not worth it," he challenged, handing me a few napkins before laying one out in his lap.

Staring down at it a bit dubiously I asked, "So what exactly makes this a 'Juicy Nookie'?"

"All the cheese is cooked into the middle so when you bite into it it's sorta like a volcano of melty cheese."

"Sounds...er, adventurous?"

"Just take small bites at first and you'll survive, Swan," he said, playfully nudging my arm with his elbow as he picked up his burger and gestured for me to do the same.

I hesitated, watching him first to make sure cheese didn't start attacking him before taking a small test nibble of my own. It took me three small bites to break through to the middle, cheese oozing out onto the french fries in the basket. The first good bite I took was amazing; bread and meat and hot cheese just melting on my tongue in a delicious combination.

"Oh my God," I moaned a bit around the bite in my mouth.

"See?" he grinned, taking another bite of his own.

"It's delicious," I managed to eke out between enthusiastic bites of my burger. "It's a good thing I'm not a pairs skater, my partner would kill you."

"Please, Bella, you practically weigh less than my hockey pads."

I rolled my eyes a bit but indulged in the slight glow of vain pleasure. I was completely aware that I was by no means out of shape, but it had always seemed like no matter how much effort I'd put in to watching my nutrition or hoofing it at the gym, nothing had been quite enough to merit a kind word from Renee. It had always been "don't eat that, Bella, you'll never get your ass in the air if you don't keep your weight down" or "you'd better add a mile onto your run today, you're looking a little pudgy today." I didn't need people telling me I was tiny or thin or pretty, but it still boosted my pride a little to know that all my effort to maintain my form wasn't completely unnoticed.

We spent the rest of the meal engaging in effortless conversation. It felt like we never ran out of things to talk about when we were together. There was always some new facet to unlock and discover about each other. Before Edward I'd never felt so _interesting. _It seemed like my life was devoted to skating and that's all there was to me. With Edward, he wanted to know about what books I read or wanted to read, what movies I loved or couldn't even stand to watch the whole way through. Music was always a topic we could stay on for hours. It was a passion both of us and we had very similar taste. I loved telling him about bands I'd found that he hadn't heard of yet but knew he'd love. He was eager to hear about anything I was willing to share about my life on and off the ice and he never once looked bored, his questions never sounding forcibly polite. I found myself eager to talk to him in a way I'd never been before. When I talked about my skating, it never felt like I was boasting, as I'd felt so many times when doing interviews or speaking to people in the past. He was genuinely interested and in the dim light I could almost see a faint look of pride in his eyes as I told him stories of some of the bigger competitions I'd been involved in.

My favorite part was always listening to him talk. It didn't matter if he was laughing over memories of his family and growing up or passionately defending the work of F. Scott Fitzgerald to me, whose books I despised and he listed amongst his favorites, the cadence of his voice was like a lullaby to me, soothing every rough edge of my soul into complete contentment. I wanted to just record him talking so I could fall asleep to his husky, velvet voice every night.

Before I knew it, our food had disappeared, the empty baskets long-since pushed to the back of the table so we could lean in, venturing back into our own little world where no one else existed. He had his head resting on the palm of his hand, propped up on his elbow, his other hand softly resting on my knee under the table. I mirrored his position, my fingers softly caressing the back of his hand, tracing the topography of bumps and ridges covered by soft skin.

"Are you going to eat that?" I asked at a break in the conversation, gesturing towards the forgotten pickle slice laid out on the napkin next to his empty basket.

"What, you wanna nibble my pickle, Swan?" he asked with a suggestive lift of his brow as he passed it to me.

I leaned a little lower on the table, edging the tiniest bit closer to him and putting on the "bedroom eyes" a bit as I opened my mouth, wrapping my lips around an inch and a half of pickle and taking a crisp bite. "Mmm, tasty," I murmured, giving him a sassy wink.

I didn't know if it was the ease I felt in Edward's presence that lowered my inhibitions or if those tips in _Cosmo_ on flirting successfully were responsible, but I didn't even blush. It didn't feel awkward or even cheesy to flirt with innuendo, not with Edward. It felt comfortable, in the most alluringly uncomfortable way possible.

"Alright then," he said, slapping his hand down on the table and pushing his chair back. "I think we've had enough of dinner, don't you? Wait right here, I've gotta grab something from the bar." Edward rushed off and I chuckled to myself at his sudden sense of urgency, stretching my legs out a little and tugging my coat on. He returned less than a minute later, plopping back down in his chair and sliding a box wrapped in plain blue paper in front of me.

"Edward, you can't get me presents," I automatically argued pushing the box back in front of him, "You already got me flowers and dinner."

"You need these for the next part of our date. It's the last one, I promise," he insisted, gently sliding the box back in front of me, his hand remaining on it to keep it there until I gave in and picked it up, carefully sliding my thumbnail over the tape holding it together.

"Oh, you're one of _those_ people, are you?" he laughed. "Just rip the paper, Bella."

I cocked my brow at him and returned to my careful unwrapping, taking even more time to slice through the tape.

"By the time you get the box open, we'll be too old to use what's in it," he teased and I gave in, quickening my pace a bit as I slid the paper from the box, balling it inconspicuously in my lap.

"Don't even think about throwing that at me," he warned. "I'm not afraid to retaliate and every witness in this joint will back me up and say you started it." I giggled and tossed the crumpled paper onto the table before lifting the lid on the box.

"You got me shoes?" I asked, a bit baffled when I saw what lay beneath the tissue lining.

"Bowling shoes. Or do you find contracting a foot fungus romantic?" he asked, returning the comment I'd made to him that day at the winter carnival.

"We're going bowling?" I asked snapping my eyes up to meet his, the idea exciting me much more than I would have expected as I lifted one of the pearly blue sneakers to get a closer look.

"Indeed we are, Swan. Let's go see if we can get you your first strike."

The bowling alley was right next door to the restaurant, a tiny, slightly run down basement joint with rickety machines to set the pins and return the balls, the lanes worn from years of use.

"It's not the fanciest, but it works," Edward said, his hands shoved awkwardly in his pockets as he studied my face, trying to determine my reaction.

He was right, there wasn't a single thing shiny or new about the place and the air was a bit musty from the lack of circulation, but I loved it. The jukebox in the corner was churning out grainy oldies and the sound of the heavy balls rolling and crashing into the wood pins was exactly as I'd always pictured it should be.

"This place is great," I said enthusiastically, hugging my shoebox to my chest and looking up to see him staring back at me, searching for something. "What?"

"Nothing, I just wasn't sure what you'd think."

"What do you mean by that?" I asked, truly curious.

He seemed to fidget a bit, scuffing his toe against a hole in the worn carpet as he answered. "Look, you're not the only one who's a bit out of their element tonight, Bella. I haven't really dated a lot lately, hardly at all really since...well, it's been awhile. And the girls I have dated, I mean I told you about Kate and she doesn't have anything to do with tonight, but she never would have come with me to a place like this, no one I've gone out with before probably would have. You're so different from anyone I've ever met, in a good way, the best way really. And I feel like I've gotten to know you pretty well by now, but there's still so much about you that I'm still learning and I'm just never sure..." he trailed off a bit, staring over my head at the wall with a sort of grimace on his face.

"Edward, what is it?" I beseeched him, reaching up to softly feather my fingers against his cheek, trying to return his gaze to me so I could try and decipher exactly what was running through his mind. His hand reached up and covered mine, pressing his cheek into my palm.

"Bella, I know you've been exposed to some of the finer things in life, it's not like world class athletes live off of Kraft Mac & Cheese and PB&J sandwiches on paper plates. You're probably used to linen napkins and five-star hotels and everything first class, not that I think you need that stuff, I don't. It's just; I don't want you to think I can't give that to you. I could have hired a driver and taken you to the nicest restaurant in the city with champagne and dozens of red roses, but that's not me, Bella. This," he said, gesturing to our surroundings, "greasy burgers and run down bowling alleys, that's me. I want to give you everything you deserve and more, and..."

He cut off, swallowing deeply and darting his gaze away from mine again. I reached my other hand up to cup his face, gently stroking over the ridge of his jaw just below his ears, not pressuring him to continue but trying to ease whatever had brought on this sudden bout of anxiety. He finally looked back down at me, his hands encircling my wrists with a gentle but firm pressure as if he were trying to anchor me to him. "What if it's not enough for you?"

I would have laughed if he didn't look so worried. As it was, I tried to battle down my disbelief that he could feel even the slightest bit insecure around me and figure out how to reassure him that he had nothing to worry about.

"Edward," I whispered, my voice soothing, my fingers tightening on his face to focus his attention on me and my words. "Tonight has been one of the best nights of my entire life, not because of where we've been, but because I've been with you. That's all that matters to me. I'm not going to argue and claim that I haven't had those things, but I don't need them, and honestly they've always made me uncomfortable. I'd rather be here eating greasy burgers with you than eating in the finest restaurant on the planet with anyone else."

His lips curved into a soft smile, his fingers trailing down from my wrists over my forearms to hold my elbows, bringing me closer to him so that my arms rested on his chest, my neck craned back to maintain contact with his eyes as I whispered, "You're so much more than enough." His arms banded around me, mine still folded between us as he held me, my forehead coming to rest just under his collarbone for a moment before he pulled back and suggested we grab our score sheets and get started.

The heavy mood passed and we were both back to the easy repartee we always seemed to have when we could both relax and just enjoy being together. I teased him when rather than renting a pair of shoes for himself, he crossed to a row of lockers along one wall, quickly flipping the combination lock open and pulling out a green bag holding a pair of sleek black and gray shoes and a shiny, custom slate colored ball.

"You're just full of surprises," I giggled, turning the ball in my hands to make out his name and a tiny symbol etched beneath the finger holes.

"What's this?" I asked, pointing it out, lightly passing over the smooth surface with my thumb.

"Family crest," he said, holding it up a bit higher to point out each individual aspect of the marking, "See here's the lion for courage, the hand stands for faith, sincerity and justice, the clovers are for perpetuity, and the chevron for protection."

"Wow, that's really cool," I said, inspecting it closer before smiling up at him.

"Yeah, it's always been around somewhere in our family. My grandmother used to wear a locket that she passed down to my mom when she died and my dad had a door knocker made when they bought their first house. They've moved it with them every time they bought a new place."

"How many houses have you lived in?"

"Three, well two with my parents and then the one I'm in now. They moved once before I was born and then again when I was about six to the house they're still in. It's pretty much the only one I remember living in growing up."

"Must be nice, that continuity," I said.

"It is. I'm glad they're still there, that they didn't move into a smaller place when we all moved out. It just says 'home,' you know?"

I nodded, though I didn't really know. I could imagine.

"So, what exactly does bowling involve? You just roll the ball and try to knock down the pin thingies right?"

"Kinda. There's a bit more nuance to it, Swan," he said, tugging my hand over to our lane, laying out our score sheet on the slanted table and filling our names in with a stubby pencil while I scoured the racks for a ball in the appropriate size and weight, ending up picking out a light blue and white one just because it was cute and matched the shoes he'd given me. Lacing them up, I had to grin. They fit perfectly. I shouldn't have been surprised, Alice was his sister after all and there's no way she was clueless as to his plans for the night, though she hadn't spilled a single word to me. He thought of every detail, he'd even tucked a pair of socks into the shoebox for me. I rolled my eyes remembering his words of uncertainty about the evening. No one had ever put so much thought into just spending time with me. How could he believe this date was anything less than perfect?

Once we had our balls on the return rack, Edward stood at the top of the lane with me, briefly explaining the rules of the game, trying to show me the technique behind making the 'perfect throw' and things to avoid, like lofting the ball too high into the air. He went first, taking his stance while I stood off to the side, moving a few graceful strides and releasing the ball onto the lane with hardly a sound, curving just a bit as it approached the pins to knock down every single one with a resonating crash.

"Showoff," I muttered good naturedly when he gave me a satisfied smirk.

"Nope, just pure talent, Swan."

I rolled my eyes and plucked my ball off the rack as he sat to mark his score, propping his chin on his hands to watch me make my throw.

"Stop looking at me," I laughed, exasperated when I could feel his eyes boring into me from behind.

"I have to look or you'll try and cheat and say you knocked over more pins than you really did," he chuckled.

"So, look at the pins, not me."

"What if I want to look at you?"

"Don't," I gave him a look of warning, chuckling a bit when he playfully covered his eyes, obviously peeking through his fingers.

I held the weight in my hand, letting my arm adjust to the it for a moment before stepping forward and attempting to replicate the movement Edward had done. My ball wasn't nearly as quiet or as fast to move down the lane, nor did it stick close to the side only to swoop in and attack at the last second, but it did stay fairly straight, striking the formation just to the left of the top pin, knocking over eight.

"Hey! Not bad," Edward exclaimed as I looked back at him with a giddy grin, "You're a pretty quick study, Swan."

I didn't get the spare, but as we worked our way through the frames I managed to refrain from completely embarrassing myself, only landing in the gutter three times, causing Edward to grin in delight when I'd glare at the pins and fire the next ball down the lane with a sense of vengeance. I got my first strike in the seventh frame, though my excitement was eclipsed by the complete joy I felt when Edward swooped me up and swung me in a heady circle, whooping out a cheer at my accomplishment. After a sad showing in the tenth frame, I went to stand just over Edward's shoulder to watch him tally up the scores. My hair fell in a curtain just by his face and he looked back at me with a grin, grabbing the hand that I'd rested on his shoulder and tugging me to sit sideways in his lap, his arms threaded through mine as he continued to mark the sheet, his chin perched on the curve of my shoulder.

We went through three rounds and I found myself getting progressively more competitive along the way. I didn't like losing, even if I knew there wasn't much chance of me beating him. He didn't hold back to let me win, as some might have, rather challenging me to get better and offering me tips to improve my stance little by little. By the end I was within seventy points of his score and couldn't hold back the grin on my face as he mused that he'd have to get me my own ball before long as he tucked my shoes into the locker with his.

We left the bowling alley shortly after ten and Edward informed me that we had one more stop to make. This time we drove, the sounds of Iron & Wine's _Flightless Bird, American Mouth_ crooning softly through the speakers as we made our way through the dimly lit streets. He pulled to a stop and I didn't even try to reach for my door before he could cross to my side and help me out. A hard breeze blew through the air, causing us both to cringe, burrowing into each other on the sidewalk to try and avoid the biting cold, laughing breathlessly at the chill because really that's all you could do. At a break in the wind, we made a dash for the door, his arm still cradling me close to his side and laughing as we stepped into the warmth. The wind had tousled his hair into a ridiculous mess and he'd obviously caught his reflection in the window as he reached up, frantically attempting to comb it back down.

"Don't," I urged him quietly, stopping his movement and softly brushing through the strands he'd smoothed down over his forehead, mussing them up again and savoring the feel of the silky texture beneath my fingers. "I like it this way."

"What? An uncontrollable mess?" he chuckled, still fighting against my fingers to tame it.

"It's not a mess," I said, batting his hand away to try and fix the damage he'd inflicted on it by trying to mat it down on his head. "It's sexy."

"Sexy, huh?" he smirked and I tried not to blush as I curled my fingers back. "I have to say I'm kinda partial to the tousled look on you as well," he said, his hand brushing once over the length of my hair.

"Can I help you?" the girl behind the counter asked and I remembered we weren't alone. Though, glancing around, we kind of were. We were the only two people in the place aside from the girl across the counter. Looking in the display case I cocked my eye at Edward.

"Ice cream?"

"The best ice cream."

"You do know it's February right? And that it's like negative twelve degrees out?"

"You can never go wrong with Izzy's, Bella. It's a thing of delight all year round."

We ordered our cones, strawberry for me and mint chocolate chip for him, with a tiny sample scoop, dubbed an _Izzy _on top. We sat at a high top table in the corner, kicking our feet together under the table as we licked our cones, the shop quiet and deserted when the girl went to the back room. He was right, it was a perfect end to the evening, sitting there stealing looks at each other and giggling together, I blushed every time he caught me glancing at him over my ice cream. I took a big lap of my cone, darting my tongue out to catch a bit that I could feel clinging to the corner of my mouth, my jaw dropping a bit when Edward reached his hand out, rubbing the pad of his thumb over the corner of my mouth to remove it, bringing his thumb back to his own mouth to lick the remnants of strawberry ice cream from his skin. "Mm, I'll have to try that next time," he said with a wink as I tried to remember how to exhale. We were kicked out shortly after and I could feel the night coming to an end.

I didn't notice any difference in Edward's demeanor as he drove towards my building, but I could feel the butterflies start to dance in my stomach as I imagined what was to come in just a few short minutes. He'd walk me to my door, I had no doubt about that. What would happen then? Everything I'd read, every movie I'd watched, told me that a kiss was inevitable. I didn't know how exactly to feel about that. I wanted to kiss him again. I could remember the feel of his lips pressed against mine and was eager to replicate it. Part of me was scared that I'd freak out again. I was starting to get used to Edward's casual touches but was still unable to initiate them on my own unless he'd touched me first. Was I ready to kiss him again?

Ready or not, I could feel it coming.

He pulled into one of the visitor spots by the front door, escorting me inside, up the elevator and down the hall to my door. I felt like I was in a daze, the entire thing playing out just as I'd imagined it would in my head. Stopping in front of my door, I unlocked it but didn't make a move to open it and step inside, instead turning to face him and pausing, unsure what to do next.

"I had a great time tonight, Bella," he said, smiling down at me, his eyes seeming to glow in the soft light of the hallway.

"Me too," I said softly, biting my lip in anticipation.

He stepped in closer to me, taking the hand that wasn't holding my keys. "We have a game tomorrow night and I'm doing something with my parents on Sunday. Would you maybe want to do something on Monday night? Just you and me?"

"Yeah, I'd like that. A lot," I said with a bashful smile. He grinned back and wrapped his arms around me in a warm hug which I eagerly returned though my heart was pounding so hard that I feared he could feel it against him, even through two layers of heavy coats.

Leaning back just slightly he stared deeply into my eyes, lowering his face to mine and rubbing the tip of his nose gently against my own, once, twice, three times while my breath caught in my throat at the intimate gesture. He pulled back, a content smile on my face that I couldn't help but return.

"I'll see you Monday morning," he said, releasing his hold around me and stepping back as I nodded my assent. "Good night, Bella."

"G'night, Edward," I responded on barely more than a dreamy whisper as I leaned back against my door and watched him leave, fumbling blindly for the doorknob behind my back and slipping inside once he was gone.

I practically floated into my bedroom, kicking off my shoes, dropping my coat to the floor and flopping back against the pillows with a huge grin on my face. The night had been so perfect. So he hadn't kissed me, and that was a little weird, but his sweet Eskimo kiss felt like the finishing touch to a wonderful dream. I was actually a little relieved. Though I was dying to kiss him again, I'd been a little nervous that telling him I was ready to go on a date would jump start this passionate physical relationship that I wasn't entirely sure I was prepared for. I wasn't going to worry about it too much. He showed me in so many different ways that he found me attractive and wanted to be with me, maybe he had his own reasons to hold back on that side of things.

After brushing my teeth and washing my face, I crawled under the covers and drifted off to sleep reliving every moment of the evening, flashing pictures and echoing sounds and phantom touches sending me off into a peaceful slumber.

x-x-x

Alice came knocking on my door the next morning, tossing my purse at me and telling me we were heading out for a "morning after" brunch and recap session. Apparently these had become tradition between her and Rose as a way to decompress after a big event in either of their lives. They took me to a pancake house filled with antique furniture that reminded me of an old Victorian sitting room and offered up the best banana pancakes I've ever tasted in my entire life.

Over bites of syrupy goodness and sips of coffee, I replayed the events of the previous night, skimming over the highlights at first and then diving into more detail when Alice insisted that they needed to hear more. They sighed and squealed alternately as I described him showing up with tulips at my doorstep and the various locations he brought me to. Their excitement was catching and I was wrapped right back up in the elation I'd felt the previous evening.

"So did he kiss you?" Rose asked as I came to the end.

"No," I said under my breath.

"No? What a doofus!" Rose cried. "He takes you on a wonderful date and then doesn't even kiss you good night?"

"I don't know, it seemed like he wanted to, but he pulled back at the last second and gave me an Eskimo kiss instead."

"Aww," Alice fawned, "Don't you just want to snuggle him? Edward's always been a sweetheart."

"Oh come on, Alice. You'd really rather snuggle than get ravished, all wild and sweaty and hot?"

"Not everyone likes to put out on the first date, Rose," Alice teased, her tone obvious that she didn't mean it as a criticism, Rose's response of a playful scowl and flick of an empty Splenda packet at Alice's forehead showing that she didn't take it as such.

"Seriously, how do you guys talk about this stuff? Isn't it weird?" I asked the question that had lingered in the back of my mind since the first time I discovered they were dating each other's brothers.

"It's all a matter of perspective, Bella," Alice explained, "When we're having girl time, it's not my brother, it's my best friend's boyfriend."

"It's not a fool proof process, but it works pretty well," Rose agreed.

"We were friends before either of us started dating Emmett or Jasper. It was a little awkward at first, but when you think about it, it's kinda perfect, you know? Who better to date my brother than my best friend? And I know I won't wind up getting stuck with some bitch I don't get along with for a sister-in-law someday."

"That makes sense, I guess," I said.

"Except now I've got twice the work of blocking to do," Alice groaned, shooting me a friendly wink.

"I don't think you'll have to worry about blocking anything soon when it comes to me, Alice."

"You never know, Bella," she chuckled, "Mom always told me it's the quiet ones you had to look out for."

"And Edward's definitely a quiet one," Rose agreed.

"I wasn't talking about Edward," Alice said, giving me a pointed look.

"What?" I asked.

"You, Bella, you're a quiet one. I can tell though, you've got some fire hidden under all that sweetness and light. My brother's never going to know what hit him."

x-x-x

Monday night, Edward showed up at my door with a bulging paper bag of Chinese food and Scrabble. We sprawled out on the floor, poking each other with chopsticks and trying to slip made up words past the other ones guard to use up the high point letters. Every once in awhile I'd catch him looking at me with this odd, serious expression, but he was always quick to recover when he saw me looking, shooting me funny faces or reaching over to tickle me. When I walked him to the door at the end of the night, he scrunched his face up, bending down enough to rub his nose against mine, making me laugh.

Tuesday I finally made it to my first group outing at Billy's. Hanging out with the group as part of a couple was only slightly different than it had been hanging out as Edward's friend. Edward was more open about touching me, lazily draping his arm across my shoulders or wrapping his arms around me from behind. He was also quick to glare at any male other than Emmett and Jasper who tried to come near me. I'd never admit to it, but the fact that he was so protective made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, as long as he didn't take it too far. His angry face was actually pretty sexy as long as it was directed outward.

Part way through the night, Emmett was trying to teach me the finer art of darts when Alice shouted from across the table where we'd set up camp right next to the board.

"Oh my gosh, Bella, I completely forgot! You _have_ to take the plunge with us this weekend!"

"What is she talking about?" I muttered lowly in Emmett's ear as we stepped over to the table.

"Polar Bear Plunge, Babybel. You're so doing it!"

"I'm not doing anything until you tell me what 'it' is."

"It's a charity event to raise money for Special Olympics," Jasper filled me in.

"We've done it the past two years, it's a blast, Bella," Alice said.

"What exactly is involved in a 'plunge'?" I asked, still skeptical.

"It's out at Lake Calhoun. They cut a big hole in the ice and people jump in, usually in teams," she shrugged as if this were a normal thing for someone to consider doing.

"What? You people want to go jump in a frozen lake in February, are you nuts? I mean you three, I could see, you're crazy natives," I said, pointing out the Cullen siblings, "but you two? You're from Texas for goodness sake, what are you thinking?"

"Oh c'mon, Bella, it's fun. Besides, it's for a good cause," Rose said. "And it's already March." I rolled my eyes a bit, as if less than a handful of days made any difference when the lake would still be every bit as cold as it would have been two weeks ago.

"Yeah, Bella, you're an Olympian. Don't you want to help out your fellow athletes?"

"Oh nice guilt trip there, Alice. I can support my fellow athletes while staying warm and dry, thank you very much," I argued.

"Please, Bella?" she pouted at me with those puppy dog eyes.

"This is one of those peer pressure moments everyone talks about, isn't it? You know, 'If your friends all wanna jump into a frozen lake, would you do it too' kind of things?"

"I'll jump right next to you," Edward offered, slipping his arm around my waist, his fingers gently squeezing my hip. All around me were pleading faces and I could feel my resolve crumble to dust.

"Ugh, fine. Just don't talk to me about it, I can feel the onset of hypothermia just thinking about it," I shuddered.

"Don't worry, Beautiful, I'll warm you back up," Edward promised, whispering softly in my ear.

At the end of the night, Edward held me back a bit to say goodnight while the others went ahead to the car. They were leaving the next morning for an overnight game in Toronto, returning Thursday night. He gave me his normal Eskimo kiss, holding onto me just a little longer than usual, telling me he'd call from the road and that he'd see me when they got back into town before he pulled back and walked me over to the girls.

Though his parting gesture was never awkward and always welcome, I was thoroughly confused. Every time Edward and I were together, especially alone together, I could almost drown in the sexual tension. Not that things were ever tense between us, far from it. He made me laugh more than anyone, even Emmett; he was a great listener but seemed eager to talk as well, so it never felt unbalanced. He was always finding ways to touch me or be near me and it never once made me uncomfortable, well not in the way I was used to at least. The discomfort came from the encompassing awareness that filled me in his presence, like every cell of my body was at attention. But he still didn't kiss me.

Every time we parted ways, he'd hug me and lean in to rub his nose against mine. As much as I loved those sweet little moments, I couldn't help but feel a bit thrown off. Though I didn't have much experience in the realm of dating, I knew that he wanted to kiss me. It was the look in his eyes every time his face was close to mine, I could see the desire I felt reflected back at me. I didn't doubt that he wanted to. I just couldn't figure out why he wouldn't. I wasn't quite brave enough to just come out and ask him about it and I certainly didn't have it in me to initiate a kiss first, especially not knowing what his hesitation was.

So instead, I fretted about it, tossing and turning in my mind all the different possibilities. By Thursday afternoon as I unlocked my door after returning from my daily rink time, I still hadn't come up with anything. Completely lost and slightly frustrated, I dropped my bag in the entry way with a huff, stomping into the kitchen and pulling out my emergency stash of Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream.

Why wouldn't he kiss me? He said I was a good kisser, 'best kiss of my life,' I believe had been his words, so what was the problem? I'd asked him on a date hadn't I? Shouldn't that mean something?

I was interrupted from my daze by the chime of my phone. Taking it out of the pocket of my skate bag, the half smile that had started to form at the thought of talking to Edward fell.

Renee.

_No point in acting like a baby and avoiding her, Bella_, I said to myself and connected just before it could switch to voicemail.

"Hi, Mom."

"Hello, Isabella. Were you just at the rink? I tried to reach you earlier."

"Yes, Mother, the same time I've been there every day. I'm just walking in the door to my apartment," I said impatiently as I crossed the room to flop down on the couch. _Best get comfortable._

"Good, I'm pleased to hear you haven't completely lost your discipline."

"Were you just calling to check up on me or was there something else?"

"There is something, actually. Have you set your follow up appointment with Dr. Cullen yet?"

"He said April, Mom, it's still another month away."

"I think you should call him again and see if you can get in earlier. You said your physical therapist thinks you're progressing well and you seem to be skating just fine. If you can get in and have Dr. Cullen release you for training we can get moving again. We're going to have to be very aggressive if you have any hopes of being in peak condition come this fall."

"Mom, I know I'm going to have to work hard, but Dr. Cullen's been very insistent that I can't push it too soon or I'll risk re-injuring my knee, possibly permanently this time."

"Isabella, you said yourself that you're barely ever experiencing any soreness or discomfort. This has gone on for long enough."

"He said this is a crucial time for recovery, that I'll feel back to normal but that my knee's not strong enough yet to support any significant jarring or landing my jumps."

"Well it can't hurt to just call him. Maybe he'll have changed his mind once he checks you out again."

"Maybe," I conceded softly, not because I thought Carlisle's diagnosis would be any different than it was in January, but because I just didn't see the point in fighting Renee over the point. I'd mention it to Carlisle the next time I saw him, he'd tell me the same thing and I'd pass it on to her.

"Well in any case, we need to start discussing what will happen once you've gotten released."

"What's there to discuss? I told you I already spoke to Marcus and he'll be coming up here to get to work with me," I said firmly, unsure of where the problem was.

"Yes, and I've already told you my annoyance with you going behind my back to contact him."

"He's _my _coach, Mom, I would have thought you'd be happy that I took the initiative to look ahead."

"There's really no need to re-hash this all again, what's done is done. I've been speaking with a prospective coach, Phil Dwyer and I think he's going to be just perfect."

"You talked to a new coach without telling me? Mom-" I protested angrily.

"Isabella, Marcus is a fine coach, but you need the best if you want to win. Phil is just what we need to get you back on top."

"I want Marcus. He knows me, do you really think what's best for me right now is to have to adjust to an entirely new coaching style?"

"Oh please, what kind of adjustment period would there be?" she scoffed and I could just picture her waving her hand at my concerns, "A coach is a coach, he tells you what to fix and you listen to him."

"If a coach is a coach then why can't I have Marcus?" I said, not caring if it sounded petulant.

"Because Marcus is too soft. You've lost an entire season, Isabella. You're not going to make up for all that lost time with Marcus babying you like he does. You need a coach who will tell it like it is and push you to be better."

"Marcus does challenge me, but he does it with an awareness to my limitations."

"That's just it, Isabella. You can't afford to have limitations, not if you want gold. Did you watch Nationals? Have you been watching the international competitions? Japan and Canada have been dominating lately and you can bet they're working their asses off to be even better come next February in Vancouver. If you want to rise to their level we need to take some drastic steps to get you there."

"I'm not a machine, Mom, I'm a human being. Human beings have limitations. You can't just press a button and expect me to perform how you want me to!" I shouted, my voice progressively raising as I could feel her start to close the cage back in on me.

"Stop being overdramatic, I never said that. But the best are the best because they know how to push beyond their limitations."

"And that's why I'm not the best, right Mom? Because I'm not willing to kill myself over a stupid medal."

"Where is all this coming from, Isabella? This little rebellion of yours is not appreciated."

"This _rebellion _as you call it, comes from you going too far this time. How dare you contact a new coach without my consent? This is my life!"

"It's my job as your manager to provide you with the tools to win. Phil is a tool, just as Marcus has been a tool. Think of this as an upgrade."

I knew she wouldn't back down, not without me at least appearing to take her advice into consideration. With a defeated resignation, I muttered "Fine. I'll meet with him. _Just_ meet with him. Marcus remains my official coach for now; I won't back down on that."

"Now that wasn't so hard, was it?" she said, her voice back to its overly-polite tenor now that she wasn't meeting resistance.

"I've gotta go, Mom. I didn't stretch yet and I can feel my hamstrings tightening up," I muttered, barely waiting for her to say goodbye before I hit the end button. I'd stretched at the rink before leaving, but I couldn't stay on the phone with her another minute longer. I couldn't stand to feel myself crumbling to her will yet again.

Why did everything have to be so difficult with her? Why couldn't she just listen to me, just one time? Why didn't it make any difference what I wanted in regards to my life?

I could see now that it wasn't all mothers who acted like that, like I'd always assumed was the case in the back of my mind. Esme wasn't like that. Why was it so easy to find comfort in Esme when my own mother, the person who should be supportive of me, encouraging, compassionate, just couldn't seem to find it in herself.

Was it me? Maybe I drove her to this point. Esme hasn't known me for that long, maybe it's only a matter of time before she and everyone else started to feel the same way.

Lying on the couch, miserable tears falling down my cheek to absorb into the cushions, I stared off at the wall in a daze, trying to clear my mind entirely of the whole situation. I'm not sure how much time passed, but the room was almost completely dark when I heard a knock at the door. I scrubbed my hands over my face, trying to pull myself together, and flicked on the lamp on the end table. No one needed to know I'd been wallowing in the dark.

The knock came again when I was halfway to the door, this time with Edward's voice calling out, "Bella?"

Hearing him set something off inside me that almost brought me to my knees and I was suddenly desperate for him to just hold me. For someone to just hug me and let me know that I mattered.

I ran the final few steps, tripping over my skate bag, still sitting in front of the door where I'd haphazardly dropped it. I threw open the door to him, gasping out his name once before I threw my arms around his waist, burying my face into his shoulder and shuddering softly in relief when I felt his arms firmly encase me.

"Hey, what's this? What's wrong, Bella?"

"Nothing, I just missed you," I mumbled, the words muffled by his shirt when I refused to move even a centimeter from my spot in his embrace. I was shaking, but I couldn't control it. I felt safe, I felt wanted, I felt welcome. And I never wanted to lose that now that I'd finally found it.

"Well I missed you too, but I don't think that's all this is," he said, his tone full of worry as he stepped inside, not loosening his hold as he kicked my bag off to the side and nudged the door closed behind him with his foot. We stood there in silence, his hand stroking my hair soothingly until I stopped trembling.

When I'd gotten a little more control over myself, I tried to ease back, whispering, "I'm sorry. I'm okay."

Quickly peeling out of his coat and toeing his shoes off on the entry rug, he took my hands and led me over to the couch, laying back on the cushions and opening his arms to me. I didn't hesitate for even a moment, crawling on top of him in an effort to get as close as possible, searching out the comfort his touch always brought me and clinging to it as firmly as my fingers clung to the fabric of his shirt.

"Talk to me, Bella," he said after a minute of just holding me, breathing against me.

"I just, I was talking to my mom right before you got here," I said, pausing then, not really sure what to say. I knew I was upset, but not really sure of how to share exactly what I was feeling.

"Did something happen?" he inquired.

"No. Well, yes and no. She just doesn't listen. I told her weeks ago that I want to go back to my old coach when I start training again and it's like it just goes in one ear and out the other. She found this new guy that she wants me to use. Apparently she's been meeting with him for awhile now to work up a 'plan' for when your dad says I can compete again, even after I told her I wanted to stay with Marcus."

"Is that common in figure skating? I mean, neither of my parents have ever really had any say at all-"

"She's my manager, Edward," I interceded quietly.

"What?" he asked, his voice full of confusion.

"My mom, she's my manager."

"Your mother? Your mom's the one who shoved you back out on the ice within weeks of major knee surgery?" he growled, his voice more hostile than I could ever remember hearing and I could practically feel him vibrating with anger beneath me.

I eased back from him, a little nervous at the tone of his voice and could only manage a hesitant nod. His jaw was clenched tight, I could almost hear his teeth grinding together.

"That's just- She-" he sputtered, searching for the right words before he met my eyes and his entire disposition softened a little. He gently urged my head back to his shoulder, softly kissing my forehead and pressing his cheek to the spot his lips had grazed. "I'm sorry, Bella, but that's just fucked up."

"That's Renee," I shrugged, because really that's the only way I knew to describe it.

"Has she always been like that?"

"Honestly, I don't know. I didn't notice quite so much when I was younger. I thought that's how all moms were; at least that's what it seemed like with the other skater's moms. After Torino, when I came home with a silver, was when I started noticing it more. She seemed to be pushing me a lot harder, her critiques were a lot more harsh and personal; she never really said anything encouraging. Before, she was still hard on me but she was good about telling me when I did something well or different moves were looking good. After Torino, nothing was good enough. I'd skated clean programs and still came away a loser in her eyes."

"Loser? You got a fucking silver in the Olympics, Bella, I don't think that qualifies as losing," he snapped and I couldn't help the little half smile from forming on my lips at the offense he seemed to feel on my behalf.

"To her it did. It wasn't gold. In her mind, she'd done everything right, got me hooked up with the right coaches, hired the right choreographers, chosen the right music and dressed me in the right costumes; it had to be something I did or didn't do. I wasn't flirtatious enough with the judges, I'd let my nerves show, I'd taken one too many prep steps to transition into a move. Everything became a source for her scrutiny. To her, there's been no question that I'll go to Vancouver and that this time I'll get her what she wants."

"Have you thought about, you know, not having her as your manager anymore?"

"What, firing her?" I asked and he nodded against me, "I don't know if I could. I feel like if I did, that's it, there's no coming back from that. I don't know if I can cut my own mother completely out of my life, no matter what she's done or not done to me."

"Bella, just because she'd stop being your manager doesn't mean she'd stop being your mother."

"I think it might," I responded truthfully, sharing one of my deepest fears for the first time with another person. "With her that might be exactly what it means."

"Why do you say that?"

"Sometimes it feels like that's all I am to her, just her skater, her ticket to the top. I don't know what would happen with us if that went away."

"If she's stupid enough to miss out on everything else you have to offer, I don't think she deserves the chance." "I never felt like I did, have anything else to offer. Not before you, well you and Alice and everyone."

"Bella," he whispered, brushing the hair back from my face and looking at me with such tender adoration that I felt my heart would just implode under the intensity.

He leaned forward ever so slightly and I thought for sure that this would be it. His face pausing less than an inch from my own, his breath warm against my lips, his eyes darting down to my mouth for just a moment before looking back into my eyes. I saw the shift occur, so subtle that if I didn't know what to look for I'd have missed it. It was the same shift that had happened every time we'd gotten this close for the last week. He'd lean in, my breath would catch in anticipation, just waiting to feel his lips on mine, and at the last second his eyes would change. Instead, he'd softly brush his nose against mine, sometimes with an adorable grin on his face, sometimes impossibly tender, sometimes intensely serious like he was right now. Every time though, he'd pause as if catching himself, erecting the slightest, almost imperceptible wall between us.

After brushing his nose against mine three times, slowly trailing the tip of his down the ridge of mine, he settled back into the cushions, cradling my head to his chest and twirling my hair between his fingers lazily. He made no indication of continuing our conversation or starting a new one, he was almost entirely still and completely silent.

I couldn't stand not knowing what was going through his mind. So many things about this thing between us, this relationship, were such a puzzle to me. Reading through all those books and magazines, I remembered tips on being flirtatious, on holding back and presenting an air of mystery, on playing hard to get, not laying yourself completely out there too quickly. I just couldn't make sense of those things. I didn't know how to play games, too naive to try and learn the rules. I just hoped that Edward didn't play them either.

"Edward, can I ask you something?" I whispered quietly, nervously, nuzzling into his chest and trying to gather the strength to follow through with my own request.

"Anything, Bella."

"Why-" I started but the words caught in my throat. I shook my head almost imperceptibly against him, nervously picking at the sleeve of his shirt. "Ugh, never mind, forget it."

"No, what is it?" he entreated me with his eyes and his voice to continue as he nudged my face up to look at him. "You can tell me."

"Why haven't you tried to, you know, kiss me?" I managed on an uncomfortable cough. "I mean we already have, I guess I just assumed when we went on a date..."

"Bella, it's not that I don't want to. I do. Frankly sometimes it's all I can think about. The thing is, Bella, I'm not a saint. I'm a guy. I just don't want to make you uncomfortable or make you feel like I'm pressuring you to move faster than you want to. I'm not saying if I kissed you I'd end up ripping your clothes off, but-"

He paused, his expression full of doubt and irritation, though it was clear to see that it was directed inward at himself. I tried to implore him with my eyes as he had done for me, reassuring him that I'd listen to anything he said and try my best to understand. It seemed to work because he looked back at me, softly fluttering his shaky fingers against my cheek.

"I don't think I could take it if I kissed you only to have you pull away from me again. I get why you did, and I'm not holding it against you or anything. I just can't do it again. I need you to be sure this time," he spoke, his voice husky and rough and filling me with shame over causing it.

"I'm sorry, Edward."

"No, Bella, I'm not saying that to make you feel guilty or pressure you. Look, I know this is all new to you and that'd be enough to freak anyone out. But it's not just you who's scared or nervous here."

"What are you afraid of? Me?" I asked, unable to hide the complete sense of absurdity at the thought that I'd scare anyone, least of all him.

"No, well not specifically. It's just, I think we have something really amazing between us, and I don't want to fuck it up by rushing anything. I like where we are right now and I'm not going anywhere. I'm not in a hurry with you, Bella," he said, tucking me back into his arms and showing me with his touch what his words had just said. He softly kissed the crown of my head before murmuring in my ear with a husky whisper, "But don't take that to mean I won't be thinking about getting you naked just about every moment of the day until then."

I giggled a little, a soft blush coloring my cheeks at the thought of that happening someday; equal parts eager and nervous for it to become a reality. "You might be disappointed."

"Bella, I don't think that's possible."

x-x-x

Saturday morning, I stepped out into the hall bright and early to find both Rose and Alice leaned up against the wall, large, dark sunglasses covering half their faces and travel mugs of steaming coffee in their hands. When they saw me emerge, they simply shoved off from the wall and slumped down the hallway to the elevator with heavy steps.

"Good morning to you too," I muttered with amusement.

"We're not talking to you," Rose called back over her shoulder as she angrily stabbed at the down button.

"What did I do?"

"You and my darling brother ditched us last night, leaving us twice as many margaritas to consume, thus resulting in massive hangovers that you're obviously not suffering from," Alice illuminated me.

"I thought you didn't get hangovers, Alice," I pointed out.

"I was mistaken. Gravely mistaken. Apparently all it takes is one Margarita past my limit to turn from bright and chipper to the brink of death," she moaned, inhaling the fumes of her coffee without drinking.

"We went about this entirely wrong," she muttered, turning her attention to her comrade, "We should have waited about twelve hours and gotten drunk this morning before going to jump into the freezing lake. Not last night so we now have to jump into said lake while hung-over."

"Well shit, Alice, you're the planning queen, why didn't you foresee this and save us the misery."

"Those margaritas just looked so tasty."

"Don't say that word to me," Rose groaned painfully.

"What, tasty?"

"No. The other one. The evil one. The Death Star of beverages."

I couldn't hold back the snort at her comparison, drawing their attention back to me.

"I so want to hate you right now," Alice muttered, sipping her coffee.

"Uh, sorry?"

"No you're not, Bella. You're not sorry at all for sneaking off with your new boy toy for some quality alone time," Rose said, lifting her shades to give me a saucy wink.

"You're right. I'm not. Especially seeing the sorry state you two are in."

"Oh, we're not even bad. You should have seen Emmett and Jasper. Tequila is not their friend."

"What'd you guys do anyway?" Alice asked.

"Not much, just came back here to watch a movie. It was a long week."

"Mm hm, sure, 'watch a movie,'" Rose mocked with a suggestive tone.

"Yes, we watched a movie. That's it."

"Really? He still hasn't kissed you?" Alice asked incredulously and I shook my head. "Rose, we need to knock some sense into that boy's thick skull."

"No, guys, please don't say anything. I get where he's coming from and I don't want to make a big deal out of it so can we please just drop it?"

They shrugged in agreement, and we continued to chatter easily as we made our way to the front entrance. I could hear the guys before I could see them, the smile spreading over my face before I even turned the corner. They stood in the lobby, Jasper and Emmett looking just as miserable as the girls. Edward's face lit up when he saw me, straightening from his perch against the wall. I wanted so badly to just run to him and hug him.

_Then why don't you, Bella? Why are you always holding back so much? _

My inner voice was amazingly persuasive this morning and I took the length of the floor in three bounding steps, leaping straight into his arms, my feet dangling off the floor as he caught me with a laugh in mid-air.

"Well," he mumbled against my hair, "good morning to you too, Beautiful."

"Aw, look how cute they are, Ali," Rose cooed, nudging her in the side as she slumped against Emmett's chest where he still leaned against the wall..

"C'mon Rosie, we're just as cute as they are," Emmett argued a bit petulantly.

"No, Emmett. We were never that cute. Your hands wander too much to qualify us as cute."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Emmett said, rubbing his hand over Rose's butt and giving her a playful pinch.

"Let's go, lovebirds," Alice giggled and dragged Jasper out the door. Edward ended up driving Jasper's truck as the rest of them were still nursing their hangovers. Jasper and Alice snuggled up in the back corner, whispering so low that no one could make out a single word they said. Rose had her head propped against the window, leaning as far away from Alice as possible. Her mouth hung open and it looked like she could have been sleeping. Emmett took up half the bench seat in front, squashing me in the middle between him and Edward.

By the time we pulled into the lot at Lake Calhoun, our entire company was alert and raring to go. While the temperature wasn't completely unbearable, it still had enough bite for me to question the sanity of every single person milling around the area. Alice signed our team in, turning in our donations and whatever they had raised, we huddled up, taking up residence on a patch of sidewalk that wasn't directly in the midst of the crowd that had started gathering, awaiting their turn at this insanity. The first jump was scheduled for ten and would go by the order that teams signed in.

We were slated at number seventeen, so we settled in for a bit of a wait and I enjoyed the distraction that the people surrounding me provided with their humor and playful banter. Before long I heard a flurry of screams followed by the sound of multiple bodies hitting the water as the first team took their turn and I let out a groan of dread.

"Excited?" Edward asked from behind me, clasping his hands at my shoulders and shaking me once.

"I don't think that's the exact word I'd choose to describe it," I muttered and he chuckled.

"C'mon, Swan! Get pumped, just think of the adrenaline rush!" he said, briskly rubbing my arms and attempting to instill some of his energy into me.

I grimaced up at him and he laughed at my pathetic attempt at a smile.

"Don't think, just jump, Bella."

Our turn came well before I was ready as we tossed off our blankets and coats by the edge where we'd emerge. But as we lined up along the opening, I did start to feel excited. Sitting on the sidelines and watching everyone else take the plunge made me nervous and shaky, but standing there on the brink, forced to face the challenge, I realized that I _was_ ready. Though I was dreading the cold, I couldn't stop the little thrill of anticipation the started flowing through my veins, especially looking up to see Edward with such a carefree, giddy grin on his face.

"Ready?" he asked and I nodded.

He took my hand, with Alice clasping my other as we crouched as a group, and took the plunge. Before I hit the water, I heard Alice squeal, Emmett yell out '_Cowabunga_' and felt Edward's grip tighten on mine as he gasped out in surprise. I didn't have time to blink before I too hit the water and felt the wind knocked out of me, the prickling stab of the cold in a million tiny needle points all over my body. Surprisingly, I felt completely refreshed and energized, bursting up through the surface and laughing breathlessly as I saw Edward pop back up beside me.

"Fuck, that's cold," he gasped, tossing the hair out of his eyes and yanking me into him, running his hands over my face as he wrapped his legs around me to try and hold me up with him as he treaded in place. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Cold," I managed to chatter out on a laugh.

"C'mon, let's get out of here before we get hypothermia," he suggested, swimming over to the edge where our friends had already climbed out to wrap up in heavy blankets and go in search of the hot tubs.

Edward hoisted himself up out of the water first, reaching down to practically lift me up from the freezing water and into his arms, unfolding a blanket and wrapping it snuggly around the both of us. He shuffled us off to the side a bit so we wouldn't be in the way as we clung to each other, teeth chattering and shivering. He ran his hands up and down my back under the blanket, trying to warm me with the friction and I tried to do the same to him, giving up after realizing I wasn't really doing any good and instead just wrapping my arms around his waist and burrowing into him. Before long I stopped shaking. I felt completely at peace with my cheek resting against the wet fabric of his shirt, hidden within the cocoon of fleece, hearing nothing aside from the sound of his breath and the steady drum of his heart.

The air was cold, our clothing drenched, but I felt no rush to move even an inch from where I stood bundled in the blanket and Edward's warm arms.

Then I was shaking again, no longer from the cold but from the realization that there was another plunge I needed to take. One I was more than ready for.

_Don't think, just jump, Bella_, I heard Edward's voice echo through my mind. So I did.

Before either of us realized it, my lips were on his and Edward froze, his arms tight around me, stiff and unyielding. He didn't move a muscle, his lips warm and soft beneath mine, but unresponsive, he almost seemed to cease breathing entirely. Discouraged, I almost pulled away. But then I felt his lips curl into a smile beneath mine, his arms slacking their hold on my shoulders just enough so he could move one hand down to the small of my back and press me close to him, the blanket still folded around us, shielding us from the air and the world around us as a whole. Just him. Just me.

Suddenly he was kissing me back, and the sensations running through me at the feel of his breath mingled with mine sent sparks shooting from my head all the way down to the tips of my toes. Hesitantly, I slid my hands around his waist, trailing my fingers up his spine until they reached his shoulder blades, anchoring my body to his as I opened myself up to him. It started out softly, a series of feathery light brushes of his lips against mine, deepening into a lazy exploration as we became less willing to separate our mouths for even the quickest of breaths. My grip became less tentative as I moved one hand up to thread my fingers into the wet, partially frozen hair at the nape of his neck, causing him to emit a low, satisfied hum in his throat as he angled his head slightly to the side, altering the depth of the next meeting of our lips as I sighed into the embrace.

Well before I was ready, I felt him start to pull back and I fisted my fingers into his hair, crushing my lips hard against his and inhaling the deep groan that he let out as his tongue swept against mine. By the time he pulled away again, I'd started to feel light-headed from the lack of air and the onslaught of emotion his kiss stirred in my soul. Though his lips broke from mine, we did not separate. He merely dipped his head to press soft, pecking kisses to my cheek, my neck, my collarbone, getting more and more playful with each one as he smiled against my skin and started laughing, the utter delight on his face when he eased back to look at me making me happier than I could ever remember being in my entire life. He leaned down to chastely press his lips to mine once more, our lips barely meeting from the size of our matching elated grins. When he pulled back this time, he gazed down at me with a contemplative smile.

"Are you sure this is new to you, Swan?" I giggled, tightening my arms around his waist and resting my cheek to his chest with a contented sigh.

"I'm a fast learner."

"You know, they always say that players make the best coaches."

"You gonna coach me, Cullen?"

"I dunno, Swan," he mused, nudging my face up with his own, his next words spoken against my lips, "maybe you can coach me."

**x-x-x**

**A/N: Aww....sigh.**

**I know you probably all wanted the kissing to start right away, but that's just not Skaterella. And as we can see, it's not Hockeyward either. But look-the epic chapter got us there!!! Slow and steady people.**

**Polyvore with outfits and pics on the profile.**

**Reviews get teasers, so click that little link and leave me some love. *Scuffs feet* You know, if you want to....**


	9. Chapter 9: That'll Leave a Mark

**A/N: Thanks to Betamama and Caren. You ladies rock my knee high argyle socks off, especially when you talk me through two epic days of brainstorming. Mineral Ice, either of you?**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created the characters, the story is mine. Copyright 2010: BellaMarie117**

**Happy Reading!**

**x-x-x**

Spring in Minnesota is not a pretty time. It seemed like Mother Nature just couldn't make up her damn mind, wavering back and forth between the biting cold of winter and the thawing days of spring, sometimes shifting within the span of twenty-four hours. Outside, the streets were dirty and everything was brown, the patches of snow that still lingered here and there were covered in a dingy film. Despite the drab surroundings, I always seemed to be in a cheerful mood.

Three weeks had passed since my "first date" with Edward. Two since I got up the guts to kiss him again. The days since seemed like a dreamy haze, full of chaste 'good morning' pecks in the gym before we hopped on our respective treadmills, playful kisses when we were just hanging out at my apartment, or passionate embraces before we said goodnight. We didn't progress beyond that, his hands never wandering from my waist or tangled in my hair, but he didn't seem to be complaining, and I certainly wasn't. I took him at his word that he wasn't in a hurry and just let myself enjoy the initial phase of our relationship, especially liking the fact that we could steal kisses from each other whenever the mood struck, something Edward took advantage of _very _often.

Still, there was so much more to it than just kissing. That friendship we'd been building from the start didn't disappear or even alter that much at all. I always thought that people said dating changes things, but with us it didn't seem to. Edward said it was because essentially we'd been dating from the start and I was just finally catching up to the program. I suppose in a way, we had been. When you think about it, dating is all about getting to know another person and expressing a mutual interest in spending time together. So yes, you could argue that we had been "dating" since mid-January, but no matter when it all started, I was happy with where we were for now.

Earlier this morning, Edward had walked me up to my door after our usual workout, leaving me weak in the knees from a searing kiss before he ran home to get ready. Apparently the Cullens, and by extension the Hales, always had big plans for this day.

St. Patrick's Day.

It was only nine a.m., but I could already see the occasional festive person milling around on the streets below, all decked out in green. Alice had left me a shopping bag the night before with "my uniform" for the day. I knew you were supposed to wear something green, but what I didn't realize is just how far these people went with the holiday. One that had never even been a blip on my radar in the past.

_Well it's sure ingrained there now_, I thought as I laid out the clothes on my bed, it's all any of them could talk about for the last week. I took one look at the green tartan mini-skirt before grabbing it up and storming across the hall.

"Alice Cullen!" I shouted as I pounded on their door. She appeared just seconds later, an innocent smile on her face as she said good morning. Too innocent.

"What were you thinking giving me this?" I inquired furiously, shaking the offending fabric in her face. "Take this back, I'm not wearing it."

"C'mon Bella, you'll look adorable!"

"I'll look like a street walker. Or a slutty Catholic school girl."

"You know, we went to Catholic school. Our uniforms were never nearly as cute as that skirt is."

"That's not the point," I rolled my eyes in exasperation.

"Bella, you're not going to look like a slut," she insisted. "The skirt isn't as short as it looks when it's on, and besides, you have an awesome pair of legs, you should show them off. It's going to be warm out today for once, I thought you might want to take advantage of the nice weather." I gave her a look of disbelief. "Will you please just try it on? If you hate it, that's fine, I'm not going to make you walk around uncomfortable all day. Just try it, please?"

"Fine," I gave in with an epic roll of my eyes as I stomped back to my apartment, indulging in a huffy slam of my door before I headed to the bathroom to wash off the morning workout.

Thirty-five minutes later, after a truly indulgent shower, I was gritting my teeth and dreading the fact that I'd have to tell Alice that she was right. Again. The outfit was cute, sexy without being overt, and I really liked it. The green plaid skirt was paired with a fitted black v-neck sweater and a pair of knee high black socks with green and orange argyle. At the bottom of the shopping bag had been a shoe box with a pair of brand new kelly green low top converse sneakers. The girl knew my weak spot.

Looking in the mirror, I still thought the outfit could have been an homage to the Catholic School girl, but at least it wasn't a slutty costume. Once my hair was dry, I decided to just go with it and embrace the look, tying my hair in low hanging curly pigtails, sort of a Dorothy of Kansas look. I threw on a light jacket and grabbed my purse to head over to Alice and Rose's, knowing they'd try to fix me up with make-up even if I attempted it on my own.

Rose and Alice could be pushy at times, especially Alice, but for all my groaning and complaining, I didn't mind it so much. Neither of them ever tried to fashion me into someone I wasn't. I was used to being dolled up all the time. I used to hate it because I always came away feeling like some unrecognizable 'Bella Barbie,' but with the girls, every time I came away from one of their little makeovers I still felt like me, just a cuter, slightly more confident me.

"Holy moly, Bells, you're hot," Rose commented when I opened their door, knocking on my way in to alert them to my entrance. I still wasn't 100% comfortable just barging into their place like Alice was with mine, but I was getting better.

"Thanks, Rose, didn't know you swung that way," I joked, setting my bag by the door.

"I don't. But if I did, you'd definitely be my type, baby," she winked at me and grabbed her leather motorcycle jacket from the closet and called out to Alice, "Come on, Pipsqueak, let's go!"

"I'm coming. I'm coming," Alice said as she practically sprinted out of her room and began frantically digging through her purse, making sure she had all the essentials no doubt. "Bella, you look great! See, didn't I tell you?" she said when she saw me.

"Oh, and I have just the thing!" she said, snapping her fingers and dashing back to her room, only to emerge seconds later with a couple of small green hair ribbons to tie in tiny bows just below my ears. "There. Perfect."

"Edward's gonna flip his shit when he sees you," Rose chuckled.

"I know, right? I want front row seats for that," Alice giggled, going back to grab her purse off the couch. "Let's do this, ladies."

The two of them were quite the pair. Rose wore a bright green tank top with "Ireland" spelled out across the bust, strategically torn skinny jeans and peep-toe heels that matched the hue of her shirt. Around her neck she had strings of mardi gras beads in green, orange, and white. Alice took her devotion to the holiday far more seriously. She too sported the multi-colored beads, but paired with a lime green graphic t-shirt that said "Kiss me, I'm Irish," a black pleated mini skirt that was shorter than my own, and a pair of black tights with brightly colored shamrocks. The kicker was the streaks of lime green extensions she'd added to her hair, not hanging past her own short length. Alice didn't do anything half-way.

We were meeting the guys uptown at eleven, so we stopped at a Starbucks on the way for coffee and berry coffee cake. We took advantage of the rare warm spring morning by sitting outside on a cement ledge to enjoy our makeshift breakfast while we awaited their arrival.

"What's the agenda for the day, Alice?" I asked, taking a bite of coffee cake that I knew I shouldn't be indulging in.

"Well, the parade starts at noon just over that way," she gestured to the side, "and ends up over by the Landmark where they have music and dance groups performing. We usually stop in and check it out for a little bit, it's pretty cool. Then of course once the guys start complaining, we head to the bar, where we will likely live for the remainder of the day."

"So basically we walk around for a couple hours and then go get drunk?"

"Yeah, sounds about right," Rose agreed.

"What exactly is so special about this day?"

"It's just a chance to have fun, Bella," Alice said, "celebrate our heritage, drink good beer, listen to awesome music, loosen up for a day."

"It's not my heritage though," I pointed out.

"Everyone's Irish on St. Paddy's day, lassie," Rose argued in her terrible accent. "Plus, it's a great day to people watch. There are some major crazies out there."

Minutes later, Rose was leaning out on the ledge, keeping a look out for the rest of our group when she let out a low whistle. "Take a look at that."

Alice and I leaned out with her to look up the sidewalk where Rose was focused and spotted the guys up the street. I was eternally grateful I was wearing sunglasses so it wasn't completely obvious to the world just how overtly I was staring. Edward looked like pure, undiluted, walking sex. I mean, he looked great all the time, but the man looked good enough at that moment to make me want to spread my virginal legs to him right then and there. His jeans were perfectly fit, his deep green graphic t-shirt alternately clingy and loose in just the right places. He had a black, leather jacket on over it, left casually open; army green converse on his feet, bed-head in full effect, and aviators covering his beautiful green eyes. I'm pretty sure I licked my lips, but I couldn't be certain; my brain had suddenly gone on strike. He hadn't noticed us yet, none of the guys had as they talked amongst themselves.

"Man, we are the three luckiest bitches on the face of this planet," Rose sighed. I barely spared a glance at Jasper and Emmett, keeping my eyes firmly fixed on Edward, but I could easily agree with that statement.

I really was lucky. I had great friends. A great...boyfriend? A great apartment. A great job. My life may not have been perfect, but the pros were now far outweighing the cons.

When the trio of men was less than half a block away, Alice catcalled out to them, gaining their attention as she sprang away to greet Jasper with an enthusiastic hug. Emmett and Rose lapsed into their typical greeting of mutually eyeballing each other with looks that said they were well aware of just how good they both had it before Emmett scooped her up to hitch her legs around his waist. Edward had stopped dead in his tracks for a moment before one side of his mouth turned up into that signature crooked smile and he jogged over to where I stood, smoothing my skirt out self-consciously.

"Hey," he said as he came to a stop in front of me, sounding slightly out of breath, though I knew the minimal amount of physical exertion from the jog wouldn't have phased him at all.

"Hi," I answered back quietly, biting my lip in a shy smile.

I wondered if we'd ever get over this, the initial moments of shyness and uncertainty. There always seemed to be just a moment of hesitation on both our parts, though it often disappeared quickly. He leaned in, placing a soft, sweet kiss on my lips, and there… it was gone. I let out a happy hum as I pressed my lips more firmly against his, saying 'hi' again, this time without the traces of insecurity as he linked his hands with mine. He kissed me once more before pulling back, holding our joined hands out to the side so he could look me over.

"You look like a sin just waiting to happen," he groaned, making me wish I'd left my hair down so I could hide my blush.

"Did you really go to Catholic school?" I asked.

"Yup. None of us really practice, but we suffered through hitting the confessionals for a number of years."

"Something tells me Emmett had to do the most penance."

"Nope, Alice. She was a troublemaker," he whispered loudly and I laughed.

"Hells Bells," Emmett whooped out, swinging me up into a quick hug while I prayed that my skirt covered everything necessary. "If the chicks at CDH all looked like you, I would have been chasing a lot more skirt through those high school halls."

"More?" Alice scoffed as Emmett set me back down."You could barely fit in what you had! Emmett, if you'd spent any more time chasing skirts, you'd have missed out on half your games and you'd be flipping burgers instead of other players."

"Hey, I can't control my animal magnetism. The ladies just naturally flock to me."

"You're an animal all right, Emmett, a big, smelly one," Alice teased him.

"Rosie, are you gonna let her talk to me like that?" Emmett pouted.

"You're a big boy. You can handle the truth," she said, coming to stand next to him, then raising up on her toes to whisper something undoubtedly suggestive in his ear.

"Come on," Edward said, clasping my hand in his. "Let's go stake out a good spot."

The parade was loud and boisterous, full of people decked out in their finest "Irish Pride." One woman had gone so far as to dye her little West Highland terrier green. The streets were packed with people, all celebrating and enjoying the lovely spring morning as the bagpipes droned and the rat-a-tat of the drums resonated through the crowd. Edward held me snug against his chest the entire time, leaning down to speak in my ear over the noise of the crowd and pointing out objects of interest left and right.

I kept my sunglasses firmly in place as we stood in the crowd, shielding my eyes from the sun, but also effectively disguising myself. It wasn't often that I was recognized, but it did happen on occasion, and I didn't know if I was entirely ready to give up on my invisible status. Minnesota didn't have much in the way of paparazzi, but with how many cameras were flashing around, I wasn't eager to take my chances of being caught on film.

Soon enough, the parade had passed us by and we took our time walking over to Rice Park where we stopped inside to enjoy the local bands and dance troupes for a short time.

At a late lunch, over baskets of fish & chips and pints of Guinness in a nearby pub, Alice brandished a sheet of temporary tattoos, insisting that everyone needed more "Irish Pride." She passed it around the table with a pair of tiny scissors she always kept in her purse "for emergencies" and gave any hesitators the evil eye until one by one they gave in and grudgingly cut one out to mark themselves.

Edward grabbed the sheet from Rose and gave it a quick study before cutting one out. I reached to take the sheet from him, but instead he tossed it onto the table top before taking my hand in his, turning it over so my palm was facing up as he gently eased the sleeve of my sweater up to expose my wrist. He stripped the protective layer from the tattoo and placed it ever so gently on the skin of my inner wrist while my veins pulsed beneath his fingers. He dipped the corner of his napkin in a glass of ice water, continuing to cradle my wrist in his palm, and pressed the cool, wet cloth to my suddenly overheated skin. After a few light dabs against the paper, he lifted the corner, testing, before dropping the napkin back on the table, peeling off the rest of the tiny scrap and lifting my wrist closer to his face for inspection.

His eyes met mine as he parted his lips ever so slightly and blew on my skin to dry the pressed on ink. I didn't even see what he'd marked me with, I couldn't tear my own eyes away from the darkening green of his; my damp skin experiencing a delightful juxtaposition of his warm breath and the chill of the water evaporating at the same time. After one final drying exhale, he eased my wrist up to press a soft, lingering kiss to the spot he'd just given so much attention. I couldn't completely hold back on the breathless hum of pleasure his touch elicited in me, but I was able to smother most of the volume by pressing my own lips together. The look in his eyes told me he knew exactly what he was doing to me, and I decided I shouldn't be the only one to suffer.

Before he could see it coming, I yanked my wrist from the gentle hold he had on it, clamping it onto his neck as I practically jumped into his lap to fuse my lips to his, my fingers diving into his hair just as forcefully as my tongue dived between his parted lips to brush against his. He either wasn't able, or just didn't bother to disguise his own moan of pleasure as he eagerly responded to my touch, banding one arm around the small of my back to hold me to him while his other hand cupped my head at the exposed nape of my neck before stroking down the length of my arm to land on the naked skin of my thigh, not trespassing beyond the hemline of my skirt, but still effectively driving me insane. After a few moments the desperate meetings of our mouths, Edward regained his senses and pulled back, slightly panting as he rested his forehead against mine.

"God, Bella," he said on a breathless laugh, "you get inked and instantly turn into a wild woman."

"Only when you're the one doing the marking," I giggled, leaning forward to lightly peck his lips once more before pulling away and sitting back in my chair, which he instantly pulled just a little closer to his own. I finally looked down at my wrist to see what he'd chosen and burst into giggles. It was a graphic depiction of a four-leaf clover with the words 'Get Lucky' curving around it. "Is that supposed to mean something?"

"Not at all," he said innocently.

"Do I get to do you now?" I asked, picking up the abandoned tattoo sheet and perusing my options.

"Do you really think that's a good idea?" he turned to whisper in my ear, as he traced the tip of his nose along the curve of my jaw and kissed the soft hollow just where it transitioned to my neck.

"Yeah, you're probably right," I agreed, tossing the paper back down and nudging his head up so I could lay mine on his shoulder.

"Besides, I don't need a temp when I've got the real thing," he said.

That caught my attention.

"What do you mean the real thing? Do you have a tattoo?" I asked with a surprised smile, pulling back and darting my eyes over his form as if I could determine it's location even through the layers of his clothing. His pleased smirk at my reaction was just slightly arrogant, but I was too curious to bother slapping him down for it. "Where is it?"

"A gentleman doesn't reveal his secrets," he said.

"Bull, then you shouldn't have said anything! How come I haven't seen it? Do you have a Tweety Bird tattooed on your ass, Cullen?" I teased, trying to think of the most embarrassing option. "Oh no, I know, it's a Batman symbol on the back of your shoulder, isn't it?"

He laughed heartily and tugged me back down to his side. "Neither. And if you're good, someday I might just let you see what it really is."

"Such a tease," I muttered, flicking my fingers against his chest in mock frustration.

"Do you have one?"

"What, a tattoo?" I asked, not looking up into his eyes. He could read me entirely too easily.

"Yeah."

"What do you think?" I asked sarcastically and raised my eyebrow at him, giving him a look that hopefully said "are you crazy?" because I didn't want to open my mouth and lie to him.

"That's too bad, Swan, tats can be really sexy."

"I hate needles," I said, because it was the truth, and an expected response that would hopefully be convincing enough to have him drop the subject.

"You're pretty tough, you could handle it," he argued, to which I gave a non-committal hum.

"You definitely don't need one to be sexy though," he said, placing a tender kiss on my collarbone and stroking his thumb along the length of it until the edge of my sweater blocked him. "Your skin is perfection just the way it is."

"How do you always know exactly the right thing to say?" I sighed.

"I merely speak the truth."

"Edward, hey!" a voice called out behind us, drawing Edward's attention to the source, a tall, fairly thin man with jet black hair and dark brown eyes.

"Hey, Ben, how's it going?" Edward called back a friendly greeting, slipping his arm from around my shoulders and standing up to shake the man's hand once he'd approached our table.

"Not bad, thought we might see you out and about today."

"Can't break tradition," Edward chuckled and reached his hand back to me, giving me a quick, reassuring smile as he pulled me to my feet and against his side. "Bella, this is Ben Cheney. He's a right wing on our team. Ben, this is Bella, my girlfriend."

It was the first time Edward had introduced me to anyone as his girlfriend, or even used the term in my presence, and I couldn't stop the elated glow that spread through me, coming out in the form of a giddy smile. I just barely managed to remember my manners and offer my hand to Ben to shake, saying a quiet, "Pleased to meet you."

"You too, Bella. Don't let this guy push you around too much, okay? He can be a bossy prick sometimes."

"Hey, now, I'm only bossy when you're lagging on the ice and not covering the puck. Is Angela here?"

"Nah, she had to work today, poor girl."

"Angela is Ben's girlfriend," Edward filled me in. "You'd probably like her; she's like a less insane version of my sister."

"Yeah, isn't that the truth?" Ben chuckled, glancing past Edward and spotting the others at the table, giving them a slight wave. "Looks like you've got the whole gang out."

"Who are you here with?" Edward asked, looking around.

"Oh, I left Crowley and Newton back at the bar," he said, gesturing vaguely in the direction of the crowd swarming around it. "They were attempting to put the moves on a couple very unfortunate girls. It was too painful to stay and witness."

"Did you want to join us?"

"No, that's cool. I should probably check in with them and see about heading out. You guys have fun."

"Alright, see you at the X tomorrow."

"See ya. Bella, very nice meeting you," he said with a friendly smile before turning to weave through the crowd of people on his way back to the bar.

"He was nice," I said as we sat back down, facing in toward each other this time, our knees bumping together in the gap between our seats.

"Yeah, he's a good guy. The two he's with, not so much, but Ben's solid."

"What's wrong with the other two?"

"They just fit the stereotype, that's all," Edward said, sliding his hands under mine, our palms flat against each others.

"What stereotype?" I asked.

"A lot of people think professional hockey players, well male pro athletes in general, I guess, are nothing but a bunch of womanizing jerks who sleep around with a ton of women simply because they can. Crowley and Newton play right into that, going out and picking up different women every opportunity they get, talking them into bed by throwing around their status as an NHL player and never calling them up again afterwards."

"That's-" I paused, searching for exactly how to respond.

"It's disgusting, that's what it is," Edward muttered, raising our hands up between us, spreading his fingers, and thus mine as a result. "It's disrespectful."

I had to smile at the tone of his voice, clearly displaying his distaste for his teammates' behavior. I remembered the girls from the bathroom at the winter carnival, the way they'd spoken so casually about propositioning. Even then I'd known Edward wasn't like that, but hearing him now, after having the opportunity to get to know him more, to get to know his family and the company he kept, I knew that not only was it behavior he wouldn't partake in himself, but something he wouldn't advocate in anyone. He was too much of a gentleman to find it acceptable.

"So, girlfriend, huh?" I asked, bringing up the subject that had lingered at the back of my mind since the word escaped his lips. I curled my fingers, slipping them into the open spaces between his and linking our hands, studying them rather than looking at his face.

"Well, yeah. What else would I call you?"

"I don't know," I shrugged, biting down on my lip. "I guess we never said anything formal."

"Bella?" he urged me to look up at him, gently easing my lip out from between my teeth and stroking it once with the pad of his thumb.

"Yeah?"

"I think of you as my girlfriend. That is, if you want to be," he smiled at me, just the slightest hint of uncertainty in his eyes as I searched his face.

A shy smile turned up the corners of my mouth. "Does that mean I get to call you my boyfriend?"

"Damn straight it does," he leaned in, every trace of uncertainty gone, and grinned against my lips.

x-x-x

Saturday morning, the girls and I pulled up in front of a beautiful Victorian on Summit Avenue, looking like it came straight from the pages of Dickens or the Bronte sisters. It was three stories, built completely of wood painted in mocha brown with ivory trim. A covered porch ran the length of the front of the house and a polygonal tower spanned the top two stories, jutting up into the sky with its pointy turret.

"This is your parents' house?" I gaped as I stepped onto the sidewalk.

"Yup, home, sweet home," Alice chirped, taking my hand and tugging me up the walkway behind her.

"Did you wear pinafores and button-down shoes as a kid?"

"Huh?"

"Nothing. It just looks like something out of a storybook, that's all."

"It does, doesn't it? Oh and lookie here, it comes complete with a gentleman waiting to court you," she giggled when the front door swung open and Edward stepped out onto the porch.

"Shut up," I nudged her in the side as we made our way up the steps and Edward pulled me away for a quick kiss. Rose and Alice slipped inside, calling out for Esme as they walked straight toward the back of the house.

"Welcome to the Casa de Cullen," Edward said as he took my hand and walked with me inside the door, my eyes darting everywhere all at once trying to soak in my surroundings.

"I can't believe you grew up here. I'm completely jealous right now."

"Not a mausoleum?"

"No way! It's gorgeous. I mean you can tell it's historic, but it still feels like a home, not like you'd be scared to sit on the furniture."

"It's all mom, she's dabbled in interior design and did a lot of it herself."

"Well she did an amazing job," I said, peeking around the corner into a sitting room that held a beautiful polished baby grand piano.

"Why thank you, Sweetheart," Esme's voice rang out pleasantly as she approached from down a long hallway, a half apron in a floral toile tied around her waist and a ruffled chiffon blouse on top. "I'm so glad you're here," she said as she greeted me with a quick hug and grabbed my hand.

"Edward, go find the boys and keep yourself occupied, I'm stealing Bella."

"Mo-om," he whined in protest, making me giggle, and he shot me a look, "What are you laughing at, Swan?"

"Nothing, I can just perfectly imagine you throwing a tantrum at age six in that exact same voice."

"Yeah, well I'd have risked getting grounded if it meant I got to play with you for five more minutes," he grinned, pecking me on the forehead. "Make sure Rose doesn't steal all the banana bread before I get a piece, she always tries to sneak it."

"So," Esme said as she linked her arm through mine and led me back toward the kitchen, "it looks like you two are getting along rather well."

"Oh, Esme," I sighed, holding her back from approaching the doorway where I could hear Rose and Alice, "he's just so wonderful. I'm so worried I'm going to mess it all up. I mean, it's been so great for the last couple weeks and everything just feels natural with him-"

"You know what, honey? You worry far too much. Just relax and let things happen. If you just be yourself, I don't think there's much you could do to screw things up. Now, let's go get to work on brunch. I'll share my secret recipe for banana nut bread with you. It's Edward's favorite and no one else knows just how to make it."

Brunch with the Cullens was effortless. There were so many of them, but there was such a casual acceptance of each person, and so many different dynamics going on that just seemed to flow in perfect sync with each other. Jasper and Rosalie were treated as parts of the family, and to my surprise, I realized that I was welcomed as one as well. The girls worked in the kitchen, cutting fruit, cooking up home fries and a French toast casserole that filled the house with the drool-worthy scent of cinnamon. The meal itself was a symphony of voices, all talking over each other, sometimes broken off into smaller groups, sometimes everyone focused in on the same topic. The highlight of the meal had to be when Carlisle regaled us all with a selection of Scandinavian jokes staring Sven, Ole, and Lena, most of them fairly raunchy in their punch lines. It was a whole new side of the good doctor that I'd never anticipated, and as I cracked up and blushed profusely at a particularly dirty one, I wondered how I'd ever take him seriously at my next appointment.

At the end of the meal, I stood and started stacking a few dishes, intending to take them back to the kitchen and help with clean up.

"Here, Beautiful, I've got that," Edward said, taking the plates from my hands and kissing my temple. "Go, relax. I'm sure mom would love to take you on a tour."

"I can help," I insisted.

"Nope. House rules, those who cook don't clean. You're not welcome in the kitchen again until every plate is sparkling."

"Sheesh, you people are strict," I giggled and leaned my face up for a quick kiss before leaving him to search out Esme and beg her to show me around.

Turns out begging was completely unnecessary. Esme was all too eager to show off her masterpiece with Rosalie and even Alice, who was obviously more than familiar with the layout, joining us as we strolled through the hallways. They highlighted special points of interest along the way, like the doorknob that Edward had broken off one afternoon when he was nine and ended up stuck in his room for three hours before his parents noticed because he'd been so quiet, or the dent in the hallway of the upper floor from the summer Emmett had decided he missed sledding and rode one of Esme's laundry baskets down the staircase, resulting in him crashing straight into the wall, or the window Alice had tried to climb through one night in high school when she broke curfew and ended up slipping and falling backwards to land in Esme's pristine flowerbeds. Once Esme had been assured that her daughter was not hurt, she was angrier about the death of her carefully tended plants than anything else.

In the room that had once been Edward's, a small stack of newspaper clippings sat out on the bureau, the top one looking very familiar. It was a clipping that had shown up in the _Pioneer Press_ the morning after St. Patrick's Day featuring a photo of Edward and I at the pub. I could recall the exact moment that was captured. It was right after I'd called Edward my boyfriend and he leaned in to kiss me. My initial reaction had been to be upset at such a personal and intimate moment being splashed all over the news, but the picture was so precious that I couldn't feel bitter about it. Our lips, just barely touching and curled up in matching smiles. When I picked it up to look it over for what must have been the thirtieth time in four days, Esme crossed to stand next to me, fanning through the papers with her thumb.

"I really need to get caught up on these. The stack just keeps getting bigger."

"What are they all?"

"They're clippings of the kids-the boys from hockey mostly; there are a few from bridal magazines that mention Alice."

"What do you do with all of them?"

"I have an album, sort of a scrapbook, to keep them all in. I don't leave it out anywhere, it could probably come off as boastful to cut them all out and show them off. But I just have to keep them. I'm so proud of each and every one of them."

"So, what about this one? You're proud of your son being featured in the paper for a PDA in a bar?"

"There's nothing wrong with showing affection, Bella. But no, I kept that one because I can't remember the last time I saw my son so happy."

"He does look happy here, doesn't he?" I asked, stroking my thumb over the image of his face.

"Yes, he does. _You_ make him very happy, Sweetheart," she said, kissing my cheek and leaving me alone in the room.

I sat on the bed, the same one that Edward had slept in as a child, as I read the blurb underneath the photo.

_"Out and about celebrating the luck of the Irish in St. Paul was Wild Hockey Center and Captain, Edward Cullen, pictured here looking very affectionate with Olympic Figure Skater Isabella Swan, whose mysterious absence from the competitive scene has been the talk of the skating community for the last several weeks. Swan has apparently relocated to Minnesota and sources say the local hockey stud and dazzling ice princess recently started dating. Attempts to contact Swan's representation for information on the National Champion's future in skating, as well as the nature of the budding relationship, were unsuccessful."_

Being recognized had been exactly what I'd been afraid of. While I wasn't hounded, I had been stopped a time or two on the streets since it came out. Renee hadn't mentioned anything when I'd spoken with her briefly the day before, and she hadn't called up screaming my ear off, so I could only hope that she hadn't seen the local paper.

She would find out about Edward and I sooner or later. It was nothing I was ashamed of, not in any way, shape or form. I just wasn't eager to bring it to her attention. Things were running so smoothly between Edward and I. I didn't want anything to spoil that.

"Hey," Edward alerted me to his presence with a knock on the door jamb. "Can I come in?"

"It's your room."

"It used to be," he said as he sat next to me, scooting back on the bed and propping his knees up so he could pull me back between them to rest against his chest. "Doesn't look quite the same as it did when I was younger. Smells a lot better now, too."

"Oh really?" I laughed.

"Yeah. Teenage boy and sweaty hockey equipment is never a good mix."

"I can imagine."

"I like this picture," he commented, resting his chin on my shoulder and holding up my hands that held the newspaper clipping.

"You would."

"What's not to like? It's a good picture. Me kissing my beautiful girlfriend."

"You don't mind having your name splashed around the headlines?"

"I'm not a fan of that part of it so much, but it's never been a major issue. I don't go out and get into trouble so the press doesn't bother with me much."

"No skeletons in your closets, huh?" I teased.

"Nope. My closets are pathetically spic and span," he said, extracting the clipping from my grasp and laying it on the side table before wrapping his arms around me, content to just sit quietly.

"So, how many girls have you kissed on this bed?" I razzed him after a minute.

"Zero."

"Oh, come on. You never once snuck a girl into your room?" I inquired with disbelief.

"Nope, I snuck into theirs," he returned with a wink. "I was too scared of my mom catching me."

I shifted around, sitting cross-legged between his knees and walking my fingers up his arms playfully as I looked up at him. "So, does this mean I get to be your first for something?"

"Hmm," he hummed, rubbing his hands over my back and dipping his head. "Just promise to be gentle with me," he murmured right before pressing his lips to mine.

x-x-x

As it got later on in the day, I decided to pull Carlisle aside and check in with him to get it over with. He'd stepped into the kitchen for a moment to fill his coffee mug, and I jumped at the opportunity to get his attention without anyone else around.

"Carlisle, may I speak to you for a minute?" I requested quietly from the doorway.

"Yah, sure. Would you like to go to my office?"

"Um, that's probably not necessary," I fumbled, "It shouldn't take long."

"It's no trouble. Less chance of interruptions," he said, gesturing to the other room as a loud burst of laughter rang out.

"Yeah, okay."

"Right this way," he offered, escorting me up the stairs into the room Esme had pointed out earlier as his home office, shutting the door quietly behind us and gesturing for me to have a seat as he perched on the edge of his desk. "What can I help you with, Bella?"

"I know I shouldn't be bothering you with this stuff in your home, I should just make an appointment or call you when you're working," I stammered, reluctant to discuss with him something that _I_ didn't even feel the need to discuss.

"Please, Bella, I'm here whenever you need me, as your doctor or a friend. Just know that the doctor-patient confidentiality transcends the walls of the hospital. Anything you speak to me about stays between us. Now, what's on your mind?"

"Well, I know you said to come in for my next appointment in April, and I'm still planning on it. I'm doing the physical therapy and Seth's been great. I've been skating almost every day and my knee is feeling good, but I know you said that when it's feeling better is one of the riskiest times to reinjure..." I trailed off, and he was observant enough to take over when I didn't continue.

"That's correct. While your ligament has healed to the point where it's no longer causing you physical discomfort, it still needs time to regain the strength required for the intensity of the pressure your level of activity demands of that joint."

"See! Exactly," I exclaimed, unable to keep my seat as the frustration simmered. I crossed the room to stare out the window, overlooking their sprawling backyard, still mostly in hibernation. "That's exactly what I thought, and just what I told her, but will she listen to me? No."

"Who are you referring to?"

"My mom. She called me and wanted me to move my appointment up. She thinks you'll change your mind and say it's okay to just jump back in right now, or two weeks ago when she originally wanted me to talk to you. I haven't done anything you or Seth said I shouldn't," I assured him turning back around to face him but still staying by the window, "I don't want to risk hurting myself further. She's just so...difficult. She's never really understood the nature of my injury or just how serious it is. In her mind I took a little fall and have just been exaggerating the severity of it for all these months."

"Well, I'm glad to hear you haven't listened to her. I assure you that this type of injury can be extremely serious if not dealt with properly, resulting in permanent damage that would affect your everyday life, not to mention end your skating career. I know April is only a couple weeks away and it seems like such a short time that it shouldn't make any difference, but it does. You're still healing, and the more time you're able to keep the strain off it, the stronger it'll become."

"So, do you think I'll need to wait even longer? Would it be better to not start training again yet, even after the appointment in three weeks?"

"Four months is a perfectly satisfactory recovery period, Bella. You should be fine as long as you're cautious at first and pay attention to how you're feeling. If you notice your knee swelling or giving you trouble, you'll want to make sure you're icing and resting it. And you'll want to keep using the brace for a bit. You probably won't need it past the first few weeks, but when you start jumping again, you should have it on until you feel confident to go without."

"Okay. That's good. Nothing different than I was expecting, or from what you initially told me."

"Did you have any other questions?"

"No. They weren't even really my questions. You wanna call my mom and tell her all that? Maybe she's actually listen to you," I said, only half joking.

"Unfortunately, our confidentiality prevents me from sharing any information regarding your health."

"Even with my mom?"

"Yes, once you're over eighteen, your health is completely your business. You'd need to sign off on a waiver for me to share anything, though-" he paused for a moment, looking unsure of how to progress. "Bella, may I speak freely for a moment?"

"Of course," I said, curious as to what he wished to talk about.

"Esme has shared with me a little about your mother. Please don't be upset at her for telling me, my wife and I have a very open relationship, we don't like to keep secrets from each other."

"No, it's fine."

"My family's all quite enamored with you, and though I have had less opportunity to get to know you than the others, I care about you and your well being. I'd have to strongly discourage you from granting your mother any further access into your affairs, in regards to your health and otherwise. It just seems like an invitation for trouble."

"You're not mistaken," I sighed. "That's something I'm working on. It's complicated."

"If you need any assistance; advice, recommendations? I hope you know you can come to us."

"Thank you, Carlisle."

"You betcha. Shall we go see if Emmett left any of those cookies untouched?"

"I wouldn't count on it," I giggled. "You go on ahead; I'm just going to stop in the restroom quick if that's okay."

He walked back down the stairs and I slipped into the bathroom, sitting on the closed lid of the toilet while I pulled out my phone and typed out a quick message.

**April 7th and not a day sooner. Doctor's orders. Just drop it.**

x-x-x

The remaining days of March began to fly past, and not just for me. With the busy wedding season at it's beginning stages and the approach of her own wedding to Jasper creeping steadily closer, Alice was in and out more often than normal. She seemed to be an amazingly calm bride from, I could only imagine, her occupation and how many other weddings she'd had to deal with for other people. She and Jasper had decided on a June date where they would be wed at the family lake cabin in Northern Minnesota. She'd said it would be a small, relatively private affair, which may have surprised me if I hadn't gotten to know her so well. While Alice looked stylish and enjoyed her time as a social butterfly, I'd learned that at the core, she was a woman who cherished her family above all. I had no doubt that she'd still turn it into an elegant affair, completely suited to both her and Jasper. Her latest 'wedding chore' was to assemble and address her invitations. She'd already drafted Rose and me for a girls night slash invitation assembly line for when they would arrive in early April.

The guys were equally busy as the regular season was coming to a close and the race for a spot in the playoffs kicked into high gear. Their standings left them a good chance to make it, but they weren't guaranteed a slot. Their practice times were expanded and when they weren't at the arena or on the road, they were all fairly exhausted and usually just wanted to crash and hang out around one of our apartments.

For my part, I remained focused on my goal to be ready for April and my appointment with Carlisle. I didn't want to get my hopes up entirely, but if he gave the okay, I would be ready to jump back in. I was getting antsy to train again. The World Figure Skating Championships were just gearing up to take place in Los Angeles over the upcoming weekend and unlike the depression I'd felt over Nationals, this time I was filled with a restless longing to be there, to be finalizing my routines and anxiously awaiting my section assignment. Worlds would essentially set the number of slots appointed to each country for Vancouver. Prep for the Olympics was already getting underway and I was eager to get back in on the action.

Edward and I tried to spend any spare time together that we could manage, either alone or with our friends. One afternoon he talked me into playing hooky and catching a matinee at the movie theater where we kicked our feet up on the empty seats in front of us, propped up the movable armrest and snuggled, our fingers caressing in the shared tub of popcorn and drinking from the same straw in the massive cup of soda.

Our physical relationship remained steady with innocent kisses and lingering embraces. There were times I longed for more than that, for him not to break away any time he felt a kiss getting just a little too deep, for him to loosen the tight control he seemed to have on himself that wouldn't allow his hands to wander. I didn't know how to communicate that to him, so for the time being, I enjoyed the point we were at, allowing myself to get steadily more comfortable and confident in what we had together. When we couldn't see each other, we still talked on the phone or texted. He knew my appointment was coming up, but I didn't share exactly when it was to take place, not wanting to distract him when his own career was so busy.

I went to every home game I could manage, cheering wildly from the stands. I was stopped a time or two by fans in the crowd who recognized me, knowing from the article that I'd be there to support Edward. Alice and Rose giggled every time I was approached, telling me it was odd for them to see me as Isabella Swan, Ice Princess, rather than just Bella, their buddy. Knowing that my location was now public knowledge should have prepared me a little for the phone call I received one Thursday afternoon, and what led to it. As it was, when I picked up my phone I almost dropped it right back down again in shock, managing to press the talk button and lift the phone to my ear.

"Dad?" I asked, confused and curious as to why he'd be calling.

He so rarely called me, especially out of the blue. He'd always make a point to contact me for my birthday and around the holidays, and we'd e-mail occasionally to keep each other appraised of any significant events going on in each other's lives, but I hadn't heard from him since I'd arrived in Minnesota.

I heard his throat clear through the line, slightly muffled as he must have held the phone away from his mouth before he spoke. "Hey, Bells, er Bella. How's it going, kid?"

"Good, great, um…okay, I guess," I stammered, always feeling slightly awkward with our conversations, the discomfort not aided by the fact that he always seemed to be just as uncomfortable. "How are you?"

"Oh fine, nothing much to report."

"Nothing exciting happening in Forks?"

"Not too much. Harry Clearwater hooked himself a big trout a few weeks back, and Billy Black's been over a lot lately to visit the flat screen with hockey season in full throttle."

"Oh, yeah, that's right. Billy's son plays, doesn't he?" I asked, vaguely recalling him mentioning it a time or two in the past.

"Yup, Jake's in Chicago with the Blackhawks."

"Huh. I forgot about that," I mumbled, faintly curious about whether or not Edward or the guys knew him. I'd never met Jake, but I knew Charlie and his dad were good buddies.

"That's err- actually what led me to call," he stammered, and I wondered if he still had his mustache and if he still twitched it when he was uncomfortable like he used to when I was a kid.

"What? Jake? I don't even know him," I said, feeling a bit baffled.

"No, no, not Jake. Uh, the hockey games. We were watching the Capitals play Minnesota last night and I saw you there in the stands."

"Huh?" I asked dumbly.

"On TV, Bells. They showed you in the stands during the game on ESPN, mentioned something about you and one of the players."

"Oh," I said quietly, unsure how to respond any further. Was he checking up on me? Was he upset that I was dating a hockey player? Why would he even care? I mean, I know he was my father, but he'd taken so little interest in my life that it just didn't register with me what the purpose of this call could have been.

"I just- I don't- Look, Bella, you've got your own life and I don't want to meddle with that. I just wanted to say you looked good. Happy. It was good to see you like that."

"Um, thanks, Dad," I murmured.

"Yeah, well, it's not my place, like I said. I just, I hadn't heard about you dating any other boys in the past. I just hope he's treating you well."

"He is, Dad. Edward's great. He's a good guy."

"Good, that's good. Okay, well, I just wanted to check in, say 'hey.' How's your mother doing?"

"I don't know, Dad. She and I aren't on the best terms right now."

"You okay, ba- Bella? I know she can be a difficult woman."

"Yeah, I'm starting to see just how difficult," I said on a long sigh.

"Anything I can help with?"

"I don't know, Dad. I don't know how much you know about my skating, what's going on right now. It's just all so complicated," I muttered, flopping back on my pillows.

"What seems to be the trouble, kid?"

"Maybe nothing. Mom's just hounding me a lot lately. I've been trying to break out on my own more since I've moved away from her, but she's still in charge of so much with my career, my finances, I'm just not sure how to change that, get her to give up some of her control on my life."

"Your finances?" he asked, a tinge of surprise in his tone. "Does your mother still handle your accounts, Bells?"

"Yeah, she always has. Why? Dad?" I prodded when he didn't answer.

"Yeah, sorry, I'm here," he grunted after a moment.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be bugging you with all this. It's not your problem," I muttered, embarrassed that I'd opened myself up to him so much. Being around the Cullens had really started to mess with my ability to just keep things to myself and shut the hell up.

"Bella-" he started.

"No, really. It's fine. I'm handling it. Like you said, you don't want to meddle, and I don't want to drag you into my issues. I'm glad you called, Dad. It was good to hear from you," I said, effectively winding down the phone call.

"Yeah, right. Well, I hope things work out then. You take care of yourself, Bells."

"Yeah, you too."

"Always do," he muttered and there was an awkward pause before I disconnected.

I lay there staring at my ceiling, a frown creasing my forehead. What was that all about? From both of us. So often our calls were similar to those of casual acquaintances. We never really delved into each other's lives past the pleasantries. I never really knew what to say to him, and I never really thought he cared that much about what was going on in my life. He'd never taken an interest in my skating, and for so long that's all I felt I had to talk about. When I was a kid, he'd rarely come to the rink, his work schedule at the time had made if difficult for him to ever come to my practices and he'd only come to a couple of my performances. My mom had always been there, so maybe he thought I hadn't needed him there too. I'm sure figure skating and sequins weren't really his scene, it shouldn't bother me so much that he couldn't seem to just suck it up and find an interest in it _for me._

But he hadn't, and I was doing just fine on my own. Sure, things with Renee were complicated, but I'd figure it out. I didn't need Charlie to fix it for me. Maybe I'd wished for my daddy to swoop in and save the day when I was a little girl, but that just wasn't how things were with me and Charlie. Not everyone was a Daddy's Girl.

x-x-x

The following Tuesday, I sat in the waiting room of St. Joseph's, alone this time around as I anxiously awaited my name to be called.

I hadn't told anyone about my appointment that day. Edward had a long afternoon practice, Rose was working, and Alice had a number of client meetings and errands to run. I didn't want to bother them, but even more than that, I didn't want to jinx anything. I already felt like I was starting to put all my eggs in the basket that would result in today being the day I'd get my green light. My skate bag was in the trunk of my car and I'd already called the rink to lengthen my afternoon ice time for the day, just in case. I didn't know what I'd do if Carlisle told me I wasn't ready yet. I had to be ready.

The nurse called my name, walked me through the preliminary steps and left me waiting for Carlisle, who didn't keep me waiting long.

"Big day, Bella," he said when he walked in the door, patting me affectionately on the back before he flipped open the chart.

"I hope so."

"Well, let's take a look and we'll find out," he said, launching into his examination.

Fifteen minutes later, I had my answer. He didn't even need to say the words, the encouraging smile on his face told me everything I needed to know.

"So?" I asked, trying not to get ahead of myself.

"Bella, I want you to remember what we talked about. Don't push it too much, listen to what your body's telling you, and wear the brace to start, but in my professional opinion, you're good to go."

"Really?"

"Really. You'll save me and Esme a seat in Vancouver, won't you?" he requested with a grin.

I couldn't hold back the squeal of excitement any longer as I leapt up and gave him a huge hug, pulling back after a moment, embarrassed at my forwardness. "Sorry! I'm sorry, I'm just so relieved. Thank you so much, Carlisle."

"Hey, I didn't do anything. You take the credit for this one."

"So, can I really jump again? Today?"

"Yes, but-" he held up a finger, "I have to qualify that. You cannot push yourself too much. You can jump. Start off with singles and ones that are a little lower on the difficulty scale at first. You're not going to be landing perfect triples right up front. If I can make the request, I'd like for you to either call or text me afterwards, just to let me know how your knee is feeling."

"Okay, I promise," I said, ready to bolt out the door, practically vibrating in excitement.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go find some ice, Bella."

I didn't need to be told twice. I grinned at him, saying a quick goodbye before I made a hasty exit, heading straight to the rink.

Within fifteen minutes I was standing at the entrance to the ice, an impressive feat due to the fact that it would typically take close to twenty minutes to make the drive from the downtown hospital to the arena. I could feel the adrenaline pumping through my veins, spurring me on. All I wanted to do was take one quick spin around the ice and launch right into a perfect triple axel. At the moment I felt like I could actually pull it off based on pure adrenaline alone. And wasn't that just asking for trouble?

I made myself take a step back, lifting my leg to rest my heel on the boards in a long stretch, consciously controlling my breathing in an effort to just calm down and not rush into anything that could result in me landing right back in Carlisle's exam room.

When I felt limber enough, I slipped off my guards , dropping them just outside the boards, and glided out onto the empty ice. I considered putting on some music, but opted against it. I didn't need anything more pumping me up right now or I'd be bouncing straight through the metal ceiling. I wondered if Alice felt like this all the time, she always seemed to have more energy than could be realistically contained within such a small person.

_Okay, Bella. Start slowly. Let's not get too ahead of yourself._

I made myself work through my warm-up laps, letting the long, steady strides soothe me further. It worked. Sorta. Until I came to the end of my obligatory fifteen laps. Then I was right back to being a ball of pure nerves and energy.

Maybe I should wait for Marcus. _No, that's stupid. You've been jumping for how many years? If you can't manage to pull off one teensy little single toe-loop on your own, you may as well just quit now._

I really hated when my inner voice was right.

_Let's go, Swan. No time like the present._

I pushed off, steadily building my speed as I curved around the ice. I felt myself steadily approaching a speed that could launch me into a solid double if I so chose.

_Not so fast, Swan. Baby steps._

Lightly kicking my foot out in front of me in preparation, I took a deep breath...and panicked.

Just as I was about to dig my toe pick in, a series of images flashed through my head, all involving pain and disaster.

"Shit," I muttered as I pulled my leg back, returning to a slow drifting pace. Was there such a thing as PTSD when it came to figure skating injuries?

I'd fallen a million times before. Every skater fell. There's a reason that falling properly was the first thing any good instructor taught you. And sure, it still hurt sometimes, but the reward of that feeling of elation the one time you _didn't_ fall was worth every botched attempt.

With that in mind, I took off around the ice once more, the scraping sound seeming to whisper in my ear "Come on, Bella. Come on, Bella." Sort of like the little engine that could. Maybe that would help.

As I crossed my feet over I chanted softly, "I think I can. I think I can."

I hesitantly stuck my foot out once more, bracing myself as I dug in my pick, disconnected with the ice for one split second, and fell.

"Oof," I groaned as the air left me and I allowed myself to just flop back on the flat surface for a moment, the ice soothing against the spot where I'd landed heavily on my hip. "That's gonna leave a mark."

_You see, Bella. That's why you don't hesitate. You hesitate, you fall._

As I laid there steeling myself for another attempt, I oddly recalled a scene from an old Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers movie I'd watched as a kid. Ginger was trying to teach Fred to dance, with him comically falling all over himself, and her. How did that song go again?

Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off. Start all over again.

So, that's what I did. Again and again. And again. Falling every time, always for different reasons. Not enough speed, too much rotation, not enough rotation. The pain in my hip was throbbing, now in competition with what would likely be a colorful bruise on my shoulder. It did nothing to deter me, it merely egged me on, determined to just land once.

Then, on what must have been my twenty-fifth attempt, I felt it.

Gritting my teeth, I jutted out my foot in front of me. This had to be the one. Perfect speed, perfect timing, there was no way I was _not _landing it.

As I took off into the air, time seemed to slow for just one moment, all my focus narrowed in, visualizing a seamless return to the ice, and one second later it was a reality. I glided out of the landing, my back leg suspended behind me, arms extended for balance as I lowered to come to a stop, and burst out laughing triumphantly.

Finally.

I didn't stop there, the remainder of my afternoon at the ice filled with attempts at various jumps, but never testing beyond a single rotation. That would come in time. Some came easily, while others had me eating a lot more ice and adding to the collage of bruises forming just under my skin.

After three hours I was tired, I was sweaty, I could barely move. And I felt fantastic.

Edward, knowing the time I always wrapped up for the day, called just as I was wiping down my blades. After a quick chat, he'd asked me over to his place for dinner that night. I'd never been to his house before and I was excited to get that insight on him. Would it be modern or vintage, like his childhood home had been? Would it be clean or would he have stacks of randomness on every open surface? Would it be the typical 'bachelor pad' or something completely different? I wasn't sure what to expect, but I had fun guessing while I drove home and rinsed off, giving myself a few extra minutes under the hot water to ease the aches. I could already see purple.

Dressed casually in jeans, a tank top, and one of the button-ups that Alice had talked me into that first day at Target, I swiped on a quick layer of mascara and lip-gloss on the way out the door, remembering at the last second that I'd promised Carlisle an update.

"Bella, how'd it go?" he answered after two rings.

"Good. Well, okay. I survived and my knee is still in tact, so that's something right?" I chuckled with self-deprecation.

"It'll get easier, Bella," he affirmed, "You're going to have to be patient."

"I know you're right. It's just hard to accept that I can barely land a single when I know I'm capable of more."

"You're still capable; you just need to retrain your knee to support you. You'll get there."

"Yeah. I'm a little worse for wear, but my knee's not hurting."

"I'm glad to hear that. Listen, Bella, I want to give you a heads up," he said, his voice full of reassurance.

"What is it?"

"Your mother called here this afternoon, trying to get some information about your appointment. We didn't tell her anything, I told you about our confidentiality agreement, but I just thought you should know."

"Thanks, Carlisle. It's not really a surprise. I haven't been as open with her lately so it makes sense that she'd seek out the information elsewhere."

"Well, you tell her when you choose, it's completely up to you."

"Kay. Thank you again."

"Have a good evening, Bella."

"Yeah, you too. Tell Esme I said 'hello,' will you?"

"Of course, she'll be pleased to hear it."

Less than a minute after ending the call, I rolled my eyes and lifted the phone back to my ear after hitting the speed dial for Renee, holding the phone between my ear and shoulder as I locked up behind me. She wouldn't back off until I gave her something.

I was surprised when her voicemail kicked in. It was so rare that she didn't answer my calls. Maybe she'd gone out for the night. I shrugged, leaving a brief message saying that I called and would talk to her later before turning my phone to silent. I didn't need her interrupting my evening with Edward.

I eased into my car with some delicacy, already feeling the bruises emerging all over my body from the number of falls I'd taken that afternoon. It was not going to be a pretty sight. Following Edward's directions, it took me less than ten minutes to pull up in front of the address he'd given me. When I parked and stood at the top of the walkway, I had to smile. It looked like him. It wasn't pretentious or overbearing, but managed to be elegant and beautiful while still appearing warm and comfortable. It was a craftsman style bungalow in gray and white with a low-slung gabled roof and a wide front porch with tapered columns of stone bases and white wood. It was completely charming. Especially when the front door opened and Edward stepped out on the front porch, leaning on the railing as he waited for me to make my way up the sidewalk, giving me a light kiss in greeting before pulling me inside. He took my coat, hanging it in the front closet while I slipped out of my shoes, glancing around the front entryway.

"So?" he said, rocking back on his heels a bit, his hands shoved deep in the pockets of his jeans.

"So?" I returned, not sure what he was searching for.

"What do you think?"

I chuckled a little. "I don't know, so far I've seen the coat closet. It's very organized."

He laughed in return, his shoulders relaxing as he removed his hands from his pockets, reaching for mine. "Yeah, I guess I should let you see the place before I ask you to form an opinion. And I get to take you on the tour this time, let's go!" he urged, eagerly tugging me further into his house, our socked feet padding across the light hardwood floors.

The more I saw of it, the move I loved his home. Every part of it fit him and he seemed completely comfortable in his surroundings. The dark wood beams across the ceiling, the built-in bookcases stuffed to the brim with books and framed photographs, the stone fireplace with wooden logs in place and ready to burn, the elegant piano in the sitting room, closed off by beautiful french doors, the newly remodeled kitchen with stainless steel appliances and dark wood cabinets. As much as I loved my apartment, it was nothing compared to this.

"I can officially say now," I said as we ended the tour in the kitchen, "that I'm in love with your house. Wanna trade?"

He laughed, wrapping his arms around me. "That depends, Swan. What are you willing to offer?"

"Maybe I'll just have to come over more often."

He hummed, rubbing his nose against mine. "Mm, I like the sound of that. You're always welcome."

"You probably don't want to extend such an open invitation. I might have my mail forwarded to the window seat in your living room."

"You won't hear any arguments from me," he said, pressing his lips to mine. "You know, you already have one of those in your apartment."

"I know. I love mine. I don't think I could ever live somewhere that doesn't have one."

"So what, you're a window seat addict?"

"You could say that. It's just the perfect spot to curl up and get lost in a book or dream the day away."

"Well, you're more than welcome to dream in my window seat."

The oven timer beeped, and he backed away from me to grab an oven mitt.

"You cooked?" I asked in genuine surprise.

"Uh, no. I don't cook. I wish I could take credit for this...but mom spoils me with frozen meals every once in awhile. This one's all her," he said as he pulled a pan of lasagna out of the oven, the smell of garlic and cheese and tomato sauce wafting through the kitchen. "I did unwrap the garlic bread and put it on the right pan, though."

"Wow, you're a real Mario Batali," I mocked, leaning against the island as he pulled plates and glasses from one of the cabinets. "Can I help?"

"I think we're all set. Best part about lasagna is it's low maintenance," he said as he cut into the pasta with a spatula, scooping portions out onto the stoneware plates. "That enough for you?"

"Yeah, looks great," I said. He tossed a couple pieces of garlic bread onto the plates before handing one to me.

"Wine's already on the coffee table," he told me as he swiped a couple cloth napkins from the counter as well as two forks. "I figured we'd eat in the living room. I don't use my kitchen table very much."

"Works for me."

We settled into the plush cushions of his suede couch, heartily digging into the delicious pasta.

"How long have you lived here?"

"A couple years now. I used to have an apartment near where you're at now, but I missed living in a house. I like having a space of my own, no one else around."

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Apartment living isn't always the greatest. This place is beautiful. Not at all like a bachelor pad."

"Well, I'll admit to having a fairly extensive game room in the basement. I try not to let the neon signs and sports memorabilia spill over into the rest of the house."

"Did Esme decorate for you?"

"She helped. I can take credit for a lot of it though. I'm not completely without taste."

"Well, it's impressive either way," I said, tossing down my fork with a clang and setting my plate on the coffee table.

"You done?" he asked, reaching for my plate to take it back to the kitchen.

"Yeah, ugh. I couldn't eat another bite. Your mom's such a good cook."

We settled into the couch together when he returned, the fullness of my stomach making me drowsy as we curled up against each other and talked lazily. I almost caught myself dozing off when he shifted a little, bumping against a particularly tender spot on my shoulder in the process. I couldn't hold back on the sharp gasp at the twinge of pain.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" he asked in concern at the look of discomfort on my face.

"Yeah, fine," I brushed it off, not wanting to make a big deal of it.

"What is it?" he asked

"Nothing, Edward. Just a bruise. Don't worry about it."

"It's gotta be pretty bad if you're making that face. Can I take a look?"

"Edward-" I protested.

"Please?" he pleaded, melting my resistance with the look in his eyes.

"Fine. You won't shut up until I let you anyways."

"Glad we understand each other," he smirked as I unbuttoned my over shirt so he could nudge the fabric aside and see my shoulder.

"Jesus, Bella," he winced, as the deep purple skin of my shoulder was revealed. "What the hell did you do? Take a dive bomb into the ice?"

"Uh, sort of."

"You shouldn't be doing anything that would lead to something like this. What _were_ you doing?"

"Jumps."

"Bella-" he began to voice his objection but I shook my head, interrupting.

"Your dad said it was fine. I had an appointment with him this morning."

"You had your appointment? What did he say? Why didn't you tell me?" he fired off, one right after the other.

"Yes, I met with him. He said I could start back to my regular training again."

"Bella, that's great!" he exclaimed, pulling me into a hug and making an effort to avoid the bruise on my shoulder. "So, I take it you got started right away."

"Well, yeah. No time to waste and all that jazz. It wasn't a pretty sight, but I managed to land a few singles without falling. Though I fell a _lot _before I got to that point. Thus the bruises."

"You have more of these?"

"Probably. One for sure on my hip that I can feel." He studied me for a moment before standing, reaching for my hand.

"Come with me," he requested.

"Where are we going?" I asked as he led me toward the staircase.

"Upstairs. I have something that'll help."

"What's upstairs?"

"My room."

"Trying to get me into your bed, Cullen?" I asked with my brow raised as I followed him up the stairs.

"Not for the purpose you're thinking of," he said, glancing back at me over his shoulder. "I'd like to wait until you're not wincing in pain every time I touch you for that to happen. Stay here for a sec."

He left me standing by the top of the stairs as he stepped into a small room, probably a bathroom, just off the main space. The entire top floor was his bedroom; the ceiling sloped on the sides with a peak down the center, windows dotting the front and back walls and a skylight angled over the queen sized dark wood sleigh bed. The walls were painted a light, mossy green, chocolate brown curtains and throw pillows accenting the space, and an ivory comforter covering the bed.

"Do you have a tank top on under that?" Edward asked as he came back into the room, a small plastic jar in his hand.

"Yeah, why?"

"Take your shirt off."

"What?" I exclaimed, caught off guard at his demand.

"The over shirt, Bella," he rolled his eyes. "Keep the tank top on and lay down."

"You're awfully bossy in your bedroom," I muttered, unbuttoning my shirt the rest of the way and draping it over the foot of his bed.

"That's something we can explore further some other day. On your stomach, Swan."

I did as he said, sprawling out across the width of the mattress, my head resting on my folded arms. "Well, now that you've got me here, what do you plan to do with me?"

"This," he said, holding the jar in front of my face as he climbed up on the bed, crawling on his knees as he moved next to me.

"Mineral Ice? Edward, this really isn't necessary. I have some of my own at home, I can do this later."

"Or we can do it right now and you'll already be feeling better later."

I grumbled a bit, but didn't argue as he twisted open the lid, setting it down on the mattress as he climbed over me, one knee placed on either side of my back. He scooped out a glob of the blue gel, rubbing it between his hands before stroking the skin of my shoulder, rubbing in the therapeutic ointment. I moaned a little as the soothing warmth kicked in after the initial chill, aided by the comforting touch of his massaging hands. The scent of menthol warring against the fragrance that was exclusively Edward that permeated the blanket beneath me.

"Okay?"

"Good. Really good," I groaned, feeling the aches of my body fading as he continued to work his way over my shoulders, paying special attention to the area that was most colorful, working out knots of tension in my back that I hadn't even known were there. My skin was pliable under his firm fingers, my muscles practically liquefying as he lathered them with attention. Once he'd finished my arms and shoulders, he scooted down a bit until he was perched closer to my knees. I felt him edging up the hem of my shirt as he asked again, "Is this okay?"

"Yeah," I said, the sound coming out as barely more than a croak as he folded the fabric up, working his hands over the skin of my lower back, rubbing in small circles along the waist of my jeans.

My breath became shallow as desire coursed through me. I wanted his hands on me and not for the purpose of healing. I wanted to feel the weight of his body pressing me into his mattress, not to know he was poised on top of me, but so carefully avoiding contact. Not for sex, I knew I wasn't ready for that, but to feel more of that passion that I knew he held back on. He was still rubbing against my back, though he'd stopped applying more gel. I hesitated a bit, not wanting to mess up his bed by smearing it with medical ointment, but then I heard him groan ever so quietly as his thumbs stroked across the two shallow dimples in the small of my back, and I prayed he wouldn't mind.

I rolled over easily between his legs, his hands retreating as access to my back was blocked. I stared up at him for a moment, steeling myself and dazzled by the darkening forest green of his eyes as he stared right back down at me intensely. I propped myself up on one arm, reaching my other hand up to curl around his neck and ensuring that he couldn't withdraw any further. I firmly urged his head down, raising myself up just a little more to meet him when he refused to cooperate completely. He didn't hesitate when my lips met his, but he didn't give in either, still obviously holding himself in check as I brushed tender caresses of my mouth over his. I knew he had me, so I lifted the hand that had been propping my body up to grasp the back of his shoulder, attempting to tug him down on top of me and slightly succeeding. He lowered me back until I was lying flat, but still hovered above me, dipping his head down to kiss me.

It wasn't enough.

I tugged insistently against him, raising one of my legs up in an attempt to lower his body as I distracted him by tracing the tip of my tongue over his mouth.

"Bella," he gasped, jerking his head back, "We can't-"

"We're not. We won't," I whispered assurances as I placed open mouthed kisses against the length of his neck. "Just kiss me. Please?"

He broke. His hand dove into the mass of my hair and he let out a low groan as he hungrily possessed my mouth, his tongue sweeping against my lower lip before slipping inside to probe against mine, finally lowering himself on top of me, our bodies in alignment. The room was filled with sighs and quiet moans, the sound of rustling fabric as we moved against each other. I delighted in the weight of his body against mine, the hard, muscular planes feeling so much better than I'd ever imagined. It was a completely new experience, so different even than all the times he'd held me close in a hug or snuggled me on the couch. I barely had time to register exactly what that difference was before it was gone.

He twisted his body off mine, not breaking our kiss and rolling me with him until we both laid on our sides. I let out a moan of protest and he eased back for a moment, his breath panting as he whispered, "I can't, Bella. I just- Not yet. I can't."

"What's wrong?" I asked, my chest heaving as I caught my breath.

"I only have so much self-control. I don't think either of us are ready for that yet."

"So, we can't-"

"No, no, no, we can do this," he rushed out, "It's just, if I have to pull back, you need to let me, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," I agreed, my gaze flicking back and forth between his eyes and his lips, wishing he would just stop talking. He granted my unspoken request, stroking my hair back behind my ear and leaning in again. I pressed forward, resuming the passionate dance of our tongues threading my arms through his to curl over his back, my fingers kneading against the tense muscles as I lost myself in him and felt him loosen himself once more. We lay there for what could have been minutes or hours, only parting for moments to breathe before coming together again.

This time I was the one who reeled us in, gradually shortening the amount of time our lips met until they were no more than soft, brief pecks, placing a final kiss upon the tip of his nose before rubbing mine against his and smiling as he looked into my eyes.

He sighed, his hand easing its hold on my hair to brush lightly down the length of it. I hummed in contentment, enjoying the view of his face resting on the mattress right in front of mine.

"Bella?" he whispered in the silence of the room.

"Hmm?"

"Why didn't you tell me? About your appointment?" he clarified at my raised eyebrow. "I know it was important to you, that you were nervous about it."

I shrugged the shoulder not pressed into the mattress and bit my lip. "I don't know. You've been so busy, with playoffs coming up and everything. I didn't want to bother you. You had enough on your mind."

"Bella," he rolled over me, pinning me against the bed and blocking out everything from my view but him. "I'm never too busy for you. Got it? I always want to hear about things that are important to you, or even if they're not important. If it matters to you, it matters to me, okay?"

"Kay," I whispered, releasing my lip just before his met mine in a lingering kiss of reassurance.

x-x-x

The following evening, the guys had a game in Detroit and the girls and I were settled into Alice and Rose's apartment for Girls' Night slash Invitation Assembly. Alice was kind enough to allow us to have alcohol near her pristinely stacked elements, though her "clear liquids only" rule left us with concoctions of Sprite and Vodka. I don't know why she had that rule. If something spilled they were going to get ruined anyway, clear liquid or not.

The game was on in the background as I stuffed, Rose sealed, and Alice stamped, precisely lining up the postage and address label perfectly on every envelope. I had to admit, they invitations were pretty. Simple white cards with a soft green ink embedded into the paper, a leafy design framing the scripted words. I was amazed to hear that Alice had hedged over whether or not to give me my own invitation, considering attaching my name to the one set aside for Edward. In the end, she'd given me my own, just in case I might like to have a copy, though she was not quiet about the fact that she fully expected us to attend together. The fact that she was looking ahead and picturing us together made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I hadn't thought much about my future here, but now that it was brought to my attention, I knew that I still wanted to be here, with these people, with Edward, and celebrating two of my dear friends.

"So, Bella," Alice began, clearly leading into something.

"What?" I asked, giving her a bit of a skeptical look as I stuffed the next envelope.

"I know it's somewhat short notice, but I was wondering if you might consider standing up with Rose at the wedding."

"What?" I sputtered with a mixture of confusion and surprise, "Like as a bridesmaid or something?"

"Yeah. It would just be the two of you. You wouldn't need to wear matching dresses or anything, but you'd have flowers, be in some pictures, hold my back-up tissues for when I completely lose it when Jasper says his vows."

"Alice, do you really think that's a good idea?"

"Bella, don't be ridiculous. You and Rose are my best friends; of course I'd want you there with me."

"Yeah, but I mean you haven't known me for very long, do you really want me in your wedding?"

"It doesn't matter how long we've known each other, Bella. We're like female soul mates. When it's right, you just know."

"Really? You really want me to be one of your bridesmaids?" I asked with a shy smile as I let myself see past all the logical reasons why she shouldn't ask me and accept the possibility that Alice could quite possibly be a life-long friend.

"Is that a 'yes'?" she squealed, launching across the table to hug me, only holding on for a moment before she flinched back. "Oh, shit, did any of them get crushed?"

"No, Alice," Rose reassured her with a roll of her eyes. "They're all in perfect condition." She turned toward me with an exaggerated whisper that Alice could still hear. "Thank God you said 'yes.' Now she has someone else to pester with all this crap."

"Hey!" Alice shouted indignantly, swatting at Rose with a book of stamps as I giggled. "I'm not that bad."

Once the invitations were finished, lined neatly in alphabetical order in one of Alice's many "wedding supplies" boxes, we sprawled out in front of the TV to watch the rest of the game. The final score came in with the Wild winning 4-2. If they won their next home game on Saturday against Edmonton, they'd clinch their spot in the playoffs. I lingered on their couch for a bit, knowing it would take Edward a few minutes to wrap things up and have the chance to call me and that I wouldn't go to bed until I'd talked to him. Alice was talking about going to look for dresses for her wedding when she stopped herself.

"Bella, is someone knocking on your door?" she asked, straining her head a bit to listen. We were all quiet for a moment when I heard the sound she'd been referring to.

"It can't be for my place. Who would it be?"

The knocking came again, louder this time, and unquestionably from across the hallway. I furrowed my brow and headed to their door, glancing out their peep hole and gasping before I threw open the door.

"Mom? What are you doing here?"

**x-x-x**

**A/N: Dives for cover. I'm SO sorry to do that to you. Gigantor cliffy, I know. It's very likely the only cliffhanger that will happen in this story, does that make you feel even the slightest bit better?**

**I urge you to remember all the great things that happened in this chapter, like Mineral Ice make-outs and Cullen family brunches, and Bella getting back to kicking butt on the ice. **

**If you're kind enough to review, remember the 14,990 words of this epic chapter, not just the 6 pesky ones at the end, okay? Thanks.**

**Reviews will get teased, so leave me some love before we head into Reneeland. **


	10. Chapter 10: For One Second I Felt Whole

**A/N: If you didn't already hear, this chapter got to be WAY too long to post all at once. So instead, I've split it into two more manageable portions and will post the two installments a little closer together than usual. See A/N at the end for more. **

**I was interviewed on the SYTYCW Blog! Check it out if you're interested in that kind of thing. TTI was also rec'd on HisGoldenEyes FanFic Friday. You guys are all awesome, thanks for the love!**

**Speaking of love.... you guys blew TTI so far past 1K reviews with that last chapter! You all are amazing. Thanks for all your love and support!**

**HUGE thanks to Betamama and Caren. They are superstars for getting through everything I threw their way this time around. **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created the characters, the story is mine. Copyright 2010: BellaMarie117**

**Ready or not…here it comes! When we last saw Bella, she had opened the door to see Renee at her doorstep. Let's see what happens next…**

**x-x-x**

"Mom? What are you doing here?" I gasped at the sight of her standing before me. Part of me wondered if I'd had more to drink that night than I'd realized and the vision in front of me was an illusion.

Or a nightmare.

If Renee was here in reality it couldn't be a good thing. I highly doubted she came for a nice, friendly visit to her only daughter. I closed my eyes once, wishing that I'd open them again to see an empty hallway in front of me. But when I opened them again she was still there, the slender five-foot-seven brunette who looked so much like me, yet so very different. My mother was an attractive woman, but there was no friendliness to her face, no lines that showed evidence that she ever laughed or smiled. Her skin was darker than mine, her hair much shorter and kept in a stylish bob. She was perfectly put together, as always, from the matching pumps and designer purse to the French tipped manicure on her pristine fingernails.

"You look surprised to see me, Isabella. I can't imagine why."

"You never said anything about coming here, so yes, I'm surprised," I muttered, stepping out into the hallway and clicking the door shut behind me. I could imagine Rose and Alice trying to listen in on the other side of the door, but I didn't need to make it easy for them to eavesdrop. Not on this conversation.

"I wasn't getting any answers," she said in a bored voice.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, trying to keep my voice low. "I told you everything you needed to know."

"Everything, Isabella?" she leveled me with a skeptical lift of her brow, the same look that she'd passed along to me that Emmett had so lovingly nicknamed the 'bitchbrow.' Renee's was far more effective in my opinion and I felt myself shrinking under its presence, shrugging uncomfortably in response.

"How was your doctor's appointment yesterday?" she asked knowingly.

"I would have told you last night if you'd answered your phone."

"Don't play games with me, Isabella. I'm fully aware when your appointment was. How long does it take to hit a button on your phone?"

"I went straight to the rink after my appointment and called you when I was done," I insisted, though in truth it hadn't been immediately after I finished and it's very possible I wouldn't have called her at all had Carlisle not mentioned that she was poking around.

"Regardless. My presence here is obviously necessary. You've been quite uncooperative at a distance and while that may have been okay while you were recuperating," she said with a roll of her eyes, "it's not going to fly now that you're better. You refuse to return to Florida, so here I am."

"So, what, you're moving here?"

"That's yet to be determined."

"Where are you staying? Not with me," I inquired, the idea horrifying me more than I could say.

"I should say not. You think I'm going to bunk on your couch for the foreseeable future? Not likely. I've a room at the Saint Paul Hotel."

"I see," I whispered. It was just like her to bed down at the most expensive place she could find. "What exactly are your plans while you're here?"

"What a silly question," she scoffed, "The same things I've always done. Nothing has changed, Isabella. You wanted to run away on your little adventure and I let you have your way for a time. Now it's time to get back to work. This little interlude is over."

"This 'interlude' is my life now, Mom."

"Really? What exactly is your life here? You lie about all day, play with your little friends, your little boyfriend." I gasped softly at that, like the wind had just been knocked out of me. She smirked without a trace of humor. "Oh yes, I know all about you and that hockey player. I'd have expected more from you than to go slumming with some ruffian at the first chance you got. Then of course you never did have very good taste."

"He's not a ruffian. You don't know anything about what kind of person he is. Say what you want about me, but leave him out of this," I said with far more passion than I'd ever thrown at her over any words of insult toward me, my fists clenching so tightly that my knuckles were white. Edward was different. He was good and unspoiled by my mother's tarnish. He didn't deserve that.

"Bells? Is everything okay?" I heard the door behind me open and Rose call out softly from behind.

"Yeah. Fine," I muttered quietly, turning toward her without making eye contact. "I'll see you guys later, okay?"

"Are you sure?" Alice prodded and I looked up to catch her throwing Renee a speculative glare.

"Of course. I'm good," I insisted, though I was anything but. I couldn't bring them into this, nor would I ever want to. It was better that Renee was contained as much as possible. I didn't want her touching any part of the life I'd made here, afraid that it would all shatter under her icy touch.

"Okay. We're right here if you need anything," Rose said, her tone an obvious attempt to reassure me that the offer was more than just a casual pleasantry. I nodded and pulled my keys out of the pocket of my sweatshirt, unlocking the door and leaving it open for Renee to follow. I didn't know how long she planned to stay but I knew I didn't want to keep talking in the hall of my building.

"I don't know why you wanted to live in an apartment. Such nosy neighbors," Renee muttered as she stepped in and shut the door behind her.

"They're not nosy, Mom, they're my friends."

"How can you let them call you that awful nickname? Your father used to call you that," she said with derision.

"He still does."

"That's right. Your father mentioned speaking to you recently. Aren't you a little old to be crying to daddy, Isabella?" she said, craning her neck around as she tried to take in the surroundings.

"What are you talking about? You talked to Dad? Why?"

"Did you think whining to your father was going to do any good? When has he ever taken an interest in your career? What was the purpose of bringing him into this?" she asked as she roamed further into the room, her heels clacking on the floor as she walked the perimeter, stopping to lift objects off the shelves along the way to inspect them.

"I barely said anything to him," I exclaimed, feeling even more foolish now for having opened myself up to him. "He asked how I was doing and I mentioned that things were a little frustrating at the moment."

"That's not all you discussed, if I'm not mistaken," she tsked her tongue at me with an air of condescension. "Really, Isabella, you're very naïve if you think he'd care about your petty little problems. The man's halfway across the country. Half your life it's been like that, and even before then it wouldn't have done you any good."

"I know," I whispered in a defeated tone and repeated, "I didn't say anything to him."

"Well, in any case it's all a matter of 'he said, she said.' Oh good gracious," she complained as she stopped just in front of the couch, "it's a good thing I got the hotel room, this place is positively cramped."

"You chose it, remember?" I said, reaching my fingers up to rub at the bridge of my nose where I felt a massive headache closing in.

"Yes, well, I suppose it's rather quaint. You never seemed to show an appreciation for the advantages that are offered to you."

"It's not a bad thing to not need that stuff to be happy."

"No. Just a waste," she sighed as she picked up a picture frame from my bookshelf. It was a photograph of the six of us at the Polar Bear Plunge. We were all soaked and shivering with the biggest grins on our faces. I was tucked snuggly under Edward's arm with Alice on my other side. I loved that picture and the happy memories associated with it. Seeing it in Renee's hands, the look of mild distaste on her face, made me feel violated. I didn't want her here. I could already feel her threatening to spoil the sanctuary I'd built for myself.

_Just a little longer, Bella. It's late. She'll go back to her hotel room and hopefully any future interactions could take place somewhere else. Somewhere that wasn't _mine_. Somewhere she couldn't infect with her negativity._

"Shouldn't you be getting back to your hotel?" I asked, trying not to give away just how desperate I was to be rid of her. "If you were travelling today I'm sure you're tired."

"You're right. It is late. Of course that didn't seem to stop you from socializing into all hours of the night," she said with a pointed look in the direction of the door and the girls' apartment on the other side. I didn't bother responding. It wasn't worth it. The more I shut my mouth, the quicker she'd be gone.

"I'll be back in the morning. We'll have breakfast and start figuring out this whole mess," she informed me as she crossed to the door.

"No!" I exclaimed, sputtering to recover from the initial gut reaction. I couldn't have her back here again. I already felt like I should scrub the entire place from top to bottom in order to remove any trace of her. "I mean, uh, why don't I come to you? I mean that would be easier for you wouldn't it? Nine o'clock? I can come by the hotel after my workout."

"I suppose that will be fine," she accepted. "We'll be going to the rink after. You'll need to meet up with Phil and get started right away."

"Phil? That coach? He's here?" I inquired with surprise.

"Of course he's here. There's no time to waste."

"Well yes, I know. I just didn't think he'd be here. I've never even spoken to him. We haven't made a decision yet."

"You'll speak to him tomorrow," she said slowly, like she was speaking to a toddler. "As for a decision, I really don't see what the problem is.

"I told you I'd _talk_ to him," I reminded her. "I still want Marcus as my coach."

"If you're going to be difficult, fine," she huffed. "We'll do a trial run. You give Phil two weeks, starting tomorrow. At the end of that period we'll talk about it. You have to try, Isabella. You can't just fold your arms and pout for two weeks."

"I'll try," I muttered, wanting to do exactly that.

"Good. I'll have Phil join us for breakfast," she said airily as she made her exit.

When the door closed behind her, I flipped the lock and pulled the chain, the weight of it feeling heavier than ever before. I felt completely sapped of my energy, like a virus had ravished my body and left nothing but a weak shell behind. That's how I felt. Weak. Empty. Frustrated that she could make me feel like that so easily. Angry with myself that I let her. Alone. So alone.

I couldn't shake off the heavy cloak of betrayal at Charlie's actions. He'd called her. Renee never called Charlie. Never. It had to be him who'd initiated it. Why? To tattle on me? To laugh at the petty complaints of the spoiled little girl? I felt stupid for having said anything to him at all. Renee was right. What good could it have done? He didn't care. Why did I ever think he would care?

Dragging myself to my bedroom, I collapsed onto the bed, not even bothering to pull off the slipper boots I'd worn to Alice's place earlier that night. Glancing at the clock, it read 11:36 p.m. Could it really have been such a short time ago that I'd been giggling and carefree with her and Rose? Just minutes really since my only worry had been staying awake long enough to check in with Edward. _How quickly the wind can change._

At the thought of Edward, I groped blindly at my bedside table, feeling around for my cell phone and bringing it in front of my face and lighting up the screen in the darkness of my room.

**1 New Voicemail**

The sight of that tiny message on my screen was enough to break the dam and I felt tears overflowing to drop down my cheeks, absorbing into the fabric of my pillow. I couldn't call him back now. He'd know something was wrong immediately. I'd just tell him that I'd fallen asleep and hadn't heard my phone ring. Needing to hear his voice though, I pressed the button to dial into my voicemail, desperately jabbing at the keys to put in my password.

"Hey, Beautiful," his velvet voice came through the speaker, "I was just calling to say goodnight. Guess you're already sleeping or something. I'll call you tomorrow when we get back. Can't wait to see your sweet face. So, yeah. I miss you."

I shut off my phone, my tears growing into heaving, breathless sobs as I clutched onto my pillow and wished it was Edward instead. Something that could hold me back and tell me everything would be okay. Instead I lay awake for hours, alone in the dark, my sobs fading to soft hiccupping sniffles as my eyes drooped, eventually drifting off into a restless slumber.

x-x-x

The next morning I went through my workout in a zombie-like trance. Edward wasn't back in town yet, so I was on my own. For once I was okay with that fact. I didn't want him to see my bloodshot eyes or the puffy bags beneath them. By eight-thirty I was already exhausted and the day was just beginning. I had no doubt it would be a long one if Renee had her way, which she would. She always did.

Despite my dragging feet, I scurried through my shower and quickly dried my hair before throwing on jeans and a t-shirt with my sweater boots as the weather had faded back to crisp and chilly. At the last minute I switched my hoodie for a cardigan, not wanting to give Renee just one more thing to complain about. _Maybe I should put on earrings?_ I decided to skip them, knowing that finding a pair of earrings would just inevitably make me late and then she'd be cranky over my tardiness and wouldn't even care about what I was wearing. The hotel was just a few miles away and I was lucky to find a spot on the street to park, rushing into the ornate lobby as I checked my watch.

8:58 a.m. I blew out a breath of relief. Not late. Of course, she was already there sitting in one of the plush love seats in the lobby, sitting very close to a gentleman I could only see from the back. Phil, I assumed as Renee noticed me, raising her brow and blatantly checking her watch. I raised mine back at her, feeling just a tiny bit triumphant when her face went blank again after discovering the time. _Can't pick on that one, can you?_

She leaned in and said something to the man before they both stood just as I approached them.

"Phil, this is my daughter, Isabella," she said, one hand wrapped around his forearm and the other one gesturing toward me, then back toward him as she introduced us. "Isabella, Phil Dwyer."

He was tall, probably close to six-foot-three, and completely bald, though it was clear that it was by choice and not genetics. His shaved head was shiny, almost as if he'd slicked oil over it. He was younger than I'd anticipated, maybe mid-to-late thirties. He was very fit underneath the sport coat he'd paired with blue jeans, bulky almost.

"Isabella, pleasure to meet you," he spoke in a low voice, the tone instantly putting my back up. It was obvious he was a schmoozer. I'd met more than my fair share in my lifetime and he was definitely one of them. He reached for my hand, lifting it to his lips in a move I'm sure he thought was suave, but in reality was just creepy. "I've seen lots of video on you. _Very_ impressive. You're quite the little skater, aren't you?"

"Thank you," I whispered quietly, wanting to flinch back a little from his touch. His hands were clammy and much too warm. I tried to politely yet firmly extract my own from his grasp. Renee gave me a look from over his shoulder that told me to play nice. "Pleased to meet you as well."

"Well, ladies, shall we?" he offered with a sweep of his arm toward the restaurant sitting just off the lobby.

His hand rested lightly at the small of my back, just how Edward had done so many times since I'd met him. With Edward, it felt natural, polite, and always made me want to melt into him. With Phil it made me stiff and uncomfortable, and I straightened my back as I walked in an effort to move away from his hand. Once we were settled in, further pleasantries were made until the waiter showed up. I was starving after my morning workout and asked for a spinach omelet and toast.

"Oh, no," Renee protested. "You know you can't eat that Isabella, it's way too many calories. She'll have a bowl of granola and half a grapefruit," she told the waiter, handing him the stack of our menus and dismissing him.

"Mom, I'm burning tons of calories, an omelet's not going to hurt anything," I said, though it was useless to fight her on it. She'd already gotten her way.

"By the looks of things you've been having a few too many omelets since you've moved here."

"I weigh the exact same I did back in Florida," I said defensively, "I haven't gained a single pound since I've been here."

"Hmm. Must just be your choice of attire then," she muttered.

"Come on, Renee, ease up on the poor kid, she looks good," Phil said, shooting me a slick wink that made me want to cringe and pull my sweater closer together to cover every inch of skin that was showing.

"Just lay off the omelets," she ordered, never willing to not have the last word. She then turned her attention to Phil, her face transforming from the sneer she'd directed at me to complete fascination. "So, Phil, why don't you fill Isabella in on some of the things we've been discussing? You have such wonderful ideas."

Phil and Renee completely took over, leaving me to try and absorb it all, barely getting more than a timid agreement in here and there and finally just giving up and silently chewing my granola, stabbing at my grapefruit with just a little more force than necessary out of frustration. It didn't matter if I didn't agree with something, that much was clear. The two of them had formed a solid union and there was no option but to strap in and go along for the ride. The main points I caught were more hours on the ice, more conditioning than I'd done in the past, more repetition, more strength training than I was used to, more sex appeal to my programs. Always more. Their talk alone wore me out and I really wished I'd just ordered that fucking omelet.

When Renee tried to shift things over into talk about endorsements and publicity was when I drew the line. One step at a time. I needed to have a shot at competing again before I went spouting off to press and sponsors. Luckily we'd finished eating by that point and I was able to make a quick escape, claiming I'd forgotten my skate bag back at my place and that I'd need to go back and retrieve it before meeting them over at the rink. I hadn't forgotten it, but the few extra minutes of reprieve were worth the annoyed look Renee shot me as I excused myself.

I couldn't sit in my car where I'd parked, if they passed by and saw me, she'd say something. I couldn't drive straight to the rink. I didn't want to go back to my place, just in case Alice and Rose were hanging around. I just didn't have it in me to try and act like everything was okay. The idea of potentially falling apart on some random side street just felt pathetic, and that's when it struck me. Edward's. He would still be gone so I wouldn't have to actually talk to anyone or face the disapproving looks from my friends at just how truly weak I was when it came to my mother, but I knew that just being somewhere close to him would comfort me.

Within a few short minutes, I'd pulled up in front of his house. His silver Volvo sat parked in the driveway as he'd hitched a ride to the airport with Emmett. I parked behind it and after a moment's hesitation, got out and climbed the few short steps to his porch, leaning back against the door and sliding down to sit on the cold cement.

I was so disgusted with myself. Renee had been in town less than twenty-four hours and already she'd swooped in and stolen the reins right back out of my hands. I hadn't even put up a fight. It's like I hadn't even had it in me to try.

Everything had been going so well these past few weeks. I'd finally felt like I'd started to find my place. I'd stood my guard to Renee on more than one occasion over the phone. Why was it so difficult for me to try when she was in front of me? Why did she always have so much power over me? I sat there for fifteen minutes, trying to draw strength from the place that held such warm memories, that held so much of Edward. Eventually I gave in, climbing back in my car and heading toward the rink, knowing I could only stay away so long before they'd realize I was taking longer than I should to grab my bag.

Pulling in, I saw a beige Cadillac parked outside, Renee's rental car no doubt. As I parked next to it, I remembered that she was unaware of the fact that I'd traded the Benz in. Great. One more thing to pile on the plate.

Feeling just slightly stronger after having a few moments to regroup, I cracked my neck and straightened my shoulders before pulling on the door, noticing Renee and Phil standing together by the bleachers. Something about the two of them together struck me as odd, but I couldn't narrow down exactly what it was.

"Why didn't you change at your apartment, Isabella? You can't skate in jeans. Go. Change," she ordered with a dismissive flick of her hand. I rolled my eyes and stalked off toward the locker room. _So much for standing your ground, Bella._

Getting out on the ice with Phil was so different than the many times I'd stepped out on the very same surface over the past number of weeks on my own. There was no music drifting through the speakers or the ear buds of my iPod. There were no casual laps around the width to ease into the session.

After a quick stretch against the boards it was all go, go, go. Phil gave me three warm up laps before he started snapping out instructions. _Shoulders back. Don't swing your arms so much. Smoother crosses with your legs. Longer strides. Not so stiff. Now you're too lax, tighten up._ It was frustrating. It felt like every miniscule change I made to my form brought about a whole slew of more critiques.

This wasn't the way I worked. With Marcus, he was patient. He let me try to figure out my issues on my own at first, offering his pointers when it was clear I wasn't catching on to something on my own. With Phil, there were no chances to fix anything before he called out the next problem. If he was that harsh about my basic movements, I didn't even want to think about what he'd say when we actually had to work on techniques I knew I struggled with.

After only forty-five minutes with Phil, I knew I couldn't have him as a coach. I was ready to pull my hair out or just burst into frustrated tears. Renee was no help, she backed him up every time, mentioning that they were things she'd noticed before and how observant he was to catch so many flaws right up front. She'd give me these looks every once in awhile that just screamed, "You see? I told you this guy would be great."

By the end of the three-hour morning session I was spent. I'd never felt so clumsy on the ice in my entire life. Phil threw me off; he made me jittery, my movements stiff and jerky. I'd tripped up on more simple steps than I ever had before. Of course in Renee's mind the blame was solely at my feet. It was my fall and the time I'd been off the ice that made me struggle, not the fact that Phil was a demanding tyrant.

"Okay. Let's break for an hour, grab some lunch and come back to hit it again," Renee said, clapping her hands together as I pulled off my boots, repressing a groan at the aches in my feet.

"Again?" I sputtered in disbelief. Was she crazy? "What are you talking about? We went three hours, Mom."

"We have a lot of lost time to make up for. Three hours isn't going to be enough, especially with how rough you're looking right now. Honestly, Isabella. Even your scratch spin's looking wobbly. We've got a lot of work to do."

"I'm exhausted, Mom. Do we really have to do another session today? I'm not supposed to be pushing my knee so much yet."

"Your doctor released you for competitive training."

"Yes, but he also said to ease into it."

"And that's what we're doing. I haven't seen you try a single jump out there yet," she said, as if that was some sort of favor to me.

"Fine. Whatever. I'm going back to my place for an hour and a half. I'll meet you back here at three," I caved and stomped off before she could argue.

Back at my apartment I rinsed off, letting the jets pound a little of the tension from my shoulders. If I was in for another three hours of activity there was no way I was going back without washing off the sweat I'd already built up. I threw together a quick sandwich, slapping a second together when I devoured the first one in less than two minutes. When I'd finished I still had an hour to go. I took an ice pack from my freezer and decided it might be a good idea to sit with it on my knee for a little bit. It wasn't hurting, but there was something to be said for preventative measures.

As I sat there and caught my breath, I knew there was only one thing I wanted to do. Before I could hesitate, I dug out my phone and dialed Edward's number. I had no idea if he'd answer or what he'd be doing, but I just wanted to hear the sound of his voice. Something that could remind me that he was real, that the life I'd started making for myself here was real; that he hadn't disappeared like a wonderful dream that I was just now waking up from.

He didn't answer, but his voicemail was enough to calm me down, my eyes closing as I soaked in the husky tone of his voice requesting me to leave a message. I did so, just a quick little "Hey, sorry I missed you," before hanging up again. I wanted to go put on his jersey and slide under the covers and hide away. Instead I indulged in a loud groan before tossing the ice pack back in the freezer and heading back out the door.

Let the fun continue.

If I'd thought the morning was rough, it was nothing compared to the afternoon. Phil had me moving on to more complicated spins. The constant repetition combined with my drained energy level left me dizzy and off-balance. I had to step out of more than half of them, bending at the waist to try and gain back some sense of equilibrium.

It was in one of those moments that I heard the metallic clang of the arena doors followed by Renee's shrill voice calling out, "Young man, this is a closed practice. You can't be in here right now."

I glanced up, my hands still rested on my thighs as I tried to catch my breath. When I saw whom she was addressing, I couldn't stop the grin from spreading across my face. Every ache in my body, every tense crease to my brow, every worry disappeared at the sight of his crooked grin through the glass. I was off in a flash across the ice, gliding to the gate and unlatching it as Edward rounded the outside boards, not even seeming to have heard Renee's censure. He stepped right onto the ice and swooped me up into his arms, squeezing me tightly against his chest and holding my head close to his.

"You okay?" he whispered in my ear with faint concern tinting his tone.

"Yeah. I'm good," I responded against his cheek, because in that moment I was.

Until an irked "Ahem," sounded from behind him. I snuggled into him just a little more for one instant before pulling back, giving him a small nervous smile before taking his hand and turning us to face my mother who stood just outside the entrance to the ice, an expectant and annoyed lift to her brow.

"Edward, this is my mother, Renee. Mom, this is Edward."

"Ms. Swan," Edward greeted politely, though his voice was colder than I'd ever heard it. He held out his hand and she glared at it for a moment before giving him the briefest handshake I'd ever witnessed. I would have been mortified if I didn't catch the slight smirk on Edward's lips.

She immediately dismissed him, focusing in directly on me. "We're not finished here, Isabella."

"Mom, we've been at this all day," I complained.

"We're not finished," she repeated slowly, punctuating each word.

"Just give me a minute then. Please?"

"Take it outside," she finally conceded, turning to walk away, calling back over her shoulder, "There's no street shoes allowed on the ice."

"I don't think your mom likes me very much," Edward whispered as he crouched next to where I sat on the bleachers to take my skates off. I glanced up at him to try and apologize for her when I realized he wasn't the slightest bit upset. Instead he seemed amused.

"She doesn't like anyone very much," I whispered back, enjoying the sound of his laughter as he took my hand to walk with me out the doors to the arena.

Once we were outside, he bent down to scoop me up, lifting me right off my feet until I could wrap my legs around his waist, his arms holding me securely against his chest as I circled my arms around his neck, leaning my head down to breathe in his scent. I never even noticed that he'd moved until he set me down on a picnic table nearby, sitting me just on the ledge so he could stand between my legs, his hands cupping my face and combing back into my hair as he pressed a lingering kiss to my forehead.

"How are you doing? Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," I exhaled, closing my eyes and enjoying the feel of his cheek rested against my brow, my hands sliding up his arms to circle his wrists lightly, anchoring myself to him. "It was a little bit of a shock. She just showed up last night when I was over at Alice's."

"She mentioned that this afternoon. Alice. She came and got us from the airport," he clarified, pulling back just a little, his eyes searching my face for something, probably to see for himself that everything was really alright.

"I'm sorry we didn't get to talk last night," I murmured, reaching up and grazing my knuckles lightly over his jaw line.

"I missed you," he said, lifting my chin with his index finger before fitting his lips over mine. I sighed into his kiss but couldn't let myself go entirely. I felt like Renee's eyes were all around me and I couldn't stomach the thought of her seeing me like this. It felt too private, too perfect.

"I missed you too," I whispered as I pulled back, rubbing my lips together and savoring his taste. "Congratulations, by the way. One more to go, right?"

"Let's hope so. For regular season, at least," he chuckled.

"You looked great out there."

"It's tough work being a superstar, but somebody's got to do it," he mocked with feigned exhaustion and I snorted, smacking playfully at his chest.

"I should get back. I'd rather not get scolded any more for slacking off," I muttered, sliding off the edge of the table, where I was pulled instantly into Edward's arms once more.

"Don't let her push you around, okay?"

I sighed, snuggling into him just a little more without answering. I couldn't promise him that. Because, no matter how many times I'd told myself that I needed to break out of her grasp, she somehow always managed to pull me back in.

After Edward left, I crept back inside, hoping to strap back into my skates and get out on the ice before Renee could say anything. Neither she nor Phil were anywhere in sight though. I glanced around as I sat on the bleachers, trying to figure out where they could have gone. Then, just as I'd finished tying my laces and tugged my arm warmers back into place, I saw them emerge together from the locker room, Phil swiping at his chin, my mother's perfect clothes in the slightest state of disarray and a satisfied smirk on her face.

That's when I figured out what was so weird between them. They were sleeping together, I was sure of it. I'd seen that look on my mother's face countless times before, after she'd returned home from her latest conquest. The knowledge punched me right in the gut, but I didn't have any time to process it before Phil called out for me to get back on the ice.

x-x-x

The following afternoon, I told Renee I was cutting out at five. The group had made plans to hang out and relax before their big game the next afternoon. She didn't protest nearly as much as I'd have expected, probably because it would give her and Phil more time alone together. I couldn't process my feelings on that matter. I felt hurt and betrayed, though I couldn't really explain why. It had something to do with the fact that I really didn't like him and she so clearly fawned over his every word. It was like she was choosing him over me.

"Plans with your little friends?" she inquired as I packed up my bag.

"Yes, actually."

"I don't know why you bother," she baited me, and of course I couldn't stop myself from biting at the lure.

"With what?"

"You don't fit in."

"You've never even met them," I argued.

"I don't have to meet them to know that. You're a novelty to these people, something shiny and new and interesting. You're a figure skater and people think that's cool. They see that you lead a life that seems glamorous and is entirely different from their own and they want a taste of it. Someday they'll be able to tell people how they once knew Isabella Swan. It'll be a conversation starter at their dinner parties. That's all you'll be to them. You don't belong here. You'll never belong here. They'll all tire of you soon enough. Especially your little boyfriend. When you don't give him what he needs, he'll toss you aside and move on to the next."

"You don't know him. You don't know a thing about him. Edward cares about me," I insisted, though my words sounded weak, even to my own ears. As she spoke I could feel myself wilting, curling into myself as her venom spread through my veins.

"You think so now. Just wait and see."

I couldn't stay. I snatched up my bag and practically sprinted out of the arena, jumping into my car and blindly jabbing my key into the ignition as hot tears filled my eyes.

I knew better than to listen to her. I knew these people and they'd shown me in so many ways that they truly cared about me. It was that voice. Renee's voice that always sounded so certain. The same way she'd spoken to me for my entire life, the one I'd always believed. I could feel the doubt seeping in through the cracks. I wanted so badly to just pass her words off as a pack of blatant lies, but I couldn't squash that tiny little part of me that wondered if there was a grain of truth to her words.

That night when the six of us went out, I couldn't get Renee's words out of my head. I felt like I was in some sort of out of body experience. Part of me was trying to laugh and joke around with them like always, while another part stood to the side with a skeptical eye, trying to dig beneath the surface of every word and action of the five people in my company, searching for any hints of ulterior motives or hidden meanings, condescension or pity in their looks at me. I never found any, but still I couldn't stop looking for them.

I felt stiff and awkward with them in a way I never had before. I had to stop myself from flinching away any time one of them touched me, even in the most casual ways. The skeptical part of me was worried about opening myself up to them any more than I already had. What if Renee was right? I felt like it would kill me if that were the case, if one day they all just got bored and went back to their normal lives without me. I'd already felt the stab of betrayal from Charlie and I wasn't nearly as vulnerable where he was concerned. No, after years of neglect I shouldn't have been surprised at Charlie's actions. But if it happened with Emmett. Or Alice. Or Edw... I couldn't even think of it. I wouldn't survive it. Not if I didn't rein back some part of myself to keep locked away from them. From everyone.

Halfway through the night, Alice pulled me away from the group.

"What's going on, Bella?" she asked quietly once she had me on my own.

"What do you mean?"

"You've just been acting a little weird tonight. Like you're uncomfortable or something."

"No I haven't," I said a bit defensively as I folded my arms in front of me, even though I knew I must have been. There's no way I could have been acting normal with the mess that was going on in my head.

"Yeah, Bells," Rose spoke up as she stepped over to join us. "You have."

I didn't answer. I couldn't even look at them because I was worried they'd see right through me like they so often did.

"We're not mad, Bella, we're just worried about you. I know your mom stressed you out when she wasn't in town and now she's here," Alice faded off. "We just want to make sure you're okay."

"Yeah. I'm okay," I nodded, glancing up at them quickly before averting my eyes again, trying to add some sense of assertion to my claim. "I'm alright. Just tired, I guess. It's been a long week." It was the truth, but a lame excuse just the same.

"Okay. Well, we're here if you need to talk. Three in the morning or whenever. We're here if you need us."

I nodded to placate them, but already knew I couldn't open up to them, not about this.

Though I was surrounded by people, some who I'd become very close to, I felt entirely alone. No one could understand what Renee did to me and I didn't want to make them understand. I didn't want them in on that pathetic part of my life, my personality. So instead, I hid that part deep down for the rest of the night, and tried to act like the Bella they'd come to know, the Bella that thought she could belong here.

x-x-x

Saturday morning I drove to the rink, hoping to appease Renee with a few extra hours on the ice so that I could make an escape for the guys' game later that afternoon. She'd been cooperative the night before, after all.

I should have known better by now.

As soon as I walked in, Renee hailed me over to where she stood with both Phil and another woman. She was thin and bleach blonde with a severe face and cold gray eyes. She looked vaguely familiar but I couldn't place her.

"Isabella, this is Heidi Shapiro," Renee introduced me, and that's when it clicked. Heidi was a big time choreographer amongst the senior level competitors. She was best known for a rather daring interpretation of Carmen she'd done for Tanya Denali six years earlier that won the twenty-eighth ranked skater a bronze at Nationals. Heidi had solid, creative programs. But they weren't me. At all. They were always very flirtatious, sometimes suggestive. Her music selections were bold where I preferred soft and classic. Elegance and grace versus fire and sex.

I greeted her politely before requesting Renee to step away with me for a moment. Once we'd stepped into the locker room, I turned on her.

"What is she doing here?" I whispered angrily.

"She is here as a very large favor. You need strong programs if you want to get back on top of the pack. Heidi's programs paired with the right skater are a guaranteed win."

"They're not me, Mom. She's totally not my style."

"Your style shifts with each program," she countered. "That's your job. It's acting."

"I don't feel comfortable-"

"Competition isn't about comfort," she cut in. "If you're comfortable you're not pushing yourself."

"Marcus and I always choreographed my programs together."

"Marcus isn't here, and you're not a strong enough choreographer to do it on your own."

"How would you know if you've never given me the chance?"

"Now's not the time to play around. You need someone who knows what they're doing."

"Why today?" I asked, switching gears when I accepted that I wouldn't get anywhere with her on that point. "Why didn't you tell me she was coming here?"

"She's very busy right now. She's in very high demand and I wasn't sure we could nab her. She could only be here for one day and then it'll be a few weeks before she can return. She needs to look at you to get a feel for your skill level and technique. When she returns she'll have your long and short put together."

"Just like that, huh? What if I don't like her programs?"

"It's not a matter of like or dislike. It's a matter of what's going to get results. Now, let's get out there. She has a flight tonight at nine. We've got a lot to do between now and then."

"I'm supposed to-" I started to protest and faded off under the intensity of her stare. There was no point in even mentioning the game. She'd laugh at the idea that I'd want to go to some silly hockey game rather than work with a world-renowned choreographer. "Nevermind. I'll be out in a minute."

I thought about calling, but knew I'd get wrapped up in talking to him and would only end up getting snapped at by Renee again for wasting valuable time. So instead, I sent a quick text to Alice, letting her know I wouldn't be able to make it so they wouldn't worry, then typing out another to Edward, hesitating before I sent the message.

**I can't be at the game tonight. Something came up that I can't get out of. I'm so sorry. I'll call you later. Good luck! -B**

It seemed so pathetic and not nearly enough, but when Renee rapped on the door, I decided it would have to do, sending it off and silencing my phone as I exited the locker room.

x-x-x

Pulling up in front of Edward's house the next morning, I was a little nervous. Edward had seemed okay the night before when I'd finally gotten to check in with him after the game, obviously disappointed that I hadn't been able to make it, but not angry; at least that I could tell. I wished he _would_ be angry. I deserved his anger for letting him down, for not standing my ground, for being such a fucking weakling when it came to my mother.

All the steps I'd taken, all the progress I'd made toward breaking off on my own, toward building my own life. What had taken me weeks to accomplish had only taken hours, moments really, to destroy. I was back at ground zero and I couldn't find the strength to start climbing again. I wanted him to be angry with me so I'd feel better about the fact that I hated myself.

Instead, he greeted me with a smile, open arms, and a soft kiss, as though nothing had changed. And maybe for him nothing had changed. Maybe it was just me who felt like my entire being had been taken apart and rearranged in the wrong order over the past few days.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered against his neck as he held me.

"Hey, what did I say last night? Stop apologizing, Bella. Things come up. I know that. I'm sorry you missed it, but I understand, okay?" he urged me to accept his words, pulling back just far enough to rub his nose against mine in that sign of affection that had become so thoroughly _ours_.

"You shouldn't have to be so understanding. I should have been there. I told you I would be," I murmured, placing my hands on his chest and focusing in on one of the letters printed on the fabric there.

"Bella, it was just a game."

"It was important to you," I insisted, looking up into his eyes.

"And there will be others. Don't worry so much about it, Beautiful. I'm not," he said, brushing my hair back and dipping his head down to kiss me softly.

I still felt bad for missing something so important, but knew it was pointless to continue wallowing in guilt, at least out loud. Instead, I fixed a smile on my face and asked, "So what did you want to do today? I have the whole day off."

"I just want to stay right here with you. I've missed you these last few days," he said, taking my hand and pulling me over to the couch so we could lie back against the cushions.

"I know. Things are busy right now," I sighed as he tucked me up next to him, our feet lazily rubbing against each other's.

"For both of us. How's your training coming along?"

"Okay I guess. Phil's...well, he's tough. I don't really like him, but I said I'd give him two weeks, so-"

"What don't you like about him?" he asked, stroking my hair in a way that never failed to instantly soothe me.

"I don't know. I just feel like he brings out the worst in me. I never feel like I'm getting anything right, he's always so critical, never says anything positive. I don't need a coach to blow smoke up my skirt and tell me how wonderful I am, don't get me wrong. It's just hard to hear so much negativity all the time," I muttered as I toyed with the buttons of his overshirt.

"I'm sure you're doing great. It's only been a few days, Bella," he said, trying to be encouraging.

"I know. I'm just impatient I guess. I want to be back to doing everything I used to be able to do."

"You'll get there soon."

"Yeah," I breathed, nuzzling into the nook of his shoulder just a little more. I hoped that was the case, but at this rate I couldn't be sure.

"So, you don't think you're going to stick with Phil?" he asked after a moment.

"I don't want to. I like my old coach. Phil just makes me uncomfortable. Sometimes-" I stopped myself, not really sure if I should say anything. I didn't really have proof after all, and what good would it do to talk about?

"What?" he said, urging me to continue.

"I think he and Renee are together. Like_ together_ together."

"What, like sleeping together?" he asked, his hands stilling in my hair.

"Yeah."

"Have you talked to her about it?"

"No. I wouldn't even know what to say," I mumbled into his chest, stroking the unbuttoned seam of his shirt as his fingers returned to their comforting movement through the strands of my hair.

"Well, how does it make you feel?" he asked, kissing my forehead and leaving his lips to rest there.

"I don't know. Hurt? Confused? I don't understand why she'd do that to me. I mean, maybe it has nothing to do with me and they really like each other, but it just bothers me. I don't know if she was already with him before she decided to push him on me or if she wanted him for my coach first and they got together after. Either way, it bothers me."

"Then tell her that," he entreated me, his soft lips speaking against my skin. "You can't successfully work with a coach if there's so much festering under the surface.

"I know. Maybe," I yielded, unsure I'd be able to actually bring up the awkward situation with her. I knew Edward wouldn't accept a 'maybe,' he'd keep talking until he was sure I'd do something about it. I could already feel him taking a breath to launch into the discussion further, so I changed tactics and went for evasion. "So, playoffs. Are you excited?"

"Yeah," he said after a moment's hesitation, obviously reluctant to let the subject go, but hopefully understanding that I couldn't give him more at this point than I already had. "It's going to be crazy, but we've got a good team this year. Hopefully we'll have a good shot at going far."

"You're gonna do great," I said, lifting my head from his chest to gaze into his eyes. "I mean it. You're so amazing out there."

"We'll see how things go," he said, twirling a lock of my hair between his fingers. "I hate that there's so much back and forth, it gets old pretty quickly."

"You're away first, right?" I asked, already a little nervous about that fact. He'd been gone before and I'd been fine, but I already felt so shaky, even with him there beside me.

"Yeah, for a few days. I'm going to miss you, Bella. So much," he whispered, leaning forward to meet my lips with his.

"I'll miss you too," I sighed, kissing him once more before resting my head back on his chest and saying what I thought we both wanted to hear. "It'll go fast, I'm sure. You'll have so much going on."

"Not enough. It already feels like forever and I haven't even left you yet," he lamented, squeezing me tight for just a moment.

"Yeah," I agreed.

We lay there in silence for some time, content to be together at the moment and dreading the days of separation to come, at least for my part. Of course in the silence, my mind had room to wander and it wandered to just the place I didn't want it to.

_He'll tire of you soon enough. When you don't give him what he needs, he'll toss you aside and move on to the next, _Renee's voice hissed like a snake in my ear.

In all the times we'd been together, he'd been so careful with me, almost hesitant. He was so open with physical affection, but only to a certain point, and though I knew he'd mentioned something about self-control that day he'd rubbed me down with Mineral Ice, I couldn't help but wonder if it was something more than that.

"Edward, can I ask you something?" I whispered as I raised my head from his chest. He didn't answer, simply brushed my hair back behind my ears and waited for me to continue. I opened my mouth to speak and couldn't get the words out. I didn't think I could stand to hear him answer if it would be anything that could fit with Renee's claims. So instead I leaned in and whispered, "Kiss me."

His hand curled around to cup my neck and urge my lips down to his, exhaling on a groan as our mouths melted together, a blend of warm, soft lips and wet, grazing tongues. I moaned as he traced my lower lip with the tip of his tongue before thrusting it between my lips, my hand fisting the fabric of his shirt as his tightened it's grasp on my hair. I needed more. I needed him to touch me, to show me how much he wanted me. To make me believe I belonged here with him and that he couldn't let me go, ever. Filled with determination, I shifted on the couch, throwing one leg over his body and lifting myself up to straddle him, my lips never leaving his.

Edward moaned deeply at the change of our positions, and I greedily swallowed the sound emitting from his throat. His hands immediately dropped to my hips, either to hold me back or aide me, his fingers clenched in tight fists around the hem of my shirt. Instantly, I felt the hard length of him pressed up against me, the evidence of his desire that I was searching for, that I craved. I pressed myself against him, my hips straining to feel him even closer before his hands tightened and stilled my movements and he tore his mouth from mine.

"Bella," he groaned, his eyes clenched closed and his brow creased in concentration. I wasn't ready to stop yet. I could still feel those cracks in my heart that were swelling with Renee's poison and I wanted something to flush it out and fill them again. I lowered my lips to his neck, pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses up the length of it, feeling the muscles practically vibrating in strain beneath their trail. When I reached the juncture of his neck and his jaw, I fastened my lips to the tender skin and sucked, my hips trying to fight against the unyielding force of his hands.

"Jesus Christ, Bella. Stop. Please, God, you have to stop," he asserted, practically throwing me off him, but only to rest against the back cushions of the couch, his body still lined against mine.

"What is it, Edward? Did I do something wrong?"

He rubbed his hands furiously over his face and groaned. "No, you silly irresistible woman. Fucking Christ, you were doing everything absolutely right and that's what's wrong."

"Why?" I asked, completely confused and trying to fight the sting of rejection.

"Because, Bella. You're not ready for that. No," he continued quickly when I opened my mouth to speak, "I know that I always tell you that you need to let me make decisions for myself and I'm not trying to do that here. I know it sounds like it and it might be a little, but sex, taking that step, it's important. At least it should be and it is for me. I don't want that to be something casual that just happens at some random time. Not with you. You're too important. This is too important."

"But it's not just sex, Edward. You won't let me touch you; you barely touch me, at least not in that way. Why are you always so quick to pull away from me?" I asked, unable to keep the hurt entirely out of my voice.

"Bella," he breathed, cupping my cheek and nudging my face up so I was forced to make eye contact with him. "I want you to touch me. I love that you want to try different things with me. I don't want to discourage you from doing that. And I so badly want to touch you. I want to memorize every inch of your skin and find every little spot that makes you sigh and moan my name," he whispered, trailing his index finger down the length of my throat and drifting across my collarbone.

"Then why don't you?"

"I'm afraid to let myself go with you," he admitted, staring deeply into my eyes. "I just- I want you so badly and I'm afraid if I don't stop myself quickly enough I'll push you further than you're ready. And I'm not sure you'd tell me to stop, even if you weren't ready."

"I probably wouldn't," I conceded, brushing a lock of hair back from his brow. "I just feel so wonderful every time I'm with you, especially like this, I guess I get a little swept away at times."

"We'll get there, Bella. And you're right; we can try things without taking it too far too soon. I'll work on it, okay?"

I nodded and dropped my head back down to his chest, feeling the slightest bit better about the situation. We lay there curled together in silence for a few minutes before Edward asked, "Are you hungry? Do you want to go find something to eat?"

"No. Can we just stay here for a little longer? Just like this?" I pleaded.

"As long as you want, Beautiful," he sighed and shifted us just a little so we could lie together comfortably. "There's no where else I'd rather be."

After just a few moments of lying together, Edward started to hum softly. I felt the vibrations of his chest against my cheek just as much as I heard the low sound in my ear. I recognized the tune right away, a soft smile gracing my lips as I closed my eyes, snuggling into him as he began to quietly sing the lyrics of the chorus.

"If I lay here, if I l just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?" he crooned. My mind emptied, every thought of Renee and Phil and playoffs and stress simply fading away until there was nothing but Edward and I and that moment. I drifted off before he could finish the song.

x-x-x

Monday morning the team departed for Calgary where they'd be starting their first series of the playoffs against the Flames. Their first two games would take place away, keeping them out of town until Friday. I'd been able to see them off when Renee cut practice short, claiming she had plans that evening. I didn't even care that her plans most likely involved Phil; I was just so excited to get to see Edward once more before he departed. I didn't want him to leave for most of the week without getting to say goodbye.

What I didn't count on was that when he left, he took the only part of me with him that had a chance at standing up to my mother.

When he left, he took everything with him, and of course the fact that I was so weak without him made me even more ashamed. I felt like a shadow that had lost its body, detached and just a wisp of the person I'd become, a person I'd been happy with. The worst part was that I knew how wrong it was. I was completely conscious of the fact that I was slowly disappearing, falling back under Renee's grasping control, but I felt completely powerless to stop it, there were no branches to cling to pull myself back out of the quicksand.

Even though he called, I never had the opportunity to speak to him. I couldn't have my cell phone on at the rink, which was almost all the time now. I had more missed calls than answered ones and by the time I'd get around to calling him back, he'd be busy and I'd reach his voicemail. It was a frustrating game of phone tag that made me feel hopeless that I'd ever get to hear from him on anything other than a short message. My own were always brief and vague, not wanting to drag him down by my misery and loneliness. Even my texts were sparse and no more than a "Great game" after their first win or the occasional "I miss you."

I didn't see the girls. Every once in awhile there'd be a message from one of them mixed in with the ones from Edward. I didn't even make it to their place to watch the guys' game, as Renee had wanted me to join her for dinner that night.

Without them, without him, there was just nothing. There was only Renee and she fed on my weakness like a shark scenting blood in the water. I was withering away and the realization made me want to simultaneously curl up and cry, and to step out of my own body so I could turn around and slap the shit out of myself for being such an idiot.

At just after noon on Wednesday, Renee and I were seated at a small deli to discuss 'strategy' over lunch. For Renee, that ranged from what competitions I'd need to register for to costume and make-up decisions, sponsors we needed to woo to press outlets she'd be trying to set up interviews and appearances with, and everything in between.

All her talking gave me a headache. I didn't want to fly to New York to speak with ABC News and then clear across the country for a Sports Illustrated photo shoot. I didn't want to pose for a MAC ad in nothing but a pair of figure skates and some lip-gloss.

I couldn't think about anything other than the fact that this had just started and I already felt completely dried up. Maybe I couldn't do this anymore. Maybe I wasn't cut out for the ruthless competition and the circus that surrounded it at this point in my life. I didn't feel a drop of passion or desire to skate when I stepped out on to the ice to work with Phil. Maybe I was done. I'd have to find something else to do and skating could just be a nice little hobby.

That thought broke my heart. After all the work I'd put in already, I couldn't stomach the idea of quitting, but I honestly didn't know how much longer I could last like this.

"Bella?" a familiar voice snapped my out of my haze and my head whipped around to see Esme making her way toward our table. "I thought that was you. I'm so happy to see you," she said warmly as she leaned down and kissed my cheek.

"Esme. Hi," I responded, feeling the instant comfort she always gave me trying to fight off the stiffness of knowing my mother was right there judging me.

"We missed you at the game on Saturday."

"Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I had uh, something," I stammered, my gaze flitting uncomfortably back and forth between her and Renee.

"How are you doing, Sweetheart? How are you feeling?" she asked before she took notice of my companion. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was interrupting."

"No. Not at all," I assured her, grateful for the fact that she had. If I had to hear one more word on publicity, I might have lost my lunch.

"Actually, Isabella, we _were_ in the middle of something," Renee said tightly with a pointed look.

"I apologize, you must be Renee. I'm Esme Cullen," she introduced herself, offering her hand to my mother. When Renee took hers, I was struck by the differences between them. They looked fairly alike, similar builds, though Renee stood a good three inches taller, both dressed in elegant, designer clothes. Esme was paler, yet everything about her projected softness and warmth. Renee was all hard lines, cold and harsh. They couldn't have been more different, in my opinion.

"Cullen?" Renee asked curiously.

"Yes. My husband's been working with Bella on getting her knee fixed up, and my children have all become very close with her. You must be very proud, Bella's a very remarkable woman," Esme said, brushing her hand down the length of my ponytail.

"That's nice of you to say, Mrs. Cullen."

"Not at all, it's simply the truth," she returned with a warm smile, though I could detect the slightest hint of steel beneath the softness of her tone.

"Yes, well, as I said, Mrs. Cullen, Isabella and I were in the middle of something," Renee said, clearly trying to hurry her along.

"So you said. Bella, do you think you could walk me out?" Esme requested, "It'll just take a moment."

"Of course, Esme," I said, pushing my chair back and standing quickly, eager to escape, even for just a few seconds.

"Isabella-"

"Mom, it'll just take a second. We have plenty of time before we're supposed to be back at the rink," I reminded her, walking away with Esme before she could argue any further.

"I'm so sorry, Esme," I immediately started once we'd stepped outside and out of Renee's sight.

"For what, dear?"

"For her," I said, gesturing feebly back toward the restaurant where Renee still sat.

"You have nothing to apologize to me for, Bella. Her actions are her own. Are you doing alright?" she questioned softly, rubbing her hand over my cheek.

I nodded, unable to look at her or even open my mouth. It had been easier to pass things off with Alice and Rose, but just Esme's soft voice was enough to make the tears well in my eyes.

"Bella, sweetheart, look at me," she urged in that soft, firm voice of hers. "You can tell me."

"It's just hard," I relented. She might be the only person I knew who had a shot at understanding. "Having her here, the new coach, getting back to training, and now Edward's gone. I'm okay. It's just a lot going on."

"You've made such great strides over the last few months, Bella. You just need to remember that. I know it's hard. It's a lot easier to fight when the force isn't right there in your face."

"Yeah," I agreed, sniffling back the tears that threatened to escape.

"Edward called last night. I know he's worried about you."

"He shouldn't worry. He's got so much else going on that he should be thinking about."

"Nevertheless. He'll always be thinking about you. That's what people do when they care. No matter how busy they get. I know it's hard, honey, but let him be there for you. He wants to be there for you," she said, waiting for my nod before she responded in kind. "I should let you get back inside. We should do lunch sometime next week. I'd love to catch up with you more."

"Yeah, sure, Esme. That'd be nice."

"You stay strong, Sweetheart. Don't be scared to call if you need anything," she said, hugging me close for just a moment. I had to physically stop myself from just banding my arms around her like chains to keep her there with me. Instead, I returned her hug with weak arms and let her go, walking back inside to face Renee alone once more.

I wanted to be strong as Esme had proposed, but I felt so very weak. I didn't know how I ever managed to live for so long like this, so lifeless and alone, always cowering, always backing down. Now that I knew that life could be different, that I'd tasted it for myself, it made the return all the more distressing.

**x-x-x  
**

**A/N: So…Bella's a little emo, I know. Don't lose faith in our girl yet, she's got a lot going on.**

**Next update will post over the weekend. Until then…I will still tease reviews for the next segment. Let me know what you think of the drama so far!**


	11. Chapter 11: Walk on Through the Storm

**A/N: Welcome to Weekend Update and part two. I just couldn't leave you (or me) hanging in emo-land for so long! **

**As I write this note…TTI's review count is just squeaking past 1500 reviews. You guys are amazing.**

**Betamama and Caren…you're awesome. There really aren't enough words for how awesome you are. ily both. Scruff Nuzzles are for Betamama. Oh and Caren? What comes after the SNs are for you, bb.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created the characters, the story is mine. Copyright 2010: BellaMarie117**

**I hope you're strapped in tight, because we're taking right off.**

**x-x-x**

"Are you nuts?" I exclaimed while at the rink Thursday morning, the day following my run in with Esme as well as the morning of the guys' second playoff game. Phil had been working me to the bone and I was hoping that exhaustion was affecting my hearing. The alternative was that Phil was out of his ever-loving mind.

"You've gotta try sometime. You're not going to get anywhere with doubles and singles, Isabella. Solo skating depends on triple jumps."

"I know that, Phil, I'm not stupid," I argued, my hands placed defiantly on my hips.

"Alright then, there shouldn't be a problem. You've been landing clean doubles the last couple days; it's time to up the ante."

"I don't think I'm ready for that yet," I insisted. Yes, he was right, my doubles were fairly solid. But a triple was so much riskier. There was more speed, more height, and harder landings. There was so much more room for error.

"You're not going to get anywhere with that kind of attitude. You've gotta stop being so hesitant. You've got to be willing to go on the offensive and attack it with all you've got if you want to win."

"Yeah, but-"

"Isabella, just listen to him," Renee called out from her spot along the boards where she was flipping through forms on her clipboard. "He knows what he's talking about."

I tried to protest, tried to tell them both that I knew my own body and its capabilities far better than either of them ever would, but it was pointless. They weren't going to let this one go, so I finally gave in. Using my anger and frustration to power myself around the ice, pivoting around to skate backwards and gather as much speed as I could before reaching my leg back and throwing my weight into the air, my arms tucked close as I rotated quickly once, twice, only making it through half of the third rotation before landing…hard. Too hard. My knee gave out, unable to support the force I'd exacted upon it and I collapsed to the ice.

It didn't feel the same as my fall back in November. It wasn't as sharp or as searingly painful, more of a dull aching throb as I clutched my knee between my hands, wincing out low breaths to try and fight it off.

As I sat up, I saw that Renee and Phil had come over to check on me.

"You okay?" he asked. After a moment of taking inventory, I nodded. My knee throbbed, but I didn't think it was anything too bad.

"Good. Let's try again," Renee said.

"What?" I gasped with wide eyes. "Are you kidding me? Did you not just see what happened?"

"You can't let a little fall stop you."

"I can when I fell because my knee wasn't ready yet. I'm not going to hurt myself trying to give you something I'm not ready for. I'm not trying another triple until I've had Dr. Cullen take a look at my knee."

"Oh come on," she protested.

"No, Mom. You're not getting your way on this one. It's my body and I have to live with it if it's hurt. I'm going to get it checked out."

"Isabella, that doctor just placates you. He and his son and that little wife of his are just trying to get their hooks into you and-"

"Stop! Just stop it. I'm going to see Dr. Cullen. I'll let you know what he says," I snapped, boosting myself up and gliding across the ice, favoring my good leg. I could hear the two of them talking in low voices, but they didn't say anything more to me, so I was quick to make my escape, waiting until I was outside before I dialed Carlisle's number.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Carlisle, hi. I'm sorry to bother you," I said as I dug my keys out.

"Not at all, Bella. What's up?"

"Are you at the hospital?"

"Just leaving, actually. Esme and I were planning on meeting up with the girls to watch the game tonight. Would you like to join us?" he offered.

"Oh, uh yeah, that'd be great. But, um, I sort of need to talk to you before then," I stammered, a little anxious to tell him why. He'd been so clear in his directions, cautioning me to take things slowly. I didn't want to disappoint him.

"Of course. Is everything alright?" he asked.

"I think so. Uh, I fell pretty hard on my knee and I was just wondering if you could maybe take a look at it?" I inquired uncertainly, not wanting to hold up his plans.

"Come right over," he insisted, the casual friendliness of his previous tone instantly transformed to what I'd come to know as his doctor tone, both serious and concerned, "just tell Mrs. Cope at the reception desk your name and she'll bring you straight back to me. Does it hurt?"

"It's not bad," I said, trying to rotate it a little to check and stopping immediately with a wince. "I just want to make sure."

"Well, come on in and we'll take a look."

Within a few minutes, he had me on the table, my pant leg rolled up above the knee where I could already see it swelling.

After a quick exam, he rolled the fabric back down, sitting back in his chair. "Looks like it's just a bad bump. You didn't strain or tear anything. It'd be best to stay off it for a few days, over the weekend if you can. Lots of rest and ice should fix you right up."

I blew out a breath of relief. "Thanks, Carlisle," I said, staring at my hands and avoiding his gaze, though I could feel his eyes on me, seeming to consider for a moment before speaking.

"Bella, I'm concerned. I know I said you were clear to train again, and I think you understand your limitations. It doesn't seem like your mother or this new coach of yours do."

I shrugged, because he was absolutely right and I knew it. I shouldn't have listened to them; I shouldn't have let them push me when the voice in my head was screaming that I knew better.

"I can't tell you what's right for you, but you need to figure it out, and soon. If you let other people pressure you, it's going to be _you_ who will suffer for it. I'd really hate to see that happen."

"Me too," I whispered.

"Alright then, I won't say any more. I'm glad you called me."

"Yeah," I said, looking up into his eyes and giving him an appreciative, "Thank you."

"Did you still want to come over and watch the game? We have plenty of ice packs," he offered with an encouraging grin that reminded me so much of his son's.

"I'd like that," I accepted, waiting as he ran out to put my chart back and hang up his lab coat so I could follow him back.

"Carlisle? Please don't say anything about this, especially to Edward. He's got enough going on right now," I requested as we walked out of the hospital.

"Bella, I can't share your medical information, but you should tell Edward. Wouldn't you want to know if he was hurt?"

"I know. I will. Just not now. He'll just worry and he's not even here. It's not like he can do anything."

"I'll leave it to your discretion," he agreed before we each found our respective cars. I knew it was very likely that Edward would know right away, anyway. He was always too observant when it came to me.

That evening at the Cullens' home, I was able to relax just a little and enjoy the game. I couldn't completely erase the seeds of doubt that Renee had planted in my mind a few days prior, but I tried so hard to forget and to just hang out with Alice and Rose. They were thrilled when I'd shown up just behind Carlisle, not acting awkward or cold at all, though I'd barely spoken to them since the night of Renee's arrival. But no matter how friendly they were, I couldn't stop myself from closing off just a little and trying to protect my heart. Though I was aching to trust them and let them all in, I was too afraid of getting burned again to do so completely.

I caught Esme giving me small looks of concern, often directed toward the knee I was icing. I'd told them it was just sore and they hadn't asked anything further, though it was clear that they didn't entirely believe my explanation. Any time talk shifted toward Renee or my skating, I deflected, asking about what was going on in their lives, or returning everyone's attention to the game.

Seeing Edward's beautiful face on the high definition screen was just enough to make me miss him that much more, but not enough to comfort me. All I wanted was for him to be here with me, holding me safe and warm in his arms. When he was with me, I didn't feel so lost, I didn't feel so hopeless. He made me believe that I wouldn't have to be like this forever.

Without him, I was afraid that I might be. I didn't know if I could find the strength on my own.

Even having the girls and Carlisle, even Esme there, didn't help. They couldn't give that to me. I could see them all trying, but I just couldn't accept it from them, couldn't figure out how to lean on anyone without growing too dependent on them, without feeling weaker than I already felt. I didn't even _want_ to accept it from Edward. I _wanted _to find the strength myself. I _wanted _to be independent and strong all on my own. I just didn't know if that day would ever come.

x-x-x

I'd called Renee before heading inside that evening at the Cullens, telling her I needed to stay off my knee for a few days. She'd been livid, but eventually had to accept the fact that I wouldn't be skating again until Monday. Of course the downside to that was that it would just be that many more days with Phil until I could be rid of him. This 'trial period' was getting really old, really fast.

In addition to the fact that I felt uncomfortable in the knowledge that he and Renee were sleeping together, he always put me slightly on edge. Every time he put his hands on me to adjust my position, I felt shivers racing down my spine. And not the good kind. Sometimes I'd catch him looking at me in a way that didn't quite seem appropriate. I knew he had to watch me, but something about his eyes looking over my form gave me the creeps.

With the break from the ice, I was able to pick up Edward from the airport. The instant I saw him emerge from the terminal, I felt so much of my loss and misery just evaporate. I already felt stronger with him there, like I was capable of starting that treacherous climb once more to take back my life.

"Hey, Beautiful," he breathed into my hair when I got out of the car, rushing around the hood to jump up into his arms, not even caring that my knee was still sore. He leaned down to kiss me eagerly, his hands drifting just beneath the hem of my shirt to stroke the skin above the waist of my jeans. "Mm," he hummed against my lips, "I missed this so much."

We were shooed along by the security guard patrolling the lane, and made casual chitchat on the drive to his house, talking mostly about his games and his time in Calgary. They were at 1-1 in their series, having lost in overtime the night before, but Edward seemed in good spirits and was still optimistic that they'd come back around. Their next two games would take place here, giving them the home team advantage. There was no way I would be missing either of them, I didn't care what Renee said.

When we got to his place, Edward didn't even bother bringing his bag up to his room; he simply dropped it by the steps and led me by the hands over to lie on the couch.

"We do this a lot," I observed, burrowing into his chest and sighing in contentment, grateful to not feel quite so empty any longer.

"You complaining, Swan?" he asked, kissing the top of my head before I lifted it to look at him.

"Not at all, Cullen." I raised the back of my hand to stroke across his cheek where a short layer of scruff had started to grow. "What's with this?" I asked, feeling the coarse texture against my knuckles.

"Playoff superstition," he responded, placing his hand overtop of mine.

"Really? Is that the only one?" I asked with a giggle.

"For me. A lot of the guys have their own. One grows a mullet every time we make it and then goes bald at the end."

"I'm glad you don't do that," I said, stroking my other hand through the soft, thick strands of his messy bronze hair. "I'd really miss this."

"I don't think I could pull off the bald look," he mused. "My head's too bumpy."

"What?" I chuckled.

"It's true, feel it," he encouraged and I did as he asked, running my fingers through his hair and feeling the texture of his scalp underneath. Sure enough, there were a couple of flat spots, the surface not perfectly rounded as you might expect.

"Huh. That's pretty weird, Cullen," I razzed him. "Good thing you've got such good hair. Hopefully you don't start losing it someday."

"So you don't mind? About this?" he asked, rubbing his hand over the hair on his jaw.

"Why would I mind?"

"I don't know, not all women like it."

"Well, it's not like you're going to turn into Grizzly Adams or anything. You'll shave it after playoffs are over, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then no, I don't mind. Not one little bit. In fact, I just wanna try one thing, is that okay?" I asked quietly, searching his emerald eyes, my face close to his.

He didn't speak, barely even nodded, just gave one dip of his chin to answer me, his eyes locked upon mine and his mouth just barely open. I leaned in, as if to kiss him and his eyes fluttered closed. At the last second, I shifted my head to the side, dipping down to press my cheek against his, nuzzling back and forth over his jaw line, the coarse hair slightly abrasive on my own soft skin. It felt every bit as wonderful as I'd imagined it would and I rubbed against him once more before pulling back with a satisfied grin on my face, waiting for his eyes to open again before I spoke.

"I wanted to do that the very first time I met you," I admitted with a shy smile.

"Really?" he asked, his own lips curving upwards.

"Yeah. At the airport. You were just a little scruffy then, too," I said, running my fingers over his cheek again, quickly becoming a little obsessed with the feel of it.

"I'll have to skip shaving more often if it means I get scruff nuzzles like that," he said.

"Scruff nuzzles might be one of my new favorite things," I giggled. "Along with Eskimo kisses."

"Yeah, those are good," he said as he leaned in and engaged me in one, kissing the tip of my nose softly, then sliding his cheek against mine until his lips were right at my earlobe. "Are those your only favorite things?" he whispered in a low, husky tone that sent a wonderful tingle down my spine and caused me to wonder just when it had gotten so warm in the room.

"No?" I whispered back hesitantly, almost questioningly. My eyes closed and my breath hitching when he pressed his lips to my skin, just below my ear and then lower, trailing down my neck until he'd reached the opening of my shirt.

"No?" he asked, sliding his hands down my back until they came to rest at the hem of my shirt, sliding just underneath my fabric where his fingers fluttered across my skin, the tips of them dipping lower to slip beneath the waistband of my jeans. "What else, Bella? Tell me what you like."

I couldn't speak, could barely breathe, my heart pounding in my chest as his lips returned to wander my skin, stopping just a breath away from my own where he whispered again.

"Tell me, Bella."

"Kiss me," I demanded, emitting a wanton moan when he immediately complied, crushing his lips on top of my own.

My hands drifted down over his chest, stroking down his side until I reached the bottom of his shirt, following his example and boldly sliding my hand under the fabric to feel the warm skin beneath. He moaned, a low, throaty sound as he deepened the kiss and pressed up against me, moving our bodies in tandem slowly, until I finally realized his intention. The next thing I knew, he'd reversed our positions, my back pressed into the couch cushions while Edward lie hovering above me, his arms still tangled around me, though it was obvious he was somehow holding back some of his weight from crushing me. I sighed in approval, parting my legs slightly beneath him and bringing one up to curl around his calf and urge him closer, my brow lifting in delighted surprise when I felt the stiffness of his erection pressing down into my hip.

He pulled his lips from mine, panting for just a moment before he swooped his head down to attack my neck, sucking softly at the tender skin there. I moaned and shifted, unconsciously searching for something that could ease the wonderful ache between my thighs.

I tried to hitch my leg higher just a little too suddenly and let out a gasping wince at the sharp pain in my knee. I hoped Edward wouldn't catch it, or would pass it off as a sound of pleasure, but no such luck. He pulled back immediately, blinking rapidly, his eyelids looking just a bit heavy over the darkened green of his irises.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"It's nothing," I insisted, attempting to urge his lips back to mine with little success.

"Bella," he protested, holding himself back out of my reach. "Please? What is it?"

I sighed and internally groaned because I knew he was too stubborn to just let it slide. I'd been planning on telling him anyway. No time like the present, I guess.

"I hurt my knee yesterday. Nothing serious," I continued quickly at the flash of concern that took over his features. "Your dad said it was just a bump and to stay off it for a few days, but that it would be fine by Monday."

He raised himself off me entirely then, sitting back on the couch and pulling my leg over his lap so he could more closely inspect my knee, rubbing it ever so gently. "Does it hurt?" he murmured, looking over into my eyes as he continued to rub.

"Not too much. Just when I forget about it and move too suddenly. It's nothing, I promise," I vowed in a soothing voice, wanting to erase the crease of worry on his brow.

He leaned forward, bent over my leg and lifting it just the slightest bit so he could press a soft kiss to the curve of it, the warmth of his lips evident even through the thick denim. He lay back down on the couch and I rolled just slightly to allow him room to spread out, our faces close together and his arm wrapping around me to ensure that I wouldn't rest too close against the edge.

"Why didn't you say anything last night?" he asked.

"I didn't want you to worry. It's not serious and you weren't here." He seemed to want to say something at that, but didn't as he continued to rub soothing circles over my back for a minute before asking what happened.

I hesitated and he gave me a questioning look. "I don't want to upset you," I explained, knowing that I should tell him, but not eager to do so.

"Why would I be upset?" he asked, his brow furrowed.

"Because of the situation," I sighed, focusing on a spot on his chest rather than looking at his face. "Phil's been pushing me too hard for days, with Renee backing him right up. Yesterday, they badgered me to try a triple. I knew I wasn't ready yet, that I shouldn't be doing them, but I gave in. I let them push me."

I could feel Edward tensing against me, his arm wrapping just a little tighter around me, and I finally looked up at him after a few moments of silence. He wasn't looking at me; instead he was staring off at some point in the distance with a murderous look in his eyes, his jaw clenched and his brow furrowed.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, feeling tears of shame choking me. His eyes immediately darted down to meet mine, the anger in them completely gone though his features were still tense.

"Bella, no," he objected, his voice laced with pain. "Don't apologize for them."

"Not for them," I argued as a tear slipped down over my cheek. "I shouldn't have let it happen. I should have been strong enough to tell them no, but I'm not."

"Bella," he exhaled softly, sweeping up the tear with the pad of his thumb and pressing his forehead to mine. "You're one of the strongest people I know. I mean that. It's not your fault that your mother is the way she is. You've had a lifetime of living with that. A weaker person wouldn't have survived it. A weaker person wouldn't have left. A weaker person wouldn't have come so far, even despite those struggles. You just have to keep being strong; you can't let her win now, not after you've come so far."

"I don't know what to do," I mumbled, rubbing my forehead against his and searching for comfort.

"Bella, I'm going to ask you something and I want you to promise me you'll think about it," he said after a minute. "Just think about it."

I nodded against him, letting him know I'd listen to whatever he asked of me.

"I know a good lawyer. He's familiar with these types of situations, contracts, finances, severance, athlete/manager relationships. If I give you his number would you at least talk to him?" I pulled back a little so I could see him as I considered his request.

"It seems like things are starting to go downhill with your mother," he continued, "and I don't want you to suffer even more in the end if things take a turn for the worse. Just think about your options. Will you-"

I stopped him by pressing my finger to his lips. "I'll call," I whispered in agreement.

x-x-x

That very afternoon I had a conversation with Caius McCormick, Esquire. I wasn't sure if anything would come of it, but I at least felt a little more secure knowing that I wouldn't be alone if things came to a head with Renee. Caius was confident that he could swiftly cover the bases should it become necessary, though it was clear that the money could get a bit messy. I felt foolish for having not gotten a better handle on that sooner. I honestly wasn't even sure how my finances were handled. I knew Renee had some sort of hold over things, but that she had her own accounts that were separate from mine, kept up from the percentage she drew as my manager from my income now that she was no longer receiving child support from my father.

Caius mentioned having a forensic accountant take a look at things to see what he could find, but I wasn't quite ready to take such a drastic step. Maybe that was naïve of me, but I still hoped that things could be worked out. For all my mother's faults, I wouldn't believe her to be a thief.

I didn't hear that much from her over the weekend, though when I did, it was clear that she and Phil were still making plans in my time away from the rink. Monday would come soon enough and I would deal with them then. I used the break to catch up on my sleep and read, trying to find my balance and sense of calm once more. Of course, I also took what time I could to be with Edward when he wasn't busy, which was rare. I made it to their first home game of the playoffs, getting swept up in the excitement of the night as they dominated against the Flames.

By Monday morning, I was feeling better. My knee was good, not twinging even the littlest bit, and I felt rested and ready to roll again. Apparently, so was Phil.

"No!" he shouted yet again as we reached the halfway point of our afternoon session. I swear I'd heard that word more times over the past week and a half than I had in my entire life. We'd been working all afternoon on spirals, typically my strong suit, and once more nothing would satisfy him. We were currently breaking down my spread eagle and I didn't even know what I was doing wrong anymore. It seemed like nothing I did was right. Hearing yet again that I was apparently messing up when the movement felt right to me was so frustrating. I wanted to hit something. "Come on, Isabella, get your head out of your ass and do it right."

That. Was. It.

"You don't have to speak to me like that," I wheeled on him, gliding right up into his face. "I heard you! Every time I've heard you."

"If you heard me, you'd fix it," he countered, towering nearly a foot over my stature.

"I can't fix anything if you don't tell me what to fix," I contended, turning away and shoving my hands angrily into my hair. "All you do is yell and tell me I'm messing up without a word of how to do it better."

"You want me to fix it for you?" he asked, his voice dangerously calm.

"If you want to be my coach, I need you to do more than scream at me. I already have Renee who can do that just fine on her own."

"Okay. Come here," he summoned me with a crook of his finger until I hesitantly crossed, coming to a stop in front of him

"I don't want you to touch me," I declared and tried to flinch away when he stepped around me and placed his hands on the outside of my legs.

"How am I supposed to fix you if I can't show you what you're doing wrong?" he asserted, keeping his hands firmly in place. "Right here? Your hips need to open up more. You're not spreading your legs far enough apart. It doesn't look impressive if you're doing a spread eagle with no spread," he explained, shifting my stance for me.

"No. Hold on, we're not done here," he protested when I struggled against him. "There. Your bottom half's good, make sure you tuck that tight little ass in," he said, giving it a swat. My jaw clenched in anger even as my knees started to shake.

"Get your hands off me," I demanded slowly, quietly.

"Mmm, feisty aren't you?" he muttered in a low voice, his body closing in behind me. "You know, your mother's feisty too. I'll bet you'd be even better under the sheets. I can see it. You'd be a little wildcat in the bedroom."

"You're disgusting," I said in a shaky voice, my stomach rolling with nausea.

"I bet you wouldn't be saying that after five minutes in my bed. You'd be screaming my name. Just like your mom was last night. How about we put that to the test, do a little comparison? I'm sure I could show you all kinds of things that your little boyfriend would never even think about," he whispered, his lips grazing my ear.

Finally hitting my breaking point, a surge of adrenaline allowed me to break out of his hold, moving me a few feet out of his grasp before I turned around. I couldn't even speak, I was so angry. Instead, I glared at him once with every spark of malice I possessed before skating away, throwing myself down on the bench to pull off my skates, barely untying the laces in my rush.

"Isabella, where do you think you're you going?" my mother asked as she hurried over.

"I'm leaving. I'm not setting one foot back on the ice while that man is here," I snarled, angrily pointing in Phil's direction.

"You agreed to two weeks," she persisted.

"Yeah, well that was before I knew you were fucking him and before he tried to proposition me," I practically shouted.

"Excuse me?" she scoffed.

"You heard me. Your lover, or whatever you choose to call him, just asked me to join him in the sack, though his words weren't quite so dignified."

"Phil," Renee called out, requesting him to join us. "Isabella here is claiming that you hit on her. Is that true?"

"No way, baby," he said, coming to her side and sliding his arm around her shoulders. "She was all over me asking me to fix her spread eagle. You know I wouldn't do that to you."

The asshole was lying through his teeth, and Renee was lapping it right up, I could see it from the look in her eyes. I didn't even give her a chance to speak.

"Are you kidding me? You're going to believe that slime ball over your own daughter? Your own family?"

"I could use the same argument, Isabella. You would do that to your own mother?"

"Oh my God," I screamed with frustration, "why don't you just make up your mind already? I'm either a prude for not sleeping with my boyfriend or I'm a slut for going after Phil. Which one is it?"

She didn't answer, merely looked at me coolly, still tucked to Phil's side.

"I want him gone," I demanded.

"We had an agreement," Phil said.

"I don't care what kind of _agreement _you and my mother have, but you don't have one with me," I declared. "I won't be requiring your services any longer and I promise you that you won't be getting any of mine. Consider this 'trial run' officially over."

I glared at the pair of them once, exhaling in disgust as I swiped my bag from the bench and stalked out.

I needed a shower.

x-x-x

After scrubbing myself in the scalding water until I felt like my skin would just peel right off, I still felt dirty. Just thinking about Phil and his clammy hands on me gave me the shivers. I was thoroughly creeped out and just glad to be done with him.

And Renee? I still couldn't believe she took his side or believed a single word he'd said. The idea of me hitting on Phil was just so blatantly far-fetched; I couldn't even comprehend what was going on in her mind.

Edward had been correct in his estimate that things with her would go downhill quickly once the scales were tipped. I didn't know what I would do the next morning, but all I wanted was to just go to the game and forget all about it for one night.

Easier said than done. Even in the deafening crowd at the Xcel, I couldn't escape the thoughts in my head, moments of my life flickering through my mind like a movie reel, with Renee's constant criticisms as a soundtrack.

I just wished she could be different, that we could be different. I didn't need her to be the embodiment of motherhood like Esme was so naturally; I just needed her to be my mom, to care about me first just once. Of course she'd say she always put me first, but not really. She put my career first.

After seeing the example of Alice and Esme's relationship, I wanted that connection so badly. And I knew I'd never get there with Renee.

I was so lost in my thoughts that the game was over before I knew it. All four of my companions were giving me looks of mild concern and I was certain I'd been zoned out the entire time. I claimed I wasn't feeling well, excusing myself to go outside and catch a cab back, knowing that the rest of them would be going out and celebrating. I had too much on my mind to be in a partying mood and they deserved to have a good night without me there acting like a Debbie Downer.

I called Edward and got his voicemail, still too soon after stepping off the ice for him to have turned it back on. I left him a quick message in the most cheerful voice I could manage congratulating him and telling him to have fun that night and that I'd see him tomorrow.

I didn't sleep at all that night, simply lying there in my bed staring up at the ceiling as if the textured plaster could give me all the answers I needed. The only one I knew was that this couldn't last much longer.

x-x-x

I stepped through the arena doors the following morning and came to an abrupt stop.

"What the hell is he doing here?" I demanded when I saw Renee and Phil standing just inside the entrance.

"Two weeks, Isabella. You can't just-"

"I can. I'm not going anywhere near that ice with him around. If you want me to train, you'll get rid of him," I threatened, my voice colder than the ice.

"Why are you being so dramatic about all this?"

"Dramatic? I made my wishes perfectly clear last night and you didn't listen. You never listen," I shook my head, both baffled and tired of her behavior.

"I know what's best for you and your career," she began and I was swift to stop her.

"No. You obviously don't. Get him out of here or I'm done," I repeated, staring her down, unwavering, unflinching, until she finally rolled her eyes and headed toward the door with Phil following closely behind.

I went and sat on the bleachers, plopping my skate bag down on the ground and not reaching for it. I was so tired of the drama and I felt drained from the effort of standing my ground to her, even that little bit. If it took this much out of me to stand in one place, I wondered how I could ever find it in me to actually push her back. Every step with her felt like slogging through waist deep mud with thick chains strapped to my ankles.

The door opened just a minute later and I glanced up, doing a double take when instead of Renee I saw Edward walking in.

"Hey," he said when he reached me, leaning back against the boards in front of me, a sober look on his face.

"Edward, hi. What are you doing here?" I asked, my head resting on my hands.

"I came to check on you. My mom and Alice said you seemed upset last night at the game."

"Yeah. Just some stuff with Phil. It's fine," I sighed, not wanting to delve into all the dirty details when I was still trying to process it all.

"That's it?" he pushed back.

"Yeah, why?"

"God, Bella, if you have to ask then I don't even know what to say anymore," he huffed in frustration, throwing his hands up in defeat. "I don't know how many times I have to tell you, ask you, beg you to just talk to me. Let me in. Stop hiding yourself away from me. It's not fair to either of us."

"When was I going to talk to you? It just happened yesterday afternoon and you had a game last night," I argued, instantly defensive after everything I'd been through over the last twenty-four hours.

"That's such a lame excuse, Bella, and you know it," he snorted, crossing his arms and leaning back once more.

"It's not an excuse. We've both been busy. You've got more important things to think about right now than if I'm getting along with my coach-"

"Do you really believe I've been too busy to realize what's going on here?" he asked in a low voice. "You're turning into a ghost, Bella. You've barely spoken to Rose or Alice since your mom showed up. You don't answer your phone; you barely answer your texts. You didn't come to the game. I know," he held up his hand at my expression, "I told you it was fine. I'm not holding a grudge here; it's just one more example."

"It's not a big deal, Edward," I muttered, rubbing at my temple and just wanting to surrender.

"It is! It is a big deal, Bella," he snapped. "How is this supposed to go anywhere if you can't trust me enough to tell me about what's going on in your life? How can I trust you when you keep so many things from me?"

"It doesn't affect you."

"That's fucking bullshit! Of course it affects me, I l- you matter to me, more than anything. If she's hurting you, she's hurting _me_. If Phil's hurting you, he's hurting _me_," he demanded, stepping forward and clenching his hands around my arms, shaking me slightly, not holding me hard enough to hurt me or even scare me, just enough to drive home his point.

I didn't have time to respond before the door opened once more, both Edward and I glancing over to see Renee walking back in through the doors, striding straight toward us.

"Isabella go get changed," she demanded, not even looking at me, her angry gaze was fixed on Edward, and glancing up at him, his was aimed right back at her.

"Mom-" I started to protest.

"Bella," Edward interrupted softly, looking down at me. "It's alright."

His eyes beseeched me to step away, the fire simmering there, telling me he was primed for a fight. I couldn't refuse him his chance, so I nodded, stepping away when he released me without a glance in my mother's direction. With my bag over my shoulder, I headed toward the locker room, the silence behind me filled with tension and anticipation, though neither of them spoke a word until I'd stepped out of the room.

I tried to listen through the heavy door but couldn't make out anything more than mumbling. I swiftly changed, stuffing my clothes haphazardly into the bag and darting back out of the room as I heard their voices getting progressively louder. I emerged just in time to see Edward towering over her, looking like he was ready to pounce or simply snap her neck. When he noticed me standing just outside of the locker room, he narrowed his eyes at her once more before storming away, stalking angrily toward the doors and viciously throwing it open.

"Edward, wait!" I called out to him, rushing for the doors as fast as my legs would carry me, driven entirely by fear. I vaguely heard my mother's voice calling out after me, but couldn't process her words. I couldn't hear anything but the rush of panic that was deafening in my ears at the thought that he could be gone.

I burst through the door, desperate to catch him before he could get too far. When I emerged, I glanced wildly around the parking lot, my eyes adjusting to the bright afternoon sun from the dim fluorescents of the arena. My shoulders sagged slightly in relief when I saw Edward standing there. He hadn't left, hadn't even set foot into the parking lot. He'd stopped just beside the picnic bench and was pacing, waiting for me.

"Edward, I'm so sorry," I attempted to soothe him as I crossed the pavement to where I stood. "What did she say to you?"

"It's not me, Bella," he erupted. "I could give a shit what that woman has to say about me. It's what she says about you. The way she treats you. And you just let her! Why the hell do you let her act that way toward you? Do you think that's okay? That it's acceptable for her to berate you? What that woman does to you, it's practically abusive. It _is_ abusive, it's emotionally abusive, and you just stand there and take it from her!"

I didn't flinch. This was the anger I'd been looking for all along and I could do nothing but stand there and absorb every blow.

"Why, Bella?" he asked helplessly, stopping his pacing right in front of me to take me by the shoulders.

"I can't explain it, Edward," I said quietly, dully. "It's how it's always been."

"And that makes it okay?" he demanded.

"No, it's just the way things are. It's the nature of this life. You don't know what it's like," I sighed.

"What do you think my job is, Bella? I'm out there getting pressure every day to perform, to be better, to skate faster and hit harder. So yes, I think I have some concept of what it's like and the kind of pressure you're feeling," he said patiently, though frustration simmered beneath it.

"It doesn't have to be like this," he urged, cupping my face in his palm. "There is so much more to life than skating and winning. And I think you know that. Even if your mother doesn't believe that, deep down I know that you want so much more in your life."

"You don't owe anything to that woman," he continued, assuaging the concerns I'd voiced to him in the past. "I know she's your mother and that you always want to believe the best in people, but she is nothing but a leech. All she wants is to push you harder so she can stand by and reap the benefits until she bleeds you dry. There are seven people here who _really_ care about you. _You_, Bella. Not Isabella Swan, the athlete. Ask any one of them, they wouldn't give a flying fuck if you never won another medal. You don't have to _earn_ their love for you. They just want you to be happy."

"Ask me," he urged in a passionate whisper, dipping his face low so that it was level with my own. "I don't care about anything but you. If you were a kindergarten teacher, an accountant, a fucking parking attendant, I would care about you just as much, and I would have fallen for you just the same. I wouldn't care if you were poor or if not a single other person on this earth knows your name, as long as I do. I _know_ you Bella, and I know you don't want to live like this."

He paused then, imploring me with his eyes to trust him, to believe him, to understand. I was speechless, so overwhelmed and practically dizzy from all that was happening that I couldn't find the words to speak. When I simply stared back at him, he shook his head and dropped his hands.

"I can't keep doing this," he muttered, stepping back from me. "I can't keep putting myself out there if you won't believe in us, believe in yourself, enough to fight."

When I saw the back of his head, I snapped immediately to attention and found the words.

"Wait," I gasped on a sob, my arm darting out to grab his wrist and pull him back to me with more strength than I realized I possessed. I was instantly in his arms, my face planted firmly against his chest, my fingers digging into his back in an attempt to hold him to me, his hands cradling my head to him. "Please, don't go."

"That's all I want, Bella," he breathed, his exhale against my skin acting as a soothing lullaby, confirming his presence, "for you to ask me to stay. I- I care about you, so much, and what we have has so much potential to be amazing. Hell, it already is amazing. But I need you to be willing to fight for us just as much as I am. I need you to need me just as much as I need you. I promise I will not let you fall," he vowed, separating us just enough that he could look deeply into my eyes, "but you have to be willing to jump first. I need you to trust me to catch you." He brushed my hair back, holding my face as though it was something precious. "Have I let you down yet?"

"No," I whispered, softly reaching my hands up to rest on top of his. "I do trust you. More than I've ever trusted anyone."

"Then let me help you. You don't have to do everything on your own. Needing another person doesn't have to be a crutch. Bella, your relationship with your mom, it's not healthy and you know it. She kept you isolated and trapped because she's desperate. I know you want to break away from that, that you don't want to be dependent on others, and I'm proud of you for it because you're amazing all on your own. You don't need your mother there. It's you. I just wish you could see what I see," he sighed.

"I'm starting to."

"Good. Because what I see is beautiful and you shouldn't miss it," he said, resting his forehead against mine. We stood there, drawing strength and comfort from one another, trying to regain that equilibrium we'd had before this whole mess had begun. Despite the stress and the pain of it all, I couldn't regret the events that had taken place. I finally felt sure of my place here with Edward and strong enough to do what was necessary.

"Will you take me somewhere?" I asked, squeezing his hands once before pulling away.

"Yeah," he agreed, already knowing where I was headed. "Thank you for asking."

"I'm sorry for not asking sooner, for pushing you away. For hurting you. It's the last thing I'd ever want to do in the world," I said, because though it seemed we'd come out stronger on the other side, I still couldn't let my actions go unatoned.

"I forgive you," he said, lifting my chin for a soft, soothing kiss. "Just don't do it again, okay?"

x-x-x

"I'm coming in with you," Edward insisted as we pulled into the parking lot of the arena later that afternoon. After meeting with Caius, we'd driven by and seen Renee's car still in the lot.

This ended now.

"No, please, wait here," I implored, stroking a hand down his scratchy cheek. "I'm not asking you to leave. I just need to face her on my own. She'll never respect a word I say if you're standing over my shoulder."

"Bella-" he opened his mouth to argue.

"Please, Edward. I have to do this. For me."

"Okay," he finally relented, sitting back in his seat.

I reached for the handle on the door, freezing at the last moment and asking him quietly without turning around, "You'll be here, right?"

"Hey," he said, placing his hand on my shoulder and gently urging me back to face him, leaning in over the center console to kiss me deeply as he stroked my jaw. "I'm not going anywhere."

"Good," I exhaled, softly kissing him once more. "Because I need you, Edward."

With that, I found the strength to exit the car, staring at the doors to the arena and gathering my nerve. It only took a moment. I was ready for this and I wouldn't be backing down. I set my shoulders and walked confidently toward the door and straight over to where she sat flipping through paperwork on the bleachers.

"Are you finished with your little tantrum?" she asked, barely taking the time to glance up at me.

"I'm finished."

"Good. Phil was very upset over this whole ordeal, but I'm sure we can get him back if you apolo-"

"No, mother. I'm finished with this. With all of this."

"What are you talking about?" she sighed heavily, setting her papers aside.

"I won't compete like this. The tyrant coaches, the skimpy costumes, the sex bomb choreography, the endless sessions that leave me sick and exhausted," I listed off.

"This is what it takes to win, Isabella."

"If that's what it takes then I don't want to win. I don't want any part of it. I've competed before and succeeded without those things and I sure as hell don't need them now."

"You've gotten weak, Isabella. This injury and time away has made you soft. You used to have the fire and the drive. You were willing to do whatever you needed to make it to the top."

"Did I? I never wanted to win as much as you needed me to. I love to skate. But I never needed to win. You've pushed me. My entire life you've pushed me. And I'm grateful because without that, I might not have seen what my full potential could be. But I can't continue to live my life feeling indebted to you."

"You _should_ be grateful. I've sacrificed my entire life for you."

"What sacrifices have you made?" I scoffed in disbelief. "I went everywhere you wanted me to go. I did everything you wanted me to do. I stood back and kept quiet while you gallivanted with every man in the state. The money from my endorsements and wins kept you in an extremely comfortable lifestyle. What have you given up? What have I held you back from?"

"You're nothing more than a spoiled little girl. You've been handed everything on a silver platter yet you refuse to give anything back."

"When will it be enough, Mom? What will it take to make you happy? Will a Gold medal satisfy you? What happens if I don't make it? I won't be able to qualify in another four years. The day of my retirement is coming sooner than you'd like to think and what then? Are you going to toss me away like an old shoe that's worn out and doesn't work anymore?"

She didn't answer, and that told me everything.

"I will not continue if you stay. The only chance you have of seeing me compete again is without you by my side."

"You're lying. You can't give this up."

"I can," I said coldly. "That's the difference between you and me. I've spoken with a lawyer. Any information you have regarding my career will be transferred to me. I'd appreciate it if you'd send me the rest of my things once you get home. I can file a court order if necessary, but I'm hopeful that it won't be. You'll be receiving a very comfortable severance package, after that you won't get a dime from me. A forensic accountant is looking over any financial entanglements between us. If you've tried to do anything sneaky, they'll find out and I'll press charges. Don't bother trying to access them; they've been frozen. I'm sure you have more than enough for a plane ticket."

"What, are you firing me?" she scoffed in disbelief, raising herself up to stand in front of me. Where I'd always cowered, I held my ground, my chin raised to meet her eyes.

"If you have any ounce of feeling for me as your daughter, you'll go back to Florida and let me start living my own life. You can't be my manager and my mother. It doesn't work."

"You'll never make it on your own, Isabella. You won't amount to anything without me."

"You're wrong," I stood strong, finally believing the words I spoke and seeing hers for what they were, empty and desperate threats. "I am a capable, intelligent woman. I'm not a lost little girl anymore that you can boss around and mold to your liking. I can and will stand on my own two feet and I don't need you here trying to push me down while I do so. Go home, Renee. I'm sure there are plenty of men there waiting to welcome you back into their beds if you get bored."

I didn't even register the movement until it was already over. A sharp clap of sound echoed through the arena, my head turned to the side from the force of her hand. My cheek stung and I could feel the blood rushing to the surface, trying to cool the heated skin where she'd made contact. I gasped out a humorless laugh of disbelief, as I turned back to face her. Her eyes were wild, her face flushed. I'd never seen her look so out of sorts.

"You may want to have that hand checked. That's more physical labor than you're used to. You might have broken a nail," I said with a haughty lift of my brow. "You're dismissed, Ms. Swan."

Her eyes were like a forest fire, dangerous and out of control, and I thought she might strike me again. But I didn't flinch. I didn't cower. I didn't even acknowledge the slap. I simply lifted my head high and stared her down. Finally, she seemed to realize that I wasn't bluffing and that she wouldn't win. She huffed once, leaning down to snatch up her purse and stalk away. I counted every step of her heels on the concrete until I heard the door burst open like a shot, slamming closed behind her and leaving only silence.

I knew she wouldn't walk away so easily, but the aftershocks could be dealt with another day.

With her out of my presence, I reached up to stroke the reddened skin of my cheek, glad to have a separate source of pain to concentrate on than the pain in my heart. I was proud of myself for what I'd done, but I still was full of regret that it had even been necessary.

I didn't even notice Edward had come inside until he gasped.

"Oh God, Bella, love, what did she do to your beautiful face?" he inquired, reaching his fingers up to flutter gently over my cheek. "I shouldn't have let you come in by yourself. I should have been here. I should have stopped her, done something."

"No, Edward," I broke in, not wanting him to drown himself in unnecessary guilt. I stroked my hands up over his chest to frame his face. "I needed to do it on my own."

"Bella-"

"Edward, the mark will fade," I assured him. "And you did do something. I never could have stood up to her like that if it wasn't for you. I knew you were here with me. She could have slapped me a dozen times or said anything she wanted to me and I would still have stood strong. Because of you. Because of what you've done for me." I stepped into him, sliding my arms around his waist. "Will you just hold me, please?

His arms immediately wrapped around me, holding me tight as he swayed us together and I started to tremble, the lift of the heavy burden I'd carried so long leaving me feeling shaky and just a little dizzy.

"It's okay now, love," Edward whispered against my hair, his arms loosening around me just a little to rub soothing circles at my back. "Everything's going to be okay."

"Don't let go," I begged, tightening my arms around him. "Please. Don't let me go."

He returned to his firm hold on me, and promised, "Never, Bella. I'll never let go."

x-x-x

That night, Edward wouldn't leave my side. He insisted on staying at my place that night, camping out on my couch in case Renee decided to push things and stop by. No matter how many times I told him I'd be fine, he wouldn't back down, and deep down I was grateful for his company. Especially when at two a.m. I decided to stop pretending to sleep and joined him on the couch, cramped and snuggled under a blanket that was too small for both of us. Despite the close quarters and my freezing toes, I'd never slept better than I did that night, my back snuggled warmly against his chest. Our hands intertwined and rested against my hip with his other arm curled around my head and cradling my brow. His warm, sleepy breath fanned the hair beside my ear and soothed every ache in my heart. In his arms, I felt safe and content. There I knew I could trust him to keep me that way and that he'd do anything to keep any harm from coming to me.

The next morning, I took him to his place so he could pack, then drove him to the airport to see him off. The fifth game of their series was scheduled for that night back in Calgary. The ride to the terminal was fairly quiet and calm. Edward didn't really talk much and I didn't try to force the conversation. His hand rested on mine over the center console, his thumb drifting back and forth over my knuckles. His knee bounced lightly and was the only indicator that he wasn't completely at ease. I glanced over at him, questioning, but he simply smiled at me and squeezed my hand. When I pulled up to the curb in the departure lane, I was glad to see it was fairly deserted. Hopefully I'd have an extra minute to say goodbye before the security guards started pushing me along.

He grabbed his duffle from the popped trunk and set it on the curb, slamming the door down and turning to where I stood. My lip was caught between my teeth and arms wrapped around myself, not really sure what was going on with him. Maybe he was nervous about the game that night. It was a big game, that'd be a valid explanation. Maybe the drama of the previous day had finally sunk in and he felt awkward. Maybe he thought I was a burden now, some high maintenance girl that was too much trouble for what she was worth.

"Stop," he demanded softly, his thumb brushing over my bottom lip when I released it, sliding both his hands over my jaw line to cup my face.

"What?"

"I can see you thinking. I know I've been quiet this morning. It's not you. Well, it is. I don't feel good about leaving you. Not here like this, not so soon after what happened," he explained with a pained look on his face.

"Edward-"

"I should be here for you. I should have been here for you the whole time. Maybe things wouldn't have gotten so bad if I hadn't been gone so much when she was here."

"No, Edward, you can't think like that," I said firmly, eager to ease the guilt that he was so intent on placing on himself. "You can't put your life on hold for me. You can't wait around trying to save me all the time."

"I can try," he persisted.

"I needed to learn to save myself," I told him. "It's done. Well, the hardest part at least. I know there's still more to be done to get past this, but I _will _get past this. I'm never going back to the way things were. I'm going to be okay and I'll be right here waiting for you when you get back. You have _nothing_ to feel guilty about, okay? Nothing."

"Yeah," he surrendered, leaning in to rub his nose against mine, offering both of us the comfort of the familiar and intimate gesture.

"So, go douse those Flames so you can win your series and come back to me," I requested.

"I've never had better motivation," he said, finally gracing me with his crooked-smile, a genuine one. He removed the baseball hat from his head, one that I knew was his favorite with the Wild team logo on it, and placed it on my head, brushing my hair back behind my ears before he leaned down to kiss me, his lips lingering over mine. "I'll call you tonight."

"I'll be waiting," I vowed, pressing a soft peck to his lips once more.

He grabbed his duffle, tossing it back over his shoulder as he stepped over to the sliding doors, lifting his hand in a quick wave that I returned before he disappeared into the terminal. Back in the car, I slid the hat from my head. It was worn and slightly faded and smelled like him. I indulged in a deep inhale and a giddy smile that he'd left that piece of himself with me, just like the many pieces of myself he'd taken with him. With a grin, I vowed that he'd never get it back.

As I pulled away from the curb, I heard my spoken words replaying in my head. "I'm going to be okay." I finally knew they were true.

I'm going to be okay.

**x-x-x**

**So…what did we think? I know a lot of you had a LOT of different ideas on how things would happen. What I will say is that we're at just about the estimated halfway point…so there's still plenty of story left.**

**I'm ready to get back to more scruff nuzzles and Mineral Ice makeouts. How about you? I'm just gonna catch my breath here because 21K of drama in a week is fairly draining.**

**Polyvore on the profile as usual.**

**If you feel so moved, drop me a line and let me know what you thought. I love hearing from all of you!**


	12. Chapter 12: Mending Fences

**A/N: And we're back for more! You guys have gotten really chatty over the last couple chapters, thank you SO much for all the support and for sticking with me through the drama! To all of you who have recently joined the ride, WELCOME!**

**Epic smoochies to Betamama and Caren who help me open my mind to a million possibilities. ILY both and would love to do to you…what Hockeyward and Skaterella do this chapter. ;) The rest of you can thank Caren for 'checking'.**

**Just a general disclaimer…there are a few technical things in this chapter. I'm not an expert. If there are any inaccuracies, I apologize.**

**Hockeyward can be yours for only $5…see the A/N at the end to find out how!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created the characters, the story is mine. Copyright 2010: BellaMarie117**

**x-x-x**

After leaving Edward at the airport, I made a quick pit-stop before heading back to my building. I had some major groveling to do and it didn't hurt to go in armed with a peace offering.

Instead of going for my place, I took a deep breath of preparation and knocked on Alice and Rose's door. I wasn't even sure if they'd be home or if they'd answer. I realized with another wave of shame that I didn't even really know much about what was going on with them. I'd seen them a couple times over the past week and a half, but even when we'd hung out I'd been so wrapped up in my own head that I hadn't really listened to them. Yes. Groveling was necessary.

I heard the click of the lock turning an instant before the door opened to Rosalie. She leaned against the door jamb with her arms folded and a look of appraisal on her face.

"Um, hi, Rosalie," I stammered, coughing a little in discomfort and not entirely sure how to start. "Uh, could I come in for a second, maybe? I come bearing gifts..." I said, holding up the plastic sack holding the pints of Ben & Jerry's I'd picked up from the store. It had seemed appropriate at the time.

Her lips quirked up in a friendly smirk as she grabbed my hand, tugging me through the door. "Get your skinny ass in here," she ordered, giving my butt a friendly swat as I passed through the threshold to their apartment.

"Alice!" she called out after kicking the door shut behind us. Alice came scampering out from her room, coming to an abrupt halt when she saw me standing there inside the doorway. I saw that same expression of faint concern that I'd noticed through my haze the last couple of times I'd seen her and felt the tears immediately building up in my throat, making speech seem impossible. I felt horrible for blocking them out, for avoiding them, for doubting, even if only briefly, their friendship and genuineness.

"Alice," I rasped out, "I, I'm sorry. I'm so sor-" I didn't even make it past those few sputtered words before she darted forward to wrap her arms around me, my own dropping the bag with a clunk to the floor as I clung to her, shameful tears falling from my eyes as she whispered soothing words in my ear.

"I'm sorry," I repeated once more when I had better control over myself. "To both of you," I said, raising my head from Alice's shoulder to look at Rosalie standing just off to the side.

"Aww," Rose cooed. "It's a Hallmark moment."

"Get your ass over here, Hale," Alice ordered, sniffling a little and lifting one arm from my back to wave her over to us. A moment later, I felt Rose's arms wrap around us both, her head leaned down against my shoulder.

"What a bunch of softies we are," Rose sighed. "You know, I have a reputation to uphold. The tears have got to go. Unless we're popping in _The Notebook_, in which case, tears are totally acceptable."

"Don't worry, Rose," Alice assured her, "we won't go blabbing to all the guys at the garage that you're a closet softie. You're one-hundred percent ass-kicking head-bitch."

"Damn straight," she agreed, pulling back and stealthily swiping the moisture from her eyes.

"I think this calls for an emergency girls' night. Hale, get the supplies."

"Aye, aye, Cappie," Rose responded with a sassy salute, grabbing the dropped bag of ice cream from the floor and taking it with her to the kitchen where I heard her clanging around for a few minutes.

Forty-five minutes later, we were wrist deep in tubs of ice cream and boxes of Kleenex as I regaled them with the events of the past two weeks, everything from the moment Renee showed up at my door to the previous afternoon and her departure. They were attentive, commenting and reacting at times, but mostly just listening.

"I can't believe you guys are being so nice about all of this," I admitted at the end, tossing down my empty pint of Chubby Hubby on the coffee table. I hugged a throw pillow to my chest as I leaned my head on Rose's shoulder and lamented, "I've been such a jerk."

"Bella, you haven't been a jerk," Rose argued. "Yeah, you pulled away and no, that wasn't the right thing to do, but hearing all that? It's understandable why you did."

"It's not about being nice," Alice continued, resting her head on my leg just above my knee and looking up at me. "It's about being your friends. True friends don't hold grudges, especially when their friend is obviously struggling. I just feel awful about the whole thing. I should have tried harder to talk to you about what was going on."

"God, you sound like your brother so much sometimes, Alice," I chuckled, remembering how Edward had said something very similar. "No one has any place to feel guilty here except for me. I didn't _want_ to talk to anyone. I didn't _want_ anyone to know what was really going on. I just shut down. It seemed easiest at the time."

"Yeah, well shutting down might seem easiest in the short term, but I hope you're starting to realize that it actually makes things more difficult in the long run," Rose said.

"Yeah, I'm figuring that one out," I acknowledged with a pointed gesture toward my brain.

"Best friends aren't just to laugh and watch movies and get tipsy and gossip, we're to talk to when you don't know where else to turn, to break down with when you feel like everything's falling apart, to hold you up when you feel like you don't have the strength to do so on your own," Alice explained. "Best friends are there for the bad times just as much as the good. You don't have to be ashamed to open up to us. We wouldn't judge you; we just want to support you."

Hearing those words from her, I knew I had to confess to my weakness, to completely purge the doubt that had been simmering in my mind since the words were lodged there by Renee.

"You remember that night when we hung out last week? The night before the last regular season game?"

"Yeah, when you were acting all weird?" Rose asked, her voice not holding a hint of malice, simply clarifying.

"Yeah, I guess I was. Renee said some things before I left the rink that day," I said, slipping Edward's hat off my head so my restless fingers could have an outlet, taking comfort in the worn fabric as I recalled the look on his face when he put it on me. "I just couldn't get them out of my head. Even though I knew they couldn't be true, I just kept hearing them over and over again."

"What kind of things?" Alice asked, her brow furrowed, her gaze darting just behind my head to share a confused look with Rose.

I hesitated, not really wanting to admit exactly what Renee had had me believing, even if it had been only briefly.

"We're not going to be mad, Bella. You can tell us," Alice encouraged me with a gentle squeeze on my forearm.

"It's just, I know now how wrong she was," I explained. "I knew then too, you just don't know what she's like, what I was like around her. She always knows exactly what spot to hit me at, where I'm the most vulnerable." I exhaled deeply and knew I was doing the right thing by telling them. Best friends tell.

"She said that all of you only wanted to get to know me because I was this famous figure skater, that you were interested in me now, but soon enough you'd get bored with me. 'Conversation starter,' I believe were her words. Basically that I didn't belong here and I was stupid to think that I fit in with you guys."

"Oh, Bella," Alice sighed, squeezing her arms tightly around me. "You fit. You fit right here. Don't you ever doubt that again."

"What a bitch," Rose muttered, her hand rubbing up and down my arm in comfort that belied the bitterness of her voice. "Who even says shit like that?"

"My mother," I mused.

"I think you're really brave to have done what you did, Bella," Alice murmured. "Letting her go was the right thing to do, even if it was hard."

"I just wish it hadn't gone so far before I figured out that having her as my manager wasn't the right move. It hasn't been the right thing for a long time," I said on a long sigh as I was filled with that sense of freedom and accomplishment at having dealt with the situation.

"Well, now you can start fresh, move on without her. Are you going to call your old coach? Marcus, you said, right?" Rose asked.

"Yeah, Marcus. Honestly? I don't know. I'm not sure I even want to skate anymore," I admitted.

"Bella," Alice gasped in shock. "Are you serious? But you worked so hard. Why would you want to quit now?"

"I don't know. I haven't made any decisions. I'm just not really sure what I want anymore. Working with Phil and Renee? It was horrible. I couldn't do anything right, I just felt worn down, clumsy and exhausted. Maybe it's not worth it to go back to all of that. I should just move on. I'd have to retire pretty soon anyway so it's not like I'd be giving up that much," I elaborated, sharing the thoughts that had been running through my mind over the past couple days.

"Bells, we'll support you no matter what," Rose soothed. "We just want to make sure you think it through. It's very possible that you felt that way because Phil's just a sucky coach who doesn't know what the hell he's doing."

"Or maybe I'm past my peak and it's best to just bow out gracefully," I contended, leaning my head against the back of the couch.

"You'll never know if you don't at least try," Alice emphasized.

"Yeah. Maybe," I gave in. "Right now I'm okay with taking a few days off. I just feel like I lost that happiness that I always associated with being on the ice. It started to feel like a chore, like something I dreaded every time I had to go to the rink. I hate that they took that away from me."

"You'll find it again, Bells," Rose said in a reassuring tone.

"I hope so," I said with far less confidence than the two of them projected.

x-x-x

The following afternoon, I had company over in the form of Esme, finally taking her up on her offer to meet up for lunch.

"Hi, thanks for agreeing to meet me here," I greeted her at the door, returning her welcoming embrace.

"It's my pleasure, Sweetheart. This is much nicer than some crowded coffee shop," she said, stepping inside and discarding her jacket as she sniffed the air. "Something smells wonderful."

"Oh, right, uh I hope pasta's okay," I said, feeling slightly bashful over the simple fare after sampling her cooking. "It was the easiest thing I could think of."

"You cooked?" she asked, a delighted smile lighting up her face. "Oh, honey, you didn't have to go to so much trouble for me."

"No, I wanted to," I protested. "You've done so much for me; I just wanted to do something nice for you."

"Well, it certainly smells delicious. I appreciate the gesture, unnecessary as it may be," she said, stepping in to the kitchen with me to help dish up.

We sat on the couch, eating and catching up a bit without diving into anything too deep right up front. We talked about how the team was doing and their chances in their game later that night, how nice it would be for them if they won and got a few extra days to rest before the next series began. Esme filled me in on some of the projects she had going on. She didn't formally work, but was involved with a number of charitable organizations and always seemed to have something new going on.

"So, how are you really doing?" Esme asked after we'd cleared our plates and settled back onto the couch.

"Better," I replied truthfully. "A lot better actually. Did Edward or Alice say anything about what happened?"

"Edward mentioned that you'd spoken and that your mom was leaving. I'm glad the two of you smoothed things over," she said, reaching out to pat my hand. "You and Edward."

"Me too," I agreed with a sad smile, remembering what it had taken to get there, the pain I'd caused him. "I don't know what I would have done without him. I just— I couldn't stand the thought of pushing him away more than I already had. When he said he couldn't do it anymore? I felt like my heart stopped beating. I couldn't let him walk away, not if there was anything I could have done to stop it. Does that make me weak?" I asked on a low whisper, unable to meet her eyes. "To need someone else so much that I feel like I couldn't survive it if they weren't there?"

"No," she affirmed in a clear, unhesitating voice. She grabbed my hand and coaxed me to lie beside her, my head in her lap as her fingers soothingly scratched my head. "It doesn't make you weak at all. What you and Edward have, it makes both of you stronger. It's not something to fear, though it can be scary and overwhelming most of the time. It's something to embrace and to cherish."

"He talked to her, you know. To Renee. Well, I don't know if 'talked' is really all that accurate," I edited. "I was out of the room and couldn't hear anything they were saying, but when I came back in he looked like he wanted to throttle her. He wouldn't tell me what she said, or what he said, for that matter."

"I don't think he's trying to keep things from you, Bella. I think he just doesn't want to see you hurting any more than you've had to already."

"That's just it though, I know he's hurting too, or was at least. I know it's not the same for him, that he's smarter than that and wouldn't listen to anything she says, but I couldn't stand it if she said something to him that hurt him in any way. Especially if it's something I could fix."

"Edward knows who he is, and he knows who you are, Bella," Esme comforted me. "Nothing anyone could say to him would make him doubt either of those things."

"I hope not. She's just so..." I paused, circling my hands and searching for the proper description. "She's like this invisible disease. You don't feel it infecting you until you're already sick and can't do anything about it."

"But you did do something about it," she reminded me.

"Yeah. Better late than never, I suppose."

I told her everything. Going back so much further than I had with Alice and Rose, further than I really had shared with any other person. Back to how things had really been between my mother and me. So many memories of times and events that had seemed like normal behavior at the time, but now appeared so obviously wrong. I unleashed the torrent of so many years of repression, emotions, thoughts, memories. For the first time, it didn't feel like whining when I talked about it all, if felt like healing, purging. It felt like sharing, with someone who truly cared and wanted to listen.

Esme's tears made me feel less ashamed of my own, less afraid to share my weaknesses with her.

"Bella, sweetheart, you have to know how wrong she is," Esme said, her arms firmly encasing me. "The things she's done, but especially the things she's said. You know that right?"

I shrugged, because as much as I wanted to believe that was true, it was difficult to forget twenty-four years of memories overnight.

"I mean it, Bella," she said, pulling back to look me in the eyes as she spoke. "That woman is emotionally abusive. She needed an outlet for her bitterness and desperation and you were right there. She should have been supporting you as her child, and instead she pressured and belittled you. _She_ wasn't doing her job. That's nothing on you.

"And maybe now that she's not attached to you professionally, she'll realize her mistakes and things will change. But if they don't, you have to know that it's not a fault of yours. That's her flaw, Bella. Do you understand that?" she asked, holding my face in her hands, her eyes searching until finally I nodded.

"No matter what, you're not alone in this," she encouraged, folding me back into her arms. "You're one of us now, Bella, and we'll always be here."

x-x-x

Later that evening, the girls and I cheered the Wild on from my couch as they triumphed over the Calgary Flames, effectively ending their first playoff series in five games.

When they returned the following morning, with the three of us picking them up from the airport, they were all in good spirits and ready to enjoy a few days of rest.

That night, the six of us were hanging out at Alice and Rose's place, celebrating their success with a gourmet meal of pizza and beer. It felt so good to just relax and laugh with them all again without the cloud hanging over me that had been there before.

Part way through the evening, Alice had us all gathered in their living room for a 'surprise'. Everyone camped out in their usual spots with Rose and Emmett taking up the entire couch, Edward and I on the floor in front of it, propped up by a makeshift mat of throw pillows as I sat between his bent knees. Jasper sat in the armchair, waiting for Alice to say her piece and join him.

"Do you know anything about this?" I whispered to Edward as Alice tried to call everyone to attention.

"Not a clue," he responded, shaking his head.

"I know what it is," Emmett announced with a victorious clap of his hands. "Squirt's preggo. I'm right, aren't I?"

"What?" Alice exclaimed with a baffled giggle.

"That better not be what it is," Jasper jokingly grumbled from his seat.

"No one's pregnant. Not that I know of at least," Alice said with a pointed look at Rose.

"Hey, don't look at me," Rose asserted with a negatory wave of her hands, turning all eyes over to me.

"Oh, come on," I groaned with heavy sarcasm. "Like _I'm_ the one you need to worry about _that _issue with."

"Good. Now that we've established that no one is with child, can I continue?" Alice requested, nodding in satisfaction when she finally had everyone's attention.

"So, this surprise is really for Bella, but everyone else gets to suck it up and deal with it."

"Oh Lord," Emmett groaned, throwing his arm dramatically over his eyes. "It's chick stuff isn't it?"

"No, it's not 'chick stuff.' Well...yeah, it kinda is. Anyway, Bella, you need to reach under the couch for your first surprise."

"Alice, seriously? I thought we were supposed to be celebrating the guys here," I complained, not enjoying being in the unexpected spotlight.

"Oh please, they all get plenty of attention, they can take the backseat for a little bit," Alice insisted with a flippant wave of her fingers.

"Hey, I have nothing against backseats," Emmett argued, waggling his eyebrows at Rose who answered with a snort and a roll of her eyes. "In fact I feel very friendly toward backseats."

"Yes, Emmett, we're all aware of your little exhibitionist streak when it comes to vehicular activities," Alice acknowledged her brother's antics. "Bella, could you please just look under the couch so we don't have to listen to more of Emmett's little fantasies."

I rooted around in the narrow opening between the couch and the floorboards, my hand finally bumping against something small and round and plastic, pulling it out to inspect the item.

"What is this?" I asked, turning what appeared to be a large, colorful button in my hands.

"Press it!" Alice ordered, clapping her hands together in excitement, with a giddy smile on her face.

I lifted my brow in amused confusion, turning to look toward Edward for an explanation, but only getting a baffled shrug in response. My curiosity finally won out and I pressed down on the button, nearly dropping it when it loudly began to play a song. My face twisted further in confusion for a moment until I recognized the song and burst into a fit of giggles along with the rest of them.

"_Ding, dong, the witch is dead. Which old witch? The wicked witch! Ding, dong, the wicked witch is dead!_" it sang out.

"Alice, where the hell did you get this thing?" I asked when the music stopped, still trying to control my laughter.

"Hallmark store at the mall," she said with a satisfied smirk over her own cleverness. "Isn't it great? It's like a little 'Bella Power' button. Anytime you need a reminder of how kick-ass you are, you press the button and remember how you told that witch to go shove a broomstick up her ass."

"That's really, weird. But I kind of love it. Thanks," I said, wiping tears of amusement from the corners of my eyes, setting the button down on the coffee table in front of me.

"Okay, so to go with that, I've got this whole introduction worked out. Just stick with me here," Alice said, clearly gearing up to grace us all with whatever presentation she'd come up with. "Bella, you're like Dorothy and Minnesota is your Oz. Renee, obviously, is the Wicked Witch of the West and all of us are like the habitants of this new colorful world, here to help you along your yellow brick road."

"Oh, yeah? Who's who?" Edward asked with a skeptical chuckle.

"Yeah, Alice? Who's who?" I repeated, interested in hearing just what she'd come up with in that crazy brain of hers.

"That's easy. Edward's your scarecrow," she said, pointing out her brother. "I mean that should be obvious. He's missing a brain and has the crazy hair."

"Hey! I resent that," he asserted with mocking insult.

"You do have crazy hair, Eddie," Emmett backed his sister up, reaching down to ruffle Edward's hair and earning a flip of the bird in return.

"Moving on," Alice interrupted her brothers' scuffle as I gave Edward a sympathetic smile and fixed his hair for him, really only making it messier in the process because that's the way I liked it best. "Rose is the Lion because she's a big sweetheart hidden in the form of a powerful feline."

"You have _way_ too much time on your hands," Rose groaned.

"So, does that make you the Tin Man because you're shiny?" Emmett asked, causing everyone to chuckle.

"Not because I'm shiny, doofus, but yeah, Tin Man works for me. Mom's her Glinda and Dad can be her wise Wizard of Oz."

"You know the Wizard actually wasn't very wise," I argued. "He couldn't even work a hot air balloon properly."

"Well, that works even better because Dad can do some really dumb stuff for such a smart guy."

"So, what does that leave me and Jazz as?" Emmett inquired.

"Easy. You're a couple of munchkins," she announced with a giggle.

"What?" Emmett sputtered loudly. "No freakin' way am I a munchkin."

"You can be the Mayor of the Munchkin City, how about that Emmett?" Alice embellished, trying to placate him.

"Nu uh. No go. Do you see anything pint sized about this body?" he argued with an all encompassing gesture around his form.

"I don't know, Em," Alice smirked, her hands sassily perched on her hips. "I distinctly remember catching a glimpse of something miniature at one time. In fact, the image is permanently burned into my retinas."

"Alice, you saw my junk once, when I was eight years old and I lost my trunks at the lake. In May. Do you _know _how cold that water was?" Emmett eagerly defended himself.

"Excuses, excuses," she returned on a sigh.

"Oh, you want proof?" he said, dropping his arm from around Rose's shoulders and reaching for his belt.

"Whoa! Halt right there. No proof necessary!" Edward declared, jerking away from where his brother sat and attempting to shield his eyes.

"Rose, you tell them! You're supposed to defend my honor here, woman!" Emmett implored her with a playful swat on the thigh.

"You really want me to give a detailed description of your man parts, Emmett? What, do you need me to measure you tonight to reassure you of your machoness?" Rose snorted at him.

"Whatever. I'm still not agreeing to the munchkin assignment," Emmett maintained, folding his arms over his chest in a petulant manner.

"Don't be such a party pooper, Em," Alice scolded, "who else are you gonna be? Toto?"

"Hell no!" he passionately disputed.

"Babe, I'm with Mayor Munchkin over here, there are some major holes to your metaphor," Jasper informed her, quickly throwing his hands up in a calming gesture as Alice turned to glare at him. "No offense, baby!"

"Okay, I admit it's not fool proof," Alice conceded with a disgusted exhale. "Sheesh, can't you people just appreciate a good metaphor without overanalyzing it to pieces? The whole point is that Bella here is on a journey to find herself and we're all here to help. In the spirit of that thought, if you critics will just shut your traps," she continued with a pointed look of annoyance at each person in the room, "I've put together a little something."

"What did you do?" I groaned in horror, a sense of dread creeping over me.

"Well, the other night you mentioned needing a little reminder about why you might want to compete again. This isn't to pressure you in any way...but I've put together a little...retrospective, if you will, in hopes of jogging your memory," she said with a sly smile, holding up the DVD remote.

"Oh Lord," I muttered, already feeling my face flushing with embarrassment as I turned to bury my head against Edward's shoulder.

Alice ignored my mortification and took her seat after starting up the DVD player and hitting play.

"Where did you even find anything?" I demanded, craning my neck to glare at her.

"The internet. I can be very resourceful when necessary. Now watch the screen, my little ice princess," she demanded.

"I really hate you right now," I muttered, following orders and turning back to the TV just in time to watch the introduction.

"Wowza," Emmett catcalled with a whistle. "Babybel, you're lookin' pretty fine in those short little skirts."

"Hey," Edward protested. "That's my girlfriend's ass you're ogling, moron."

"Well, for your information, I was talking about the legs, you perv, and strictly out of athletic appreciation," Emmett defended, sticking his tongue out at his brother's dubious look. "But the ass is pretty nice, too," he added after a long pause, earning himself a smack by Edward, followed by one from Rose.

"Uh, girlfriend? Sitting right here?" she reminded him, pointing at herself as if it wasn't obvious who she was referring to.

"Oh, come on Rosie, you know I like your ass best of all," Emmett comforted her, snuggling down a little more into the couch with her in his arms.

"Okay, so _not _the point of this video," Alice grumbled. "Can we stick to the subject here?"

A series of clips covering a multitude of years on the ice played on the screen. Flashes of me competing, warming up, standing on the winner's podium, waving to the crowd, sitting in the kiss and cry awaiting my scores. I could recall every moment with perfect clarity. After a few minutes of that, a silly song started up and a sort of blooper reel began of all my greatest blunders.

"Oh yeah, Alice, this is really inspiring," I said with a sarcastic laugh, wincing as I remembered a particularly painful fall as the clip ran on the screen. "Watching myself repeatedly fall on my ass."

"Ooooh!" Everyone moaned in a chorus of sympathy pains as yet another epic spill flashed across the screen.

"Well, I could have skipped all of these," Alice chuckled, explaining herself, "but part of what makes you great is your ability to get back up, shake it off and keep going. That's an important skill to remember."

"Your sister can be pretty smart sometimes," I stage whispered to Edward, finally sighing in defeat and snuggling back against his shoulder to enjoy the rest of the show.

It was actually fun to watch myself without having to study every miniscule detail of every program. Sure, I still caught things here and there and could always tell when I even marginally screwed something up. I noticed for the first time that every time it happened, I'd bite my lip, breaking that cool, confident veneer for just a split second until I'd pull myself back together.

At first it felt a little vain watching myself and I concentrated more on the commentary and banter of my friends as they gave me a whole new way of watching. None of them knew a single technical term or had any idea about what went into the points system or how strategic every single movement was. It was refreshing to see things through their eyes.

Eventually, I found myself tuning out their comments entirely when my long program to Clair de Lune from last year came on. I loved everything about that program, the music, the movements, the costume, the fact that I'd finally been able to have a major hand in choreographing my own program.

Instead of really watching it play on the TV in front of me, I felt my mind taking me back to those minutes that I'd performed it at Nationals the previous winter, and I started to remember why I loved to compete, why I loved to share that part of myself with millions of strangers around the world. Because there was absolutely nothing else like it. It was exhilarating and scary and wonderful, and I wanted that feeling again.

"This one's my favorite," Edward whispered in my ear and I grinned back at him from my spot between his legs, wondering once again if he could read my mind sometimes. But it was clear from the fixated look in his eyes on the screen that he wasn't just saying it.

"You've watched enough of my programs to have a favorite?" I questioned.

"I've probably seen just about every one you've done by now," he chuckled sheepishly.

"You have not," I insisted skeptically.

"YouTube. Makes those flights go a lot faster," he said, kissing my cheek when my mouth was gaping open too much for him to capture my lips.

"You've got to be like the best boyfriend ever," I giggled, mentally flipping through just how many videos he would have had to wade through.

"Yeah, I know," he sighed with a cocky grin, dipping his head forward to kiss me softly and then snuggling me deeper into his arms as we turned back to watch the rest of the video.

When it was over, Alice gave me an expectant look.

"So?"

"What, you want me to make a decision right now?"

"You know me, I'm impatient," she said.

"I think I have a few calls to make tomorrow," I disclosed with a smile, slapping my hands over my ears when she and Rose squealed and pounced on top of where Edward and I sat, joined just a few moments later by Jasper and Emmet, who enthusiastically called for a dog pile.

"Babybel's back in action!" Emmett cheered.

"Oh, Bella, we're _so_ coming to watch you skate. Do you think you could get us backstage?" Alice raved.

"Yeah, and you're letting us help pick your costumes. I mean, if you want to, unless you have people for that or something," Rosalie joined in her excitement.

"Oh my gosh, yes! Something flowy and awesome!" Alice took off running with the idea as the two of them started talking of sequins and rhinestones and chiffon.

I chuckled at their enthusiasm, meeting Edward's eyes in the middle of the heap.

"Welcome back," he whispered, giving me a quick kiss. "You're gonna be great."

I knew there was a long road ahead of me, but buried in a tangle of friends, I had no doubt they'd be there backing me up the entire way.

x-x-x

The next morning I called Marcus, who seemed happy to hear from me. Well, as happy as Marcus got. He was older and British and fit every stereotype which that entailed: mild-mannered, even-keeled and somewhat emotionless. For the most part. He could definitely have his moments.

He'd mentioned his surprise at hearing from me after receiving a call from Renee saying that I would be working with someone else a few weeks earlier. When I heard that, I wished Renee was standing right there next to me so I could strangle her. Luckily Marcus had not moved on to another skater quite yet, though he'd been taking inquiries. It took a bit of smooth talking on my part, as well as a great deal of apologizing with a heavy emphasis on the fact that Renee was out of the picture before he bowed to our original agreement, informing me he'd be in Minnesota by Monday so we could get back to work.

I spent the weekend brushing up on my skills, not wanting to make a complete joke of myself in front of a man I greatly admired and respected. By the time he and I got on the ice on Monday morning, I was feeling back to myself again, not tripping uselessly over my own two feet. Once I forgot about every word of advice Phil had given me and just went back to what felt right, things started flowing.

The man put me through my paces in my morning session. I'd worked up a healthy glow only ten minutes in and by the time the first hour was up, I couldn't pass it up as 'glowing' any longer. It was pure, hard-working sweat.

Finally, he gave me a moment to catch my breath and rehydrate, joining me at the boards to conference.

"Alright, Isabella, I'm not going to mince words," he began in that clear, concise tone of his. "We'll have a lot of work to do if you're to be ready for competition this upcoming season."

I nodded as I chugged my water; he was saying nothing more than I already knew.

"However, your legs are looking strong and your form hasn't suffered. You've still got all the ingredients; we've just got to get them mixing together again."

"So, you think we have a shot?" I asked, worrying the cap of my water bottle.

"Isabella, I would not have wasted my time coming to Minnesota if I didn't think we had a shot. It's going to be a battle, but we can get there if you're willing to put in the effort."

"Can I make one request?" I asked seriously as I set my water back on the ledge, waiting for his assent to state my plea. "Call me Bella? Please?"

"I think I can make one small concession," he granted when he saw that it was a genuine request. "You're going to earn it. Let's get to work."

By the end of the afternoon, I was completely spent. I'd asked Edward to come by and meet him at the end of the day and the two of them got to talking while I packed up my stuff. Edward worked his charm and even got Marcus to smile once, a rare sight indeed, as they got in a good natured row over the centuries old rivalry between the Irish and the British. Once Edward discovered Marcus was a closet Rugby fan, I could barely pull the two of them apart and almost ended up falling asleep on the bleachers.

After Marcus left the rink on Tuesday, after another full day of training, I decided to stick around the ice for just a little longer. I wasn't feeling quite as run down as the previous day and already quickly readjusting to the routine Marcus and I had always had together.

It felt so good to be back to what I loved. Marcus understood me. He didn't let me tread in one place, but he also didn't throw me into shark infested waters either. He challenged me without threatening the absolute joy I felt when I was on the ice and doing what I did best, what I'd always done best.

After working with Phil, I wasn't sure I even wanted to try. Now I couldn't imagine not trying. It wasn't about winning or medals or prizes, it was about seeing just how far I could push myself. For me. To try my hardest and do my best. Not for anyone else this time, but for me. Even if I bombed and placed lower than I ever had before, it was still worth it to try.

I put my ear buds in, zoning out and moving with the music without a thought to choreography, just doing what came naturally. That had always been one of my favorite parts of skating, being able to blend my love of music to the movements on the ice. Marcus had taken note of that fact early on in our partnership and allowed me to contribute to the routines, small bits at first, then progressively more over the years as he, and I, became more confident in my abilities. I'd never thought of myself as a choreographer; to me it was just playing around, dabbling, nothing serious.

The lilting notes of the piano composition flowed through my mind and I gave myself over to it. I don't know how long I stayed on the ice like that, minutes or hours, but with my eyes closed and my movements lazy, I was content to stay just like that for as long as I could. Coming out of a layback spin, I felt a familiar hum of energy just a moment before I felt the hand touch my shoulder. A smile spread across my face even as I turned to greet him, growing at the sight of his own crooked grin as he tugged on the cord of my ear buds.

"Lost in your own little world again, I see," he chuckled.

"Maybe," I responded coyly, sliding my arms through his and around his waist. "Don't worry though, there's plenty of room for you in my world."

"That's very reassuring, Swan," he said, leaning down to kiss me chastely on the lips. "You won't mind if I join you then."

I glanced down and noticed he'd already put on his skates.

"How long have you been here?" I asked, somewhat amused but also a little self-conscious at the thought that he could have been watching me for quite some time without me taking notice.

"Long enough to fall completely under your spell. It's great to see you doing what you love."

"It feels pretty good, too," I admitted, taking his hand as we drifted off to circle the rink in relaxed, even laps.

"Yeah? No more doubts about giving it another go?"

"Nope," I said confidently. "I guess I was just worried."

"About what?"

"I don't know. I never really knew if I was competing for myself or for everyone else, for Renee mostly. I never really had much choice in the matter. This time, it's my choice," I asserted, feeling great about that fact. "No one's making me train or push myself, it's just for me. There's less pressure, you know? I mean, there's still plenty of pressure and I want to do well, but it's a pressure I can deal with because it's me pushing. And-"

"And?" he probed when I hesitated.

"Well, a part of me was scared to go back again, that maybe it meant I couldn't let it go," I confessed. "I think that scares me more than anything, more than failing or getting hurt; it's the idea that I couldn't let it go if I had to. Because maybe that would make me like her."

"Bella," he stopped abruptly, jerking a bit on my arm to stop my motion as well and urge me to turn back in front of him. "You're nothing like her. You never could be."

"Why not, Edward?" I argued. "What makes me so different from her? I don't think she always was the way she is now. What if she used to be like me and the bitterness over not being able to skate whittled her down to what she is now?"

He didn't answer right away, simply looked at me, contemplating for a moment. "Why do you skate, Bella?"

I shrugged and answered in the easiest terms I could think of. "Because I love it."

"That right there is the difference," he said. "You'd be happy skating even if no one else ever saw you do it. She needed to win. She wanted the fame and notoriety that came with it. You don't need those things. That's why you won't ever be like her. So, why do you want to compete again?"

"I want the challenge. To see if I can really do it. Even if I don't make it, at least I tried and I can feel good about retiring knowing that I didn't quit."

"Well, I can say one thing. It's going to be really fun watching you try," he said, curling a strand of hair that had fallen out of my ponytail back behind my ear and taking my hand to start moving again. "Wave to me from the top of the podium in Vancouver, will you?"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," I suggested, rolling my eyes.

"Just getting my request in early. Wouldn't want you to forget me," he said with a wink.

"As if that's even possible," I scoffed.

"What are you trying to say, Swan?"

"Simply that you're unforgettable," I exaggeratedly sighed.

"In every way? And forever more, that's how you'll stay," he returned with the next lines, his voice dipping into a smooth, yet cheesy baritone as he circled around me.

"You know, Cullen, I think you missed your calling," I chuckled.

"Yeah? What's that?"

"You shoulda been a piano man. Maybe a member of the Rat Pack. Dazzling women the world over with that swoony voice of yours."

"Dazzling? Am I dazzling you, Swan?" he asked with a dubious lift of his eyebrow.

"Definitely. I'm sufficiently dazzled. Teetering on the edge of swooning."

"Well, we can't leave you teetering," he said, the corner of his mouth lifting into a mischievous smirk just a split second before he bent to slide his arm behind my knees and sweep me up into his arms.

"Edward!" I squealed, wriggling in his arms. "Put me down! You're gonna fall over and I'll be the one who breaks a leg, because that's just my luck."

"Silly, Bella," he said with an amused click of his tongue. "You know I'd never let you fall."

"You would if you were falling too. Bad things happen to good people when they're propped up on an eighth of an inch of a metal blade," I insisted. "Down. Now."

"You know, you're a very resistant damsel. I thought you were supposed to be swooning," he complained, setting me back on my feet.

"Swooning generally leads to unconsciousness," I informed him, walking my fingers playfully up his torso and tapping lightly on his nose. "I believe you once said that kissing a comatose princess isn't very sexy."

"You definitely have a point there," he conceded, lowering his mouth to press a soft, slow kiss on my lips.

"Edward?" I whispered, just barely moving my mouth away from his.

"Yeah?"

I kissed him slowly once more before whispering against his lips, "You're it."

Before he had a chance to catch on, I shoved roughly away from him, taking off across the ice with a giggle. I heard him come after me moments later and managed to dodge his grasp when he got close, pivoting to skate backwards as he followed me. Unlike the last time, I was mostly back to my full strength on the ice, at least in terms of speed and agility, and I used that element of surprise to escape his advances a number of times, taunting him every time his fingers just barely missed me.

"What's the problem, Cullen? I know you can skate faster than that," I mocked with a pitying purse of my lips that erupted into a squeal when he pounced, catching me off guard with the suddenness of his advancement. I just barely managed to escape once more when his fingers couldn't quite get a grip on the fabric of my jacket.

"Think you're such hot stuff now that you're off the gimp list, don't you?" he teased, lingering back a bit, though I could tell he was still poised to leap as soon as I let my guard down.

"I am pretty hot stuff, Cullen," I responded sassily, digging my toe pick into the ice and swinging around in a wide pivot turn. "Sports Illustrated said so. You can Google it."

"I don't need Google to tell me what I already know."

"And what do you know, exactly?" I asked, mindlessly working through a series of basic compulsory moves as I tended to do without a thought whenever I was on the ice. I always had a hard time standing still when I had ice beneath my blades.

"What I know is that if you keep doing shit like that, you're going to get yourself into an awful lot of trouble."

"Like what?" I asked, genuinely confused but not halting my movements.

"That," he motioned toward me with an all encompassing gesture to where I'd slid into a deep lunge. "How can you even do that stuff?"

"What, this?" I asked, demonstrating again, my lips curving up in a knowing smile as it finally sank in just exactly what was going on in his head when he groaned quietly, forcefully shoving his hands deep into his pockets. "It's called a toe pick, Edward."

"See these little buggers right here?" I asked, lifting my foot in front of me and twirling my foot to showcase the tiny claw on my blade. "They keep me from falling flat on my face when I land a jump. Also useful for vaulting, spins, stopping and all other manner of nifty little moves like so," I explained, extending my leg backwards behind me, my front leg bent low.

Deciding to play with him just a little bit, I lifted my arms and arched my back reaching far behind me and effectively jutting my chest out. I heard his breath stutter and something close to a whimper escape from his lips. Glancing up as I stood again, his eyes were a bit glazed and totally fixated on my legs.

"Why, Edward," I smirked. "Is my toe pick turning you on?" I punctuated my words with a few swiveling turns. He didn't speak, nor did he move his eyes from where they remained staring.

"Toe pick," I sang flirtatiously in his ear as I circled around him in a wide spread eagle.

"It's not the fucking toe pick, Swan," he said, his head rotating to follow my path.

"What is it then?" I asked, coming to a stop just in front of him.

"It's you. Just you," he said, wrapping his arms low around my back and hoisting me off my feet to crush his lips hungrily against mine until neither of us was breathing steadily.

He slowly eased his face back, eyes still on mine, his arms still gripping me tightly to his chest. I tried to stretch my legs enough to put my feet back on the ice, but he held me just a little too high to reach the surface. Instead, I felt his stance shift just barely until his feet were right under mine. I placed my blades gently just above the toes of his boots, testing my weight a little at first to make sure he wasn't uncomfortable before sturdying myself and readjusting my grip around his shoulders to be a little more relaxed. Gazing up into his eyes, I was instantly trapped in them, lost in their depths and taking in the various shades of green within them. They were like a forest of deep evergreens mixed with lighter grassy shades swirling through them, a glimmering sparkle overtop them all that transformed them into gems more precious than I'd ever seen.

When I was able to tear my eyes from his, I glanced down to his mouth. It was slightly open, barely moving as his breathing became just a little shallower. There was the faintest hint of moisture in the middle of his bottom lip, left behind from our preliminary embrace and tempting me to just lean in a little bit more to press my own against his again. He held his head back just enough to discourage me, though the growing look of desire in his eyes made it impossible for me to feel rejected, simply curious. His hands slid from around my back to rest on my hipbones, firmly holding me in place as he moved us across the ice, his feet under mine. I paid no attention to where we were going until I felt the wood and Plexiglas of the boards against my back, his body gently yet unwaveringly pressing me against them.

His head finally dipped to press his lips to the smooth column of my throat, my pulse fluttering like a hummingbird beneath his mouth as my breath hitched.

"Mmm, Edward," I released his name on a breathy moan as his tongue traced along my collarbone.

"God, Bella, I fucking love it when you say my name like that," he groaned, pressing his hips against mine more insistently so I could feel every inch of his hardness straining against me. "Do you feel what it does to me?"

I nodded eagerly, moaning softly in response as I felt him pressed against my stomach. I moved my hips against him, unconsciously at first, just desperate to feel _more._ At his pleased groan, I became bolder and just a little more purposeful in my movements against him.

"Ungh, you have no idea how good that feels," he said, his head leaned back, his eyes closed, his breathing becoming steadily more labored.

"I think I have a little bit of an idea," I countered, my voice too low to be considered flirtatious. I decided to take a chance and lightly grazed my hands down his sides, my eyes watching his face the entire time. Leaving one hand to rest on his waist, the other ventured further, just barely getting the chance to stroke once over his length before its attempts were foiled. I didn't even have a chance to be disappointed because the instant my fingers came in contact with him over the denim of his jeans, something seemed to snap inside him.

His hands gripped my wrists tightly, flinging my arms above my head with an echoing bang against the glass that didn't even register over the low, gritty sound that came from his throat as his lips assaulted mine. His tongue met my own and challenging it to a passionate duel, alternately thrusting and parrying against each other. My fingers restlessly searched, aching to touch _something,_ finding only air to grip as I groaned against his lips in frustration. He only tore his mouth away for one moment to rest his forehead against mine, his breath panting against my face and mixing with my own before he continued his attack, swallowing my moan and meeting it with one of his own.

Sometime during our embrace, Edward must have lost his grip on the ice, because we'd drifted away from the boards until I could no longer feel them against my back. He must have noticed this too, as he removed his mouth from mine, the lustful fire in his eyes kindling my own. He jostled me from my balance on his skates, not even giving me a moment to feel my feet back on the ice before he slammed me up against the boards. A deafening boom sounded out through the arena followed by a strained, gasping moan from his throat that echoed in harmony with my surprised cry.

"You okay?"

I nodded rapidly, passionately fastening my mouth to his again and shoving us from the wall now that my hands were freed in hopes of a repeat. He didn't disappoint, swiftly flattening me once more, reaching his hands up to curl his fingers over the top edge of the glass, securing our position there this time.

"Mmm, God, Bella," he spoke against my lips. "I never thought checking someone into the boards could be so hot."

"Don't worry, " I assured him, raining kisses over his scruffy jaw. "I'm not gonna throw you into the penalty box." He chuckled only for a moment, the sound dissolving when my wandering hands traveled down his sides, trailing along the top of his jeans.

He hissed out a low breath, his eyes squeezed tightly shut and his grip tightening against the glass for a moment before he released his hold, his hands reaching around to stroke over the rounded swell of my ass and I felt him lifting me off my feet. I didn't hesitate to wrap my legs around his waist, remembering at the last moment to be careful of my blades. I wanted so badly to just dig my heels in and grind more firmly against him, but not enough that I was willing to risk slicing him with the sharp edges of my skates.

His fingers dug into my ass, urging me closer to him, seeming to read my mind and understand exactly what I was looking for. His lips attacked my neck, the course scruff of his jaw abrading the skin there with the most delightful feeling of discomfort I'd ever experienced.

His hands groped blindly at my legs after a minute, urging them to loosen their hold around his waist as he removed his lips from mine with heaving breaths and set me back on my feet.

"No, don't," I gasped, my hands clutching him with every ounce of strength I could muster, refusing to let him pull away this time. I pressed my lips against his neck and whispered against his skin, "Don't stop."

"I'm not," he promised. He hooked his thumb into the band holding my hair back and slid it off, his hands diving into the mass he'd just freed, his fingers gripping the strands firmly, but not hard enough to be painful, as his other hand splayed across the small of my back. Suddenly I felt off balance, like I was floating, and it wasn't until I felt the chill of the ice beneath me that I realized he'd laid us flat on the ice, his body in alignment with mine. The warmth of his form against my front and the cold of the ice at my back caused delightful shivers to run up and down my spine.

His gaze travelled over my face, seeming to drink in the sight before his mouth was on mine once more. His hand drifted over my shoulder, coaxing my arm to lift and wrap around his body, a request I whole heartedly granted. His fingers skimmed down my side, lightly grazing against my breast and making me wish I was wearing a hell of a lot less clothing than the heavy material of my track jacket.

I ripped my gloves off; removing my hands from his back only for the few seconds it took for me to desperately discard them. I needed to touch him or... There was no alternative. I simply needed to touch him. My hands dove beneath the hem of his shirt to smooth over the heated muscles of his back.

"Oh, Bella," he groaned, his hand continuing to journey lower on my body until he could wrap his hand around the back of my knee, hastily drawing it upward to hitch high around his hip. Making sure to keep my blade far enough from his body, I tightened my leg around him, raising my hips off the ice just enough to gain the amount of friction I was desperate for. His body answered mine, his pelvis thrusting against me slowly at first, thoroughly, but gradually picking up just a little more speed.

His body transferred an unfamiliar warmth with each thrust of his hips against mine that only seemed to grow until I felt fire spread throughout my entire body. Our sounds echoed through the empty arena to sing back into my ears, the chill of the ice practically disappearing completely as I felt so desperately warm that I wondered how it didn't just melt completely beneath me.

My fingers clenched into his back, my eyes wide, my mouth thrown open on a strangled whimper as I felt a swift fist of tension in my belly followed by the complete relaxation of every muscle in my body all at once.

A moment later, I felt him tense above me. He buried his face in my hair, releasing a jagged moan against the skin of my neck. His body stilled over mine, the only movement that of his chest rising and falling with the struggle to catch his breath.

He relaxed after a few minutes and I felt his weight shift until he was laid out on the ice next to me, one arm above his head while the other blindly searched around for me, finally settling once he felt me resting on his chest.

Lying there with him on the ice, I felt content yet unsure all at once. Having never done anything like that before, I wasn't really sure how to act in the aftermath or what was the right thing to say. Instead, I laid there with nothing but his breath and the hum of the cooler breaking the silence.

"If that's what it's like when both of us are fully clothed," he finally spoke, his voice gritty and languid. "I don't know if I'll survive when I eventually get you naked."

I giggled and buried my blushing face against his chest for a moment before pushing myself up to prop my face on my arm and stare down at him. Taking in the remarkable sight of his droopy eyes and tousled hair, the skin beneath his stubble pink from the exertion, the ice or the friction I'd provided, I wasn't sure. The pure satisfaction on his face made me both bashful and giddy and I had to smother my face into his shoulder once more. Though I felt suddenly shy after what we'd just done, I also felt a huge sense of pride because I'd caused that expression on his face. Me. Bella. I'd put that look there.

"Hey, don't hide from me. I can't stand it when you hide those beautiful brown eyes from me. They tell me so many things."

"Like what?"

"Secrets, Swan. It's between me and the eyes."

"You're so silly sometimes."

"Does this hurt?" he asked, his fingers lightly rubbing the exposed skin of my neck.

"No? Why?"

"I think I got a little carried away for a minute. You've got quite the display of scruff burn. Sorry."

"Don't be," I said, placing my hand over where his fingers lingered. "I liked it."

He hummed and raised his face to nuzzle against my cheek. "Good. I did too. I liked a lot of things."

A sudden chill ran up my spine, causing my entire body to shiver in his arms.

"Maybe we should get off the ice," he suggested, his hands nudging me up to a sitting position as he raised himself up. "As enjoyable as that was, next time we should probably seek out a warmer location."

"I don't know. It felt pretty warm to me," I chuckled, standing up and brushing ice shavings from my pants.

"Well, yes, but it's not very conducive to clothing removal," he said, gripping the hand I'd reached down to help him up. "And I'm _very_ interested in clothing removal." He spoke directly in my ear, causing the shivers to start up again for a completely different reason this time.

"You're a little sure of yourself, don't you think?" I asked, trying to make my voice firmer than I felt. "You think I'm going to let you take my clothes off so easily?"

"Let me?" he chuckled darkly, his lips finding that perfect spot beneath my jaw that always caused me to melt. "Believe me, Bella, you'll be begging me."

A feeble cry escaped from my lips as I realized he was one-hundred percent correct in his claim. Pictures of us in bed together flashed through my imagination, the images of my dreams over the past few months, and it took me a minute to realize he'd pulled back and was staring down at me with a cocky, knowing grin.

I removed myself from his arms, attempting to put just enough distance between us to regain my footing. I pouted at him as I headed for the gate, "Be nice or I won't lend you my sweat towel."

"You should, Swan. It's your fault I need one in the first place."

"It is, isn't it?" I asked with a triumphant smirk.

"Uh, oh, I think we've created a monster," he said as we stepped off the ice, our laughter ringing through the arena.

x-x-x

The next few days sped quickly by. I spent plenty of time on the ice getting reacquainted with Marcus and his methods. Already I could feel my skating growing stronger and more consistent. The guys' downtime had ended as the remainder of the teams reached the end of their primary series'. They started their quarterfinal series against the Blackhawks in Chicago over the weekend. They'd lost their first game and won the second the previous evening and were set to return to Minnesota later that afternoon for their two home games. The girls and I were hoping to make a trip to Chicago for game five the following week since it was a guarantee they'd go that far.

Watching the games on TV, I remembered that Charlie's friend's son, Jake, played for the team. I caught a glimpse of him on the ice a few times and of course saw his photo on the ESPN coverage. He was handsome I suppose, but nothing compared to Edward. Jake was tall with the dark skin of his heritage and black hair that appeared to be tucked up in a ponytail under his helmet. He had a somewhat boyish face and I knew he was a year younger than I was. Seeing him on the ice, I couldn't help but think of Charlie. I hadn't called him since Renee left, still unable to get past the hurt I'd felt at the idea of him taking Renee's side. He hadn't attempted to contact me either, and I wasn't in a rush to make the first move toward mending things. Not with everything still so fresh in my mind. Maybe in time things would be better with him. I had a little more hope for that than I did that things could be mended with Renee.

Just after lunch, my phone rang. As I snatched it from its spot on the counter, I caught quick peek at the caller ID, my heart speeding up just a little at the name on the display. This was the call I'd been expecting, but dreading, all week long. Caius had said he'd call when they had more information. It seemed that my time living in denial about the situation was up. Pressing the talk button, I took a deep breath and held it up to my ear. It was time to face the music.

"Hello?"

"Yes, Miss Swan? This is Caius McCormick, we spoke last week?"

"Of course, Mr. McCormick," I responded. As if I could forget. With a wave of nausea I realized that I never would be able to forget the fact that I'd had to go through this situation.

"Yes, well, I'm sure you're anxious to hear what we've come up with. I'd prefer if you came into the office so we could discuss this in person. My schedule is fairly clear over the next couple of days; would you be able to come in during that time?"

"Yeah, definitely. As soon as possible, if that's alright. I'd like to get this over with."

"Yes, I can understand that. Well, if you have time this afternoon, I can squeeze you in at around three o'clock."

Though I'd just insisted that I was in a rush to get past this, the idea of possibly hearing bad news in such a short amount of time left me short of breath and it took me a moment to answer. "Yes. That works for me. I appreciate it, Mr. McCormick."

"Great. We'll see you this afternoon," he said after verifying that I remembered where their office was located.

After ending the call, I buried my face in my hands. My head was already pounding, a million different possible scenarios flitting around my brain, each one worse than the last. It was times like this that I wished I could be a bit more optimistic, but it was so difficult to see a bright outcome to all of this.

I quickly called Marcus, just to let him know what was going on and that I might not be able to make it to the rink that afternoon. We'd put in a short session earlier, but had planned on meeting up again later.

After wrapping up with him, I realized one more person I should call. Glancing at the clock, I saw that Edward would be getting on a plane right about now. I thought about just waiting and letting him know when he got home that night after I'd already spoken with Caius. But then I remembered his words from only days earlier about needing me to open up to him more. I wanted things to work with Edward and for that to happen, I needed to talk to him, even if that meant just leaving him a message. With that thought, I hit the speed dial on my phone to call him up.

It rang three times and just as I was anticipating his voicemail to kick in, I heard him answer, a little out of breath as if he just barely got to his phone in time.

"Hey," I smiled at the sound of his voice, muffled a little by background noise. "I didn't think you'd pick up. I thought you'd be at the airport by now."

"I am. Just waiting to take off, but I have a few minutes. What's up?"

"I uh, just wanted to let you know that Caius called," I informed him, attempting to keep my tone light and casual to hide just how nervous I was. "I'm going in to meet with him in a little bit."

"Did he say anything over the phone? Did they find anything?"

"He didn't say, just that I should come in and meet with him."

"Are you going to be okay meeting with him alone? I'm sure Alice or my mom would go with if you asked."

"No, I'll be fine," I assured him. "He's been really great every time I've spoken with him so I'm not worried about that. It's-"

"What, Bella? What's wrong?" he asked, his voice soothing even from hundreds of miles away. I hesitated just a moment more, still just a little uncomfortable opening up about my worries, my weaknesses.

"God, Edward, what if it's all gone?" I whispered, rubbing my hand over my face in an attempt to stave off the emotion threatening to overtake me. "What if she took it or spent it all without me ever even noticing or questioning? I've been so stupid!"

"Hey, hey, hey, don't talk about yourself like that," he requested. "I hate to hear you putting yourself down so much. You're not stupid."

"Yeah, Edward, I have been about this," I asserted on a sniffle, choking back a humorless laugh. "I should have realized a long time ago that this was a possibility and I never did, never once thought that she could ever steal from her own daughter. Now, after what happened? I'm not so sure that thought is very farfetched."

My voice faded off toward the end, thinking back to the look on her face when she'd taken Phil's side over mine, when she'd believed his lies over the truth, over my word. I still hadn't mentioned anything to Edward about that situation and I was hoping he wouldn't ever need to find out. I didn't feel good about keeping it from him, but really, what good would it do to share that with him? He'd just be upset and there was nothing he could do about it. Phil was gone, it was over. No, there was no purpose in bringing it up. Better to let sleeping dogs lie.

"Maybe it is," he countered gently, reengaging my attention to the subject at hand. "Maybe you're worrying yourself over absolutely nothing. You won't know until you go in and talk to Caius about what they found."

"I know. I'm just nervous. I mean, I don't need all that money but on the other hand I don't want to be broke and homeless. What would I do? Stand on the side of the road with a cardboard sign that says 'Will skate for food and shelter'?"

"You know that would never happen, Bella. You have all of us here behind you and we won't let anything bad happen to you. If Renee did something, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Okay? Bella?" he probed when I didn't audibly respond, realizing dumbly that I'd been nodding to his words, forgetting that he couldn't see me.

"Yeah, I'm nodding," I informed him. "I know it's just money."

"Bella, we both know it's not about the money."

"Yeah," I breathed because he was right and I should have realized he'd know. He always seemed to know.

"They're asking us to shut off our phones, love, I have to go," he said after another moment. "Are you sure you're gonna be okay?"

"Yeah, don't worry about me," I insisted, shaking off my melancholy as it sunk in that he was on a plane heading home and the next time I spoke to him it would hopefully be with the option of seeing him in person. "I'll let you know how it goes when you get back tonight."

"Okay. I'll see you in a few hours," he said, the simple statement holding the strength of a promise that he'd be there for me, no matter what happened.

"Have a safe flight," I said, bidding him goodbye and disconnecting the call.

A couple hours later, I arrived at the shiny, polished law office of Anderson and McCormick and was immediately greeted by Caius who escorted me to a private conference room.

"Miss Swan, thank you for coming in," he said, gesturing for me to have a seat.

"Thank you for fitting me in on such short notice, Mr. McCormick."

"Please, call me Caius," he said, taking the chair opposite from me where a stack of paperwork was already laid out. "No need to make this more uncomfortable than it needs to be, right?"

I gave him a small smile that was grateful yet still full of the nerves I felt. "Then call me Bella."

"Well, Bella, to start with, we've drawn up the severance agreement you requested for Renee Swan as well as a motion to the court filing for a claim of possession of property for any records and/or personal items of yours she has in her possession," he informed me, sliding a few crisp sheets of paper across the glass tabletop. "If you'd like to read them over before we submit anything, I'd encourage you to do so. Once you've signed off on them, we'll get these moving as quickly as possible."

"What about Phil, uh, Mr. Dwyer?" I asked, bringing up the other subject I'd expressed my concerns over at our initial meeting. "You're sure he won't be able to come after me?"

"From what I understand, it's highly unlikely," he reflected, sitting back a little in his chair. "You never had a written contract or agreement with him, simply a verbal one. Verbal contracts don't hold a lot of weight. A good lawyer would advise him that it's not in his best interest to pursue anything. Of course, there are plenty of lawyers out there who would cater to him, so I wouldn't be entirely surprised if you do hear something. If you do, come see me immediately and we'll work up a game plan. It's not something you should worry about. If something does come up, I'm confident we can get it quickly dismissed."

I nodded, satisfied with his answer and sliding the forms he'd set out more in front of me to flip through.

"So, Bella, as you know, we had Felix taking a look at the financial side in all of this," he continued, my perusal instantly halted as my heartbeat picked up.

"Yes," I breathed, not really sure I wanted to hear the next words out of his mouth.

"What we found is a little surprising, given what we'd originally talked about. Not bad, by any means," he assured me, "just surprising."

"Surprising, how? What is it? Did she take anything?" I stammered, talking over myself.

"It's a little more complicated than that. Why don't I explain what we found and if you have any questions after, feel free to ask," he suggested, waiting for my approval before he opened another folder of paperwork. "So, according to what you told me, we were anticipating a lot more snares in finding a positive outcome in severing your financial accounts from your mother, with the possibility of minor to major embezzlement. What we found instead is that your accounts have been mostly separated from her for quite some time, since very early on in your career in fact."

"What?" I asked, completely thrown by his words. They were so far from what I'd expected to hear. I'd probably have been less surprised if he'd told me every penny was gone.

"When your parents divorced, a contract was signed by both parties that basically states that any and all money earned from your career and endorsements was to go into an account for you with Renee Swan acting as the executor until you were of legal age to take over," he said, glancing over the forms in front of him.

"A percentage is set to be extracted from that account on any deposits, acting as the compensation for Ms. Swan's services as your manager. Other than that percentage, she held no rights or access to any of your earnings. The money could be used for anything pertaining to your career, travel, competition fees, equipment, etcetera, but was heavily monitored. We took a look at the withdrawals and everything appears to be in order," he continued, flipping through a few pages. "According to what we could find on the history of the account, there were a few suspicious withdrawals early on, but none within the last ten years."

"Suspicious, how?"

"Essentially, things that couldn't be accounted for," he explained, breaking it down for me. "Strictly speculating? It's possible that your mother was attempting to extract more from your accounts than she was granted access to. It appears the situation was remedied quite some time ago. Like I said, every withdrawal within the last ten years is clearly in lines with the terms of the contract."

"Wait a minute...So, she didn't actually take anything?" I asked, trying to make sense of what he was telling me. "How...but her lifestyle..."

"That's a little bit of a sticky spot," he acquiesced. "Ms. Swan's percentage was originally set at a higher amount than would typically be assigned to someone in her role, likely because of her familial ties to you. That percentage should have been lowered at the time you turned eighteen and she no longer held a legal obligation to support you as her child. Instead the percentage stayed the same and she's been drawing thirty percent of your income. Between your earnings on the ice and the multiple endorsement dealings you've had over the years, it comes to a very sizable amount of money.

"I have all the information, as well as a copy of the original contract drafted by your parents in a packet here for you to look over if you wish to see more specifics," he said, sliding a thick folder across the table to me. "Now, we can go after her for the overdraw and I think we'd have a good chance at making a case and seeing some of it back. It would involve a possibly lengthy court battle and it may be years before you actually have results, but I'm prepared to get the wheels in motion if that's what you want."

"Does the severance stop that?" I inquired. "She won't be getting any more, right?"

"That's correct."

"Okay," I said, breathing a sigh of relief that at least the immediate stuff was taken care of. "Can I look this all over first, think it over?"

"Of course. You just let me know what you decide. I know this is a lot to take in all at once. I'll give you a few minutes here to read over those orders I have drafted so you can sign off on them before you leave today," he said, pushing his chair back and standing. "Take your time, let me know if you have any questions or changes you'd like to see made, no matter how small."

He left me alone in the conference room with a stack of paperwork and a million thoughts, all clamoring to take center stage in my mind. Deciding to get it out of the way quickly, I skimmed through the claim and severance agreements for Renee. Everything appeared to be in order, even if the cold and informal language of the documents gave me chills. Such impersonal forms to deal with such a seemingly personal situation. I decided to wait until Caius returned to sign off on them, in case a witness was necessary. With that taken care of, I couldn't clamp down on my curiosity any longer. It took me twenty minutes to skim even superficially through the stack of forms, more numbers than I ever cared to study flipping in and out of my head. A more thorough study would be necessary to absorb the intricate details, but one overall conclusion was clear from the information; blatantly clear with bright, flashing lights calling attention to it.

Charlie. He was the reason Renee had no claim to my money, quite possibly the only reason. He'd initiated the contract and given Renee practically everything she wanted in the divorce to insure that his demands would be met. He paid her child support, well more than the minimum requirement, for years. Even when my career was bringing in more than enough to set Renee up in a very comfortable lifestyle, he paid. He continued to pay until my eighteenth birthday.

That was the reason for his surprise on the phone weeks before when I'd mentioned my accounts, I realized. Renee was supposed to have abdicated her executor role on my account years ago, along with lowering her percentage and she never had.

Everything came back to him, and I was having a difficult time aligning everything I'd thought about him with this new information. I'd thought he didn't care, but why then would he have gone to so much trouble? I'd thought he basically forgot about me when Renee and I walked away from him, then why would he have monitored things closely enough to catch on when she tried to break the terms they'd set? Why did he write a check to her every month of my childhood but he could never call me and really talk to me? Nothing seemed to match up.

"Is everything alright, Bella? Do you have any concerns?" Caius asked as he knocked and stepped back into the room. I'd been so lost in my thoughts that I'd almost forgotten my original purpose here.

"Oh, no, I'm sorry. These look great," I said, holding up the forms for Renee. "I can sign off on them right away. I just got caught up in the rest of this," I blew out a breath and gestured to the mess of papers in front of me.

"Yes, it is a lot to process. Do you have any questions?"

I shook my head, rubbing at the throbbing ache in my temple. I had questions, about a million of them, but Caius wasn't the person to ask.

There was only one man who could give me the answers I was looking for.

x-x-x

Later that afternoon, I was sprawled out on the floor of my living room, surrounded by papers. I still hadn't worked up the nerve to call Charlie and was honestly just still too baffled to have any clue what to say if I did call him. So instead of trying, I distracted myself by reading through every piece of paper Caius had given me until I felt like my eyes would start to bleed.

There was a knock at the door as I was deeply engrossed and partially buried beneath a series of forms, so rather than getting up to answer, I simply called out, "It's open!" assuming it was one of the girls.

"What, you just let any random hooligan walk into your apartment?" Edward chuckled as he opened the door.

"Hey!" I said with a surprised smile. I glanced down at my watch and realized that it was later than I'd anticipated. "Did you call me?"

"No, thought I'd take a chance that you'd be home and surprise you instead," he explained as he crossed the room, carefully shifting a few of the surrounding papers so he could sit down behind me, folding me into his arms. "What's all this?"

"Honestly? I don't even know anymore," I groaned, stacking the papers fanned across my lap and tossing them aside. "My brain is fried."

"Is everything okay? How'd things go with Caius?"

"It was fine," I assured him. "Things with Renee are being dealt with and he doesn't think there should be any major issues."

"That's good. And you're not packing, so I take it you're not broke and scoping out real estate in the form of a cardboard box on the street."

"No, I'm not broke," I chuckled, snuggling back into his arms and enlightening him on the situation as he quietly listened and played with the ends of my hair.

"I'm just so confused," I confided with a frustrated sigh after I got through the facts.

"What's confusing, love?"

"Just things with Charlie. Why would he have done all that? Why would he keep paying her? I know he couldn't have been making very much, I mean he's a small town police chief, it's not like he's rolling in cash. And he never saw a single cent that I earned. He probably should have; I mean doesn't it seem wrong that _he_ was paying _her_ when she and I had so much and he had so little?"

"He's your father, Bella."

"Yeah, a father that I was always led to believe didn't give a damn about me, who I assumed barely gave me a passing thought after we left. Why wouldn't he have ever said anything?"

"Maybe you're not the only one who believed something that wasn't entirely true. Did you ever think about that?" he asked, brushing the hair away from my neck and kissing the skin he'd bared.

"No," I responded, because truly I never had. "You really think she... Never mind," I interrupted myself, "of course she would. I really shouldn't be surprised anymore." I paused for a moment, absorbing the pain of just one more slice in this whole fucked up situation.

"She tried stealing from me," I murmured quietly, acknowledging for the first time out loud the conclusion I'd come to when looking through everything Caius had given me. Edward didn't say anything, merely squeezed me a little tighter and let me take my time. "A long time ago when I was really just starting out. I started winning juniors competitions when I was thirteen. That's when the money really started coming in. She actually tried to get away with stealing from me and probably would have continued if she hadn't gotten caught. Charlie, again it looks like. He must have noticed and said something to her. It kinda makes sense now, actually. That was around the time she really started pushing me to enter more competitions and take on more endorsement deals as they were offered. Once Charlie put a stop to her skimming, the only way she could get any money out of me was if I was bringing more in for her to get her take."

"It sounds to me like you and your dad have a few things to talk about."

"I know you're right, I just don't know what to say," I explained, feeling helpless. "_I'm sorry_? _Thank you_? It doesn't seem like enough."

"How about you start with 'Hello' and see how it goes from there?" he suggested, softly kissing my cheek and nuzzling his scruff against the spot where his lips had just pressed. "Maybe he'll have a few things of his own to say."

"Maybe," I said, glancing up at the clock. "He should be getting home about now; it's only five o'clock in Forks. I should just get it over with. I won't be able to stop thinking about it until I do."

"Do you want me to stay?"

I hesitated, debating in my head for a moment between the selfish part of me that wanted to keep him there and the part of me that thought it would probably be better to do this on my own. "I don't know how long this will take and you're probably tired; you've been travelling and-"

"Bella, I'm fine. I can go hang out in the nook," he offered, referring to my favorite spot, "or if you'd rather be alone, I can go hang out with Alice for a little bit while you talk to him." He turned my face toward his and insisted, "Don't worry about me. What do you want?"

"I don't want you to go," I admitted, no louder than a whisper.

"Then I won't," he said easily, leaning in to softly kiss me once, and then again after a moment. "Do you want me to step out of the room or something while you talk to him?"

"No, you stay here, watch TV or something," I insisted, slipping out of his arms, stretching for a moment before standing up. "Or there's food in the fridge if you're hungry. I'll go in my room to talk to Charlie."

He reached up and tugged on my hand, urging me back to crouch to his level. "I'm right here if you need me, okay?"

I nodded, pressing a kiss to his cheek and whispering, "Thank you."

Ten minutes later, I was shut up in my room, sitting on the edge of my bed and still staring at my phone. I'd punched in his number on the speed dial but couldn't seem to make the move to press send. Finally realizing how silly I was being, I hit the button with renewed resolve.

"Chief Swan here," Charlie answered, clearing his throat with a rough grumble.

"Da, Dad?" I responded, having to clear my own as the greeting caught in my throat. "Um, hi, it's Bella."

_Duh, Bella,_ I berated myself with a roll of my eyes at my awkwardness. _Because he couldn't figure that out when you said 'Dad'. Only child, doofus, who else is going to call him 'Dad'?_

"Bella," he said, the surprise evident in his tone. "Uh, how's it going, kid? Wasn't expecting to hear from you. Is everything alright?"

"Um, yeah, everything's fine, I guess. Uh, I just wanted to talk to you...about some, er, stuff," I stammered, shifting in my spot and cursing the genetic link between us that made simple speech so difficult. "Is now an okay time? I can call back if it's not, I mean it's not a big deal and there's no rush or anything if you're busy or-"

"Bells?" he interrupted my stammering. "Take a breath. I've always got time for you."

Those six little words completely broke me, because that's all I'd ever wanted from him. The one thing I'd always needed and never thought he could give me. Before I could stop them, the tears had already spilled over to run down my cheeks, heavy sobs backing up in my throat making speech impossible and breathing difficult and I had to hold the phone away from my face for a minute. My arms wrapped around my middle in an attempt to physically hold myself together as I tried to do the same with my emotions.

"Bells? Bella? You still there?" I heard Charlie's voice through the speaker and swallowed my tears back just enough to respond.

"Yeah, Dad, I'm here," I managed to say.

"Bells, are you crying? What's wrong, baby? What happened?" he inquired, his tone growing more concerned by the syllable.

"I, I just don't know how it got this way, Dad. How did things get this way?" I sobbed, sputtering nonsense that was confusing even to my own ears because I just couldn't make any sense of anything with the way I was feeling at the moment.

"Bella, you need to calm down, okay?" he said in a firm voice. "I can't help you if you can't calm down enough to talk to me, baby."

"Yeah, okay," I nodded, taking a few deep breaths and frantically wiping the tears from my face to discourage any more from falling. "I'm sorry, I'm okay."

"Okay, that's better," he said after a moment when he determined that I wasn't going to break down again. "You wanna tell me what's goin' on now?"

"I don't even know where to start, Dad, that's the whole problem," I groaned, falling back on my bed with my legs still dangling over the side. "This whole thing just seems too enormous to even narrow down on one thing."

"Well, what started this? That's probably a good place to begin."

"I fired Mom," I said soberly, shortly, before I couldn't stop myself from laughing at just how ridiculous those words sounded out loud.

"Wow. Okay, well that sounds like as good a jumping off point as any," he said, joining me with a baffled chuckle. "Wanna tell me how that happened?"

I explained the events leading up to Renee and my professional demise, glossing over a lot of the details and skipping key points like Phil's harassment and Renee's parting slap entirely. I tried not to dig too deep into the past, but once I got to talking I just couldn't shut my mouth. Charlie's constant probing for further detail didn't help with my discretion and it wasn't until I'd spewed the whole sorry tale that I remembered he was a cop and had plenty of experience grilling for details. Judging by what he'd gotten out of me without me even realizing, I figured he must be a pretty damn good one.

"Bella, I don't really know what to say. I didn't realize- I'm sorry I didn't pay closer attention, I shoulda..." he trailed off, seeming unsure what to say.

"She said you called her?" I asked hesitantly, opening the most recent wound on our relationship.

"Uh, yeah. Well, when you mentioned that she still had a handle on your accounts..." he stammered.

"You didn't really call her to complain about me, did you?" I said, more of a statement than a question as I was starting to see the bigger picture.

"What? No! God, Bella, where would you get an idea like that? Did she tell you that?" he roared, his voice growing slightly hostile at the end.

"Not in so many words," I admitted.

"I could just wring that wo-," he growled, stopping himself and taking a few deep breaths before he shifted gears. "Bells, I don't know what your mother's told you over the years and I know I haven't been a great dad to you, but I, well, I love you, Bells. I always have. I'm just sorry I haven't done a better job of showin' you that."

"I'm sorry, too," I whispered tearfully, aware that I had my own mistakes to atone for. "I was just so angry with you because I thought you didn't care about what happened to me, that you didn't have any interest in what was going on in my life. She always said you weren't interested in my skating, that I'd just be wasting my time asking you to come watch me because you didn't care."

"Oh, Bells, no baby girl, that's not true," he said in a firm yet consoling voice. "Look, things didn't end very well between your mother and I, and it really sucks to say, but the fact is you sorta got caught in the middle of things. I'm ashamed to admit this, but at the time it was just easier to believe you'd be better off with your mother. I could see how much you loved to skate and I knew if you went back to Forks with me you just wouldn't have the same opportunities your mom could give you. Then when you were gone, well everything started to take off for you and I figured I'd made the right choice and you didn't much need me anymore."

"I always needed you, Dad," I asserted quietly as we each lapsed into a contemplative silence, my mind trying to determine where to go from here. "So, the accounts?" I finally asked, remembering the initial realization that led to this call.

"Yeah, you mentioned going in to talk to that lawyer. Guess I should have said something earlier about it, might've saved you some trouble," he sighed and I could practically see him scratching uncomfortably at his neck as I remembered he always had a habit of doing when I was a kid.

"Why?" I asked.

"Isabella Marie Swan, you always have been and always will be my daughter. Now, I haven't done the best job as your father. I could have done a lot of things different, but despite that, it's my job to protect you as best as I could. Your mother, she, it was clear she had big plans for you and at the time... Well, the point is that I knew you were going places and that your mom would be right there along the way, for better or worse. I didn't want to believe she'd do something to hurt you, but as we went through the divorce I saw a real nasty side of her I hadn't seen before and I couldn't take the chance that she'd make some bad choices that would leave you with the fallout."

"If you knew what she was like, why did you let me go with her?" I asked in a sad voice, not angry or judgmental, narrowing in on his last comments as I still tried to absorb the first.

"I know things are lookin' rough now, Bells, but I still think I made the right move with that one. I watch you on the ice out there and it's easy to see that you love it. You'd never have been happy here with me in dreary old Forks, sittin' 'round the house while your old man was off fishin' all the time, never really gettin' to do anything much. Maybe not everything's worked out the best, but you were meant for a lot more than a quiet, uneventful life here with me," he explained, seeming to justify it to himself as much as to me.

"Everytime I see you skate, I remember that. You just," he paused, clearing his throat a bit before he continued in a low, bashful tone, "well you look beautiful out there."

"Dad, you watch figure skating competitions?" I asked with a watery chuckle.

"No, I watch my little girl," he said soberly, leaving me speechless and visualizing my macho father sitting through hours of footage of jazz hands and arabesques just to see me perform. "Uh, then afterwards I go break up a few bar fights, roughen up some perps to reinstate my manliness."

"Yeah, right," I scoffed in disbelief, shaking off the serious mood as I giggled at his attempt to recover. "Perps. In Forks. Uh huh."

"Yeah, well, I'm man enough to admit I haven't _always_ made the best choices, Bells, especially when it comes to you. I know we can't just forget everything, but do you think we could take a shot at gettin' things better?" he asked, his voice uncertain but hopeful.

"Yeah," I agreed, feeling the weight lift from my shoulders. "I think we could do that."

"Alright, then. Think you could fill your old man in on what's happenin' in your life right now?"

"What, now?"

"We gotta start somewhere, right? And uh, I really don't think talking 'bout trout fishing's quite the appropriate first step to take here and that's pretty much all I've got goin' for me right now."

It was over an hour later that we finally ended the call, and in that time span, I heard my father say more words than I could remember hearing from him over the entire course of my life. He certainly wasn't a chatterbox, but he actually talked. He listened, he asked questions, he was more present than he ever had been before. I wasn't quite ready to believe that things would magically change between us with just one phone call, but we had a good head start and were in a lot better place than we had been in many years. Before hanging up, we agreed to both make a better effort to keep in touch, whether through e-mail, which he'd finally gotten the hang of when the station made the step earlier in the year to move into the twenty-first century, or through phone calls.

I collapsed back onto my pillow and almost just drifted off to sleep, exhausted from the gamut of emotions I'd experienced that day, when I remembered with a jolt that Edward was still in the living room. I leapt out of bed, practically sprinting to the doorway and throwing it open.

"Edward?" I called out, confused when he wasn't sitting on the couch watching ESPN as I'd expected.

"Up here," his voice called back to me from the far corner of the apartment, chuckling a little at my unnecessary franticness, and I followed the sound to find him in my favorite spot, curled up with a paperback book in the window seat.

"What are you doing?" I asked from the bottom of the steps, happy to see him there.

"Uh, reading? That's typically what one does with a book, you know," he teased.

"I've heard that rumor. What are you reading?" I asked as I stepped up the few stairs to stand in front of him.

He held the cover up a little higher and I giggled because I should have expected he'd find the one F. Scott Fitzgerald book among the plethora of titles on my shelves. "Thought you hated him, Swan."

"I do," I insisted, crawling into his lap when he set down the book and opened his arms to me. "I just can't bring myself to throw away a book. That's gotta be sacrilegious or something. I'm sorry that took so long."

"No problem, I kept myself occupied. How'd it go?"

"Good," I said, releasing a contented sigh when his hand began to stroke my hair in the way I liked. "Really good, actually. Things aren't perfect, but with some work on both our parts I think it's going to be a lot better."

"I'm glad. For both of you."

"I don't know, Cullen. You might think differently when you have to meet him some day and he pulls his gun on you. He is a cop, you know," I teased.

"Eh, he don't scare me," Edward replied with bravado.

"Oh, no? You have bullet proof skin I don't know about?"

"No, I'm not bullet proof," he chuckled. "Doesn't matter though, not even your gun-totin' father could keep me away from you."

We stayed there, curled up and talking well into the night, until neither of us could keep our eyes open any longer. Edward had to go home, though it was clear from the way he lingered over our goodnight kisses that he wanted to stay. Instead, I waved goodbye, knowing I'd see him the next day and fell into an exhausted, but content sleep, looking forward to a new day to continue on with my fresh start.

**x-x-x**

**A/N: ****Excuse the EPIC note here, but I wanted to get a reminder out about FGB.**

**I've signed up to participate in the **_**Fandom Gives Back Eclipse Edition Author Auction.**_** It's a wonderful organization that a few ladies put together to raise money for Alex's Lemonade Stand, a charity for Children's Cancer Research. This is my first time being involved as a writer and I'm very excited to contribute.**

**For my offering, I'll be putting up an**_** EPOV outtake from Take the Ice**_** for auction. The highest bidder will receive a **_**minimum of 5k words**_** in EPOV.**

**KrisCullen2 and Rolonzo are gathering up team members over on the thread. They've set the minimum bid at $5. That's right, five bucks and Hockeyward will be yours! I know a number of people are bidding on a number of their favorites. Thus why the team option is so wonderful and allows people to support a number of different authors AND give to a really great cause.**

**If the team wins with **_**more than 15 people on the team, I will add a second outtake, also from EPOV.**_

**As a bonus, I'm open to receiving **_**input from the winner(s) on what scene(s) they'd like to see from EPOV**_**.**

**I know a few of you have let me know you'd like to be on the team. If you've done that, please leave me a little reminder in your review this time around so I can make sure EVERYONE who is interested gets their chance to be involved.**

**If you want to get on the team, head over to the thread on Twilighted and make a post or look KrisCullen2 on Twitter. You can let me know in your review, by PM or on Twitter as well, but it's really best to go to the source to make sure you're on their roster!**

**Thanks in advance for helping me support such a wonderful cause!**

**Polyvore on the profile as usual.**

**Review if you please, I always read & respond with teasers. ;)**


	13. Chapter 13: Put Your Head on My Shoulder

**A/N: Did you see the word count on this chapter? Sorry guys. It's out of control how wordy I can get. Split it if you must, but I just couldn't do it for you. I love it all together too much and there wasn't a good spot to cut it off. Many of you are crazy and enjoy my epic word spew. To you, enjoy your fix.**

**Thanks to the awesome Betamama and especially to Caren this chapter for taking me under her wing and being my Smut Mentor. ily.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created the characters, the story is mine. Copyright 2010: BellaMarie117**

**x-x-x**

"Bella, you're killing me here," Rose groaned from the front seat of my car.

"Will you two just chill out already?"

"You really are going pretty slow, Bells," Alice chimed in, popping her head between the front seats.

"You," I said shortly, pointing a scolding finger at her. "No backseat driving. Sit back and read your Cosmo or something. I'm sure there's some new trend that's just begging for your attention."

"Fine," she surrendered, flopping back in her seat and flipping the glossy pages of her magazine. "But by the way you're driving I'll be through all my reading material before we hit Milwaukee. And I brought enough to last me both trips."

"Seriously, babe, you drive a Mazda. The slogan is 'Zoom Zoom,' not 'Putt Putt,'" Rose quipped.

"Har-dee-har-har, guys," I said dryly. "I'm driving ten miles per hour over the speed limit and am already running the risk of blemishing my pristine driving record."

"My record's clear too and I don't drive like a grandma to keep it that way."

"Rose, your record's only clear because you bombshell your way out of tickets by showing off your cleavage," Alice called out from the backseat, never looking up from her magazine.

"You seriously do that?" I asked.

"Hey, if you have the tools, use 'em," Rose said with a friendly pat to her own 'assets'. "Works every time."

"So, there ya go, Bells. If you get pulled over, just bat those big doe eyes at the cop and they'll let you off."

"I'd rather just drive at a normal speed and not have to resort to cheap flirtation to talk my way out of a ticket."

"Well I'd rather get to Chicago before the Stanley Cup Finals," Alice argued, tossing her magazine on the seat next to her. "Pull off at the next exit, we should grab food anyways and we can switch up driving duties."

"Whatever," I huffed, rolling my eyes and flipping on my signal to change lanes and head up the ramp. We'd been on the road for two hours already, so I wasn't too upset about handing the wheel off to someone else.

The girls and I had decided to surprise the guys by road tripping to Chicago for game five in their series against the Blackhawks. They were tied up at two wins a piece so the game happening later that night wouldn't be a deciding match up, but we still thought it would be nice to show up and support our boys. The added bonus was that Chicago was within seven hours driving time from the Twin Cities...well for normal people. Knowing Rose and Alice's driving habits, I was sure they'd cut some time out of that estimate once they took over. I'd never been on a road trip before and the idea was pretty appealing by the way they talked about it.

After two hours, we were well into Wisconsin. The windows were down, blowing our hair in the late-spring breeze, the sun was shining, the music was loud, and our spirits were high. Though Rose and Alice had told me multiple times not to feel bad about my stint as 'Zombie Bella' a few weeks back, I still felt the need to make amends, to reconnect. Spending hours in the car laughing together and catching up on our lives was the perfect solution.

By the time we crossed into the Chicago city limits, I felt completely rejuvenated in our friendship, all thoughts of Renee and Phil and drama and strained relationships gone. Rose snapped a picture of the Chicago city sign as we zipped past, texting it to the guys with a winking emoticon to clue them in on our arrival. It was only three o'clock in the afternoon, thanks to my companions' need for speed, and we had a few hours to burn until we had to be at the United Center, home ice of the Chicago Blackhawks.

After getting checked into our hotel, the same one the team was bunked down at, we decided to go exploring for a little bit. Of course, for Rose and Alice, exploring meant shopping, though I did manage to drag them over to the Sears Tower to take a ride to the top where we snapped a photo of all three of us in front of the Chicago skyline. After grabbing an early dinner of traditional Chicago fare, also known as the drool-worthy deep-dish pizza, we made a quick stop back at our room to drop off our many acquisitions and freshen up before grabbing a cab over to the stadium.

I shouldn't have been surprised at how many people were milling around, streaming into the doors of the arena like an endless parade of ants headed for the hill. I'd been to enough games by now to know how large the crowds could be. Even so, it never ceased to amaze me just how passionate hockey fans could be. It wasn't so terrible when we were back at the X and the fans were mostly there to support the Wild. Here, we were clearly in the minority, surrounded by Blackhawks fans in their various regalia, already shouting cheers across the crowd and getting amped for the action

It was a whole new experience watching the game from the stance of a supporter of the visiting team. There was a scattering of Wild fans in the crowd, due to how close the two states sat together, but the advantage was clearly with Chicago. We weren't able to get seats quite as close to the ice as we were used to, and it didn't appear that the guys had seen us, though they knew we were there since Jasper had called Alice briefly after receiving Rose's text photo.

By the third period, the game was tied up at two and things were getting heated on the ice. It seemed that the Hawks and the Wild had some sort of rivalry between them, and players were throwing a lot more dirty moves around, trying to slip cheap shots in at each other when the refs had their attention averted elsewhere. Emmett had been tossed in the penalty box twice already, Edward once. It seemed like no more than three minutes could pass with both teams at full strength before someone got called out.

At the moment, both teams had their full five players on the ice and Edward's line was up. He was crouched at the blue line, practically twitching with energy and completely focused on the surface in front of him while he waited for the ref to drop the puck back into play. His opponent was aggressively batting his stick at Edward's, and I could practically feel the waves of intensity coming from him, even from eighteen rows back in the stands.

His opponent was one I'd become familiar with as of late. Not out of personal acquaintance, but from a mixture of studying him on the ice at the last two home games, and hearing stories about him from Charlie when we'd spoken on the phone on the night of our breakthrough. Jacob Black. From what my dad had said, he seemed like an okay guy. A bit cocky and according to the stories Charlie had told me about Jake and the Quileute boys getting into trouble down on the reservation, overconfident with a rowdy streak a mile wide. Charlie insisted that I'd met him on more than one occasion when I was younger, but I couldn't remember much more than a few faded blips of a noisy little boy who pulled on my braids and knocked me into mud puddles. He'd done a lot of growing up since then, and I suppose he could be classified as handsome now, tall, dark, and well built. From the talk in the stands, it was clear to see he was a favorite amongst the female fans.

Despite his good looks, from what I'd seen of him on the ice, I'd come to the conclusion that he was a total asshole. And if he didn't back the fuck off my boyfriend, I wouldn't be held responsible for my actions.

I was aware that the players could get fairly intense. It was the playoffs and everyone was out for blood, but Jake always seemed to be gunning for Edward when they were on the ice at the same time; which was often. The one penalty Edward had gotten was when he'd tried to push back for once and checked Jake just a little too roughly into the boards right in front of the ref.

The puck hit the ice and Edward got control of it first, wrapping it around the boards to clear the action to the other side of the rink and let his wingman take over. Edward never truly relaxed when he was out on the ice; it was plain to see that his eyes were always on the puck and focused in on the action, just waiting for his opportunity, even when it was nowhere near him. As was the case at the moment. Play travelled down the rink, entering the Wild's zone and defense took over, but rather than following the play, I remained focused on Edward. Because of that, I saw the hit coming just a split second before it happened. Edward didn't. Jake had lingered back from the play and had taken advantage of Edward's focus to charge him, hitting him right in the gut and doubling him over.

By a stroke of luck, one of the refs had caught him, this time, and blew the whistle. Edward recovered enough to shove at Jake's chest, getting in his face and, I could imagine, asking what the hell his problem was. A ref dashed over to escort Jake to the box while another attempted to hold Edward back, both players spewing trash talk and curse words at each other as they were separated.

I'd jumped out of my seat, shouting my protest as the fans around me cheered for the little punk being led to the box.

"Whoa there, killer," Rose tried to settle me, tugging on my sleeve until I took my seat again. I sat, still seething with anger and unable to take my eyes off of Edward where he stood hunched over on the ice, catching his breath from the blow.

"You've been watching way too many games with my mom," Alice chuckled.

"Come on, weren't you watching that? That stupid jerk had no reason to go after him like that. Edward wasn't even anywhere near the puck!"

"Simmer down, Bells, your boy is fine. He can handle himself," Rose insisted, wrapping her arm around my shoulders to rub consolingly over my arm.

Edward proved Rose's point only moments later by chipping the puck into the upper corner of the net, bringing the Wild ahead by one. Their lead didn't last for long however, and they ended up losing when the Hawks came back in the last three minutes to score twice in a row when they were back to full strength. It was a rollercoaster of emotions that left me feeling slightly nauseous and completely let down as I watched our boys leave the ice, the frustration and discouragement clear on their faces as the Blackhawk players celebrated their win amidst their adoring fans.

Alice texted them to let them know we'd meet up back at the hotel, rather than sticking around and getting shoved into by rowdy celebrants. I was sure that the guys would just want to hang out back at the hotel, but they were insistent on going out and getting to see a little bit of the town since the three of us had made the trip down. We ended up at the House of Blues, and the mixture of the music, the drinks, and the company had our boys in better spirits within no time. I even let Edward talk me into joining him on the dance floor a couple of times, though I warned him that my coordination did not go past the barrier of the ice rink. I only ended up stepping on his feet three times and felt pretty good about that fact, especially when it made him laugh without a hint of the unhappiness that had been on his face when I'd seen him head toward the locker room.

We were back with the group, all standing around a high top table on the outskirts of the crowd listening to Jasper tell a joke when a menacing look crossed Emmett's face.

"Fuck," he muttered, snapping his beer down on the table and nudging Jasper's arm to get his attention as he nodded off into the distance. "Hawks at two o'clock."

Edward's eyes snapped up, his body tensing behind me so swiftly it took me a moment to process the fact that he'd practically frozen into stone.

Glancing across the crowd, I finally caught sight of where the guys were looking and found Jacob Black sauntering through the sea of people with three buddies in tow. They were periodically stopped and congratulated, guys clapping them on the back, women practically throwing themselves at their feet. The four men appeared to be lapping up the attention, one of them even wrapping his arm around two different women and leading them over to the bar with him. It wasn't until that sight that I realized exactly why professional hockey players earned the reputation that they had for sleeping around and partying it up.

Jake and his posse walked closer to us, obviously taking note of Jasper, Emmett and Edward by the way they nudged each other and snickered. Then, when Jake looked over Edward, his eyes stopped on me, lighting up slightly in surprise before a cocky grin spread across his lips, revealing gleaming teeth that looked too white against his dark skin, like a model for a toothpaste ad.

Jake nodded his head at me and winked, and it was immediately obvious that Edward had caught the gesture. Edward's arm tightened around my torso and he seemed to shift, attempting to shield me from Jake and his buddies. When I glanced up at his face, his jaw was set and his eyes were blazing. I lifted my face just enough to rub my cheek once over his, drawing his attention down to me. I gave him a reassuring smile, squeezing his hand gently before I finally felt him begin to relax again.

Jake and his group congregated around a nearby table. Drinks immediately appeared and they noisily clanked their beer bottles together in a celebratory toast. Glancing over toward us every now and again.

"Hey," Alice said, snapping her fingers at the three men in our group who remained focused on the enemy. "Just forget about them. They're just trying to get a rise out of you."

"Yeah, come on, Em, let's go dance," Rose urged, forcefully tugging on Emmett's arm until he gave in and followed her out to the floor with Jasper and Alice following in their path.

"Did you want to dance some more?" I leaned up and spoke in Edward's ear over the noise of the bar. He didn't respond, barely even moved and I wasn't sure he heard me.

"Hey," I said, turning in his arms and placing my hands on his scruffy cheeks, finally drawing his eyes back down to me. "Still with me, Cullen?"

"Sorry," he relented, leaning down to rub his nose against mine and rest his forehead on my brow. "Let's just say Jacob Black ranks pretty high on the list of people I can barely tolerate."

"What's his deal anyway?" I asked, pressing forward a little to lean against his chest and make it a little easier to hear each other over the noise of the room. "He was really raggin' on you on the ice."

"It's been that way for awhile," he sighed, his fingers weaving through the strands of my ponytail that hung through the back of his hat that I'd still refused to return. "We both got drafted the same year. Put a couple of know-it-all rookies head to head on the ice and things are bound to get ugly."

"I know him," I confessed, feeling Edward's hand still on my hair for a moment and rushing to elaborate. "Well, my dad knows him, and I met him once or twice when I was younger."

"You never told me that," he said, his hand resuming its calming motion.

"Honestly, I don't really remember. I was so little. Charlie mentioned it the other night when we were talking."

"I suppose Jake's a golden boy in your father's eyes. Suck up," he tacked on the end with a low growl of disgust.

"Nah. Sounds like he had to bust Jake on a few too many shenanigans down on the Res to believe he's a perfect angel," I contended, rubbing my cheek against the crook of his neck.

"Still, they've got a history. That automatically puts Black in the lead," Edward explained, his voice sounding a little strained.

"What is this now, a competition?" I asked, pulling back in his arms to raise my brow at him in amusement. Edward simply shrugged, his eyes averted with a troubled look on his face.

"Don't worry about Charlie. Or Jake," I soothed him, firmly planting my hands on his face to turn his attention back to me and raising up on my toes to kiss him softly on the lips. "You're number one on my scoreboard."

He smiled, leaning back in to kiss me again as I finally felt the tension draining from his body. "I like being number one."

For the next half hour, we stayed at our table, talking and sipping our drinks, Edward's arms wrapped around my torso and swaying us to the music. The rest of our friends were back and forth between the dance floor, the bar, and the table, and it seemed everyone had been able to look past the presence of their opponents and just enjoy the evening.

"I'm gonna run to the restroom, okay?" I informed Edward after awhile, slipping out from his arms.

"Maybe you should wait a minute, Bella," he urged, hesitant to let me go. "Until Rose or Alice comes back and can go with you at least."

"Edward, I'm a big girl," I chuckled. "I can handle making it to the ladies room and back on my own."

"Bella—" he protested.

"I'll be fine. You're gonna give yourself gray hair if you keep worrying about me so much," I said, reaching up to brush through the coppery strands.

"It's my job to protect you, Bella," he persisted, resting his hands on my hips.

"Well the only thing you need to protect me from right now are all the drunken nit wits who keep bumping into me and spilling my drink. Would you mind going to get me another?" I requested, holding up my empty bottle in hopes of distracting him.

"Of course not," he agreed, already focused on his new task rather than his unfounded worry. "Same thing, Beautiful?"

"Yeah, thank you," I said, trying to hold back on my laughter, giving him a quick kiss before setting down my bottle on the table. "I'll meet you back here."

It took some effort to make my way through the crowd and by the time I reached the line of the restroom, I'd been thoroughly jostled. It took longer than I'd hoped to get through the line for the ladies room, so I was completely focused on making a beeline back to the table and Edward when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, you're Isabella Swan, right? Charlie Swan's girl?" I heard an unfamiliar voice inquiring, my eyes immediately snapping to the hand that rested on my shoulder and traveling up the span of a large, muscular arm to the smiling face of Jacob Black.

"Uh, yeah, it's Bella," I corrected automatically as I turned more toward him, not wanting to be completely rude and just keep walking. "Hey."

"Bella," he repeated with a grin, holding his hand out to me. "I'm Ja—"

"Jacob Black," I interrupted, reluctantly placing my hand in his, expecting a customary handshake. Maybe the guy wasn't a total asshole. Maybe he was just really intense and

competitive out on the ice. I figured I should at least be polite. "Yeah, I know who you are."

"Uh oh," he chuckled merrily, a friendly grin on his face that made me let my guard down just a little, even if I was slightly uncomfortable with the fact that he'd yet to release my hand. "My reputation precedes me, that can never be a good sign. I suppose that makes us even. I've heard a lot about you too, Bella."

"Oh yeah?" I asked, raising my brow in surprise. I still hadn't fully come to terms with the idea that Charlie had actually been thinking of me all these years.

"Well, our dads are best friends, it shouldn't come as a surprise. Charlie sure talks about you a lot," he said, stepping just a little closer to me when someone bumped against him in passing.

"You get back to Forks much?" I asked, finally extracting my hand and automatically reaching up to play with my hair before I remembered I was wearing a hat, and awkwardly dropped my hands into my back pockets.

"Every once in awhile. Not as much as I should."

"I'm sure Chicago keeps you busy."

"It's got its perks. Though it seems Minnesota might be pulling ahead as the best place to find beautiful women," he said smoothly, dropping his voice a little and hovering above me just a little too close for comfort. "That's where you're at now, right? That was the last I heard from the old man."

"Yeah," I coughed, backing up just a bit and clearing my throat as the blush flooded my face. "Twin Cities."

"So, what brings you to Chicago, Fair Bella? Avid Hockey fan?"

"I—"

"Jake," a man who I recognized as one of Jacob's teammates joined us, addressing his buddy but never taking his eyes off me. "Who's your friend, man?"

"This here's Isabella Swan," Jake grumbled, clearly irritated with the interruption.

"Aren't you some sort of famous figure skater or something like that?" his friend asked.

"Uh, yeah, I guess?" I answered tentatively.

"I'm Quil Atera," he introduced himself, lifting his head arrogantly as if that name was supposed to mean something to me.

"Dude, isn't Embry waiting for you at the bar?" Jake said, giving his friend a loaded glare.

"No. Oh. Uh, I mean, yeah," he backtracked, finally reading Jake's not-too-subtle signals. "I should go find him. Pleasure to meet you, Isabella."

"Sorry 'bout that," Jake turned back to me, charming smile in place once his friend was gone. "You were saying?"

My mind reeled, trying to remember what was I saying before it clicked. "Right. Um, just visiting. For the game."

"Oh yeah? So you were at the game tonight?" he inquired, his face brightening at the information.

"Yeah, I was there," I said, my voice losing just a little of it's friendliness as I remembered his behavior at the game.

"You're a Wild fan, huh?" he asked with somewhat patronizing amusement.

"You could say that," I returned coolly.

"I think you're making a bad call with that one," he said under his breath, leaning in so I could hear him. "I might be a little biased though."

"Well, they are my home team. I've got a vested interest."

"Have you ever even looked at another team? How can you know they're the best if you've never given another team a shot?" he asked with a sly grin and I wasn't entirely sure he was still talking about cheering for hockey teams.

"Guess I just know what works for me," I said firmly.

"You know, I could get us back into the stadium if you wanted to have a better look around, being a skater yourself," he offered, shifting the conversation. "A little private tour? You could show me some of your moves and maybe I could show you some of mine," he offered, leaning his head down to speak lowly in my ear. And just like that, he was back to asshole status.

"No thanks," I scoffed, turning to walk away.

"Hey, now, that's not very friendly," Jake said, rushing ahead of me to stop me from leaving, the grin on his face still bright, showing he was clearly unfazed by my refusal. "You know, you and I go way back. We used to make mud pies together when we were little."

"Yeah, so I've heard," I said with disinterest, barely managing to stop myself from tapping my foot and wondering how to properly remove myself from the conversation. "Look, Jake, I've got people waiting for me."

"Aw, come on, Bella, how about letting me get you one drink. For old times' sake?" he pressed on persistently. "After all, between your old man and my old man we're practically family."

"So what, you want to be my token big brother or something just because our dads are friends?" I asked, my brow furrowed in disbelief.

"Believe me, Bella," he said, closing in on me again, too quick for me to retreat before his hands were at my waist. "I'm not interested in looking at you like a sister." I barely had time to do more than drop my jaw at his gall, my eyebrows shooting up to my hairline before we were interrupted once more.

"Hey!" I heard Edward's voice snap out, my eyes immediately drawn to where he approached us as relief flooded through my entire being. "What the fuck do you think you're doing, Black?"

"Oh, hey, Cullen," Jake drawled, his lips transforming into something akin to a sneer. He turned to face Edward, dropping one of his hands but leaving the other in place on my hip, his arm now securely tucked across my back. I tried to shrug him off, but that only served to have him tighten his grip, either unaware or uncaring of the fact that I clearly didn't want it there. "Surprised to see you out tonight. Thought you'd be back at the hotel still licking your wounds."

"Come on, Bella," Edward entreated me, completely ignoring Jake's words and holding his hand out to me. "Alice was looking for you." I tried once again to move out of Jake's hold and reach for Edward's hand, but was foiled once more by Jake tugging me back, tucking me slightly behind him as Edward had done earlier. Though this time I felt trapped rather than shielded at the gesture.

"Hey now, maybe Bella here wants to stay with me."

"Trust me, she doesn't," Edward insisted, finally acknowledging Jacob and leveling him with a glare that would have had me shivering with fear had it been directed toward me.

"Who are you to say what she wants?" Jacob parried back, the malice of his tone equal to the anger in Edward's.

"Her boyfriend, that's who, asshole," he practically spat, stepping forward to get in Jake's face a bit, shooting a meaningful look to Jake's hand. "And I'll thank you to take your hands off what's mine."

"_What's yours_?" Jacob quoted, his humor evident, only spurring Edward on and grating on my nerves since he was clearly trying to antagonize him. "A little possessive there. Maybe you should let her speak for herself. Or are you afraid of a little healthy competition? Scared that if you let her out of your sight she'll take a good look around and see that she might like something better? Threatened, Cullen?"

"By you? Not likely, pup," he chuckled without a trace of humor, taking a step back and holding out his hand to me again, still glaring at Jacob. "Let's go, Bella."

I successfully shrugged Jake off this time and made it one step toward Edward before I felt Jake's mammoth hand wrapped around my wrist. Before I even had time to react, Edward had his own hand wrapped around Jake's wrist, his knuckles white from the pressure he was exerting.

"Take your filthy paws off her or you'll have one less hand to hold your stick on the ice in the next game," Edward growled, jaw set, barely even opening his mouth to speak he was so tense.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you? Maybe then you'd have a shot at winning."

"Series isn't over yet, dog. There's still plenty of opportunity to kick your ass."

"I wouldn't bet on it," Jake attempted arrogantly, though I could see the wince of pain on his face from Edward's hold.

"You have five seconds to release her, or we're going to find out if your team has a shot at winning with you lying in a hospital bed."

A look of defiance crossed Jake's features and he tightened his grip on my wrist enough to make me cry out. Edward's eyes immediately widened, taking in the look of discomfort on my face, and I knew this could get really ugly.

Edward released Jake's hand only to shove roughly at his shoulders, his face growing more red by the second. Jake dropped me immediately and I brought my wrist up to my chest, rubbing at the tender skin for only a moment before I realized that I couldn't just stand there. The two men in front of me looked poised for an all-out battle and I couldn't let that happen. It wasn't that I was worried that Edward couldn't stand up for himself, but I didn't want him to get into trouble over something so pointless. Jake was nothing, and certainly not important enough to get into some sort of bar fight.

"Stop," I cried out, springing forward and latching myself to Edward's arm where he'd drawn it back, ready to go after Jake once more. Though I was strong, I knew I wasn't strong enough to hold him back on my own, not when he was so completely focused on attacking.

"Edward, don't. Please?" I pleaded in a soothing voice, reaching my hand up to cup his chin to try and turn his head to look at me, meeting resistance from the tension running through his entire body, the arm I still held vibrated in anger under my touch. Rather than fight against him, I stepped around into the line of fire, standing directly in front of him, between his body and Jake's. "Edward," I repeated reaching my hand up to rest on his neck and stroke the ends of his soft hair, finally managing this time to shift his focus to me. The anger in his eyes still simmered there for a moment, then seemed to drain out of him when I gently rubbed the tense muscles in his neck and whispered quietly so only he could hear. "He's just an asshole, he's not worth it."

He nodded and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me and resting his forehead on mine for a moment, then turning away without even a glance toward Jake, his hand resting on the small of my back, my arm securely tucked around his waist.

"Hey, Bella, if you come to your senses and want to look me up, Charlie can get you my number. I'm sure he'd be real pleased to hear about you and I gettin' a little closer," Jake called after us, obviously not knowing when to quit. Edward tensed once more and I could feel him fighting the urge to turn and fight.

"How about you go find your little buddies, Jacob, before I forget why I'm stopping him from beating the tar out of you," I spat, turning to glare at him once, keeping my grip tight on Edward's side.

"Better keep a tight grip on that one, Cullen," Jake burst out laughing as we began to walk away again. "She's feisty. Catch ya later, Isabella."

I didn't turn to acknowledge him, but I did give in to my somewhat immature and certainly out-of-character impulse to raise my hand behind me and flip him off as we walked away. Maybe not the most ladylike response, but the little jerk pissed me off.

"Come on, let's just go, okay? I could use some air anyway," I pleaded, attempting to move our direction toward the door rather than back to the table. Edward didn't fight me on it, just tersely nodded and escorted me swiftly out of the club.

The slight chill of the evening a relief after the stuffy heat of the crowded room. We walked for three blocks in tense silence, having no idea what direction we were headed, just away. Suddenly Edward stopped, dropping his arm from around me and placing both hands against the side of the building lining the sidewalk, his head dropped down, his shoulders tense.

"Damn it, Bella. You shoulda let me punch him. The mongrel had it coming," he growled, his voice directed at the sidewalk beneath his eyes.

"He's not worth it, Edward," I repeated my earlier words in a quiet voice, stepping up to him to rest my cheek against his shoulder blade, feeling it practically vibrating beneath me. He was breathing deeply, his fingers clenching and unclenching against the wall with every breath.

My brow furrowed in concern. "Hey, hey, hey, why are you so mad?" I asked, ducking down to move in front of him, his hands rested on the wall on either side of me, his head raising up just enough to give me room to stand. "He's just a dumb jerk."

"Because, Bella, you should have seen the way he was looking at you."

"I'm not blind, Edward, of course I saw," I said, unable to hold back entirely on my irritation.

"Then I don't see what the confusion is. I should've punched the bastard's lights out," he said, shoving back from the wall in frustration and resting back against a tree that lined the boulevard.

"It doesn't matter, Edward. Don't you get it?" I exclaimed, stepping forward as the aggressor for once. "Did you happen to catch the way I was looking at him? Because if you did then you should know you have nothing to worry about."

"Why were you even talking to him?"

"Oh come on, Edward. He stopped me on my way back to the table and introduced himself. His dad and my dad are friends. It'd be pretty rude to just walk right past him."

"Yeah, but—"

"No buts', Edward," I stopped him by placing a finger to his lips. "Jake's just a cocky, arrogant jerk. Do you think I couldn't see that? I knew that before I even met him. Ask Rose and Alice, they had to practically hold me back from jumping over the boards and going after him when he kept hounding you all night. I thought I should at least give him a chance to prove he wasn't a total prick off the ice, but that doesn't appear to be the case as we just saw."

"Really?" Edward looked up at me with a tentative smile. "You wanted to come to my rescue? Were you going to defend me against the big bad wolf, Bella?" He reached out, circling his arms around my waist and pulling me forward to rest against him, the tree supporting him.

"You're not the only one who's protective here," I informed him, circling my arms around his neck and leaning in to brush my lips against his.

"He has a point though, Bella," Edward said in a dejected voice, his fingers rubbing circles at my hips. "I mean, you haven't really had much chance to 'test the waters' so to speak. What if you— "

"Stop it right there, Edward Anthony Cullen," I said firmly, his eyes snapping back to mine at the tone. "I may be a virgin but that doesn't make me an idiot. I know my own heart and what it wants is you. Even if Jacob Black had come over to me and been a perfectly wonderful guy, it wouldn't have made a lick of difference, because all I see is you."

"Bella—"

"No. You talk about needing me to trust you? Well it goes both ways. You need to trust me, Edward. I know I'm still fairly new to all of this and I don't always know what I'm doing, but I need you to trust me. Trust me when I say that I want you and only you. Can you do that?"

We stood there, the streetlight shining down on us like a spotlight and the tree above us rustling softly in the breeze. Cars passed on the street, unnoticed by each of us as I waited for his response, my gaze locked with his in something like a trance.

"I trust you, Bella," he finally whispered, his hand sliding up to my neck to urge my face to his, punctuating his words with an ardent kiss.

x-x-x

After coming to a better understanding, Edward and I strolled the streets of Chicago hand in hand, enjoying the surroundings and each others company when we decided to walk back to the hotel rather than catch a cab. By the time we made it back, the others had returned and we'd all retired to our rooms—the girls and I in one and the guys on a separate floor with their team. They had an early departure the following morning in order to get back to Minnesota for practice and to study the video from game five.

Since none of us were due back right away, Alice, Rose and I took our time getting out of Chicago, taking in a few more of the sights before starting the long haul back across the Midwest.

It was close to midnight when we finally dragged our luggage down the hall to our apartments on Tuesday night, barely managing to get out an exhausted 'good night' before going our separate ways. I should have headed straight to bed after such a long day, but opted to hop in the shower first and wash off the travel grime of a full day on the road.

Wearing Edward's jersey, I crawled into bed, exhausted, but refreshed. Despite the fact that they'd lost their game, the two-day excursion had been a blast. I was feeling closer to Alice and Rose than ever and I'd gotten to experience a new place by actually seeing more of the city than the inside of an ice arena.

The highlight had been the moment Edward had first seen me back at the hotel before going out for the night. How the disappointed look on his face had immediately transformed into sheer happiness at the sight of me, how he'd rushed forward and swept me into his arms without a moment's hesitation, how his kisses left me dizzy and out of breath, how his voice had sounded in my ear when he laughed and told me how excited he was to see me there.

With that image in my mind, I sent off a quick text to Edward, letting him know we'd made it home safely and that I'd see him the following day, before I dropped off into a heavy sleep.

The next day was a whirlwind. Marcus had been kind enough to let me off from practice for the two days in Chicago, but I paid for it when he had me back on the ice again. I barely made it home in time to grab a quick shower and blow-dry my hair before I was rushing back out the door to meet the girls and head to the game.

I was on the edge of my seat the entire match, my behavior a mixture of Carlisle's intense concentration and Esme's blatant enthusiasm. By the time the final buzzer sounded, I was exhausted, but with the final score in the Wild's favor, I knew we'd be in for a long night of celebrating.

The series was tied at three games a piece; the deciding game set to take place in Chicago on Friday night. Carlisle and Esme had already booked their flight to go watch their boys play, but Alice, Rose and I would be stuck in Minnesota this time around. I felt horrible that we weren't going to make it to such a big game, but it helped to know that at least Carlisle and Esme would be there in the stands cheering them on.

I'd been correct in my prediction that it would be a long night. Everyone had been pumped and ready to go out and have a good time after the win. I stuck it out as long as I could, turning my head into my shoulder to yawn and rapidly blinking my eyes, fighting to keep them open for just a little longer.

Edward caught on to me close to one a.m. when I almost dozed off with my head on his shoulder. He chuckled as he scooped me up, announcing to our friends that he was 'escorting Sleeping Beauty back to her chambers.' I tried to protest, not wanting him to have to call it a night early because of me, and insisted I could stick around until he was ready to go or that I could just catch a cab by myself so he could stay, but he wasn't hearing any of it. The fact that I was practically asleep on my feet didn't help my case much.

By the time we reached my building, I'd stopped trying to fight him, realizing it was pointless to do so when he had his mind set, and allowed him to walk me to the door.

Of course, what started as a sleepy good night kiss quickly escalated and I didn't actually end up walking through my door until half an hour after I'd unlocked it. Hair tousled, lips swollen, eyes droopy. I didn't even bother getting changed before I collapsed onto my bed, barely managing to toe off my sneakers over the edge of the mattress.

x-x-x

Two nights later, Rose and I were settled in at my place to watch the final game in the series, with Alice joining in halfway through after finishing up a rehearsal for the wedding she was working the following day. Though we laughed and joked our way through the night as we always did when we were together, there was an underlying tension to the evening as all three of us were well aware of the magnitude of the game.

If they lost, the season would be over.

Two hours and thirty-eight minutes after face off, that's exactly what it was. Over. After a grueling final match up against the Blackhawks, the Wild lost by two goals, ending the series, and their season.

I couldn't even imagine what Edward must have been feeling as I caught a glimpse of him on the screen exiting the ice with his teammates. Discouraged, disappointed, angry, frustrated? I imagined all of those and so much more. For him, losing against the Hawks, and Jacob Black especially, would have just been salt on the wound. He'd have been upset at losing no matter what, but losing to Jake's team would sting a lot more.

Knowing that, I made a point to cut out from the rink early enough the following evening to meet Edward at the airport, hoping I could find some way to support him and lift his spirits. Rather than waiting for him to text me when he landed, I drove out to the terminal a little early and parked, entertaining myself with a book while I waited on a bench near baggage claim for his message to come through.

I kept one eye on the arrivals board, eagerly awaiting for the status of his flight to change from expected to landed, unable to concentrate on the pages of my book. When it switched, I popped up to pace by the escalators. It was probably silly because it would take him awhile to get to the gate, off the plane, and through the terminal, but knowing he was so close had me too wound up to sit still any longer. A text came through after about ten minutes, saying he'd landed and what door he'd be heading toward to wait for me, unaware that I was already there waiting for him.

Less than five minutes later, I caught a glimpse of his familiar mess of bronze hair as he hopped on the escalator to descend to the corridor of baggage trolleys and the outside doors. Since he hadn't seen me and wasn't expecting me, I was able to study him for a moment unaware.

He looked tired, leaning against the moving banister of the escalator with his duffle resting on the step above him. His shoulders were hunched a bit compared to his normal strong and confident posture. His hair was more of a mess than usual, which told me his fingers had been spending a lot more time diving into the strands. His face was still covered in scruff, which could no longer be called merely scruff for how thick it had grown in. His eyes, so often lit with humor and life, seemed dull.

I couldn't stand seeing him looking so sad. I wanted that light back in his eyes. So, once he was halfway down the escalator, I called out his name to alert him to my presence.

As I'd hoped, his head snapped up, his brow furrowed and eyes searching for a moment before he spotted me and a grin broke out across his face. He scooped up his duffle, slinging it over his shoulder and hurried down the remainder of the steps, excusing himself past two people in front of him, before he stepped off and dropped his bag to the floor to catch me in his arms.

There we stood, lips locked and tongues tangled as hurried travelers bustled around us, securely closed off in our own little bubble. Easing back, I gave him a small smile that he returned, plucking his bag up and holding out his hand for me to take as we made our way out of the terminal to the parking garage.

Since it was nearing dinnertime, we swung through a drive thru on the way to his place. With playoffs, Edward had been so busy, in and out so much, that he had nothing but hot pockets and a box of cereal in his kitchen and while take out didn't sound very appetizing, it was far better than scrounging in his empty cupboards.

Sitting on his couch devouring greasy Chinese food, I couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer.

"I'm really sorry," I said seriously, rubbing my bare foot against the side of his leg.

"Sorry for what?" he asked, his mouth full of noodles.

"The game, the series ending like that. I'm sure you're disappointed."

"Yeah, well..." he shrugged it off, stuffing his mouth with another piece of chicken.

Frowning a little at his response, I set my plate down on the coffee table, drawing my legs up onto the cushions and scooching over on the couch to sit a little closer.

"You can talk to me, you know."

"I do talk to you, Bella."

"You're right. We talk a lot," I conceded. "What I mean is, you can talk to me about things like this. Things you're worried about or that make you upset. You don't always have to be the strong one here. I'm not going to look at you differently because of it."

He blew out a breath, setting his plate beside mine before turning himself toward me, curling his legs up to mirror my position.

"I am disappointed," he admitted. "I'm frustrated. Mostly I'm just pissed off about the whole thing. I mean it's the Hawks," he groaned, clenching his fingers, "it's _Jacob Black_. Every time I see his smug little face on ESPN I want to go knock a few of his teeth out.

"But there's nothing I can do about it," he said, picking up my hand in his, tracing over the lines on my palm with his fingers. "It's done, it's over. Next season we'll have another shot and that's really the only thing I can do, look ahead to that. So, I don't like to dwell on it much because it's completely out of my hands. We put up a good fight and this time around it just wasn't enough. Maybe next time it will be."

"That's very...Zen of you," I said, taking a moment to absorb his words. He never ceased to surprise me.

"Don't get me wrong, it bugs me. I'm competitive as hell and I hate losing, but I know I've still got a fair number of chances ahead of me to make it in the run for the cup. I wasn't trying to shut you out, I guess I just haven't really had someone there to talk about this kind of stuff with before. I mean my parents, my family, sure, but not a...well, a partner," he said, removing his gaze from our joined hands to look into my eyes. "I'm used to keeping a lot of things to myself."

"Guess that's something we both need work on," I smiled, leaning in to brush my lips against his. He turned his face a little to the side and leaned further into me to rub his jaw against my neck, the hairs on his face scraping against my skin, tickling me.

"You know," I giggled, shoving him away playfully, "as much as I enjoy the scruff nuzzles, you're kinda starting to resemble a mountain man."

"Yeah, I suppose it's about time to retire the playoff beard for this year," he sighed, rubbing his knuckles over his cheek.

"Do you have some sort of ritual for getting rid of it? Like lighting candles and incense with a voodoo doll of one of the other teams' players sitting on your sink?"

"No, weirdo," he chuckled, ruffling my hair.

"Want some company?"

"What, you want to sit there and watch me shave?" he asked, seeming both baffled and amused.

"Yeah, why not?"

He shrugged, rubbing his hands over his thighs before standing, stretching out and nudging me with his foot to follow him up the stairs, nabbing his bag on the way. He dropped it down on the edge of his bed, unzipping it and pulling out the small bag that housed his bathroom items before heading into the master bathroom.

Once we stepped into the bathroom, he set the bag down on one side of the sink, patting the countertop on the other side for me to boost myself up as he dug out his bathroom products. He dropped his toothbrush into the empty holder and meticulously lined up his deodorant, toothpaste, cologne, and vitamins on the small glass shelf next to the mirror.

"You're very organized, has anyone ever told you that?" I smirked, leaning back against the wall.

"I just have a system," he responded, pulling out his razor and shaving cream next, setting them next to the lip of the sink and zipping up the empty bag to toss it in the cabinet under the sink.

"Do you arrange your shirts by color, too?" I teased him.

"No, by fabric type, actually," he said dryly, scrunching his face up at me to show he was joking.

I would have continued on in my light, playful banter, but at that moment, Edward reached his hands behind his head, grabbing the neck of his shirt and pulling it up over his head, tossing it down a little door in the wall behind him that must have been a laundry chute.

My eyes went wide, my face immediately flushing, but I couldn't have looked away even if I'd wanted to. He was just so...beautiful. The muscles of his torso were lean and sculpted, evidence of his active lifestyle and the work he put into maintaining them. But looking at his naked chest, the gym and workouts were the last things on my mind. At least _those_ kinds of workouts. He wasn't completely ripped, his pecs didn't stand out from his chest like some beefy body builder. But he was buff. He looked like an athlete, and a stellar example of one. A small dusting of hair scattered over his chest and I wanted nothing more at that moment than to run my fingers through it, to follow its path down his body to where it disappeared into the thin strip of gray cotton the stuck out from his jeans.

"You awake there, Swan?" Edward asked, a knowing smirk twisting his lips as he flipped on the faucet and removed the protective plastic cover from his razor.

"I don't know. I'm probably dreaming. You might have to pinch me," I sighed, dropping my head back against the wall, jerking when I felt a tiny pinch on my leg. "Ouch! I didn't really mean it, Edward."

"Merely fulfilling your request," he chuckled. "Guess that means you're awake."

"Guess I am," I agreed in a swoony voice. "That just means I've got me a real, live dreamboat for a boyfriend."

"Dreamboat?" he snorted. "That's pretty cheesy, Bella."

"Would you prefer something else? Hunk? Hottie? Eye Candy? Adonis?" I exhaled exaggeratedly with a dreamy hum. "I kinda like Adonis."

"You really need to stop hanging out with Rose and my sister," he chuckled.

I giggled, watching as he uncapped the bottle of shaving cream, shaking it up a bit in his hand. With his arm lifted, I was able to catch a glimpse of his left side and the slightest hint of black ink on his smooth, light skin.

"Aha," I exclaimed, quirking my lips up in a victorious smile. "You know, I've been wondering for quite awhile where this mystery tattoo of yours was."

"Sorry it's not Tweety or the Bat Symbol," he apologized playfully, brushing my hair back behind my ear when it fell across my face as I leaned across the sink, trying to get a better look.

"I guess I'll get over my disappointment," I sighed dramatically, putting my hands on his denim-covered hips to shift his position a little closer. "Let me see this thing."

He huffed, dropping his head back mockingly as if my request was some huge inconvenience for him, stepping in front of me and twisting just enough that I could clearly see the marking.

Seeing the symbol etched there, I smiled in surprised delight, glancing up to his face for just a moment to see him smiling back at me before I nudged him back just far enough that I could lean forward and get a closer look.

On the skin stretched over his ribcage was an image I'd seen before, one that I would never have guessed would be there, but now that I saw it, I couldn't imagine him choosing anything else. It was the same symbol that I'd seen engraved on his bowling ball and on the doorknocker of Carlisle and Esme's house, the Cullen family crest. Every detail was just as I'd remembered from the silhouetted lion to the three clovers and the hand, all enclosed within an ornately outlined oval. Curved along one side of the oval was a word I didn't know, printed in a bold, Celtic font.

"What's this mean?" I asked, ghosting over the black lettering on his skin, tracing over the lines with the lightest touch of my fingertips.

"It's Gaelic," he practically croaked, clearing his throat. "Neart. It means 'strength.'"

"Why'd you choose that?" I asked, looking up at him.

"It seemed fitting. It's what comes to mind when I think of my family."

"Really?" I asked, my brow quirked.

"Yeah. Not physical strength, though I'm sure that's what most people think when they find out what it means, but the emotional strength of each individual and of the bonds we have together. They're what give me strength."

"It's really beautiful," I murmured, running my fingertips over the mark once more before sitting back up to lean back against the wall once more and give myself the extra room to catch my breath after being so close to him in such a new way. "I never would have guessed it, but it suits you."

"Yeah, well I didn't want to get something permanently etched into my skin unless it meant something important to me."

"What? No drunken mistake tattoos, Edward?"

"No," he chuckled, "Jazz got stuck with that one."

"What? Jasper's inked, too? What's his? Where is it? Wait, I don't know if I wanna know," I hesitated, immediately changing my mind again. "Yeah, I do. Tell me!"

"He's a big history buff, Civil War especially," he explained, leaning on the counter. "And you know how he is; when you first meet him, he seems so shy and serious all the time. So when he joined the team, he'd hang out with us, but it took him awhile to just chill and be himself. The first time we went out drinking together we were giving him crap about needing to just let loose. This was before he began dating Alice, mind you, but only just. Emmett's jerking his chain, saying he needs to learn to have a little fun. Jazz got all indignant, claiming he knew how to have a good time. Em goaded him on, bet him a hundred bucks that he wouldn't go out and do something crazy like get a tattoo. Well, it turns out Jazz can't resist a bet and we ended up at the nearest tattoo parlor. Jasper walked out with the Confederate flag on his ass.

"You're kidding," I burst into giggles. "Oh my gosh, that's hilarious. I'm gonna have to give Alice so much crap about that tomorrow."

"Yeah, she was majorly pissed at all of us when she found out, now she thinks it's pretty funny," he said, picking up the can of shaving cream once more, finally filling his palm with the foaming gel and slathering it over his cheek, gradually working his way over his jaw until every bit was covered with white cream. He rinsed his hands off quickly under the stream of the faucet, flicking water at me playfully before drying them off. While his hands were occupied, I was struck with an idea, giving into impulse with a wry smile, I snatched the razor from where it rested on the countertop. When he reached for it and found it missing, he glanced over at me in confusion.

"Mind if I try?" I asked, jiggling the razor playfully with my fingers.

"Are you serious?" he asked, cocking his eyebrow in jest when I nodded. "I don't know, you might slip and slice me through the jugular."

"I would not," I squealed in protest. "I'll be careful, I promise."

"Beautiful, you may be smooth and graceful on the ice, but you can be downright treacherous. I'd like to make it to the next season and have a chance to grow this back again."

"Fine," I huffed, holding the razor out to him and jutting my bottom lip out petulantly. "Do it yourself, since you don't trust me."

"Oh ho!" he laughed, reaching over and digging his fingers into my side, tickling me. "Laying the guilt on are we, Swan? That's a low blow there. I would have expected more from you."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said innocently, smoothing my shirt out and setting the razor back on the counter since he hadn't taken it. He picked it up, running it under the water for a few seconds, shaking of the excess before he held it out to me.

"Here."

"Nope, I don't want to anymore," I pouted, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Bella," he said in a low, solicitous tone as he placed a hand on my thigh, turning me a little diagonally until I was facing him rather than next to him. "Please?"

I pursed my lips in consideration, positive he was only agreeing to stop me from pouting.

"I trust you," he whispered, placing his hands on my knees, urging them apart just enough so he could stand between them and pressed up against the counter as close as he could stand. He held the razor up to me once more, his eyes imploring and sincere until I gave in and took it from him. I dipped the blade under the water again and draped the small hand towel over my lap before looking back at him.

What had started out as a playful idea to flirt with him a little suddenly seemed serious and intimate with his warm hands gently resting on my thighs, his chin raised, and the intense focus of his eyes on mine. My fingers wanted to shake as I raised the razor to his cheek, but after the first couple tentative strokes, I was able to relax a little, confident that I wasn't going to slice him to ribbons. Thoroughly concentrating on the task at hand, I scooted a little closer to the edge of the counter, my legs straddling his body and my face close to his as my fingers gently nudged his jaw around so I could graze over each spot, leaving nothing but smooth, bare skin behind. The warmth of his torso was a constant reminder of how close he was and how little he was wearing. I never realized before how huge a difference one piece of clothing could make. Every once in awhile when I shifted to shave a different direction, my elbow would graze against his skin and I was always torn between jolting away and wanting to linger. Instead I pressed on with my task and tried not to make it too obvious how much he was effecting me.

His eyes drifted closed and it wasn't until I had to ease back in order to see his jaw that I realized his body had gradually enclosed on me, imperceptibly falling forward. I might have thought he was just tired and starting to give into his exhaustion if not for the fact that his hands on my thighs had begun to move more firmly in their kneading of the muscle there, his fingers working their way upward over my legs.

By the time I'd made my last pass with the blade, my heart was pounding and his breath was heavy on my cheek. I rinsed the razor one final time, leaving it on the counter and dipping the edge of the towel under the stream to rub over his jaw, removing the hints of shaving cream left behind on his skin. When I'd finished, I reached up to trace my fingers along his cheek, feeling the smooth skin for the first time in weeks. He hummed softly at the touch of my hand, leaning into my palm for a moment before turning to press a lingering kiss there.

When he turned back, his eyes were dark and passionate, causing the breath to catch in my throat in anticipation of what might happen next. I didn't have long to wait before he leaned forward, hungrily possessing my mouth with his, his torso urging mine backwards with the force of his kiss. My legs automatically wrapped tightly around his waist to steady myself.

My hands slid over his face until my fingers could reach his hair, combing through the strands and latching on as his tongue swept across mine. His hands, which had still been resting on my thighs, stroked upwards over my hips before curving around, his thumbs hooking into the waistline of my jeans as his fingers firmly kneaded my ass, pulling me even closer to the edge of the counter and to him.

Moments later, his thumbs removed from my pants and his hands moved down to tightly cup me, lifting me off the counter as if I weighed nothing at all. He walked us out of the bathroom, crossing the floor of his bedroom, not letting up on his grip when we reached the bed, instead climbing up to kneel on the mattress with me still wrapped around him. He shoved the duffle bag off the edge of the bed to remove the obstruction. His mouth moved slowly, firmly over mine, his kiss engrossing and almost distracting me from the realization that we were on his bed and Edward was half naked. Almost.

Then he was leaning me back onto the comforter and I couldn't think of anything _but_ that. My eyes snapped open and my mouth broke from his, my breath panting in a mixture of desire and mild panic. I wanted Edward, I loved the feel of his body against mine, his lips on my skin and my hands on his, but was I ready for _that_? I wasn't sure, and with the amazingly torturous feel of his erection pressed between my legs, I knew I wouldn't say no if that's where this was headed.

"Is this okay?" Edward asked, his voice low and gritty as his hands traveled up the length of my body. I bit down on my lower lip, most of me wanting so badly to just say 'yes, take me,' while a tiny voice remained that told me to stop, that this was too much, too soon, that I wasn't ready. _Why couldn't I be ready?_

"Bella? What's wrong, Beautiful?" he asked, his hand smoothing my hair back from my face as his eyes, so deep with desire, began to fill with concern and question.

"Nothing," I insisted, trying to shake off my fear and drown out that tiny voice as I reached up to pull him back against me. I was a grown woman, in a mature relationship with a wonderful man. I had no reason to put a stop to something that was completely normal for a couple to do, I lectured myself, hungrily moving my lips against his for a moment before he pulled back again.

"I can read it all over your face, Bella. Talk to me," he urged, his body still hovered over mine. The fact that he hadn't completely pulled away and that his hands were still rubbing sensuously over my hips was encouraging. I considered for one split second trying to distract him again. But then I remembered that this was Edward and he could never be distracted when he thought something was troubling me, even in the slightest measure.

"I- I want this," I whispered, lacking the confidence in my tone that I so wanted to feel when I said those words to him. " I want you. I just- I don't know. I'm just..."

"Just what?" he pressed when I trailed off once more, his voice full of patience and understanding.

"Nervous? Scared? Not scared of you," I insisted quickly before rambling on, "I don't know what my problem is. I mean, we've been together for like two months and I trust you, I know you won't hurt me. And I have all these feelings for you all jumbled up inside me that I don't even know what half of them are, but I know the way I feel when I'm with you. I don't want to lose that, and I really want to be with you like this. I should be able to do this. I mean, we're together, we're both healthy, consenting adults in a committed relationship, so there really should be no problem whatsoever and—"

"Bella, Bella, stop," Edward interrupted my increasingly panicked word-spew, rolling us over to lay on our sides, his hand still soothingly rubbing over my hip. "First of all, you need to stop worrying about what's 'normal' or what we 'should' be doing. Every relationship moves at a different pace. It doesn't matter what works for anyone but you and me. And two months isn't really that long when you think about it, especially with how much you've been through since you moved here. I would never want you to do something you weren't ready for. Even if you can't articulate a reason for it, if you have even the slightest bit of hesitation, we won't do anything. As long as you need, I'll wait. This? Us? Is about so much more than sex. And yeah, that's important, but we'll get there and it'll be fucking amazing when we're both ready. Because, all those feelings you have jumbled up inside? I have them, too."

I laid there next to him, staring deeply into his eyes, and couldn't help but feel comforted by his words. The fact that he'd said them, and so plainly meant every one of them, eased the worry and tension from my mind. Believing him, trusting he wouldn't push me further than I was willing to go, I had the confidence to roll on top of him and capture his mouth again, resuming our passionate embrace as if nothing had interrupted us. As my lips strained against his, I knew I wanted more. Maybe I wasn't quite ready for all, but I wanted more than we'd had. With that thought, I pulled away just enough to reach for the hem of my shirt, starting to drag it up my torso.

"Bella," Edward panted, still out of breath from my assault as he placed his hands over mine to stop their movement. "We don't have to—"

"We're not. You're right, Edward. I'm not ready for that yet, but I am ready for more. We can still do more, right?"

His mouth turned up with a wicked grin and he flipped me onto my back before I could anticipate his move. "In that case...I want to do this part," he uttered softly, running his hands over the fabric of my shirt before grasping onto the hemline and drawing it up, painstakingly slow, over my head, tossing it behind him as his focus remained on the sight of me in front of him.

He swallowed visibly and brought his hands to my waist, his fingers slightly shaky as they touched my skin and again I was amazed that anything could make this strong, perfect man tremble, least of all me.

"Can I—" he stuttered, his fingers brushing over my abs to the top of my jeans. "Do you- I—"

It was my turn to reassure him this time, understanding what he was asking. Instead of voicing my willingness to proceed, I reached down, brushing my fingertips against his at my waist, and gently popped the button on my jeans, urging the zipper down, lifting my hips for him to take over and slide the denim over the length of my legs. He exposed me, inch by inch, moving to stand by the edge of the bed in order to remove my pants from around my ankles, dropping them to the floor with a heavy, rustling sound.

He stood at my feet, his eyes glazed as they roamed over my body, bare to him apart from the minimal coverings of my cotton bra and matching boy-shorts. When his eyes met mine, I was blown away by the intensity of his desire, unable to do anything more than lay there with my heart pounding. Luckily, that's all Edward seemed to need me to do as he placed his hands on the top of my feet, sliding up over my calves and following with his hands, the trail his gaze had just blazed, pausing along the way to brush caressing strokes over the sensitive spots as he eased back down on the bed between my legs.

His fingers brushed over the swell of my breast, his eyes glued to their path. "So fucking gorgeous," he whispered, almost to himself.

Between his words and his touch, I was lost, unleashing a low moan at the sensations he was eliciting from me. He closed his hand more firmly around the soft peak, lowering his head to press a wet kiss against my collarbone, and I was spurred into action. I wanted him on me and all around me and I needed it _now_. Tugging firmly on his hair, I brought his lips to mine, a duet of groans muffled within each other's mouths as his touch became less hesitant and more urgent.

I slid my hands down over the warm muscles of his back and around to claw at the buttons of his jeans, managing to get three unlatched before I was just too impatient and began shoving the denim down over his thighs. I managed to get them off with Edward's assistance as he kicked them from his feet and onto the floor, never fully detaching himself from me. Then he was pressed against me, firm and hard where I was pliant. I practically melted from the heat of so much of his skin scorching against mine, separated only by a few thin pieces of fabric. My fingers dug into his ass, pulling him close to me as I thrust my hips up against him, gasping from the intensity of this new exploration.

"Oh, God, Bella," he groaned, thrusting forcefully against me a few times, burying his face in the crook of my neck where I felt his teeth clamp upon my skin a moment later.

"Fuck, Edward," I cried out, moisture and heat pooling between my legs.

"Baby, I want to touch you," he throatily uttered, trailing his hand down over my stomach and resting at the top of my panties. "I need to touch you. Is that alright?"

I nodded fervently, feeling only longing without a hint of fear at entering this new territory. To emphasize my certainty and ease his mind, I placed my hand over his, sliding both of them down between my parted legs until his fingers reached my covered sex. I gasped sharply, wholly unprepared for just how good it would feel to have Edward touching me there. He pulled away like he'd been burnt, his eyes moving to mine.

"Did I hurt you?" he asked worriedly.

"No, Edward," I whispered, the passioned raspiness of my voice unfamiliar to my own ears. "It felt really good. I just wasn't expecting it to feel like that."

He relaxed at my explanation, the concern in his eyes quickly returning to want. I reached for his hand again to return it to it's spot where it stayed this time, the foreign tingles returning with it.

"Jesus, Bella," he gasped as his fingers began gently stroking over me. "You're so soft, Baby."

I cried out, my fingers fisting into the blanket beneath me as his touch became more vigorous.

He moved his fingers slightly to the side, pausing as he looked to me for permission before sliding his fingers beneath the fabric covering me to stroke over my slick folds.

The next thing I knew, Edward's fingers were poised at my entrance, gently easing into me. He moved slowly, allowing me to adjust to the foreign intrusion before he began to pump one finger into me, then adding another as I cried out in pleasure. Their constant probing steadily built, almost making me complacent to the pace. Then he pressed his thumb to my most sensitive spot, firmly rubbing in tight circles as my hips shot straight off the bed and I wondered how the fuck I could have thought about complacency with the magic he was performing with his hand. Where I'd been steadily climbing before, I now felt myself swiftly approaching the brink, practically sprinting toward it.

"Does that feel good, Bella?" he grunted, continuing to ease his fingers in and out at a steady pace while his thumb completely ravaged me. I couldn't form the words to answer, only nodded, continuing to make nonsensical sounds that I'd never known I was capable of making.

"Mmm, Bella, I want to watch you come undone in my hands, knowing that I'm the only person who has ever seen you like this and felt you like this," he urged. He curled his fingers inside me in a way that sent bolts of electricity through me, firmly pressing down with his thumb and holding it there as my back arched from the bed and it all suddenly became too much.

At his words, I felt myself shatter, his name the only word on my lips as I cried out, collapsing back on the bed and feeling practically fluid as the bolts faded to a gentle hum.

The mattress shifted as I let out a long sigh and a satisfied hum, turning to see Edward's face lying against the mattress beside me, looking fairly pleased with himself.

"That was..." I paused, searching for the correct word and coming up blank.

He smirked and leaned forward to kiss the tip of my nose before he turned to lie on his back, his arms folded behind his head. I moved over to him, resting my head on his chest and draping my leg over his. As I shifted, my thigh brushed against him, my eyes popping open in surprise as I realized Edward was still hard. Of course he would be. Just because I'd had my release didn't mean he'd gotten his. How could he have? It's not like I'd done anything for him.

He groaned a little, shifting his hips away until my leg was no longer touching his erection, and I realized he really wasn't expecting anything. It seemed he was set on just cuddling with me in his arms and not asking for more, though it was clear his body was searching for it. That just wouldn't do.

It took me a few minutes to gather my nerve, preparing to do something I'd never really given much thought to doing in the past, something I had no idea how to go about doing. Finally, I grew tired of the anxiety flowing through my mind and decided to just go for it, sliding my hand down over his bare chest, pausing when it reached the cotton of his boxer briefs.

"What are you doing?" he asked curiously, his voice giving me a bit of a jolt as I was so focused on my task. I looked up to him, biting my lip, wondering if I should let him in on my plans, but that ran the risk of me dying of mortification at having to verbally say what I couldn't even think without blushing. He'd risen off the bed a little, propped up on his elbows and was looking down on me. I didn't know if I could go through with it. His touch had been so amazing and I had no idea what I was doing. I was sure to just mess it up.

No. I wasn't going to get scared off this time. I wasn't going to shy away. I could touch my boyfriend's...what? Thing? Penis? No, that sounded wrong, like an anatomy lesson or something. Cock. That's what Alice and Rose said, and really it seemed the most fitting for the large appendage straining against the fabric of Edward's boxer briefs. Cock it was.

Lifting my hand from his body and drawing my gaze away from his face, I moved until I was straddling his legs and gently set my palm back down directly over his hard length, feeling the heat radiating through the fabric of his boxers. I knew it wasn't going to do anything for him for me to just rest my hand over it, so I tentatively rubbed my hand over him, biting back a smile as he moaned in response and fell back on the bed.

As I continued to stroke over the fabric, I recalled how different it had felt when Edward's fingers had been on me with no barriers and wondered if it would be the same for him. The next time I stroked upwards, I traveled further up his body, dipping my fingers into the waist of his shorts as my hand ventured downward again.

"Fuck, Bella," he groaned, his hips thrusting against my hand. He was so warm and firm and big, and my desire to touch him left no room for insecurity or embarrassment at feeling that part of him.

"Is this okay?" I asked, rubbing my hand down over him again as I'd done over his boxers, my hand flat and fingers together.

"Yeah, just—" he broke off, seeming to stop himself from saying something.

"No, what? Tell me what you want, Edward," I insisted, eager to learn how to please him.

He reached his hand down, covering mine over him and curled my fingers. "Wrap your hand around it." This time when I rubbed down his length, he let out a low hum.

"Mmm, a little tighter," he requested. "Squeeze your hand just a little more."

I did as he asked, wrapping my fingers more firmly around him as I continued to stroke his length. "Like this?"

"Ungh, yes. Fuck, yes, just like that, Baby," he groaned, his head dropping back against the bed, the muscles of his neck tense with strain. "Shit, that feels good. Don't stop."

I couldn't have stopped if he'd wanted me to, so fascinated was I with the feel of him beneath my fingers and the vision of his face so twisted with pleasure from my touch. I continued to stroke over him, naturally gaining speed as his hips urged against my hand.

His hands, which had been at his sides and pressed firmly against the bed, fumbled, desperately searching until they found me. They couldn't seem to find a place to settle, squeezing over my shoulders, my chest, my calves, each only for a moment before they finally latched onto my thighs, his fingers digging in as if he was trying to make sure they wouldn't move again. He groaned deeply and I could feel him throbbing against my fingers, his movements growing more and more agitated by the second, the volume of his moans steadily increasing until it was clear he wouldn't last much longer.

"Jesus, fuck, Bella," he cried out, his entire body stiffening as his cock pulsed with his release.

I continued to rub against him, slower now as I watched him come down from his peak, the muscles of his body relaxing little by little. When I felt him begin to soften, I uncurled my fingers, drawing my hand out from his boxer briefs, easing down to curl my body against his side. He turned his head to press a soft kiss to my forehead as he wound his arm around me, holding me close to him as we lay together, drifting in a dreamlike state between sleep and awake.

He sighed after a few minutes, squeezing his hand against my hip for a moment before he slid his arm out from under me. "I gotta get up for a minute, love."

"'Kay," I agreed, curling into myself a little at the loss of his warmth.

He poked around the room for a minute and I couldn't stop myself from staring at his glorious form when he walked to his dresser, pulling a fresh pair of boxer briefs from the top drawer. He caught me watching and winked at me, chuckling when I blushed, before he went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

He was only gone for a minute, and I still hadn't had time to figure out what came next before he was back. He jumped up onto the bed, bouncing on his knees once before rolling over me, catching me in his arms as he rotated, sprawling my body out on top of his.

"Hey you," he breathed contently, tucking my head down into his neck.

I sighed, melting under his touch and feeling myself beginning to drift off as his thumbs rubbed over the small of my back, outlining the faint dimples that existed there.

After shaking myself awake for the third time, I knew if I waited any longer I'd end up fading into unconsciousness.

"I can't stay," I whispered regretfully, uneager to emerge from the perfection of his arms. "Marcus wants me on the ice early tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? It's Saturday," he complained sleepily.

"I know. It's to make up for missing those two days when we went to Chicago."

"I have an alarm clock," he offered, squeezing me softly.

I leaned back, resting my chin on his chest to look down upon him. "You don't know how tempting that sounds." Leaning forward, I kissed him with soft, gentle lips and whispered, "Not tonight. I'll take a rain check though, if you're offering."

"Cash in anytime, Swan," he smiled, brushing the tip of his nose against mine. "I always have an extra pillow at your disposal."

x-x-x

The following afternoon, after untying my skates for the day, Marcus joined me on the bench for our normal 'recap' conversation. Every day before calling it quits, we'd conference and get a chance to summarize what had happened in the session that day; things that had gone well, things that needed improvement, ideas on where to go next with my training. I still had a lot of work to do on my jumps, having not even attempted another triple since bruising my knee with Renee and Phil, and there were always things to work on and improve, but I was feeling more in control than I had in a long time.

"We need to start talking programs, Bella," he informed me. "Other skaters will have already gotten started with new choreography for next season, some probably already have their routines down and will be concentrating on perfecting every wrist flick from now until the first competition back."

I nodded in agreement, having been thinking as much over the past few sessions. I'd been more worried about getting my strength back than anything, but he was right. By this time last season I'd already had both my long and short programs committed to memory.

"That leads me to another thing we'll need to think about—which events do you want to register for?"

"I don't know, Marcus," I sighed, rubbing at the headache brewing in my temple. "You know my mother always handled the business end of things."

"If you'd like, I can pass along a few names of good managers in the business," Marcus offered, "people who are trustworthy and would know what they're doing..."

"But?" I asked, feeling like there was more to it than that.

"But, I can understand where you'd be gun-shy about giving up control to a stranger after what you've been going through with Renee. You don't have to have a manager, Bella. They can be a useful tool, but it's not a necessity. Between the two of us, we have enough knowledge of how things should be done to bump along on our own, if that's what you'd prefer."

"Maybe. You said you know people. Could you get me some names I can look into before making any final decisions?" I requested.

"I think that'd be a wise choice. I'll get those to you immediately."

"Okay. So, programs," I returned to the original topic. "My mom had Heidi Shapiro come by and talk to us."

"Good gracious, no," he sputtered. "Is that truly the direction you want to go?

"No! I hate her routines. I think I'd just feel uncomfortable trying to skate them," I exclaimed, as Marcus seemed to sigh in relief. "Do you think we should hire someone else?" I asked without enthusiasm. "I mean you and I have done them together in the past, but if there's a time crunch..."

"I actually had a thought about that," he stated.

"And?"

"And I think you should give it a shot."

"What? Like you and me?" I asked, feeling better about that idea than hiring someone I'd never worked with.

"No. You, Bella. You choreograph," he said, nodding his head at me.

"Me?" I gasped, understanding. "By myself? Are you nuts?"

"I'd like to think my mental health is quite sound, actually," he said. "And no, not entirely by yourself. I'd be here to help finesse things, help edit and ensure that all the proper elements are in place, but you'd take the reins."

"Why would we do that?" I asked, panicked at the thought of taking on so much responsibility. "I mean, I know I've helped in the past, but you did most of it, I just helped with ideas."

"Yes, and they were always good ideas," he explained in a calming tone. "You have a strong eye, Bella. You have a natural flow to your movement and a great ability to match those movements to music. It's a risk, certainly, but one I think could pay off nicely. If you're creating the movements, you'll have a comfort with the programs that you could never get if someone else is dictating your steps. If you're more comfortable, you'll be more confident and that can only help you.

"I'll tell you what, take a week, think about it. If you're truly uncomfortable with the idea, we'll go back to what we've done in the past. If you decide it's something you'd like to pursue, we'll run with it," he propositioned.

"I wouldn't even know where to start," I argued, waving my hands helplessly.

"Start with the music, Bella," he advised. "See if you can find something that feels right to you, that you can visualize yourself skating to. You've done it in the past, Bella. This is nothing new for you, it's just on a larger scale." I nodded to let him know I understood and that I'd consider it, still seriously hesitant. "Think about it. We'll keep going with general training for now and talk in a week."

x-x-x

I stopped at home to grab a shower and spend some time tending to a few chores I'd neglected for the past few days since I'd told Edward I'd go hang out at his place again for the evening. I called him before heading over to check and see what he had in mind for dinner. He seemed to be content ordering pizza or Chinese food again and I had to roll my eyes, realizing just how much of a stereotypical bachelor he was in that area. He didn't cook unless it involved pressing a few buttons on his microwave and had a few of his favorite take-out joints on speed dial.

I'd told him I'd take care of it and would be over shortly. I made a detour to the grocery store, spending some time perusing the aisles and debating what I'd need. I hadn't spent much time in Edward's kitchen, but I'd seen enough to have a general idea of what he had in terms of cookware and basic pantry items. It wasn't much. I knew he had a grill, but the forecast was calling for a storm and the sky was starting to look ominous, so that was out.

I picked up some chicken breasts and asparagus, along with a few spices and Parmesan cheese to grate over the veggies. I thought about calling Edward to see if he had any wine on hand, but decided to just chance it. He'd offered it to me before, so it was possible he'd have some and I really didn't feel like making a second stop at the liquor store. At the last minute, I picked out a loaf of artisan bread, a couple cannolis for dessert and I was satisfied I'd be able to put together a decent meal.

I'd never really cooked for Edward before, and I was girlishly eager to impress him. I'd always loved to cook. Since Renee never wanted anything to do with the kitchen, I'd had plenty of opportunity to experiment, though I'd always been confined by the strict regulations she'd always placed on my diet.

When I finally pulled into Edward's driveway, the air had cooled and the wind had picked up though it hadn't yet started to rain. It looked like a good night to stay in.

Edward met me at the door, swiping the bag of groceries from my arms and giving me a quick hello kiss as he ushered me inside.

"What's all this?"

"That's what real food looks like before it's cooked, Edward," I teased. "You know, not all meals need to come in a paper bag or frozen in a package."

"You're a riot, Swan," he said dryly, giving my butt a swat as he followed me back to the kitchen where he helped me unload the paper sack.

"Whatcha makin'?" he asked, studying the items as he set them out on the counter.

"Nothing special. I know you don't have much in the way of kitchen supplies and it was sort of last minute."

He crossed over to stand behind me, brushing my hair off my neck and wrapping his arms around my waist. "Well, if you're cooking it, I'm sure it'll be spectacular," he uttered with his lips pressed against my neck.

"You've never had my cooking before; I might be as bad as you."

"That's really hard to imagine. It looks like you at least know your way around a grocery store. I typically stick to the frozen section, sometimes even taking a walk on the wild side and venturing into the soup and boxed dinner aisle."

"You know, it's really nice to know you're not perfect at everything," I chuckled, reaching back to ruffle his hair where his head remained resting on my shoulder. "Makes it a little easier to remember you're human and not some sort of infallible demi-god."

He laughed heartily, rubbing his hands over my stomach and asking what I needed. I listed off a few items, like a skillet and some olive oil. He bustled around the kitchen retrieving the items for me as I folded up the empty bag, setting the cannolis in the fridge and pushing my sleeves up to get started.

Edward tried to help, but it quickly became clear that he was more of a hindrance. He ended up boosting himself up to sit on the counter and watch as I put our dinner together. When everything was ready, he poured us each a glass of the wine he'd uncorked for me to cook the chicken with, and helped me dish everything up.

He took one bite of the chicken and dropped his fork with a loud clank, slumping down in his chair and rolling his eyes back into his head. "Mmm. That's fucking delicious, Bella."

"It's just chicken, Edward. I think you're exaggerating a bit," I said wryly, rolling my eyes at his dramatics.

"Well, it beats what I typically eat for dinner, that's for sure," he said, sitting back up and eagerly digging into his meal.

"I've had your mom's cooking," I reminded him. "It's not like you've never had a good, home cooked meal before."

"True, but that's my mama, she has to spoil me," he said when he'd finished chewing. "It's different having a delicious meal cooked for me by someone who doesn't feel it's her job as a good mother to do so."

"What, you've never had another woman cook for you?" I asked skeptically, cutting an asparagus spear with my fork.

"Not that I can recall. I never really dated anyone who liked to."

"Well get used to it, because I'm not a big fan of living off of take out and frozen dinners."

"You gonna spoil me, Swan?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Maybe," I said playfully, tearing up a piece of bread and dipping it in the plate of oil and pepper I'd set out.

"I won't complain," he grinned, leaning over the table to peck my lips.

Conversation flowed easily as we ate, and the subject eventually got around to my conversation with Marcus from that afternoon. His suggestion had been lingering at the back of my mind all day and I really didn't know what to think about it.

"Why wouldn't you want to?" Edward inquired, pushing his empty plate away.

"It's a lot of pressure. Your programs will make or break you, and there's a lot to think about when you're putting them together. It's a complicated process," I explained, twirling the stem of my half-empty wineglass between my fingers.

"What's to think about?" he asked, genuinely interested.

"Well, you want it to flow, to fit your personality and personal style, but you also want to keep up with the pack. There are always new techniques to focus on since the sport is always progressing and everyone's trying to push the limits more and more. There's picking the right music and the right costumes to match, capturing the right emotion to go with them. It's more than just throwing a bunch of jumps and technical moves together. If you do it right, the technical stuff shouldn't even be what people think of when they're watching it, it's the artistic side, the emotional side that should be the focus."

"And what? You think you can't juggle all that? Bella, I've seen you skate. That routine you did for me at the rink back when you were just getting your feet under you again? It was beautiful and it had all those things."

"Edward, that was just a silly warm-up routine. It didn't have any of the advanced technical moves that you're required to incorporate."

"You just said yourself, the technical side isn't the most important."

"It's not, but you still need it."

"And you can work those in," he insisted, grabbing my hands with his, and leaning his face in to emphasize his words. "You have the ability, Bella, you just need to believe in yourself."

"You think so?" I asked hesitantly.

"I know so," he urged, squeezing my hands and smiling at me reassuringly until I gave in and smiled back.

"I told Marcus I'd think about it," I admitted. "I figured I'd poke around with some song ideas and see if anything strikes me."

"Yeah? I can help with that it you want," he replied eagerly, his face suddenly full of excitement.

"You want to help me dig through song selections?" I asked dubiously as we began gathering our plates up to walk them back into the kitchen.

"Yeah. It'd be fun. Come on," he requested with such excitement that I had to laugh. He really was Alice's brother.

"Where are we going?" I questioned as he dragged me down the hall.

"In here," he said, drawing me into the front sitting room where his piano sat.

"Are you gonna play for me?" I asked, suddenly just as excited as he was, maybe even more so. I knew he played and had yet to hear him do so.

"If you want," he shrugged. "I have a bunch of albums of classical stuff in here as well if you'd rather dig through those. That might be better since I don't have as wide a repertoire and it'd be limited to one instrument."

"I want to hear you play. Please?" I implored, implementing the 'doe eyes' to plead my request.

"Like I'm gonna deny that beautiful face," he sighed, brushing his thumb over my bottom lip. "Take a seat, Swan."

We sat together on the bench, shifting until I was sure I wouldn't get in his way but still close to him as he cracked his knuckles playfully and trilled a few quick scales.

"So...what do you want to hear?" he asked, lightly playing a few random notes to warm himself up. I was briefly distracted by the sight of his long fingers moving agilely over the white keys, gently stroking them as quiet music filled the air around us. "Bella?"

"Huh? What?" I sputtered dumbly, shaking myself out of my thoughts. He smirked, clearly on to me, and asked his question again. "Whatever you want. I'm all ears."

He sighed, pursing his lips in consideration and tapping his fingers lightly against the keys. Then the notes changed, a clear shift into a familiar favorite.

"I've done this one," I smiled as he worked his way through _Clair de Lune_. "It's generally frowned upon to recycle songs."

"Just getting warmed up, Swan," he informed me, turning his attention back to the keys. "In a rush?"

"Nope. Take your time, maestro," I said, relaxing and taking the opportunity to enjoy the song.

Edward was truly talented with the instrument, easily playing the classical composition without the assistance of sheet music, even adding his own flourishes throughout that enhanced the chords. He moved from song to song without pause, merely bridging the notes to shift keys and rhythms.

By the third selection, I was thoroughly bewitched by the music and the man beside me. He didn't just play the songs, he thoroughly embraced them, drawing out the emotion of the notes, altering the volume and force behind his hands depending on the tone and progression of each song. He didn't even seem to be looking at the keys most of the time, sometimes his eyes were closed, sometimes looking off into the distance without really looking at anything, sometimes glancing over at me. His seemed to use his entire form to play the instrument, rocking on the bench as his feet depressed the pedals and his hands rushed over the keys.

The storm picked up outside, the thunder getting gradually louder along with the ping of the rain against the windows, but we continued on, Edward playing and me listening, enclosed in our own little world with his body warm against my side.

Every song he played, I loved, some familiar and some new. Eventually he segued into the opening notes of _Moonlight Sonata_, and I felt my eyes flutter closed as the music filled my head.

In my mind, I was no longer sitting on the piano bench, I was on the ice. As the notes played, my body moved, each movement so certain and clear as the song progressed. I could imagine every step, every arm movement, how I'd travel across the ice. I was jolted out of the vision when the music suddenly stopped in the middle of the song.

"Why'd you stop?" I whispered, my eyes fluttering open. I was thrown off when I couldn't see anything but darkness, couldn't even make out the piano in front of me or Edward beside me.

"Power outage," Edward uttered in a raspy voice.

"Oh. I guess the storm has gotten pretty bad. Do we need to do anything? It's been awhile since my last blackout."

"Just wait it out. If it doesn't come back in a few minutes we can look for candles and flashlights."

I hesitated, wanting him to play the song again but wondering if it was stupid of me to ask since he couldn't see the keys in front of him. But then I heard him play a few random notes in the silence.

"Could you— I don't know if you can play in the dark, but could you finish?"

"Mm-hmm," he hummed in agreement as the song picked up where he'd left off. This time I didn't have to close my eyes to allow my imagination to transport me. As the song came to a close, so did the routine in my head, and I knew I had to use it. I couldn't imagine skating to anything else after seeing that in my head. As the last few notes lingered, I felt my eyes adjusting to the darkness and I was able to make out the vague outline of Edward's silhouette, the deep shadows playing over his form.

"I like that one," I whispered, smiling and leaning against him now that I wasn't worried about jarring his arm when he was trying to play.

"It suits you," he said, kissing my brow and wrapping his arm around me.

He was right. The song fit my personal style, but more than that, it fit me. It's what I wanted, and I wanted to take it, to shape it, mold it, play with it until it was perfection.

"I think I found my free skate," I whispered in confession.

"Yeah? You're gonna do it?"

I nodded against his shoulder and felt his hands searching my face, holding my cheeks when he found them so he could find my mouth in the darkness and kiss me.

"I'm so proud of you, Bella."

"I haven't done anything yet," I chuckled.

"But you will. I can already see it."

I grinned, because I could see it, too. "Well, I can't see much of anything. Power's not coming back, should we scrounge up some flashlights?"

"I suppose," he said, scooting the bench back a little and standing up, reaching out for my hand. "I have an idea actually."

"What?"

"Something we used to do when I was growing up and a storm knocked the power out. Stay right here, okay?" he asked once we'd crossed the hall to where I knew the living room was.

"I can help," I offered.

"Beautiful, you'd probably end up running into a wall or something," he laughed and I shoved him playfully, scowling though he couldn't see it. "Stay here, I'll grab a few things and be back in a minute."

He was longer than a minute, but not by much. Soon enough, I heard his footsteps coming back down the hall and saw the stream of light from his flashlight. He handed it over to me as he set down a laundry basket full of items. As I shone the light in his direction, he unpacked a book that I couldn't see the title of, the bakery box of cannoli, a small pile of clothes, and a slew of blankets.

"Okay," he said, snapping on a second flashlight. "You take that one and these and go change, and I'll get things set up in here."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, the storm's still going strong so it doesn't look like you'll be leaving anytime soon, and I figured you wouldn't be very comfortable sleeping in jeans."

"Oh, right," I murmured shyly, reaching out and taking the t-shirt and sweatpants he held as I realized I'd be spending the night and not just a little excited about that fact. "What are you setting up?"

"It's a surprise. Change wherever and I'll be done before you get back," he said, flashing his light over me so he could kiss me and pat me on the butt to scoot me on my way.

I found the restroom, setting my flashlight on the sink to use the facilities and change. Edward's t-shirt and sweats were huge on me and I had to roll the pants three times at the waist so I wouldn't trip over them, but they were far more comfortable than my skinny jeans and they smelled like him. You wouldn't see me complaining.

I folded my discarded clothes, tucking my bra between them as I second-guessed my decision to remove it. It wasn't comfortable to sleep in underwire, but I couldn't help but feel a little weird without that barrier. Whatever. It was dark and I'd be more comfortable, so it stayed off. I swiped my flashlight off the counter to make my way back to the living room.

What I saw made me gasp in surprise. Within mere minutes, the room had been transformed. Sheets hung from the ceiling fan, draping over furniture that had been readjusted and pillows that had been stacked to form a sort of tent. Thick blankets were laid out over the floor, stacked on top of each other and covering couch cushions to form a mattress on the ground. There were a few flashlights scattered through the tent, nestled between cushions to secure their position and pointed upward to light up the area.

"What do you think?" Edward asked as he stood from tucking the last light in place.

"What did you do?" I asked in amazement.

"Pillow fort. Cullen Family thunderstorm tradition," he said with a grin, beckoning me over as we both crawled into the tent. "When we were kids and the power went out, we'd all build a big tent together to sleep in and my mom would read to us. Emmett and I always made her read Goosebumps books and then she'd read fairy tales and The Babysitters Club for Alice."

"Are you gonna read me some Goosebumps, Edward?" I asked, laying back and stretching out over the cushions, surprised at how comfortable it was.

"Sadly, I don't have any in my possession."

"Way to break tradition, Cullen," I razzed him.

"I think we can make a few small adjustments," he said, handing me a cannoli, tapping his against mine in a sort of toast before he devoured it in a few quick bites while I savored mine. "Besides, the tradition usually involved Alice whining over having to sit through our gross boy stories and Emmett making fun of her with my parents trying to keep the peace. There are some things I don't mind keeping the tradition with."

We snuggled in to the cushions, my head on his chest as he propped himself up on pillows. I held the light while he held the book and read aloud from Jane Eyre, his voice a calm and soothing narrative that drew me into the story. Five chapters later, Edward paused long enough that I wondered if he'd fallen asleep.

"Edward?" I asked, turning in his arms until I could see his face, his eyes open and on me, more serious than I would have anticipated.

"Bella, I want to tell you something," he whispered, barely audible as he set the open book down on his chest and raised his fingers to my cheek. "But I don't want you to say anything back yet, okay?"

I nodded, my brow creased in confusion.

"I love you," he said. I felt like I couldn't breathe, couldn't move, but he kept speaking. "I'm so in love with you. I feel like I've been in love with you so long that I can't remember what it's like not to be. I don't want to remember; I don't ever want to not feel like this because it's more than I ever thought I could have. I didn't know it was possible to love someone so much."

He stroked his hand over my cheek and chuckled, "Breathe, Beautiful." I did as he asked, exhaling heavily as I tried to absorb what he'd said and what I thought about it.

"Look, Bella," he continued before my mind could drift. "I don't want you to say anything right now. I mean, I don't not want you to say that to me, I want to hear that from you, but not just because I said it. I don't want you to say it until you feel it or until you're comfortable saying it. I don't want you to worry about it hurting me if you don't say it yet. I didn't tell you to try and pressure you. I told you because I had to let you know. I've wanted to tell you so many times and I just couldn't hold it in any longer.

"This doesn't change things, Bella," he insisted, playing with the ends of my hair where they lay on the blanket between us. "My feelings are the same as they were an hour ago, they're just out in the open now. Can you just—" he sputtered after an extended moment of silence. "I need to know what you're thinking. Say something, please?"

What could I say? He'd insisted he wasn't expecting me to say it back to him, but anything else seemed stupid, wrong.

Did I love Edward? I knew I had lust for him. I knew I wanted him with me always and that I missed him when he wasn't there. I knew I cared about him a great deal. But love? I didn't know yet. I didn't know what love meant to me or how to determine if that's what my feelings were. It might be, but until he'd said those words to me, the thought had never entered my mind.

I didn't have a clear enough concept of love in my head to be able to identify if that's what was in my heart.

My parents had been in love once. What had happened to them to turn that love into borderline hatred? Obviously that didn't happen with all couples, but divorce and heartbreak seemed so common that it was difficult to understand what made love so difficult. Renee claimed she was in love all the time. I understood now that she obviously had no idea what that word meant. What she'd had with all those men was lust, not love. I wasn't a mind reader and maybe it was presumptuous of me to speculate, but I couldn't imagine she ever felt anything for one of those men that was even close to what I felt for Edward.

He was there in front of me, waiting, and I didn't have an answer yet, but I couldn't risk hurting him by keeping silent. So instead, I opened my mouth and said the first words I could think of.

"I don't know if this is appropriate to say, but...thank you," I murmured, placing my hand over his heart to try and show him that I cherished hearing them, that they hadn't upset me in any way. "Will you tell me again, just once?"

"I'd tell you a thousand times, Bella. I love you."

I leaned forward to kiss him passionately, fiercely, keeping my body far enough removed from his so as not to make him think it was out of lust. I tried to communicate with my kiss what I wasn't sure yet that I could put into words. My feelings for him ran deeper than any I'd ever felt before for anyone before. I wanted him to know that, to know that he was everything and he wasn't alone in this. I didn't feel qualified yet to say those words to him. Until I had time to process them and my feelings, I didn't want to speak. I didn't want to say them lightly. Though I didn't understand them yet, I knew that they were important and I wanted them to be important when I told him. Until I knew, with absolute certainty, that I loved him, I couldn't say the words.

"I'm really glad the power went out tonight," I breathed against his cheek, a weak comment that I could only hope he understood the true meaning of. I was glad he told me, overwhelmed by the realization that he loved me, giddy at hearing the words and filled by the warmth of the feeling behind them. Though I wasn't ready to say it back to him tonight, the fact that he had made me feel weightless and perfect.

We lay there with only the sound of the rain and the sound of our hearts beating in unison, our bodies close and every once in awhile our lips would meet to brush gently, lingering easily together. Eventually Edward tucked me back in his arms and picked the book back up, starting in on the next chapter. I made it through three more before I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. The moment before I dropped into sleep, I heard him whisper 'I love you' once more and I murmured back in jumbled nonsense that didn't even make sense to my own ears as I drifted off to sleep in his arms.

**x-x-x**

**A/N: **

**You made it to the other side! Congrats. ;)**

**So a big reason I balk at posting such a long chapter is that I hardly get to see what you guys are thinking since there's SOOO much to recall. So…in an attempt to recap, this chapter we had:**

**Chicago, Jake & Jealousward. Playoffs ending ****. Shaving & Sexytimes (and finally finding out about Edward's tatt). Bella Choreographing? Oh…and I think there was a little thing that happened there at the end. Nothing important though… ;)**

**Review if you please and you WILL be teased!**

**Team TTI for the FGB auction is growing! I won't rehash it all here, but if you want to get on the team, head over to the thread on Twilighted and make a post or look KrisCullen2 on Twitter. She'd like to know by June 14****th****! You can let me know in your review, by PM or on Twitter as well.**

**Polyvore on the profile.**


	14. Chapter 14: More Than Words

**A/N: It's another monster guys. I promise they won't all be this long but again, this chapter called for it. I'll recap at the end.**

**Huge thanks to Betamama and another one for Caren who helped me make the final scene in this chapter sing. You're both fabulous.**

**Oh, and this is probably a good time to remind you all that this story is rated M and shouldn't be read by anyone not legally considered an adult. Not trying to be mean, thems the rules.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created the characters, the story is mine. Copyright 2010: BellaMarie117**

**x-x-x**

Early Monday morning, I showed up at the rink and didn't hesitate in informing Marcus of my decision to choreograph. He was supportive and eager to let me get started...until I told him I'd already made my song selection for the free skate.

"Moonlight Sonata, Bella? Really?" he asked, scowling when I nodded resolutely.

"Can you tell me why you'd want to use something so sappy and overplayed?"

"Because I know I can make it my own. I can see it so clearly in my head, Marcus. I have to skate to it. I know I can do it and make it different than anything anyone has ever seen from me before. I can make it original. And it's not sappy, it's classic and romantic. Timeless," I pitched, reiterating the points I'd rehearsed in my head to plead my case to him.

"You know the critics are going to be chomping at the bit to tear you apart for that choice, Bella," he argued. "It's one of the most popular selections out there. It's tired; people want to see something new."

"I know it is, Marcus, but _I've_ never skated to it before," I said passionately, tapping my fist against my chest. "_I've_ never created with it before. I'm not going to go copy someone else's routine and claim it as my own. I just want a chance. I want to do this so badly, Marcus. I never even knew how much, and before now I probably couldn't have done it. I wouldn't have had the strength or the conviction. But now, I know I can do it. And I want to do it with _this_ song."

He looked considering, but wasn't ready to give in. Though the discussion wasn't over, he asked me to lace up and take the ice while he gave it some thought. Throughout the course of the morning session, he'd pose questions to me or make comments about why it wasn't a great song selection. For every word he spoke, I had one back for him to defend my choice.

He had to agree to it. I felt like my heart would break if I couldn't realize the vision I'd seen in my head.

I was at center ice working on my sit spin when Marcus called me over to the boards.

"I'll tell you what, Bella; I'll make you a bargain. You go out there right now and land a clean triple, and you can use Moonlight Sonata," he proposed. "If you fall, I get to choose."

My heart jumped into my throat. It had been a month since I'd last attempted a triple and it hadn't gone well, leaving me gun shy to try it again. Now my ability to skate the program I wanted to skate was riding on one jump. My muscles were warm and limber, it shouldn't be a problem, but without any time to prepare, I didn't know if I could do it.

"Any triple, Bella," he clarified the terms. "How bad do you want it?"

My jaw set and I lifted my brow at his challenge. I wanted it. All I had to do was reach out and take what he offered. Newly determined to meet his challenge, I took off around the ice without a word, taking my time to circle three full laps as I built my speed and decided which jump was my best option.

Salchow? It was rare that I messed those up, even when I wasn't in peak condition, but that seemed a little too easy. He'd told me any jump, but my pride wouldn't let me go with the easiest option. I wanted to impress him. I wanted to earn it. As I made my second lap, I considered an Axel, but knew that was way too risky. Even in peak form it was rare that I landed one cleanly. They were my Achilles heel and while I wanted to conquer them, with so much at stake, now wasn't the time to try.

Lutz, I decided. They were tough, but doable. I could land a Lutz.

I curved around the boards, my arms spread and feet flying through my back crossovers as I made a diagonal line across the ice, approaching the corner and my target. Straightening up and lifting my back foot in preparation, I firmly planted my toe, taking off from my back outside edge. _Good height, good speed, good rotation_, my mind processed quickly through the checks. _Little tilted, but nothing detrimental. _Before I even made the second rotation, I knew I had it.

Landing solidly with a flourish, I felt a surge of exhilaration flow through me, the likes of which I hadn't experienced in a long time. _God, that felt good._

I indulged in a little fist pump and mini happy dance while my back was turned from Marcus, composing myself before I approached him with a lifted brow and a straight face.

"Little tilted," he said while I tried not to roll my eyes. "Otherwise, not bad." He cracked a small smile, holding his hand out to me. "Moonlight Sonata is a great selection. It's going to be lovely on you."

"But, all those things you said?" I sputtered, confused as I took his hand.

"Simply making a point. I believe you just proved it," he said. "I knew you could make that landing, Bella, but you needed to know it, not me. You need to want this for yourself, not to please anyone else."

"Thank you," I whispered, firmly squeezing his hand. He blustered a bit, grumbling that we had a lot of work to do and I chuckled under my breath. He was never one to linger in a sappy moment.

"Good choice with the Lutz," he acknowledged. "It's one of your best weapons. Let's see if we can get it shining again, shall we?"

x-x-x

After successfully landing that first jump, we spent the remainder of the day polishing up the move and beginning to work our way through the others. They didn't all come easily and we steered clear of tackling my Axel just yet, but I was landing triples again and it felt great.

At the end of the session, Marcus gave me a pat on the back and said, 'Good work today,' before handing over a file of information on the managers he'd recommended for me to follow up with. Battered, bruised, and tired, I didn't even go home to shower before heading to Edward's place. I had to tell someone and I wanted to tell him.

"Hey!" he greeted me, happy but a little confused when he opened the door to find me on his porch. I always took some time to clean up and decompress after a session before coming to see him. "Did you just finish?"

"Yeah, just a few minutes ago," I confirmed, my hair a mess, my clothes sweaty and my eyes shining. "Edward, I landed a triple!"

I only had a moment to take in his enormous grin before I was crushed into his arms and swooped off the ground.

"God, Bella, that's awesome," he exclaimed, squeezing me tightly before setting me back on my feet, his hands cupping my face. "I knew you could do it, love. I'm so proud of you."

"Apparently I was the last one to know," I grinned wryly, remembering Marcus' words and filling Edward in on the events of the day as we stood on his porch in the warm evening air.

"I'm just so excited," I exclaimed, sitting back against the railing.

"Really, Swan? I couldn't tell. I thought that was your bored-stiff face," he teased dryly, lightly tapping my nose as he leaned beside me. "You're gonna knock 'em dead."

"You know what, Edward? I feel like I really could," I sighed, grinning widely as I rested my head on his shoulder. At that moment, riding the high of my day and with Edward at my side, I felt like I could take on the world.

x-x-x

That moment unfortunately did not last long.

By the time I met Esme for lunch the next afternoon, I was feeling frustrated and unsure. After returning home the night before, I started pouring through the file of information Marcus had sent me off with, looking at my options for prospective managers. Along with their information, he'd included a good chunk of paperwork detailing the job description.

Until I saw that, I was really leaning toward just going it alone with Marcus, but the more I looked at, the more it sunk in just how much I would be taking on. Choreographing, training, _and_ managing? Was I really capable of shouldering so much responsibility?

If I didn't hire someone, I'd be in charge of making every decision, plotting every move, filling out every form and signing over every check. There was so much of the technical side that I had no idea about. I knew Marcus wouldn't have offered it as an option if he didn't truly think we could handle it on our own, but it seemed like so much work. I didn't want to necessarily give up the rest of my life now that I finally had one.

On the other hand, I didn't know if I could trust someone else after what Renee had put me through. My own mother had stolen from me, how was I supposed to believe a complete stranger wouldn't do the same or worse?

The issue with Renee was another headache I had to deal with. I needed to decide if I wanted to take her to court to try and get back the money she'd taken or if I should let it go. If I fought her on it, she'd definitely fight back. It would get messy and drawn out and would be a whole lot of stress that probably wasn't worth the amount to which I was entitled. If I didn't fight her, she'd see me as the same weak pushover I'd always been. It felt like no matter what road I took, there'd be pitfalls. I needed to weigh which ones I could live with.

In the meantime, I worked my way through the list of possible candidates Marcus had given me, tossing out managers I'd heard of and didn't think would mesh well with what I needed, reading through the profiles of ones that were unfamiliar. In the end I had three options I felt like were worth pursuing further.

Tuesday morning, I'd put calls in to all three, leaving messages for two and connecting with one who was unfortunately unavailable.

Toward the end of my lunch with Esme that afternoon, my phone rang with a call back from another and I excused myself with an apologetic look to take it outside.

"Damn it," I muttered as I pressed the end button in defeat and leaning back against the brick wall outside of the restaurant. Another one to cross off the list.

"Something wrong, Sweetheart?" Esme asked, startling me as I hadn't even heard her come out. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. It looked like you were finished in there so I just paid the bill, if that's alright."

"Oh, Esme, you didn't have to do that," I said, taking my purse from her extended hand.

"Nonsense," she waved it off. "It's my pleasure. I so enjoy being able to catch up with you. Do you need to get back or would you like to walk for a bit?"

I glanced down at my watch and saw that I still had some time before I was due back at the rink. "A walk would be great, thanks. And thank you for lunch."

"Who was the call from, if you don't mind my asking?" she asked as we fell into step, strolling along the boulevard.

"Just some manager," I sighed. "I've been looking into replacements, you know, since my mom left. I don't really _need_ to have one, not with Marcus there to help, but there's just so much to think about and I don't know if I want to take it all on for myself."

"What would you have your manager do?" she inquired.

"I'm still trying to figure that out," I admitted. "There's a lot of paperwork to get through and that's not difficult, but it takes time. Then there's the publicity side, the financial side. Competitions aren't just about what happens out on the ice, there's a lot of strategy to which ones you're entering, what order you'll get to skate in, and how to handle the press; how many interviews to do and whatnot.

"Then there's stuff like booking travel, registration and finding costumes," I listed, counting them off on my fingers. "I just feel like I might not be able to manage it all and still be able to give my best to training and choreographing. I don't want to get distracted by all the stuff on the sidelines when I finally have this opportunity in front of me."

"Well, you said Marcus knows a lot about the competitive scene. It's easy enough to hire a good accountant who would be uninvolved in your skating career and solely focused on ensuring your financial security," she offered. I nodded, considering. "As for the other stuff, you know Alice is just dying to help you out in the costume department. You don't have to take her help if you don't want to, but she's got a good eye for design and she knows a number of reputable resources that can help with construction."

"Yeah," I chuckled. "She's mentioned it once or twice."

"You won't hurt her feelings if you go with someone more experienced in the field," she reassured, wrapping her arm around me as we walked. "Just know that she's very eager to help if you'd like it. Now, that takes a few things off your shoulders. As for the rest? Well, I have very neat handwriting for filling out paperwork, and while I haven't done as much with it recently, I do have a background in PR and marketing. I could—"

"No!" I exclaimed, freezing in place, feeling the blood in my veins turn to ice. It was an uncontrollable and irrational response, but I was terrified at her offer. The only thing my brain could process was 'No.'

_She couldn't. _

Esme had stopped, dropping her arm from around me and looked at me with a worried expression, the slightest hint of hurt in her grassy green eyes. I wanted to explain myself and remove that look from her face, but I felt like I couldn't breathe. My mind sped as I tried to figure out why I'd reacted so strongly and so quickly to such an easy offer.

_Not her. She couldn't end up like her._

Tears filled my eyes as I finally understood what had been festering beneath the surface. It had been a month since my mother had slapped me and walked out the door of the arena, my cold voice sending her on her way. While I had tried not to think about it much with so many other wonderful things going on in Renee's absence, her exit still haunted me. _What had I done to make her hate me so much?_ She'd struck me, taken the side of a stranger against me. She'd stolen from me and looked at me with such cruelty in her eyes when she'd left.

Looking at Esme's kind and loving face, I couldn't bear the thought of losing another mother to my career. I couldn't risk her someday hating me, too.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Esme started, a crease of worry on her brow as I began to realize she may have thought she'd upset me by overstepping her bounds.

"No, Esme, please don't._ I'm_ sorry," I apologized tearfully. "I'm sorry but you can't. You just can't."

Tears ran down my face and sobs tore at my chest as she pulled me to a nearby bench, wrapping me into her arms and murmuring soothing words, allowing me cry on her shoulder. When the tears died down, fading into soft hiccups, she continued to stroke my hair.

"What is it, Sweetheart?" she asked softly.

"I can't," I repeated into her hair. "I appreciate the offer, I really do, but I just can't—"

"Can't what?"

I pulled away and looked at her with eyes that pleaded for her understanding. "I can't risk you resenting me or starting to hate me like she does."

Her eyes were pained as she took my face between her hands and told me in a firm voice, "Bella Swan, that could _never_ happen. Do you hear me?"

"It happened with her, Esme," I sniffled. "My own mother hates me and I made her like that. Our life together did that to her. My career did that to us."

"No," she argued. "You did nothing wrong, I've told you that. I only know her from what you've told me and the very short time I met her, but it's clear that she's holding on too tightly to the past. She's bitter and resentful that she couldn't have the opportunities that you have had. She can't see past what she missed out on to appreciate the wonderful person she created in you and all the blessings she _does_ have. I don't think she hates you, Sweetheart," she murmured, tucking a strand of fallen hair behind my ear. "How could she?"

"Then why would she do all those things to me?" I asked. "Why hasn't she tried calling me in the past month? It's like I don't even exist to her anymore."

"I can't tell you her thoughts, Bella. The only thing I can think of is that you were an easy and convenient outlet for her anger. It has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. We've talked about this before, remember?" she said gently.

"I know. I just— It's been a month, Esme. I fired her and now she hates me. So, is that the end? I just don't have a mother anymore?"

"Have you tried reaching out to her?" she asked in a soothing voice.

"No," I admitted. "I was just so angry and hurt, especially after I spoke to Caius and my dad. I just wanted to escape it all, concentrate on the things that are going well in my life. I guess I shouldn't be mad at her when I haven't made the effort either."

"There's nothing wrong with taking some time to recuperate, gather your thoughts," she assured me. "Maybe now that some time has passed, you two can try talking. It seems like this is all weighing very heavily on you, Bella. You need to forgive her. It's her own choice if she wants to accept it, but whether she does or she doesn't, you'll feel lighter for it. I hope for both your sake that she does, because she'd be missing out on a really great opportunity to get to know the woman you are. No matter what happens, I want you to remember that you are a wonderful person and that you are loved."

I thought instantly of Edward and his words from the other night. Even with everything else happening, his claim had been on constant repeat in the back of my mind.

For the past two days I'd driven myself insane with doubts and questions. What did he mean when he said that to me? Not in a literal way, like I didn't know the definition, but what made him _able_ to say those words to me? What was so special about me that he felt that way and how did he know to classify it as love? When did he come to that realization? He'd said he'd wanted to say it to me for a long time, but how long? What led him to that conclusion that what he felt for me was love?

I'd never loved anyone before, at least not romantically. Even platonically I had little experience. Between Charlie and Renee, I didn't hear the words hardly at all. Charlie had said it the night we'd spoken on the phone, but before then, I couldn't recall the last time. The same with Renee.

"I can't remember the last time I heard the words 'I love you' from my mom," I admitted, brokenhearted.

"That's a tragedy, Bella," Esme murmured, pulling me into her arms again. "If you were my daughter, I would have told you every single day." She eased back, smoothing the hair back from my face. "I may not be able to make up for the past, but moving forward, I'm going to do my best to make sure you don't go another day without knowing how special you are."

The beep of my phone interrupted the moment and I reached for it, lighting up the screen to a text.

_We're heading out for the cabin. Sucks that I won't get to see your beautiful face again until Friday. Call me later so I can at least hear your voice. I love you. -E_

I felt Esme nudge me softly and I looked up from the screen, unaware that a huge grin had taken over my face at the sight of those words in print.

"By the look on your face, I'd say my son won't let you forget it either."

x-x-x

I took the night and well into the following day to think over what Esme and I had talked about. I'd never considered the need to forgive Renee. The thought would have been laughable to me had Esme not explained it so simply.

I'd told my mother countless times over my life that I was sorry. Sorry for not doing well enough, sorry for not being good enough, and it had never made me feel any better. I'd never thought that maybe what I needed was to say 'I forgive you' instead of 'I'm sorry.' She likely would have snickered if I'd tried to say it in the past, or made some snarky comment about me being on my high-horse to think she needed to be forgiven for anything. But maybe I didn't need to forgive her for her; maybe I needed to forgive her for me.

With that thought, I put a call in to Caius on Wednesday morning, informing him that I'd decided not to take any legal action against Renee. He reminded me that the information would still be there in the future, should I change my mind, and I thanked him for his help. The money didn't matter to me. Renee could think what she wanted, but I wasn't being a pushover by letting her keep it. It was time to let go and see if she was willing to do the same.

Back at my apartment after practice, I dialed her cell. Her voicemail picked up, and though I'd been nervous to speak to her and unsure of what to say, I was disappointed. If she'd picked up, at least we could have spoken and then I would have known where we stood. I'd know if we had a chance of having a better relationship, one that had nothing to do with work and everything to do with the fact that I was her daughter.

Buried amongst the countless memories of harsh criticism and biting complaints over the course of my life was one that stood out from the rest. In it, I was young, my parents were still together, and competitive figure skating wasn't even a thought. My mom had taken me out on the small pond behind my childhood home to teach me how to skate. She'd smiled, she'd laughed. She'd cheered when I made my first lap without holding her hand and picked me back up when I fell, always encouraging me to never give up. After going inside, we'd curled up together under a warm blanket in front of the fireplace with mugs of cocoa. She'd giggled with me and warmed my rosy cheeks between her hands. It was dim, but one of the happiest memories of my life leading up to my arrival in Minnesota. That memory was what I was clinging to with the hope that the smiling woman who had held my hand and picked me up when I fell all those years ago, was still there somewhere.

I needed to know if there was any point in holding on to that thin thread of hope that things could be okay for us someday.

The tone beeped before I had a chance to get my thoughts together, but I didn't want to hang up. Instead, I sputtered ridiculously for a few seconds, trying to clear my throat.

"Hey, Mom? It's uh—" _Do I say Isabella?_ That's what she's always called me, though I'd always hated it. No. If I wanted a fresh start, I needed her to see me how I wanted to be now. As Bella.

"It's Bella. I, uh, haven't heard from you in awhile. I know you're upset and things didn't leave off very well, so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised. I just— well, I wanted to... I'd really like to talk to you," I sighed, pacing in front of the windows. "I'm sorry for how we left things here and that it got to the point it did. I hope you can understand that it just wasn't good for either of us anymore. Maybe it never was."

I paused for a moment, unsure if I should continue any further. It seemed ridiculous to talk about such serious stuff to a machine, but I wanted it out in the open. Maybe if she listened to the message and heard what I had to say, she'd be more open to taking the next step. I decided there wasn't anything to lose.

"I, uh, don't really know how to say this, but I know about the money—what you and Dad worked out, what you did. My lawyer informed me I could press charges. I, um, just wanted to let you know I'm not going to, and that...well, that I forgive you. I don't want to dwell on the past or hold on to all the anger and hurt feelings anymore. I hope you can forgive me for firing you and that we can try to move forward.

"You may not be my manager anymore, but you're still my mother, and I still want you to be," I murmured, hoping she'd be able to recognize how genuinely I wanted that.

"So, I guess this is my effort to extend the olive branch. I hope you'll take this as it's intended and call me back. I'm still here, Mom. Uh, I guess I'll talk to you later," I finished dumbly, eager to end the message after rambling on so much.

I pressed the end button and dropped my head to my hands, still clutching the phone like a lifeline. _Would she call back? Would she even listen to the messag_e? At that moment, I really wished I could see the future to just know if I was wasting my time and energy wishing for something that would never happen.

Come to think of it, being a fortune teller would be useful for a lot of reasons. With everything that was happening, and especially what Edward had said to me, I was really trying to look ahead to my future, to start putting the pieces together and think about what I wanted from my life.

My life had always been so focused, always looking to the next competition, the next season, the next Olympics, but no further. Outside the ice, I'd never had goals. That seemed so stupid now. There had always been an expiration date coming for my skating career, but my life wouldn't end when it came. Now it seemed closer than ever and I needed to figure out what the hell to do with myself.

I knew for the short term. I wanted to continue on my path toward becoming a grown, independent woman. I wanted more from the life I was building. I wanted the Cullens and Jasper and Rose. I wanted to make things better with my dad, to get to know him more.

I wanted Edward.

I wanted to skate, to compete, to choreograph. Until Marcus had put the option out there, I'd never known how badly I wanted that chance. Ultimately, I wanted to get to Vancouver, and I wanted to do it on the merit of my own creation.

I knew all those things. But where did I want to go with them? What was my end goal? Where did I want to be in a year, in two, in five? If I made it to Vancouver or not, that only got me through February. Where would I go after? Would I still want to compete? Would I join a tour and go pro? Would I stop completely? If I did, what then? Go to school? Get a job?

So many things were up in the air.

Edward had told me he loved me, and I believed him. After the initial disbelief and worry that he couldn't possibly feel that way for me, I'd accepted that he meant it. Did I love him? How would I be able to tell if I did? Where did I see us going? Being with him for the past couple months had felt like a novelty, something delicious and exciting and new, and it had been easy to just get swept up in the moment without giving a conscious thought to what was happening between us. But it wasn't just about getting swept up and having a boyfriend for the first time anymore, it was about him. I knew I had real feelings for him and I needed to figure out what they were.

I couldn't just sit here alone with my thoughts anymore, the jumble in my head was about to drive me insane. Edward and the guys were off for a few days at the Cullen's cabin to enjoy the start of their off season, though they'd likely end up watching hockey half the time they were there anyways with the playoffs still going. Needing the distraction, I figured I'd go check and see if Alice and Rose were up for hanging out, anything to save me from myself.

I crossed the hall to their apartment, knocking on the door as I turned the knob. It was open, so one of them had to be home.

"Hello? Alice? Rose?" I called out.

"Back here, Bells," Rose called from in her room. I followed the sound of her voice to find her sprawled out on her bed with her laptop, a pair of reading glasses perched on her nose as she shuffled through a bunch of papers.

"Hey, is Alice here?" I asked, lingering in the doorway to her room. "I don't want to interrupt if you're busy, I just—"

"No, you're good," she waved me off, moving a few stacks of papers to clear a spot for me, gesturing to have a seat. "Sit. Alice has a bunch of meetings so she won't be home until later."

"Oh." My shoulders sank with disappointment. With Rose busy and Alice unavailable, I knew I'd end up going back to my place. Alone.

"Sit, sit," Rose repeated, more firmly hitting the mattress. "I'm just about finished. Unless you're looking specifically for Alice..."

"No!" I replied. "Just anyone really. I'm too much in my head right now. You'll end up having me committed if I'm left to my own devices."

"I see," she said with interest, tapping a few quick keys before shutting her laptop and shoving it aside. "So? Talk."

"No, I didn't mean you have to stop what you're doing and entertain me, I just wanted to—"

"Bella, it's not important. I can work on it later," she said. "You, on the other hand, look like you're about to pass out. So, talk to me. What's going on?"

"Everything?" I groaned, leaning back to prop myself up on my arms.

"Just that?" she chuckled, grabbing the papers up in a haphazard stack to toss them on the floor and make some room, chucking her glasses lightly on her bedside table before she laid back down on her stomach. "Care to narrow it down a bit?"

"That's the problem, Rose," I muttered, flopping back on the bed next to her. This could take awhile, may as well get comfortable. "There's so much going on in my head right now that I don't know where to start."

"Pick one," she suggested.

"Renee," I sighed, saying the first thing that popped into my head.

"Please don't tell me you're still hung up on what that bitch did to you. I still can't believe you're not planning on suing her controlling, manipulative ass," she scoffed with disgust.

I knew she wasn't angry at me or being judgmental. Rose just didn't see things the same way. In so many areas she thought in absolutes. To her, the moment Renee slapped me, she should have been out of the picture. There was no redemption or forgiveness as Esme had talked about.

"Not hung up on it," I assured her. "I just tried calling her, left her a message. I know you think it's silly, Rose, but she's my mother."

Rose opened her mouth, eager to say something, but I stopped her. "Yes, she's done terrible things and she hasn't been a very good one, but she _is_ my mother. I have to hope that maybe now that all the drama is over, things will get better. I'm not asking you to approve, but can you at least understand that I have to try and make things right if the chance is there?"

She sighed, defeated. "Yeah. I guess so. I just don't want to see you hurting any more over that woman."

"It hurts no matter what, Rose," I murmured. "If she ignores me or tells me I'm stupid to think that way, it'll hurt. If she agrees to give it a shot, there's still so much for us to work through. At least with the second option, there's the chance that someday it might not hurt anymore."

"You're a stronger person than me," Rose whispered. "My dad left us when I was eight. For another woman. I've never been able to forgive him. We barely even speak. He's got his own life with different kids and different priorities. It's like he forgot all about me and Jazz."

I rolled onto my side, placing my hand over her forearm on the mattress. "I'm so sorry, Rose. I knew your parents weren't together, but I didn't know…"

"We don't talk about him much. To be honest, I'm really hoping he doesn't even show up for Alice and Jasper's wedding. That's really selfish and mean of me, I know Alice has been trying really hard to make sure he comes for Jazz, but I just don't even want to see him," she sighed. "Either way, it's their day. If he shows, I'll just make sure to keep my distance. So, your mom?"

"Yeah," I sighed, understanding the subject on her family was closed for now. "I don't know if she'll call back or what'll happen, but I guess I can't really do more than I already have."

"So, what else is on your mind?" she inquired. "I know it's more than that."

"Edward told me he loves me." The words were out before I even knew I was going to tell her.

"Now that's more like it!" she squealed, smacking me on the arm lightly. "Why didn't you lead off with that, huh?"

"I didn't say it back," I whispered, feeling slightly ashamed to admit it aloud.

"There's no rule that says you have to say it at the same time, Bells," she said.

"Isn't there? Isn't 'I love you' typically supposed to merit an 'I love you, too?' Especially from someone as amazing as Edward? There must be something really wrong with me that I can't say it back to him when he's so perfectly wonderful. I mean, what's _not_ to love about him," I muttered in self disgust.

"Every relationship is different," she explained lightly. "And just because you haven't said those specific words doesn't mean you don't care for him."

"I know that, I guess," I conceded. "And he told me he didn't want me to say it back just because he said it, but I don't know. It just feels wrong. He says I'm not hurting him by not saying it yet, but wouldn't it have to?"

"He wouldn't lie to you, Bella. Edward's not like that. If it hurt him, he just wouldn't have said anything, but he wouldn't have told you that."

"It's not that I _don't_ love him, I just don't know!" I exclaimed, rolling over on to my back.

"What are you confused about?" Rose asked, shifting to get more comfortable.

"How do you even know you're in love with someone? I mean is it like someone flips a switch and the next moment you're in love? What tells you that the switch has flipped?"

"It's hard to say," she pursed her lips in thought, considering for a moment. "For me, it wasn't instant. I don't know if this comes as a surprise, but Emmett and I did _not_ fall in love at first sight. In fact, he had a pretty hard time winning me over. I used to treat sex as a pretty casual thing and steered clear of relationships, probably because of what I saw my mom go through after my dad. So, when Emmett and I met, I slept with him right away. The attraction was there, the physical chemistry was there, but I didn't want to admit that the emotional chemistry was there for a long time," she sighed. "But there was like this _force_ that just kept drawing me back to him, and before I knew it, I couldn't imagine my life without his stupid jokes and crushing bear hugs or that ridiculous, deafening laugh of his."

"Did he say it first?" I asked softly.

"Yeah, he did. On our third date," she giggled. "It took me six months to say it back."

"Really?" I asked, feeling a stir of optimism.

"Really. And I don't regret it. I needed that time to wrap my head around it and see what was there in front of me. I don't think it'll take you as long."

"I just don't want to say it unless I mean it with my whole heart. I feel like, I don't know, maybe this is silly and naive and immature of me, but I've never said those words to a man that wasn't my father, and to him, I've only said it a handful of times. They mean a lot to me and I don't just want to say them randomly," I explained, trying to properly describe how I felt. "Like, some people want to save their virginity, and I guess I've done that, too, but for me it's more important to save those three words until I know that I'll only say them to one man forever. I think Edward could be that man, but until I know, I don't want to say it."

"Then don't. You need to do what's right for you, Bella, and Edward will respect that. He won't hold it against you," she said. "So don't _you_ hold it against yourself for being a little selfish and waiting until it's right."

We heard the front door open, then shut again, the quiet apartment suddenly filled with a flurry of sound and energy as Alice returned.

"Alice?" Rose called out. "You're home early."

"Yeah," she called back. "My bride had to reschedule. Some debacle with her future mother-in-law or something."

"Well, Bella and I are back here, you want to hang out?" she asked, lifting her brow at me to confirm and I nodded.

"Oh, hey, Bella! Yeah, just gimme a few minutes to get all this crap for the wedding off my hands and I'll meet you in the living room," Alice called back.

"You know I'm gonna have to tell her," I lowered my voice so only Rose could hear. "About Edward. I couldn't keep something like that from her if I tried."

"Yeah, you are," Rose sighed in agreement. "I do not envy you, Bells. She's in full on pre-wedding fever and thinks everyone needs to be as blissfully happy as she and Jazz are and on their way to the altar."

"So, when are you and Emmett getting hitched, oh Maid of Honor?" I razzed her, waggling my eyebrows at her playfully.

"God, I don't know. He's asked me. Twice," she admitted, acknowledging my surprised smile. "I don't know, marriage isn't as important to me as our just being committed to each other and we are that already. Someday, I guess. I'm just not in a rush."

"You guys are really great together."

"Yeah, we are, aren't we," she stated, sighing contentedly with a dreamy smile on her face. "When I see him, I see forever."

Her words struck a deep chord in me. I was mildly envious of her, that she could picture forever so clearly when I couldn't even seem to wipe the steam from the glass to see what was in front of me. Despite my foggy vision of the road ahead, I at least saw that the glass was there now. I just had to find a good squeegee to clear the view.

"Come on, slow pokes, I've already got the movie in and I was the one holding everything up," Alice called from the living room.

"Don't press play yet, Alice! Bella's got something to tell you and it's a lot more interesting than some sappy movie we've seen a million times," Rose exclaimed, jumping off the bed.

"Traitor," I chuckled, giving her a mocking glare as I followed her to the living room and prepared myself for an evening of squealing and girl talk.

x-x-x

Over the following week, I tried to untangle the jumble in my head, calmly and carefully working through the knots.

Alice had been overjoyed, as I'd expected and much more understanding than I'd anticipated. We never ended up turning the movie on, just spent the evening chatting and enjoying each other's company.

Talking with the girls had been a huge help, but I still had to see it for myself. I'd meant what I said when I told Rose I only wanted to say 'I love you' to one man and to him, I wanted to say it forever. When I found that person I could say it to, I didn't want to be afraid to say it like I was with my parents, I wanted to be able to tell him every day and as often as I wanted. The more I thought of it, the more I was sure that man was probably Edward, but I was still waiting for that moment to hit where I knew without a single doubt.

The guys had returned from their trip to the cabin and we'd hung out a few times. The subject of Edward and I was never brought up, and I wondered if he'd said anything to Jasper and Emmett while they'd been away. _Did guys talk about stuff like that or was it too girly?_ Rose and Alice kept quiet at my request, though I caught them studying us a lot more and whispering together.

Things with Edward continued to be good. We were hitting the gym together again in the mornings now that his schedule wasn't so crazy. Afterward I'd head to the rink and he'd spend the days catching up on things that had fallen to the backburner during playoffs or doing stuff with the guys. He'd started talking about home repairs and yard work, and completely lost me when he went on excitedly about some new fancy drill he wanted to get. Boys.

We tried to spend as much time in the evenings and on weekends together as we could manage, sometimes with our friends, but mostly just the two of us. Between my shyness in taking the next step and his reluctance to push me, we hadn't gone much further physically than before. The more we were together, though, the more I started to realize that I might be ready to take that next step with him. What I didn't know was, if he would be okay with giving me what I wanted before I'd said those three words back to him… I didn't want to be with him just to have sex or lose my virginity; I wanted to be able to show him what I wasn't yet able to put into words. To show him how much he truly meant to me.

On the other side of things, Renee still hadn't called, though I'd tried another two times. I'd even gone so far as to call Charlie to check in and see if he'd heard anything, not that I'd expected him to.

It had been nice to speak to him for a few minutes though. I'd told him a little about Chicago and what had transpired with Jake, glossing over the facts a bit. I'd actually been surprised at how little _he'd_ been surprised to hear that Jake had acted like a jerk. Apparently Billy had been saying lately how Jake was getting caught up in the fame, letting it all go to his head a bit. Charlie mentioned the possibility of a swift kick in the pants next time Jake was in town to 'get his head back on right.'

With every conversation we had, things were a little less awkward, though there was still plenty of that. It's not like we'd each undergone severe personality transplants. Things would probably always be just a little awkward with Charlie, because that's how we were.

While I hadn't heard from Renee, I had heard from the last potential manager I'd contacted and found out she was available. After speaking with her on the phone for an hour, I'd really liked her. In the end, I'd politely thanked her for returning my call and taking the time to speak with me, but told her I wouldn't need a manager after all. I kept thinking about Esme's suggestions, and though my initial reaction had been a firm 'no,' the more I thought about it, the more I thought it could work.

I'd called Esme only minutes after ending the call, asking her to meet up with me. When I'd asked for her help, I thought her smile would blind me. She'd gotten me hooked up with a good accountant immediately who had already done a lot in terms of revamping my investments, setting up my bills to pay automatically, and a whole lot of other things that I could barely understand. The bottom line was that my finances were under control and, while I'd keep an eye on them, there wasn't anything I had to put much thought into.

Esme had come to a couple of my practices to meet Marcus and speak with him about what she'd be taking on. It was wonderful to look out from the ice and see them jotting notes together, eagerly discussing a game plan. When Renee and Marcus had spoken, it had always ended up as a battle of wills, each side trying to tug in a different direction. Marcus had always had to chew through half a roll of antacids to make it through. With Esme, he actually seemed to be enjoying himself, unable to resist her natural charm and kindness.

They kept me apprised of their discussions, but left me the space I needed to focus. Every session I'd strap in my ear buds and immerse myself in the music, trying to recreate the vision I'd seen in my head. It was more difficult than I'd thought to transfer what was in my mind to reality, but little by little it was coming to life. I'd mark the moves, just trying to figure out the progression and the transitions between the elements.

After giving me an hour and a half to work on my own every day, Marcus would ask to see what I had, setting the music to play through the speakers so we both could hear. Over the remainder of the session, he'd offer tips and pointers, little changes here and there that would fix the timing or make the movements flow together a little more smoothly. Sometimes there were larger edits, like a technical element that would work better in a different part, or an alternative jump that would work just as well but would earn more points.

Within a week, I was a just a little under halfway through the four minute number and really pleased with how it was coming along.

On the last Thursday of the month, I took off a little early from practice to go shopping with Alice and Rose for my bridesmaid dress. Rose already had hers and Alice had reiterated the assurance that we wouldn't have to match, just coordinate. We ended up taking the Light rail into Downtown Minneapolis to hit up the specialty shops rather than checking out the Mall of America again, a decision for which I was grateful, remembering that first excursion.

The afternoon wasn't quite the same whirlwind since the girls were focused in on a single outfit with a limited color scheme. Rose brought her dress along to match up colors and the second she took it out of the garment bag; I let out a huge sigh of relief that we didn't have to wear the same dress. Hers was ruched with a heart shaped neckline and an elaborately beaded band that outlined her bust and curved up into straps. The back was daring with a large cut out that revealed a lot more skin than I was comfortable showing in public unless I was in costume. It probably looked amazing on her. On me, I'd look like a little girl who was trying too hard to wear her big sister's prom dress.

Luckily, the girls quickly decided we needed to find something for me that was a little more classic and demure, but still sexy. Classic and demure I could do. We stuck to the same color scheme of leafy green and it didn't take them long to pile a load of options on me and scoot me into a dressing room.

"Hey, Bella, did you get the outfit I dropped in your room for tomorrow night?" Alice called over the stall as I zipped into the first dress. "If you don't like it, we still have time to find something else."

Tomorrow night the six of us were going to something called a 'Hangar Dance.' It was supposedly some sort of dance held in an old Airplane hangar with Big Band music and everyone dressed up like they'd been thrown back into the nineteen-forties. Apparently it was an annual tradition for the Cullen's to attend, ever since Alice had talked their parents into signing all three of them up for Swing Dance lessons when she was eight and she'd first seen the movie _A League of Their Own_. She wanted to be able to dance just like Madonna at the Suds Bucket. She'd been going on all week about getting to kick up her shoes. It was hard not to get caught up in her excitement.

I'd come home from practice the afternoon before to find a large garment bag hanging from my closet door. Inside had been a beautiful blue and white polka dotted vintage dress with a thick halter strap and a wide white belt. She'd even put in matching ballet flats and a stiff organdy petticoat skirt in the same bright blue as the dress to go underneath and add more volume. At first, I'd thought she was ridiculous to think I could wear such a thing, it was so...floofy. After trying it on, though, I felt transported into the era, like some classic dame ready to go for a night on the town. It was perfect.

"Yeah, Alice, I got it," I told her as I stepped out to let them see the dress. "It's perfect."

She clapped, delightedly. "I knew you'd love it. Tomorrow's going to be such a blast, Bella."

"It sounds like a lot of fun," I said, really looking forward to it, even if I was nervous about the dancing part. "Let's just hope I don't break Edward's toes if he tries to dance with me."

"Eh, he's in the off-season now. Plenty of time for his toes to heal before he needs them again," Rose teased.

"You have nothing to worry about, Bella. Edward, Emmett and I started taking dance lessons when we were little. Emmett was always a little too bulky for it, but Edward's actually really good."

"Great," I groaned, "So it'll look like Gene Kelley dancing with Steve Urkel."

"No way. You two'll look hot together," Rose insisted.

"Dress? Yes? No?" I asked, gesturing to the garment I had on.

"No," they said in unison. I chuckled, mouthing an elongated 'okay' and jumping back into the dressing room.

"Speaking of hot..." Rose dragged out mischievously.

"What?" I hesitated to inquire, a little afraid of where she could possibly be heading with an opening line like that.

"How _are_ things in that area?"

"Exactly what area are you referring to?" I asked innocently, stepping into the next dress.

"Cut the bullshit, Bells. She wants to know if you and my brother and rounding the bases yet," Alice giggled. "I told her no. There's no way you could be engaging in sexytimes without my knowledge."

"You think so, huh? What are the bases defined as?"

"First is kissing, and we already know you've made it safely to that one," Alice explained.

"Second is over the clothes action, third is under the clothes," Rose continued for her.

"Or oral," Alice cut in.

"Right, or oral, and well, I really hope you know what a home run is. Because if you don't, I don't know what we'll do with you," Rose said in a pained voice.

"I know what a home run is," I stepped out, rolling my eyes, twirling one quick circle before they shook their heads and sent me back to try another.

"So?" Rose probed.

"So, what?"

"Stop playing coy, missy, and tell us how many bases you've rounded," Alice exclaimed.

"What was the third again?" I asked, biting my lip to hold back on a chuckle at their synchronized groans.

"Come on, Bells, fess up. Alice says you're treading between first and second. I'm giving your feminine wiles a little more credit and betting you're closing in on third."

"What? You guys don't think I can hit it out of the park? I think I should feel insulted," I teased.

"Oh, no. You can hit a grand slam, babe, you've just gotta wait for the right pitch," Rose said.

"Huh?"

"Okay, enough with the baseball metaphors, Rose, it's getting confusing," Alice requested.

"We've done stuff," I confided, stepping out in the next dress and glancing around to make sure the dressing room was empty save for us.

"Like?"

"I don't know; we've touched each other. Heavy make out sessions, I guess," I expanded, blushing red and shifting nervously on my feet.

"We're not trying to embarrass you, Bells," Rose said, scooting over on the bench and leaving an open spot between them.

"No, not at all," Alice quickly agreed, patting the seat and wrapping her arm around me when I sat down. "We just want you to know if you want to talk about anything, we're here. That's what girlfriends are for. Hell, I still go to Rose for sex advice."

"She does," Rose confirmed.

"That's not weird? Really? You guys weren't just saying that?"

"No. I mean, yeah it can get a little weird sometimes," Alice admitted, "but who else are we going to talk to about this stuff? So, is there anything you want to talk about?"

"Well, things are really good in that area, at least_ I_ think they're good. It's been slow, so it can get a little frustrating sometimes," I confided. "I mean he almost always waits for me to start things or go further."

"That's just Edward," Alice explained. "He's too much of a gentleman and doesn't want to push you."

"I know, and I like that, it just sucks sometimes because I don't always know what to do next and it'd be nice if he'd take the lead once in awhile to show me."

"You said you've done stuff," Rose reflected. "How much stuff have you done?"

"Well," I paused, biting my lip, deciding to just say it plainly. "We've never seen each other naked, but we've touched under the clothes. God, I sound like a twelve year old. This is what I get for having tutors during the middle school years," I groaned, dropping my head into my hands.

"Hey, it works, we get the picture and that's what matters. So, do you _want_ to do more? Do you have questions about that?" Rose asked.

"I don't know. I mean, I do, I just— I don't know if he wants to yet."

"Oh, honey, believe me, he wants to," Rose chuckled.

"You think?" I asked.

"I know. He's got a dick and he told you he loves you. He wants it."

"That's not to say he told you that because he wants sex, _Rosalie_," Alice hissed in agitation.

"Oh, God, no, that's not what I meant!" Rose practically shouted, waving her hands and backtracking. "I mean, he's in love with you, so you've got the emotional connection. You're both young and attractive, so there's the physical stuff, and he's a dude, which means he's pretty much always thinking about sex. That adds up to one willing Edward. I bet he just wants to make sure you're ready before you go that far."

"Do you think he's waiting for me to say it back first," I asked the question that had been on my mind the last few days. "You know, before we..."

"Not necessarily," Alice said. "I mean, he knows you have feelings for him; he's not worried that it's some casual thing. I think maybe he might think _you_ need that first."

"Do you?" Rose asked.

"I don't think so," I admitted. "I mean, I know everyone says you should wait until you're in love to have sex and blah, blah, blah, but I know he's important. I have more inside of me for him than I ever thought I could feel in my entire life. I know he said it to me and that he means it, but I can't get my mind wrapped around the idea enough to say it back to him yet," I explained. "But I think that I could _show_ him how much he means to me. The physical stuff isn't the dominant part of our relationship at this point, which is okay, good even, but when we are together, like that, it's easier for me to communicate my feelings. It's like when he's kissing me, my mind just stops working."

"And that helps to communicate, how?" Alice asked with genuine curiosity.

"Because when my mind's not working, I'm not overanalyzing things," I said. "I can show him how much he means to me without words, and sometimes that works better when I can't _find_ the words. Does that make sense?"

"Yeah," Alice said after a moment's thought. "I think so."

"Definitely," Rose agreed. "So, you think you want to?"

"Yeah, I do," I said confidently, even more decided in my choice. "I trust him and I really care about him. I couldn't imagine taking that step with anyone else, but I want to take it with him."

"Woo, Hells Bells is cashin' in her v-card!" Rose whooped. I groaned, standing up to walk back into the dressing room, jolting when she swatted me on the butt.

"So, what do I do now?" I asked through the curtain as I unzipped. "I mean, do I tell him I'm ready or—"

"No. I mean, I guess you can if you want to, but then you have to psych yourself up to talk about it _and_ to do it," Alice reasoned. I winced a bit at the thought. "If you just drop some subtle hints and show him when you're together that you're ready for more, he'll get the picture."

"Just don't force things, Bella," Rose advised. "You know how you were talking about your mind shutting down? It's kinda the same concept. If you try to plan it too much or force it when it feels like it's just not working out, you'll end up disappointed. Your first time's hard enough without that."

"Oh, yeah. Virgin sex," Alice muttered. "Thank God you only have to go through that once."

"I know, right? My first time was a disaster. On the couch in my mom's basement when I was fourteen. He had a football game on in the background to try and distract himself and he still ended up losing his shit in well under two minutes."

"Ouch," Alice commiserated. "I went the prom night route. My date got us a room at the Hilton and almost missed his shot by getting drunk at the after party. Not pretty. Then of course it was like jack rabbit sex. You know how teenage boys are, pow pow pow pow pow," she said, rapidly smacking her hands together.

"Not helping," I muttered.

"Sorry, Bells. We just don't want you to have these huge expectations that your first time will be like a Harlequin romance novel. It's usually not very good," Rose informed me. "I mean, you'll be okay, Edward's a good guy and he'll take care of you, make sure you at least get something out of it. You at least have some idea of how it goes, right?"

"Yeah, basically," I said, stepping out with the next dress and not even making it fully out of the stall before they rejected it. "That doesn't bother me much. I mean, I know I'll be nervous, but that's not the part that scares me. It's knowing what to do, and then the whole seeing me naked thing."

"Uh, Babe, he's not gonna have _any_ complaints about that, trust me," Rose chuckled.

"Unless you have seventies fro bush. Oh my gosh, you don't right?" Alice gasped in horror.  
"Because if you do, I don't mean to offend you, but we've gotta book you a wax appointment ASAP."

"Oh my gosh, Alice, are we really talking about this right now? Seriously?" I whined, feeling my face flushing. "I feel like the theme song from _The Twilight Zone_ should be playing right now."

"Just trying to help," she defended.

"No, I don't have seventies fro bush," I whispered harshly. "Have you seen my costumes?"

"Well, that's a relief. So, how about you show us that last dress, because I knew right away that's the one that'll be perfect for you. Then we can go shopping for some sexy underwear to boost your confidence. Power panties always do the trick."

"Alice, if you knew right away this was the right dress, why did you have me try on six others first?" I groaned in annoyance, stepping out to show it to her.

"So that it would be that much more obvious that it's the right one," she explained, motioning with her finger for me to twirl. "See? Told you; that looks great on you. Let's go check out."

I stepped back into the dressing room, shaking my head. The woman drove me crazy sometimes, but you had to love her.

x-x-x

The following evening, I slipped on my shoes as the finishing touch to my ensemble, and stepped in front of the full length mirror. I had to admit, I looked pretty damn good. Alice had curled my hair in loose waves around my face, the ends rolled under reminiscent of Veronica Lake and vintage Hollywood glamour.

The shape of the dress actually gave me curves with the help of the nipped waist, full skirt, and sweetheart bust line. Well that and the little bit of extra assistance that my new lingerie provided. Alice had been right on about the power panties.

My skin was pale, my eyes dramatically shaded, and my lips were painted a bright ruby red. Thankfully, Rose had given me some sort of non-smudging lipstick that wouldn't rub off, or I'd have been terrified of even trying to kiss Edward all night.

And I hoped we'd end up doing a lot more than kissing.

I'd spent the afternoon smoothing my skin and trying to relax, imagining what it would feel like to have Edward's hands all over me. I know the girls had said not to over think things and plan too much, but I couldn't _not_ think about it. I wanted him and I wanted it to be tonight. I just hoped he'd be cooperative. I had made the decision that I wouldn't outright tell him, that I'd just subtly drop a few hints toward the end of the evening about where my mind was at.

A knock at the door startled me out of my thoughts and I fumbled for my clutch, taking one last look at myself in the mirror as I took a deep, calming breath. The girls and I had gotten ready together, but Edward insisted on picking me up himself, so the others had already left.

When I answered the door, I was glad no one else was there to see the way my mouth dropped and my eyes darkened with desire. _God, he was gorgeous._

Starting at his feet and working my way up, I would have chuckled to note the black and white wingtip shoes had my throat not completely gone dry at the sight of him. He wore fitted black pants with a dark gray shirt, open at the neck with the sleeves rolled up to reveal his forearms. On top of that was a charcoal vest with faint pinstripes. From the neck down, he had the look of a smooth, vintage gentleman, but from there up, he was still my Edward with bright green eyes and adorably tousled bronze hair.

We stood there in the doorway for more than a minute, neither of us speaking, simply staring. His eyes roamed over my form, hungrily taking in my appearance. It was then that I became pretty sure that it might not be as difficult to convince him we were ready for the next step as I'd thought.

He reached his hand out to take mine from where it lay limply at my side, bringing it up to his lips to kiss my knuckles as his eyes seared into mine.

"You might have to pinch me this time," he said softly, his lips slowly curving into a small smile. "You're perfect."

I hummed softly in response, swooning a bit on the inside, glad he had a good hold on my hand in case I physically began to feel faint.

"You, sir, are devastatingly handsome," I sighed.

He grinned. "I'll try to remember you said that when all the men in the room have their eyes glued to you all night."

"Just remember I only have eyes for you."

"You know," he smirked slyly. "I think that's the name of a song."

"Oh, God," I groaned, catching on to him.

"Oh, yes, Swan, it is. C'mere," he said, tugging me into the hallway with him and slipping easily into a traditional dance hold. He hummed the oldies tune, holding me close, and swayed.

"You're so cheesy sometimes. Besides, I don't think this song fits the theme of the night," I informed him, resting my head on his shoulder. "Wasn't it recorded in like the sixties or something?"

"You're thinking 'The Flamingos' version, and that was nineteen-fifty-nine, to be exact, but actually, the song originated in the thirties. See? It fits perfectly," he said smugly against my hair.

"Think you're so smart," I teased. "How do you know all this stuff anyways?"

"You still fail to realize that you're dating a natural-born-genius, Swan. What will it take to open your eyes?" he sighed painfully.

"Come on, Einstein," I muttered, pulling out of his arms to step back through my door and grab my clutch. "We're gonna be late."

x-x-x

The entire evening was a whirlwind. I didn't even have time to worry over what I hoped would come at the end. Edward had picked me up in his vintage Aston Martin convertible and we'd driven to the hangar with the soft breeze flowing over us and oldies tunes on the radio. It was a perfect way to start the evening and set the mood.

Once we arrived at the hangar, it was like being transported through time. Outside on the strip there sat World War Two era planes and restored classic cars. We could hear the sound of the band playing as soon as we pulled through the gates, the volume increasing as we got closer, drawing us in with the exhilarating sounds of the brass instruments and drums.

The crowd was already well warmed up by the time we entered the large, open space. People were everywhere, mingling at the snack carts along the side or circled around the high top tables, but most were congregated in the middle where the dance floor sat. Edward had his arms wrapped around me from behind and was bopping along to the tunes as we looked around for our friends, finally spotting Jasper and Rose at a table on the edge of the dance floor.

"Where are Ali and Em?" Edward asked once we greeted them. Rose gestured to the dance floor where we saw the two of them enthusiastically dancing to the music, and pretty dang well, actually.

"Showoffs," Edward muttered good-naturedly as Emmett swooped Alice in the air, her feet kicking up over her head.

"Like you wouldn't do worse," Rose scoffed.

"Come on, Bella, let's dance," Edward said eagerly, trying to pull me to the floor.

"No, no, no, no, no," I resisted. "There is no way you're getting me out there to try that crazy stuff. I step on your feet when we're just dancing normally. Do you really want to risk your health?"

"Bel-la," he whined, pouting at me.

"Fine," I relented, unable to resist that face. "But you're not throwing me into the deep end. You have to teach me a few moves first."

We lingered along the side of the floor, well out of the way of the more experienced dancers, as he walked me through the basic rock step and a few fancy turns. Just as I felt like I was finally getting the hang of it, Emmett swooped in between us and tried to cut in.

"I'll take it from here, Eddie," he said as he maneuvered his way in and swung me in a quick circle. "Besides, I know you and Ali are dying to go do your superstar moves."

"No, it's okay," Edward said, reaching for me again. "I'm just teaching Bella a few steps."

"Hey, I may not be Fred Astaire's apprentice, but I know enough to teach Bella a few moves. Besides, I owe her a lesson for her tips on the ice," he chuckled, nudging me in the side.

"Oh, no," I chuckled. "You're not gonna fall on me again as payback, are you? I'd really rather not take Goose and the Mav out of retirement."

"Nah, Alice would kill me if I messed you up tonight."

"Okay," I gave in, turning toward Edward. "Go, have fun. I'll still be here when you're done and maybe by then I'll be ready to actually venture a little further out on the dance floor with you."

He only hesitated a moment longer before agreeing, giving me a chaste kiss and heading off to find Alice.

Emmett was actually a good teacher, picking up where Edward left off and even throwing some more difficult moves my way. He was patient, but didn't coddle me, and his light goading challenged me to want to learn more simply because he said I couldn't. Before long, he was walking me through flips and we were both laughing hysterically until we heard the crowd burst into a cheer.

"There they go," Emmett muttered, though his face was lit with humor.

"What?" I asked, craning my neck to try and see what he was looking at.

"Those two never can stop themselves from showing off," he explained, taking my hand. "Come on, Babybel, you're not gonna want to miss this."

He dragged me through the crowd of people that had cleared a spot in the center of the dance floor to where we found Alice and Edward putting on quite a show. Their feet were moving quickly, barely even touching the ground as they kept time with the fast beat of the tune. I could kinda make out some of what both Edward and Emmett had taught me, but it looked to be in super speed, so I wasn't quite sure.

I eventually stopped trying to study and just sat back to enjoy the show, clapping along with the crowd as they went into a series of quick spins with joined arms, something Emmett informed me was aptly named a pretzel. Of course while I was easily impressed by that, they apparently were only getting started. My face lit with surprise when Edward lifted her right off the ground, easily swooping her behind his back to catch her on the other side, then twirling her in an easy back flip.

I became entranced by them, not only their show stopping moves, but the looks of pure happiness and laughter on their faces. It was great to see them both having so much fun. As the song started to close out, they pulled out all the stops with a jaw dropping move that had Alice in a handstand, landing her feet on his shoulders to be flipped straight over his back only for him to catch her at the neck and swing her back up between his legs to stand.

"Holy shit," I gasped as Emmett chuckled at me. My heart was pumping in adrenaline just watching them. They finished up, Alice waving enthusiastically as they left the floor to go grab a drink back at the table.

Emmett and I wound our way through the dispersing crowd to meet up with the rest of them, where Alice and Edward were laughing and guzzling water as Jasper and Rose teased them.

"You never told me you're some sort of Lindy Hop champion," I joined in the teasing once I reached Edward's side, poking him in the ribs.

"Guy's gotta keep some of the big guns in reserve," he joked back, tucking me under his arm. "Can't throw all my dazzling moves at the ladies up front or I'd never be able to get rid of them."

"Is that so?" I asked dryly. "So, what, I should be honored or something?"

"Very," he said, tapping my nose. "Just means I don't want to get rid of you."

"Aww," Alice cooed from across the table, reminding me that we weren't alone. "Come on, Jazz, you can't sit here on the bench all night." She dragged him back to the floor with her, his feet playfully dragging the whole time.

"You wanna give it a try?" Edward asked as Emmett and Rose went off in search of a drink.

"Don't you need to breathe? Or take a nap?" I laughed.

"Nope, I'm good. Stop stalling, Swan. I saw Emmett teaching you the good stuff. Let's see your moves," he said, dragging me out on the floor with him.

For the rest of the evening, that's where we remained. Every now and again we'd switch up partners, but mostly stayed to our normal pairs. We'd pause once in awhile to grab a drink, snacking on boxes of _Cracker Jacks_ while laughing with our friends.

I couldn't help giggling, watching Edward stuff the sticky treat into his mouth. In one handful, he'd pulled out a prize, a gold tin band with a star shaped plastic gem in a dark lime green that matched his eyes.

Dropping his box on the table, he'd lifted my hand, testing its size on each of my fingers. He discovered it would only fit on my left pinky and slid the ring into place, leaning back to admire it while he held my hand up in front of us. The wink he'd thrown at me was coupled with that soft, loving smile he had that always made my stomach flip, and when he pressed a tender kiss to my knuckle just above the cheap and flimsy ring, I knew I'd cherish it always.

Later on in the night, the band announced they were going to slow things down, and a familiar song began to play, one I'd heard from Edward's lips only a few hours earlier.

"Told ya," he smiled wryly as he pulled me into his arms to sway.

I didn't bother making some smart alec remark in return, merely enjoyed the music and his arms around me, his breath fluttering my hair.

My body was flush against his, our feet barely moving, but totally in unison. His hand was securely at my waist, his thumb reaching above the fabric to lightly rub against my bare skin. As his heart beat beneath my cheek, I felt my eyes getting heavy and breath growing shallow, not from sleep, but from desire.

As content as I was in his arms, I didn't want to stay any longer. I wanted his arms around me in a different place, with nothing and no one there but the two of us. It was time to call it a night, and hope my night had just begun. As the song closed, I lifted my face to his.

"Are you tired?" he asked, taking in the sight of my hooded eyes, mistaking my desire for drowsiness.

"Take me home, Edward," I murmured, beseeching him with my heavy eyes to read my mind and understand what I wanted.

He nodded, taking my hand to lead me off the dance floor. We said good night to our friends, though I was too distracted at the thought of where the night was headed to pay attention to the pleasantries. I wasn't quite distracted enough not to catch the encouraging and suggestive winks Alice and Rose were throwing my way. I blushed and shook my head at them, desperately hoping Edward hadn't seen them.

We headed out to the car with the strains of a trumpet ballad following us into the night as he opened the door for me, pressing a kiss to my hand as he helped me in.

As we drove through the quiet streets, hopping on the mostly deserted freeway, my stomach muscles began to twist with nerves and excitement. I tried to keep my breathing calm and even as I recalled the girls' advice to just let things happen naturally and not force anything.

Subtlety was my mantra as his hand left the gearshift for a moment to cover mine, throwing me a quick wink and a grin as anticipation warmed me. I'd be patient and let things run their course, but this would happen. Tonight was right and I wasn't going to let myself stand in the way.

"You might want to get in the next lane over if you're going to exit," I said as I saw the exit that would lead to his house quickly approaching.

"Why would I get off here?" he asked, flipping his signal and glancing over his shoulder to change lanes. "Your place is—"

"I meant your place, Edward," I interrupted, clarifying my earlier request. "Take me to _your_ home."

"Yeah?" he asked with the smile of a giddy young boy.

"I want to spend the entire night with you. I don't want to go back to my place," I said, laying my hand over his on the stick. His palm turned up to thread his fingers with mine and he squeezed gently while he headed up the exit ramp. I let go so he could drive and so he wouldn't feel the way my palm had begun to sweat.

He pulled into the driveway and quickly exited, crossing over to my door to help me out and lead me hand in hand to his door. While his attention was on grabbing his keys and unlocking the door, I took one more calming breath. I could do this. I would do this.

"Are you hungry?" he asked, taking me by the hand once we were inside, leading me through the entry way. He paused to step out of his shoes and I followed suit. "It's been awhile since dinner and we probably burned off a lot out on the dance floor. You were pretty great out there for a first timer."

"Like I told you before, I'm a fast learner," I said, attempting to lower my voice just enough to be seductive and hoping it didn't come out like I was trying to talk like a man.

"You are that," he chuckled, nudging me in the side with our joined hands. "You didn't even step on my foot once."

"Well, I had a good partner," I returned flirtatiously, deciding to kick it up a notch as I leaned in closer to him and batted my eyelashes. I only did it twice, nervous that he'd think something was wrong with me if I did it any more than that.

For a moment, I thought he'd caught on as he stared back at me in a daze, his lips parted. Then he seemed to snap out of it, grinning back down at me in his typical friendly way. I had to fight back a groan. This was going to be tougher than I thought. _Weren't guys __**always **__supposed to be thinking about sex? Why was it when I truly needed him to be thinking about it, he was acting oblivious?_

"Yeah. Well, uh, kitchen?" he croaked, clearing his throat. "Did you want something?"

"No. I don't want anything from the kitchen," I insisted, tugging firmly on his hand to keep him from walking away.

'Kay," he shrugged, taking a step in the opposite direction toward the living room. "Did you want to watch a movie, or—"

I stopped his words by stepping into him and forcefully crashing my lips to his. He hadn't anticipated it and our teeth clanked clumsily together, our noses getting smushed against each other's faces as I went for passionate and hungry. He groaned and tried to ease me back, but I wouldn't be stopped. I wanted this and him and I needed him to _get it_. After a minute, he gave in, wrapping his arms around me and tilting his face to more comfortably meet my embrace. We quickly found a more comfortable rhythm, his lips naturally soothing me to a less agitated state. His kisses turned lingering and slow and I hoped he finally understood where I was headed.

"Right," he whispered, blinking his eyes open as he placed one more chaste kiss on my mouth. "So, movie?"

"No, Edward," I groaned in frustration at him but mostly at myself. _Why was I so inept at this stuff?_ I released him to pace away, unable to look at him as mortification flooded me. "I don't want to watch a movie. I don't want to eat, that's not why I wanted to come back here. You're not getting it. I knew I'd mess this all up. I don't know what I'm doing here. _Obviously _or you wouldn't be so confused right now, you'd be kissing me and taking my clothes off and touching me and making love to me—"

"What? Bella—" he said, reaching for me.

"Please just forget it," I pleaded, trying to move from his grasp without success, settling for turning my face away to hide my blushing cheeks. "I'm an idiot and this is so embarrassing. Why I ever thought I'd be capable of seducing you—"

His hands tightened on my shoulders for a moment before he brought a hand to my chin, gently but forcibly moving my face to look at his. His eyes were shining with a mixture of surprise, adoration, and what I hoped was desire. "Is that what you were doing?"

"Yes," I whispered with exasperation. "Alice said I should be subtle and tempting, but apparently I have absolutely no concept of what that means because you couldn't even tell and—"

He dipped his head to stop my words with a passionate kiss, pulling away just enough to rest his forehead against mine. "What are you saying?"

"I want you to make love to me," I breathed, gazing into his eyes as he eased away to look down at me. "I want to make love to you. I want to be with you, Edward."

"Baby, don't think you have to—"

"I'm ready," I interrupted, my voice as strong and sure as I could manage. I refused to look away. I knew what I wanted, even if I didn't know how to go about making it happen. "I want this. I just want you. Here. Tonight. I'm sure."

"Bella," he breathed.

"Please, Edward?" I passionately implored. "Take me to your bed and love me."

He didn't speak, his eyes seared into mine, growing steadily darker as my request lingered in the air between us.

After a long moment, I thought I saw him nod, no more than a slight dip of his chin. Then his arms were at my back and beneath my knees as he lifted me into his arms, standing in place for just a moment before he turned toward the stairs. He didn't look at the steps beneath him as he ascended, nor did he look ahead. His eyes remained fixed on mine. I had no option but to stare back, completely entranced by the intensity radiating through his stare.

I felt like Scarlett being carried up the stairs to be taken by the man who loved her. It had always been one of my favorite romantic scenes but never once had I imagined myself in her spot. It wasn't quite the same, Rhett had swept Scarlett off her feet in a fit of jealousy and Edward was nothing but loving and gentle. But his eyes were just as wild, just as passionate as Rhett's had been, and it was so much better, because that passion was directed at me.

He nudged open the door to his bedroom with his foot, not bothering to turn the light on as he crossed over to the bed, the light from the hallway spilling into the darkness and melding with the bright moonlight that shone through the skylight above his bed. The house was quiet around us, only the mixed sounds of our breathing, the soft rustle of his pants as he padded across the carpeted floor, and the chirping of crickets out the open window.

He sat me on the edge of the bed with such tenderness and care, as if I were something fragile and breakable. My fingers ached to reach out and touch him as I'd anticipated him sitting down next to me, or even lying on top of me. Instead, he parted from me completely, stepping back just out of reach as he looked at me with an odd expression.

My breath caught in my throat as I pondered what he could possibly be thinking at that very moment. _Why wasn't he touching me? _I guess I'd sort of figured that as soon as I'd said the words, he'd be all over me. I mean, he'd been so patient for so long. Now I was telling him he didn't have to hold back anymore and still he hesitated. _Maybe he didn't really want me like that. No. I couldn't believe that._ He'd told me so many times, shown me with his touch. _It had to be something else, but what?_

"What is it, Edward?" I asked in a shaky voice, my hands clasped together nervously in my lap. "Don't you want—"

"Of course I want you, Bella," he said, stepping forward just enough so he could reach out and cup my cheek, the pad of his thumb stroking my soft skin. "I just, I don't know. I feel like this should be more special for you or something. I mean, it's your first time and it should be romantic. You deserve that. You deserve everything, love." He dropped his hand and stepped away, saying, "Wait here, I'll dig up some candles or put some music on or something."

No. He couldn't leave. I sprang up off the bed and grabbed hold of his wrist before he could take two steps. "Edward, stop. Don't go anywhere, don't do anything. I don't need any of that stuff. I don't need anything but _you_. You're what makes it special." As I said the words, I urged him to turn and face me, my hands drifting up his arms to rest on his chest as I gazed into his eyes.

"Bella—" he began to argue weakly, lightly skimming down my arm with the crook of his finger. I didn't want to hear anymore, so instead I gently placed my hand over his mouth. His brow lifted in mild amusement at my gesture.

"As for romance? I'd say you've been doing a pretty good job so far," I told him truthfully, my voice dropping to a whisper that seemed more fitting to the quiet intimacy of the moment. "You sweep me off my feet, Edward. Literally and figuratively and without any of the trappings." I removed my hand from his mouth, lifting my fingers to delicately brush at the bronze strands that fell over his brow.

"You did it by singing me my favorite Christmas song the first time we skated together, by showing up at my door with a box of cheap candy hearts, by taking me out for greasy burgers and teaching me how to bowl and treating me like a normal girl. You do it by just being who you are and accepting me for who I am, before I even really knew what that was. When I'm with you, I feel like I'll never touch the ground again."

"I'll never let you fall, Bella," he declared, his fingers brushing at the sweep of my hair before drifting beneath it.

"I know," I murmured. "Don't you see? That's why I'm so sure that this is right. Can we—can we please stop talking now or I'll—"

I didn't have a chance to finish my sentence as his mouth swooped down upon mine, my words fading off into a soft moan as his arms wrapped around me. One hand fisted in the hair at the base of my neck and the hand at the small of my back urged me up onto the tips of my toes. My hands clutched at his chest, drawing us closer.

His kiss was intoxicating, lips moving so softly over mine with just the slightest hint of tongue. I felt my head spinning in a way that made me feel light and breathless and delightfully dizzy. But I didn't want to stall here. I wanted more. Edward was so careful with me. I need to show him I really was ready for more, even if I was nervous.

I lowered back down to stand on flat feet, my face even with his chest. Slowly, deliberately, I raised my hands to the top of his vest, staring at my fingers as they eased the first button from its hole, then the next, and the next, until it was completely undone, lying open over his shirt. Only then did I look up to meet his eyes where I'd felt them fixated on me. With our eyes locked, I gently slid the vest from his shoulders to fall from his arms almost silently to the floor. With the vest discarded, I was able to see what I'd felt through the fabric when he'd held me close as we danced. Clipped to the waist of his pants was a pair of black suspenders.

I'd always thought the accessory was something only old business men wore to hold their pants up over their paunch, or maybe math nerds who wore them strapped to their too-short trousers. Neither option evoked much sex appeal. But seeing Edward standing there before me, the black straps secure over his chest in slight contrast to the charcoal of his shirt, imagining how they'd frame his broad shoulders where they crossed over his back, the only thing I could think was 'so fucking sexy.'

The thought and the lust that had begun to flow through me made me slightly bolder. I reached out, curling my fingers around the parallel straps, taking two steps back to the bed and giving him no choice but to follow. Luckily, he didn't seem too set on staying away. He came forward easily, his body advancing on mine as I moved to lie back on the bed, still holding tight to his suspenders. I felt his hands at my hips just a moment before he lifted me to lay down more toward the center of the bed. His body quickly covered mine as his hands remained in place on my hips. He leaned forward and finally kissed me. His lower body moved to press me more firmly into the mattress, the stiff skirt of my petticoat rustling against him.

He reared back and I followed, resistant to tear my lips from his. My hands pushed at the straps, sliding them over his shoulders. His hands left my body for only and instant while he shrugged them off to dangle from where they were clipped at his waistline.

When he made a move to lie back on top of me, I pressed against his chest to keep him upright, my fingers eagerly moving toward the buttons of his shirt. Quickly working my way down the row, I shoved at his shirt, his hands moving to assist me as I tried to rip the rolled sleeves down over his arms.

"Geez, Edward," I laughed breathlessly at finding another barrier in the form of a white undershirt. "Why'd you have to pick tonight to wear so many layers?"

He chuckled and quickly rectified the situation by whipping the shirt over his head and tossing it haphazardly off the side of the bed, his laugh quickly dissolving as his lips found mine again.

His fingers grazed the side of my breast as his mouth eagerly took mine. My eyes fluttered shut at his touch. My lips drew his out, altering the kiss into long, lingering pulls against each other. I didn't want to go another moment without feeling his bare skin against me. I placed one final soft kiss on his mouth. Blinking my eyes open as I eased out of his arms and turned from him. Gathering my hair with my hand, I looked back over my shoulder and lifted my brow, offering permission for him to lower it.

Instead of reaching straight for it as I'd expected, he lowered his face to the bare skin I had revealed to him. His soft lips pressed a trail of kisses down my neck and over the curve of my shoulder. My skin broke out in goose bumps and a shiver ran down my spine as I felt his lips curve against my flesh. I never felt his fingers ease down the zipper. It wasn't until I felt the bodice of my dress loosened that I realized what he'd done.

I felt his lips press against my shoulder and his strong arms wrap around my torso. He lifted, turning me to face him as he wordlessly urged me to lay down on the bed. I stared up at him, watching as he sat back on his heels and began to peel the dress from my body, leaving me to lay in the cobalt lingerie I'd picked out the day before and the stiff blue underskirt.

With his eyes roaming hungrily over my body, he reached for his zipper, loosening his pants and kicking them down his legs.

I couldn't even protest the few items of clothing that remained between us. He pressed forward, thrusting his pelvis against me. The friction of the petticoat rubbing against me through my panties was ecstasy. At my wanton moan, he advanced again, pressing more firmly upon me. My fingers clenched into the heated muscles of his back. His mouth dropped to the pulse in my neck, his teeth grazing before he closed his lips on the tender skin and sucked.

As his mouth continued its exploration, his fingers trailed over my abdomen. My muscles clenched with pleasure beneath his touch. Then his hand reached the cup of my bra and his fingers stilled for only a moment before delving beneath to close over my breast. His thumb grazed over my nipple and I threw my head back onto the bed, clutching the blanket tightly between my fingers. Just as with my dress, before I'd realized it had happened, my bra was gone and Edward's soft lips had replaced his thumb, kissing my breast and sliding his tongue over the hardened peak. I gasped as exquisite tingles ran down my spine. It felt like my brain had short circuited and nothing else registered except for his mouth and the sensation of the cool air on the wet trail he left behind.

When his lips left my skin and I could form a thought once again, I remembered that I was topless. My eyes snapped open and my hands automatically lifted to cover myself when I saw him looking at my bared chest.

His eyes squinted in mild disapproval as his placed his hands over mine, gently urging them to lower.

"Bella, don't hide yourself from me. Ever. Please? You're so beautiful."

I stopped fighting against his hands, allowing them to be removed from my chest to lay above my head.

His eyes fixated on my breasts, darkening as he lightly traced his knuckle over the soft skin. Then he cupped me softly, tentatively, as if he was testing the weight and texture with his hand.

"So lovely," he whispered under his breath as I tried to control mine.

His hands moved down my body, his face lowering until his lips pressed against my stomach as he reached for the fabric at my hips. His fingers curled beneath the waistline of the petticoat and my panties at the same time. I couldn't stop myself from shaking with nerves and anticipation.

He paused, lifting his face and moving his eyes up to mine.

"You're trembling. Are you nervous?"

"A little," I murmured, unable to hide from those loving eyes.

He moved his hands, resting one over my heart as the other curled around my neck. He aligned his face with mine until I could see nothing but emerald green.

"Don't be, Bella. We belong together." His nose rubbed against mine. A gentle reminder that it was just him and that I had nothing to fear. Then his lips were upon mine and I couldn't think of anything but his potent taste. His tongue tangled against mine as his hands reached for their earlier destination, this time meeting no resistance. The stiff fabric scratched lightly over my legs as he pulled his mouth from mine, sliding the garments down and leaving me bare before him.

His eyes wandered down over my form, lingering for a few moments before he brought his gaze back to my face.

"Beautiful," he rasped, leaning forward, resting one had on the bed beside my head as he drew me back into a gentle kiss that quickly turned heated and passionate.

The fingers of his other hand trailed lightly down my torso, dancing over the curve of my hipbone before moving lower. His hand finally met my slick heat, already so warm and wet for his touch. My legs parted for him unconsciously. He continued to kiss me, shifting his body to kneel between them as his fingers began to rub against the tender flesh.

"Oh, Edward," I cried out on a husky moan as his finger moved down and circled my entrance before easily slipping inside.

The pressure began to build within me so swiftly that I couldn't get a handle on myself. My hips bucked softly against his hand as he added another finger, increasing the intensity as they curled within me.

I wanted him inside me, but I didn't want him to stop, it felt so good. The battle was waged within my mind as his touch steadily drove me closer to madness. I didn't want this to end so quickly. _Didn't he see what he was doing to me? Didn't he see he had to stop before he pushed me too far?_

"God, Edward," I cried on sobbing breaths as my chest heaved and my thighs quivered from the rapture he was inflicting with his touch.

His head lowered close to mine, the forward shift of his body driving his fingers deeper as I tried to grasp onto the last threads of my control.

"Don't hold back, love. Just let go," he murmured against my skin, kissing the throbbing pulse in my neck. I shook my head in dissent, the movement in direct opposition with the moans of total ecstasy coming from my mouth. He added his thumb, pressing against my sensitive nub and my back raised off the bed in a stiff arch. But still, I couldn't manage to stop fighting against it. His fingers pushed me further and further until I wondered if it was even possible to feel _more._

"Let go, Beautiful," he urged again on a whisper. His head dipped to my breast, taking the peak lightly between his teeth. His tongue laved over it once he released it and I let go, giving in with a strangled moan as the blinding light overtook me.

I vaguely felt his lips brush against my unresponsive ones as I lay there out of breath, melting and satisfied. His warmth disappeared and my hands groped blindly around the bed searching for him, just wanting him to stay. I needn't have worried because only moments later he was back.

His hands freely roamed over my naked form as his mouth returned to my chest, his tongue tracing over the rounded swell and up to my collarbone. Moments before, I'd been sure I could have easily drifted off to sleep, but now the passion began to stir within me once more.

My hands skimmed over his back, trailing lower and lower. I'd expected to meet the barrier of his boxer briefs, but found none, only bare, smooth flesh. I was confused for a moment, until I realized that's why he must have briefly disappeared.

I broke my lips from his and leaned back, a mixture of curiosity and the desire to know every part of him prompting me to look.

My eyes drifted over his form, soaking up the sight of his body until I reached what I'd felt but never seen. I didn't know exactly what I'd expected, but it certainly wasn't what lay in front of me. I'd deduced from touch that he was large, but seeing visible proof was an entirely different story. _How was it supposed to fit?_

I could feel my heart pounding and my teeth closed down on my lower lip as I continued to stare, unable to tear my eyes from the smooth flesh between his muscular thighs.

Edward nudged my chin up with one finger, extracting my lip. "I won't hurt you, Bella," he vowed, so easily reading my mind as always.

_He'd have to though, wouldn't he? _I knew enough to know it would be uncomfortable at best this first time. He must have seen the doubt in my eyes because he stared into them, his hands soothing over my arms as he whispered, "I'll make you feel good, Baby. I promise."

I trusted him completely, and I was ready, discomfort or not. I nodded, unknowingly bracing myself for him.

"You've gotta relax, Beautiful," he soothed, kissing me softly until my muscles loosened and I felt like I was floating. I heard a faint tearing and glanced down to see him sheath himself before settling between my thighs, leaning in to kiss me again.

I felt him rubbing against me, sliding his length along my warmth, our voices piercing the quiet night at the initial contact of our most intimate parts.

"Ready?" he murmured against my lips, his breath strained. I nodded softly, rubbing my nose against his to soothe him just as he had soothed me. My eyes fluttered closed as I felt his tip nudging against me, into me. I tried so hard to do as he'd asked and relax, but I couldn't hold back from wincing as he slowly entered me, stretching me beyond anything I'd ever experienced.

"Jesus, Bella," he groaned. I opened my eyes, focusing on him as words continued to fall from his lips incoherently. "So...You feel... _Fuck_."

His head was slightly thrown back, his face twisted in a mix of pleasure and restraint. I knew he was trying so hard to make it easier for me. I concentrated on his face, my fingers diving into his hair as he met my barrier. His eyes opened to meet mine, and I tried to assure him one final time that I was okay.

Lowering his lips to mine, he drew his hips back and thrust forward gently, tearing through my innocence as he swallowed my cry.

He held still, wholly immersed within me, allowing me a moment to adjust to his size.

"Are you okay?" he whispered, his head eased back so he could see my eyes as he tenderly stroked my face. I nodded once the initial sting faded to mere discomfort as I stretched for him.

He began to move then, slowly, gently easing in and out. Before long, the discomfort had disappeared almost entirely. Pain gave way to pleasure and I rocked my hips against his, meeting his thrusts and taking him in deeper.

"Oh, yes," he moaned. "Baby, I'm not gonna last long. You feel too good. God, so good."

I could tell he was close even without him saying so. His movements had become slightly more frantic and less steady. I found my eyes glued to him, filled with wonder at the idea that I could make this man who was always so _collected _fall to pieces in my arms—from my body. He was clearly attempting to hold himself back and I realized he was waiting for me, that he wanted me to climb with him to the same height he was quickly scaling toward so we could leap together. But it wasn't going to happen, he was too close and I wasn't close enough.

It felt wonderful, being this close to him, so much more than anything I'd ever imagined. Just the feel of him moving inside me, the fact that we were joined together as closely as two people could physically get was enough for me. I knew he wouldn't want to settle for that; he was always so selfless when it came to me, always putting my needs first. It was time for me to be selfless for him.

I took his face between my hands and poured everything I had inside of me for him into my kiss. As our tongues tangled passionately, I drifted my hands down to take his from my body, entwining our fingers and raising our joined arms above my head to rest on the bed. I arched against him, welcoming his length fully inside me.

Looking upon his face, I saw his release come, his eyes closing and his teeth pressing into his lower lip as I felt him pulsating between my thighs. His body stiffened and his breath exhaled on a few broken gasps.

His body lowered slowly to cover mine as the tension drained, the occasional shudder wracking his form. His fingers squeezed mine in lazy intervals, still poised above my head. His breath was heavy and warm upon my skin as his head settled in the crook of my neck.

The pressure that had been building within me faded away to contentment as our bodies stilled and I dropped my hand to stroke his back. I wallowed in the feel of him, glowing with the knowledge that I had so thoroughly satisfied him.

I felt his lips press softly against my neck as he whispered, 'I love you,' so quietly I could barely hear.

He rolled to lay beside me, slipping from within me in the process. I whimpered at the sudden emptiness, only to find contentment again when he wrapped me in his arms and laid my head on his chest, his fingers caressing my hair.

"Are you alright?" he asked, kissing the crown of my head.

"Yeah," I whispered in return, my voice slightly scratchy.

"You're sure? Sore at all?"

"I'm good," I insisted.

"Bella," he sighed, clearly doubtful of my claim.

I shifted on his chest to look into his eyes.

"It hurt a little at first," I admitted, running my fingers through the wiry hairs at the base of his throat, "but I'm absolutely fine. Wonderful, in fact."

"But you didn't—"

"What?" I asked when he paused.

"You know," he said, lifting his eyebrow and gesturing oddly, sighing when I merely looked back at him with confusion. "Come."

"No, not during," I confirmed quietly, though he hadn't really phrased it as a question. It was ridiculous to blush when the man had been inside me, when he'd had me moaning with abandon only minutes earlier, but I couldn't stop the color from flooding my cheeks.

"Well, that sucks," he groaned. "I'm sorry, Bella. I wanted it to be perfect for you, but it's been awhile for me and you just felt so good—"

"Hey. Don't talk like that," I pleaded. "I've never once in my entire life experienced anything more amazing. It was so much more than I'd ever thought it could be. It was beautiful. Please don't have any doubts or regrets, Edward, I couldn't bear it. Because what just happened between us _was _perfect. You make me feel perfect."

"You are perfect, Bella. For me."

"I feel the same way about you. I've always thought you were perfect and it used to scare me," I confessed, looking surely into his eyes. "You don't scare me anymore."

He smiled softly and traced his fingers over my cheek.

I turned my face to press a kiss to his hand before leaning back into his touch. "I promise you, I'm not disappointed in the slightest. After the start, it felt really good. Amazing. Please stop worrying so much."

"If you insist," he sighed happily, a smug smile curving his lips as he settled back into the pillow. His hand drifted lazily over my hip, his thumb rubbing constantly on my hipbone until it halted suddenly.

"Bella?" he asked, his voice full of curious mischief.

"Hmm?" I murmured drowsily, nuzzling into his neck.

"I seem to recall you saying you don't have any tattoos."

My eyes popped open at his unexpected words, but I attempted to play coy. "Did I say that?"

"Yes. On Saint Patrick's Day, you little sneak. So what, pray tell, was that I saw in this spot right here?" he asked, grazing his thumb over a spot on my hip, accurately pinpointing the location without looking.

"I don't think I said that," I continued to feign innocence.

"You did too—"

"No," I argued, turning to rest my chin on his chest and smirk at him. "I said I hate needles, which I do, and you inferred that I didn't have any. I didn't say yes or no."

He quirked his brow, acknowledging my point, then swiftly flipped us, grasping my hips when I squealed and lifting me up off the bed, setting me back down when my hipbone and the small marking that was inscribed there was at his eye level.

"When did you get it?" he asked, leaning in to have a closer look. In the middle of my hipbone was a small tattoo, no larger than the pad of Edward's thumb. It was a single black line, curved and looped into the shape of a swan.

"When I was nineteen," I chuckled, brushing my thumb over the spot. "My one little secret rebellion. No one else has ever seen it or even knows it's there. That's why I got it there, so it wouldn't be visible in my costumes. It was just for me."

"Is it because of your name or...?"

"No. Well, sort of, I guess."

"You guess?" he asked, smirking at me. "Why'd you get it?"

"I don't know. It's probably sounds silly," I mumbled, squirming a little as his thumb continued to rub the spot.

"Tell me?" he implored, removing his thumb, pressing a soft kiss to the mark and resting his chin on the top of my thigh.

"It was a year before the Torino Olympics," I explained, brushing gently at his hair. "Competitions are still really important in off years because they set you up for the future and everyone was already focused on the road to get there. I went to Salt Lake in two-thousand-two as an alternate and my mom was determined that I'd make it further. She'd really amped up my publicity a lot when I turned eighteen. I didn't think too much of it at the time because it was all just so overwhelming. The constant photo shoots and interviews, everything that goes along with endorsement deals." I sighed, recalling that time in my life, how I'd been so eager to grow up and so trapped in the insanity Renee threw at me.

"She wanted to get my name out there as much as possible. Public support won't get you on the Olympic team but it can never hurt and everyone wants to see someone they know representing their country. Anyway, when my name started getting tossed around a lot more, I picked up the nickname 'The Swan' with the press. Kinda like a stage name," I chuckled rolling my eyes as I remembered how embarrassed I'd been to hear that, yet so giddy to be compared to a creature that was known for its grace and beauty.

"The first time Renee saw it in print, she had a good laugh over it, said they wouldn't be calling me that if they saw what I looked like in practice, knocking it out on the ice like a giant klutz and falling on my ass half the time," I murmured, lowering my hand to rub at the mark as had become a habit for me. No one ever noticed because it was typically within the pocket of my jeans or just looked like I had my hands on my hips. "She'd talked down to me before that, but never in front of other people. I was humiliated and ended up crying in the locker room while she went off to meet with someone about my costumes.

"Marcus found me sitting there, feeling down about myself. You've met him a couple times; you know he's not a real sappy kinda guy, right?" I asked, looking at him lying there, so patiently listening. "Well, he sat right on the floor of the locker room next to me until I stopped crying. Then he told me that no matter what anyone ever said, I'd always be a swan, strong, graceful, and beautiful, and that as long as I remembered that, no one could ever clip my wings.

"So, I went and got this. Sort of a reminder to myself. Sometimes when I get nervous out on the ice, especially at a competition, I can touch the spot and it…I don't know, it's grounding," I explained, shaking my head at myself. "I told you it was silly."

"No," he said, placing one more lingering kiss on the swan before moving up to bring his face even with mine. "Not silly at all. You are strong, Bella," he said, kissing my cheek. "You're graceful," he moved to kiss my brow. "And you're so much more than beautiful," he finished, meeting my lips.

He leant me a t-shirt so I could go to the bathroom to wash off and brush my teeth while he changed the sheets, refusing my offer to help.

He entered the bathroom just as I finished, giving me a quick peck and urging me to get into bed while he brushed his teeth.

I crawled between the fresh sheets and waited for him, ridiculously happy at the thought of waking up the following morning to see his face on the pillow beside me.

He flipped off the light as he came back into the room, though the bright moonbeams coming through the skylights allowed me to still see him cross to the bed to slip beneath the covers. He slid over to where I lay, hovering over me with a mischievous grin on his face.

"What?" I asked, unable to stop myself from grinning back at him.

"I want my shirt back now."

"What?" I chuckled. "You said I could use it!"

"Limited offer, Swan. Time's up. I want my shirt," he repeated, already drawing it up over my head.

I saw the glint of lust in his eyes as he placed his hands on my hips, his lips eagerly descending on mine.

"Edward," I moaned, taken a little off guard. I thought he was done and we'd just sleep in each other's arms. I'd never imagined… "Again?"

"Again," he confirmed, flicking his thumb over my nipple. "I'm a sore loser, Baby. This game's not called until I make you come while I'm inside you. You up for the challenge?"

"Oh, God," I cried, clenching in anticipation. "I don't think that'll be a problem."

"See, Swan, I knew we'd make a good team."

Later, much later, I gave into exhaustion and drifted off to sleep, warm and content in his arms as he whispered, "Good night, love."

**x-x-x**

**A/N:**

**Sigh. Double sigh.**

**To recap: Bella's got her triple back! Esme's assisting and Bella's looking toward the future. A call to Renee and a check in with Charlie. Love chats with Rose and sex talks with the girls. Hangar Dance and a little resolution to the UST that's been hanging around for the last…oh 14 chapters. As if you needed a reminder for that last one.**

**Review if you please and you WILL be teased!**

***IMPORTANT NOTE ON FGB* **

**If you want to be on Team TTI for the auction and have not signed up, KrisCullen2 would like to know BY JUNE 14****TH****! **

**If you have any interest, make sure you let her know or you'll be missing out on some EPOV! Speaking of…if you have ideas of what outtakes you'd like to see, you can e-mail your ideas to ****and she'll start compiling them! If you have any questions, let me or KrisCullen2 know!**

**Polyvore on the profile.**


	15. Chapter 15: With No Trace of Fear

**A/N: Yes, you're seeing it right…this is the longest one yet. I'm not making any more excuses. I'm just plain wordy. This is three monsters in a row and for the most part y'all seem to like them…so ENJOY!**

**Huge thanks to Betamama and the freshly tanned Caren. I want to tearfully profess my love to you both.**

**Once again, this story is rated M. I promise it won't be turning into a total smutfest…but yeah, smut happens.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created the characters, the story is mine. Copyright 2010: BellaMarie117**

**x-x-x**

Sunday morning, I stirred slowly. My mind hazy and my body languid. All that registered as I awoke was the warmth that surrounded me; never before had I felt so entirely cozy. I was reluctant to wake up, to lose the feeling. Then the warmth shifted against my back and I remembered...

The Hangar Dance. Edward's house. Edward's room. Edward.

We'd made love the night before. Twice. And both times were more amazing than I could have ever imagined. I'd slept in his bed, wrapped up in his arms where I still remained, our hands clasped together and resting over my heart. In the light of day, I knew I didn't regret taking that step with him, not in the slightest, and I was determined not to have an awkward 'morning after' encounter.

He shifted again, his leg sliding between mine as he slowly regained consciousness.

"Good morning," he uttered quietly as he pressed his lips to the curve of my shoulder, his voice husky from sleep. I wanted to see him, to know what he looked like first thing in the morning. Both times I'd slept with him before—in the literal sense—on the couch at my apartment and the night of the power outage, he'd awoken before me and had already been up and about by the time I'd stirred. Turning lazily in his arms, I blinked the sleep from my eyes to study him.

His eyelids were heavy, his cheeks a little droopy and lined from the fabric of the pillow; his small smile lazy and he had the tiniest bit of drool at the corner of his mouth. He was perfection.

"Good morning," I whispered, smiling shyly and trying to forget about the fact that I was naked. It didn't matter that he'd seen every inch of me the night before, I still felt bashful being so completely bare.

He smiled contently, leaning in to lazily rub his nose against mine before he nudged my head back down on his chest, resting his cheek on my hair as his fingers trailed over my spine.

"What time is it?" I asked, on the brink of purring under the stroking of his fingertips.

I felt him shift beneath me a little, likely to glance at the alarm clock on his bedside table before he settled back into his spot, wrapping his arms just a little more snugly around me than before and sighing. "I'm pretty sure that clock is wrong. There is no way it's time to get up yet."

I chuckled, but didn't argue, content to remain in the cocoon of his arms for a little longer. I didn't fall completely back to sleep, but drifted in the limbo between sleep and awake as his fingers continued their lazy exploration. After awhile, he brought his other hand to my face, tapping my nose softly as my eyes fluttered open. "I like waking up to you," he grinned.

"It's not such a hardship opening my eyes to see you, either," I smiled back. He leaned in to kiss me and I slapped my hand over my mouth.

"Morning breath," I muttered behind my hand.

"Me, too. I think they cancel each other out," he said, tugging my hand from my mouth to brush his warm, soft lips over mine. He was anything but minty fresh, as he lazily kissed me good morning, I found that I didn't really mind his morning breath.

"Well," he groaned, stretching his arms up over his head and indulging in an enthusiastic yawn as he sat up in the bed. "I suppose we've been lazy long enough. My stomach's about to start eating itself."

With another yawn, he threw back the covers and eased out of the bed. "I'm gonna hop in the shower. You gonna join me?" he asked, smirking wryly when I blushed before leaning back down to kiss my forehead. "Just shower, Swan, I know you're probably sore."

"Maybe a little," I admitted, wincing as the slight ache in my muscles registered.

"Come on," he said, holding his hand out to me. "A hot shower'll fix you right up."

He was absolutely right. As soon as I stepped beneath the hot spray, I felt every ache begin to fade. I tried not to blush at the sight of him naked, still unused to it, especially when we weren't engaging in 'sexytimes' as the girls referred to it. He caught me looking at him and winked at me before I lifted my face to the water, the warmth not doing anything for my flushed cheeks.

"Do you have any plans for the day?" I asked him, my voice echoing in the shower stall as I wet my hair.

"Nothing big," he said, grabbing the shampoo from its slot, squirting a dollop of gel into the palm of his hand. "I'm supposed to go over to my parents for a bit and help out with some yard work. You?"

"Just relax," I sighed, looking forward to a day off. "I should probably do some laundry, maybe some grocery shopping for the week. Back at it again tomorrow."

"C'mere," he requested, nudging me out from under the spray.

"What?" I asked, blinking the water from my eyes.

"I'm gonna wash your hair, Swan, and I can't really do that if you're over here hogging all the water," he explained, holding his soapy hands out to me as he twisted us around, reversing our positions.

"I can wash my own hair, you know."

"Yeah, but you get to do it every day," he said, his fingers diving into the wet strands to work the cleansing gel into the mass of my hair. "I want to do it this time."

"Fine," I sighed, feigning struggle, though in reality it was anything but. His fingers massaging my scalp felt like heaven. He carefully worked the shampoo through the strands of my hair, thoroughly soaping every inch as he took such care to keep the suds out of my eyes.

"How are things going at the rink?" he asked as he continued to rub my head.

"Really good," I sighed, attempting to concentrate on the conversation and not the fact that I wanted to purr like a kitten. "I've got maybe half my free skate blocked in, though we'll see how much of it ends up staying around."

"Why do you say that?" he asked, removing the shower head from its latch to wash the soap from my hair, tilting my head back a little as he worked his fingers through it.

"It's a lot of trial and error," I explained. "You have to make adjustments as you go along. If you try and force a move just because it's what you originally had in mind, it'll_ look_ forced. At least, that's what I'm figuring out. I've done some choreographing before, but nothing this extensive. It's a lot of work, but I like it. A lot."

"Am I gonna get to see it sometime?" he asked, placing the shower head back in place, reaching for the bar of soap to quickly suds himself up before I could offer to do it for him.

"Hopefully a lot of people will get to see it sometime," I said coyly.

"Ha ha, Swan. You know what I mean."

"We'll see. Not until it's finished at least."

"That's not very fair. My mom gets to see it before it's done," he complained, holding the soap out to me, his bottom lip slightly thrust forward in a pout. It wasn't even a silly, teasing pout, but an honest-to-goodness sullen expression. It was pretty damn adorable.

"She's not even paying attention to what's happening on the ice half the time she's there, Edward," I explained. "She's got other things to think about. You know, I was really worried at first about having her help out, but she's been great."

"Why were you worried?" he asked curiously. I realized that I'd never mentioned my break down with Esme to him and neither had she. Esme had told me early on that she'd never betray my confidence, but I'd never imagined she wouldn't say something, knowing how close she and Edward were.

I shrugged, deciding to summarize. "I guess after what happened with my mom, I was nervous about having someone else I had a personal relationship with stepping into that same role. But with Esme, it's not the same. She didn't take on as much; the role's more split up and delegated to different people. Hopefully it's not so overwhelming to her that— Well, I just think it works better this way."

"'That' what?" he probed, taking the soap back from me when I finished and tossing it back on the rack.

"Nothing," I tried to brush it off as I stepped under the water to quickly rinse. "It just shouldn't have all been done by one person the first time around."

"Bella," he said, clearly not buying it.

"Just can't let anything go, can you?" I chuckled, then sighed at his patient expression. "Look, it's not a big deal. I already talked with your mom about it, and even Rose a little, and I'm working through it—"

"You haven't talked to me."

"It wasn't to shut you out, Edward, I promise. It's just that everything between us lately has been so good that I didn't feel like dragging either of us down by bringing drama with my mom up. Again," I explained, eager to assure him that I wasn't backtracking or trying to keep things from him.

"What drama? Did something happen?" he asked, his eyes filled with concern.

"No," I said quickly to soothe his mind. "That's the problem. I called her last week. I decided not to take any legal action against her over the money. I want to try and see if we can work things out between us. I know you're far from her biggest fan, and honestly I haven't been for quite awhile either. I guess I was just hoping that now that she's not wrapped up in my career things could change. Anyways, she didn't answer and she still hasn't returned my calls. That's why I was nervous about asking your mom to help. I may have already lost one mother to my skating. I don't know if I could survive losing two."

"Did you tell my mom that?" he asked after a minute.

"Yes."

"I hope she told you that the very idea is impossible."

"Yeah," my lips twitched in a smile. "Something like that."

"Good. Nobody here is going anywhere, Bella. You're stuck with us," he said, pulling my body to rest against his under the warm water.

"So," I said after a minute, reaching for the shampoo bottle. "If you got to wash my hair, does that mean I can wash yours?"

We shut the water off a few minutes later, after I had my fill of running the stands of his wet, bronzed hair through my fingers. He handed me a fluffy towel, taking his own to dry himself. It was a real shame, because the beads of moisture clinging to his smooth, bare skin were pretty tempting.

"Now I'm gonna smell like boy all day," I complained as I toweled off, inhaling the masculine scent that clung to my hair.

"I have to admit I'm partial to your regular scent," he smirked as he tucked his towel snugly around his waist.

"Oh really?" I asked playfully. "I'll be sure to let the manufacturers at Philosophy know you approve of their Strawberry Milkshake fragrance."

"Is that what it is?" he asked, pulling me into his arms and kissing the top of my head. "I might have to get a bottle of it to keep around for when you're not here."

"I'm not gonna lie, Edward. That's a little weird," I chuckled, sighing contently as I laid my cheek against his bare chest.

"Tell me about it. Ever since the first time we met at the airport I can't even smell a strawberry without being reminded of you," he murmured, his fingers lightly trailing up and down my upper thighs just under where the towel hit.

"Really?"

"Yeah," he said, a contemplative look crossing his face before he spoke again, seriously. "You remember how I told you we all hang out at Billy's? Well, that Tuesday I spent the entire night watching the door, just hoping you'd walk through it. I didn't know anything about you except your first name, that you were the most beautiful girl I'd ever met, and that your hair smelled intoxicatingly like strawberries. I ordered strawberry daiquiris all night, even though Emmett gave me a ton of shit over it, because they reminded me of your scent."

It might have been the sweetest thing I'd ever heard someone say to me. Which was saying a lot, considering I was dating Edward who seemed to have a quota to meet on adorable things to say to me. My own memories of that night were far from pleasant. I'd been so scared of going to meet him. Nervous that he would act differently than the sweet guy who had helped me with my bags, anxious that he either wouldn't remember me or that when he saw me again, he wouldn't like what he saw. My fear, coupled with a crappy phone call from Renee, had kept me from him that night. If fate hadn't been so kind as to throw us together again, I couldn't imagine what my life would be like. What I'd be like.

"I'm sorry I didn't come and meet you that night," I whispered, filled with regret at the thought of him sitting there, waiting for me but to no avail.

"Eh," he shrugged it off, kissing my forehead. "It all seemed to work out alright, didn't it?"

"I'd say it's a whole lot better than alright," I said with a small smile.

"You're right. It's much better," he said, lowering his lips to mine. The kiss started out softly, casually. Somewhere along the way, our embrace deepened, our hands drifting over each other's bodies and loosening the insecure knots on our towels until they fell in wet heaps to the tiled floor. His hands grasped my butt, lifting me up onto the countertop as he pressed against me, already stiff with arousal.

"Bella?" he whispered between desperate kisses.

"Hmm?" I murmured back against his lips, my hands stroking over his hips.

He dropped his hands to my wrists and broke our kiss, resting his forehead on mine as his breath panted against my face. "I think we should talk."

"Okay," I said tentatively. Talking was the last thing I'd have expected him to want at that moment.

"It's nothing bad," he assured me quickly, taking a step back but keeping his hands on my wrists, rubbing circles over my pulse. "I just don't want you to think that now that we've been together like this that sex is all that matters. I mean I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone, but I don't want to lose everything else we have just because we've slept together. It's just...sex can change things, well, not can, it _does_ change things. And that's okay. I want to have sex with you and I want you to feel comfortable with that side of our relationship. But it's only one side, Bella. There's so much more here than just that."

"I know that, Edward. I don't want to lose the rest of what we have either," I sighed, leaning back a bit on the counter. "I don't really know what I'm doing here."

"It's fairly new territory for me as well. It's not like I've been in a ton of relationships. Even if I had, it'd be completely different. You and me, we're different. In a really good way, don't get me wrong."

"We've been doing okay so far, haven't we?" I asked shyly.

"More than okay," he confirmed.

"So, let's just keep doing what we're doing. You know, whatever happens, happens. We'll figure things out as they come. Is that alright?"

"Sounds like a plan," he grinned, scooping me up from the counter unexpectedly as I squealed.

"Edward! What are you doing?" I asked, clinging to him.

"Just going with the flow, Swan," he said, dropping me with a bounce on the mattress as I giggled before his body covered mine.

x-x-x

Two and a half hours later, Edward drove me home before heading over to his parent's house as he'd promised. My hair was in a messy knot, tangled from the lack of proper brushing. Dressed in his sweatpants and a t-shirt that was knotted at my waist, I attempted to creep down the hall to my apartment and quietly slip my key in the door. Before I could manage it, I heard the doorway across the hall spring open and I winced, knowing I'd been caught.

"Halt right there, Bella Swan!" Alice ordered. I turned around, attempting an innocent look knowing I was clearly caught red handed, my clothes from the night before stuffed into a bag dangling from my wrist.

"What exactly do you think you're doing?" Rose asked, joining her roommate in the doorway.

"Uh, unlocking my door so I can go inside?"

"No. You're trying to sneak and not very well," Alice laughed, reaching out and grabbing me by the arm to drag me into their apartment. "Get your booty over here."

"Come on guys, do we really have to do this right now?" I whined, but didn't put up much of a fight, knowing it was pointless.

"Yes," Rose said, assisting Alice in nudging me through their doorway, shutting the door behind us. "Get in here."

"Now, let's see what we have here," Alice said, her finger tapping thoughtfully against her lip as she took stock of my appearance. "Last night's clothes in a bag, boy clothes, and you smell like boy shampoo."

"Not to mention the fact that you're practically glowing," Rose added.

"Somebody got lucky last night!" Alice squealed, clapping her hands.

"So, how was it? We need details!" Rose exclaimed, ushering our trio into the living room to get a bit more comfortable on the couch.

"What kind of details?" I asked skeptically.

"Well, not anything super specific, but what happened? Was it good?" Alice asked.

"Alice, the woman's lit like a two-hundred watt light bulb, for God's sake. She's practically luminous. Do you really think she'd be looking like this if it was bad?" Rose said dryly.

"Okay, fine. So?" Alice returned her attention to me, pulling her knees up to her chest to wrap her arms around them.

"I don't really know what you're looking for here," I mumbled awkwardly.

"Bells, it's just us. You don't have to be all shy and bashful. Tell us whatever you want," Rose offered.

"I don't know," I sighed, tugging at my ponytail. "After we left, we went back to his place and at first it was awkward, like he had no idea what was going on. I kept trying to be subtle, like you said, and he just didn't get it. He was talking about getting food and watching a movie, so I must not have been doing it right."

I stopped as they gave each other a pointed look before bursting into fits of giggles.

"Oh," Alice gasped between her laughter. "Poor Edward!"

"Bella," Rose said, attempting to calm herself and explain their humor. "I don't think it's that you weren't doing it right. He was probably trying to keep his thoughts from going that direction in case he was misreading you. I mean the guy's been celibate for awhile now, he probably didn't want to get his hopes up and end up blue-balled if you really weren't ready yet."

"I guess that makes sense," I accepted, shrugging before I continued. "Well, we ended up talking about it and he finally got the picture. Then we were kissing, and he carried me up the stairs, like in G_one With the Wind." _I sighed, remembering the moment, still so vivid in my mind.

"Oh, good move," Rose cooed.

"It's a classic for a reason," Alice sighed dreamily.

"And then when we got to his room, he was so worried about everything being perfect for me. Like, he wanted to put on music and light candles and stuff," I told them, already feeling slightly more comfortable talking about the subject with them as the excitement about what had happened the night before took over, blocking out my shyness.

"Aww!" they said together.

"He was just so patient with me, so, I don't know, gentle, I guess. Not like he was afraid of it, but like...it felt like he _cherished_ me. I've never felt cherished before. By anyone."

"God, that sounds so...sweet. I swear, sweet sex is totally underrated," Rose muttered, flopping back against the arm of the couch.

"So, it was good, I take it," Alice stated, waiting for my nod of agreement. "Did you finish?"

I blushed, burrowing into my knees a bit as I pulled them up on the couch. "Not the first time. I mean, he, uh, touched me before, but not during."

"First time?" Alice squealed. "So you went more than once?"

"Yeah," I cleared my throat awkwardly, my cheeks red. "Uh, twice last night. And, er— once more this morning," I added under my breath.

"Holy shit, Bells," Rose exclaimed, punching me enthusiastically on the shoulder. "Three times? You go, girl."

"Alright," Alice announced, popping up from the couch. "This officially calls for cocktails."

"Alice, it's like one o'clock in the afternoon. On a Sunday," I reminded her.

"Bella, an occasion like this knows no time. Don't think of it as cocktails. Think of it as an initiation."

"Uh, Alice? I think Edward already took care of initiating her last night," Rose giggled, fighting me off when I jokingly smacked her arm. "Oh, Bella. What would you ever do without us?"

"You know what, Rosalie? I have no idea."

x-x-x

As May drifted into June, time seemed to pass more swiftly. Over the early weeks of summer, my life fell into a new routine. Monday through Friday I was at the rink almost all day. Until the season was over, whenever that may come for me, skating would be my full time job, and like any, that required long hours. I was regaining the strength I'd always had in my moves and building a new confidence that I'd never before possessed. In addition to my daily sessions in the gym and on the ice, Marcus had suggested taking an hour every day to work with a ballet instructor to help give my movements a little extra fluidity.

I'd taken dance classes in the past, though I'd always somewhat dreaded them. Without my skates, my feet were often clumsy. Zafrina, my instructor, was patient and encouraging. She concentrated more on my arm movements and stretching than enforcing anything too technical with my feet. Before long, I'd started to enjoy and even look forward to seeing her every day. Marcus had been right in his prediction that it would help. I already felt the difference in my practice runs.

My choreography was plugging along. I was really close to finishing my free skate, though it would likely be tweaked right up until its debut. Marcus and I had started to bat around ideas for my short program, though nothing had stuck yet. He was pushing for something with a little more fire and I didn't know if I had it in me to pull it off. Esme continued to stop by the rink to check in every day, some days lingering longer than others when she and Marcus found things to discuss. She was never overbearing, always remaining one step back as she offered suggestions but didn't push her own agenda. That was perhaps the biggest change from Renee. Esme didn't have an agenda.

As days continued to pass without a word of response from my mother, I'd begun to realize I might just have to accept the fact that she might never take that step. Our relationship might always be strained, filled with bitter memories and hurt. The best I could do was remain focused on the positives in my life and try not to linger over the regret.

Inquiries had begun to trickle in about what my plans were for the upcoming season. Renee had leaked to the press back in April that I had taken a season off but would be back and making a run for the next Olympics. Since she'd left, I hadn't made any further announcements. News had yet to get out about my staff changes and I'd pleaded with Marcus to hold off on a press release until I was feeling a little more confident in my decisions.

I had no doubt that once it got out that I'd be handling my own programs, there would be a swarm of speculation. There would be those in the community who would be supportive and optimistic, and just as many who would doubt that I could do it, who would laugh at the very idea. Plenty of skaters choreographed their own exhibition pieces, but few took on the task of creating anything they'd be judged on. By choosing to do so, I was opening myself up completely. I'd be exposed, vulnerable, displaying my own creation to the world and inviting anyone who chose to look to critique it. Until I felt more solid in what I'd be offering up, I wasn't eager to throw that meaty bone to the salivating press.

There was time yet, but I knew I couldn't keep quiet for much longer. The beginning of the competitive season was looming ever closer, and if I wanted to have a fighting chance, I'd need to start making critical decisions on what my plan of action was.

While training kept me busy, I still found time to focus on my life outside the rink. I saw Edward practically every day, though some days more than others. I'd often go over to his house in the evenings after practice was over to have dinner with him, watch TV and just catch up on our respective days. Sometimes he'd come over to my apartment if it had been a particularly grueling session and I simply didn't have the energy to make the short trek to his place.

It was rare that we spent an entire night together during the week. It might have made sense at times, given the fact that there were evenings we were together right up until we called it a night. We always hit the gym together in the morning, but sleepovers meant temptation to do a lot more in the bed than sleep, and with my rigorous training schedule, I couldn't afford less than my full eight hours.

The weekends were an entirely different story. At first I'd been nervous that leaving his place the morning after the Hangar Dance would break that new, intimate bubble we'd created. I'd worried that maybe my comfort with the new level of our relationship would be fleeting and the next time would be awkward, forced. It hadn't been the case. Sex didn't take over our relationship, but it definitely became a part of it. We didn't make a point to really talk about it, just let things run their course as they naturally progressed.

On Friday nights we almost always hung out as a group, the first to watch one of the final hockey match ups of the season. The Blackhawks had lost in the Western Conference Championships to the Detroit Red Wings, and the guys were feeling much happier after watching their rivals lose in four straight games. With the Hawks out, they were able to more objectively cheer on the final two teams in the running for the cup.

The next Friday night, we'd stayed out until two a.m. at the Drive-In movie theater; another we'd spent taking in a Twins game at the Metrodome. Afterwards, I'd always go home with Edward and that's where we'd usually remain until Sunday afternoon.

At first, it hadn't been something we'd discussed; we'd sort of just fallen into the routine. After two weeks of the same, Edward had cleared out a drawer in his dresser for me to leave a few things at his place. The sight of my blue toothbrush sitting in the holder beside his green one made me ridiculously happy.

That giddy feeling seemed to be common amongst our group of friends. As Alice and Jasper's wedding approached, everyone, especially Alice, seemed to be in high spirits. I was amazed at how calm Alice was. I'd always heard that weddings were such stressful affairs, especially in the final weeks leading up to the big day. In her case, it appeared to be the opposite.

As the days passed, Alice became more relaxed. She seemed to thrive on checking things off her task list, and recruited the rest of us to help her accomplish some of the more time consuming projects like assembling programs into paper fans and looping wire around empty mason jars that would illuminate the trees surrounding the tent at their reception. For Alice, no detail was too small to be overlooked, and as much as the rest of us jokingly grumbled about having to help with her endless do-it-yourself endeavors, we were all happy to help her achieve the day she'd dreamed of.

A week and a half before the wedding, the six of us were gathered at the girls' apartment, etching guest names into small cuts of wood with wood burning pens for their place cards. The third time I almost burned myself, Emmett tried to steal the pen away from me.

"Alright, who's bright idea was it to give this woman a device with the word 'burn' in the title?" he chuckled. I glared at him, holding tight to the pen. "Come on, Babybel, hand it over. You're gonna hurt yourself. Or someone else."

"You just worry about your own tool, Emmett and keep your mitts off mine," I insisted, gracing him with the bitchbrow until he surrendered the pen, laughing heartily as he ruffled my hair.

I looked back to my piece of wood and saw that I'd made a mistake. Again. I chucked the circular disk into the waste pile, where three others I'd messed up already sat.

"Problems?" Edward chuckled at my sigh of disgust, his eyes focused on his own disk as he steadily etched the name in elegant script.

"How can you do that? That's not even your handwriting. Boys shouldn't be able to write so pretty," I whined at the injustice of it, picking up one of his finished pieces to more closely inspect his work.

"Even chicken scratchers like me learned their cursive, Bella. Just takes patience," he smirked.

"I can be patient when I want to," I muttered, picking up a blank piece to start on the next one, taking great care to perfect each tiny letter. It took me a good four minutes to engrave the name and it didn't look nearly as elegant as Edward's, but I still smiled smugly as I showed it off to him before grabbing the next.

Conversation was light and easy amongst us as we worked through the pile, talking about plans for the upcoming weekend. Edward's birthday was on Saturday and I'd spent weeks agonizing over what to get for him. I'd finally found my gift the day before and was now eager for Saturday to come so I could give it to him.

The current plan was for all of us to join Esme and Carlisle at their place to grill out, as long as the weather held. Edward was very insistent that he just wanted something low key. Of course, low key was never quite enough to satisfy Alice. She had some sort of surprise planned that she wouldn't tell any of us about, just that we shouldn't make any other plans for that night.

I was in the middle of inscribing one of the last names on my checklist when Emmett said, "You know, squirt, you've still got a hell of a lot of packing to do in the next week."

"I know," Alice groaned, burying her face in her hands for a minute. "I haven't even started on my closet yet. It's gonna take me a month after the wedding to get out of here."

I almost dropped my etching pen and had to consciously stop my jaw from dropping in shock.

Alice was leaving.

Of course I should have anticipated her moving out; she was getting married. Married people lived together. Wives didn't live in an apartment with their girlfriends, they lived with their husbands. Why the idea of Alice moving out to go live with Jasper came as such a shock, I'm not sure, but the realization hit me like a swift punch to the gut.

My mind swam as conversation continued on around me.

"It's not like you to procrastinate, Ali," Edward said.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I've just had other things going on and then I didn't want to pack up anything I might need. Now I'm thinking I should just bribe someone to do it all for me. Bella? Rose? I can't trust Emmett, he'd throw all my designer shoes in a garbage bag and call it good."

"I'm up for a packing party on Sunday, if you want help," Rose offered. "Bells, you in?"

"What?" I asked, shaking out of my stupor. "Oh, Sunday. Yeah, that's fine, I'll be around." I returned my attention to etching in the final letters on the half-finished disk in front of me, but not before catching the confused look on Alice's face.

I couldn't help it. It was ridiculous and selfish and completely out of line, but it hurt to think of her leaving. Would Rose leave, too? Maybe she and Emmett were planning on moving in together now that Alice would be out of the picture. Since the first night I'd spent in Minnesota, Alice and Rose had lived across the hall. It had been naive of me to not realize that time would change things and that we wouldn't always be neighbors, but it felt wrong to think about coming home without the possibility of Alice barging through my door to pester me.

"You okay?" Edward leaned in and whispered in my ear. I nodded, looking up at him with the most reassuring smile I could muster.

I finished the last three names on my list, trying to engage in the friendly banter of the group without revealing what was going on in my head. Glancing up at the clock, I noticed that it was closing in on nine-thirty and seized the excuse to escape for the night, announcing that it was time for me to get to bed if I was going to start up another full day of training the next morning.

I tried to slip out as unobtrusively as possible, sassily waving off Emmett's teasing comments about my early bedtime. Though I tried to say goodnight to Edward and encourage him to stay and hang out, he was insistent on walking me to my door.

He followed me out into the hall and waited while I unlocked my door. Opening it, I turned back to him.

"Happy? You saw me safely to my door. Now go, hang out. Have fun. Just because your girlfriend's a dork with an early bedtime doesn't mean you can't stay out and enjoy yourself," I encouraged, running my hands over his chest as his rubbed my upper arms.

"You're not a dork, Bella," he said, kissing my forehead. "Can I come in for a minute?"

"Sure," I shrugged, pushing the door open and tossing down my keys on the entry table as he closed it behind us.

"So, are you gonna tell me what's bugging you?" he asked, sitting on the steps leading into the nook.

"Nothing's bugging me," I said evasively, taking the hand he held out to me and stepping between his legs, resting my hands on his shoulders as his linked around my back. "I just need to get to bed."

"When are you going to realize that you can't hide anything from me, Bella," he sighed, reaching up to brush a tendril of hair from my face. "I can see it in your eyes. Please tell me."

"I don't really want to," I grimaced.

"Why not?" he asked, unable to keep the hurt entirely out of his voice.

"Because you'll think I'm a selfish and horrible person, okay?" I disclosed. "Which you'd be entirely correct in thinking."

"Bella, you could never be a horrible person, even if you tried," he said, tugging my hand and easing me down to sit on his knee. "You don't have it in you."

I rested my head on his shoulder and whispered, "I didn't realize Alice was moving out, okay?"

"Oh."

"Yeah, 'oh.' Stupid, right?"

"It's not stupid," he argued softly, rubbing circles with his thumb over the curve of my knee. "I'm sure it'll be a big change to not have her here. I know it took some getting used to when I moved out for college and didn't have her in the same house anymore."

"It's not like I'm upset about it. It just surprised me, that's all," I explained, lifting my head from his neck, my fingers softly playing over the back of his hand. "I don't begrudge her the fact that she's going to live with her husband and it's not a jealousy thing, it's just— It's what you said, 'a big change.' The entire time I've been here, she's been across the hall. It feels like some support beam was just yanked out from beneath me without any warning. See? Selfish. It has nothing to do with me whatsoever, and it shouldn't."

"She's not going anywhere, Bella," he said, turning his hand over to link his fingers with mine. "She's not leaving you. She's just leaving the apartment."

"I know that. I just didn't see it coming. Guess the abandonment thing's a bit of a hair-trigger right now with all the crap going on with my mom," I smiled without humor and squeezed his hand, moving to stand. He held me firmly in place, unwavering until I looked into his eyes. He told me that he could always read so much just from looking into mine and I was starting to more clearly see the sea of emotions that swam in his. Understanding, sympathy, acceptance, love.

"Bella?" he began, pausing for a moment as something in his eyes shifted and he seemed to change directions, his lips curling up in a smile. "You couldn't get rid of Alice even if you wanted to. She's like superglue. The bond is instant and permanent."

"You might not want to say that one in front of her," I giggled at the comparison. "I don't know if she'd like being compared to an industrial strength adhesive."

"So, I take it you two haven't talked about this," he stated, rubbing his hands over my thighs.

"No, and please don't say anything to her. I know she's already on to me for leaving so abruptly, but I just want to let it go. She's so happy right now and I'm really happy for her. It was simply an uncontrollable reaction," I said, completely ready to just forget the entire thing.

"I won't say anything," he promised, "but I think she'd want to talk to you about it."

"Probably," I sighed, leaning down to kiss his temple and rest there for a moment. "I really should get to bed. Not all of us can go home and nap after a morning in the gym."

"That's really a shame, Swan," he said, jostling me on his knee playfully in an effort to get me to stand, linking his arms around my back when we reached the door. "Mid-morning naps are one of life's great indulgences."

"Well, when all the craziness is over, I just might join you for one," I smiled, rubbing my nose against his in an Eskimo kiss.

"I'll save you a spot," he grinned, slanting his face to bring his lips to mine in a soft kiss. "Sweet dreams, love."

"Good night, Edward," I murmured, kissing him once more before he smiled at me and turned toward the door. I reached out and held his hand over the threshold. "And thanks."

"For what?"

"For always seeing it and for not letting it go," I murmured, gazing into his eyes, hoping he could understand how much it meant to me.

He stepped back to wrap me snugly in his arms, his lips taking mine in a passionate embrace before planting several soft kisses over my brow and against the top of my hair as he held me firmly to his chest.

"That's something that will never change," he whispered. I nodded against his chest, though it wasn't a question. He eased away and looked down at me for a minute before softly caressing my cheek and saying, "I'll see you in the morning."

I locked the door behind him, grabbing a glass of water from the tap before shutting the lights off and heading to my room to go through my nightly routine. As I scrubbed my face, I internally rolled my eyes over how I'd behaved. Like a child. Alice wasn't abandoning me by moving away; she was taking the next step in her life. She was a healthy, adult woman who knew what she wanted and was taking the steps to get there. It wasn't her responsibility to stick around the building until I was ready for her to leave.

This was the second knee-jerk reaction I'd had recently that could draw a line straight to my mother's doorstep. The more this happened, the more I realized how deep the wounds ran in my heart. I needed to learn to separate Renee from the rest of the people in my life. If she didn't want to change, that was her decision, but I couldn't compare the others around me to her. Edward, Esme, Alice. None of them were anything like her, as they'd proven time and time again. It was unfair of me to draw parallels when they were on completely separate playing fields.

Crawling in to bed, I resolved to stop by and see Alice on my lunch break the next day to tell her how excited I was for her and offer up any help I could give. I snuggled into my pillow, feeling slightly better already.

"Knock, knock," Alice called softly from my doorway. I hadn't even heard her come in, though it didn't necessarily come as a surprise. I rolled over to see her lingering in the threshold, looking a bit tentative. "You weren't sleeping already, were you?"

"No," I sighed, sitting up and scooting to lean back against the headboard, gesturing for her to join me.

She took my invitation, boosting herself up on the bed, her legs stretched out in front of her in a mime of my position. "Bella, I'm sorry I didn't say—"

"Alice, come on," I interrupted lightly. "Don't be ridiculous. You have _nothing_ to apologize for. I'm not mad at you, not even a little bit and I'm sorry if that's how it came across. It just took me by surprise, that's all. It shouldn't have; I mean obviously married people would live together."

"I still should have said something earlier. I mean we were already engaged when you moved here and then we became such good friends so quickly," she murmured, leaning her head on my shoulder as mine came to rest on top of hers. "It's easy to forget sometimes that you haven't always been my best friend."

"I know what you mean," I sighed. "I can't even think about what life was like before all of you were in it. Lonely. I think that's why I reacted so selfishly. I can't ever go back to being lonely like that, not now that I know what life is like with hooligans like you around." We giggled together, as I nudged her with my elbow.

"You know something," she said quietly after a moment. "Rose and I spent an entire night sobbing together when I first got engaged and we figured out that we'd have to split up. It's not selfish. It's a big change. It's a good change and one I'm ready for, but as much as getting married and moving in with Jasper is a beginning, it's still an ending of sorts as well. I won't miss being single or dating or any of that other stupid stuff that people talk about missing out on when you get married, but I will miss being here with Rose, and with you."

"You will?"

"Yeah. I'll miss not being able to just walk across the hall to see if you're home, and borrowing Rose's shoes when she's not paying attention. I'll miss being able to have random girls nights at the drop of a hat, and times like this when I just need a few minutes to talk with my best friend," she sighed, sliding her arm around me. "But, then I remember that I'm only moving a few minutes away. If the lights are all on my side and I take the side streets, I can be here in less than six minutes. And if you're driving, under twelve," she teased.

"Smart ass," I snorted, jostling her head on my shoulder.

"It'll be different," she acknowledged, shifting back a little so I could see her face. The fact that her eyes were bright with unshed tears made me feel a little better about the fact that I wanted to cry. "But just because I'm getting married and moving out doesn't change our friendship. You're still the Dee to my Cher."

"And you're still the Michelle to my Romy," I returned with a watery laugh as I wrapped my arms around her, just holding on to my BFF for a moment as she held on to me. "Like I said, just had a momentary binge of selfishness," I explained, backing out of her arms and hastily brushing at the few tears that had slipped past my guard. "I'm past it. You can move, now."

"Why thank you for your gracious permission, Mistress Bella. I'll just go grab my things and get out of your hair," she burst into giggles, wiping at her own tears. "Seriously, Bells. I'm gonna miss being here with you guys. Maybe you and Rose can move into the guest room."

"Yeah, right," I chuckled. "Then Emmett would spend the night and none of us would get any sleep at all."

"That's true. There's one major perk to not having a roommate. All the loud, uninhibited sex," she sighed. "I think I'm gonna have to convince Jazz to have his way with me on the kitchen table. I've always wanted to do that but I was too skeeved out about doing it somewhere that my brother had already done it."

"Ew," I cried, my face twisted in disgust. "Emmett and Rose? Was that the same table we were just sitting at? I hope you sanitized thoroughly. Multiple times."

"Nope. I made Rose do it while I supervised from a distance. No way was I going near that thing until Emmett's ass prints were obliterated. It's just too bad that it's not as easy to bleach the memory from my brain. Of course I got payback," she said with an evil grin. "The next time we hung out at Emmett's apartment, we snuck into his game room and had sex on the futon where he plays all his X-Box and PS3 crap."

"Remind me never to get in a sex-off with you," I said as I settled back in on my pillows. "You're devious."

"Hey, I'm all for doing whatever you please in that area, just keep it out of my communal living spaces."

"I'll remember that," I chuckled on a yawn, the relief of having dealt with the situation leaving me sleepy.

"So, can I put your name on a roll of packing tape for Sunday?" she whispered, her head on the pillow next to me.

My eyes fluttered open and I smiled widely at her. "I wouldn't miss it."

x-x-x

Saturday afternoon, Edward and I stopped back at my place to grab a few things I'd need for his party before heading over to his parents' house. Esme and Carlisle had said they'd take care of everything when I'd asked how I could help out, but I'd been insistent that I wanted to do something. Esme had finally relented and let me take care of the dessert. I'd spent two hours on Friday night baking and decorating cupcakes that now sat in a frosted carrier in the back seat of Edward's car. He'd tried to look inside when he set them down, pouting when I'd smacked his curious hands away from the latch and said, "No peeking."

"But, Bella, it's my birthday," he whined, jutting his lip out pathetically.

"A fact I started acknowledging at exactly twelve o'clock last night," I rolled my eyes good-naturedly at him as we'd stood beside his car.

"True," he sighed, pulling me into his arms and smiling smugly down at me. "Best start I've ever had to a birthday. That one might have to become an annual tradition."

Blushing, I met his lips in a soft kiss, feeling the faint stirring of passion as his tongue touched mine and we indulged in a gentle embrace in the mid-afternoon sunlight. He pulled back, winking at me and assured me he'd be cashing in the rest of his birthday gift later that night before we climbed into the car to head over to his parent's house.

I wasn't really been sure what to expect from the day. For me, birthdays had always been somewhat of a non-event. The date of mine fell in mid-September and always seemed to be glossed over in the hub-bub of preparing for the upcoming competitions. My dad would always send me a card and some sort of gift; Marcus, when he joined us, would acknowledge it and usually give me some small token that could be used for my skating, like new skate guards in my favorite color. My mom didn't forget the day, but she didn't go out of her way to celebrate it either. Thus, another day of training would come and go without much fanfare.

For Edward and the Cullens, that didn't seem to be how things went. Though he'd claimed he didn't want to make it a big thing, Edward's birthday was still very much an event, one he'd eagerly wanted to start celebrating the moment the clock had ticked over to midnight the previous night as we lay snuggled between the sheets. He'd insisted that the only gift he wanted from me was one that didn't cost anything and that kept on giving all day long. I'd happily indulged him twice already.

His parents had called earlier this morning just as we were waking up, singing an off-key rendition of 'Happy Birthday' while on speakerphone, a tradition that apparently dated back to when he was a little kid. In Edward's words, 'they were terrible singers then, and they haven't improved with age.' Despite the fact that their singing could have landed them on the reject reel for American Idol, the warbly song crooning through the speaker of his phone was one of the sweetest things I'd ever heard.

He'd tried to get me to sing for him next, pouting adorably when I refused and then changing tactics when he saw I wasn't going to give in. The tickle attack progressed into the second installment of his on-going birthday gift from me and resulted in him getting his wish when I quietly sang the words to him as we lay cuddled in the afterglow.

Before Edward, I'd never considered myself overly sexual. I'd had crushes as a teenager, and of course every young woman has her fantasies, but they hadn't taken over my thoughts so completely like they did now. It was new and unexpected, but I liked it. I liked thinking about him like that, imagining what he could do to me and what we'd be like together the next time we made love.

The only thing that threw a wrench in the works was that every time my thoughts drifted that direction, my cheeks would flush an embarrassing pink color and completely give me away. I may have become more comfortable _having_ the thoughts, but I didn't need anyone else to know just how often it seemed to happen.

Like now, as we drove down the block to his parents' house to have dinner with his entire family, was probably not the best time to be remembering the way his hair had felt between my fingers earlier that morning as my orgasm overtook me and I'd grabbed a handful of it.

"You guys are late," Alice admonished, rushing down the front sidewalk as soon as we pulled up at the curb. I quickly tried to put my mind in a 'family friendly' mode as we exited the car. "Come on, Bells, I'll help you haul this stuff back to the kitchen."

"Hey," Edward exclaimed when Alice shoved him out of the way to pull the cupcake carrier from the back seat. "Don't you have something to say to your favorite brother today?"

"Yeah, yeah," she rolled her eyes, raising up on her toes to kiss his cheek. "Happy Birthday, old man. The guys are in the back yard 'supervising' the grill. Go ask Jazz to check you for gray hairs."

"Brat," he muttered affectionately, seizing the opportunity to ruffle her hair since her hands were full and she was unable to stop him.

"You are so gonna pay for that later, Edward Anthony," she glared at him.

"I'm so scared, Mary Alice," he teased back, standing behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and sticking his tongue out at her from over my shoulder.

"Go pester someone else, Birthday Boy. And cough up your girlfriend, she's needed with the ladies," she said, turning on her heel to flounce back up the sidewalk.

"I should probably go see how I can help," I sighed, turning in his arms when he made no move to release me.

"But it's my birthday and I want you to stay right where you are," he grinned, lowering his lips to kiss me. "You have to do what I want. It's the rules."

"Edward! You'll have plenty of time to smooch later," Alice yelled from the porch. "You can give her up for fifteen minutes."

"No, Alice, I really can't," he sighed, trailing his hand over my cheek. Alice groaned in exasperation and passed through the doorway, leaving it open behind her. "Especially not when your cheeks are blushing that delicious shade of pink and I can tell exactly what you're thinking," he said in a low voice meant only for my ears. He kissed both my cheeks and then dropped his mouth to my neck, a faint whimper escaping from my lips as his teeth grazed the tender spot where my pulse beat.

Then I remembered that we were at his parents' house, with his sister just inside the door and his mother and father somewhere nearby. I came to my senses, shoving roughly out of his arms.

"You. Are so _not_ helping the situation," I tried to scold, though my lips were curved in a wide smile. He took a step toward me, his eyes loaded with intent.

"Nu-uh-uh, mister," I warned, holding my hand out in front of me as I moved away from him to grab my purse and his gift from the car, careful to keep him in my sights. "I'm going to go find your _mother_ and see if she needs any help. You, go find the boys and stay out of trouble."

"Fine," he surrendered, shutting the back door of his car and clicking the locks. "It's no fun getting into trouble without you anyways."

He took the sidewalk that curved around the house to the backyard, while I went up the porch and through the front door, making my way toward the kitchen. I found Rose there mixing a salad, but no one else.

"Hey, Rose," I greeted her, setting Edward's gift with the small stack of cards and colorfully wrapped items on the table.

"Hey stranger," she returned, her lips curving up in a mischievous grin as I approached her and plucked a baby carrot from the veggie tray on the counter. "Is Edward having a good birthday so far?"

"Why are you asking me? Go ask him," I said, blushing, because as far as I was concerned, it had been a _very_ good birthday so far and it wasn't even mine.

"You're a lot easier to fluster. It's more fun to try and blush all the dirty deets out of you."

"Yeah, it's been good," I said casually, clearing my throat. "Just slept in, had breakfast, relaxed."

"Engaged in copious sexytimes?" she offered, laughing when I gave her a painfully embarrassed look. "Oh come on, Bells, no need to be bashful. We all know that's what the boys are always looking for on their birthday, especially now that you two are actually having sex. And good sex, judging by the satisfied grin on your face."

"Rose," I muttered quietly, glancing around quickly to make sure that no one was close by and listening. She was right though. I quite literally could not stop smiling.

"Oh ease up. Esme and Alice popped down to the basement to get more beer and the boys are all outside," she assured me but still gave in and at least lowered her voice. "So, you have big plans for your man tonight?"

"I don't know," I shrugged casually. "I have no clue what Alice has in mind."

"I'm not talking about that," she said, rolling her eyes. "I'm talking about after the party, you know little private party of two action to close out the big birthday celebration."

"It's not like I have anything planned, Rose. We don't really plan that stuff, it just, I don't know, happens," I explained, glancing out the kitchen window and feeling comforted by the fact that all four men were standing in a semi-circle around the grill, drinking beer and chatting, completely oblivious to our conversation. It wasn't entirely true. I didn't have 'plans' per se, but I did have a little something hidden away in my drawer back in his bedroom. "So yeah, probably, but it's not like I have some big seduction scene all mapped out."

"Have you guys tried anything different?"

"What do you mean by 'different?'" I asked curiously.

"Like different positions and stuff."

"Um, not really," I admitted, hesitating on the details for a moment and then finally deciding that if I was going to open up to anyone about this, it might as well be Rose. She knew what she was talking about and there wasn't the awkward family thing. "He's um, he's always been on top. It's just been more comfortable that way, as I get used to it, you know? I don't know, I mean, it's always really good, so it's not like I've been complaining or anything."

"Babe, even if it's good, you've gotta branch out a little," she said, picking a cherry tomato from the salad bowl and popping it into her mouth. "It's not like sex comes in only one flavor. It's a variety pack. You've got to test them all out before you know what you like best."

"You have a point, I guess," I conceded, boosting myself up to sit on the countertop. "So, what, just when we're in the middle of it—"

"Just go with your instincts, Bella," she shrugged. "If it feels good for you, it'll definitely feel good for him. On that note, have you ever tried…you know."

"What?"

"You're really gonna make me say it," she said dryly, raising her eyebrow at me. "In the middle of Esme's kitchen, with Dr. DILF standing just out that door there."

"Like you haven't said more than enough that's inappropriate already, Rose," I batted back sarcastically. "You're really gonna play shy now?"

"Fine," she muttered as she glanced around for eavesdroppers for once. "Have you tried going down on him?"

"Going down, where? What are you talking about?" I asked, my brow scrunched in confusion.

"Blow job, Bella," Rose hissed out under her breath, rolling her eyes at my slowness.

"Oh!" I exclaimed loudly as her words registered. I snapped my hand over my mouth at the volume before lowering my voice to a whisper. "No. Why? Should I?"

"Well, it's not really something you should or shouldn't do. It's personal preference. Just saying, I've never met a guy who didn't enjoy it," she said, crossing to the fridge to pull out the salad dressing. "And with the right guy? It's actually not so bad. It's sort of a turn on to see a big strong man writhing under your touch, you know?"

"Hmm," I hummed, agreeing with her though in reality I didn't know, but I could hear Alice and Esme coming up the back stairs and I really didn't want to get caught by my boyfriend's mother talking about giving her son a blow job, no matter how close we were.

"Just something to think about," Rose giggled, winking at me just as Alice walked through the door, lugging a case of beer.

"What's to think about?" Alice asked, glancing curiously back and forth between Rose's amused face and my blushing cheeks.

"Oh, nothing. Just telling Bella about some special recipe she should try out for Edward sometime. Emmett's a big fan."

My face felt red as a fire engine and I crossed over to the fridge in an attempt to both hide and cool my cheeks. While I was slightly mortified at where the conversation had taken place, Rose certainly had given me something to think about. Just maybe not until later. When his parents and siblings weren't surrounding us.

Dinner with the Cullens was filled with laughter and good conversation, the kind that comes from a group of people who were all truly interested in each other's lives. Small talk and pleasantries had no place at the Cullen's table. There seemed to be some sort of unspoken pact that Alice and Jasper's wedding wasn't a subject for lengthy discussion, since so much of what had been going on over the past few weeks had revolved around the upcoming event. But, with the wedding only a week away, it slipped in from time to time.

There was talk about what the guys had planned for their time off, ranging from a camping trip up north to appearing at a few summer day-camps for local Pee-Wee hockey teams. There was even some talk about my training and what Esme had been helping me out with. Alice had once again mentioned the possibility of giving me a hand with my costumes; something I'd already decided to let her do, but was waiting to spring on her until after she was back from her honeymoon in the Bahamas.

Toward the end of the meal, talk shifted back to the original purpose of the celebration and stories began to flow about some of Edward's more memorable birthday moments. They talked about his fifth birthday when he'd had a Batman themed party with all the neighborhood kids and Carlisle had shown up dressed as the Caped Crusader and scared the daylights out of a little girl that had lived next door at the time. Edward razzed Alice about his ninth birthday that had taken place at a nearby public pool when she had wanted to help her mom carry the cake and dropped it with a big splat on the pavement. Apparently Alice was never allowed near a birthday cake again.

When Esme recalled his first boy-girl birthday party as a teenager, complete with games of spin the bottle and seven minutes in heaven that she was never supposed to know about, Edward had actually blushed and hidden his face against my neck, his shoulders shaking with laughter. The moment Alice mentioned digging out the photo albums, Edward had put his foot down with Emmett's whole-hearted support that it was time for cake.

As Alice and Rose gathered up the plates, Esme went to retrieve the small stack of presents, tossing me a box of candles to add to the cupcakes.

"Oh my gosh," Alice squealed when she saw them. "Those are so adorable, Bella. He's gonna love them."

"Just keep your distance, Hurricane Alice," I teased her, playfully nudging her away from the platter. "I'd like them to make it outside in one piece."

I'd found the idea a couple weeks earlier when I was searching the Internet. They were chocolate cupcakes with light blue icing, reminiscent of the blue tint that natural ice gets. On top, I'd decorated half of them with tiny hockey sticks, the others with a small black dot for a puck. They weren't anything spectacular, just something I'd hoped would make him smile.

They did exactly that. The entire group broke into song as I carried the cupcakes out, illuminated by the glowing candles. When I'd set the platter in front of him, he'd laughed and held me to his side, hugging me in his arms and kissing my forehead. The song ended and I rose on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek, whispering, 'make a wish' in his ear. He'd grinned back down at me and said, "I already got my wish this year."

After the cupcakes were consumed and the gifts unwrapped, Alice announced that the six of us were taking off. She'd rented out a nearby arcade for the evening, complete with mini-golf, laser tag, and all the classics like Skee-ball and, Edward and Emmett's favorite, the Wacky Gator game. The two of them headed straight for the machine once we were in the building and went eight rounds in a row, tag-teaming against the five plastic alligators creeping out of their hidey holes. The looks on their faces, as well as their intense goading of each other when one of them missed a whack had the rest of us in fits of giggles.

For the rest of the night, the six of us ran around the building like little kids hyped up on caffeine and sugar, rushing from one game to the next, with Alice acting as the responsible one and collecting everyone's tickets to cash in at the end of the night. We went for a round of mini-golf, though I ended up giving up by the fourth hole and just followed along, cheering the rest of them on from the sidelines and helping to tally the score. After three grueling rounds in the two-story laser tag room, Edward and I found ourselves back in the arcade, winding down the night with mini-donuts and Skee-ball while Emmett challenged Jasper to the basketball toss and Alice and Rose went to take on the Dance Dance Revolution challenge.

"So, did you have a good birthday?" I asked, lazily rolling the ball up the ramp and completely missing any of the targets.

"I don't know. I've still got…an hour and a half left," he grinned, glancing at his watch before tossing his next ball, a direct bullseye into the center hole.

"I suck at this game," I complained, throwing another blunder.

"It's all about the finesse, Swan. C'mere," he suggested, tugging me in front of him. "You're too focused on the end target. You've gotta think more about how you're going to get there. If you've got a good grip and a solid release, the bullseye will come to you." He adjusted my fingers on the small wooden sphere, helping me wind my arm back to release. The ball rolled a steady line directly into the middle circle. "See?"

"Hmm," I turned, raising my eyebrow at him sassily. "Think you're such hot stuff, do you, Skee-ball Master?"

"I am hot stuff, Swan. Sports Illustrated said so," he joked, mocking my earlier statement.

"Did they really?" I giggled, sitting on the edge of the ramp and leaning back on my hands. "I must have missed that issue."

"My mom's got it at home," he said, leaning down to kiss me, his body pressing me back on to the sloped surface. "I'll make sure you get a copy."

"You do that. I imagine it's very riveting material," I murmured between soft playful kisses as his hand slid beneath the hem of my shirt to rub against my skin.

"Dude, get a room," Emmett called out from across the arcade. "No one here wants to see you two gettin' bizzay on the Skee-ball ramp."

Edward and I laughed as he eased himself from my body to stand, reaching down to help me up while he covertly tried to adjust himself in his jeans.

With a sly grin, I glanced over his shoulder to make sure the others were focused on something other than us. Keeping his hand in mine, I tugged him down so I could whisper in his ear. "You know, you still have an hour and a half left, and I might have one more birthday present waiting for you." I slid my free hand slowly up his thigh, boldly skimming my fingers higher over the denim, feeling him harden beneath my touch.

"Fuck, Bella. You're gonna be the death of me," he muttered, fighting back a groan as his hips pressed more firmly against my hand.

"I hope not," I giggled. "If you're dead you can't get your present." Spurred on by his reaction and the knowledge of what I had in mind, I raised up on my toes to gently nip at his earlobe.

"Shit," he hissed out on a harsh breath. "Alright, I think we're ready to call it a night, how about you?"

"I'm ready to go back to your place," I clarified in a low voice, looking up at him from beneath my lashes as my fingers pressed more persistently against him. "But I don't think sleep will be on the agenda for quite awhile."

"Jesus, Bella," he groaned, hooking his index fingers through the front loops in my jeans and pulling me closer. "Did Rosalie spike your drink or something? Where did my sweet, shy girlfriend go?"

"She's still here," I chuckled, riding the thrill of the moment, seeing Edward's Adams apple bobbing visibly in his throat while he tried to contain his breathing, his warm breath panted against my face as my fingers teasingly rubbed over his length. "Just in a celebratory mood. And the birth of my amazingly sexy boyfriend is definitely something to celebrate. Thoroughly," I added, wrapping my hand around his length as well as I could through his jeans and squeezing firmly.

"Oh, God, Bella. You can't do shit like that to me right now," he groaned, his hand grabbing my wrist in a vice grip to stop me from moving even the slightest bit, his eyes closed in concentration. "I swear I'm about to just throw you down on the Skee-ball ramp, my brother and sister be damned."

"I guess we'd better get going then," I suggested, slowly releasing my hand and pressing a soft, lingering kiss to his throat. "Wouldn't want this to end up as an embarrassing anecdote for them to tell at your next birthday."

"It might be worth a lifetime of humiliation," he chuckled painfully, trying to gain control of his breathing before he opened his eyes and looked down at me, shaking his head in baffled amusement over my unexpected behavior.

He was right to be a bit surprised at my behavior, even over the past couple weeks since the first time we'd made love, I'd remained a bit shy and reserved, letting him take control of the reins. It must have seemed out of character to him that I was suddenly acting so provocatively flirtatious. I was a little surprised at my own openness, but with Edward, I felt comfortable expressing what I'd always buried so deeply beneath the surface.

With him, I wasn't embarrassed about the feelings of desire he awoke in me or the fact that I almost constantly fantasized about his lean body thrusting against mine in the throes of passion now that I had visible proof of what he looked like in that moment. Coupled with my earlier conversation with Rose, I was feeling more bold and capable of taking back the upper hand for one night. She had been right; seeing Edward nearly shaking with want was a huge turn on and completely diminished any ambivalence I might have felt at testing new ground with him.

We said a quick goodbye to our friends, Edward kissing Alice's cheek and thanking her for an 'awesome birthday present.' Before we made our way out to the parking lot, enthusiastic catcalls by Emmett following us out the door.

When we reached his car, Edward jerked me around, pressing me up firmly against the unyielding surface as he ground his pelvis against me and attacked my mouth with his. When he ran out of breath, he broke away, his breath uneven and shaky as he pressed his forehead against mine.

"If you want me to last for more than ten seconds, that is the last mention of anything even remotely sexual until we get to my room and a bed. Got it?" he demanded. I nodded in agreement, still slightly dizzy from his kiss.

I'd expected the drive to be tense and filled with anticipation, but Edward seemed to be talented at compartmentalizing and held a cheerful, lighthearted conversation with me about the events of the day, fawning again over the gift I'd gotten him.

It had taken me awhile to think of something, but I'd finally found inspiration from the sight of his collection of vintage comic books on display in the game room of his basement. After a good amount of online searching and calling in some assistance in the form of Rose, I'd been able to secure an original copy of Batman number five, the first appearance of the Batmobile, printed in nineteen-forty-one. The giddy, boyish grin that had spread across his face when he'd unwrapped it had been worth every penny and moment of anxiety I'd gone through in coming up with it.

I only hoped the other thing I'd gotten for him was received as enthusiastically. When we stepped inside his front door, Edward flipped the lock, and just like that, the casual friendliness was gone, the mounting passion picking right back up as if we'd only pressed pause for a moment. This time when he carried me up the stairs, my legs were wrapped around his waist and my lips were fastened to his jaw, his hands securely cupping my butt. Halfway up the stairs, he paused, pressing me up against the wall as he hungrily kissed me, his hands freed for a moment to roam over my body as I tore at his shirt.

"Bedroom," he muttered, pulling us back away from the wall and hitching me up a little higher on his waist. Once we reached his room, I scrambled down from his arms before he could toss me down on the bed. I had a little something in mind and would only be distracted if he laid me down. Kissing him, I helped him unsnap his jeans to pool at his feet, stopping him when he reached for the hem of my shirt.

"Just give me a minute, okay?" I pleaded, backing away from him, almost giving in to the look on his face when he pouted over the abrupt interruption. "Seriously, like twenty seconds is all I need." He groaned a bit, his fingers diving into his hair and scrubbing roughly over his face.

"If it's more than that, I'm coming after you," he warned as I bounded away, grabbing something quickly from the dresser and disappearing into the bathroom. Whipping most of my clothes off, I put on the snug t-shirt I'd found with the Bat Symbol stretched over the chest. It was a size too small and inappropriate to wear out in public, but I hoped he'd like it. The shirt stopped just at my belly button and left a wide patch of my stomach exposed above the matching boyshorts that had the same symbol splayed over my pelvis. I violently tugged the binder out of my hair, releasing it from the confines of the ponytail. Judging by my count, I had about four seconds remaining, so I bent over, shaking it out quickly, glancing once in the mirror to make sure it looked tousled instead of like a bird's nest. Pleased with the overall effect, I left my discarded clothes in a pile and opened the door.

He'd remained in place, with his head dropped in his hands, but as soon as he heard the door open, he snapped to attention, his eyes darting to me. It would have been comical the way his entire being froze, but the intensity of his gaze had me biting my lip, too busy trying not to rub my legs together to ease the ache that built there.

I leaned against the doorjamb, unsure of what to do. He was still as a statue and I didn't know if I should stay where I was or if I should go to him. I pushed at the sweep of hair that fell across my face and tugged at the bottom of my t-shirt a bit self-consciously.

"So?" I asked, unable to bear the silence any longer. The haze from his eyes cleared, his lips turning up in his signature crooked grin, with just a dash of mischief. I sighed in relief, my smile mirroring his as I crossed the room to him.

"Fuck, baby," he moaned, reaching out to take my hands, spreading our joined arms wide so he could take in my outfit before pulling me close to stand between his legs as he sat on the edge of the bed. "You're like something right out of my twelve year old wet dreams." I grinned, but he winced as he realized what had come out of his mouth, worried that he might have said something to make me uncomfortable. He pulled at his hair awkwardly before dropping his hands back on the bed behind him. "Geez, sorry, was that weird?"

"No. I kinda liked it actually," I assured him, eager to make him aware of my newfound confidence in our physical relationship. I didn't want him to worry about how I'd react to anything he chose to say to me. I wanted him to be open with his thoughts so I could feel comfortable sharing mine with him. I moved back just enough so I could bend and press a wet, open mouthed kiss to his jaw and whisper in his ear. "Do you fantasize about me, Edward?"

"Y-ye-yes," he uttered on a broken gasp and I thrilled at the feel of his pulse racing beneath my lips. I trailed the tip of my tongue over his collarbone, taking in his tensed muscles and the sight of his white knuckles where they clenched against the sheets. He seemed receptive, encouraging even of my brazen attitude and I decided to just go for it.

I leveled my face with his, kissing him once before uttering against the corner of his lips. "Do you think about me taking you in my mouth?"

He jolted back just slightly, his eyes snapping open in surprise, filling with lust as they searched mine.

"Because I want to, Edward," I whispered, keeping my eyes locked on his as I pressed a soft kiss to the side of his mouth. "I want to wrap my lips around your," I paused, hesitating just a moment over saying the word out loud, "cock."

"Oh God," he groaned deeply, dropping his head back, the veins in his neck prominent from the strain and pulsing. I decided to take that as a yes, slowly pressing my lips over his chest as I lowered myself to kneel between his legs, nudging his knees further apart with no resistance. His stomach trembled as I trailed my tongue along the edge of his boxer briefs, following the path with the tip of my finger before I hooked it inside the elastic to ease the fabric down his legs, exposing his bobbing erection.

I honestly had no idea what I was doing, but I remembered Rose's insistence that pretty much anything would feel good for him. I hoped she was right and tried to relax and just rely on what felt natural. I wrapped my fingers around him, stroking over his length a few times, deciding to start with something at least a little bit familiar to me. I glanced up to see Edward's eyes trained on me. The look in them made me feel sexy, desirable and I didn't want to look away. So, with my eyes locked on his, I reached my tongue out to wet my lips, flicking my gaze once to his cock as I wrapped my lips around the tip, then returning my eyes to watch him as I slid his length into my mouth.

"Fuck. Yes...Bella, so good," he moaned, the words spilling out between choking gasps.

I ran my fingers over his thighs, pressing the tips firmly against the hard muscles that were clenched tightly with passion. As I brought them back down, I raked my nails against him, causing a violent shiver to course through his entire body, his mouth falling open with a guttural moan.

_Note to self. Nails are good._

I continued to pleasure him with my mouth, wrapping my tongue around his width as my head bobbed in his lap, releasing him when I ran short on air only to trace over him with the tip of my tongue, swirling around the head before taking him back in. It wasn't so bad, and he definitely seemed to be enjoying it.

His hips thrust slightly, almost unconsciously against me as I tried to take him deeper, pausing for a moment when I feared my gag reflex would kick in. Easing him out once again to breathe, I leaned down and pressed an open mouthed kiss at the base of his length before swallowing him once more. His breath hissed out when I didn't ease him in this time and his hands dove into my hair, catching me a little off guard, but making me cry out in pleasure as his grip tightened.

"This okay?" he grunted as his fingers massaged my scalp, gripping the strands.

"Mm," I hummed in approval, feeling him twitch inside me at the vibrations in my throat. His hands remained securely in my hair as I worked over his length with my mouth, not pushing or forcing, nor restraining, simply following the pace I set. I felt him throbbing against my tongue and wondered if he was going to last much longer.

I got my answer only a moment later when his grip on my hair released, the blood flow returning to my scalp. His hand eased me off his length before he hooked me beneath the arms and pulled me up to lie on top of him as he fell back on the bed, swiftly pulling the shirt over my head to palm my breasts.

"As fucking amazing as that feels," he muttered against my lips, his tongue passionately tangling with mine as his hands moved to travel over my spine, easing my panties down my hips as I wriggled to assist him in removing them. "I'm only going to get to come once before midnight, and I want it to be inside of you."

He dipped his hand between my legs and slid a finger inside me, our twin moans piercing the air as he found me already wet and ready for him. He hefted himself up the bed a bit more with me straddled on top of him. Throwing open the drawer in his bedside table, he dug around for a minute, retrieving the small foil packet and eagerly ripping it open with his teeth as he continued to rub his fingers over my slick center, circling tightly over my clit and hastening my own arousal as he sheathed himself with the other hand. Pulling his hand away from my center, his fingers clenched at my hips, pressing me up against him until I could feel his length sliding along my lips. My eyes fluttered closed as I savored how good he felt pressed up against me like that, the blood already pulsing through me in anticipation.

His fingers loosened their grip and his hands ran up my torso to cup my breasts. His body reared forward to take my nipple in his mouth, his breath heavy against my skin. His tongue circled the taut peak and my hips continued to ease over his, grinding steadily over his length as I whimpered at the glorious friction it provided.

"Bella?" he breathed, lifting his lips from my skin as he raised a hand to my cheek.

"Yeah," I sighed, gazing deeply into his dark green eyes, watching as he slowly leaned back until he lay flat on the bed while I remained upright above him.

"I want you like this," he whispered, his hands possessively stroking over my shoulders and down the curve of my back until they rested back on my hips. "Is that okay?"

In that moment I'd have offered him anything he asked for, but his request was not a difficult one to grant. I nodded, thrusting against him once more before he lifted me up enough to poise himself at my entrance, slowly easing inside me.

It took me a few moments, as it always did, to adjust to his size, though every time was a little easier. He was always patient, holding still, his fingers soothing me until I'd open my eyes and assure him I was ready to continue.

It was different being on top of him. Every other time we'd been together like this, he'd set the pace, and I quickly realized that it would be nearly impossible for him to do so in our current position. His hands remained at my hips and his soothing movements turned encouraging as I leaned down, resting my hands on his chest. I rocked my pelvis against him, slowly at first as I got used to the new sensations of the different position, then more eagerly as I grew accustomed to what felt good. As I took on a steadier pace, his hands left my hips to stroke over my sides, reaching up to grasp my breasts as his thrusts matched mine.

The pads of his thumbs grazed over my nipples before he returned his hands to my hips, stopping my movement and holding me firmly in place, his length fully enclosed within me. His eyes were squinted closed and his breath rough as he sat up, the motion hitting a different spot inside me that caused me to cry out in pleasure. His face was lined with mine, our torsos pressed against each other as his hands slowly began to ease my body up and down over his cock again, his lips desperately clinging to mine as the pace steadily built again, bringing my pleasure, and hopefully his, higher with it. With his arms wrapped around my body, I felt myself come apart. Three quick, uneven thrusts later, Edward followed behind, his face buried in my hair and his broken groan vibrating from his lips upon my neck.

I remained sitting there, held in place by his firm hold, motionless but for the movement of my chest as I tried to breathe and the occasional shiver that ran up my spine. His hands slowly began to trail lazily up and down my back, his fingers playing over the faint bumps of my spine. After a few minutes, he let out a long breath and kissed my neck before shifting me off him. He didn't move more than a few inches to dispose of the condom in the wastebasket beside his bed before laying back with me, our legs tangled together and our faces close.

"It's twelve-oh-one," he murmured with a satisfied grin. "Best fucking birthday ever."

x-x-x

In the week leading up to the wedding, time flew quickly. Sunday afternoon, Rose and I had spent hours helping Alice pack up her stuff from the apartment. It had been fun hearing stories about all the little knick-knacks that lined her shelves. Going through her closet had been an epic adventure. She still had clothes from a decade before that she refused to part with, insisting that some of that stuff would be coming back into style. Someday. Prom dresses, cheerleading uniforms, Jasper's old hockey jersey. Yearbooks, stuffed animals, a file of school projects, papers and report cards that Esme had passed down to her. Everything was tucked away in boxes to take to their new house. For the time being, Rosalie would be staying in their apartment on her own, though she and Emmett had started talking about moving in together once their respective leases were up.

Alice and Jasper headed up North on Tuesday afternoon to take care of some of the last-minute details and relax, with Esme and Carlisle following the next day. Emmett, Edward, Rose and I drove together, holding back until Thursday in order for Rose to get her hours in at the garage and so I wouldn't have to miss quite as much time in my training.

The nearly three hour drive to the Cullens' cabin on Bay Lake flew quickly between rousing games of I Spy and the License Plate game. Every time we approached a tunnel, Emmett demanded that everyone had to hold their breath the entire way through or we'd have bad luck and end up in a ditch.

As we drove down the bumpy lane that led to the lake, I was amazed at how different a few miles could make from the busy city to the still country. Piling out of the car, the air was fresh and clean, the surroundings quiet but for the rustling of the breeze through the surrounding trees. At least until Alice came bounding out the front door to greet us all.

I shouldn't have been surprised at the cabin, especially not after seeing their house back in the Cities, but it still amazed me. To me, a cabin brought to mind images of tiny wooden shacks that held maybe one bedroom and a tiny kitchen, but was mostly good for storing whatever it was you needed at the lake.

Well, the cabin was made of wood, but that's about all that I got correct.

I'd been a little confused at first about how and why Alice would have chosen to have her wedding here, especially when she appeared to be a city girl through and through. It's where she and Jasper had first met when the guys dragged him out with them for a long weekend after he'd first joined the team. I'd understood the sentimental value, but until I saw the place I couldn't understand why she'd pick it when there were so many beautiful venues in the Cities. The cabin was like a rustic castle in the middle of a peaceful land.

Alice led me on an excited tour, pointing out where everything for her wedding would be taking place, and regaling me with memories of coming here as a kid, as a teenager, as an adult. She pointed out a small, private patch of grass that sat just behind a grassy knoll. To anyone else it would have been unmemorable, but to Alice it was the spot where she and Jasper had shared their first kiss and where they'd be seeing each other for the first time on their wedding day. Instead of waiting until the ceremony, they'd decided to have a private moment to themselves and then get their pictures out of the way before any guests arrived so they wouldn't have to leave the party to take them after.

Walking around, I felt so at peace. The cabin itself was enormous, two stories that sat overlooking the beautiful clear blue lake. Majestic trees sprang up everywhere, though there were plenty of wide open patches of grass and flowers, one of which sat near the house and would be used for the reception. Down a steep set of wooden stairs there was a large dock that sat on the water, a pontoon boat and two jet skis sitting up on their racks on one side.

When we finished touring the grounds, she led me back around the house. The inside was elegant and warm, clearly Esme's doing. Three bedrooms upstairs, with an additional on the main level. By the time Alice and I got back from our tour, the guys had already brought all our bags in and staked out their territory. Emmett bounded noisily down the stairs, already changed into a pair of swim trunks. As he sprinted out the door, he yelled for Edward and Jasper to 'move their lazy asses.' Edward quickly came next, barely stopping to kiss me and tell me to get my suit on before he ran outside, followed close behind by Jasper who tried to knock him out of the way as they ran down the path. Within a minute, all three boys had taken off down the dock and cannonballed into the lake.

"Nothing ever changes," Esme laughed, affectionately watching her boys out the window. "You two should go get changed, have some fun. I'd recommend double knotting your suit if there're strings. Emmett can never contain himself when he sees an easy target." She laughed and patted me on the arm before heading into the kitchen while Alice and I went to dig out our swim suits.

"Alice!" I yelled down the hall when I finished digging through my bag. She popped her head through my door, already dressed in a hot pink bikini and holding her towel. "What the hell is this?" I demanded, waving the tiny scrap of blue fabric.

"Your new suit! Consider it a gift for being one of my bridesmaids."

"How did you even manage that? I didn't pack until yesterday and you were already here."

"Rose," she winked. "Just get changed, Bella, we're wasting precious lake time."

I did as she asked, grumbling the entire time and firmly knotting my towel at my chest to cover up. No way in hell was I walking all the way down to the lake in what was basically underwear. Heading down to the kitchen to meet Alice and Rose, they chuckled and shook their heads as I glared at them, tugging the towel a little tighter and nudging my sunglasses down over my eyes.

Once we got down near the water, Rose chucked her sandals and towel over the rail of the pontoon and did a slick dive off the dock. Alice was a little more tentative, dipping her toe in the water to test the temperature and climbing down the ladder to wade in, shooting pointed looks at the boys to ensure they didn't try any funny business before she was in the water. I lingered behind, hoping they'd all be distracted enough that I could lose the towel and get under the water before anyone could give me a second thought. No such luck. Every single one of them beckoned for me to join them. As I hesitated another moment, I couldn't help but realize how ridiculous it was for me to be self-conscious. I could perform in front of millions in not much more, but I couldn't comfortably drop my towel in front of five people who knew me better than anyone? Rolling my eyes, I sucked it up and tossed my towel next to Rosalie's, tugging the fabric more firmly into place over my breasts and double checking the security of the knots before stepping out on the end platform.

"So, Babybel, you gonna be a chicken shit like Ali, here and take the wimpy way in?" Emmett laughed, dunking his sister under the water now that she'd fully immersed herself.

I gave him a menacing look before backing up a few steps, then sprinting across the dock, tucking my knees as I launched myself off the dock, landing with a giant splash right in the middle of the group, soaking every single one of them.

"Woo," Emmett cheered when I rose to the surface, offering me his fist for knuckles. "You know for a tiny thing you sure can pack a punch."

Until the sun began to dip low in the sky, the six of us remained by the water. Alice did sunscreen checks every half hour to make sure no one was going to burn and when Emmett and Rose had started roughhousing on the dock, Alice had yelled at him, saying, "So help me, Emmett, if you give my maid of honor a black eye, you're paying to have every single one of my wedding pictures professionally Photo-shopped."

His response had been a hearty laugh as he'd thrown Rose from the dock into the water, before he turned to where Alice had been sunning herself. He plucked her up over his shoulder, and said, "Chill, Bridezilla," before tossing her over the side after Rose.

The jet skis came out to play and I'd actually had a blast when Edward had taken me out for my first ride. He'd even let me switch in the middle of the lake so I could sit in front and drive. I refused to go out with Emmett or Rosalie after seeing some of the stunts they tried to pull. Maniacs.

At one point, Alice and Jasper had taken off for a ride around the lake and Rose and Emmett had run back up to the house to grab some drinks and get out of the sun for a few minutes. Edward and I floated lazily together in the water, on our backs with our fingers brushing against each other in the water.

I drifted, my eyes closed as the water gently rocked me to complete relaxation. Then, out of nowhere, something pinched my butt beneath the water and I shrieked, hastily splashing as I tried to move quickly away from the spot it had happened. My eyes rapidly watched the water around me as my heart pounded, until I saw Edward beside me, his head low in the water and his eyes filled with mischief and laughter.

"You asshole," I squealed, swatting at him as he burst into laughter, with me joining him only moments later.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he said as he wrapped his arms around me, though his voice was anything but apologetic. "I just couldn't help myself."

"I thought I'd have to be on my guard around Emmett, not you," I said in mock irritation, poking my finger at his chest.

"You know, Emmett's not the only one around here who knows how to have a good time," he said, waggling his eyebrows at me as he held me up, treading water for both of us.

"I never believed he was."

"Yeah, but I think you might take a little more convincing," he grinned mischievously and began to swim us over toward the pontoon boat, grabbing the edge with his hands to ease around the motor before gently propelling us into the empty space between the metal floats that held the platform a couple feet out of the water.

Once we were in the shaded, private spot, he leaned in to kiss me, our skin wet and cool from the water, his hair dripping the occasional drop of moisture onto my cheek as our tongues met. My legs were locked around his waist. It was shallow enough for him to stand, though he had to crouch to avoid knocking his head against the floor of the boat.

His hands stroked hungrily over my breasts, bunching the wet fabric to the side, exposing me so he could more easily caress my bare skin.

"I don't think I told you yet how sexy you look in this suit," he muttered, his lips dropping to my collar bone and then lower to press against the swell of my breast. My body unconsciously leaned until I was practically floating on my back with Edward hovered above me as I arched into his touch.

Just as I began to lose all thoughts of where we were, a loud, rapid banging sound echoed around us. Edward jolted up and hit his head against the boat, swearing and rubbing his head with a scowl on his face. "Damn it, Emmett!"

"Nothin' like a good old-fashioned Shivaree, Eddie!" Emmett guffawed from the dock on the other side of the metal float. I hastily tucked myself back into my top, thankful that he couldn't have possibly seen anything, though he'd obviously deduced where we were and what we'd been up to.

"Well, save it for the newlyweds this weekend. I'm gonna have a fucking knot the size of a softball on my head," Edward shouted back as I gave him a sympathetic look and reached my fingers up to tenderly rub the spot on his head. He pouted back at me as we heard Emmett jump in and the jet ski with Alice and Jasper rapidly approaching before leaning his head down to rest it on my chest as I kissed the spot and continued to rub softly with my fingertips.

"You know, I might not mind getting hurt so much if you're always there to kiss it and make it better," he sighed, nuzzling into my breast for a moment. I laughed lightly before patting him once more and suggesting we get out of hiding before Emmett decided to play shark and come after us.

Around dinner time, Esme and Carlisle had come down to join us, carrying a cooler and grocery bag filled with chips and sandwiches. We'd all piled on the pontoon boat as Carlisle puttered us around the lake on a dinner cruise.

After a long, exhausting day of time in the sun and on the water, Edward and I had collapsed together on top of the covers in one of the upstairs bedrooms, falling straight to sleep with him cuddled against my back.

The following morning, Alice kidnapped Rose, Esme and myself for a full day of beautification at the day spa in the next town over. It was actually really nice considering we were practically in the middle of nowhere. Apparently the fishing widows needed a little something to keep them occupied.

We'd returned to the cabin just in time to get ready for rehearsal and from there on it was busy, busy, busy. After a smooth rehearsal and family dinner, Alice announced that the boys were banished from the main house for the remainder of the night. The cabin was Girls-Only-Territory until she and Jasper could see each other the next afternoon.

The guys had all grumbled about having to sleep in the guest cabin at first, but Emmett as always found the bright side and shouted out that the first one to the cabin got top bunk. He and Jasper took off down the hill, with Jasper yelling after him that it was his wedding so he should get first pick in sleeping arrangements. Edward had lingered behind to kiss me goodnight, trying to convince me to sneak out and meet him later. Alice caught on and shooed him out the door as I gave him an apologetic look and bid him good night.

The three of us, and even Esme for a short time, camped out in the living room with pillows, popcorn, Cosmopolitans and a DVD set of the entire series of Sex and the City. It only took me two episodes to get completely hooked, finding it both entertaining and educational. Esme went off to bed after giving each of us a kiss on the forehead, reminding us that it was going to be a busy day and not to have too much fun.

As the night closed on Alice's last day as a single woman, the three of us began to drift off, all jumbled together on the carpeted floor in a heap of blankets, pillows, and limbs.

"Hey guys," Alice whispered sleepily.

"Hmm?" Rose and I murmured, on the verge of unconsciousness.

"I'm getting married today!"

We chuckled and Rose told her to get to bed or she'd have bags under her eyes that no make-up artist could cover.

"I love you guys," Alice sighed as we all fell asleep. "You're the best friends a girl could ever ask for."

I couldn't have agreed with her more.

x-x-x

The next morning was a flurry of activity. Everywhere I looked, there were people milling about-setting up the reception tent in an open clearing by the treeline, unfolding white wooden chairs and lining them in neat rows down by the lake. Florists were working on the arch that would stand at the top of the alter, waiting for the reception space to get set up so they could line the tables with their elaborate arrangements.

I could just barely make out Emmett, Edward, Carlisle, and Jasper over by the reception tent, already hard at work hanging the glass mason jar lanterns from the trees, though it appeared that Emmett was more focused on distracting the others and jostling the ladders they were perched on, which resulted in a friendly tussle.

"Bella Swan, get away from the window," Alice ordered from her seat at the kitchen table where a hairstylist was hard at work curling her hair and adding the extensions she'd need for her updo. "I swear, you're the girl in the relationship, you're supposed to be the one with the will power."

"I can't help it," I giggled, taking the seat across from her and folding my legs up as I sipped my coffee. "He's just so cute."

"I guess I have to agree, seeing as we share the same genetics. Gimmie a hit of that, will you?" she requested, reaching for my mug. "I think we watched one episode too many last night."

"Oh, Alice, once your adrenaline kicks in, you won't even be thinking about being tired," Esme said from where she stood, leaning against the counter.

"Yeah, as soon as we strap you into that contraption you call a dress, you'll probably have enough energy to run a five-K," Rose chuckled.

"Can you guys believe it? It doesn't feel like this is really happening," Alice sighed dreamily. "I just know it's all going to be perfect."

Looking at her elated expression, I knew Alice wasn't talking about every detail of the day running smoothly. It didn't matter if the timeline ran behind or if the hem of her white gown got a little dirt on it, the important thing was that by the end of the day, she and Jasper would be married, surrounded by their family and friends.

The morning morphed into early afternoon and we finally got Alice laced into her dress while the photographer snapped away in the background. Esme, dressed in her mother-of-the-bride finery, placed Alice's veil carefully on her head while the two of them shared a tender moment with happy tears. I couldn't stop the slight pang of regret that my own mother likely wouldn't do the same for me when my own day came. But it didn't linger. Sadness had no place in such a beautiful moment.

Rose and I quickly zipped into our own dresses. I'd been correct in my estimation that Rose would look amazing in hers, and slipping into the smooth satin of mine, I actually felt qualified to stand next to her. The dress was far more understated, but the 'v' that dipped low in the front and mimicked on the back made me feel elegant and attractive, especially with my hair swept up in curls and exposing the line of my neck.

We helped each other with our accessories and gave a final spritz of hairspray to our updo's. Rose wrangled Alice's train while I balanced our bouquets to head outside and send the bride on her way to meet her groom. We walked with her down the path until we could barely make out Jasper waiting up ahead, then the two of us fell behind to give them their moment alone. The two of us were laughing when I felt a light graze across the tip of my nose, batting at it and turning around, I found Edward standing there, grinning down at me, looking completely dashing in his black tux, the leafy green silk of his tie and pocket square matching my dress and a small white bud already pinned to his lapel.

"Hey," I breathed, almost dropping my flowers when I forgot I was holding them and tried to reach for him. He caught them easily, handing them back to me with a sly wink. "Thanks," I whispered, blushing at my fumble and from the effect he had on me.

"Believe me, Swan. You're not the only one dazzled here," he grinned, taking my free hand and twirling me in a slow circle. "I didn't think it was possible for you to look any more beautiful," he murmured, pulling me close for a kiss. "But every time, you take my breath away."

I grinned back at him kissing him once before flirtatiously swooning in his arms. "Don't, I shall faint," I sighed in an imitation of Scarlett O'Hara.

He grinned in response, his face twisting a bit as he attempted to channel Clark Gable. "I want you to faint. This is what you were meant for," he drawled before lowering his lips to kiss me passionately once more.

"A man who can quote _Gone With the Wind_ off the cuff like that is definitely a keeper," Rose chuckled from beside us, where she and Emmett were standing together. I flushed, easing back as I realized just how easy it was to forget everything around me but Edward. "You should take some pointers from your brother there, Big Guy."

"Nah," Emmett scoffed. "I seem to have done just fine on my own. Besides, that would just have sounded stupid coming from me. Eddie got all the smooth moves in the family."

Rose snorted, burrowing under Emmett's arm as Edward wrapped me in his. We waited for Alice and Jasper to emerge, coming back around the bend only minutes later with smiles so big on their faces that it was a wonder they didn't just split in two.

For the rest of the afternoon, the six of us wandered the area with the photographer, indulging every idea Alice could come up with for a shot she had to have. We were due back to the ceremony site at three for formals and family pictures and ended up there with a few minutes to spare, kicking back in the front row of lined chairs as Alice inspected every detail.

"I'll be right back," I announced, setting my bouquet on the seat I vacated next to Edward. "I'm gonna go grab a drink. Anyone want anything?" The others declined, and I turned to walk up the empty aisle back toward the cabin.

"Don't take too long, Bella," Alice called after me. "We're gonna do our family shots first since Jazz's side is always late. What? They are Jazz, don't even try to pretend like they're not."

I glanced back, confused. "What are you talking about Alice? I thought we already did all the wedding party pictures."

"Yeah, we did. Family pictures, Bella. Once Mom and Dad wrap up, they should be headed down here so we can get them done. Hey, if you see them up at the house, will you tell them we're ready?"

"Yeah, sure," I mumbled, turning away and hurrying up the path. Inside, I made a beeline for the stairs, bypassing the crowd of caterers who had taken over the kitchen and hurrying up to the room on the second floor where I'd slept that first night with Edward, clicking the lock behind me as emotion threatened to swamp me.

Family?

Was that what Alice thought I was?

It may have seemed like something as simple as a photograph was no big deal, but a family portrait seemed so permanent. It would be something that they looked at fifty years down the road when Alice and Jasper celebrated their golden anniversary. When they looked at it on that day, I'd be standing there with them, frozen in time. The Cullen's seemed so close-knit. Family was obviously of the utmost importance to them. I didn't think they'd ask me to be a part of that if they thought I was just a fleeting presence and would one day far in the future say, 'Oh, yeah, that was what's-her-name. Remember her?'

It didn't surprise me that they'd ask Jasper and Rose to be a part of it. Obviously, Jasper was legally joining their family, and in Rose and Emmett's case, it seemed like merely a matter of time. But I'd only known them for a few short months. _Did they really see me as something permanent?_

The evening before at the rehearsal dinner, I'd met The Hales, Jasper and Rosalie's parents. They were polite, strained. Their father was standoffish and didn't mingle much with anyone but his wife, and they had left immediately following dinner. Their mother had seemed so sad and it was obvious she still harbored feelings for her ex-husband, though they'd been divorced for well over a decade. Seeing how different Jazz and Rose were from the people who created them was illuminating. It was so obvious that the two of them had flourished on their own, and had finally found their true place with the Cullens. Mr. and Mrs. Hale may have made them, but the Cullens were their _true_ family.

_Could it be the same for me?_

Stepping over to the window, I could see them gathered below, Rosalie fixing Alice's veil, Jasper, Emmett, and Edward all huddled together laughing, Carlisle and Esme standing to the side, their arms around each other as they looked upon their children with such pride and affection.

I wanted it to be the same for me. I wanted to belong in that picture, and I was starting to believe that I might have a place there.

I watched as the photographer wrangled the group together, placing each person precisely in position as Edward glanced around, obviously looking for me, soon joined by Alice. I moved back from the window, not wanting to be caught.

"Babybel!" I heard Emmett shout. "Get your ass in gear, girl. Chop chop!"

"Nice manners, Emmett," Esme scolded. I held my fingers up to my lips to try and contain my smile as I dashed outside to join them.

My family.

x-x-x

As soon as photos were over, Alice shooed the guys away to where they'd wait for the ceremony to begin as we went in the opposite direction to hide out in the cabin from the arriving guests. I didn't even have time to say a word to Edward before we were separated. I sighed, knowing I'd have to wait to speak to him until after the ceremony.

Before I knew it, the chairs were filled and the prelude wrapping up as Esme gave Alice one final kiss on the cheek and headed out to take her spot. Carlisle hung back with us, escorting his daughter by the arm to wait for their cue.

As the music shifted to the processional, I hugged Alice and wished her luck. Rose winked at me and teasingly advised me not to trip on the rose petals.

I watched my feet for the first half of my trek up the aisle, nervous about doing just that, before I realized that it probably looked ridiculous to the crowd of people gathered. When I looked up, my eyes immediately found Edward where he stood next to Emmett, beaming back at me. I kept my eyes on him the entire way, my feet steady and straight as I took my spot, giving him a quick wink across the altar. I noticed Rose coming to stand beside me as Alice's music kicked in and the assembly rose to their feet.

The ceremony was beautiful, the majestic trees towering behind us, offering only glimpses of the clear blue lake through the breaks in their trunks. I found myself watching people in the crowd, the families, the couples; people who had already made the commitment that Alice and Jasper were currently undertaking, some maybe more than once, some who had broken it and some who never would. I watched Esme and Carlisle as they looked on, watching their daughter say her vows with their hands joined and resting on Carlisle's knee. She rubbed his wedding band, and he reached over to touch hers with a soft smile, likely recalling the day they'd first put them on.

Jasper and Alice repeated the minister's words, the traditional vows that had been spoken by so many other couples for centuries. As they pledged to love, honor and cherish one another, my eyes met Edward's across the altar, and I was instantly entranced.

In his eyes, I could see a different wedding in a different place and a different time. There, it was I who wore a beautiful white dress and Edward who stood at the altar waiting for me. It was our hands that were joined and our voices saying those same vows. Words, that though they had been spoken by millions of others, sounded completely unique because they'd never before been spoken by us to each other. There, it was _our _promise and no one else's.

I realized that more than anything, that's what I wanted. I wanted to see that day in reality, not just in my mind. Maybe not soon, but someday. It didn't matter if my knee gave out or I didn't make the Olympic team. It didn't even matter if my mother and I ever spoke again. All that mattered was him. The Cullens were my family, but more than that, I wanted Edward to be my family. Mine. Forever. Just as I wanted to be his.

A thousand different memories flashed before my eyes from the first moment I saw him at the airport to seeing him again at the Xcel; our first kiss and the way he'd walked me home afterward. The way his face had lit up when, buried in a snowbank, I'd asked him on our first date. The color of his eyes the first time I felt him move inside me, the way his voice had sounded when he whispered 'I love you' to me that very first time.

My breath hitched as my vision cleared completely, as if the fog were never there.

Looking across at him, I finally saw that I was in love with him. There was no doubt, no question, no hesitation.

I loved Edward.

Tears filled my eyes as the knowledge filled me, every crack and nick that had ever scraped my heart smoothed over as I realized that he was all that mattered. As long as he loved me and I loved him, I'd never want for anything. As the first tear dropped down over my cheek, Edward's brow furrowed, a 'v' creasing his smooth forehead as he mouthed, 'You okay?'

I nodded and gave him a watery smile as my bottom lip trembled. Now that I knew, I didn't want to waste another moment without telling him. Alice and Jasper were exchanging rings, there were only a few minutes left before they'd be proclaimed husband and wife and Edward would escort me back up the aisle.

But even those few minutes were too long.

So, with my eyes locked on his, I opened my lips and mouthed the words, 'I love you.'

He froze, his eyes wide, his mouth slack. For the remaining minutes of the ceremony, that's how we stayed, our gazes unwavering, our bodies unmoving. The applause of the crowd broke our trance and I turned to see Jasper dipping Alice in an enthusiastic first kiss before they disappeared up the aisle. Emmett and Rosalie followed before Edward and I met in the center of the altar. We stared at each other for a long moment before he reached out his hand for mine and we walked back up the aisle together.

When we reached the end, we didn't join the others. Instead, Edward pulled me away, bidding me to follow him without a word. We walked just a short distance, coming upon a beautiful clearing through treeline that was scattered with wildflowers. I couldn't concentrate on the location though, I was too focused on the man in front of me. Once we were alone, out of sight and out of hearing distance from the crowd, he finally turned to me. His eyes were shining brightly and his expression intense as he pulled me close, framing my face with his warm hands, his fingers slightly shaking against my cheeks.

"Say it again," he demanded, his voice low and full of emotion. "Out loud."

I swallowed once, needing my voice to be clear and strong as I did so. "I love you, Edward." Tears fell down my cheeks to be rubbed away by his thumbs when I repeated, "I love you so much."

I didn't have a chance to say more before his lips were crushed upon mine, my head spinning delightfully as I lost myself in the embrace, in the emotion, in him. I loved this man with all my heart and I never wanted him to doubt it ever again.

He pulled his mouth away to feather kisses over my face, his arms banding around me as he held me tight. His palm rested on the back of my head, cradling me to his chest and I felt the rumble of joyous laughter start there before I heard it. He pulled me away, the grin on his face more beautiful than any sight I'd ever seen as he whispered back, "I love you, too."

x-x-x

After taking a few more moments to ourselves, we slipped back through the brush to join the merriment of the reception, congratulating our friends as Alice gave me a telling wink.

_How did she always know?_

Drinks flowed and dinner was served. Rosalie and Emmett each made toasts that had the guests roaring with laughter, while Carlisle's heartfelt words of love and family left everyone in tears. Alice and Jasper cut their cake, and as the sun set over the lake, they shared their first dance. As darkness fell, the trees became lit with hundreds of tiny white lights, transforming the open area into a dreamy fairyland. Through the night, stories were told and laughs were shared. Edward always remained by my side, only reluctantly leaving my grasp to dance with his mother and sister while Emmett, and then Carlisle, led me around the floor. As Edward and I shared another dance, he whispered in my ear that he had a surprise for me, leading me off the floor and away from the tent.

I lifted my brow in question at him when he stopped at the door of the cabin, but all he told me was that a bag was waiting for me upstairs and to meet him back in that same spot in five minutes. I did as he asked, chuckling a little when I found a pair of sweat pants and a hoodie as well as my worn Converse waiting for me. With only five minutes, I didn't bother taking the pins from my hair, simply changed and rushed back down the stairs to find him already waiting for me, his casual dress similar to my own.

"Where are we going?" I asked, but he only smiled and grabbed my hand, leading me away in the shadows, far from the tent and the people dancing there.

We walked together quietly down the wooden steps that led to the dock, the water lapping softly at the posts and along the shoreline. The air was crisp and cool but unstirred by even the slightest hint of breeze; the smell of sand and grass mixing with the clean night air. Crickets chirped and we could just barely make out the music from the reception up the hill, though the lights could not reach us. The moon was dim, but the stars were bright, filling the open sky with more tiny points of light than I had ever seen before.

"Wow," I whispered as he led me down the dock. "It's beautiful out here."

"Yeah, it is," he agreed, pulling me into his arms. "Especially with you here."

I grinned at him, glad that it was just light enough that I could see his face.

"I love you," he murmured. My smile grew, because this time I could answer him.

"I love you, too." I slid my hands up to cup his cheeks, rubbing over the slight stubble that had accumulated there over the course of the day. "Now that I've said it, I can't believe it took me so long to get the words out. I should have been able to see it from the start. There were so many times I should have realized that's what this was."

He held me close and I breathed him in, feeling him doing the same to me. "I don't mind that it took you a little extra time, just as long as you don't forget it."

"I could never forget, Edward," I whispered seriously though his tone was teasing, pulling back to look into his eyes. "You're everything to me. You're my forever."

We stayed there, our bodies lightly swaying together to the rhythm of the water and the faint strains of music, indulging in a quiet moment where nothing existed but him and me.

"Was this the surprise?" I asked, remembering his words when he'd pulled me away from the reception.

"Kind of," he chuckled lightly. "I knew it was going to be busy up there well into the night and I wanted you all to myself, even before all this happened."

"'All this' being?"

"You finally coming to your senses, of course," he said dryly and I laughed against his chest. I couldn't argue his words.

"So, what? We're camping out here until the party's over?"

"Not exactly," he shrugged, gesturing to the side of the wide, wooden dock where a pile of blankets and pillows sat. "Ever slept out under the stars before?"

He released me to lay out the blankets, stacking them to create a soft cushion.

"You people sure like to sleep on the ground a lot," I teased, helping him fluff the pillows. "Do you have something against mattresses?"

"Nope, but they're so restricting," he said, laying out on the blankets and opening his arms to me. "Look at that view," he murmured, gesturing toward the sky. "You can't see that from inside on a mattress."

I turned my face to his, studying the lines and planes as if I was looking upon him for the first time. "All I see is you."

His eyes remained on mine as his lips descended to take my mouth in a gentle kiss. After a few minutes, he eased me up to sit in front of him while he patiently removed each pin from my hair until it fell in waves over his hands. We came together again, our hands patient as we bared each other, unrushed as we savored the moment as if it would never end. Reality would return, but not tonight. Tonight was just for us.

He made love to my skin with his hands and his mouth until I was completely pliant beneath him, aching for him to join with me. He reached for his discarded pants and I stopped him, gently holding his wrist.

"Don't," I whispered.

"Bella, I'm just getting—"

"I know. Don't," I repeated. The moment was too precious for talk of reality, so I hoped he'd understand my plea and trust my reassurance. "You don't need it. I trust you. I love you. I want to love you without any barriers."

"Are you sure?" he asked, caressing my face.

"Take me, Edward," I responded, aligning myself beneath him. "I'm yours. Only yours."

His hands sought mine and our fingers intertwined as he gently slipped inside me and I whispered, "Always yours."

**x-x-x**

**A/N:**

**Can I get a SQUEE?**

**I've had a few comments-so to clarify...there will be no little babies in skates coming for these two any time soon. Just because they didn't use a condom doesn't mean they didn't take precautions. It's subtle, but it is alluded to. Just to settle your minds. **

**To recap: Some 'morning after' action and trying to sneak past the gals, Alice moving out and some BFF time, Edward's Birthday and a BJ (tee hee), fun up at the cabin and a loverly wedding. Do I really need to mention anything else?**

**Review if you please and you WILL be teased!**

**On a different note…TTI has been nom'd for its first award! It's up for Best Bella & Edward in the Twitastic Awards. Here's the link if you're interested in checking out the other nom's, there are some great stories in there! **

**http:/twitasticawards(dot)webs(dot)com/vote(dot)htm (Just remove the (dot)s)**

**Thank you to anyone who put me up for it. I'm so glad you guys are loving Hockeyward and Skaterella!**

**Polyvore on the profile.**


	16. Chapter 16: Be My Refuge

**A/N: First off, I'm sorry this took longer than usual to get to you. It was a shift back to reality from the epic romance of the last chapter, and it took some work to get it straight in my mind.**

**Major thank you to FanpireMama and Caren-this chapter gave me a fight and you both helped me conquer it. You pretty much rule.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created the characters, the story is mine. Copyright 2010: BellaMarie117**

**It's a rollercoaster. Please strap in tight and don't say I didn't warn you. Oh...and you might want to bring a tissue along for the ride.**

**x-x-x**

As much as I longed for us to stay in our little bubble of perfection, real life came calling and I had to answer. The afternoon following the wedding, I rode back down to the Cities with Alice and Jasper. They were catching their flight late that night for their honeymoon, and I couldn't afford to miss more practice at such a crucial stage in my training.

Edward, Emmett and Rose stayed behind with Esme and Carlisle to spend the week leading up to the fourth of July at the cabin. Edward was reluctant to see me go without him, but I assured him it would be silly for him to come back down with me. I'd be spending all day at the rink with Marcus and he'd only end up bumming around, doing nothing when he could be spending more time relaxing out by the lake. He gave in and stayed up North, insisting I call him every morning before I went to the rink and every night before going to bed. I promised. It's not like I was going to argue about getting to talk to him every day.

I planned to drive back up to the cabin on my own after my session on Friday to spend the Independence Day weekend with the Cullens. Lounging by the lake, taking in some more sun and enjoy the fireworks. Doing what normal people did over a summer holiday, something I'd never done. In the past, most holidays for me had just been another day to train and were typically spent at the rink.

Back in the Cities, Marcus began to get impatient with me. It was difficult to tell, with how even-keeled he was, but he'd started to make more and more passing remarks about how I needed to take action and make some decisions. Summer was already close to half over and I'd yet to commit to any competitions, or make any announcements to the press. In addition, I still hadn't been able to figure out what I wanted to use for my short program. I knew Marcus was right, but I'd been dragging my feet on all fronts.

When it came down to it, I just wasn't ready to give up my calm, quiet life—especially when it seemed to be at such a high. When I'd been out at the cabin with the Cullens, I'd felt content, more than I ever had in my entire life. I had a family and a boyfriend who loved me, and that I loved in return. I was _happy_. It had been like a weekend of living in Utopia, the land of perfection. It was selfish of me to cling to that, especially since Marcus had been so patient with me through everything, but I wanted to stay in that calm perfection as long as possible.

By the end of our session on Friday, it appeared I'd come to the end of my grace period when Marcus called me over to sit on the bench with him at the end of the day.

"What's going on, Bella?" he asked once I'd taken a seat beside him.

"What do you mean?" I responded, confused. I'd had a good session that day. At least_ I_ thought I had.

"What I mean is that you're stuck in limbo right now. You've made terrific progress with your free skate, I'll grant you that, but one program isn't going to do it, and even that won't matter if you miss the deadlines to throw your hat in the ring for the year," he elaborated. I looked down at my lap, unable to meet his gaze. I knew he was right. "Do you want to compete?"

"Yes, of course I do," I insisted, staring at my fingers entwined in my lap. "Why would I have put this much effort in if I was just going to quit?"

"You tell me, Bella. I'm not sure what the problem here is. You say you're ready, but when it comes down to it, you're clearly not," he said, sounding just the tiniest bit frustrated. I nodded somberly, unable to argue with him. He blew out an exaggerated sigh after a long moment of silence. "I'm not going to push you here. If you want to compete, you need to make that decision on your own."

"I want to," I mumbled, pausing for a moment to figure out the best way to explain myself to him. He didn't deserve to be jerked around after all he'd done for me. "I'm just— I'm scared, Marcus. After what happened? When it gets out about Renee leaving, it'll be all over the place as this big scandal. When the press hears that I'm choreographing my own programs, it'll be talked about, and not just by other skaters, by _everyone_. When I announce that I'm making a run for another Olympics at the age of twenty-five, there'll be speculation that I can't do it, that I'm just some has-been who should retire already and make room for the new batch of eager young girls who are fighting for that spot.

"I know none of that should matter, but I've grown accustomed to the somewhat anonymous lifestyle I've been living here over the past six months and I haven't been too eager to open myself up to the circus again. I know that if I want this opportunity, I have to, but I've been procrastinating," I admitted. I looked over at him, taking in his thoughtful and patient expression, continuing to lay my cards out on the table.

"I remember what it was like, Marcus. All the attention and the scrutiny. It's like living underneath a microscope. I feel like I've needed to do so much self-evaluation over these past few months since my injury and moving here. I finally feel good about where I am, both in my personal life and in my skating. But my confidence in both is still so new. I haven't wanted to throw myself out there again until I've had some time to get comfortable with it myself," I explained.

"You've dealt with the press before," he rebutted.

"Yes, but before I didn't have to be so hands on with everything. I was shielded to some extent. I guess Renee did manage to help rather than hinder in some ways.."

"I can't argue with those points. The media will jump on it when it comes out that you're still planning on making a go for Vancouver. There'll be an adjustment, but things don't have to be the same as they were before. You don't have to do as many interviews or endorsements this time around if you don't want to. You don't have to participate in the gossip. Just stay away from it."

"Isn't that a little… I don't know," I shrugged. "I feel like I'd want to at least have some awareness about what's being said about me. Even if it is horrible."

"I'm not sure where all this negativity is coming from," he said, sitting back on his hands as he studied me. "You've always been a favorite, not just nationally either."

"But what if they don't like what I put out there on my own?" I said, revealing one of my fears about going back after such a shift. "I feel like I've changed so much since the last time I set foot on competitive ice. And I'm happy with those changes and who I am now. But, what if the public doesn't feel the same? What if they like who I _used_ to be?"

"You're never going to please everyone, Bella. But, you can't let anyone else dictate how you see yourself. You're right. You have changed in the past year and a half. You're stronger, you've got more confidence, your movements are more refined," he stated, counting off his points. "It's an obvious difference, but one that's strictly for the better."

"You really believe that?" I asked quietly.

"I know that. I watch it every day. You've always been a strong skater, and a good competitor. Now? You could be unstoppable. Your flexibility is unparalleled by any other skater out there. You've got the artistry, the emotion. You're getting stronger in your jumps and more consistent in your landings. What you need is more confidence. There will always be stumbles and bad days, but you can't let them throw you so much. Accept that struggles are inevitable and that you're not perfect. No one is asking or expecting you to be."

"They do, though," I argued with a sad smile. "I know they do. I know I'm not perfect but it doesn't change the fact that the public, the press, and the fans all expect me to appear that way. The second I mess up, it'll just hit home that I'm washed up and shouldn't have ever come back."

"No one thinks you're washed up," he brushed the thought away with a flick of his hand. "You've already received your Grand Prix assignments for this season, and they're good ones. You're guaranteed a slot at Nationals. USFSA is all over me for a statement of your intent and NBC wants to see you at Champ Camp in order to incorporate you into their Olympic Promos. Stars on Ice has been calling to gage your interest in headlining for them starting in the spring. The world is ready and waiting to welcome you back with open arms. Embrace that. It's an opportunity very few have. I know you're nervous, but there's no need to be."

He laid his hand on top of mine, the rough calluses of his fingers grating on my skin, yet comforting at the same time. "They want you to be perfect because they believe in you. They believe you have what it takes. But none of those people matter. They don't know the real you, Bella, and ten years from now they won't have any part in your life. Remember the people here who do know you. Even if you make a dozen mistakes in your first program, they'll support you. I'll support you. Whatever comes, you've got to rely on that. Trust it and let yourself fly."

He was right. I needed to stop being afraid that letting my old world back in would somehow mar the new one I'd been living in. Things would definitely change once I went public again, but that didn't mean my relationships would. I needed to trust that the foundation I'd built here would stand and only serve to make me stronger.

"Take the weekend, rest up. Next week we'll concentrate on finalizing your long and polishing it up. After that, we've got to start taking some action. Alright?" he asked, patting my hand once before standing.

I nodded.

He took a few steps away before I spoke up, knowing I had to make him aware of my appreciation. He had always been a source of quiet strength for me. He was one of the few things from my life before Minnesota that I cherished and clung to.

"Marcus?" I called his attention back to me. "Thanks. For putting up with me through all this, I mean. I know you're not one for drama."

"You're right, Bella, I'm not," he agreed with a thoughtful nod. "So often all the drama associated with this sport is superficial and unnecessary. I've never had much patience for it. But what you've been dealing with isn't drama."

I sniffed out an incredulous laugh. "Are you kidding? I feel like since Carlisle gave me the green light to train again it's been nothing _but_ drama."

"No, Bella," he said patiently as he backtracked the few short steps he'd taken to sit back down beside me. "I wasn't here for whatever went down with Renee, but I know it couldn't have been pleasant, just from my own personal experiences with her and my observations of you throughout the years under her…supervision, shall we say?" My lips quirked in a sad smile that he returned before continuing.

"It was always difficult for me," he sighed. "I'm not one to get overly involved with my skaters, at least not in a personal capacity, and especially not when the bulk of the issue is because of a parent, but there's always been something about you, Bella, that's struck a chord with me. You have such a light within you and it was always stifled by her."

I glanced up at him, caught off guard that he'd shared so much with me. Marcus had never been one to talk about feelings or, as he'd said, get too involved. I'd never once thought about what it must have been like from his side to experience the relationship between Renee and myself, never thought it may have affected him whatsoever. I'd always felt so alone in my despair, certain that no one felt the pangs of her blows but me.

"Now? You're shining bright, dear girl," he whispered, tapping my chin up with his rough finger as he twitched a proud smile at me. "It was something I'd always hoped for but feared I'd never see. I'm glad I was wrong."

My bottom lip trembled as a single tear spilled down my cheek, his words of pride and admiration absorbing into my heart and warming me from within. I smiled back at him brightly, unable to deny the urge to throw my arms around him.

He was stiff at first, taken by surprise at my uncommon display of affection. After a moment, his arms came around me and he patted my back fondly and only slightly tentatively. We'd never before embraced unless it was in the kiss and cry after a particularly good set of marks. There, it was expected from a skater and their coach. Here, it was a simple exchange between two people who respected and admired each other, and had only now come to a mutual understanding.

"Thank you," I whispered against his shoulder, before extracting myself, holding back a chuckle as I saw him attempt to regain some semblance of decorum and dignity.

"Not at all, Bella. It's been my great pleasure. Of course it'd be even more so if you'd pick your short program already. Do you want to be responsible for giving an old man a mental breakdown?" he asked mockingly with a pained expression.

"I'll work on it," I promised with a giggle.

x-x-x

That night I drove back to the cabin with Edward talking in my ear through a BlueTooth headset the entire time. The man could be ridiculous sometimes with the amount of time and effort he spent worrying about me. It might have irritated me if it wasn't so clearly heartfelt. As it was, it made me warm with the knowledge that I meant so much to him.

I pulled up into the driveway, parking beside Emmett's Jeep while still on the phone. I'd barely made it out of the car before I was in his arms, lifted off my feet in his warm embrace. Our grinning lips met over and over again as he told me he'd missed me, that he was happy to see me, that he loved me. As I kissed him back, I was home again, happy and content to just be near him once more.

It wasn't difficult to do as Marcus had requested and relax. The weekend with the Cullens was nothing but laid back and calm. After the whirlwind of the wedding, everyone seemed content to just soak up a few lazy days before returning to the Cities and their normal routines. There was no schedule, no commitments, no obligations, nothing but six people enjoying a quiet weekend in each other's company.

I was sad to leave on Sunday evening, but as I rode in the passenger seat of my car with Edward driving, I knew I was bringing the best parts of that Utopia with me. The cabin may have felt like an otherworldly place where everything was good, but the people that made it that way would be with me no matter where I went. That was something I was finally beginning to trust.

The week after the fourth, my sessions were spent finessing my long program. Marcus was true to his promise and didn't say a word about press or competitions, though my mind was often focused in that direction.

When I wasn't on the ice, I was taking the steps I needed to prepare myself to step back into the spotlight.

I searched the internet for any mention of my name, finding a few snippets about how I'd fallen off the grid, as well as some from back in April that seemed excited about the rumor of my return. There was talk of comebacks and how I remained the country's biggest hope to bring home the gold in Vancouver. Ladies figure skating had been suffering from the lack of a clear front runner, with the lead consistently swapping from competition to competition. The younger crop had yet to produce a candidate who could be considered a household name, and I offered that. It wasn't being conceited to acknowledge the fact that my name and US ladies figure skating had become synonymous over the past six years. The nation needed someone to root for come February and it seemed I was the favorite to take up that charge.

I finally opened the packet of fan letters that had been forwarded to me by United States Figure Skating Association and spent three hours poring over the hand written words of little girls and fans around the world. Their sincerity over wanting me back warmed my heart and made me remember that not everything about being in the spotlight was a hardship. I'd always loved the few opportunities my schedule had allowed for me to give back, to skate at charity events for noble causes, to stop into elementary schools and talk to young kids about dedication and following their dreams. I'd never gotten to do that enough, but when I had, it always renewed my passion for what I did and reminded me that not everything about figure skating was cutthroat competition.

I analyzed videos of my past programs, picking out what my stronger points were and taking notes on little things I'd need to work on; what to watch out for that I didn't even know I was doing wrong. I thought about asking Marcus to film one of my next run throughs at practice so I could look more specifically at what I was doing now.

I listed out my program history to use as a reference for looking into my options for a short program. No matter how many songs I listened to, I couldn't stick to one.

Movie scores had become popular choices over the past season, due to their familiarity with both the skaters and the crowd, but I didn't want to run the risk of doubling up a song choice with another competitor, nor did I want to blend in with the trend.

I thought about using something jazzy and upbeat, but then there was the fact that I'd be one of the oldest skaters out on the ice, and I didn't want to come off like I was trying to pretend I was a perky sixteen-year-old. Cute and quirky had never been my strength. With such a lyrical and romantic selection for my long, I knew I couldn't get away with something similar for my short. Marcus was spot on. I needed something different, something exciting, something with fire. Unfortunately I was still coming up blank.

The one I kept coming back to was _España Cañí_. It was a Spanish pasodoble song that I'd always loved listening to. Charlie had played it often when I was a child and we were all living together, before things had fallen apart for the two of them. Renee had always hated it and rolled her eyes at him when he'd played the song. Thinking back, it seemed a bit of an odd choice for him. Charlie had never been a big supporter of the arts and it wasn't like him to relax to instrumental medleys. At the time, I'd been too young to question it and had simply enjoyed the sounds of the fiery piece.

The song had always stuck with me and I'd listen to it on my Discman, and later on my iPod, though I never played it aloud in order to avoid irritating Renee. For a program selection, it had never seemed to suit me in the past. I tended to stick to the more lyrical and classical compositions. Two seasons ago, I'd tried to bring it up as an option for my short program and had immediately been shot down by Renee. Marcus had agreed that it wasn't really my style, and I'd bowed to their judgment.

But that was two years ago, and Renee wasn't a factor any longer. Maybe I could bring it up to Marcus again as an option. He'd said I'd changed over my time away from competition. Maybe now it would suit. Maybe now I was worthy of what it represented. Maybe now it wouldn't seem out of character.

It seemed important for me to be discerning about my musical selections for this season. Not for the public or my fans or the judges, but for me. I wanted them to mean something. If I was going to expose myself to the world by choreographing my own programs, I wanted to go all the way and show myself. _Moonlight Sonata_ would display one side, the softness, the grace, the elegance. The part of me that I'd always known was there. If I could use _España Cañí_, I could show this new side of me that I was still only just discovering. It was a risk to attempt something so different, but one that I realized I wanted to take.

The more I pondered the idea, the more set I became on the choice. I decided that before bringing it to Marcus, I wanted to have something to offer that would show him with absolute certainty that it was the right selection for me this time around. With that in mind, I booted up the song editor on my laptop and settled in for an evening of cutting music and visualizing my two and a half minute program.

x-x-x

"Come on, Marcus," I pleaded the next morning back at the rink. I'd come in after my workout, determined to get my way. Not on the musical selection for my short, but something completely different. Something that I'd known would be a hard sell before even asking.

"No, Bella," he repeated, his arms firmly crossed over his chest and his expression resolute. "It's too risky. You don't need an Axel in order to compete."

He was right. A triple Axel wasn't a required element. But when I'd listened to the composition I'd tentatively pieced together for my short, the jump was all I could visualize.

The program I'd envisioned, though vague and undefined, was completely inspired by the strength I'd gained over the past few months, not physically but emotionally.

It came from the moment I'd stood up to Phil, from the moment I'd dismissed Renee, from every first step I took with Edward and our relationship. It was fire and passion. It was power and courage. A tribute to the moments I did things I never thought myself capable of, to things others told me I couldn't do but succeeded at. In my skating, the triple Axel was the epitome of that. The one element I'd never been able to dominate. In order to encompass that idea for my program, I had to have it. I had to finally face my dragon and slay it.

Knowing that, I was prepared to plead my case with Marcus for as long as it took for him to agree. "No, it's not required, but it helps."

"Not if you can't make a clean landing," he argued, not unkindly. I winced slightly all the same. "I don't mean that as a criticism. It's simply a fact that an Axel is an extremely difficult element and one you've always struggled with. Let's concentrate on your strengths. If you can skate a clean program full of strong components, you won't need to worry about an Axel."

It's what I'd expected him to say, and probably what I would have told myself if I hadn't had my epiphany the evening before. "But—"

"Bella," he stopped me by lifting his hand. "I really wish you'd trust me on this one."

"I do trust you, Marcus, but I'm also not completely clueless. I've done my research and more and more skaters are throwing down Axels in their programs. If I want to have the best chance to beat them, I need to work on mine, to at least have it in my arsenal in case I need it," I explained, deciding the easiest way to win was to slowly wear him down. He wasn't going to give it to me easily, but over time maybe he'd see my point.

"We'll work on it," he conceded as I fought a smile. Progress. "But it's not going to be a central focus in your training. I maintain that if you can skate a solid program it won't be necessary. But you're right. Every little bit helps. Let's work on what we've got already in place first, shall we?"

The debate over for now, I nodded in agreement and went to lace up my skates.

By lunch, my long program was finally complete. The first 'draft' at least. By the end of the day, I had the moves firmly committed to memory and I'd spent the majority of the session marking the program over and over again to get it set in my head.

With only a few minutes left in our allotted time, Marcus called me over to the boards.

"Alright, let's run it once more before we wrap up for the day. I want full out this time. You know the steps; you've marked it solidly every time. Let's give it a go. All out jumps, think about extension, think about your hands," he listed off on his fingers. "I want to see it like you're stepping out in front of a crowd tomorrow."

"Okay," I answered, rolling my neck and blowing out a long breath, already mentally preparing myself. He passed me my water bottle and I took a long swig before popping the cap back down and handing it back to him.

"Off you go," he said. "I'll wait for your mark to start the music."

I backed away from the boards to do a calming lap around the ice as was always my routine before performing. It gave me a chance to get my head together and clear out the nerves before taking my opening position.

Circling closer to center ice, I finally came to a stop, shook out my arms a few times before pointing my toe out to the side and placing my hands in their starting position. The music began and I worked my way through the fluid movements of the introduction, feeling a little too stiff and already thinking ahead to my first combination. Heading into my crossovers, I took a deep breath before launching into a triple Lutz, two footing the landing and just barely managing to make my double toe loop, though I had to immediately step out of it to avoid a fall.

Everything felt tight, shaky. I could barely hold my spread eagle steady for two seconds and it was supposed to span five. The more I messed up, the stiffer I became, and I was quickly frustrated with the vicious circle.

"Come on, Bella. Loosen up," I heard Marcus call from his spot on the bench as I started into my preparation for the next jump. This one didn't even pass as shaky. My timing was off, too caught up in my head to just let the practiced move come naturally, and I straight up fell. An instant after hitting my hip on the ice, I was back up again, mentally attempting to brush it off and move on to the next element.

"Get out of your head! You're trying too hard," Marcus said. "Just let it flow naturally."

Taking a deep breath, I tried to follow his advice. I rolled my head and physically forced my shoulders to lower from their tense set up by my chin.

Blowing out one more breath as I prepped for the next jump, I told myself to just let go. _Don't think, just jump. _And it worked. This time, my triple was clean, perfectly rotated with a strong landing that I didn't need to rush out of.

"Atta girl," I heard Marcus call out from the boards.

After that first success, I gained back some confidence and was able to continue through the remaining three minutes of my program without a stumble. Tuning out the technical terms of the routine, I focused on the music, allowing muscle memory to take over for me and lead me through. My jumps were solid, my footwork swift and defined. As I took off in my spiral sequence, I felt like I was flying.

"There it is," Marcus said as I passed his spot on the bench. "There you go. Nice line there."

Before I knew it, I was stepping into my final element, an elaborate combination of spins that finished with one of my more impressive moves, an I-spin where I held the blade of my skate and raised my leg straight up and over my head. It was always a showstopper and had become somewhat of a calling card, like signing my name off on the end of my programs.

"Finish strong here in the spin," Marcus encouraged. I threw myself into it, trying my hardest to end on a high note after such a rough beginning. "Good girl. Stick your landing and you're done."

I came out of my spin, lowering my leg from its hold up by my face to plant firmly in the ice and strike my final pose. I didn't even have time to catch my breath before I heard a smattering of enthusiastic applause and a few familiar voices from higher up in the bleachers.

Panting from a mixture of exertion and surprise, I looked up to see Edward and Alice sitting with Esme a few rows back behind where Marcus stood at the boards.

An array of emotions quickly passed through me—surprise, self-consciousness—with just the slightest tinge of disappointment. I hadn't wanted anyone to see it yet, especially not Edward. Not before it was better, perfect would have been preferable. He'd been so much of my inspiration in creating it, him and the memory of the first time he'd played the song for me. I'd wanted to impress him with what I'd molded from that moment.

My cheeks were hot with embarrassment, especially after recalling my stumbles early on, and I hoped the color on my face could be attributed to the physical activity rather than what it really was. _Maybe they hadn't seen that much. When did they even get here? How did I not hear them come in?_ I guess it made sense; I always got tunnel vision when I was in the zone.

No one but Marcus had really seen it in its entirety, even Esme had only been around for bits and pieces or when I'd marked the movements. Despite the fact that the audience was unexpected, a part of me was almost glad to have that over with before I was even aware it was happening. If I'd known they were watching, I would have been even more nervous than I already had been.

Trying to overshadow all of those emotions was the tiniest nugget of pride. Though it hadn't been perfect, it was my program, my creation. It was something beautiful that had come from me, almost like a child I'd nurtured and guided along the way. And they'd applauded. They looked like they liked it. Alice looked like she was practically jumping out of her skin with excitement and Edward…well, I couldn't quite discern the expression on his face, but it looked positive.

I wasn't quite ready to face them yet, and technically I was still working, so I waved to acknowledge that I saw them before drifting over to the boards where Marcus waited with a bottle of water. Just like after every run through, I rehydrated as Marcus recapped, highlighting the elements that were looking strong and pointing out a few things to polish up for next time.

"It's looking good," he said.

"Yeah, right," I scoffed sarcastically. "It was a mess. My jumps were all off; I couldn't even hold my spread eagle."

"You were stiff in the beginning," he conceded. "Comfort with the routine will come. You need to relax and trust yourself. Your body will do the work for you if you allow it to. Once you hit your stride, it was a solid program. Couple more weeks and we can probably bring in an analyst to do a few test scores on it, get a feel for how it will rank in competition."

"You think it's ready for that?" I asked, surprised at his confidence when I felt like I was still trying to get a handle on the program.

"Yeah, I do. You're too hard on yourself sometimes, Bella," he chuckled with mild amusement. "Watch the tapes tonight. It might do you some good to step back and take a look."

I agreed that I would, though I'd already been planning on watching them in order to get a better feel for what needed improvement. Not that I didn't trust Marcus to tell me, but sometimes you just needed to see something for yourself before you could understand what was going on.

"Good session today," he said, patting me once on the shoulder. "Go get some rest. Looks like you've got a few fans to greet." He waved up at the three of them, still sitting high in the bleachers.

"Yeah, uh, I saw that," I said, clearing my throat. "Thanks, Marcus. See you in the morning."

Marcus grabbed his stuff and called out a 'good night' to Esme and the others as I strapped on my skate guards. The three of them made their way down the stands and I met them at the front row. Still slightly self-conscious, I tugged on the ends of my hair and avoided Edward's eyes at first.

"Hey, guys," I greeted.

"Lookin' good, Bells," Alice exclaimed, throwing her arms around me. "That was awesome."

"Eh, not the cleanest run," I shrugged, returning her hug. She'd been gone for ten days and it really was great to see her. "It's coming along, I guess."

"Listen to the perfectionist," she scoffed, swatting me on the shoulder and rolling her eyes at my self-deprecation. "From where I was sitting, it looked amazing."

I smiled at her shyly as my face flushed and I glanced over at Edward for just a split second, again unable to translate his expression. Alice and Esme continued to praise me and my program, though I barely heard any of it, my mind buzzing with anxiety over Edward's silence. Wasn't he going to say something? Did he like it? Did he understand the meaning behind it? Unable to take Alice and Esme's lavish praise any longer without a single comment from Edward, I attempted to shift focus.

"How was the honeymoon?" I asked, and as I'd hoped, Alice was off and running.

"Really great," she exclaimed, launching into a summary of her and Jasper's ten day excursion in the tropics. Alice talked animatedly about their resort, the island, snorkeling in the ocean and swimming with sea turtles. The woman was literally glowing, both from the golden tint her skin had gotten from so much time in the sun and from her obvious happiness. Something told me it wouldn't be fading for her anytime soon.

"Oh, gosh, Alice, we've got to get going," Esme said after checking her watch.

"Geez, you're right," Alice agreed, gathering up her purse. "We're gonna take off, Bella. We have dinner reservations. I'll call you later and we'll catch up more, okay?"

"Yeah, sure," I said, both eager and nervous about them leaving. Not that I was nervous to be alone with Edward in the slightest, but more anxious to lapse into an awkward silence with the two main conversationalists walking out the door. "Good to have you back, Alice," I said as I hugged her again. Esme patted my cheek and they made their way out of the arena, giggling and chatting happily, obviously unaware of the tension they were leaving behind.

Once the door closed, Edward and I were left in silence, an awkward one on my part. I didn't know what to do. It was so rare that I felt any discomfort around him anymore and it was driving me a little insane to feel this way again, like I couldn't even meet his eyes or open my mouth, like I didn't have the slightest clue what was going on in his head.

"I've uh- gotta stretch still," I coughed out, nervously linking, then unlinking my fingers, gesturing back behind me to the boards where I always ended my sessions. "You don't have to stay if you don't want. I've still gotta go home and shower and—"

"Bella," he whispered, taking my slightly shaking hand in his, my dark eyes automatically raising to look into his bright green ones. My brow furrowed in confusion, wordlessly begging him to say something that would erase this uncertainty. No one else's opinion—not any judge or even Marcus'—mattered more than his.

"I know I should apologize for Alice and I watching that without your knowledge," he started off, looking almost as uncomfortable as I felt, though his hand was steady as his thumb soothed over my palm. He looked deeply into my eyes and murmured, "But I can't. I can't be sorry because what I just saw you do out there? It took my breath away. You're— there aren't words to describe it."

Relief flooded through me and with it came a sense of comfort. I stepped forward as his arms automatically opened to me, wrapping firmly around my body. I rested my cheek on his chest and breathed in his familiar scent.

"I couldn't tell what you were thinking. It made me nervous," I confessed as his fingers began to rub the base of my neck. "I didn't like it."

"Bella, you don't ever have to be nervous around me. I don't want you to be scared to tell me or show me anything."

"It's still nerve-wracking. What if you didn't like it?"

He laughed incredulously and eased me back until he could look into my eyes, shaking his head as his fingers trailed down my face. "Silly girl. How could you even think that? It was you. That program was so clearly you. How could I do anything but love it?" he said. I grinned. He knew. I should have known that he would. He always knew.

"It was you, too," I whispered. "You and the night you first played it for me. The first time you told me you loved me."

"You humble me," he said, his voice thick with emotion.

"No. I love you," I murmured, raising up on my toes to press my lips to his.

After a moment, I remembered that I really did need to stretch or my muscles would be punishing me for my oversight the next morning. Edward stayed by me as I removed my skates and worked my way through my cool down routine, catching me up about his lunch with Alice and the hockey camp he was making an appearance at the following day with Jasper and Emmett. He had a few of these volunteer things coming up and he always sounded so excited to get to work with the local kids' hockey leagues.

As we talked, I dropped into a center split, pointing my toes and bending over to lay my torso flat in a stretch.

"Holy…" I heard Edward mutter on a soft groan and I glanced up at him, my brow cocked in question until I realized what the issue was. I burst out laughing as I saw his eyes trained on my legs, his jaw clenched as he tried to adjust himself.

"Something wrong, Edward?" I asked innocently, batting my eyelashes.

"You know exactly what's wrong, you little minx," he glared at me affectionately.

"I keep forgetting you've never seen me do my yoga exercises. This is nothing on that," I said, enjoying the opportunity to tease him a little.

"Yoga?" he perked up. "What? How come this is the first I'm hearing about this?"

"Because I don't ever do it when you're around. Wouldn't want to bore you out of your mind while I stretch for an hour," I explained as I eased out of my final stretch and stood, brushing at the back of my pants.

"Baby, I don't think you'd have to worry about me getting bored," he said with a devilish smirk. I laughed it off, interrupting myself with a large yawn that I couldn't hide behind my hand.

"Tired?" he chuckled.

"Not really," I said. "Just a long day. Too bad you didn't bring your skates. I could have schooled you on the ice again." I sent him a teasing grin and lifted my eyebrow at him when he laughed.

"Oh you think so? I'm pretty sure the last time we were on the ice together, it ended in a tie," he said, swinging me into his arms playfully as his hands stroked up and down my spine, his face leaned down close to mine.

"I guess you could call it a tie," I gave in after a moment, giving him three soft kisses in succession.

"You know," he said against my lips. "I don't need any skates in order for us to have a rematch." His mouth moved to press quick kisses over my face and down my neck, tickling me with his enthusiastic smacking.

I giggled and lightly pushed him away. "So, any plans for the night?"

"Just hanging with my girl," he said, reaching for my hand before I could go too far. "Maybe if I'm lucky she'll cook me dinner. I've gotten pretty spoiled lately."

"You have, huh?" I asked with a pleased smile. "She any good?"

"The best," he grinned, squeezing my hand.

"Guess you're one lucky guy."

"Yeah, pretty much," he sighed.

"Alright, you big smoothie, let's get going. I'll see what I can scrounge up. You hungry now?"

"Mm hmm," he murmured, raising my chin to meet his mouth in a soft, lingering kiss that had me instantly floating.

"I've just— uh, gotta grab my bag from the uh— locker room," I stammered out, practically drunk from the unexpectedly intense embrace. Backing out of his arms, I turned to walk around the boards to the locker room where I kept my stuff, hoping to take an extra moment to get my head back on straight and my heartbeat back to normal. Due to my distraction, it took me a moment to realize Edward was still beside me when I reached the door, and it looked like he didn't intend to stand outside and wait for me.

"Where do you think you're going?" I asked curiously, stopping at the threshold with the heavy door held only slightly ajar by my hand.

"With you," he said, as if it should have been obvious.

"It'll just take me a second, Edward. I can—"

Apparently he couldn't. Wait, that is. His lips swiftly descended upon mine, cutting off both my words and my air in one fell swoop. He shoved the door open wide and edged me inside, my feet moving without any concept of where they were going, only following Edward's guidance as his body encroached on mine. His arms were wound tightly around me, trapping my own to my sides, even as my fingers groped forward to try and reach him.

"I thought— Oh, God," I panted when his lips tore from mine to feast on the column of my neck. His arms finally loosened enough for me to raise my hands to his shoulders, my fingers clenching into the hard muscle. "I thought you wanted to get dinner."

"Nu-uh," he muttered. I gasped when his teeth closed around the tender spot beneath my jawline.

"You said you were hungry," I argued, though my brain was screaming at me to just shut up and stop trying to think practically when his hands were squeezing my hips and his tongue was…doing _that_.

"Not for food," he said huskily as he brought his face back to mine, staring down at me for only a moment, his eyes dark with desire. "For you."

His lips crushed down on mine again and I whimpered under the force, my mouth desperately trying to keep up with his as his tongue swept out to tangle with mine. I felt myself being leaned back, though I couldn't be bothered to remove my lips from his in order to gain awareness of what was happening. I felt the hard surface along the length of my back just as he broke the kiss, stepping back from me for a moment. I reached out for him in protest.

"Don't worry, Beautiful," he leaned down to whisper in my ear. "I'm not going anywhere."

His hands ran down my body, thoroughly exploring my curves on their way until he bent to reach my calves where they dangled to the floor. He curled his fingers around my leg, lifting and moving it over to set back down on the other side of whatever I was laying on. With my legs split, I had only a brief moment to realize he'd laid me out over the long wooden bench that sat in the middle of the locker room before his body returned to cover mine again, firmly pressing me back into the hard surface.

With the leverage we had from the bench's low rise, I was able to gain just the right amount of traction to grind up against him, moaning at the delicious friction of his hard length pressing over my soft center, kept apart by only a few thin layers of fabric. He groaned, a deep and throaty sound that vibrated against my lips as he kissed me hungrily and moved against me.

His hands stroked over me in quick, unsteady movements until they reached the zipper of my track jacket and swiftly jerked it down, raising our torsos up off the bench for only the second it took for him to rip the fabric from my arms and discard it to the side.

"Seeing you out there like that?" he muttered against my skin as he kissed his way over my collarbone, yanking the spandex of my sports bra down over my shoulder. "You have no idea what it does to me. You're so fucking sexy, Bella."

The sound of his voice and the words themselves had me clenching as my fingers wound into his hair. His hands found the edge of my tank top and he quickly removed it to join the growing pile in the corner. I tore at his shirt, exposing his muscular torso, my hands dancing over his warm skin, tracing the faint ridges of his abs.

He reached for the waist of my pants, his fingers curling into my panties at the same time, before I had a moment of sensibility.

"Wait, Edward," I gasped, my hands dropping to cease his movement. "We can't here. What if someone's using the rink tonight? What—"

He cut me off with a slow, thorough kiss, his lips and tongue soothing me back into oblivion.

"No one's using it. And I locked the door just in case. It's just you and me, Baby, and I want you here, like this. Please?"

"God, yes," I gasped out, removing my restraining hands from his so he could continue on. He didn't hesitate, peeling the stretchy fabric from my legs and leaving me bare before him. He sat back, straddling the wooden bench, his eyes filled with lust as they drank me in and his breathing shallow. I remained there, unable to move under the intensity of his gaze alone, trembling with desire from the look in his eyes when he wasn't even touching me, all I could do was pray that he wouldn't keep his hands to himself for long.

My prayers were answered when his fingers softly came to rest on the tops of my knees, one of them remaining in place while the other trailed over my calf, stroking over my tense muscle before he took hold of my ankle. He looked back up at my face as he lifted, gently urging my leg up higher, then higher still. I should have been embarrassed to be so exposed, so open to him, but bashfulness had no place in this moment, even with my body so vulnerable and displayed. The top of my leg pressed down on my chest as my leg came to rest up by my head, reminiscent of the position I'd ended my program with.

He reached for my limp hands, replacing his hold on my leg with mine so he could lean back and observe his work.

"Mm," he moaned, his fingers stroking the long length of my smooth leg. "I really liked this one. I like it even more now."

As his hands traveled lower, closer and closer to where I throbbed for him, I bit my lip to keep from crying out, my hands shaky on my leg as I tried to keep myself from grabbing for him and just begging him to hurry up and take me already.

"Is that uncomfortable?" he asked, continuing to stroke his fingers over my thigh.

I shook my head rapidly, softly bucking my hips in an effort to reach his teasing fingers. "How long can you hold it there?" he asked again, his voice gritty.

"Awhile," I breathed heavily.

"Think you can hold it there while I do this?" he asked as his fingers finally slid over me, stroking across the slick heat. My eyes rolled back, and I moaned in pleasure at his touch. My hands became limp and I started to lose hold of my leg, but he was quick to put them back in place for me.

"Can you stay like this for me, Baby?" he asked once more and I nodded, tightening my hold. I'd do anything he asked just as long as he'd touch me again. He leaned forward to press a soft kiss just beneath my ear and whispered, "Good girl."

Then his fingers were on me again, stroking and rubbing before slipping inside as his thumb circled my clit. I cried out, only to be muffled by his mouth when it closed over mine, my eyes squinted tightly as I surrendered to the over powering sensations of his hands and his mouth. His lips began to journey over my skin, pausing to lavish attention on my breasts before he trailed soft wet kisses down over my abdomen.

My breath heaved as his lips traveled over my hipbone, pressing a loving kiss over my swan before he moved even lower. My eyes shot open when I realized where he was headed and my gaze snapped down to see him laid out on his stomach on the bench, one hand rubbing over the thigh that wasn't stretched above me, while the other continued to move inside me. He was staring down at where he touched me, intensely focused until he seemed to feel my gaze upon him and looked up at me. With his eyes locked on mine, he lowered his head until I could feel his breath against me.

He extracted his fingers and asked, "Bella?"

I could barely eek out more than a weak cry in response.

"Think you can hold your leg there while I do this?" he asked, leaning forward and running the tip of his tongue over me once. It lasted no more than a split second, but the intensity of that moment had me crying out for him.

My eyes closed and my head fell back to press into the bench as his tongue returned, this time not so quick to leave. He ran it along me, lapping in long, famished strokes before he closed his lips around me and sucked. One hand remained in place, holding my leg while the other couldn't be restrained any longer. It eagerly dove into his hair as he continued to pleasure me with his tongue, my fingers clenching around the soft strands when he flattened it against me and held still for a moment, pressed against my throbbing sex. When it moved again, it met the sensitive nub at my center and I couldn't control myself any longer. My other hand dove into his hair, while my leg bent and hooked over his shoulder to rest on his back.

"Oh, God, Ed- Edwa- yes," I cried out incomprehensibly as my body flooded with sensation and I finally let myself be pulled under to drown.

My brain was mush and my body like jelly. I couldn't even think about moving, too focused on remembering how to breathe as tremors continued to pass through me. Finally, I found the strength to blink open my eyes and I saw Edward there, sitting back on the bench looking pretty pleased with himself. His jeans were unbuttoned and open at the waist and I could see the tip of his covered erection through his boxer briefs. The lust in his eyes told me he wasn't finished yet. I could feel the anticipation building inside me for more. The man had made me positively greedy.

I watched as he stood to slide his pants, then his boxer briefs down off his legs, revealing himself to my ravenous eyes. He knelt between my legs on the bench, with one foot planted on the floor beside it.

"Your leg okay?" he asked as he edged forward to rub my thigh, massaging the stretched muscle.

"Uh huh," I muttered, still somewhat incoherent from the intensity of my orgasm.

"You know, Bella," he leaned to whisper in my ear in a husky voice that was full of dominance. "You didn't do as I asked."

"Wh- what?"

"You didn't hold your leg up for me," he elaborated, gently nipping at my earlobe.

"Sorry," I whimpered as his fingers lowered to the opposite ankle this time.

"Guess I'm just going to have to hold it for you," he uttered as he repeated his earlier action of raising my leg up and spreading me for him. His other hand grasped my hip and slid over the curve of my ass to lift me from the bench just high enough to drape my bent leg over his thigh and press up against his erection. "Fuck, baby, you feel so good," he rasped out, his face clenched and his eyes closed as his lips twitched in restraint.

He ground against me, each movement a little more forceful than the last until finally it seemed he'd had enough. His eyes opened and found mine as he placed himself at my cusp and slid into me.

I was still awestruck at how amazing it felt to feel him moving inside me, every time was an entirely new experience and I hoped it would always be that way; that it would always feel heady and new and exquisite, no matter how many times we came together. The sensations had become even more heightened since we'd stopped using protection. Well, _that _kind at least. Feeling his heated skin slipping into me with no obstacles was like nothing else and it didn't take long for me reach the brink once more as his hips thrust against me.

My hands clenched at his backside as he threw his head back and groaned, pumping into me again and again, hitting the same glorious spot hidden deep within me, only discovered by him.

On a keening wail, I came, soon joined by his deep, growling moan as he released into me.

His body covered mine as he came down from his high, his hand releasing my leg to finally drop beside the bench. My fingers trailed lazily over his spine as he breathed heavily into my neck, his body wracked with the occasional tremor.

"Fuck," he muttered under his breath after a few minutes, his fingers rubbing over my hip, though he made no move to get up. "Baby, next time you do yoga, I get to stick around and watch. So many possibilities."

x-x-x

After spending a quiet evening away from the rink with Edward, relaxing, cuddling, and laughing, I strode into the arena the next morning feeling refreshed and ready to go. When I got inside, I noticed Marcus sitting on the bleachers, as he typically did, but I stopped short when I saw Esme sitting with him, huddled together in conference. They looked to be deep in discussion, which was nothing new, but something felt wrong. Esme was never at the rink so early. I suppose it wasn't impossible for her to be there, but the looks on their faces when they noticed my arrival had me instantly on edge.

I crossed straight over to them and dropped my bag by the boards, trying not to read too much into the looks they were exchanging.

"What's up?" I asked, unable to stand the silence any longer.

The quiet lasted another long moment while they glanced nervously at each other before Esme finally cleared her throat and looked at me with eyes full of compassion.

"Sweetheart, I think there's something you should see."

"What is it? Is something wrong? What happened?" I fired off rapidly, each question slightly more panicked than the last. I couldn't imagine what they could possibly be so nervous to tell me.

"Bella, just settle down," Marcus soothed, moving over on the bench to make room between where he and Esme sat. "Here, have a seat."

"You guys are freaking me out. Can someone please just tell me what's going on?" I pleaded, refusing to sit.

Esme held out a glossy magazine to me that I hadn't even noticed had been sitting open in her lap. Flipping it over in my hands to look at the cover, I noticed it was the most recent issue of _Skating Magazine_, a popular publication that focused on the latest happenings in the sport. On the cover was the smiling face of Lauren Mallory, a nineteen-year-old rising star in US figure skating.

Lauren was young, fiery and charismatic on the ice, and a total bitch off the ice. She'd just barely missed the age requirements to make a go for the Torino Olympics, and had still been a little green around the gills to be a serious contender even if she had been old enough. But in the four years since, she'd been steadily climbing the ranks. In the last two years, she'd commonly finished in the top five at competitions, though she tended to be a somewhat inconsistent competitor. Backstage, she was catty, always eager to spread rumors and gossip about her competition. She embodied practically every stereotype that commonly surrounded the sport. Maybe it was something that would improve with age and maturity, but the last time I'd skated against her, she'd been vicious.

Despite her personality flaws, I had to admit that she was good. She had powerful jumps and fun choreography that made up for her lack of grace and flexibility.

We were opposite ends of the spectrum in almost every way.

"What am I supposed to be looking for here?" I asked, thumbing through the pages.

"Page eighty-six," Esme said.

I flipped to the page number and opened to find the feature on Lauren.

"Why am I reading an article on Lauren Mallory?" I asked, looking back and forth between the two of them with confusion.

"Just read it, sweetheart," Esme suggested.

I sighed and began to skim the text. It was the typical stuff, giving a bit of her back story, what she had planned for the upcoming season. She'd recently announced her program selections- _Sing, Sing, Sing_ for her short and a selection from _Carmen_ for her free skate. My brow quirked upon seeing that she'd hired Heidi Shapiro for her choreography this season. Not entirely surprising since Heidi's style seemed to mesh much better with what I knew of Lauren.

I continued to peruse through the print, pausing to read a little closer when I saw my name mentioned as her biggest threat, then coming to an abrupt halt when I saw what came next. My heart dropped into my stomach as I continued to read.

_Lauren is known for being slightly fickle in her coaching selections and has drawn criticism within the community for her lack of loyalty. Already this summer she has made a switch from Alistair Montgomery, the coach who led her to the top spot on the podium in Cleveland this past January, to Phil Dwyer, who previously coached 2001 National Champion Makenna Albright, and was most recently rumored to be working with Isabella Swan. Dwyer's link to Swan, as well as his current position with Lauren, was confirmed by USFSA, as well as Mallory's management team. _

_In an interesting twist, at the same time Lauren changed coaches, she also changed managers, signing on Renee Dwyer, previously Swan. Mrs. Dwyer is the mother of Isabella Swan and has acted in a managerial capacity for the entirety of her daughter's career. When questioned, Mrs. Dwyer commented that she and Isabella Swan have had their professional ties dissolved and that she is unaware of Isabella's intentions for the upcoming season. With Swan's camp remaining mum and the start of the season fast approaching, speculation has begun to mount that a comeback may not be in the cards for America's favorite Ice Princess, and that Lauren Mallory may be the United States' best hope for a medal in Vancouver._

I read a few lines past that, but it appeared that the remainder of the article went on to chronicle her rise to the top of the pack and outline what struggles she faced with remaining there. The words became blurry before me and I realized that my hands were shaking. I snapped the magazine closed, as if that might somehow erase the last three minutes and what I had just read. Nausea churned in my stomach as I processed the information, each fact more disturbing than the previous.

Renee had moved on. She was with a different skater. She was with a skater I despised, and one who was likely my greatest opposition. And she knew it, too.

Even more disgusting and hurtful than that fact, was the news that she'd gotten married. To Phil. She'd married the scum-ball who'd hit on me, who'd sexually harassed me while pretending to act as my coach. Who'd touched me and propositioned me practically right in front of her eyes, yet she'd sided with him and accused me of trying to seduce him.

That original betrayal had been like a knife to my heart. This was just shoving the blade in deeper and maliciously twisting it.

I felt like I couldn't breathe and my lungs burned in my chest. I didn't even realize that my fingers contracted around the paper until I felt the edges stabbing at my fingers, though still, I couldn't relax my grip.

Looking up, I noticed Esme and Marcus watching me with both caution and concern.

"Please say this is a joke," I whispered, holding up the magazine that was now crushed in my clenched fist.

"No, sweetheart, it's not," Esme said.

"I confirmed it this morning," Marcus continued, his voice slow and cautious as he watched for my reaction. "Renee's working with Lauren and has been for the past two months. She signed a contract with her less than a week after arriving back in Florida."

Less than a week. A few days was all it had taken for her to move on with her life, to forget all about me. Like I'd never existed.

"When did they get married?" I croaked, my voice catching on the words. I looked off in the distance, unable to look at either of them when I felt so completely revolted. I hoped my question came off as casual, like a simple passing interest about the fact that I had a new st—…I couldn't even think that word in association with him. It felt incestuous and dirty to consider him in any sort of parental role.

"Married? Oh, her and Phil Dwyer?" Marcus asked. I nodded, still looking away. "A few weeks ago. Early June from what I could find."

"I suppose I should call and congratulate her," I said dryly.

"Bella, honey," Esme immediately jumped in. She stood and wrapped her arm around me, trying to soothe me as was always her natural instinct. Typically, I would've appreciated it, having grown used to her level of affection. But at that moment, I couldn't bear the sympathy.

I froze, feeling instantly claustrophobic and uncomfortable with the thought of anyone touching me—even Esme. My shoulders stiffened and I pushed away from her, flinching back from her offer of comfort.

"I'm sorry, Esme," I said sincerely, giving her a look full of apology. "Please don't be mad at me. I just can't right now. I can't talk about this right now."

She nodded, her eyes full of understanding, and thankfully, without a trace of hurt.

I backed away a few steps, my arms wrapped tightly around my middle, before reaching for my bag. I just wanted to forget. And the only way I knew how to forget was to skate.

"Bella, wait," Marcus said, holding his hands out in front of him in a gesture for me to stop and think for a minute. "Why don't you take the day off? This is a lot to process. Just go, take some time for yourself—"

"No," I said sharply at first, before pausing to take a deep breath. I looked over at him and spoke in a calmer voice. "No, thank you. I want to skate. I'm not going to let her stop me or set me back."

He studied me for a moment, before nodding in acquiescence. Marcus knew me well enough to understand that I needed to be working, active right now, just as he knew I'd need my space and the distraction, rather than to be left alone with my thoughts.

I tugged my skates out of my bag and quickly laced up, eager to get out on the ice to think of anything but what I'd just discovered.

I wished for nothing more than to wake up and find that this was all nothing more than a dream. Some horrible nightmare that my overworked mind had created out of repressed memories. But it wasn't. I was wide-awake and the writing was right in front of me. Literally.

Throughout the day, I was intensely focused. I blocked out everything but what I had to do on the ice. I was fully aware that both Esme and Marcus were watching me like hawks, just waiting for me to crack, to show some sign of emotion. They couldn't possibly understand that I was numb. I felt nothing. I wouldn't let myself.

I did the only thing I knew how to do when confronted with pain. I closed my mind off entirely, shielding myself in some sort of self-induced emotional coma, like I always had in the past when her words and actions tried to batter me.

The fuzzy haze remained around me all day. I heard the music and Marcus' words, but it was like being underwater. Everything was muffled and quickly forgotten.

After what felt like only minutes later, I felt a hand touch my shoulder that snapped me back to reality. I flinched away from the contact involuntarily. Looking up, I saw Marcus lowering his hand, his brow crinkled with concern.

"Alright, Bella. That's enough for today," he said.

"What? Already?"

"It's five o'clock," he informed me gently.

My eyes flicked up to the clock on the wall of the arena and I saw that he was right.

Hours had passed and I hadn't even noticed. Hopefully we hadn't done anything too important because my mind was blank. I'd retained nothing.

"Oh. Guess time slipped away from me," I mumbled, taking a sip from my water bottle without even tasting the cool, quenching liquid. My throat was dry, as were my eyes, though somehow that was better than the alternative.

"Bella—"

"Please, Marcus. Just don't," I pleaded. I tried to give him a reassuring look, but I couldn't even attempt to lift my lips into a smile, no matter how small. "I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

"If you need to talk to someone…"

"Yeah," I whispered. "I know. Thanks."

"I want you to go get some rest. Take the two days off to get away from the ice. Don't even think about your skating. Take a break. Spend some time with that young man of yours," he suggested, holding out my skate guards, obviously encouraging me to step off the ice.

I nodded, taking the plastic guards from him and crossing to the gate, stepping on to the rubber mat and walking over to the bench to sit and unlace them. I felt overheated, so I tore down the zipper of my jacket and ripped it off my arms, carelessly discarding it on the bench. My head felt tight and throbbed, so I violently tugged the hair binder from my ponytail to unleash my hair. That helped a little. But still, I felt off. Anxious and uncomfortable.

"Do you want to talk, sweetheart?" I heard Esme's warm, soothing voice ask. I glanced up to see her standing in front of me. "I don't have anywhere to be right now, I'd be happy to go back to your place if you'd like."

Her offer was so sincere and heartfelt that I hated to refuse. But I knew I couldn't accept it. Not now. Not yet. I couldn't talk to anyone about this when I felt so raw beneath the surface. I couldn't let anyone see anything but the blank shell I'd been all day.

"No," I murmured. "Thank you, Esme. I mean it. I really appreciate it. I just— Not right now, okay?"

She knelt in front of me, making it nearly impossible to avoid her caring eyes, though she didn't try to touch me again.

"It's okay to be upset. Hurt. It's nothing to be ashamed of," she said in a soft voice full of patience. "But don't let it set you back. You've come so far from where you started. Just remember that you're not alone in this, Bella. You'll never have to be alone again."

I nodded, biting my bottom lip and looking down to hide beneath my hair as tears welled in my eyes. She was quiet for a moment longer before asking if I wanted to walk out with her. The fact that she understood me so well after only a few months, that she knew I wasn't ready to be pushed yet when her natural instinct would be to comfort, just made me feel worse.

If I was smart, I'd take her offer and leave with her, talk to her or go call Edward or Alice and talk to them. I knew it was a bad idea to be alone at that moment, but it's what I needed. So, I politely refused.

"No. I just need another minute," I said, my voice thick and nearly hoarse with emotion.

She hesitated, but eventually nodded and leaned in to kiss me quickly on the forehead as she stood, saying good night and heading toward the door.

After she left, I remained in my spot, dropping my head in my hands, my elbows propped up against my knees, my hair falling in a curtain around my face. Gradually, the numbness began to wear away, the privacy of the empty arena allowing for the calm, collected façade I'd kept firmly in place to chip away piece by piece.

A torrent of emotions fought to take precedence. Sadness, heartache, betrayal, anger. Anger was the easiest, the most satisfying, and I clung to it desperately, fearing that any other choice would break me.

_How dare she? How could she? What the hell went on in her mind that made her act the way she did?_ I just couldn't understand her mindset.

I knew I'd fired her, but I'd never anticipated she'd pick up another skater, not to mention one I'd clashed with so much.

_How could she move on so easily? Was she so cold that she felt nothing over what she had lost? Did I truly mean so little to her that she could so quickly move past what had transpired?_

Only days after walking out of my life and she'd signed on with a new skater, a new meal ticket, an instrument to get her what she ultimately wanted. All she wanted was to win, no matter what the cost. The notoriety, the money, the lifestyle. Those were what she cherished, that much was now clear.

_Did she cry? Did she mourn the loss of her relationship with me at all? Was I really nothing but a tool? A means to an end? Was that all I'd ever been to her? _The facts all seemed to be pointing in that direction.

And Phil? I couldn't even think about him or I'd start feeling nauseous again. I already felt soiled simply from the thought of him. I could still recall with perfect clarity the way he'd made me feel that day on the ice when I'd finally snapped. The very memory made my skin crawl and sent chills of panic up my spine.

Shaking off a violent shiver, I realized that I needed to hide. I was still too riled up, too close to my breaking point to want to see anyone, so I chose the only escape that had always been there for me. My refuge.

I pulled my skates back out of my bag, the blades still chilled and wet. Tugging violently at the laces, I tied them too tight around my feet, the laces straining but the feeling of discomfort a welcome distraction.

I jumped up from the bench, practically running the few steps to shove through the heavy door in the boards and took off in a sprinting dash around the ice. My feet flew and the air swept through my loosened, unkempt hair as I raced around the surface trying to outrun my thoughts and failing miserably. They only followed, tormenting me.

As my blades scraped over the ice and my lungs burned, I tried to concentrate on nothing but the pace of my feet and the sound of my panting breath. But that wasn't enough to take me away.

I wanted to forget. To go back to the end of June when my life felt perfect and impenetrable. But I couldn't.

Now that my thoughts had been unleashed, it was impossible to try and hide from them or bag them back up. Every step I took, a new memory would flash in front of my eyes. Of Renee. Of Phil. I wanted to throw my arms over my face and scream until they'd disappeared.

After twelve laps of over-thinking, I knew I needed something more to take me away, take my mind from the moment.

I hated that they could still make me feel this way, weak and vulnerable and alone and I needed something to counteract, to fight it off.

Like a lightbulb, inspiration struck quickly.

Something that would make me feel strong and powerful. Something that would prove to her how wrong she was, how little she knew me.

She'd always said I'd never be good enough to get an Axel, that it was reaching too far and that I didn't have the talent. She'd goaded me. She'd teased me. She'd thrown it in my face time after time when I failed again at mastering it.

I needed, now more than ever, to conquer it.

Two sides of me warred against each other as I began my back crossovers. The part inside me that was still thinking rationally told me this was a really fucking stupid idea. Unfortunately it was much less convincing than the majority of my mind that screamed for release, for something to shove in her face and shout that she was wrong about me, that she'd always been wrong.

Gritting my teeth, I swung my arms back, bending low before stepping up into the jump. My feet got tripped up in the switch and I fell to the ice in a hard crash on my hip. The pain stole my breath away, but was more satisfying than the ache in my heart. Adrenaline rushed in as I pushed myself to stand and begin immediately into the next pass, only to fall once more.

Every attempt became more panicked and desperate than the last. I needed to land one clean. I couldn't fail. If I surrendered, it meant that she won, that she was right, and I couldn't let that happen.

With each hurried preparation, the memories passed through my mind again, their sharp edges only cutting deeper every single time I fell. I didn't notice the cold on my bare arms and shoulders, the pain of what were sure to be many colorful bruises, the wetness of my pants from landing on the ice over and over again, only serving to add more weight that threatened to pull me under.

_You're weak, Isabella._

_You're not good enough, Isabella._

_Not pretty enough._

_Not perfect enough._

_Not strong enough. Not fast enough._

_Never enough._

_Never fucking enough. You'll never be enough, Isabella._

_Why would you ever think you're enough?_

My next attempt was the closest yet, making it solidly around a full three and a half rotations to land on my opposite foot. Of course it also proved to be my most horrendous collapse. I fell hard on my right hip, my left ankle smacking against the ice a moment later. This time when I tried to push myself up, my legs collapsed beneath me, overworked, exhausted and unwilling to indulge my trials any longer.

"Goddamnit!" I screamed, my fists punching at the unwavering ice beneath me. Tears that I hadn't been aware I'd been crying rolled down my face, strands of my wild hair sticking to my cheeks from the moist trails. On my knees with my head thrown back, I shrieked at the top of my lungs, unable to control the words spilling out of my mouth. "What the fuck do you want from me? What did I do to you? What the hell is wrong with me? What?"

I was met with nothing but silence. Just like she'd always given me. When she wasn't criticizing, she was silent. No words of support, of comfort, of encouragement, of love. What the hell kind of person—no, what kind of mother—_did_ that?

Was she down in Florida telling Lauren 'good job' at the end of a session? Did she tell Phil 'I love you?'

Imagining her living her life as if I'd never existed when she still continued to hold such power over me made me feel panicked. _Would it always be this way for me? If she could move on so easily, why couldn't I? Why did she have to wreak havoc on my life when I wasn't even a blip on her radar? Why couldn't I just forget like she had? Why couldn't I sever the ties when, for her, they weren't even there in the first place?_

Suddenly I could barely breathe. My skates felt constraining to the point that they felt like shackles and I clawed desperately at them, tearing them off my feet and throwing them across the empty ice, hitting the boards like two consecutive gunshots.

"Why not me?" I screamed. "Why the fuck am I not enough? Why can't you love me? Why couldn't you just love me?"

I tore at my hair. I cried. I shrieked at the top of my lungs, just trying to purge myself of the poisonous venom that had been hiding in the shadows and was now flowing through my veins—burning me, freezing me, killing me.

"Stop. Please. Let me go. Just let me go," I begged, no longer sure who I was crying to. "Please just let me go."

My voice caught in my throat on that final plea, the fight draining out of me as my shoulders hunched and my body convulsed with tears. Rolling to lie on my side, my bare cheek pressed into the freezing surface, my fingers curled and clenched, aching for something to hold on to, for something that would hold me back as I cried.

Over and over, I repeated my plea. 'Please just let me go.' Each time progressively softer than the last until they were nothing but indiscernible whimpers. My body became limp, tired and spent, and I knew I didn't have the strength to lift myself from the ground, so instead I surrendered. My breath shallow and eyes open, yet unseeing, I gave in and let myself drown.

Then, just as I thought I would lose myself to the cold and the darkness of my despair, I felt warmth surrounding me.

Through my exhaustion, I heard a voice begging me to come back to him. Gradually, I noticed the feeling of warm arms around me, the strength of a body beneath me as I felt myself curled in his lap, the warmth of his chest against the cold of my body. I felt gentle hands stroking the tangled hair from my face and the softness of lips at my temple as he alternately kissed it and whispered pleas and reassurances to me.

"You're okay, Bella," the voice said. "I'm here. Everything's going to be alright."

"Come back, love," he whispered in a shaky voice. "I need you to come back to me." Internally clawing for the surface, I tried to swim toward his voice, to safety, to home.

"I love you."

Like a lifeline pulling me from the water, I surfaced with a gasp.

"Edward."

He was here. He was with me. He was holding me. As long as he held me, everything would be alright. It just had to be.

"Edward," I cried again, tearing my arms from where they'd been pinned against his chest. Desperately I threw them around his shoulders with all my strength. I held on and sobbed, "Don't let go. Please don't let me go."

The exact opposite from the plea I had just been begging for, but just as necessary.

This was what I needed. To be free of what used to be and embrace what was now and would always be.

"There you are. My Bella," he breathed against my hair as he cradled me to him, rocking us together as my arms tightened their vise around him. He didn't complain or make any move to loosen my hold, though my grip could not have been comfortable. Instead, he seemed to take as much comfort from it as I did as he softly ran his hands over my body and held me in return.

"I won't let go, love. I'm never letting go. I've got you. Always," he promised, over and over again as I nodded into the crook of his neck and whispered his name.

We sat there for what felt like hours, and he never loosened his grip or stopped murmuring his love for me quietly into my ear. My cries diminished before fading completely and my hold on him relaxed as all the tension drained from my body in his arms.

After an eternity, I felt him shift beneath me, and realized he was getting up. Unconsciously, I clung to him, protesting with a muted whimper.

"Baby, I've got to get you off this ice. You're so cold. Let me take you home, love. Please? I won't let go of you all night, just let me get you home."

I didn't have the energy to agree, but he must have understood, because moments later I felt myself lifted into his arms and taken off the ice. He sat me on the bench and quickly wrapped my sweatshirt around me, feeding my tired arms through the sleeves.

"Skates?" he asked.

"Hmm?" I looked up at him with a blank expression, as if he'd spoken in a different language and I couldn't comprehend even one simple word.

"Where's your skates, baby? They're not here in your bag."

My brow furrowed in confusion as I tried to remember. _How long ago had I taken that last fall? Five minutes ago? Ten? It seemed so much longer than that. _My mind flickered until I remembered.

"I threw them," I said in a dull voice as I gestured vaguely toward the ice. I lowered my head into my hands, rubbing at the throbbing headache that was building quickly from the emotional outbreak.

After a minute of silence, I glanced up at Edward, shoving my hair back from my face. He seemed to be studying me intently, though I was too tired to even venture a guess as to what he was thinking.

When he noticed me looking back at him, he gave me a sad smile, barely more than a twitch of his lips, before leaning in to press a warm, lingering kiss to my forehead.

"Are you alright here for a minute while I get them?" he asked. I nodded, though I wasn't eager to see him go, even if it was only a few feet away.

He was back in a flash, digging in my bag to find my guards. He clicked them into place before shoving the skates into my bag, hitching the strap over his shoulder as he stood and reached for me. I didn't even have a chance to tell him I could walk out myself before he'd lifted me again, though as I settled into his chest, I realized this was exactly where I wanted to be. With his heartbeat beating a soft, consistent drum beneath my cheek, I gave in to exhaustion and was asleep before he'd made it past the locker rooms.

I couldn't have slept for more than a few minutes. The next time my eyes opened, I was still in his arms, being carried. Disoriented, I glanced around and noticed we were at his house and he was taking me into his room.

After setting me down on the edge of the bed, he crouched in front of me and pushed the hair back from my face, his eyes studying me intently, full of concern.

I assumed he had questions, that he would want to talk, but he surprised me by telling me softly to wait while he drew me a bath. He left the door wide open, not leaving my sight as he prepared the tub, dumping in a couple handfuls of Epsom salts for good measure. After my short nap, I was feeling slightly more put together, and didn't make him come back to me, instead I stood and crossed to him where he wordlessly undressed me. I caught the wince as he took in the bruises already forming, but still he didn't say anything. He simply stripped down himself, before lowering us into the tub to wrap me in his arms.

The warmth of the water and his body seeped into me. I hadn't realized how cold I was until my body stopped shivering and my teeth unclenched. The salts worked their magic on my aching muscles, and the soft rubbing of Edward's fingertips on my arms did the same for my heart.

After patting me dry with a fluffy towel, he helped me dress in a pair of flannel pants and a warm sweatshirt. He must not have washed it since the last time he'd worn it because it still held his familiar scent, rather than the smell of detergent. I burrowed into it and inhaled, drawing comfort from being surrounded by him before settling on to the bed.

He joined me and we sat facing each other. Taking my hands in his, he looked into my eyes, and I knew what was coming before he even opened his mouth.

I'd known, even at the time, that staying behind to break down by myself had been a bad choice, but even after taking so many strides to open up, old habits die hard. He wouldn't criticize me for it, but I knew it frustrated him. So, he would understand why I'd done it, why I hadn't called him first, why I'd needed to break down on my own, but he wouldn't let any more time pass without letting him in.

"Bella, I need you to talk to me, love," he murmured, squeezing my fingers. "Please don't shut me out. You have to tell me what you're thinking."

"I just feel numb, Edward," I said in a tired voice.

"Baby, what I found laying in the middle of that ice arena didn't look like numb," he said softly, his green eyes bright with emotion. I took one hand from his to reach out and brush his cheek, knowing what he must have walked in to find. I gave him a small smile of apology for putting him through that, and he returned it, forgiving me without a word.

"Okay, maybe I just w_ant _to feel numb," I clarified.

"I can understand that," he said, covering my hand with his and pressing it closer to his cheek. "For you, it's probably the easiest way to cope. You're good at shielding yourself away, but if you try and do that for too long, it's just going to eat away at you from the inside out."

He curled his fingers around mine and brought our joined hands to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to my knuckles. "You can't try to hide so much. If you won't talk to me, you need to talk to someone," he said when I remained silent.

"I want to talk to you," I said. "I'm just not sure how to explain it all. In my head it's just a jumble. It's like I can pick out a few key emotions, but there's so much more that I can't even classify."

"How about you start out by telling me what happened this morning," he suggested.

"Didn't Esme tell you when she called?" I asked, staring down at a spot on his folded knee. He placed his fingers at my chin and drew my gaze back to him.

"I want to hear it from you."

I sighed and nodded. Attempting to detach myself from the story, I hugged my knees to my chest beneath the oversized sweatshirt.

"I got to the rink this morning. Marcus and Esme were sitting together, talking. They looked really serious and I immediately got this bad feeling. Like something was wrong," as I spoke, I began to play with the drawstrings of the shirt, knotting and unknotting them repeatedly as I unfolded the tale for him. "Then...they showed me that article. The story was on one of my biggest competitors. She and I have never...well, let's just say we don't have a very friendly relationship." I twisted my lips up in a wry, humorless smile.

"So, I'm just skimming through it, trying to figure out why they'd want me to read it. At first I thought it was just because they mentioned me in the article. Something about being her biggest threat to making it to Vancouver or whatever. But then I kept reading and..." I trailed off as the words in the article ran through my head again.

"And what?" he asked, though I was sure he already knew what was coming. He knew I needed to get this out or it would remain festering inside. He knew me so well. Sometimes better than I did. That knowledge gave me the strength to continue, to see it through to the end. With my eyes locked on his, I told him.

"Then it went on to talk about her new coach, Phil Dwyer, and his wife, Renee, who is heading up her management now apparently. And has been since a week after she left here. Two months. Two goddamn months where I was trying to make things better with her, where I was holding on to hope that we could fix things, and she didn't even wait to unpack her suitcase before finding a new charge to take my place," I said, the passionate anger flooding back in and setting me on a roll to just get it all out as quickly as possible.

"She never even tried. And here I was thinking that we actually had a shot at someday having a relationship that even marginally passed for a mother and daughter. And the whole time, there wasn't any chance of it happening. She'd never let it happen. She wouldn't even answer one fucking phone call to just try," I snapped before I realized how loud I'd become in my rant.

Shaking my head at myself, I lowered my voice before continuing. "I feel like such an idiot. Why did I ever think she could change?"

"Because you're a good person," he said, twining our fingers together tightly. "One who wants to see the best in people. It's one of the things I love most about you. "

"The fact that it's Lauren is just salt on the wound," I continued. "There's not a single skater out there that she could have chosen that would possibly bug me more. And the hilarious thing is that she knows it. That's probably why she went after her in the first place, because she knew it would get to me!"

I wanted to throw something, but instead I settled for weakly punching at a throw pillow before flopping back on it. "I'm so sick of all these mind games. I'm exhausted. I'm just so...I'm hurt, and disappointed that this is how it has to be, but most of all, I'm just angry."

"That's a valid emotion," he said reassuringly, easing down to lay on his side and face me. "After everything she put you through, it's sort of like the tip of the scales."

"It's not her I'm mad at," I explained. "I mean, yeah, a little, but more than that, I'm mad at myself."

"What?" he asked, looking both surprised and confused. "Why would you be?"

"Look at me, Edward. I'm up here, crying over her, and doing some really stupid stuff out there on the ice that could have ended in disaster because I was pissed off at her and just wanted to do something to prove she was wrong about me. You know what she's probably doing?" I asked, not waiting for him before describing my prediction.

"She's down in Florida enjoying her new skater, sipping cocktails out by the pool and fucking that revolting husband of hers. She's not even fucking here! She probably hasn't even thought about me since she walked out that door and left Minnesota. She doesn't give a damn about me and still she just _breaks_ me," I growled, clenching my fingers in a tearing motion. "I don't _want_ to be broken over her. I don't even want to hate her. I want to forget, just like she forgot about me, and I can't," I whispered. "I can't forget what she's done."

He scooted closer to me before folding me into his arms, fitting my head to the curve of his shoulder.

"Maybe you shouldn't forget, Bella. You can't change the past; you can't change what's brought you here. You can only move forward. And you're not broken," he said, before pausing, seeming to ponder his words before he spoke again. "Aren't you happy now? Here?"

"What? Yes!" I exclaimed, snapping my head up to look into his eyes. The possibility that the way I'd acted through all of this could have made him think I didn't truly love him made my heart race with panic. He couldn't possibly think that he wasn't enough for me. In truth, he was so much more than I deserved. "God, of course I am, Edward. I'm sorry. Please. I didn't mean to make you—"

"No, Bella, I'm not doubting your feelings for me," he soothed me with his voice and his hands as they cupped my face. "I'm just saying that you're happy with your life at this point. So don't regret what's brought you here."

"I know. I know you're right," I sighed, relieved and comforted by his words. I slid my hands up to gently hold on to his wrists as I looked deeply into his eyes. "You and your family? I never thought I'd have something like that, never thought I could be a part of something so special. I used to think that kind of love only existed in fiction, in fairy tales, like it wasn't physically possible to love someone like that in real life."

I turned my face to kiss the palm of his hand before nuzzling my cheek into it, looking down on him with all the love I felt.

"But I was wrong. Because I love you more than I could ever say, more than I can even comprehend. I am so lucky to have found that, and I feel selfish for wanting more, for being upset over losing her when I've gained more than I'd ever imagined was possible."

"One doesn't affect the other, Bella," he insisted softly, trailing his fingers down my face to tuck me back in beside him. "They're totally different things. Its not like love has a limit and you can only have so much of it before you're done."

"That's something you've taught me. I never knew I was capable of feeling so much until I found you."

"I hate that you've had to deal with so much pain in your life, but as much as I wish you hadn't had to go through that, I won't regret that I can't change it," he murmured, stroking a strand of my hair between his fingers. "If things had been different, your life might not have led you here, to me. And I can't be without you, Bella."

"Edward," I breathed, not knowing what else to say but his name.

He swallowed thickly. "I can't live in a world where you don't exist with me. I— fuck, I love you so much," he passionately whispered, catching me in his arms when I threw myself at him.

"I love you," I murmured as we held each other, breathing each other in.

Easing out of his hold, I felt resolved.

He was right. I'd needed this. I'd needed to swim through the pain to get through to the other side. The journey was long and difficult, but I felt stronger having survived it and come out relatively unscathed.

I didn't need to cling to him, because he wasn't going anywhere. I didn't need to chase him, because he'd never turn away from me. I didn't need to shield myself from him, because he'd never hurt me.

She'd left. She'd turned away from me. She'd hurt me.

But he never would.

I already knew that I loved him, but after this, I realized something else.

Edward was my rock. My refuge.

Even more so than the ice had ever been. Because he was real, and like the ice, he wasn't going anywhere. He'd always be there.

With that realization, I gained the confidence that I could surpass any obstacle that came my way, no matter how disastrous it might seem.

He made me see my own strength, made me realize that needing to fall apart didn't make me weak, just human. Strength came from standing back up, and moving forward, like I knew I would.

"I'm not going to linger over it this time," I promised, to him and to myself. "She made her choice, Lauren and Phil can have her. I don't want any part of it anymore."

"She's the one missing out, Bella. Not you."

"I know that. And now I just feel sorry for her. Because she'll never have what I have."

"And what is that?" he asked with pleasant curiosity.

"I have you. I have a family. I have a chance for happiness. All she has is bitterness and resentment. Even if Lauren wins her a Gold medal; she'll still be empty and searching," I explained, finally realizing that there was nothing I could have ever done to satisfy her. And that wasn't my fault. It wasn't that there was something wrong with me. It was _her_ shortcoming.

"Even if she and that husband of hers make it work, it'll never be even close to what I've found with you," I said, laying my hand over his heart.

"I can't believe she didn't tell you about that," he scoffed with disbelief. "Phil. Even with all the other stuff, how do you not tell your own child you're getting remarried?"

"That's— I don't even care about that," I shook my head, backing away to sit up again, the thought of Phil quickly destroying the quiet contentment I'd felt only a moment ago. "That's not what upsets me about it."

"What does upset you, then?" he asked, folding his hands behind his head as he continued to lay, giving me my space.

"It's just, for my entire life, since she and Charlie got divorced at least, she's had flings," I said. "I hardly even met any of them, but I knew they were there. She was so fickle with men. One would catch her interest for awhile, she'd throw herself into the...I don't even know what to call it because they weren't relationships in any way, shape or form. She'd screw around with one for awhile before the next shiny new toy caught her eye."

"That's gotta be tough," he offered, "having to watch that as a kid. It couldn't have been a very stable environment."

"It was hard, and part of why I had so much trouble in the beginning wrapping my head around what a healthy relationship entailed," I admitted. "The point is, I figured that's exactly what this thing with Phil was to her. They were just screwing around and after a few weeks it would be over and he'd be gone."

I sighed, scrubbing my hands over my face before I continued.

"That's why I was okay with calling her again after what she did, because I figured _he_ was out of the picture and not even a factor anymore. But he's her fucking husband now," I exclaimed, suddenly furious again over the whole thing. "She married the _disgusting_, just, _ugh_, I don't even have a word vile enough to describe him, but she married him. After what he did to me!"

Like an avalanche, the words spilled out of my mouth without thought, unable to stop myself or hold back anymore. "It was bad enough that she believed him over me at the time, but I figured it was like a sex haze or something ridiculous like that that would make her want to cling to him. And she wasn't very happy with me, so maybe she knew how much it would hurt me that she'd actually think I— that he—. Fuck. God, I just feel nauseous even thinking about it," I said, sickly rubbing at my stomach as I tried to gain control of my breathing.

"What are you talking about, Bella?" Edward said quietly, dangerously. The dark tone of his voice instantly gaining my attention. I looked over to see he'd sat up and was perfectly still, his brow knit and his jaw clenched tightly.

"What?"

"You said what he did to me," he gritted out. "What did he do to you?"

I closed my eyes and swore under my breath when I realized my slip.

"What the fuck are you talking about, Bella?" he demanded. He sounded panicked, desperate, because of me. "Did he...did he touch you?"

I couldn't possibly lie to him. Not only would he know right away, but I knew it was wrong to keep it hidden. It was unfair to him, and unhealthy for me.

So I looked seriously into his eyes and whispered, "Yes."

"Jesus," he gasped out, looking like he was in physical pain as he ripped his hands through his hair. "What— _When_? What the hell happened? What did he—"

"It wasn't serious, Edward," I said, immediately trying to soothe the growing panic I saw in his eyes. "It's not like he sexually assaulted me or anything like that. He totally creeped me out, but honestly it's nothing to get so upset about."

"Let me be the judge of that, alright?" he asked, looking only slightly calmer as he reached out to take my hands. "Tell me. Everything this time."

"It happened the day before Renee and I had our final showdown. You remember how you came into the rink that morning? You said Alice and Esme had told you I'd been acting weird the night before. "

He nodded, and I could tell how hard he was trying to be patient for me to get around to the point, though his fingers were shaking in mine.

"Well, that afternoon at practice before the game, I finally snapped at Phil. He'd been hounding me since the moment he set foot on the ice with me. He'd always yell at me, tell me I was screwing up, but would never try and help me fix anything. Like a coach is supposed to do. I just couldn't take it anymore. He made me feel so incompetent," I sighed, remembering the frustration and helplessness of those days.

"So for once, I yelled back and told him as much. I'm not sure how I expected him to react, but I was still surprised when he was so calm. He got this weird look on his face and called me over to him. We'd been working on my spread eagle." I swallowed deeply and tightly squeezed Edward's hands, deciding the easiest way was just to tear it off, like a band-aid, and be done with it. Once and for all.

"He stepped behind me and put his hands on my thighs. He felt me up under the guise of assisting me. Then it wasn't a guise anymore. He pressed himself against me and put his mouth up to my ear while he told me about how we should have sex so he could compare how I was to my mother," I said without emotion, ignoring the strangled sound coming from Edward's mouth to finish it off.

"I-I pushed him away and left the ice. I was planning on just walking out, but Renee was there, asking where I thought I was going. I told her what happened, said I wanted him gone and that I wouldn't train with him again. She didn't believe me. She called him over and he lied, saying I'd come on to him instead of the other way around."

"And she believed him," he stated, not even needing to pose it as a question.

"Yeah," I nodded sadly.

Edward's hands left mine then and I finally looked back at him, only to find him practically vaulting off the bed to pace the floor. He had the look of a caged tiger, wild and dangerous, fighting against its restraints. I could do nothing but sit there with wide eyes. I'd never seen him so uncontrolled, so enraged, not even when face to face with Jacob Black. That had been nothing compared to what I was seeing now.

It's like he'd forgotten everything around him, completely swept up in whatever was going through his mind, and I ached to do what he had done for me, to throw him a lifeline and draw him back in, to make sure he never had to feel like this ever again.

Then, without warning, he let out a fierce roar as his arm snapped out to violently punch the wall beside him, the suddenness coupled with the loud noise making me flinch and bite down on a cry.

He leaned his head against the wall, just above the small dent he'd made, and laid his tight fists against it over his head. His arm partially blocked his face, but I could see that his eyes were clenched tightly closed, and though he was still, he hadn't calmed at all.

His knuckles were bleeding from where they'd hit the wall, and I wanted to go to him, to ease his pain and hold him, but I didn't know if I'd be welcome in that moment.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

His shoulders tensed for a moment, then slumped as he lowered his arms and backed away from the wall, looking up at me with eyes that were lost. "Bella," he breathed, quickly crossing back over to curl himself back beside me, desperately folding me into his arms.

"Shit. Baby, no. God, I'm so sorry," he rasped, running his hands up and down my arms as he leaned back to look into my eyes. "I'm not mad at you. I'm sorry I scared you like that. I just- Fuck, I just. I feel so fucking helpless. I can't stand the thought you being hurt like that. You must have been so scared," he whispered, reaching up to brush his thumbs over the apples of my cheeks.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. He was your coach. You should have been able to trust him and he took advantage of you. I'm so proud of you for standing up to him," he said seriously, the fire in his eyes settling into kindling warmth.

"You are?"

"Yes," he said. "That couldn't have been easy. I-I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I remember what you were like during those two weeks. I didn't see you a whole lot in that time, and that's something I'll always regret. But what I did see was different than the girl I'd known before Renee showed up. It was almost like an eclipse. Like she came in as this big, dark object trying to smother out all your light, to beat it back down and keep it hidden," he described. "You know the thing she never realized?"

"What?" I asked quietly.

"Even at its darkest point, an eclipse can't completely block out the light. You can still tell that the sun is there, just waiting for its chance to shine again."

I smiled genuinely for the first time all day, and leaned forward to kiss him, the softness of our embrace acting as a soothing balm that erased the pain of the day. Here, nothing could touch us.

"Don't you ever keep something like that from me. Ever," he said, his voice firm but loving as his forehead pressed against mine. "Do you hear me?"

I nodded, my head still against his. "I promise."

After weathering the storm we'd finally found our way back to solid ground, and despite the fact that it had been an emotionally exhausting day, I felt energized that we'd come out so much stronger on the other side.

He let me tend to his torn knuckles and gave me his crooked grin when I kissed them lightly. Then he tried to tuck me into bed, snuggled close beside him. But I had other intentions.

"Bella," he protested half-heartedly against my lips as I tried to draw him under with my kiss. "You should rest. We don't have to—"

"I want to, Edward. I want to be with you. Where it's just you and me and nothing else. Escape with me and love me," I pleaded, stroking my fingers over his chest beneath his t-shirt before pushing it up over his head.

"Always," he whispered, caressing my face. "I'll always love you. Only you. You're everything."

He kissed me again, and I quickly became lost as we stripped each other, kissing and touching with soft, loving hands. My lips feathered over his jaw and down to press against his pulse and he groaned.

"Isabella," he whispered, and I paused, caught off guard.

"What?" he asked when he noticed my stillness.

"Why did you call me that?" I asked curiously.

"What? It's your name," he said, lightly kissing across my collarbone in an attempt to lure me back in again.

"You've never called me that before," I pressed.

He sighed and pulled his lips from my skin, leaning back to brush my hair behind my ear and eyed me patiently. "No, I suppose I haven't. Is it a problem?

"I don't like it," I confessed.

"Why?"

"Because it's not who I am when I'm with you," I insisted, fanning my fingers over his jaw. "Everyone else knows me as Isabella. She always called me that. It's who I am on the ice, in the public eye. With you I'm just Bella. Your Bella."

"You'll always be my Bella," he vowed, leaning back in to kiss me again. "No matter what."

His hands danced over my skin and our legs tangled together, my mind rapidly growing hazy in the best possible way as I became lost to his touch.

"You know," he whispered against my skin. "Isabella's a good name. I bet I can get you to change your mind about it. If you give me a chance."

I hummed as his tongue swept across my neck, not entirely sure what he was getting at.

"I love the way you taste, Isabella," he murmured a moment before fastening his lips to mine, passionately kissing me until I thought I would combust.

"I love the way I feel when you kiss me, Isabella," he whispered, pressing one final soft, lingering kiss against my lips.

"Edward," I sighed

"I love the sound of your voice when you say my name. When you talk in your sleep and mumble 'I love you,' Isabella," he said, watching my eyes and adorably smirking when I blushed.

"I love the way you smile, Isabella," he murmured, brushing his thumb over my curved lips.

"I love your humor and playfulness, Isabella," he gently tickled me and grinned when I laughed, before his eyes grew serious again as he placed his hands over my heart.

"I love your beauty, both inside and out, Isabella," he whispered, with such intensity in his eyes and his voice that I felt like I couldn't breathe. "I love your determination, Isabella. I love your strength, Isabella."

He leaned in and brushed his lips softly over mine as my eyes fluttered closed.

"Isabella?"

"Yes?" I whispered, unable to move, so entranced in his spell.

"You're everything. And I love you. You're so much more than enough, Isabella. My Bella."

I opened my eyes to find his right in front of me, shining with such love and devotion that they overwhelmed me. I wove my hands into his hair and brought his lips to mine as I whispered, "I love you."

Moments later he joined with me, and I'd never felt more welcome, more whole, more wanted, just for being me.

x-x-x

The morning after my meltdown, I'd expected to awaken feeling achy and worn down from both the physical and emotional onslaught from the previous day.

Instead, I felt purged, renewed. It was as if every hurt had been erased, every ghost exorcised throughout the night in Edward's arms.

I was letting go. Completely this time.

Though I'd tried to put it behind me when she'd left Minnesota, I hadn't been able to cut the strings completely. I'd still harbored the hope that it could be different. Now? I knew she wouldn't change. Even if she did someday, I couldn't ever trust her. And you can't have love without trust.

Renee had made her choice for herself. Now I'd made mine. Instead of passively accepting what was, based on her actions, I was making the choice to live for myself, to cherish the people I loved and who loved me back. To stop holding out for the one thing that had always dragged me down.

Instead of mourning the loss, I would to embrace the gain. I had Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper and Alice.

Though I didn't have Renee, I had Esme, and she'd been more of a mother to me in the past few months than Renee ever had.

And I had Edward. The love we shared was something I couldn't have ever dreamed up for myself, it was too huge and precious to have even imagined.

Most of all, I had myself.

After so many months of fumbling my way in this new chapter of my life like a newborn calf, I was finally standing tall. Shining bright, as Marcus had put it.

I knew now that I was worth something. I mattered. I was enough.

I was enough for Edward and the rest of the Cullens, but more importantly, I was enough for _me_. And nothing—no one—would make me feel differently ever again.

**x-x-x**

**A/N:**

**I'm a little scared, but very eager to hear from you after this one. So…leave me your thoughts, and in return I'll send you a tease.**

**It's a bit tougher to recap this one…but I'd hate for you to forget about Marcus, because I really loved him this chapter, and of course the locker room lemontimes…because that was just SOOO fun to write. ;)**

**The FGB auction ended last night. Huge thanks to KrisCullen and Rolonzo for organizing the team. Team TTI raised $1,000 for the kids, and that generosity just blows me away. Thank you so much for helping with such a wonderful cause. As a nod to this...I'm adding a bonus scene. **

**Now...I NEED YOUR IDEAS! KC's said she's gotten a couple suggestions, but I'd really love to hear from as many of you as possible. This is your chance to hear from Hockeyward. What do you want to see? A missing scene? An alternate POV of one that's already happened? A future shot? Do you have a photo prompt? Throw them at me! When we've gotten enough, I'll try to put some sort of poll together in hopes of coming up with a couple options that will make everyone happy. E-mail your ideas to teamttiyahoo(dot)com**

**Polyvore on the profile.**


	17. Chapter 17: Find Your Way Back

**A/N: A lot of technical stuff in this one guys. I research as much as I can but there is definitely a dash of artistic license.**

**Big thanks to FanpireMama and Caren. You ladies take my words and make them shine. I heart you both.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created the characters, the story is mine. Copyright 2010: BellaMarie117**

**x-x-x**

Starting that very day, I picked myself up, brushed myself off, and moved forward with a renewed spirit. I was finished hesitating, finished waiting, finished hiding. It was time to step up to the plate and meet the challenges in front of me. Marcus had been slightly skeptical at first when I'd called him that afternoon to meet and talk about my statement, likely worried that I was rushing into it based on hurt feelings. His concerns were quickly squashed when he saw how set I was with my decisions and how truly ready I was to make them.

So, he, Esme and I had sat down and completed my registration for the two Grand Prix competitions I'd been assigned by USFSA. The first would take place in Paris in mid-October; only three months away. That alone was enough to light a fire under me. With that deadline looming, we'd drafted my statement for the press and released it a few days later.

It didn't take long for the news to spread. Within hours it was being mentioned on ESPN as well as a number of online news forums.

Alice sent me an e-mail with six different links she'd found online. I could only bring myself to click on one to read the article.

_The United States is used to having a star in the ladies' figure skating field, especially headed into an Olympic year._

_Reigning U.S. champion Lauren Mallory performed poorly at the 2009 World Championships, finishing in a disappointing 11th place. Emily Young and Victoria Thomas have had shining moments but lack the consistency needed to carry off two successful programs when placed under pressure. After a disappointing season of lackluster performances, it appeared that the reign of American women on that particular Olympic podium was destined to come to an end and attention has turned to the international field in search for the next big thing._

_The home team is receiving just the jump-start it needs heading into the countdown to Vancouver._

_Representatives for Isabella Swan have announced that the U.S. champion and Olympic silver medalist is indeed set for a comeback this season, with every intention of making a bid for her second Olympic Team. Swan was taken out of competition last fall due to a knee injury and essentially fell off the grid for a number of months. She resurfaced in March, photographed in her new home base of St. Paul, Minnesota with NHL hockey player and Minnesota Wild Captain, Edward Cullen. The Ice Princess and Hockey Star have been rumored to be romantically linked, though no formal confirmation has been made._

_With no word about any plans to return to competition, there was speculation that the skater would retire, especially after the more recent news of a split from her mother and career-long manager, Renee Dwyer, previously Swan. In June of this year, she became Renee Dwyer when she married Phil Dwyer, a notable coach in the sport, and that wasn't the only change. The newlyweds, who had been rumored to be working with Isabella Swan on her comeback, abruptly announced that they'd be hitching their wagons to rival skater, Lauren Mallory._

_Neither side has offered any comment as to the circumstances of the split._

_According to Swan's camp, the skater is in good form to compete, back to training five days a week in her new home base of St. Paul, Minnesota, and looking better than ever. Her first scheduled competition coincides with the kick off of the Grand Prix series at the Trophee Eric Bompard in Paris this October, followed up by an appearance in Lake Placid in November at Skate America._

_Perhaps the most intriguing tidbit among the minimal facts given is that Swan is working on her own choreography, assisted by coach, Marcus Baker. No information yet as to what songs she has selected, but perhaps more information will become available at the end of the month when she attends the USFSA press weekend at Champs Camp in Colorado Springs, CO. Until then, figure skating fans everywhere can only hope Swan's up to the challenge._

All in all, the article said nothing that I hadn't expected, though the comment that Renee and Lauren were keeping quiet was a little surprising. Maybe Renee really thought I was just going to slink away and lick my wounds rather than continue on without her. We'd see how long the silence lasted once she caught wind of my statement.

As anticipated, the press was in a frenzy to hear more than just the few basic facts we'd given. We'd held off on having me do any interviews right up front, instead keeping my focus on training and doing what I needed to get done in order to be ready for October.

During those first two weeks following my announcement, life went on not much differently than it had been. I was devoted to my training and had started in on the choreography for my short program with a vengeance. Marcus hadn't given any arguments against using _España__ Cani_, and that alone gave me the confidence I needed to give it everything I had.

I told him about getting back on the ice that day after he and Esme had left, how I'd tried to work on my Axel alone. To say he was unhappy was an understatement. I'd gotten a twenty-minute lecture on how dangerous it had been and how lucky I was to have walked away with only a very colorful spattering of bruises across my body. Once he'd received my promise that I'd never do something like that again, he promised in return that he'd do everything he could to help me get the jump if it was what I really wanted. That very day we started devoting a small chunk of every afternoon specifically working on it.

After the announcement, I found that I was more easily recognized on the streets, but not to the extent that I couldn't still go out and do things on my own. There were no paparazzi hounding me, or cameras thrust in my face. This fact made me continually grateful to have chosen Minnesota as my new home; I knew that was part of why my life remained fairly quiet and uninterrupted.

Although I had been given a reprieve on the hounding, the media had still come calling. It seemed as if I was suddenly back in high demand. Requests for interviews were coming in left and right. Endorsement offers, invitations for various events and appearances—both on the ice and off. There were opportunities everywhere I looked to get my name back out there.

Because of the response, we'd eventually had to set up a separate line for business purposes. We had thought it would be helpful to offer Esme a way to set the new influx of requests aside so she wasn't constantly fielding calls.

Esme was a blessing. I'd always known her to be kind and loving, but she had a completely different side to her that came out when dealing with business. She was smart, strategic, and unafraid to say no. With so much coming in, that ability proved to be useful. I hated the idea of turning away opportunities, but just the thought of having so much to do while still keeping up my training was exhausting. Esme helped me narrow down my options, to pick and choose what would work best.

Saying 'no' was difficult at first, after so many years of saying 'yes' to everything that had come my way, but once I got over my fears, it was somewhat empowering. I finally had the power to dictate my own choices. I could still be a part of this world without having to engage in every extra sideshow that went along with it. So, despite the fact that the money would have been nice—having no other source of income—I turned down endorsement offers, the guest appearances, and the shows that wanted me to skate.

And guess what? The world didn't end.

Still, publicity was a part of the sport at the level I was competing, and it would be silly to deny that. Which was why, two weeks after my announcement, I was buried deep within my closet, looking for a shirt as I attempted to pack. I'd be heading out the next morning for Champs Camp in Colorado Springs, followed by a few days in Los Angeles to get started with the media circuit. While Vancouver was still months down the road, promotions were already in the works and everyone was gearing up.

"Hey, could you go grab the laundry basket from the kitchen for me?" I called from deep in the far corner of my closet, the garments making my voice sound muffled, even to my ears.

I didn't hear a response right away, but I saw socked feet appear in the doorway a few moments later before an armful of hangers were shoved down the pole, revealing Edward standing there with an amused smile as he found me crouching in the corner, flipping through garments.

"What was that? I'm sorry; I couldn't quite hear you smothered in t-shirts. Jesus, you've got a lot of crap in here," he chuckled, shoving back the mass again as it tried to creep its way back down the rail.

"It's your sister's fault," I complained, finally finding the shirt I'd been searching for and pulling it off the hanger. "I didn't used to have this much. Before I moved here I could pack my entire wardrobe into three average sized suitcases."

"I believe you. The woman's a menace with a credit card," he muttered, moving forward into the small enclosure and placing his palms flat on the wall on either side of my head before dipping his head for a kiss. "Were you asking something?"

"Yeah...could you go grab me...the laundry basket...that's sitting out...on the kitchen counter?" I asked between pecking kisses before I finally just clamped my hand over his lips in order to get the rest of my request out. "I forgot to grab it earlier and I need some stuff out of it."

"I suppose," he sighed, dropping his hands heavily to his sides. "Seeing as I already had to get up from my comfy spot to come see what you wanted."

"Hey, you didn't have to come over," I reminded him as I followed him out of the closet. "I told you what I was doing tonight. The least you can do is be helpful if you're going to lay on my bed and be all distracting."

"Distracting, huh?" he turned back to me with a smug grin as he backed me up against the closet door and lowered his mouth to mine once more.

"Very," I murmured against his lips. "_V__ery_distracting."

"If you ask me, I haven't been doing a very good job," he said, trailing soft kisses over my neck and along my jaw as my eyes fluttered closed and I felt myself giving in. "You're still packing."

_Right. Packing. Focus, Bella. Do not let the sexiness throw you off task._

Oh, who the hell was I kidding? I was more than willing to be distracted from the mundane chore that also meant I was leaving him for a week. I wouldn't have been fighting him off at all if not for one thing. And that was exactly why I shoved him roughly away before he could completely sweep me off my feet and forget about everything but the quickest way to undo the snaps on his button fly jeans.

"Troublemaker," I chided him affectionately as he grinned without an ounce of remorse. I stepped over to him again and rubbed my fingers over his jaw, wanting to get my fill of sweet, casual touches before I had to leave the next day and go for a torturous amount of time without them.

"You like it," he insisted.

"If I didn't know that your mother would be knocking at my door at any given moment now, I might have a little tougher time trying to resist you. As it is…" I faded off, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to his lips. "Laundry basket. Please?"

Esme and I had planned for her to come by so that we could go over some final prep for the weekend, particularly the interview portion. She'd been working on compiling a list of sample questions that I'd likely be asked so we could prepare for the best way to navigate them. She'd be joining me in Colorado and LA, but wouldn't be flying out with me in the morning. Some appointments were keeping her behind and she'd be taking a later flight out the following evening since she wouldn't be required at the opening festivities.

"Never let me have any fun," he groaned, pouting at me as he headed out the door and down the hallway.

"I'll remember you said that," I called out after him as I moved over to my sock drawer, plucking out items to toss into my bag. "So next time we're in bed together, I don't want any complaining when I just roll over and start snoring. You know, being the boring old killjoy that—"

My sentence cut off with a squeal as I felt myself plucked up unexpectedly. He threw me down on the bed before quickly tackling me, pinning my body down with his legs as he attacked my ribs with his relentless fingers. He didn't stop until I was gasping for breath and begging for mercy. Even then, he didn't, only moving to lie more firmly on top of me. His mouth fastened to mine as his hands found their way under my shirt, his hips pressing forward until I could feel the hardness straining against his jeans.

As much as I wanted to wrap my arms around him and beg him to keep going, I knew I couldn't.

His lips journeyed over my neck, his tongue lapping at the tender spot below my jaw. I whimpered as his hand cupped my breast beneath my shirt and his teeth scraped against my skin.

_Well...maybe just for a minute..._

"I take it back. You're lots of fun," he rasped. "You'd be even _more_ fun if you just locked my mom out and forgot about packing."

"Edward," I sighed, only half-heartedly trying to push him away. "I really need to get this done. I'm not going to have time tomorrow."

"You're finally catching on, Swan. If you can't pack, you can't leave. Then we can stay right here for days. I imagine we could have a _lot_ of fun together," he said, punctuating his words with a roll of his hips against mine.

"You know what? You're right. It would be fun," I gasped, forcefully kissing him for a moment as my fingers tangled in his hair. Then I tugged, pulling his face back an inch or two. His lips were still puckered and slightly swollen and it took all my resolve not to just let go of his head and allow him to devour me. Instead I lifted my brow and said, to him and myself, "Not gonna happen."

"I could always tie you down and make you stay. That could be fun too," he said with a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows.

I smacked at his shoulder.

"Very supportive," I droned with heavy sarcasm.

"Guess that's not happening either, huh? Fine," he sighed, rolling off me to flop on his back in the middle of the bed. "Go. Pack. I'll behave."

"Edward," I crooned sympathetically, scooting up to sit beside him and rest my hand over his heart. "It's only a few days."

My reassurance sounded weak, even to me. It didn't matter if it was two days or seven—or that we'd been apart for days at a time on more than one occasion in the past; it was still going to suck. This one still seemed more daunting—to me, for sure and apparently, him as well.

"Yeah, and then I'll be gone right after that," he mumbled, picking my hand up between his to carefully trace over the creases in my palm. "I know you have to go, and I one-hundred-percent support you. I'm just gonna miss you."

"I'll miss you, too," I murmured, stretching out next to him and nuzzling my face into his neck. I curled my arm and leg over his body, all thoughts of packing and prepping pushed to the side, as my only focus became Edward and soaking up every moment we had together.

Two weeks, with only one night between them to see each other. I'd been dreading it since I'd first found out it was how our schedules had lined up. Only one day after returning from LA, Edward would be flying out to Colorado Springs, to the exact same place I'd be spending the upcoming weekend, at Team USA headquarters.

We'd found out just after the whole Renee debacle that Edward's name was on the list of possible players for the US team for Vancouver. It had been just the kind of news we'd needed to push all the drama to the back burner. He'd been amped when he'd gotten his invitation to be a part of the try-out process, and his excitement fed mine. Emmett and Jasper had jumped at the chance to put in some quality hours at the rink to help him prepare. Though they'd been keeping up in the gym and spending at least a few hours out on the ice, he threw himself back into training to have the best shot he could at making it.

Selection for the Olympic hockey team was apparently a more complicated process than it was in figure skating. For us, the top two finishers in each section at Nationals made the team. For them, the process had started months ago, with the coaches and Team USA committee narrowing down their options to about seventy players from all over the league who would be invited to this one week of try outs. According to Edward, this week was more of a formality than anything. He explained that they would have been studying video on all of them for months and that they'd already have their choices pretty well set before any of them even touched down in Colorado.

Still, I couldn't help but be thrilled for him to have the opportunity and I took it on as my personal duty to encourage him about it as often as I could.

"You know, if you weren't so good at hockey, they wouldn't even be considering you for Team USA and you wouldn't have to go anywhere," I teased as my heart filled with pride for him.

"I could say the same to you, Swan. Guess it sucks that we're both just such amazingly talented individuals, huh?" he said dryly, bumping against my hip.

"You said it, Mr. Modesty, not me. Are you excited?" I asked, shifting to rest my chin on top of my folded arms on his chest.

"Yeah. I mean, I don't know if it'll actually lead to anything, but just the try-outs themselves should be a cool experience," he said, twisting a strand of my hair through his fingers.

"What's that kind of talk?" I asked with a frown. "You're a great hockey player, why wouldn't it lead to anything?"

"Just being realistic," he shrugged. "I know going in that I'm not in the top tier of candidates for the team. I'll go, give it everything I have, but I'm not going to be devastated if I don't make it this time around. Besides, hockey isn't like figure skating," he teased, flicking his index finger down the slope of my nose. "They actually let you play past the age of twenty-five, so there's always a shot at it next time. And if not? That's cool too. It'd be awesome to get to represent my country and everything, but playing at the Olympics was never my ultimate dream."

"What _is_ your ultimate dream?" I asked curiously.

"For hockey? I suppose it's the same as everyone else's in the league," he sighed, smoothing the curl he'd been twisting. "To win the cup. But not everyone does. In fact, most people don't."

"You're so… I don't know. You surprise me when you say things like that," I admitted as I sat back to study his face. "I see you out there on the ice. You have such drive. You're obviously competitive and you'd have to be in order to have made it to the level you're at. But then you say things like that, and… It's just so… _balanced," _I said with a laugh, deciding it was the best word I could think of to describe his laid back attitude. "Care to share your secrets, Zen master?"

"What?" he asked in an amused voice. "Does it weird you out that I'm not prepared to off myself every time I lose a game or something?"

"No, I guess I just figured it'd shake you up a bit more. Sometimes it seems like it's not a big deal to you at all," I said before I realized how insulting it sounded. Smacking my forehead, I tried to quickly recover. "Gah, I didn't mean it like that. I'm not trying to sound critical, I'm sorry," I rushed out, soothed by his growing smile as he sat up next to me.

"I didn't take it that way," he assured me, taking my hands in his. He seemed to ponder his words for a minute before speaking again, "I mean, yeah, it's a big deal, sure. But winning isn't everything to me. Hockey? It's something I'm good at and something I really love to do. It's important to me, but it's not _the_ most important thing to me. It'd be great to play in the Olympics and I'd love to win a Stanley Cup Championship, but if neither of those things ever happen? I'll still consider myself pretty damn lucky to have been able to do something I love. And there are a lot of other great things I'll still have in my life, even if I never played another game."

I slipped my hands from his and moved over to settle into his lap. His arms automatically wrapped around me, securing me to his torso as his nose edged the hair away from my neck so he could kiss the bare column of skin. Hearing him talk like that made me understand better how he felt when I criticized or downplayed my own skating. I hated to think about him having any doubts about himself when it was so clear to me that he was truly amazing, both as an athlete and as a person. He'd told me once that I didn't see myself very clearly, and maybe that was true to some extent, but I'd never imagined that he could have moments where _he_ didn't see _himself_ clearly.

"It's still pretty awesome that you get to go try-out," I pressed, nudging against his elbow.

"Yeah, it kinda is," he gave in, smiling. I could practically feel the excitement radiating from him. "I was looking over the try-out roster and it's a good group. It'll be fun to get to play _with _some of them instead of against them for once."

"Too bad Jacob Black's not invited. You guys could have gotten over your differences and become besties!" I teased, giggling when he snorted in response. I turned my head to look back at him and smirk. "You're just doing one big happy dance inside over that one, aren't you?"

"Bella," he sighed patiently. "That would be completely juvenile. Of course I am."

"Could you imagine if we both made it?" I sighed, snuggling back against his chest. "You know the bloodhounds are going to ask me about it in all these interviews, right? The world loves nothing more than a good love story. Unless it's a scandal. Aren't I lucky? I get to have both!" I exclaimed sarcastically, rolling my eyes a bit.

"You gonna be okay?" he asked seriously.

"Yeah, it'll be fine," I shrugged. "Nothing I haven't been through before, right? Just a few interviews, some photo shoots, and I'll be back in no time."

"No, not about that. You said Lauren might be there?"

"Yes," I agreed, not bothering to downplay the significance of that when he could so easily read me. "Which means Renee probably will be, too."

"Phil?"

"He'll be there, but the coaches have a completely different agenda," I explained. "I won't even see Marcus, so I'm not concerned about running into him."

"Bel—" he began.

I softly cut him off,

"Nothing's going to happen, Edward."

"But—"

"I'm serious," I said, turning my head to look into his eyes and reassure him that everything would be alright. "With how much security will be around, even if I did see him it's not like anything could happen. Try not to worry so much, okay?"

He studied me for another moment before he nodded. "So, what about Renee? If you see her?"

"I'm just—" I sighed, turning in his lap and wrapping my arms around him. His hands fell to settle on my hips as I continued, "I'm trying not to think about it too much, if you want the truth. I know it'll be difficult seeing her for the first time, no matter when it happens. As much as I wish it wasn't, as much as I'm trying to just put it all behind me, it still hurts and it's still hard. But I _will_ deal with it and I'm not going to let her affect my decisions or actions in any way. Especially not by hiding out here. That's why I have to go. This is my... well, it's my job, really if you think about it. And this is all a part of that job. I'm not going to let her hold me back from doing what I need to do."

"Pretty sweet job if you ask me. Sports Illustrated interviews and Coca-Cola commercials."

"What can I say, Cullen? I live a charmed life," I joked.

"Just don't forget about us little people back here in the sticks."

"Please," I snorted unattractively, placing my hands on his shoulders and pushing him back to lay flat on the mattress. I stroked my hands up over his arms before linking our fingers above his head. I leaned down to nip playfully at the tip of his nose before rolling my hips against his. "I know for a fact that there's nothing little about you."

"Now who's being distracting?" he grinned before raising his head enough to capture my lips. Our lips brushed and tongues met in a playful give and take, and just as he rolled us over to try and deepen it, a knock sounded at the front door.

He groaned and instantly pulled away to flop back on the bed, dejected by the interruption. "Cockblocked by my own mother. It's payback I tell you, for every moment of stress I put her through when I was a moody thirteen year old."

"Moody? You?" I teased as I smoothed my clothes and ran a hand over my hair to make sure it wasn't too wild from his exploring fingers.

"Very funny, Swan," he muttered, his mouth turned up in a self-effacing smirk as he stood and offered me his hand to help me up so we could go let Esme in.

The three of us stood around chatting for a few minutes before Edward said he should head out so we could get to work.

"Where are you off to?" Esme asked.

"Just gonna hang out for a bit while you guys do your thing."

"If you're looking for something to do, your father's been requesting your presence. Again," she informed him, affectionately rolling her eyes.

"Aw, not more diagrams. Mom," he whined as I tried to bite back a giggle. It was moments like this where it was so easy to see exactly what he must have been like as a moody thirteen year old.

"Indulge him, dear. It's not every day he gets to pretend he's Herb Brooks," Esme pleaded, patting him softly on the cheek.

"Yes it is. He's been doing it since I was five," Edward complained, rolling his eyes.

"You poor child. How much you've suffered," she returned in a dry voice.

"Whatever, Mom," he shook her off before shooting her a mischievous grin. "I'm gonna go tell him you're dying to hear all about his theory on the best way to approach a faceoff in the home zone. See how you like it."

"Don't you dare, Edward Anthony Cullen," she gasped in horror. "I swear if I never have to see another drawing of a hockey rink scribbled out on a paper towel, it'll be too soon." She turned to me and said, "I've had nightmares for _years_ about those diagrams. The x's, the o's, the arrows...they're a thing of terror after twenty-three years. I'd put money down that this one'll be just as bad when he's got little ones of his own."

"And on that note," Edward interjected, clearing his throat awkwardly. "I'll leave you ladies to it."

He stepped over to pull me into his arms and kiss my temple. "Give me a call when you're done, okay?"

"Yeah, I'll see you later. Have fun with the x's and o's. Make sure you remind him that it's never a good idea to take the puck right up the center."

"Mmm, I love it when you talk hockey strategies," he groaned, leaning in to give me a soft kiss. "You, I could diagram with all day."

"Mother. Still in the room," Esme spoke up from her spot behind us. I blushed and buried my face in his chest while Edward chuckled and held me just a little tighter, continuing to joke with his mom.

"Like you and Dad haven't been borderline offensive in front of me for my entire life."

"Go on, get outta here," she waved him off.

He raised my chin to give me a final parting kiss, muttering that he'd see me later—if he survived—before he made his way out.

After the door closed behind him, Esme turned to me. "Ready to get to work?" she asked cheerfully.

"If we have to," I sighed, leading her back to my room so we could chat while I finished packing.

Two hours later I was completely packed and well versed in proper interview responses, though my stomach still clenched at the thought of being faced with a few of them. It had been so long since I'd last had to sit down with the press, and the prospect of a full week of doing so was a bit daunting. Luckily, I'd have Esme there with me for nearly all of it and she seemed to be confident that everything would go smoothly.

After we finished, she bid me goodnight and headed home, leaving me with my flight information and a packet to look over in case I had any questions. She'd only be a few hours behind me, arriving after the welcome dinner the following evening.

I spent a few minutes reading over the itinerary while I waited for Edward, but once he got back to my apartment, I set it all aside to enjoy the evening in his company with no distractions.

**x-x-x**

The next morning we loaded my bags into Edward's car and he drove me to the airport. On the short drive to the terminal, my mind began to race and my stomach churned with anxiety. I was _really_ leaving. Not for long by any means, and not for good, but I was leaving. I hadn't set foot out of the state since my arrival back in January, apart from those few days in Chicago, and somehow it suddenly seemed like a big deal.

What if things were different now? What if I didn't fit in like I used to? What if I was only pretending I still had a place there? I'd changed so much over the past few months, and while I still loved to skate and was completely passionate about it in training, what if it wouldn't stand up when I was once again confronted with the less desirable aspects of the competitive figure skating world? The people, the gossip, the tension, the mind games, the constant sizing each other up. I had a headache just thinking about it.

I remembered Alice's words from awhile back, about how coming to Minnesota had been like arriving in Oz. Despite the fact that we'd all given her a hard time for coming up with it, the symbolism fit.

"You're kinda quiet over there," Edward interrupted my thoughts. I looked around to see he'd pulled into the short-term parking lot and had already shut the car off. He was facing me with a look of mild concern, his hand settling on my knee, his thumb rubbing soothing circles across my thigh. "Everything alright?"

"Just thinking, I guess," I murmured, placing my hand over his to trace the wavy bumps of his knuckles.

"'Bout what?"

"I haven't really been away since I moved here. I know I went with Alice and Rose to see your game in Chicago, but that was so different and all of you were still there. This time...I don't know. It feels different, like I'm actually leaving, going back to my old life or something. Just odd to think about, I guess," I said quietly.

He nodded back in understanding, leaning in to press a kiss to my forehead before we got out of the car. He held my hand as we made our way through the skyway and across to the security checkpoint.

We stepped off to the side so we could say our goodbyes without being bumped and battered by the hustling crowd.

He folded me into his arms and held me close. I clung to him, already feeling anxious at the thought of leaving him. My thoughts again drifted back to Alice's words.

"You remember that night when Alice put that video together of my old clips and stuff, and she had that metaphor about the Wizard of Oz?"

"Yeah."

"Well, it really works if you think about it, but it's like...opposite somehow of what everyone would expect it to be," I said in a questioning voice as I tried to explain myself.

"How so?"

"My life before moving here was a circus. Everyone thinks the life of a figure skater is so glitzy and glamorous, and in some ways it can be, but for me... I don't know how to explain it," I sighed. "It's like, after coming here and learning so much about what life has to offer outside of skating, that world seems so empty, colorless. It should be the other way around, like 'normal' life is boring and gray, like Kansas, and the celebrity side is this colorful dream world that so few people ever get the chance of experiencing. But for me, _this_ place is my dream world, where life is full of color. I feel like getting on that plane and going back is almost like waking up."

I laughed at myself as my own words registered. "That sounds so melodramatic. I really am excited to compete again and I don't even mind this part of it so much now that I'm not being forced into it. I'm just going to miss my Oz."

"You can have both, you know," he said, his fingers playing with the hem of my shirt, occasionally brushing against the soft skin at the small of my back. "You told me before that the world knows you as Isabella Swan, and that while here, you're just Bella? But they're both you. Isabella... Bella, _you_ have a place in both those worlds. That alone means they can coexist."

"You really are pretty smart," I giggled, squeezing him tighter. He always knew exactly what to say to make me feel better.

"I keep telling you, Swan and you just don't believe me," he sighed dramatically. I chuckled lightly, nuzzling into his chest a little deeper.

"Scarecrow?"

"Yes, Dorothy?" he asked in an amused voice, playing along with me.

I leaned back to look into his eyes as I whispered, "I think I'll miss you most of all."

He shook his head at me affectionately before leaning in to rub his nose against mine. "Text me when you land, will you? So I know you got there safely?"

"Yes sir," I said, attempting a salute, but only managing to bash my fingers on the brim of the baseball hat on my head. The same one he'd left with me on one of the occasions we'd stood in this very spot, in opposite roles.

He chuckled, gently kissing my fingers where I'd bumped them. He tapped the curve of the brim and asked, "You leaving this with me this time?"

"Not a chance," I replied, backing a step away and playfully clamping the hat down with my arms. "You're never getting this back, Cullen."

"As long as I get you back, I won't complain," he said.

I threw myself back at him, my arms wrapping around him. "Six days," I whispered like a promise. "Less than a week."

"A hundred and forty-six hours."

I burst out laughing at the pair of us. "God, Edward, you're just as bad as me. When did we get to be so sappy?"

"I don't mind if you don't," he shrugged, rubbing his hands up and down my back. "Just keep it on the down low. Wouldn't be very good for my rep. Not very intimidating to be known as a soft-hearted hockey player."

"Your secret's safe with me," I promised, kissing the spot on his chest where my cheek had been resting before looking up at him. "I've really gotta go. They're gonna start boarding soon."

"'Kay," he whispered, dipping his chin to kiss me. "I love you."

"Love you too."

I indulged in one last kiss, my lips lingering over his as long as possible before I pushed myself away, backing out of his reach. Giving him a small smile, I lifted my hand in a wave that he mirrored back to me without saying a word. I was grateful he seemed to understand the fact that I didn't want to say goodbye. Because no matter how weird it felt to be back at the airport and physically leaving, my heart would stay behind in Minnesota with Edward, and I'd be back with both of them soon.

Once I'd boarded the plane, I popped in my ear buds and looked out the window, zoning out everything around me as the rest of the passengers took their places.

I thought about what Edward had said about merging my two worlds together, and realized that in a way, I already had. It may have felt like they were miles apart, but really, they both lived so close together inside of me. The glammed-up skater, the fierce competitor and the plain, normal girl. They were all me, and they didn't have to fight each other, each had plenty of room to live and to grow. Acknowledging that, I felt much more at ease as the plane tore down the runway, taking me away from home.

The trip was short and before I knew it, the landing gear had come down and the pilot was giving his final remarks. I took my time gathering up my things, not as rushed to deboard the plane as some of my fellow traveling companions. I fought my rolling suitcase down from the overhead compartment and made my way off, and strolled leisurely through the terminal.

Since I didn't have anything scheduled until later that evening when all of the invited skaters would meet up for a welcoming dinner, I considered dropping my things at the hotel and going out. Thinking that maybe I could take a walk around town to pass the time. I was pretty familiar with the area. Renee and I had settled in Boulder—just about two hours north of Colorado Springs—for a couple of years around the last Olympics. That was until she'd eventually gotten bored—as she always did, and had hauled us down to Florida.

Colorado Springs was the headquarters for the US Olympic Committee, so I'd had reason to visit on a number of occasions, but I hadn't spent much time actually enjoying it. So, why not get out and about before I was trapped in conference and hotel rooms for the remainder of the week?

My tentative plans were foiled as soon as I came close the baggage claim and saw what was waiting. Paparazzi. Not a lot, but enough to make a quiet exit impossible. I should have known they'd be there. The media was well aware of what was going on that weekend and that the biggest names in US figure skating would be in town. Still, seeing them waiting there was a shock. Thankfully I'd been observant enough to catch on before I walked right into the swarm.

Bracing myself, I dug inside my purse, slipped on my dark sunglasses and sent a quick text to Esme to make sure I was at the right door where the driver she'd hired to meet me would be waiting. My phone beeped a moment later, confirming he was there and waiting for me. _Time to head into the lion's den._

I double-checked to make sure my hat was pulled low on my head, drawing comfort and strength from that small symbol of Edward being with me. Holding tight to my bags, I stepped through the doors and out into the fray.

It was instantaneous. As soon as they recognized me, the flashes began going off rapidly. They would have been blinding had the lenses on my sunglasses not been as dark as they were. Shouts of my name and questions that I couldn't understand for how much they talked over each other rang through my ears and made me want to turn around and head straight back to Minnesota.

But I wouldn't turn. I wouldn't hide. I wouldn't cower. Maybe it's what I would have done three months ago, but not now, no matter how tempting the thought was.

I straightened my shoulders and kept an even steady pace as I walked by, acknowledging them with a polite smile. Any sign of fear and they'd only grow more aggressive in their attack.

I caught sight of the driver waiting for me at the curb with the door to a black SUV already open. He relieved me of my bags and shut the door firmly behind me once I'd crawled inside, immediately cutting off the sound into a muffled drone. Leaning my head back on the seat, I blew out the breath I'd been holding since I'd stepped outside.

_Welcome back to Kansas._

Pulling my phone out again, I sent a text to Edward to let him know I'd arrived, not bothering to mention my welcome wagon.

I laughed at myself a little when I realized my fingers were shaking, though I couldn't help but feel a little bit proud. Maybe it was a small step, but I'd managed on my own. I hadn't been prepared to be confronted with the press so immediately, but I'd dealt with it just fine, shakes and all. Now that I'd gotten past that initial encounter, it wouldn't be so difficult again. I'd be able to block them out next time without even a hitch in my stride.

Though I felt better, I knew I wasn't up for wandering the streets of Colorado Springs on my own if there was a chance of cameras following my steps. I didn't let it get me down, instead taking advantage of the hotel's gym to do some running and stretching, followed by a few indulgent laps in the indoor swimming pool. Both had been nearly empty, though I did spot a couple guys from the men's section who would be at the dinner that night.

By the time I was finished, I had about an hour and a half left before I had to be down in the hotel ballroom for dinner.

Plopping on the bed, I flipped through the packet of information Esme had sent along with me. I found the list of expected attendees and skimmed it over. I recognized many of the names, though some were unfamiliar, having cropped up during my season off.

The weekend was for all the top American figure skaters, not just the ladies circle. There were representatives from the men's side, pairs, as well as ice dancers. Essentially anyone who had medaled at a Grand Prix event over the past two years, or finished in the top ten at World's was invited. That meant thirty-four athletes would be attending, all skaters who stood a chance at making it to Vancouver. While it was possible that some underdog would make a good showing in the qualifying rounds, it was unlikely that a skater who wasn't invited to Champs Camp ended up on the Olympic team.

In addition to myself, there were five other ladies expected to attend, and of course Lauren Mallory was one of them.

Like I had told Edward, I was prepared for the likelihood that she'd be there and that, by default, Renee would be as well. No way would she let Lauren handle the press on her own. I didn't know exactly how I'd react if I did run into her, but I knew there was no way I'd be breaking down again. She'd had enough of my tears to last a lifetime.

For that night at least, I could relax my guard just a little. The opening dinner and closing brunch were for athletes only. No coaches, no managers, just skaters.

I swept my hair back and dressed in heels, a pencil skirt and a cap-sleeved blouse. As I swiped my lashes with a little mascara and slicked my lips with gloss, I had to laugh at how easy it was to slip back into the reserved veneer I'd always worn in these types of situations. Like an old pair of shoes that had been waiting in my closet for the chance to be taken out and shown off again.

The veneer still fit, but it was no longer comfortable. I wasn't satisfied anymore being this soft-spoken individual who always lived apart from those around her. Having spent so much time feeling so _comfortable_ with the people around me, it was weird to make the shift back, but necessary. It was a different atmosphere here. One where I knew if I let my guard down I'd be burned for it. So I tried not to regret the need for it as I grabbed my purse and stepped out into the hall. This entire weekend called for a game face just as much as the competitions would, and would likely be just as exhausting.

I made my way through the hotel and down to the ballroom, flashing my ID to the security guard at the door checking people in. The room was already milling with people, many of whom I knew, but very few that I actually wished to speak to. So, I opted to head to the bar first and grab a drink, though I decided to stick to the non-alcoholic route. I breathed a sigh of relief when a quick survey of the room told me that Lauren hadn't arrived, if she was indeed planning on coming.

All the other ladies were there, two of the younger ones sticking close together and giggling in the corner. They looked nervous and out of place, something they'd learn with time to hide a bit better, though the feelings would likely never disappear entirely. I still felt that way more often than not.

"Oh my God, did you hear that Ralph Lauren is designing the wardrobe for the team this year? My gosh, like there wasn't incentive enough to want on. Now I might just die a little bit if I don't make it and get all that gorgeous American Sportswear," I heard a familiar voice gushing beside me as he approached the bar. I couldn't help but smile. _Finally_, someone I could at least stand to hold a conversation with.

"Don't you ever get tired of mooching the free goods, Yorkie?" I asked with a wry smile as I turned around to find Eric Yorkie, one of the top men's singles skaters in the country.

He was twenty-three and on the shorter side. If he didn't spend so much time in the gym and training, he'd easily be skinny as a rail and likely had been throughout most of his childhood. His ink black hair was cut in what he'd referred to as an 'avant-garde' style, buzzed on the sides with long bangs down the center that swept over his forehead. As always, he was dressed to impress in a shiny metallic blazer and slacks that had a faint glittering pinstripe to the fabric.

Eric had always been flamboyant, and was about as gay as one could get. At the Torino Olympics, he'd actually taken it upon himself to go around 'enhancing' all the teams' rooms in the Village with frilly decorative accents, insisting that no one could possibly be expected to focus in such dull accommodations. The snowboarders especially hadn't quite appreciated his aesthetic.

While we'd never really been friends, he was one of the few people I could remember having some good times with at skating events and functions in the past. The fact that we'd never be in direct competition made it a bit easier to get along.

"Little Swan!" he exclaimed, whipping around and catching me up in an enthusiastic hug. The man was small, but unexpectedly strong. He could land a quad like it was nobody's business. "It's about time you showed up. The straight boys have been missing your pretty face."

"All two of them?" I chuckled. "What, you couldn't convert them over with your dashing good looks?"

"You wouldn't think it'd be so hard," he argued with feigned insult. "I mean they're already halfway there with incorporating sequins into their wardrobes."

"Saw you at Nationals back in January. You did great out there," I said.

"Thanks, doll. Ladies field wasn't the same without you and those legendary legs."

"Thanks," I stammered, blushing a bit at the implied compliment.

"So, bum knee took you down?" he asked, settling in next to me as he leaned an elbow on the bar and sipped his cocktail.

"Yeah. Torn ACL."

"Ouch," he winced in sympathy.

"Tell me about it."

"Well, it's good to have you back," he said, clinking his glass against mine. "Spice up the competition up bit. I swear half the ladies trying to make it to the 'Couve don't know a camel from a sit-spin."

"I can honestly say it's good to be back," I said, relaxing a bit as I realized how much I meant it. "Little weird, but good."

"Yeah, I heard you and your mom went splitsville. Gotta be tough."

"I've been bumping along okay on my own," I shrugged.

"Better than okay from what I hear. A little bird told me you're on your own programs this season."

"What birds have you been talking to?" I lifted a questioning brow at him.

"You know I can't reveal my sources," he said evasively before excitedly asking,

"So it's true?"

I chuckled and nodded. "Yeah, that one's true."

"Epic. I'll make sure to get front row seats. You at Cup of China this season?" he asked.

"No, Bompard and Skate America," I said, filling him in on my Grand Prix assignments.

"Aw," he snapped his fingers in disappointment. "Well, we've got one match up at least."

"You know who else is doing what yet?" I asked.

"Maybe," he said coyly before linking his arm around mine and pulling me away from the bar.

Eric and I hung by the sidelines as he filled me in on the latest gossip, all those little behind-the-scenes secrets that no one outside the inner circle ever found out about...at least not if their managers did a good job keeping it under wraps. Eric was a treasure trove of information and more than happy to share all the tidbits he'd collected from who was sleeping with whom off the ice, to who was doing what on the ice.

Occasionally we were approached by others from the group, all eager to say hello and welcome me back, some genuinely, some with a little too much enthusiasm to be considered sincere.

It was so odd to be back again in the presence of all these people. It felt like a century had passed since the last time I'd interacted with any of them, and at the same time, like no time had gone by at all.

It was still mostly the same faces, the same conversations full of the same excitement about the upcoming season and the same subtle probing for information on what everyone else was up to. Though it may not have been obvious to the casual observer, it was clear for me to see that everyone in that room was scoping out the competition, no matter how hard they tried to hide it. It was a well known fact that only two women, two men, two pairs, two dance teams, would end up on the final roster and the unasked question going through everyone's mind was: _Who'll it be? _

Eventually everyone found their spots at the tables. Another glance around the room confirmed the fact that Lauren hadn't shown. It wasn't really all that surprising. Based on what I remembered about her, Lauren had never been one to play nice. She'd likely show up for the press part of the weekend and skip all the rest. The Committee Chairman gave a welcome, talking about a weekend of team building and forging friendships within the community while the lot of us tried not to roll our eyes.

Administrators were so blind. They could talk all they wanted about everyone getting along, but the fact was, it was impossible to have tight friendships with your competitors at this level. How could you be a true friend to someone you were trying with all your might to beat? You couldn't support the girl next to you and honestly wish her luck when she was going for the exact same prize you were aiming for and there could only be one winner. So you could be acquaintances, you could be polite and civilized, but you couldn't be friends.

I'd been lucky enough to have been seated with Eric, and with his hilariously catty commentary, dinner passed quickly, and was more entertaining than I'd have expected.

After plates had been cleared and the scheduled part of the evening was over with, I stayed in the ballroom to mingle and make small talk—just long enough to be considered polite—before slipping away. I could be a team-player when I had to, but I didn't want to stay for hours, faking smiles and well wishes for the upcoming season, wondering just how many of those seemingly friendly girls were hoping I'd break an ankle or dislocate a shoulder in order to give them a better shot at making the team.

I just wanted to go back to my room and call Edward, to be reminded that this atmosphere wasn't my entire life, that he was still back home waiting for me, like he'd promised.

I was already hitting his number on my speed dial when I put the key card in the hotel room door, but I was stopped from pressing send when I stepped inside to find that Esme had arrived sometime while I'd been downstairs.

"Hey, how long have you been here?"

"Oh, just got in a few minutes ago," she sighed as she crouched to plug in her phone charger, her suitcase laying open on the bed. "The plane was full so it took some time to get off and through the terminal. You look pretty," she said as she stood and gave me a once over.

"Thanks," I stammered, always a little thrown by her casual compliments. They always seemed so different coming from her than they did from Edward. "Maybe you can tell Alice that I'm actually capable of decently dressing myself. I think she almost gave herself a stroke holding herself back from digging through my suitcase to approve what I had packed before I left."

"That's my girl," she said with a proud grin as she continued to pull out items from her suitcase and settle in. "Such a micro-manager. Always has been."

"Really?" I asked, taking a seat on the edge of the bed I'd claimed earlier for myself.

"Yeah. She's been making lists from the time she learned to write. And before that she just had me write them for her."

"Aww, she must have been so cute," I said, pulling off my heels to give my feet some relief.

"Can I tell you a secret?" she asked and I nodded. "She was a pain in the ass," she sat across from me as we both giggled. "Imagine a three year old trying to boss you around all the time. Lord knows she was the source of many headaches, but even so, she could always make me smile."

Our laughter faded and I glanced up at Esme to see she was studying me intently, likely thinking about a different set of mother and daughter.

"Any encounters yet?" she asked.

I didn't pretend to misunderstand her question. "Nope. Lauren didn't even show to the dinner."

"Well, from the information I could get, your schedules are very different for the remainder of the weekend. You may not see them at all," she offered.

"I should be so lucky," I sighed before shrugging it off. "I'm not going to go out of my way to hide or anything. If I see either of them, I'll deal with it."

"Yes, you will," she said, moving over to take a seat on the bed beside me, taking my hand in hers. "I have to say, Bella, after working with you these past few weeks? I'm very proud of you."

"For what?" I asked, looking up at her.

"It's not an easy thing to move on from," she said, running her fingers through my hair in a way that came so naturally to her, "feeling like you've been tossed aside by a parent. No one's expecting you to just forget about what happened or move on a the drop of a hat."

"I don't know if it'd be possible to forget, or that I'd even want to. At first I did," I admitted quietly. "I wanted to forget that she ever existed, because it seemed like she'd forgotten about me. But it's not possible. As long as I'm a part of this," I said with an encompassing gesture, indicating our current situation, "I can't avoid them. As much as I'm dreading seeing her again, I know that eventually it'll have to happen. If not this weekend, then at one of the competitions. And if I'm not seeing her, I'll be hearing about her or asked about her. I can't just pretend that she's disappeared or that she never existed. And she can try, but she'll never be able to completely forget about me either. She'll always be a major part of what got me to this point in my life, and for that, I can't wish for it to be different. Because I've never been so happy as I have been these last few months. Even at my lowest points, my life's been better than it ever was," I explained. "And I finally feel like I'm a person that _I _can be proud of."

She smiled at me and said, "That's for what. You have so much to offer, Bella. I'm so glad you're finally realizing just how much."

"I'm the one who should be thanking _you_," I insisted. "You and your family, Rose, Jasper. I'm very blessed to have had all of you come into my life."

"Believe me, sweetheart, the feeling's completely mutual," she said, pulling me into a warm hug.

We talked a little more about how the day had gone. I told her about the paparazzi at the airport and she made a note to be better prepared for that in the future with how much travel would be coming up for me. She briefly ran down what was in store for the next day, and I told her about the people who had been at the dinner and how weird it had been to be back.

She listened as I opened up about how I felt like I had to put up a front in this environment and play a specific part, and when I finished, she smiled at me and handed me my phone.

"Sounds like you need a little taste of home," she said. I took it gratefully, stepping out on to the balcony to call Edward.

"Hey beautiful," he answered after only one ring, and that's all it took. The veneer disappeared, and I didn't have to fake the smile on my face as I had throughout the evening. I was just Edward's Bella again.

**x-x-x**

The next day was a constant stream of information. Seminars were offered one right after another on dealing with the media, sports psychology and a thorough run down on the inner workings of the current points system. We were lectured on anti-doping and the importance of paying attention to our nutrition and physical health. Olympic spokespeople talked about policies and procedures until I thought my ears would bleed. They meant well, trying to enable each of us to set high goals for ourselves over the upcoming season and giving us the tools and information we'd need to achieve them, but I just couldn't concentrate.

For most of the day, I felt like I was in a Peanuts cartoon where the teacher mumbles incoherent nonsense. I'd heard it all before and while I suppose it was useful to have a refresher, a big part of me wished I'd come a day late and skipped all the boring stuff.

It appeared that someone had gone that route. Lauren still hadn't shown her face, though I wasn't so naive as to let my guard down yet. The following day would be the media marathon and there was no way Renee would let her miss such a big opportunity to get her name out there.

That evening there were a series of team building activities as well as motivational speeches for all of the athletes by Dorothy Hamill and Peter Carruthers, both past Olympic medalists. Once again, I stuck around for all the scheduled events, and even found myself able to relax and chat a bit more with a few of the skaters. But, as soon as I could slip away, I took full advantage of seeking out the privacy of my hotel room balcony and calling Edward to check in.

Saturday was the true test. The entire day was scheduled somewhat like a decathlon and would require every bit as much endurance. Media day.

When we arrived at the Olympic Training Center, Esme stopped off to check in with the association reps to finalize my schedule while I headed into hair and make-up, downing coffee as some woman wound my hair into gigantic rollers and dabbed at the tired bags under my eyes with concealer. I passed the time by texting back and forth with Edward and Alice, enjoying the casual chatter and the connection they offered to the real world.

I eventually bid my farewells, telling them I'd check in later that night, before powering down my cell phone and psyching myself up for the day.

There were so many different things to get done and everyone was at a different stage at any given time. Managers and USOC reps kept everything running smoothly, shuffling us all from station to station, we had minimal interaction with any other skaters in an effort to keep everyone's head on straight.

Different rooms had different reporters from various newspapers, magazines, and TV stations, like a press junket. Another suite was set up with a photographer to take headshots and promotional photos for the upcoming ad campaigns NBC would be launching with everyone decked out in Vancouver '10 gear.

By early afternoon, I was ready for a nap. My head was throbbing from all the constant noise and from having to answer the same exact questions over and over again, and it wasn't over yet. I had one last interview to get through before I was due down at the rink for a video shoot, followed by my turn with the team doctor for a pre-participation physical. All I wanted to do was go back to my room and find my bed.

Esme nudged me before we walked into the room where the final interviewer was waiting and palmed me a couple aspirin that I downed quickly after giving her a grateful smile.

When I entered the room, I internally groaned and wished she'd given me more than two.

Sitting in the chair was Jane Saunders, a reporter known for being particularly tough. She'd earned a nasty reputation for taking quotes out of context in order to provide her own spin and constantly trying to put words in your mouth or trick you into saying exactly what she wanted to write about. Up to that point in my interviews, I'd been pretty lucky. Most questions had revolved around my time away, my injury, and what I'd been doing to come back from it with a heavy emphasis on the interest in my dive into the choreography pool. There'd been the occasional mention of Lauren, Phil, and of course, Renee, but not as much as I'd been anticipating.

It appeared my luck had come to an end.

We got started with the normal questions: What was it like to come back after a season off? How was I recovering from my injury? Did I ever think about retiring? Why did I choose to come back for another round?

I'd expected her to shift focus to Renee, but she completely threw me off by going in the opposite direction, asking about my move to Minnesota, and then bringing up Edward. Thus far, no one else had touched on that subject and I'd grown complacent, figuring it wasn't an issue up for much discussion. It took me a moment to get my head wrapped around the line of questioning.

"You've been romantically linked with NHL Hockey Player, Edward Cullen, who we've just learned is also vying for a slot in Vancouver. Love at the Olympic Village this February?" she asked with a false smile.

"Yeah, who knows? A lot can happen in six months, and there're still a lot of steps between now and then, but it's exciting to think about."

"Hockey players and figure skaters have been stereotyped to have a bit of a rivalry, is that the case with the two of you?"

She was so obvious, attempting to pull drama out of thin air, like a white rabbit from her hat. "No, not at all. Being out on the ice is something that we both love, and it's great to have that common interest. Hockey and skating may be two very different branches, but they stem from the same tree."

"What are your thoughts on his upcoming try-out?"

"I'm very excited for him," I said with a genuine smile. "It's a great opportunity and one he's earned. He's a great athlete and our country would be lucky to have him representing us in February."

"Should one of you make it to the Olympics this year and the other not, how do you think that would affect your relationship?" she inquired. My teeth wanted to clench when I saw the glint in her eye, eager for me to make the slightest slip up and say anything that could be construed as jealousy. I'd need to navigate carefully.

"Edward and I are very supportive of each other's careers and aspirations. I respect him as a fellow athlete and he's been very encouraging to me as well. If one of us doesn't make it, it'll certainly be a disappointment, but he and I don't compete in the same circles, so I don't see it having an effect whatsoever."

"You don't think there'd be jealousy on either end?"

"No, I don't," I said and left it at that. She could attempt to speculate all she wanted. I didn't need to justify what I knew in my heart or share the details of such a personal relationship.

"Isabella Swan became a household name with the past Olympics and Edward Cullen is well known in the Hockey world. Is the celebrity a factor in your relationship at all?"

"I wouldn't consider us a celebrity couple, not in the slightest," I said honestly. The very thought was laughable. Brangelina, we were not. "We're two normal people who just happen to have jobs that drop us in the public eye from time to time. For the most part, we're able to have very quiet lives."

"Sources say you've grown very close to his family since you moved to Minnesota, is that true?"

"Yes, that's true," I said slowly, knowing she had to be going somewhere with this.

"A replacement for your own family, perhaps?"

And there it was.

I saw the fury light in Esme's eyes from where she stood over Jane's shoulder, back behind the camera. I gave her a miniscule shake of my head to restrain her from stepping in and ending the interview. It would only look worse if I stopped it now.

"They're completely separate relationships that don't have any bearing on one another."

"But you did fire your mother, is that correct?"

"I terminated a professional arrangement with my manager when we could no longer see eye to eye."

"And how did that feel?"

"It was a necessary move. If a skater and a manager aren't on the same page, it's never going to lead to success. In the end, figure skating is a solo sport and I need to be making the right choices for me when it concerns my own health and well being."

"What events led up to the split?"

I considered my next words carefully, but quickly. Any sign of hesitation or pause that lasted a moment too long made it look like you were trying to hide and would only fan the flames. "It was a cumulative decision. When I was injured, I was forced to evaluate what would work best in order to move forward and continue. That was one of the changes that needed to be made."

"How did you take the news that she'd moved on to work with Lauren Mallory?"

"She needed to do what was right for her, just as I made my own decisions about what was right for me."

"Lauren's teamed up with your previous manager, coach, and choreographer. No bad blood over the idea that she's stepping into your spot?"

"Different skaters have separate styles and methods for training. Lauren and I are very different skaters. What didn't work for me could very well work for her. I'm happy with my current team and how my training is going. I can only focus on my own skating and what I can control. Hopefully that will be enough to earn me a slot in Vancouver."

Esme made a signal to wrap things up and I nearly slumped over in relief when I saw the red light shut off on the camera, but I couldn't relax yet, not until I could find a private spot away from watching eyes in order to take a breath and regroup. We gave our appreciation and said our goodbyes before stepping out into the hallway.

Where we came face-to-face with Lauren Mallory.

She was taller than me by a few inches, falsely tanned to the brink of being orange, with bleach blonde hair and blue eyes. My opposite in every way, on and off the ice.

"Isabella Swan, fancy running into you here," she drawled with a sour expression. "I was sure you wouldn't make it."

I knew I should just turn away and keep walking. Rule number one of backstage survival—never engage with the enemy. But I couldn't just walk away and let her think she intimidated me in any way.

"Whatever would give you that idea, Lauren?" I asked with a saccharine smile. What do they always say? Kill 'em with kindness.

"I just figured you were smart enough to know when to call it quits and end this whole comeback charade. Guess not," she said snidely, cocking one over-plucked eyebrow at me.

"Only someone very stupid or very insecure underestimates their competition, Lauren. Didn't your manager tell you that?"

"You're no threat to me. You and your little rag-tag band of misfits trying to pretend like you still have a shot. You're over, Swan. Everyone knows it and they're all laughing at the fact that you're still here," she sneered, attempting to sound cool and confident, but I could hear the note of desperation to her tone. She wasn't happy to see me there, but not for the reasons she'd stated. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, I was a threat, and she wasn't seasoned enough to realize that the more energy she spent thinking about beating me, the less likely it was to happen.

"Guess we'll find out, won't we? Good luck this season, Lauren," I offered, holding my hand out in a polite gesture. "Believe me when I say you're going to need it."

"I don't need anything from you, Swan," she hissed, smacking my hand away. Though I knew it was juvenile, I couldn't stop myself from lunging at the opening she'd left me with.

"Really?" I asked with a sly smile. "How are you enjoying my sloppy seconds, Lauren?"

"Lauren!" I heard Renee's voice call out from around the corner. It was the same snappy tone I'd heard my own name called out in thousands of times. Somehow it still made me cringe a bit, even when it wasn't me she was beckoning. Luckily Lauren was too busy rolling her eyes to notice my miniscule flinch.

She turned back to me with a haughty expression, looking down her nose at me as she said, "See you out on the ice, Swan. If you make it that far."

"Don't worry," I answered coolly. "I'll be there."

She turned on her heel and flounced away, turning the corner where I could immediately hear low voices arguing in harsh tones. Esme and I went in the opposite direction, making a pit stop to grab some water and a granola bar before stepping outside to walk the short distance to the arena.

"How are you holding up?" she asked when we were finally alone.

"I'm good," I answered honestly. The battles of the day had been taxing, but I'd come out victorious on the other side. I felt energized, confident, ready to face the next challenge.

"You did really well in that last interview. I wanted to pull out that reporter's hair extensions at a few of those questions," Esme confessed in a low whisper, making me laugh. She had a tough streak under all that sweetness and warmth.

"Yeah, she's one of the vultures. I was sorta expecting it. So I didn't totally botch it up, say something that's going to come back to haunt me?"

"Not at all. You handled her questions with poise and grace. She'll come off sounding like an inconsiderate bitch. Speaking of bitches. That Mallory girl? If she was my daughter...I can't even finish that sentence," she said, shaking her head in disgust. "I never would have raised someone so vile and petty."

"I should have just ignored her, walked away," I acknowledged. "It was stupid to engage, but I just couldn't help myself."

"Hey, you won't hear me giving any lectures," Esme said as she grabbed the door handle, pulling it open so we could step into the arena. "You ask me, she got off easy."

"I don't know about that. She's stuck with Renee in her ear every day."

"That's true," she sighed. "What goes around comes around, I suppose."

"What happened to forgiveness? Taking the higher road?"

"Doesn't mean you have to be a pushover. You stood up for yourself. There's nothing wrong with that," she said, shooting me a wink as we approached our next destination. "Let's get this over with so we can go grab a soak in the hot tub. I don't know about you, but I'm ready to go decompress for a bit."

**x-x-x**

The rest of the weekend passed quickly and with little drama. I didn't see Lauren again and I never once caught sight of Renee, nor did I hear her voice, though I kept on my guard at all times.

On the final day in Colorado, USFSA held a brunch for all of the athletes who had taken time away from their training to make an appearance. Once again, Lauren never showed. Her absence allowed me to relax and enjoy the time with my fellow skaters, away from the competitive field.

The atmosphere was more laid back as the weekend came to a close. While conversation still always revolved around skating, there was an attitude of support that hadn't been there at the start. Everyone in the room was in the same boat, devoting insane hours to training, putting their bodies through the ringer on a daily basis, finalizing their programs, dealing with the upswing in media attention as the season drew closer. For just a few hours, everyone seemed to be able to take out their competitive teeth and commiserate as peers with the only people who could understand exactly what each other was going through. It left me feeling light and optimistic and ready to power through the rest of the week.

Esme and I met up with Marcus before heading to the airport to check in and chat about how things had gone. He hopped on a plane to head back to Minnesota while Esme and I went the opposite direction to California.

The days in Los Angeles were long. Though my schedule was packed and I was busy, the breaks between interviews and obligations dragged on endlessly. It was an odd cycle of time rushing past and then slowing to a crawl once again. Esme was a comfort to have around and the only thing keeping me going. Without her company, I might have thrown in the towel and gone home early, ready to be done with the distractions and back to my life.

Edward and I managed to talk at least once a day, even if only for a few minutes. Flirty text messages were filling up my inbox, along with sweet voicemails, but still I longed to be back with him, to be able to nuzzle into the curve of his neck and breathe him in, just because I could. The ache that filled me when we were apart might have concerned me, not wanting to grow so co-dependent on him, but I was still functioning fine. From the tone of his voice when we said goodbye every night, I knew it was just as difficult for him as it was for me to be apart.

I'd heard from Alice and Rose a few times as well. They'd asked me to send pictures from 'behind the scenes' at one of my photo shoots and were always excited to hear about what I'd been up to in my time away. With their help, I remembered that this really was an exciting time, and one I shouldn't be wishing past or simply 'getting through.' So, despite my homesickness, I tried to take it all in and enjoy where I was and what I was doing.

That made the days go by much quicker, and before I knew it, Esme and I were making our way through the check-in at LAX to head home.

For three hours, my knee incessantly bounced as I grew more and more anxious to see Edward. Esme was a saint, merely grinning at me and returning her attention to her book, like she knew there was nothing she could do to distract me.

By the time we got off the plane, I wanted to break into a sprint toward the baggage claim. Manners and common courtesy were the only things holding me back from shoving my way through the throngs of passengers blocking my path to him.

"Bella!" I heard his smooth, velvety voice call out, and my face broke out into a wide grin when I spotted Edward through a break in the crowd, waving at me with a matching smile. I couldn't run to him, hunkered down the weight of my bags and the mass of travelers between us. I groaned in frustration, just eager to be in his arms again when he was so close. Esme chuckled softly beside me, laying her hand on the tow bar of my suitcase and brushing mine aside.

"Go," she offered, waving me off.

"Es—" I tried to protest, not wanting to be rude and leave her with all the luggage.

She smiled at me warmly and placed a hand on my cheek. "I still remember what it was like to be young and in love, how even a day apart felt like forever. Just go."

I didn't hesitate another moment. Free of my restraints, I rushed through the crowd, slipping between moving bodies and leaping over bags in a display of agility that would have amazed me had I not been so entirely focused on reaching my goal.

Finally, _finally_, I was in front of him and I didn't waste another moment before throwing myself recklessly into his arms, confident that he was there to catch me.

His body shuddered against mine as he cradled my head to his shoulder and inhaled, just as I breathed him in. His familiar scent invaded my senses and all I could think was _home_. I was home.

We spent the evening alone back at my place, talking about our time apart, but mostly just enjoying the few hours we had back together before separating again.

The next day, it was my turn again to drop Edward at the airport and see him off.

When I got back to my apartment, I flopped down on my bed, plucking up the pillow he'd slept on the previous night and breathing in his scent that still lingered there. A folded piece of paper caught my eye where it laid on the sheets, having been hidden underneath the pillow. Unfolding it, I saw Edward's familiar scrawl, the written words bringing a smile to my face even as they brought tears to my eyes.

_Take care of my heart, I've left it with you. -E_

It was a little easier to be apart from him when I was the one staying behind, but only slightly. Marcus kept me busy at the rink and when I was home, Alice and Rose were around often, attempting to keep me distracted from moping around and missing him.

The truly depressing thing was, this was only the beginning. It was August, neither of our seasons had actually begun yet, and when they did, our time together would only become more limited. He'd be out of town more with games. If he made the team for the Olympics there'd be extra training and promotion. In October, I'd be in Paris for a week. In November, it'd be Cleveland. How many times would we have to see each other off over the next six months and spend lonely nights in separate beds? This was one negative to my career choice that I'd never before experienced, and it really sucked.

"Bells?" Rose's sharp voice broke me out of my musings, reminding me that I was supposed to be paying attention. She and Alice had come over for dinner and to start sketching out ideas for my costumes. I'd asked Alice if she'd lend me a hand with them once I'd returned from LA and she'd almost deafened me when she threw her arms around me and screeched in my hear with excitement.

I looked between the two of them to see they had matching expressions of mild irritation and amusement. "What?" I asked.

"You've got that look again," she said with a raised eyebrow.

"What look?"

"That depressed, moping look," Alice cut in from her spot on the floor, surrounded by swatches and colored pencils as she went back to shading in the lines she'd marked. "Like Claire when she found out Leo was banished from Verona. Edward'll be home in less than twenty-four hours."

"I know," I sighed, giving them an apologetic smile for being so distracted. "I was just thinking, I guess."

"We know," Rose said with an understanding smile. "Missing your Romeo."

"How have you guys done it?" I asked, curling my knees up and hugging them to my chest. "Been with Emmett and Jasper when they've traveled so much? Isn't it hard?"

"Of course it's hard," Rose admitted easily with a shrug. "I just try to remember that it's only for a short time and that we're strong enough to get through it."

"It takes a lot of work on both ends," Alice offered. "A lot of communication, and a lot of trust, but when you love someone so much, it's worth it."

"Besides, it makes it easier to appreciate the time you do have together," Rose said seriously before her lips quirked in a saucy grin. "Oh, and you'd be surprised at how far a little phone sex can go to break up the separation." She poked me in the ribs and bobbed her eyebrows.

"I don't know if I could do that," I protested, my palms growing slightly clammy at even the thought of attempting something like that. While I'd grown far more comfortable expressing myself sexually with Edward, I didn't think I was quite to _that_ comfort level.

"Yeah, I'm with you on that one, Bella," Alice said, making me feel a little relieved that I wasn't the only one how wasn't completely uninhibited. "Jazz and I tried a couple times and it was just weird. The reunion sex on the other hand? That's always something to look forward to."

My mind immediately went back to the one night Edward and I had shared together when I'd gotten home, the hours we'd spent in each other's arms, forgoing sleep in order to just be together, then flicking ahead to picture what it would be like the following night when he returned. Anticipation curled in my belly even as my cheeks flushed from how defined the images were. Definitely something to look forward to.

"I love it that you still blush when we talk about sex. Like you haven't been getting regular orgasms for the past two months," Rose smirked.

"Whatever," I muttered, only blushing deeper. "Jerks."

"How about we talk about something really important," Alice suggested, waving bits of fabric at me. "Like your costumes. Like we were supposed to be working on before you zoned out."

"Alright, alright, Alice," I relented, sitting forward in an effort to avoid zoning out again. "I promise I will pay attention. Dazzle me with your knowledge of sequins and chiffon."

For the next few hours, they did a good job of keeping my mind occupied. Alice really did have wonderful ideas about my costumes and she was extremely talented at transferring her visions to paper with the set of colored pencils she'd brought over.

I'd never really had a lot of say in my costumes in the past, nor had I really had much interest, but working with Alice, and having Rose there to offer up her opinions, was a blast. She'd done her homework, listening to the songs I'd selected over and over to get an idea for the feel of the music, trying to pick out what colors would fit the mood of each piece, then matching up the best shades of those hues to my own skin tone and coloring.

As the evening went on, I found myself getting more and more excited about the process and more invested in having a say. At first I'd figured I'd just let Alice take the reins and trust her to figure something out, but she really made it into a group effort, asking about what fabrics worked best, what was most important in terms of construction, what design elements would get in the way of my movements.

By the time we wrapped up for the night, we had a few good sketches laid out that I needed to think about and run by Esme for her opinion.

After they left, I got ready for bed, snuggling into Edward's jersey and flopping down on top of the covers. It was a cool enough night to shut off the air conditioning and open the windows a bit, but too warm to sleep under more than just the sheet. I probably would have been more comfortable sleeping in a tank top with how humid it was, but I couldn't bring myself to sleep in anything else.

Sleeping in his jersey was the closest I could get to feeling like I was wrapped in his broad arms, though even that was a cheap imitation. Only one more night alone, then I could have the real thing.

I grabbed my phone off the nightstand to call Edward and say goodnight. My stomach sank with disappointment when it went to voicemail. In my head, I tried to tell myself I'd see him the next evening when I went to pick him up at the airport, but we'd never gone a night apart without saying goodnight to each other. My mood was instantly glum again, and with no one around to judge me for it, I laid on top of my bed and wallowed in loneliness until finally, sleep overtook me.

My dreams were filled with Edward—his touch, his voice, his scent.

The warmth of his fingers feathering over my cheek felt so real, the sound of his voice whispering my name in my ear was so clear, that somewhere in the back of my sleep-addled mind, I wondered how I could possibly be dreaming.

"Bella," he whispered again, his warm breath tickling my cheek, followed by the scrape of his stubble. My eyes fluttered open to see that it really wasn't a dream after all. My fingers lifted involuntarily in an effort to make sure my mind wasn't playing tricks on me. When they connected with his face and he didn't disappear, I smiled and lazily caressed his jaw, reveling in the texture beneath my fingertips.

"You're here," I whispered, my voice still hoarse from sleep.

"I'm here," he smiled, curling his fingers around mine and leaning into my touch.

"What are you doing here?"

"Very warm welcome, Swan," he laughed. "I missed you, too."

"No," I shook my head, trying to clear it, still feeling a little slow from being so abruptly pulled from sleep. "I mean you weren't supposed to be back until tomorrow."

"I caught an earlier flight."

"But didn't you have stuff going on tomorrow? What ab—" My protests were stopped short as his lips met mine and his arms came around me, pulling me close to his chest as he laid down next to me.

"I couldn't spend another night without you in my arms," he murmured, his fingers dropping to splay out over my bare thigh as I draped myself over him, nuzzling into his neck and feeling completely content for the first time in a week. "There was nothing important going on tomorrow, just wrap up stuff. A bunch of the others were taking off early. I decided they had the right idea."

I didn't bother to argue with him further. It would be pointless when it was already done, and I couldn't deny that I was elated to have him back home again earlier than I'd been expecting. I burrowed into him and kissed his neck, unable to separate enough to lift my head to reach his lips. "I missed you so much."

He squeezed me tight and told me that he'd missed me too. We laid in silence for a number of minutes, simply basking in each other's physical presence.

His hand moved over my back and began to gradually trace the stiff appliqués on the back of the jersey, first over the large number, then following the lines of each individual letter where it was stitched on.

"What exactly are you wearing, Swan?" he asked, his voice filled with amusement that told me he'd already figured it out for himself.

"Oh, just my jammies," I said coyly.

"You always sleep in oversized hockey jerseys?"

"Not every night," I teased, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek.

He extracted himself from my hold to flick on the light on my bedside table, casting the room in a dim glow as he turned back to me. As he studied me, I took the time to study him, drinking in the sight of him after the drought. Finally our eyes met, and his were filled with desire as he reached out to trail a finger over the star that dotted the 'i', then swooped up to cross the 't' directly over my nipple. Though I couldn't feel his touch through the heavy patch, the knowledge alone of where his fingers were was enough to have my heart pounding.

"How long have you had this?" he asked, his eyes glued to my torso and the garment covering it.

"Awhile," I admitted, my voice too husky to be considered teasing.

"How long's awhile?" he probed, his hands drifting down to rest on the tops of my thighs and rub the hemline with his fingertips as he looked up at me.

"Last season," I said vaguely, not really eager to confess just how early on I'd picked it up.

"I'm not gonna let this go, Swan," he smirked, on to my game. He lowered his face to my neck, peppering soft kisses along the smooth column, lingering over the hollow at my throat. "Tell me?"

"That's not fair," I sighed, my eyes fluttering closed as his soft lips continued to brush persuasively across my skin. "Using your lips as coercion is foul play." Then his teeth gently clamped down at the curve of my neck, and my eyes flew open on a gasp. "Teeth too."

"I never said I fought fair," he said, gently running his tongue over the slight indents in my skin before pausing. "Now are you gonna talk or do I need to continue? I can go all night, baby," he added when I hesitated.

"Promise?" I whispered, my hips searching for his body and some source of friction. I managed to brush against him enough to determine just how aroused he was, despite his hard-to-get behavior.

"Fuck," he whispered harshly as his fingers dug into my thighs. His eyes clenched and he visibly swallowed, his lips slightly twitching as he appeared to be fighting for control over himself.

His hands slowly tightened and released around my legs in a captivating ebb and flow that drew me quickly under his spell. His green eyes sparkled in the dim light when he opened them and gazed upon me with desire, a look that made my heart feel like it would burst from my chest. With a ludicrous amount of restraint, he slowly pushed against me in one long even stroke, his stare never blinking from my face. I let out a soft, shuddering cry and attempted to arch myself to meet him, but he'd already retreated.

"Please, Bella?" he pleaded, leaning back to look into my eyes beseechingly, clearly determined to hold himself back until I talked.

"Before Valentine's Day," I gave in with a sigh, brushing my fingers through the bronze strands that fell over his brow. "Remember when you went on that long road trip?" I asked. He nodded and I continued, "I got it at the last home game before you left. I slept in it almost every night while you were gone those two weeks and it helped me miss you just a little less. It still does."

He was silent for a long moment, his eyes searching mine as his lips slowly curved into a crooked smile. "If I'm recalling correctly, that was almost a month before you asked me on our first date, Swan. Sleeping in a guy's hockey jersey isn't very friend-like behavior."

"Edward, I think we both know that you and I were _never_ just friends."

"Well_ I've_ known that," he smirked, curving his hand around my face to rub his thumb over my cheekbone. "When did you have that epiphany?"

"When I realized that I've been falling in love with you since that first day at the airport," I told him. "Since the first moment I looked into those amazing green eyes of yours by the baggage terminal. I was just too blind to see what was right in front of me the entire time."

"And you're seeing clearly now?" He grinned, lowering his lips to place a series of chaste kisses against mine.

"Crystal clear," I said, weaving my hands into his hair and holding him in place as I deepened our embrace.

"You know what I'd like to see?" he asked.

"What?"

"You in my jersey. Stand up and gimme a twirl, Beautiful."

"Are you serious?" I asked, my brow quirked in amusement, rolling my eyes when he only continued to look at me expectantly, twirling his finger.

I stood and turned a quick circle, attempting to drop back to the bed and into his arms.

"Not so fast," he protested, motioning for me to turn again. I complied, turning away from him as I stood beside the bed.

He gathered my hair in one hand, sweeping the mass of deep brown curls to fall over one shoulder so he could see the stitched letters without obstacle. Then he leaned in and kissed the top of my spine from where it peeked out from the collar.

"You look so sexy in my jersey, Baby," he groaned softly, his hands stroking over my covered arms until he reached the bare skin of my thighs beneath the hem. "My name written across your back. My number." He pulled me back against his torso, stroking his hands up over my stomach beneath the jersey to cup my breasts as he kissed my neck. He scraped his teeth over the shell of my ear and whispered, "Mine."

I turned to face him, climbing back onto the bed to kneel in front of him and look deep into his eyes as I said, "Yours."

Our hands worked in tandem to strip him of his clothes. He eased my panties down over my hips, leaving only the jersey to separate our nakedness, though he didn't seem rushed to be rid of it. Instead he shifted around me on the bed, kneeling directly behind me. His hands wrapped around my hips, pulling me up on my knees until I felt his erection pressing against my ass. He leaned his weight into me, as he reached up and gently tugged my hair urging my face around until his lips could capture mine.

"Who's are you, Bella?" he asked as he pumped his hips against me, stroking his hard length between my legs, running the length of himself across my wetness before settling himself at my entrance.

"Yours, Edward," I gasped, reaching one hand behind my head to latch onto his hair and pull his lips back to mine. Our lips connected as he entered me, our moans muffled within each other's mouths. "Always yours."

His hands clenched into my hips, holding me firmly against his body as he thrust into me, the angle of our bodies allowing him to penetrate me so much deeper than he ever had before. It never failed to amaze me how amazingly fresh sex with him could be. Every time.

My eyes grew wide with the initial shock and surprise of the noticeable differences in this position, only to slightly roll back into my head as I gave myself over to him and the sensations his body beckoned from mine. We'd never made love before without being face to face, and I'd been suspicious that the act would lose some of its intimacy without that link. But with his strong arms securing me tightly to his body and his breath warm against my cheek, I felt entirely connected with him.

His slow, even strokes grew slightly more forceful as I felt myself approaching completion. Broken moans and quiet sighs filled the silence of the room as he leaned over me again, releasing my hips. He stroked his hand up to splay over my heart, his fingers pressing into the softness of my breasts. His other hand wrapped around my stomach, moving lower to rub firmly at my clit, quickly shooting me up higher, and his name fell from my lips as I came.

His arms banded around me, his cheek pressing into my neck as he rasped, "Yours, Bella. I'm yours, too." Then he buried his face into my skin with a moan and released into me.

We dropped lightly to the bed, our limbs tangling together as he shifted us to our sides and spooned me, kissing my neck as our fingers wove together.

Though it was insanely late and we were both tired, Edward and I stayed awake for hours, holding each other, kissing, talking, laughing, just enjoying the fact that we were back together again. At two a.m., while the rest of the world slept, Edward and I shared a picnic of peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches in my bed before losing ourselves in one another once more and finally giving in to exhaustion.

**x-x-x**

**A/N:**

**A few tidbits on frequently asked questions.**

**According to my outline this story will be 24 chapters plus an epilogue. **

**While I don't have an update schedule, I've tried to keep updates between 7 & 12 days apart. Life's about to get a bit insane for me from the end of July until the end of August. I'm definitely NOT going on hiatus or anything like that, but I will ask for your patience if a couple of the upcoming chapters take longer than that time frame.**

**I haven't rec'd a lot of stories but I have to mention a few that are owning me right now:**

**The Cullen Campaign by belladonna1472**

**For the Summer by camoozle**

**Love in My Box by cosmoandmarvar**

**Tangled Up in Blue by TxBirdie**

**All very different but all equally wonderful. Read them. You won't be sorry.**

**Reviews get teased! I love hearing from all of you. ;)**

**Polyvore on the profile.**


	18. Chapter 18: Days Go By

**A/N: Ready for more?**

**Big thanks to Caren and FanpireMama for always being sounding boards, support systems, and friends. **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created the characters, the story is mine. Copyright 2010: BellaMarie117**

**x-x-x**

August was jam-packed and mostly over before I even noticed that it had begun.

Once Edward and I returned from our separate weeks in Colorado, everything seemed to ramp up at the same time for both of us. Edward had said that they were all expected to be in peak condition before they even dared to set their blades on Wild ice again in the fall, so the guys threw themselves into training up for the start of their season. Beyond that, it seemed like everything happened overnight. The Wild's game schedule was released, tickets had already started to sell out, the teams' draft choices were signed and added to the roster, and the dates had been finalized for their pre-season training camp.

Being with Edward afforded me a firsthand look at how much work the team puts in, even before the season officially begins. It wasn't just strapping on some pads, grabbing a stick and slapping the puck around. Like my own training, it involved a high level of preparation both on and off the ice, mentally and physically. It wasn't rare for me to show up at Edward's place and find him camped out in front of the TV with a pen and paper, analyzing tapes from the previous season, studying other players in slow-mo.

After only three days of scrimmages at training camp, they'd have their first pre-season match up against the St. Louis Blues. Six pre-season games were all they'd play before diving right in to the regular season. They'd be opening on home ice, and as fate would have it, they were to be immediately pitted against the Blackhawks. Thoughts of a rematch with the team that had knocked them out of the playoffs had all the guys eager to get the season started and it helped keep them motivated for the hours they spent each day on the ice and in the gym to get ready.

On a different rink, I continued to prepare for my own season. My programs were both pretty much done and Marcus had brought in an analyst to give us an idea on how they'd rank in the current judging system. Minor adjustments were still in the works and would be necessary throughout the season depending on how they held up in competition, but we were both feeling pretty good about my chances with two solid programs in my arsenal.

Despite my daily attempts, I still wasn't getting my Axel. Every day that I failed to master the jump, I grew more and more frustrated and less hopeful that I would be able to use it. I'd land a shaky one once in awhile, but that wouldn't be enough. If you couldn't solidly stick a move nine times out of every ten that you attempted it in practice, you'd never hope to land it successfully in competition when the pressure was high and millions of eyes were watching, just waiting for you to slip up.

Marcus was encouraging but realistic. He tried to stay optimistic while reminding me that it wasn't a necessary element, that few skaters ever managed to truly master the move, and that it was possible to reach the top of the podium without that particular jump. I knew he was right, but I couldn't help feeling a little disappointed every day when I'd wipe down my blades after another failed attempt. There was still time to get it down, and we continued to devote a portion of my sessions to it every day, but I was growing impatient.

With everything.

I'd started to struggle a lot, everything seemed to be right on the brink, and I was so anxious to just jump in and see what would happen.

Part of that anxiety stemmed from knowing that the final roster for the USA hockey team wouldn't be announced until the end of December, something I was having a much more difficult time accepting than Edward was. It baffled me that they could take so long to make their decisions when they'd already gone through tryouts, but Edward merely shrugged, accepting that it was simply how the selection process went. He'd shifted his focus entirely to his NHL season, moving any thoughts of the Olympics to the back burner, and I was forced to do the same. For the most part.

Though the media blitz had died down somewhat after my return from Champs Camp, with Edward's name still on the list of potentials for Team USA, there had been a few inquiries about joint interviews and photoshoots. Something to highlight the rarity of a possible Olympian romance. The idea of it was fun, but we decided together that we were uninterested in exposing our relationship to public scrutiny in such a blatant way and had declined. People could speculate however they wanted, but it wasn't necessary to encourage more talk by contributing.

I tried my hardest to avoid reading anything in the news, but from time to time, I'd give in to curiosity and run a search on recent mentions of either of our names. For the most part, it wasn't so bad. A few paparazzi shots, the occasional passing remark, and quotes from the multitude of interviews we'd both given during our time in Colorado.

Jane's article from our interview was released and came off as snarky as I'd expected, but I'd been happy to see that it seemed to show more poorly on her skills as a journalist than anything having to do with me. It was easy to shrug it off when ninety-nine percent of the media seemed to sway in my favor.

After the initial wave of publicity that surrounded Champs Camp, everything seemed to settle down even more. There were still calls coming in, but they were more sporadic. I knew it would gear up again once competitions got started, but for the time being, I enjoyed the lack of interruption on that front when there were so many other things to focus on.

My life had become a balancing act with more and more weight being added every day, and I was somewhat chagrined to admit that I struggled a bit. I'd never really had much of a life outside the ice arena to balance with my skating in the past. I'd always known the training required for the level of competition I was at was quite intense, but it hadn't really hit home in the past just _how_ intense and consuming it really was.

In past seasons I was always at the rink, the gym, or doing something related to my skating. When I was home, I was sleeping. There was very little downtime. I hadn't really noticed the lack at the time, but I was certainly starting to notice it now.

Alice was a bit of a saving grace during those weeks. Though she was swamped with work, the guys with practice, and I with my training, she saw to it that we still found time to devote to our friendship. She'd instated a standing weekly engagement where we all met up at Esme and Carlisle's house on Sunday mornings for brunch, to touch base before the start of every week. She got everyone set up on electronic calendars and blocked out times specifically for the six of us to hang out, whether it was just spending a quiet evening at someone's house or going out. Though we didn't have nearly the same amount of free time to spend together, it helped our bond of friendship to remain strong.

In the closing days of August, we got together to celebrate Emmett's birthday. The date always fell within the ten-day stint of the Great Minnesota Get Together, otherwise known as the State Fair. Apparently it was tradition for the lot of them to celebrate doing just what Emmett liked best...eating.

It had sounded fun when they brought up the day, but I'd been wholly unprepared for just how seriously Emmett took his Fair Food. The man was a machine and, for once, more organized than even Alice. He'd created his own list of foods that we had to seek out, from classic favorites like buckets of Sweet Martha's Cookies with bottomless glasses of milk to new attractions like Chocolate Covered Bacon. He'd highlighted all the stops on a map of the fair grounds, plotting out the best strategy in order to ensure 'optimum devouring conditions.' While I knew I definitely should _not_ have been indulging in things like Cheese Curds, Pronto Pups, Deep Fried Candy Bars or a whole multitude of delectables served on sticks, the temptation was too much to resist. For one day, I threw my training diet to the wind and sampled everything Emmett thrust in front of me.

While things seemed to be rolling along, I'd begun to feel slightly...off. A sense of unease lingered in my mind, but I couldn't quite put my finger on what was causing it.

In the week following the Fair, I finally got it figured out. Over the course of three days, I saw Edward for a total of forty-five minutes. Some of the guys on the team had started some group workouts in the mornings, so we hadn't had our typical time together there. Alice and I had gone out to dinner and a movie after my session one night and hadn't gotten back until late, then the next two evenings he'd had team meetings to prepare for their upcoming training camp while the girls and I put some more work into developing my costume selections.

When he called me on Thursday afternoon to say that his dad needed a hand at home and he probably wouldn't be done until late, it finally clicked. That's when it sunk in just how easy it was to get swept up in what needed to be done, simply following the same daily routines without realizing what those routines really meant.

For Edward and me, what they meant was barely seeing each other, or being so exhausted when we actually did see each other that we didn't do much more than cuddle up in front of the television until one or both of us passed out. We were too tired to really talk—truly _talk_—likewe always had. We were still having sex occasionally, but not as often. When we did, it always seemed to be somewhat rushed, like we needed to hurry through before someone fell asleep. We didn't take our time indulging in lingering kisses and patient caresses. It was still good, but I didn't feel that same deep level of connection that we'd always had. The only times we really went out were when the group was doing something, and though we did still manage to see each other practically every day, it somehow still felt like we weren't actually spending any quality time together.

It wasn't anyone's fault; we both had demanding careers that required a lot of time and energy. Physically, we were each pushing ourselves to the limit on a daily basis to get stronger, faster, better out on the ice, which left us drained when it came to anything off the rink.

We weren't fighting and things weren't uncomfortable between us by any means when we were together, and maybe that's why it had happened so easily. Because there really wasn't an _actual_ source of conflict between us. Even so, it was definitely an issue to be taken seriously.

When Edward had been gone for his try-out, I'd worried about this exact thing happening, yet somehow it had managed to get to this point without either of us really realizing it. When we'd been apart, the distance had been obvious, but it was a lot more difficult to notice how little we were really together when we still saw each other every day.

Even when he was right there beside me, I still missed him. Missed _us_.

I knew him well enough to know without a doubt that if Edward was consciously aware of how distant we'd become, he would have been horrified with himself, maybe slunk into a self-loathing sulk for a day or two, but then done some grand gesture to turn it all around and make up for lost time.

It was obvious to me that he hadn't noticed yet. He'd sounded distracted on the phone, his mind already focused on whatever he and his dad were working on. He'd sounded tired. He'd rushed to say goodbye when Carlisle had called him from the other room and for once, he hadn't followed up his 'gotta go' with 'I love you.'

Esme had been with me when the call had come in, just as I was packing up my bag to head home from my afternoon session. Of course she'd immediately noticed my crest-fallen expression when I realized I'd be spending another night without Edward.

"Something wrong?" she asked from where she stood next to the bleachers.

"No, everything's fine," I mumbled, attempting to shake off my low mood. "Edward's on his way over to your place. Carlisle needed his help with...something," I finished lamely, realizing I didn't even know what they were up to. I hadn't asked and Edward hadn't offered.

"Ah. That's never good news for me," she chuckled with a conspiratorial nudge of her hip against my shoulder. "When those two put their heads together on a project, it always means I go home to a mess and a couple of grumpy guys who are too stubborn to admit they don't have a clue as to what they're doing."

I giggled at the comment, but my heart wasn't fully in it, too heavy from its recent grasp on the scope of the situation and the prospect of another lonely night in an empty apartment.

Esme took a seat on the bench beside me, bumping her knee against mine as she said, "Penny for your thoughts."

I grimaced, knowing how poor a job I must have been doing at hiding my misery. She and Edward could be too alike sometimes. They both seemed to be fluent in 'Bella.'

"I'm just starting to see how hard this all is," I sighed, realizing I actually wanted to talk to someone about the situation rather than simply mope by myself. "And by _this_, I mean finding a balance for everything. I feel like Edward and I barely spend any time together anymore, and when we do, we're not really paying attention to our relationship; we're just sort of coasting. I just...I miss him, that's all. Even when he's with me, I feel like there's so much else going on that it's coming between us. And none of it has anything to do with _us_, it's just circumstantial."

"Oh, Bella, I know it's hard," she said, tapping my chin up with her index finger and giving me a sympathetic smile. "When Carlisle was going through med school, and then his residency, there were times when it seemed like we were two strangers living in the same house and sleeping in the same bed. He was busy with work, I was busy with the kids, and there were days that would slip past where we'd barely say more than 'hello' and 'goodbye,' both just so caught up in the every day."

"That's just it," I exclaimed. My words started coming out in a rush, knowing she'd be able to understand exactly what was going on in my head and hopeful that she could offer some sort of guidance. "I didn't even realize it was happening until he called and told me he wouldn't be over tonight. Again. I've had this weird feeling nagging me for the last couple weeks, but I never could figure out what it was until then."

"Whatever they're working on could wait. Would you like me to give Carlisle a call?" she offered, tucking a fallen string of hair behind my ear. "I'm sure he wasn't aware—"

"No, that's really not necessary," I insisted, feeling a bit selfish and guilty as the urge to take her up on her offer brewed inside me. As much as I wanted to, I knew I couldn't. As much as he was mine, he wasn't only mine and I needed to remember that.

"I know it's not deliberate on any side. I'm guilty of it as well," I acknowledged. "I just hate that there's any sort of distance between us. Makes me anxious for the next six months when it's only going to get progressively busier."

"You'll get through it, Bella," she said without a hint of doubt as she wrapped her arm around me and rubbed my upper arm. "You and Edward have forged a very strong foundation. I can't imagine you'll run into any obstacle that can do any real damage to it."

"How did you get through it?"

"Well, once we both pulled our heads out of the sand and saw what was going on, it was better. Just knowing the issue was there in the first place helped both of us to make more of a conscious effort to keep our relationship strong."

She dropped her arm and turned on the bench to face me, the encouragement in her eyes giving me hope that maybe things weren't as grim as they'd seemed only minutes before.

"Honestly, Bella, I think most adult couples run into these same challenges, no matter what their occupation. The fact that you recognize the issue is ninety percent of the battle. Now it's just a matter of finding a way to remedy the situation. Talk to him. Spend some time together where it's just the two of you without any outside distractions."

"Like a date night?" I asked, the idea already making me feel a bit lighter. "That does sound nice. I should mention it to him."

"Or just surprise him," she suggested. "There's no rule that says the man always has to be the one to sweep the woman off her feet."

"You have a point," I agreed, though the thought of me trying to sweep Edward off his feet had me nervously gnawing on my bottom lip. "I don't know, Esme, I think your son might have written the instruction manual on romantic gestures. It's a lot to live up to."

"You know, he didn't get _all _his smooth moves from his father. I have every faith that you'll come up with something. And just being with you will be enough of a gesture for him. Just don't over-think it."

**x-x-x**

Don't over-think it. Right. Easier said than done.

I spent the evening trying to figure out what I could do to surprise him. Despite the fact that Edward and I had been on a fair amount of dates by this point in our relationship, I was having a difficult time trying to think of something that would fit the bill.

A movie wouldn't allow for conversation. A restaurant would be too noisy, too public. Simply staying in for the night and cooking him dinner didn't seem special enough. Every option that came to mind was immediately rejected for one reason or another. Disgusted over my inability to come up with a single romantic gesture on my own, I decided to set it aside and try to think about something else.

Checking my e-mail, I noticed Alice had sent out a link to an online gallery she'd made of her and Jasper's wedding photos. As I started to click through the thumbnails, occasionally enlarging a shot to see in closer detail, I felt the ache in my heart subside just a little from the warm memories of that day. It had all been so perfect. There'd been no thoughts of busy schedules or road trips or overseas competitions. The day had been about love and family and togetherness. Though every day couldn't revolve entirely around those things, they were exactly what I wanted to keep with me, even in the stressful months to come.

I dragged a handful of favorites into a folder to print, and then decided to go a step further and flip through the multitude of other pictures Alice had shared with me over the months we'd been friends. The woman was a bit of a shutter-fly and was always eager to document our activities, no matter how mundane. Though I'd always rolled my eyes a bit and groaned about having my picture taken, I was secretly glad that she'd never listened to my complaints.

Scrolling through the photos and remembering so many happy times lifted my spirits and made me remember that even if the coming months would be tough, I'd always have these people by my side and there was no way I could lose them, no matter how busy we got.

By the time I'd finished, the folder I'd made was pretty sizable with photos. I burned them to a disc and promised myself I'd take them to Target the next day to print. Maybe I'd find an album or something that I could keep with me when I was away from home and feeling down. Surely seeing the images of their faces would help a little, right? Just glancing through them on my computer made me feel better.

I clicked on one of the thumbnails and enlarged the image to fill the entire screen. The photo was of Edward and me together by the baggage claim at the airport. Alice had taken it one day when we'd gone together to pick up the guys from one of their away games. She always carried a little point and shoot in her purse and thought it would be adorable to get a picture of us where we'd first crossed paths. I'd complained at the time, anxious to get away from the crowd, but I'd sucked it up and smiled as I cuddled into his side.

It had turned out to be one of my favorites for so many reasons. We both looked so happy, having recently been reunited, and seeing the picture made me remember the joy that spread through me every single time we came together again after being apart. Our hugs were always just a little tighter, our kisses always just a little longer, as if we were both trying to savor each other after a famine. At least that was one thing to look forward to.

Apart from that, the airport was somewhat of a landmark for our relationship. It's where we'd first met, where we had so many significant moments. It signified keeping us apart, but always bringing us back together. Maybe it wasn't the most romantic spot to meet the love of your existence, but it suited us.

_Too bad you can't have a candlelight dinner set up in front of the baggage claim_, I thought with a smirk, my mind shifting back to ideas for a date night.

The idea stuck in my mind and I couldn't get it out. Edward had told me on our first date that he liked the simpler things in life, that they were more his style. Having gotten to know him so much better since then, I knew that fact to be true. While he might appreciate some grand romantic gesture, I knew something simple and heartfelt would be more meaningful to him.

Well, to me, the airport was meaningful for us, especially if we were going to really talk about how to handle the coming months. But how...?

Intent on finding a way to make this work, I called the one person I could think of who was a master at plotting.

"Hey, Bells, what's up?" Alice answered on the second ring.

"Hey, you busy?"

"Nope, just watching TV and working on a seating chart. Distract me, please!" she groaned.

"So, I kinda want to do something for Edward tomorrow night. Like plan something for just the two of us since we've both been so busy lately."

"Aw, that's really sweet, Bella. What are you gonna do?"

"That's the thing, I'm not sure. I mean I have an idea, but it's going to sound really weird."

"Unless you're thinking about taking him to a Swingers Club or something like that, I won't think it's weird. What is it?"

"Well, I wanted to do something around the airport. I mean I know you can't actually go there without purchasing a ticket to get through security and they're really strict in the entire area. It's probably a stupid idea anyways; I mean what about a dirty baggage claim says romance?" I babbled, rolling my eyes at myself for ever thinking it would be appropriate.

"It's not stupid, Bella. It's significant to you two. I think it's plenty romantic."

"Really?"

"Yeah. In fact...I might have an idea," she said, the wheels clearly already turning in her head.

Alice and I spent twenty minutes on the phone working out the finer details for the following evening. She was great at offering suggestions, but didn't take over and plan it all for me. In the end, I'd come up with a plan that I was happy with, one that I knew would mean something to him, even if it wasn't your typical romantic night of rose petals and white linen tablecloths.

After making a tidy list of what I'd need to prepare, I called Edward to say goodnight. He was still at his parents, so I didn't keep him on the phone long. I could tell by the sound in his voice that he was missing me too, even if he hadn't acknowledged it aloud and that only served to solidify my plans.

We needed this.

My plan, along with his murmurs of 'Sweet Dreams' and 'I love you' had me less restless and happier than I'd been all week and I curled into my pillow with a smile on my face.

**x-x-x**

The following evening, I was anxiously awaiting Edward's arrival and praying that everything went according to plan. It'd be just my luck that he wouldn't see my note or something would have come up to foil my plot.

Dusk was just starting to creep in when Alice sent me a text notifying me that Edward had called her, asking if she knew anything, and that he was on his way. By my calculations, I had approximately eight minutes before he should be pulling up.

He arrived in less than six.

I clasped my hands in front of me as I watched him park beside my car and hop out to make his way over to the small hillside where I'd set up.

"What are you doing all the way out here?" he asked with baffled curiosity and a grin on his face that made it impossible not to smile back.

"Waiting for you."

"Kind of an odd spot, don't you think?" He plopped down behind me on the blanket I'd laid out on the ground and wrapped his arms tightly around me, squeezing me to his chest. I sighed in contentment as he kissed the side of my head and laid his cheek against my brow, seeming to bask in my presence just as much as I delighted in his. "What's going on, Bella?"

"I wanted to surprise you. You got my note?"

"Yeah, I got it," he said on a chuckle. "I have to say they were the most inefficient directions I've ever been given."

"I didn't want you to know where you were going," I shrugged and grinned unapologetically. I'd taped an envelope to his front door earlier this afternoon, telling him to follow the directions I'd written out exactly and to meet me at the final destination. They had taken him along backstreets and frontage roads in an attempt to camouflage exactly where he was headed.

"Mission accomplished. I didn't figure it out until about a mile up the road. We used to come out here all the time as kids to watch the planes land," he sighed a bit nostalgically as he straightened his legs on either side of me. Keeping me close to his chest, he leaned back to rest on the palms of his hands as we looked out in front of us.

The place Alice had directed me to was a small, secluded hillside that ran along the far edge of the runways at the airport terminal. It was off a small dirt road that few people really knew about, appealing to my want for a quiet, private evening for just us two while also satisfying my idea of incorporating the meaningful location.

"I know," I admitted, "Alice told me about it when I asked for her help."

"The little sneak! She said she had no idea what I was talking about when I called her. So, what are we doing out here?"

"Well, I couldn't really go with my first choice in location. I'm fairly certain the security guards at the terminal would frown upon us setting up a picnic right next to their baggage carriers. That, and I'd rather not get stomped on by people trying to retrieve their suitcases. So...Alice mentioned this place and I figured this would be better."

"Why the airport?"

"It seemed appropriate. Kinda symbolic in a way."

"Of what? I'm feeling really slow right now, love. Wanna clue me in on what's going on in this beautiful head of yours?" he requested, gently scratching his fingertips on my scalp and pecking a soft kiss to my hair.

I didn't necessarily want to kick off the evening with a serious talk, but I knew it would be better if everything was out in the open and we could really discuss it. If I waited, I knew the subject would be lingering at the back of my mind and I'd never be able to relax entirely.

Taking a deep breath, I decided to wade in. I turned to face him, still confined between his knees as my hands sought his out, needing the comfort of his touch.

With my eyes glued to our joined hands and my voice barely more than a whisper, I asked, "When was the last time we talked, Edward?"

"What? We talk every day, Bella," he said, confusion obvious in his voice and on his face when I glanced up at him. "What's going on?"

His free hand lifted to tenderly stroke my cheek and I almost just wanted to shrug it off and say 'nevermind, forget it.' When I was tucked safely in his arms, all thoughts of loneliness and separation just disappeared and I wanted to forget about anything but him. But the thought of how many days his arms would not be within my reach drove me to continue.

"Think about it. When was the last time that we sat down and had a real conversation that was about more than just what we did that day, or who's place we should meet up at, or what we should do for dinner, or anything really that couldn't be classified as small talk?" I embellished, hoping he'd start to understand where I was going with all of this.

Once again, I forced myself to lift my eyes to meet his. "When was the last time we spent time alone together, without any family or friends present, where one of us wasn't half asleep?"

I could see the exact instant his brain truly registered the situation. A part of me was filled with relief that it had been so easy for him to get it, while another part of me hated to see the horrified look that marred his handsome features before shifting into an expression of anguish.

"Fuck," he cursed under his breath as he closed his eyes for a moment. His hand left my face to scrub over his own before he paused with the heel of his hand to his lips. His eyes opened and he stared at me for a long, silent moment before clearing his throat. He gave a bit of a dejected shrug of his shoulders as he said, "God, Bella, I didn't even—"

"Neither did I," I admitted with a sad smile, unwilling to let him feel alone in something that was both our doing. "Until yesterday."

"I don't know what— I just—" he sputtered, grasping hold of the hand I held out to him as he reverently traced the lines of my palm. "I'm sorry, Bella. I feel like a total jackass for letting this happen and not even realizing it."

"I'm sorry, too."

"For what?"

"This isn't your fault, Edward. We're both guilty here. It's a busy time, we're both being pulled in a lot of different directions right now," I explained, hoping to ease a little of the burden that he'd clearly taken completely on his own shoulders.

"Yeah, I guess so," he muttered, clearly not as comforted by that fact as I'd have hoped. I needed to turn this around. My determination in bringing up the subject didn't have anything to do with wanting to wallow in the idea that our relationship might not be fairy-tale-perfect. It was about acknowledging the challenges we were faced with and meeting them head on.

"I'm not bringing this up to make you feel bad," I insisted, scooting myself a bit closer to him until I sat between his bent knees, my hands coming to rest at the waistline of his cargo shorts. "I get it if you do, I mean I spent most of last night moping around thinking about it, but that's not why I'm bringing it up like this."

"Why didn't you say something last night?" he asked, quickly following up his own question dropping his head until his chin practically rested on his chest. "That's stupid. You shouldn't have had to say anything."

"The thing is, it's only going to get worse as the season gets started. You'll be on the road a lot, and there'll be times I'll be gone as well. When we're here, we'll still be busy, as we've already found out," I explained, raising my hands to cradle his face in my palms and encourage his eyes to fix upon mine. "I just don't want to forget about us because we think this is the one place where everything's always solid."

"I never want that to happen," he passionately whispered as his hands warmly covered mine.

"So, I thought we could use a night to get back to our roots, reconnect, if you will. Figure out how we're going to do this. Together."

His lips curved into a small, but genuine smile before he leaned in to brush a warm and soft kiss against mine. "Thank you."

"I love you, Edward. You're too important to risk over something as stupid as neglect. I'm not saying either of us has _been_ neglectful, but I don't want to see it get to that point just because we think that could never happen to us."

"You're the most important person in my life, Bella," he murmured, pulling me into his arms and settling my head into the nook of his neck. "You're more important to me than my job or anything else. I'm so sorry if I've made you feel otherwise lately."

"You haven't really," I said, trailing my fingers lightly over his back in an effort to soothe him as he soothed me. "I know your job is important to you and that you love it. I love mine too. One of the downfalls is that they're both time consuming and their schedules happen to clash. A lot."

I pulled back to look at him, my voice filled with optimism and my eyes filled with faith. "We can make it through this, Edward, but I don't think it'll just happen. We have to _make_ it happen. I want to make it happen."

"So do I."

"I know," I smiled. "So let's stop with the moping already and figure out how to make this work, alright?"

For the next three hours, we cuddled on the blanket as planes flew overhead. Edward grinned when I pulled out our dinner of Juicy Nookie burgers and fries that I'd picked up on my way over. He'd chuckled over the portable freezer I'd rigged from dry ice and a cooler in order for us to round out the meal with a shared pint of Izzy's ice cream in his favorite Mint Chocolate Chip, fully representing the fare from our first 'real' date.

He hugged me tightly when I pulled out the small, leather photo album I'd assembled for him, just the right size to slip into the front pocket of his carry-on bag. It was filled with pictures of us, but also of him with our friends and family. Alice had sent a few old favorites to me the previous evening when I'd told her about the idea. I figured if the pictures would help me, they'd probably help him, too.

The sun set over the terminal and blanketed us in darkness as we sat on the hillside overlooking the blinking lights of the runway. The night was quiet, only the occasional plane and our voices breaking the silence. We kissed, held each other close, and laughed, but mostly we talked, making love with words for one night rather than with our bodies. Just as entirely as he completed me when we were physically joined, his words filled me, made me whole, and I knew without a doubt that we'd get through this together and only be stronger for it.

Late into the night, I lay with my head on his chest and our fingers twined together, resting over his steady heart. His nose nuzzled at my hair, silently bidding me to lift my head.

"You know when I called you to say I was going to my dad's last night?" he whispered quietly. I nodded. "I forgot to tell you something."

"What's that?"

"I love you."

"I know," I grinned as I rubbed the tip of my nose against his. "I love you, too."

**x-x-x**

After our talk, things got a lot better. Though our schedules didn't magically change or lighten, we focused on setting aside time specifically for just the two of us, and that alone helped a lot. We started meeting up in the mornings to go running together before heading off to the gym for our respective workouts. He tried to come meet me to grab lunch a few days a week and we both did a lot better at communicating in general. I knew we'd still have hard times ahead, but I felt a lot more confident after sitting down and talking with him that no matter how often we were apart in the coming months, we'd still find a way to be okay. More than okay.

We kept up our routine of weekend sleepovers, with the occasional weeknight exception. Thus how I found myself in Edward's bed on a particular sleepy, Sunday morning in September.

A soft voice crooned in my ear as something cool, velvety and fragrant lightly caressed the curve of my cheek, pleasantly pulling me from sleep. My eyes fluttered open to see Edward in front of me, kneeling by the bed and stroking my face with a pink and white variegated tulip.

"Happy Birthday, love," he murmured with a smile as he leaned in and pressed a light kiss to the tip of my nose.

"Good morning," I smiled, stretching my limbs a bit as I gained further consciousness. When the sleep cleared from my mind, I noticed a faint burnt fragrance in the air that had been masked by the sweet smell of the tulip in my face. "What's that smell?"

Edward smiled a bit sheepishly and rubbed the back of his neck. "I sorta err— tried to make you breakfast," he explained, gesturing to a tray that sat on the bedside table beside a vase containing over a dozen more of the pretty blooms he'd used to wake me. On the tray was a glass of orange juice next to a plate of pancakes. They were drizzled in maple syrup and sprinkled with blueberries. The pancakes themselves were either undercooked or blackened on either side, and a couple of few extra crispy slices of bacon were stacked on the side.

I stared at him a bit in disbelief, both touched by the gesture and amused by his botched attempt at cooking. "And the house didn't burn to the ground?" I teased as he adorably scowled.

"Ha ha, Swan," he droned, hoisting himself up on the bed and hopping over me to sit by my side against the headboard as I reached for the tray and set it in my lap. "Just for that, I'm gonna sit here and watch you eat every single bite. Even the burnt ones."

"I have no doubt that it'll be the best breakfast I've ever had," I said, leaning over to kiss his pouting lips. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said, kissing me again before swiping a piece of bacon from the plate.

"Did you already eat?"

"Nah, figured you might be up for sharing."

I spent the first waking minutes of my twenty-fifth year nibbling on burnt pancakes with Edward as we traded off utensils and teasingly fed each other, attempting to keep from dripping syrup on the sheets. When we'd finished, he brought the tray down to the kitchen while I lazily lingered in bed, not eager to extract myself from the warm covers. He came back in and shook his head a bit to find me still clinging to the blankets.

"So, we've got a few hours before Alice steals you away from me. What does the birthday girl want to do?"

Pursing my lips in a pondering expression, I hummed in thought before smiling at him as I batted my eyes a bit. "Well...you know what I'd really like?"

"What's that?" he chuckled.

I snaked my hand out from under the blankets and hooked my fingers through the front belt loops of his khaki cargo shorts, tugging him to stand right up against the mattress. "What I'd like is for you to take off these shorts. And this," I said, gripping the hem of his t-shirt and pushing it up over his chest until he took over to toss it on the floor.

"So far I like where this is going," he said with a grin as he unsnapped his shorts.

"Then...I want you to get into this bed," I continued, folding back the covers a bit and shifting myself away from the edge to make room. He eagerly slipped beneath the covers and flipped them back over us both as he took me into his arms. I pressed myself up against him, hitching my leg over his hip as I laid my head on his chest and burrowed in to his warmth. "And cuddle with me," I finished with a sigh. He burst out laughing before acquiescing to my request by kissing my brow and resting his head on top of mine. His hand rested on my thigh, and his thumb lazily stroked my bare skin.

"This good?" he asked once we'd both settled in.

"Mmm. It's a start," I murmured, pecking the soft skin of his chest that rested beneath my cheek. "In about ten minutes maybe we can switch to a snuggle. Followed by a brief stint of nuzzling and then...who knows? Nuzzling can lead to all sorts of wonderful things."

His chest bounced a bit beneath me as he softly laughed and said, "I think I might enjoy celebrating your birthday just as much as mine."

"That's a tough one to beat," I smiled, recalling the day.

"I think we're up to the challenge."

**x-x-x**

When Alice first brought up the fact that my birthday was just around the corner, I had mixed feelings. I didn't want a big to-do or to make a big deal out of it, but on the other hand I was sort of excited about the fact that I'd actually get to do something for once. In the past I'd always spent my birthday at the rink. Training. This year, Marcus had been insistent that I take the day off and not even think about setting foot near ice, and I gratefully accepted his offer of a free day.

I was still a little nervous about what Alice was capable of throwing together. Sometimes her idea of a fun celebration was very different from mine. I shouldn't have been worried; Alice seemed to get exactly what I was looking for. The entire day was relaxing and exactly what I wanted. I didn't need a big party to celebrate; I just wanted to spend some time with the people I loved. And that's exactly what I got.

After spending a lazy morning in bed with Edward that lasted into the early afternoon, the girls took me out for manicures and pedicures and a little pampering. I had to admit that the paraffin wax treatment did wonders on my feet; I'd never felt them quite so smooth.

Later that evening, we all gathered at Carlisle and Esme's place for one of the most delicious meals I'd ever tasted in my life. Alice had channeled her inner party planner into decorating their dining room with flowers and candles that cast the room in a warm glow in the mid-September twilight.

Carlisle was a bit of a Grill Master and had spent hours tending to the slab of brisket he'd smoked to perfection while Esme outdid herself with an assortment of sides that were tasty but wouldn't land me in the gym trying to pump off the excess calories. That small gesture alone made me smile a bit. Such a miniscule detail really, but totally Esme. She was always trying to take those extra steps to make each one of her loved ones feel special.

Toward the end of the meal, my cell rang. I apologized for the interruption and popped up, intending to find it and silence the sound. A quick glance at the display showed Charlie's name and I briefly debated over whether or not it would be rude to answer.

Charlie and I had continued to call and e-mail throughout the summer. Nothing major, but an improvement over how our relationship had been in the past. We were both just a little too stubborn and awkward for one talk to miraculously transform our relationship, but I felt good about where we were. Just having him in my life and knowing that he truly cared about me was enough for now. During our talks, one of us would often mention the possibility of trekking across the country to visit one another, but it was always put off for one reason or another. Truthfully, it had been so long since we'd seen each other in person that I was a little nervous about it.

I'd received a card from him in the mail the day before, along with a beautifully bound vintage edition of my favorite book. I hadn't really expected much more than that. The fact that he was calling made me smile and I figured if anyone would excuse my momentary lapse in manners to take the call, it would be the Cullens.

"Hey, Dad," I answered.

"Hey, kid. How you doin'?" his gruff, scratchy voice returned through the speaker.

"Good, I'm good. Uh, things are good. How are you?" I asked, sending an apologetic look to the table and silently excusing myself from the room.

"Oh, hangin' in there. Just wanted to call and wish you a happy birthday."

"It's good to hear from you."

"My card get there in time?"

"Yeah, I got it yesterday. And the book. I love it, thanks."

"Well...you doin' anything special to celebrate?"

"Yeah, we were just having dinner over at Esme and Carlisle's," I said. Through our conversations and e-mails I'd gradually opened up to Charlie about my life in Minnesota and especially the people. He always sounded interested and was especially amused by tales of Emmett's antics and Alice's obsessive OCD-like behavior.

A part of me wondered if it made him sad to hear about them. I'd meant what I'd said in that interview back at Champs Camp. I wasn't trying to replace his role in my life, but I wondered if it seemed that way to him when I had these people in my life now who I genuinely regarded as family.

"That's great," he said genuinely. "They sound like good people, Bells."

"They are. Hopefully you can meet them some time."

"Yeah. That'd be good. I'd like that. I'm uh, well, I'm glad you've got them. Sure helps me to know you've got people who care about you close by."

"Dad," I muttered, a bit embarrassed by the sentimental words, even as they warmed my heart.

"They're lucky to have you is all."

"Thanks," I whispered. "I'm lucky to have them. And you."

"Yeah, well uh, you should probably get back to your dinner. Didn't want to interrupt, just wanted to check in, wish you a happy birthday and all."

"I'm really glad you did," I said. "I'll call you later this week, okay?"

"Sounds good. I uh, I love you, Bells."

"Love you, too," I said, proud of myself for hardly stammering at all. It was still a bit awkward to say to him and even more so to hear it, but it got a little easier each time.

After wrapping up the call, I went back into the dining room, apologizing once again for taking the call. Esme, Carlisle and Alice must have stepped out for a moment and the table had been cleared in my absence. Edward shot me a look from his seat, wordlessly asking if everything was okay and I gave him a glowing smile as I nodded, his own lips crookedly curved in response as he gave me a subtle wink.

"Come on over here, Babybel," Emmett insisted, grabbing me by the arm when I tried to return to my seat between him and Edward. He tugged me unceremoniously onto his knee and lifted my arm for his inspection. "Let's check you for wrinkles."

"Hey now, if anyone's checking her over it'll be me, thank you very much," Edward said, reaching out to grab my hand and pull me back into my empty chair, then scooting it a bit closer to him so he could drape his arm around me.

"You're a year older than me, buddy," I reminded him, tapping him on the chest. "Maybe you should check yourself for wrinkles."

He brushed my hair back and leaned in to whisper in my ear in a low voice that made my heart stutter. "It'd be a lot more fun if you did it. Just make sure you're very...thorough," he said, gently nipping at the shell of my ear.

"Eddie boy, you're turning into a dirty hound dog. I'm so proud," Emmett said, wiping away a fake tear.

"Isn't it some sort of rule that you're not supposed to embarrass the birthday girl?" I asked, reaching for my ice water in an attempt to cool the flush of my cheeks.

"Better get used to it, Babybel. You've got a heck of a lot more birthdays with us to come," Emmett chuckled, wrapping his arm around my neck in a half hug, half choke hold as he ruffled my hair.

I was saved when Esme re-entered the room, followed by Carlisle, then Alice who was snapping pictures as Esme set a cake glowing with candles in front of my place. At least I think it was a cake. It could have easily been a sculpture for all I knew.

The round base was white and dotted with silver sparkles and creases that gave it the look of an ice rink that had been marred by skate blades. Around one edge of the circle, _Happy Birthday Bella_ was written out in an aqua blue icing, with candles rounding the other side. In the middle sat a perfectly crafted and amazingly detailed pair of fondant covered figure skates. I'd never seen anything like it.

"This is so cool," I exclaimed, glancing behind me at Esme. "You didn't make this did you?"

"Heavens no," she laughed. "Alice has so many connections to cake decorators through her business and she found one that could do it for us."

"This is amazing," I said, leaning in to take a bit of a closer look. "I don't even want to eat it. Can we just like preserve it and put it in a frame or something?"

"But— But, Babybel," Emmett sputtered beside me with a pathetic pout on his boyish features. "You can't do that to me. Don't be a caketease."

"I took plenty of pictures before we brought it out, Bells," Alice spoke up from where she stood across the table, holding up her camera. "Don't you worry. Emmett, since you're so eager, how about you start us off?"

He cleared his throat ostentatiously, gargling a bit and humming out a little 'Do-Re-Me-Fa-So-La-Ti-Da' before kicking off the birthday song, soon joined by seven other voices. As uncomfortable as it made me to be the center of attention in cases like this, I couldn't help but feel loved at their slightly off-key, yet heartfelt serenade.

I blew out the candles and Carlisle served up slices, cutting Emmett's piece twice as large as everyone else's. I was just scraping the last bit of buttercream frosting from my plate when Alice dropped a large, ornately wrapped box on the table in front of me. "It's from all of us," she said with a giddy grin.

"You guys, you shouldn't have gotten me anything," I protested. "You've already given me so much."

"Oh, just hush your mouth and open it, missy," Rose droned from her perch under Emmett's shoulder as he continued to devour cake with his free hand. "It's our job as your family to spoil you a bit on your birthday."

"Card first," Alice insisted, folding her hands on the table in an effort to contain herself, though she still looked about ready to burst from excitement.

"Are you in on this?" I leveled a look at Edward as I tore at the flap of the envelope with my fingertip.

"My name's on the card, but no. You're getting my gift later."

"Oh really?" I drawled with a teasing lift of my eyebrow.

"Perv," Emmett choked out on a fake cough.

"Get your mind out of the gutter, dude," Edward said, reaching behind me to swat Emmett on the back of his head.

"C'mon, c'mon, open it!" Alice said, impatiently bouncing in her seat.

"Would you like to just open it for me, Alice?" I asked.

"Well if you're going to take forever..."

I rolled my eyes at her and slid the glossy card from the paper. On the front was a vintage movie poster from The Wizard of Oz. How they ever found it, I'm not sure, but it had everything from Glinda to the Mayor and Coroner from Munchkin land. Next to each of the characters, they'd signed their names like autographs. Alice must have let her parents in on the joke because even Carlisle had signed next to the green palace of the Wizard, "All Powerful Carlisle" with a wonky smiley face in his doctor script.

"I am so framing this," I said with a soft laugh as I traced my fingers over their inked names. "Thanks, you guys. I love this."

"Oh, come on, Bells, you haven't even opened the real gift yet. Get a move on," Rose insisted.

"Alright, alright," I sighed, flipping open the card to read the message inside with a cursory glance, figuring they'd all just signed on the outside.

On the blank white was a simple message written in Alice's loopy handwriting.

_Every Dorothy needs her own pair of Ruby Slippers..._

_Happy Birthday Bella!_

_Love, Your Ozlings_

I glanced up at her in question as she nudged the box closer and said, "Just open it."

Curiosity overcame my tendency to take my time with gift-wrapping. After quickly discarding the bow, I ripped open the paper, letting it fall to the floor as I lifted the lid from the cardboard.

Beneath a layer of tissue paper was a pair of brand new figure skates completely covered in shimmering ruby red rhinestones. The facets glimmered and flickered, even in the dim light of the dining room.

"They should fit," Alice spoke up when I remained silent. "Esme found the information to customize them from the pair you're using now. They're the same make and everything. And then I had them sent off to the same place that did mine. I know you're not a big fan of tons of sequins and sparkles, but..."

"They're perfect," I stopped her nervous babbling as my fingers reverently traced over the jewels, barely touching for fear of marring their shine with fingerprint smudges.

"Yeah?" she asked, her voice filled with hope and excitement.

"Yeah," I nodded, looking up at her with a watery smile.

It's true that I'd laughed back in January when I saw Alice's blinged out skates at the winter carnival, thinking they were over the top and ostentatious. And maybe these were too, but I meant what I said. The gesture, the thought, the care they had taken in coming up with them alone meant more to me than they would ever know. The symbolism on top of all that made them perfect.

Edward wrapped his arm around me, leaning in to kiss my temple as he pulled me close to his side. I looked around to see the smiling faces of those most dear to me as it sunk in once more. I'd finally found where I belonged.

I grinned at them and whispered, "There's no place like home."

**x-x-x**

An hour and a half later, Edward and I walked hand in hand up the walkway to his house as he carried a bag holding my new skates and leftover cake.

"Good birthday?" he asked as he unlocked the door.

"The best," I sighed happily, leaning my head briefly on his shoulder. "But it's not over yet. I'm still waiting on a present."

"Indeed you are. Right this way, birthday girl," he said after he'd set the bag down by the stairs, pulling me in the opposite direction of where I'd thought we'd be going and leading me to the French doors off the front entrance and into the room where he kept his piano. "I hid it away in here."

"Oh, you actually got me a present? Like a real present?" I asked, my cheeks becoming a bit pink at the realization that I'd figured when he said 'present' he'd meant something more along the lines of what Emmett had insinuated rather than a physical token.

"Of course I got you a real present. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?" he asked in mock insult as he led me to take a seat on the piano bench before settling in beside me.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I told you not to get me anything, so I just thought when you said..."

"Emmett's a bad influence on you," he chuckled, pecking my lips, then my neck, then the exposed curve of my shoulder. "We can do that too...but first I do actually have something for you."

"Edward," I sighed in protest and quickly bit my lip at the look he gave me.

"Humor me. Please?" I nodded and he smiled at me, kissing me once more before cracking his knuckles and trilling a quick scale along the keys.

"Well, if you'd just told me you were going to play for me, I wouldn't have complained," I said, grinning and settling in, prepared to enjoy myself watching his long, elegant fingers stroking the black and white keys. "What are you playing for me?"

He gave me a wink and launched into a jaunty rendition of _Happy Birthday. _I giggled and swatted at his fingers until he stopped. Then he blew out a breath and placed his hands back on the keys before filling the room with music once more, this time in a beautiful and unfamiliar tune.

I was entranced right from the start at how the melody blended with the harmonious chords. In the beginning the song was soft and tentative with light and airy notes, then steadily building in strength to the bridge. When the music reached its crescendo, I felt like I could practically see the notes surrounding me, like I could reach out and take them in my hands, like I could feel them wrapping around me and caressing my skin. My body swayed and I felt like I was floating as the song came to an end and the final notes faded into silence far sooner than I would have liked.

A warm, gentle touch stroked against my cheek and my eyes fluttered open, though I hadn't been aware they were closed. As I blinked, I felt a tear drop down my cheek and when I reached up to wipe it away, I realized it hadn't been the first.

"Edward," I whispered in astonishment, not really knowing what more to say.

"Did you like it?" he asked, his voice a blend of hope and nerves.

"It was beautiful," I murmured, placing my hand over his where his fingers rested on the keys. His hand turned beneath mine to join our fingers, raising them together to his lips as I gazed into his sparkling green eyes. "I've never heard it before. What is it?"

"It's yours," he whispered.

"What?"

"It's your song, Bella. I— I wrote it for you."

"You...you wrote that?" I asked, my jaw dropping a little when he nodded.

"That's just— That was..." I started and stopped myself when every description I could think of came up far too short for what he'd just given me. All I could do was press my lips to his, pouring every ounce of love that I felt for him into the embrace. I pressed my face into his neck as his arms came around me as I whispered against his skin, "Thank you."

He simply squeezed me tighter, and we sat together in a sort of afterglow following such an intense emotional experience. A few minutes later, he cleared his throat and reached around the back of the empty music rack, pulling out a small wrapped square.

"Here," he said, laying it in my lap. "This goes with it."

"Now I _am_ complaining. You can't give me more than that, Edward. It's too much."

"Just open it, Swan," he teased, poking me in the side.

I huffed and picked up the square, tearing open the paper to reveal a generic CD case with a burned disk. A track listing was written out in Edward's handwriting on the disc and on a white sticker on the back of the case. Scanning through it, they were all songs that reminded me of him, mixed in with a few old favorites.

"You made me a mix CD?" I asked in delight.

"Not exactly," he said, uncomfortably scratching at his neck and tugging at the short hairs there. "I mean, it's a mix, but they're all piano arrangements."

"How'd you find all of these in instrumental versions?"

"I didn't. A guy on the team has an uncle who runs a recording studio in town and he let me use it to put this together."

My eyes widened in disbelief as I studied his face to see if he was teasing or actually serious. Yeah, definitely a serious face. I was completely overwhelmed by him. So, I did the first thing I could think of.

I smacked his shoulder and scolded him. "Damn it, Edward, why do you do things like this?"

"Ow, what? What'd I do?" he asked, laughing as he tried to shield himself.

"You do and say all these crazy romantic things that make it impossible to believe that I'm not just living in a dream," I said with amusement and just a hint of exasperation. "It's a ridiculous standard to live up to. You can't expect to keep this up for long. It's impossible."

"I take it you like it then," he said with a smirk.

"Not like," I sighed, stroking my fingers over the case. "Love. I love this."

He tugged me into his lap and rested his chin on my shoulder as we read through the track listing together.

"This is the one I just played for you," he said, pointing out the first track, listed as _Bella's Lullaby_. Reading down the list, it included _Baby, it's Cold Outside_, _Chasing Cars_, _Somewhere Over the Rainbow_, _I Only Have Eyes for You_...

"You recorded _Moonlight Sonata_?" I gasped when I saw it listed and turned to face him.

"Yeah. It should be pretty similar to the arrangement you're skating to."

I didn't even hesitate in asking, "Can I use it?"

"You haven't even listened to it yet, Bella. You might not like—"

"Please?" I pleaded, cutting off his arguments that might have been logical even though I knew they were useless. There was no way it wouldn't be perfect. "I mean, I don't have to if you're uncomfortable with it being so public or..."

"Bella," he stopped me this time as he affectionately stroked my cheek. "They're yours to do with as you please. If it works and you want to use it, that's fine by me. I'd be honored, in fact."

"Thank you," I grinned, throwing my arms around him and peppering kisses over his neck.

"What do you say we head upstairs and you can continue showing your gratitude," he suggested, giving my hip a light squeeze.

"I like the sound of that."

**x-x-x**

The days continued to tick past, steadily counting down, first to the last day of summer and the beginning of fall. With the arrival of autumn came crunch time for me and show time for Edward.

In the opening days of October, the Wild had their regular season home opener. Before even setting foot in the Xcel, I knew it would be an eventful night. The guys had been practically chomping at the bit for days in anticipation of their match-up against the Blackhawks. Alice, Rose and I had attempted to give them all a little extra breathing room in the few days prior.

We quickly found our seats where Carlisle and Esme already sat, having arrived early to watch the entirety of the pre-game warm up. They were in the same section our seats had been the previous season, but a couple rows closer to the action.

The arena was loud and full of excitement from the moment the lights went down for the player intros. The crowd was pumped, both for the season's return and for the rematch. The intensity was clear on every player's face as they lined up for the National Anthem and as Edward crouched at the centerline for the opening faceoff, I felt a vicarious surge of adrenaline rush through my veins.

From the moment the puck hit the ice, I found it hard to catch my breath. Every moment Edward was out on the ice, my eyes were glued to his form. When he was on the bench, chugging down water and watching the game, I watched him, mesmerized by the level of intensity and aggression he displayed. The passion. It had been far too long since I'd seen him play.

He'd always been somewhat of a passionate player, though oftentimes I found myself focusing more on the fluidity and grace of his skating. He was always powerful, always strong, always a presence, but tonight even more so. He was out for blood and that thirst was apparent in every rush and pass he made.

It was slightly intimidating, even from the stands. But more than that, it was amazingly hot. Even the knowledge that his parents sat in the two seats to my left couldn't stop my mind from wandering, dreaming up erotic visions of that aggression coming out in a very different and private arena. So distracted was I with the images in my head that I found myself not paying much attention to the game.

I did manage to keep up a little. Early on in the third period, the Wild were in the lead at three to one, and desperately trying to hold on to their advantage. The Blackhawks had upped their game, likely a result of a tongue lashing from their coach after giving up two goals in the last period and failing to score. I was zoned out, deeply engaged in a rather heart-pounding fantasy that was reminiscent of the time he'd checked me into the boards though with a lot less clothing, when a sudden roar from the crowd caught my attention.

All around me people were jumping up from their seats and shouting. The decibel level in the room rose instantly higher and my first thought was that we'd scored.

But the foghorn wasn't sounding, no music blaring, no lights flashing, none of the normal signs of a goal.

My eyes flickered to the ice, searching out the cause just in time to see Edward rip off his gloves. He threw them down on the ice next to his discarded stick before lunging at Jacob Black, who had already done away with his own pads and appeared to be taunting him.

"What happened?" I demanded to no one in particular as I shot to my feet in order to try and better see through the crowd of people between me and the ice.

"I don't know," Alice answered, though I didn't shift my focus from Edward, wincing a bit when Jake threw a solid punch to his midsection. It looked like Edward didn't even feel the blow, steadily advancing on his opponent and shoving him back. "Play was stopped. They're on commercial break. I didn't see..."

"Edward was hanging around center ice and Jake went up to him. They were looking over in this direction, but I don't know what happened. He must have said something because Edward just lost it. Looked like Jake was trying to pick a fight," Rose explained as we all continued to watch the fight play out.

The refs hung back, watching for any signs of overt misconduct but not stepping in to break anything up yet. Players from both sides started confronting each other, some just trash talking and getting in each others faces while a couple started throwing their own punches, having waited two full periods for their shot at some action.

The crowd around me was euphoric. After all, every good hockey fan loved a good fight. Minnesota was packed with good hockey fans and this was certainly a good fight.

I didn't pay any attention to the other skirmishes, my vision narrowed on where Edward and Jake continued to brawl. Jake's helmet came off as Edward's fist knocked him back and Jake returned the favor only moments later.

They were fairly evenly matched, meeting each other blow for blow, though the expressions on their faces, now that I could see them better, were vastly different. Both were aggressive, but Jake seemed almost happy, satisfied. It matched with Rose's claim that he'd been purposefully attempting to engage Edward in a brawl. Edward, on the other hand was just furious. His face was red, his jaw clenched, and the vein in his forehead prominent. Sure signs of how worked up he was.

As I watched, I was obviously concerned, not wanting to see Edward hurt and curious as to what could have led to the confrontation. Swiftly overpowering that was a much stronger emotion, one that should have shamed me when I pinpointed exactly what it was.

Lust.

Seeing Edward so wild and aggressive and..._unleashed_ was such a huge turn on. My breath was practically panting as desire curled in my belly. My earlier fantasies shot to the forefront of my mind, now aided by a clear visual aide that had my panties damp within my jeans as I fought from squirming at the overpowering wave of sexual tension.

Edward sprang forward again after a momentary respite as they both caught their breath. He snarled and his teeth clenched as his hand clamped down on the shoulder of Jake's pads. Violent jabs flew back and forth, and the only thing running through my mind was that I really wished I could see him like this when he didn't have so many pads on, blocking my view of his tensed muscles.

_Jesus, Bella, what the fuck is your problem? _The more rational side of my brain kicked in. _Some girlfriend you are. Your boyfriend's upset and all you can think about is ripping his clothes off? When did you turn into such a dirty sex fiend?_

I continued to scold myself, trying to focus on the dwindling fight and ignore my inner perv.

Edward caught hold of Jake's jersey and his next blow landed solidly in his face, snapping Jake's head back and drawing blood. The refs finally stepped in and pulled them apart. Edward was still simmering, though he didn't fight the ref's restraining hands as they led him to the penalty box. Jake was led to one as well where he was given a towel to mop up his bleeding lip as play resumed.

For five minutes they sat in their respective boxes. Edward didn't appear to settle down much, though he'd clamped the lid back down on his temper. He must have channeled his anger into determination because when he was released back to the ice, he pounced on the puck immediately. He flew down the rink, taking it right up the center and slapping it past the goalie's pads and into the net. That seemed to ease the tension in his face just a little and he actually smiled as his teammates surrounded him to celebrate the goal.

The remaining minutes of the game were less eventful and I let out a relieved sigh when the final buzzer sounded and the players made their way off the ice to hit the locker rooms. As it was the first regular game of the season—and a dramatic one for Edward—I knew it would take a little longer for him to make his way out of the locker room and through the media wall in order to meet up with us.

Alice, Rose and I went to our normal spot to wait for them while Carlisle and Esme headed home. As expected, Jasper and Emmett came out first, saying Edward should be close behind them. They shared a bit of a strange look and said he probably wouldn't be up for going out after the game. I insisted they go on ahead with their plans to hit the bar and celebrate, while I lingered behind to wait.

Only a few minutes after they left, I saw Edward coming down the hallway. I hurried over to throw my arms around him and see for myself that he was really okay. He had a small bruise forming on his cheekbone, but other than that he didn't seem any worse for wear than he had been when I'd last seen him that morning.

"Are you alright?"

_There, now _that's_ something a caring, loving girlfriend should be thinking about. Not imagining him taking you against the wall...or on a table...or...fuck. Stop it, Bella._

"Yeah. Fine," he shrugged, leaning down to peck my lips. He took my hand and started leading me in the direction of the doors. It took me a moment to realize he was really just going to try and foist this one off like nothing had gone down on the ice.

"Wait, Edward," I protested, tugging him to a halt. "What was that all about?"

"What?"

"What do you mean 'what?' That fight with Jacob."

His lips narrowed and his jaw pulsed as he slid his hand from mine and buried them both in his back pockets. For a moment I thought he wouldn't answer, though he didn't offer much when he did.

"Just doesn't know when to shut his big trap, that's all," he muttered.

"What did he say?"

"It's nothing, Bella," he sighed, not meeting my eyes. "Let's just forget it, okay?"

"You're obviously still upset," I persisted.

"Can we just drop it?" he snapped, looking at me with something akin to a glare. "Talk about something else?"

I tried not to feel hurt by his tone and the look on his face. I knew he wasn't really mad at me but about the situation. But that didn't stop it entirely.

"Yeah, okay," I said meekly, wrapping my arms around myself when it was clear he wasn't going to do so with his. Nodding, I told myself that he just needed a little space, time to cool down and calm himself again. I started to take a few steps away, figuring he'd follow so we could head to the parking garage and find his car.

"Shit," I heard him curse under his breath before he raised his voice to call out my name. "Bella, wait," he pleaded. I stopped in my tracks, and I heard his footsteps behind me only a moment before his hands landed on my shoulders, gently turning me in my spot to face him again. His expression was genuinely contrite and quickly erased the hurt that his harsh tone had caused even before he opened his mouth.

"I'm sorry. I'm still pissed off and just on edge, but that was unfair. I don't mean to take it out on you. You didn't deserve that. I'm sorry," he murmured again, his green eyes beseeching as his fingers wove into my hair and his thumb caressed my cheek. "Forgive me?"

I nodded and gave him a small smile that he returned as he dipped his head to tenderly kiss my lips. His hands came to rest lightly on my hips as he lowered his head to rest his forehead on the curve of my shoulder.

"I'm really sorry, Bella," he whispered. I tilted my head to press a kiss to his temple and lifted my hands to run my fingers through his still-damp hair, soothingly scratching his head.

I opened my mouth to speak, but was stopped when a snide, familiar voice came from behind me and had Edward immediately tense again, lifting his head to look over my shoulder.

"Lovers spat?"

"Mind your own business, Black," Edward said in a low, threatening tone as I turned, pressing my back against his chest in an effort to support him.

Physically, Jake hadn't changed much since the last time I'd seen him in Chicago, though his hair had been cropped short where it used to hang in a slick ponytail. It seemed his personality hadn't changed either. He was still a jackass.

"Maybe Bella _is _my business, Cullen," he said with the most infuriating, arrogant smirk on his face, despite the fact that his eye was swollen and his lower lip split. "After all, I'm like a son to Charlie. I'm sure he'd want me to look out for her best interests while he's not around."

"I can look out for myself just fine, thanks," I spoke up in a cold voice, glad to have an outlet for my frustration over the turn the evening had taken, especially when the blame for it could be placed entirely at his feet.

"I don't know, Bella," Jake said, giving me a smirk before returning his dark eyes to glare at Edward. "I don't think Charlie would look too kindly on his only daughter chaining herself to some possessive asshole with anger management issues."

I was furious. I pushed off Edward's chest in a move to both nudge him back and propel me forward. He'd had his chance to fight.

"Where do you get off? My personal choices aren't any of your concern, Jacob," I advanced on him in a harsh tone as anger heated my blood. "You don't even know me and you quite clearly do _not_ know Edward."

"Did you ever stop to think that maybe you're the one who doesn't know him? Because if you did you'd be able to see that he's not the perfect little angel that you think he is," Jake scoffed, his gritty voice only serving to irritate me more.

I huffed out a disgusted breath and rolled my eyes as I turned back to Edward. The prick wasn't even worth the breath it would take to speak and obviously had some severe mental issues if he seriously thought I'd take his side over Edward's in any part.

"See?" he called out at my back. "You know I'm right, you just don't want to admit it. He's got you so blinded—"

"No, Jake," I rounded on him, stepping back in his face. Unintimidated by the fact that he was a full foot taller than me, I drilled my finger into his chest in an effort to emphasize my words. "You're obviously the one with the vision problems. There is _nothing_ between us. There never will be. I don't care how close you and my father are, you and I will _never_ be close. So stay away from me. Stay away from Edward. Whatever your thoughts are about either one of us, keep them to yourself because I have zero interest in what you have to say."

I stood my ground long enough to make sure he understood that I was dead serious, then turned away and walked over to Edward without a second glance.

"Can we go now, please?" I asked, holding my hand out for his.

He glared at Jacob for another moment before shifting his gaze over to me, softening instantly as he reached out and took my hand. "Yeah. Let's go home."

The drive back to Edward's place was slightly tense. He still seemed to be on edge from the events of the evening. His knuckles were white where they clenched on the steering wheel and he appeared to be completely caught up in some internal struggle by the slightly changing expressions that crossed his features. They were all wrong—frustration, sadness.

I wanted to try and soothe him, but could not for the life of me understand what had him so troubled. To me, the interaction with Jake was irritating, but unimportant. Twice I'd spoken with him and twice I'd found him to be nothing more than a pathetic jerk. But twice Edward had been greatly affected and it was clear there was more to it than a simple rivalry between players.

I wanted to talk to him, to figure out what had him so upset. But the look on his face had me holding back and trying to give him some space to calm himself, to sort through his thoughts in his own time and settle down.

By the time we reached his house fifteen minutes later, he was still silent and sulking, and I'd had enough of waiting.

"Seriously, Edward, what is your problem?" I demanded once we'd gotten inside, kicked off our shoes and moved into the living room. "I don't get why you're so hung up on what one jerk has to say."

"Maybe because he has a point," he replied in a tight voice, his eyes focused on some point on the wall that wasn't anywhere near my face. "I'm not infallible, Bella and I'm certainly not perfect. As much as I wish I could be for you, I'm just...not."

His shoulders lifted, then dropped helplessly and he finally met my gaze, if only for a brief moment. There was hurt there and insecurity and it made me angry to see. Angry that Jake had put that look in his eyes. "I have flaws. Ones that go beyond simply not knowing dick about what to do in the kitchen. Some of which Jacob Black was so kind to point out to you tonight."

"Fuck Jacob Black!" I exclaimed, clenching my hands at the sound of his name on my tongue and the frustration flowing through me. "He doesn't know what he's talking about. He doesn't know you. He's just some delusional punk who gets off on making you feel bad about yourself because it makes him feel better about the fact that he's a scumbag. Why do you let him get to you so much?" I asked, searching his eyes for some clue.

He didn't answer and my patience was wearing thin. "Please just talk to me, Edward. I can't understand if you don't talk to me."

He sighed and plopped down on the arm of the couch. "I don't want to give you the wrong idea about why I'm upset."

"Why would I get the wrong idea?"

"That fight out on the ice? Jake said something to me. About you. And about… Kate."

That was something I hadn't seen coming. My mind was spinning, trying to get a handle on the unexpected tidbit of information. "Kate? As in your ex-girlfriend, Kate? What about her?"

"They slept together. While she and I were still...she had sex with him," he said without emotion.

Despite his calm tone, I hurt for him, knowing how much that sort of betrayal would upset him. Edward held so much respect for morals and loyalty that infidelity would definitely cut him deeply. But it seemed like there was more to it.

"You said it was about me, too. What did he say?"

He looked up at me, and this time his voice wasn't calm, nor were his eyes. "He said he wondered if you were as good in bed as Kate was. Though that's admittedly censored a bit."

I sighed, setting aside my disgust for Jacob and for Kate as I stepped over to him and settled myself into his lap. His arms instantly wrapped around me as he laid his head on my chest.

"You know you have nothing to worry about," I murmured, rubbing my fingers at the slight tension that lingered at the nape of his neck. "I could _never_ do that to you. With anyone, and especially not with him. I'm sorry they hurt you like that, that she did that to you."

"It's not about Kate, Bella," he sighed, his fingers playing with the bottom button of my shirt. "It's not even about her and Jake, really. I mean the cheating stuff bugs me, but more because I don't really have a tolerance for cheating in general. If you want to be with someone else, at least have the decency to break things off first, you know?"

"I get that. You have a strong sense of values. I can't imagine something like that would be easy for you to hear."

He raised his head and looked directly in my eyes as he spoke. "I don't have any feelings for her and I haven't for quite some time. I hate that this is even coming up in conversation because I don't want you to have any doubts about that. I don't have _these_ feelings," he said, taking my hand and placing it over his heart with his pressed on top, "for anyone but you and I never have. I never felt for her even an ounce of what I feel for you. Finding out about Jake and Kate sucked, but I already knew she cheated on me and I've gotten past it."

"So why... If it doesn't matter to you, why are you so upset about it?"

He dropped his gaze to our hands and began to gently toy with my fingers as he spoke in a low voice. "When he said what he did…it reminded me of Phil. What you told me he did to you," he explained as I nuzzled my cheek against his head in comfort, realizing just how hard it must have been for him to hear if he was still hung up on it.

But it seemed that wasn't the only reason, because he continued to talk. "Added to that, I've already been feeling pretty shitty about what happened a few weeks back, you know, the whole not-really-seeing-each-other thing. I don't want this to sound like a comparison, because it's not meant as one, but it's similar to what kicked off all the problems Kate and I had. Or maybe not kicked-off so much as brought them to the surface. The problems were already there. I hate the idea that something like that could ever happen to us. Just the very thought of ever not being with you..." His voice trailed off as his hand tightened around mine.

"Hey," I said quietly but firmly, taking his chin in my free hand and lifting it until his face was even with mine. "I'm not going anywhere. We talked about this. The separation stuff, it sucks, but it's not going to tear us apart. Neither of us would ever let that happen."

"I know." His lips twitched and his body seemed to lose a bit of its tension as he raised a hand to my hair, gently twisting the strand closest to my face in his fingers. "I know we talked and I know we'll find a way to be okay. And what we have is honestly _so_ different. It's incomparable. Guess it was just a bit of a hair trigger to have this come up so soon after we had that conversation."

I kissed his forehead reassuringly and hopped off his lap to stretch out my legs a bit, a little sore from sitting for the last few hours. I leaned back against the doorjamb, stretching my legs out in front of me.

"Is that all he said?" I asked, eager to have everything out in the open so we could move on and forget about it.

"Just some petty comments about how you'd come to your senses soon enough about what kind of person I was. He already told you his opinion of me."

"Yeah," I rolled my eyes in irritation. "And like I said, he doesn't know what he's talking about."

"But he's right," Edward sighed, digging his hand into his hair and tugging the strands in a sign of frustration. "I hate that he's right. I hate that I could ever make you feel nervous or uncomfortable."

"What?" I exclaimed, a bit shocked and confused about why he felt that he had. "You don't! Not ever. Why would you think that?"

"How could I not?" he groaned. "Did you see me out there on the ice tonight? Didn't it freak you out? I totally lost it over a couple snide remarks. I should have been able to control myself better. And it's not the first time it's happened, either. I hate that you've ever seen me like that. Like some violent monster."

I nearly burst out laughing, though it really wasn't all that funny. Here he was nervous that his fight had scared me and made me question him, while I'd been berating myself since it happened for the fact that I all I could think about was how sexy it had been. How arousing it was to see him like that. How just the thought of it made me wet with desire, even now.

Well, it might be a little embarrassing to clue him in on this one, but if it would take the sadness from his eyes, it'd be worth a little personal discomfort.

Steeling myself, I straightened, pushing away from the wall. "Yes, Edward, I saw it. And do you want to know what I was thinking?"

"What?"

"I was thinking that I _liked_ seeing you a little out of control. I _liked_ seeing that calm, cool demeanor of yours slip. I _liked _seeing that side of you." I slowly crossed the few steps to where he sat, coming to a stop between his parted knees. "A lot."

"You did? But…why?" he asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.

"I don't know. Maybe I have a thing for possessive assholes with anger management issues," I teased with a smirk that turned into a smile when he laughed. I raised my hand to rest on his neck and leaned down to whisper in his ear on the opposite side. "Or maybe I just have a thing for you. All of you, not just the perfect parts."

I could feel his pulse quicken in his throat beneath my thumb. My lips curved up in a satisfied smirk as I pressed them to his smooth skin, then pulled back only a few centimeters to draw a thin line up the side of his neck with the tip of my tongue.

His hands clamped down tightly on my hips as he let out a low, choked breath. "Bella."

"Do you love me, Edward?" I murmured as my teeth nipped teasingly at his earlobe. "All of me?

"Yes," he whispered as his body slightly shuddered.

I eased myself back just enough to look into his eyes as I asked my next question, "So I can tell you anything and you won't think less of me?"

"What? No, of course I won't," he said, his brows lifting, giving me all the reassurance that I needed to take the next step.

"Give me your hand, Edward," I whispered, holding mine out for his.

When he reached out, I took hold of it with both of mine and stepped back, urging him to stand before me. With my eyes latched on his face and my breath shallow from a mixture of nervousness and excitement, I gently placed his hand flat against my stomach.

The warmth of his touch through the thin fabric of my tank top served to increase the desire coursing through my body and I no longer cared about things like being shy or self-conscious, sweet or innocent. I just wanted him to touch me. Take me. I wasn't embarrassed by how wet he made me or how much I wanted him, and I wanted him to know.

I wanted to show him.

Slowly, I turned his hand until his fingers were splayed against me in the opposite direction, the tips of them just barely brushing at the waistline of my jeans. Without further delay, I pressed my hand on top of his, my fingers lying in the gaps between his. I slid our joined our hands beneath the denim until they found my heated center and the wetness soaking through my panties.

His breath stuttered and a strangled moan came from his throat as his fingers rubbed over my panties with no further encouragement. "Oh fuck," he muttered on a stuttering breath.

"Do you feel that?" I asked, though the question was unnecessary. "That's what I felt tonight. I wanted you so badly. All I could think about was getting you alone so I could rip your clothes off. So you could rip mine. No one else does that to me. No one else makes me feel like this."

His breath was uneven and his Adam's apple bobbed in his throat. His eyes blazed and stared down at where our hands were placed. He was completely still apart from the slight rubbing of his fingers inside my jeans.

"Stop holding yourself back," I pleaded, pressing my lips at his throat. "I want you to lose control with me. I'm not fragile. You won't break me. You don't scare me. You don't always have to be so careful."

I bit down at his neck, just above his collarbone and he let out a low sound as his lips parted and his breath panted. His fingers curled against me, but still he didn't loosen the invisible chains he'd placed upon himself.

I took a slow step backwards, his eyes opening and locking upon mine as his hand stayed in place and he followed my lead until we came to a stop with my back up against an empty spot on the wall. I stroked my hands up over his chest, resting them on his shoulders as I toyed with the collar of his shirt.

"I want to be possessed, but only by you. I want to be taken, but only by you. So take me," I urged him, gasping as his lips finally crushed down on mine. The hand in my jeans pressed more firmly as his other hand roughly fisted the fabric over my stomach and his mouth assaulted mine, our tongues passionately lashing at each other.

He pushed the open button down from my shoulders and I tore at his t-shirt. I groaned in protest at the loss of his mouth for only a moment before they fastened back together.

He removed his hand from my pants and I whimpered, desperate for friction to ease the ache between my thighs. He placed his hands on my hips, his fingers flexing and unflexing as his lips and tongue slowed in their movements until they were long and languid in meeting my mouth.

I was slightly disappointed. Though his touch and his kisses were wonderful and perfect, they weren't precisely what I'd been hoping for.

He rested his forehead against the top of my head as his hands slid from my hips and he gently released the button of my jeans and eased down the zipper. Pulling his head back and gazing into my eyes, he whispered, "I love you."

"I love you, too," I said, biting down on my lip for just a moment as I debated over whether I should just let it go. But the passionate fire that I could see simmering within his deep green eyes gave me courage. He wanted it the same way I did; I just knew it. He just needed a little push in the right direction.

Without warning, I used all my strength, aided by the element of surprise, to twist us around, slamming him back against the wall and firmly pressing myself against his body. The heated skin of our torsos aligned as I lifted myself on my toes to place my lips against his jaw, just below his ear.

"I know that you love me, Edward," I said as I pressed firmly against his erection, grinding slowly against his length. "But I don't want you to make love to me right now."

"You don't, huh?" he asked as his chest heaved and he bucked his pelvis to more fully meet the movement of my hips.

"No. I want you to fuck me. Hard, and fast, and rough. Like no one else ever has and no one else ever will. Fuck me, Edward," I whispered, looking up at him through my thick lashes with undiluted lust. "Please?"

His breath came out on a violent growl and I could practically feel the chains on his restraint snap. In a flash, our positions were reversed again and my back flat to the wall. Our hands raced over each other as our mouths met in a frenzy of lips and tongues and teeth. When he clamped down on my lower lip, I simultaneously cried out and clenched with desire.

Our hands tore at each other's jeans as we kicked them from our feet. His palms covered my breasts, his fingers curling into the top of my bra and pulling the cups down to expose my nipples. No more than a moment later, his mouth closed over one of the rosy peaks while he rolled the other between his fingers. He scraped his teeth against my tender skin before switching to the other and giving it the same treatment. My hand sought the satisfaction of stroking his erection with the palm of my hand before pushing at the fabric of his boxer briefs and wrapping my fingers firmly around his length.

His hands lowered to my panties as he raised his head to claim my lips once more. Bunching the fabric in his fingers, he gave my panties a rough and sudden tug that tore the scrap from my hips. Literally.

Then his arms swooped under my thighs and hoisted me up to wrap my legs around his waist, poising himself at my entrance and lowering me down onto him in a single thrust.

My mouth fell open and my fingers clawed at his back and in his hair as he buried his face in my neck, pressed my shoulders to the wall, and frantically pumped into me over and over again. Our skin slapped together and the room echoed with the sounds of my desperate cries and his low, uneven grunts interspersed with guttural moans in the form of my name.

My legs clamped around him, my heels digging into his thighs as I felt the initial waves of my orgasm crash over me. The sensations only intensified when he fisted my hair and pulled tightly enough to draw my head back until I saw only the ceiling. Then I was blinded completely when he roughly scraped his teeth against my neck and bit down with a growl.

His hand released my hair just as I recovered, loudly slapping against the wall as he planted his hand above my head and continued to move, racing toward his own completion. Through the haze of pleasure, I watched his face as he reached it. His skin was flushed, his jaw clenched tight. Strands of hair were plastered to his perspiring brow where I could see his vein throbbing. A wave of satisfaction flowed through me. He was definitely worked up, and this time over me. His hand returned to my hair, clenching the strands as his eyes widened and mouth fell open on a shouted groan as I felt him pulse between my thighs. His body stiffened, his muscles tense as he released deeply inside me.

He fell forward, his body pinning me against the wall acting as the only thing that kept me upright as my limbs fell limply from their hold on his body, too spent to hold my grip any longer. I could feel his heart pounding in his chest, matching the same sprinting pace of mine. Beads of sweat had formed on his skin, and as I started to regain my senses, I realized they'd formed on mine as well. But it wasn't gross. Far from it. The fact that we'd made each other sweaty only filled me with satisfaction and the desire to do it again.

His head had dropped to rest against the wall right beside mine; one of his hands still clenched in my hair while the other kneaded my thigh.

"Fucking Christ, Bella," he panted, his breath hot and heavy against my ear. "You're gonna kill me."

I giggled, clenching a bit and whimpering as I felt him twitch, still buried in my heat. I turned my head to the side and grinned in satisfaction as I took in the mirrored expression on his face.

"Yeah," I sighed and gave a satisfied hum, "but what a way to go."

x-x-x

A few days later I was pulled abruptly from sleep by a loud thud and a whispered curse.

It was still dark and through my squinted eyes, I could see that the red numbers on Edward's bedside clock read five-twenty a.m. I could just barely make out Edward's shadowy form at the foot of the bed as he bent over and rubbed at his foot.

"Edward?" I asked, my voice hoarse and my brain still fuzzy and mostly asleep.

"Sorry to wake you," he whispered as he stepped closer and sat on the edge of the bed beside me.

"You okay?" I asked reaching out and lightly stroking his bare toe as he'd crossed his foot up over his thigh.

"Yeah, just stubbed my toe."

"Mmm," I hummed before yawning hugely and flopping over on my back as I patted his foot. "I'd kiss it but I'm too sleepy."

He chuckled and tapped my nose affectionately. "You can make it up to me later."

"M'kay," I murmured, snuggling a bit deeper under the covers as I felt the early morning chill in the room. I blinked my eyes a few times to clear the sleep from my vision and watched him with a sad smile as he sat on the bed and pulled on his socks, then laced up his sneakers.

He was leaving that morning for a week and a half long road trip, his first of the season. He'd be back just in time to spend a few days at home before seeing me off on a plane for Paris. His game schedule was too packed for him to join me, but we talked about making a trip overseas together sometime when we'd both have a chance to really enjoy the sights. Though it was disappointing, I couldn't be upset. If he did skip his games and come with me, we still wouldn't be able to see each other much with how busy I'd be at the competition.

"Your dad here yet?" I asked as I traced my fingers over the small of his back, indulging in the pleasure of simply touching him while I still had the chance.

"Just texted me. He just picked up Emmett and is about five minutes away," he murmured. He uncrossed his leg, turning on the bed and lowering his body to lay perpendicular across my stomach as he perched himself up on his elbow and smiled at me.

"I'm glad you woke me up," I said, fingering the smooth, shiny strands of his soft hair between my fingers.

"I'll call you when we get there, and then again later tonight, okay?"

"Sounds good," I whispered, tears brimming in my eyes at the thought of saying goodbye, though I fought them back.

He smiled at me with understanding and raised himself up to caress my lips with his in a kiss that began as soft and sweet and became gradually more passionate as he sucked on my bottom lip and slipped his tongue into my mouth and our arms wound around each other. After a few minutes he pulled away, then leaned back in again and pecked three chaste kisses against my mouth in succession.

He rested his forehead against mine and whispered, "I should get going. Emmett gets cranky if anyone but him is late."

I nodded and cupped my hand behind his neck to bring his lips back to mine in one final lingering kiss.

"Before I go," he sighed, extracting himself from my arms to stand and cross the room to the closet, shuffling around a bit before returning to sit beside me with something hidden behind his back. I sat up a little and flicked on the lamp beside the bed, looking at him curiously. He smiled and pulled the object from behind him. "This is for you."

He held out a furry brown stuffed dog and rubbed its plastic nose against my cheek before laying it on my tummy. Picking it up for closer inspection, I giggled when I noticed it was a replica of Toto with soft fur, floppy ears and limbs, and just the perfect size to cuddle. Hugging the puppy to my chest, I grinned at Edward and said, "Thanks."

"Toto'll keep you safe while I'm gone. We had a nice long chat about his responsibilities," he said seriously, rubbing a hand over the dog's head as I giggled.

"Is that so?"

"Yup. He's a very good listener. You should try it some time."

"I just might," I said.

At the muted sound of a car pulling up outside, our arms wrapped around each other and I breathed him in.

"I'll see you in ten days," he murmured, leaning in to kiss my forehead.

"I'll be here. Well, not _here_ here, but you know..."

"What if you were here?" he asked, easing back with a thoughtful expression.

"Huh?"

"Stay here," he clarified. "While I'm gone. You have a key and it's just as close to the rink as your apartment. I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to or if you're uncomfortable being here on your own, but I just thought..."

"What?" I asked when he hesitated.

"Well, it'd just be nice to think of you being here while I'm on the road," he said, taking my hand to play with my fingers. "In my house, sleeping in my bed... It's probably ridiculous."

"No it's not," I insisted. "It'd make me feel better, too. Closer to you."

"So you'll stay?" He asked with a hopeful smile.

"I'll stay."

**x-x-x**

**A/N:**

**A few of you mentioned missing the recap last chapter, so I figured I'd bring it back. This time around we had:**

*** Edward & Bella trying to figure out how to deal w/ their clashing seasons & Date Night**

*** Bella's Birthday**

*** Wild Season Opener, Jake, Fights, Talks and a lil action as a result**

*** Edward heading off for his first road trip**

**Reviews get teased! I love hearing from all of you. ;)**

**Polyvore on the profile.**


	19. Chapter 19: Welcome the Distraction

**A/N: Sorry for the delay guys!**

**Big thanks to Caren and FanpireMama for helping me work through this one!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer created the characters, the story is mine. Copyright 2010: BellaMarie117**

**x-x-x**

One by one, the ten days we were separated passed. The daytime hours were easy to manage, filled with practice and preparation, but the nights were more difficult. I spent time with the girls in the evenings and we watched the guys' games over at Rose's apartment, just like we had the previous season when it had been home for both of them. Though it would have been more convenient to just cross the hall to my apartment afterwards, I always returned to Edward's house at night, slipping into one of his worn t-shirts and snuggling with Toto in sheets that smelled like him. Wrapped in Edward's scent, I always found the peace I needed to slip into a deep slumber.

Our talk that night out by the airport had served its purpose well. The separation was no less difficult than I'd anticipated, but it was manageable because we remained devoted to each other and our relationship.

Three times I'd come home to Edward's place after practice and grabbed the mail from the box to find handwritten letters, postmarked from various locations around the country. Every one of them made me giddy. I'd dash up the stairs and flop down on my stomach on his bed and devour the letters with his pillow bunched beneath my chest. Though we talked every day and texted more often than that, there was something different about his letters, something old-fashioned and utterly romantic. After memorizing each line, I'd tucked them safely in my drawer. I smiled wistfully, thinking how wonderful it would be to pull them out again thirty years down the road when they were yellowed and faded with age, the paper thin and creased from years of re-reading the words. I could only imagine they would evoke the exact same feelings in me then that they did now.

For my part, I'd dug up the address for a couple of the hotels he'd been staying at throughout his trip and overnighted him two different care packages; one during the first leg and one in the second. I'd baked him cookies and his favorite banana bread and tucked in an extra batch for him to share so that Emmett wouldn't steal all his treats. He'd called immediately after receiving the first one and made me giggle when he'd greeted me with his mouth full of food, so eager to talk that he didn't even wait to chew the first bite.

After a lot of second guessing and rolling my eyes at myself, I'd tucked a little travel bottle of my shampoo into the first box to send to him. Being in his house, surrounded by his scent was such a comfort to me and I remembered him saying he'd always liked the smell of my shampoo. Maybe it was weird, but anything to potentially make things easier for him was worth a little weirdness in my book.

The team had been doing well and I hoped their winning streak and the fact that he had Emmett and Jasper to keep him company helped him just as much as having Rose, Alice and his parents around helped me. There were moments along the way where I could tell from the sound of his voice that he was feeling down, but overall I thought we were both handling things pretty well this time around. I still missed him, but I found that I wasn't as mopey.

Marcus kept me occupied on the ice, polishing up those last minute alterations on my programs to make them ready to show. Alice and the seamstress were working on the finishing touches to my costumes, making readjustments after I took them out on the ice for a test run.

My stomach was starting to twist in knots every time Paris was mentioned. As much as I wanted the days to fly by so Edward would be home again, I couldn't bring myself to wish them away. Every day that passed brought me that much closer to my debut. Though I wouldn't admit it to anyone else, I was nervous as all hell.

I'd known for months that this competition was coming. I'd been preparing for it, devoted so much of my time getting ready to compete again. But in a way, it always seemed so far off in the distance. Now with only days to go, I could no longer deny that this was actually happening. With that acceptance came the doubts, the insecurities that always plagued me around competition time. It was a cutthroat business and no matter how much I prepared, it only took one fall, one extra foot on a landing, a tiny stumble to ruin everything I'd spent the last few months working for.

I tried not to dwell too much, and for the most part I succeeded in hiding my stress. At least enough that it didn't seem noticeable to anyone around me.

Marcus and I would be flying overseas a full four days before the ladies short program in order for me to adjust completely to the time difference and allow my body to adapt to any changes in altitude. Sometimes the novice skaters showed up the day before and it always hurt their chances.

In a competitive setting, there was always as much to think about off the ice as there was on. Any little thing could be the tipping point between success and failure. It was almost overwhelming to think about. On the one hand, my seasoned status helped, but I still had plenty of nerves when I started thinking about it all. So I tried not to as much as possible.

Things were looking good.

Then, two days before Edward was due home and five days before I was scheduled to board a plane for Paris, I awoke in Edward's bed feeling like I'd been run over by a Mac truck. My throat was dry and raw, like it had been scraped by sandpaper; my head was fuzzy and heavy. Shivers racked my body and my teeth chattered with chills, though I'd burrowed myself under the heavy quilt during the night.

Prying my eyes open, I cast a glance at the clock on the bedside table, only to do a bit of a double take when I saw that it was already after nine a.m., I was supposed to be on the ice by now. Marcus was going to kill me.

I shot up in bed, only to have the room spin around me in dizzy circles. White spots blurred my vision and I had to quickly lay back against the pillows for fear of passing out. _What the hell is going on?_

I concentrated on breathing steadily in and out, but even I could tell that something was wrong with my lungs. Every time I tried to take a deep breath, it kicked off a fit of coughing so violent that I felt like I would suffocate.

Once the dizziness passed and the coughing subsided, I groped for my phone on the stand, bringing it in front of my face and lighting up the screen.

Two missed calls and one new text.

I glanced through the log and saw that the two calls were from Marcus and Esme, no doubt wondering where I was.

The text was Edward's usual 'good morning' message. The team was currently in San Jose for a game and then their final match would be in Los Angeles on Friday afternoon before they'd be home again late that night. The message came through an hour earlier. He always sent one first thing in the morning before heading off to the gym for his workout, followed by practice with the team. Being in such different time zones meant that I wasn't always the quickest to respond, but I always texted him back when I caught a break and we'd carry out a choppy conversation throughout the day whenever we had a moment to respond.

I contemplated texting him. If he didn't hear from me, he might worry and I didn't want to be the cause of any distraction. But when I tried to respond, my vision blurred and I couldn't concentrate enough on the tiny keys of my Blackberry to write anything coherent. Groaning in frustration, I tossed the phone haphazardly on the bed and reached for Toto. Snuggling him close to my chest, my eyes fluttered closed again and I burrowed into the pillow, pathetically whimpering when I wasn't coughing.

I didn't mean to fall back asleep, but I must have dozed off. The next thing I knew, something cool and damp was being pressed to my forehead and I could just make out Esme's soft voice mumbling quietly beside me, concern evident in her tone despite the calm volume.

"I don't know. She didn't show up at the rink this morning and didn't call, so I stopped by to see if everything was okay," she spoke in a quiet whisper. No one answered that I could hear, so I assumed she was on the phone. My eyelids felt too heavy to open them and check for sure.

"Well, she's got a fever, but I haven't been able to get a temp yet. Hands are freezing," she continued as I felt her warm fingers against the skin on the back of my hand. "She's shivering a lot. Really pale too, a lot more than usual."

It felt odd to hear her describe my symptoms, almost like an out of body experience. I couldn't really tell how I felt. One moment I wanted to strip off all my clothes and throw the quilt from my body, and the next I wanted to bury myself in blankets to seek out the warmth. The only thing I knew with absolute certainty was that I just wanted to sleep.

"I'm not really sure of any other symptoms," I heard her continue, though her voice took on a dreamy tone to my ears. I gave up fighting to stay awake and let myself float. "She's been asleep since I got here."

_That's right. Sleep. Sleep is good. I should sleep._

At that instant, just as I felt myself drifting into unconsciousness again, my lungs betrayed me. I shot up from the bed, heaving and gasping from the strain of the hacking coughs grating in my chest and my throat.

Soft hands rubbed soothingly over my back until I regained my breath and through the volume of my gasps, I could hear her murmuring reassurances to me.

"You're okay, sweetie. Everything's going to be fine. Carlise?" Her voice was firmer, and more urgent as she brought the phone back to her ear. "Do you need me to bring her in? Are you sure? Okay, thanks. Yeah, see you in a few minutes."

I heard her end the call and felt the mattress shift as she leaned over to set the phone down on the nightstand. I didn't chance raising my head from where I'd perched it upon my hands, fearful that any change in position would bring back the coughing. Esme continued to rub my back, wordlessly offering her comfort.

"You wanna lay back down again?" she asked quietly after a few minutes. I nodded, lifting my head and blinking my heavy eyes in a fruitless attempt to bat out the drowsiness from my vision. I caught enough of a glance at Esme's face to take in the concern mixed with what could only be classified as love and tenderness as she offered me a smile and brushed a few matted strands of hair from my face.

She reached behind me and fluffed the pillows, turning them over so I could lay back down on the cool fabric rather than the surface that was still warm from my fever.

"Carlisle's on his way over to check on you and figure out what's going on," she explained. I nodded, too tired to argue that it was silly of him to leave the hospital just to come check on me. It was probably just a twenty-four hour bug or something.

My hand reached out to the side, blindly feeling around but not finding what I wanted.

"Looking for this?" Esme asked, holding up Toto. I nodded again and gave her a small, grateful smile as she tucked the soft, stuffed puppy in beside me.

"Do you need anything else?"

I wanted to ask for some water but thought that trying to ingest anything at this point was probably a bad idea. I shook my head and snuggled Toto closer, searching for the comfort of just holding on to something when I was feeling so crummy.

"When did you start feeling sick?"

I opened my mouth, then had to close it again and swallow, clearing my throat and attempting to wet my lips. Even then, my voice was hoarse and raspy and the words grated against my throat, so I tried to keep the talking to a minimum.

"I've been coughing and sniffling for almost a week, getting tired quicker than usual. I— I thought it was just a cold. I get them sometimes in the fall. Change of seasons and all that. Then this morning…" I trailed off with a vague gesture to my current condition. "Did you tell Marcus? Was he upset? I didn't even call—"

"I talked to him when I got here and he's fine," she assured me. "Waiting to get an update on how you're doing."

"I shouldn't be missing practice this close to a competition," I said with a hint of panic as I tried to sit up again. "I should—"

Esme quickly interrupted me, pushing me back into the pillows gently but firmly. "You should lay back and take it easy is what you should do. Carlisle will be here in a few minutes. Once we know what's what, we'll go from there, okay?"

I stopped trying to fight against her. I really didn't feel up to even getting out of bed, nonetheless driving over to the rink and putting in a whole day of training. I relaxed back into the pillows, nuzzling my face against the fur of Toto's downy coat, soft and cool against my flushed cheeks. Esme crossed over to the other side of the bed and propped herself up against the headboard, quietly stroking my hair and scratching my scalp while we waited. Carlisle showed up less than ten minutes later, letting himself into the house and knocking softly on the door of the bedroom to alert us to his presence before he came inside. I saw him spare a glance and a smile at Esme before taking a seat on the edge of the bed beside me.

"Hey there, Bella," he said, brushing a hand over my cheek in an affectionate greeting. "Not feeling too great this morning, huh? Alright, I'm gonna have you sit up here next to me and we'll have a look. See what's going on."

It only took a few minutes for him to come up with a diagnosis. After having me attempt to take a few deep breaths while listening to my lungs, he gave me a compassionate smile and said I could lay down again.

"Well, you may as well get comfortable because you're not going anywhere for the next few days," he said.

"What? No, I can't stay in bed. I'm supposed to—"

"What is it, Carlisle?" Esme asked.

"Walking pneumonia," he responded, directing his attention back to me. "Nothing too severe, but enough to knock you off your feet for a little bit. I'll leave you with an antibiotic to take twice a day. That should get it out of your system within about ten days."

"Ten days?" I gaped, appalled at the very idea of being bed-ridden for over a week.

"You may start feeling better sooner than that," he reassured me quickly, chuckling softly at what must have been a horrified expression on my face. "But you'll still want to take it easy and get plenty of rest. It'll take some time to build up your energy level again."

"How much time?" I asked, feeling more dismal with every question and answer.

"It's hard to tell at this point. Some people are back on their feet right away and some suffer from lingering effects for up to two months after finishing the medication. I suppose part of your recovery will depend on you."

"Don't say that," I warned him. "If it were up to me, I'd be at the rink right now."

He laughed softly again and brushed a finger down the bridge of my nose before his face turned serious. "I hate to say it, Bella, but it looks like you'll have to miss Paris this time around. You won't be well enough in time to travel."

I simply nodded, attempting to shrug off the tinge of disappointment at hearing my suspicions confirmed.

The news didn't come as a surprise. Even if it only took a few days to get better, I'd need time and training to rebuild my muscle strength in order to handle the strenuous pace of competition. It was a bad idea to try and compete when you weren't on top of your game and I wasn't eager to make a half-assed comeback just because I was too stubborn to concede. Instead of lingering on that point, I thought ahead to what came next.

"What about next month? Will I be okay by Lake Placid?"

"You should be just fine," he said, his tone certain and his expression encouraging. "Some of the symptoms may stick around for awhile, but nothing you can't power through as long as you remember to get plenty of rest and fluids."

"'Kay," I nodded, feeling slightly more optimistic at the first bit of good news I'd heard all morning.

He seemed to hesitate another moment and I saw him glance behind me, seemingly communicating with Esme without words. His features were so like Edward's, though their coloring was vastly different. It made me miss him and the way he'd look at me that way sometimes, as if he could tell me everything with a single shared glance.

Carlisle looked back down at me and said, "I'd really feel better if you weren't alone right now. The antibiotics will start working right away but you won't really see any improvements until a few days into the meds. Why don't you come stay with us? At least until Edward gets back. We've got plenty of room."

I genuinely considered it for a moment, just as the thought had crossed my mind that maybe I should just go back to my apartment so I didn't fill Edward's house with germs. I wasn't uncomfortable with the idea of staying with Esme and Carlisle. I knew they cared about me and wouldn't find me a burden, even if I'd probably feel like one. But I didn't want to break my promise to Edward. I had told him I would stay, and sure, these were extenuating circumstances and I knew he'd understand, but I wanted to follow through on my promise to stay in his house.

I looked up at Carlisle and tried to convey my genuine gratitude with my eyes. "I appreciate the offer. Really. But I think I want to stay here if that's okay."

"Then I'll stay here with you," Esme said.

"No, Esme, I can't ask you to do that," I said, filled with dismay. I had my reasons for staying, but that shouldn't make her obligated to put herself out. "There's not even an extra bed. And Carlisle," I continued, though my throat was killing me from all the talking. "You said I'm just going to be sleeping a lot, right? There's no point in someone else hanging around while I nap all day."

"Bella," Esme sighed patiently and I knew there was no hope of me winning this one. "I can be just as stubborn as my son is. You're not staying here alone while you're sick. You're not asking. I'm telling you that I'm staying."

"You may as well save your breath, sweetheart. When she's got her mind made up there's no changing it. It's impossibly frustrating sometimes," he winked at her and turned to me with a commiserating grin. "I'll wish you luck because Edward takes after her in that way."

"Yeah. I've noticed that one," I said wryly, rolling my eyes a bit at the two of them and their shared protective streak.

"I have every faith that you're up for the challenge. I've got to get back to the hospital, but I'll be back to check on you later," he said, leaning down and pressing a paternal kiss to my forehead that had me blushing.

I internally cursed my cheeks for still having the ability to showcase my embarrassing reaction when the rest of my body could barely move. No matter how comfortable I became with the level of physical affection these people showed, unexpected displays always took me a little by surprise. Especially coming from Carlisle. He and I had a little more limited interaction, and I wasn't really used to having a father-figure close by, certainly not one who would kiss my forehead when I was feeling sick or call me sweetheart. I kinda liked it.

My eyelids drooped and I fought my hardest to keep them open, until it suddenly seemed to be taking far too much effort to stay awake than it was really worth. Too drained from the conversation to even worry about being rude, I closed my eyes and searched for sleep.

"I'm going to go home and grab a few things and then stop by the store to pick up your prescription and a few supplies," Esme murmured close to my ear. I felt her brush a few stray strands of hair off my face. "Do you need anything?"

My first instinct was to brush it off so I could just go back to sleep already, but then I remembered that I hadn't answered Edward's text that morning. Though the idea of trying to talk any more seemed exhausting, I really did want to talk to him, just to hear his voice.

I opened my eyes and looked around the bed, trying to find where I'd flung the device earlier. "My phone? I should call Edward. I didn't text him back."

"How about I call him while I'm out, let him know what's going on," Esme suggested. "You should sleep, sweetie, you can barely keep your eyes open. I'll tell him you'll talk to him later when you wake up, alright?"

"Tell him not to worry, okay?" I said with a yawn, my voice fading with every word. "If he thinks something's wrong he'll do something stupid like book a flight home and skip his game."

I wasn't awake long enough to hear her response.

**x-x-x**

The hours blended together in a haze of drowsiness. I'd wake for short periods of time but could never keep my eyes open longer than about twenty minutes before I was out again. The only time I got out of bed was to go to the bathroom, and even that tiny trip sapped me of my energy and I had to practically crawl back into bed.

Alice and Rose came over and camped out amongst the pillows with me to watch the guys play that night, even though I was only awake for maybe fifteen minutes of the entire game.

Between the two of them and Esme, I was never truly alone. Even Carlisle was true to his word and stopped by a few times, either just to see how I was doing or to keep Esme company while I slept.

Though I felt bad about all of them thinking they had to nurse and supervise me, having them around really did help. During the brief periods I was awake, it was nice to have someone there, just making sure I was okay. I didn't get sick very often, but on the few occasions I had in the past, I hadn't really had anyone around to take care of me. I'd always taken care of myself, or more often just ignored it completely and powered through, heavily medicating so I could still make it to the rink. For once, it was nice to have people around who wanted to step up to the plate and help me when I was feeling down.

Edward didn't do anything stupid. I didn't really think he'd rush home the moment he found out I was feeling sick, but a part of me had been a bit worried he'd make a rash decision and come home early just to keep me company and fetch me extra blankets. He was always so protective of me and I knew the idea of me getting sick while he was away would bother him. There was nothing he could do to change it, but even so, he'd want to be close by. So, I was relieved when I spoke to him the first time and heard that he was pretty calm, more so than I'd have expected. Esme must have worked her magic.

Over the next two days, he sent me texts to check in, not wanting to wake me with a call in case I was sleeping. I could tell he was still worried, even if his parents had convinced him that I would be okay and he didn't need to rush home. I did everything I could to reassure him through my messages and phone calls, though I'm pretty sure hearing my scratchy, tired voice and my cough did more harm than good.

He called after his early game on Friday afternoon to let me know he was on his way to the airport and would be home in a few hours. Of course no one would hear of me going to pick him up, so I'd be stuck at home waiting for him to get dropped off.

While I waited, I snuck out of bed to try and pick up a little bit. In my sickness, I'd become a rather slobby houseguest and Edward didn't need to come home to wads of Kleenex and empty Gatorade bottles littering every flat surface of his bedroom.

I managed to swipe the trash into the bin, brush my teeth, and pick up my dirty clothes from where they'd been scattered on the floor. Well, technically they were his dirty clothes since I'd been living in his t-shirts and sweatshirts. I tossed the pile of clothing down the chute, promising myself I'd wash them and his sheets when I was up to it. Which unfortunately wasn't quite yet.

I started to walk out of the bathroom, then thought better of it and stripped off the rumpled shirt I'd slept in. It too went down the chute before I made my way to Edward's closet and tugged a fresh long sleeved waffle knit from the hanger. They'd become my favorite. Languidly I pushed my arms through sleeves that were about six inches too long as I crossed back over to collapse on the bed. I passed out before I could even get up the energy to crawl back under the covers.

The next time I woke up, I was wrapped around something warm and solid. Edward's fragrance filled my senses, so much stronger than the fading scent on his pillow. I inhaled deeply, wanting to soak him in. I felt my hair shift, then realized someone was there, softly and steadily stroking the strands.

My eyes popped open to see his body sprawled out on the bed in front of me, one of my legs curled over his under a blanket that covered our lower halves. My head rested on his chest while our hands were twined together and laid on his stomach, gently rising and falling with his breath. His lips rested against my brow, lightly kissing the warm skin just below my hairline. Their soft pressure and the slow stroke of his hand upon my hair were the only indications that he was awake.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty," he murmured. I melted at the return of his smooth, velvety tone in my ear without the cell phone distortion.

Just his touch and the sound of his voice was the best medicine I could have ever asked for. Maybe they weren't a miracle cure, but I was instantly feeling just a little bit better. I smiled, squeezing him as I nuzzled into his chest for a moment before rolling over. I laid my head on his stomach so I could look up and see his face, his green eyes shining with tenderness and affection as he continued to roll a strand of hair with his fingers.

"I really hope you're not another fever induced hallucination," I whispered, my voice husky and hoarse and not at all attractive.

He chuckled and cupped my face, circling my cheekbone with his thumb. "Have you been having many of those?"

"Just a few. More dreams than hallucinations, I guess. Dream Edward can speak French and Italian. He's also a gourmet chef. Dead giveaway that he's a fake," I smirked and he playfully swatted me on the shoulder with a mocking glare.

"Well, maybe I should just leave you and your dreamboat to whisper sweet nothings in romantic tongues over a candlelight dinner," he said dryly, shifting as if he intended to remove himself from my arms and get off the bed. I wrapped my arms around his torso and held him tightly, humming in protest as I snuggled into the warm muscles of his belly.

"Mm-mm. You're so much better than a dream. You smell better and you're way cuter than your counterpart."

"Good to know," he laughed and settled back in, playing with my hair while we lay together, just enjoying each other's presence once more.

My nose was sniffly and a bit runny and I lifted my head from his stomach to look around for the box of tissues I'd been steadily working my way through.

"Need something, Baby?"

"Yeah, uh, Kleenex," I muttered bashfully, tapping my red and stuffy nose.

He glanced around, spotting the box on the floor on the other side of the bed—_How the hell did it get all the way over there?_—then handed me a few tissues.

At first I attempted to delicately clear my nose, but the small sniffles were fairly useless at fixing the problem. Sucking it up and rolling my eyes over the situation, I gave in and loudly blew my nose into the tissues, sounding anything but dainty.

Wadding up the tissue, I tossed it into the trash bin I'd placed beside the bed for convenience sake. I stretched over him to swipe the mini bottle of Bath and Body Works anti-bacterial hand gel Alice had given me, along with a multitude of other 'get well' items she'd assembled in a care package. I popped the cap back down and rubbed my hands together, thankful that at least the stuff smelled nice.

"Nice welcome home, huh?" I groaned, laying back down beside him and nuzzling into the crook of his shoulder. I'd really missed his crook.

"It is actually," he sighed without a trace of sarcasm as he snuggled me closer.

"Yeah, right," I scoffed. "I would have gone back to my place but by the time I thought about it, your house was already germ infested so I figured it wasn't worth the effort. Well that, and…I said I would stay. It's actually helped to be here, surrounded by you. Made me feel better."

"I'm glad," he whispered, kissing the top of my head and rubbing my back.

"I really should go back to my apartment though. Your dad says I've probably got another couple days before I'll have enough energy to be up and about. You don't need me here taking up your space when all I'm going to do is sleep and whine about being sick."

"You're not going anywhere until you're off the sick list," he firmly protested.

"Edward, that's just ridiculous," I sighed, sitting up from his arms, fully prepared to debate him over the issue. He quickly put a stop to that by placing his palm over my mouth and shooting me a look that told me not to bother.

"You know, I seem to recall hearing my dad saying something about it being a good idea to rest your throat," he smirked.

I raised my brow at him and glared until he took his hand away. "Is that your way of telling me to shut up?" I said with a wry smile.

"Just lay down with me, Swan," he grinned and tugged me back down to his side, not even waiting for me to move on my own. "Stop being so difficult."

I curled into his chest, sighing contently at the feeling of being in his arms again. I decided that if he didn't mind me contaminating his house and whining in his ear, I wasn't going to try and fight him anymore. There really was no point in arguing when there was nowhere else I could possibly want to be.

His hand returned to my hair and resumed its comforting strokes, lulling me back into a doze that would have turned into sleep if not for the fact that my fucking lungs were staging a mutiny.

I bolted up from his arms as my chest contracted in a fit of coughing that took my breath away and had me hunched over, gasping and heaving. Part of me wanted to be embarrassed that he was seeing me like this. It couldn't have been very cute if it looked anything like it felt. Smothering the embarrassment was the much bigger part of me that just felt so grateful he was with me again, soothing me, watching over me.

Edward sat up with me, gently rubbing my back as I tried to gain control, just like his mother had. Both were comforting, despite the fact that their touch was so very different. As much as I loved Esme, Edward's touch could never be beat in my book and I melted into it, just as I had into his voice.

The final cough trailed off into a pained moan that was really more about self-pity than anything else as I shoved my hands into my hair and flopped back down on the mattress.

"Okay?" he murmured, leaning down on his elbow beside me, rubbing the center of my chest with his free hand.

"Really attractive, huh?" I groaned, turning my face to look at him.

"You're beautiful as always," he whispered as his eyes danced over my face, the glimmer of adoration so clear in their depths that it was obvious he believed what he said. "Definitely a sight for sore eyes."

"Liar," I scrunched my face at him and winked. "I caught a glimpse in the mirror earlier. Not cute."

"On the contrary," he sighed and pushed himself up, planting one hand on each side of my body as he held himself above me, leaning down to press chaste kisses over my cheeks and forehead. "You're very cute. All big, heavy eyes and tousled hair, drowning in my t-shirt that's about twelve sizes too big for you. Sexy," he said, wiggling his eyebrows and making me giggle.

"Mm-hmm. Too bad I'm infested with bacteria. I'm sure that's a huge turn on."

"Yeah, what's the deal with that, Swan? You were just so opposed to the thought of another round of reunion sex that you had to go and get pneumonia?"

"Hey, don't let me stop you," I insisted. "I'll just lay here while you do all the work."

He laughed heartily, pressing a final kiss to the tip of my nose before he settled back in beside me. "As tempting as that sounds…I think I'll wait until you can actually participate."

"Okay," I sighed complacently, hitching my arm and leg across him as he pulled a blanket back over us, tucking it securely around me and adjusting it so our feet weren't sticking out the bottom.

"You need anything?"

"Just you," I whispered, already half asleep.

"Sleep, love," he murmured. "I'm right here."

**x-x-x**

Over the next few days, the antibiotics started to do their job, knocking the mild pneumonia from my system. Mild according to Carlisle at least. I'd tried not to scoff when he'd made that comment. I'd hate to see what he'd classify as 'serious.' I still had a cough that stole my breath and left me practically choking for minutes on end, and I could barely make a trip down the stairs without getting winded.

_Mild my ass._

Edward had the patience of a saint. When he wasn't at practice or the gym, he was home trying to take care of me, whether it was distracting me from my boredom with board games and crossword puzzles, making sure I was drinking enough fluids, or just acting as a human pillow for my many naps. He even kept me fed, though it was lucky for both of us that I couldn't handle anything much more difficult than soup.

I'll be the first to admit to being a difficult patient. The inactivity drove me crazy and I was frustrated with the fact that I got tired so easily, even though the other symptoms were rapidly dwindling. Carlisle reassured me that the fatigue would go away but I was eager to be back on the ice and get back to work.

_Trophee Bompard_ went on without me. Rose, Alice and Esme came over to watch the competition with me while the guys were away on a quick overnight trip to Buffalo. It was difficult to watch, knowing that I should have been there. Though I'd accepted the fact that I couldn't have done anything to change the situation, it was hard not to picture how my programs would have matched up against the other skaters.

The worst part was that by the time the ladies short program came around I was almost feeling back to normal. There was no way I could have competed, but somehow it would have been easier to watch if I was still feeling as gross as I had the week before. As it was, a part of me just felt all the more helpless about sitting at home when I should have been overseas and on the ice.

There was talk and gossip about my withdrawal, just as I'd expected there would be. Dropping out allowed for speculation that the whole comeback scenario was simply a cry for attention, a publicity stunt. We'd released a statement on the day we'd contacted the competition officials to withdraw, but the public and the media always had their own ideas. Something as simple as a routine illness was never as exciting to think about as a more scandalous alternative.

It wasn't something I could dwell on. Skaters dropped out of competitions all the time for one reason or another but it didn't stop anything. Unfortunately, dropping out of the event meant that I was out of the running for a chance at the Grand Prix finals in December. The rules said you needed to participate in two events in order to gain enough points to qualify. Still, I had one more event in the Grand Prix season and I was going to give it my best shot, if for no other reward than my own personal satisfaction.

As soon as I got the okay, I was back to work. Paris was forgotten and all my focus honed in on Lake Placid in mid-November, only a few short weeks away.

Marcus and Esme urged me to take it easy and made sure to keep my sessions short in the first few days I was back to practice. I knew Edward was concerned with me doing too much too soon as well, but I think it helped him to know that his mom was keeping an eye on me when he wasn't.

Thankfully his concern for me didn't last quite as long in regards to off-ice activities. He was never hesitant with touching me, but was quick to put a cap on anything straining or taxing while I was still on the medication, no matter how insistent I was that I felt fine and that both of us would feel a hell of a lot better if he just gave in and had his way with me.

Alice sympathized when she and Rose stopped over to hang out one night. Apparently Jasper had a thing about germs and wouldn't even kiss her for a week after she came down with the flu the previous winter. At least Edward wasn't quite that neurotic. After the initial couple days where there was a possibility I'd be contagious, he was more than happy to indulge in some prolonged, if not sexually frustrating, make-out sessions. Those certainly helped to fight off the boredom and had me feeling a lot less whiny. I think he figured that out after the first time, because he was a lot more eager to distract me after that.

The first day I was off the antibiotics, Edward cornered me in the shower. Ever the concerned boyfriend, he made sure to ask if I was feeling okay before ravishing my body beneath the hot, pulsing spray. After three weeks of celibacy induced by separation and illness, we came together in a wild and desperate frenzy of lips and hands and limbs that left us both panting and satiated. Later, when we crawled between cool, fresh sheets, we savored each other, making slow, lazy love that more than made up for the lack of reunion sex when he'd first returned.

Life somewhat went back to normal. Well, as normal as things got for us. As the hockey season progressed, Edward and I began to find our footing, working out as much of a regular routine as we could. Since his first road trip in early October, he'd been home a lot more, only traveling for one or two days at a time for away games. The short separations went quickly now that we had a handle on how to deal with our time apart.

While he was working his way through the regular season schedule, I fought through the lingering fatigue and cough to get myself ready for my own delayed season opener. By the week before _Skate America_, I was feeling pretty good again, maybe not quite as strong as I'd felt leading up to my little bout of illness, but overall good.

My programs were running consistently in my sessions and the jumps I had were solid. We took a break from training my triple Axel for the time being, focusing instead on jumps I'd actually be performing. Though I couldn't quite master the triple, my double Axel was looking solid and good to go for my short program.

My costumes were finished and successfully tested for any possible obstacles or complications. Alice and her go-to seamstress were a dream team and really came up with two wonderful pieces. They were so different, but each fit their program perfectly. I'd never been so excited to show off my costumes before as I was with these two.

For the long program, we'd decided to go with traditional to match the song selection. The dress was classic and elegant with long, sheer sleeves and flowy fabric dyed to reflect the various shades of the night sky. Alice had controlled herself on the sparkles, keeping them contained to a few crystal-lined keyhole cutouts around the neckline and the base of the sleeves as well as a jeweled brooch in the middle of the ruched bust line. It was fairly simple, a throwback to the traditional skating dresses without being outdated.

The costume for my short program was a bit more daring than I might have originally been comfortable with, but once I had it on and matched it to the moves of my program, my doubts disappeared. My short program was all about taking risks and stepping outside my own box, growing and gaining strength. Maybe I wouldn't have worn something so bold even six months earlier, but I was excited to wear the flashy red number at Lake Placid.

About a week before catching my plane to New York, Edward and I settled in for a relaxing night. We had big plans to shut out the rest of the world and snuggle on the couch with a movie and a pizza.

He met the delivery guy at the door while I grabbed drinks and plates from the kitchen, convening back at the couch to cozy up together in the middle of the cushions.

"What'd you pick?" I asked, loading my plate with a few slices of sausage and mushroom pizza, then deciding to be generous and putting some on a plate for him as well since he was busy queuing up the movie.

"Thanks," he said when I handed him the plate. "Well, I figured since you'll be in Lake Placid next week, this one is long overdue," he explained as the screen opened on the menu for _Miracle_.

"Seriously?" I dropped my jaw in jest. "You're actually going to let me watch this movie with you? I don't know if we're ready for this. It's a huge step in our relationship."

"You're telling me, Swan. You should feel honored."

"Oh, believe me, Cullen, I am. So, does this mean I'm actually going to see you cry? Do I need to grab the tissues? We probably have a few left since you practically bought out the store last week," I teased, knocking my knee against his.

"Get serious, Bella. Real men don't use tissues. We covertly dab with our shirts," he said seriously while I giggled and chowed down on my pizza. "Now pay attention. This is a serious film. Not the time for chit-chat."

I'd never actually seen the movie before, though I knew the story behind it. Having learned a lot about hockey since moving to Minnesota and getting swept up with a family devoted to the sport, it was a lot more interesting to watch and much easier to follow. I found myself immediately enthralled with the story.

I giggled at the fact that Kurt Russell and Carlisle had nearly the same accent, though Carlisle's voice was a bit more of a tenor than Kurt's rumbly bass. I cringed when Herb Brooks kept his team on the ice to skate killers after playing an entire match. I grinned when they all finally banded together as a team.

When we'd finished devouring the pizza, we pushed the plates and boxes away so we could cuddle up close and watch the remainder of the movie snuggled together under a blanket. Edward was true to his word that the movie made him cry. During the closing monologue as the medal ceremony played on the screen, I both heard Edward sniffle and felt his head twist to brush against the pillow beneath his head.

I turned in his arms to smile at him, taking in the emotion in his bright eyes for an instant before he beat it back, giving me a dry look of warning.

Smirking, I softly brushed away the traces of moisture beneath his eyes with the pad of my fingertip before leaning in to kiss the tip of his nose, saying nothing aloud, though I was practically cooing inside over how adorable he was.

"I suppose we should head up to bed," he groaned, stretching his arms up over his head as he yawned before planting a kiss on the top of my head and patting my butt to urge me to stand.

It had become a habit for me to spend the night over at Edward's house. It wasn't really a conscious shift, merely an unspoken arrangement. When I'd been sick, he'd been insistent on my staying so he could take care of me and keep an eye on me. By the time I was better, the habit of sleeping together and going home to his house had already formed. Every evening I'd return after the practice to spend the evening with him. My stuff was already there from when he'd been gone for his road trip so it just sort of happened that I'd stay the night. The next day we'd wake up, go our separate ways, then come back together again after whatever games or practices or obligations we had scheduled.

As we brushed our teeth and got ready for bed, the thought occurred to me that I hadn't physically set foot in my apartment in nearly a month. _There's rent money well spent._

"I should probably spend some time at my place tomorrow after practice," I said as we crawled beneath the covers. "I wasn't really planning on being away for a month and I don't even want to think about how much dust must have accumulated. It's a good thing I don't have any plants or animals. Who knows what kind of state I'd find them in!"

I meant for my words to be light and teasing, but when I rolled over to face him, his face was serious, almost disappointed.

"Yeah, I guess you should," he muttered soberly, flicking at a speck on his pillowcase before raising his eyes to meet my gaze. "Are you gonna stay over there or come back here?" he asked softly, his voice shy and almost tentative.

"I don't know yet. I should probably take a few of my things in case I end up spending the night there. Maybe I'll see if Rose is free and wants to hang out for awhile since you have plans with…" I trailed off, catching what appeared to be a wince, though he was quick to shield his reaction. "What?"

"What what?"

"What's with the face?" I probed suspiciously.

"I'm not making a face."

"No, not now that you know I'm looking but you were making a face before when I talked about staying at my apartment. Spill, Cullen."

He shrugged his shoulders and folded his arms to rest his cheek on his wrist while he appeared to be gathering his thoughts.

"I don't know," he mumbled, not looking at me. "I guess I'm just not too eager to see you leave is all."

"Really?" I asked, scooching my body a bit closer to the center of the bed until I mirrored his position, and our faces were closer together. "I wasn't supposed to stay this long. Haven't I worn out my welcome?"

His eyes locked on mine and they were swimming with an intensity that I hadn't been expecting. It nearly stole my breath away.

"No, not at all," he whispered, lifting his hand to caress my cheek. "I like having you here. A lot," he clarified, almost to himself. His lips curved softly as his brow creased. When he spoke again, his tone was almost hypnotic.

"I like waking up to you in the morning, coming home to you or waiting for you to come home to me. I love when I catch you humming to yourself when you think you're alone. How you're always bumping into things and then trying to pretend like nothing happened," he grinned, rubbing his thumb over a fading bruise on my forearm from where I'd run into the dresser three days earlier.

"I love seeing you brush your teeth next to me at the bathroom sink and crawling into bed together every night. I love that your beautiful face is the last thing I see before I close my eyes, that your voice is the last thing I hear," he murmured slowly now, as if he wanted to take his time in choosing exactly what to say. "I don't want to be without those things any more than I have to. It's hard enough that we have to be apart so much. I don't want to be apart when we're both here and we don't have to be."

"What are you saying?" I whispered, trying to figure out exactly what he meant when the majority of my brain was still swooning over his impromptu speech.

"What would you think about getting rid of your apartment and moving in with me?"

My eyes went wide as his question registered. "You want me to move in here? Like, officially live together?"

"Yeah. Or we could look for a different place if that's what you want. Together, so it's something we both choose," he quickly amended.

That idea was even more shocking than the original request. "You'd sell your house?" I asked, shaking my head in disbelief. "Just like that?"

"Well, not exactly 'just like that.' I've been thinking about this a lot lately," he admitted, his face slightly sheepish.

"You have?" I asked, starting to feel a little ridiculous with the rapid-fire questions coming from my mouth, all in the exact same tone. I just couldn't wrap my head around how I found myself in the middle of this conversation without being a little more prepared. I suppose I should have been, but I was honestly caught completely by surprise with the turn the night had taken.

"Well, yeah," he shrugged a bit defensively. "You've been staying here for over a month, so of course, I've thought about making it more, I don't know, official I guess. Haven't you?"

"Honestly? No. I mean I didn't even really notice that it had been so long since I'd slept at my place. It just sort of became a habit to come back here every night," I explained, though every one of his reasons made sense now that I thought about it.

"Oh." His shoulders sagged a bit and he seemed to deflate into his pillow.

"I think that came out wrong," I said, cringing a bit at his fallen expression. "I'm not necessarily opposed to the idea; I just honestly haven't given it any thought until now. I don't really know how I feel about it."

"Can I tell you how I feel about it?" he asked, the hope back in his tone as he sat up straight and folded his legs to look down at me.

"Didn't you already?" Amazed that there could be more than the supremely convincing words he'd already spoken.

"Some of it. I just want you to know that this isn't about shacking up or anything like that. Yes, it'd be more convenient to live together, especially when we're busy like we are now. And it'd be less to keep track of for both of us. But we've been doing pretty well without officially living together and I think we still could. If you're not ready yet or you're uncomfortable with the idea I want you to feel okay telling me. Living together or not living together, it won't change the way I feel about you."

I pursed my lips as I considered his words, then nodded slowly to let him know that I understood them and that whatever decision we made wouldn't change the fact that we'd still be together.

"So why do you want to live together?" I asked, sitting up on my hip and curling my knees to the side as I leaned on my hand.

"I've never wanted to before or even thought about it. With you, it's practically all I've been able to think about since that morning when I left and asked you to stay here while I was gone. I didn't want to just think about you here while I was gone on one road trip. I want to think about you here always," he said. I opened my mouth to respond, then closed it again when it was clear he wasn't finished yet.

"I know it would be an adjustment for both of us. Living together full time would be different than just spending a few nights together here and there. We'd be stuck together all the time, without the cushion of separate spaces that we can go to whenever we're annoyed or tense or just plain want to be alone. But I want to try," he rasped, the desire clear in his tone and in his touch when he grasped my hand and held it to his chest. "I want to be stuck with you and for you to be stuck with me. I don't want every now and then, I want every day."

He raised my hand to his mouth and lightly grazed his lips across my knuckles before turning his head, nuzzling his cheek against my fingers. His eyes searched my face and I realized that I hadn't said a word. My throat was thick with emotion. I really didn't know _what_ to say and I was a little grateful when he didn't give me the chance.

"I know it's a lot to think about and there's more we'd have to discuss logistics wise. But there's no rush for a decision here. I just wanted to throw it out there, see if you'd consider it," he said, squeezing my fingers. "Will you?"

"I'll consider it," I whispered, too overwhelmed to try and say anything more at that moment.

"Okay. Then we'll leave it at that for now. Take whatever time you need, think it over and let me know." He smiled his genuine crooked smile, easing a little of my anxiety when it was clear that he really was okay with me not giving him an answer right away.

"Okay," I agreed. My eyes fluttered closed and my arms slid around his bare torso as he leaned in to kiss me, engaging my mouth in a sweet and patient kiss. We lowered to the pillows together, our limbs fluidly tangling as our lips caressed, tongues slowly brushing together in an embrace that was anything but hurried.

I loved kissing Edward like this, when there was no other purpose than simply connecting. As much as I enjoyed the more physical aspects of our relationship, there was something about the simplicity of just kissing, with no other intentions. He never failed to sweep me off my feet.

Tonight was one of those times. Eventually the pressure behind his lips eased and my tongue stopped coming out to meet his. Our soft moans of quiet passion melted into sighs and he tucked me close to his side as he did every night before reaching over to flick the switch on the lamp beside the bed.

"Sweet dreams, beautiful," he whispered as I hummed my response and pressed a soft kiss against his heart.

Typically we'd lay like this and within moments, the steady thrum of his heartbeat would rock me to sleep. That didn't seem to be the case tonight. I couldn't stop thinking about his request that we move in together. I definitely understood now what he meant when he talked about not being able to stop thinking about it once the idea was in his head, because it seemed to be the exact same issue for me. I wasn't sure I could be quite as patient as he had been. I felt like I wanted to figure it all out right then and there.

_How _did_ I feel about moving in with him? _Unfortunately I didn't really have much of a reference, I'd never lived with someone before—aside from my parents. But that was so different. Even a sibling might have been a little easier to relate to. Someone who wasn't an authority figure, someone around my own age.

I tended to be a somewhat solitary creature, more so before I moved here, but even still. I liked having my own space, being able to lock myself away and enjoy the quiet when I needed to. It wasn't that I was anti-social by any means, but Edward was right. We'd always had that fallback of our own separate corners to escape to should we need it. We hadn't needed it yet, but certainly sometime we would. It would be naïve to think we'd never fight or get irritated with each other.

Things had been going smoothly for the past month. It never really struck me as odd that we'd lapsed into this arrangement when everything felt so natural. Coming home to him at the end of the day felt right. But he had a point when he said it would be different if we actually lived together full time and shared responsibilities.

So I laid on his chest in the dark and attempted to rationally think through the pros and cons to living together. When five minutes passed and I still hadn't been able to come up with a single con that even came close to outweighing any of the dozens of pros, I knew I had my answer.

"Yes," I whispered, not even knowing if he was still awake. I just needed to say it out loud.

I shouldn't have been surprised when his response was immediate. "Yes, what?"

I lifted my head from his chest so I could look into his eyes as I told him. "Yes, I'll move in with you. Here."

Even in the darkness of the room, I could see his face light up. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure you want to live _here_? I mean we can look for another house that we could choose together. I don't want you to feel like you're moving into _my_ house. I want it to be yours too," he murmured, sliding his fingers into my hair at the base of my head. "Ours."

"I love this house. I have since the moment I set foot inside the first time you invited me over. I want to live _here._ With you. There's nowhere else I'd rather be," I explained. "But if you're so concerned, how would you feel about doing a bit of rearranging? There'll be some adjustments anyways to get my stuff over here. We could paint or mix some of the furniture together—some of mine, some of yours. Or if we don't like either we could pick out new stuff together. Make it _our_ place instead of just a mixture of your stuff and mine."

"I like that plan," he smiled and exerted just enough pressure on my neck to lower my lips to his.

"It'll probably have to wait a couple weeks," I continued between kisses, eager to work out the details now that we'd made a decision. "Until after I get back from Lake Placid and things settle down for awhile. I'll have to contact my landlord—see about getting out of my lease a bit—_mmm_—early." I sighed as Edward lips traveled down to my neck, softly sucking on his preferred spot, just below my jaw. My hands stroked over the warm muscles of his back as I attempted to remain focused on the conversation. "We're gonna have to talk about splitting up some of the costs here. If you want me to feel like it's my home too, then I want to be responsible for some—"

He cut off my chatter with a passionate kiss that left no room for rational thought.

"We'll figure it out," he murmured against my jaw as his hands slid beneath my shirt to cup my breasts, his thumbs grazing my nipples as I lightly moaned into his hair. "The details don't matter, Bella. All I want is you. We'll deal with the rest of it later. Right now? I feel like having a little private housewarming with my new roomie."

I nudged my head back just enough to playfully glare at him over the term. "You're not really gonna start calling me that are you?"

"Maybe," he grinned. He rolled us over and covered my body completely with his, his erection pressed firmly against me as my legs parted, my hips involuntarily raised to rub against him. "Why? You have a problem with that, _roomie_?" he asked, placing his lips at the pulse in my throat and punctuating the nickname by gently sinking his teeth into the tender skin. My breath released with a strangled moan as my fingers clenched into his back. Bless that man and his teeth. He knew exactly what he did to me.

"Not as long as we make it a house rule that every time you call me roomie you have to do _that,_" I said, my breath panting with desire as I tilted my head, stretching my neck out for him in encouragement to keep going.

"What, this?" he asked and repeated the gesture, biting down just a little more this time around and almost certainly leaving a visible mark. I cried out as tingles shot down my spine, practically forcing me to thrust my hips against him. I felt his lips curve against my neck and could hear the cocky smirk in his tone when he said, "I think we can put that one in writing."

**x-x-x**

The following week we got together with the gang over at Jasper and Alice's house to have a bit of a send-off dinner. The NHL apparently had it out for us as the Wild's second road trip coincided almost exactly with _Skate America_. Edward and I were flying out the next day, only an hour apart. He would go west to Vancouver, while I flew east to New York. He'd been hoping to catch a plane out to Lake Placid to at least see me skate, even if he couldn't be there the whole weekend, but between their game times and the available flights, he wasn't going to be able to swing it.

Emmett and Jasper were in the same boat and Alice had a huge wedding scheduled. She'd been working on the event for over a year and couldn't pass off to one of her assistants. As for Rose, she'd intended to fly out with Esme and Carlisle to support me until she came down with a nasty case of the flu. She was too sick to even make it over for dinner that night, though she'd sent along a good luck message. Actually it was more in the form of 'Kick some ass, Bells. Show those over-sequined, prissy little twits how it's done.'

Every one of them felt horrible about not being able to make it to New York and I spent most of my free time in the week leading up to my departure trying to reassure them all that I would be just fine on my own.

After dinner that evening, Alice cornered me in the kitchen while we loaded up the dishwasher and the guys picked out a movie.

"So, Bells, have you talked to your dad lately? Is he planning on going to New York this weekend?" she asked, passing me a dry cloth to dry as she rinsed.

"I talked to him a few days ago. He wanted to but they're shorthanded at the station. He was having a hard time trying to find someone to cover for him so I told him not to worry about it. _Nationals_ is in Spokane so he'll come to that one."

"I'm sure he could still find someone."

"It's fine, Alice," I said, brushing it off like it wasn't a big deal. For the most part it really wasn't. It would be nice to have him there, but I wasn't going to dwell on it if he couldn't come. Just like I wasn't going to dwell on the fact that circumstances would keep the rest of them away as well. It's not like they could do anything about it so there was no point in moping over the situation.

"It's _not_ fine," she insisted, dropping a dish back into the soapy water with a clank as she turned to face me. "You should have people there to support you."

"Honestly, you're making too much of this," I argued, reaching into the water and pulling the plate out, running it under the faucet for a moment before drying it with my towel. "It's not even a big competition for me anymore since I missed the one in Paris. Even if I place I can't get enough points to make it to the finals. This one's more of a warm-up. Like a dress rehearsal."

"Will you stop trying to pretend like this isn't a big deal?" she snapped, shutting off the faucet and stepping in front of the sink so I couldn't reach for another plate. "Finals or not, it's still your first big competition back and you shouldn't be alone."

"I won't be alone. Marcus will be with me the whole time and your parents are coming to cheer me on from the stands," I reminded her.

Between Marcus, Esme and I, we'd decided it would be best if we kept it to just me and Marcus in the backstage areas. For this competition the media coverage was pretty light and most of Esme's work was already finished. The less people behind the scenes, the less distractions. She was still making the trip and would be there if I needed her in a professional capacity, but for the most part she'd just be cheering me on from the stands. She and Carlisle were flying out to New York the following evening so that Carlisle could still get a nearly full shift in at the hospital.

Alice's stance lost some of its tension as she slumped back against the counter. "Still, it just doesn't feel right."

I sighed, tossing the cloth onto the counter before leaning beside her.

"Look, I know you guys all want to be there, but it just doesn't work out this time. And in a way, I'm kind of okay with that," I confessed quietly. "I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but I really think it'll be easier to not have all of you there."

"What? Why?" she exclaimed, pushing herself away from the counter and turning to face me head on.

I shrugged, toying with the hem of my shirt because I couldn't stand to look into her eyes and see the hurt. And she would be hurt, even though it wasn't anything personal directed at her or any of the rest of them. She and I just operated differently sometimes. In Alice's mind, stuff like this should be shared with family, something to be faced together. For me, it had always been easier to deal with stress on my own. I'd learned to accept that it wasn't the best way to deal with problems in my personal life, but on the ice was a different story.

As much as they all knew me, and as much as Edward, Emmett and Jasper might understand the stress as an athlete to some degree, none of them could truly get what it was like. Skating was all about the individual. No matter how great my support team, I needed to be able to deal with this one on my own. Because out there on the ice, it was just me.

So instead of lamenting the fact that I wouldn't have my entire family in the stands cheering for me, I was taking it as a sign that I needed to live up to the strength I'd been developing over the past few months and face this one by myself.

"It's a lot less pressure stepping out in front of strangers versus people I know," I tried to explain my feelings as best I could. "It's easier to tune out a faceless crowd. If I knew you guys were all there watching, I think I'd be even more nervous than I already will be."

"That doesn't even make any sense."

"Maybe it doesn't, but that's how I feel. I'm used to being alone at these things."

"Yeah, because you had to be in the past. But you don't have to anymore. You have us now."

"And I still have you, even if you can't be there in person. I know you'll still be cheering me on and supporting me, even if you're not physically in the stands. That's enough for me. It's more than I've ever had. So please stop feeling guilty for things you can't control. I'll be fine."

"If you say so," she shrugged and let the matter drop. We finished cleaning up in the kitchen just as the guys came in to grab a few beers. Emmett was insistent on sending me on my way with a Guinness toast for luck.

As we gathered around the center island in the kitchen, Alice passed me a box across the counter.

"What's this?" I asked skeptically.

"Well, since we can't be there with you in person, I found something to send along with you. Just a little reminder that you've got a personal cheering section rooting for you."

"You really need to stop giving me random presents, you know that, right?"

"I'm a generous soul. Don't stifle me."

I rolled my eyes and popped the lid off the box, knowing there was no way she'd let the matter drop until I'd opened it. There were five misshapen objects rolled in tissue paper and nestled in side by side. I picked up the first one and unwrapped it, gaping at the item a bit as the others all burst out laughing, obviously unaware of what Alice had come up with this time.

"Just keep unwrapping!" she exclaimed at my look of disbelief.

One by one, I lined up the five items until I was faced with a row of Bobblehead dolls, three Wild Hockey players, a blonde in mechanic coveralls, and a little brunette loaded down with shopping bags.

I shook my head in amusement. Leave it to Alice to come up with something completely nutty, yet perfect. The guys were in fits, studying each other's tiny likenesses, Jasper and Edward giving Emmett crap about how his doll looked like a ferocious Frankenstein.

"Do you like them?" Alice asked, coming to stand beside me.

"They're great, Alice," I laughed, pulling her into a little half hug as I tapped on the head of her miniature. "Weird, but great. Even though they look absolutely nothing like any of you."

"So you'll take them with you? It'll be like your own little family."

"I'll line them up right on my dresser at the hotel," I assured her, bumping my hip against hers. "Promise."

"Alright," Emmett spoke up, clanking his pint glass on the counter a few times to call for attention. "This calls for a bit of a toast. Everyone grab your brew and listen up."

"To Babybel getting back out there and giving me a valid excuse to watch two hours of bendy girls skating around in short skirts," he said soberly, then laughing heartily when Edward slapped him over the head and leveled him with a glare. "Kidding! Sheesh, Eddie, simmer down."

"As if you'd even need an excuse, Em," Alice giggled.

"True dat," Emmett lifted his glass to acknowledge her point. "Seriously though. Here's to Bella for being one of the strongest people I've ever met," he said in a genuine tone and a dimpled smile filled with pride. "For picking yourself up and going for your dreams, no matter how many obstacles pop up along the way. I know I speak for all of us when I say that we're really proud of you and that we're all really lucky that you stuck around long enough to let us get to know you."

"Hear, hear!" Alice exclaimed, holding her glass up, leading everyone to clink together in the middle.

After taking a sip, I set my glass down and crossed over to Emmett, wrapping my arms around his bulky form and smiling when he enclosed me in a suffocating bear hug. "Thanks, Em."

"You'd better kick some ass out there, Babybel," he said, squeezing me tight.

"I'll try."

"Bella, Bella, Bella," he sighed. "In the words of Master Yoda, 'Do or do not. There is no try.'"

"You really need to talk Rose into marrying you," I chuckled. "You guys practically share a brain."

"She'll come around eventually. She's just stubborn."

"I've got my money on you."

"That's cause you're a smart girl. We Cullens cannot be resisted."

"You've got that right."

**x-x-x**

The next day Alice drove Edward and I to the airport together. My flight was taking off first and we arrived at the terminal early so we could take our time getting through security and grab a bite to eat before my plane began to board. For once, it was nice not to have to say goodbye at the front entrance. Maybe it was just delaying the inevitable separation, but it was comforting to pass through security together, and to walk hand in hand through the busy corridors without the rush to say a hurried farewell.

We picked up a couple of sandwiches and snacks and found an empty gate, settling in on the floor in a quiet corner for a little makeshift picnic. Once we finished eating, we still had half an hour before I needed to find my gate and get on the plane. Edward leaned up against the wall with his legs out in front of him and opened his arms to me, motioning for me to join him. We sat in silence for a few long minutes, simply holding each other close.

"I wish I could be there," he whispered, his lips pressed against my temple as he squeezed my shoulder.

"I know you do," I murmured, squeezing him back, knowing he needed the comfort just as much as I did, if not more. He'd been having a much tougher time accepting the fact that his game schedule wouldn't allow him to be there than I was. No matter how many times I told him I was okay, it seemed like he didn't quite believe me.

"I heard you and Alice talking in the kitchen last night," he said, adjusting me in his lap so I sat sideways across his legs. I laid my head on his shoulder as his arms circled around me. "Is that how you really feel? That it'll be easier to not have us there?"

"I don't know," I sighed. "In some ways, yes. I'm used to going into competitions with a certain mindset. I know I'm not alone anymore, but I think it's easier to just go with what I know at this point. I need my focus to be entirely on my skating and, well...don't take this the wrong way, but you guys can be really distracting. Especially you," I teased, poking him lightly in the abs.

"I thought you liked my distractions," he lowered his voice and whispered in my ear as his teeth scraped against my lobe.

"I do," I giggled, pushing him away before he could get any more ideas. "But I can't really afford to be distracted at a competition."

"I know," he sighed and lifted the brim of my hat, smoothing the strands beneath it before tugging it back down again. His eyes studied my face for a long moment before his lips quirked up into a half smile that still wasn't entirely satisfied. "I get it, Bella, I really do. Everyone's got their own way of dealing with this stuff. I'm not going to fight you on your need to do things your own way, even if I'm not very happy about the situation."

"It's not that I _don't_ want you there," I murmured, stroking my thumb over his cheek. "If it were up to me, I'd get over my neurosis and be grateful you were in the stands. Even if it made me a little nervous and even if you were a little distracting. But I didn't set the schedules and neither did you. I just don't think you should feel so bad about missing this one when it's something neither of us can control, that's all."

"What about your dad? You're really okay with him not going? I remember you talking about how you always wished he'd been there at your competitions in the past."

"It's different this time," I shrugged. "I know he wants to be there and I know he cares about me. But he'll be there for _Nationals_. And you'll be there too," I reminded him, sitting up in his lap and shaking his shoulders a little in mock frustration. "All of you. So I wish you would just stop worrying so much. That's the one I need you at. That's the one that matters. This one doesn't even really count for anything. It's basically one big warm-up for me."

"I think you're bluffing," he muttered. "But if that's the way you want to play it…"

"Edward," I sighed. "I know you want to be there for me and that you're worried about me going on my own. But I'll be fine. Lauren's not in this one, so I don't have to worry about running into any of them. As for the competition? I can't even tell you how many of these things I've skated in the past. You're all acting like this is my first time at the rodeo or something. I know what I'm dealing with here and I can handle it. Okay?"

"I know you can," he smiled, genuinely this time, and leaned forward to rub the tip of his nose against mine. "You're gonna be great."

We indulged in a few private kisses before gathering our stuff together so Edward could drop me at my gate and head to the other side of the terminal to find his.

"Go get 'em, hotshot," he said as we paused at the end of the line to hug goodbye.

"You too. Try not to do too much checking," I nudged him playfully.

"Nope, I'll save that for you when we get home," he said with a suggestive grin that was really unfair considering we'd be apart for four days.

"Is that a promise?" I asked, standing up on my toes to brush my lips over his, nipping lightly at his bottom lip.

"You can count on it, Swan." He deepened the kiss and I gave in to his touch despite the multitude of curious onlookers surrounding us.

"Safe flight," I whispered, holding him close for another moment before dropping my arms. "I love you."

"Love you, too," he said, tapping the brim of my hat before he stepped away. "I'll call you tonight."

I watched him make his way through the crowd until the mass of people obscured him from my vision.

And just like that, I was on my own.

Once I got on the plane and stored my carry-on in the overhead bin, I settled into my seat. I went to click my seatbelt into place and realized that my hands were shaking so badly that I could barely fit the slide into the slot to latch it.

Closing my eyes, I concentrated on breathing, attempting to dispel the sudden onslaught of nerves sizzling through my body like a live wire that had been engaged. Now that I was alone, I could admit to myself the one thing that I hadn't been able to tell anyone else.

This competition scared the shit out of me and I was terrified to face it by myself.

I thought back to a month earlier, how nervous I'd been in the days before I'd gotten sick. What I was experiencing now was about ten times worse than that anxiety had been. It'd been a disappointment to miss out on _Trophee Bompard_, but in a way it had also been a relief. It had given me an extra month to prepare myself. Now I was healthy, I was strong, I should be ready. But what if it still wasn't enough?

When I'd been home and surrounded by everyone all the time, it had been easy to hide my nerves, to gloss over my fears, to brush off their concerns. I'd done a good job of convincing _everyone_ that this one didn't count for anything, that I could face it alone. So good that I'd nearly convinced myself. But deep down I had serious doubts that I'd be able to pull this off.

For all my big talk, I honestly felt like a scared little girl going off to her first competition. It _would_ be my first in a lot of ways: First since being injured. First of the season. First without my mother behind me in the stands.

Though I hated the fact that Renee was even a factor in my mind, I'd been thinking about her a lot lately. A tiny part of me was sad to think about her absence, that same part that still mourned the kind woman I'd only seen glimpses of. I didn't regret the choices I'd made in cutting her out of my life, especially since that article had come out and I'd purged myself of the hurt and betrayal. But I couldn't deny that it would be different without her there.

Maybe different would be a good thing, as it had been so far, but there was always a chance that different wouldn't work. I couldn't stand the thought of messing this up. She'd be watching and the moment I tripped up, she'd smile to herself and know she'd won. That she'd been right about me not being capable of succeeding in this world without her. I really didn't want to give her the satisfaction.

That night at the hotel, I kept mainly to myself. Edward called when he got settled into his own hotel in Vancouver as he'd promised. Their game against the Canucks was scheduled for the following evening before they went south a bit to Anaheim to play the Ducks on Saturday. Hearing his voice served to calm my nerves just a little. I tried my hardest to put on a brave face and live up to the confident words I'd spoken to him and to Alice about being fine on my own.

He didn't have a lot of time to talk since the team was heading out to grab dinner together. I was relieved when we hung up that he hadn't seemed to catch on to my anxiety. As much as I wanted to break down and beg him to fly to New York, I knew it wasn't a possibility. He had his job and I had mine. I needed to live up to the strength that he believed I possessed and overcome this challenge by myself. I was a big girl and didn't need him to do it for me. Or shouldn't at least.

Thursday was stressful but fairly quiet. Marcus and I went to the arena to go through check-ins and get our ID badges for security. Fans and media were milling around, but in far lesser numbers than they would be the following day. The day before competition began was all about acclimation. It wasn't very exciting for anyone, even the skaters, but it was still important.

One by one, each classification of skaters—men's, pairs, ice dancers, and ladies—got a slot for open practice to take the ice and get a feel for the rink and the environment. Not everyone practiced on the same size rink all the time, so for them, they'd work on adjusting their timing and how to move around the space. Thankfully I didn't have that problem this time around.

For me, the time on the ice was more about connecting with the surface and marking my steps. It was difficult to actually practice or train anything in the open practice time with so many bodies roaming around. That was one disadvantage I had in working alone with Marcus rather than with a skating club. A lot of the girls were used to navigating their way around extra people and I most definitely was not. There were a few close calls that left me a bit shaky and on edge.

Tensions were high in the practice session and nerves were frayed. There wasn't much chit chat or interaction between the skaters. Almost every girl was from a different country and the one other US competitor was a newcomer that I'd never met before or even really heard much about.

There weren't many people around watching the session, but there were a few fans in the stands clapping and cheering whenever someone pulled out a triple or jump combination. Everyone was sizing each other up and a few of the top girls were attempting to use the time to intimidate their competitors by showing off a few of their more impressive moves. I hated to admit that it worked.

I'd been away from competition for over a year. More than half the girls around me were at least seven years younger than I was. A part of me wondered what the hell I was doing here, and by the looks on their faces, a number of them were wondering that as well.

After a long day at the rink, followed by some time in the hotel gym, I returned to my room to change before meeting up with Carlisle and Esme to grab some dinner and watch the Wild game.

I could barely eat and couldn't concentrate at all. I ended up going back to my room before the game was even over, claiming I should get to bed early when really I just needed to be alone for a bit. Esme had started to give me concerned looks and I didn't want to tip her off any more than I already had.

Alone with my thoughts, I couldn't escape my nerves. My breath was short and my hands shook as I checked my skate bag and costumes again to make sure everything was in order. It'd be an early start the next morning and I knew I should head to bed in order to get plenty of rest. But when I tried, I couldn't sleep.

After half an hour of tossing and turning I got out of bed and went out on the balcony with a blanket and Toto to get some fresh air. The mid-November night was chilly but refreshing and the quiet sounds of distant traffic and life were soothing. Peaceful. At least it would have been, if not for the volume of my thoughts.

Sitting alone in the dark, I gave in and admitted to myself that maybe I wasn't as strong as I was trying to lead everyone to believe, myself included. Maybe I had changed since the last time I'd competed, but I was still the same person at the core. I still had insecurities. I still got insanely nervous at the idea of stepping out in front of a crowd and offering myself up for judgment. I still feared failing and being a disappointment.

Yes, it was different this time around, but in so many ways it was still exactly the same. I hadn't wanted to believe that it would be. I'd wanted to believe that I'd walk into that arena tomorrow feeling untouchable, confident, like no one could stop me, not even myself. After all I'd been through with Renee and Phil, after all the challenges I'd faced and overcome in my personal life as well as with my skating in order to get here, I wanted to believe that this would be a cake walk.

But deep down, I knew it wouldn't be. I'd been lying for weeks to the people I cared about, but more than that, I'd been lying to myself. Since missing out on the _Trophee Bompard_, I'd been convincing myself the same thing I'd been telling everyone else. That _Skate America_ was just a warm up, that it didn't actually count for anything.

After all, _Nationals_ was the big show for me. Not only would it decide the Olympic contenders, but it's the one that Lauren would be skating against me, the one where Renee and Phil would be unavoidable. I'd been trying not to think about it too much since it was still over two months down the line, but it was always lurking in the back of my mind.

In an attempt to distract myself and everyone else from that upcoming event—namely Edward and Esme—I'd put up a strong front. I could tell that neither of them completely bought it, but they seemed to understand me enough to let it go and let me do what I needed to do in order to get through this.

Apparently they both knew me better than I knew myself. Because now that I was here, I realized that I really wished they would all be in the stands the next day. Distraction or not, I wanted them there, maybe even needed them. But I couldn't bring myself to tell them that when I knew it was impossible.

Still, even if he couldn't be with me in person, it would help if I could just hear his voice. I had his number dialed and the phone at my ear before I could even really think about it.

"Hey," he answered, instantly loosening the tightness in my chest just a little bit. "Is everything okay? Shouldn't you be sleeping by now?"

"Yeah. Probably," I mumbled, leaning my head back against the rails on the balcony. "Couldn't sleep."

"What's wrong?" he asked, concern lacing his tone.

"I don't know, Edward," I sighed, wondering if I should really be talking to him about this stuff right now when it would only serve to make him feel bad. But I couldn't stop the words from tumbling from my lips. "I just started feeling so nervous about tomorrow. All the pressure, the attention. The pressure. I guess I forgot about how stressful this all can be."

"What happened to all that talk about this one not being a big deal?"

"I lied," I confessed. "I'm sorry and I didn't mean to. I was lying to myself just as much as I was to you. It _is_ a big deal and I— I don't know if I can do this."

"Baby," he sighed and I heard a muffled groan as he must have held the phone away from his face for a minute. "God, I wish I could hold you right now."

"Me too," I whispered, sniffing back tears that threatened to overflow from my eyes. "I'm sorry to call you like this. I know you've been feeling bad about not being here and I don't want to make you feel worse. I just needed to hear your voice, that's all."

"Don't," he said, sounding a bit pained. "Don't ever feel sorry for calling me, Bella. I'll deal with my own issues but I don't _ever _want you to feel like you can't or shouldn't talk to me. You can _always_ talk to me."

"Kay."

"So _honestly_, what are you thinking?"

"I think that I should be able to do this by myself. And I'm angry at myself over the fact that I'm doubting that I can."

"Why do you think that?"

I hesitated for a moment, gathering my thoughts and wondering how best to explain myself. "Do you think I've changed, Edward? From the time you first met me to now, have I changed?"

"You know you have."

"And they've been good changes, right?"

"Baby, what's this about?"

"Just answer, please."

"Yes. I think so. I mean, I don't know everything about the person you were before we met, but you seem happier now than when I first met you, more sure of yourself. You've…I don't know, blossomed, I guess. Why?"

"I think so, too. I _like_ the person I've become since moving back to Minnesota, since I met all of you. But then I get here, to the same place that I was two years ago, and I feel like exactly the same person that I used to be. Still nervous, still scared out of my mind, still so unsure of myself. And I hate that. I hate that I feel so weak again when up until a few days ago I felt so strong, like I'd come so far."

"You're not weak, Bella. Being scared and nervous on the brink of such a big event doesn't make you any less strong. And you're right. You are still the same person you were two years ago. Even if parts of you have changed, at the core you are still the same. And that's something I hope never changes, because that's who I fell in love with. You may be more confident and sure of yourself, but you're still you. You weren't weak two years ago, Baby. You never really have been. You've always had strength inside you; the only difference is that you actually believe you have it now."

"Yeah, because of you. I don't know that I ever would have seen it for myself without you."

"You would have," he said with certainty. "But I'm glad I've been there to see it happen."

We sat in silence for a long moment, just listening to each other breathe and drawing comfort from that connection, though we were in two separate countries on opposite ends of the continent.

"Edward?" I whispered, breaking the silence.

"Yeah?"

I thought about telling him how much I wished he could be there tomorrow, but it wouldn't be fair. So instead, I settled for, "I miss you."

"I miss you too. You should get to bed, love. Do you want me to stay on the phone until you fall asleep? I could hum to you or something, though if Emmett catches me, I'm blaming you."

"No," I chuckled as I stood up and made my way inside, pausing at the dresser to tap the heads of the bobbleheads goodnight. "I've got Toto, your jersey, and my little bobblehead family to keep me company. I'll pop in my iPod and listen to your CD until I can fall asleep."

"If you're sure…"

"Yeah," I said as I crawled under the covers, reaching for my iPod and bringing up the playlist of his piano compositions before shutting off the light. "I'm good. Talking to you helped a lot."

"I'm glad. If I don't get to talk to you before you skate tomorrow…well, I hope I will, but if not, good luck."

"Thanks," I whispered, snuggling into my pillow, finally feeling like I could possibly fall asleep. "G'night, Edward."

"Sweet dreams, Beautiful. I love you."

"Love you too," I murmured. Within moments of ending the call, I was fast asleep.

**x-x-x**

From the moment I woke up the next morning, I had a bad feeling about how the day would go. My muscles felt just a little tight and it took me longer to wake up than normal. Despite my talk with Edward the night before, I still had an extreme case of the jitters. For most of the day, I was in a bit of a nervous haze, thinking over each step of my program in my head, attempting to plot out the exact timing of every element.

My practice run in the early afternoon didn't go very well. I was over thinking my jumps and it threw off my timing. Even listening to Edward's music during my warm up jog around the backstage halls didn't help to settle me.

Well before I was truly ready, my section was lined up to hit the ice for a five minute warm up, then it'd be my turn.

I nearly ran into other skaters three times because I wasn't paying close enough attention. I could tell Marcus was getting a bit agitated about my lack of focus.

They called for the ice to clear and Marcus motioned me over to where he stood by the boards.

"Settle down, Bella. You've nailed this routine a million times in practice. Just skate your program and block everything else out."

I nodded, though I wasn't sure I meant it. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shake my nerves. Marcus grabbed my hands and squeezed them tightly as my name was announced, giving me a wink and sending me on my way.

I did my habitual lap, feeling a bit like I was underwater as the sounds around me droned in an endless, muffled wave. I breathed deeply in and out, shaking my arms at my sides and cracking my neck. My thumb rubbed over my hidden swan as I tried to remember how I'd done this in the past. This should have been like riding a bicycle, but for some reason I felt like a complete amateur facing her first performance. One of my skates felt a little loose, so I bent to readjust it quickly, snapping my tights back into place before taking my mark.

The instant I took my first step, I knew this was going to be bad. That last minute adjustment to my skate had been a mistake. I'd tied it too tightly, nervous about leaving them loose, and I could already feel the affects on my movements from how constricting they were.

There was no changing it now, so I attempted to concentrate on the things I could control. I prepped for my first jump combination, but put a little too much power into my launch, over rotating the first, which put me in a bad position to transition into the second. My feet got tangled and I tripped, the adrenaline shooting me right back up again to continue and start my crossovers for my next jump. This one was good, but I was so nervous about messing it up that I unnecessarily put an extra foot down on the landing.

The minute and a half that followed was quite possibly the longest of my life. I was so disappointed in how I'd started that I just wanted to give up, throw my hands in the air and say 'to hell with it.' But I'd never been a quitter and I wasn't about to start now. So I remained on the ice and fought for every move, though it left me more exhausted than the longest program I'd ever skated. There were even a few shining moments where I felt good about my performance, but not enough to leave me satisfied.

I stuck my final position and it took every ounce of will I had not to just slump over on the ice and cry.

Turning to each side, I acknowledged the crowd with the obligatory bow and wave as quickly as I could with a false smile, eager to get off the ice and at least out of the direct spotlight. It'd be a good fifteen minutes before I could actually seek out a private spot to break down. The only thought going through my head was to just hold it together. No one but me needed to know just how heartbroken I was after that mediocre performance.

Marcus awaited me at the boards. One look at my face and he knew to take a step back and give me some space to collect myself. He ushered me over to the Kiss and Cry, handing me my skate guards without a word and asking one of the volunteers for some water and a towel.

I sat beside Marcus and guzzled down water, trying my best to just tune everything out. I was frustrated and slightly resentful of the fact that I had to sit there and smile for the cameras when all I wanted to do was find a dark place to pass out and forget this whole thing had ever happened.

I didn't speak. There were cameras in my face and microphones all over the place. I couldn't risk opening my mouth and letting something slip about how I was really feeling after that showing. Everyone would want to hear about how I'd tried my best and that's all that mattered, that I still felt like a winner and was satisfied just to be back and through my first program.

But that was bullshit. I'd made a stupid mistake that had tripped me up. I'd been too much in my head to properly recover. I was pissed off and disappointed. So no, I couldn't speak. No one wanted to hear curse words from America's favorite Ice Princess. Wouldn't be setting a very good example for the thousands of little girls watching and wishing they could have this experience.

Marcus nudged me and I heard the muffled drone of the loudspeaker as my scores were announced. But I didn't pay attention, didn't even spare a glance at the monitor in front of me that displayed my point totals. Marcus would fill me in later, but honestly it just didn't matter. It wasn't about the points. It was about the fact that I'd failed. All those months of work led to that.

All I'd wanted to do was to prove to myself that I still had a place here, that I could still do it, and that I could do it by myself. To show Renee that she played no part in my success, that my past accomplishments were just that—mine—and not hers in any way.

But I hadn't done any of that. I'd practically done the exact opposite. I'd made a rookie mistake that led to one thing after another and I hadn't been strong enough to do what needed to be done to come back from those mistakes.

The moment we were released from the Kiss and Cry, I scurried backstage.

Marcus caught up to me before I could slip into the locker room.

"It's just one program, Bella," he said. "You need to go shake this off. It's over. Done. Forget all about it and concentrate on starting fresh with your free skate."

_Easier said than done,_ I thought, though I nodded my agreement. Anything to get out of here faster. I really wasn't up for an inspirational talk at the moment.

"Would you mind calling for the car? I just want to go back to the hotel. I'll text Esme and let her know I'll see them back there if they want to stay and watch."

"I'll give them a call. You just take a minute and catch your breath. I'll have the car wait by the back entrance."

"Thanks," I told him as I lingered by the door, gathering the courage to look up into his face—something I hadn't been able to do since stepping off the ice. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was for letting him down, but I couldn't do anything more than give him a sad smile and shake my head.

"Don't write this one off yet," he murmured, tapping my chin up with the crook of his finger. "Tomorrow's a new day."

He left to make the calls while I went into the locker room to take off my skates and change back into my warm ups, eager to eliminate any trace of that performance from my memory. My bold costume felt like a farce and I wanted to just ball it up and stuff it in the corner of my bag, but I couldn't bring myself to crumple the beautiful creation Alice had spent so much time on. Instead, I carefully put it back on its hanger and quickly zipped it out of sight. Grabbing my garment bag and the handle of my suitcase, I turned to leave.

I was so caught up in my own thoughts that I didn't even notice the two other girls in the room until I practically ran right into them on my way out. I recognized one as the top Canadian girl from the previous season, tall and blonde, but I didn't know the other brunette. They were both in full costume and skates, obviously having yet to have performed. The height advantage of their blades left them towering over me. Though they were obviously much younger, I honestly felt like the scrawny little kid on the playground trying not to cower in the face of a pair of bullies.

"Well, well, Isabella Swan. Can't be too happy with that showing, can you?" the brunette clucked her tongue with a piteous expression on her face.

"You know you really should have quit while you were ahead," said the blonde. "This little comeback of yours is a joke. Maybe you used to be the best, but clearly you can't hack it any more. You should have just retired while you were still on top, gone away a winner. Now all everyone's going to remember is your pathetic attempt at a comeback."

"It's sad really. I used to think you were so awesome. Now? Such a pity," the brunette trailed off.

It was a mind game and I knew it. They saw that I was down, weak, vulnerable and wanted to capitalize on it for their own advantage. If they could get inside my head enough, my mistakes and insecurities would roll over into the next day and knock me out of their way completely.

But I wasn't ready to slink away quite that easily. Maybe I was disappointed in myself. Maybe I'd had a rough night. But Marcus was right. It was just one night. I needed to shake this off and come back fresh for the free skate and that needed to start now.

"Competition's not even halfway over, ladies. I wouldn't start marking the final rankings in ink quite yet. A lot can happen in four minutes," I said coolly with a regal lift of my brow. I brushed past them with as much confidence as I could muster. These girls were nothing to me. None of the other skaters were. The only thing I could control was myself and that's what I needed to remember. No one else mattered. Even so, I couldn't resist pausing at the door and glancing back at them with a wink. "Good luck out there, girls. Ice is slippery tonight."

I walked out without another word and started down the long and mostly empty corridor. I could hear the cheers and groans of the crowd as the current skater performed.

Though I probably should have just gone straight to the doors to see if the car was there yet, I found an empty bench along the windowed wall of the arena. Edward was likely occupied and wouldn't answer, but I still wanted to try, to at least hear his voice on the voicemail. I needed comfort and right now he was the only one I wanted it from.

He didn't answer, as I'd predicted. The team was en route from Canada to California so it wasn't really a surprise. What was a surprise is that less than a minute after leaving him a message, my phone beeped with a text.

_**Hey, saw I missed your call. You okay?**_

That was a loaded question. Physically I was okay. Emotionally, I was better than I had been a few minutes earlier. To anyone else, I would have brushed it off and said I was fine. But this was Edward and I didn't need to hide from him.

_**Not really. Bad short program, then ran into some drama backstage.**_

_**Need me to arrange for some sabotage? ;)**_

I chuckled and responded quickly, already feeling better for talking with him, even through text.

_**Tempting…but no.**_

_**What happened with your program?**_

_**Got nervous and made some stupid mistakes. Pretty much wrecked any chance I had at placing high at this one. The whole thing was pretty much a catastrophe.**_

"I don't know," I heard a low, familiar voice in my ear only moments later. "From where I was sitting it looked pretty fucking amazing."

I gasped and turned my head to see Edward sitting beside me on the bench, his legs bent over the opposite side of where mine were dangling. For a moment, I was certain I was dreaming. But he didn't disappear when I raised my fingers to his face. He was real and he was here.

"Edward," I whispered, throwing my arms around him and desperately holding on.

"Hey, beautiful," he said, holding me just as tightly as I held him.

For a minute I didn't think about anything but how wonderful it felt at that moment to just be held by the man I loved. But then it sunk in what his being there meant.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked, shoving out of his arms and swatting at his chest. "You're supposed to be in Anaheim by now."

He merely grinned and cupped my face. "And miss my girl's big debut? Never."

"But your job!" I protested, guilt flowing through me over the fact that he was missing his games because of me. Because I wasn't strong enough without him. "You're supposed to play tomorrow. You need to be—"

His other hand raised until he cradled my face between them and his soft, warm lips descended on mine. He rubbed our noses together and held me close, sighing contently.

"I'm exactly where I need to be, Bella. The team can do without me for one game. I need to be here just as much as I know you want me to be. Even if you're trying to put up a tough front."

"I should be pissed about you skipping out on work," I muttered, nuzzling a little deeper into his arms. "But I'm really glad you're here."

"Me too."

"So you saw?" I said after a moment.

"Yeah," he murmured and kissed the top of my head. "You were gorgeous out there."

"You don't need to say stuff like that to make me feel better," I said, rolling my eyes though he couldn't see my face. "I screwed up. It was horrible."

"You don't see yourself very clearly, did you know that?" he chuckled, nudging my face up to align with his. "Did you even see your scores?"

"No," I admitted. "Wasn't paying much attention."

"You were in third at the end of your program. Sure you had a couple of stumbles, but you came back and kept going. It wasn't perfect, but it was still pretty damn awesome. Stop being such a drama queen, Swan," he smirked with a wink to let me know he was joking. "Besides, from what I hear about this skating business, the short program doesn't count as much as the long. It's like in hockey. You can play horribly in the first two periods and come back to win it all in the third."

"Kinda. It's not exactly the same."

"Close enough. And even if you suck tomorrow, you still did what you came here to do. You came back and you tried. I'm really proud of you, Bella."

"I shouldn't have tried to tell you that I didn't need you here. I just thought I should have been able to handle it on my own."

"Yeah, well, I didn't really believe you anyways," he said, his lips slowly curving into his signature crooked smile. "I was supposed to get here early enough to see you before you had to leave the hotel, but our flight got delayed in Seattle."

"Seattle?" I asked, my brow scrunched in confusion. "Did you have a layover there or something?"

"Not exactly. I had to make a pit stop," he said slowly, then raised his gaze to look at something over my head.

I glanced up in the direction Edward was looking and felt my eyes just about pop right out of their sockets.

Standing across the hall with Esme and Carlisle was my father.

The three of them were talking together, but the moment I looked up and locked eyes with Charlie, all conversations ceased. He gave me a little smile that quirked one side of his mustache upward and shrugged as if to say, 'Yeah, I'm really here.' His hands were in his back pockets and he rocked back gently on his heels like he didn't know exactly what to do next.

I managed to shift my gaze from Charlie back to Edward to see him smiling brightly back at me.

"Wha— How did— Wh—" I sputtered, unable to complete a thought, nonetheless an actual sentence.

"Why don't you go say, 'hi?'" he suggested, kissing my forehead before standing and reaching his hand out for mine. I clutched it as I stood on shaky legs.

Charlie stepped away from Edward's parents and met us in the middle of the mostly empty hall. I felt Edward squeeze my hand in encouragement before he let go to stand with his parents and give my dad and I a moment alone.

While we stood there, each a bit unsure of how to start, I studied the man in front of me. He still looked like the man who'd helped raise me until Renee and I left, but so very different at the same time. I'd only seen him a handful of times in the years since then and so often I hadn't really taken the time to actually look at him, too busy feeling hurt over his apparent neglect.

He was taller than I remembered, which seemed like a weird thing to notice since I'd grown since last time I'd seen him. His hair was still dark and full, but the tufts at his temple were streaked with little bits of gray. The lines on his face were a bit deeper than I remembered, but he didn't look hard or aged. Despite his casual dress of Levi's and a flannel shirt, he looked almost distinguished. Looking into his eyes, nearly identical to my own, I saw a light in them. Underneath the uncertainty and awkwardness was an excitement. Happiness. And I was pretty sure it was about me. That realization gave me the courage to make the first move, albeit a small one.

I smiled at him. "Hi, Dad."

"Hey, kiddo," he said after clearing his throat lightly. "How ya doin'?"

"Good. How are—" I started to return the casual pleasantries and then decided that was just stupid where there were so many other things I wanted to ask. "What are you doing here? I thought you couldn't make it."

He shifted a bit in his spot, glancing behind him for a moment, then back at me. "Yeah, well your boy over there showed up on my doorstep and made me realize just how important this all was to ya. Couple of guys at the station are pulling some extra hours to cover for me."

"Edward went to Forks?" I asked incredulously. For some reason that came as a surprise. I'd figured—well, I actually hadn't figured anything. I couldn't quite wrap my head around how this had happened, not to mention what must have occurred to get to this point.

"Yeah. Came knockin' on my door first thing this morning, before the sun was even up. Looked like he hadn't slept a wink all night."

"So you guys came out here together?" I asked, feeling a bit silly over the obvious question, but I just couldn't seem to make my thoughts sync up to the point where this all made sense.

"Yeah. Boy wouldn't take no for an answer. Had our tickets booked and everything. Barely gave me a chance to grab an extra set of clothes before practically shovin' me out the door."

I looked over Charlie's shoulder to see Edward. He was talking to his parents, attempting to give my dad and I some privacy though he was still obviously keeping a watchful eye on me. He gave me a half smile and a reassuring wink and I wanted to swoon. He did look tired. Exhausted, really. I'd been too excited when I first saw him to even notice.

He'd still been in Vancouver when I'd spoken to him the night before. Getting to New York in time to see me skate would have been a time crunch, yet he'd managed to get down to Forks—in the middle of nowhere Washington—then back to Seattle to catch a flight across the country. For me. If I wasn't still so overwhelmed, I'd probably be crying.

"He's quite a fella, Bells," Charlie said, following my line of sight. His mustache quirked in humor when Edward quickly averted his gaze and scratched his neck, seeming a little chagrined at being caught staring. Esme and Carlisle looked over, both with supportive and encouraging smiles as he wrapped his arm around her waist and she laid her head back on his shoulder.

"You met his parents too, I see."

"Yeah, uh, talked with them for quite awhile when we got to the hotel and then sittin' in the stands," he said, clearing his throat again before gesturing to the three people waiting on us. "We uh— made reservations for dinner if you think you're up to it. Nothin' too fancy since we figured you'd be tired. But you should probably get somethin' to eat after all that."

"Yeah. Sure. Dinner sounds good," I said. We stammered a little for another moment before crossing over to join the rest of our little group.

I spent the next few hours with Edward, his parents and Charlie. We grabbed dinner at a little steakhouse near the hotel that was pretty quiet since we'd missed the dinner rush. Marcus even stopped by for a bit and seemed to have a grand old time talking with the guys.

It was great to have them all there. Charlie and I were so awkward that it would have been difficult to keep conversation going on our own, but with the rest of them there, we were both able to find a bit of a comfort zone. Carlisle and Charlie already seemed to be good buddies and I found myself learning a lot about the man halfway responsible for my existence.

The Cullens seemed to draw Charlie out of his shell, just as they'd done with me. It struck me then, that I really didn't know my dad. I hadn't seen him in far too many years; I wanted that to change. The night turned out to be different than I expected, instead of sulking alone in a hotel room, I enjoyed a relaxed meal full of smiling and laughter, where conversation flowed freely. Thanks to them, I could almost forget the fact that I'd had a bad skate only hours earlier.

When we got back to the hotel lobby we took a moment to say goodnight and all get on the same page about what was happening the next day. As everyone else headed for the elevators, Charlie seemed to hesitate. I bit my lip, feeling like I should have said something more to him but still felt unsure of how to navigate the unfamiliar ground between us.

Edward must have noticed my torn expression. He pulled me into his arms and kissed my head before speaking lowly in my ear.

"You should go talk to him, love."

"I don't even know what to say."

"You'll figure it out. He was pretty nervous about seeing you again. I think it'd do you both some good to talk a little, face to face."

I nodded and pulled out of his arms, taking a step away before turning back. "What about you?"

"I'll go up with my parents for now. Come find me after if you want."

I nodded again before taking off across the lobby in a jog.

"Dad," I called out just as the elevator door opened. "Wait up."

"You goin' up?" he asked.

"Yeah. Um, I'll walk with you to your room…if that's okay?"

"Sure, uh, that'd be fine," he stammered as we stepped into the enclosed space, then lapsed into a bit of an uncomfortable silence. For all the progress we'd made in speaking over the phone, it was so much different actually seeing him in person. Edward was right. We did need to figure out how to talk face to face. I just didn't know how to start.

We got all the way to his room before either of us worked up the courage to open our mouths, then we spoke at the same time, stammering over each other and breaking off uncomfortably to let the other one go first.

"Bel—"

"Da—" we spoke at the same time, laughing a bit nervously and stopping short, each gesturing for the other to go first. He was more stubborn, so I gave in. "Uh, do you mind if I come in for a sec?" I asked, not really comfortable with the idea of talking in the hallway.

He nodded and opened the door, gesturing for me to enter in front of him as he flicked on the lights.

Once inside it took us another minute to build up to conversation again. This time, Charlie took the initiative.

"So, that was really somethin' out there today. Been awhile since I've seen you skate in person."

"I'm glad you came, Dad. I know I told you it wasn't a big deal that you weren't gonna make it but uh, well, it really means a lot to me that you're here."

"Yeah, well, uh, me too. I wanted to be here, Bells, but things got busy at work and then you said it'd be fine if I just went to the one in January, so I just sorta let it go. I shoulda tried harder to make it work in the first place, 'stead of waitin' for Edward to show up on my doorstep and give me a kick in the pants."

"What'd he say?" I asked, brimming with curiosity.

"Some things I needed to hear," he sighed. When he didn't say anything more than that, I decided not to push him, no matter how much I wanted to know. I couldn't leave it entirely alone though.

"How'd you— uh, did you guys get along?"

"Sure," he shrugged flippantly. I tried not to groan at how uncooperative he was being at satisfying my curiosity.

"And you were— well, you were nice to him? Not that I think you wouldn't be," I babbled quickly. "I just mean, he was nervous about meeting you, I think. I mean, he didn't say anything to me, but it's just—"

"Settle down there, Bells. I mean it. We got along just fine. After gettin' to know him a bit…well, he's a good man. And he really loves you, that much's obvious."

"He does," I agreed, giving him a reassuring smile. "I love him, too."

"Well, uh, I know it's probably isn't my place and doesn't make much difference, but I uh— well, I like him…if that matters."

"It matters. He wasn't the only nervous one," I confessed. "We ran into Jacob Black a few times. He said some things that made it seem like you might not really approve. Jake's pretty much a stranger to me so I didn't really care, but he made it sound like you two were pretty close and, well, Edward and Jacob don't get along so well."

"That's an understatement," Charlie chuckled. "Edward and I had a chat about this on the plane. I saw the last game where the two of 'em got in a tussle. I told him, but you should know too."

He paused and blew out a breath. He sat on the corner of the bed and folded his hands while I took a seat in the chair across from him. "Jake's pretty messed up right now. He's let the attention and the fame get to his head. He always was a bit of a troublemaker; too cocky and headstrong for his own good. Bein' in Chicago's just made all that worse. Billy's pretty torn up about it, so I try to keep tabs on him, check in from time to time. But whatever goes on between me and Jake, that's nothin' on how I think about Edward. I'd like to think I'm a pretty decent judge of character and have enough sense to make up my own mind. Edward? He's got good character. Seems to have his head screwed on straight and his feet on the ground. Thinks you've hung the stars and the moon. As a father, even a mostly absent one, I couldn't hope for much more than that for you."

"Dad," I sighed. "I really wish you'd stop talking like that. The past is just that. We can't change it…but I don't think it's very good for either of us to dwell on our mistakes. Maybe we haven't been there for each other in the past, but we're here now. And…I'm really glad we're here now, that I've got the chance to learn more about you, and for you to learn more about me."

"That reminds me. I've uh— well, I brought somethin' to show you," he mumbled and walked over to his suitcase, fumbling with the contents inside for a minute until he found what he was looking for. He crossed back over to me with a hesitant look on his face before holding out a large book. The binding was worn and little bits of paper stuck out on all sides. The cover wouldn't lay flat and when I opened it, I discovered that the pages were filled with photographs and articles, either taped down or folded and stuck in the creases to the point where the book was overflowing.

"Dad," I breathed as I took note of what was inside. He stood behind me, looking over my shoulder as I delicately turned the pages by the corners, careful not to batter the worn and aged papers. Every single one of them was about me, either a picture or a story. Most were items that had been carefully cut out from newspapers and magazines. Some of the more recent ones that looked like he'd printed them from off of the internet. But mixed in with those were a few candid shots that weren't public record—pictures of me as a little girl with him and with Renee, or just by myself. I sniffled back tears and traced the worn faces on a picture of the three of us together at the frozen pond behind our house, taken when I was about four years old.

"What's all this for?" I asked, looking up at him with a watery smile.

"Just wanted you to know that I still kept my eye on you, even if it didn't seem like it. I really thought you were gettin' a better life goin' off with your mother," he paused and twitched his mustache, something I was quickly recognizing as a signal that he was trying to maintain his composure. "But I uh— I still missed you like hell."

My chin quivered for a moment as I fought back my own emotions for one useless minute before I leaned my head to the side and rested it against his waist. His hand hesitated only a moment before settling on my head, and brushing affectionately over my hair.

"I missed you too, Dad," I whispered.

After a minute I started flipping the pages again. Charlie took a seat next to me at the little tabletop and we glanced through the book together, talking as we perused the pages—recalling memories and sharing stories and anecdotes as they came to mind.

As we came to the end, I found one picture tucked into the spine that was more yellowed than the rest of them. Unfolding it, I saw a picture of my mother that I'd never seen before. She looked so young and happy. Beautiful. She was on the ice in a beautiful red skating dress, in the middle of a rather impressive spiral.

"When was this taken?" I asked as I smoothed the paper and studied the image.

"Right around the time I met her. I went to see her perform at a little local show shortly after we started seein' each other. I knew she liked to skate; it's one of the first things she talked about when I met her. But it wasn't until I saw her out there that I realized how much it really meant to her. She was pretty damn good, actually. Mighta made a name for herself if she'd had the means. She was so happy out there on that ice. She was…well, enchanting. I fell in love with her."

His eyes were glued to the photo and his voice was low and quiet as he reminisced, seeming to become lost in his own thoughts, even as he shared them with me.

"She had so many big dreams, wanted to get out of her hometown and see the world, be somebody. Then, well, life happens I guess. Sometimes people change and it's not always for the better," his lips quirked without humor and he looked over at me.

"When we had you, she figured any chance she had to skate was over. I tried to encourage her to get back out there again, that just because she'd had a baby didn't mean she had to give up on her dreams. She still coulda skated. Maybe she was never gonna be famous or anything, but she didn't have to give it all up. She didn't want to hear it though. Just skating wasn't enough to satisfy her. Just like our life together wasn't enough for her.

"It took me a long time to accept that there wasn't anything I could have done to change things. I uh— I hope you realize that too. It's not your fault that she is the way she is and there's nothin' you could've done either."

I nodded and looked back at the photo again, thinking how sad it was that the happy girl in the picture had let herself morph into a bitter woman who'd never truly been satisfied.

"Seeing you skate out there? Well, you remind me so much of how she was when I first fell in love with her. Especially today, with that song. She skated to it, did you know that?"

"What? No, I didn't. I remember you always playing it around the house when I was little."

"Yeah. That's what she skated to that first time I saw her. Drove her crazy when I played it. She was resentful of the reminder of what she'd lost. Guess it was sorta my way of trying to hold on to the girl I fell in love with," he trailed off, lost in his own memories for a moment before he smiled at me. "It's good that you're using it. Hearing that song? Seeing you out there doin' what you love? I'm just so overwhelmed by you, Bells. I'm really proud of you."

I threw my arms around his shoulders and buried my face against his neck, breathing in the scent of evergreen and tobacco, the same scent that I remembered from my childhood. "Thanks, Dad."

After a minute, we pulled away, less gracefully than we'd come together. "Yeah, well uh— if you want that..." he stammered, pointing at the album.

"No," I said softly, closing the book and handing it back to him. "Thanks for sharing it with me, but I uh, I think you should keep it. It's nice to know you've at least got a little something to remember me by."

He smiled at me lovingly and tapped my cheek. "I don't need a book for that, baby girl."

**x-x-x**

After saying goodnight to Charlie, I went and found Edward in his parent's room. We spent a few minutes chatting before I lost my patience. I just wanted to be alone with Edward. I whispered to him to grab his stuff so we could go back to my room before raising my voice again to say goodnight to Esme and Carlisle.

Edward protested half-heartedly during the short walk down the hall to my door, insisting the he could stay with his parents or get his own room.

When we stepped inside and he was still arguing, I stopped trying to verbally debate and instead slid my hands slowly over his chest to rest on the tops of his shoulders, cutting off his words with an eager kiss. He returned it just as thoroughly. But I should have known better than to believe he'd be so easily diverted.

"Honestly, I wasn't expecting to stay with you tonight. I know you need your rest and you need to focus," he said, loosely circling my wrists with his fingers, lifting one hand and then the other to his lips. "I don't want to intrude on your space."

"Maybe I want you to intrude on my space," I whispered, standing on my toes to rain soft kisses along his jaw.

"I thought you said I was distracting."

"You are. Very," I murmured, accenting my words with small open-mouthed kisses along his neck. "But I'm starting to realize that sometimes a distraction can be a very good thing and exactly what I need. Distract me, Edward. Please?"

He walked us forward, gently lowering me to the bed. As I hit the mattress, I caught sight of an unwelcome distraction out of the corner of my eye. With his lips only a breath away, I pulled my head back just out of his reach.

"What is it?"

I cocked my head at the nightstand where the five bobblehead dolls were lined up, their painted eyes open and watching our every move. "First I'm gonna need you to shove those in a drawer or something. We don't need an audience for what I've got in mind for you."

"Oh really?" he laughed and opened the nightstand drawer, shutting the dolls away before turning back to me with a mischievous grin. "I don't know, baby, I always perform better in front of a cheering crowd."

"Well, when we get home I'll find you a sound recording of a bunch of screaming fans and we can indulge your little voyeuristic streak," I murmured, hooking my fingers into his belt loops to pull him closer.

"Really?" he exclaimed with a giddy smile before gripping my hips, hoisting me back to the center of the bed and eagerly jumping up after me. He pulled me into a heated kiss, his hands already tugging at my clothing as he mumbled against my lips. "Mm, Bella, you're gonna be the best roomie ever."

**x-x-x**

The next day, I felt completely different. It may have been the same competition, but I was approaching it in a whole new way.

Edward had done an exemplary job of distracting me the night before and I hadn't had much time to think about the competition before passing out in his arms.

That morning, Edward, Charlie, Esme and Carlisle all joined me for breakfast before heading over to the arena for the free skate practice. The conversation kept me calm and I found that I could actually talk about the competition without feeling nervous. At the arena, I found that their presence was comforting rather than stress inducing as I'd originally thought it might be. Maybe there really was something to having a few unshakable supporters in your corner. They wanted to see me do well, but they wouldn't be let down if I took a tumble. As much as I wanted to make them proud, I knew my final ranking wouldn't affect their feelings. They already were.

I wasn't sure if it was Edward's presence, the fact that I felt more comfortable with my long program or what, but I felt like a totally new skater. Maybe I'd just exhausted all my nerves the day before.

My practice run went well and I left the ice feeling good. I felt prepared, in control.

After returning to the hotel to get ready, the day went just as quickly as the previous had. But for completely different reasons. After lunch, I caught a nap snuggled up next to Edward while he played with my hair and watched ESPN. He stayed with me while I got ready, stealing a few kisses before I had to put on my lipstick.

Though I needed to be at the arena much earlier than any of the rest of them did, they all rode over with me to walk with me to the security check and wish me luck. Edward squeezed me tight, careful not to mess up my thoroughly hairsprayed updo, and said, 'Good luck, beautiful.' I turned my cheek for him to kiss since I didn't want to get lipstick all over him, but apparently he wasn't quite as worried. He practically swept me off my toes and captured my lips in a passionate kiss that left me lightheaded. I laughed when we pulled away, seeing his lips covered in plum colored gloss.

"I don't think this is quite your color, Cullen," I said as I swiped at his bottom lip with my thumb.

He grinned and wiped his face with the cuff of his sleeve. "Totally worth it."

Backstage, I seemed to find my stride again. I sought out a quiet corner to go through my stretching and warmed up my jumps while Marcus kept me company. Partway through my routine, I heard my phone buzz in my skate bag. I gave Marcus a questioning look. He was a big advocate for cutting off communication at the door. He shrugged and gave me a smile, encouraging me to check it. Pulling it out, I saw a text from Edward.

_**Whatcha doin'?**_

I looked back up at Marcus again, wondering if I should answer or just put it away.

Marcus rolled his eyes at me and pushed off the wall, starting to walk away. "Just make sure you keep stretching."

I grinned, and spent the remainder of my warm up texting back and forth with Edward. Not about anything in particular, just nonsense.

I went for a brisk jog through the halls to get my blood moving, listening to his songs and continuing to text. When the time came for me to get dressed, I felt exhilarated and refreshed and ready to conquer anything. I told him I had to go and saw him call instead of text in return.

"I can't wait to see you out there, Bella. Blow me a kiss, okay?"

"I will. See you after?"

"I'll be waiting," he promised.

When my group took the ice to warm-up, I heard the four of them cheering for me in the stands. I laughed and waved at them, though my cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

I decided to warm up my triple flip-triple toe combination, and maybe instill a little fear in my competitors as a bonus. I landed both jumps perfectly, earning a bout of cheering from the crowd.

_That's right. The Swan's still got it._ I smirked at one of the girls who'd cornered me in the locker room. She wasn't looking quite so cocky anymore.

I was third in the lineup this time, so I zipped up my sweatshirt to keep warm and went backstage to wait for Marcus to come get me. I didn't watch anyone else. I didn't listen. It was a lot easier to tune out the distractions. None of them existed. In my mind, there were no other skaters, no judges, no cameras or reporters. It was just me and the ice. Before I even heard my name called, I knew it was going to be a good night.

This time when I took my opening stance, I was calm and collected. When the music started—Edward's music—I lost myself in the notes. In the vision of him playing for me, the look in his eyes that first night when he told me he loved me. I blocked out everything, even the steps and the technique, and just let myself go. It still wasn't a perfect skate—I didn't get enough height on my Lutz and had to double it instead of triple, and I got off time a bit on my footwork sequence. I had a few stumbles, but overall, I ended the skate feeling satisfied with my performance.

Two skaters after me in the short program the previous day had solid performances as well, sending me into the free skate ranked fifth. At the end of the night, I came out in fourth. As I watched the Victory Ceremony take place with three other girls stepping up on the podium, I didn't even feel a pang of disappointment.

Maybe some of Edward's philosophy had started to rub off on me, because I felt optimistic. Maybe this competition hadn't been my best, but I'd done what I'd set out to do. I showed up, skated, and did my best. I'd proven that I still had it in me to compete and there was still another chance to show that I still had it in me to win.

**x-x-x**

After breakfast the following morning, I took a cab to the airport with Charlie, Edward, and his parents to hop aboard our respective flights home. We saw my dad off first with promises to keep in touch all around.

It made me smile to see my dad look so comfortable shaking hands and sharing laughs with Edward's father. It surprised me how similar they really were underneath the superficial stuff, though it really shouldn't have. They were two pretty great men. I would have been lucky to have only one of them, but somehow I'd been blessed enough to have them both.

While he and Carlisle were thick as thieves, Charlie still looked a tad overwhelmed when Esme pulled him into a tight hug and kissed his cheek. I couldn't really blame him. It had taken me awhile to get used to the Cullens and their openly welcoming nature as well.

Though we continued to remain a bit awkward, Charlie and I managed to share a hug and say our goodbyes before the gate attendant announced that his flight was boarding. He grabbed his bag and threw it over his shoulder, his mustache quirking a bit as he hesitated over something. Then he stepped back over to me and pulled me into another hug, much more certain than our first had been.

"I'll see you in Spokane, Bells. I promise," he whispered into my hair. I held him just as tight and nodded. "Love you, baby girl," he said, squeezing me once more before releasing me, stealthily trying to swipe the hints of moisture from his eyes.

I wasn't quite as successful at masking the tears that welled in my eyes as I rose up on my toes and kissed his cheek, whispering, "I love you too, Dad."

He cleared his throat, his mustache twitching as he sniffed and turned to Edward beside me, holding out his hand.

"Charlie," Edward said as he took it and gave him a firm shake. "I'll walk you to the gate if that's okay."

He nodded and raised his hand in a final goodbye to the three of us while they made their way to the line, stopping just off to the side and sharing a few words. My brow scrunched a bit in curiosity and I wondered what they could be talking about. Carlisle and Esme drew me into conversation, though I kept one eye on the two men still talking.

Their chat seemed to last a bit longer than a simple goodbye between two people who had just met. My eyebrows shot up toward my hairline when I saw the two of them share the manly equivalent of a hug, mandatory backslaps and all, before they parted. Charlie gave me one more glance and a smile as he got in line and gave the attendant his ticket, while Edward jogged back over to join us so we could find our way to our own gate.

"What was that all about?" I asked as we grabbed our carry ons and walked down the corridor.

"Oh, me and the Chief? We're besties now, didn't you know?"

"Besties? Really?" I scoffed.

"What can I say, Swan? I'm a lovable kinda guy."

"You are indeed," I sighed and tucked my arm through his as we arrived at our gate and got in line behind Esme and Carlisle.

"You know something?" Edward said a few minutes after we'd boarded the flight and settled into our seats.

"What's that?"

"In all the times you and I have been together at an airport, this is the first flight we've actually taken together."

I grinned at him and leaned over the armrest to kiss his lips. I rested my head on the curve of his shoulder and looked out the window as we taxied down the runway, thinking how nice it was for once to not only be going home to him, but _with_ him.

To _our_ home.

**x-x-x**

**A/N:**

**Here's your recap:**

**Edward's road trip and Bella getting sick**

**Watching Miracle and talk of moving in together**

**Bella's off to her first competition & feeling pretty nervous**

**Short program fumbles & Edward to the rescue…with Charlie in tow!**

**Long program recovery and time to head back home**

**If you signed up for Team TTI for the Eclipse FGB auction, there's a poll on my profile to pick what scenes you'd like to see in EPOV. If you have an idea that is not on the list, let me know by review, PM or on Twitter and I'll get it added to the choices ASAP!**

**Polyvore and some videos on the Profile!**

**Reviews get teased.**

**A reminder that August will be a little slower for the updates but they'll still be on their way to your inboxes.**


	20. Chapter 20: No Place Like Home

**A/N: Thanks for being patient with me guys! Hope it's worth the wait. **

**Big thanks to Caren and FanpireMama as always. I couldn't have gotten through this one without them!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I own the story and a MN Wild T-shirt with the name Cullen on the back! **

**Copyright 2010: BellaMarie117**

**x-x-x**

That evening, after touching ground back in the cities, the gang all met up for a low-key Sunday dinner at Esme and Carlisle's. Since the majority of us had spent the day traveling, we went with pizza and sat around chatting while catching up on the events of the past few days.

The guys talked about their games, especially the one Edward missed out on, Carlisle checked in with Rosalie, who looked like she was feeling much better already, and Alice filled us in on the latest behind-the-scenes wedding drama from her most recent event.

Everyone asked for more details on how things went for me in Lake Placid. Alice and Rose had watched on TV, and even Jasper and Emmett had caught the videos on YouTube when they got posted by some eager fans. All in all, it was a perfect way to wind down the weekend, just catching up with the family.

By nine thirty, I was ready to find a bed and pass out, physically and emotionally spent from the past few days. Edward came up behind me as we were all standing around the kitchen and wound his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"Ready to head out, roomie?" he murmured in my ear, amusement clear in his voice.

"Roomie?" Alice exclaimed from her spot beside us. "Do you two have something to share with the class?"

We'd kept it to ourselves since the night we'd made the decision, agreeing that we should get through my first competition before making any real changes to our arrangement. It wasn't like either of us thought anyone would disapprove in any way, just that it didn't need to be common knowledge right up front. It seemed the cat was out of the bag.

"Uh, yeah, actually," Edward stammered, shifting to stand beside me.

He glanced down at me, looking for permission to share our news. I shrugged and gave him a reassuring smile, slipping my arm low around his waist and gently squeezing his hip.

"Well, Bella and I have decided to move in together."

The words weren't even completely out of his mouth before Alice pounced. In an instant she had us both in a stranglehold, her excited squeal ringing in my ear. I tried fruitlessly to extract myself from her hold for the sake of my auditory nerves but found myself trapped. For such a tiny thing, she really could be pretty dang strong when she wanted to be.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so excited for you guys!" she exclaimed, dropping me for a second to more thoroughly hug her brother, then moving back over to me before I could manage to take a step away.

"Really, squirt? We couldn't tell," Emmett said dryly. Alice shot him a glare before her lips spread into a giant grin.

"Seriously. How do you people not all have hearing aids by now? I've known Alice for what—ten months—and I already can sense my hearing starting to give out when she does this," I muttered lightheartedly, squeezing Alice back when she squealed and hugged me again, seemingly oblivious to my razzing.

"You build up an immunity over time," Esme said, giving me a friendly wink as she stepped over to her son. She caught Edward in a hug and pecked his cheek, whispering something in his ear. He grinned and nodded, hugging her back, practically lifting her off her toes due to their height difference.

Watching them together like that, it was so easy to see how strong their bond was. I knew Edward and Esme were close and always had been, but it was a beautiful thing to see in person, especially when I loved each of them so dearly. The image of Esme reaching up to pat him on the cheek and look at him adoringly made me visualize what they must have been like when he was little and he'd have been the one craning his neck to look up at her instead of the other way around.

Alice's bubbly interrogation drew me back into the present and away from images of a sweet little boy with knobby knees and missing teeth grinning up at his mom.

"So, are you moving into his house? Are you gonna redecorate? Do you need help packing up everything? When's your lease up?"

And just like that, Alice was off and running. Of course her first instinct was to grab a pad of paper and start up a list, attempting to come up with a detailed plan of action on the most effective and efficient way of merging my apartment with Edward's house. She had ideas on everything from furniture placement to paint colors, tips for achieving optimum flow and serenity in our little 'love nest.'

Jasper and Emmett quickly escaped to go watch TV and Rose snuck out to join them shortly after. Esme stuck around, nearly as excited as Alice about helping out and it was difficult not to get swept up in their excitement. I really didn't mind Alice's enthusiasm at all. I'd gotten used to her penchant for trying to control situations like this long ago and she was typically pretty good at reining herself in and not overstepping her boundaries.

I could still remember what those early days had been like when I'd first moved to town and met her and Rose. I'd been so shy and lost and Alice had been like a whirlwind that left me reeling, wondering which way was up. At the time it had been overwhelming, but fun, new and different, and I'd been pretty happy to let her take over since I'd had no concept of how to do any of it myself.

Now, with this move? As much fun as I had with Alice, I was really hoping that Edward and I could manage most of it on our own. I was looking forward to silly things like getting lost in Bed, Bath and Beyond for hours picking out new towels and gadgets to fill his mostly-empty kitchen drawers. I wanted to walk through the aisles at Home Depot with my hand in his and spend forty-five minutes arguing over what color to paint the bathroom and other silly things like that.

Maybe that was a reach or expecting too much. Sure, Edward enjoyed doing things around the house every now and again, but maybe it wouldn't be very interesting to him to pick out curtains and duvets and all that homey stuff. Added to that, he'd still be busy with his grueling schedule. It probably wasn't very practical to think he'd be able to get very involved in the process.

Besides, there probably wouldn't be much to do anyways. Sure, I'd suggested the idea of redecorating a little, but I already loved the look and feel of the house as it was. I couldn't think of much I'd want to change.

But still, the fact that Edward hung around through the entire conversation gave me hope that this wasn't something he'd be eager to foist off on me, his mom and sister. Carlisle stuck in there with him and the two of them seemed like they were genuinely looking forward to tackling a few projects. The two of them huddled together over their own pad of paper, drawing out room dimensions and talking about adding some molding to one of the ceilings or expanding some of the shelving systems already in place. Edward mentioned the fact that he had a few updates on his to do list and now seemed like the perfect time to finally get to them.

An hour later, I was practically dead on my feet and no one seemed to be winding down. My head was swimming with home improvement terminology and ideas—Edward and Carlisle in one ear and Alice and Esme in the other. I decided to just lay my head down for a moment on the countertop. Edward's warm hand came to rest on my curved spine and the soothing circular motions of his hand lulled me right into a light doze.

Through the dreamy haze, I vaguely heard Jasper come in to collect Alice and Rose and Em call out their farewells. I briefly considered opening my eyes to say goodnight to them and see if Edward was ready to go, but I was just so dang comfortable at the moment with my cheek pillowed on my forearm and Edward's arm around me with his hand on my back. I was reluctant to move if that meant losing his warm, comforting touch, even for the briefest respite.

So, while Edward and his parents continued to sit and chat, I was content to let myself drift even further. It was an odd feeling to sit there slumped over on the table, my body too drained to stir though my mind was still somewhat present. Though the voices were muted and somewhat foggy, I could still make out most of the conversation around me.

"Poor dear's just exhausted," Carlisle murmured affectionately. Edward's hand reached up and trailed softly over my cheek, caressing my relaxed face before brushing my hair behind my ear.

"Yeah, this weekend really took a lot out of her. Probably more than she'd ever admit," he said.

"It is pretty amazing to see what goes on behind the scenes; exactly what she has to go through to prepare for just a couple of minutes. I remember watching her skate at competitions on TV in the past," Esme said. I could hear her quietly flipping the empty packet for her tea bag between her fingers. "I was always so dazzled by her talent, but I never really thought about what she must have gone through to get there."

"She says it's different this time around. That all of us supporting her makes it easier, but I know it's still gotta be hard. I think she still feels like she's got so much to prove."

It was an odd feeling to lay there listening to them talk about me. My knee jerk reaction was discomfort with a dash of irritation. But warring with that was a part of me that was ridiculously curious about what they might possibly say when they thought I wasn't listening. It didn't really matter what my feelings were on the subject, my body was far too drained to allow me to open my eyes and ask them to stop.

"Has she said anything to you about Nationals?" Carlisle asked after a brief pause. "I'm sure it won't be easy for her, knowing Renee will be there."

"Don't even say that name in this house, Carlisle Cullen," Esme insisted, the malice in her voice, clearly directed at the subject and not her husband.

It surprised me somewhat.

I knew Esme didn't think much of Renee, but her feelings obviously ran deeper than I'd been aware of. "Just the thought of that despicable woman…" She trailed off with a huff that made me both want to laugh and cry at the same time. Always such a Mama Bear.

"No," Edward sighed when it was clear Esme wouldn't continue. "She hasn't talked about it at all. Says she was trying to concentrate on this one first. I don't know. She's come so far in talking to me when she's upset but I think it's still more natural for her to just shut down and suffer in silence."

"Sounds like someone else I know," Esme chuckled softly, her voice filled with wry amusement.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Edward acknowledged her playfully. I could feel him lean forward next to me and could practically see him reaching out and ruffling his mom's hair, as he so often did to Alice when she was giving him a hard time.

He sat back and sighed, returning his hand to my back, lightly playing with the collar of my shirt and grazing the skin at my neck. "I can see now why it always made you so frustrated. I know she trusts me, and that's a hard thing for her, but still…sometimes I just want to shake her and tell her to stop blocking me out."

"Just takes patience, son," Carlisle said.

"Yeah. It's hard to be patient with her sometimes, but on the other hand it's the easiest thing in the world," he murmured with adoration clear in his voice. "Maybe that's weird."

"No, it's not," Esme said. "You love her. It's not always easy, but she's worth the fight to you. It's a lovely thing to see that you've finally found someone worthy of that effort."

"She is. She'll always be worth it."

I wanted to open my eyes and take him in my arms, to tell him I loved him and how I'd never give up on us either, but it just wasn't happening. Sleep was creeping up more and more, making my limbs heavy and their words more difficult to make out.

"We love her, too. Very much," Esme said.

"I know. More importantly, she knows. She loves you guys; it's just hard for her to say it sometimes."

"She shows it, mostly through how much she loves and respects you. I hope you know that your mother and I are really happy for you. We couldn't have pictured anyone better for you if we tried. Bella's quite a remarkable young woman."

"She is isn't she?"

"That's an understatement. She was remarkable before any of us ever had the privilege of being in her life. Seeing the changes in her over these past months, how she's handled every challenge with grace and dignity, how she's opened herself whole-heartedly to you, to all of us? I'd say she's nothing short of extraordinary."

"What she's trying to say is 'you'd better realize you're one damn lucky man and never forget it,'" Carlisle said. They all chuckled, and even on the brink of sleep I could feel my cheeks flush from their words. It only got worse when it was clear that it was noticeable.

"Even blushes when she sleeps," Esme cooed as I internally rolled my eyes. "Such a sweet thing."

"Her ears are probably burning," Edward laughed and rubbed his knuckles over my heated cheek. "She hates it when she blushes, but I love it. It's one of my favorite things."

Their talk went back to the weekend, though I barely caught any of it as I slipped further into unconsciousness. When I heard my dad's name, I fought against the fatigue, eager to stay awake long enough to hopefully get some answers. Edward and I still hadn't talked much about his trip to Forks or interactions with Charlie and I was insanely curious.

"Well I think you and Charlie showing up certainly helped her get through it," Esme sighed.

"You didn't get into too much trouble for missing your game, did you?" Carlisle asked.

"Nah," Edward said, and I could practically see the shrug of his broad shoulders. "It's still early enough in the season that it wasn't a big game. Coach gave me a fine. It was worth it. Especially after talking to her that night. I just knew I had to be there."

"You know I'm not one to condone skipping out on your responsibilities..."

"Oh come on, Carlisle, don't be such a hard ass," Esme cut in and in my sleepy mind, I snickered.

"What I was going to say, before your dear mother interrupted, is that in this particular case, I'm very proud of your decision. Sometimes there are more important things than work."

"Thanks, Dad."

"So, you and Charlie seemed to get along pretty well," Esme said.

Of course just as it was getting to the good stuff, my brain shut down and dragged me under. I didn't even have the energy to feel frustrated.

I stirred a little when he lifted me from my chair and walked us to the car, my mind dazed and disoriented and more than half asleep. I mumbled in protest, just wanting a bed and attempted to scowl. He only chuckled at me in response, and said something to the effect of how adorable I was. I didn't feel adorable. I felt tired and cranky and frustrated over the fact that I wasn't on a flat surface, though Edward's chest did make a more than satisfactory pillow.

We made it home, and I heard him whispering to me, my body slightly jostling against his warm, solid chest as he walked up the stairs. I felt his hands gently removing my shoes and jeans. His fingers ghosted over my skin as he undid the buttons of my shirt and I really wished I had the energy to respond to his touch with more than a sleep-addled moan.

Then his touch was gone far longer than was acceptable. Though I was somehow beneath the blankets, I still felt chilled without his warmth.

"Edward?" I murmured, my hands drifting over the sheets beside me in search of him.

"Right here, Baby," he whispered, catching one of my hands in his as he slid his body up next to mine and settled my cheek on his chest.

I sighed contently and nuzzled into his skin. "I'm so happy to be home."

"Me too, love," he murmured back and pressed his lips to the smooth skin just below my hairline. "More than you could ever know."

**x-x-x**

Marcus cut me a break and let me catch my breath a little in the few days following our return from Lake Placid, but it didn't last long. National Championships were less than two months away, and there was still plenty of work to be done.

Though I'd already performed my programs publically, the weeks until the next competition would keep me busy with clean-ups and adjustments to make them better, stronger. It was not a time to sit back and relax. Far from it.

We sat down and watched the tapes from Skate America right away so I could learn from my mistakes and see what had worked well for me the first time out.

It was difficult for me to study my programs objectively at first, so caught up in the memories of what it felt like from my end to really look closely at what it looked like to everyone else. At first I cringed watching the video of my short program and could barely keep my eyes open through the two and a half minutes of film, but gradually I found myself able to take a step back and really study the movements.

The more times I watched, the more little things I could pick out that needed to be fixed—some as easy as simply cutting out an extra step to keep the timing right and some elements that would probably be better if changed entirely.

Marcus got my detailed score sheets from the judges and sat down with me to look them over and break down what looked good and what could be better. It used to be that understanding your scores was pretty easy. In the old system a six-point-oh was perfection and you wanted to stay as close to that as possible. Now it was a code of points filled with base values and factors and grade of execution deductions.

Though the new system had been in place for nearly a third of my skating career, I still got confused looking over the jumble of numbers. Half the time I had to turn to Marcus in the Kiss and Cry and ask if my score was even decent.

The thing I hated most was that so much of the point values were based on technical elements, and didn't leave as much room for the artistic side that I'd always enjoyed. Maybe that's why I'd always preferred pulling together exhibition programs more than pieces for competition. It was more about the music and the movement and less about spacing out your jumps to get the most points possible.

In looking over my scores, I was pleased to see that I'd scored high on the component side, though there were a number of painful deductions in execution. It left me feeling somewhat optimistic. My programs had the potential to score extremely well if I could manage to skate clean. With a few adjustments here and there—and a little more confidence—I felt good about my chances for reaching the podium in Spokane. Maybe even the top spot.

With my strength back to normal and the extended break from competition, we also got back to work on training my triple Axel. I was still hopeful that I could land it someday, even if it might never be reliable enough for me to use in competition. Just the rumor of having the jump in my arsenal would be enough to instill some nerves in my competitors. Intimidation was really just the cherry on top. The real appeal was just how satisfying it would be to accomplish that lofty goal I'd set for myself years ago.

While I kept busy at the rink, Edward was occupied with work as well. His game schedule had him stationary for awhile, but still busy with a close grouping of home matches. It was great to have the time together, even if it was only grabbing a quiet meal together in the evenings or cuddling up under the covers at night. Every once in awhile he stopped by the rink to catch me on a break if he didn't need to be at the Xcel for practice.

Our mis-matched schedules made it difficult to focus on pulling things together and packing up my apartment. I figured it would be a fairly quick process to get me moved in, but days continued to pass and we still weren't officially cohabitating.

From a practical sense, we probably didn't have the best timing with this move. The holidays were already upon us with Thanksgiving just around the corner. Edward was in the midst of his season with another lengthy road trip coming up during the second week in December. It would keep him away until just before Christmas. I needed to start thinking ahead to January and Nationals. Just because we wanted to stop everything and focus on building our home together didn't mean it was going to happen that easily.

So often it seemed that when one of us was coming, the other was going. The times we did manage to catch together on busy days were always appreciated to the fullest extent. They made it impossible to complain, but it didn't leave a lot of free time to work on the house.

I had until the end of the year to clear out of my apartment but I was really hoping to get it done well before then. I probably could have brought everything over, but it seemed to make more sense to get the house done first before trying to cram in a bunch of my belongings.

So for now we kept on with the status quo of me spending the night, with the added bonus that there was no end in sight to my time there.

The more nights I spent with Edward, the more I came to realize just how much a cuddler he really was. Every night he would lean over to shut off the bedside lamp before rolling over and tugging me close—sometimes to lay my head on his chest while our legs wound together and other times with my back pressed against his front and his hand splayed out over my heart. It didn't seem to matter exactly what position, as long as we were snuggled close.

It really shouldn't have surprised me, as he'd always been physically affectionate, but a part of me had wondered if it would let up a little when we were around each other so much more often. Perhaps the real surprise was how often I sought out his touch in return when less than a year ago, I would have shied away from it. It seemed I'd transformed into a serious cuddler, too.

He was worse in the mornings, if that was even possible, and was quick to pull me back in when I tried to extract myself from his arms to get out of bed. Not that I fought too hard against him when he'd draw me in with his warm, sleepy kisses and whispers of 'good morning.'

While I was more than content in spending every night with him, I really did want to lock things down and _officially_ move in, even if I was basically already living there. I didn't want the safety net of my apartment anymore. I wanted our house key to be the only one on my chain and to come home to see my stuff intermingled with his. I think Edward wanted it just as much as I did, so despite our busy schedules we tried to squeeze out the time we needed to get the house to our liking before I moved my stuff in.

I probably could have gotten more done if he wasn't so eager to be there for every aspect of the process, just as he probably could have worked on things on his own when I wasn't around, but it seemed like an unspoken agreement that we wanted to do this together.

While I was happy about the fact that he wanted to be so involved, I was getting slightly impatient over the fact that we couldn't get it done quicker. Now that we'd made the decision, I was eager to get settled into the house and begin this next phase of our life together. Part of me wanted to forget about the idea of redecorating at all and just lug my boxes over, but Edward was insistent. He wanted to paint walls and pick out a new couch for the living room for the sake of making it less like his and more like ours.

His latest idea was that while we were at the store picking out a new couch we should look at maybe getting a new bed. A bigger one. I protested that we'd been doing just find sleeping on the queen sized mattresses at both his place and mine over the past few months. Based on the suggestions he murmured in my ear in his husky baritone, it quickly became clear that the larger size didn't have much to do with sleeping accommodations. My spine tingled and my breath hitched, even as the realization sunk in and filled me with happiness.

I was going to live with Edward.

Every night I'd get to sleep beside him in our bed and that's where I'd wake up every morning. Not just once in awhile when I stayed overnight, but every day. I'd see his sleepy face sitting across from me at the breakfast table, shoveling down cereal with bleary eyes because it always took him awhile to really get going in the mornings.

Certainly I knew what I was agreeing to when I'd said I'd move in with him, but it was that idea of picking out the bed we'd sleep together in every night that really hit home.

My lips spread into a grin even as I tugged him over to the bed with me, insisting that in order to make an informed decision we'd need to test out the limitations of the current size first. Of course, that was the end of anything even remotely productive for the rest of the evening.

We finally managed to set aside some time to really focus on getting some work done.

Just as I'd envisioned, we went to home supply stores and debated over light fixtures while he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck. The mundane task of picking out paint samples was every bit as wonderful as I'd imagined it would be, even when we hardly ever agreed.

We shopped for beds and spent hours testing out mattresses, though I still blushed over the fact that we got kicked out of one store we visited when Edward got just a little too enthusiastic with his ideas of experimenting.

We spent an entire Sunday afternoon at Bed Bath and Beyond, playfully flirting while picking out shower curtains and soap dispensers. Edward entertained himself with trying to distract me as I plucked kitchen gadgets from the giant supply wall and tossed them in the cart. I was proud of myself for maintaining my composure despite his teasing touches and suggestive whispers...at least until I got him back home.

With extensive help from friends, family and a few very late nights, we made some good progress.

By two days before Thanksgiving, we had the last wall painted and switch plate screwed into place. Sure, there'd be changes to come down the road, but for now things were in good shape. I hadn't spent much time packing up my place, so while the guys went to Pittsburgh on an overnight trip, the girls and I planned a packing party slash sleepover.

While they'd be home for the holiday, the team would be gone again for the weekend, then back for only a few days before heading out on their long road trip. I was determined to have my stuff moved in before Edward left for two weeks. With Alice and Rose by my side, I was confident we could manage.

The night started out productive enough with each of us tackling a different section of my apartment. With boxes and packing tape in hand, I stacked books, emptying the shelves from my nook, Rose handled clothes and Alice painstakingly wrapped picture frames and knick knacks with bubble wrap as an upbeat medley of nineties pop music loudly played through the speakers.

Of course productivity went down the tubes when Britney came on and Alice brandished hairbrushes and curling irons for an impromptu karaoke session. Rose made a rather impressive Christina Aguilera. She made my jaw drop in a mixture of awe and horror when she perfectly reenacted the choreography for Genie in a Bottle as Alice and I collapsed into giggles on the couch and cheered her on with enthusiastic catcalls.

From there, Alice ordered pizza and Rose mixed up drinks while I attempted to be the responsible one and keep on task. By the time dinner arrived, the three of us had managed to box up most of my shelves and get a good start on the kitchen. I didn't feel quite as guilty about throwing in the towel on packing and lounging on the couch with my two best friends to enjoy one final 'girls night' in my apartment.

"I can't believe you're moving, Bells," Alice sighed as she tossed down her empty plate and wiped the pizza grease from her fingers. "It seems like only yesterday we were moving you in and setting this place up."

"I can't believe you bitches are leaving me here all by myself," Rose snorted, noisily licking her fingertips before reaching for her drink. "Nothing like being the last guest to leave the party."

"Oh come on Rosalie," I scoffed. "You and Emmett are already looking at places together. You'll be out of here before you know it."

"True," she sighed. She laid her head back on the armrest of the couch, stretching her legs out over Alice's lap, and under the tent of my bent knees as my feet perched on the edge of the cushions. "This house hunting stuff isn't quite as fun as I'd anticipated, though. Emmett and I can't agree on anything. Well, except that we're probably going to have to remodel the garage no matter what house we find. No way is it gonna be big enough for what we need."

"You know, some people focus more on the number of bedrooms or what kind of updates the kitchen will need," Alice pointed out.

"Why the hell would we worry about that? Neither of us cooks, and it's easy to find multiple bedroom houses. Finding your dream garage in Twin Cities proper? Not such an easy task," Rose lamented.

"Well, I'm sure whatever you guys find will work out great," I said. "Besides, the important thing is that you'll be living together, right?"

"That's true. I'm looking forward to that more than having my own personal fully equipped, pimped out car heaven. By a slim margin," she said with a wry grin.

"When are you going to put my brother out of his misery and let him get a ring on your pretty little finger?" Alice asked, playfully flicking at Rose's bare ring finger.

"He wasn't looking too miserable last night," she smirked and wriggled her eyebrows, giggling when Alice playfully smacked her thigh. "Just sayin'."

"Well, I'm just sayin' you should stop being so stubborn."

"I will. Someday," she shrugged. "Who knows, I'll probably surprise myself and end up saying yes right out of the blue. For now though, we're happy with taking this step. He's persistent, but he doesn't push me. It's one of the things I really love about him," she explained, shooting a pointed look in Alice's direction.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not trying to be pushy… " she said as she dug a handful of M&M's out of the open bag on the coffee table.

"You, Alice? Pushy? No…" I said with exaggeration and shared a wink with Rose.

"I can be a bit _exuberant_ at times, I'll admit," Alice conceded while Rose attempted to stifle a snort. "But it's only because I love you both and want you to be blissfully happy."

"I know, Ali," Rose said, sitting up to wrap her arms around Alice. "I promise, one day you will get to have your way with my wedding. Then you'll be really sorry because I'll probably end up being a huge Bridezilla."

"Oh my God, you totally will be," Alice exclaimed, practically choking on the pieces of candy she'd popped into her mouth. "Won't she, Bells?"

"Without a doubt," I agreed, stretching my arm over the two of them to reach the quickly emptying candy bag.

"Hey!" Rose protested our claims, swatting at my hand and snatching the bag to her chest. "You know, we could always just end up eloping."

"Do not say the E-word around me. That's not even funny, Rosalie," Alice glared at her.

"What's wrong with eloping?" I asked, which only brought the glare upon me.

"Don't you start, Isabella," she said, pointing a finger at my nose.

"What'd I say?" I chuckled, a bit baffled at Alice's reaction.

"Alice is anti-elopement," Rose explained in a mock whisper. "The very mention of a Vegas wedding gives her the shivers."

"Why?"

"It's just so…I don't know. In my head I know that eloping can be romantic and intimate, that it's not just secluded to trashy drunken ceremonies at the Little White Wedding Chapel with an Elvis impersonator officiating. It's just…well, to me, a wedding is about family. Sure it probably works for some people to run off alone, but…" she trailed off, suddenly intent on sorting the M&M's in her palm into piles of different colors.

"What?" I pressed.

"No, it's going to sound so selfish," she argued.

"You're among friends, babe. If you can't be selfish around us, where else _can_ you be?" Rose pointed out.

"I'd just be really disappointed if I wasn't there to see Emmett or Edward get married," she murmured, looking up at each of us with a small twitch of her lips. "Obviously I'd still be supportive and it's a personal decision for every couple…but still."

"Aww, you big sap," Rose sighed and wrapped her arms around Alice's neck, squeezing her tight. "You don't have anything to worry about here. I may joke about skipping off to Vegas or running to the courthouse to give you a hard time, but you know as soon as I break down and agree to marry the big goofball, it'll be wedding central up in here," she finished, channeling DMX with her ghetto rapster lips and accompanying hand gesture.

Alice's smile was bright and contagious as she clapped in delight and settled into the couch cushions, looking much more relaxed.

"What about you, Bells?" she asked, angling her body and attention toward me now that she had Rose's assurance.

"What about me?" I asked skeptically.

"How do you picture yourself taking the plunge?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I've never really thought about it."

"Really?" Alice asked incredulously.

"Not ever?" Rose jumped in, "I thought all little girls imagined what their wedding would be like."

"Not me. I was always too caught up in skating. Didn't have time for boys or imaginary weddings."

"Well, what about lately? You obviously have time for boys now. Or at least one boy," Rose amended with a playful snicker as she offered up the candy again.

"That doesn't mean I'm planning out a wedding in my head," I argued.

"Well why not? Don't you want to marry my brother?" Alice interrogated me with a cocked eyebrow, her arms folded over her chest.

"I— we— I don't, um," I sputtered, trying to wrap my head around the subject and how to voice my feelings on it. "It's, uh, not that I don't want to. Someday. I just don't think we're there yet."

"Oh come on. You guys are perfect together. It's so obvious that's where you're headed."

"Okay, probably," I acknowledged before continuing on in a ramble. "But I still feel like I'm learning so much about what it takes to be in a relationship. I mean I had zero experience with this stuff before him and we really haven't been together all that long when you think about it. Look at our entire relationship; we've always been slow at taking the next step. We're not rushers."

"Yet you're moving in together," Alice pointed out.

"That's different," I said, picking at the threads of my sweat pants. "Don't ask why, it just is."

"Hey babe, you don't have to explain to us," Rose said, laying a comforting hand on my knee. "Ali here may have constant wedding fever but you know best what feels right for you."

"Well maybe if I can get Jazz to knock me up I'll move over to baby fever instead," Alice joked, lightening the mood as we burst into giggles.

"Yeah, like that'd be better," Rose snorted.

As our laughter died down, I thought back to what we'd been talking about. "I don't know guys; we haven't even had a real fight yet. Isn't that something you're supposed to get through before you start thinking about wedding bells?"

"That's silly," Alice said. "It's not like you guys are totally wrapped up in the perfection of your relationship and don't recognize reality. You don't need to fight before you know that you'll be able to survive anything together. I'd say you guys have seen enough struggles to know that you make a good team. You talk, you listen to each other. That's the kind of stuff you need to know."

"Yeah," I sighed. "I don't know. When I think about Edward, I see forever. I have for a long time now and I don't see that changing. We'll get there someday, but in the meantime I'm not gonna start picking out centerpieces."

"Honestly? Man, I started planning mine and Jasper's wedding after our first kiss," Alice sighed, clearly reminiscent.

"Wow, Ali, you were able to wait that long?" I asked. "That's some major restraint coming from you."

"Not really," Rose was quick to set me straight. "They kissed within forty-five minutes of meeting each other."

"I take it back. You're a total dream-wedding slut giving it up that easily," I giggled, poking Alice in the ribs.

"Hey, when it's right you just know. I can't help it that I knew after forty-five minutes."

"Well not everyone is that quick in recognizing their destiny," Rose contended.

"Maybe not in your head, but I think you do in your heart. Look at Bella and Edward."

"Me again?" I whined. "Why does it always have to be me?"

"Because you're a good example. It took you months to figure out in your head what your heart knew after only a few minutes. And don't even try to argue that fact," she spoke over my protests and waved her finger at me. "I remember the look on your face when you first told us about the adorable stranger who helped you with your bags. You knew then that he was important. Even not knowing anything about him, your heart recognized him."

"Ali, you can be so cheesy sometimes," Rose chuckled. "Not saying you don't have a point, but you're such a romantic. Fate, destiny. Are you gonna launch into a soliloquy about soul mates next?"

"Well actually," she started to speak with a playful smirk. Rose and I quickly tackled her, rolling the three of us into a tangle of tickling, flailing limbs on the floor.

Later that night, Rose and Alice passed out on air mattresses in the living room, the TV screen still dimly glowing through the dark room, though the volume was muted. While they soundly slept, I crept over to my nook and curled up in the window seat.

Since the very first night I arrived in Minnesota, that seat had always been one of my favorite spots. Thinking back, I'd spent hours in that exact spot. Reading, thinking, crying, dreaming.

Wishing.

I could still remember curling up there the night of the winter carnival and wishing that my life could be different, that I didn't have to remain so closed off and alone, that I could open myself up to people, to him.

Now, I sat here in the same spot only a few short months later and realized just how far I'd come. No longer was I the scared and lonely girl locked away from the world while everyone else lived it. I was a part of it, too.

Leaving the apartment behind would surely be somewhat bittersweet. The surrounding walls held so many memories.

Before coming to this place, I didn't really know myself. This apartment had been my first real taste of freedom, of adulthood, of life outside the ice. Within these walls, I'd discovered that girl lurking beneath the surface, the one who had more to offer than just a shot at a figure skating medal, just waiting to find her way out. Until coming here, I'd barely known that girl existed. I'd let myself get swept up in the world of competition for so long without a thought about building a life outside of the circus.

I'd been such a child when I'd first walked over the threshold. Well, hobbled was a more apt description. The crutches perched beneath my arms hadn't been the only ones I'd grown overly dependent on. My skating, my mother, my career ambitions. They were the crutches I leaned on long before I ever hurt my knee. I'd been complacent to the way things were and somewhat content to let things be taken care of for me, mostly because I didn't really see any other way.

For so long my life revolved around figure skating without even sparing a thought to what I could possibly be missing by keeping my focus so narrow.

Deciding to move here had been the first real decision I'd made for myself, certainly the first that I'd fought for.

I couldn't even recall exactly what had inspired the idea of moving back to Minnesota, but I remembered fighting Renee tooth and nail to get her to agree to let me go. At the time I hadn't been able to really put my finger on why exactly it was so important for me to come here. It was like something was calling to me, beckoning me, like a lighthouse through the fog. In hindsight, I knew it was calling me home.

It all seemed so impossible now, the amazing coincidences I'd stumbled upon in first meeting Edward, then Alice and Rose, Carlisle, Esme, then Edward again. It seemed too good to be true, like someone had planned it that way, but I was too happy with the results to question it. Whatever it was—fate, destiny, I'd be forever grateful to whatever powers had conspired to bring me here.

Before, I was a little sad to let this place go. But as I sat in my favored seat and stared out into the night, I didn't feel sad, I felt content. I'd come so far since I'd first sat in this spot. Maybe I'd needed it then, but I didn't need it now. I was ready to leave it behind and start the next phase of my life, with Edward. There was a different window seat waiting for me to sit and lose myself in daydreams, one where I knew I'd never have to curl up by myself and worry about being alone.

Still, for one more night I snuggled up in my quiet little corner and let its familiar comfort soothe me to sleep, my dreams filled with possibilities.

**x-x-x**

Thanksgiving came quickly and left again just as fast. We spent the day at the Cullen house and I immersed myself in the traditions of the holiday, enjoying the fact that I had people to celebrate a day that so often revolved around family. The house was beautifully dressed, and though it was just the eight of us, it was treated as a special occasion. Alice and Esme went to town decking out the place with fall-inspired décor and the typical jeans and t-shirts dress code gave way to the slightly more formal wear of skirts, slacks, and sweaters.

From the moment we arrived, the group separated off to their prospective corners. Alice and Rosalie camped out in the living room to watch the Macy's Day parade, while the guys convened out in the driveway watching pre-game coverage for the big football game on a tiny portable TV. Together the four of them stood around, nursing their beers and 'supervising' the turkey.

Carlisle had gotten the idea into his head that'd it was the perfect time to mix things up this year and experiment with deep-frying the massive bird. Esme kept a watchful eye out the kitchen window while she and I pulled together the accompanying dishes, muttering the whole time about how he was going to blow up his hand and end up eating his beloved canned cranberries in the hospital waiting room.

Luckily, the preparations wrapped up without incident and as the sun sank low in the sky, we gathered around an ornately decorated and overflowing table. Carlisle said a traditional prayer and led us all in giving thanks for the blessings in our lives. As his father spoke, Edward slipped his hand into mine beneath the table and silently mouthed to me, "I'm thankful for you."

I smiled and squeezed his hand in return, knowing I'd never be able to find enough words to tell him just how thankful I was for him.

Once the table had been cleared, Esme ushered us all into the formal living room where the fireplace was lit. Apparently every year on Thanksgiving, Esme insisted on taking a family portrait, both to add to her album and to use on her Christmas cards. Alice and Rose fussed over touching up their make-up while Esme straightened Carlisle's tie. Emmett complained about having to button his pants again, moaning that next year they needed to move the picture before the meal. Apparently this wasn't the first year he'd made that suggestion.

I stood by the crackling fire, content in the strong circle of Edward's arms, my eyes fluttering as he nuzzled my neck with his nose and pressed a soft kiss to my exposed collarbone. Though it was my first holiday with them, it didn't feel like it. A part of me felt like things had always been this way. Or, maybe I just felt like I was always meant to be here and now that I was, there was no other place in the world that I could imagine being.

This time around, the idea of being included in a family portrait didn't shock or surprise me, as it had at Alice's wedding; instead it felt warm and comfortable, like a well-worn fuzzy sweater that fit just right.

That's what this family was for me—just right. What made it even more special was the fact that I hadn't even realized just how poorly fit and cold my life had been before I had them in it. It made the seamless comfort that much more precious.

Though I hadn't been looking for them, they'd found me just the same.

**x-x-x**

Somehow I managed to beg off from getting my butt out of bed at the crack of dawn the next morning to face the insanity of Black Friday shopping. How I ever managed to win that argument against Alice was beyond me, but I certainly wasn't going to push my luck in trying to figure it out. As it was, Alice, Rose and Esme hit the stores while the guys caught a plane out of town.

I went to the rink.

Marcus was out of town visiting family for the holiday and wouldn't be back until sometime Monday. I easily could have taken advantage of the extra time off. Instead, I grabbed my skates and made the familiar drive to the arena, the ice calling to me like a siren's song.

In the quiet, empty building, I didn't bother working on my programs or training, instead I hooked my iPod up to the speakers and just skated for no other reason than the pure joy it brought me.

After an hour of messing around, I was about to do the responsible thing and try to tidy up a few of my program elements when the playlist shuffled and the next song began to lilt through the speakers.

My lullaby.

I listened to it often and still, no matter how many times I heard the notes, they always left me awestruck. Not just by the ebb and flow of the composition, but by the talent and beauty of the man behind the music, the emotions were so clearly evident in every tone and inflection.

Without even realizing it, I began to skate along to the song, my movements as natural as breathing. Each step I took seemed perfectly married to the song that surrounded me. It filled me, like the two had never existed without each other.

My arms raised and curved without intention, simply reacting to the notes as they rang through my ears and transcended into my veins. My feet tapped out the notes of a quick and lively allegro and glided smoothly during the slow and smooth adagios, playing the ice as Edward's fingers had played the keys. As the energy of the song rose, so did mine, the power of my jumps and the speed of my turns determined by the pace and strength of the song.

By the time the music stopped, I knew I had to have it.

I was well aware it was a crazy idea. Skaters didn't switch up programs mid-season, and especially not _this_ late in the season. I already had a solid free-skate that could take me to the top. But I as much as I loved my _Moonlight Sonata_, something inside me desperately needed to skate this program, to this song. It almost felt like if I didn't use it, the missed opportunity would boil inside me until it exploded.

Marcus would be a difficult sell. While I really was the one with final say, I knew I couldn't manage it without his support. Adding an entirely new program would be grueling. It'd require sacrifices on both our time when it was already in short supply. I could threaten, insist, and argue against any of his protests, but really I wanted him to say yes of his own accord.

For the remainder of the afternoon, I put the song on repeat and set about the task of creating something so breathtaking and beautiful that he'd have no choice but to agree.

For two days I threw myself into creating it, the shortest amount of time I'd ever spent on coming up with a program of any kind, but once the idea was in my head, the steps flowed from my body like water. It's like the movements had only been waiting there for me to turn on the tap and let them out.

By Monday afternoon, I was a complete wreck. I was almost thankful that Edward was out of town so he wouldn't ask about why I'd spent the entire day on Saturday and Sunday at the rink, or what had me feeling so edgy.

I was happy with what I'd come up with. It was difficult not to be inspired by the song and I felt like what I'd created from the music was the best thing I'd ever produced. It wasn't nearly competition ready, but the bare bones of it were there.

I wasn't really sure what time Marcus would be back since his flight back from Boston had been delayed. I figured he'd come by the rink to check on me whenever he got settled, so I spent the time polishing up the program and trying to get my pitch straight in my head.

After a thorough warm up, I hooked up my iPod and took my starting position at center ice. As I started moving around the surface, I felt myself float into the almost dreamlike state that I seemed to find every time I skated to the song. Even after listening to it and repeating the same steps countless times over the past few days, it still felt fresh and new every time, like I was only just discovering the notes.

In a way, it reminded me of my relationship with Edward. How every time we kissed or made love was still an exhilarating exploration, how he still made my knees weak when he smiled his crooked smile, or did something as simple as take my hand to weave our fingers together.

The end of the song always seemed to come too soon. Instead of draining—as four minute free skates typically were—this routine always left me exhilarated, like I was just waking from a beautiful dream when my toe pick dug into the ice for my final position. Though the song was lyrical and soft, it energized me, and always left me feeling stronger than ever.

The music faded, leaving only the sound of my panting breath in the silence, though the quiet didn't last long. A soft applause rang out from the bench and I jolted at the unexpected sound, turning to see Marcus standing in his typical spot along the boards with a pleased smile on his face.

"Well now, that was lovely," he said.

"Thanks," I murmured with a shy smile as I glided over to join him, reaching for the water bottle he held out to me.

I felt jittery as I chugged the cold liquid. He'd caught me off guard showing up so suddenly. I'd hoped to have a little more time to get my head together over how to convince him that I wasn't completely insane.

"What's that song?" he inquired. "I'm not familiar with it."

"No, uh, you wouldn't be. It's um, well, Edward sorta wrote it. For me."

I glowed with pride for Edward just as I blushed at the thought of sharing something so personal. After my initial impulse to choose the song, a part of me had started to worry about whether he'd be okay with it. Sure he'd been fine with me using his _Moonlight Sonata_, but this was different. It was his. But he'd insisted it was mine to do what I wanted with, so I was trusting that he meant it.

I wasn't sure yet if I'd tell him my plan. A part of me didn't want to get his hopes up if it didn't work out to use it. Another part sort of wanted to surprise him if I did. Either way, I needed to convince Marcus first.

"Really now?" Marcus said, admiration and consideration clear in his features. "Well the boy's got talent, that much is certain. And he's captured you to a 'T'. The way you moved out there was seamless."

"You think so?" I asked.

"I wouldn't say it if I didn't."

Optimism and an inkling of courage steeled my spine. If there was ever an opening to make my request, this was it.

"Well that, uh, I kinda wanted to talk about maybe…" I stammered and drifted off, unsure of the best way to break the news.

"What's going on?" he asked patiently, obviously used to my nervous antics.

"I want to use it," I blurted out. "For a program."

"What, like for exhibition?"

"No," I said quietly. "For competition. This year. Well, next year technically, but this season."

"Bella," he sighed and I felt myself deflate a little, though I'd been expecting him to argue. "It's a lovely song, and you skate beautifully to it. I only caught the last half, but what I saw was brilliant, possibly the best I've ever seen you."

"But?" I asked, already knowing it was coming.

"But there's just not enough time. You have two beautiful programs already that we know you can dominate if you can just figure out how to settle your nerves a bit. Adding a whole new routine to the mix this late in the game? It's just not done," he explained, folding his arms in front of him and leaning against the boards.

"That doesn't mean it _can't_ be done," I argued. "I can do this, Marcus. _We_ can do this. I'm willing to put in the work."

"This isn't the time to overwork yourself," he countered. "Your muscles will have to adjust and memorize a new set of movements. You'll tire out and possibly wear down just when you need to be at your peak. Pushing yourself too hard right now is risky and asking for trouble. Isn't this time stressful enough without adding this on?"

"I hear what you're saying," I said. "I get it, why it's not a good idea. But despite all that, I feel like this is the right choice."

"Why not use it for exhibition?" he suggested. "Or next season? It doesn't have to be right now, but you could still use it."

"I don't know how to explain it. I know I could use it some other time, but I want it now. I think I need it now."

"And you want this ready in time for Nationals?"

"Ideally, yes, but I know how big a stretch that is. So, I started thinking. Do you remember when I told you I wanted to skate to _Moonlight Sonata_?" I asked, waiting for him to nod, feeling confident he'd at least hear me out. "You made me a bargain that day. That if I could land a triple, I could use it, but I needed to show you how badly I wanted it. Well, I'm proposing another bargain."

"I'm listening," he said, his attention clearly peaked.

"I'll use my current programs for Nationals, with whatever changes we decide are necessary," I said slowly, naming the terms of my wager. "If I place in the top two and make the Olympic team, you agree to help me get the Lullaby ready for competition so I can use it in Vancouver."

"You'd want to debut a completely new program on Olympic Ice?" he asked incredulously. "That's…that's ballsy, Bella, for lack of a better term."

"I know it is. But I also know I'm up for the challenge," I said, finally feeling the confidence I needed to prove to him that I was serious and this wasn't just some ridiculous flight of fancy.

He stood against the boards with a look of intent consideration. The man had one of the best poker faces I'd ever seen and it was always so difficult to determine exactly where his thoughts were focused. I could only hope they were swaying to the side I wanted.

"It's obvious this is important to you," he said after a few quiet moments. "Which is why I'm considering it and not just telling you you're off your rocker. The idea may be crazy, but I'll admit I'm intrigued."

"So…" I drawled, not allowing myself to get my hopes up quite yet. "What does that mean?"

"You'd still keep your short program the same, no matter what?" he asked, though it sounded more like a demand.

"Yes," I promised. "I'm not touching that one. I know I screwed it up at Lake Placid, but I know I can do it better once I'm not so nervous."

"Good. It's a good piece," he said. He huffed out a breath and stood up straight. "Like I said, I only caught the last bit of the program. Do you have an entire routine pulled together?"

"Yeah. It's rough, but I'm happy with the foundation. I think with some practice and your guidance it could be really amazing," I said with a hint of hope and a cautious smile.

"No need to resort to stroking my ego, girl," he smirked. "I feel like in order to make an informed decision I'd need to see what you've already got. I liked the finish. How about you show me if the rest lives up to it?"

"Okay," I agreed, skating off to hit center ice while he walked over to queue up the song again.

Nerves ran through my entire body as I took my starting position. I needed to prove myself and I knew I only had one shot to do it. In a way, this skate, performed for one set of eyes without lights or costumes or polish, was possibly the most important I'd done to date.

As soon as the first tentative notes of the song hit my ears, my body calmed and I lost myself in the dream. Edward had aptly named the composition. The notes never failed to instantly lull my soul.

I hadn't front-loaded the routine, as so many skaters and choreographers were prone to do. So often the entire first half was filled with jumps—the more difficult elements—in order to get the requirements out of the way before fatigue kicked in. Somehow with this program, I never felt my feet start to drag or my arms tire, and I took full advantage by spreading out the moves as much as possible. In competition, it would garner me extra points and would really help set me apart from the pack.

I was so caught up in the song that I barely even noticed my final jump approaching, a solid double axel well into the second half of the routine. As I gathered my speed, the thought occurred to me that it was now or never. Time to leave it all out on the ice and see what happened.

So as I prepped for my jump, it wasn't with the intention of completing a solid double.

My pick dug into the ice and I cleanly vaulted off my front edge, launching myself into the air with ease and determination. My breath held and all sounds seemed to fade but that of my pounding heart and rushing blood.

Once, twice, three times, I rotated, high above the ice. With one final burst of sheer will, I managed to shift my center and twist that final half rotation that always evaded my grasp before landing solidly on the opposite foot I started from.

I was like everything just clicked. The missing puzzle piece slid into place and the planets all aligned in one perfect moment. For an instant I didn't even realize what just happened. But when it sunk in, I almost wrecked it all by collapsing in complete shock.

My feet came to an abrupt halt and I stared down at the toes of my boots, halfway hoping they would magically speak and reassure me that I wasn't dreaming.

Luckily Marcus seemed to take on that charge when my skates didn't cooperate.

"Good Lord, Bella," he said on a strangled breath. "That was… You just landed it!"

My eyes snapped up to where he stood, his jaw slack and his eyes astonished.

I felt frozen, like if I moved at all it would somehow erase the reality of this moment. Marcus and I stood, simply staring at each other, for I don't know how long. Then his face broke into a grin and he laughed. Full on rolling, delighted laughter as he scurried around the boards and stepped out onto the ice. By the time he reached me, I realized I still hadn't been able to move, though I could feel my smile mirroring his.

He swept me off my feet, this somewhat stoic, portly man, and squeezed me tight while I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him back, my laughter joining his.

He set me back down. With a twinkle in his eye, he held out his hand to me. Only one word came from his mouth, but it was the exact one I needed to hear.

"Deal."

**x-x-x**

When I got home that night, I was ecstatic to see the lights on, indicating Edward was home from his trip. I barely managed to close the door behind me, so intent on finding him and sharing the news of my newly slain dragon.

I called his name out frantically when I didn't see him right away. When he stepped into the hallway from the kitchen I wasted no time in sprinting the few steps to launch myself into his arms, knocking the breath out of him with an 'oof' as his feet stumbled and one hand jutted out to the wall to stabilize us both.

I barely managed to get the words out, my lips so preoccupied with peppering his neck with celebratory kisses, but he seemed to catch the gist. He returned the favor and stole my breath away with the force of his embrace, the joyous sounds rumbling in his chest were so similar to the reaction Marcus had, and every bit as satisfying to my ears.

His hands combed into my hair, gently holding both sides of my face. My legs remained locked around his torso as I gazed down into his adoring eyes, shining brightly at me in the dimly lit hallway.

"I knew you could do it," he whispered. "I never had any doubts."

The next day, despite the massive amount of work we had to do, Marcus let me play hooky for the big 'official' moving day. The guys had an off day after their weekend on the road and Rose took off from the garage to pitch in. Starting out at my apartment, we finished loading everything into boxes and giving the place a once over to leave it in good condition so I could get my security deposit back.

While the guys backed Jasper's truck and Emmett's jeep up to the loading area by the front door, the girls and I lined the hallway with my belongings. It wasn't until I saw it all together that I realized just how much shit I had. Even after selling or donating most of the bigger furniture items, it was jaw dropping in comparison to the piddly amount of stuff I'd arrived with.

"Holy shit, Babybel," Emmett said when he stepped back through the elevator and saw it all. "Didn't you only have like two boxes when we moved you in here? What the fuck happened? It's like your possessions mated in captivity and bred like horny rabbits."

"I blame Alice."

"Hey!" she protested, lugging another box out to the pile.

"You can't be insulted when it's a fact, Ali. He's right, I didn't have nearly this much when I moved in here. How the hell's it going to fit over at the house?"

"We'll make it fit, love," Edward murmured, coming up behind me and brushing my hair off my shoulder to rest his chin. "It is a lot of shit though."

"Tell me about it," I muttered. "Once upon a time, I swear I was low maintenance. Now it's gonna take three cars to get this all over to the house. At least."

"I think we'll manage," he chuckled and kissed my cheek before moving off to help the guys start loading boxes into the elevator.

An hour later, the cars were loaded and the others took off to get a head start lugging them over to the house while Edward remained behind with me to check every nook and cranny before locking up for the final time.

He sat on the steps to the nook while I wandered through the empty rooms, giving me a moment that I hadn't even really known I needed.

As much as I was looking forward to living at the house, I really was going to miss this place. I stood in the center of the living room and felt tears well in my eyes as I remembered so many wonderful moments in this spot—girls nights, chats with Esme, cuddling with Edward. This had been the first place that had truly been mine, where I felt like I belonged. That felt like home.

"You okay?" Edward asked. I hadn't even realized he'd crossed over to stand beside me.

"Yeah. I'm good."

"I'll miss this place too," he murmured, swiping at a stray tear that fell down my cheek with the pad of his thumb. "Lot of good memories within these walls."

"Yeah," I nodded and slid my arms around his waist, drying my cheek on his shirt and breathing in time with the rise and fall of his chest.

"I think we probably have time to add one more to the collection," he said and eased me back a little, sliding his iPod out of the pocket of his jeans. He fiddled with the buttons for a moment before tucking one of the buds into my ear while fixing the other into his and taking me back into his arms. A slow ballad started to play, one that I didn't recognize at first.

As the music softly crooned in one ear, Edward's voice hummed in my other and I realized it was a tune he often hummed to me when we napped or simply cuddled. With our hands clasped together over his heart, he swayed me in slow circles. Our feet shuffled together and his fingers danced over a patch of bare skin at my waist where my t-shirt had ridden up above my jeans.

"Is this gonna be another house rule?" I asked, quirking my brow at him in amusement. "Random spontaneous dancing?"

"You know it, Swan. Better get used to it, this could happen a lot."

"I might not mind dancing with you," I said coyly. "As long as you don't mind a few bruised toes every now and then."

"Whatever," he scoffed. "You're a good dancer."

"Hah. Maybe with you as a partner. Pretty sure anyone else would end up in a wheelchair if they tried to lead me in a two-step."

"Guess you'll just have to stick with me, baby," he said with a cocky smirk. "I've got all the right moves."

"Don't I know it," I giggled and pecked his lips with a quick kiss.

He laughed with me, before whispering a quiet 'hush' as he tucked my head back to his chest and we continued to sway.

Every trace of sadness and all thoughts of endings vanished, leaving only blissful happiness. While I was saying goodbye to this place, I was saying hello to something infinitely more wonderful.

As the music faded, Edward dipped me with a flourish, the tiny speakers falling from our ears to dangle by the cord from his pocket. He grinned at me and lowered his lips to mine in a thorough kiss before lifting me back to my feet.

I smiled at him and held out my hand. "Let's go home."

**x-x-x**

After turning in my key, Edward and I drove the last of my stuff over to the house and found the group already hard at work.

For the next few hours we tag-teamed the boxes stacked in the living room and slowly but surely intermingled my possessions with Edward's. The guys handled any heavy lifting while I mainly supervised, pointing out the various locations Edward and I had decided to set things up. It was a fairly smooth process and one made fun by the good company.

When the afternoon faded into evening, we treated the gang to Chinese food and beer as a thank you for their efforts. Not that it was really necessary; we'd helped Alice and Jasper get settled into their place and would do it again whenever Rose and Em decided on a house. It was something so simple really, though I knew for a fact it was hard to find. To have the kind of close friendships where that kind of gesture wasn't really expected, but you knew you could rely on it no matter what. It was something I hoped I'd never take for granted.

After scarfing down food, they all offered to stay and help us power through the remaining boxes. Though the additional help probably would have gotten it all done, I was ready to just enjoy a little bit of quiet after such a busy day. Edward seemed to sense that fact and politely shooed them out the door.

When the door shut behind them, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and just savored the instant silence left in their wake. As much as I loved our friends, the sheer volume created by so few people could get draining sometimes.

Blowing out a heavy exhale, I opened my eyes to see Edward leaning back against the front door. He looked to be having a similar moment of silence for himself. When his eyes opened, they immediately found mine and his lips curved into a smile that never failed to weaken my knees.

He crossed over to where I was leaning against the back of the couch and picked me up. My legs automatically wound around his waist and clenched when he spun me in a few quick and dizzying circles.

His hand cupped the back of my head and angled my face so he could lay his lips on top of mine and draw me into a slow and satisfying entanglement. The sweet embrace turned teasing when he buried his face in my neck and placed tickling pecks against my skin while squeezing me tight.

"You up for getting a little more work in before calling it quits?" he asked, rubbing his hands over my thighs and lightly patting me on the butt.

"I suppose," I said with a long sigh. "We should probably act like responsible adults."

"I must admit, responsibility's not really my motive," he grinned as I unwound myself from around his waist and stood back on my own two feet. "I'm just ready to get all this over with so we can have more time to concentrate on very irresponsible activities."

"Oh really?" I asked with a coy smirk. "Well then, chop chop boy, let's go unload the last few boxes."

Together we tackled my sweeping assortment of books, interspersing them on the shelves with what he already had in place. We compared our collections and chatted as we arranged them in an order that we both approved. He'd poke fun at my cheesy romance novels while I threatened to hide his collection of Fitzgerald books somewhere they would never again see the light of day.

Finally we got to the final remaining boxes stacked in corner of the living room, and they were two that I wasn't really planning on unpacking.

Edward reached for the first and asked where this one was headed.

"We probably don't need to do anything with these," I insisted, stepping over to where he was turning the box, searching for a label. "If you've got space somewhere to store them we can just stack them."

"What are they?" he asked curiously.

"Just some old stuff. Nothing important," I said flippantly. I reached for the second, prepared to follow him to whatever closet or basement he had in mind, but I didn't have such luck. He'd already ripped the tape on his and flipped open the flaps.

"Bella," he drawled with a hint of exasperation.

"Edward," I mimicked his tone in response. "I'm serious, let's just toss these somewhere and be done with it."

He reached inside and held up the plaque with my Olympic medal on display. "I don't think this is really something you just toss in a box somewhere."

"It is if that's what I choose to do with it," I countered somewhat petulantly. "It is my medal after all."

"Baby, this is something to be really proud of," he said, holding it up in front of him. "Why would you just want to leave it in a box in some dark basement closet?"

I shrugged and stared down at the closed box in my hand, fiddling with an upturned corner of tape on the bottom. The two large boxes filled with memorabilia from my skating career had been tucked away at my apartment as soon as they arrived after Renee returned to Florida, same as the smaller box she'd sent along with me when I originally moved away from her. I'd never done anything with them and didn't really plan for that to change now.

He sighed and gently set the plaque back down on top of the box. He crossed over to me, taking the box from my hands and setting it on the couch before placing his hands on my shoulders.

"Look at me, please?" he murmured softly. I blinked once, keeping my eyes closed just a moment longer than necessary, before meeting his gaze.

"Aren't you proud of it?" he asked.

I shrugged again, drawing my bottom lip between my teeth to gently gnaw, mostly in an effort to avoid talking than out of nerves.

"What do you mean," he asked, repeating my shrug. "Don't you know how amazing that is? All of it? Medals, trophies…I know that's not what's important to you, but it's still pretty fucking sweet just the same. You shouldn't just toss them all in a corner to be forgotten."

"I don't know how to explain it," I muttered. "Yes, I'm proud of what I've done, but a part of me feels like it's wrong to put them all out on display."

"Is this about modesty? Because I get it, Bella, I'm not one to flaunt a bunch of shit around and try to show everyone how awesome I am. Even if I kinda am," he said with a playful smirk, his overtly arrogant words likely intended to draw out a smile. He succeeded and my lips quirked momentarily.

"But you are pretty awesome, and this is your home now," he continued. "You should put these out somewhere."

"It's not necessarily about modesty," I explained, "though I suppose that's part of it. It's just…I don't know."

"You don't have to pick your words with me, you know," he said patiently when I trailed off. "I'm not going to judge you or anything."

"No, I know," I said, blowing out a breath and gathering my thoughts. "You know how I placed fourth at Skate America?" I asked and he nodded. "In a way, I'm almost more proud of that than I am of any prize in those boxes, because I feel like I got there on my own merits, not just because Renee was pushing and prodding me along the way. Maybe I didn't bring home a medal, but I feel like I really earned that slot for myself."

"Everything you have in that box, you've earned," he said in a firm voice, the ease that had been so prominent in his features only moments earlier was gone entirely, though the tenderness in his eyes remained. The hands that reached up and cradled my face and kept my eyes on his were forceful yet impossibly gentle at the same time.

"It doesn't matter if that bitch was pushing you or calling the shots at the time. Everything you've won has been because of _you_, not her. They're _your_ accomplishments."

"I don't know," I murmured, slightly ashamed to admit the truth of my thoughts. "Maybe I wouldn't have won what I have if she hadn't done what she did."

"Maybe not, but _you_ are the reason you won every one of those. Who drove herself to the brink in training? Whose body ached when she had a rough day on the ice? Who felt the anxiety over stepping out in front of thousands of people and overcame her nerves to skate her ass off and look completely fucking gorgeous doing it?" he said, his voice steadily growing more intense just as his hands drew my face ever closer to his, until his breath whispered warmly over my cheeks as his eyes burned into mine. "You. _You_ did, Bella, not Renee. Never her."

My eyes fluttered closed as I melted into his touch and the intensity of his words, my forehead falling to rest against his cheek. Sometimes the strength of his feelings for me, especially in the way of pride and respect still overwhelmed me and left me reeling.

My hands slid up his wrists and squeezed softly before I stepped back from him and sighed. My eyes shifted over to the boxes that led to the need for this conversation.

"So many items in these boxes just have bad memories," I confessed. "I'm not saying I had a terrible life up until I moved here, but I'll bet you can pick any object at random and I can tell you something that happened during that competition that made me feel miserable. Even when I made first, there was always something that wasn't good enough."

"Did you feel miserable standing up on the podium?"

"No, I guess not. It's such an adrenaline rush," I smiled softly, recalling the wonder of those moments. "Almost surreal in a way. It is pretty cool to feel the weight around your neck, standing there holding a beautiful arrangement of flowers while you watch your flag hoisted in front of you."

"Aside from the bullshit with Renee, how did you feel about competing?" he asked. "I mean there had to be something you liked if you're still choosing to compete now, when she's out of the picture."

"It's hard to say. They were always so stressful, nerve-wracking. There're always people everywhere and they all have expectations. But it's like, when I'd set foot out on the ice, all of that would just disappear. Every performance is like a clean slate. Always fresh and filled with possibilities. It's a challenge, but almost like, I don't know, more against myself," I explained, almost like a question when I didn't know exactly how to describe it. He seemed to understand, so I continued.

"Obviously you're trying to beat other people, but the biggest challenge for me has always been against myself. And it can be heartbreaking and disappointing when you work for so long only to make a stupid mistake when it matters most. But when it's right? When you're out there and you land a really tough combination, or hit your positions perfectly? There's nothing else like it," I sighed. "It's a sort of euphoric, you know?"

He nodded, touching my cheek with an understanding smile. "Yeah. I know exactly what you mean."

He dropped his hand and reached down, tucking the plaque with my medal back into the open box and hefting it up. He grinned at me and quirked his head, gesturing for me to grab the other one. I followed him to the basement where we set them down in front of the wall of his game room that housed his own trophies and medals.

Reaching back into the box, he pulled out my Silver from Torino again and held it out to me.

"I want you to pick a spot for this one."

I sighed and took it from his hands, crossing over to the wall. I looked down at the plaque in my hands, gently tracing my fingers over the smooth ribbon, then running along the curve of cool and heavy metal.

I could remember the exact moment I'd received it, how I'd barely been able to contain myself from just dancing around in excited little circles. Renee had been disappointed, of course, that it wasn't gold, but I'd been elated. And while I'd had to listen to her complaints and negative comments after the ceremony, I hadn't heard any of it out on the podium.

When the USOC representative placed the medal around my neck, I'd heard only excited cheering and applause, an enthusiasm that matched the giddiness running through my entire being. I stood there clutching my flowers and grinning stupidly. I could remember feeling so awestruck by the moment. I'd felt beautiful, powerful, amazing. Disappointment hadn't even crossed my mind.

He was right; I needed to remember moments like that, not only the negative associations I had with my mother. It wasn't like I could forget the entirety of my life before I'd hurt my knee and started breaking out of her chains. My life hadn't been all about her, no matter how often it may have felt like it. I wasn't being fair to myself by trying to block out everything just because of some less than perfect circumstances.

I held up the medal to an empty spot on the wall, in the midst of plaques and shadowboxes displaying his own past accomplishments.

"I think right here," I said as I turned my neck to glance back at where he stood.

He stepped up behind me and placed his hand on top of mine, holding the plaque up against the wall. "Right here's perfect."

We spent the next hour rearranging the shelves of his trophy display; meshing mine with his while we shared the stories that went behind them. While we knew so much about each other, we'd never really gone all that in depth with talking about all the little steps that got us to this point in our lives as individuals.

He told me more about playing as a kid, through high school and his experiences at college. I shared bits and pieces of my life that I never really would have thought to share before, unaware that anyone else would find them interesting. But Edward seemed equally as eager to devour every little tidbit I shared as I was to learn more about him.

The conversation made the actual unpacking part go slowly, but that didn't seem to deter either of us. Piece by piece and story by story, we flushed out the shelves, filling them with the symbols of our individual histories.

He made plenty of suggestive comments that made me blush when he came across a stash of my costumes, though he was genuinely a little disappointed when he saw that none of them were all that revealing. Apparently the panels of nude colored fabric weren't quite as sexy as the skin they implied.

While shifting a few of his things aside on a shelf, I came across a small, simple frame tucked back behind some of the larger items.

Picking it up for closer inspection, I was surprised to see it was a score card from the bowling alley he took me to on our first date, the one from that very night in fact. There on the card were both our names scrawled out in pencil and the date written in pen in the corner, obviously added later. The frames were filled for all three games we'd played together, with my messy scrawling on the side from where I'd attempted to try my hand at tabulating the score once.

"What's this?" I asked, turning to him and holding it out in front of me to show what I was inquiring about.

"Nothing," he said quickly, snatching it from my hand. He tucked it behind his back in some ridiculous attempt at hiding it from me. His cheeks were pink and he looked positively bashful as he cleared his throat and averted his eyes.

"What do you mean 'nothing,'" I giggled and tried to reach for the object behind his back.

"Just that. Nothing. I forgot this was down here," he stammered, turning away evasively while I followed his movements. After a few minutes of playful dodging and lunging, I stopped and folded my arms in front of me, lifting my brow as my lips quirked into a smirk.

"Why don't you just tell me why you have the scorecard from our first date framed on your trophy shelf?" I suggested, my voice amused and teasing.

"I told you, I forgot I had it down here," he said exasperatedly.

"Nuh uh uh," I tutted playfully, jutting my hand behind him. I snatched the frame away easily while he was caught off guard and held it up in front of my chest. "This doesn't exactly look like you just randomly tossed a scrap of paper down on a shelf, buddy. I don't buy it. Looks to me like this was a purposeful placement."

"Can you just let it go, please?" he pleaded, reaching out for the frame again.

"Not until you tell me why you put it here," I insisted, holding it back behind me, though he could still easily reach it if he wanted to.

He sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets, rocking back on his heels.

"Edward…" I pressed when he didn't speak.

"Because it's where it belongs, okay?" he blurted out. "Because I came home from dropping you off that night and felt like I'd just won the biggest prize of my entire life. Going out with you? Being with you? Seeing for a fact that you genuinely liked me and wanted to be with me too? I felt like I won the State Championship, an Olympic medal, and the fucking Stanley Cup all in one. Well, I've only actually won one of those, but how I'd imagine it'd feel. I fell in love with you, Bella, and I knew there would never be anything more important than winning your heart."

Well that was just…so fucking adorable. I seriously wanted to pout my lips and say 'aww,' but judging by the way he was nervously scratching his neck and averting his eyes, I didn't think that would go over too well.

He completely baffled me sometimes. He was the sweetest man I'd ever met and it always seemed to be so effortless. I'd come to expect these adorable little gestures and he'd never shied away from showing them before. Maybe it was because he'd been caught off guard, but I never expected to see him uncomfortable over a display of affection.

"Are you seriously blushing?" I asked incredulously as I stepped over to him, taking in his slightly pink cheeks and how his Adam's apple bobbed in his throat. "Why are you so embarrassed by this?"

"Because, I'm a guy," he said, as if it should have been obvious.

"So?"

"So...framing a memento from your first date is cheesy and sentimental and a total chick thing to do," he elaborated, finally looking at me. "Emmett would probably tell me I may as well just get my balls bronzed and hang them up on the wall if he saw I had this here."

"But Emmett's not here now, is he?"

"No. Still…" He shrugged, and then wrapped his arms around my shoulders, turning me slightly away and pressing up against my back. He looked down at the object in my hands with his chin resting against my neck and laid his fingers over mine on the cool metal. "You don't think it's weird that I put this here?"

"No," I said, reaching out and setting the frame back on the shelf, front and center without obstruction. I turned in his arms and slid my hands up over his chest. "I think it's impossibly sweet. In a completely manly way. I don't mind being your prize just as long as I get to win you, too."

"Every time, love," he said against my lips. "There's no competition."

**x-x-x**

Not long after, we finished up in the basement and headed upstairs to get ready for bed.

As he turned down the covers, I fluffed the pillows, ridiculously happy to have my own to sleep with from now on. Though I didn't mind the ones Edward used, I'd grown quickly addicted to the downy feather pillows Alice had shoved on me when I first moved in. It was nice to have them available again.

"I don't know how you can sleep on those things," he muttered, unsnapping the clasp on his watch and setting it down on the nightstand.

"I don't know how you _can't_ sleep on them," I persisted, clutching one of the heavenly objects to my chest.

"They're pokey."

"What?"

"You know, the little stems or whatever you call them," he described, pinching his fingers together. "They poke through the pillowcase. It's uncomfortable."

"You're ridiculous," I scoffed. "These things are awesome."

"If you say so, Swan. Just keep 'em on your side of the bed," he said, shoving one of them further away from where his non-pokey pillows sat.

"My side," I said with an indulgent smile, squeezing the pillow in a hug. "That's nice to think about."

"What? That's always been your side," he pointed out.

"I know, but it's like, _official_ now, you know?" I explained, fluffing the cushion in my hands and reaching down for the other. "I don't have an apartment anymore. All my clothes are hanging up in that closet right there or sitting in those drawers. Your kitchen's overflowing with all my junk, which I don't want you to even think about touching," I warned him in a firm voice. "You don't use any of it so I get to pick where it goes."

"Yes ma'am," he said with a two-fingered salute.

I nodded in satisfaction at his response before continuing on.

"It just feels more real now. Like we're really here, doing this. Part of me still thinks that this is all some impossible dream or something."

He stepped around the bed and over to my side, resting his hands on my waist, his thumbs gently rubbing against my hipbones.

"Believe it, Swan. You're wide awake and we're both here. You're stuck with me," he said, leaning down and brushing his lips softly and slowly against mine. "How's it feel to be officially cohabitating?"

I sighed heavily and gazed up at him with what could most definitely be construed as 'doe eyes' and whispered, "Amazing."

"I think so, too," he smiled back and kissed me once more. He pulled away and tugged his t-shirt up over his head, tossing it haphazardly over the chair in the corner.

"You'll have to tell me if I do anything super annoying," I smirked, grabbing my lotion from

the bedside table and smoothing it over my elbows and forearms. "I've never had a roommate before."

"Really?" he asked. "Not ever?"

"Nope. There were plenty of times when they'd try to stick me with roommates for competition or camps and stuff, but Renee always ended up booking separate rooms. Too many distractions. How about you?"

"I've had a few," he shrugged. "Emmett, of course. We shared a room when we were kids, before we moved to the bigger house. Then in college I spent a couple years in the dorms. Mom and Dad wanted me to get the whole experience, I guess. My freshman year roommate was totally weird," he said, sitting on the side of the bed to tug his socks off and toss them on top of his shirt, then unsnapping his jeans to add to the pile. "Dude hardly ever showered and he watched _Office Space_ at least four times a week. Sophomore year was a bit better since I roomed with a guy from the team, but he was really into the ladies. Had a few awkward encounters with his one night stands."

"Oh yeah?" I smirked, popping the cap back on my lotion and putting it back in its rightful place.

"Mmhmm. One of them tried to make off with my favorite shirt cause I left it laying out on the futon. Practically had to tear the damn thing off her before she gave it back. And no," he interrupted when I opened my mouth to comment, "it was not hot at all. Skank was trying to steal my Batman shirt."

"Not the Batman shirt," I gasped in mock horror.

"You jest, Swan, but you know you'd miss it," he smirked, flicking on the lamp on his side of the bed.

"You're right. It's really sexy on you," I said with a dreamy sigh, my eyes slightly glazing over as I pictured him wearing it. "Especially when you're laying out on the floor, with just the tiniest sliver of your stomach showing and the gray band of your boxer briefs peeking out over your low riding jeans," I trailed off with an indulgent hum.

"Sounds like you've given this a lot of thought," he chuckled, reaching for my hands and drawing me into him.

"Maybe," I said coquettishly, kissing him quickly. "Possibly. Probably," I amended with a smirk, punctuating each word with another peck before easing out of his hold. "I'm gonna go brush my teeth. You coming?"

By the time we finished our nightly routines and made it back to the bedroom, I was feeling wide awake, despite the tiring activities of the day.

Edward flipped off the main light and hoisted himself up on the bed, clad only in his tight fitting blue boxer briefs. I let myself ogle him for one delicious minute while he wasn't paying attention. He glanced over at me, quirking his brow in question when he found me just standing there beside the bed, rather than laying next to him. I snatched up one of my pillows and gave it one more unnecessary fluff, attempting to hide my pink cheeks at getting caught staring. As I fluffed the downy cushion, I was struck with inspiration.

"You know, Edward," I said with a sly, flirtatious smile. "There's always been something I've wanted to do, but since I never really had a roomie before I couldn't really do it."

"Oh yeah? What's that?" he asked with a chuckle. He casually folded his arms back behind his head, leaving himself wide open and vulnerable.

_Perfect. Target._

Without taking a chance to second guess what I was getting myself into, I attacked. With a loud thwack, I swung the pillow out and hit him smack dab across the majority of his upper body. He yelped in surprise, his arms snapping down and his legs instantly curling in on himself in defense. Then he turned his eyes up at me with a look of disbelief.

"Pillow fight," I smirked, then dropped my jaw playfully in a mimic of his surprised expression.

His gaping mouth snapped closed, before it twisted into a sinister grin and his eyes squinted in challenge. He grabbed for the nearest weapon—which happened to be my other pillow—and advanced on me, swatting me across the back as he pounced.

It was an all out war, a tangle of limbs and soft fabric as we rolled across the expanse of the mattress. I managed to hold my own, my muscles toned and aided by my flexibility, but he had me beat in size and weight. Alternately we'd fight for control, rolling and pinning each other as we attempted to playfully smother each other in pillows and blankets.

Relentlessly we battled it out, the sound of pillows smacking against bodies mixing with our breathless laughter, a chorus of my squeals and his playful growling. The blankets covering the bed became casualties, first tangling up around us, and then impatiently shoved to the floor to make for an unobstructed battleground.

I sprang from my knees and tackled him from behind, attaching myself awkwardly around his torso like a spider monkey. He twisted me around, flipping me over his shoulder and dive bombed me to the mattress. My breath expelled heavily, knocking the wind out of me for a moment before I managed to dig my toes into his side to tickle him, using no mercy until he released his hold.

Part way through this epic battle, I smacked at his torso with my pillow and heard a rip. At the same time I felt resistance from pulling it back for another hit.

My jaw dropped in shock when I realized what had happened.

"Edward!" I admonished. "You ripped my pillow!"

"Bella, I'm really sorry," he snickered, though the look on his face was anything but remorseful. He was trying, pretty unsuccessfully, to stifle his laughter as he clutched the unwounded pillow to his chest.

"You big jerk," I cried, winding up and bashing him over the head. Feathers flew everywhere, showering down over his head and sticking to his skin, dusting his hair like a heavy coat of snow.

He comically spit at the downy pieces sticking to his lips before fixing his gaze on me and glaring.

I backed away slowly on my knees, holding my arms out in front of me in a gesture of peace as I fought against the giggles threatening to erupt at the sight of him.

"Oh, you are in so much trouble, Swan," he threatened, his lips twisting into his crooked smile and his eyes turning devious.

Before I could gauge his intent, he pulled at the fabric of the pillow in his hands, purposefully tearing the case. He lunged at me, dumping the contents of his weapon in the process of tackling me back to the bed.

Our flailing limbs kicked up feathers everywhere as our flirtatious battle continued, both of us now plucking miniscule white fluff from our mouths because we were laughing too hard to keep our lips closed.

Finally he managed to pin me down. The empty pillowcases were long since abandoned and left his hands free to grip my wrists over my head as his legs trapped mine tightly. I continued to giggle as I gasped out my surrender, too spent to attempt another retaliation.

I shook the hair back from my face and looked up to where he hovered above me. He wasn't laughing or even smiling. The intensity within his emerald eyes was like a direct hit to my heart and made it stutter in my chest. My breathless laughter faded into quiet panting as I stared back at him, my lips slightly open but no longer curved in amusement at our playful antics.

"My God, Bella," he breathed, looking down at me with something akin to awe. "You're so beautiful. Sometimes I can't believe you're really mine."

"I am yours," I whispered, my eyes fixed on his face in a trance. "Always."

His body seemed to collapse down on top of me, though I didn't feel the force of his weight. His arms were instantly banded around my body as our torsos aligned and his lips sought and conquered mine.

The atmosphere that had been playful and flirtatious only moments before was suddenly heavy with passion and intense desire. Our hands streaked over each other's skin, his pulling at the thin straps of my bra and releasing my breasts from their confinement.

His head dipped as his mouth dove for the taut peak of my nipple, drawing it between his teeth and swiping over the sensitive skin with his tongue. His thumb rose to circle the other, rolling it to a matching stiffness. My head fell back and I whimpered out a soft cry as my hands dove into the soft strands of his hair.

Keeping his arms tight around me, he moved back to kneel on the bed, pulling me to sit in his lap with my legs parallel to his on either side. The bare skin of our chests slid against each other as we kissed, slightly sticky from the exertion of our play.

The backs of his curved fingers grazed lightly against the curve of my breast as he lowered his mouth to the tender spot in my neck where he could feel the accelerated beat of my heart.

He pressed a wet, open mouthed kiss against my neck and softly groaned as his teeth sunk in, nipping at the spot in exactly the right way to send tingles and waves of heat directly to my center.

"I love the way your pulse races right here," he murmured against my skin, kissing it again. "Is that for me, Baby?"

"You know it is," I moaned softly. I eased back in his arms until I could look down and see his face. I reached for his hand and laid it flat over my heart, covering it with both of mine to cradle it there. "You're the only one who makes my heart sprint like this."

He lowered his head to press a soft kiss to the back of my hand where it covered my heart, then took it in his free hand to lay it on his chest over where his own heart beat a rapid, steady tempo. He laid his hand over mine, our positions mirrored as we sat there, simply gazing into each other's eyes and feeling the unified beats of our quickened hearts.

"You always do this to me," he murmured with a husky whisper, his breath shaky with desire.

"I want to do so much more," I said.

I dove for him, my arms clasping around his shoulders as I fastened my mouth to his. His hands dropped quickly to my hips and urged me closer. My hips moved of their own accord, seeking the delightful friction of his body against mine. I groaned hungrily when I found it and his tongue plunged into my open mouth.

Slowly, I grinded against him, my eyes fluttering closed at the intensity of pleasure that swept through me. His fingers clenched into my skin, the size of his hands allowing each individual digit to reach a wide spread of territory and claim me as his own. My nails scraped lightly over his back as I dug in, eager to stake my own claim. When I felt his body shudder beneath my touch, my lips curved against his in heady delight. I heard his breath catch before he released it with a low and throaty moan.

"Fuck. Bella," he groaned, his fingers sliding over my skin to clench into the lacy fabric at my hips. I raised up on my knees, then lowered to my back in an effort to help him rid me of my panties. Laid out on a blanket of feathers, I reached for him. Pulling his body down to me, I urged him forward until I could stroke my hands over his warm and muscled chest, pausing only long enough to hook my fingers into the cotton of his briefs and slide them down from his waist.

The feathers alternately poked and tickled at my skin as I laid flat against the covered mattress, but I didn't spare them any notice. My focus was unshakably on him.

His body rose again until he sat back on his heels. He stared down, his eyes hungrily devouring my naked body as he knelt before me, as bare as I. My hand lay limply over my pounding heart as I kept my eyes on his face and waited for him to make the next move. I could barely breathe as his fingers reached out to tenderly trace over my skin, lightly brushing random feathers that clung to my body.

When his bright eyes finally rose to meet mine, my entire being practically quaked with anticipation.

He didn't keep me waiting any longer. His body lowered on top of mine, his strong hand stroking down over my thigh and hitching my leg high at his waist as I gasped out a breath.

His body moved against mine, his hard length gliding over the slick heat between my thighs as I keened and he groaned.

His jaw twitched as he slowly thrust his hips against me. His eyes rapidly blinked and his lips quivered as strangled sounds escaped from his mouth while eager fingers stroked over my spread legs.

Easing back just enough to line himself up at my entrance, he looked down at me and lifted a finger to my cheek to gently stroke my face.

"I love you," he whispered passionately.

The hand at my face moved to curve behind my back, the other still holding my thigh high up on his waist with my calf hooked over his legs.

He didn't give me the opportunity to reciprocate the sentiment before he was sliding inside me, filling me completely in one even stroke. I cried out as my body quivered, always eager to welcome him back to where he belonged.

My arms squeezed tightly around his back as I laid my lips against his neck and whispered, "I love you, too."

There was nothing fast or hurried about our lovemaking, instead it was slow and intense as we savored each touch and cherished every sigh. When I felt myself steadily approaching my peak, the pulsing of his body told me he was right beside me.

His hand reached back for mine, tightly clasping our fingers together and laying our joined arms up above my head on the mattress. His palm squeezed against mine in time with his thrusts, his fingers tightening over the bones on the outside of my hand. Our lips found each other as we found our completion. Our hips strained against each other as he spilled inside me and the tightness of my body quickly unraveled.

As we floated down from our highs, he rolled beside me to lay on his back. Our hands never separated, still limply sprawled above our heads.

After a few quiet minutes, his fingers began to lightly dance over my palm. I opened my eyes to glance over his way. He was smiling softly, adoringly back at me and I easily returned it.

"I'd say that was a perfect start to this whole living together business," I said lightly, sighing contently.

"No arguments here," he said, leaning over to rub his nose against mine and softly peck my lips. He sat up a bit and leaned back, his smile widening in amusement.

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing. You just really live up to your name right now with all these feathers in your hair," he explained, plucking a few tiny white feathers from my hair.

"Oh God," I groaned, reaching up and trying to assess the damage. "They've got to be everywhere."

"Kinda," he chuckled.

"Hey! You know I'm not the only one. You've got a bit of a Daffy Duck thing going on right now," I said, reaching up and ruffling his hair, sending the feathers dusting his head flying. "You owe me two new pillows."

"If you say so," he said, continuing to pick at my hair. "You already know that they probably won't survive for long. But if that's something you're willing to risk…"

I groaned and sat up, brushing at my hair. "It's probably not worth it, but I love them."

"I have to admit that I've gained a newfound appreciation for feather pillows," he grinned boyishly. I shook my head in amusement and leaned over to kiss him before standing up.

Looking back at the bed, I internally groaned. The entire thing was covered in white down and was going to take forever to clean up. Edward continued to sit amongst the fluff and I smirked at him.

"You know what, Cullen?"

"What's that, Swan?" he asked, folding his arms around his bent knees.

"I think now is the perfect time to discuss how we're gonna break up the house chores," I said soberly.

"Oh you think so, huh?" he asked with amused skepticism.

"Uh huh. If this is going to be a regular occurrence," I said, gesturing to the bed and mass of feathers. "I'm calling 'not it' on feather removal. I want every one of these suckers picked up by the time I get out of the shower," I ordered haughtily, tickling his nose with a feather I'd plucked from my hair before turning on my heel and striding off toward the bathroom.

I didn't make it two steps before I was caught up in his arms.

"I thought we were supposed to be a team, Swan," he said, scooping me up and tossing me over his shoulder. "See now, the way I see it is that if we tag team on the shower business, then join forces to battle against the evil feathers, we can mutually reap the rewards," he explained, heading in the direction of the bathroom.

"Such a smart boy," I giggled. "I knew there was a reason I agreed to move in with you."

"I hope there's more than one," he said, setting me back on my feet as he reached over and flipped on the shower.

"Oh there are hundreds, Cullen," I said, sliding my arms around him and lifting my lips to his as we stepped into the stall. "Thousands, even."

**x-x-x**

We only had six days officially living together before Edward had to leave for his road trip. Though that wasn't nearly enough time to get a true taste of how our new arrangement would work long term, I knew immediately that it _would_ work.

The days were blissful, and not just because we were caught up in some sort of fairy tale like honeymoon phase. We bickered over mundane things, we occasionally had grumpy moods, we figured out habits we each had that got on each other's nerves. But all it took was looking around a room, any room, and seeing the clear signs of each of us there, just existing, to make me smile.

At first I was still slightly tentative in the house, a little reluctant to open certain drawers or walk through the halls at night to grab a drink from the kitchen while Edward slept, but each day it got slightly more comfortable.

I found it surprisingly easy to be myself around him where I'd always kept parts of myself hidden, even up until recently. Soon enough, I started to lose some of my inhibitions and didn't hesitate before doing things like sprawling out on the couch and cutting my toenails, something so unimportant yet seemingly private and intimate.

Our happy little bubble wasn't completely impenetrable and unpleasant news found us in the form of the Team USA final roster. As he'd predicted, Edward didn't garner a slot, though he was among the five offensive alternates listed in case of illness or injury.

I was admittedly disappointed, but Edward seemed to take the news pretty well. He assured me repeatedly that he was fine, that he still had more chances, and that he was just happy to have been considered. That didn't stop me from trying to cheer him, and myself, up and he had no qualms about letting me.

Much too soon, the team departed. In the time Edward was gone, I concentrated on my training, sticking mostly to my current programs for Nationals. Marcus did agree to set aside a portion of my afternoon sessions every day to work on my Lullaby program. If I did manage score one of the two ladies slots for the Olympic team, there wouldn't be much time to get the new routine ready.

I already felt good about the choreography and Marcus didn't seem to have many issues with it either. A part of me was nervous that it seemed to come too easily to me, so maybe it wasn't quite challenging enough, but he seemed confident that it would be a solid competitive program, should I get the chance to use it.

We didn't tell Esme about the bargain, nor did I share the possibility of using Edward's music with anyone else. I knew if I did poorly at Nationals or didn't make the team, I'd probably be more disappointed about the idea of not getting to skate that program than anything. Part of me thought it would be easier to deal with if no one else even knew it was a possibility in the first place.

Between settling in at the house and thinking about Christmas, to concentrating on Nationals and the potential of Vancouver, my thoughts were entirely consumed in the present to near future. So it was no surprise that when Marcus approached me about something beyond that timeline, I was caught completely off guard.

"Next summer?" I asked, gliding over to the boards and taking the water bottle Esme held out to me with a smile and nod of thanks.

"Yes, I mentioned the possibility awhile back if you remember. Stars on Ice is pulling their roster together and they'd like to get your name in the early promotions if you're interested."

"Well, I don't—uh, I guess I haven't really thought about it," I stammered.

"It's something you _need _to start thinking about," he contended. "I know it's easy to get caught up in what's going on right in front of you, but you've got to lift one eye to the horizon to see what's in store next."

"I know, you're right," I sighed and fidgeted with the cap of my water bottle. "I uh, I've just been pretty preoccupied."

"Sweetie, we know you've got a lot to think about right now," Esme nudged in. "I think we're all aware that Nationals is gonna be tough on you in more ways than one. We just don't want you to forget about your future. Your life won't end in January after Nationals, or after the Olympics, should you make it that far. You don't want to wake up the next morning without a clue about what's coming next, right?"

I shook my head, acknowledging their point.

"I just don't know what I want," I admitted quietly. "Touring, performing, it's fun and I love getting to work on new programs, but I don't know if I want to go back to that."

"Are you thinking about competing again next year?" Marcus inquired. "I know another Olympics in four years is out of the question, but there would still be plenty of opportunities. You're in great shape, skating better than you ever have. You could likely get in another year, maybe two even."

"I don't know about that either," I said, folding my arms and slumping over the side of the boards. "I'm sorry, guys, I know you want more answers, but I just don't have them right now. I'll freely admit that I've been pretty short sighted lately."

"That's why we're bringing this up now, while there's still plenty of time to get your thoughts in order and while the options are all available," Esme explained, reaching over and rubbing my back in a way that always brought me comfort.

"I hate myself a little for thinking this, but I almost wish there weren't quite so many options," I said with a humorless smile. "It'd make the decision making process a hell of a lot easier if there was just one path to choose."

"Well, you don't have to decide completely on your own," Esme said softly. "It's your life, Bella, and ultimately your choices, because they'll affect you the most and you need to be content with them. But you can talk to either of us, to your friends, and you should probably talk to Edward. I'm sure he'll support whatever you want to do, and you shouldn't feel held back by the fact that you're in a committed relationship, but it's always a good idea to talk about it, see what thoughts you each have and how you're going to make them work together."

Of course she'd suggest that, and of course she'd be right in doing so.

"You know something? The longer I'm in a relationship, the more talking there seems to be," I said with a smile. "Not that I'm complaining, mind you, but it seems like every time an issue arises, someone's always telling me to just talk to him, even if it's just the voice inside my head."

"And does it work?" she asked.

"Every time," I admitted.

She raised her eyebrows and gave me a knowing smile. "Hmm, guess that says something right there."

**x-x-x**

I didn't really think it was appropriate to have a serious, in depth discussion about the future over a cell phone with potentially crappy reception. Something about that just seemed so casual. Impersonal.

Luckily I didn't have to wait quite as long to speak with him in person as I'd expected.

When I got done with practice that afternoon, I saw a text from Edward that came in just a little earlier saying he found a flight after the game that night. He'd be flying home for less than forty-eight hours, and then catching a plane over to Colorado for their next game.

It was impractical and ridiculous to spend the money on a flight simply to spend the one open gap in his schedule with me, after all, we were over halfway through the trip and we'd survived longer stints of long distance in the past. But it was so entirely like him. I couldn't even bring myself to shake my head or playfully scold him; I was much too excited about the prospect of sleeping in his arms that night.

His text mentioned that he wouldn't get in until late and he'd just take a cab home from the airport. So I did my best to go about my original plans for the evening, making dinner and hanging out with the girls while we watched the game.

I briefly checked in with Edward before he boarded his plane, confirming his arrival time before his row was called. Though I tried to stay awake to greet him when he walked through the door, I ended up falling asleep on top of the covers while watching Jimmy Kimmel.

When I awoke again the room was dark and silent. Edward was sitting on the edge of the bed beside me, leaning over my body and gently nudging me awake with the tip of his nose.

"Mmm," I murmured as my head turned and instinctually sought his lips in the dark.

"Hey," he whispered.

My eyes fluttered open to see his dark, familiar profile in front of me, the miniscule amount of light in the late hour just barely highlighting the peaks of his face.

"Hi," I breathed quietly, my lips curving in a soft and sleepy smile. "You just get home?"

"Few minutes ago," he said. "Come downstairs with me?"

"Why?" I asked, my brow scrunched in confusion. "Aren't you coming to bed?"

"Not quite yet," he said, standing up and reaching his hand out to me. "C'mon."

I glanced over at the glowing numbers of the clock.

"Edward," I whined. "It's late. And it's cold. Just get your butt under the covers and snuggle with me already."

"It'll be worth it, I promise," he insisted with a chuckle. He leaned down and kissed my forehead before grabbing my hand and tugging at my arm. "Let's go."

"Fine," I huffed, throwing back the blankets that I must have pulled over myself in my sleep. The chill of the room sent shivers up my spine and I stalked over to the closet with heavy feet, grabbing one of Edward's fuzzy sweatshirts to ward off the cold.

I followed him down the stairs to the living room, my grumpiness over being torn from my comfy bed instantly diminished when I saw the low, crackling fire in the hearth and two mugs of steaming hot cocoa set out on the coffee table.

"What's all this for?" I asked.

He simply took my hand and led me over to the front windows, gently pulling back the curtains.

Outside the street was dark, nearly black from the lack of street lamps and lit houses, but the early morning atmosphere left it just light enough to make out the soft white flakes falling through the night sky and blanketing the ground.

"First snow of the season," he murmured, brushing the hair from my shoulder and kissing my neck, just above the heavy hood of his sweatshirt.

I smiled and turned in his arms, my eyes still watching out the window as I laid my temple against his chest. "You were right," I sighed. "Totally worth it."

We snuggled up together on the window seat, folding the curtains back so we could watch the snow fall as we sipped our cocoa. He told me more about his trip and I filled him in on what was happening back here, omitting the detail of how Marcus and I spent the afternoons.

I thought about what Marcus and Esme had said to me that afternoon, and figured there was no real point in delaying the much-needed conversation.

"Hey, Edward?" I asked.

"Hey, Bella?" he parroted, softly kissing my neck.

I chuckled lightly, then sighed. "Marcus asked me something today, and it's probably something we should talk about."

"What is it, love?" he asked. "Everything okay?"

"Oh yeah, everything's great," I reassured him truthfully, reaching my hands down to play with his fingers as they rested on top of my bent knee. "It's just, uh, well, I haven't really been paying much attention to what's going to happen after Nationals. I mean, ideally I'd make it to Vancouver, so that would take me through February, but it's uh, after that where everything starts to get a little iffy."

"Okay…" he drawled, urging me to continue.

"And…" I paused for a moment, hesitating as I gnawed on my lower lip. I wasn't really sure how he'd react to what I'd say next. "Well, Marcus mentioned the possibility of touring this summer. Stars on Ice. They travel all around the world for months doing shows. I've done it before and they've asked for me back."

"Is that something you want to do again?"

He didn't hesitate in asking, nor was his voice nervous when he spoke. I'd admittedly been a little worried that he'd freak out at the thought of me touring. Because I certainly was. A part of me kinda wanted to, but a much bigger part didn't want to leave this place, his side, for longer than was absolutely necessary.

"That's just it, I don't know," I groaned, shoving my fingers into my hair and tugging lightly at the roots in frustration. "I hadn't even given any thought as to what I should do next. Marcus mentioned I could probably even compete again next season or maybe two. I don't know how I feel about that either," I said before he could ask. "But then it's like, if I don't do either of those, what else am I gonna do?"

"Well, is there anything else you've ever thought about doing?" he asked patiently, combing through my hair with his long and gentle fingers as I turned my head into his chest. "Going to school? Trying something new?"

"Honestly? No. I mean I've got a decent level of education and I guess I could take some classes or something, but for what? It's not like I want to go work in an office, or teach, or any of those other jobs that normal people think about doing when they grow up. I've never wanted anything else but to skate."

"Well, what about coaching?" he suggested.

"Maybe," I murmured, considering. "I don't know. I always figured I was too much of a pushover to try and maintain the discipline of other skaters."

He snorted and chuckled, squeezing me tight for a moment. "Baby, you're no pushover. Trust me."

I rolled my eyes because I knew he was lying, or at least choosing to overlook quite a bit.

"Maybe not as much as I used to be," I granted him. "Still, I don't know if I'd want to. It can be such a harsh environment. Cut-throat and often filled with mind games and strategy. I don't know if I'd have the same patience for it that Marcus seems to have."

"There's always early retirement," he teased. "Take up knitting. Become one of those ladies who lunch."

"Yeah, there's an idea," I sniffed with humor, snuggling a bit deeper into his arms. "Do you know what you want to do? When you're done playing?"

"Kinda," he said. "I mean, as long as I don't run into any injuries or health problems, I should be able to play for awhile still, so it's not quite as pressing of an issue. But yeah, someday I'll have to hang up my skates. When I do, I'd still want to do something with hockey. Not just because it's what I know, but because it's what I love. I'd probably want to coach. Maybe in the NHL if I got the opportunity, but college, high school? I think I could be happy doing either of those, too."

"I could see that," I said, smiling into his skin as I laid my cheek on his forearm. "You'd make a great coach. You've got so much patience, but you can be tough, too. I could definitely picture you manning the clipboard, doing your part in shaping the next generation of NHL stars."

"Something like that," he chuckled.

I turned around in his lap until I could wrap my arms and legs around his body and look into his eyes.

"I'm a little jealous," I admitted. "You seem to have it all figured out. I just don't have a clue."

"You just need to think about what makes you happy," he said, raising the back of his hand to tenderly stroke my face. "You're twenty-five years old, Bella, and there's a lot of life still ahead of you. How do you see yourself living it?"

I sighed and leaned into him, laying my head on his shoulder. I wasn't quite prepared to answer that question. At least not in the matter we'd been discussing.

"With you," I murmured after a moment. "The only thing I know for certain is that I want you in my life, and everybody—Alice, Esme, the rest of them too. I want to see my dad more, get to know him a little better. Beyond that? I don't know."

He placed his hands on the tops of my shoulders and gently nudged me back until I could see his face.

"We're not going anywhere, love," he murmured his assurance. "So if competing for another year or two is what you want, or touring while you still can is something that sounds like fun, then go for it. We can make it work. If it's over the summer, I can go with you, we could travel around, see a bit of the world together."

"You'd do that?"

He nodded without hesitation. "If it's what you really wanted, then I'd do anything to support you," he promised, weaving his fingers between mine and holding our clasped hands between us. "We're in this together."

"Yeah," I murmured, lowering my head to nuzzle my cheek over our joined knuckles. "Together."

"Just because you've planted some roots doesn't mean you can't fly," he said. "You can still have dreams and chase after them. And I'll be right there with you as you do. Just as I know you'll be with me as I chase mine."

"Always." I smiled and leaned in to kiss him.

**x-x-x**

Edward flew out again on Sunday morning and met up with his teammates to finish out their stint of away games. I went back to work, feeling refreshed and replenished after our impromptu time together. We hadn't left the house from the time he walked through the door until we had to leave to take him to the airport. Most of those hours had been spent in bed.

When the guys all got home again, the entire family took a day to trek out to a tree farm to cut down our Christmas trees—a big one for Esme and Carlisle's house, and somewhat smaller models for the rest of us. It was a fun process despite the bitter temperatures. We bundled up and loaded saws and ropes into two cars, driving out of the city limits while singing along to cheesy Christmas carols.

The guys all took the task of hunting down the best specimens so seriously that is was difficult to keep a straight face. This one was too short, one would argue, while the next was lopsided. One had a dead spot and another had a crooked peak that wouldn't properly display the tree topper.

They finally settled on one for the Cullen's house and while Emmett and Rose set to work helping saw the monster down, Alice and Jasper scampered off in search of their own, while Edward grabbed my hand and enthusiastically pulled me in the other direction to look for ours.

After the sixth time I tripped over a snow-covered tree root, I was ready to grab the next tree we came to and call it good. Edward just smiled and shook his head at me before hoisting me up onto his back and pressing on. Deeper and deeper he carried me into the maze of trees, only chuckling at my grumbles that we'd need a flare gun for anyone to find us if we went much further. I'd point out a viable option every now and again but he was always quick to veto and insist that we could find something better. Apparently he had very strict parameters his perfect tree that we had to adhere to.

Finally he stopped in front of one and set me down. He circled around it, silently contemplating the selection while I attempted to stifle my laughter. When he was satisfied, he turned to me with a blinding smile and said, "Good, right?"

I nodded and crossed over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist. "It's perfect."

He sent off a text to Emmett, letting him know our general location so he could come help us cut it down and lug it back to the car. In the meantime, we enjoyed a quiet moment to ourselves. I started to shiver a bit from the cold and Edward unzipped his coat, bundling me in to lay my rosy cheek against his warm chest and wrap the heavy fabric of his coat around the two of us.

I sighed in contentment and snuggled into him as he laid his cheek on the top of my head and we looked at our tree.

"This is fun. I can't remember the last time I had a Christmas tree," I murmured.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I guess we had them when I was a kid but we never did this. When we lived here, Charlie'd go and pick one up from the Garden Center after Thanksgiving. He'd string it with colored lights and put his mother's antique angel on the top. Renee didn't like to celebrate very much, at least not once I started skating. Said it was just a distraction. The holidays were always such a busy time so we didn't make a big deal out of it all. Then when we left, we didn't even get a tree. Sometimes I'd barely even realize it was Christmas outside the fact that there were always special shows around the time of year."

"All the more reason to pick a perfect one this year," he murmured, squeezing me close within his coat and rubbing his cold cheek against my face. "Nothing says Christmas like the smell of fresh evergreen waking you up in the morning."

"I'm looking forward to that. Sipping cocoa by the fireplace, decorating sugar cookies. Doing all those cheesy traditional things you're supposed to do in December just because it's tradition."

"Oh we're big on traditions, so you can count on that," he chuckled.

"What's your favorite?"

"There're a lot of them. The food, obviously. We always have the same thing for dinner, and Mom likes to bake so much. It always made the whole house smell like cinnamon and vanilla for the entire month," he sighed peacefully. "I like going to the late night mass with the whole family and hearing the traditional songs. It's been the same exact service since I was a little kid. I like the continuity of it. Mom always gets everyone a new ornament to hang on the tree and stuffs funny little gifts in everyone's stockings. I think my favorite though, is listening to my dad read _The Night Before Christmas_. He's got this old, battered picture book that's been passed down through his family and even though we all know the words by heart, he still brings it out every year to read by the fire."

"That's a good one," I smiled against his chest. "I'm excited to get to see some of them firsthand."

"Me too," he said, nudging my face up with his nose until he could touch his lips to mine. "I like the idea of sharing my traditions with you. Maybe starting some new ones."

My mouth sought his again, needing more than just a simple, sweet caress. His gloved fingers stroked along the small of my back. They were slightly wet and chilly from the snow, but I didn't flinch when they touched the bare skin beneath my sweater. Instead I moaned against his mouth as his tongue delved between my lips and pressed myself against him, sliding my covered hands over his back under his coat.

His kisses left me breathless and warm, practically melting despite the fact that my toes were frozen and the wind was brisk.

"Now this is a new one I could really get into," he said with a playful smirk. "Celebratory make-out session after picking the perfect tree. We're definitely doing this again next year."

"Next year?" I asked, feeling a warm glow of happiness spreading through my body. "I _really_ like the sound of that."

**x-x-x**

On the afternoon of Christmas Eve, I stood in the bathroom struggling with the zipper on my dress.

"You almost ready, love?" Edward called out from the bedroom. "Mom just called and said they're heading over now."

I groaned when I felt the zipper catch—again—and gave up the fight. Stepping over to the doorway, I saw Edward sitting on the side of the bed tying his shiny dress shoes.

"Could you…" I trailed off, motioning to the zipper at my back.

He looked up at me and grinned, gesturing me over to stand in front of him. His fingers gently removed the snag, then effortlessly slid the zipper into place before turning me softly to face him.

His face was level with my throat as he sat on the bed and I stood between his legs. He smiled when he saw what I wore over my heart, a glittering replica of the swan on my hip that he'd had made for me and fastened around my neck only that morning. He touched it gently with a flick of his index finger before trailing his touch over the neckline of my dress.

"You look beautiful," he murmured, laying his hands on my hips and running his eyes over my body in a way that made me want to skip the mass entirely.

"You're not so bad yourself," I said, reaching out to straighten the knot in his already-perfect tie. I tugged on the column of silk, urging his face up to mine while I dipped my head down to meet his until our lips caressed softly.

What started as sweet turned swiftly passionate. My hands drifted to toy with his buttons and his tightened on my hips. I slid my tongue across his lips before slowly slipping inside and finding his. My body pressed forward and his fell back against the mattress while my feet lifted from the floor to cross at the ankles.

His fingers roamed, bunching at the skirt of my dress and moving lower until they could touch the smooth, bare skin of my legs.

I broke my lips from his to nibble at his ear while my hips rolled against him. He gasped and tightened his hands on my body, suddenly halting my movements.

"Bella," he protested as he tried to move his head out of reach from my eager mouth. "We can't. We're gonna be late for mass."

"Would that be such a terrible thing?" I asked, still straining against his hold and attempting to draw him back in with feathery kisses.

"We have to go," he complained, though his hands were encouraging. "Everyone's going to be there."

"Everyone I want is right here," I contested. I slipped my hand from beneath his body to brush over his erection.

"Oh, God," he groaned, his eyes squeezed tight as he involuntarily bucked against my palm.

"See?" I murmured, taking full advantage of the fact that he was no longer fighting me off by rubbing against him and taking his cock in my hand through the thin material of his slacks. "Right here is so much better than church."

He grunted and pulled himself away from my touch, breathing heavily.

"Be that as it may, we still have to go," he said, scooting over a few more inches to put some distance between us. "And now thanks to you I'll probably have to reserve a confessional booth for an entire week."

"Why's that?" I giggled.

"Because you can bet your sexy ass that I'm gonna spend the entire service fantasizing about getting you naked as soon as humanly possible," he explained with a playful glare.

"Well we can't have that, now can we?" I asked sweetly, sliding over to him and reaching for his zipper.

"Swan," he warned, though it was ridiculously half-hearted in its complaint.

"I'm just trying to help, Edward," I insisted, straddling his legs, then slowly maneuvering myself down his body until my face hovered just above his belt buckle.

I lifted my eyes to his, coyly batting my lashes while my fingertips reached inside his pants and lightly stroked him through the cotton of his briefs.

"What's worse on the sin scale, being a few minutes late or thinking lascivious thoughts?" I asked flirtatiously.

He hooked his hands beneath my arms and pulled me back up his body, sprawling me on top of him before he crushed his mouth to mine.

"Fuck, I don't even care," he murmured between hard and fast kisses. "Besides, heaven can't be better than you."

We managed to still make it to the church on time, finding our seats in the pew with his family just as the bells chimed.

The service was beautiful, even if parts of it were a little boring. When I found my attention start to drift, I could always amuse myself by watching Edward. How enraptured he was in the sermon, how he sang along with every song. It was such a different side of him. Every once in awhile, he'd catch me looking and shoot me a wink and a mischievous smirk, and I realized it wasn't so very different at all. Just something new.

Dinner at the Cullen's was a fanfare. I thought they'd made a big deal out of Thanksgiving, but that had nothing on this. There was food everywhere—Chex Mix, cookies, fruitcake (that apparently only Carlisle actually ate)—you name it. Alice served up Eggnog for a toast while Esme busily tended to the kitchen, refusing any help.

At the dinner table, Carlisle eagerly dove into his portion of Lutefisk and unsuccessfully tried to urge the rest of us to have some. I'd gotten close enough in the kitchen to catch a whiff and there was no way I was going anywhere near that thing. The rest of the selections were not only edible, but delicious, and I ate well more than my fair share, wanting to taste it all.

After the meal, we left the dishes in the sink and all gathered in the living room to exchange gifts and simply be together.

And as the pile of colored packages beneath the tree dwindled, Esme pulled me aside, handing me a small, brightly wrapped box. Inside, laying on a pillow of ivory satin, was a beautiful silver chain link bracelet, already half filled with colorful charms.

"Esme," I murmured, looking up from the box to see her smiling back at me.

"We all have one," she explained, holding up her wrist and showing off a matching chain with different charms. "Alice has had hers since she was a baby and we got one for Rose two Christmases ago."

"This is beautiful," I whispered. I gently lifted the chain from the cushioned lining and held it up to more closely inspect the small, dangling objects. There was a 'B' encrusted with light blue gems, a tiny figure skate and the five linked circles of the Olympic rings. There was a book, an oven mitt, and a little replica of the Wild logo for Edward. Beside that one there was a fish, what looked like a trout actually and my brow crinkled in confusion. I held it out to her, asking what it was for.

"For Charlie," she said with a smile. "Figured you'd want him represented."

I grinned, thankful she would have remembered to include it. Charlie and I were still getting to know each other, but things had been good since he'd showed up in Lake Placid. We talked a lot more and with less discomfort.

When we'd spoken earlier that afternoon to exchange 'Merry Christmas''s, he'd even opened up and told me that he was spending the day with a woman he'd started seeing. Apparently she was the widow of one of his good friends and they'd known each other forever, but only recently had they discovered that there was something more to it. I was truly happy for him, and didn't even stutter over telling him just how much, nor did I stumble over telling him that I loved him before getting off the phone.

Shifting the bracelet, I saw one more charm that made my breath catch.

The Cullen family crest.

Esme's fingers joined mine on the bracelet, holding up the tiny charm for both of us to see.

"You're family, Bella. Not just because you're with Edward, but because you're you. You're one of us now." She took the bracelet from my shaky fingers and fastened the clasp around my wrist. Patting the chain, she looked up at me with a loving smile. "You always will be."

Once the wrapping paper was disposed of, and the dishes had all cleaned, we curled up around the fireplace and listened to Carlisle as he read aloud.

I could see why Edward enjoyed this one so much. It was simply a quiet moment surrounded by warmth and family. Even Emmett was quiet, with a sweet, soft look on his face as he sat beside Rose and held her hand. Carlisle's voice was steady and soothing. Timeless. Curled up on the floor beside Edward, I could so easily picture this same scene and what have looked like every year. Always the same, yet always changing.

Edward toyed with my bracelet as we snuggled together on the floor, and while Carlisle spoke of magical Christmas nights, I knew there could be none more so than this.

Except for maybe next year.

**x-x-x**

**A/N:**

**I need to start this epic AN with a couple recs. I have fallen truly, madly, deeply for three stories over the last couple weeks and EVERYONE needs to be reading them!**

**Ladder to the Sun by Rosybud: I can't say enough about this one. I've been fangirling over it so much. I haven't been as obsessed with a fic like I am with this one in a very long time.**

**Coming Through the Rye by Mac214: I hope most of you are reading about super sexy Ryeward and his bobay…but if not, you must. You will love him.**

**I Just Needed You by the loverly Nerac aka my Betalove! Short story and she's posting a chapter every day. You must check it out!**

**Here's your recap:**

**Coming home from Skate America & sharing some news. A little sleepy eavesdropping.**

**Home improvements and making it work.**

**One final Girls Night at the ol' Swan place.**

**The first Thanksgiving…with the Cullens.**

**Skating to her lullaby, a bargain with Marcus, and finally landing her Axel. (fistpump)**

**Moving Day! One last dance, filling the trophy case and finding a little hidden treasure.**

**The Pillow Fight. **

**Thinking (and talking) about the future and the first snow of the season.**

**Picking out the perfect tree.**

**Christmas Eve and pre-mass distractions.**

**A very Merry Christmas.**

**Phew…that's a hell of a lot to happen in one chapter, right? Yipes.**

**I've gotten a few questions about the FGB outtakes and if they will be available on my profile at some point. The answer is…maybe. I'll have to put it to the team that generously contributed for them for their permission. I'm not ruling it out. The outtakes are not written yet. If you're on the team, an e-mail will be coming your way with a status update as well as the selections for your outtakes based on the poll from my profile. If you haven't voted yet, now's your chance! I'll leave the poll open until the next update.**

**Polyvore on the profile as well as a video of Bella's Lullaby skate (not her exact program but it gives you an idea).**

**Reviews get teased, so leave me some love and I'll send some back when I've got it ready!**

**Ok…you can go now. ;)**


	21. Chapter 21: Batten Down the Hatches

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait! And yes…it's shorter this time! A/N at the bottom.**

**Big thanks to Caren and FanpireMama who always open my mind up to new possibilities. I couldn't have written this sucker without them!**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I own the story and a MN Wild T-shirt with the name Cullen on the back!**

**Copyright 2010: BellaMarie117**

**x-x-x**

For most people, the days following Christmas are all about relaxation and recuperation from the busy holiday season. Not quite the case for me, or Edward for that matter. The day after Christmas, he took off on another short road trip, and I went back to the rink to jump into my final preparations for Nationals.

Before I knew it, December thirty-first and the dawning of a new year was upon us. The Wild had a home game that night, so we all went to the X to cheer them on. Instead of our typical post-game celebration at the pub, Rose, Emmett, Alice and Jasper got all dolled up to hit the town and ring in two thousand and ten. While Edward and I barricaded ourselves on the couch at home, sipping champagne out of plastic cups and snuggling on the couch to watch Dick Clark give the countdown.

It was the first time I'd ever shared a kiss with someone at midnight, and Edward more than made up for the lack of them in my past.

Later on that week, he had me bundle up against the cold and we drove out to the little hidden hillside by the airport where I'd surprised him a few months prior. I was slightly confused at first about why he'd want to take me there in the middle of January in the sub-zero temperatures. But then he reminded me that it was exactly one year earlier that we'd bumped into each other for the first time at the airport. At his reminder, I forgot about the cold completely, only filled with warmth from the memory and how far we'd come together since that first day.

It was amazing to think that it had only been a single year since I'd moved to Minnesota and really started living—truly living—rather than just existing. A year ago I didn't know Edward or Alice or Esme, or any of the people that had come to mean everything to me. I'd barely known myself. A year ago, I'd cowered under my mother and given in to her every demand, save for moving back here. I couldn't even imagine going back to that life now.

With my departure for Nationals coming up in only a few short days, it was hard not to think about the certainty of running into my past again. In the close quarters of competition, Phil, Lauren, and Renee would be unavoidable. Lauren, I could handle. She was immature and annoying to be sure, but it'd be easy enough to tune her out with everything else going on.

Phil and Renee were a completely different story. Just the thought of running into Phil again gave me uneasy tingles. And Renee? I really had no idea what to expect from her. We hadn't actually spoken since I'd fired her. I'd done a pretty decent job of pushing any thoughts of her to the backburner in the months since Lauren's article was published, but it would be different to actually come face to face with her once again. I could only hope that the support I'd have with me, along with my newly forged confidence, would be enough to hold me up and carry me through whatever transpired.

The Friday before Nationals, I awoke with a chill. Though I was still covered in blankets, I was missing the warmth of Edward's body and how he habitually wrapped himself around me. I rolled over on the mattress, still mostly asleep. My hands searched for him, just wanting to find where he went so I could tuck myself back in beside him and slip right back into unconsciousness. But he was nowhere to be found and the sheets on his side of the bed were cool.

Confused, I blinked open my eyes and glanced around the room, trying to figure out where he would have gone. The bedroom door was slightly open when we typically kept it closed at night, so I guessed he'd gone downstairs, maybe just to grab some water.

When the glowing green numbers of the alarm clock ticked off five minutes and he still wasn't back, I decided to go looking for him. It's not like I was going to fall back to sleep until I figured out where he was.

Shivering in the brisk air outside the blankets, I wrapped myself in a sweatshirt and threw on some fuzzy socks to spare my toes from the cool hardwood floors. My steps were quiet as I padded down the stairs, though sneaking was unnecessary with only two of us in the house. The rooms were dark at the late hour of the night, but the soft light of the moon shone through the front-facing windows. Peeking through the open frame that led to the living room, I spotted Edward sitting in the window seat. His head instantly turned toward me when I entered the room and a small smile curved his lips.

"Hey," he murmured.

"Hey," I responded, crossing over to where he sat. The little alcove was a bit drafty with the frosted windows providing no insulation, yet he sat there pressed up against them in sweatpants and nothing more than a thin white t-shirt. His hair was a mess, even more so than usual—either from his restless fingers, or just a severe case of bed head.

"Did I wake you?" he asked. I shrugged, because in a way, he _had_ with his absence. His lips quirked in a bit of a sheepish wince as he opened his arms to me. "Sorry," he whispered and kissed the top of my head as I laid it on his chest.

"S'okay," I said, trying to muffle a yawn into his shirt as I snuggled against him. My knees curled up and slightly tucked beneath the oversized sweatshirt I'd tossed on. We sat in silence for a few minutes while he stroked my hair and I tried to shake the fog from my brain.

"What are you doing down here?" I asked.

"I don't know," he sighed. "I see you sitting here all the time when you just need to think. Figured I'd give it a try."

"What are you thinking about?"

He shrugged, and then squeezed me a little tighter. Something was definitely up. I pulled back just enough so he could see my face in the soft light shining through the window, lifting my brow in a way that told him I wasn't going to let it go at that.

"Just next weekend," he relented. "Your competition and everything."

"What about it?"

He hesitated for a moment, pursing his lips like he was trying to think of what to say or maybe just how to say it. I tried to be patient, because Lord knows he always was with me, but it wasn't easy when the strain was so obvious in his eyes..

"I'm just," he started and stopped again, pausing for another moment. "I don't know, worried, I guess. Kind of," he mumbled quietly. He rolled his eyes, scrubbing his hands over his face and cursing softly as he removed them to bring his gaze back to my face. "Fuck. I'm nervous, okay?"

"You're nervous?" I asked, genuinely surprised because the thought hadn't really crossed my mind that he'd be anxious too. "About what, me skating?"

"No, well, yeah," he backtracked quickly. "Only because I know how hard it can be for you, but that's not…it."

He trailed off again and didn't seem too eager to continue. I wasn't quite as patient as he was, so where he may have given me more time to pull my thoughts together and let him in, I couldn't find it in me to wait. I needed to know what was keeping him awake and putting a hint of unhappiness in his eyes; especially if it was because of me.

I leaned forward and framed his face with my hands, soothing the skin at his temples with the pads of my thumbs. "Just say it, Edward. I can't help if you don't talk to me."

He breathed out a tiny laugh that cleared a little of the sadness from his eyes.

"That's usually my line," he smirked and brought his hands up to cup my wrists.

"Yeah, well turnabout's fairplay," I grinned at him and pecked a kiss to the tip of his nose. "Now out with it."

He breathed heavily, the tension draining from his shoulders. His fingers gently squeezed my wrists as his eyes searched mine for a moment.

"I'm nervous about Phil and Renee," he said. "About the fact that it's almost certain that you'll run into them, and about the fact that I probably won't be there when you do." His hands remained attached to mine, though his eyes shifted away, his voice dipping to such a quiet, husky whisper that I could barely hear his words, even in the silence of the room. "I hate the idea of you being around them when I can't be there with you."

"Hey," I murmured quietly, stroking his cheeks and urging his eyes back up to mine. "Everything's going to be fine."

"How do you know that?"

"Because there just isn't really an opportunity for anything to happen. I'm never alone back there, Edward. Esme and Marcus will be by my side the entire time, the place it swarming with security and officials, not to mention other skaters and their entourages. Nothing's going to happen to me."

"Still," he sighed and dropped his hands from mine to lean back against the wall. "I hate that I can't be with you to make sure."

His lips were turned down in the most adorable pout. Mixed with his bedhead and tired eyes, I had to smile and shake my head a little at the sight. I really wished he wouldn't worry so much, mostly because I hated to see him suffer even in the smallest degree. But seeing him like this, I couldn't help but feel loved.

"My knight in shining armor," I murmured and softly brushed at a few strands of hair that fell over his brow. "You really must stop with this, you'll make me swoon."

His lips quirked up in a smile, as I'd hoped they would. "Don't make fun."

I giggled and scooted forward to lie back down on his chest, his knees bent on either side of my body. "I'm sorry. You're just so cute when you're broody and overprotective."

"I can't help it." His hand stroked over my back beneath my hair. His fingers came to graze at my neck, gently rubbing at the base of my head. "It's my job to protect you. Can you blame me for taking it seriously when you're the most precious thing in my entire life?"

Leave it to Edward to make broody and overprotective impossibly romantic and even sexy. The modern woman in me wanted to slap him down for it, but I couldn't. Not when he said things like that.

"No," I said while tracing my fingers over his side. "But you _can_ trust me to do my job and take care of myself, even when you're not around."

"I do trust you. Doesn't mean I'm not going to feel uneasy watching you walk away where I can't get to you if you need me."

"You're really making too much of this," I insisted lightly, lifting myself from his chest to shake my head and try to convince him he had nothing to worry about.

"Maybe," he relented with a sigh. "But aren't you nervous at all?"

"Yeah, I'm nervous about running into them," I admitted, leaning back and placing my hands on the bench behind me to support myself. "Mostly because I have no idea what to expect. Will she talk to me? Will she ignore me completely? Which would be worse? I hate that I have no idea how her mind works. A normal mother would probably be sorry, right? That they've basically cast aside their own child. Even if she's still angry over what happened, you'd think after some time passed she'd start to regret her actions. But maybe she doesn't. Maybe she never will. But that's up to her. I've already made my peace with what happened and moved on. I don't need her approval or anything else, not when I have a family that gives it to me freely.

"Not when I have you," I whispered passionately, leaning forward until my face was close to his and he had no choice but to see how genuinely I meant it. My fingers grazed against the stubble that spattered his jaw. "You give me everything I could ever need and so much more."

He smiled softly and pressed his lips to mine, then whispered back, "It's easy to give when I get so much in return."

"I'm glad you feel that way." I kissed him again and settled back onto his chest.

We lay there for a few minutes, somewhat contently, though it was clear the issue hadn't disappeared entirely.

"So the skating stuff," he said after a minute. "Are you nervous about that?"

"I'm always nervous going into a competition," I answered honestly. "But that's not necessarily a bad thing. It keeps me on my toes and won't allow me to get complacent. But I have one competition under my belt with these programs, so that helps shake off some of the uncertainty. It helps that you'll all be there with me the entire time. It's so easy to get swept up in everything, but I trust that none of you will let me."

"I think we can handle that," he said, his voice low and mischievous as his fingers lowered to trail teasingly over my bare thigh. "I seem to recall a few successful methods of distraction from last time around."

I giggled and swatted his hand away, sitting up in the process. Looking down at him, I knew I needed to be as honest as I could, to prepare him for what those few days would be like. I didn't want to get there and have him caught off guard by just how big a circus it really was.

"It'll be bigger this time—more skaters, more fans, and a_ lot_ more media. Grand Prix events like Skate America, they have all that stuff, but it's not even close to what this'll be like. Nationals are high profile, especially in an Olympic season. It's a really fun event, but there's gonna be a lot going on. I'm sorry if I don't get to see you much or if I'm not always one-hundred-percent there when I do."

"Hey, don't you worry about me, or any of us for that matter. You just do what you need to do."

"That seems so selfish," I sighed, flopping back against the far side of the bench.

"No it's not," he argued easily, stretching forward to lie out beside me, his face resting close to mine. "Am I being selfish when I want you there at my games? Or when you're dropping me off and picking me up from the airport all the time? Or when you have to sleep alone because I'm off on road trips for half the season?"

"Well, now that you mention it, it is a major hardship to sit in those stands and watch you play," I said in a teasing voice, twisting on the bench so I could press up against him and trail my fingers over his chest.

"Oh yeah?"

"Mmhmm, it's very difficult when all I want to do is jump the boards and strip you of your hockey pads. Maybe do a little one-on-one with some high sticking," I said with a suggestive wiggle of my eyebrows.

"Mmm, I love it when you talk dirty about hockey," he groaned and captured my lips in a playful embrace.

We lay together on the bench after that, each caught up in our own thoughts, though neither of us looked away from the other's eyes. I thought about what he'd said about it being a bit of a tradeoff—how I supported him by being there when he needed me and he was simply doing the same.

In a way it was the same thing here. I shouldn't have been surprised that he was nervous for me, worried about me, when I always had those same feelings seeing him off for a road trip, or even just sitting in the stands and watching him play. Granted, it was probably to a slightly smaller degree, but I still felt it, though I'd never told him before.

"It is hard for me sometimes to watch your games," I confessed. "I know you can take care of yourself, but it's not easy to see you take a hit from time to time, to worry that any second you could get hurt. So I get where you're coming from. I guess that's just what comes along with loving someone so much."

"Guess so," he agreed. "Love's not all puffy hearts and fuzzy romance."

"No, but it's a whole lot better than I ever imagined it would be," I said. "I wouldn't trade it for anything, even when it's hard."

He opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it again, breaking off into an incredulous laugh.

"God, you make me so cheesy sometimes, Bella." He shook his head a bit, either at the situation or himself.

"You like it," I teased, poking him in the ribs. "Don't even try to deny it."

"Maybe," he conceded, bringing his hands up to play with a wayward strand of hair by my face. "I never thought I'd find someone I could be cheesy with."

"I'm glad it turned out to be me," I whispered.

"It couldn't have been anyone else. It's always been you, Bella. You don't know how long I've waited for you."

My heart simply melted as I leaned in and kissed him again, because really, what other response is there to something like that? Through my kiss, I tried to communicate that I felt the exact same way for him. Like Alice had so brilliantly stated, my heart always knew it was him.

I shifted in his arms as his tongue swept across mine and deepened the kiss. Unfortunately the small space paired with my coordination wasn't a great mix and I banged my knee against the window frame.

"Alright, Romeo," I groaned and slapped him lightly on the back, moving to unfold myself from the ledge. "Let's get you up to bed before you start quoting sonnets at me."

"Not yet," he said, squeezing his arms a little tighter around me to keep me in place. "Can we just— Is it alright if we just lay here for a little while longer?"

He seemed more relaxed than he'd been when I found him, but I'd still been able to detect a hint of worry lingering in his eyes. His reluctance to leave this little space only confirmed that he still wasn't one-hundred-percent convinced.

Though it was clear that I wouldn't be able to erase his concerns entirely with my reassurances, I hoped that I could at least comfort him with my actions.

"Sure," I whispered, keeping him close as I shimmied down the bench to lay as flat as I could manage in the confined area. My legs intertwined with Edward's and our bodies overlapped in a way that wasn't entirely comfortable.

I reached into the built in drawer beneath the seat, tugging out a blanket and draping it over the two of us. One of the throw pillows from the couch lay on the floor nearby and Edward reached for it, handing it to me to tuck behind my head as he rested his head against my chest. His cheek nuzzled into the slight valley between my breasts, his hand splayed out over my ribcage with the tips of his fingers just barely grazing the curve of my chest. The position wasn't sexual, merely intimate, and despite the chill from the window and the slightly cramped quarters, I found myself unwilling to move an inch.

"It really is a good spot," he said sleepily. "I can see why you like it so much."

"Yeah well, I usually don't have a pair of boobs to use for pillows," I teased. I ran my fingers through his hair, lightly scratching his scalp in an effort to lull him to sleep.

"That's a shame, Swan," he said, burrowing his face a little deeper into them. I could hear the smirk in his voice. "It really is the best part."

I giggled softly and shook my head. He was such a guy, despite his cheesy, sentimental streak.

"Close your eyes, baby," I urged him in a gentle whisper, continuing with my ministrations against his head.

"You've never called me that before," he said, not moving from his spot.

"Oh, yeah, uh… totally emasculating?" I stammered. I was a little embarrassed that I hadn't even realized the term of endearment had escaped my lips.

"No, actually," he murmured, gently pressing with his fingers where they lay on my torso. "I kinda like it."

I turned my face just enough to press my lips to the top of his head and whispered against his skin, "Sleep, Edward. I love you."

"Love you," he murmured back, his voice already heavy and slurred with sleep.

Though I was tired, I couldn't fall asleep, not until I knew he would rest peacefully through the night. I couldn't imagine how many times he'd done the same for me—comforted me, watched out for me. I was glad I'd been able to return the gesture tonight when the tables were turned and he was the one in need of comfort, even if I hadn't been able to erase the burden entirely.

Edward groaned a bit incoherently and shifted restlessly against me. Whether he was asleep or not, I couldn't really tell, and I wasn't willing disturb him if he was in fact asleep by moving to check. I thought of how many times he'd soothed me into slumber with the velvety sound of his voice, either singing or just humming. Though my singing voice left a little to be desired, I wondered if it would have the same effect on him that his so often had on me.

So I sang the first song that came to mind, coincidently the same song he ever hummed to soothe me to sleep, Snow Patrol's _Chasing Cars_. I sang soft and tentatively at first, slightly uncomfortable with the sound of my voice in the silence, then smoother and with a little more confidence when I felt him relax and his breathing grew slow and heavy against me.

After I got through the song once, I started again at the beginning, simply humming through the melody this time. I was nearly certain he was asleep by now, but I continued on just in case. After the second time through, I paused for a moment. Just before I could start in again, I felt Edward shift just slightly against me as he murmured incoherently, clearly mumbling in his sleep. Though I couldn't make out much of anything, I did hear my name fall from his lips, closely followed by a slurred 'love you.'

I smiled and nuzzled my cheek against the top of his head, ridiculously charmed by the sleepy man sprawled on top of me. Once he'd settled again and his breathing shifted into a soft snore, I finally allowed my eyes to flutter closed and joined him in sleep.

**x-x-x**

Edward flew out to Dallas with the guys the next morning. After he left, I immersed myself entirely in skating, taking advantage of the final few days on home ice before heading across the country to Washington.

Despite my nerves, I was anxious to get going, to see if the work I'd put in over the past weeks since Skate America had made a difference. This had always been the worst part for me, just waiting on the brink. There wasn't a whole lot I could do that would help me prepare any more than I already had. Instead, these days were simply about repetition and keeping up with my stretching in order to maintain the muscle memory my body had acquired for my two routines.

I felt much more confident with my skating this time around, but every competition was such a gamble. You could go in having nailed your routines perfectly all the way up through the warm up, and then blow it with one stupid misstep. There's a reason that all skaters will be quick to tell you that ice is slippery.

After I landed that first triple Axel, I'd grown much more consistent in nailing the jump in practice, but not quite to the extent where I wanted to bring it out to use for competition. I knew I had a good chance of making it to the top, even without incorporating the move. I'll admit that a part of me wanted to throw it in, just for the opportunity to spite Renee and rub it in her face a little that I'd finally got it, but that was the petty part of me.

I still trained the jump every day and was holding on to the hope that I could use it. Of course the pessimistic side of me was worried that I wouldn't get the chance. That Nationals would be the end of the line for me. But, I tried not to dwell on those thoughts too much. No need to psych myself out entirely.

It helped to know that I'd have so much support in Spokane. All the Cullens and the Hales would be there in addition to my father. Carlisle, Esme, Rose, Alice and Marcus would all fly out with me on Tuesday morning, while the guys would be flying in separately from the final destination on their road trip. Charlie was planning to drive in that afternoon from Forks.

Alice worked whatever organizational magic it was that she possessed and managed to book first class seats on a flight that would land those of us coming from Minnesota in Spokane within an hour of the guys' arrival. I think she knew how edgy Edward was about this whole situation, even after our talk the night before he left. It was sweet of her to try and ease his mind, even just a little.

I'll admit, it eased _my_ mind to know he'd be there waiting for me when I stepped off the plane. The media was sure to be waiting at the doors, in bigger numbers than had greeted me in Colorado Springs for Champs Camp. Knowing he'd be there to walk through it by my side made it a little less daunting.

Our plane ride was uneventful, filled with Rose and Alice's excited chatter over the upcoming weekend—who they were excited to see, what everyone's costumes would look like, if they'd be able to sit in on a practice session, the ritzy hotel we'd all be staying in along with the other competitors and their teams. It helped to take my mind off things a little, though every time there was a lull in the conversation, I ended up fretting about if I'd forgotten anything.

Before long, the landing gears were down and we were making our way through the drafty tunnel leading into the terminal.

As soon as I stepped through the door to the gate, I saw Edward's face searching the crowd of people streaming through the door. It only took him an instant to spot me and when he did, his face broke out into a grin as he jogged over to swoop me up into his arms in an enthusiastic hug. He rained kisses over my face and told me he'd missed me before catching my lips in a lingering, dizzying kiss that might have made me embarrassed, if my brain hadn't simply melted from his touch.

Somewhere through my daze, I heard Emmett make some sarcastic joke that I missed entirely but had the others laughing and catcalling. I managed to detach myself and buried my blushing face in the crook of Edward's neck as he squeezed me tight and playfully ribbed his brother back over his teasing.

"Aw, Jazz why don't you say hello to me like that to me anymore?" I heard Alice whine from beside me, my face still burrowed in Edward's neck. I turned to the side to see Jasper smiling sheepishly at his wife.

"Sorry, darlin'." He grinned before hefting her up in a similar fashion and laying a big kiss on her laughing lips.

Rose nudged Emmett and gave him a pointed look. "Oh c'mon, Rosie, now it'd just look stupid if I did it."

She rolled her eyes and lightly socked him in the gut.

"Come on you hopeless romantic, let's go get our bags," she groaned, hooking her arm through his and trying to tug him away.

Emmett grabbed her by the waist and hoisted her up without warning. Rose squealed a bit and wrapped her legs around his waist, playfully slapping at his chest and berating him as he laughed boisterously and stopped her complaints with an enthusiastic kiss that was just slightly inappropriate, just the way they seemed to prefer it.

"Did you need me to sweep you off your feet, my dear? Wouldn't want to hear any complaints that the boys are showin' up their old man," Carlisle said with his arms wrapped around Esme's waist from behind.

Esme laughed and shook her head, patting Carlisle's arm and moving out of his hold to pluck up her carry on and suggest that we get moving to baggage claim.

Edward finally loosened his arms around me, though he kept me tucked close to his side, hitching my carryon bag along with his over his shoulder. We kept up with the others but lingered back a little while we asked about each other's respective flights and caught up a little more over our time apart.

We traveled as a pack through the terminal, first scooping up the guys' luggage and then waiting for ours to make its way to the trolley. As soon as I had my suitcase in hand, I laid it out on the ground and unzipped the top to take a quick inventory. I got a little paranoid about sending my skates through that dark little flap in the wall upon checking in for a flight, and never really felt better until I could see for myself that they'd arrived in one piece.

Once I saw that everything was in its rightful order, I breathed a small sigh of relief.

"Everything okay?" Edward asked, giving me a playful nudge and a grin as he knelt beside me.

"Yeah," I said with a sheepish smile. "Just don't like putting my babies in the hands of random airport personnel, ya know?"

He chuckled and ruffled my hair then went to go help his father pluck the rest of the suitcases off the carousel.

Alice stepped over, setting her suitcase down heavily beside the growing pile next to me.

"Oh, Bella, you brought your ruby skates!" Alice clapped excitedly when she saw them nestled into their slot in my skate bag.

"Oh, yeah, uh, good luck charm I guess. I can't actually wear them for competition, but I figured I'd bring them," I stammered, not wanting to give away the fact that I was actually planning to wear them if I ended up placing in the top four and got to skate an exhibition number on Sunday evening.

"That sucks that you can't wear them. They'd go perfect with your red costume for your short skate."

"That'd be a bit much, don't you think?" I asked, flopping the top back down and zipping it back into place.

"Babe, I hate to break it to you, but I don't know that there's such a thing as 'too much' when it comes to figure skating," Rose offered.

"You know what? I have a friend who would totally agree with you," I said, thinking of Eric. "I'll leave ostentatious and over-the-top to skaters like him who can pull it off."

Nationals was stretched out over a full two weekends and the week between in order to give all the representatives for Team USA an equal amount of downtime before their Olympic performances. The men already had their part of the competition the previous weekend. Ladies always skated last, so we didn't compete until Thursday with our short programs, and then Saturday for the long. Eric would still be around however, since he'd won the men's title. The top four finishers for each category would perform on Sunday for the exhibition show. I was looking forward to seeing him again, especially because Eric never went halfway for Exhibition. He always stretched the lines of 'too much.'

It took us a good half hour to gather the rest of our bags and make our way to the curb. As anticipated, the press was stalking the outside entrance, so Marcus, Esme and Carlisle stepped out ahead to wrangle cabs.

Once they texted us, Edward tucked me under his arm with Emmett and Rose walking in front to clear a path while Alice and Jasper followed, forming a very effective shield against the flashing cameras and shouted questions. I could tell it bothered Edward to see and hear so many people shoving and yelling, trying to get close to me, but he seemed to relax a little when I squeezed his waist and smiled up at him to let him know I was okay.

With so many of us and all of our bags, we had to take three separate cabs to the hotel. Alice jumped in with Edward and me and spent the entire ride keeping us entertained with her commentary. By the time we got to the hotel, she had Edward smiling and laughing again, much more relaxed than he'd been since we'd stepped out of the airport.

When we finally got to The Davenport, the official hotel for the event, Alice's jaw practically dropped to the floor.

"We're staying here?" she asked with wide eyes as she stepped out of the cab.

"Yup. Home sweet home for the next five days," I said, wrapping my arm around her waist and joining her in gawking at the hotel.

"Oh my gosh, this place looks amazing!" she exclaimed. She squealed a little and launched into a bubbly chatter over how cool it would be to plan a wedding at someplace like this as she hurried around the back of the cab to grab her bags so we could head inside.

It really was something to behold—ornate and lavish, completely over the top. I'd have been happy getting a room somewhere a little less auspicious, but thought that the gang would get a kick out of hanging out at the headquarters for the event, seeing all the other skaters milling around as well as the few famous faces that were sure to show up. Not that any of them really cared about that sort of thing, but it did make for some good entertainment.

I'd never stayed at the official hotels before. Renee would always get us a room at a hotel somewhat off the map, though still of the highest class to satisfy her own need for indulgence. I wasn't sure if it was a mistake to bunk down with the rest of the skaters at the central headquarters, but I was kind of excited to be a little more involved in the atmosphere, especially with the rest of the gang close by to keep me grounded.

Esme, Carlisle and Marcus went to the front desk to get us all checked in while the rest of us hung out with the bags, chatting and looking around the opulent lobby. The marble floors, the high, embellished ceilings, decadent floral arrangements, cushy armchairs and couches, and a large bubbling fountain were a sure sign that this place certainly was not your average Holiday Inn.

As we waited, Jasper perched on the arm of a couch with Alice on his knee; Rose sprawled out in an over-stuffed armchair and Emmett leaned on the back of it. I spotted a few familiar faces wandering the lobby—either checking in, or just passing through. Though I'd gotten a little friendly with a few skaters back at Champs Camp, it was such a different environment now. There'd be no casual, friendly waves of hello or small talk in the halls. It was all business here, and _everyone_ was competition.

All the more reason to be thankful I had such a solid support group in my corner. Part of me couldn't believe that they were all here, giving up so much of their time just so they could cheer me on. Not that I was surprised. Not being here wasn't even a possibility to them. They didn't see it as a sacrifice, like many others might have. I'd never met a more closely knit unit as the Cullens and due to some miracle, I was now accepted as one of them, too.

I was standing in the circle of Edward's arms, leaning casually against his chest as Emmett and Jasper shared a funny anecdote of their teammate's latest locker room shenanigans, when I saw one face that made me suck in a breath.

Sauntering through the towering arches that led from the elevators into the lobby was Lauren Mallory in all her orange skinned, bleached blond glory. She looked like a Lindsay Lohan wannabe in a slouchy sweater dress that was entirely too short, stiletto over the knee boots, and a sparkly fedora covering her stick straight hair. _What kind of person dresses like that in the middle of January? _Or in general for that matter.

Apparently the same kind of person who's spray tanned to the point that they looked like a carrot in a blonde wig.

I stiffened immediately, caught completely off guard at seeing her here. Sure, I'd known I'd see her in Spokane, but at the rink, not the hotel. Apparently things ran a bit differently with her new team because unless my eyes were failing, there she was, not more than fifty feet away.

Of course she noticed me before I could look away, and once her eyes were on me I couldn't bring myself to stop staring for fear that she'd take it as some sign of weakness. The mind games were already in full effect.

She smirked at me and lifted her brow, and I showed no emotion in return, not even the slightest flinch of my lips. Then her eyes shifted just the tiniest bit, and I knew instantly that she was looking at Edward. She drew her bottom lip between her teeth and even from half a room away, I could see the light in her eyes—desire, lust, challenge, whatever you choose to call it, it made me want to growl and grind my teeth. When she squinted her eyes and licked her lips, I actually had to bite my tongue to hold it back.

I knew if I showed how much her blatant appraisal of him bothered me, it would only make it worse, so I simply smiled. One that said I knew exactly what I had and that she didn't stand a chance, while snuggling a bit deeper into his arms.

Her eyes flared for an instant and her jaw set before she could catch herself. Sometimes it was so easy to see just how much she still had to learn. Still, she was a good actress and recovered quickly. Her lips quirked in a smirk and she wiggled her fingers at me in a condescending wave. She shot one last long and salacious look at Edward that ran from head to toe before she strolled away through one of the many doors leading out of the room. Only when she was out of my sight did I realize just how tense that little encounter had made me. I had to physically force my shoulders to relax as I blew out a relieved breath.

"What's wrong?" Edward asked, a soft murmur in my ear as his chin rested on my shoulder.

"Nothing," I said, shaking my head and trying to shake it off at the same time. "It's not a big deal."

"What's not a big deal?" he asked, glancing around, likely looking for the source of whatever had upset me.

"It's really nothing, I promise. I just wasn't expecting…" I drifted off, wanting to just forget the whole thing.

Of course, I should have known that wouldn't be enough to satisfy him, especially not with how protective he was lately.

He tugged lightly at my waist, stepping away from the group and keeping hold of my hand so I'd follow. He stopped when we reached the fountain and turned to face me again, reaching for my other hand until they were both linked between us.

"You're upset. Please tell me?" he requested, his eyes patient and pleading at the same time.

"I just saw Lauren," I said, hoping if I explained it quickly and casually, he'd believe that everything was fine. And really, everything was. Sure, she got under my skin, but I was prepared for much worse than an irritating smirk. "It's no big deal, I just wasn't expecting it. Renee never let us stay in the same hotel as everyone else, so I figured they wouldn't be here. Just caught me by surprise."

"Are you gonna be okay?" he asked, raising one of our joined hands to his cheek, rubbing my knuckles soothingly over his light stubble. "We can get a room somewhere else."

"No, that's silly," I said. "It's a big hotel, there are tons of people here, and we won't be here all that much anyways. Like I said, it was just unexpected, that's all."

"You're sure?" I nodded, giving him a warm smile to back up my reassurance.

He squeezed my hand. "If you change your mind, just say the word and we're outta here, okay?"

"Yeah." He smiled and leaned forward to rub my nose lightly in an Eskimo kiss, then pecked the tip of it before glancing over my shoulder.

"Well, if it cheers you up at all, I see a familiar face that might be a little more welcome," he said with a grin, gesturing with his chin. When I turned around, I saw Charlie standing with the group. He exchanged a friendly handshake with Carlisle, and then a hug with Esme before Alice pounced, nearly knocking him off his feet with her enthusiasm. She certainly caught him off guard based on the flabbergasted look on his face as he awkwardly patted her back.

"C'mon," I smiled and tugged Edward's hand in their direction. "We better save him before Alice gives him a heart attack."

The remainder of that first night was wonderful. After we got settled into our various rooms, and had some downtime to rest and do a little exploring, we all met back up together in the lobby to discuss dinner plans. Apparently Alice and Esme had thought ahead and rented out one of the smaller meeting rooms in the hotel for us to use. They ordered cheap, greasy pizza and had a big screen TV set up to put on funny movies in the background while we all hung out and played games. It was the perfect, low-key start to the weekend. Exactly what I needed, without even knowing it.

It was great to see Charlie mingling with the rest of the gang. Like in New York, he seemed to fit right into the mix—chatting on the side with Carlisle and nursing a beer, or getting swept up in Alice's enthusiasm when she asked him to be on her team for Catchphrase.

He seemed lighter and happier than I'd ever seen him. Though I admittedly hadn't seen him often, I could still tell the difference. Whether it was because of Sue, the woman he'd been seeing, being welcomed in by the Cullens and treated as a longtime friend, or what, I wasn't sure, but I really liked it. It was nice to see him so lighthearted, especially when I was so happy as well.

Though the competition was always at the back of my mind, I felt more relaxed going into it than I ever had before. Even despite the stress of factors outside the competition that were weighing on my mind.

Wednesday kept along those same lines. Official events weren't scheduled until the following day with short program practice in the morning, then the start of competition later that night. On Wednesday, however, I didn't have much to do other than a few interviews with the press here and there. It wasn't necessary to be present in Spokane quite yet, but I always wanted to show up a little early in order to give my body the extra time to adjust to any altitude changes.

Marcus found a skating rink on the outskirts of town where I could practice without the risk of running into other skaters or the media. The rest of the gang went out to check out the town with Charlie acting as a guide. They ended up meeting up with Marcus and me at the rink, and the guys even joined me out on the ice since they had their skates with them from their road trip.

Alice and Rose joined in the fun, slipping around in their street shoes, and after a while even the older folks ventured out onto the ice. For the rest of the afternoon, it wasn't about preparation; it was just about having fun and horsing around. Instead of lingering on any miniscule issues I ran into during my session, I ended up laughing so hard that my abs started to hurt, and walked away from the rink feeling great.

Afterwards, we went back to the hotel to get cleaned up before we all slipped into sweats and comfy clothes and sprawled out on the couches and floor of Carlisle and Esme's suite to munch on dinner, and watch one of the hotel room's On Demand movies. Edward and I called it an early night after making plans to meet up for breakfast early the next morning before my session at the arena.

We were back in our room by nine o'clock, just enough time for me to convince my very helpful boyfriend that I needed a distraction to take my mind off what was coming up the following day. He was more than willing to comply.

So often on the night before a competition, I was restless—nervous, stressed, and apprehensive. More often than not, my dreams were filled with anxious images of the worst-case scenario playing over and over again through my mind in full and clear Technicolor.

But that night, my dreams were filled with nothing but Edward and my mind was nothing but peaceful.

**x-x-x**

Checking in at the arena the next morning was a bit of a zoo. Security was strict, with multiple checkpoints to wade through. It was time consuming since they thoroughly searched each skater's bag and triple checked credentials, but I kept myself entertained by texting with Edward.

Esme and Marcus accompanied me to the backstage area while Edward, Rose and Alice went off in the other direction to camp out in the mostly empty bleachers and watch the practice session. The rest of the guys decided to duck out of the early festivities, figuring they'd all be in attendance when it really mattered. That was just fine with me. Practice sessions were always a bit unpredictable and I really didn't need a bunch of extra people there watching. Especially if it didn't go well.

I could understand Alice and Rose wanting to come watch, but it surprised me when Edward refused the men's offer to hang out with them for the day, opting instead to join the girls and observe my morning session. I'd encouraged him to go, because really, the practice session wasn't all that interesting; but he'd been pretty adamant about sticking close. I guess I couldn't really blame him.

The practice was optional, so I wasn't sure if Lauren and her team would show up, but I'd prepared myself for the probability that they would. The preparations I'd made inside my head made it so that it wasn't entirely jarring when I caught a glimpse of Phil and Renee upon check in, just marginally.

They looked the same, though I suppose that should have been a given. Just because I felt like so much had happened since the last time I'd seen either of them in person, didn't mean those changes would reflect upon them physically.

They were at the security station getting Lauren's bags checked, while we stood a few groups back. Phil glanced around, obviously impatient with how long the check in process was taking, and spotted me almost instantly. I'd hoped to remain below their radar for just a little bit longer, but no such luck. His lips spread into a slow and smarmy sneer, reminiscent of that first disconcerting look he'd given me when Renee introduced us at the hotel. The one that made me want to shield myself in heavy blankets.

He nodded his head at me in greeting, but I didn't return it or acknowledge him in any way. Instead, I opted to fiddle with the strap on my bag, and attempted to pretend that I wasn't aware he was there. From the corner of my eye, I noticed him nudge Renee and couldn't stop myself from looking up, just as she glanced my way.

Our eyes connected for an instant, though hers told me nothing. They were so familiar to me, but in so many ways were foreign at the same time. They were cold, hard, almost unfeeling. The look she gave me was both appraising and disinterested at the same time, as if she was simply sizing me up with nothing more than casual analysis. It lasted only a moment, and just like that, her head turned back, her focus shifted back to Lauren and Phil. The only sign that she was affected at all by my presence was that she harshly tugged on Phil's arm to turn his attention away from where I stood.

_So that's the way it's going to be_, I thought. I wished I could be as unaffected as she appeared to be, but I guess I'm just not heartless. The fact that she could look at me like that when she'd conceived, birthed, and raised me, made me physically ill. My hand came up to rub my churning stomach without me even realizing it.

"You alright, sweetheart? You're looking a little pale," Esme murmured. She softly brushed at the hair that fell over my forehead, laying her palm flat on my brow to check for herself.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I mumbled, catching myself clutching at my stomach and forcing my hands down to my sides. My head started to turn to look back at them, but I stopped myself just in time, bringing my gaze back to Esme. I tried to give her a reassuring smile, but it came out as more of a wince.

She must have noticed where my eyes wanted to wander, because she looked back over my shoulder. Judging by the scowl that immediately twisted her lips, she pretty easily figured out what was bothering me. She didn't look their way for more than a moment and when her eyes came back to mine, they were soft with compassion and understanding.

"Don't you pay them any mind," she said softly, sliding her arm supportively around my waist. "I know it's hard, sweetie, but they can only affect you if you let them."

I nodded and gave her a small smile that grew a little more genuine when she squeezed me close and kissed the side of my forehead.

It was a little easier to breathe when security finished with Lauren's things and sent them on their way through the doors. Backstage was usually pretty crammed, so it wouldn't be the last I'd see of them. For the remaining time we spent waiting to get through the checkpoint, I concentrated on getting my focus together, building up a bit of that tough skin that would get me through this.

I texted Edward to let him know I'd seen them and everything was fine. There's no way he'd miss the fact that they were there once we all got out on the ice and I didn't want him caught off guard. He texted me back quickly, clearly trying to check and make sure I was telling him the truth about being okay. Rather than getting in a back-and-forth text exchange, I called him instead and let him know through the sound of my voice that everything was fine and told him that I'd be out on the ice after I stretched for a bit.

When his response was suggestive and playful, rather than worried, I considered my job well done.

Esme and Marcus took my bags to go grab a spot along the boards with the other coaching teams, while I took a brisk jog around the halls to get my heart rate going. I staked out a somewhat solitary spot and got through my stretches without a disturbance before heading through the curtain to find Marcus and lace up my skates.

The ice was dotted with other skaters, though some were still backstage working through their warm-up routines. Practice was casual—at least as casual as you can get with twenty-three ultra-competitive females. We were assigned to three separate groups of seven or eight skaters, with an hour each on the ice.

We were free to come and go as we pleased within the time slot, and each skater had the opportunity to run their program once with music through the loudspeakers, though the ice wouldn't be completely empty. A few of the lower ranked girls in my section were already hard at work, with one taking her place near center ice as her music kicked in. It was the _Pas de Deux_ from _The Nutcracker_, a selection I'd used a number of years back. The familiar song brought a reminiscent smile to my face.

I watched her as I laced up my skates and stretched out a bit more along the boards, resting my ankle on top and curving my arm over to touch my toes.

The girl was actually pretty good, and had some real potential. I racked my brain trying to recall her name but couldn't quite put my finger on it. She was trying just a little too hard, likely intimidated a bit by some of the more well known faces taking the ice around her.

This was the part I really liked about practices—seeing all the different routines, the creations everyone had been slaving over for months. It was like a candy store of inspiration, listening to people's song choices and how they cut their music, how they chose to string their steps together. It was hard to be original, but it was fun to watch and see the variety. I could never bring myself to actually watch anyone else skate once the competition started, so practice was really my only opportunity to scope out the scene.

The young girl had a nice program, though I spotted a few things I'd tweak if it was up to me. I almost ached to get my hands on it and mold it around, as I so often felt when watching other skaters. Not because I thought I was better, but because my mind always seemed to overflow with possibilities. That urge seemed even more pronounced now that I'd had the opportunity to fully explore my capabilities as a choreographer.

When she finished up, I heard a spattering of applause from the thin crowd of people interspersed in the lower level of the stands. Her coach was standing close to where I stood and called her over, jogging my memory as to her identity.

Angela Weber, relatively new to the field and still plenty young at eighteen. I'd seen her here and there at a couple of events in the past. She was good but somewhat inconsistent and always slightly below the radar, though she'd snagged herself a couple of medals over the three seasons she'd been competing at the senior level. From what I could recall, she'd had a few rough falls in her Grand Prix events but still finished relatively high.

I tried to concentrate on my stretches and tune them out as her coach talked her through a few pointers, then left her to go check in with the officials.

Instead of heading back out to continue warming up, Angela stayed by the boards. Her eyes were huge and she looked supremely nervous. I could understand why. At eighteen, this would be her first shot at an Olympic team and that always added a lot of nerves.

I hesitated for a moment, wanting to say something, having been in her place before. She seemed sweet from what I knew of her, but I certainly didn't know her well enough to know if she'd snap at me for addressing her like some of the other girls would.

When she remained standing there, wringing her hands anxiously and obviously schooling her breath, I decided to just go with my gut.

"You looked really great out there, Angela," I said cautiously.

Her head snapped up and her jaw dropped a little in what looked like shock when she noticed me standing there.

"Who, me?" she asked, pointing at her chest.

I smiled warmly and nodded. "It's a great program. I really love how you cut the song."

"Really?" she asked with a beaming smile as she skated a little closer to me. "I loved your version of it that you did back in two thousand and four. The one with the pink dress? I still look it up on YouTube all the time."

"Yeah?" I asked, feeling a bit giddy at the compliment. _The Nutcracker_ routine was one of the first I'd helped Marcus in choreographing. "That was one of my favorites too. Hopefully it works out as well for you as it did for me."

"I highly doubt that," she said, rolling her eyes a bit. "I mean you won gold at Skate Canada and silver at Nationals that year. There's no way that's happening for me."

"Why not? From what I saw, it looks like you've got a great shot."

"Oh come on. Me? No way," she said glumly. "I pretty much wrecked my chances early on in the season. I'm just hoping I don't make a fool of myself this weekend so I can show my face again next year."

"Hey, you never know. Anything can happen," I offered. "You could get out there and skate two perfect programs, take home the gold."

She shook her head, still obviously feeling pretty pessimistic. I hated to see her sabotage herself, mostly because I'd done it so many times in the past and I knew how much it haunted me. Something about her just made me want to cheer her on.

"I'm pretty nervous, too," I murmured, hoping it might loosen her up if she didn't feel like she was the only one.

"Yeah, right," she scoffed in disbelief. "You?"

"Well, yeah. No matter how many times you step out in front of a crowd, it's always nerve wracking. Then getting injured and missing last season? It's hard to come back from that."

"You don't have anything to worry about. I mean you're like, the best skater there is. And your programs? Oh my gosh, they're just gorgeous."

"Thanks," I said quietly, flushing at how obviously genuine she was.

"I mean, I know you're not that much older than me, but you're kind of my idol. I always wanted to skate just like you."

"Well, I think you're pretty impressive in your own right," I told her with a smile. "Just don't get too nervous and you'll do great."

"Angela?" I heard her coach call out, waving her over from further down the boards.

"Oh, guess I better get going," she stammered, gesturing toward him.

I smiled and held my hand out for her to shake. "Good luck tonight."

"Thanks! Uh, you too," she said, pumping my hand enthusiastically. "Not that you need it, of course. You're awesome."

"I always need it. Thanks, Angela."

I watched her skate away, feeling much lighter about getting out there to practice. In trying to help her settle her nerves, I'd somehow managed to settle my own.

Glancing around, I quickly spotted Edward, Alice and Rose sitting as close to the rink as they could manage, just off to the side of center ice. I smiled and waved at them as I finished stretching, then stepped over to Marcus to have our typical pre-practice chat.

Lauren was already out on the ice by the time I plucked off my guards and stepped through the boards. I tried to block her out, but it was difficult considering she seemed to be spending a lot of time practicing her spirals on the patch of ice right in front of Edward.

_So obvious_, I thought, shaking my head in disgust at her cheap tactics. I wasn't the least bit worried. Edward was mine and would never be interested in her or anyone else, I knew that.

And really, her spirals weren't even all that impressive, though it was probably petty to take some satisfaction in that. Lauren's jumps and athleticism were her strong points, definitely not flexibility or artistry.

Once I'd completed a few laps and got a feel for the surface, I started warming up my own spirals, sticking close to the boards on the opposite side of the rink. Renee and Phil were camped out by the boards at one end of the ice watching, occasionally pointing around the rink as they studied their skater's competition.

Every time I came anywhere close to their spot, Renee seemed to make a point of turning away and ignoring me completely, while Phil was the exact opposite, always watching me with intense scrutiny. Though I tried to steer clear of them, it was hard to skip over any part of the ice if I wanted to actually get some use out of the session.

I heard Lauren's shrill, false giggle from all the way across the ice and turned to see her standing by the boards, still right in front of where Edward and the girls were seated. Right before my eyes, Lauren lifted her leg and propped her foot up on the boards, effectively giving him a full on crotch shot in her skimpy little leotard.

Enough was enough. I may not have been threatened by her, but I certainly didn't need to stand by and watch while she blatantly threw herself at my boyfriend.

I glided over to where she stood. As I approached, I heard her asking him if he'd help her with her skates in an overly saccharine sweet voice, ridiculously batting her lashes and leaning over to give him a clear view down her low cut leotard. As if he hadn't seen enough already.

Edward looked appalled and a little freaked out as he tried to ignore her, looking over to Rose and his sister for help. The two of them looked disgusted and angry at the same time. I could tell Rose was only a breath or two away from unleashing hell. I really didn't want any of them to get into trouble with security, so I skated right up next to Lauren, alerting her to my presence with a loud scrape of my blades against the ice.

"Oh Lauren," I said condescendingly. She turned and pursed her lips at me like she'd tasted something sour. "Don't you know it's a liability to have anyone else lace your skates? Wouldn't want you to trip because they were tied a little too tight."

She rolled her eyes and though she looked a bit reluctant doing it, she dropped her leg back down from the boards and turned to face me.

"Hello, Isabella," she sneered, her hands pristinely propped on her hips. "I forgot you were skating at this competition."

"I doubt that," I said coolly. "But if you want to underestimate your opponents, be my guest."

She opened her mouth to respond, but got cut off when Phil called out her name from across the ice, informing her she was up next to run her program.

She leveled one last glare my way before turning her attention back to Edward.

"It was Edward, wasn't it?" she asked in a low, breathy voice that was full of invitation. She flirtatiously batted her eyes at him once again and stuck her chest out so obviously that I couldn't stop myself from rolling my eyes behind her back. "I'm sure I'll be seeing you around."

She kissed the tips of her fingers with her sticky, glossed lips, and then touched them to his cheek before he realized what she was doing and could evade the maneuver. She pivoted on her blades and flounced away toward her coach, her high blonde ponytail bouncing with every step.

Edward's face was twisted in horror as he tried to swipe at the goopy substance left behind on his cheek.

"Eww," he groaned.

"You might want to get a tetanus shot there, Edward," Alice advised. He and Rose both turned to her in question. "What? Isn't that what you're supposed to do after getting mauled by a rabid bitch?"

I burst into giggles, clutching my sides as Rose and Alice laughed with me. I glanced up to see Edward looking less than amused and still wiping at his face. I gave him an apologetic smile as I attempted to gain control of my amusement and set to work removing all evidence of her from his handsome cheek.

"Seriously, what a slore," Rose scoffed.

"Slore?" I asked, leaning in against the boards and stretching my calves to stay warmed up.

"Slutty whore," she shrugged.

"She totally is!" Alice exclaimed. "I was afraid she was about to jump over here and start giving Edward a lap dance."

"You all laugh, but I was just violated," he complained with a scowl. "I need to go find a shower. And some disinfectant," he added, brushing again at his face though all traces of the gloss were gone.

"Oh, you poor thing," I cooed exaggeratedly, reaching up to cup his pouting face between my hands. "I'd give you a kiss to make it all better, but I'm working."

"But Bella, I'm in a very vulnerable state right now," he whined, his bottom lip jutting out adorably. "I need comforting."

"I can go grab Lauren for you if that'll help," I teased. "Doesn't seem like she's too concerned with appearing professional."

"No, no, that's okay," he said quickly. "I'm feeling much better."

"If you're sure…"

"Positive," he said, reaching out for my hands and tugging me close. The boards separated us from the waist down, but he still managed to get close enough to whisper in my ear with our chests brushing against each other. "I'll just have to be patient until I can get you off the ice and away from prying eyes."

I flushed with anticipation—as I always did—when he spoke to me like that. Those sorts of words, in _that_ voice… Suddenly I wasn't all that concerned with appearing professional either.

"Well, maybe just a quick one," I murmured, lifting my face to his and brushing his lips with a sweet, soft kiss that spoke of many more to come later. "But I'm sicking Marcus on you if I get in trouble."

"Get your lazy ass out there and skate, Swan," Rose complained, thumping her fists on the armrests of her chair. "This isn't time for you to chat and get smoochy with your boy toy. We paid good money to see some skating."

"Bull," I laughed, embracing the opportunity to lean against Edward's chest for just a moment longer. "You got free passes. I don't owe you squat. I'm not your performing little monkey."

"C'mon hotshot, go show those little girls what's what," Alice encouraged, clapping her hands together in encouragement.

"Okay, okay, you crazy hecklers," I groaned under my breath and separated from Edward's hold. I looked up at him and gave his hands one last squeeze before letting go. "See you in a bit?"

"If these dingbats haven't yapped me to death," he said with an affectionate smirk.

"Hey!" Alice protested, smacking him in the back of the leg.

I giggled and shook my head at the bickering siblings as I turned away. I didn't make it more than three strides away before I gave in to temptation. Edward had turned away and was bantering with Alice when I caught him by surprise by grasping his wrist.

His brows scrunched in confusion and his mouth opened to question me, but I didn't let him get the words out before my lips were crushed passionately against his. His arms banded tightly around me as mine clutched his neck.

The kiss was short but heated and very satisfying.

I broke away when Rose and Alice started quietly but enthusiastically badgering us with whoops and catcalls.

"I'll take the heat for that one." I rose up on my toes to whisper in his ear. "So worth it."

His fingers clenched on my back when I made to move away and when I looked up into his eyes they were a mixture of daze and lust, with lust quickly winning out.

"That wasn't very nice, Isabella," he leaned in and whispered against my cheek. "Now I'm gonna have to sit here with an erection the size of Texas and watch you be all bendy for an hour. Talk about blue ballin' a guy."

I giggled and gave him a chaste peck on the cheek. "I'll make it up to you later," I promised, moving out of his grasp and shooting him a playful wink as I skated away and he settled back into his seat.

When I made it over to Marcus and Esme on the other side of the rink, I was greeted with Marcus's disapproving face, lifted eyebrow and all. Esme stood next to him, attempting to stifle her giggles.

"I know, I know," I said with chagrin. "I'm sorry."

"Oh c'mon, Old Man, lighten up," Esme razzed him, nudging him playfully with her elbow as they both leaned on the edge of the boards. "You were the one sitting here telling me how cute they looked together."

Marcus covered his bark of laughter with a cough and steeled his face back into a scowl, though it was easy to see that his eyes were twinkling with amusement.

"Make sure you're warm. You're up next," he said shortly, shooing me off and shooting Esme an accusing look for calling him out.

The two of them really did make a pretty great team.

I caught the end of Lauren's program while I warmed up around the edges and loosened up a few of my jumps. I hated to admit that it was good—not my style at all, but sure to be a crowd pleaser. If she nailed all the jumps there was no doubt she'd get high scores.

Jumps were always my downfall. The rest of the elements flowed easily for me, aided by my natural flexibility and steadiness, but jumps were what held me back. I wasn't a natural athlete; it just wasn't my strong point. In a points system that placed so much more emphasis on landing difficult jumps, I knew I needed to step my game up.

Lauren finished up and brushed past me with a smirk as she left center ice, and I moved to take her place. I simply rolled my eyes and cracked my neck, shaking out my arms as I zoned in on the task at hand.

As I took my starting stance, I had to consciously tell myself to calm down and take it easy. So much of me just wanted to burst through the gate at full power and give the run through everything I had, knowing Lauren and Renee were close by and watching. But that'd be pretty fucking stupid to sabotage myself by overdoing it in a practice.

"Just a run through, Bella," I chanted to myself. "Just a warm up. Don't go crazy."

Still, when my music kicked in, I couldn't help but feel the fire spark within me. My movements, I kept light and calm, marking the steps rather than going full out, but my determination was on full throttle.

I whipped past their corner as I prepped for my first jumping pass. I grinned a bit in satisfaction when I saw Lauren jump back and flatten herself against the boards, obviously not having seen me coming.

I nailed the first jump, then the second, and had to take a deep breath again to fight off the adrenaline that was pushing me to just go for it. I managed to skate a clean program, landing my jumps and marking through some of the easier steps in my head in an effort to conserve my energy.

When I hit my last position, I was met with enthusiastic applause from the modest crowd in the stands, with Alice and Edward cheering loudest and Rose calling out a piercing whistle with her fingers. I grinned and gave them an exaggerated curtsy before making my way back over to Marcus for water and a post-skate review.

He gave me a few tips on what to watch out for and sent me off to spend the remainder of the hour just getting through whatever I needed to do to feel completely confident going into the skate that evening.

As the hour was coming to a close, I felt good. I'd managed to block out Renee, Phil, and Lauren and find my focus, leaving me confident that I'd be able to do the same in competition.

I stopped by the boards at the edge of the rink to take a breath and brush some ice shavings from my skates, figuring I had plenty of time to get through a few more jumping passes before they called for us to clear the ice for the next section.

"Feeling winded, Isabella?" I heard Lauren ask as she approached. "I noticed you marked most of your run through. Tired already?"

I bit my tongue and shook my head in disbelief. The girl just didn't know when to stop. Rather than engage in a petty battle, I continued to wipe down my skates and stretch out my limbs.

She tapped a cheap, jeweled bobby pin against her lips as she meandered around me. I kept to my spot on the boards, attempting to go about my business and not get distracted.

"I suppose it's too much to expect someone your age to keep up with the rest of us."

"Not everyone feels the need to show off when it doesn't really count," I responded airily.

The words slipped out before I could stop myself. I was torn between feeling good about standing my ground to her and wanting to smack myself for biting at her line. She put my back up and I hated that I couldn't just walk away, but I wanted to wipe that smug grin off her face.

"Everything counts, Swan. As the veteran here, I'm surprised you wouldn't know that. Or maybe it's just that you just don't care enough about winning to realize it," she said.

I turned from the boards to face her head on, inclining my head with confidence, though she had the advantage of height.

"Make no mistake, Lauren, I came here to win," I said with calm determination. "So don't think for one second that you're going to have a cakewalk to the top of the podium and a free ticket to Vancouver with your name on it."

"Please," she scoffed, tapping my nose condescendingly with the pointy pink flower on the end of the bobby pin in her hand. "You don't stand a chance."

"I do actually. And you know it. You know I can beat you. And you know what? So do I."

"That title is mine," she said with clenched teeth, her lip curled unattractively back in a snarl. Then her face softened, mischief and challenge flashing in her bright blue eyes. " And you know what? That's not all I'm gonna take from you this weekend."

She glanced to the side and my gaze followed her to Edward. He was standing in the same spot he had been earlier, though he was hunched over on the edge of the boards, watching me with his hands folded. When he saw me looking his way, his lips quirked up in my favorite smile and I couldn't help but grin back.

"He's quite the catch," she said, killing my happy smile. Her eyes swooped over his body in a way that made me want to scratch her eyes out. She turned, stopping right in front of me and effectively blocking him from my view. "Such soft hands for a hockey player, I was surprised. I'll bet he knows exactly how to use them, too. I can just imagine the way they'd feel running all over my body, the things he could do with those long, sexy fingers."

"That's all you'll be doing, Lauren, imagining," I said with just a touch of arrogance that came from knowing she'd never have him.

"I wouldn't be so sure," she smirked. "You didn't see the way he was looking at me."

I had to bite back a laugh, because I had seen the way he was looking at her, and it hadn't been pleasant, certainly not anything to boast about.

"You're delusional."

"And you obviously don't understand men. It really doesn't take much. Show 'em a little skin, make your voice a little husky and whisper in their ear how much you want their dick, and they're not too particular about who they're falling into bed with. It'd take me maybe ten minutes to have him tearing off my clothes and forgetting all about you," she said in a taunting voice as she circled around me.

I didn't bother to respond. My relationship with Edward was unshakable and certainly not under any threat by some skanky little bimbo. I didn't need to defend myself to her. Instead, I opted to take the high road and simply walk away.

"Didn't take much longer than that for your stepfather to come crawling my way," she called out after me, keeping her voice low enough that only I could hear.

That made me pause.

"What did you just say?" I turned to face her again, hating the triumph I saw in her eyes at keeping my attention.

"You heard me," she said, skating right up to me again. "I had Phil panting between my legs within days."

I really shouldn't have been surprised. The man was a complete asshole and Lauren was a slut. But Renee… There's no way she could have had any suspicion about the nature of their relationship or Lauren would be toast, of that I was certain.

The three of them were like a living breathing Soap Opera. I'm not sure why she told me about her and Phil. Maybe she thought it would hurt me, or throw a hitch in my stride, but I really just didn't care. Not anymore. The three of them could go live happily ever after in their little fucked up, drama filled universe. It made no difference to me.

"I'm sure the US Figure Skating association would be very interested in that information. Not to mention your manager," I said and tried to skate away again, but Lauren followed.

"Oh, she doesn't scare me. See, unlike you, I'm not some weak little pushover," she said harshly, skating a few steps in front of me and stopping short, effectively stopping me at the same time. "Renee may think she's calling all the shots, but she does exactly what I want. And she does it while her husband's sneaking into my bed. Your mother can't hold a man against me and neither can you."

I smiled sweetly at her and spoke in a slow, patient voice.

"There's no competition there, Lauren. Edward is mine. So I suggest you keep your focus on trying to beat me on the ice. Because while it's a long shot there, you don't even stand a chance with him."

With that and a sassy little wink, I veered around her and took off down the ice, not giving her the opportunity to respond.

With time running short it seemed everyone out on the ice was cramming in a few last minute maneuvers, so managing to weave through the seven other bodies was tough. And with only a few minutes remaining on the clock, I wanted to warm up my flip a few times. It was one of the things I'd struggled with most but I'd been landing them pretty well lately. I managed to complete the jump three times, all successfully. I thought about trying to go for one more, simply because I was feeling good about it and wanted to commit the timing to memory as much as possible before that night.

I was gliding slowly along the side, my hands resting on my hips as I caught my breath a little before trying again. Then suddenly I wasn't gliding anymore, I was falling.

My toe pick seemed to catch on the ice and threw my balance completely out of whack. Since I'd been moving essentially at a snail's pace, I wasn't prepared to catch myself.

My feet went out from under me and I shrieked in surprise as I fell hard on the flat of my back, my head knocking sickly against the ice.

**x-x-x**

**A/N: Dun dun DUN!**

**I know I'm horrible for cutting it there, but really it made the most sense. Next chapter is already written and will post in 1 week! Until then…leave me some love and I'll give you a tease!**

**I don't think we need a recap this time around. See you next Tuesday with the continuation of Nationals!**

**Polyvore on the profile.**


	22. Chapter 22: Don't Tell Me Not to Fly

**A/N: I know you wanna read. Check the A/N at the bottom.**

**Caren and FanpireMama rocked SO much this time around. Huge thanks to them for their help in making this chapter what it is. Also a big shoutout to RaeCullen for her extra input.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I own the story.** **Copyright 2010: BellaMarie117**

**Previously on **_**Take the Ice**_**…you didn't forget, did you? Good…'cause we're picking up RIGHT where we left off.**

**x-x-x**

I didn't pass out, but everything blurred together. The fall had knocked the wind out of me and I couldn't seem to manage to take a full breath. My head was throbbing and my skin stung where it had slapped on the hard, frozen surface. The lights were glaring and fuzzy at the same time, so I clenched my eyes shut as I moaned painfully.

_What the hell was that? _

Chaos rang out around me—people yelling my name, cries of concern, the droning hum of a crowd of people—all asking each other if they saw what happened at the same time. Above everything, I could hear Edward's panicked shouting, though I couldn't manage to comprehend exactly what he was saying aside from my name.

My head was spinning a bit, so I didn't attempt to open my eyes at first. But when I felt a freezing wave of ice shavings hit the top of my bare arm and felt someone kneel beside me, I chanced a look.

It took me a moment and quite a bit of blinking before I could focus, but when I did, I saw the last person I wanted to.

Lauren.

And she was hovering over me with a smug little simper on her face.

She clucked her tongue at me and uttered in a low, malicious voice. "Clumsy little Swan. You really should watch where you're going."

As I tried to process her words and shake the ringing from my ears, I saw her slowly tuck that gaudy jeweled bobby pin into her hair with a knowing lift of her over-tweezed brow.

It all clicked together. That conniving little bitch had somehow deliberately tripped me. She must have tossed the bobby pin down in front of me where it got jammed in my toe pick.

I didn't get the opportunity to confront her as I heard Marcus and Esme quickly approaching. Lauren schooled her face into a mask of concern just as I heard their footsteps nearby.

"Oh my gosh, Isabella, are you okay?" she cooed.

"Mallory, get away from my skater," Marcus snapped as he approached. "Go find your coach."

She stood and skated away, but not before I caught one more glimpse of that smug little smile. Then she was gone and Marcus and Esme were both hovering over me, crouched by my side and calling for my attention.

"Are you alright?" Esme asked, looking a bit hesitant to touch me for some reason. It took me a moment to remember that I'd hit my head and landed hard. They were probably concerned about a spinal injury.

"Yeah, fine. A little tired. Figured I'd take a quick nap since I'm already down here," I said dryly, garnering relieved chuckles from the pair of them that faded into looks of concern when I moaned again against the pulsing pain in my temple.

I lifted my arm to clutch my forehead and attempted to sit up, just wanting to bury my head between my knees until the pain faded. I didn't manage to even raise my head before they were both gently nudging me back down and holding me there.

"Just lay still, Bella," Marcus ordered gently. "They're sending out a medic."

"No, please don't," I protested, trying to fight against their hands and get up, but unable to move under their restraining hold. "I'm fine."

"You hit your head pretty hard, sweetheart," Esme murmured. "They just want to make sure everything's okay."

I sighed but stopped arguing because it only made my head hurt more.

One of the medical personnel crouched down beside me, nudging Marcus and Esme aside so he could get a clear look at what was going on. I groaned and tried not to roll my eyes as he went through the whole routine of checking my pulse and shining that annoying little flashlight in my eyes.

When he was done with the preliminary check and sure I hadn't injured my spine or anything serious, he asked us to come back to the training room they had set up as the first aid station for the event to run a few additional tests. I tried to protest, but backed down quickly when they ganged up against me, insisting it was for precaution.

"Esme," I called out, gesturing my hand at her to usher her closer since they still weren't letting me up. "Could you please go tell Edward that I'm okay?" I asked when she knelt beside me and took my hand. "I don't want him to freak out over a little bump on the head. I'm sure all this is scaring him," I said, gesturing between the medic and me still lying on the ground.

"Sure, sweetheart," she agreed, squeezing my hand and giving me an understanding smile. "I'll meet you back by the training room once they've checked you over."

It was slow going since they were still concerned about a concussion, but I managed to sit up, and then stand with some assistance. Marcus accompanied me and the medic off the ice. He stooped down and helped me snap on my skate guards since they didn't want me to move much until they could give me a more thorough examination.

One of the association officials met us at the boards and led us back to the exam room. The room set up for first aid was pretty large and fully equipped, just as it always was at these events. One nice thing about the higher profile competitions is that they had strict guidelines about keeping their skaters safe and healthy. They even had a portable CT scanner that they used to check me for a concussion. The official stayed in the room with us to monitor my exam and likely ask a few questions, though she didn't press while the medic was checking me out.

It didn't take long, but more than long enough to make me antsy. I knew my body well enough to be able to tell that I was just fine, nothing more than a little bump and a bit of a headache. I just wanted to throw on my sneakers and get out of here, back to the hotel to rest and decompress for a bit.

And I wanted to see Edward, to reassure him that I was just fine and ease the worry that he was no doubt feeling. The longer I was back here, the more difficult it would be. His voice had sounded so scared when I was lying out there on the ice, and I could only imagine what he must be going through, not knowing anything but that I was possibly hurt. I'd visualized him in the same situation enough times while watching his games; I knew how hard it was to let your thoughts run wild in the uncertainty.

While we waited for results, the official stepped forward and introduced herself to me before asking a few questions about the incident. I decided to keep quiet and told them I wasn't really sure what had happened. Not to spare Lauren, but because I wasn't interested in getting involved in some sort of ridiculous scandal. I could practically see the headlines.

In addition to that, I was more determined than ever to beat Lauren when it really mattered, not just by default because she got disqualified.

The test results came back clear, not even a mild concussion. The medic sent us on our way after giving me some aspirin for my headache and advised me to get some rest, which was already my plan of action.

Esme was waiting in the hall right outside the room, concern creasing her brow as she leaned against the wall with my bags at her feet. She crossed over to me quickly, asking if I was okay, her hands running over my face and my head trying to determine the answer for herself.

"I'm fine, Esme. Just a headache," I insisted, allowing her to check me over until she was satisfied.

Marcus said he was going to head back to the ice to talk to a few of the officials and answer a few more questions, and reminded me to go get some rest.

Esme ushered me over to a bench and handed me my sneakers. They'd already made me take off my skates for the scan and she tucked them gently into my bag, exactly the same way I preferred them stored. Such a little thing really, but it made me smile. Esme always noticed.

"How's Edward doing?" I asked.

"A bit shaken up. Anxious to see for himself that you're okay," she said. Her lips quirked up in an amused smile. "Apparently I'm not a very reliable medical source. I'd like to know just who he thought bandaged up all his cuts and bruises throughout the years. Between him and Emmett I've practically got my PhD."

I laughed with her, though it made my head ache.

"Thanks for trying at least. He's been so edgy about this whole weekend. I'm sure this just sent him over the edge," I grimaced.

"I know it can be a little annoying, sweetheart, but try to take it easy on him. He just cares about you so much."

"I know," I sighed and rubbed at my temples. "Makes it hard to get irritated with him. I'm sure I'd be just as bad if he got hurt out on the ice."

"What happened?" she inquired softly, brushing at my hair. "I was looking directly at you when you fell, but it didn't look like you were even doing anything."

I shrugged a bit uncomfortably because I hadn't really thought that far ahead. I knew I didn't plan on telling anyone in an official capacity, but could I really keep it from Esme? Or Edward? It felt so wrong to even think about lying to them.

"Something happened," she said, studying me intently. "I've seen you trip enough times to know what it looks like."

"I did trip," I admitted, looking up into her eyes. "Over Lauren Mallory's bobby pin."

"What?"

"I don't have proof, but I'm pretty sure at least. She made a snarky comment to me after I fell and I saw her push it back into her hair."

"Are you telling me she deliberately tried to hurt you?" she asked, her voice steady but simmering.

"I don't know what her intention was. Probably just wanted to shake me up. She tried to do it verbally when she approached me out on the ice and I'm sure she got mad when I told her off rather than cowering away."

"That's— that's just revolting," she spat, her face flushing pink with anger. "It's intolerable behavior. We need to report this. Did you tell them when they asked you about it?"

"No. I told them I didn't know what happened," I admitted.

"Bella," she said disapprovingly.

"I don't have proof," I reminded her. "And besides, they'd just kick her out."

"And that's a bad thing? She _should_ get kicked out for trying to sabotage another skater!"

"I want the chance to beat her out on the ice," I said with fire. "I know I'm just supposed to want to win for myself, and that the competition isn't about anyone else, but it _is_ this time, Esme. I want to win for me, but I really want to kick Lauren Mallory's ass in the process."

Esme stared at me for a few moments, then burst into delighted laughter, pulling me in close for a hug.

"Oh, Bella," she sniffed, wiping tears of amusement from her eyes as she pulled away. "That is something I can't wait to see."

She stood and reached down for my bag, hitching it over her shoulder before I could take it from her.

"Let's go find Edward and the girls before my son works himself up to a heart attack, shall we?"

I nodded and fell in step beside her.

"You need to tell him," she murmured as we made our way down the corridor. "We don't have to report it, but you shouldn't keep something like this from him."

"I'll tell him. Probably not until we get back to the hotel so he can't go hunt her down, but yeah, he should know."

Esme wrapped her arm around me and I let myself lean on her a bit as we walked, the exhaustion from the morning starting to catch up with me.

When we turned the corner, her arm tightened around my waist and I heard something like a growl rumble from her chest. I glanced up, curious as to why she'd have made that sound when a familiar voice answered my question.

"Quite the theatrics out there, Isabella," Renee said. She was leaning against the stone wall of the empty hallway just outside a doorway marked for Official Personnel and stood straight as we approached.

"What, did you think you'd try and swing for a sympathy vote from the judges? A little over-dramatic, don't you think?"

"You want to talk about drama?" Esme snapped. "Go talk to your own skater. Though I wouldn't be surprised if you were encouraging of her deplorable behavior."

"I'm sure I have no idea what you mean…Emma, was it?"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about," Esme responded, ignoring the way Renee purposefully botched her name. "You don't fool me for one minute. Give me one good reason not to take this to the USFSA board and report your team for unsportsmanlike conduct."

"You really don't want to go there, honey. You're in way over your head," Renee drawled. "Why don't you go back to your little Betty Crocker kitchen where you belong and stop trying to step into my shoes? They really aren't your style."

"Oh, don't even get me started," Esme seethed between gritted teeth.

"Stop," I said, stepping in between them and holding my hands up to keep them apart. I leveled a glare at Renee, and then turned my attention over to Esme.

"Esme, would you mind giving us a minute?" I asked.

"You need to rest, Bella, we should really get back to the hotel," she protested, eying Renee over my shoulder with more malice than I'd ever seen in her typically kind green eyes. I suddenly knew exactly what they meant by the phrase, 'if looks could kill.'

"I know. Just one minute," I promised quietly, trying to reassure her with my eyes.

Her shoulders lost a little of their tension and she nodded before pulling me into a hug.

"I'm staying right over here," she murmured quietly in my ear, "I'm not leaving you alone with her."

I nodded, then let her go, waiting until she moved a few steps down the corridor before turning back to Renee.

"Still having everyone else fight your battles for you, I see," she smirked. "You always did play the role of the spoiled little ice princess well."

I didn't even bother registering the insult. There were more important things I wanted to say to her that didn't involve meaningless jibes.

I didn't even know where to start, but looking at her cool expression, the only thing I could come up with was, "What happened to you?"

"Excuse me?" she responded, sounding a little affronted.

"You weren't always like this. What happened that turned you into such a cold and heartless bitch?"

_Okay, so maybe not the most effective way to start the conversation, but it had to be asked._

"Where do you get off talking to me like that?" she demanded. "I'm still your mother."

I laughed incredulously and folded my arms over my chest. "How do you figure that? You haven't spoken to me in months."

"It doesn't change the fact. You'll address me with respect."

"You haven't earned my respect," I said coolly.

"Oh, I earned it," she argued. "All the bullshit I dealt with through the years to get you where you are. You'd be _nothing_ without me."

"That doesn't make you entitled to anything. Especially not after you just blew me off. I tried, Renee. I wanted to fix things, to make amends with you, but you just threw it all away."

"You have no one but yourself to blame for that. You fired me."

"As my manager. But you quit as my mother. That's on you."

She didn't seem to have much to say about that, but I had more to say to her.

"You went to Lauren," I whispered in accusation. Though I didn't necessarily want her to know how much it had hurt me, I needed to get some sort of insight.

"Well, I had to find something to do with myself until you came to your senses," she explained. "Clearly you still haven't so it's a good thing I did."

"What, you thought I'd just come crawling back to you?" I scoffed. "You really don't know me at all."

"I know you better than anyone," she argued.

"No. You don't," I said with certainty. "You know the puppet that you controlled and pulled the strings on. But that's not _me_. You know _nothing_ about me."

"I know that you can't make it without me," she said with a twisted smile. "Not in this world. I saw your performance at Skate America. You can't do this without me. You _need_ me."

I stared at her for a moment, amazed at how easy it was now to let her words just fly over my head without absorbing a single one of them into my heart like I always had in the past.

"You still don't get it, do you?" I said quietly, calmly. "I _did_ need you. But not as my manager. I needed my mother. All I ever wanted from you was to just be your daughter. I ached for you to tell me just once that you loved me. That win or lose, you'd be there for me and support me as your daughter first, and a skater second."

I let that sink in for a moment, for her and for me, though I couldn't be sure she'd actually understand how many chances I gave her.

"But I don't anymore," I continued. "I finally found people who see me as more than just a means to a medal. Who think I'm worth something outside of figure skating."

"Well isn't that quaint," she sneered. "Yet here you are. Still desperately clinging to the chance of winning another prize. What does that say about you?"

"That I'm not a quitter. I don't give up on my dreams as easily as some people," I said, flicking my gaze over her face and wondering if she'd catch my insinuation. "And they are _my_ dreams, Renee. Not yours. You may have presented me with the opportunities I've had, but_ I'm_ the one who took them."

It was clear to see she was starting to lose her cool a little. It was almost as if the more calm and collected I became, the more agitated and frenzied she looked.

"It's a joke, your being here," she raged. "You'll never be a champion, Isabella. You're too much like your father, too meek and complacent to really make something of yourself. I don't know why I ever bothered with you. You don't have what it takes. You certainly never had the talent."

A year ago, a comment like that from her would have brought me to my knees, but they didn't even shake. It was the most liberating thing in the world to hear those words and not even feel the slightest sting.

I felt nothing, and it was so wonderful.

"That's your opinion. Frankly it doesn't mean much to me anymore." I smiled peacefully, because for the first time I truly meant it. Her opinion no longer made a difference.

"I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when you tried to seduce Phil to get ahead," she said, clearly grasping at straws now that she saw her hold on me had slipped.

"This again? Let me set the record straight once and for all," I said, lowering my voice enough that Esme wouldn't hear. I'd never told anyone but Edward about what really happened and I wasn't too eager to bring out that skeleton. "Your oh-so-innocent little husband sexually harassed me."

"That's your story," Renee scoffed, clearly not as worried about keeping her voice down. "I'm disinclined to believe some little tart who'd put the moves on their coach, not to mention a man involved with her own mother. Then when he turned you down, it pissed you off and you tried to play it off like he was the one in the wrong."

"If that's what you want to believe," I said indifferently.

"I saw your little boyfriend out there. Edward?" she said, instantly raising my hackles a bit just hearing his name falling from her lips. "I was a little surprised to see you'd managed to keep his attention for so long. I wonder what he would think if he knew you were trying to screw your coach behind his back."

That was my breaking point. If she wanted to try and spread vicious rumors or bait me with catty remarks, that was her choice, but I was _so_ done indulging her.

"Oh, fuck you, Renee," I said, rolling my eyes and turning my back on her.

I instantly felt her hand tightly grip my wrist and couldn't hold back the wince of pain as her manicured nails dug into my skin.

"Hey!" Esme shouted, pushing away from the wall and rapidly approaching. "Get your hands off—"

"Back off lady," Renee interrupted, violently tugging me closer to her and away from Esme. "This is none of your business. She's my daughter and you have no right to tell me—"

"I have plenty of right," Esme stated firmly, interrupting Renee this time. "It takes much more than giving birth to call yourself a mother. I'm amazed that you can call yourself one with a straight face."

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Renee demanded.

"Someone who actually understands what it means to be a mother. Now take your hand off her immediately or I'll call security and have you escorted from the premises."

"You can't do that," Renee snorted.

"Like hell I can't," Esme said dangerously. "You want me to call the police, too? You have five seconds to let go of her hand, and even that's being generous."

They stared each other down as Renee kept her hold on my wrist. When four seconds passed and she hadn't let go, Esme simply raised her elegant eyebrow in challenge. Renee huffed, clenching into my wrist once more before flinging my arm away.

"Good," Esme said quietly, taking two steps closer until she was right in Renee's face. "Now listen very closely because I'll only say this once."

"I don't have to listen—"

"But you're going to," Esme insisted. "You have no idea what you've thrown away. Isabella is one of the best people I've ever known. She's sweet and kindhearted and good. She's stronger than anyone I've ever met. And none of that is because of you. It's_ all_ because of her. You had your chance to see that, to know her, and someday you're going to regret not taking it. For that and that alone, I feel sorry for you. Now you heard what she said, she doesn't want or need you in her life anymore and if you have any sense at all, you'll listen and stay away from her."

"You can't tell me—"

"_She_ told you. But I'm telling you this. If you try to lay one finger on _my _daughter again you'll be sorry."

"Is that a threat?" Renee asked, attempting to sound ambivalent though her voice was shaky.

"It's a fact," Esme said. With one final glare in Renee's direction, Esme turned her attention to me, holding out her hand. "Let's go, Bella."

I didn't even spare a glance back as I took it and walked away with Esme's hand warm in mine.

Once we made our way down the long hall and around the corner, Esme blew out a heavy breath and slumped back against the wall.

"Oh my God, my heart's just pounding," she laughed, laying her palm over her chest.

I laughed and stood beside her, mimicking her stance. She turned her head and grinned at me with a wink while I smiled back.

"Go Mama bear," I said, holding out my fist for her to bump, which she did with a roll of laughter.

"I didn't mean to overstep my bounds," she said once we'd calmed down again. "You were handling her brilliantly. I just couldn't stand to see her lay another hand on you."

"Thank you. For stepping in when you did, for saying those things."

"I meant every one of them," she said, gently cupping my cheek. "I don't just see you as my son's girlfriend, or even just my friend, though you are both of those things. You're my daughter, Bella, in my heart, if not in my blood. I love you."

I grinned through tears and burrowed into her arms as I whispered, "I love you, too."

**x-x-x**

Getting out of the arena was slightly chaotic and time consuming.

Edward was pacing the hall frantically by the time we made it out through security and I felt a pang of remorse for drawing out his wait, even if I felt good about how things went down with Renee.

He didn't wait for us to get to him. As soon as he saw us come around the corner, he was off in a sprint, then plucking me off my feet and into his arms. He didn't let go, not even when Rose and Alice came over. They ended up just hugging me around him while I repeated again and again that I was okay. Finally, he calmed down enough to look down at my face and into my eyes and it seemed like what he found there was enough to comfort him and erase a little of his worry.

The few media cameras that had covered the practice of course leaked the news that I'd had a fall and the rest of the press came flocking to explore the possibility of any foul play. Between Edward, Marcus, and a couple of extra security guards, we got safely through the mob and into the SUV without much delay.

When we got back to our room at the hotel, I was more than ready to collapse into bed. I'd figured I'd talk to Edward about what happened, both with Lauren and then with Renee, before crashing, but the veins in my temple were throbbing and my body was dragging.

I wrapped my arms around Edward and rested my head over his heart. He seemed a little calmer when he could hold me in his arms.

"I know I said we'd talk," I murmured against his shirt, "but I really need to take a nap, hopefully get rid of this headache before tonight. Can we talk after?"

"If that's what you want. We don't have to, you know, at least not today. I know you've got a lot to think about going into tonight," he said, easing back to brush at my cheeks. "I don't want you to get distracted."

"I promised you that I'd always talk to you when things happen," I said, reaching up to lay my hands on top of his. "I want to keep that promise. I really am okay, mentally and physically, so I don't want you to worry, but I still want to tell you what happened."

"Then when you want to talk, I'll listen."

"'Kay," I said, squeezing his hands, then moving over to perch on the edge of the bed and nudge off my shoes. "Just give me a couple hours to regroup here."

I stripped down to my underwear and threw on one of his waffle knit shirts before crawling under the covers. I wasn't surprised when Edward closed the curtains and joined me there in his boxers and a t-shirt, but I was surprised when he flicked off the lamp and pulled me in to spoon against him. Usually when I napped, he'd watch TV or even read sometimes.

"You can turn the TV on if you want. It won't bother me," I murmured, thinking maybe he was avoiding it because of my headache. I didn't want him to have to sit there in the dark and silence for two hours while I slept.

"That's okay. I'm good right here."

"You should rest too," I mumbled, nuzzling my cheek against his forearm and trying to get comfortable.

He made a bit of a non-committal noise and brushed the hair from my neck. Leaning forward, he kissed the skin he'd exposed before whispering in my ear, "Sleep, love."

I woke up before the alarm, which was ideal. Instead of feeling groggy and cranky from being ripped from sleep involuntarily, I felt refreshed and re-energized. I rolled over in Edward's arms and saw that his eyes were wide open and clear—like he'd been awake for awhile.

"Did you sleep?" I asked.

He shook his head and smiled softly at me, leaning in to nuzzle against my nose. He tucked my head back into his neck and simply held me there, gently rubbing the small of my back.

I thought about putting it off a little longer, maybe going to take a shower first. He wouldn't fault me for it. But I was really just ready to move on from the whole thing.

"It wasn't an accident," I said, knowing he'd understand my sudden statement. "I'm pretty sure Lauren threw a hair pin down on the ice in front of me to jam up my skates."

He blew out a breath and didn't speak for a minute as he stared up at the ceiling, but at least he didn't look overly upset.

"I was afraid it was something like that but thought I was just being paranoid. Everyone kept telling me that you just tripped, but it didn't look like it to me," he said, turning his head on the pillow to look over at me. His eyes roamed over my face and his lips quirked into a tiny smile. "It actually helps a little to know I wasn't just being crazy."

I smiled at him and gently brushed at his hair.

"I'm sorry if I'm acting like a psycho," he murmured with a wince. "I've just been so worried about you."

"It's okay," I whispered back, pecking the tip of his nose softly.

I paused for a moment, uncertain how he'd react to my next statement.

"I didn't report her and I'm not going to," I said hesitantly.

Surprisingly, he nodded and almost looked happy.

"Good. Then it's going to sting that much worse when you kick her ass out on the ice."

I giggled and launched myself into his arms, grateful that he knew me well enough that he'd understand my thoughts without question. I whispered 'thank you' against his neck and he kissed the top of my head in response.

I snuggled into his arms and he played with my hair while I told him about my confrontation with Renee, right up through his mother's epic come-to-Jesus speech.

"I'm glad it happened this way," I said, feeling lighter at the end of it. "I got to say a few things to her that I needed to say, even if she probably didn't really listen. And I feel like I can finally just put her behind me. I'm not even upset. I just feel…liberated."

He didn't have to say anything. The loving smile on his face told me he understood and the pride in his eyes made me feel a hundred feet tall.

I went to take a shower and he joined me part way through, getting a little frisky with the hands but not anything more, for fear of tiring me out, or so he said. Still, by the time I sat on the edge of the bed to towel off my hair, I was feeling bright eyed, happy and raring to go.

The girls arrived at the door and shooed Edward out so they could help me get ready. After I spent a few minutes filling them in on the details, we put the drama behind us and spent the rest of the time we had before it was time to go in full on girl mode—joking around, giggling and just plain having fun together.

Rose slicked back my hair and secured the jeweled blood red rose to my bun while Alice plastered on my stage make-up. Amazingly, when I looked in the mirror it didn't seem like quite as huge a transformation. I didn't look like a doll or a hooker—like it sometimes felt when I was all made-up for a performance. Maybe it was that for the first time going into a short program, I had confidence in my eyes instead of stress or fear.

Turning away from the mirror, I faced my friends with a grin and said, "Tonight's gonna be a good night."

**x-x-x**

Somehow I managed to keep that calm confident poise with me throughout the rest of the afternoon and into the evening.

The entire group drove over and walked with me back as far as security would allow. They kept me in an easy mood and it didn't even feel like I was walking in to what was probably the most important competition of my life. It was a good thing we left early because it took awhile to work my way through hugs and fist bumps and wishes of good luck.

Emmett made us all gather round in a circle to pump me up with a power cheer. It was a little embarrassing and turned a few heads of people passing by, but it certainly did the job of making me smile and amping me up.

Afterwards, he threw his massive arms around us all and crushed me into the middle of a group hug. He even tugged Charlie back in next to him when he tried to escape and scratched his head with a noogie saying, "C'mon, Chief, feel the love!"

Apparently Emmett and Charlie had formed a fast friendship during their afternoon together. They'd bonded over their mutual admiration of Randy Moss and cheesy late night infomercials.

Edward managed to kiss off most of my lipstick, much to Alice's dismay and it tacked another five minutes on to my departure when she had to dig through the bag and find my make-up to 'fix me.'

Esme came along backstage with Marcus and me this time around, unlike the last competition. There was a lot more media to deal with so it made sense to ask her to stick around in case I needed help navigating through the extra interviews.

On top of that, I think it made everyone feel a little better to have her with me after all that had happened that morning. Not that Marcus couldn't handle things on his own, but it could get so busy once the competition got going and it helped to have an extra set of eyes watching out for me.

I stuck to the same routine that worked for me in Lake Placid—listening to Edward's compositions on my iPod as I completed my warm up jog through the maze-like corridors backstage, then texting with him as I went through my stretches.

I had plenty of time to kill, since I wasn't slated to perform until the third warming group. Lauren was in the first, so I probably wouldn't see very much of her. I was sure she'd stick around through the end of the night in order to wait for the standings, but didn't foresee a lot of opportunity for interaction with her or her team. And as petty and immature as she was, she wasn't stupid enough to try anything tonight.

I didn't worry about her or any of the other competitors as I warmed up. I vaguely registered that the competition was underway when I heard the dull, far away roar of cheering and caught a glimpse of Kurt Browning and Dick Button on one of the many flat screens lining the area. From that point on, I just kept my head down and worked my way through warming up. I knew Marcus would let me know when I needed to start getting dressed, but until then I was in the bubble.

The hour and a half flew by and before I knew it, I was in my costume and standing by the boards on the side of the ice, waiting for the announcer to invite my group to take the ice. I concentrated on my breathing and didn't really pay much attention to who else was skating with me, just like I hadn't checked to see the scores and standings of the twelve skaters that had already completed their short programs.

I did notice Angela standing just to my right, looking like she was trying very hard not to look out at the crowd.

"Hey," I said quietly. She turned her head and smiled. "Good luck out there."

I held my hand out at my side and she tapped it lightly in a low-five.

"You too," she said, just as the announcer spoke up. I cracked my neck and wiggled my knees a few times while the announcer worked his way through the official spiel and the crowd started making some noise. At the call to take the ice, I was the second through the gate and quickly separated myself from the pack.

We had six minutes to spend on the ice, not much time for anything more than a few laps, maybe a couple of jumps. I mostly used the time to get acclimated to the atmosphere—the lights, the cameras, the crowd.

The place was packed to the brim with people and full of energy. I could hear my family and friends cheering for me and had to bite down on a groaning laugh when Emmett started an enthusiastic chant of 'Let's go Bel-la' followed by syncopated clapping.

The crowd was always a little more rowdy during the warm-up, since they weren't concerned with throwing off anyone's performance and it made for a fun environment. It felt good to feed off that energy and absorb it into my veins.

When they announced that time was up, I didn't linger back like some of the girls. I was the first one off, quickly grabbing my guards and the fleece jacket Esme held out to me before heading back through the curtain, ready to zone back out again. I skated fourth in the order, so it was simply a matter of staying limber until my turn.

When Marcus told me it was time, the nerves finally started to make their appearance. But with them came the adrenaline rush, so I didn't mind so much. Esme gave me a quick squeeze and wished me luck, taking my guards from me as I stepped out through the gate.

Marcus and I had our traditional little calming rally by the boards as I waited for them to call my name. When they did, he squeezed my hands and gave me a wink.

"Off you go."

I took my time gliding to center ice, letting the humming electricity of the audience seep in and boost the energy already pulsing through me.

With confidence and poise, I struck my starting pose, staring down the judging panel with a look that said, 'bring it on.'

The music started and I matched it perfectly, feeling every note in my steps. I didn't get ahead of myself, rather met each element as it arrived, trusting my body to remember what I'd taught it.

My first jump was a little tight, but not detrimentally so and my second was smooth and clean. With those behind me successfully, I gained momentum and flew through my flip without any effort.

One more jump and I was home free. My Axel. I thought briefly about throwing caution to the wind and going for a triple, since I felt so great, but didn't want to wreck my clean streak if I bombed it. So I kept my breath calm as I sailed into my prep…and nailed the double.

_Fuck. Yes,_ I thought with an internal fist pump.

From there on out, it was easy street. By the time I hit my split jump and launched into my spiral sequence, I felt completely untouchable. Infallible. Even more so when the crowd started clapping along in time with the music.

I had a grin on my face for the last minute and a half of my program because I knew I had it. Despite the ridiculous events of the morning, my fears of coming to this event over the past few months, my nerves leading up to it, I stepped up to the challenge and blew it out of the water.

This was _my_ night and nothing could possibly stand in my way.

The crowd was screaming and on its feet before I even hit my final pose and I drank it in like some magical elixir. The whole thing was a little overwhelming and felt almost like a dream, like it was just too perfect to be real. I shook my head and uttered out a baffled, 'wow' that I couldn't hear above the cheers. I collected myself before taking my bows, making sure to blow a kiss to where I knew Edward and the rest of them were standing.

I scooped up one of the larger stuffed animals that a fan threw out on the ice to keep me warm in the Kiss & Cry until I could get into my sweatshirt again. Marcus met me at the boards with a twinkling smile and a warm hug, ushering me over to the bench where Esme was waiting to offer the same.

Waiting for marks was always the worst. My jumps felt great, but would they downgrade the landings at all? Was my step sequence in time with the music? Were my spins steady? It was completely out of my hands now.

Marcus and Esme chatted on either side of me as I guzzled down my water and dabbed my neck with a sweat towel.

The crowd came alive again as the voice finally droned through the speakers to give my scores. When I heard my marks, I was elated, but what followed was even better.

First place.

I squealed and threw my arms around Marcus with Esme quickly joining in. Then I stood and waved to the crowd, ready to go backstage and soak in the success of the night. There were still two skaters left in my group and then another set of five girls to go, but I didn't plan to watch.

I slipped my arms into my jacket and zipped it up to my neck, waving once more at the crowd and turning back toward the curtain that led backstage. People lined the path—skaters, coaches and officials, all watching the night unfold. One of those people was Lauren, with Phil standing closely behind; Renee wasn't with them. Neither looked very happy, but Lauren looked downright pissed.

I wasn't sure what her current ranking was, or how she'd skated. All I knew was that I'd done better. I couldn't help but lift my brow and shoot her a little arrogant smirk as we walked past.

It was a little childish, sure, but it was so worth it when she huffed and flounced away like a spoiled little toddler who hadn't gotten her way. I chuckled under my breath, looking up at Phil and stared him down with a superior smile until he narrowed his eyes at me, then spun away to follow his runaway skater.

There was still a whole program to go, and so much could change, but for one night I was on top and I planned to celebrate it.

The rest of the group seemed pretty eager to make sure I did.

We went out for a late dinner at a nearby restaurant with Alice calling ahead to clear out the back room for us. The rest of them had a few celebratory drinks, while I stuck to water. I had the entire next day off to rest and recover, but it just didn't seem like a good idea to imbibe. Edward stopped after one and withstood the razzing of his siblings and buddies when they repeatedly tried to foist more off on him.

By the time we got back to the hotel, everyone was feeling pretty happy. Alice, Rose, Emmett and Jasper decided they weren't quite ready to end the evening and went to hit up the hotel bar.

Edward and I were standing in the lobby with our parents, chatting and saying our good nights, when we were approached by a young boy. He looked about ten years old and was wearing a Wild hockey jersey that was entirely too big for his skinny frame.

"Whoa!" he exclaimed with big eyes as he nudged his way between Carlisle and Charlie. He was looking up at Edward with huge eyes that were filled with hero worship. "You're Edward Cullen! I tried to tell my brother I saw you here earlier but he didn't believe me."

"Hey buddy," Edward grinned down at him and held out his hand. The kid's jaw practically dropped to the floor and he just stood there for a few seconds before he stuck his hand in Edward's and shook it enthusiastically. He gestured to the kid's jersey. "You a big hockey fan?"

"Yes, sir. We don't have a pro team where I'm from, but I still watch all the games. The Wild's my favorite," he said, quickly warming up and losing some of that initial shyness that kids so often get around new people. "And my dad? This one time he took me with him when he went to Minnesota for work. And he took me to one of your games! Man, it was so cool! You scored two goals. Oh, and your brother, Emmett, he got in this big fight. It was _awesome_. Is he here, too?" he asked, glancing around.

Edward nodded and started to speak but the kid didn't let him get a word out.

"Where is he? What are you guys doing here?" he asked, then noticed me standing back behind Edward. "Oh, you're that skater girl. How do _you_ know Edward?" My eyes went wide with amusement because the kid sounded downright accusatory.

"Skater girl's my girlfriend," Edward spoke up, winking at me with a smirk and tugging me up next to him to settle under his arm.

"Oh. I guess that's okay," he said after a moment's consideration. "I mean, _I_ don't like girls but if you do, Edward, then it's gotta be okay. And you're alright, you know, for a girl," he told me so matter-of-factly that I had to choke back a laugh as I said 'thanks.'

"I don't like to watch figure skating but my mom and sister make me sometimes and you're their favorite. You're not as boring to watch as some of those other sissy girls, but it'd be a lot better if you used good music," he babbled on. "Like that one girl who used the _James Bond_ theme? That was cool. You should do something like that. Or _Pirates of the Caribbean_ maybe."

The kid was totally cute and obviously on a roll. He introduced himself as Pete and had everyone rolling with laughter with his witty commentary on being forced into going to Nationals because his parents got tickets for his little sister's birthday, as well as regaling us with some of his favorite hockey moments.

Edward happily answered all of his questions and, after giving me a glance to see if it was okay, he agreed to go with him back to find his family in the restaurant to meet his older brother and pose for a few pictures.

I nodded at him to go on ahead. I thought briefly about going with them to say hi to his sister. It really was fun to meet a little fan and see their eyes light up with awe and delight, making their day with something as small as a hug and an autograph. But I was just too worn out to stick around for what could be a lengthy exchange. At least if the girl was anything like her older brother.

With the adrenaline rapidly draining from my blood, the exhaustion of the very long day started catching up with me. I was more than ready to just get up to that extremely soft pillowtop bed in our room and collapse.

I told Edward I was going to head up to the room, then scribbled out a note on a slip of paper for the kid to pass on to his sister that said 'Happy Birthday' and told her she could come see me backstage when they allowed a few people back for pictures and autographs on Sunday afternoon.

I gave Edward a kiss on the cheek and told him to have fun and take his time before heading off for the elevators.

As it ascended, I leaned my head back against the mirrored glass and mentally debated drawing a bath in the indulgent tub with the fragrant bath salts provided by the hotel spa. I was still wrestling with the decision when I stepped out of the elevator and turned down the hall that led to our room.

What I saw there froze me in my tracks and set the hair on the back of my neck on end.

Phil Dwyer, stumbling his way down the abandoned corridor.

He was alone and hadn't seemed to notice me yet. I was torn between turning right around and trying to catch the elevator to go back downstairs, or attempting to slip into my room before he saw me.

I didn't have time to make a choice before his head snapped up, his stony gray eyes piercing right in my direction. He blinked a few times and swiped sloppily at his face before his lips spread into a slow smile that sent shivers down my spine. A predator's smile.

"Well, well," he slurred, sauntering toward me. "If it isn't the woman of the hour. I suppose congratulations are in order. Not that you'd accept them from me. Hoity toity little bitch."

He was clearly drunk and unsteady on his feet. I hoped that meant he was a little slow, too.

I tried to nimbly brush past him to get to my door, but his hand darted out, slapping against the wall to block me. I hesitated just a moment too long, trying to decide if I should duck under his arm or swing around him. In the second it took for my mind to choose, he had me boxed me in against the wall with a solid arm on either side of my torso. His breath reeked of whiskey, sickly sweet, and judging by his red-rimmed eyes, he'd had a lot of it.

"Uh uh uh, where do you think you're going? We're having a conversation here, Isabella. And you're being very rude."

I tried to remain calm. Phil was large, but I was agile. I was the sober one, and it wasn't like I was some feeble little weakling. Sure he had the clear advantage, but I was convinced I could stand my ground.

"Let me go, Phil," I ordered in as firm a tone as I could muster. Despite my efforts to keep my cool, my knees were starting to shake and my heart pounded heavily in my chest.

He pursed his lips for a moment before smiling at me again, saying slowly, "No, I don't think I will. It's a shame how things went down back in Minnesota. You know, we could have made a great team if you hadn't been so…difficult."

I briefly contemplated screaming for help, after all there had to be someone in the rooms around us at this time of night. But I hoped to handle the situation myself without getting anyone else involved. People talked, and I really wasn't interested in getting swept up in a scandal.

"I think I've managed just fine without you," I said coolly. I stared him down using every bit of will I possessed to keep the nerves at bay. I couldn't let him see just how much he was scaring me. Maybe if he thought I wasn't affected, he'd give up and keep walking.

He laughed maniacally and shook his head. He lifted one hand away from the wall, but only to brush his fingers over my lips, his thumb and ring finger clenching against my jaw to hold my face still when I tried to flinch away. His middle finger pulled down my bottom lip and nausea rolled through my stomach.

"You do have quite the mouth on you," he uttered in a low voice, his eyes trained on where his fingers touched. "I always liked that. Now your mother, she's got a mouth too. Woman never shuts the hell up. 'Isabella this, Isabella that.' It's enough to make my head explode," he griped, glaring into my eyes. "Now all I'm gonna hear is her endless bitching. Then there's Lauren. The two of them'll do nothing but nag, nag, nag if you win."

His hand loosened from my face but only dropped to rest against my neck like a sleeping snake—still and harmless, but threatening all the same.

"That's not my problem. You made your own bed with Renee, and from what I hear, you're making it with Lauren, too," I said, resorting to veiled threats to convince him to step away. If the association found out about them, he'd be banned from the sport. Fraternizing between coaches and their skaters was strictly prohibited.

Unfortunately the threat of being turned in didn't seem to faze him. Maybe because he was too far gone from the alcohol to really care about anything but the present moment. All I knew was that I was running out of options.

"Mmm…You sure are a little spitfire, aren't you?" he chuckled, bending to rest his forearm on the wall beside my head and encroaching on my space even more. He ran his finger down my throat in a move that would have looked seductive to an outsider. I couldn't stop the tremor that shook my body and it terrified me that my fear only seemed to excite him.

"You know," he said propositionally. "Lauren's _real_ accommodating. Very eager to please. Maybe a little too easy. There's something to be said for a challenge. I like 'em with a little fight."

The rapacious, hungry light in his eyes made my blood run cold and I lost all hope of settling this with words.

"Oh yeah. You'll put up quite the fight," he said. His hand moved from the wall to my chest, pawing at the fabric of my jacket. I twisted against him, trying to shove him back with my hands, my shoulder, anything.

He moved just enough that I could raise my knee between his legs.

Unfortunately, I just missed my intended target and my knee planted solidly into his upper thigh rather than his groin. It still knocked him back enough for me to slip away, but not enough.

He recovered quickly and I squealed when he knocked me back against the wall. He pinned me down with his massive form pressed right up against me this time, so close that I could barely move when I tried to wriggle against him to escape or even thump against the wall to draw someone out into the hall to help me. His hand clenched tightly around my throat and I couldn't manage more than a strangled whimper.

His face was right next to mine, his cheek practically caressing my face as his hot breath blew into my ear.

"You think you're so tough, but you're not. You're tiny. Helpless," he said, the hand that wasn't around my throat grasped my arm and tightened forebodingly. "You have no idea how easy it would be for me to just snap you like a twig. Maybe I'll do just that, Lauren and Renee would thank me for it. Everyone knows how clumsy you are. People would think you just fell down the stairs. You'd get some attention for a while. 'Poor little Isabella Swan. She was so close. Such a tragedy.' Then you'd just fade away. Then maybe I could get some fucking peace and quiet." He growled out his final statement. His hand tightened around my neck until I saw spots swimming in front of my vision. Tears ran twin tracks down my cheeks as I struggled against him.

"What do you think about that?" he asked. "I think it sounds pretty good."

The blood was rushing in my ears as I fought against the urge to pass out. Then, over the droning hum of my racing pulse, I heard the most beautiful sound I could imagine.

"Bella? Hey!" Edward's voice shouted out. "What the fuck are you doing? Get off her!"

He sounded far away, but I couldn't tell if he really was or if it was just because I was on the brink of unconsciousness. Either way, I was relieved. Edward was here and I knew I'd be safe.

The pressure around my throat was gone instantly, followed by the weight against my body. I slumped to the ground, no longer held up by Phil's stronghold. I hunched over and clutched at my chest as I gasped for air. Vaguely I heard rapid, uneven footsteps moving away and realized that Phil was stumbling down the hall in the opposite direction.

Then Edward was in front of me, his eyes a mixture of fury and concern when I looked up at him. His hands were gentle, but trembling as they ran over my face and down my arms.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I nodded and wheezed out a shaky breath. "Yeah. I'm okay."

His eyes narrowed murderously as he glanced over me, likely taking in the angry red welts on my skin and my rumpled clothes. Then his head snapped to look down the hall as the fire door to the stairwell slammed with a bang.

"Stay with your father," he told me, springing up to a stand. He took off in a sprint, yelling back to Charlie to look after me.

Charlie crouched in the same spot Edward had just vacated, asking me what happened and if I was okay. It was clear from his questions that he'd been behind Edward and hadn't really seen anything. I didn't answer him, my head swimming too chaotically to form a sentence.

Then suddenly it sank in what was happening. Edward went after Phil.

My eyes widened in panic and I scrambled to stand.

"Bella, wait!" Charlie called out, easily catching me as I tripped trying to run after Edward.

"Dad, please, you have to help him," I pleaded, turning and clutching at my father's shirt as he tried to hold me back. "Edward went after Phil. You have to stop him before he gets hurt. Please!"

Charlie's mustache twitched, his eyes narrowed and he quickly nodded.

"Stay here, baby," he ordered.

He didn't wait for my confirmation before running off down the corridor. I couldn't just stand there, not knowing what was going on. It took me less than two seconds to decide to ignore their demands and run after them.

After what felt like an eternity, I pushed through the heavy door to the stairwell. I could hear muffled curses and scuffling a few flights below and followed the sounds until I could just catch a barely glimpse of Edward railing on Phil, one hand pinning him back against the wall while he pounded his other fist into his face with a sickening crunch.

"Edward, stop!" I heard my dad's voice shout out, still making his way down the steps.

The words distracted Edward for a second, but that's all it took. Phil seized his opportunity and raised his fist to throw a punch across Edward's cheek, knocking him back just enough for Phil to slip through his hold and tear off down the stairs.

By the time Edward recovered enough to run after him, Charlie was by his side, holding him back and talking him down in a voice filled with calming authority.

They both looked up at the same time and I realized that I was breathing loudly, close to hyperventilating. I leaned back against the railing and tried to get it under control when I saw them start back up the steps.

I had it mostly in hand when Edward turned the last corner leading up to me. I stumbled down the short case and practically fell into his arms. They fused around me instantly and rocked me gently with him as he murmured assurances against my hair.

"Let's get back to your room," Charlie suggested quietly.

Edward had to practically drag me up the steps and down the hallway after my father because I refused to loosen my hold on his waist. When we got to the door, Edward tried to move me to reach into his pocket for the key, but I beat him to it, slipping mine from the pocket of my jacket. I just wanted to get the fuck out of that hallway as quickly as possible.

My hands were shaking and I fumbled with the keycard. Charlie took it from me and easily slid it into the lock, nudging the door open and ushering us inside. He stepped into the bathroom to grab a washcloth for Edward's face while Edward and I crossed over to sit on the edge of the bed with me in his lap, his arms securely around me as I burrowed into his chest.

I saw Charlie return and hesitate a few feet away before offering the damp towel.

"Thanks, Charlie," Edward said, taking it from him.

I realized I hadn't caught a real glimpse of Edward since he'd come around the bend. _What did he need the towel for? Was he hurt? _My head whipped up and I gasped when I saw blood trickling down from a cut just below his eye.

"Oh my God, what'd he do to you? Are you okay? Does it hurt?" I interrogated him in a panicked voice as my fingers trembled against his cheek.

"Bella." He stopped my rambling questions with a simple, firm tone. "I'm fine, I promise."

"But your face," I protested.

"Sucker punch," he grumbled under his breath with a scowl. He pressed the wet cloth against his cheek, swiping at the blood. "Bastard caught me with his ring."

"It's a shallow cut, Bells," Charlie spoke up to reassure me. "Nothing worse than he'd get playing hockey."

"But this didn't happen during a hockey game!" I exclaimed.

"Baby, it's nothing," Edward promised, tossing the towel back on the bed when he'd finished mopping up the blood. He combed his fingers into my hair and stroked it soothingly. "Probably won't even bruise much. He was too wasted to put anything behind it."

Now that the blood was gone, it really didn't look that bad. It was really nothing more than a nick, surrounded by light swelling. I dipped my head and pressed a kiss just beside it, then laid my head back on his shoulder.

"The real question here is, how are you?" Charlie asked. "What happened?"

When I didn't speak up right away, Charlie looked to Edward.

"I came around the corner and found them. Phil… he had her pinned up against the wall, practically dangling off the ground," he spoke slowly, his voice catching on the words and his arms tightening around me. "I didn't see much. I yelled out and it scared him off. I stopped to make sure she was okay before going after him."

"Of course you did, son," Charlie said, reaching forward and patting his knee.

"Bells?" he asked after a minute, coming to kneel on the floor in front of me. "We need you to tell us what happened before that."

I shuddered out a breath and nodded into Edward's neck before lifting my head. I moved off Edward's lap but kept his hand clenched between both of mine, clinging to his warmth to chase away the chills in my body. He wound his other hand around my back, stroking softly over the surface to both offer and gain comfort from the contact.

I told them everything, from the moment I stepped out of the elevator and saw him up until Edward showed up. They didn't stop me or ask any questions. They didn't push me when I had to take a moment to compose myself. They listened patiently until I'd gotten it all out.

"Bells, we need to call the cops," Charlie said. "And not just hotel security, the real ones."

I panicked instantly, popping up from the bed.

"No! We can't call the police."

"Like hell we can't," Edward argued heatedly, just as I'd expected him to. "He assaulted you, Bella! That piece of shit belongs locked up in a jail cell."

"You're right," I said, turning back to face him. "He does. He's a creep and what he did was_ so_ wrong."

"Good, we agree," he said shortly. "So what are we waiting for?"

"What if he turns it around on you, Edward?" I cried. "What if we have him arrested and he presses charges against you for going after him?"

"That's not gonna happen, Bella."

"It _could_ though," I persisted. "I certainly wouldn't put it past him to try and get himself out of trouble."

"It'd be his word against mine," he said, raising up to pace agitatedly. "There's no surveillance in the stairwells, so it's not like they can prove that I did anything. What we _can_ prove is that he cornered you and had you by the throat." He practically shouted the words in a voice laced with pain as he drove his hands into his hair.

"It's still a risk, and one I'm not willing to take. Not with you. Even just the rumor would be harmful enough to your reputation," I said.

I thought briefly of the little boy from down in the lobby, how he'd looked up at Edward with such admiration. I'd seen it so many times before. I couldn't stand the thought of anything happening to change that, of that little boy hearing that his hero got tossed in jail for assault, even if it was to defend me.

"Who gives a fuck about my reputation?" he exclaimed.

"I do! And _you_ should. You've worked so hard to get to where you are. You're a good person, Edward, and I won't just stand by and watch you get painted in a bad light for trying to protect me."

He opened his mouth to say something back but broke off when Charlie cleared his throat, standing just off to the side and between us.

"I hate to say it, Edward," he said after a moment. "But she's got a point. Scum like Phil, they'll try anything to shift the focus on to someone else."

Edward tried to argue, but Charlie only cut him off again.

"Now I'm not sayin' anything against what you did out there. You protected my girl. As her father, I'm grateful for that. As a man and your friend, I respect that you did what you had to do. No one understands how you feel more than I do. I want nothing more than to see him rot in a cell. I don't feel right just lettin' him walk away, but I'd feel even worse turning him in for a flimsy punishment if it's gonna cause you problems. I won't let you get slapped down for what you did, not when I woulda done the exact same thing in your place."

"He can't just get away with this," Edward insisted, stepping over to Charlie. The look in his eyes was a bit desperate now that we'd teamed up. "Where's the justice in that?"

"I'm sorry, but I can't do it," I whispered, drawing his gaze back over to me. "I can't possibly put you in a situation where you could get in trouble over some dirt bag like Phil Dwyer. Please don't ask me to."

"So what, he just walks away like nothing happened?" he asked, his shoulders hunching in defeat.

"No. You're right, he can't just walk away," I agreed, leaning against the back of the chair Charlie'd been sitting in earlier.

I racked my brain for a minute, trying to think of what could possibly be done that wouldn't risk involving Edward and wouldn't attract the media. I'd been around this world for a long time and heard a lot of stories, ones that most people never knew about. I hadn't necessarily heard of this exact situation before, but enough similar scenarios to know what I could do.

"If I lodge a complaint with the association, they'll investigate it quietly," I said. "You said there's no cameras in the stairs, but there are in the halls. They'd see the whole thing, but not what happened after. They'll suspend him at the very least, more likely he'll get banned from coaching or anything involved with the sport. They'll try to keep it as under wraps as possible. They wouldn't want to involve the press if they can avoid it."

Edward blew out a breath and sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

When he lifted his eyes, they were so tormented that I wanted to burst into tears. I wanted to hug him. I wanted to give in and give him whatever he wanted, just to make sure I never had to see him looking like that again.

"That's just not enough, Bella," he rasped.

"I know it's not fair," I said, crossing to kneel between his legs. "But I have to believe he'll get what's coming to him. Just not like this. Not if it's going to risk hurting you." I stared up into his eyes, pleading with him to understand and not resent me for this.

He groaned and punched the mattress.

"Damn it! I shouldn't have gone after him."

"Don't blame yourself," I beseeched him, rubbing gentle, calming circles against his knee. "I don't. You protected me."

"Yeah and by punching him, I just made things that much more difficult. I shouldn't have run after him, even if it was extremely satisfying to kick his ass. I should have just stayed with you."

"Stop," I said firmly. "Even if we tried to slap him with an assault charge, he wouldn't get a very harsh punishment. I'll probably have a bruise or two but he didn't actually hurt me. He'd get nothing more than a slap on the wrist. All pressing charges would do is make him mad and involve the media."

I paused for a moment, deciding I needed to be honest about all my motivations, not just some of them. "It's really selfish, but I don't want the headlines or that kind of attention. The press would be ravenous and not just through this weekend. They'd follow us home, for who knows how long. I don't want this to get out and turn into the next Nancy Kerrigan, Tonya Harding scandal. That's not how I want to be known or remembered."

He gazed down at me, studying my face for a long moment before he sighed and brushed at my hair. "I still don't like this."

"I know you don't," I said with a humorless quirk of my lips. "I don't either. But it seems like the least painful solution. I'm not asking you to like it, because there really isn't some magical solution here that's going to make everyone happy. Life's not as clear cut as the good guys win and the bad guys lose. But this way he's out of our lives and it doesn't have to change ours. Maybe we don't win, but neither does he."

"Okay," he said, lifting his hands up in gesture of reluctant acceptance. "But we're getting the surveillance tape and taking it in first thing tomorrow to whatever committee it is that's going to get him the hell out of here. And right after that, we're going to go file a restraining order. No arguments," he said, though I didn't open my mouth to do so. "You told me what you can live with, this is something I need." He cupped my cheek and circled the curve with his thumb. "He's never coming close to you ever again."

"Okay," I agreed without hesitation. He nodded once and pulled me up into his arms.

"You're sure you're okay?"

"Yeah," I said, breathing him in deeply and allowing his scent and his presence to cloak me in comfort. "You?"

"God, Bella," he whispered, his voice breaking as he lowered his forehead to the curve of my neck. "I've never been so scared in my entire life. Not ever."

"Shh," I hushed him softly, kissing the top of his head. "I'm here. I'm alright. I'm okay." I whispered those words to him over and over, simply holding him as long as he needed me to.

Charlie excused himself to go check in with security to see what he could do about having the security tape set aside for the association officials to review.

"I'm really glad you have the day off tomorrow," Edward murmured after awhile. "I don't know if I could handle another one of these."

"Today wasn't all bad, right?" I nudged him, trying to lift both our spirits a little.

"Nah. There were a lot of good things, too. Like watching you throw down out there? That was cool."

"Enough to make it worth dealing with all the bad?"

"I'm here with you, aren't I?" I smiled softly at him and he brushed a sweet kiss against my lips. "Then it's always worth it. No matter what."

He flopped back down on the mattress, pulling me with him. "Still, I'll be looking forward to a quiet day tomorrow, with most of it spent right here."

I stilled for a moment in his arms.

"What's wrong?"

"Do you…Can we maybe get a different room? Somewhere else I mean." Something about sleeping here, just feet away from where Phil had cornered me and whispered those creepy words in my ear made me ridiculously uncomfortable.

"I guess we don't have to tonight since it's so late. But tomorrow? I'm sorry, I know it's inconvenient, but I just— That hallway… I can't— I don't," I stumbled over my words as the shock started to wear off, leaving me shaky and instantly on the brink of a breakdown without even seeing it coming.

He held me close, kissing my head and stroking my hair, letting me cry it out against his shirt. When I finished, I felt completely drained but couldn't fall asleep. Every time I closed my eyes I pictured the hallway just outside that door and Phil's menacing face.

"C'mon," Edward murmured, patting my back and urging me to sit up. "Let's get our bags."

"What?" I asked, feeling really slow. "Why?"

"We're not staying here, Bella. You're not comfortable, and honestly, neither am I."

"It's so late, though," I said, glancing over at the clock and realizing it was even later than I'd thought.

"It's already taken care of. Mom found us a hotel on the other side of town. We're all going."

"What? When did this happen?"

"Texting, love. It's the wave of the future," he told me with a wink. "Charlie found my parents and they caught Alice and the rest of them on their way upstairs. They're all waiting for us in the lobby."

"Do they," I trailed off awkwardly. "Do they know?"

"Yes. Charlie filled them in," he said, pulling me back into his arms when I winced. "They're upset, but for the same reasons I was. Am. No one wants to see you hurt. We love you. You'll just have to deal with it," he said bluntly, placing a smacking kiss on the tip of my nose and making me laugh.

I shook my head and groaned. "I can't make everyone move—"

"You're not making them do anything," he insisted. "They wanted to. We're all staying together. Well, not _together_ together because I'm hoping to take full advantage of your afternoon off." He smiled playfully, warming my heart at the sight. He raised my chin with the edge of his knuckles to meet his lips.

"Thank you," I whispered between kisses.

"We're with you, Bella. Always."

**x-x-x**

It was a very late night. By the time we got through shuttling across town and checking in I was pretty much dead on my feet. Still, I managed to keep my eyes open long enough to spend a little time reassuring them all that I was really okay and taking comfort in their hugs. The last thing I remember was sitting in Emmett's lap and getting crushed by one of his giant bear hugs and remaining there in his brotherly embrace until I passed out from exhaustion.

The next thing I knew, it was light again and I was horizontal in bed with Edward wrapped around me. We'd slept in, but not too much. I think we were both eager to talk to the committee and get this over with.

Charlie, Esme and Marcus came with us back to The Davenport. Marcus had already taken care of alerting them to the situation and requesting a meeting. It was rough to relive it again while I told them what happened, but I was able to detach myself enough to get through it without much struggle.

I was surprised to hear they'd already been in contact with the hotel's security department and had an order drafted to obtain the tape. They'd also been in contact with Phil after reviewing the video to request a meeting. From the sounds of it, he didn't recall much about the previous night other than getting drunk at the hotel bar, then getting woken up by security after passing out on a lounge chair at the hotel's pool. Apparently his excuse for the bruises on his face was that he'd gotten into a bar fight.

They were able to tell us right then and there that immediate action would be taken against him in the form of a permanent dismissal.

Apparently this wasn't the first complaint lodged against him by a skater, but they'd never had substantial, tangible proof to back it up. The bruises on my neck and arms along with the very clear videotape was more than enough to take action.

Also satisfying was the news that they'd be serving him with a gag order regarding the circumstances surrounding his dismissal. It wasn't in anyone's best interest to let him go off running his mouth to the media and making up stories.

The whole thing went a lot more smoothly than I'd anticipated. We made a stop at the police station to fulfill Edward's request for a restraining order. Charlie had a few friends in local law enforcement and was able to help expedite the process a bit to secure a temporary order until a formal one could be filed. After that, we returned to our new hotel and all camped out in Carlisle and Esme's suite in our sweats—sprawled out over the furniture and the floor, taking full advantage of the down time.

**x-x-x**

I skipped the official free skate practice on Saturday morning, opting to avoid the madness just a little longer. Instead, Marcus and I went back to the local rink so I could briefly warm-up. For the most part, I took it easy—stretching and napping, storing up my energy for that evening. Four minutes may seem like a short amount of time, but it felt like forever if you weren't at the top of your game.

After all the drama of the previous days, I started to wonder if it was even worth it anymore. I wasn't one of those people who would do anything and everything in order to win. I didn't want to tear others down to get to the top. Sure, I wanted to beat Lauren, but I wouldn't ever stoop to causing her physical harm, or even wishing it on her. That is, if you don't count the times I imagined her feet curling back after a house fell on top of her. But that was purely in my imagination.

I'd worked so hard to get here and I still wanted it, but was it still worth it?

I pondered that question all afternoon while I laid in Edward's arms, trying to rest.

The conclusion I came to is that it was. I couldn't let them cut me down and make me doubt my desire. I loved to compete. I loved to skate. I loved the rush, the challenge, the risk. There was just something about being out there on that ice, breathing in that cold, crisp air and facing the challenge, it made me feel alive. Every time I stepped out under the lights, I learned something new about myself, and I wasn't done learning yet.

I didn't even need to be the best. I just wanted to be _my_ best.

When I went to the arena that night it was with the full intention of accomplishing that goal, skating the best I ever had.

The group walked me back again and everyone seemed a bit wary, watching out for any signs of trouble.

I was fully prepared for it-there was no way Renee or Lauren were going to quietly accept Phil's dismissal. Losing your coach in the middle of a huge competition was probably pretty devastating, but I couldn't even think about feeling sorry for any of them.

I had groaned to Edward a little bit while getting ready that the claws would be out in full force tonight. He'd simply smiled and told me that Lauren at least wouldn't give me any trouble. When I'd grilled him about it, he told me simply that he'd crossed paths with her on Thursday night on his way back up to the room and that she was aware that I wasn't someone she wanted to mess with.

I was a little exasperated that he wouldn't give me any more than that, eager for a full play-by-play. My imagination did a decent job of filling in the details on how it must have gone down—Lauren attempting to flirt and him just totally shutting her down. The thought alone made me smile. Poor Lauren. Edward in a fury was surely a scary thing to behold if you were on the wrong end of it. Still, I was glad to potentially have one less person to worry about.

Well, two since Phil was banned from the arena.

As anticipated, trouble walked right up to us in the form of Renee.

She was spitting mad, stalking over to me as soon as we approached the security check where she and Lauren had been waiting in line.

"You cowardly little bitch!" she shrieked, even causing Lauren's mouth to drop a little in shock. She hung back a few steps, shooting wary, nervous glances in Edward's and my direction and keeping her mouth shut. He must have been very convincing.

"Is there a problem, Renee?" Charlie asked, calmly stepping in front of the rest of us to face the woman who was once his wife. Edward pulled me to his side with the rest of the family forming a close circle around us.

"Why yes, Charles, there is," she said, turning her attention on him. "I have a very big problem with people who spread lies and make heinous accusations that ruin someone else's life purely for their own gain."

"Hypocrite," Alice coughed under her breath, making me stifle a laugh when she paired it with a sassy wink aimed in my direction. Luckily it seemed like Renee hadn't caught her little jibe.

"I know it was you," Renee raged, looking back over to me. "They wouldn't tell me anything, but it had to be you."

"You know what I've got a problem with?" Charlie asked in a conversational tone that was lined with steel. "A woman who mistreats her daughter for years. Who steals from her, who belittles her, who isolates her. Who lies to her and leads her to believe that the only value she holds for anyone is as some trophy to come out, perform and then get shut back in her case.

"And you know what I've got a bigger problem with?" he continued, his voice still calm and even, but low and dangerous. "When that daughter is mine. Phil got off a hell of a lot easier than he should have for what he did, so count your blessings. Believe me when I say you won't get so lucky twice. You, your skater, and your husband keep away from Bella. Don't mess with her. Don't even think about her. She doesn't exist to you. If I hear differently, you won't like what comes your way. Don't fuck with me, Ren."

Her eyes went wide and her mouth gaped comically as she sputtered, attempting to form a response but obviously failing.

"Save your breath," he said. "We're done here."

Her eyes darted around, taking in the ten people facing her down. For the first time in my life, I saw her look intimidated, weak, and even scared.

She huffed and turned on her heel, violently grasping Lauren's hand and stalking over to the security gate.

"Go, Chief!" Emmett whooped, giving him a firm slap on the back. "I'd hate to be on the wrong side of your interrogation table."

"Keep it up, big guy, you just might end up there," Charlie teased, clapping him on the back of the head affectionately.

"Well, now that the sideshow's over, shall we get on with the main event?" Marcus offered.

"Yes, please?" I laughed and squeezed myself to Edward's side. "I think I've had enough drama this weekend to last me a lifetime."

"Ready to go win that gold medal, beautiful?" Edward asked, kissing the top of my head.

"More than you know."

And I meant it. I was ready to get out there and show everyone what I already knew in my heart. This was my time to shine. I was the oldest skater in the group, but I wasn't past my prime. I was right at my peak.

The night flew by and I was feeling good. I was slated to skate second in the final group, which was actually pretty ideal. It'd mean a longer wait to find out how I'd end up, but it gave me just enough time after the six minute warm-up to catch my breath, yet not enough to risk getting tight or too nervous.

Lauren was close on my heels in second place and skated last, so it'd be a nail biter up to the very end. The pleasant surprise was Angela Weber. She'd nailed her short program on Thursday night and currently sat in fourth place, skating first in our group.

I barely saw Renee for the rest of the night and when I did, it was always from afar. She looked shaken. Nervous. Lauren looked the same and she couldn't seem to sit still, even in her stretching. She didn't bother me, so I didn't pay her much attention.

I got through the warm up and didn't even bother throwing on my fleece after. I broke my own self-inflicted rule and watched Angela's program from the boards as I kept warm, internally cheering her on when she easily landed in first place, despite a couple of minor stumbles.

Then it was my turn.

I felt content stepping out on that ice, trusting that what was meant to be would happen. I found Edward in the crowd as I glided to center ice and smiled at him. He was a ways back, but I could clearly see him grinning back as he mouthed the words, 'I love you.'

"Love you," I whispered back, silent to everyone's ears but my own.

I kept my eyes on his as I took my starting mark and waited for his music to take me away on its floaty wings.

Every chance I got during the program, my eyes found his and it pushed me on. Those four minutes felt like a dream and before I knew it, they were over.

With a baffled laugh, I realized I'd barely paid attention to the actual steps, but I hadn't screwed up. Not even once.

Two clean programs at the most important competition of my life. I couldn't ask for much better than that.

I felt relaxed waiting for my scores, knowing they couldn't possibly be disappointing. I sailed easily to the top of the pack by a pretty wide margin.

Then I went back through the curtain and zipped up my sweats, bunking down for the wait. I'd set the bar, now it was a matter of waiting to see if anyone else could raise it.

I camped out in the skater's lounge, curling up on the hard cushioned red couch in my costume and sneakers. If I finished in the top four, I'd have to head back out to the ice for the victory ceremony.

It'd be an even longer wait to find out which of us were going to Vancouver. Placing first and second wasn't an automatic in. A nine-person panel would meet later that night to make the final decision on who would represent the US ladies on that particular stage. I was trying not to think about that one too much, concentrating instead on what came first.

Skaters trickled in as they finished and joined in the watch-and-wait party. I passed the time texting back and forth with Edward, though I asked him not to tell me anything about what was going on out there.

There were TV screens all around me, but I tuned them out as much as I could. I couldn't control what happened to anyone else and it only made me nervous to watch each one of them, just waiting to see if they'd slip up or blow right past me to the top.

By the time Lauren hit the ice to wrap up the night, I was still on top with Angela bringing up second, about ten full points behind me. It'd been a rough night for the rest of the ladies in the final group with a couple of heartbreaking falls. Most of them had already packed it in and changed back to their street clothes, leaving me, Angela and the two girls sitting in third and fourth sitting around waiting, wondering where Lauren would fit in.

Edward distracted me through her entire program, but I did catch a few blips when I couldn't stop my eyes from going to the screen. She looked good from what I saw and it made me very nervous. I didn't watch enough to be sure just how nervous I should be.

As I heard the muffled drone of the announcer speak up to reveal her scores, my phone beeped with a text and I frantically reached for it.

**No matter what, you're always #1 on my scoreboard. –E**

I grinned, remembering that I'd once told him that very same thing.

It beeped again just as cheers rang out all around me.

…**and apparently you are on everyone else's too. Congrats, baby! –E**

It didn't sink in at first exactly what he was saying. Marcus and Esme practically dive bombed me with hugs and excited cries. I must have looked at them like they were crazy because Esme grabbed me by the shoulders and finally clued me in.

"Bella, you won!"

My eyes went wide and darted over to the screen. Sure enough, there were the final standings. Lauren in third, Angela in second and my name in first by a full ten point lead.

My jaw dropped and I almost said, 'holy shit' out loud before remembering that there were cameras all around me.

I turned to them with a beaming grin. "Oh my God, I won!"

**x-x-x**

**A/N: Squee!**

**Just a disclaimer that though I've done a ton of research for this story and especially this chapter, it's still fiction and I'm in no way an expert. Please forgive any mistakes.**

**This is VERY late in the game seeing as we're down to the last couple chapters (sadface) but I've got a blog going for Take the Ice. Check it out if you're interested-a lot of the extras from my profile in addition to a few new ones. I'll continue adding to it!**

**http:/www(dot)bellamarie117(dot)blogspot(dot)com **

**So…a lot happened there, right? And lots that has been a long time coming. What'd you think? I'd love to hear your thoughts!**

**Lauren's Ode to Tonya Harding**

**The Bella/Renee/Esme Showdown**

**A Little Chat with Hockeyward**

**The Short Program**

**Edward's Little Fan**

**Phil and The Aftermath (need I elaborate?)**

**The Free Skate and Final Results**

**Polyvore on the profile.**


	23. Chapter 23: View from the Top

**A/N: For the first time ever, I didn't get to review replies. I'm so sorry! Figured you'd rather have the update than wait for me to get through them all. Just know that I did read every one of them and they all made me smile.**

**Caren and FanpireMama…just thank you. And everyone else should be thanking Caren at the end for making me open my mind to new possibilities that ended up being exactly right.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I own the story.** **Copyright 2010: BellaMarie117**

**Make sure you check out the A/N at the end.**

**x-x-x**

The minutes that followed were complete chaos. I was hugged and congratulated but too caught up in the shock of winning to register the faces that approached me. Though I'd seen my name next to that number one slot, I still couldn't quite believe I'd really won or even comprehend exactly what that meant. I found myself glancing back over at the screen to make sure that was really my name written there, that it hadn't been an illusion.

But every time I looked, there it was.

Little by little, it started to sink in. I'd done exactly what I'd set out to do, even before the final results came in. I'd come back and skated the best I ever had. I'd gotten over my nerves and insecurities and triumphed. The fact that I prevailed over the rest of the pack as well was merely icing on top of the cake. Very sweet icing, considering one member of that pack was Lauren.

I looked back at the screen, forcing my eyes above the little standings chart in the lower right corner. I was semi-curious about Lauren's reaction to the news, but she was already out of the kiss and cry. I guessed she was probably hanging around somewhere close to the boards, waiting for the medal ceremony.

My gaze cut over to where Angela and her coach were sitting a couple couches over. The look on her face matched exactly how I felt—stunned and overwhelmed—but very, very happy. Her jaw was hanging open and her hands were clasped over her heart like she was trying to keep it in place. I realized that mine were in the exact same spot, held over my pounding heart. Our eyes met in one stunned stare before we both erupted into luminous grins, offering each other a congratulatory thumbs up from across the room.

Then Esme thrust a cell phone in my face and I heard Edward's excited voice through the scratchy reception.

Just hearing his voice was enough to make me completely lose it. I didn't even need to hear the exact words he said, his tone said it all. His pride in me was overwhelming. Tears of happiness, excitement, accomplishment, and relief spilled over to run unnoticed down my cheeks. I babbled incoherently into the phone, first to Edward and then to every other member of my family as the phone was stolen away and passed around.

I spoke to each of them briefly, trying to urge them all to just head back to the hotel after the ceremony (since I'd be stuck at the rink for quite awhile dealing with the aftermath of official procedures), but they wouldn't hear of it. I should have known better by now and guessed that they'd insist on waiting for me, no matter how long it took.

Too soon, one of the officials standing by the door was giving us the signal that the podium was set and I didn't have time to argue any further. _Why did it seem so much faster this time than any other? _I barely had time to unzip my sweatshirt and grab a mirror from Esme to make sure my mascara wasn't running down my face before Marcus was there, ushering me through the curtain.

It was the same space, the same crowd, but stepping out this time it seemed so much more staggering. The lights were dimmed but the cheers were louder. The air was filled with energy, but not the nervous energy from earlier. This time it was pure celebration. Everything seemed amplified.

Before I could even register what was happening, the announcer was getting things started with the fourth place finisher taking a lap and stepping up on to the podium, followed by Lauren and then Angela. Esme reached out from where she stood by the boards and squeezed my hand just before my name sounded through the speakers, followed by a rolling wave of cheers.

First place. Gold Medalist. National Champion. It seemed so surreal hearing my name following those words.

I hugged and congratulated my fellow skaters, even Lauren who looked surprisingly timid standing on her third rung platform.

Then I took my place at the top.

I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, drinking in the cool air. My cheeks already hurt from smiling so much but I couldn't stop. Maybe it was only four feet off the ground but man, it was a beautiful view.

The ceremony itself passed in a blur, like a fast ride at a carnival. I could see the lights and hear the sounds, but couldn't really focus on anything in particular. At least not until the competition's official referee stood in front of me and motioned for me to lower my head. As he set the medal in place, the course, tri-colored ribbon scratched delightfully against the bare skin of my neck.

The physical weight of the small gold disk was next to insignificant, but most definitely present. It encompassed the weight of all my hard work over the past year to recover, all my anxiety over stepping back out on the ice after my injury, all my fears of putting myself out there again, this time as a choreographer on top of a skater. It held the weight of every fall and bruise and sore-muscle I'd suffered, every sleepless night and exhausting day. My strength in cutting ties and making difficult choices, even if they were the right ones.

It had been a heavy load to carry, and still would be if I moved forward, but the weight didn't drag me down. Just the opposite. Standing there with my head held high, I felt amazingly strong. The smile on my lips felt permanent as step-by-step, we made it through the pomp and circumstance of a traditional victory ceremony.

A few rounds of congratulations from various official figures and a couple of photographs later, they finally allowed us step down and take a victory lap around the ice. I took my time, waving my flowers above my head and high-fiving little boys and girls in the front row as I soaked in the triumph of the moment to the fullest degree. Just as I rounded the far corner, I glanced over the crowd to where I'd earlier spotted my favorite bunch of supporters, and I heard their familiar voices calling out my name. The lot of them were huddled by the boards, standing in the aisle between two sections of stands.

I grinned and glided over to them, throwing myself into their welcoming arms. I hadn't even known exactly whose arms were around me, only that every one of them was there for _me_. Whole-heartedly. It was the greatest feeling in the world to be surrounded by their support.

When I was able to extract myself enough to take a look, Edward's face grinned down from right beside me. He reached out and curled his fingers around the ribbon that circled my neck, drawing me into him. Just before his lips touched mine, he whispered, "Way to go, Champ."

I'd never felt like more of a winner than I did in that moment.

Eventually, I had to pull away from them and step off the ice. The fun was over, and now came the business end of winning. Each of us who'd received a medal were closely monitored while we made our way to the dressing rooms to change, then escorted to a highly uncomfortable and slightly invasive round of drug testing. It was always my least favorite part—for obvious reasons. Between getting poked and prodded, and the ever-present eyes watching to make sure we didn't try anything funny, I was a ball of nerves even though I knew I had nothing to fear. Needless to say, I was glad when it was over.

Next came paperwork, followed by a press conference. Throughout the entire course of events, one question lingered in the back of my mind, remaining unanswered.

_Olympics?_

I knew the deciding panel would already be in session by now. Nine people holding the fate of my competitive career in their discerning hands. I'd told myself repeatedly not to dwell on it, that it was out of my control and that I'd already done everything possible on my end. Still, uncertainty prickled at my spine. Yes, I'd won this competition, but I'd been out the entire previous season and hadn't even hit the podium at the only other event I'd skated at this season. Though it somewhat pained me to admit it, I knew the fact that my name was so well known could only help my case.

Then there was the factor of the other open slot. Angela got silver so she was the obvious choice, but again, she was young and relatively untested, and definitely not very well known. She'd performed brilliantly at this competition, but didn't have a very consistent track record. Unfortunately, Lauren still had a fighting chance to make it since she was the previous season's national champion and she consistently performed well, even if not always perfect.

The panel wanted to select the two best possible athletes to represent the country and even I had to admit that Lauren was a good athlete. It was a damn shame they didn't really judge on character, then maybe I'd feel more confident in writing her off.

Only time would give me the answer. Time, and apparently a text message.

Once we finished the press conference panel, the chair of the association informed us that we'd be getting a text once the panel came to an agreement. Thumbs up or thumbs down. I was a little frustrated to hear that bit of news. As if this whole process wasn't already painfully nerve-wracking enough, now came the added anxiety of trying to force my hand to open a text message. The one comfort came in the fact that we didn't have to wait around the arena to receive it.

Though it was already late into the night, there was always a big party for the competitors following the end of the final official event. I was really tempted to skip it, to just wind down the evening alone with my family, maybe talk Edward into heading back to our room to engage in our own little private celebration. I was pretty sure it wouldn't take too much convincing. Unfortunately it was a bit of an unspoken obligation to at least make an appearance as the standing champion.

Once I'd finally been freed from the labyrinth backstage, I was greeted with the encompassing arms of my family and more celebratory hugs. Soon enough, we decided to caravan back to the hotel so I could get changed into something a bit more fitting for a cocktail party, and then traveled back over to The Davenport where the party was already well underway in the lavish hotel ballroom.

Skaters from men's, pairs, ice dance, and ladies, in addition to all our closest family and friends were in attendance. Past champions and big names from the skating world mingled in the mix and I had fun walking around with Rose and Alice, introducing them to some of the skaters they'd admired on TV like Kristi Yamaguchi and Tara Lipinski.

I spotted Angela sipping on a soda, hanging off to the side with her coach and parents. Edward and I joined them to congratulate Angela and share in the excitement of the evening. I could tell she was anxious, just as I was, about the fact that no message had come through yet. Having only been through the process once before, it was hard to say if it was normal for it to take so long for them to make a decision. Every minute that passed just frayed my nerves that much more.

Looking around the room, one person was noticeably missing. Well, two people. Renee and Lauren were nowhere to be found. I figured that maybe she was embarrassed to have finished third, or that maybe they'd actually grown a conscious and felt remorse for their actions and behavior throughout this weekend. Or maybe they'd found out what actually happened with Phil and realized how wrong they'd both been. Whatever the reason, it barely registered as more than a blip on my radar. I'd had quite possibly the most amazing night of my professional career and nothing could bring me down.

We spent a little over an hour at the party. Emmett, Rose, Jasper and Alice had no problems entertaining themselves and making conversation. At one point I even saw Emmett out on the dance floor with Eric, busting a move to Lady Gaga's pulsing tunes. They were an unconventional pair—the burly hockey player and the flamboyant figure skater—but they appeared to have cemented a fast friendship, especially with the drinks flowing freely.

Around one a.m., still text-less, tired and anxious, I decided I'd put in my time. I tugged on Edward's tie, raising up on my toes to whisper in his ear that I was ready to go. We checked in with the others and encouraged them to stay and hang out as long as they wanted, promising I'd send them word as soon as I heard anything. It took us a few minutes to make our exit, but eventually we made it out to the curb and caught a cab back to our hotel.

We didn't really talk much from the time we left to when we got back to our room. Edward seemed to sense my growing anxiety and did what he could to settle me by holding me close in the backseat of the cab and softly playing with my hair.

Though we were both well aware that sleep wasn't happening until that message came in, we crawled beneath the covers and flipped off the light. Edward pulled me back into his arms, curling his warmth around me and enfolding me into him. His arms were a comforting weight across my ribs and his legs wove between mine. His cheek rested on my temple and we cuddled silently, two pairs of watchful eyes focused on my dormant cell phone where it lay on the mattress in front of me.

Finally at just after two o'clock, my cell phone beeped with a text message, the tiny light illuminating the darkened room like a spotlight. I practically jumped out of my skin, flinching in Edward's arms. He chuckled at me and rolled me over to wrap me close. He rubbed his hands up and down my back in an attempt to calm the onslaught of nerves that overtook me.

"I can't look," I whispered against his neck.

"Yes, you can," he encouraged, pressing a soft kiss to my hair. "It's like ripping off a band-aid, you just have to grit your teeth and do it."

I nodded, reaching behind me for the phone. It had gone dark again and a little part of me feared that when I pressed the button the message would no longer be there. Or worse, it'd be there but not say what I wanted—needed—it to say.

"No, I can't. You look," I said, shoving the phone at Edward.

"Bella," he sighed, pressing the phone gently back into my hands. "You need to look. I'll be right here, but that message is for you."

"Okay." I blew out a calming breath, then took another. My fingers were shaking as I pressed the button to light up the screen, illuminating the **1 new text** message box. With my thumb on the button, I looked up into Edward's eyes and pressed it.

"Just look, baby," he said. He gave me a reassuring wink paired with his crooked smile and I found the nerve to do just that.

**Congratulations, Isabella! We are delighted to offer you a spot on Team USA for the XXI Olympic Winter Games in Vancouver. Please check in prior to Exhibition practice this morning for further details.**

"Breathe, Bella."

I looked up at Edward with wide eyes and realized I hadn't exhaled since I'd opened the message. I did so on a gasp, rapidly inhaling immediately.

"Good news, I take it?" he asked with a tentative smile.

I opened my mouth to answer but nothing came out. Instead, I nodded and threw myself into his open arms with a laugh, tackling us both back on to the mattress. He rained quick kisses over my face and hair, telling me over and over again how happy he was for me without even saying a word.

As much as I wanted to just bolt the door and relish the good news alone with Edward, I knew I couldn't be so selfish. I had to tell Marcus, and Esme, and every other person who had helped me get to this point. While it was my accomplishment, I certainly couldn't have done it alone.

Still, I put off sounding the trumpets for just a few minutes and enjoyed the unique method Edward chose to celebrate the news, with caressing lips and soft touches and gentle hums against my skin, quiet words and curved lips that made me feel cherished and spectacular.

Eventually I managed to send out the word, a mass text that said, **What are your thoughts on Vancouver in February? ;)**

It took less than four minutes before they all came pounding on the door, everyone clad in pajamas with champagne and Dixie cups in hand.

**x-x-x**

Later that morning, after only a few precious hours of sleep, I packed up my stuff to head back over to the rink. I was due for an Olympic team meeting, followed by pictures, and then a quick practice for the Exhibition gala that afternoon.

It was sure to be a very busy day and I was pretty much relying on excitement and adrenaline to power me through. This week had been both mentally and physically draining and I was more than ready to hop on a plane back to the Midwest for a little bit of peace and quiet. We'd originally planned to fly back Monday morning rather than rush to hop a plane that night after closing ceremonies, but after everything that had happened, I was ready to go home as soon as possible.

Marcus was the only one accompanying me for the morning events. The rest of the gang was in charge of packing everything up and checking out of the hotel once they'd eventually dragged their way out of bed. I was more than a little envious that they could sleep in after the late night excitement. Edward asked more than once about coming along and sitting in the stands while I practiced, but I held firm this time. I really wanted the program I'd chosen for exhibition to be a surprise for them all. Even Esme hadn't seen this one yet.

We arrived at the rink and got through security only to come across a chaotic scene in one of the backstage halls.

Security guards were everywhere, surrounded by a small crowd of skaters, coaches, and association personnel. I couldn't see much of the cause for all the attention, too short to see over the wall of people, but I could certainly hear it.

Renee and Lauren, both screaming obscenities at each other.

Marcus and I stood off to the side rather than joining in the crowd, but I couldn't deny that I was dying to get a closer look. My eyes grew huge when I finally caught on to a few of the things they were saying. Apparently the cat was out of the bag about Phil and Lauren and like I'd predicted, the result wasn't pretty. Unfortunately, it seemed as if I was just catching the tail end of the drama.

The crowd parted and I almost gasped at what I saw. A few beefy uniformed guards were leading Lauren and Renee away in restraints and neither of them looked in very good shape. Lauren had black streaks of mascara running down her face, and her cheek was red from the familiar mark of Renee's hand. I remembered what that had felt like, and had to stop myself from lifting my hand to my own cheek in sympathy.

Renee didn't look any better. Her hair was a complete mess and it looked like Lauren had taken a swipe at her neck with her talons, leaving a trio of angry red welts on Renee's skin.

Security led them both right past us on their way out of the building. Lauren didn't even notice, too busy wailing and shrieking nonsensically. Renee, however, seemed to sense where I stood. Her eyes snapped up to my face as they approached.

It was difficult to make out her expression. Anger, despair, defeat, they were all there. But the one that hit me hardest was one I'd never dreamed I would see on her face.

Shame.

She held my gaze for a long moment, then just before passing by, dropped her head and hunched her shoulders in on herself, allowing the guards to lead her away without another word.

The crowd was starting to disperse and move along with the excitement over. Marcus patted me on the back and murmured that he was going to check in. He encouraged me to head to the locker room to drop my stuff off before things got started. I nodded but didn't move, even when he was gone. My mind was spinning in circles, still trying to process what the hell I'd just witnessed and what any of it meant.

"Swan! Over here!"

I snapped out of my trance and glanced up to see Eric waving me over from where he stood among the dwindling crowd. If anyone had the low down on what had just transpired, it was sure to be Eric. The man had a nose for gossip. I picked up my garment bag and rolling case, crossing over to him.

"You're missing all the action, girl," he said, nudging me in the ribs when I stopped next to him. There was an excited glint in his eye that told me he had a very juicy morsel to share.

"What's going on?"

"Oh my god, it was epic!" he exclaimed. He glanced around once before murmuring to me in a low whisper, "Mallory's drug test came back positive."

"What?" I cried. That was about the last thing I ever would have expected to hear.

Eric nodded and waggled his eyebrows exaggeratedly. "Girl was spikin' the Powerade."

"I can't believe it," I murmured, turning the bit of information over in my head.

"Believe it," he said eagerly. "It's been all over the rink this morning. She and your, uh, well, _her_ manager, got called down here this morning to meet with all the big guns, very hush-hush. Fortunately for inquiring minds, the rooms aren't sound-proofed," he disclosed, looking very pleased with himself.

"You seriously eavesdropped on an official inquiry?" I asked with a lifted brow. Eric was a gossip-monger, but it was hard to imagine him putting an ear up to a closed door on something so serious.

"You know I don't like to get my hands dirty," he scoffed. "Just got friends in all the right places."

"Uh huh. So, what happened?"

"Oh, right, so they go in there, get the whole dressing-down about 'defacing our noble sport,' how inappropriate her actions were and how that kind of behavior isn't acceptable in the United States Figure Skating Association, blah blah blah, you get the picture," he babbled, waving his hands, obviously eager to get the whole story unfolded for his captive audience.

"That's when the drama really kicks in. Lauren starts pitching a fit, throwing her coach and Renee under the bus, saying they forced it on her and how they've been pushy, abusive and quote unquote 'tyrannical,'" he said with an eye-roll. "Trying to play the innocent, impressionable victim. Well, you can imagine how well that went over. Dwyer starts lobbing insults and accusations right back at her. By this point I didn't even need an eavesdropper, you could hear them screaming in the hallway."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, and it gets better. Turns out Lauren was having very regular off-the-ice sessions with her coach, if you know what I mean," he said, making a gesture with his hands to illustrate exactly what he was insinuating. "Can you believe it? I mean, I'm not surprised, but yeah, scandal city. Sex, drugs, cheating, and a genuine cat-fight to top it off. Hair pulling, nail scratching, the works. Security had to yank them off each other. This is big, baby, like Nancy, Tonya big."

Eric was practically vibrating with excitement at this point and I had to choke back a laugh when he did a little shuddering wiggle dance. The man thrived on this kind of drama.

"Huh. Sounds like quite a show."

"Aren't you glad you cut ties with those troublemakers?" he asked, nudging me with his shoulder. "I know you, babe, drama's not your thing. You're too sweet and classy to go down in a drug scandal."

"Yeah. I can't even imagine…" I sputtered, still trying to wrap my head around the situation. "I mean, Renee never once even thought about drugs when we were, well, when she was my manager," I said. "Maybe it was Phil's idea."

"Well, whatever it was, this all comes out and they're black listed in the sport of figure skating, every one of them. Good riddance is all I have to say. Though, you know I love some good backstage drama."

"That's just crazy," I said, still having a difficult time processing it all. "And stupid. I mean, everyone knows the association thoroughly tests any skater who hits the podium. Why risk it if they know there's no way they'd get away with it?"

"Who knows?" Eric shrugged. "A lot of people do stupid things when they're desperate. And those two? You could practically smell the desperation seeping through their grody pores."

"I guess," I muttered, not really sure what to think of the whole thing. They deserved it, that was for sure. Not only for their actions toward me but for being stupid enough to try and slip one past the association. There's a reason they said 'cheaters never prosper.'

Ninety-nine percent of me was happy to agree with Eric and say 'good riddance' to all three of them. And at least with Phil and Lauren, I was unquestionably relieved to have them out of my life, even if I chose to continue competing in the future.

It was the look on Renee's face as she walked past that made me hold on to that one percent that simply felt sorry for her. I hoped she'd figure things out and maybe turn her life around a bit, but I wasn't going to wait around for it to happen. She'd made the choices that got her to this point, just as I'd made mine to get to where I was. Renee and I were on completely different paths, and I highly doubted they would cross much in the future, if at all.

"So," Eric said, swinging his arm around my shoulders. "On to happier things. Missed you at the party last night."

"I was there," I grinned up at him, shaking off the odd mood of the morning. "You were just busy lapping up all the attention."

"You should have been too, my victorious friend."

"But you do it so much better."

"Better get used to the spotlight again real fast, girl," he said. "Because, after all…"

He trailed off with a mischievous glint in his eyes and I cringed, well aware what was coming. It was a bit of a standing tradition for Eric if he finished at the top of the pack and one he'd dragged me into on the few times we'd both placed first at the same event.

"Don't do it, Yorkie," I warned, attempting to shove away from him. He simply tightened his arm around my shoulder, throwing his other arm out and singing loudly.

"_We are the champions, my fr-i-end._ C'mon, Swan, sing it with me," he requested, shaking me a bit as I anxiously glanced around.

"Eric! I tell you every single time, it's inappropriate," I protested. "You really want to get the reputation for being a jackass who rubs their success in everyone else's face?"

"There's no one around," he insisted, waving at the empty corridor. "C'mon, babe, we deserve one chorus." I still hesitated. He reached up and playfully pinched my cheek. "You know you want to."

"Ugh, fine," I groaned, but gave in with a reluctant grin. Because really, I had kinda earned it and I couldn't deny it felt great to sing those words when they really meant something. "Just keep your voice down."

So there we stood in an abandoned hallway backstage at the arena. The reigning men's and ladies champions of the United States, swaying together and belting out the conquering lyrics of Queen as we made our way to the locker rooms.

**x-x-x**

That morning was jam-packed with a lot of activity in a short amount of time. Though the start of the day had been weird to say the least, it started quickly turning around in the excitement of Olympic anticipation. The first pleasant surprise was seeing Angela in on the info session. She was positively giddy and her passion was infectious. Between her and Eric, it felt like they were looking forward to Spring Break rather than the most grueling athletic event our sport had to offer.

After endless meetings, press interviews and photographs, we got a small respite to get out on the ice and practice our exhibition routines. Not long after, we were all sequestered backstage to prepare while the crowd started filling in for the mid-afternoon gala to wrap up the two week event.

As I got ready in the dressing room, I didn't feel nervous at all; I loved skating Exhibition. There wasn't nearly the same pressure to perform, becase we weren't judged on anything, and we didn't have any requirements to meet in terms of elements and choreography. It was just fun; skating for the sake of skating.

Sure, there was always the risk of falling on your butt in front of a huge crowd of people and dozens of TV cameras, but it was really just a chance to let loose and show off a little bit. It was also one of the few chances I had to really just relax and enjoy my fellow skaters' performances without the worry that they were going to do better than me and knock me down in the rankings.

Though I was one of the last to skate, I hurried through getting ready so I could stand by the boards and get a chance to watch as much of the show as possible. The entire gala was a blast right from the start. The crowd was awesome and the routines I saw were fun and exciting. A few numbers in, Eric came and stood by my side, leaning back against the wall.

"Got your poker face on, Yorkie?" I asked with a smirk when I took in his costume.

"You're just jealous, Swan," he sniffed, brushing at the shoulder of his ostentatious body suit. "You know you could never rock the Gaga like I can." I snorted when he fanned out his bedazzled, gloved fingers over his face dramatically.

"You're right about that."

"Best to stick to our strengths. You take your little pigtails out there and make all the little girls beg their mommies and daddies to let them sign up for figure skating lessons so they can be just like you," he cooed in a saccharine voice, tugging on the one of the loosely curled pigtails hanging over my shoulder. "I'll stick to my role as the source of shock and controversy."

"Hey, if it works…" I shrugged.

"Speaking of what works, what the hell do they feed the boys back in Minnesota?" he whined, gesturing across the arena to where my fan club of the Cullens, Hales and Charlie took up practically the entire front row of seats along the center. "I swear you've got a whole line up of perfect male specimens lining the boards over there for you. It's just not fair."

"It really isn't," I agreed with a contented sigh, taking a moment to appreciate the very attractive men who surrounded me on a daily basis, especially the one in particular I appreciated on a much more intimate level.

He poked me in the ribs. "Greedy whore."

"Jealous slut," I lobbed back with a grin.

"Yeah, I totally am. If I didn't love you so much, I'd hate you," he pouted. "You'd totally deserve it, too, I mean look at you. Gorgeous, talented, all-American, sweetie pie with your perfect Adonis of a hockey player, living in your dream house back in the heartland. All the luck, I tell ya. You'll probably have perfect little ice skating babies who grow up to be the next flawless skating prodigies."

"We're a long way off from signing our potential kids up for skating lessons."

"Yeah, but you'll get there. The look on that boy's face when he looks your way? Practically screams 'forever.' It's so obvious he's head over heels for you."

I didn't have any answer to that but to grin. Because I knew he was, just the same as I was for him.

"You so know it, too!" Eric said in an accusatory voice. He slumped back against the wall and muttered, "Lucky bitch."

I laughed and pushed away from the wall, tugging on his arm.

"C'mon Yorkie, we're in the next group. Better get warmed up if you want to avoid pulling a groin muscle and end up having to watch opening ceremonies from your couch, with an ice pack down your pants."

**x-x-x**

I ended up finishing up my stretches along the boards so that I could watch Eric's performance. He had everyone in the crowd pumped with his very passionate ode to his favorite Diva, and I was in hysterics watching Rose, Alice, and Emmett bopping along in the stands, cat-calling when Eric brought out the hip thrusts and vogue arms. He was definitely a showman, first and foremost.

It was a tough act to follow, but when I stepped out on to the ice during the commercial break, it was without even a hint of jitters.

Scott Hamilton was interviewing each of the first place finishers for a moment before our performances so I lingered by the sidelines, skating in circles and chatting with him while we waited for the cameras to come back on.

They gave us the signal and I brushed out my skirt as I took my place next to Scott.

"You had a nice week, huh?" he asked, earning a wave of chuckles from the crowd.

"Yeah, pretty good," I said with a giggle, fighting the urge to cough uncomfortably and fold my arms around myself. I didn't mind the spotlight when I was skating, but the talking part still tripped me up a bit.

"So you had a bit of a tough break last season. Good to be back?"

"It's amazing," I answered, remembering exactly where I was during last year's Nationals—on the couch in my apartment, wondering if I'd ever have the chance to really skate again. "Coming back this season has definitely been a challenge, but it's been worth it. There's really nothing like stepping out on to competitive ice and I'm just thankful to have had another opportunity to get out there."

"We all know by now that you're heading to Vancouver next month," he said, pausing while the crowd clapped their approval. "You've already got one Olympic medal in your arsenal. Do you think it'll be different this time around than Torino?"

"I think it'll be very different. Four years is a long time and I've learned a lot about myself since two thousand six, both as a person and as a skater. I've made a lot of changes since then, and I'm a lot more comfortable. Obviously it's still a very daunting path, but I feel much more confident in myself than I did going into Italy. I feel pretty good."

"Well you looked pretty good out there, too. If this week's any indication, it looks like the International women are gonna have quite a battle on their hands to take you down."

The audience cheered enthusiastically while I smiled bashfully, praying that the glaring light of the spotlight would wash out the blush that stained my cheeks.

"I don't know about the rest of these guys," Scott said, "But I really want to see you skate. Think you can pull something together?"

"I might have a little something," I said coyly.

"Alright then," he said, patting me on the shoulder. "Get out there, have some fun because after this you've gotta get back to work."

I glided around the ice with the spotlight following my stride, taking the simple warm up lap to get my feet under me and absorb the energy of the crowd. Instead of heading to center ice where almost all of my programs started from, I came to a stop by the boards, right in front of Edward.

He grinned and sat forward, whispering 'hi' as I shook out my feet, stepping into position. I mouthed, 'hi' back and gave him a sassy wink before folding my arms over the edge of the board, leaning to rest my cheek on top of them. He reached out and brushed his finger over the swell of my cheek, just the faintest wisp of a touch. The look in his eyes when I glanced up was mesmerized, as if he couldn't help himself from testing to see if I was real and right in front of him.

My eyes fluttered closed and I melted just as the music began, a dreamy acapella version of _Somewhere Over the Rainbow_ sung by four harmonious female voices.

I'd known as soon as I'd opened the box containing my ruby skates that I wanted to use them to skate to this song, ideally in a time and place just like this. I was so happy that this wish came true.

The program wasn't long, nor too physically taxing, but I threw myself into the steps just as passionately as I had with my two competitive routines. Because this program wasn't just a fun exhibition piece, it was a tribute to my family, my way of showing them exactly what they'd all brought to my life. Though it wasn't nearly enough, I wanted to be able to give them something back for all they had given me.

The entire room seemed to hold its breath for the three minutes of my program, unlike the hoots and howls and enthusiastic clapping that had accompanied Eric on the ice only minutes before. It was almost like a spell had fallen. The lack of accompaniment to the soft voices of the song only seemed to amplify the sounds of my blades twirling and scraping over the ice, adding their own harmony to the music.

The lights glinted against the red stones on my skates as I moved around the ice and danced over the sparkling rhinestones of my blue skating dress, pure and vivid color against the stark white of the ice. The bright column of the spotlight separated me from the rest of the dimmed arena, and I felt like a dream incarnated, floating on the sturdy supports of those eight people lining the boards.

The best part was, unlike Dorothy, I didn't have to say goodbye and leave them behind. They were with me always.

The song came to an end and the applause kicked in, breaking the quiet trance I had cast. I dipped in a bow, blowing a kiss to my family, saying my farewells to the lights and excitement of this world for at least a few weeks.

The week in Spokane had been amazing, a dream filled series of days containing some of the highest highs I'd ever experienced and scattered with a few nightmarish lows. Good and bad, I was stronger for the experience and content with how things had worked out on all ends.

But I was more than ready to click my heels and head home.

**x-x-x**

While it wasn't quite as easy as three taps of my ruby skates, Edward and I eventually dragged ourselves through the door of our house that night, collapsing together in a heap on the bed as we snuggled into warm blankets that smelled like home.

I didn't set my alarm for the next morning. When we'd touched down in Minnesota the night before, Marcus had been very insistent on me taking the next day off and not even think about setting foot near an ice rink. I'd argued on pure principle, but he'd stood firm.

I knew he had a point. I'd pushed myself so much in the past few days and my body needed some time to recuperate, even if my mind was telling me there were only four weeks before the ladies short skate in Vancouver, and just under three weeks before Opening Ceremonies.

Between the few press obligations I'd have in the meantime and polishing a whole new program to the level it would need to be at to even think about showing in Vancouver, there really wasn't any time to waste. But, as Marcus had pointed out, it wouldn't do me any good to wear myself thin and risk injury from over training.

So the morning after coming home, I had every intention of sleeping in. It really wasn't my fault that I was a light sleeper and awoke when I felt Edward's weight leave the mattress.

I groaned and patted my hand blindly over his side of the bed, searching to tug him back in beside me.

"Go back to sleep, beautiful," I heard Edward whisper close to my ear before pressing a quick kiss to my cheek.

I blinked my eyes open to see him moving around the room, pulling on athletic pants over his boxer briefs and digging through his drawer for a t-shirt.

"Where are you going?" I groaned, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

"Practice," he said, tugging a t-shirt over his head to cover his bare chest. Which was really a damn shame. I'm pretty sure my lips formed a pout at being denied a little early morning eye candy.

"Not everyone's got a softie coach who'll give them the day off," he said, his lips quirked into a teasing smirk.

"Get back here," I demanded in a perturbed and raspy voice. It really wasn't very nice of him to spoil my plans for lazy morning cuddles. I stretched my hands out to him, though it was a fruitless attempt. He was across the room and well out of my reach.

"Baby, I'm already running behind," he said, continuing to fumble around looking for his socks and sneakers.

I probably should have just let him go. He still had responsibilities and obligations, even if I was granted a free day. He'd put me ahead of his job on more than one occasion and it wasn't fair to ask him to do it again for no good reason.

But, I was feeling greedy this morning. It was our first morning back in our bed, in our house since all the craziness of Nationals and he'd been gone on a road trip before that. The night before, we'd been too tired to do anything but pass out as soon as we hit the pillows. All I wanted was a little bit of cuddle time. That wasn't too much to ask, right?

I pointed at him with at pouty glare, then pointed insistently at the mattress, summoning him back to the bed.

He chuckled and rolled his eyes before dropping the socks he'd pulled from the drawer, crossing back to the bed to stand in front of me.

"What?"

Rather than tell him what I wanted, I decided to just take charge. I reared up and wrapped my arms around his middle, tackling him back on the mattress with me. He hadn't seen it coming and I put all my strength into it. He fell heavily on top of me with an 'oof,' rolling quickly so he wasn't crushing me. He laughed, groaning a surrendered, 'alright' before winding his arms around me, nuzzling his morning scruff into my neck.

"Two minutes," he granted. "Then I've gotta get up. I already skipped out on my gym time."

"Slacker." I smirked and snuggled my body back into his.

"Look who's talking, lazy ass," he muttered, giving said ass a playful swat.

"Oh, Edward," I sighed, my lips curling in a self-satisfied grin against his skin as I buried my face into the crook of his arm. "Didn't you hear? I'm a National Champion. I earned a lazy day."

He laughed heartily and rolled me over. He shifted himself until he hovered over me, settling his body between my splayed legs but perched above me by the solid frame of his arms. "Oh, you think so, do you?" he asked with a quirk of his eyebrow.

"Mmhmm," I murmured with a cocky smirk. "It's in the fine print. Etched on the back of the medal even. Feel free to go check for yourself."

He shook his head, his gaze flickering over my face as his smile stretched into a full on grin. "You're so fucking adorable, have I told you that?"

My own lips split into a beaming smile that matched his as I gazed up at him. "Not today."

"Well, I'm telling you now," he murmured, ducking his head to press soft, open mouthed kisses along my collarbone, his coarse scruff tickling my skin.

"Adorable. And sexy," he continued between pecks, his voice growing steadily huskier, each kiss a little more firm and lingering than the last. He lowered himself from his hover until I could feel him pressing against me, stiff and firm against soft and pliant. "And completely irresistible."

His lips lifted suddenly and stole my breath as they crushed down on mine with unexpected fervor, his tongue darting out to slide between my parted lips, tangling passionately with mine. His hands ran eagerly over my bare thighs, his long fingers kneading the muscle there as he tightened his grip. He urged my legs higher around his waist to curl and wrap around him, effectively encouraging me to pin his body to mine. He pressed his hips against mine, the stiffness of his erection rubbing divinely against me in slow and even strokes.

It was a little ridiculous how quickly the man could turn me into a writhing, delirious lust puddle, but somehow I managed to keep one or two brain cells working. With great restraint, I broke my mouth from his.

"Edward," I gasped, my lips still opening and closing in phantom kisses as he turned his attention to the column of my neck, undeterred by my interruption. "We can't," I protested without force. I really wasn't eager to stop him, even if it was the right thing to do. "You have practice, remember?"

"Hey, you started it, Swan," he muttered, not bothering to lift his head from where his tongue was trailing a slick line over my skin, following the curve of my breast before dipping beneath the cotton barrier of my bra.

"I just wanted a little snuggle. But you're right, you need to go," I said, though my fingers rose to weave through his hair, encouraging him to stay. "You're gonna be late."

"Fuck it," he rasped out in a gritty voice, tugging the cup of my bra to the side to expose my nipple. The lightly callused pad of his thumb circled the peak until it was taut and stiff below his hand, then he moved over to the other. My breath choked out on a strangled whimper as the rest of his fingers stroked over my flesh, nudging my bra straps over my shoulders then moving to flick open the clasp at my back to discard it completely.

"They can fine me or whatever, but there's no way I'm leaving this bed with you looking all tousled and enticing," he said, firmly stroking his hands up my sides, grazing against the sides of my breasts before diving into my hair, fisting into the disheveled strands as his lips traveled up my jaw. "And you're grossly over-estimating my self control if you even _think_ me getting up and walking out that door right now's a possibility."

I stopped fighting, too caught up in him and the things he was doing to my body to spare another thought on responsibility. I gave myself over, streaking my hands over the warm, coiled muscles of his back beneath his t-shirt, before quickly relieving him of it.

The feeling of him grinding against me with only thin barriers of cotton and the slick material of his warm-up pants between us was an insufficient ecstasy. My hips bucked against him searching for more friction, moaning when I found it and it still wasn't enough to satisfy. I wanted him naked and inside me, impatient with anything that prevented that from happening.

He grabbed my hand and guided my fingers with little effort beneath the waist of his pants, seeking out his hard shaft and curling around him when I found it.

"You feel that?" he groaned, pumping into my hand.

I choked out a breathy laugh and tightened my grip, gnawing on my lower lip because I didn't want him in my hand, I wanted him between my legs.

"It's kinda hard to miss."

"Damn straight it's hard," he growled. "You did that to me, baby. Now what are you gonna do about it?"

My gaze flashed up to his, the look of blatant desire in his eyes only flaring my own lust. My fist squeezed around him once before I broke my grip. My hands reached up to shove forcefully against his shoulders, flipping our position until he was lying flat with me straddling him. I showered impatient kisses over his chest, raking my nails over his skin before hooking into his pants and tugging them down around his ankles where he kicked them off.

He pushed at the thin cotton of my panties aided by a quick shimmy of my hips before I was on him again, this time my heated flesh sliding over his cock uninhibited, warm and wet and ready for him.

"Fuck," he rasped, his head thrown back on the bed as his shaft moved between my thighs, thrusting but not entering. "Yes, Bella. Ungh, so good."

"It's about to get better," I promised, lifting myself off him just enough to poise his tip at my entrance before sliding down on him, taking him inside me in one intense stroke.

It was a heady race from that point, groping hands and slapping skin, strangled groans and pleasured cries in the calm and quiet morning, where nothing else existed but Edward and me.

When my orgasm shimmered over me, it was his name that fell from my lips, just as mine was what he cried when he came only moments later.

I collapsed forward on his chest, rolling bonelessly off of his body to sprawl, spent and satiated, beside him as my heart pounded in my chest.

At a slight tickle on my cheek, I turned my head and opened my eyes to see Edward's satisfied face in front of me, his cheek smashed into the mattress as he lay on his stomach, his index finger toying with a strand of hair that fell over my face.

"So much for a lazy morning," he said, still slightly out of breath.

"It's still early," I pointed out. I scooted over, hitching myself up to splay across his back, craving the contact. My curves fitted against the planes of his body, my hands sliding beneath him to find his and clasp our fingers together. I sighed and softened, feeling my body perfectly melding to his.

"Edward?" I murmured after a few quiet moments of simply breathing with him.

"Yeah?" he grunted, his voice muffled from the sheets.

"How much do they fine you for being late to practice?" I asked, tracing the tip of my nose along the side of his neck.

"I don't know. I'm usually very punctual when you're not being a bad influence," he said in a teasing voice. "Five hundred, maybe?

"Wow. I feel like I should cover half or something," I chuckled, kissing the back of his shoulder.

"Forget it, Swan. Someday I'll make you late for something and we'll call it even."

"Is that a promise?" I asked, low and husky against the juncture of his jaw and throat.

"You betcha," he murmured happily, shifting slightly beneath me.

God, he was cute. So happy and unspoiled, traces of boyish charm mixed in with the completely sexy man he'd grown into. And when those tiny hints of local slang with just a hint of an accent slipped from his lips, I just wanted to wrap my arms around him and never let him go.

"Edward?" I whispered again.

"Yeah?"

"How much do you get fined for skipping a whole day?" I asked suggestively, nipping at the lobe of his ear.

"Guess we're gonna find out, aren't we?" he said, moving beneath me until I was turned on my back, my hair fanned out on the rumpled sheets. He knelt between my legs, grinning down at me, before tugging on the comforter, throwing the blanket over us and blocking out almost all the light of the sunny winter morning.

"What are you doing?" I giggled, my feet kicking at the covers as he lowered himself on top of me.

"Nu-uh, leave 'em," he said, rubbing his feet against mine, his toes stroking over my calves as his fingers grasped mine. "You wanted to play hooky, we're gonna do it right. I'm not sharing you with anything or anyone for the rest of the day. Not even the sun."

"It's a good thing we're both highly trained athletes," I murmured against his lips. "This'll probably require some extreme stamina."

"Think you're up for it, Champ?"

I smirked and wound my legs around him. "See if you can keep up with me, Cullen."

**x-x-x**

After our one day of not-so-idle relaxation, things kicked back into high gear for both Edward and me. His season continued to keep him busy. He traveled often and when he was home, most of his time was occupied by games and practice.

My schedule was even worse. Marcus and I were in a frenzy, spending every day at the rink polishing and perfecting my lullaby program. There were days I went home completely worn out and exhausted, wondering why the hell I'd ever thought I could pull off a whole new competitive free skate in the span of a month. Still, every time I was out on the ice, skating to my song, I knew it was the right choice.

In addition to my work in the rink, and despite the fact that I didn't much have the minutes to spare to distraction, I spent a lot of time thinking. World Championships in March weighed heavily on my mind, and though I'd already earned a slot by making the Olympic team, I wasn't sure what to do. It seemed a given that I compete, but maybe it wasn't. Maybe the Olympics were it for me. Though I wasn't ready to make any final decisions yet, I found myself thinking more and more that maybe this was the right time for me to hang up my skates, at least in a competitive stance.

This season had already been such a pinnacle. Making the Olympic team, having the chance to skate a program that embodied so much of me as a person and a skater—a program that I knew even now in its less-than-perfect shape would be the best thing I'd ever performed. I couldn't imagine a more appropriate way to culminate my competitive career. I could still skate and even perform, but I didn't have to do it to win a competition anymore.

I didn't bring up the subject with anyone else, just as they didn't bring it up with me. Marcus and Esme assumed as I did, that we'd get through Vancouver, Worlds, and then we'd make some decisions about what would come next. And while my future certainly affected Edward, he'd already given me his complete support in whatever path I chose to take, assuring me we were in it together and that we would make it work no matter what.

Ultimately, I knew it was my decision to make. I just needed to get my act together and figure out what I wanted.

In the meantime, I had more than enough to keep me occupied.

As did everyone else. My making it to Vancouver had an effect on all of us. Esme and Carlisle had taken on the daunting task of arranging all the travel and lodging arrangements for the trip. Luckily, The NHL would be on a break for the Winter Olympics, and it was a slow season for both Rosalie and Alice at work. Despite there not being many conflicts there, it was still a bit of a logistical nightmare to arrange everything.

Since Vancouver was a much shorter distance to trek than Torino, I'd made the decision to fly in for Opening Ceremonies and the obligatory press happenings, before flying back to Minnesota for the week between the Ceremony and the start of the Ladies' competition. I knew I'd feel much more comfortable training on my own ice, away from the pressure and excited atmosphere. I wanted to be as relaxed as possible going into the competition and there was no way I'd feel relaxed in a crowded, foreign territory. We'd all fly in together a couple days before the short program, Charlie included. Esme had found us a large condo to rent not far from the Olympic Village. I hadn't stayed in the Village before and while I considered it briefly, thinking it was my one opportunity to do so, it wasn't worth throwing off my peace of mind.

With all of the technical details taken off my shoulders, I was able to dig in and concentrate on what I needed to—my skating.

The lullaby program was coming together like no other routine I'd ever skated. It felt as effortless and natural as breathing every time I took my starting position and Marcus pressed play. There were a few glitches to work out, but not many. We hadn't made a final decision on incorporating a triple Axel into the mix, nor would we until the last minute by all likelihood. It would depend how I was feeling in the days leading up to the free skate and how the short program had gone. Still, it was encouraging to know that it was a possibility, and that it was there if I needed it.

I'd kept quiet to everyone about the switch from _Moonlight Sonata_—to the press certainly but to those closest to me as well. Even Edward.

I wasn't sure yet when I was planning to tell them. Before Nationals, I'd hesitated because I wasn't sure I'd actually get the chance to perform it. Now, I didn't really have a good reason. But still, something told me to keep it inside and wait for the right time.

Luckily, it wasn't that hard to keep it under wraps.

Esme rarely came to the rink, too busy with the business end to spend a lot of time with Marcus and me. She had her job and we had ours. For now there wasn't a lot of cause for them to intersect.

Edward was so rarely home and when he was, he wasn't stopping by the ice. He had enough going on with his own season and I got the feeling he was hesitant to come by the rink for fear of distracting me during my sessions.

A part of me felt a little guilty for not telling them. Especially Edward. Technically, I'd never really lied about it since it was assumed that I'd be skating the same two programs I'd skated in Spokane. And none of them were familiar enough with the inner workings of my training to suspect the amount of time I spent at the rink meant that I was working on something new. They probably figured it was normal to train so extensively leading into such a large event.

I almost told Alice. Right away when we'd returned from Spokane, I approached her about helping me come up with a new costume. I could have easily used the same dress I'd worn for _Moonlight Sonata, _but if I was going to throw down a completely new program, I wanted to go all the way. That and I already had a vision in mind of what I wanted to wear to skate with this song.

Alice had agreed without question, always eager to play around with fashion. The concept was fitting to my previous song selection, so she had no reason to even suspect the new dress was for a new skate.

The design was fairly simple but even so, Alice and her seamstress worked a miracle to have it ready in an impossibly short amount of time.

As if all that wasn't enough to keep me running at full speed, there was the small task of handling the heavy media attention that came with making the Olympic team. While I was somewhat secluded between home and the rink, I was well aware that my name and face were everywhere. The promotional work I'd done back in the late summer in Colorado and LA were cropping up all over the place. It was just like four years ago, maybe even a little crazier since I'd become an even more established name in the sport since then.

Though most of my obligations would be isolated to my time in Vancouver, I did run into a couple things that required my attention earlier.

Which is why Esme, Alice, Rose and I hopped a flight to New York City in early February. I had scheduled tapings at the Today show, a celebrity skate at Rockefeller Center and an interview with Conan to tackle. It was a very quick little jaunt over the weekend, barely cutting into my training schedule.

It probably would have been more efficient to have just gone on my own, but the idea of a girls' weekend—granted a busy and semi-working one—was too good an opportunity to pass up. Especially when the guys were in the middle of yet another prolonged road trip.

It was a blast riding around New York City with the girls. We drank Champagne in the backseat of a stretch limousine while driving around Times Square. We stopped for lunch at Pastis (because according to _Sex and the City_, it was _the_ place to lunch). We even rounded out the weekend with a giggle filled stroll down Fifth Avenue in the snow.

It was the perfect respite from my frantic training regimen, even if it wasn't exactly a weekend off.

When we returned to the mid-west, it was back to work again.

By the week before opening ceremonies, my program was finished for all intents and purposes, and looking pretty damn good if I said so myself. A few days after getting back from New York, Alice called and let me know my dress was finished. She dropped it by the rink on her way to a client meeting but I hadn't taken it out of the bag yet.

Again, it felt like I should save it for just the right moment. I needed to test it, to make sure it wouldn't restrict my movements and that it wouldn't flow weird when I spun. But, I wasn't really worried. Deep down I knew it would be perfect.

It had to be.

It was only a day after that that Edward was scheduled to arrive home from his latest road trip. He'd been gone for two weeks and I missed him terribly. I tried to tell myself how silly it was, that I wouldn't have seen him much even if he had been around. But it didn't help me sleep any better in our half-empty bed.

On the plus side, he didn't have another away game before the Olympics and he'd have the two weeks off while they were in session. It was kind of a shame that my event was at the very end so we wouldn't be able to actually relax and enjoy much of his time off.

Originally his flight had been scheduled to come in from Boston in the early evening, giving me plenty of opportunity to drive out and meet him at the airport.

Then his flight got delayed. Then pushed back again.

By eleven o'clock my time, he was finally in the air and I was cursing his long flight and inclement weather.

Before taking off, we'd spoken briefly. He'd been very insistent that I stay home, worried about me driving in the snow so late at night. His flight wasn't getting in until around two. Added to that, by the time he got through the terminal and baggage claim, it was looking to be a very long night for him.

It was Friday night and I had the day off the next day, so in spite of the fact that I'd agreed to stay home and let him grab a cab at the airport, I was determined to stay awake to give Edward a proper welcome home kiss.

I curled up with Toto and a blanket in the window seat, conveniently located on the front wall of the house so I could keep watch for him, and then settled in for the wait with a book.

After re-reading the same page four times without even realizing it, I gave up on reading.

My attention span was practically non-existent these days for anything but figure skating. Every time I sat down to do something, my brain would start visualizing my programs, walking through the steps in my head. Every so often if I was with someone else, they'd call me out for actually gesturing out the moves with my hands or 'skating' my fingers over any flat surface.

Alice especially thought it was cute and I'd caught her taking video every now and then on her phone to send to Edward, light-heartedly joking that I'd probably just be ignoring him even if he was home.

So not the case. Well, maybe it would be just a little. I didn't think they could really blame me for having a lot on my mind. But at that moment with the house quiet around me and the thick snow falling outside, I only had thoughts for Edward, wishing him home with every second that passed.

Somewhere along the way, I must have dozed off because the next time I lifted my eyes, Edward was there, looking right back at me.

Though I hadn't heard him come it, it wasn't a shock to see him there sitting right up against my side on the narrow bench. It simply felt right.

I sighed, contentment washing over me at seeing him home. Everything was just as it should be again. Home just wasn't quite home without him in it.

"Hey," I whispered, smiling softly. I stretched out the crick in my back from falling asleep sitting up, then settled back on the throw pillow to just look at him.

_He's so tired_, was my first thought, taking in his droopy eyes and scruffy, travel weary face. But he was home, my perfect, beautiful, tired man.

It took me a moment to realize that he was gazing at me with a bit of an odd expression on his face, not smiling back, not saying anything at all. Not reaching forward to wrap his arms around me, as I would have expected after such a long separation. The only contact between us was where his thigh pressed against mine through his jeans and the heavy fleece blanket I'd thrown over myself earlier.

I couldn't imagine anything was wrong; he'd been fine when we'd spoken only hours earlier, if not a little frustrated over all the delays.

But still he sat there with that look, like he was looking right at me but not really seeing me.

My forehead crinkled and I reached out to trail a finger along his jaw. My touch seemed to snap him out of whatever daze he'd been in. He shook his head almost imperceptibly, like he was shaking the fog from his brain. Then _finally_, he smiled at me. That crooked tilt of his lips that always made my heart stutter.

"Everything okay?" I asked, just to be sure, rubbing my knuckles along his scruff.

His hand reached up and closed around my fingers, bringing them to his lips where he pressed a soft kiss.

"Everything's perfect," he murmured. He squeezed my hand before leaning into me for an unhurried and savoring hug.

I shrugged it off. He was probably just tired, and rightly so. And he certainly seemed happy to be home now.

"I'm so glad you're home," I whispered, still tucked close in his arms.

"Baby, you have no idea," he murmured, squeezing me tight and kissing the back of my head, simply because it was the closest spot he could reach.

It was late and had been such a long day for both of us, especially him. So hand-in-hand, we dragged ourselves up the stairs to crawl into bed, each getting under the same blankets for the first night in far too many.

He had the next day off, as did I. In the moment I laid my head on his chest after kissing him goodnight, I knew exactly how I wanted to spend it.

"Edward?" I whispered, tracing my fingers over the shallow lines of his abs.

"Hmm?" he hummed in response, lazily caressing my arm with the back of his hand.

"Will you go to the rink with me tomorrow?"

"I thought you didn't have practice," he said.

"I don't," I said, lifting my head to look up at him. "Not for practice. Just you and me? It'll only be for a little while—"

He softly pressed a finger to my lips, stopping their movement, and grinned sleepily at me.

"I'd love to."

**x-x-x**

"You know, I can lace my own skates," I teased Edward the next morning. We'd slept in a bit and had a lazy morning at home before grabbing lunch and coming to the rink, our respective skate bags in hand.

We were sitting on the bleachers lacing up. Edward had quickly abandoned his own skates, untied on his feet, in favor of swinging my leg over his and lacing up mine.

"Maybe I like doing it for you," he said, glancing up briefly from his work to give me a quick wink. "It's kinda like foreplay."

I snorted inelegantly before bursting into giggles.

"Well, far be it for me to cockblock your little skate fetish," I said, voluntarily lifting my other leg into his lap.

He grinned and turned his attention back to his task, tying my laces with the perfect amount of tension. When he finished, he didn't immediately move my leg from off his thighs, merely continued gently rubbing my calf with his thumb.

"It's been awhile since we've done this," he said, looking up at me.

I nodded in agreement, resting my forehead on the curve of his shoulder for a moment. "Too long."

He turned and kissed the top of my head, giving my leg a few quick pats, nudging it from his lap so he could quickly tie up his own skates.

"It's too bad we were on the road during most of Winter Carnival this year," he said. "It would have been fun to go back with you again. You know, when you weren't being all squirrely about liking me and running away when I tried to kiss you." His tone was light and teasing but the smirk on his face was downright devilish.

"I was not being squirrely," I squealed in offense, swatting playfully at his shoulder.

"But you did run away when I kissed you," he smirked knowingly.

I crawled into his lap, straddling his legs with my knees resting on the cool metal of the bleachers. My arms wound loosely around his neck with my fingers twisting in the soft hair at the base of his scalp.

"I'm not running now," I murmured without a trace of humor, caressing his lips ever so gently with mine.

His hands stroked softly down the length of my back, his fingers faintly rubbing against the sliver of exposed skin at the small of my back between my jeans and t-shirt. Our mouths moved together, achingly tender in their meetings. Never shifting in speed or pressure, not altering from their innocent sweetness.

Or so I thought.

"You keep that up, we're not ever gonna get out on that ice," he whispered in a husky voice, tightening his grip against my hips just slightly.

I giggled and pressed one more smacking kiss to his lips.

"You're right. I do want to skate with you. This can wait until later," I said, shoving myself off from his lap.

"You so sure about that?" he asked playfully.

"Definitely. Keep it in your pants, Cullen," I teased, rolling my eyes at him mockingly.

"It's been there," he winced, standing and not-so-subtly adjusting himself in his jeans. "For two very long weeks."

"Then a few more hours should be no problem at all, right?" I asked coyly, reaching my hand out for his. "Let's go."

Being out on the ice with Edward was like nothing else in the world. It was a sort of homeland for both of us. I'd never dreamt of finding someone who could share that same passion for something as simple as a pair of blades and a sheet of frozen water, but now that I had it, I couldn't imagine not having him to share it with. Skating together with him, I felt like I was sharing a part of my soul.

This wasn't the first time we'd skated together, nor would it be anywhere close to the last. But every time felt like something special.

I was in awe of the way he moved, so graceful and effortless but always with a hint of ferocity just beneath the surface. His style—a hockey player's style—was so different from my own, yet our steps always melded fluidly.

Our time on the ice wasn't rushed; there wasn't any agenda. We hooked up my iPod on shuffle and simply enjoyed the time together, horsing around, flirting, catching up over our respective time apart, and then talking about nothing important at all.

We were sitting side by side, hitched up on the edge of the boards taking a breather when the next song started through the speakers.

Edward grinned at me, knocking his knee against mine and waggling his eyebrows as the introduction to _Baby, It's Cold Outside _echoed around the arena.

"Looks like we're gonna get our chance for a little Winter Carnival throwback after all," he said, vaulting himself off the boards to stand in front of me.

I giggled, squealing a little in surprise when he placed his hands at my waist and swooped me up and off the boards to stand beside him.

"Think you can stay on your feet this time?" I teased.

"Hey," he protested, "that kid totally checked me!"

"Yeah. Sure," I scoffed.

"It's not my fault I was a little distracted at the time," he said, giving my hand a squeeze as we started off around the ice.

We skated hand in hand, trading lines back and forth as we sang along with the music. We flirted playfully with the lyrics, just as we'd done over a year ago. Though we'd come light years together since that day and had gained so much comfort with each other, that giddy spark still sizzled between us.

When we came to that familiar verse that tripped us up last time, Edward turned me into his arms, just as he had that day at the carnival. This time, my heart didn't even think of hesitating.

"I'm lucky that you dropped in," he crooned softly. My cheeks flushed, anticipating what was to come. He shook his head and smiled tenderly, trailing his knuckles over my heated skin. He always told me that he loved it when I blushed.

"Man, your lips look delicious," he whispered, lowering his face to mine. Our breath mingled in the tiny space between us before our lips met, softly at first and then with growing intensity as my fingers fisted into the front of his shirt and he practically lifted me off my feet.

I felt him shaking, his lips wobbly against mine, and I realized he was trying to stifle a laugh.

"What's so funny?" I asked, curling myself close to his chest.

"That worked out so much better without a bunch of interfering little kids hanging around to wreck my moment," he chuckled.

I laughed with him, patting him on the chest. "I always suspected Emmett had something to do with that."

"Nah, he wouldn't have," Edward said. I raised one brow in question, pretty sure it would have been exactly like Emmett to pull a trick like that.

Edward simply shook his head and brushed the hair back from my face. "He knew how much I liked you."

"I liked you too," I said, smiling bashfully. "Even if I was acting squirrely and trying to hide from it."

He sighed, cradling my face between his hands and bringing me toward him to kiss my forehead.

"I love you, Bella."

I hummed softly and melted into his touch, unrushed to say it back because he knew I loved him too.

There in his arms, I realized exactly what I'd been waiting for, why I hadn't told anyone before now, not even him.

I took a deep breath and stepped back from him, catching his hands between us.

"I wanna show you something."

"That sounds promising," he said with a quirk of his lips.

I gnawed on my lip, debating for a moment before deciding to go all in. "Can you wait here for a minute?"

"How are you supposed to show me if you're going away?" he pouted, holding on to my hands.

"I'll be right back," I promised.

"Don't I get a hint?"

"It's a surprise," I said, leaning up on my toes to peck his sulky lips. "Just give me a minute."

I scurried off the ice, stopping briefly at my skate bag to grab a pair of tights from the side pocket before heading into the locker room. I'd kept the new dress locked up here the night before, figuring I'd wait until Monday to try it on when Marcus was around so we could start up dress rehearsals.

I could have kept it tucked away until then and skated the program for Edward in a pair of yoga pants, but I realized that I wanted him to be the first to see it with all the elements tied together.

He'd given me the music and I wanted to show him exactly what I'd done with it.

Unzipping the opaque garment bag, I gave myself a moment to just smile and admire the dress.

It was just as I'd envisioned—a simple midnight blue shift of wispy fabric.

I slipped into it eagerly, smoothing the sleeves as I stepped in front of the full length mirror. It fit like a dream from the snug, sheer sleeves to the billowy skirt. The cut of the dress kept it form fitting but the lack of stitching below the neckline kept it loose. I knew it would float effortlessly when I skated.

The fabric was so light in weight that it felt like wearing nothing at all. Not in a way that felt uncomfortable, but more like being wrapped in a weightless night cloud. The bodice dipped in a low 'v' in the front that was mirrored in the back, both ornamented with dark, glittering crystals, the only embellishment on the dress.

It was the simplest costume I'd ever worn, but in my opinion, the most beautiful. It felt like me.

Quickly slipping my skates back on my feet, I shoved my arms through my track jacket, zipping it up to my neck before stepping back out of the locker room.

When I stepped back through the boards, Edward grinned at me impishly and let out a low wolf whistle.

"Well so far, I'm liking the surprise."

"Perv," I chided, shaking my head affectionately.

"Hey, you walk out here in the equivalent of a sheer mini-skirt, what do you expect?" he shrugged, licking his lips, his eyes glued to my bare legs as I crossed over to him.

"Get your mind out of the gutter or you don't get the rest of your surprise," I taunted, teasingly lowering my zipper a few inches, and then harshly zipping it back up to my throat.

"Minx," he muttered without censure. "I'll behave. For now. Well, I'll try," he backtracked quickly, hooking his hands in the front pockets of my sweatshirt and easily pulling me over the short distance between us. "Depends what's under that sweatshirt."

"Again," I murmured up at him, walking my fingers up the length of his chest. "Perv."

"So, if it's my surprise," he said slowly, toying with my zipper. "Do I get to unwrap you?"

"If you want," I said breathlessly.

He turned his hand and trailed the back of it down the curve of my jaw, caressing me skin with delicacy, as if I were something precious and fragile. "I _always_ want."

I grinned at him and glanced downward, wordlessly offering him permission to unzip my cover up.

He did so slowly, careful not to catch the fabric in the claws of the zipper.

I shrugged it off, impatient for him to see. The expression on his face was well worth the wait. Amazement, desire, mixed with so many other emotions, all of which made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.

"Wow," he whispered with a low exhale. "Bella…you look," he stopped short, his voice catching in his throat. He cleared it softly and looked up into my eyes. "I swear, every time I think you could never look more beautiful, you prove me wrong."

"You like it?" I asked shyly, glancing down to inspect myself. I turned my hips from side to side, appreciating the soft sway of the material as it shifted around my legs.

He took me by the hand, eyes roaming over my body as he gently spun me in a circle, the skirt swishing soundlessly around me.

"Mmmhmm," he hummed his approval. "I more than like it." His eyes finally traveled up to link with mine, and his hands slid around my waist, bunching the loose fabric. "And I love what's inside it. I don't even mean that in a pervy way," he said, smiling and pressing a kiss to the tip of my nose. "Well…not entirely."

I laughed and lifted my arms, dangling them over his shoulders. "I'm glad. Your opinion means a lot to me."

"So this is for Vancouver? For the Sonata?"

"No. Well, yes, it's for Vancouver, but um, it's not— I'm not skating the Sonata," I said, trailing off a little uncertainly.

I hadn't been worried before about what he'd think of me using his song, something so intimate and personal. I still wasn't, not really, but it was still a little nerve-wracking to tell him.

"What?" he asked, confusion lacing his tone.

"I'm changing programs," I elaborated. "Just for the Free Skate."

"Can you even do that?"

"Technically," I shrugged. I lowered my arms and played with the hem of my skirt. "It's not very common. Training a new program's a lot of extra work if it's not necessary. Most people wouldn't recommend it."

"So, why are you? I mean, your program to Moonlight Sonata is just," he paused, searching for the right word. "Well it's gorgeous, Bella, and you skated it so well."

"I know. I love that program. It…well, it has a lot of meaning for me," I said with a small smile, thinking back to my initial inspiration. "And yeah, it would probably be a_ lot_ less stressful going into Vancouver with a program that's been tested a few times and that I know I can pull off."

"Okay…so again, why?"

"Because as much as I love that program, there's one that I knew would mean even more to me," I explained in a soft voice. "This is my last Olympics, Edward. Possibly my last competitive season. Maybe even my last competition. It's important to me that I get to skate this program while I have the chance."

He looked at me intensely, like he was trying to look inside my head to read my thoughts. Then after a long moment, his expression cleared to one of approval.

"You know better than anyone what you're doing and what you're capable of," he said with complete confidence. His lips twitched into a smirk. "How'd you convince Marcus? I can't imagine he would have agreed easily."

"I made him a bet," I grinned coyly.

He barked out a laugh. "Of course you did. And you won, I take it?"

"I don't bet to lose," I said flippantly.

"Why didn't you say anything earlier? Or did you tell—"

"No," I stopped him quickly, not wanting him to think for a second that he was the last to know. "No one else knows yet. Just Marcus."

"My mom?"

I shook my head and took his hands in mine. "Not even her. At first I didn't want to tell anyone in case I didn't end up using it. Then… I don't know. It just didn't feel like the right time or something. Now, I'm starting to realize that I was waiting for it to be ready. I was waiting for you. I want you to be the first to see it all together."

He smiled down at me and squeezed my hands. "Thank you."

"Just promise me something, okay?"

"Anything," he said easily.

"If you're upset about it at all or it makes you uncomfortable, I need you to tell me," I pleaded softly. "Your feelings are more important than using this program."

"Why would it make me uncomfortable?"

"Just promise me," I requested. "Please?"

"Okay," he said without hesitation. "I promise."

I smiled and rose up on my toe picks, planting a chaste kiss on his lips. I led him by the hands over to a spot along the boards where I knew he'd be out of the way. I wanted him on the ice with me, to have that simple connection of our feet standing on the same surface while I shared this with him.

"Press play for me?" I asked, gesturing to the iPod.

I took my mark at center ice, my heart beating a rapid pace in my chest. I was nervous. I wanted to be perfect for him, not because he asked for it but because I knew I had it in me.

He'd given me his heart in a song and shown me my own with its notes. It was only fitting that I give my heart to him in this manner, the most personal way I knew how.

With my eyes on his, I waited for the opening notes to reach out and take me along for their ride. Edward looked down for a moment to fiddle with the device, setting it aside and leaning back against the boards.

The instant the first notes chimed through the speakers, I knew he recognized them. I could see it spread across his face a moment before I had to turn away. I couldn't entirely decipher his expression, if he was pleased or upset.

I just hoped…

Forcing myself to concentrate on the things I could control, I relied on my faith in Edward to settle my apprehension about what his reaction would be.

The music carried me away, Edward's silent presence acting as a deep and steady heartbeat filling in the background. I stopped worrying about my steps, didn't fret about my jumps, because they weren't what mattered this time. Instead, I opened myself, laying my heart at Edward's feet with every breath from my lungs and glide of my feet.

I never looked directly at him, but I always knew exactly where he was. I could feel in him pulsing through my veins, a life force driving my steps.

Finally, the song faded to a close and I came to my final resting place. My hands folded to clasp over my heart and my face lifted peacefully.

Silence filled the arena, only broken by my slightly uneven exhales.

I waited.

I wasn't quite sure what to expect for a reaction. Not necessarily cheering or applause, they seemed ill fitting to such an intimate exchange. But I needed something, to have some idea of what he felt at seeing that, seeing me.

So, for the first time since I started, I lifted my eyes to Edward's.

He stood unmoving against the boards, his arms folded around himself. His stance appeared defensive and for a moment I worried. But then I saw his face.

His eyes were swimming with emotion, so palpable that I could feel the force of them from where I stood, half a rink away. I knew then that I needn't have worried. I could always trust him to see exactly what my heart was made of.

I lowered my hands, still unsure if I should approach him or wait for him to come to me. That subtle movement seemed to be enough to summon him forward.

My heart trampled as he pushed away from the boards and skated forward, not from nerves but with anticipation. The scraping of his blades against the ice resounded in the quiet rink as he crossed to me, concluded in one elongated graze against the surface.

My gaze didn't sever and with every step that he took, I could read more and more of what he was feeling.

When he came to a stop in front of me, my breath hitched in my throat. His eyes were brimming with moisture, illuminating their sparkling green without spilling over. As he gazed down at me, eyes filled with a mixture of tenderness and awe, I noticed his Adam's apple bob in his throat and his chin quivered, just once before he tightened his jaw.

But still, his gaze remained soft. Awestruck. Overwhelmed.

With my eyes unwavering on his face, I barely saw him lift his hand. Not until I noticed it shaking, just before he laid it over my heart. The moment his flesh came in contact with mine, a single tear spilled over to fall down his cheek.

I gave him a watery smile as my own unsteady fingers lifted to wipe it away, softly rubbing the bead of moisture between my fingers until it absorbed into my skin.

That one tear said more than any words could.

"Isabella," he breathed, his voice nearly silent. I stared quietly up at him, waiting for him to say something more.

"Marry me."

My heart stopped and my breath caught in my throat, sure that I had to be hearing things.

"What?" I asked, though it was weak.

"Marry me," he repeated, the emotion still thick in his voice though his words held more strength.

My mouth gaped open, quivering softly as it tried to form words that my brain wasn't offering. I hadn't known what to expect from him in reaction but it certainly hadn't been that.

"Wait," he said quickly when I continued to flap my mouth like a blowfish. "Just, before you say anything, let me get through this first, okay?"

I nodded, still numb with shock, grateful he wasn't expecting me to speak yet. Apparently talking was beyond my mental capacity at the moment.

He blew out a long breath and firmed the set of his shoulders like he was preparing to launch a campaign. Maybe he was.

He lowered his hand from where it lay on the center of my chest and took one of my hands between both of his.

"I wasn't planning on asking this yet," he began in a shy voice, filled with uncertainty. "I figured we'd get through the Olympics, maybe even the end of my season. Wait until things weren't so busy and the timing felt right, then I'd take you away, somewhere romantic and…" he trailed off, the unspoken 'and' understood.

"Yeah, well, apparently I'm not as patient as I thought," he sniffed out a laugh. "I almost asked you last night."

"Almost?" I squeaked.

He nodded, staring down at our hands as his fingers laced with mine. "I walked in the door and saw you sitting there, waiting for me. The moon shining on you through the front window. The snow casting shadows across your beautiful face. God, Bella, you took my breath away." He looked up at me then, and I knew exactly what he meant, because when he looked at me like that, I couldn't breathe. "Then you opened those big brown eyes and looked at me. I didn't want to wait anymore. The words were right there on the tip of my tongue."

"So why didn't you?" I asked when he didn't continue.

"I had a plan," he explained, his lips quirking in self-amusement. "Blurting out a proposal while we were both half asleep and I reeked of airplane wasn't it. You deserve better than that."

"And now?"

"Now it feels right. This wasn't at all how I'd planned on asking, but I couldn't imagine a more perfect moment. For us."

I'd been shocked, that's for sure, but not unhappily. And sure my heart pounded nervously when he spoke, but not with anxiety. I recognized the galloping of my heart for what it meant.

I stared into his eyes, the crisp familiar air of the ice surrounding us, our cheeks slightly pink from the cold, fingertips chilled. And I realized he was right. This was right. It was perfect.

Before I could open my mouth to tell him so, he was talking again.

"Think you can wait here for a moment?" he asked, moving away without waiting for an answer.

"What? Edward," I protested, scrambling after him. He stopped short, turning and catching me when I practically bowled right into him.

"Just wait right here. Please?" His eyes beseeched me, excitement and determination dancing in their deep green. I couldn't deny him. Still, I didn't have to be happy about the fact that he'd walked away in the middle of proposing to me. Even if it was only a few steps away.

_What was he doing?_

I watched him with blatant curiosity as he stepped off the ice, jogging over to the bleachers where we'd ditched our bags and rifling around in the pocket of his for a moment.

But when he glided quickly back over to me, he didn't have anything with him. Or so I thought at first. When he stopped in front of me, he held up a tiny black velvet box.

My heart was instantly back in my throat.

"I've been carrying this with me for weeks," he said, turning the box in his hands. "Months, really. Every night that I was away from you, I'd set it out on the nightstand and think about how the hell I was going to pull off asking you to be mine. Forever."

He flipped open the top and turned it so I could see what lay cushioned inside.

It was not at all what I'd expected. Nestled into the cushioned lining was a shiny silver Claddagh ring, its two hands and crown surrounding a glistening emerald.

"This ring was my grandmother's. On my father's side," he explained. "When I was a little boy, I'd see her and my grandpa together. When they were sixty-five years old, married for over forty years, they still held hands when they walked down the block and danced together in the kitchen. I always wanted that. What they had, what my parents have. But now I know, the only person I could ever have that with is you."

I lifted my eyes from the ring to gaze upon the man I loved, tears trailing down my cheeks. He smiled softly at me, reaching out to cup my cheek and rub them away.

"Maybe this wasn't my original plan, but at least I can do this part right."

With that, he lowered to one knee, his blades scratching against the ice on his way down.

If I hadn't been crying already, the sight of him kneeling before me in his hockey skates would have set me off. As it was, I tried to stifle the sob that threatened and compose myself for such an important moment.

He took my left hand in his and looked up at me.

"Isabella Swan, I promise to love you every moment of my life. All I'm asking is that you'll let me. Will you marry me?"

The sound that burst through my lips was half laugh, half sob. I brushed impatiently at my tears and grinned down at him. I brought my right hand to his face, cupping his cheek.

"Only if you'll let me love you for every moment of mine," I told him.

"Is that a yes?" he asked, a smile starting across his lips, crinkling the corners of his eyes.

I smiled tenderly at him and whispered my answer.

"Yes."

He shot up from his knee, swinging me up into his arms and whirling me around in dizzy circles, his joyous laughter echoing through the arena.

**x-x-x**

The next morning, I awoke for the first time as an engaged woman. The very thought brought a smile to my face even before I opened my eyes.

When I did, the smile only grew. My left hand was lying on Edward's chest, curled with his fingers. His thumb traced lightly along the shining band, back and forth under his gaze.

He must have noticed me stirring and looked over, squeezing his hand around mine as he smiled.

"Good morning."

"A very good morning," I agreed, scooching up to kiss him, settling my head back down on his shoulder.

His thumb began to rub over the metal again.

"You're gonna wear it out," I told him.

He laughed and lifted my hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to my ring finger just above the band.

"It looks so much better on your finger than it did in the box."

"I'm pretty fond of it myself," I said, lifting my hand with fingers splayed to admire the way the morning sun glinted against the bright green stone.

"You're sure you're okay with this?" he asked, tracing over the ring. "Don't be afraid to tell me if you'd rather have something else."

"Edward. It's perfect," I said, looking deeply into his eyes. I truly meant it. No diamond could have been more beautiful. "I love it."

He grinned and nuzzled his nose against mine before softly meeting my lips.

"Oh, I almost forgot," he said suddenly. His fingers closed over the ring and began to slide it off. He glanced up at me before sliding it past the knuckle. "You mind?"

"As long as I get it back."

He grinned and slid it off the rest of the way, sitting up in the bed and pulling me up next to him. With our heads close together, he held up the ring, twisting it softly in the light until I noticed a faint etching in the metal.

I looked up at him in question, then back at the band, squinting to try and determine what it was.

"I wanted to do something to make it yours," he said, holding it closer to my face.

Wrapped around the inside of the band in a simple script it read:

_B, Is tú mo chroi. –E_

I looked up at him.

"What's it mean?"

He smiled at me, taking the band and sliding it back into place on my finger before bringing my hand to his chest, laying my palm flat over his heart with his covering it.

"It means, _you are my heart_."

I moved closer to him, our faces only a breath apart as I moved one of his hands to rest over my heart.

"Just as you're mine. Always."

**x-x-x**

Later that morning, we dragged ourselves out of bed and our little cocoon, venturing over to the Cullens' for Sunday brunch.

On the drive over, we came to the mutual decision of not saying anything immediately about our exciting piece of news. Apparently his parents were in on it, since they'd given him the ring and their blessing long ago, but didn't know exactly when it was coming.

I didn't expect it to remain a secret for long, but I wasn't necessarily the kind of girl who threw open the door and started bouncing around, squealing about how I was getting married.

Married. Wow.

It was a lot to absorb, considering this time a year ago I'd barely even kissed a boy. Now I was going to be someone's wife. Edward's wife.

A part of me wondered if it was weird that I hadn't been nervous at all in accepting his proposal. I'd fretted about every other turn of events in our relationship, why not now, with the biggest turn of all?

The only conclusion I could come to was that this was right, and every part of me knew it.

"Ready?" he asked, winking at me across the armrest when he parked in the driveway.

I nodded and exited the car, following him up the walkway and going right in.

Everyone else was already there waiting. We could hear them chattering from down the hall as we discarded our coats and boots.

"Hurry up slug-a-beds," Emmett bellowed before we even walked into the room. "You're holding up the food!"

"Is that all you think about, Em?" Edward asked, rolling his eyes as we joined the family in the kitchen.

"No. I also think about sex. And hockey. And… Nope, that's about it. I'm a simple creature."

"Nice," Rosalie snorted from where she stood at the counter, cutting fruit. "It's good to know our future children will be inheriting such varied intelligence."

"Aw, baby, you know they'll get all their genius brains from you," he said, swiping a piece of cantaloupe from the bowl beside her and kissing her cheek.

"Good answer," she muttered.

"So, how are you two doing this morning?" Esme asked from the stove where she was flipping pancakes, Alice cooking bacon on the stovetop beside her.

"Good," I answered, stepping over to them. "Can I help with anything?"

"No, no, no," Esme shooed me away quickly. "You just go have a seat missy, we're almost done."

"You got home alright from Boston the other night, Edward?" Carlisle asked, patting his son on the back in greeting. "Looked like some nasty weather out east."

"Yeah. It was a long night but no major problems. Just a couple annoying delays."

"So, what'd you guys do yesterday?" Alice chirped, her attention still on the stove.

Luckily no one was really looking at me while we were talking because I'm pretty sure the blush that stole over my cheeks would have given us away pretty quickly.

Edward glanced over at me and grinned, playfully waggling his eyebrows.

He obviously wasn't going to be any help.

"We uh—" I coughed to cover my stammer. "We just went to the rink for a bit."

"Isabella," Esme scolded, turning to shake her spatula at me. "You're going to run yourself down if you don't take time to rest."

"Don't worry, Mom," Edward assured her quickly, wrapping his arms around me from behind as we leaned against the counter. "No training. We were just messing around."

Esme didn't look convinced but she let it drop, ushering us all to the dining room now that the food was ready.

We tucked in around the table, loading up plates and digging in, the sounds of a family meal overshadowed by the overlapping voices talking and laughing that was common to our Sunday get togethers.

Edward squeezed my hand under the table and winked at me when he thought no one was looking. I reciprocated, plopping a muffin on to my plate before handing him the basket.

"Hey Babybel, can you fork over the biscuits?" Emmett asked from down the table. I reached for them with my left hand, passing the bowl over without a thought, not even realizing what that would do.

Out of nowhere, Alice shrieked at the top of her lungs, dropping her butter knife with a clatter as her hands shot up in front of her mouth.

"Whoa there, darlin,'" Jasper muttered, wincing and rubbing at his ear. "You're gonna shatter all of Esme's crystal one of these times."

Alice didn't even acknowledge him; she was too busy looking at my hand, or more accurately, what was on my finger.

"Oh my God," she cried, grabbing at my hand and practically hauling me over the table as she brought it to her face. After studying it for a minute, she looked over at her brother, then back at me with a luminous smile. "You're engaged?"

I glanced over at Edward who only shrugged, leaning back in his chair and looking happy as a clam. Apparently it was up to me to share the news.

The room had gone silent. My eyes flickered over the six other faces around the table, all staring back at me. Esme and Carlisle sat near the head of the table, his arm around her as they both looked on approvingly. Neither wore the shock of the four others, having known about it earlier. Esme's bottom lip quivered gently as she looked at her son with a proud and watery smile that quickly shifted to include me.

I smiled at her, then looked back over at Alice, who was still waiting for an answer.

I nodded and reached for Edward's hand. I tried to bite back the giddy grin that threatened to take over my face, but it was a hopeless battle. Apparently I was going to be one of those women. At least just this once.

"We're engaged!"

The dining room erupted into mayhem. Brunch was immediately forgotten, even by Emmett, as Edward and I were swept up in hugs and congratulations. Rose and Alice attacked me first, fawning over my ring as they huddled me between them, spewing questions about when it happened and how he'd asked me. I could barely get a word in over their babbling excitement.

Emmett swooped in and shoved them aside, hefting me up in a huge bear hug while Alice moved over to attack Edward next.

"Babybel," Emmett sighed close to my ear. "I always knew you'd be my little sister someday."

I squeezed my arms tightly around his neck and giggled. "You're gonna be the best big brother ever, Em."

Next came Jasper, which of course brought Alice back. Eventually I made my way over to Esme and survived her hugs with only minimal happy tears shed. It was her husband that finally broke me.

Carlisle lifted my hand and smiled down at the ring, the same one his mother had worn. He smiled at me and said, "It looks beautiful on you."

"Carlisle," I murmured, instantly feeling the tears welling in my eyes.

"I knew it would," he told me with a wink. "Like it was made for you. Just as you were made for this family."

I threw my arms around him and sobbed when he patted my hair and whispered, "We couldn't be happier, sweetheart."

"Oh my gosh," Alice cried out from across the room where she'd been bombarding Edward for more details. "You have to call Charlie! Or did you already?"

"We haven't told anyone, Alice," I said. "It just happened yesterday."

"Yeah, yesterday," she pointed out. "That's over fifteen hours of valuable wedding planning time wasted."

"Take a chill pill, Ali," Edward said, wrapping his arm around her neck. "We haven't even talked about setting a date yet."

"Alright, alright," she said, shoving at his arm fruitlessly. "I'll lay off the wedding talk for now. But you need to tell your dad."

"We will," I insisted.

"When? Now? You should do it now. We've got a speaker phone!" Apparently it was a done deal because Alice slipped out from Edward's hold and scurried into the kitchen.

"It's not too late to turn back, Bella," Jasper teased in a loud whisper. "It's too late for me but you can still save yourself."

"I heard that!" Alice called out from the kitchen. "And yes, it is too late. This whole engagement, wedding thing is just semantics, she's already stuck with us."

"So does that mean we can just head to the courthouse?" I teased.

"No," she said with finality, turning to point to Edward, "no." Then she turned back to me and held out the phone. "You have a call to make."

"Sheesh, Alice, you'd think you were the one who'd just gotten engaged," I muttered as I dialed the phone.

She squealed and wrapped me in another hug.

"What now?"

"I just love hearing you say that!"

I turned to Edward and looked at him in mock horror. "We'd better make this a short engagement if she's gonna be like this."

The phone rang at Charlie's house three times before he picked up.

"Hey, Dad," I greeted him.

"Hey, Bells," he said, instantly perking up. I could hear the morning sports cast blaring in the background before he put it on mute. "How's it going, kid?"

"Pretty good. Uh, I should probably tell you you're on speakerphone."

"What? Where are you?"

"Over at the Cullens. We were just having brunch."

"Oh, that's nice. Everyone there?"

"Yeah," I answered, followed by a chorus of 'hellos' from all around. Charlie greeted them back, asking the boys about their latest game and catching up with Carlisle.

It was clear that Alice was losing patience quickly.

"Hey, Charlie," she finally spoke up at the first break in the conversation.

"Oh, hey, Ali, how are you doing?"

"Oh fine. Actually, Bella had something to tell you," she rushed out, giving me a pointed look for not speaking up myself.

"Bells?"

"Yeah, Dad," I answered, suddenly feeling like my throat was dry. "I uh, well, Edward and I are sorta…"

"We're engaged," Edward spoke up when I stammered. I smiled up at him and he laid his hand on my shoulder. I suppose it was a fair trade. I'd told his family, he told mine.

"You don't say?" Charlie drawled through the speaker, sounding as if we'd just told him it was going to rain in Forks tomorrow.

Alice looked downright astonished that he hadn't had the same initial reaction the she'd had. I just had to laugh. Charlie was the master of under reaction sometimes.

"Yeah," I said.

"Well when did all this happen?" he asked.

"Yesterday," I said, giving him the edited version of Edward's proposal.

"Huh," Charlie said. Alice practically fell off her chair in bewilderment. "Well, it's about damn time."

Emmett barked out a laugh and heartily seconded him, echoed by the laughter of the rest of the family.

"I tell ya, Bells," Charlie said. "You've got yourself quite a fellow there, but the boy's slow as molasses in January."

"What do you mean?" I asked, looking over at Edward in question.

"Well he asked me damn near three months ago for my blessing. I was starting to think maybe he'd asked ya and you'd turned the poor guy down," he chuckled.

"Three months?" I asked Edward. He grinned and shrugged. "That's what you were talking to him about at the airport?"

"Nah," Charlie spoke up through the phone. "That was just sayin' goodbye. He'd already asked me on the plane from Seattle."

I shook my head and growled lightly with exasperation as I crossed over to Edward, swatting him on the shoulder before pulling him into a hug as the rest of them continued talking to Charlie through the speaker.

"Say, uh, Edward, you mind if I talk to you for a moment on your own?" Charlie asked when things started to wind down.

"Sure, Charlie," Edward said, scooping up the phone and giving everyone a moment to say their goodbyes.

"Uh, Bells, you can be there too if you want," Charlie said before Edward took him off speaker. I shrugged and followed Edward into the other room while the others got to work heating up the forgotten food.

"What's up, Charlie?" Edward asked, sitting on the footrest in front of the couch and pulling me down onto his lap.

"Well, I just wanted to say a few things," Charlie grumbled uncomfortably. My lips twitched in amusement, imagining my dad getting all flustered over showing emotion. "I, well, I know you've got a real fine family with you there. They're quite a group. And you've all welcomed my daughter in like she was one of your own. She's really lucky to have you all."

Apparently the dads were on an emotional rampage this morning. I sniffled back my tears and kissed Edward on the side of the head while Charlie hemmed and hawed over his next words.

"I know we're a lot different than your family. It's just me and Bells after all, and even that's pretty new territory. But we're a family. And I just wanted to say that I'm real pleased to have you as part of my family, son."

"Thank you, Charlie," Edward said, his voice low and raspy. "That means a lot to me. Really."

"Yeah, well, you've already proven you can take care of her and it's plain to see that you love her. I know a father's never supposed to think any man's good enough for his little girl, but, well, I'd say you come pretty damn close."

I squeezed my arms around Edward's neck, agreeing whole-heartedly.

"Thanks, Charlie. I'll do my best," Edward responded, smiling up at me.

"I know you will, son," Charlie said.

We said our goodbyes, promising to talk soon to finalize plans for Vancouver.

"Well," I sighed. "I'd say they all took the news pretty well."

"As if there was any question," Edward scoffed. "You were the _only_ one I was worried about."

"What, you thought I'd say no?" I asked, pinching his cheek.

"No," he laughed. "I was slightly worried you'd get squirrely and I'd have to convince you."

"No convincing necessary," I said, taking his face between my hands and pressing my lips against his. "I cannot wait to marry you."

"The feeling's entirely mutual, I promise."

**x-x-x**

**A/N (Sorry it's long): **

**Take the Ice has been nominated for a GLOSP Award! I'm thrilled to be up for **_**Story you'll force your boyfriend to read, so he'll pick up some pointers - Best Gentleman**_

**Voting opened yesterday and goes until 10/26. If you've ever swooned over Hockeyward…head on over and show him some love! **

**http:/glospawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com/p/vote(dot)html**

**If you haven't checked out the blog, head on over and take a peek! Make sure you scroll because I just added a handful of new posts.**

**http:/www(dot)bellamarie117(dot)blogspot(dot)com **

**Polyvore on the Profile. Huge thanks to FlightlessBird11 for creating the Ruby Skates!**

**Do we need a recap? Ok.**

**Medal Ceremony & Olympic Team News**

**Exhibition, Over the Rainbow, and the fall of the Wicked Witches**

**Home again and playing Hooky**

**Olympic Prep and some time in the window seat**

**The Ice Rink (need I say more?)**

**Family Brunch and sharing the news**

**Soo….yeah. I am one big giddy grin right now waiting to see what you thought. Press that little button below and let me know!**


	24. Chapter 24: Light the Flame

**A/N: Thanks for your patience with this one, guys! I know it's a little shorter. See the AN at the end for why!**

**HUGE thank you to Caren & Fanpiremama as always. I also need to give some major love to Ltlerthqak. She totally saved me from myself & helped me make this one and the next SO much better than they were.**

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. I own the story.** **Copyright 2010: bellamarie117**

**x-x-x**

On the eve before departing for Vancouver and Opening Ceremonies, I was alone at home. Was I re-checking my bag for the fifteenth time? Was I going through the motions of my programs in my head, yet again? Was I crawling under the covers to try and get some much needed sleep before my very early flight?

No. I was sitting in bed, flipping through a bridal magazine. Not only that, but I was surrounded by a sea of various wedding-related reading materials including checklists, potential time lines, and a personalized binder Alice had presented to me the day after we'd made our announcement. She said she'd made it in an effort to help me find my wedding 'style.'

Why I was looking at this stuff now, I wasn't sure. I certainly had more pressing matters at hand than deciding what sort of centerpieces would make my wedding personal and unique. And that's exactly what I'd told Alice when she dropped a grocery bag full of 'research materials' on my front doorstep right in the middle of Olympic crunch time.

She'd told me they were simply to provide some distraction, should I find myself needing a break from figure skating and fretting over every possible outcome of the next two weeks.

As usual, she was spot on. When I'd gotten home from the rink that afternoon and remembered that Edward had a team meeting that would keep him out until later that night, I was desperate for something—anything—to take my mind off of Olympic mania for just a few minutes.

I'd done the responsible thing and scrounged up dinner, then double checked my overnight bag to make sure I'd have everything I needed during my brief stint in Vancouver before returning home. Then I plopped onto the bed in one of Edward's over-sized sweatshirts and a pair of over-the-knee legwarmers. I dumped out the contents of the bag, pushing all thoughts of skating from my mind and completely immersed myself in a different type of mania.

Wedding mania.

It had only been a few days since I'd accepted Edward's proposal, scooting the idea of becoming his wife up much further in the line of things I pictured happening in my life.

That part of it didn't scare me so much. There wasn't a single strand of hesitation in my mind or my heart about joining my life with Edward's permanently. He was _it_. He was _everything_. I was confident that no matter what life threw our way, we'd find a way through it. As a team.

But looking through magazines that boasted headlines like _Over 800 Wedding Gowns (Yours is in Here),_ I already felt overwhelmed by the thought of a wedding.

I mean, what if mine wasn't in there? Did that mean I failed as a bride? Was that supposed to be some sort of prophecy that I'd fail as a wife, too?

I hadn't lied when I told Alice and Rose that I'd never pictured myself as a bride. When I was a little girl I didn't daydream about poofy white gowns and orange blossoms. Maybe it was because I'd never found a guy I could ever picture as a potential groom, not before Edward.

Now, I was engaged. I was supposed to be actually _planning_ a wedding, not just dreaming of one. I felt completely unprepared.

Flipping through the magazines only seemed to make it worse. An hour later I was even more lost than when I'd started. There were so many options and ridiculous details to worry about. _How was I ever supposed to pick the right one? _

White, Ivory, Ecru. Silk, Satin, Taffeta. Hemlines and necklines and waistlines...it was enough to make my head spin. And that was just the dress.

Disgusted with myself and the wedding industry in general, I flopped back on the bed. The papers and magazines I'd spread around me crunched and crinkled beneath my back. It was mildly satisfying to rip them out from under me and toss them haphazardly over the side of the bed.

_What the hell had I gotten myself into?_

Scrubbing my hands over my face, I indulged in a petulant moan. I understood now why Alice had a job, and a fairly lucrative one at that. I was more than a little tempted to just write her a check and tell her to have at it. Part of that felt a little bit like cheating. I mean, I was excited about getting married. Specifically I was excited to marry Edward. I wanted to have that moment in front of our family where I pledged myself to him and he to me. I wanted to knock his socks off in a killer gown and to feel his fingers brushing back my veil before softly kissing my lips for the first time as my husband.

Husband. I'd never given much thought to that word in the past. Now it was something I desperately wanted. I wanted to be his wife.

I just wished I could somehow skip over this initial stress of deciding how to go about making that happen.

_Why didn't Alice include a copy of_ Wedding Planning for Dummies_ in that grocery bag?_

That thought perked my memory and made me giggle. I remembered how prior to my first date with Edward, I'd bought and religiously studied a copy of _Dating for Dummies_. I also remembered how big a disaster that had been. It hadn't helped, it had only made me so nervous that I could barely speak to him for the first twenty minutes of our date.

Looking back, I realized that this was how I used to feel all the time—uncertain, unprepared. A year ago, I'd felt like I needed an instruction manual for pretty much everything in my life. But somehow, I'd made it through without one. I'd broken out on my own, made friends, and gained a family. Met the love of my life. Started the process of mending things with my father. I'd set goals for myself and surpassed them. I'd made decisions about my own life and I knew I was ready to _keep_ making them.

I'd made a life for myself that I was proud of—not just because of my accomplishments on the ice. Now I was proud of the person I was off the ice, too.

I remembered when Edward cornered me on our first date when I was acting weird, how he'd reminded me that it was still just him, that one little word like 'date' didn't change anything.

It was still him. It was still me. It was still us.

Words like 'engaged' and 'married' were a little scarier and a whole lot bigger than 'date,' but it was still us.

I was marrying _Edward_. It didn't matter what worked for anyone else, I just needed to figure out what worked for us. Sure, we didn't have the most conventional relationship, but we'd formed one hell of a team.

Realizing that, suddenly the thought of _our_ wedding didn't seem so scary.

For the next half hour, I stayed where I was. I didn't pick up the magazines again or start flipping through lists of helpful tips and ideas from previous brides and hot trends according to professionals in the business. I stared up at the ceiling and thought about what_ I_ wanted for _our_ wedding.

I was still there around ten o'clock when I finally heard the front door open and the now-familiar sounds of Edward coming home. His boots clomped in the entry way as he knocked the snow from their soles, his nylon parka crackled when he tossed it over the back of a chair rather than hanging it up in the front closet like he was supposed to. Then there was my favorite. He'd rub his hands together and blow on them because more times than not, he'd forgo wearing gloves on the short trek from the Xcel to home. There was pretty much nothing more adorable than the boyish way he'd shiver and shake the snow from his hair, mumbling a quiet 'brr' under his breath.

He puttered around for a minute, checking the house as he always did and locking up for the night before I heard his sock covered feet padding up the stairs.

"Hey you," he murmured as he walked through the door. His hair was dark and wet, his jawline covered in scruff and his cheeks and nose pink from the cold, February night. Though his eyes were a little red and tired, and his steps a little sluggish, he still managed to look devastatingly handsome, especially when his lips quirked up in a grin.

"Hey yourself," I said, sitting up and folding my legs in front of me so I could see him better. "Long day?"

"Yeah," he sighed, stripping off his sweatshirt and rifling around in his drawer for a t-shirt and some sleep pants. "That new line coach they brought in is a total sadist. Like that scene in _Miracle_ where Herb Brooks keeps them all out on the ice forever? Yeah, that kind of sadist. He's got the most annoying voice on the face of the earth, too. Em was about ready to punch him out."

"Well, is he any good at least?" I asked, trying not to get too distracted by the sight of his bare chest as he changed. Or the way that little trail of wispy hair led right down under the waist of his easily-removable flannel pants.

"Yeah, he's awesome. He'll totally whip us into shape and get things turned around," he conceded, stepping into the bathroom before poking his head back out. "But he's a dick."

"If it works," I shrugged, continuing on the conversation as he went through his nightly routine with the door open. "Coaches aren't there to be your best friends. I used to hate Marcus."

"How could you ever hate Marco Polo?" he asked before chugging some mouthwash and swishing it around.

"I was a thirteen year old girl. I hated everyone," I explained, gathering my hair at the base of my neck as I stretched out my back before plopping back on the pillows.

"I'll bet you were an adorable adolescent brat," he said after spitting, his voice echoing in the bathroom.

I chuckled, remembering that I'd been anything but adorable at the time.

"Did you need to grab a shower?" I called out.

"Nah, I caught one at the X before I left," he said, flipping the light off in the bathroom and crossing over to the bed. When he saw all the magazines littering the bed, he stopped short of hopping up and vaulting over me to get to his side, as he was prone to do. "What's all this?"

"Oh, this? _This_ is everything one needs to plan their dream wedding," I explained with an encompassing gesture to the mess around me. "Actually no, not everything. Apparently this is just the tip of the iceberg."

He picked up the magazine beside me, still flipped open to the last page I'd been reading and gave it a quick study.

"_Earthly Elegant Nuptials. One hundred ways to say 'I Do' while staying Eco-Friendly_," he read on a low mumble with his brow crinkled. He flipped through a couple pages, his hand reaching back to scratch at his neck. "What is all this sh— stuff?" he asked, recovering quickly but not quite quick enough.

I had to bite back a laugh. He just looked so sheepish and confounded flipping through a copy of _Martha Stewart: Weddings_.

"Why, Edward," I said slowly, snatching the magazine from his hands and attempting to look offended. "Did you almost just refer to the details concerning the blessed union of our souls as..._shit_?" I clutched the book to my chest and pouted out my bottom lip, but I couldn't stop my mouth from wobbling as a laugh bubbled up in my throat. I had pretty much the exact same reaction he did.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he said innocently, leaning down to kiss me with a roguish smile curving his lips.

"Mmmhmm," I hummed sarcastically but gave in and enjoyed the soft pressure of his lips and the feel of his cold nose as it rubbed against mine.

"It is a lot of stuff though," he said between kisses as he hovered over me. "And it's taking up my spot."

I giggled and shoved him off after one final smacking kiss.

"Yeah, well, this is Alice's way of trying to distract me from freaking out about the Olympics," I told him while we gathered up books and papers, stacking them in messy disorganized piles and plopping them on the floor. "Apparently if I get bit by the wedding bug, everything else in life will just magically fall into place."

"You really believe that?" he asked with one eyebrow raised.

"No," I admitted with a laugh. "But she means well and it did get me thinking about something other than figure skating for a few minutes."

"I guess that's a good thing then," he said, laying back and pulling me down to rest on his chest. "Don't let her steamroll you, okay?" he murmured, twirling a lock of my hair gently between his fingers. "Just because I've got my ring on your beautiful finger doesn't mean we have to immediately start planning the wedding of the century."

"But, baby," I whined, trailing my finger playfully down the tip of his nose. "The symphony orchestra that I wanted to play as I walk down the aisle is already booking up two years in advance!"

He cocked his eyebrow at me for a moment and looked at me like I'd lost a few screws. "You're joking."

"Yes," I laughed, pushing up with my toes to kiss his cheek.

"Good," he mumbled, rolling us over until he could snuggle his cheek into my boobs. "For a second there I thought I was in bed with my sister. That's just creepy."

His hand slipped beneath the hem of my sweatshirt, making me flinch for just a moment since his fingers were still chilled. He slid over my stomach and up to cup my breast in his hand, giving it a light squeeze and leaving it to rest there, just because he knew he could. We laid there for a few quiet minutes, just enjoying each others presence after a long day apart.

"Did you know that the current trend in wedding dresses are these huge puffy skirts that look like mattress pads?" I asked, playing with the ends of his hair.

"What?" he asked, his voice muffled by my chest.

"Seriously. Look at this," I said, stretching my arm over to grab the magazine on my bedside table. I flipped a couple pages and thrust it in front of his face.

"Well, that's...interesting," he said after a long moment. He tugged the magazine out of my hand and tossed it over the side of the bed. He hitched himself up to straddle me, his hands settling on my thighs as the tips of his long fingers dipped below the tops of my leg warmers. "You're not gonna wear something like that, are you?

"What, you don't think I'd look beautiful in what's essentially a duvet cover?" I asked innocently, lightly stroking my hands over the length of his torso.

"I think you'd look fucking fantastic _under_ a duvet cover. Naked and with me inside you," he said, dipping his head to nip at my ear then trail kisses down my neck. "Does that count?

"Well I'm not thinking about wedding dresses anymore, that's for sure," I whispered shakily, my breath catching on a moan as his teeth sunk gently into my skin.

"How about figure skating?" he asked trailing his tongue over the shell of my ear as his hands squeezed gently at my hips. "You thinking about that?"

"Do I know how to figure skate?" I asked airily, stroking my fingers down over his back and sliding beneath the waistline of his briefs. My fingers pressed into his flesh, pulling him closer until I could feel the length of his firm erection rubbing against me. "I'm sorry, I seem to have lost all ability for anything other than touching you. And kissing you," I continued, pressing open mouthed kisses against his neck. "And picturing you naked and inside me."

"You know, if you stopped talking and got to work, you wouldn't have to picture it," he said in a husky whisper.

"Are you really that easy?" I asked, shoving at his shoulders to roll him over so I could crawl on top of him.

"For you?" he asked with a grin, grabbing the hem of my sweatshirt. "Always."

I giggled lightly as he tugged the shirt up and over my head, my laughter morphing into a soft moan as he sat up, his palms covering my naked breasts and his lips whispering kisses over my collarbone.

His fingertips stroked over my skin, lightly tracing the faint curves of my ribs before he reached down to push at the cotton covering my hips. I reached down to assist, starting to tug at the knit legwarmers to take them off as well.

"No, leave 'em," he protested, his lips against my skin as his hands covered mine. "They're sexy."

I grinned, moving my hands away to dive into his hair, fisting tightly into the strands as my lips fastened to his, our tongues passionately tangling together. We only broke apart for a moment as Edward made quick work of his clothes. He whipped his shirt over his head before gathering me back into his arms, our bare chests pressed together, hearts pounding in time as my flesh warmed his.

His name was the only word on my lips as we came together, our bodies fitting perfectly. His hands and mouth drove me to heights that only he could, my body matching to his as only I could. His hips thrust between my splayed legs, filling me. Completing me. I came with a gasping cry, clutching at his back as my legs tightened around his waist.

His hands fisted delightfully into my hair as his movements became erratic before he followed and found his own release. His moan formed my name as he stiffened, then collapsed on top of me.

He moved just enough so that he wouldn't crush me, folding me beneath him as he laid his head over my rapidly beating heart and curled his leg and arm around my spent body.

It was moments like this where it really sunk in that he was mine. Forever. For the rest of my life, I'd have moments like this—welcoming him home, joking and conversing about our days, playful flirting and making love. Not every day, obviously. I wasn't naive enough to believe that our life would be a perfect fairy tale or passionate romance novel. But no matter what, every day I'd have him.

Our skin cooled and our hearts quieted. The dim light glinted against his coppery hair as his head slightly rose and fell with the pace of my breath. His own breath evened out to the point where I thought he might have fallen asleep, but his thumb lightly rubbed back and forth across my hipbone, so I knew he was awake, just content.

I knew I had a million other things to be thinking about, but I couldn't stop my mind from drifting back to its line of thought prior to Edward walking through the door. I was aware that traditionally guys didn't care a whole lot about the details for a wedding, but part of me wondered if maybe Edward did. I figured I should at least ask before brushing him off as an uninterested groom.

"Edward?" I murmured.

"Hmm?"

"Do you... What do you want for our wedding?"

He sighed and was quiet for a moment. Then he raised his head, moving himself up on the mattress to lay on his side. He smiled down at me in the dim light and brushed the back of his hand along the curve of my cheek. "I want...for you not to worry about it. There's no rush, Bella."

"I know that. It's just...I don't know," I shrugged, raising my hand to weave my fingers with his, nuzzling my cheek against his knuckles. "I've never envisioned my wedding before. I'm not an Alice who's been dreaming of that day for most of my life."

"There's nothing wrong with that. Just because we're engaged doesn't mean you have to morph into some wedding-crazed maniac. In fact, for my mental sanity, I really hope you don't," he grinned playfully, tapping the tip of my nose with his index finger.

"I don't think you've got much to be worried about there," I assured him, cuddling into his side. "I really can't see myself caring about what font we use on the invitations or how to display the escort cards."

He snorted lightly and squeezed my hip. "What the hell are escort cards?"

"I honestly have no idea," I confessed with a giggle.

"Good. Then we probably don't need them."

"Probably not," I relented, snuggling my cheek further into the crook of his neck.

He held me securely there in the circle of his arms, his fingers lightly stroking over my spine. After a few minutes, he pressed a kiss to my temple and let his lips linger there

"You want to know what I want?" he whispered. I hummed and moved my head back just enough so I could see the deep green of his eyes in the lamplight. "I just want to be married to you. That's the only thing that really matters to me."

I smiled and tucked my head back into place, softly kissing his neck. "Honestly? That's all I want, too. I mean, I want our families there. And I guess the idea of running off to City Hall or Vegas doesn't sound too appealing to me, but all this...stuff? It doesn't matter to me. I can think of a hell of a lot more that I don't want, than what I do want."

"We'll figure it out. Together," he said with certainty. "But we don't have to do it tonight."

"I guess it's not really an effective method of distraction if it just shifts the anxiety from one subject to the other," I groaned, rolling my eyes at myself.

"No, not really," he chuckled and pressed another kiss to my head. He patted my hip and shifted so we could tuck in under the blankets, pulling me back into his arms once more. "You have everything ready to go?"

"Yeah. Pretty sure at least. It's not like I need much since I'll be back the day after tomorrow," I shrugged. "I'm not even bringing my skates. I'll end up bringing home about ten times more than I take with me."

"That's right, you Olympians get showered with freebies and swag. Tough gig."

"I know, right?" I teased with a heavy sigh. "That's really the only reason I wanted to go. Free wardrobe."

He chuckled at me and shook his head, playfully ruffling my hair. "You excited?"

"Kind of?" I said a bit uncertainly, folding my arms on his chest so I could rest my chin on top and look down at him as we spoke. "It's weird...like, it doesn't really seem like this is all starting tomorrow. Especially since I'll be coming back again right away. I don't really have much to do other than walk in with the team and do a few press interviews."

"Look at you, Hotshot," he said with an adoring grin. "Playing it so cool with this whole Olympian gig. Opening Ceremonies? Performing in front of millions? Meh, just another average day in the life of Isabella Swan," he teased.

"That's not it," I giggled, lightly smacking at his chest. "I'm sure when I get there, it'll start to sink in. And next week when we fly back there for the actual competition I guarantee I will be freaking out."

"Why would you freak out?"

"It's the _Olympics_, Edward," I said simply.

"You've been there before," he shrugged. "And you kicked ass at Nationals."

"That doesn't mean it's going to be a cakewalk. You never know what's going to happen. Just because I skated well in Spokane doesn't mean it's going to happen for me in Vancouver. I could bomb. I could fall flat on my ass. In front of billions of people," I said, shuddering at the horror of that thought. "And as for being there before...I don't know, it's just different this time. No matter what, it's still the Olympics. I don't think it really matters how many times you get the chance to compete there, it's still a pretty big fucking deal."

"It is a pretty big deal," he said quietly. His hand came up to cup my cheek, his eyes intensely fixed on mine. "And no matter what happens..."

"Yeah," I nodded, laying my hand over his and squeezing his fingers. "I know. That's part of what's so different. I don't feel like I have to prove anything to anyone else. Last time, it was all about the end results. Winning, getting a medal. I still want that, but it's not going to make or break me any more. As long as I can get out there and give it my all, that'll be enough."

His eyes searched mine for a moment before his arms moved around me, folding me tightly into his embrace. "I'm so fucking proud of you, Isabella. You know that, right?"

I nodded against his shoulder, tears prickling my eyes at the intense sincerity in his voice. He so rarely called me by my full name so every time he did, it made my heart race just a little faster. Not like it used to when Renee called me by it, refusing to call me anything different. It raced because the way Edward said it, with such love and admiration, told me that I was cherished and accepted for exactly who I was.

I could still recall that night he'd told me all the things he loved about me, coupled with my given name. Now any time I heard it spoken, those words, his voice, were the only things I thought of.

"You know how much it means to me that you say that, and that you really mean it, right?" I murmured back to his question.

"Yeah," he whispered. We settled back in on our sides, our hands folded together between us.

"So, you think you'll have to talk to the press about your new program?" he asked.

"Yeah, probably. We have to finalize all our music and stuff when we're up there, so I'm sure the press'll catch wind."

"Guess I should prepare for the guys to start razzing me over composing schmultzy love songs for my fiancee," he teased with a grin.

"If anyone tries to mess with you over it, I'll..." I trailed off, trying to think of an appropriate retribution. "I'll shove a toe pick up their ass."

He laughed heartily and rolled his eyes. "You've been spending way too much time with my mom. She's giving you violent tendencies."

"I mean it! It's not schmultzy," I said, brushing my fingers over his scratchy cheek. "It's beautiful."

"I'm glad you think so," he murmured with a content smile. "You've gotta be getting tired of hearing it by now after how many times you've listened to it in practice."

"Never," I said seriously. "You're sure you're okay with that? I meant what I said, if it bothers you at all, I won't use it."

"Bella, I told you I'm fine with it."

"No, I know. I just want you to know that I'd understand if you weren't," I explained. "I mean, it's really personal and...well, intimate. And international broadcasting at the Olympics is about as public as it gets."

"And I cannot wait to sit in the stands and watch you skating to _my_ music," he said, the light of excitement in his eyes only backing up his words. "There's nothing to hide. I wrote it because I love you. I know what it means to you. And what you did with it? God, Bella, seeing you skate like that? I don't have the words to tell you what it feels like to watch. But other people hearing that? Seeing what you turned it into? That doesn't take away from it or make it any less."

"I'm glad I showed it to you first. Because it's yours, just like the song is mine."

"I know. It doesn't matter how many other people see you skate like that, I know what's behind it is mine."

My heart swelled, emotion thick in my voice as I whispered, "I love you."

"I know that, too," he murmured, pressing his lips against mine, the breath of his next words spoken against the corner of my mouth. "Your heart is my most cherished possession."

"You sure know a lot, swoony boy," I sighed, indulging in a little nuzzle of my smooth cheek against his scruff. "Lucky me to have such a smart fiance."

"Wanna know what else I know?"

"What's that?"

"I know..." he said slowly, nudging my chin up until I was looking into his eyes. "That we're never gonna get you to the airport on time if we don't get some sleep."

I laughed and rubbed my nose against his in an eskimo kiss. "Did I say smart? I should have said smart ass."

He grinned at me before reaching over to flick off the lamp. "Just as long as the fiance part stays the same."

**x-x-x**

At an ungodly hour the next morning, Edward dragged himself out of bed and drove me to the airport. I was a little jealous that as soon as he dropped me off, he obviously intended to crawl right back in for a few hours. He didn't even bother changing out of his sleep pants, simply threw on his boots and jacket. Meanwhile, I was catching a three hour flight and was sure to be up the entire time. I could never fall asleep on planes, not even when going overseas.

He was sweet enough to park in the short term lot and walk with me to check in rather than just dropping me off at the doors with a rushed 'goodbye.' He stuck around, cozying me into his lap and the circle of his arms on one of the uncomfortable bench seats until Marcus, my only traveling companion on this particular trip, showed up. I lingered for as long as possible over our goodbye kiss, wishing him luck in his final game that afternoon before the NHL break. Then, I linked my arm through Marcus' and we hopped in line to make our way through security to catch our flight.

While I didn't sleep, Marcus kept me calm and relaxed on the long plane ride across the border and into Canada. He told me stories from his trip to the Olympics as a pairs skater in nineteen fifty-two and shared funny backstage anecdotes of other experiences he'd had at the Winter Games throughout the years while coaching other skaters.

He truly was a fascinating man. I'd always respected him, but working closely with him this season without the buffer of Renee mucking up the works, I'd learned so much more about him as a person. Over the past few months, our pleasant working relationship had transformed into so much more. No longer was he simply a guide or a mentor, he was a friend. And with the Cullens welcoming him in, he'd practically become family, almost like the surrogate grandfather I'd never had.

Listening to him speak, I felt so inspired. It was clear that he loved everything about his job. I suppose he had to in order to continue even when he was certainly in a place to retire comfortably. He'd had his struggles, he'd had skaters he clashed with, parents who got in his way, Renee being only one of them, yet he clearly got an intense amount of satisfaction from his work—from helping skaters discover their strengths and mold their techniques, to explore the talent they were blessed with. Watching him as he spoke about some of his favorite moments in his career, the sparkle in his eye clearly spoke of one thing. Joy.

About twenty minutes before landing, not even Marcus and his stories could keep me settled. I'd told Edward that I probably wouldn't start freaking out until our next flight into Vancouver. And I wasn't freaking out...exactly. Not about the skating stuff at least. The thought of how much there was to do once we landed made me anxious to get off the plane and hit the ground running. While the anticipation for the ceremony that night, all the cameras and attention, gave me the jitters.

Stepping off the plane, we were immediately immersed in the excitement. Vancouver had pulled out all the stops to welcome the athletes and crowds that the Olympics drew. All along the corridors of the terminal there were posters and fliers advertising the games. Brightly colored billboards featuring silhouetted athletes in the various sports lined the halls. It stole my breath a little when I recognized my own silhouette among them, stopping me right in my tracks in the middle of the busy terminal.

_Holy shit. I'm an Olympian._

Even having been here before only four years earlier didn't make it a less stunning revelation.

I snapped a picture with my phone and sent it to everyone back home, wanting to share the excitement with them as much as possible.

The journey only started there. Marcus and I quickly checked into our hotel near the Olympic Village, dropping our bags and heading over to headquarters to check in. Getting through processing took most of the morning and into the afternoon. We got accredited with our official passes and piles of information that I really hoped Esme was planning to study so I wouldn't have to worry about remembering anything.

Afterwards I was ushered into a large warehouse, about the size of a football field that was filled with stations of freebies. Every shopper's dream: the swag stop. Looking around, I knew Alice would be in heaven were she in my position. I snapped another picture and sent it off to her, garnering an immediate and incomprehensible text in return that mentioned the words 'flail' and 'thud.' I had to giggle, just imagining the drool running down her chin over the massive stack of apparel I was about to get.

Working my way around the room, I got fitted for my outfits for both Opening and Closing ceremonies, then picked up random items as they caught my eye, sneaking a few different sizes so I could share the goodies back home. By the time I was done, I was weighed down with three over-stuffed duffel bags full of new winter outerwear and sportswear, and I desperately wanted a nap. On the plus side, I had a full wardrobe for the next two weeks and wouldn't have to pack anything but my skating stuff for our second trip back here.

I barely had time to drop my bags back at the hotel and change into my official garb before I had to be back at the stadium to check in for the ceremony. At that point, it was a matter of hurry up and wait. The backstage areas were huge, but very crowded as athletes from all over the world made their way in and found their teams. Eventually we got segmented off a little more, but the US team alone was huge. It took some time to find any familiar faces in the sea of navy and white.

"Swan!" I heard Eric's voice as I wandered aimlessly, trying to see over the towering bodies of some of the bulkier members of my team.

"Oh, thank God!" I breathed out a sigh of relief when I spotted him. I slipped through a gap in the pack so I could reach him and just stay parked in one place.

"Pretty exciting, huh?" he asked, sliding his arm around my shoulders and giving me a shake.

"I'd be more excited if it wasn't so hot in here," I laughed, peeling off my puffy jacket and draping it over my arm. The cream cable knit sweater wasn't much cooler, but it was a marginal improvement. Whoever thought of sticking us in fitted white pants obviously hadn't taken into account that we'd be standing around indoors and sweating our butts off. I really hoped nothing showed up on camera.

"Sometimes you've gotta suffer for style, babe," Eric said sagely, stretching his arms out in front of him and admiring his ensemble.

"They are pretty cute," I admitted, plucking the hat from my head and ruffling my hair. I didn't need a sweaty head before even walking in.

"Hell yeah, they are. Did you expect any different?"

"You never know. We had those really ugly hats we had to wear at the Torino Olympics," I reminded him.

He winced and reached up to pet the much prettier current model on his head. "Yeah, true. I burned that one. But this time we had Ralph taking care of us. Ralph never disappoints."

I chuckled and leaned back against the wall, trying to get as comfortable as possible. Ceremony started at seven, and as one of the last teams in the Parade of Nations, we'd have at least another hour to wait after that.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, making me smile before I could even check to see if it was his name on the screen. It only grew when I read the text from Edward:

_**Hey, Beautiful! Just setting up camp in front of the TV with the rest of the gang. Can't wait to see you out there!**_

"Aww," Eric cooed, peeking over my shoulder. "You two are nauseatingly cute."

"Whatever," I muttered, my cheeks flushing as I elbowed him. But I couldn't even try to fight the grin on my face. I kinda liked the fact that we were 'nauseatingly cute' together. I'd just sent a quick text back, asking how his game had gone when another familiar face showed up.

"Hey guys!"

Angela came scooting through the people around us, avoiding a rather boisterous crowd of curlers as she made her way over.

"Hey, Angela," I greeted her with a quick hug. "You just get here?"

"About twenty minutes ago," she huffed, shrugging out of her jacket as well. "Jesus, are they blasting the heat or something?"

"I know, right?" I asked. "Almost makes you long for an outdoor ceremony in the freezing cold. At least we'd be better dressed for it."

"Total over share, but I swear, if I have to make my Olympic debut with sweat marks on my butt, someone's gonna hear about it," she groaned. I giggled, pulling my phone from my pocket when it buzzed to see another text from Edward informing me that they'd won their game.

"So, what are you guys up to?" Angela asked.

"Oh, nothing," Eric sighed. "Just intercepting some texts from Isabella's swoony boyfriend."

"Fiance," I corrected distractedly as I tapped out a response on my phone. I'd been doing so in my head quite often since his proposal, to the point where it had become automatic.

"Say what?" Eric gasped. "You're engaged?"

I felt a wave of deja vu wash over me when I saw his face. There was something about his expression that reminded me of Alice.

"Uh, yeah," I stammered, a little embarrassed at letting it slip so easily. It's not that we weren't telling people, we just hadn't made any official announcements at this point. As much as I adored Eric, I was well aware that if he knew, _everyone_ would know within about forty-five minutes. "Uh, Edward proposed last week."

"Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! That's so exciting!" Eric squealed, pulling me into a hug and jumping around in circles, pulling me along for the ride.

"Congrats, Bella," Angela smiled and gave me a hug once Eric released me. "I have to agree with Eric on this one, he is pretty swoony. And_ really_ hot," she added on, her cheeks turning bright red instantly as she slapped her hand over her mouth. "Oh my gosh, I probably shouldn't say that about your uh, future husband."

I shook my head and grinned at her, patting her shoulder in camaraderie. "He is really hot. Having an extremely desirable husband is just the burden I'll have to learn to live with," I sighed, giving her a quick wink.

We spent the rest of the waiting period catching up over what we'd been up to since Nationals, how training had gone and our thoughts on the competition from the other teams. Angela and I bonded a little over the pressure we'd been feeling from the media. Apparently, a woman from the US team had made the podium for figure skating in every Winter Games since the nineteen sixties, and it was up to one of us to carry on that grand tradition.

Talk soon morphed into the future and what was next to come. All three of us had been invited to tour that summer with Stars on Ice, and Eric had already committed to thirty-three of the forty-one cities featured. Angela was still working out a few kinks with her coach, but by the sound of it, she was pretty excited to go, too. It was nice to know that if I did decide to tour, there'd be at least two friendly faces on the bus.

Next thing we knew, they were calling for us to line up for our entrance into the stadium.

"Oh! Let's go," Eric clapped excitedly. "I got the scoop on the best spot to walk in for optimum camera time."

"Eric..." I whined. Of course he'd want to head right for the spotlight, whereas I would be just fine with walking in right in the middle of the pack, anonymously meshed in with all the rest.

"Swa-an," he groaned, poking me in the ribs while my arms were occupied sliding back into my coat. "Don't let that pretty face go to waste, girl. Give the folks back home something to smile about." He wrapped his arms around me, smooshing my cheeks together as he rocked me back and forth and spoke in a squeaky voice. "'Aw, look how adorable she is! Look, Mommy, she's my favorite! Ladies figure skating is the only sport I wanna watch at the Olympics, just to see the Swan!'"

"Shut up, Eric," I muttered good naturedly, shrugging him off. "Fix your hat," I said, tapping him on the forehead, easily distracting him from his teasing.

He gasped and clutched at his head, attempting to fix what wasn't even messed up. "Good thing I brought a mirror," he pulled it out and made a big to-do of smoothing every strand of hair into place. "How do I look?"

"You look marvelous, darling," I crooned in an exaggerated accent as I tugged my own hat into place. "Very Olympic Chic."

"You too, doll," he said, pecking my cheek and linking his arm through mine. He offered the other to Angela. "Let's go get our march on!"

We were ushered ahead, only to wait again. I amused myself and tried not to concentrate on the warmth by texting back and forth with Edward. As we stepped into place, the celebratory sounds of the crowd already inside the stadium washing over us, I decided I didn't want to just text him. I wanted him to share this moment with me, even if it was just through the phone. People all around me were pulling out their own phones, snapping photos and calling loved ones. I figured it wouldn't be bad form to do the same.

He answered immediately, his voice calming a few of my nerves instantly. Though butterflies of anticipation still fluttered in my tummy as I made out the sound of the Olympic theme through the din of the crowd. I was really here. So much of this moment felt completely surreal, and it helped to have Edward in my ear to pull me back to Earth.

"Hey, beautiful, where are you? They're just wrapping up Ukraine, aren't you next?"

"Yeah, we're right at the gate," I said, plugging my open ear so I could block out some of the noise and hear him better. "I'm walking in with Eric and Angela. We're on the edge about a third of the way back, maybe?"

"Oh, awesome," he said, relaying the information to the rest of the family. Though it was hard to hear through the phone, I could just make out their excited voices in the background.

"What's it been like so far?"

"It looks really, cool, Bella. I swear that place has gotta be packed."

"It is. And really warm," I informed him, pulling at the turtleneck of my sweater to get some airflow. "I'm sweating my butt off in here."

He laughed. Then I heard a loud cheer both through the phone and in the stadium as the United States was announced and the team started walking.

Stepping out from the tunnel into the stadium was an overwhelming moment. It was indeed huge and extremely loud. The noise level was practically deafening as we started our circle, smiling and waving as we processed in. I continued talking with Edward, though most of my contribution to the conversation was baffled laughter.

The whole place was lit up with icy blue lights, glimmering over the crowd and the smooth, white floor. It was one enormous winter wonderland. I'd never experienced anything like it, not even at the Torino Olympics. I'd certainly had noone to share in the amazement last time. Even though Edward wasn't there physically walking with me, I could tell that he understood just how huge this all felt.

About half way around our lap, I heard a rush of whoops and hollers through the phone. Emmett's wolf whistle came clearly through, followed by a shout of "Lookin' good, Babybel!"

"Oh Lord, I'm on TV, aren't I?"

"Yes you are, gorgeous. Give us a wave, will ya?" Edward asked.

I giggled and glanced around, finding a camera just to my right. I tried to resist rolling my eyes and waved, deciding to just go with it and blow him a kiss through the lens as well. I heard an 'aww' through the speakers followed by Edward's laugh, so I figured there must not have been much of a tape delay.

"Gosh, you're cute," Edward murmured. "Look at you all sporty and patriotic."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm a regular Olympic Barbie doll," I laughed, giving in to the eye roll when I didn't see the camera in front of me anymore. "Are they saying anything on TV?"

"Yeah, just uh— talking about..." he trailed off before mumbling quietly under his breath. "Holy shit."

"What?"

"Baby, those pants make your ass look spectacular," he groaned softly.

"What?" I repeated, looking wildly around me. There were cameras everywhere, so I couldn't be sure exactly what angle they were coming from. I could only hope it wasn't a close up.

"Great," I groaned. "It's always been my dream to have my butt featured on International television."

"Well, I'm certainly appreciating the camera angle," he said. "Though I'm not too keen on sharing the view with billions of other people. That ass is mine."

"I think I'm gonna need to see some documentation of that," I said dryly.

"It's there on your finger. It even sparkles, so you can't miss it."

"Oh, is that what this means?" I asked, reaching my hand out in front of me and wiggling my fingers, though the ring was hidden beneath my gloves.

"Mmmhmm," he hummed his agreement, before lightly groaning again. "Oh God, you better believe when you get back home, you're gonna wear those pants for me again. And nothing else."

I chuckled and glanced around once more, wondering where the hell this camera was coming from and why they couldn't find something more interesting to feature than my butt.

"I get the feeling I wouldn't be wearing them for very long," I teased in a low voice.

"You're probably right," he flirted back. I could practically see the boyish smirk on his face. "Okay, that camera really needs to pan away or I'm gonna be in an embarrassing situation surrounded by my entire family."

"Perv," I chided.

"Baby, I'm a guy. A young guy with a gorgeous and athletic fiancee who is currently being displayed in high def on my big screen TV in tight white pants that accentuate her very firm and luscious butt. You should be worried if I'm _not_ affected by that."

I laughed, hoping the blush that took over my cheeks could get chalked up to excitement over the ceremony. I tried to hide my face a little, then realized with how many cameras were around, hiding was next to impossible. Instead, I settled for at least shielding part of my face as we continued talking.

"Still makes you a perv. This is a respectable ceremony, an auspicious moment in sporting history," I jokingly scolded him. "Get your mind out of the gutter."

"Can't help it. Go yell at Ralph Lauren for putting you in those pants."

"You're such a dirty boy," I mumbled, though his flirtation was definitely appreciated. I loved that he could make me feel so sexy, even when I was covered practically from head to toe.

"You know you like it," he murmured.

"Yeah, I really do," I sighed. "I'll be sure to leave these at the top of my suitcase."

"Why are you covering your mouth?" he asked.

"Because the last thing I need is for some random person out there who can read lips to run off to the tabloids and tell them America's Ice Princess was talking dirty to her fiancee during Opening Ceremonies."

"Aw, c'mon, love," he chuckled. "It'll be a great story to tell our grand-kids someday."

"Yeah," I scoffed. "That's just the kind of thing you would have wanted to hear from _your_ grandmother."

"Why not? I bet my grandpa thought she was sexy."

"Oh, God, Edward, that's just so..." I trailed off, shuddering. "I didn't even know any of my grandparents and that grosses me out."

"Why does it gross you out? Aren't you gonna think I'm sexy when I'm old and gray?"

"Well yeah, but that's...different," I said lamely. "Don't ask why, it just is."

"Bella, when you're old and wrinkly, I'll still think you're the sexiest woman I've ever met."

"Aww," I cooed, pouting out my lower lip.

We came around the final corner, heading up into the stands to take our seats just as the stadium erupted with noise again and Canada made their entrance. I wrapped things up with Edward, telling him I'd call him later that night once I got back to the hotel.

So often, the Parade of Nations came at the end of the ceremony so the athletes didn't get to see much. Instead we were announced right up front so we could sit and enjoy the excitement. It was a blast to sit there with Eric and Angela, surrounded by our giddy teammates as we watched the dazzling spectacle unfold before us—lights, special effects, music, and inspiring words. Chills ran up my spine when they raised the Olympic Flag and they recited the official oath before lighting the cauldron that would flame through the sixteen days of the games.

The glow of the fire danced over my face, igniting in my heart as I stood there surrounded by my fellow Olympians.

I was so ready for this.

**x-x-x**

The rest of my short stay in Vancouver was jam packed. Following Opening Ceremonies, we were all experiencing such an adrenaline rush that no one could really think about heading back to their rooms to sleep. I hung out at the Olympic Village with Eric, Angela and a random group of teammates including a few snowboarders, hockey players, and one of the ice dancing pairs I was vaguely familiar with. It seemed that being on the same national team linked everyone together as fast friends. I'd probably never see most of them again after the games were over, but for at least one night, we were all in the exact same place, filled with awe and excitement (and just a hint of terror) over what we were about to be part of.

After barely getting any sleep, I was up again to do a few interviews and the ladies figure skating press conference. Once again I found myself thankful for the fact that Angela was my fellow competitor rather than Lauren. I didn't think I could stomach sitting beside Lauren Mallory after all that had happened. There was no way I could have forced myself to pretend for the press that I was rooting for her, or that we were supportive of each other no matter what.

With Angela, it was easy, even fun to sit next to her and joke around with the press. She was still so star struck, something I could clearly remember and honestly never fully got over from my first time at the Games. There was this light in her eyes that said she wanted it all, even if she didn't yet have the confidence in herself that she could have it. Every time I told her she could easily pull a Sarah Hughes and blow us all out of the water, she just blushed and laughed it off. Having only recently gained that confidence in myself at twenty-five, I knew just how big of a struggle it was to get there. I hoped for her sake that it wouldn't take her quite as long.

With the media obligations over until the following week, Marcus and I packed it in to head back home.

Once there, I hit the ground running with my training. Having two full days without a single moment on the ice so close to the competition made me a little anxious so I was quick to lace up and hit the rink in full force the next morning. The days flew by in a haze of eating, sleeping and skating with a heavy emphasis on the latter. Marcus and Esme were always around to make sure I wasn't pushing it too much. The last thing I needed right now was to pull a muscle or something stupid and knock myself out.

By the end of our last day training on home ice, I was feeling great. Both of my programs were solid and consistent. I'd practiced my lullaby both with and without the triple Axel, wanting to feel totally comfortable with either option. I honestly couldn't remember which one I'd used when I'd shown Edward the routine that first time. I'd been so caught up in the emotions and the moment. I really wanted to use my triple. In practice, I had been landing it perfectly far more times than I botched it . But, I was still missing it from time to time. Consciously, I knew it wouldn't do me any good to stubbornly insist on using it if things weren't working right in the days prior to the free skate. It was a decision we'd have to make much closer to that day.

I walked through the door just as the winter sun was dipping low in the sky. Edward's car was already in the driveway and the warm lights of the house were on, welcoming me home . We were in the middle of a bitter cold spell and temperatures had fallen well below zero. A huge part of me wanted to just snuggle up on the couch with a fire, some blankets and a hot mug of cocoa to enjoy one quiet night with Edward before we had to head to Vancouver the next morning.

I only pouted a little bit at the fact that I knew it wasn't happening. I'd gotten a message that afternoon from Esme , summoning us all over to their house for a family dinner. A nice, relaxing meal with all of them would be almost as good, with the added bonus that I'd be less likely to think about skating if I had seven boisterous people to distract me. I hadn't had much time to spend with any of them lately and though I knew they all understood, I still missed them.

The fire and Edward would still be there later. Maybe we'd just skip the cocoa for the sake of other activities.

"Edward?" I called out as I stepped inside and kicked off my boots.

"In the kitchen, love," he responded immediately.

"You're not cooking are you?" I teased while I stopped at the front closet to hang up my coat, rolling my eyes and plucking his off the chair where he'd abandoned it so I could hang it next to mine.

"Do you smell anything burning?" he answered dryly, making me giggle as I tossed my gloves in the basket and shut the door. The man was utterly hopeless in the kitchen. He could chop and peel veggies like no ones business, but the second you asked him to mix two ingredients together and cook them, disaster ensued.

I took a deep sniff of the air and smiled. It simply smelled like home.

"Nope, it smells pretty good in here, act—" I broke off as I stepped into the kitchen and saw that Edward wasn't alone.

"Dad?" I asked, my jaw dropped a little in surprise. I blinked, sure my mind was playing tricks on me.

Charlie was leaning back against the counter while Edward had hoisted himself up to sit on the center island, each of them nursing a beer and looking pretty darn friendly. My dad was supposed to be flying up to Vancouver from Seattle the next afternoon to meet us at the condo.

"Hey, Bells," he said and lifted his bottle, greeting me like it was completely normal for him to be hanging around in my kitchen.

"Dad! What the heck are you doing here?" I asked, stepping further into the room. Once I was closer, I could see the sparkle of amusement and excitement in his chocolate brown eyes, contradicting his usual cool, casual demeanor. I glanced over to Edward, lifting my eyebrows in silent question for him to clue me in on what I had missed. He simply shrugged and smirked as he sipped on his own beer, gesturing back to Charlie.

"Oh, you know, I was just in the neighborhood, figured I'd stop by for a visit," Charlie rumbled, straightening up a little as he stepped away from the counter.

"You're so full of it!" I exclaimed, swatting him on the shoulder. "You're supposed to be flying out from Seattle tomorrow."

"Yeah, well, Esme made a few adjustments to my travel arrangements so I could travel with the rest of the bunch," he shrugged. "Woman wouldn't take no for an answer."

"Really?" I asked, my face breaking out in a delighted smile. "You're flying with us?"

"Well, I'm not staying here, that's for sure. I forgot what February in Minnesota's like. Damn near froze to death out there waiting on this guy to pick me up this morning," he grumbled, jutting his thumb in Edward's direction.

"Hey, I warned you, Charlie," Edward argued easily with a chuckle. "You should've waited inside like I told you to."

"Yeah, yeah. Punk kid," Charlie muttered. He raised his hand and roughly tousled Edward's hair. "You sure you wanna keep this one, Bells? He's kind of a know it all."

I giggled, my heart warming at the sight of them together. Two men who meant the world to me, both from very different places, had somehow formed a close bond without me even realizing it.

"Yeah," I sighed, reaching over to smooth out Edward's hair from Charlie's teasing, carefully moving the strands back to fall messily over his forehead the way I liked it. Then I looked into his eyes, smiling when I found them staring right back at me with such happiness and contentment. "I'm pretty sure, Dad. I've grown rather attached to him."

Edward grinned and winked at me, nudging me to stand between his knees and casually wrapping his arms around my torso.

"Well, alright then. I guess you could've done worse," Charlie conceded with an amused twitch of his mustache. "Kid just needs to learn some respect for authority."

"You start acting like one, maybe I'll start treating you like one," Edward razzed him from over my shoulder, giving me a gentle squeeze.

Charlie barked out a laugh. "See what I mean, Bells? No respect for his future father-in-law. Remind me to give you a tour of my gun cabinet when you two come out to Forks for a visit."

"Whatever, Charlie," Edward scoffed. "You like me too much to pull a gun on me."

Charlie laughed his agreement. "Might do you some good," he said, crossing over to the fridge to grab another beer. It made me happy to see him feel so at home in our house.

"Did you have a good practice?" Edward murmured softly in my ear, resting his chin on the curve of my shoulder.

"Yeah. Should only have a couple colorful marks on my hip this time," I said dryly, wincing when my thumb found a tender spot.

"I'll rub some mineral ice on it for you later," he whispered, the warmth of his breath against the shell of my ear and the promise in his husky voice sending a shiver down my spine.

I turned my head just slightly, forgetting that my father was only a few feet away when faced with Edward's deep, emerald eyes. I licked my lips, my gaze dropping for just a moment to Edward's and wishing once again that we could just lock the doors and shut the world out for one night. It had really been too long since we'd been able to catch a good chunk of quality time alone together.

"I'm looking forward to it already," I murmured back, turning to face him and leaning in to softly kiss his lips.

I meant for it to be just a quick, casual peck, but gosh, his lips were so soft. And I hadn't seen him all day, barely seen him for more than a few hours a day since I got home from Vancouver. Who could blame me for kissing him and melting into his arms just a little? Especially when he enthusiastically responded. The tips of his thumbs gently grazed the bare skin at my back just above my yoga pants while my hands ran over his muscular, denim covered thighs, starting at the knees, then moving upward to gently grip his hips as I tried to move closer.

The sound of a throat softly, but intentionally, clearing hit me like a bucket of cold water, bringing me back into the moment. _Whoops. Right. Charlie._

"Sorry, Chief," Edward muttered bashfully, a sheepish grin on his face. A hint of pink flushed in his cheeks as he loosened his arms and scooted a little further away from me on the counter. My face was red with embarrassment as well, but there was no way I was apologizing. After all, we _were_ engaged. And living together. It's not like Charlie was completely oblivious to the fact that we were...well, intimate.

"Hey, it's your house," Charlie said, averting his eyes and taking a long pull of his beer, his own cheeks just a little pink. _What a group we made._ "I just don't need to be a witness to...that part of what goes on here," he stammered, gesturing awkwardly between us with his beer bottle.

Edward laughed, holding his hands up as if to say 'say no more.' He blew out a breath and rubbed his hands over his thighs, glancing between the two of us.

"I'll just uh, give you two some time to catch up," he said, gently nudging me away from the counter so he could hop down. "Charlie hasn't seen much of the house yet, why don't you show him around?" he suggested, hesitating a little before giving me a quick kiss on the forehead. "We should leave for my parents' at about sixish so you've got some time."

"Kay," I agreed, reaching out in an attempt to pull him back for one more kiss. I bit down on my lip to hold back a giggle when he hastily tore his hand from mine, shooting me a pained look that told me not to push my luck. _Always such a gentleman. _

Once Edward stepped out, Charlie and I only had a moment of initial awkwardness, and for that I was pretty proud. For some reason it had always been easier, more comfortable, when there were others around to provide a buffer for those similarities in our personalities that made getting close difficult. But we were so much better now, with both of us putting forth an effort to make it that way. After a lifetime of hurt feelings and misunderstandings, I thought we'd made miraculous progress.

I led Charlie on a short tour around the house, spending a fair amount of time in the basement, also known as Edward's den, or the 'man cave' as I liked to call it, where all the 'fun stuff' was housed. I proudly showed Charlie the trophy case, where the symbols of both Edward's and my accomplishments were displayed in equal measure. The newest addition was my gold medal from Nationals, freshly mounted and hung on the wall with a group photo of me with the entire family taken after the medal ceremony next to it.

After making our way through the rest of the house, we ended in the front living room. Rather than moving to sit on the couch as I might have expected, Charlie crossed over to the mantel, perusing the various framed photographs that lined it.

He glanced over them, pausing to take a closer look every once in awhile. The frames were a mixture of our favorite shots—us with family, with friends, together. Most of them were more recent, ranging from the time we met to the present, but there were a few in the mix that pre-dated our relationship.

One of my favorites was a picture of Edward and his family standing out on center ice at the Xcel, taken after his first professional game on the team. He and Emmett were still in their full uniforms, their cheeks pink from the cold and the exertion of the game, their hair damp with sweat. Edward looked so fresh-faced and excited, his parents proudly flanking him with Emmett kneeling in front and Alice sitting on his knee. It was clear to see the love they all had for each other and how little that had changed.

That same affection was clear in the photo beside it, the family photo I'd been included in at Alice and Jasper's wedding. It always humbled me a little to see that their love had only expanded to include Jasper, Rosalie and myself. It never felt like we were add ons or newcomers to the solid family unit already in place. We were treated as if we'd always had a place there, like they'd only been waiting for us to complete them.

Charlie picked up the next frame, snorting out a laugh under his breath as he studied it. It was the photo of the six of us taken right after the Polar Bear plunge the previous March. It struck me that it was the exact same photograph Renee had picked up from my bookshelf back when she'd first set foot in my apartment. She'd looked at it with mild disgust and annoyance over the life I was forging for myself. Seeing her study that photograph had made me sick to my stomach.

It really hit me at that moment how different my parents were. Charlie looked at that picture with admiration and respect for the people in it. He'd welcomed every one of them, despite his quiet demeanor, because he knew they were important to me. He was grateful for their presence in my life. It was so clear by the look on his face that all he wanted was for me to be happy, and that having this glimpse of my life here—seeing that I truly was happy—was enough for him. I was suddenly supremely grateful that my father and I had been granted another chance.

"Dad?" I said softly, standing beside him.

"Hmm?" he answered distractedly, still studying the pictures.

"I'm really glad you came," I murmured.

He turned to me then, his mustache twitching up in a smile as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder and squeezed me close to his side. "Me too, Bells."

I remained in his embrace as I told him the story behind a few of the photographs, enlightening him on some of the highlights over the past year and my life in Minnesota. He stopped short when he came across a picture placed close to the end of the shelf, a simple wooden frame that held a photo of me and Charlie from when I was a little girl. I was dolled up in a sparkly pink costume and full stage make up, sitting on my father's lap in the bleachers at the tiny, local ice rink where I'd skated my first competition.

"I remember this," he whispered, picking up the frame to look closer, gently tracing over the glass with the tip of his finger, his face sporting a reminiscent smile. "You skated to music from _Sleeping Beauty_ and you were so excited to do your first Salchow. You called 'em Chow Cows."

"I don't remember that," I giggled at my younger self's silliness. "I've just always loved the picture. I used to have it in my bedroom when I was younger. After we left. Then...well, things changed. Mom started changing. I started changing. I was so angry at you and about the fact that I didn't think you cared, and of course she only encouraged it. So for a long time, I put it away."

"Bella..."

"No, Dad, it's okay," I gently cut him off. "There's no going back and changing what happened. But we're finally fixing our mistakes. I'm just so happy that I can have this picture out now and I know now that my Dad has always loved me, even if we lost our way for awhile."

He pulled me into his arms, the fragrance of tobacco and evergreen filling my nostrils as my face was smushed into his flannel covered chest. I felt him kiss the top of my head, his breath just slightly unsteady as he held me tight.

"I have, baby girl," he said in a raspy voice. "I always have and always will love you more than anything. I'm not so great at sayin' it, but I hope you know that."

I nodded against his chest and squeezed him back. "I do."

"Uh, right," he stammered, taking a step back and coughing a bit uncomfortably. I wanted to roll my eyes at him and how easily he slipped back into that reserved demeanor after an emotional moment. But that's just part of what made him Charlie. "So ...I sorta, well, I have something for you."

"What? No, Dad, you don't need to get me anything. You already arranged to take all this time off work to go to Vancouver, that's all I wanted."

"Oh, that's nothin', Bells. I should be there. I _want_ to be. I know I've got a lot to make up for, not being there through the years. Birthdays, Christmases, not seeing you skate at the last Olympics and all those other important moments when I should've been there for you. I just, uh, geez I really suck at this stuff."

"What?"

"You know, the cheesy, emotional stuff," he grumbled, digging into the pocket of his worn Levi's. "It's not really my deal, so...well, here." He held out a small box, waving it a little when I didn't reach out to take it right away. He seemed rather eager to get it out of his hands, the look on his face made it seem like he was holding a time bomb or something.

I rolled my eyes but resisted arguing any further. It was obviously important to him and I had to admit, I was enormously touched by the gesture, especially seeing how much of a struggle it was for him to make it.

I popped open the lid of the box and felt my heart stop. Inside, settled on a velvet cushion were two simple, sparkling blue studs of Sapphire.

"If you don't like 'em, you can take it up with Edward," he stammered, rubbing at the back of his neck. "He sorta helped me pick 'em out."

"You guys went shopping together?" I asked, my eyes widening more at that than the gift itself. That was just so...adorable.

"Well, we went into a store and I bought somethin'. I don't think that really qualifies us a shopping buddies," he said, sounding vaguely horrified at the thought.

"Thanks, Dad," I said, gesturing with the box. "They're really beautiful."

"Well, I just wanted you to have something, ya know, to keep with you," he explained. "I know we won't be seeing each other all that often, what with you living here and me in Forks."

"It's not such a long trip from Forks to St. Paul," I murmured with a soft smile. "And apparently Esme's already got a guest room with your name on it."

He chuckled and nodded, then reached out and laid his warm, callused hand on top of mine. "Swings both ways, Bells. If you and Edward ever want to come out to Forks, well, the door's always open."

"We'll take you up on that," I promised, turning my hand up beneath his to link our fingers together. "Soon."

**x-x-x**

**As you may have saw, Hockeyward won the Glosp Award for Best Gentleman. Thank you so much to all of you who voted!**

**The next chapter is finished and just getting the last edits. I know we're all eager for Bella & the gang to get back to Vancouver! I will post it on Wednesday. After that we just have the epilogue and I will post that as soon as it's written!**

**A couple stories have been OWNING me lately so I wanted to share a last round of recs:**

**Giofógach by Ltlerthqak**

**Just One of the Boys by Tkegl**

**Green by Bratty-Vamp**

**What Speaks in Darkness by cosmogirl7481**

**Also keep an eye out for Nerac's new story- I Never Knew. She'll be posting soon and it's gonna be awesome. I've been pre-reading and Copward makes me swoon.**

**Recap:**

**Wedding Plans and sweet moments at home**

**Heading to Vancouver and Opening Ceremonies**

**A surprise visitor**

**Polyvore on the profile.**


	25. Chapter 25: Citius, Altius, Fortius

**A/N: Chapter title is the Olympic Motto. Translated means '**_**Swifter, Higher, Stronger**_**.'**

**Sorry for the delay. Techno fail last night.**

**HUGE thank you to Fanpiremama who has been cheerleading me from the start, when I wasn't even sure I'd ever have the guts to post this story. I also can't say enough thanks to Caren and Ltlerthqak, especially for this chapter. Thank you for helping me find my voice again so I could sing. **

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the characters. The story is mine.**

**More ramby A/N at the bottom, but for now…enjoy the final chapter!**

**x-x-x**

That night was everything I needed heading into our departure for Vancouver: good food, good company, laughter, relaxation. Family. Marcus even joined us for the meal, which turned into an impromptu engagement party, since it was the first time we'd all been together again. Carlisle popped the cork on a bottle of ridiculously expensive champagne, and I didn't even think about skating and the Olympics for the entire evening. Well, hardly at all.

When Edward and I returned home, I even got my wish for some quality alone time. Just him and me. Though it was late and the next day would be busy with traveling, we lit a fire and got cozy on a makeshift mattress of pillows and blankets on the floor. Our unhurried kisses and gentle touches grew to something more. While the warm fire crackled in the hearth, Edward and I made love slowly, sweetly, and fell asleep in each other's arms.

There was nothing unhurried about the following day. Wrangling ten people onto one flight in a busy airport was no easy feat, especially with the likes of Alice who should have hired an entourage for how much she packed. Poor Jasper looked so exhausted already at only ten a.m. when the two of them showed up with a stuffed rolling cart of luggage.

The flight out of Minnesota was smooth, but things went downhill after that.

We had a connection in Chicago, which Emmett whined about profusely, complaining that we shouldn't have to fly east when our destination was northwest. The layover was non-existent and as soon as we touched down, we were off in a stampede through the terminal to catch our next flight. I had to laugh as we sprinted through the halls of O'Hare. It was like a scene straight out of _Home Alone_. Alice even started humming the song as we rushed along.

Even with our hurry, we just barely missed the connection and Esme went straight to work booking us another flight. Thankfully she'd had the foresight to buffer in a full day for travel before I was actually supposed to be there.

Two and a half hours after our original flight was set to take off, we were still stuck in the terminal with another two hour wait in front of us. Alice and Rose had long since abandoned the group to explore what sort of shopping opportunities O'Hare had to offer. Jasper had propped himself up on a pile of carry-on bags and was silently working his way through a dog eared copy of _The Red Badge of Courage. _Esme had stretched out on the bench above him, happily skimming a newly released romance novel on her Kindle reader. Charlie and Carlisle were camped out by the windows, munching on sunflower seeds and roasted peanuts while they discussed sports and politics.

I lay out across an empty row of chairs with my head in Edward's lap, attempting to fight off a headache that had been brewing all morning. His hands patiently scratched my head, soothing away the throbbing pulse at my temple as he casually flipped through a copy of _Sports Illustrated_, his feet propped up on Emmett's carry-on suitcase in front of him.

Emmett sat on the bench across from us, playing some sort of video game on his phone. He must not have been doing very well because he kept slapping his forehead and swearing under his breath. At one point he looked like he wanted to smash the tiny device between his massive hands. He settled for tossing it clumsily on the seat next to him. He sat back, sprawling over three seats and huffing out a frustrated breath, tapping his fingers against the back of the bench.

"Is it almost time to go?" he whined to no one in particular.

"No, Emmett," Esme sighed, not even glancing up from her reading. "I told you six times already that the flight boards at five-thirty."

"Ma-an," he groaned, folding his arms over his chest and pouting his bottom lip out, looking every bit the part of a cranky little boy. "This sucks. I could have made it across the terminal twice as fast if I wasn't waiting on the rest of you slow pokes. I could be halfway to the 'Couve right now."

"Well maybe you should just run ahead without us next time, Emmett McCarty Cullen," Esme drawled in a disinterested voice that told me she'd dealt with his whining on more than one occasion. "Then maybe you'll be happy and the rest of us can have some peace and quiet."

"Ouch, Mama," Emmett said, clutching his hand over his heart as he stood. "That really hurts." He stepped over to where Esme sat, plucking her Kindle right out of her hands, waving it high above his head teasingly as she reached for it.

"Hey! Emmett, give it back!"

"What are you gonna do? Ground me?" he said in a snarky tone.

"Worse. I'll tell Rosalie," she threatened with a smug smile when Emmett's face fell. "Her punishments are far more effective."

"You don't play fair," he pouted, reluctantly handing her back the device.

"Why don't you go find something to eat?" she suggested, getting comfortable again.

"Nah. I'm too bored to snack," he lamented.

I drew a breath in on an exaggerated gasp, tapping Edward's knee. "The apocalypse is here. Emmett's not hungry."

"Ha ha ha," he turned to me and stuck out his tongue. "You're all a regular bunch of comedians. I'm gonna go watch the planes land."

"How's your head feeling?" Edward asked, rolling his magazine and stuffing it back in his travel pack.

"Better."

"Wanna walk around for a bit?"

"Okay by me," I shrugged, sitting up from his lap and nabbing my purse from beneath the seat.

"Mom? You mind watching our stuff?" Edward asked. "Bella and I are gonna stretch our legs a little."

"Not at all," she said with a smile. "Just keep an eye on the boards in case of any changes to the flight. Have fun, you two."

"Where are we going?" I asked as we stepped out into the bustling corridor.

"Figured we'd just walk around for awhile," he said, reaching out and snagging my hand in his, weaving our fingers lightly together between us. "We'll be doing enough sitting on the plane."

We simply wandered for a bit, browsing through souvenirs at one of the over-priced newsstands and stopping to snap a photo in front of the hanging globe that I remembered seeing in movies.

"You hungry at all?" Edward asked after awhile. "There's some good places to eat around here. And you can bet we won't be getting anything good on the plane."

"What do they have? I've never been through this airport before."

"Oh, Baby, you're with just the right guy," he said, pulling me close as we stood just off to the side of the stream of rushing passengers. My arms lifted to link around his neck as he nuzzled his scruffy cheek playfully over my jaw. "I've got a whole treasure trove of knowledge up here when it comes to the hidden secrets of airport survival," he said, tapping the side of his head and looking pretty proud of himself.

"Is that a fact?" I grinned up at him, raising up on my tip toes to hover just a breath away from his lips.

"Mmmhmm," he hummed, teasingly nipping at my bottom lip. "Just stick with me, love."

"I wasn't planning any different," I mumbled, tightening my arms around him and sighing as he gently sucked my lip between his, his tongue delicately seeking admittance to my mouth and meeting no resistance.

I whimpered softly as the pressure of his mouth steadily grew as his lips moved with mine. His hands moved over the small of my back, one lightly bunching the fabric of my shirt while the other splayed across my skin, pressing my body into his. I gasped when I felt his erection press against my stomach, my fingers tightening in his hair as I moaned my approval, meeting the heightened passion of his kisses with equal fervor as I rubbed against him.

A shrill wolf whistle had us quickly breaking apart, only to find Alice and Rose coming toward us down the hall, loaded down with plastic shopping bags.

"Get a room, lovebirds!" Rose called out, just a little louder than necessary.

I pressed the back of my hand against my swollen lips, attempting to recover my shaky breath.

"We were just...uh..." I stammered.

"Food," Edward blurted out, coming to my aide as he shifted slightly behind me, attempting to covertly adjust himself in his jeans. "We were gonna get something to eat."

"Looks like you already got started with your appetizer of Bella's face," Alice snickered.

"Shut it, half pint," Edward muttered, rolling his eyes and tugging me away in the opposite direction. "We'll meet you guys back at the gate."

"Just don't get so caught up in your smoochy fest that you miss the plane!" Alice shouted after us.

We mostly behaved ourselves as Edward took me to a Chicago landmark called Billy Goat Tavern for 'cheezborgers.' After sufficiently gorging ourselves, Edward excitedly pulled me down the corridor and into an extremely long line in front of a little shop called Garrett's Popcorn. I tried to put up a fight that the line was too long and suggested that we just pick up some chips and candy at one of the newsstand's by the gate, but he was insistent that I wasn't really living until I'd tried their Chicago mix. It sounded a little gross to me, an assortment of caramel, buttered, and cheese popcorn all tossed together, but Edward looked so adorably excited that I gave in and waited in the ridiculous line for the gross sounding popcorn mix.

He certainly made it worth my while, making the time pass quicker by rubbing gently at my neck and engaging me in a borderline inappropriate PDA that would have embarrassed me if I hadn't been so desperate for him.

When the adolescent boy in line behind us poked me in the back and grudgingly informed us that we were next in line, I decided that Edward and I really needed to take a vacation—just the two of us together, preferably somewhere completely shut off from the outside world. Based on the lusty look in Edward's eyes when I suggested it on our walk back to the terminal, I didn't think it'd take too much convincing to make it happen.

By the time we finally boarded the plane, everyone seemed to be in better spirits and ready to roll.

Finally, we all made it up in the air to journey to Canada. We were all slightly travel weary when the plane touched down, but the sight of Vancouver in all its Olympic Glory seemed to kick off our second wind. With the change of time zones, we arrived at the condo near the Village and got settled in just around dinnertime.

The 'grown-ups' opted to stick around and order something in, but the six younger members of our crew were all eager to kick off our time here and get into the Olympic spirit. It was a short jaunt over to the Village and with the balmy, spring-like temperatures Vancouver had been boasting, it made for an enjoyable evening walk.

We stopped at the cafeteria first to grab some grub, enjoying the cooking of the high caliber chefs on staff for the games, serving up cuisines from around the globe twenty-four hours a day. We wandered aimlessly around the sprawling grounds, moving from building to building to take in the sights—the gym, the little shopping complex complete with a bank and an all-denominations religious center. It truly was like a mini, isolated city. The paths and hallways were brimming with athletes from across the globe, all sporting their nation's colors proudly, many of them casually strolling around with medals draped around their necks as if it was perfectly common accessory.

Emmett was like a kid on Christmas, pointing out the sights, picking out athletes he recognized. I half expected him to run up to one of the well-known snowboarders we passed by on our way through the athlete's lounge and ask for an autograph. You never would have guessed the man was a professional athlete himself.

I introduced them to members of the team that I recognized as we came across them, always receiving a warm welcome.

Finally we made our way into the game room in the US section of the dormitories. I'd been dying to show the guys since I'd camped out here most of the night after Opening Ceremonies. It was like a fantasy rec room complete with big screen TV's where a group was engaged in a rousing game of Guitar Hero, pool tables, ping pong, table hockey and darts were scattered throughout the area. The quiet pop music crooning through the speakers mixed with the laughter of mingling teammates created an atmosphere of fun and relaxation where everyone could step away from the pressure of their various competitions and just enjoy some down time.

"Hey, Bella!" I heard a deep tenor call out when we entered the room. I looked up just in time to see Garrett Saunders, jogging over to us. He was a speed skater and one of the most famous faces on the US team. He'd earned the title of an Olympic heartthrob and I supposed it was with good reason. He was unquestionably attractive with his short, sandy blonde hair and ocean blue eyes, the tan of his skin more suited to a surfer than a speed skater.

But while he set other girls hearts a flutter, I'd never felt a single stutter to my pulse over him. He was simply a good guy, a friendly acquaintance and an athlete I respected.

I'd met him at the previous Olympics during Opening Ceremonies and had run into him a few times throughout the games when Renee didn't have her eagle eye on me. He'd been part of the group I hung out with after the ceremony here the previous week. Though he was always flirtatious, he never made a move in my direction either, unwaveringly devoted to his long-time girlfriend who also happened to be a member of the team in women's curling.

"Garrett, hey! How's it going?" I asked, laughing when he scooped me up in a bear hug. _Did I mention he was flirtatious? _Completely harmless, but flirtatious none the less.

"Great!" he said, plopping me back on my feet. "You just get back?"

"Yeah, just tonight. How's your week been?"

"Two for two so far," he grinned, stretching out the ribbons around his neck to show off his medals—one silver, one bronze.

It sounded like a bit of an arrogant move to flaunt your winnings around, casually wearing medals while you hung out in the lounge, but looking around the room, those little shiny discs were everywhere.

"Wow, you sure are," I grinned, leaning in to get a closer look at the unique pattern etched into the wavy metal. "How many do you have left?"

"Two," he said, dropping his hands to his pockets when I straightened again. "Fifteen-hundred's tomorrow and the relay's not until next Friday."

"Well good luck out there."

"You too. Me and a couple of the guys got tickets to come see you skate," he informed me, playfully nudging my shoulder. "I'm sure you'll do great."

"Aw, that's really sweet of you guys," I said, glancing behind me when I felt someone step up to my shoulder.

"Hey, Bells, aren't you gonna introduce us to your _friend_?" Rose asked suggestively, looking rather eager to meet the man in front of me.

Alice was close behind her and I had to bite down on my lip to keep from laughing at their expressions. They were like two swoony pre-teens faced with their favorite Backstreet Boy. I half expected them to start fluffing their hair and giggling at any moment.

"Oh my gosh, sorry," I stammered, waving the rest of the gang over when I saw the boys holding back a few steps. "Guys, this is Garrett, speed skating. Garrett, this is Jasper, Emmett, Rose, Alice, and Edward," I said, pulling him close to my side and snuggling under his arm when it wrapped easily around me to rest on my hip. "My fiancé."

"That's right, I heard you got engaged," Garrett said, holding his hand out to Edward and giving it an enthusiastic shake that Edward returned. "Congratulations, man, I hope you realize you're marrying one of the coolest girls in the entire world. Lucky bastard."

Edward grinned down at me with a proud smile and nodded his agreement. I was relieved when I couldn't detect even a hint of jealousy in his eyes. Not every guy was super understanding when some random man swooped up his fiancé. I could only assume that he felt the exact same way that I did. It didn't matter who else crossed our paths or how attractive they were. We only had eyes for each other and there was a deep trust that couldn't be tarnished.

"Whatever, Garrett, like you haven't been madly in love with Irina for almost a decade," I teased, melting into Edward's embrace when his hand rubbed casually over the curve of my hip.

"True," he sighed, snapping his fingers comedically. "Still, a lot of hearts were broken when word got out that the Swan was off the market. You better treat her right, Edward."

"I'll do my best," Edward responded dryly, a friendly smile on his lips.

"Sure you will, you seem like a stand up guy. And hey, I almost forgot you play for the Wild. Oh gosh, Emmett, Jasper, I didn't connect it at first but you're all on the team," Garrett exclaimed, admiration clear in his voice. "You guys are awesome, I'm a huge fan. My mom never let me go out for hockey, said I was 'too delicate.' I'm pretty sure that's Mom-speak for scrawny."

"Certainly not scrawny anymore," Alice muttered under her breath, too quiet for any of the boys to hear. Rose shook her head in agreement, her eyes wide with appreciation as she bit down on her lower lip. I'd never seen her look at anything that way except for classic cars and Emmett.

"You gonna take in a game while you're here?" Garrett asked the guys. "I think the US is playing Canada in the prelims on Sunday."

"Yeah, but they've gotta be completely sold out, I mean, come on," Emmett scoffed.

"Dude, you're with Bella, I'm sure she can hook you up," Garrett said, giving Emmett a light smack on the shoulder. "Isn't that right, Swan?"

I held back a grin, not wanting to let on to the fact that I was way ahead of them.

"I'll see what I can do," I shrugged casually. "I might be able to pull a few strings."

"Babybel, you are awesome," Emmett said, holding his fist out for knuckles.

"You guys gonna stick around awhile? A bunch of us were gonna start up a table hockey tourney. Care to see if your skills match your moves on the ice?" Garrett said in his most convincing tone.

"You boys have fun," Alice said quickly, shooing them away while she linked her arm through mine. "We're just gonna have a little girl-talk over on the couches."

She waited until the guys walked off with Garrett and dragged me over to a couch, shoving me down to the cushions and flicking her fingers against my forehead.

"Ouch, what the hell, Alice?" I grumbled, rubbing at my forehead.

"You've been holding out on us, girl!" Alice accused. "What other eye candy do you have in your back pocket?"

"What are you talking about?"

"What am I talking about? I'm talking about the fact that Garrett Saunders just walked right up to you and hugged you like you were besties or something. Spill!" she babbled out in one breath, her eyes huge as they darted around behind me to check out the guys and see who else she might recognize.

"There's nothing to spill!" I insisted. "I met him at the last Olympics and then I ran into him again last week when I was here. A bunch of us hung out after Opening Ceremonies."

"And you never tapped that?" Rose scoffed.

"What?" I screeched in surprise. "No!"

"Bells, the man is drool worthy," Alice informed me like I was missing the obvious fact.

"He's in my five," Rose spoke up.

"Your five?" I asked.

"Yeah, you know, the list of five celebrities you get a free pass to have sex with if you ever get the opportunity...oh shit, well, I guess I just proved that rule as bogus since we're in the same room as the man candy and there's still no way I'm cheating on Emmett," she reasoned, her face scrunching slightly in disappointment. "Oh well, I still maintain that he's one of my celebrity crushes."

"Okay, that's just...whatever, but no, I've never 'tapped' that. Virgin, remember?"

Alice snorted undaintily.

"Not anymore," Rose pointed out, her eyes gazing around the room and blowing out a low whistle. "And I have to say, I have a newfound admiration for your self control. Holding onto your V-card for so long when presented with such an array of prime contenders could not have been easy."

"You two are such pervs!" I exclaimed, slapping them both over the top of their heads to try and knock that creepy swoony fangirl look off their faces. "And you, you're happily married!" I said, pointing an accusing finger at Alice.

"Doesn't make me blind," she shrugged.

"Garrett Saunders is freakin' hot, Bells," Rose said. "Just admit it."

"Meh," I shrugged with disinterest.

"Oh don't bother, Rose," Alice said in a disgusted voice. "She's clearly caught up in the engagement haze where she sees no other man but her betrothed."

"Yup," I agreed with a smug smile, drinking in the sight of my freakin' hot fiancé as he engaged in a rigorous game of table hockey, and the way the muscles of his back and arms rippled deliciously under his thin t-shirt. "And the view's pretty damn good from here."

A couple of hours later, our group had interspersed themselves with the other Olympians, playing games and enjoying some laughs and good conversation.

Alice and Rose had quickly lost their fangirl attitudes and jumped into the fun, their effervescent personalities drawing people in easily as they took on a group of Alpine skiers at Guitar Hero.

Eric had shown up awhile back and Emmett had taken him under his wing, trying to teach him how to play ping pong. So far he'd had little success since Eric tended to cower away and drop his paddle any time the tiny white ball came near him. They were like a little comedy show and I'd been more than entertained just kicking back and watching the action when Edward came and plopped down on the couch beside me.

"Hey, beautiful, how's it going?" he asked, kissing the top of my head as I leaned back into his arms.

"Good. You having fun?" I tilted my head back and puckered my lips at him, smiling when he softly kissed me from the upside-down angle.

"Yeah," he said, kissing me again. "You?"

"Mmmhmm," I hummed, kissing him once more before cuddling into his lap. "A little tired. It's been a long day."

"We'll head out soon. I think everyone's pretty beat," he murmured, gently stroking my hair and curling me into his embrace. "It's a fun group. Garrett's a funny guy."

"Yeah, he's always been a bit of a loudmouth," I said, fighting back a yawn. "He and Eric get along really well."

"I can see that," Edward chuckled, glancing over to where Garrett had joined Emmett and Eric, attempting to give Eric some 'helpful' pointers that mostly just involved a lot of hazing and turned into a back and forth battle of insults. Said with the utmost affection of course.

I smiled, laughing softly at the sight and burrowed back into Edward's shoulder.

"Hey," Edward said softly, leaning us back against the cushions as our legs tangled together seamlessly. "Garrett said he could get us passes to go see him skate tomorrow, you up for it?"

"Yeah. Sounds like fun."

"Uh," he cleared his throat, obviously wanting to say something, though he hesitated.

"What?"

"You really think you can get us into the game on Sunday?"

"Why?" I asked casually, lifting my head from his chest and melting a little at the utter look of boyish excitement I saw in his bright green eyes. "Did you want to go?"

"Fuck yes! I mean, uh, yeah, if we can get in," he stammered, reining himself back in quickly. I had to bite back a burst of laughter. "But it's no big deal if you can't get us tickets."

I smiled and rubbed my knuckles over his cheek, softly kissing his lips.

"What would you say if I told you...that I already got them," I drawled out.

"Seriously?"

His eyes practically bugged out as I nodded.

"Row six, center ice."

He stared at me for a moment, his jaw slack with surprise. Then his eyes crinkled and he pursed his lips at me in playful agitation. His fingers dug into my sides, tickling my ribs as he rolled me under him, playfully growling at me for not telling him sooner. Perched above me, his lips spread into a giant grin.

"You really are the coolest fiancée ever."

**x-x-x**

Over the next three days, I focused on living the experience to its limits, immersing myself in the excitement and enjoyment of the games. I never forgot what I was there for and devoted a small chunk of time every morning to getting out on the ice and into the gym to keep my training up so I could adjust to the altitude change. I'd even managed to get the guys out for a run with me around the perimeter of the Village a few times.

Honestly, at that point I was as prepared as I could have been; there was little use chaining myself to the practice rink.

I'd done that last time, in Torino, though it hadn't been by choice. I'd barely seen anything of the Turin games apart from the inside of the Palavela arena where we'd practiced and performed. By the time the short program rolled around, I'd already started to feel worn down, though of course Renee didn't see it as a result of over-training.

I didn't plan on making that mistake twice.

I had become an Olympian again, and I'd done it entirely on my own two feet without the pushing and prodding of Renee. The days of her telling me I needed to train harder, that I couldn't risk getting distracted by cutting loose a little, were over. This time, I had every intention of enjoying the adventure that so few people had ever been given the chance to experience.

Every day I donned my red, white, and blue garb and ventured out to support my fellow teammates, with my family enthusiastically in tow. They surrounded me with love and support, having faith in my abilities and encouraged my need to take a step back from training and enjoy this time. I knew the opportunity would never come around again, and was completely determined to soak it all up like a sponge.

Snowboarding, speed skating, curling, we caught glimpses of it all, even driving out to Whistler to watch the action on the mountains at Alpine ski races and Skeleton runs. We'd stay together or split off into groups based on the events we wanted to watch if there was more than one going on at once.

Every once in awhile we'd meet up with some of the other Olympians—Eric, Angela, Garrett and the others we'd gotten better acquainted with that first night. But so often it was just the six of us, and I found that I preferred it that way. Sharing this experience with Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rose, and Edward, running around Olympic Village every day like kids hopped up on candy at Disneyworld...I wouldn't trade that experience for anything in the world. So many memories were burned into my head over those three days. Ones I knew I would always cherish.

My favorite of which was sitting next to Edward in the crowded stands at Canada Hockey Place and cheering the US team on to victory over Canada. It was the first hockey game we'd ever attended together as fans, though we'd watched a few games on TV before. I should have realized he'd be a crazy fan, but nothing could have prepared me for what I experienced at that game.

He was a perfect mixture of his parents—calmly and studiously following the motion of play like Carlisle, always on the edge of his seat with his long fingers perched under his chin. Until a penalty was called, a fight broke out, or a goal was scored. Then he was totally like Esme, jumping around, cheering, and shouting.

With every goal the US scored, he'd pluck me off my feet, crushing me to him with a hug and nearly blew my ear drums out with his elated cries. By the look in his eyes as he watched the game play out, it became clear to me that he was dying to get out there, even if he wouldn't admit it to himself.

Still, he seemed blissfully happy to sit beside me, holding my hand and munching on a soft pretzel while surrounded by the rest of our family in the seats around us.

Late in the third period, with the United States in a marginal lead, I started getting a little anxious to get out of there. Not because I wasn't enjoying the game or the company, but watching Edward in the stands all night, coupled with the lack of time we'd been able to spend together since we left Minnesota had me feeling very...frisky.

I'd heard some of the athletes gossiping back at the Village about something called a 'tapering effect.' It was common for Olympians to train very rigorously leading up to the games and then severely cut back in the days leading up to their events. It was supposed to result in peak performance conditions in your body. It was something nearly everyone practiced to some extent at this level and certainly I was purposefully training far less than I had been back home to give my body plenty of rest.

What I hadn't realized is that it was a fairly well known fact that the tapering effect also resulted in a massive increase in sex drive. Something about endorphins or something. It certainly helped explain the sexually charged air at the Village as well as the plethora of free condoms provided for the athletes...it just hadn't been something I'd ever noticed or experienced myself. Until now.

Whether that was it or not, I didn't really care. I just wanted to get Edward alone and naked as soon as possible.

His attention was glued to the game in front of him, his eyes practically glazed and unblinking, though I could see them shifting rapidly as they followed the puck. Part of me figured I should just wait since the game was almost over and he'd been so excited about coming to watch. But I figured there wasn't any harm in at least making my intentions known for what I wanted to do next.

I shifted a little closer to him, wrapping my arms around his bicep as his elbow perched on the armrest between us. Then I leaned my head on to the curve of his shoulder, nuzzling into his neck as he adjusted to welcome me in.

"Hi," I murmured, pressing a soft kiss against his neck.

He turned just slightly and smiled down at me, trailing his finger over my forearm. "You having fun?"

"Yeah," I sighed, lowering my voice to a promising whisper. I wanted to make my intentions clear to him but I certainly didn't need anyone else hearing what I had in mind. "Though I much prefer watching you out there on the ice."

"Is that right?" he smirked, though it was clear I hadn't yet achieved his full attention. _I'll have to step up my game._

"Mmhmm," I hummed low in my throat, dropping one of my hands to his knee and slowly inching my way up his thigh. I raked my fingernails along his inseam; he sat up a little straighter with a jolt, automatically spreading his legs just a little wider under my touch. My lips quirked into a wicked smile. _I definitely have his attention now. _

"Seeing you skate, the way the sweat builds on your skin from exertion, imagining the shape of your body and the stretch of your muscles under your hockey pads. The way you handle your...stick," I said slowly, my voice ripe with innuendo. I pressed a lingering open-mouthed kiss to his throat and felt the vibration of his skin against my lips as his breath hitched, his Adam's apple bobbing in his neck as he swallowed thickly. With a smug smile, I eased back into my seat. "Yeah, I definitely prefer it."

"Jesus, Bella," he groaned, his eyes clamped shut and his jaw twitching slightly. The way it always did when he was trying to maintain some self-control. "You can't say stuff like that to me in public."

It was probably a little mean to tease him further, but I couldn't stop myself. My desperate need for him had turned me into a bit of a shameless sex kitten. I didn't even care that my father and his parents were less than ten feet away. I figured as long as they didn't turn around I was safe.

"Then it probably won't help if I tell you that I packed your jersey in my bag," I murmured, turning in my seat a little so I could easily stroke my fingers down the center of his chest. "And that I have every intention of putting it on when we get back to our room," I said, closing my teeth gently over the lobe of his ear. "And nothing else..._Captain_."

"Oh ungh, God," he moaned, his breath gasping when my fingers grazed against his erection. His grip tightened on the armrest until his knuckles were white. "No, that's really not helping."

"You know that they say Olympians get really horny during the games?" I informed him conversationally, casually as my touch continued to roam over his thigh.

"Do they?" he said weakly, just slightly raising his hips off the chair as if searching for my attention.

"Yeah...all that testosterone and physical activity, so many young, perfect, _firm_ bodies in one confined space," I said with an intentional squeeze of my hand over his hardened leg muscle.

"That is a predicament," he uttered, turning his head to nuzzle his cheek against my soft skin, lightly kissing my neck.

"Mmmhmm. But there's only one firm body I want. The only one I ever have and ever will want," I rasped out as the fingers of my other hand dove into his hair, clutching the soft strands as he lavished attention on my neck. "The only one that makes me need. Yours."

His hands eagerly rose to my face, holding me steady as his mouth passionately covered mine.

"Suddenly I'm very eager for this game to be over," he whispered, his breath warm and unsteady upon my lips.

At that moment, the announcer blared through the speakers, "One minute remaining in the third period!"

"Perfect fucking timing," Edward muttered, rising from his seat and pulling me none-too-delicately to my feet with him. I squealed softly at our sudden movement and then swallowed back a moan of anticipation from the look in his eyes. Pure. Lust.

"Dude, where you going? They just pulled the goalie!" Emmett protested, slapping his hand on Edward's shoulder to hold him in place.

For a second, it looked like Edward was tempted to knock his brother out and swoop me over his shoulder, a mental picture that turned me on far more than it should have. We were all spared that scenario when the crowd around us rose to its feet in glorious victory. Emmett dropped his hold on Edward's shoulder to join in the cheering, slapping hands with every person he could reach.

The US scored on an open net in the final minute of the game, clinching their win.

Edward swept me into his arms, his hands cupped my backside and he ground my hips against him under the guise of a celebratory embrace.

He dipped his head close to my ear as cheers continued to ring out around us. "Let's get out of here."

I nodded eagerly as he set me back on my feet, instantly snagging my hand in a tight grip as we shoved our way out of the row.

"We'll see you guys back at the condo later," he called out behind us when Rose asked where we were going. "Much later," he tacked on after another lustful glance my way.

He practically dragged me up the stairs, eager to get us out of the arena before the game finished and we were swallowed up by the crowd. I followed after him, breathlessly giggling the entire way as I stumbled, girlishly squealing when he growled and simply hoisted me up in his arms, not a far cry from my earlier visual.

The entire walk back took about three times longer than it should have because we kept stopping to fall all over each other. It was like some sort of magnetic force running between us. I simply had to touch him.

At one point he had me pinned up against the wall of the dining hall at Olympic Village, his hands impatiently unzipping my vest so he could more easily roam over my breasts under my sweater. It was only slightly embarrassing when we got caught by a team of bobsledders passing by. After that, Edward firmly ordered me to walk a full three feet away from him with absolutely no physical contact until we made it back to the condo.

That was as far as we made it, barely slamming the door behind us before we were upon each other. It was a desperate tangle of hands, lips, and limbs. Fingers clawing at each other in our frenzy. Clothes were torn and haphazardly scattered in our hurry to bare each other, seeking the satisfaction of skin gliding against skin.

We attempted to stumble our way toward the stairs, wanting to make it up to our room in case our warning hadn't been taken seriously. We only made it up two steps before he lost patience and pinned me up against the wall. His lips fastened to my skin and his fingers dug into my hips as he gripped me, lifting me off my toes until my legs wrapped around his waist, drawing his length into me in one breath-stealing stroke.

It was animalistic the way we came together, sweat glistening on our skin as our bodies slapped against each other, each seeking the pleasure that only the other could offer. Screams of ecstasy and grunts of satisfaction the only other sounds in the room. Even those fell on deaf ears as blood rushed through my head like crashing waves as he pounded into me.

I have no concept of how long the ravishment lasted, two minutes or ten. All I know is that I'd never felt more desired than I did when Edward clutched me to him desperately, gasping out my name with his head buried against my neck as he spilled inside me only seconds after my own shattering orgasm.

He held me there against the wall, both of us afraid to move for fear of simply collapsing. Eventually I unclenched my legs from around his waist and we found our way to the floor.

"Fuck. Shit. Gah, Bell," he gasped out, his hand rubbing over his pounding heart as he tried to recover his breath.

"You can say that again," I chuckled, sprawling beside him listlessly, my chest heaving as my lungs burned for oxygen.

We lay on the floor in contented silence, my head lying on his arm acting as the only contact between us.

"That right there should be reason enough to have the Olympics every year," he uttered after a few minutes. When I turned my head to look at him, he was staring up at the ceiling and looking completely satisfied.

"Oh God, we'd kill each other!" I exclaimed, rolling over to lay my head on his chest.

"Wanna bet?" he grinned with a mischievous smile, rolling me under him as he covered my face in teasing kisses.

**x-x-x**

Before I knew it, Tuesday arrived and it was my turn for a chance at a medal, rather than cheering everyone else on to theirs. My warm up went well, even though the sight of all those empty chairs surrounding the ice got the butterflies stirring in my belly.

The sheer size of the arena was initially overwhelming but I'd found a way to settle my nerves and get through practice by chanting over and over that it was just another crowd, just like every other show or competition I'd ever skated. That the size really didn't matter.

I walked into Pacific Coliseum that night as ready as I possibly could be.

As soon as I dropped my stuff in the locker room, I set to work warming up and going through my routine of getting in the zone.

For some reason, my normal routine didn't work. The air in the arena was so sparked with energy that I found it impossible to find my calm. The sounds of the crowd as the night kicked off were so deafening that even backstage with my earbuds in, I could hear every cheer, every groan, every applause.

My heart pounded in my chest and I had to guzzle water every couple minutes to keep my throat from becoming dry. As hard as I tried, I couldn't stop myself from checking the screens after every skater, to see how they'd performed. The draw had not been my friend, leaving me as the final skater of the night. It only gave me that much more time to get nervous.

I texted with Edward, careful to censor my comments so he wouldn't suspect how shaken I was, but I think he was on to me. Every message from him was reassuring, calming, just what I needed. It helped...kind of. But I was still a jumble of nerves by the time I had to shut off my phone and step into the locker room to change.

It only got worse with the group warm up. It was the volume of the arena. I swear I'd never heard anything like it in my entire life.

_Had it been like that in Torino? Was it simply that I'd forgotten in the past four years what performing at the Olympics was like? _

I wanted to vomit.

Once backstage again, I took a few minutes to sit down and drop my head between my knees, trying desperately to bring myself out of this state of complete terror. It would only spell disaster if I stepped out there like this.

Finally I was able to get my breathing back under control and concentrated on staying warm, visualizing myself skating a perfect program.

_I had this. I'd already skated this program perfectly in Spokane. I could do it again._

Unfortunately the heavy pounding of my heart and the twisting in my stomach spoke in opposition to those confident thoughts.

Canada's top contender skated just before me and the crowd was amped when her scores came in, putting her easily in first place.

The cheers for her quickly morphed into a thunderous chant of 'U-S-A! U-S-A!' when I slipped off my guards and stepped out on the ice.

_No pressure, right?_

I glided around in the corner, waiting for the signal to come so I could take my starting mark. My thumb nervously rubbed over the hidden swan at my hip in a habit I hadn't found myself resorting to in quite some time. As I did, I couldn't stop my eyes from glancing around the arena. American flags waved brightly, and colorful signs boasted my name. People. So many people.

Marcus called me back, holding his hands out on the boards, offering a moment of anchor in the thrashing storm.

I placed my hands in his, snatching them back instantly to wipe them on my skirt when I noticed how much they were sweating. Marcus simply stood, palms up and patiently waited. I nervously wiggled my knees, eyes darting everywhere but where they needed to. I knew I was screwing myself over, but I couldn't stop it from happening. It was like an unstoppable avalanche of fear and nerves thrashing through my system.

"Let's go, Bella," Marcus gently summoned me, fingers curling to usher me over. I tried again to lift my hands and place them in his, but they were practically vibrating.

"Oh, God, Marcus," I gasped, hovering my hands in front of me. "I can't stop shaking."

"Hands here, my girl," he murmured in a soothing tone. I quickly placed my hands in his, his warm fingers tightened around my chilled ones, and he rubbed reassuringly over my fingers, stilling their flutter. "Come on, Bella. Deep breaths. In...out... Once more. In...out... There we go," he said. I followed direction and felt myself calming, my eyes closing for a moment as I tried to block out everything but the sound of his voice and my breathing. "Just keep breathing and stay on your feet. That's all you have to do. Okay?"

"Yeah," I whispered, the sound lost in the volume of the room. I nodded slowly, keeping my eyes closed as long as possible to maintain that tenuous sense of calm. "Okay."

Marcus simply stood there with me, holding my hands and rubbing my knuckles until we heard my cue, first in French, then repeated in English.

"Representing the United States, Isabella Swan!"

My eyes flew open at the roar of the crowd. It was a struggle to maintain any sense of calm, but somehow I managed it in at least some measure.

"Just listen to the music and trust yourself. You've got this," Marcus said, squeezing my hands tightly once more. I nodded, giving him a shaky smile now that I'd managed to gain control of my breathing. He dropped my hands and ushered me off. "Take your time getting out there."

I did as he said, milking every second of my allotted minute to take my spot at center ice, allowing the crowd ample time to settle their cheers. When I lifted my arms in their starting position, the stadium was silent. In that moment a thousand doubts consumed me, the jitters in my stomach only fanning the flames. The expanse of the ice spread around me like an endless sea and I stood there drowning.

My familiar song echoed through the unfamiliar arena. My feet moved through the familiar steps on the unfamiliar ice. Once I was immersed in the routine, everything else faded to the side, allowing me to concentrate on my movements and the performance. I approached the first jumping pass feeling confident, but somehow it didn't help. Over rotated. Badly over rotated.

All I could hear in my head on the descent was Marcus' soothing voice saying 'Just stay on your feet.' Somehow, I managed to save the landing, though it was a close call and left me with only enough momentum to pull a double out for my second jump instead of the planned triple.

_Well, shoot. That wasn't really what I wanted. I'd landed that combination clean all week, what happened?_

I didn't have time to dwell on the past unless I totally wanted to screw up my chances, so I shook it off, matching my breath to the pulse of the song as I did my crossovers for the next jump. Deep breath...and perfect landing.

_That's more like it._

After the jumps were behind me, I was back to smooth sailing through my spins and spirals, ending on a high note that brought the crowd to its feet. Still, as I took my bows, I couldn't help but feel just a little disappointed. I'd let the atmosphere get the best of me and didn't push past my nerves quickly enough to achieve the state of mind I needed to put out a perfect program. After such a great run at Nationals, I was bummed that I couldn't pull it off again.

I kept a smile on my face and my thoughts to myself as I waved to the crowd, gliding over to the boards, navigating my way through bouquets of flowers and stuffed animals scattered across the ice. One of which caught my eye. Just before I made it to the gate, I saw a furry stuffed teddy bear lying on the ice, wearing a green hockey jersey. I grinned; my spirits instantly boosted and scooped it up for a closer look. Sure enough, the bear wore a miniature replica of Edward's Wild jersey, embroidered name and number on the back and all.

I hugged the bear to my chest and looked up at the stands, trying to find him in the massive crowd of people. It took me a moment, but just before I stepped off the ice, I spotted him. His bronze hair glinted in the glaring fluorescent light. He stood in the stands with our family, adorned from head to toe in Team USA gear that I'd pilfered for him, cheering me on proudly.

Seeing them there, their excited faces as they waved at me, I didn't feel like such a disappointment. Maybe it hadn't been a perfect skate, but I'd recovered well from my mistakes and kept going.

And really, that's all I could ask of myself.

I didn't need to be flawless.

When I walked out of the Kiss & Cry with my Cullen bear snuggled in my arms and a third place ranking in front of my name, I actually felt pretty phenomenal.

**x-x-x**

It took awhile to get out of Pacific Coliseum following the short program. Even though I was the last skater of the night there were still press to deal with. I'd taken a few minutes to properly stretch in the locker room so as not to risk pulling a muscle, then linked arms with Marcus and Esme to head out of the backstage area and find the rest of the gang. They were full of smiles and encouragements. Not a single word about my minor stumbles. And really, they were minor. They'd only felt major at the time. I hadn't really expected that they would bring it up, but still it was just so...refreshing to hear nothing but positivity. Even now, after all these months, a tiny part of me kept waiting for that censure when I made a mistake. But every time I slipped up and wasn't perfect, it became a little easier to accept that it wasn't going to come, not anymore.

In Torino when I'd skated my short program and taken the lead, Renee had still felt the need to point out the miniscule details of what I could have done better. I knew that my family was nothing like her. Esme, Charlie, Edward, Alice. Not a single one of them or any of the others would ever put me down or make me feel like I wasn't good enough. In fact they were quick to say exactly the opposite, that I was _always_ good enough. But still, it was like there was some instinct ingrained into my heart after so many years of criticism that was just waiting to hear her voice every time I stepped off the ice. Especially here.

Though we were halfway across the world, the environment was so similar. It stirred up so many memories, even as I strived to make new ones. Better ones.

My heart hurt for the girl I'd been back then—so lonely and nervous, terrified of my own potential and always trying to bury those insecurities away from the world to portray an image of unshakable perfection when I felt anything but perfect.

I could still recall so clearly what that life had been like, and I could never imagine returning to it.

Never again would I cry myself to sleep after a bad day of practice, alone and miserable. Even on my roughest days, I would always have Edward. I could look to the future with confidence that even if I didn't have all the answers, I would find them, and I'd never have to do it by myself. My burdens were his, as were my triumphs. Just as his were mine. With the support I'd gained and the confidence I now had in myself, I could look back on my mistakes and realize that they didn't break me, they only made me stronger. And with that knowledge, I realized I could do just about anything.

Back at the condo, we all sprawled out over the furniture in the living room, a warm fire crackled in the background as we munched on snacks and enjoyed each other's company. I had a day off before the free skate, so I wasn't too worried about staying up late. Still, the constant flurry of activity started to catch up with us and by midnight everyone was calling it a night, dragging ourselves off to our respective rooms as we fought off yawns.

Edward fell asleep quickly, likely confident that I was so exhausted from my day that I wouldn't have any trouble sleeping. But somehow, sleep eluded me. I lay there, warm and cozy in his arms, the quiet sounds of the house settling around us and the steadiness of Edward's breath attempting to soothe me into sleep. But though my eyes were droopy and my body yearned for rest, my mind could not follow suit.

Out of nowhere, dozens of questions flickered through my brain, one right after the other in rapid fire.

_What's next? Where do I go from here? What do I want? What do I need? What's going to make me happy?_

It seemed as if every question I'd foisted off for 'later' was clambering to be answered right now, depriving me of peace until they'd been acknowledged and satisfied. The harder I tried to push them back to the corners of my mind, the louder they became until finally, I surrendered.

In the silence of the night, I sought out the answers to my questions in the only place I could find them: my own heart.

And when I found them, I had the most peaceful sleep I could imagine.

**x-x-x**

The following morning, as everyone congregated in the kitchen to map out their plans for the day over breakfast, I pulled Edward aside and suggested he and I split off on our own for a little bit. I was grateful when he didn't question my request, he simply told the others that we'd catch up with them later and rinsed his cereal bowl in the sink before following me upstairs to get dressed and head out. I really didn't have a plan, only knew that I wanted to get him on his own someplace quiet where we could talk. While I'd figured out some of my answers, I couldn't set them in stone until I'd shared them and made certain that they would work for him, too.

While it was my life, we were a team now.

We decided to just take one of the rental cars and drive for a bit, heading North out of Vancouver toward Cypress Mountain where the Snowboarding and Freestyle Skiing events took place. Since neither was scheduled that day, the area was quiet. The crowds were either back in Vancouver or up in Whistler where all the action continued. Edward easily agreed with my suggestion to pull in and park so we could walk around for a bit.

The day was warm, especially in comparison to the frigid temperatures we'd been experiencing back in Minnesota. It was comfortable to stroll around aimlessly for awhile, enjoying the grounds when they weren't flooded with people. We weren't completely alone of course, there were still athletes milling around, getting a little practice in before their events continued, but it was easy to avoid any interaction. Hand in mittened hand, we walked the paths, occasionally stepping off to tromp through the snow when we wanted to see something closer. There was no rush, no schedule, no plan, just the two of us enjoying the time together.

In our exploration of the mountain, we came across a secluded little knoll, just far enough from the beaten path that it was unlikely anyone would disturb us. It almost reminded me of the little hillside by the airport back home where we'd gone on more than one occasion when looking for a quiet moment. It was perfect.

I tugged on Edward's hand, eagerly leading him through the snow and gently shoving him to plop back in the shallow bank. I quickly settled myself between his legs and his arms wrapped around me. Though I couldn't feel the exact planes of his body or the warmth of his skin, too separated by the thickness of our coats, I still felt that familiar contentment that always filled me when he cradled me in his arms. I was home. No matter where we were, all I needed was him and I'd find home.

"It's beautiful up here," I sighed, as we stared out over the mountain peaks together.

"Yeah. Little different from Minnesota, that's for sure," he said, brushing my hair back from my neck so he could nuzzle his chin into the curve and rest there.

"Have you ever thought of living anywhere else?" I asked, realizing I'd never even thought about him being anywhere but in Minnesota.

"Not really," he shrugged, pressing a gentle kiss to the tiny patch of skin on my neck that wasn't covered. "I guess there's always a chance if a trade ever came up, but I love it there. It's...home. Ya know?"

I simply nodded, smiling as I snuggled into his arms. I knew exactly.

"Alice thought about it for awhile," he said softly after a minute. "After high school she was pretty eager to get away. Did she tell you she went to L.A. for awhile?"

"No, I didn't know that."

"She went to fashion school for a year," he explained. "High school was pretty rough on her. She didn't have a lot of friends. Some of the girls who she thought were her friends, she found out only wanted to hang out with her because they thought it would help their chances of hooking up with Emmett or me."

"That's horrible," I growled softly, anger flaring in my heart for anyone who would hurt my best friend. "Who wouldn't want to be friends with Alice for who she is? She's the best."

"Yeah, it was pretty rough on her. So when she graduated, she figured it was her chance to get away, start fresh," he continued, just a hint of sadness in his voice. I could only imagine how difficult it had been for him, for all of them. I gave his arms a supportive squeeze and when he spoke again, the sadness was gone. "She lasted two years before she realized Minnesota was where she really wanted to be. I don't know, we're just all so close that it's hard to think about living states apart. Especially now."

"I feel the same. Renee and I traveled around so much after she and Charlie split up. No place ever felt like home to me. Until I got to Minnesota and found all of you."

"I'm so thankful that you did," he whispered, pressing a lingering kiss to my cheek. He settled back, pulling me with him to lie on the soft bed of snow as he twisted me in his arms to rest my head on his chest.

"It's kind of crazy when you think about it," he said. "You and I running into each other at the airport, then moving in next to my sister, my father as your doctor, showing up at the Xcel that night."

"Kind of like the universe was telling us something, huh?" I said with a teasing smile. The coincidences were a bit ridiculous if you thought about it.

"You could say that. I think it just means we belong together," he murmured, brushing his fleece covered fingers over my cheek. "I always used to feel like I was missing something. Now I realize I was simply waiting for you."

"Sorry to have kept you waiting," I whispered, reaching up to rub my nose softly against his, their chilled tips slightly warmed each other.

"It was worth it," he said, smiling beautifully up at me before pulling me close in a tight embrace, the puffiness of our coats flattening between us. "And now that I have you, you can bet I'm never letting go."

"I'm not going anywhere you're not," I told him.

We lay there, twined together and content, the air just warm enough to make our lazy lounge in the snow quite comfortable.

"Edward?" I murmured after awhile. I'd wanted to talk to him and I didn't think I could find a much better moment.

"Hmm?"

"I've sort of...well, I've made some decisions," I stammered, lightly clearing my throat. I was only slightly nervous that my plans wouldn't match up with his. "Um, about what I want to do next? None of them are set in stone. I wanted to discuss them with you first, figure out what works for both of us."

"When have you even had time to think about this?" he chuckled. "Haven't you been a little busy?"

"Last night." I shrugged. "Couldn't sleep."

He cupped my chin between his fingers, tilting my head until I looked into his eyes. "You should have woken me," he said quietly.

"It gave me time to think," I said with a soft smile, brushing the hair back from where it fell over his forehead. "I needed that."

"It could have waited a few days. Crazy girl," he chided affectionately. "So...what conclusions did you come to?"

I pushed up from his chest, feeling more comfortable sitting up, facing him. He propped himself up on his elbows beside me, patiently waiting to hear what I had to say.

"I want to retire," I said confidently. "From competition at least. Tomorrow's going to be my final skate as a competitive skater."

"Are you sure?" he asked with nothing but genuine support in his eyes and his voice. "Don't you have World's next month?"

"Yes. But this is what I want. I'm happy with what I've done in my career and this...I don't know. It just feels like the right time," I explained. "No matter what happens tomorrow, I know I'll feel good hanging up my skates, so to speak. I'm...content. Medal or no medal."

I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them as I looked down on him, wanting to share every revelation I'd had the previous night. "This season has been so amazing. After getting injured, wondering if I would ever even skate again, I came back and I've accomplished so much more than I ever thought I could. You wanna know what I'm most thankful for?"

"What's that?" he asked, beaming happily up at me from his recline.

"I'm thankful that I found my joy in skating again," I whispered passionately. "For so long the emphasis was too much on the work, the sacrifices, the hardships. I still loved to skate, but I couldn't really enjoy it. I finally have that back."

"You can tell," he said, sitting up and shifting closer to me. "Every time I see you skate, I can't help but smile. It's contagious."

"I'm not ready to give that up completely yet," I told him, pausing for a moment while I gathered my thoughts. "Did you really mean it when you said you'd come with me if I toured for awhile?"

"Yeah, I did," he said without hesitation. "Obviously we'd need to work out the specifics, but as much as I can at least."

I stared into his eyes for a long moment, searching for any hint that he didn't mean exactly what he said. There wasn't a hint of doubt in their sparkling green depths.

"I want to do it," I said. "At least for this summer. Most of the dates fall during your off-season, so hopefully we wouldn't have to be apart very much. It's been hard, between your season and mine, with how often we've been away from each other, and I don't want to keep doing that, not if we're going to really start our lives together. But I feel like this is something I need to do," I murmured, reaching out and curling my hand into his. "I want to spend a little time just enjoying my skating while I still can. I know I won't always be able to skate like I do now. I mean it's doubtful I'll be able to get my leg up to my face when I'm fifty or sixty years old..."

"Shh," he cut me off with a playful pout on his lips, placing a finger over my mouth to stop my speech. "Don't talk like that. In my imagination you'll be a very bendy sixty year old."

I snorted out a laugh and nudged him back with my shoulder. "Dirty boy."

"You love me for it," he teased, leaning forward to brush his soft, chilly lips over mine.

"So..." I drawled out questioningly.

"So what?" he asked, tucking me into his arms.

"You're okay with that? Me touring?"

"If it's important to you, then I'll do whatever I can to make it work," he said certainly, kissing the top of my head. "I'd never want to hold you back from your dreams, Bella."

"I just don't want you to feel like I'm putting skating above our relationship."

"That's ridiculous," he said, taking me by the shoulders and twisting me to face him. "Why would you even think that?"

"It just seems so selfish to ask you to ride around the country with me on a bus for four months," I explained. "Like you said, your family's important to you, and they're important to me too. I'd be taking us away from that."

"It's still our home. We'll be back there often enough, and they'll all still be there when we get back."

"Well, what about getting married?" I asked. "This would probably push it back a little."

"And I already told you, there's no rush," he said softly, gently kissing my forehead. "You're my forever, Bella. Whether we get married tomorrow or two years from now doesn't change that."

"Well for the record," I murmured, resting my forehead against his scratchy cheek. "I hope it's not two years."

"Me too," he agreed with a sigh, his hands lightly rubbing over my back. "We'll find a time that works for both of us. So don't worry about anything else you want to do affecting that. Why do you want to tour?"

"Because skating, performing, it's like nothing else in the world. I love it. I want the chance to just have fun with it, without the constant pressure of competition. To embrace that joy now that I've found it. For so long, skating wasn't a choice for me. I had to do it, even when I didn't want to. Now I don't have to skate, but I want to. It's my choice. I want this one tour...for me."

"Then you should have it. Baby, there's going to be times when I want to do something and I'll come to you, asking for your support. It might not always be easy, but I trust that you'll always be on my side, backing me up. Please trust me to do the same for you."

I couldn't speak, so overwhelmed by him that I could only nod.

"So you sound like you only want to tour for one season. Any thoughts on what to do with yourself after that?"

"Well, I found out that I really love choreographing. Taking music and molding it into movement, creating something from nothing using only my imagination and my body. I want to explore my capabilities there, and touring's a great platform for that. I think that's what I want to do," I explained, excitement flowing through my veins at all the possibilities in front of me. "When I'm done with the tour in the fall, I want to make a go of it as a choreographer. If I can build up a reputation I'd be able to freelance and work from Minnesota. And down the road, maybe even coach. I don't think I could find anything outside of figure skating that would make me as happy. As satisfied. It'd be a different experience, working from the boards instead of on the ice, but I think it'd still make me happy."

"I think so too," he said, smiling down at me proudly. "It's your world, Bella. And you belong in it. One way or another."

"That's not all I want, though," I told him.

"What else?"

I slipped my gloves off, wanting the contact of our skin. I cupped my warm hands around his cold cheeks and gazed into his bright eyes, wishing I had more eloquent words to tell him all I wished for our lives. I'd have to settle for simple and heartfelt.

"I want to have a family with you," I whispered, pouring my heart into my words. "Maybe not immediately. I feel like I'm still learning so much about myself, but eventually, I want to have babies with you. Be a mother, build a home, and raise our children. Together. No matter what else happens in our lives—what opportunities we're presented with or what passes us by, I always want to be your partner, your best friend, and your wife."

His eyes shone back at me, sparkling with emotion. He opened his mouth, a quiet sound slipping out before he closed it again. He pulled his bottom lip into his mouth, wetting it with his tongue and swallowing, looking like he was searching for the right words to respond. He reached out slid his bare hands up my arms, slipping his hands beneath mine to curl our fingers together.

When he spoke, his words were teasing, but his voice was thick and husky. "You think you can have all that, do you?"

"Yeah, I do. As long as I'm with you."

"I don't know, love," he said, kissing my knuckles and smiling at me with his beautiful crooked smile. "This isn't a fairy tale."

"You're right," I said, raising my face until my lips were only a breath away from his. "It's so much better."

**x-x-x**

As I sat on the ground backstage at the Coliseum the next afternoon, stretching my legs, I couldn't help but notice just how different it all felt. The noise level was still insane, but it didn't shake me like it had on Tuesday. Maybe it was because I'd already been through it once this week, but for whatever reason, I felt amazingly calm. Focused. Ready.

I smiled as I curled my fingers around the toes of my sneakers, recalling the moments before we left for the arena earlier that afternoon.

I'd found myself passed around the room, each embrace and wish of good luck befitting the loved one who gave it. Carlisle patted my cheek with affection, reminding me not skimp on the stretching. Charlie smiled down to me, only mildly grumbling his way through the public, mushy moment as he kissed my forehead and said, 'You look beautiful, baby girl.' Jasper had given me a brotherly pat on the back and told me 'have fun out there, darlin' in that swoony southern voice of his. Alice and Rose fussed over my hair and make-up, giving me a final once-over to make sure none of the hugs had 'ruined' me. Then they threatened their perfection by smushing me between them in a breath-stealing hug while they told me I'd do great. And then there was Emmett.

Emmett had strolled right up to me with the most serious expression I'd ever seen on his face, clasping his giant hands around the tops of my shoulders. He'd stooped over, attempting to get eye-to-eye with me but not coming anywhere close. He'd looked down at me and said, "Babybel, this is your moment. I only have one thing to say to you." Then he'd paused dramatically, blowing out a cleansing breath before he continued soberly, "Don't fall on your pretty little ass."

I burst into giggles, as did the rest of the gang, Emmett's serious demeanor instantly cracking as he snorted at his own humor, plucking me up into his arms to crush me against him. "Go get 'em, Champ," he'd said before patting me on the butt and setting me back on my feet to send me on my way out the door.

Edward accompanied me out to the car while Esme called out last minute reminders to the rest of them about what time they needed to leave and where she'd left the entrance passes.

"Well, it seems like they covered all the bases," Edward grinned down at me as we stood next to the open door of the car.

"Not all of them," I said suggestively, raising my face to his for a lingering kiss.

His fingers caressed my cheeks, delicately cradling my face as our mouths brushed against each other. "Bella," he breathed, his fingers curling around the bare skin of my neck as he held me to him for just another moment. His touch communicated everything I needed to hear.

When Esme and Marcus started showing signs of impatience, Edward kissed me once more, whispering 'I love you' against the flesh at my temple. Then he bundled me into the car and waved me off as we pulled out of the driveway.

Now, hours later, I looked back on those moments and felt my heart swell, their love and support provided me with what I hadn't been able to find for myself before the short program. Peace.

I remained relaxed through all the preliminary phases—stretching out, jogging through the halls to get my blood flowing, getting dressed, never thinking any further ahead than the next step. As one of the top finishers, I was slated in the final warming group and of course the crowd was in a frenzy to welcome us when we were called to take the ice for our six minute practice session. I smiled to see Angela out there, though her scores had her far enough back that making the podium was pretty unlikely. When we were called out, I used the time to acclimate myself to the noise, soaking it all in so I'd be able to block it out when I needed to.

Not wanting to drain my energy, I kept my warm up to the basics, getting a feel for the surface of the ice and the energy surrounding me. I located my family in the stands only a few rows back from the boards near center ice and acknowledged them with an easy wave.

Then I warmed up my triple Axel.

Marcus had left the final decision up to me that morning after the practice session, trusting me to know best what I was comfortable with. Capable of. Every cell of my body told me to go for it. If this was my last time on the ice as a competitive skater, I wanted to leave it all out there.

I executed the jump three times during the six minute warm up, each with a strong and perfect landing.

Esme met me at the boards and escorted me backstage to wait until my turn. I would perform third out of five skaters in the final group. While logically I knew that three of us would take home medals, hitting the podium wasn't even a thought in my mind. All I wanted was to step out there and skate this program the best I could possibly skate. I wanted to leave my heart on the ice that had been such a driving force in my life for so long. If I could do that, I would walk away happy.

Esme murmured to me that I was up next, urging me to walk with her back through the curtain. Just at the edge of the backstage area, she reached out and took my hand, giving it a gentle, encouraging squeeze.

She didn't have to say anything. The warmth of her hand, the proud smile and her watery eyes said it all. I nodded my understanding and gave her a light squeeze back with my steady hand, then stepped out through the curtain.

When I stepped through the gate, I felt composed and confident, and when my hands found Marcus' at the boards, they didn't shake.

He grinned at me and rubbed my knuckles. "Breathe it all in, Bella. Look how far you've come."

I smiled back at him and squeezed his rough and wrinkled hands, mouthing a quiet 'thank you' though I owed him so much more than that. He gave me a gentle wink as the crowd erupted, nearly drowning out the speakers as my name was announced.

"Get out there and fly, my girl. No one else can touch you," Marcus told me, ushering me on my way.

The audience was louder than they had been on Tuesday, thirsty for a winner to be named and medals to be awarded, yet the sound didn't terrify me as it had before the short program. I wasn't concerned with pleasing anyone else with this skate. The only one I needed to satisfy was myself. That knowledge gave me serenity as I took my starting mark and breathed, awaiting the arrival of my lullaby.

When it came, I was swept away like a dream.

Everything melted away but Edward's music and the ice beneath my feet. My two great loves woven perfectly together.

The song was my journey and through my steps I relived every moment of it. Nineteen years of learning, training, striving. A year of falling in love, not only with Edward and the others, but with myself.

A torrent of memories swept through my mind, some good and some bad, but they all made up my story. Though he hadn't known me for most of it, Edward somehow found a way to reach into my heart and read every page, transcribing that story into his beautiful notes. And every one of them played out through the movements of my body in those four short minutes on the ice.

The amazing thing was, this was only the beginning. Maybe I was closing one chapter of my life, but I was continuing on. At one point, not so very long ago, I'd felt as if my life might end if I couldn't skate, that I was worthless unless I was on the ice. That it was my purpose. My only purpose.

I knew now that skating was only part of who I was, not all of it. I'd learned so much more about myself and I was eager to find out what else I'd discover.

With a jolt, I realized that my body stopped moving and for an instant I panicked, wondering what I'd forgotten. Then, as if my ears were popped, the sound of roaring applause came rushing in.

It was over.

My hands started shaking and my eyes lifted from the ice to dart around me. Thousands of faces all smiling, hands and voices chanting their delighted approval. My mind raced, trying to process exactly what had just happened. My hand unconsciously reached up to cradle my neck where my pulse hammered in my throat. I felt a tiny drop of moisture through the sheer sleeve of my dress. Lifting the back of my hand to my cheeks, I was surprised to find tears.

In one overwhelming instant it all clicked.

I'd done it. Not a single fumble, not even the tiniest misstep. I'd skated the best program of my life in those four spellbinding minutes. At the Olympics.

I didn't know what my score would be and honestly didn't care. Because the perfection of those four minutes was enough to last me my entire life—win or lose.

A bouquet of flowers landed just a few feet in front of me, startling me from my daze. I realized then that I was still standing in the middle of the rink and hadn't even taken my bows.

_Oh my god, I really did it!_

I burst into astonished laughter, the power and width of my grin threatening to tear through my cheeks as I raised my hands victoriously into the air. My fingers curled into fists as if trying to capture the awesomeness of this moment and put it in my pocket to take out again later.

My head tilted back as applause rained over me. My arms lowered to curl around my head as I either laughed or sobbed elated tears; I couldn't quite figure out which, all I knew was it felt fucking amazing.

Gaining my composure, I lifted my arms to the crowd, grinning and dipping into a bow, waving excitedly to each side, saving the section with my family for last.

Without hesitation, my eyes locked instantly on Edward's, the joy and awe filling them mirrored the emotions washing over me.

With my gaze on him, I glided over to the boards...and with a smile, I stepped off the ice.

In him, I saw my life, my love, my future, and it had never looked more promising

**The End**

**x-x-x**

**A/N: That's all she wrote, folks! *sniff***

**We've still got an epilogue to go. I've got a good start on it and will post whenever it's ready. Hopefully not a long wait. I can promise at least one big surprise!**

**Thank you so much to every one of you who has joined me for this ride-for reading, reviewing, tweeting, chatting. I have cherished every moment. You guys really are the best readers ever!**

**Some are asking about my future writing plans. At this point, I really have no idea. I'm not saying no, but for now I'll be taking a bit of a break. I will still be around fangirling over all my favorite stories!**

**If you are one of the VERY PATIENT members of Team TTI for the FGB Auction-a million thank yous for your patience. I have a couple in mind that I will get to work on as soon as the epilogue is complete.**

**If there are any outtakes or missing scenes (during the story or future) that you are interested in seeing from EPOV OR BPOV, drop me a line and let me know! Not sure how many I'll tackle, but I'm not quite ready to say goodbye to these two.**

**Recap:**

**Travel Snafus & Airport Fun**

**Hanging out at Olympic Village**

**Doin' it up, Vancouver Style**

**The Hockey Game**

**Short Program Nerves**

**A Sweet & Snowy Conversation**

**The Long Program**

**Polyvore on the profile.  
**


	26. Epilogue: Patience is a Virtue

**See A/N at the end…otherwise jump right in and enjoy your surprise! Shouldn't take too long to figure out what it is… **

**x-x-x**

"Mac?" I called out as I searched through the main floor of our house, peeking into every door. "We gotta go, buddy!"

No reply. The kid could be silent as a church mouse when he wanted to be. Which was nice sometimes, but why did he have to pick _now_?

"C'mon, Big Mac, your mom and sister are gonna be waiting on us! You know how cranky they get when we're late..."

I took the stairs two at a time and popped my head into his room, scowling when I found it empty, apart from his little boy clutter. _Bella's gonna flip if she sees he didn't clean his room last night like he said he would._

With my mood quickly growing sour and patience running thin, I jogged down the hall to Bella's and my room. Sometimes he liked to camp out with a book on the little couch at the foot of our bed.

The comforter on the bed was smooth, every pillow neatly plumped, not a single item out of place.

No Mac.

As my eyes flickered over the room, they paused on an object sitting on our dresser. Between Bella's jewelry box and my random pile of cufflinks, collar stays and spare change was the large wooden frame my parents had given us after our wedding. Inscribed into the frame were the words _Love is Patient. _

Patience. I needed some right about now.

Growing up, values held a lot of importance in our house. My parents tried to instill their beliefs in each of us kids, and they embraced them every day through teachings, words and actions. As far as I was concerned, they were a living, breathing example of the virtues that they wished for each of us to embody.

Eventually I learned—just like every other child—that neither of my parents were perfect, but I admired the way they never strayed from what they believed was important…

Honesty. Loyalty. Respect. Love—for each other and their children.

And patience.

That last one had always been a little more difficult for Alice and Emmett to grasp.

Emmett was a big fan of instant-gratification, especially during his teenage years. He always wanted everything _now_ and didn't like to be kept waiting. It usually worked out that way for him, too. It had always seemed to me that things came so easily for him-sports, friends, girls. Especially girls. While he hadn't been the best student, he'd gotten by and got an early acceptance into his first choice college on a hockey scholarship. He hadn't really needed to wait for anything…until he met Rose.

And Alice, she was too much of a planner. She needed timelines and structure and lists a plenty. She'd never been a big fan of that whole _Field of Dreams_ notion that 'if you build it, they will come.' She's always been more of an advocate for 'build it, and then drag every person you know (and five of their friends) to come and admire it.'

But, while my brother and sister struggled with it, for some reason patience was always that virtue I grasped easily.

Most of the time, at least. Not so much right now.

_How many different places could one kid hide?_

I rolled my eyes in exasperation. _A guy tries to catch ten minutes of SportsCenter and it comes back to bite him in the gnads. _

"Masen Anthony Cullen," I bellowed, pulling out the big guns. When dad pulled out the 'full name' on me, I always came running. We knew he always meant business when he used that tactic.

Unfortunately, my son didn't seem to have the same fear I'd had at his age. Not a single peep.

_Well, shit. He had to be somewhere._

I scratched my head, trying to think of where he could have disappeared to. He'd been fine that afternoon when I'd picked him up from school. Still a little down over his team losing their hockey game the night before, but nothing drastic.

_Where the hell is he?_

As I continued my search, I tried to keep my cool by remembering how I'd dealt with impatience in the past.

At first, with little things. Like working through my spelling homework and committing all those pesky grammar rules to memory. Even when I wanted to rip my notebook in two and throw sharpened pencil darts at the ceiling.

Or trying so hard to wait for that growth spurt my parents kept telling me was coming. The one that would transform me from a scrawny, freckled boy into a towering, chiseled man. I would have waited for that one a little longer if I'd known growing so quickly meant being caught in the purgatory of a gangly, awkward teenage body for far too many years.

I'll never forget when I'd made my first attempts at learning to skate. Falling down and eating the ice isn't fun. And I'd ate a _lot_ of it. But, I listened to my dad when he told me to be patient and keep trying. That with hard work and persistence, I'd get it eventually and start skating circles around my friends.

And he'd been right. By the time freshman year rolled around, I was the fastest guy on two skates in the conference and had already been named to the Varsity team.

When the first girl I had the guts to ask out to a dance in middle school shot me down (rather harshly at that) my mom held me and pretended not to notice the rebel tears that leaked out of my eyes, unwanted evidence of my adolescent broken heart. She'd curled up with me on my Minnesota North Stars comforter in a room that was papered with Wayne Gretzky and Mike Modano posters. She'd smoothed back my wild hair and scratched her fingernails lightly over my scalp. And she'd told me to be patient. That someday I'd find a girl who would love me for exactly who I was, who would appreciate me and cherish my heart just as much as I cherished hers.

...I just needed to wait for her.

_That_ advice was a little more difficult to follow.

Throughout high school, I'd watched my friends link up with girls at school, falling in and out of 'like' and 'lust' so quickly that I could barely keep track of who was hooking up with whom.

And it wasn't like I'd remained completely chaste.

While I wanted to believe what my mom had said was true, that my perfect girl was out there somewhere, my screaming hormones told a different story. So I mended that junior-high broken heart during high school. I flirted, I kissed, I even talked a girl into the backseat of my car after a particularly awesome game to make out a little...okay, maybe a lot.

And then I lost my virginity to that same cute girl after our team won the State Championships during senior year. Even though I'd known it wouldn't last.

In college, I continued to have a good time. Bragging rights as one of the top scorers for a division one team (at a Big Ten school) left me with no shortage of female attention. While I hadn't screwed around with every girl that came my way, like some of my friends, I did have a pretty balanced social life for a guy my age. I'd never been a manwhore, but I certainly wasn't a monk, either.

Then there was Kate.

At first, I thought that maybe _she_ could have been the one. She was sweet, kind, and beautiful. Everything I thought I'd wanted...at first. But it soon became very clear that Kate hadn't been the one. She'd been convenient, she'd filled the void for a time.

I liked being in a relationship—the companionship it offered, and having someone to bring home with me for family dinners, even if it was clear they didn't particularly get along. I liked having someone to talk to, to cheer me on, to hold in my arms. When I'd been with her, I realized how lonely I'd been before, how much I'd been lacking in that department.

But she wasn't the same woman my mom had told me about, the one I needed to wait for.

We'd broken up just before Christmas and I found myself back in the position as the seventh wheel in a family full of perfect matches.

For over a year, I stuck pretty close to myself. I focused on work, and maintained my close relationships with family and friends. I laughed, I smiled, but I was never _truly_ happy. And like she had when I was twelve, my mom sat by my side and soothingly scratched my head. And she'd repeated those same words.

Be patient.

She'd reiterated that when I least expected it, the right girl would come stumbling into my path.

And stumble was exactly what she did.

The moment Bella had tripped over her crutches and fallen into my arms at the airport, I knew she'd be important.

When she looked up at me with those fucking gorgeous Bambi eyes, it was like I found what I'd been waiting for.

When she hadn't shown up at the bar that next week, I was sure I'd blown my chance somehow. All those years of waiting and I'd just let my dream girl slip between my fingers and back out of my life. I had been so disappointed and pissed off at myself, not to mention the universe. She had been _right there_!

Patience and I had a bit of a scuffle that week...

But then I saw her through the glass, sitting between my mother and my sister. I'd been shocked, so sure I was seeing things. I'd wanted to see her again so badly that at first I'd thought I'd dreamt her up. A part of me felt that way through the entire game, expecting her to disappear again as soon as I stepped off the ice.

But when I walked out of the locker room to meet my family and friends that night, she'd still been right there, waiting for me.

It immediately felt like all was right in the universe again, erasing my letdown and replacing it with pure elation. And relief.

I hadn't lost her. From that point on, I never questioned patience again.

And that was a good thing, because I'd needed it.

Right from the very beginning, it became clear to me that Bella was different. When I met her, she didn't have all her shit together, she wasn't confident in herself, she didn't trust easily, and with good reason. There were so many times in those first few weeks of our friendship that I wanted her to just hurry up, to open her eyes and see how amazing she was, how amazing we could be together.

And she did...slowly.

It hadn't always been easy, but like I'd told Bella so many times throughout that first year together, it had always been worth it.

_She_ was always worth it.

The happiness she'd brought into my life, the way she'd fit so seamlessly into my family. The way she made me smile every day, even on my worst days. Yeah, she was worth it.

And though patience and I had become great friends, every once in awhile we had to throw down a little. But at the end of the day, we were always on the same team. Patience was my wingman.

Especially at times like this when my very sneaky seven year old wandered off on me.

I chanced a glance in Emma's room, though it was highly doubtful a seven year old boy would have much interest in the frilly purple paradise where our five year old girl slept. Again, no dice.

And I was swiftly running out of places to look.

Our house wasn't huge by any means, but plenty large enough for a kid just shy of four feet tall to hide himself away for quite a while.

We'd moved out of our first home when we found out Mac was on the way. While we both loved the house we'd fallen in love in, the same one where we started our marriage, it just wasn't practical for more than just us two. We hadn't moved far, just a few miles away. And we'd been in the same place ever since.

Guess you couldn't classify either of us as rambling souls. We tended to find our place and dig in. We both liked to travel, but always needed a _home_ to come back to.

I moved through the living room, dodging toys that rarely stayed in the baskets Bella had purchased to keep them organized. I peeked under the coffee table that was scuffed with crayon marks-_man, those were a bitch to get out_- and checked behind the couch with its baffling amount of pillows before I snapped out of it. _You're looking for a kid, man, not your missing keys._

I gave a cursory glance around the room though I knew he wasn't there. Photographs hung on the walls and sat on bookshelves, chronicling the years of our lives together, a dog-eared copy of Sense & Sensibility lay open on the sunny window seat in the front room that was Bella's one requirement when hunting for a new house. She'd always loved to sit and dream, and it was always the first place I'd look to find her.

Too bad Mac wasn't quite as consistent.

As a last resort, I ran down into the basement. There were a few lights on, but someone was always forgetting to shut them off. I called out a couple times, glancing around the room that Bella had dubbed my 'man cave.' Complete with a projector screen, plushy couches, and our expansive wall of fame along the back wall. My Wild jersey hung in the middle, with Bella's skating dress from her long program in Vancouver displayed right next to it.

Seeing those up there side by side always made me smile and remember that winter, the way she'd looked wearing that dress when I got down on one knee and asked her to marry me. How she'd looked so graceful and beautiful wearing it on the ice in front of thousands at the Olympics, so spellbinding and gorgeous that I'd struggled to even breathe the entire time. The way she'd looked when, less than an hour later, she'd stood on the top step of the podium and bowed her head to receive her medal. Gold. I'm not ashamed to admit I had tears in my eyes when I'd seen her up there, her hand over her heart as the Star Spangled Banner echoed through the coliseum. My girl deserved it, even if she'd finally figured out that she didn't really _need_ it.

When I got no response, I almost turned right back around to keep on looking. Then a little tuft of messy brown hair caught my eye, sticking up just over the back of the couch.

I blew out a breath of relief. _Freaking finally._

"There you are," I said, stepping around the edge of the couch. "Didn't you hear me calling for you?"

There, curled up in the corner, was Mac. My boy. One of the best things that had ever happened to me. And he was in a full on mope.

I was always just a little stunned at how much he took after me, even from the start. It was like looking down on myself as a kid. The only difference was that the disheveled mop on top of his head was Bella's deep mahogany brown, and he got her perfect little Cupid's bow mouth. Other than that, the nose, the face, the eyes, were all me. Bella had already prophesied he'd be beating the girls away with sticks before too long.

He was wearing his favorite oversized sweatshirt with the Wild logo on the front and toying with a fuzzy brown bear, the same one I'd thrown out on the ice to Bella after her short program at the Olympics. She kept it on one of the shelves on the trophy wall and Mac liked to sit with it when he was feeling down. Something was definitely up.

"Oh. Hey, Dad," he said glumly, turning his bright green eyes up to me. He graced me with a little half smile that didn't reach his eyes before looking back down to the bear in his lap.

"What's with the frowny face, Big Mac?" I asked, tapping him on the chin. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." He shrugged and held the bear a little tighter to his chest.

"Dude, there's no use trying to hide stuff from me," I sighed, plopping down on the opposite end of the couch, facing him. "I'm the Dad, remember? I know all."

"That's not true," he said, giving me that little smart alec expression he'd mastered so early. "You don't know what Mom's getting you for Christmas."

"Yeah, well that's because Mom's a sneaky one with that kind of stuff. But I can always tell when she's upset about something, and it's the same with you," I said, reaching over to poke him in the in the ribs. "So, c'mon. Fess up. What's buggin' you?"

"It's really stupid," he muttered. "Some of the guys at school were raggin' on me about the game last night."

"What about it?"

"Well, you 'member that goal I missed in the second period?" he asked. I nodded, though I hadn't thought much of it. Apparently Mac did, because he looked embarrassed when he grumbled out the rest of his explanation. "They were teasing me 'cause it was such an easy shot. They said I might as well trade in my hockey skates for a tutu and become a prissy figure skater like Mom if I can't learn to shoot the puck."

_Those little shits._

It had to be Derek and Cody. Sure, they were only seven, but it was clear they were both well on their way to being a couple of arrogant little fuckers. My first instinct was to go find them and knock their skulls together for putting that look of misery on my kid's face. But that'd probably get me into just a little trouble with the league, not to mention the other parents. Even if they almost all agreed with me. Guess I'd have to settle for a "dad talk" to handle the problem, at least for now.

"Hey," I said softly, scooting closer to Mac so I could nudge him in the shoulder with my elbow. His eyes were huge and full of trust when he looked up at me. I hoped I could find the right thing to say to fix this for him. "First off, those guys are as— er...jerks."

"Dad," he gasped, his jaw gaping open. "You're the coach. I don't think you're sposed to call your players jerks."

"Yeah, well I'm your dad first and the coach second. Between you and me, those guys are jerks."

"Yeah, they kinda are," he agreed, his lips twitching into a little smile.

"Second—you more than anyone should know how cool your mom is and that figure skating isn't just twirling around in sparkly skirts."

"That's part of what made me so mad," he said, his little forehead furrowed in displeasure. "I didn't like them making fun of her."

"They're just jealous," I told him, draping my arm across the back of the couch above his head. "I mean, how many other kids have a mom with _two_ Olympic medals?"

"Yeah...she is pretty cool," he shrugged, his fingers playing with the bear's little jersey.

"You bet she is. Did you know that _Sports Illustrated_ once said she was one of the best athletes in the world? That's counting both guys and girls. You think they'd say that if she was just another prissy figure skater? It takes a lot of hard work and—"

"I know, Dad, but I don't wanna be a figure skater," he groaned. "I wanna be a hockey player. Like you."

I tell ya, there was nothing more awesome and terrifying at the same time than seeing that look in Mac's eyes. The love, the pride, the admiration. He'd told me I was his hero and I tried to live up to that title every day, but it sure wasn't easy sometimes.

"Well, then we'll just have to keep practicing," I told him with an encouraging smile. "Every player has an off day now and then."

"Even you?"

"Even me," I nodded. "When I was playing for the Wild, there were tons of shots I should have made that didn't go in. But sometimes you miss. And that doesn't mean you just give up. You keep trying and keep taking shots until you score. Then you try for the next one. You know what The Great One said, 'you miss..."

"A hundred percent of the shots you never take'" he finished quoting with me. "I know."

"I know it's rough when your teammates are giving you a hard time, but you've just gotta learn to brush it off," I said, gently tipping his face up with my knuckle. "Play your game, do your best. That's all you can do."

The misery faded from his glossy green eyes, replaced with grit and determination. _That's my boy._

"Okay," he nodded. "I'll try."

"I love you, buddy," I said, wrapping my arm around his neck and pulling him into a hug, tousling his hair under my palm.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he groaned, though he wrapped his little arms around my middle. "Love you too, Dad."

"Let's get going before the girls start whining," I said, giving him a pat on the back.

"Only Emma whines," Mac pointed out as we climbed off the couch. "Mom just gives you the eyebrow. Like this." He pursed his lips together and exaggeratedly lifted his left eyebrow in a damn good mimic of Bella's irritated face.

"Think you're so smart do ya?" I asked. "Get over here!"

I reached out and managed to snag him into my arms before he could slip away, digging my fingers into his sides as he let out a rolling belly laugh. I nabbed him around the knees and hoisted him over my shoulders, dangling him down my back as I headed for the stairs.

"Gah, Dad!" he protested swatting me on the butt since it was the only place he could reach. "Lemme go, will ya?"

"Not a chance, buddy."

**x-x-x**

Fifteen minutes later, after a quick pit stop to pick up my version of a white flag, Mac and I pulled into the empty parking lot of the local ice arena. The same one I'd played on as a kid, and the same one Bella had trained on during her last competitive season. While there'd been minor repairs and renovations over the eleven years since, so much of it was the same.

I had a lot of great memories on that ice...

So did Bella, which is why she didn't even skip a beat when I approached her about us possibly purchasing it a few years back. She'd simply thrown her arms around my neck and said it was the best gift she could have ever asked for.

It had been our rink before; buying it just made it legal.

I'd dropped Bella off at the rink that morning after taking her car in for repairs. She'd had a full day of work to put in, first devoting some time to the routines she was choreographing for a few competitive skaters she'd been freelancing for. Then in the afternoon, she had a handful of private lessons. Finally, she'd finish out her day with her newest undertaking—a beginners class for local girls, including our own little twirl girl.

That was one of the things I admired most about Bella. Her drive, her ambition, her dreams. While she could have simply retired long ago, the thought had never seemed to cross her mind.

She was always taking on some new challenge, either on or off the ice.

The summer after Vancouver, we journeyed around the country together with her skating tour. While it was hard to be on the road and often far from home, it was an amazing summer that only brought us closer together. But it hadn't been all fun and games. Bella embraced the tour as an opportunity to build her name as a choreographer, not only creating her own programs, but helping out with other skaters on the tour as well. By that fall, she had already started getting inquiries.

She still freelances programs, giving her the flexibility to work from home while the kids are in school and I'm on the road. Her reputation had skaters coming to her rather than the other way around. Only recently had she taken on coaching, starting out with just a handful of skaters who only competed on a regional level. She had aspirations to explore her abilities there more over the upcoming years, but wanted to wait until both Mac and Emma were in school full time.

In addition to that, she's remained busy working with various charitable organizations. Guest commentating at a couple of the bigger events and even performing every once in a while for charity skates has enabled her to keep her toes in the competitive skating pool.

But somehow despite how many balls she had to juggle, she always kept our marriage and raising our children at the center of her focus.

And _my_ dreams. Every day we were together, she always encouraged me to pursue my own ambitions, even if it presented new challenges to our lives and our relationship. And every time I thought about turning something down for the sake of taking the safe and easy road, she pushed me, reminding me that I'd always supported her in following her dreams and that she only wanted to provide that same support for me.

So when the opportunity came for me to put on a jersey for the US Olympic team in Sochi, Russia four years after her amazing skate in Vancouver, she had been my biggest cheerleader. And even though she was seven months pregnant with Mac at the time, she flew halfway across the world and attended every game, tirelessly and enthusiastically supporting me from the stands.

If twenty-ten was the pinnacle of Bella's skating career, twenty-fourteen was surely mine. With a silver medal in my pocket, I flew home with my beautiful wife and welcomed our handsome and healthy baby boy. And as if that wasn't enough to be thankful for, less than two months later, I stood with my team on our home ice in St. Paul and clasped my hands around the cool, inscribed metal of my ultimate hockey dream. The Stanley Cup.

Emmett, Jasper, and I remained on the team for a few more years, enjoying as much time on the ice as we could before moving on to new endeavors. Jasper had taken on sports writing, starting up a blog that followed all the latest happenings in the NHL, while Emmett had gone the more vocal route and became a commentator.

As for me, when it came time to hang up my skates, I followed my new dream, signing on as an assistant coach with my alma mater, Minnesota's Golden Gophers. At first it had been a little weird, watching the games from the bench with no hope of jumping over the boards to get in on the action. But in the two seasons I've worked with the program, I've found immense satisfaction in molding and training up-and-coming skaters with their whole careers ahead of them.

The added bonus: my schedule with the college team was less rigorous than playing with the NHL. It allowed me more time at home with Bella and the kids. She and I had handled the many winter seasons of extended road trips and separations pretty damn well, but it was so fucking wonderful knowing I'd be coming home to her almost every night.

No matter how much I loved hockey, it was nothing compared to how much I loved Bella, Masen and Emma. They were my world.

While I missed playing, coaching allowed me the time to take a step back and stand by Bella's side as we watched our kids grow.

And I still got plenty of ice time, coaching my son's Mites team along with Emmett and Jasper. Jasper and Ali's youngest boy was the same age as Mac, and we got a kick out of shooting the puck around between the five of us after practice now and then.

Maybe someday down the road I'd get back with the NHL, but for the time being, I couldn't ask for much more out of my life.

I stepped through the heavy, familiar doors of the arena, breathing in the cool, crisp air. I could always breathe easier with ice in the air. It was like an addiction, I could never get enough.

Guess I was a Minnesota boy through-and-through.

With Mac hobbling his way along in front of me, loaded down by his hockey bag, I paused just inside the doors, like I always did, and soaked in the beautiful sight before me. There, through the scuffed Plexiglas, was my reason for existence. My Bella.

I didn't think I'd ever get used to how beautiful she was, or how my heart beat just a little faster whenever she came into my view. No matter how many years we spent together, no matter how many times I held her in my arms, I was always amazed at how perfectly she fit, at the awareness my body had for hers.

She wasn't the same girl she had been when I first met her, but she was just as stunningly beautiful. Maybe even more so now. I knew every inch of her smooth and silky skin, every freckle that subtly dotted her nose, every fleck of gold in her deep brown eyes. She'd always been slender and toned, with the body of a serious athlete. It was always been so amazing to me that she could be so soft, yet so strong at the same time.

After retiring she'd devoted less time to training and working out, though she always remained active. Without the constant struggle to keep her body in the peak condition required for high level competition, the firm planes of her figure had softened into delectable curves that I was always eager to shower with attention. She'd always been sexy to me, but it was a major turn on to run my hands over those rounded, sexy curves. Even after ten years of marriage I couldn't keep my hands off her.

My lips quirked into a contented smile as I watched her, twirling and giggling alongside a little girl with glossy copper curls and porcelain skin. I knew if that tiny thing looked up, I'd see big chocolate brown eyes, an exact replica of her mother's and a smile that made me feel all warm and fuzzy. The first time she'd looked up at me, my heart had been lost to her, just as it had to Bella so many years before.

My baby girl. My Emma.

I'd texted Bella to let her know Mac wanted to spend a little time on the ice when we stopped by, so they both still wore their skates, gliding around in a moment made for just the two of them. I loved to watch my girls like that, when they thought no one else was watching. Emma wobbled a bit on her tiny blades and Bella was quick to catch her, swooping her up in a giggling mass of curls, her little legs covered in glittery blue tights and a ruffly skirt.

She really was the cutest little thing. Just like her Mama, who was looking downright sexy in a tight pair of yoga pants, a puffy vest over her long sleeved t-shirt and leg warmers over her calves. _Fuck...the leg warmers_. I loved those things. They reminded me of the first time I saw her wearing them with a tiny pair of shorts when I'd showed up at her house on Valentine's Day back when we were still 'friends.'

_Friends_, I snorted to myself. She'd always been my friend, but she'd never _only_ been my friend. I knew right from the start that we'd be so much more.

Seeing Bella with our kids, the way her eyes lit up, the energy she had for them, the love that radiated so clearly from her... Maybe it sounds cheesy, but it was fucking magical.

Mac announced our presence by noisily plunking his equipment bag down on the metal bleachers. Bella's head snapped up instantly, a wide grin on her face when she saw me. _Maybe she'd forgotten she was irritated with me... _

"Daddy!" Emma squealed in delight, anxiously wiggling her way out of Bella's arms to hobble her way over to me as I stepped through the boards and out onto the ice.

"Hey, Angelface," I greeted her with a grin, stooping down to catch her as she threw herself whole-heartedly into my arms, always trusting that I'd be there. I swooped her up, pecking a kiss on her pouty lips. Then I settled her on my hip in a practiced move to avoid a toe pick in the gut from her energetic little legs. Once was enough to learn that lesson. "Did you have a good class today?"

"So good!" she exclaimed, gasping and clapping her hands together excitedly. "Mama's teaching us scratch spins." She cupped her hands around my ear and spoke her next words in a loud whisper. "She told me I did the bestest but I'm not sposed to say that in front of the other girls cuz it's favortism."

I bit back a chuckle at her childish sincerity. She never failed to make me smile with her total lack of guile.

"Well if Mama said it, it must be true," I told her, gently tugging on one of her curls. "She would know."

"Cuz she's the bestest figure skater ever, right?" she said with a dreamy sigh, batting her long eyelashes up at me.

"That's right," I smiled back at her, then turned my hopefully-charming grin on Bella as she approached. "And the prettiest."

"Don't try and use flattery to soften me up, Cullen," she droned, digging her toe pick into the ice and settling her hands on her hips. "You're late."

"Uh oh, Daddy you're in trouble again," Emma loudly whispered with a giggle. "Mama's got the eyebrow."

I bit down on my lip to keep from laughing, though it was clear Bella was going through the same struggle to keep it together. Still, I did know it bugged her when I was late, so I held it together and coughed to clear my throat and cover my amusement.

"Why don't you go practice your scratch spin so you can show me?" I suggested, setting Emma back down on her feet and giving her a pat on her butt through her ruffles.

"Okay!" she exclaimed, scurrying a few steps away before turning her head and looking back at us. "You promise you'll watch me?"

Oh Jesus with the pouty lip. The munchkin had me so wrapped around her pretty little baby finger it wasn't even funny.

"Cross my heart," I told her, drawing an 'x' over my chest. "Just gimme a couple minutes, alright, sweetheart?"

She skated off and I turned my attention to Bella.

"Sorry we're late," I said, banking on the help of that little half smile she once told me made her weak in the knees to help me out. I offered the thick paper cup I'd been hiding behind my back. Bella's favorite winter treat, white hot chocolate. "I come bearing a peace offering."

She looked down at my hand with consideration. "There better be extra whipped cream on that peace offering."

"Of course there is," I said temptingly, waving it just a little closer to her. "Just the way you like it."

She sighed and reached out to take it from me, cupping it between her fingers to steal some of its warmth.

"Alright, you're forgiven," she said. As if there were any doubt. We were both well aware she could never stay mad at me for long. She took a step closer to me and lifted her hand to lay her chilled fingertips on my cheek. "Always such a charmer."

"Only for you, love," I teased, lowering my face for a kiss.

Less than a breath away from feeling her lips beneath mine, I felt an insistent tug on my pant leg.

"Daaad," Mac groaned, shoving his way between us. "I thought you said we could come practice, not to get all gross and lovey-dovey with Mom."

"Well excuse me, Sir Masen," Bella said dryly, snagging his chin between her fingers and turning his face up to her. "Hello to you, too."

"Hey, Ma," he said with a brusque wave. "Can I go get my skates on?"

He'd already turned to step away but Bella was quick to catch him.

"Whoa whoa whoa, hold it right there," she objected. Mac stopped in his tracks and turned back, his shoulders slumped and looking very impatient.

"That's it?" Bella asked, bending down to smother him in a hug, teasingly rubbing her cheek against his in the way she had since he was a baby. "No hug, no kiss, no 'I missed you so much today oh beautiful, wonderful mother of mine?'"

"Mo-om," Mac laughingly protested when she started pecking kisses to his cheek. "Lemme go!" He broke free of her hold and made a face of disgust as he swiped at his cheek.

"Yeah, yeah tough guy. I've got your number," she said, rolling her eyes at his display. She really did. While Mac was at an age where displays of affection weren't considered 'cool,' this kid was a total Mama's boy. I'd often come home to find the two of them snuggled up together.

"Did you have a good day at school?" Bella asked him, smoothing his hair with her fingers in a useless effort.

"Yeah, it was okay," he shrugged. He turned his attention up to me. "Can we play now?"

"Sure thing, buddy," I told him. "You go lace up and I'll be out there in a minute. I'm just gonna talk to your mom for a sec first."

"Well, hurry up. You two are always getting smoochy and take forever," he groaned. I laughed heartily because it was totally true. And I wasn't about to apologize for it.

"Go on, get outta here," Bella shooed him off, stepping over to lean into my chest. "I'll send him after you when I'm done with him."

Mac groaned and scurried away to dig his skates out of his bag while I took the opportunity to properly greet my wife. My arms wound around her, gathering her close. She smiled brightly and lifted her face to mine, circling her arms low around my waist, one hand still clutching her cocoa.

"When you're done with me, huh?" I murmured, dipping my head to nudge against her nose with mine. "And when exactly will that be, Mrs. Cullen?"

She sighed and rose up on her toes, brushing her soft, sweet lips over mine in a prolonged kiss. "Never."

"Kid's gonna be waitin' out there for a long time." I smirked and dipped my head to catch her mouth in another kiss. She tasted like strawberry chapstick and white chocolate and I eagerly swooped in for another sample. Then another. And one more before she giggled and turned her head away to discourage my playful advances. She had a point. I never grew tired of kissing her and was always greedy for her perfect, pouty lips.

She slid her hands up over my chest and looked up at me with a sad smile. "What happened?"

Leave it to Mama to always know when something was wrong with her kids.

"Some guys at school were giving him a hard time about the game last night," I disclosed quietly. I chuckled when I saw the spark of fire in her eyes and the angry furrow of her brow. _Gosh, she's cute._ "Nothing to sharpen your claws over, Mama Bear. We had a chat. Man to man. He'll be fine."

She sighed, the tension instantly gone from her shoulders. Her eyes remained worried and just a little sad as she glanced over to where Mac was sitting. "Kids can just be so mean sometimes. And you know how he is, he takes things so close to heart," she looked back up at me imploringly. "You're sure he's okay?"

"Promise." I smiled at her reassuringly and pressed a kiss to her forehead, soothing her worry with my touch and my words. I felt her nod against me and burrow into my arms, and I knew she believed me. Hopefully she wouldn't worry too much. "How'd your class go?"

"It was good," she said, cheerful again as she lifted her head to look up at me. "It's pretty obvious a few of the girls aren't putting in the outside practice time, but I guess that's what you get teaching novice skaters. Not everyone's gonna stick with it or devote the time they need."

"Can't all grow up to be superstar gold medalists," I teased, tapping her on the nose.

"Yeah but they're so cute in their sparkly little skating dresses, wobbling all over the place," she giggled, wiggling her fingers in emphasis.

"Ya know, it's been awhile since I've seen _you_ in a sparkly little skating dress," I said suggestively. Instantly stuck on the idea once it formed in my head. Bella in a skating dress was fucking fantastic. The legs on display, the way the leotard snuggly curved over her tight little ass when the flimsy skirt flipped up as she moved, the cling of the fabric over her tits...

_Uh, yeah, definitely happening. Soon. _My dick was getting hard just envisioning it. And I had _lots_ of great visual aids stocked up in my head.

"That's true," she answered with a smirk. "About as long as it's been since I've seen you in hockey pads."

"Maybe we'll have to ship the kids off to grandma and grandpa's some night and you can give me a little private lesson." I lowered my voice so it was husky and gruff, just the way I knew got her going. I pressed my hips up against her body, rubbing my dick up against her, simultaneously trying to relieve some of the strain in my pants and make a convincing case to Bella. Then, just to drive home my point, I gently nipped at her creamy skin, scraping my teeth against her neck. "One-on-one."

"You think so, huh, Coach?" she asked, her voice just a little breathless. _Fuck yes, I've so got this._

"Mmmhmm. Very...soon," I drawled, my fingers flexing against her hips. Her head fell back just enough to give my mouth more territory to explore.

"Is tonight soon enough?"

"Hmm?" I mumbled distractedly, entirely focused on lavishing attention on that tender spot just below her ear I always loved to gnaw on just a little.

"Esme called this afternoon," she explained. That certainly got my attention. I stopped nibbling and looked down at her face, trying to determine exactly what she was telling me. "She and your dad offered to take the kids for the weekend. They're gonna swing by here and pick them up in an hour."

My face split into a grin, even as my balls ached with anticipation. _Two nights with no kids?_ _Score!_ I crushed her little body against me and smacked my mouth enthusiastically over her face as she giggled. With my smiling lips against her skin, I groaned, "I love my parents."

"Dad!"

"Go shoot some pucks with your son." Bella smiled up at me innocently as her hand mischievously trailed down my stomach and her fingers brushed over my dick. "We'll continue this..._later_." She emphasized her words with a little squeeze of her hand. Which was really fucking mean considering she was just gonna skate away without following through. _Minx._

Bella patted me on the chest and kissed my cheek. She calmly sipped her cocoa as she glided off to swoop up Emma and turn on some music, leaving me aching for her and what was sure to come once the kids were gone. Tugging my hands through my hair, I indulged in a borderline petulant groan over being cockblocked. Then I slumped over to the bleachers and dug my skates out of my bag, willing away the nagging boner pressing uncomfortably against the button fly of my jeans.

_Later, man. She promised. Maybe we can even talk her into a little replay action in the locker room._

As much as I loved my kids, I was pretty damn excited about the thought of an unexpected free weekend with just Bella. And if I was lucky, we'd spend most of it in the confines of our bedroom without any clothes involved. Except maybe my jersey. I never complained when she wore that in bed. There was just something about seeing my name and number on her back while I fucked her from behind, all slick and tight and..._Fuck. Not helping._

I tugged on my skates, tying them with just a little bit of excessive force and grabbed my stick and gloves, stepping out to shoot a few rounds with Mac while praying that my parents would show up on time.

Of course once I was out there fooling around with Mac, time flew by. His elated little grin when he made a good shot, his rolling giggles when I chased him around the net; I loved playing with him.

While Bella and I laced our kids into skates early, we never forced them into anything. They only skated if they wanted to skate and the focus was always on the fun, not the work. But I knew someday down the road, maybe they'd have different dreams that had nothing to do with skating. And no matter what path they choose, Bella and I would stand up behind them and cheer them on.

But I had to admit that times like this, getting out on the ice with my family, was one of my favorite things in the whole world.

While I ambled around, helping Mac gather up pucks to put them back in the bucket for another round, I glanced over to Bella and Emma to see Bella showing off a bit to our daughter's delight. Emma just loved watching her Mama skate and wanted to be just like her. She was already trying to convince Bella to teach her that crazy spin with her leg up by her face. _Like hell_, is what I'd told Bella. I knew exactly where my mind went when I saw her pull that move and there was no way my sweet and innocent little baby girl was _ever _gonna start putting those ideas in horny teenage boys' heads. Charlie had my back. He'd already threatened to fly out from Forks with a loaded shotgun the first time a boy in her pre-school said she was pretty.

But Bella was a different story. She could do that spin any time she wanted. Lucky for me, she still could. My girl was still bendy as a rubber band. A fucking sexy as hell rubber band with tight, firm muscles and legs that always seemed impossibly long for how petite she was. And it still drove me crazy with lust every time she did.

Like now. _Fuck, we so needed this weekend._

I turned my attention back to Mac, trying not to keep an eagle eye on the clock as we shot through the bucket.

Then the music changed to a familiar tune. Mac groaned as my lips quirked up in a mischievous smile, giving him a wink before gliding off across the ice to sweep my wife off her feet like I always did when the song came on.

"Not again," Mac grumbled, though he couldn't fight the smile back completely.

Yes, again. Every time. I couldn't help it. I was a cheesy bastard and it was _our_ song. Lucky for me, Bella loved when I was cheesy and always played along.

"I really can't stay," she crooned and held out her hand for me when she saw me approach.

"Baby, it's cold outside," I sang back, clasping her hand in mine and tugging her away to skate with me.

"I've got to go away."

"Baby, it's cold outside," I chanted, reaching around to wrap both my arms around her as our steps matched each other's.

"This evening has been," she sang, tilting her head to the side so my lips could press against her cheek. I could feel her smiling as I did.

"Been hoping that you'd drop in."

"So very nice," she continued.

"I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice." I found her hands again with mine, weaving our fingers together at our sides.

It was perfection, skating with her. Every time. The way her cheeks would flush rosy pink from a mix of the cold and my flirtation, how perfectly in tune our bodies were as we moved across the ice. It was fucking awesome to have that with her.

Part way through the song, she turned in my arms and smiled up at me. God, she was beautiful. And I remembered another time that we moved together to this song, for once when we were off the ice. Instead, I'd held her in my arms as we danced on a wooden floor with a warm fire crackling nearby. We'd been surrounded by only our very closest family and friends, with shiny new rings glistening on our left hands.

While we hadn't gotten married right away, we hadn't waited too long. We made our promises to each other on a Friday afternoon in January, exactly two years from the day we met. We'd had less than twenty guests, keeping the occasion intimate and perfectly us. At twilight on that uncharacteristically warm day, I'd stood out under the twinkling lights in the park where we'd shared our first kiss, and watched her walk across the ground, lightly blanketed with snow, on the arm of her father.

I'd never seen her smile so bright and never seen her look more beautiful than she did that day. She'd worn a gown in a shade of blue so pale it was almost white, with a soft and flowy skirt and a lacy top that nipped in at her tiny waist, only accentuating the spectacular clevage she'd been sporting. For the ceremony, she'd slipped on a thin fuzzy sweater to ward off the cold. The thing was so soft that I took full advantage of my role as her doting groom to keep my hands on her all night. When she walked through the small crowd, she'd carried tulips, because they were what I'd given her on our first date.

I could remember how warm her hand had been in mine as I looked down into her happy, sparkling eyes and vowed to love and cherish her forever. And her voice never wavered when she vowed the same to me.

Looking down into those eyes now, nearly ten years later, they were exactly the same—filled with love and contentment.

I brushed my fingers over her soft, pink cheek, combing into the hair on the side of her face as I forgot about the song and only thought of her.

"I love you, Isabella Cullen," I murmured.

She smiled delightedly back at me and rose up on her toe picks to kiss my lips.

"Just as I love you," she whispered.

"Oh for goodness sake, are those two at it again?" I heard my father's voice call out teasingly, the Minnesota drawl still every bit as obvious as it'd always been. Bella tells me I have a bit of the accent, too, though I've certainly never noticed it.

We glanced up to see both my parents standing at the open gate in the boards.

"Grandpa Carlisle, Nana Esme!" Mac cried out, dashing over to them with his sister's hand held firmly in his, helping her catch her balance when she slipped a little. "You're here! Save us!"

I lowered my face to Bella's ear, murmuring lowly against her skin. "Yes, please. Take them away."

Bella giggled and lightly slapped me on the chest, though the flirtatious wink she gave me before turning away told me she was thinking the exact same thing.

We stepped off the ice and helped the kids with their skates, gathering up their belongings while we took a few minutes to catch up with my parents.

Though they'd aged and there were a few more gray hairs on their heads, they still seemed every bit as young and vibrant as they'd always been to me. Which was good, because their seven grandchildren kept them active.

Emmett and Rose had finally taken the plunge in the fall following Bella's and my wedding. Less than two months later, they announced that they were expecting. Apparently when they were ready, they were ready for everything. Alice and Jasper were right behind with the birth of their son only a couple months after Rose and Emmett had their first little girl.

My parents thrived on every addition to their family and were always eager to steal a child or two away on the weekends. Just another reason I was happy we'd all stuck close to home throughout the years.

With Bella's family, things were a little different. Charlie still lived out in Forks. When he'd flown to Minnesota for our wedding, he'd brought along a lovely woman named Sue who he'd been seeing for a while. They'd ended up getting married later on that summer, much to Bella's delight. I knew she'd worried about him getting lonely.

Charlie and Sue flew out to visit a couple times a year, even more often now that they had grandchildren to spoil, and we tried to make it out to Washington whenever we could. Bella even got Charlie set up on Skype the previous year so he could video chat with the kids.

And then there was Renee. She'd come back into our lives when Bella was pregnant with Mac. Apparently hearing the news that her baby was having her own baby stirred something inside her to make an effort at redemption. Forgiveness was a slow process, especially at first. Bella and I both had been very reluctant initially to Renee's efforts to contact us and try to mend fences with her daughter. But over time, as we saw how genuinely repentant she was, we decided to listen. Though she was leery, my Bella opened her courageous heart to the woman who'd abused and mistreated her, and gave her a chance.

We learned that she'd filed for divorce from Phil immediately following Nationals and all the scandals brought to light there. She'd started counseling soon after; waiting to approach her daughter until she'd made progress on issues that went back to before Bella was even born.

It was an ongoing struggle for us to let her in, but knowing she'd started making changes immediately, and that she was following through with those changes had slowly earned her our trust, even if it was with a lot of caution. She moved down to Arizona and finally found a life outside of figure skating. She'd gone into project management for a construction company and found she'd really liked it.

Bella told me that the biggest indicator to her that Renee was truly making an effort, was that she stopped seeking out the attention of men. Apparently through her counseling, she'd realized how toxic her social interactions with men had been, both to her and to Bella. Men, for her, had become an addiction, a weakness, and she'd finally started weaning herself from their destruction, trying to learn to survive on her own and take care of herself for once.

I had to admit, I'd seen the differences in her, especially once Mac and Emma came into the picture.

Renee would never be my favorite person, but for Bella's sake, I was glad that they were slowly finding a way to heal those old scars. There was still strain, even all these years later, but they were always making progress. And with Renee living her own life down in Arizona, we didn't see her all that much.

Though she was mending things with Renee, Bella still considered Esme her mother. The two of them were so close, and it always warmed my heart to see them together. The first woman I'd ever loved, and the one who'd come to own my heart.

I looked over at them and smiled as they worked together to bundle the kids up into their winter coats and boots. Bella bent to give them each a hug and a kiss, pecking my mom on the cheek as she said her goodbyes. Mom joined hands with her grandchildren, stopping over so I could get my hugs in, too. I shook my dad's hand, chuckling when he gave me a conspiratorial wink and waved them off.

Once they were gone, I turned back to find Bella, wanting to scoop her up and carry her to the closest possible private spot and get this weekend started, possibly sneaking in some good groping on the way. Okay, most definitely groping. She liked it.

She'd stepped back out on the ice, gathering up a couple stray pucks that Mac and I had missed in our pick up.

I glided up behind her, stifling a groan when she bent over at the waist to snatch up a puck._ Geez, her ass is spectacular._

She turned, jolting a bit when she saw me standing so close. Her gaze darted down for just a moment, and when she looked back into my eyes, they were filled with mischief. With a wicked smile on her lips and a saucy wink, she darted away without a word to finish gathering up the pucks.

She seemed to have every intention of killing me slowly, exaggeratedly bending over every time, far more than necessary. And the look on her face when she did so told me she knew exactly what she was doing to me.

With a smirk, she dropped the handful of pucks into their bucket and slowly made her way back over to me. I reached out for her, only to grasp at the air when she swooped playfully away, digging her toe pick into the ice and swirling in a low circle.

"Get over here," I requested, reaching for her again.

She only grinned and shook her head, curving her body in the opposite direction. This time, I didn't stifle my moan of appreciation as I watched the curve of her back, the lift of her breasts, the tightening of her ass as she moved. I didn't need to. She was obviously waiting for it.

"Why, Edward," she said teasingly, finally moving within my reach. Her hands stroked up over my chest, gripping lightly into the thin fabric of my t-shirt. "Is my toe pick turning you on?"

"You know it always does," I told her, sliding my hands down over her back, kneading my fingers against her hips as they moved lower.

She hummed in satisfaction as I dipped my head to lightly suck at her neck.

"Whatcha gonna do about it?" she asked teasingly. "Check me?"

"Fucking right I am," I groaned, taking the suggestion as her consent and slamming her carefully up against the boards behind us, rattling the Plexiglas. I lifted my arms, curling my fingers over the edge of the glass and pinning her to the wall, enjoying the way her tits pressed up against my chest and the feel of my dick rubbing against her as I pushed my hips closer. My lips sought hers, tasting, demanding, devouring.

And it only made me want her more.

"This weekend's been a long time coming, baby," I murmured against her lips, groaning when her teeth sunk into my bottom lip as her hands scratched over my back. "It's been too long since we've had the house to ourselves."

"Oh, Edward," she sighed, plunging her hands into my hair and pulling my head back. She smiled up at me with such love in her eyes and said, "Don't you know that good things come to those who wait?"

Truer words had never been spoken. At least for me.

I grinned and lowered to kiss her again. Sweetly. Slowly. We had all the time in the world.

**x-x-x**

**A/N:**

**Siiiigh. Wasn't that nice? **

**I hope you enjoyed a peek into Hockeyward and Skaterella's future and a trip through Hockeyward's brain. I sure had fun writing it.**

**FGB Outtakes will be on their way in a bit when I get them written. Again, if anyone has requests for outtakes-alt POV's or missing scenes (past, present, future) throw 'em at me! I can't promise to write them all, but I'd love to hear what you want to see!**

**I'm gonna get sappy for a moment here. I don't have enough words to express how touched I am by every person who has taken the time to read this story, to review, to tweet with me, post on the message boards etc. Judging by my total word count…that's saying a lot. Thank you so much for coming on this journey with me and this gang. I have loved every moment and hope you've had some good times, too.**

**Caren, Lterthqak, Fanpiremama…you better already know how much I love and appreciate you all.**

**I have to share a couple last recs because this week has been a treasure trove of new favorites for me.**

**Dear Mr. Masen by jendonna (aka jennde and belladonna1472)**

**A Room With a View by Short Happy Life**

**The Art Teacher by spanglemaker9 (I love everything she's written. Her one shots are AWESOME.)**

**Updated my list of favs on my profile-seriously, check it out if you're looking for recs. They're all awesome.**

**I really can't say much more than I already have, so this is me, signing off. Leave me some love here and/or come find me over on Twitter!**

**Polyvore on the Profile**


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